#russ colombo

[gregpoppleton]

Johnny Marvin Ukulele Superstar - Phantom Dancer 30 July 2024

Johnny Marvin, was a hugely popular recording & radio singer and songwriter between 1924 and 1944. He was known mainly for his ukulele. He also played tiple, guitar, steel guitar, violin, harmonica and the musical saw. Johnny Marvin is your Phantom Dancer feature artist this week. The Phantom Dancer is your weekly non-stop mix of swing and jazz from live 1920s-60s radio and TV every week. LISTEN…

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Epilogue: True Love Is Hard To Find

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is the epilogue of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series.

Word Count: 12.2K

Warnings:  I'm gonna label this one 18+ because it's Soldier Boy. Vomiting, Dark/Depressing thoughts, Heartbreak, FLUFF, FLUFF, and oh did I mention FLUFF, Sexual innuendo, Self-deprecating thoughts, Drinking, Cursing, Some references to past trauma, References to past sex,  Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, completely a little OOC. Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Song lyrics are bold, italics, and are in red. The lyrics come from "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love," by Russ Colombo (can be found at the link). This is the song I based the series on and it really is wonderful to listen to.

A/N: Well guys, we made it. Just remember that this isn't goodbye, it's I'll see you in a little while.

Five Months Later…

"Is it time to go yet?" Ben murmurs into your ear, his breath rustling against the hair he tucked carefully behind it moments ago, his hand pressing into the small of your back.

The sounds of clinking glasses, laughter, and small chatter ebb and flow over the crowded art gallery, the white walls a subtle backdrop to the colorfully dressed people, waiters, and the canvases that hang on the walls.

Women in elegant dresses stand at different sized paintings while men dressed in casual suits and ties stand beside them in stoic contemplation, their eyes following the gentle brushstrokes that cover the canvases hanging in succession against the bland backdrop.

Waiters dressed in simple suits with silver trays of food and pastries weave through the crowded room, offering treats to whomever they stop by, while a bartender sits at a large wooden bar designed to fit into the venue serving drinks to patrons and pouring multicolored liquids into glasses.

It had been five months since Ben came back, five months since you said goodbye to Homelander, and five of the happiest months of your life.

The first month following Ben's return, you had taken him to the house in Maine, figured that you both could use a vacation and spent your days sunning on the beach together and curled up in bed making up for the time that you lost when Ben was gone. You weren't complaining, not when every day you felt the same way as when you'd woken up the day after your birthday, not when each time Ben kissed you felt like the first time, and not when every time he touched you it felt like you were filled with sunlight. You felt warmer, lighter, happier, and being with him was even more wonderful than you remember.

Every day was fused with wonder and expectation and every night Ben made you feel more loved than you ever had. You were so blissfully happy that you had forgotten the past and were excited for what the future would hold for the two of you.

Lou, Rosemary, and Ryan had come after a few weeks to spend time with Ben and you at the house. Lou was ecstatic that Ben was staying in your lives and spent every moment with him on the beach having him help her make sandcastles and look for shells and shiny rocks that were rubbed smooth by the waves.

Rosemary was still icy towards Ben, but you knew that she was starting to get used to him being around. All you hoped was that one day she would warm up to him, but it was a little less awkward between the two of them. She was at least calling him by his name and she could stand to be in the same room as him. When Ben read the paper in the mornings at the breakfast table off of the large kitchen at the house, Rosemary drank her coffee quietly and read through a paperback, you painted in your watercolor pad absentmindedly, and Lou tried her best to copy you all the while making small talk with Ryan who sat beside her.

Ryan was living in the spare room in Rosemary's apartment and despite being corrected, Lou referred to Ryan as her older brother every chance she got, something that always made Ryan brush bright red. At first Rosemary and you had been wary about bringing in a blossoming teenager in to her home, not to mention a blossoming teenager that had the ability to level a small building if he wanted to, but Ryan seemed to like living there and he didn't cause any unnecessary trouble. Butcher came by every week to take Ryan out of the apartment to give Rosemary a break and Ryan was always happy to go with him.

That was something you weren't sure about. Yes, you liked that Butcher had such a big influence in Ryan's life, but you didn't like how often he came by. You weren't sure you trusted him with what he knew about Lou's powers that only seemed to grow by the day since their development. Every time Lou watched something with a supe in it she started exhibiting a new ability, but she seemed to be able to turn them on and off at will.

Which was good. She also seemed to understand the idea that it wasn't good to show them in public. There were a few slip ups, for example when Ben and you took Lou for ice cream one day. she got so excited when she received the cone that she started levitating a few inches off the ground and another time she threw a temper tantrum at the grocery store and stomped her foot so aggressively against the ground that the entire building shook.

The looks she got when she did both of those things were the same looks you got when Lou called Ben and you "grandpa" and "grandma" in public.

But she was doing better and with Rosemary's ability to touch Lou and get the power Lou was exhibiting, Rosemary had been able to show Lou how to control some of the abilities better than others.

Ryan also helped. He was old enough to babysit Lou when there was no one else, comforting because now that Lou had powers you didn’t trust anyone else to be around her and didn't trust that Vought had forgotten. Ryan was just starting school, a school just a few blocks from Rosemary’s apartment where he could feel like a real kid, and was already struggling through math. When he asked Ben for help Ben had replied that Ryan didn’t need it and the only thing Ryan should focus on was sports.

Ben was no longer allowed to offer Ryan education advice and Butcher and you both tried your best to help Ryan with math instead. You’d also told Ryan not to listen to someone who got kicked out of every boarding school he ever went to, which only made Ben smack you on the ass and say "it takes one to know one" while Rosemary mimed vomiting in the kitchen.

You had asked Rosemary if she wanted to get a new apartment, big enough for everyone so you could be around 24/7 to help her, but she’d complained and said that she was too old to be living with her parents.

She was right, but you still tried your best to be around to give her a break whenever she needed one.

Of course it wasn’t all good in those five months.

Rosemary quit her job at the hospital after everything happened with Homelander and didn’t tell you that she’d gotten a new one working with Butcher on his team. When you’d confronted her about it she’d told you that it wasn’t a big deal, but to you it was. You had spent the past 40 years of Rosemary’s life keeping all the supe shit separate, but now she was diving in head first. You’d had a fight, a bad one, one of the worst the two of you had ever had and you’d spent three days in bed crying to Ben who held you tight and didn’t let you go. When Rosemary had finally showed up three days later, her own eyes red and rimmed with dark circles beneath you knew she was just as upset as you were. And then she told you why she did it.

It wasn’t because of Butcher, it was because of Homelander.

Rosemary was guilty, frustrated with herself because she had been unable to keep Lou safe from him. Rosemary said that she felt like she had been hiding her entire life, turning her back on a piece of herself, and that she needed to do this. She felt like a failure, worthless, and that she needed to embrace who she really was. So you tried to be supportive all the while contemplating if you should follow her on missions to make sure that she was okay.

But that seemed a little obsessive so you held yourself back.

It was going well and honestly, Rosemary seemed happy. Not to mention Butcher liked having her around for medical assistance if there was a problem in the field.

Ben was working for Butcher too, something else you also didn't agree with, but at least now you didn't have to worry about Rosemary as much. You knew that Ben wouldn't let anything happen to her, but you also didn't love that you now had both of them to worry about. Sometimes you thought about working for Butcher too, but after everything that happened with Homelander, Stan, Noir, and your old team, you were happy to immerse yourself in your art again, to dive in to your creativity and let it wash away any of your worries and pain that rose in the aftermath of the everything that had happened five months ago.

You'd told Ben that he didn't have to work, told him that the both of you had more than enough money for a few centuries, but for Ben it was bigger than that. He wanted to work, thought that it was his job to provide for the both of you, his job to take care of you, and you didn’t want to argue with him about that. It was difficult to say no to him, not when he was just as happy as you were, and not when he was giving you everything you said you wanted all those years ago the night you saved Noir. He had given you a home, someone who loves you, and someone to come home to and it was more wonderful than you could have ever imagined. He gave you everything he promised and more.

Sometimes when you were together, he'd get a look on his face like he had no idea how it happened, and you weren't too sure either, but you were so happy that you didn't care. The things you'd daydreamed about all those years ago, of Ben and you living together and being in love dulled in comparison to the real thing. You'd never seen Ben smile as much as you had in the past five months, never seen him so full of life and happiness in all the years you'd known him, and you wanted him to be that way every day for the rest of his life.

And you had never been as inspired to paint as you were now, hence the art show Ben and you were currently attending.

Rosemary, Lou, and Ryan were taking it easy for the evening and you didn’t blame them. Rosemary had just come back from an overnight trip with Butcher's team from somewhere in the South and stated she needed to relax. You’d graciously offered to take Ryan and Lou with you, but she’d waved you off. Said that it was alright and that Ben and you should enjoy yourselves.

You think that working together also helped Ben and Rosemary get more comfortable interacting, but there was still some tension that you hoped would fade in the coming years. It was better than it had been. You were also worried about them working with Butcher's team because of what you'd done to them at Vought, but so far there didn't seem to be a problem. In fact, Rosemary and Annie were becoming friends, which made you happy because Rosemary had friends, but none who she could be one hundred percent honest with about who you were and the powers she had. With Annie, Rosemary didn't have to pretend.

Grace Mallory called every week to check in and keep you updated on Homelander's progress. He was still the same as he had been five months ago, but she was getting a new doctor to come take a look at him, someone who was well versed in memory loss and you hoped he was able to figure it out. Not that you really wanted old Homelander to come back, but because you didn't know where to go from here. You knew that if Homelander ever got out, the first thing he would do was find Compound V, and then come after your family.�� But it still felt weird to kill someone who didn't remember the things they had done.

Sometimes you wished that it could have been different, but if this was how it always ended up you wouldn't change a thing, because it meant that you might not be here with Ben.

You smile up at Ben, adjusting his dark tie with a steady hand and smoothing out the collar of his black suit. "We've been here for twenty minutes. And it was you that wanted to come to my show."

Ben grins. "Maybe I just wanted to see you all dressed up sweetheart. Have I told you how beautiful you look?"

He had, several times before you left your apartment. Not to mention you'd walked out of the bedroom and into the living room Ben had all but tackled you onto the couch and made the both of you late because you had to redo your makeup.

Your dress was maroon, backless, and had capped sleeves that fell off your shoulders to curve just over your biceps. It was cinched at the waist and fell elegantly to your feet that were encased in a pair of black heels that made you almost tall enough to reach Ben's shoulders. There was a new necklace hanging around your neck, one that Ben had gotten you for your one month anniversary. It was a kite cut emerald about the size of the end of your pinky. You still had the pearl necklace that Noir had stolen from you, but now when you looked at it, you felt sad and didn't remember your father. Not to mention the pearl necklace that Ben gave you as a replacement was still in pieces from the night that you both wanted to forget.

So he'd gotten you this one and you loved it, because it reminded you of Ben's beautiful eyes, the same ones that were focused on you right now, shining in the light of the gallery.

Ben looked better than you did, then again you always thought he did. He was wearing a sharp black suit with a crisp white shirt and a black tie. Every time you looked at him you couldn't believe he was all yours. You wondered if he felt that way whenever he looked at you.

"I can't leave early, it’s my party remember? It would be rude to-"

He leans in again, his hand tightening on your waist. "I'd much rather take you home and congratulate you myself."

Ben doesn't miss the shiver that travels down your spine with his words, eyes shifting to the goosebumps that erupt on your arms. "Come on doll, I could go get the car right now." He purrs pressing a kiss just under your left ear, feeling your resolve begin to waver, which was already hanging by a thread. Ben never needed to do much to persuade you, but you noticed that when it came to you Ben also had a hard time saying no. And you loved how easily you worked him.

“Didn’t you congratulate me before we left?” You murmur kissing along his sharp jaw. “And this morning?” You drag your hands up his chest feeling a low groan vibrate through his rib cage. “And last night?”

“Are you complaining doll?” His eyes glint mischievously, smirk pulling at the end of his lips.

“No. Because I happen to like congratulating you too.”

“Good, because I don’t think I’ll ever stop wanting to congratulate you.” Ben nudges his nose against yours, before fitting his soft lips over your mouth. The subtle scratch of his well trimmed beard tickles against your cheeks as he deepens the kiss, his hand pressed against the small of your back, securing you against his strong body.

It was moments like this that made you want to melt into him, to let him take everything you were, and everything he was and mold them together as one. Ben was everything to you and now that you knew what it was like to have him not be in your life, you were never going to let him go.

"Ben." You smile, gently laying your hand on his cheek, feeling the coarse hairs of his beard scratch against your palms. "Please, just another hour at least."

"Sweetheart-"

You stand up on tip toe, so you can whisper in his ear while holding tight to his right shoulder. "Baby please. One more hour and then you'll have me all to yourself."

"Promise?" Ben murmurs, eyes darkening with your proposition.

"I promise."

Ben smiles pleased, and turns back to survey the crowds chattering about the paintings you had done, his arm wrapped around your waist.

The different sized canvases on the wall were awash with colors. The theme was "Out With the Old and In With the New," inspired by a trip Ben and you had taken to Philadelphia, but also you saw it as a new beginning, a way for the two of you to shake off the shadow of the past and move into the future together. He'd wanted to see how much Philadelphia had changed and you hadn’t been there since your brother’s funeral.

The two of you had spent the week going to places you knew all too well before you became supes. Some of the buildings were still there, while others had vanished into obscurity. Ben's family estate was still just as you remembered it. He was still technically the owner, but you didn't want to make him stay there, not when you knew about the scars that clung to the walls and creeped along the staircases. He had stepped foot inside, the musty smell wafting out through the open doors, the dust swirling in clouds with every unsure step he took. Ben's father had died a few years before Ben went to Russia, and despite all the ways Ben disappointed him, Ben's father still left him everything.

When Ben stood just in the entryway of the mansion you could see the weight settle on his shoulders once more, the weight his father put there and pressed into him. The last time the two of you had been there was when Ben's father died, but you hadn't been able to comfort Ben the way you wanted to then. This time you took him into your arms and pressed his head into your shoulder, trailing your fingers into his hair, and holding him close to you. Ben put it up for sale before the two of you left, and you were more than happy to see it go.

Your family home was still standing, but inhabited by your distant relatives from your brother's side of the family. You hadn't tried to make a connection with them since you vanished forty years ago and didn't want to insert yourself into their lives now. You had everything you needed, you had a family, and you had Ben.

The canvases on the walls were born from what you found remaining in Philadelphia, the city that rose from the one you used to know so well. Each painting was an amalgamation of your memories of the Philadelphia from your youth painted in shades of gray and what replaced it, rose from the canvas in splashes of bold color as if rising from the ashes. It was one of your best shows, and judging by the chatter you had heard and how excited your agent and the curator was you knew that there weren't many canvases left over. Your favorite was hanging from the ceiling in the center of the room, the centerpiece of the entire show.

 It was painted from the memory of the day Ben and you sat on the warm soft grass by the pond at Fairmount park. In the painting two people sat on the bank, the boy half turned to stare at the girl with a flower tucked into his jacket pocket and the girl half turned, her face pointed down focusing on a watercolor pad  in her lap while her hair fell forward, but the audience could still see her smile and the boy's smirk. They sat in a haze of black and white while the new park swirled out from them in bold colors.

Ben hadn't seen it until you showed up to the gallery a few moments before the show opened. You'd kept it a surprise, only working on it whenever he was working, and his reaction was worth it. As soon as he saw it Ben had stopped dead in his tracks just within the front doors as if he couldn't believe it, his gaze focused on the picture. You'd asked him if he liked it and in response he had grabbed you and kissed you so fiercely in front of your agent and the curator that both of them walked away to give you some privacy. You were still buzzing from that kiss, well, the kiss and what Ben had done to you on the couch before you left your apartment together.

"I'm going to go get a drink." Ben glances in the direction of the bar before looking back at you. "Do you want something?"

"No, I'm okay right now. Thanks though."

He presses a kiss into the top of your head before he vanishes into the crowd. You prepare yourself for the wave of loss you feel whenever Ben leaves. It had only gotten worse after months of spending time together. When he went out of town it was almost unbearable, but he did try his best to keep you posted, by calling you whenever he could. Sometimes you worried that you needed him too much, that he thought you were being too clingy, but every time you tried to consciously pull back it was Ben that always doubled his efforts to be around you, almost as if he was trying to make up for you toning it down. It reassured you that Ben wanted you there and genuinely wanted to spend time with you.

"Y/n!" You hear a familiar voice say and you turn your head to see your friend Levi making his way through the crowd. His dark curly hair hangs over his shoulders in gentle waves and he's wearing a black button down shirt that he's rolled up to his elbows revealing the patchwork of ink covering every square inch of his golden skin. Levi was also an artist that showed at the gallery, which is how the two of you met. Over the years you had each gone to each other's shows and then out to dinner to celebrate. He was a good friend, but you knew he had feelings for you.

You had forgotten that he was going to be here, hadn't thought about it, and hadn't told Ben. An important thing that you should have told him because Levi is the man that you'd almost slept with.

It had almost happened two years ago and you had come to Levi's show, a collection of recycled sculptures that had stunned New York City. The two of you had gone out to dinner as you always did and after, Levi had leaned in to kiss your cheek to say goodbye, but you'd turned at the wrong moment and he'd caught your lips. The both of you had frozen outside the darkened restaurant, the sounds of the city rising around you, his dark brown eyes catching and holding your gaze. You don't know why you did it, maybe because you'd been lonely for so long or maybe because Rosemary had told you that you needed to start trying again, that she was worried about you being alone, so you kissed Levi.

You weren't sure how you ended up back at his apartment in his bed, but you'd stopped him just before you had sex. You told him that you couldn't do that, that you didn't think that you could be what he wanted, and that you were sorry. It had felt wrong to give him hope, only to take all away again. For you to do that had reminded you of the hope Ben had given you when you finally slept with him and how hollow you were when he broke your heart and told you that you meant nothing.

You refused to do that to someone else. 

Levi had been confused, but he'd respected you, told you that you didn't have to apologize for anything. Unfortunately since then it had been a little bit awkward, because you knew he still had feelings for you, not to mention he'd seen you naked.

"Levi!" You smile back at him

He pulls you in for a hug, holding on to you for a second longer than he should. "How are you? I haven't seen you around and you didn't come to my show. I was worried."

"Oh I was out of town for a little bit." You wave a hand. "Kinda last minute."

"Oh. Well, I guess you weren't too busy for this." He gestures to the canvases on the walls. "They're gorgeous. I think this is my favorite show of yours."

"You say that after every show."

"And you say that at every one of my shows."

"Because it's true." You roll your eyes at Levi. "Your work gets better with age-"

"I could say the same thing to you." Levi runs a hand through his tangled dark hair. "Come on, you have to tell me the truth."

"What?"

"Were you an art prodigy or something? You can't be much older than me and your work is just insanely mind-altering."

If only he knew.

"Nope. I've just been practicing a long time." You smile to yourself at the inside joke.

"So unfair. I hate you, you know that right." Levi grins.

"Oh please. If anything I should hate you. I've never been good with sculpture."

"I told you that I would be available for lessons anytime."

"I'll think about it."

Levi glances around the room at all the people. "You know, I think they make a bigger deal about your shows than mine."

"Green isn't a good color on you Levi." You snort at him.

He only smiles. "Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?"

You freeze. It was the same thing that Ben had asked you moments ago before Levi showed up. Except when Ben said it you couldn’t help but smile and blush, but when Levi said it, it just was weird.  "No. But it's alright." You smile awkwardly.

"Did you-" He clears his throat sensing the shift in conversation. "Did you want to get dinner after your show?"

The two of you hadn't had dinner since the incident two years ago, instead you had gone for coffee, because it felt less intimate and more like something the two of you could do as friends. You didn’t think that you would fall into bed with him if you were fully caffeinated. But it still made you feel bad because you thought you were leading him on, even when you told him exactly what you wanted.

"I know we haven’t in a while, but I miss you." Levi's eyes soften. "I know that what happened was a little awkward, but we can still be friends. Or maybe we can talk this out and you can tell me why you think doing this would be bad.” He gestures between the two of you. “Because we have so much in common and I really like you. And I think you do like me, but you just won't admit it-“

"Levi-" You begin to say, trying to think of a way to let him down easy, again, because he still didn’t seem to understand.

Ben's muscular arm weaves around your waist, pulling your hips back into his where he stands behind you as soon as you begin to answer, the warmth of his body like a shock to your system. He's got a glass of scotch in his free hand and he's staring at Levi with an unreadable expression.

Ben kisses you on the cheek, lingering for a second too long for it to be casual, blatantly marking his territory.

"What did I miss?" Ben says it as if he couldn’t hear the entire conversation from the bar, but you knew he had.

Levi’s eyes widen at Ben’s appearance and flick to you as if looking for an answer. Ben downs the glass in one gulp, placing it on the tray of a waiter who passes by.

“Ben, this is my friend Levi. Levi this is-“

You hesitate for a moment. Calling Ben your boyfriend felt wrong sometimes. Your relationship felt different to just say that he was your boyfriend, it didn’t seem to be enough, not to mention you felt like Ben was a little old to be your boyfriend, just as you felt a little old to be his girlfriend. Calling him your everything felt more appropriate, but it was too intimate for someone to know other than Ben.

“Ben.” Ben says extending his free hand to grasp Levi’s in a death grip, and you see Levi wince sightly when Ben tightens his grip. “Her husband.”

If you’d been drinking something you would have done a spit take right then and there. The word coming out of Ben’s mouth was foreign and so out of the blue the two of you might as well be swimming in the middle of a cobalt colored sea. The two of you hadn't spoken about that at all. It had never come up in conversation, even when the two of you took a walk around Rosemary's block and passed a jewelry store with a display of engagement rings. In fact the only time that you'd mentioned that you wanted to marry someone was the night that Ben almost killed Noir forty years ago and Ben made a joke about the two of you getting married. It had hurt when he did, it felt like he was mocking you, like he thought that it wasn't important.

That night you'd asked Ben if he wanted to marry someone and he said "maybe." You weren't sure if that was because Ben didn't believe in marriage or if he thought it wasn’t necessary, but to you things like that were important. You were old-fashioned and you wanted to marry Ben, you wanted to be his wife, but Ben hadn't proposed or stated that he wanted to marry you.

That could be your insecurity about being too clingy or your insecurity that Ben would pull away from you rising all over again, but you weren't sure if Ben cared about being your husband.

And yes maybe you were expecting a proposal sometime in the future, but it still hadn't happened and a part of you was worried that because it had not happened yet, it never would. Mostly because you couldn't think of what he was waiting for. He'd said that he never wanted to leave you ever again, told you that he wanted to give you everything you wanted, told you that he'd never love anyone else the way that he loved you, and yet there hadn't been talk to marriage. Not to mention you had told him that you loved him and that you'd never leave him and that you couldn't live without him.

Yes, you were living together, sharing a bank account, and spending every waking moment of your lives together, but there had been no discussion about him marrying you.

Which is odd because why did he tell Levi that we were married? Was he just trying to think of something official to make him back off?

Levi's eyes widen with the word "husband" his eyes darting to you in surprise. "I'm sorry, I didn't know that you got married, congratulations." It doesn't sound sincere, but if Ben hears the insincerity, he ignores it.

"Thanks Levi." Ben smiles wider, pulling you tighter against his side. "It's fairly recent. We're still in that Honeymoon Phase, you know how it is." Ben's smile turns more into a smirk. "Kinda hard to leave the apartment if you know what I mean, champ. Could barely get her to this thing."

Your entire face flushes bright red in embarrassment, struck speechless. You knew Ben better than anyone and you knew that he was doing this because he was jealous, but it didn’t make it any less embarrassing or any less Levi's business what Ben and you did in your apartment. Ben also didn't have anything to be jealous about, Levi was nothing compared to him, no one was compared to Ben, not when you were children and not now. You were sure that you'd told him that over and over again.

"Oh-um-" Levi clears his throat awkwardly, his own cheeks the same color of crimson of yours. "Yeah, well-"

"But if you still want to have dinner, I'm sure my wife and I could work out something." Ben smiles enjoying how frazzled Levi is.

You try not to flinch when Ben says the word "wife." "Ben-" You begin, hoping to give Levi a way out.

"Well, I'll have to check my schedule. I've got a show coming up and well-" Levi fumbles. "I'll see you." He turns and vanishes into the crowd of people flocking to your paintings.

Ben chuckles to himself. "He couldn't get out of here fast enough could he?"

You don't answer him. Ben's arm is around your waist, the warmth of his skin diffusing through his suit jacket and your dress into your body, but you don't feel the comfort you did when he first put it around you.

"You didn't have to do that." You say.

"Yes I did. He was trying to come on to my girl and we both know how much I hate sharing sweetheart." Ben replies light heartedly and you can hear the smile in his voice.

"Uh-huh." You look up at him. "So, I'm your wife? Funny I don't remember our wedding."

Ben's smile fades for a minute, clearing his throat. "He wants to fuck you. I was just trying to-"

"He's my friend Ben. We've been friends since I started showing in this gallery."

"He asked you to dinner."

"We've been to dinner before. We sometimes go out after the shows." You reply vaguely.

“You went out with him?” His eyebrows furrow together in confusion.

“No. We had dinner as friends. I recall you and I having dinner as friend a lot.” You say, not about to admit to Ben that you almost slept with Levi. You knew that particular piece of information was unneeded and would only upset him.

“That’s different!” Ben scoffs.

“Why is that different?” You pull back from him, letting his arm fall from your waist as you cross your arms over your chest.

“Because we both already were in love with one another!” Ben says it matter-of-factly as if it's the most obvious answer in the entire world.

"What? That doesn't make it a date!"

Wait, did he think that all those times we went to dinner were dates? Has Ben just been thinking that we were going out all these years? Is he freaking crazy? He doesn't have a right to think that way, not when he was sleeping his way through every major city in America.

"Yes it does."

"So you're telling me all those years that we spent together we were dating? And that you chasing after every woman who crossed your path was you what? Us having an open relationship?"

Ben narrows his eyes. "That's not what I'm saying."

"I mean, it kind of is. You think that just because we loved one another and went out to get food it was a date."

"No. I mean that it's different because you loved me and I loved you!"

"Ben-"

“Did you fuck him?” Ben's jaw locks, anger flashing in his eyes as he changes the subject.

Your mouth drops open in shock. "What? No. I told you that I've never been with anyone else, only you. I wouldn't lie about something like that-"

Does he really think that I would lie about that?

Ben's body stiffens and you see the dots connect inside his mind, green eyes hardening to a solid chunk of unyielding jade. "Is that the guy you almost slept with?" His gaze turns murderous.

"Ben-"

Ben's head swivels to glare at where Levi is standing across the room from the two of you speaking to someone else about his work. You can practically see the gears turning in Ben's head as he thinks of all the ways that he can kill him.

Truthfully you knew that Ben had a tendency to get jealous, had known it since the night Howard and you were dancing together, but you didn’t think that he deserved to be jealous about this.

I thought he was dead. I was trying to move on.. AND I didn’t sleep with him. Not to mention Ben and I weren't together. It's not like I was cheating on him or something.

"Why are you getting so angry? I wasn't cheating on you, we weren't together. And I didn't sleep with him."

"But he fucking touched you." Ben growls, his eyes narrowing at the back of Levi's head and you know that if Ben had laser vision Levi would be dead.

"He touched me two years ago! You're being ridiculous. I didn't go on a murder rampage through New York City whenever you slept with someone. If I did that there wouldn't be anymore women left in the state of New York."

"I am not being ridiculous!" He snaps eyes flashing back to you.

"Okay you've got to calm down."

"Don't tell me to fucking calm down."

"I don't understand why you're getting so angry about something that didn't happen. Not to mention it's me that has the right to be angry!"

"Why?"

"Because this," You wave your hand around the gallery. "Is my job and that," You point at Levi "Is kind of my coworker and you embarrassed me!"

"What? How the fuck did I embarrass you?" Ben was trying to keep his voice down, but you knew that it was becoming difficult for him.

"Well, call me crazy, but I don't want to talk about my sex life with someone else. Not to mention you had no right to lie to him. I get that you get jealous, but what you did was uncalled for."

"What in the actual fuck are you talking about?" His hands are clenched into fists at his sides so tightly that the skin stretched tight over his knuckles is white.

"We aren't married Ben. We live together. Those are two different things."

"It's not that different." Ben's shoulders fall and you see something flash for just a moment in his eyes that looks like disappointment.

Does he really think that living together and being together is the same as being marriage? As making a life-long commitment to someone? I mean I want to be married to him because I want to make that promise to him, want to bind myself to him because he's the only man that I've ever loved and I ever will love. I want to be his wife because I can't see my life without him in it.

"It is to me."

"But-"

"But what?" You scoff.

"Well we-" Ben's eyebrows furrow as he tries to find the right words, but he comes up empty handed.

"The only time that you've ever brought up marriage was when you were drunk off your ass on my couch after Noir, when you brought up Howard and then made a joke about the two of us getting married!"

"I mean, it wasn't completely a joke and I told you that I wasn't that drunk." Ben frowns. "And that doesn’t mean anything!"

"What do you mean it doesn’t mean anything? To me it does. Making that promise to someone, making a vow to them, binding yourself to them and saying those words aloud in front of everyone you love to someone means something to me. And I've told you that. I've told you what I wanted." You look up at him for a moment, before you realize something. It creeps along your skin like the first frost on a window pane. "Wait, are you saying that the idea of marriage doesn't mean anything to you? That you don't want to marry me?"

"Sweetheart wait a minute." Ben reaches out for you, but you take a shaky step back from him.

“What are we doing?”

 “Huh?”

“I mean really. What are we doing?" Your voice is barely a whisper, but you know that Ben can hear you. Emotion makes your voice wobble as you stand there and look at him. He looks just as devastatingly handsome as he always does, but something lurks in his eyes that you can't place.

Deep down you had believed that Ben wanted to marry you, but maybe he was just waiting for the right moment, but now you weren't sure. Based on everything he'd said in the last minute you were starting to think that Ben didn't want to marry you.

If marriage doesn't mean anything to him, then does that mean he doesn't want to marry me? And then where is this going? I know that I want to get married and if he doesn't does that mean I'm not his forever?

"What do you mean?" The look on his face shifts into something else, something that looks surprisingly like fear, and to see that on Ben's face was physically jarring.

"If we're not going to get married then why are doing this? Why are we-" You look around the room, suddenly cold. "Ben, why are we together?"

You knew that you loved Ben more than anything and that you wanted to be apart of his life forever, that you wanted Ben to be your always. You wanted to say those words to Ben, to make that vow to love and cherish him for the rest of your life, but he didn't want to make them to you. Suddenly you felt like the stupid little girl that lived in Philadelphia and always did what you were told the one that watched her best friend make out with girls like Missy Callahan and longed to be with him.

"Sweetheart-" Ben says, stepping forward to touch you again, but you pull away from him. "Wait-" The tone of his voice is thick with emotion, gruff, just a rumble.

“I think you should leave." You say it, but your voice sounds hollow and far away.

It was the first time that you’d told him to leave since the night he came back to you, the first time since he came back that you wanted to be alone. You wanted to think this over, because now that you knew how he felt about marriage all you could think of is the possibility of spending years together only to be traded out by a newer model because Ben never wanted to marry you.

The people around you laughing and chatting at each of your paintings all of a sudden seem to be mocking you. Their happiness and joy taunting the warring heartbreak and hurt that swirls in the pit of your stomach. You feel your mind begin to slip into the memory of when you walked out of the bathroom at the night of the premiere, when you wove through the people who were so happy to be there while your heart was breaking. When it felt like your world was ending, and honestly, the feeling that you have now feels almost too similar to ignore.

"No I want to talk about this. I don’t want to leave.”

"I want you to." You lock eyes with him, fighting the urge to cry. "I need some time and I don't think it's a good idea for you to be here right now."

"But-" Ben's eyes haven't left you.

"Please go."

"Sweetheart-“

“No." You say sharply. "I think it would be better if you just went home. You wanted to anyway.” You let out a shaky breath, feeling your heart squeeze in your chest. "And this isn't the place for us to talk about this."

“Not because I didn’t want to be with you. I wanted to go home with you.” He emphasizes and reaches for your hand, but you move it away from him. Ben winces as if it hurts for him to be unable to touch you. Given what he'd confessed to you in the past you knew it was true.

“No I-“ You shake your head, tears burning against your eyes. “I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what?”

“I can’t be with you if I’m not your forever. If you don't want to marry me. I-” Your eyes lock with his, hurt and heartbreak clamping around your heart in a vice. “So please just go.”

"Let me explain."

"No. I need to be alone."

“Sweetheart-“

“How many times do I have to say it? I want you to leave!”

The people around you turn to look at where Ben and you are standing, hearing your final words ring in the air between the two of you.

Ben freezes, something vulnerable crossing over his face before his expression hardens into the one that was more familiar. “Fine.”

And as he walks away, weaving through the people that stand at every canvas, you try not to feel the pit open up beneath your feet ready to swallow your broken heart whole.

When you get home the apartment is cold and dark, the shadows of your living room lengthening with every step you take towards the dark hallway and what lies beyond. Hurt, sadness, and remorse creep along your skin like a spider, it's spiderweb clinging to your body and ensnaring you like a wiggling fly in it's grasp. There was no warmth, only the cold chill of fear of what you’d find when you entered your shared bedroom.

Ben's cologne was stale, hanging in the air, but it wasn't fresh, just a reminder, and you knew deep down it was because he wasn't here. But somewhere you clung on with bloodied fingertips hoping and praying that he was.

You'd spent the rest of the evening nursing a glass of red wine, fiddling with your necklace, and talking with anyone who came up to you about the paintings, but you lacked the enthusiasm you should have.

Nothing else seemed to matter, not after the fight you'd had with Ben, and standing amongst your creations felt frivolous, especially when everything you said to him rang in your ears.

At the end of the night you'd stood at the centerpiece, looking at the  familiar brushstrokes and splashes of color of the picture of Ben and you sitting on the bank of a pond while tears crept along your cheeks.

Your agent had taken your tears as tears of joy, happy that you’d sold out your show, but gazing up at the painting you regretted it's sale. It made you feel like a part of you was being sold, as if the memory you had of that day would go with the painting to it's new owner leaving you with nothing.

You'd realized as the night wore on how stupid you'd been. You wished that you could go back and apologize for everything you said to Ben, because it didn't matter, nothing else mattered to you but Ben. And you hated yourself for telling him to leave, not when you knew how much he hated it when you told him to go and when you knew after all these years he still struggled with the idea that you didn't want him with you, when in reality being without him made you feel as if you were drowning.

And right now in the aftermath of the fight, you could feel the seaweed tangling around your ankle to pull you under.

As you stood there gazing up at the painting you'd realized that maybe Ben really did think the two of you were married and maybe deep down you knew that. That it wasn't about saying those vows in an official ceremony, it was about everything the two of you said to one another every day since he came back, it was about the promises that Ben made and kept, and it was about everything the two of you had been through over the years.

A stupid ceremony and certificate didn't matter to you, not if it stood in the way of Ben and you. You'd graciously take everything he had to give you for the rest of your life, and you knew that Ben felt the same way. You knew that he wasn't going to leave you, wasn't going to cheat on you with someone else, and wasn't going to turn his back on you. Not after everything the two of you had gone through and not when you knew how much Ben loved you.

That was what you wanted to say to him now, because you felt so stupid that you yelled at him. To tell him that none of it mattered, that the only thing that mattered to you was him.

The urge to throw up surges into the back of your throat as you creep down the hallway, but when you open the bedroom door you see that the bed is empty. A cold hands traces it's way down your vertebrae bringing with it the chill of fear that you'd done it, you'd finally made Ben want to leave you, that he was fed up and he was gone for good.

You almost don't make it to the bathroom sink before you throw up the two glasses of wine you drank, the sour taste of bile and alcohol burning your throat as your hands tighten on the cool lip of the marble vanity. Sweat and tears streak down your red face as a shudder works it's way through your body.

You'd hoped that he'd be in bed, the thought was optimistic at best, but you knew that Ben couldn't go to bed without you. Even when you were up late painting Ben would always pull you away to come to bed, because he needed you there, he wanted you beside him as he drifted off, holding you close against his chest and molding his body around yours. When Ben went away for work and was gone for days, he always came back with dark circles under his eyes, and you knew he didn't sleep, because Ben couldn't sleep without you.

You could feel the ghost of his touch against your skin, causing more tears to crest and fall down your cheeks and another shudder shake your body.

You scramble to find your phone where you placed it on the counter beside you. The selfie of the two of you on your home screen pressed cheek to cheek almost mocking before you swipe your thumb frantically to find his contact. You hold it up to your ear listening to the line ring and each time it does, it's like another nail in the coffin, because Ben doesn't answer.

When the voicemail starts you're not really sure what to say.

"Hey it's me-" You clear your throat, but it does little to hide the sob. "I just got home and you're not here and I miss you." Your voice breaks. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have said that to you or made a big deal about it, please Ben just come home. I was being stupid and I don't want to live without-"

The message is cut off and you stand there with the phone pressed into your cheek for another minute, unable to put it down. You feel it crunch in your hand as you lose control, crying harder as you stand there in front of your vanity trying desperately not to feel like this is the end and Ben was never coming back.

The shower you take is longer than you intended, because you zone out halfway through and it's only when the water runs cold that you realize you need to get out. It's been over an hour since you got home, almost past one in the morning, but Ben still isn't there.

Instead of putting on one of your shirts you put on a pair of panties and you grab an oversized cotton shirt of Ben's that hangs mid-thigh, inhaling the familiar scent and trying to find some comfort, but all it does is remind you that he's gone and nothing compares to when he's here with you.

When you slide into bed, it's cold, and fear begins to trickle along your skin, fear that Ben was never coming back and the last thing you'd ever say to him was that you couldn't be with him and you wanted him to leave.

Something rough works it's way down your arm in a gentle motion, stirring you from sleep. One look at the alarm clock on your bedside table reveals that it's well past four in the morning. You didn't remember falling asleep all you remembered was crawling into bed and hugging Ben's pillow to your chest wishing that it was him.

You blink your eyes to adjust to the darkness, noticing a dark figure sitting on the edge of your side of the bed staring down at you. Ben's green eyes catch in the light that comes from the cracked bathroom door, flashing dark green in the mist of darkness that shrouds his body from the rest of the light. He's wearing the white button down shirt, but his suit coat and tie are missing. The first few buttons are unbuttoned and his sleeves are rolled up to his elbows, revealing freckled skin. His hand is tracing it's way over your arm, the roughness of his palm against your skin familiar, warm and comforting.

"Ben?" Your voice is hoarse and broken, for a moment unsure if this is a dream and he's not really here.

He doesn't say anything.

"Ben!" You practically shout it this time and surge upwards out of the bed to wrap your arms around his body so tightly that you think you hear the cracking of bone, but you can't control yourself now. Not when he's warm and he's here, not when he came back despite what you yelled at him.

“I shouldn’t have said what I did.” Tears were streaking down your face where it’s buried against the smooth slope his neck, saturating his dress shirt. “ I don’t want to lose you over something stupid like that.” You pull back to cup his cheeks taking in a shaky breath as you lean your forehead against his, memorizing the familiar edges you love so much. Even as close as you were to him you wanted more, you always wanted more. “I love you, only you. More than I’ve ever loved anyone, more than I ever will love anyone. I’m sorry for what I said. I’m sorry that I asked you to leave, I don’t want you to leave ever again. Whenever you’re not here it’s cold and colorless and I don’t want to live my life like that ever.” Your body shakes with sobs as you hold Ben tighter against you, afraid that he’ll vanish before your very eyes. “You and me together is enough for me. It’ll always be enough for me. We don’t have to-“

“It’s not enough for me.” Ben interrupts, his eyes not leaving your face. His expression is unreadable, the soft plains of his face sharpening in the moonlight that seeps through the bottom of the curtains of your shared bedroom.

“What?” You gasp and could feel your heart seize in your chest and your throat tighten in fear.

I can’t lose him, not again, not over a stupid argument that doesn’t mean anything when Ben means everything.

“This.” He clears his throat and gestures between the two of you. “Us being together like this, it’s not enough for me.”

It feels like you'd taken a bullet to the chest again, a sickening jolt back, and a sharp pain that follows as everything you know is stripped away. You're sure that you're about to break down into nothing, your heart crumbling in your hands as you try to hold it out to him and he turns away from you. Him saying those words to you made you feel like you had nothing left, because to know that you had him and lost him hurt more than knowing what it was like not to have him as completely as you had for the past five months.

"Ben please. I'm sorry I-" You sob, trying to cling to him, afraid to let him go, but he pulls away and stands up from the bed. "Don’t go please! Just tell me what I can do to make this right. Tell me how I can fix this." The words sound garbled as they exhale in one breath through tears and snot reaching for him frantically. "Please Ben I can't lose you-"

Ben takes your outstretched hand, gaze focused on your face. "Come on." He tugs gently, expecting you to follow him out of the bed.

"No, I want to talk about this. I don't want you to go!"

"Come on sweetheart." Ben encourages you quietly, tugging your hand once more, and this time you allow him to help you up from the bed.

You follow behind him, sobs shaking your shoulders because you're afraid Ben is taking you out to the living room to yell at you again, to tell you that he doesn't love you and you're going to find a packed bag.

But then Ben squeezes your hand to comfort you as you enter the living room and you stop dead in your tracks.

The entire room is covered in lavender, the kitchen counter, the coffee table in front of the plush leather couch, the large wooden table on the opposite side of the room that serves as your desk/workstation, and on the kitchen island broken up intermittently by candles that cast a soft honeyed light over the room. You gasp softly as Ben releases your hand, looking around the space with awe. You'd never seen so many bouquets of lavender in your entire life, each one sitting in a pretty glass vase, and in the center of the room stands one of your cherry wood colored easels holding the painting of Ben and you sitting on the bank of the pond.

You step closer to the painting, tracing the brush strokes with your eyes as you had earlier that night, reaching out to touch the edge, suddenly confused.

"Ben, what is this?" You turn to look at him, wiping the back of your hand across your face. You were sure that your eyes were puffy and that you were still covered in a layer of tears and snot, but you didn't care. Ben had seen you like this before and you were more worried about what was happening rather than how you looked.

You didn't understand what was happening, not when Ben came home so late and not when you had spent the entire night worried that he wasn't going to come back to you.

Ben is standing by the record player pushed up against the brick wall of your apartment that stands opposite your exhaustive collection of records and drops the needle. The song that begins to play is hauntingly familiar and you recognize it before Russ Columbo starts to sing.

"I can't forget the night I met you, That's all I'm dreaming of..."

It wasn't the first time that Ben and you had listened to this particular record, or danced together in the living room of your apartment in the quiet hours of the evening to "You Call It Madness, But I Call It Love." The song was filled with memories, some good, some bad that the two of you had shared over the years. The words heavy and familiar, the story much too similar to the one you shared with Ben.

A part of you is surprised that he chose to play it. You still didn't quite understand what was happening, you thought that Ben was breaking up with you, but this didn't feel like a ending.

"How did you get the painting? I sold it." You ask him.

"You made a promise to be faithful, By all the stars above…"

The song continues to play bringing memories of each time it did rising with the soft familiar swell of the music. A flash of you dancing for the first time with Ben flits across your mind bringing the usual warmth and happiness followed by the memory of your birthday when you danced together and it felt like no one else existed as if it were just the two of you left in a world where everyone else was gone.

"I know." Ben half-smiles. "I bought it."

"But why?"

"My heart is beating, For you constantly…"

He's still standing by the record player as if he's afraid to get closer to you. "Well, I've never bought any of your work and I wanted to be supportive." Ben shrugs. "And I didn't want someone else to have a piece of us Sweetheart, felt wrong."

"You're all I needed, And so I pleaded, Please come back to me…"

Your breath catches. It was the same thought you'd had when you were standing at the painting at the end of the night wishing that you hadn't sold it, wishing that you kept it for Ben and you.

"Look I-" Ben clears his throat. "I've- fuck- I’ve never had a way with words, you know that." He takes a cautionary step forward towards you as if he's afraid you'll run. "But I'm going to try my best here."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm sorry."

"You made a plaything out of romance, What do you know of love…"

"Ben no, you don't have to apologize for anything." You close the distance between the two of you, taking his hands in yours to wash away any uncertainty Ben has about touching you. "It was me, it was all me and I shouldn't have said what I said and I shouldn’t have made you leave. I hate it when you leave. I-"

"Hey. Let me say this first." Ben's thumb rubs over the back of your hand, his eyes wide and an understanding smile on his face.

"At first, a slight suggestion, That grew to light my mind, Was the eternal question…"

"Okay." Your heart was stuttering in your chest, senses overwhelmed by the lavender that covered the room.

Ben looks down at your hands for a minute. "I'm sorry that I made you cry again. I hate it when you cry, especially when it's my fault. And I'm sorry that I made you think that I didn't want to marry you.” He almost whispers it and takes a deep breath. "When you asked me forty years ago if I wanted to marry anyone the only person that I could ever see myself marrying was you. Spending my life with you, waking up with you every morning, going to bed with you, and showing you how much you mean to me. And the truth is, it's all I've been thinking about since I got back, but I-" He swallows, still not looking up at you. "Fuck. I didn't think you'd say yes. "

"True love is hard to find…"

He wanted to marry me forty years ago?

Your eyes widen. "What? Why would you think that?”

Ben's green eyes flick up to yours for a moment, raising an eyebrow to remind you that he's trying to say something.

"Sorry." You murmur, tightening your hands around his.

"I don't deserve you, I never have. Fuck, it feels like my whole life I've been trying to earn you, but I never seem to come close." He sighs. "I've fucked up so many times and I've hurt people, killed others. I fucked up our friendship and I pushed you away, because I was-” Ben tighten his jaw as if it’s difficult to say the next words, “-Shit-" he murmurs the word under his breath before he continues, "scared to fail you and scared that I couldn't be what you wanted. I thought you deserved someone better, someone good, someone who wasn't such a fuck up like me, someone who you could love you the way that you deserve and I-" Ben swallows and takes another deep breath. "I spent my life chasing away everyone who tried because I hated the thought of you with someone else.”

"And in the day I found you, my love I had to share, I built my dreams around you…"

It hurt you to hear him say those things about himself, hurt you to see him still buckle under the pressure that his father put on his shoulders, and hurt you to see how little he thought of himself. Ben was one of the strongest people you knew, but even then you knew he needed you, and you'd spent your entire life making sure that you were there for him and you weren’t going to stop now.

"Somehow you made me care…"

"And yet every time I'm with you, you've never make it seem like I don't belong there. You don’t make me feel like a fuck up or a disappointment. You don’t turn your back on me or ignore the parts of me I tried to cover up for so long from everyone else. You see me, more than anyone has.” Ben murmurs, the smile on his face breaks something deep down inside of you and you can feel the tears begin to spill all over again. He traces a rough hand along the soft smooth edges of your face. Hands that had done painful over the years but were only gentle to you, hands that held you close, and treated you with love that only you were able to see. "You make me feel loved and I thought that I'd never have that, that I didn’t deserve it, but ever since I was eight years old you've forced yourself into my life and I can't imagine a world without you in it, I don't want to."

"Ben-" Your voice breaks with a sniffle, eyes brimming with fresh tears.

"Shh. I've still got a few more things." Ben smiles, brushing away a tear from your cheek. "You know my old man never gave me any advice that was worth a damn, but your dad did. He said that there's going to be a lot of women I run into and that most men pick from first glance the flashy ones that don’t last, the ones that aren't willing to stay for long, and the ones that care about all the wrong things. Your dad told me that I should pick someone that understands me better than I understand myself, someone who holds me accountable, someone that doesn't put up with any of my bullshit, someone to grow with, someone who loves me even if I believe they shouldn’t, and someone that makes me a better man." He chuckles under his breath. "And I knew exactly who he was talking about the minute he said it, because it's you sweetheart, it's always been you, from the moment you walked into that damn study and lied to my father about where I was."

"My heart is beating, For you constantly…"

The song is in full swing now, but you can barely hear it, all you can hear is Ben's steady heartbeat and yours beating together in tandem. The love you feel for him swelling in your chest with the music and with his words. You want so badly to pull him close and tell him how much you love him, how he's the only one, how he's everything you dreamed of, but you're trying not to interrupt him.

"Eighty years ago I made a mistake, I asked you to leave everything behind and come with me, because I couldn't lose you and because I couldn’t stand to see you with someone else. I didn't ask you to marry me, I didn't tell you how much you meant to me or that I loved you. I was selfish and I took advantage of our friendship. I strung you along all those fucking years, made you wait-"

"You didn’t take advantage of our friendship-“ You begin to say.

"Sweetheart please." He squeezes your hand and continues. "Forty years ago I made another mistake." He closes his eyes as if trying to forget for a moment, before he looks you in the eye once more. "I had everything I wanted for one night and then I fucking lost it. I treated you like you meant nothing to me. I threw you away. I said terrible things to push you away. I hurt you, and I will regret those things for the rest of my life, because it’s not true, you mean everything to me."

"You're all I needed, And so I pleaded, Please come back to me…"

You raise your free hand to his cheek. "I've forgiven you." You whisper and Ben leans into your hand.

"I know. And I don't deserve that, I don’t deserve you, I never have and I don’t think I ever will. You have meant more to me than anyone in my entire life. You are my family and my home. You have stood by me and loved me despite all the terrible shitty things I've done. You have seen me at my worst and you never left. Being your boyfriend isn’t enough for me. You being my girlfriend isn’t enough and frankly, it doesn’t feel like the right word for you not when you mean this much to me and not when you're the only person I need. So I'm asking you," Ben drops down on one knee, making your breath catch in your chest.

"Eighty years too late, to spend the rest of your life with me. Because I've spent the past forty without you and I don't want to spend another second regretting that I didn't do this eighty years ago. I'm asking you to chose me one more time, Sweetheart, and I promise that every day I will chose you every day for as long as I live. You said that you wanted to be my forever, well sweetheart, I can't imagine anything better." Ben swallows and reaches into his coat with his free hand, his right still holding on to yours, for a black suede box. "Will you marry me?"

You stand there for a moment stunned as he opens the box in his hand, gazing up at you like you're the sun as if you shone so brightly that the heavenly hosts bowed to your brilliance and he can't help but worship you. It's the same way that you saw the couple looking at each other the night Ben and you danced for the first time that continues to play in your silent apartment, bathed in the golden glow of candle light.

You gaze at Ben, eyes tracing the familiar face, seeing the old parts of him and the new ones that you'd come to love. You could see the boy you grew up with and the man he became, the same one you knew as a child and the man you fell in love with. The one who always put you first, who cared for you, protected you, and the one you thought you lost years ago.

The ring nestled in the black velvet is everything you imagined it to be. It's perfect, elegant, classic, it's you in every way, and it only proves to you again how well Ben knows you.

You could remember the day that Howard proposed, when all you felt was dread as he dropped to one knee in the dining room in front of your parents and revealed the ugliest piece of jewelry you’d ever seen, when he didn't make a grand gesture, didn’t profess his love to you, and didn’t make you feel special.

But Ben did. He always made you feel special, seen, loved, and appreciated. You refused to live another moment away from him and refused to deprive yourself of this indulgence, of him.

Ben had saved you more times than you could count and the day he took you away from Philadelphia was one of them. Away from a man who didn't love you, who didn't appreciate you, and who didn't think that you were worth more than a trophy to parade around a city.

You smile at the ring, tears glazing your eyes, because after all these years, you were right, Ben knew exactly the ring to get you and he knew exactly what to say to make everything else fade away into the past and have you hopeful for the coming future with him.

"Sweetheart?" Ben murmurs, looking suddenly worried and you realize that you haven’t given him an answer.

You look from the ring to the man you love with your entire being. "Took you long enough Benjamin."

Ben's smile makes you melt from the inside out. “Is that a yes?”

“Of course it’s a yes." You smile, vision blurring as Ben smiles even wider and puts the ring on your finger, before rising up from the ground to capture your lips against his as if he wishes for the two of you to fall in love all over again.

"There isn't anyone else Ben." You murmur against his lips. "There never has been and there never will be. All I  want is you and me, forever."

Ben kisses you all over again, his hands holding you so tight against his chest that it’s almost painful, your own tangled in his hair, but you can't stop and you don't want him to either. Not when this was what you wished for, not when this was what you wanted for so long and you thought you'd never had, and not when you'd thought you'd lost him.

"Then I'll give it to you sweetheart." Ben presses his forehead against yours, his eyes shining. "I'll give you forever."

"And you call it madness, Oh but I call it love…"

A/n: I'm not crying... I lied, I am BIG time. Goodness, finishing this series is like saying goodbye to characters that feel like my children. Honestly, I can’t believe that we've finally all made it here, but here it is. There are so many people that I want to thank, too many to name, those who have been here from the beginning and those who came later, people who's constant comments, reblogs, and encouragements made me turn this story from one chapter into a multi-chapter fic. There are just so many wonderful people that I've interacted with on this site that made me want to continue writing and helped me find confidence in how I wrote and this fic is for them.

As always thank you so much for reading! This series will be continued in the form of some one-shots that I am plotting out currently and I have a lot of really cute ideas and some that are more angsty. Let me know if you'd like to be added to the taglist for future fics in this universe. ❤️🥰

Taglist:

@roseblue373 @anundyingfidelity @cheynovak @cassiecasluciluce @muhahaha303

@deans-spinster-witch @kayleighmeister @demodemo909 @fruitfacess @bobbobbobinogs

@bughill126 @simplyfixated @tiredstrangerr @freefallthoughts @onlyangel-444

@lov3vivian @mxltifxnd0m @mayafatimakhan @marvel-mistress @my-obsession-spn

@lifeonawhim @liuope @brynanna @carpenterswife

@xxannyxx

@babyinatrench-coat1 @the-gentle-spirit @valryomen @cassieriddle713 @shaggzthatsnottheworm

@lil-soup @ej13928 @topstory21 @boywivlove

@mrsjenniferwinchester

@vivre-dans-la-nuit @megara0224 @daisy-the-quake @thesilmarillionblog @samanddeaninatrenchcoat

@libby99hb @peachhiz @tinydancer40 @tinystarfishgalaxy

@jvanilly

@libby99hb @lunaticgurly @i-am-typing @52ndstreeet

@anna6307

@pixviee @soldiergrimes @ladysparkles78 @ahoytothestorm

@octoazzy @modiddys-blog @marmie-noir @practicallylivesonline

@impala67stellawinchester

@everlove @dangerousgardenchild

[milfglupshitto]

I really, really didn’t want to let this event get away from me, so to convince myself (a coward) to commit I made a draft of my idea with index card and mechanical pencil, assured that the final product would be much nicer.

last week, I got: covid. you get: index card and mechanical pencil.

[Image ID: Photograph of a small piece of folded paper pinched between the fingers of a hand. The paper is folded into a little booklet, and the front cover has an illustration of a small figure sitting on a record player needle and text reading "Mirror Music: for the fiction podcast zine event". End ID.]

Note: I paced myself poorly and didn’t get to go too far into depth about what this device is/how it functions in a text, which is a shame because it’s neat and very recently relevant. If you want to hear more, let me know and I can make a follow-up post! I was already planning to do that to show off my record (which I got for like $3 online so it’s not a major league flex) once I’m out of exile and can get to the record player again.

Full images and text below the cut:

Full text for all images:

Mirror Music: for the fiction podcast zine event

Ruggiero Eugenio di Rodolfo Colombo was born in 1908 in CAMDEN, NJ. He would become famous as the singer/songwriter/actor/violinist

RUSS COLUMBO and was tragically killed when a friend’s gun misfired. He was 26 years old.

He was known for his romantic ballads: “You Call It Madness, But I Call It Love” his most famous tune.

The song features in the podcast Malevolent, a consistent motif since the earliest episodes. THAT’S how I found it- and how I found Russ, 90 years gone.

It can be called an example of a tool authors use, named MISE EN ABYME, “placed into abyss”. In art: placing an image inside of itself, recurring. In text: a story inside itself.

“When a character in a book reads something, PAY ATTENTION!” We can learn more about the host story from nested ones. Thanks, Prof R!

There’s plenty more examples in the show, but it all starts here. Maybe you should take another listen…

mini-zine by Cai @milfglupshitto

[nessa007]

The first story that comes to mind is Russ Colombo a nearly forgotten pop singer who was very popular in the early 1930s and was a rival to Bing Crosby and the fiancé to actress Carole Lombard, he was accidentally killed on September 2 1934 when a friend’s gun he was checking out fired, some believe the friend might’ve killed him but it’s unproven. That’s not the interesting part tho,

this was wild from start to finish

[circolotennisparabiago]

Festa della mamma al tennis !

Domenica 14 Maggio hanno provato ad avere inizio i campionati nazionali di serie B che vedono le nostre squadre ai nastri di partenza con grandi aspettative.

Purtroppo l’unica variabile non controllabile, il meteo, è arrivato a sparigliare le carte, non permettendo ai ragazzi della B2 di scendere in campo presso lo SC Selva Alta di Vigevano, così come rinviando l’incontro casalingo della Serie C Maschile.

Le uniche quindi a schierarsi sono state le ragazze capitanate da Mauro Arnone, impegnate all’esordio nel Girone 3 contro le temibili avversarie dello SC Sassuolo, onestamente sfortunate perché colpite da defezioni dell’ultimo minuto che non hanno permesso al Circolo emiliano di presentarsi a ranghi completi.

In ogni caso, le partite da vincere ci sono state e … sono state tutte vinte dalle nostre amazzoni !

Schierata come singolarista Asya Colombo, opposta alla giovane e promettente 2.7 Cremonini Azzurra, in una partita dove la nostra portacolori ha dovuto lottare non tanto contro l’avversaria ma soprattutto contro gli spettri dei difficili momenti appena passati. Asya è infatti reduce da un grave infortunio alla spalla che l’ha tenuta lontana dai campi per mesi, durante i quali ha dovuto convivere con enormi sacrifici e sofferenze durante le sedute di fisioterapia grazie alle quali è uscita dal tunnel. Comprensibile e doverosa la commozione a fine match, dopo il 64 63 finale che racconta di una prestazione solida e sempre di testa. Via i fantasmi dell’infortunio Asya, e da adesso in poi tutta la grinta necessaria per tornare ai tuoi livelli !

Come numero 1 il CTP ha quindi schierato Cavelli Carola (2.4) che in una parola ha disputato e vinto una partita … alla Carola. Chissà se anche nella vita reale a Carola piacciono le montagne russe, lo chiederemo alla prima occasione … certo è che sedersi in tribuna mentre gioca lei, fa vivere al pubblico un’esperienza simile !

La fredda cronaca parla infatti di un 5 a 2 sopra nel primo set, poi perso 7 giochi a 5, di un secondo parziale che sembrava scappare via sul 4 a 1 per la 2.5 Gubertini Alice … in un match che sembrava perso ! Da qui le proverbiali accelerazioni della Cavelli portavano a casa il parziale per 64, per poi vedere la luce spegnersi di nuovo sino al 4 a 0 sotto, palla del 5 a 0 ! In realtà, eravamo a questo punto all’apice della roller coaster e da lì iniziava la discesa, se pensate che il parziale è stato 6 giochi a 0 per il CTP. Se non è una partita da montagne russe con il punteggio 57 64 64 … Grande Carola !!!

Il terzo punto del singolo era quindi deciso a tavolino vista l’assenza dell’avversaria, con Sonia Cassani nemmeno scesa in campo, ma prontissima a schierarsi nel doppio ormai solidissimo in coppia sempre con la Cavelli, a spazzare via le malcapitate emiliane 60 63.

Un 4 a 0 bello, deciso, emozionante e che non poteva far iniziare meglio il sogno targato Serie B1 !

Note di merito a chi non è sceso in campo ma che in presenza (le giovani e ormai integrate nella squadra Mirella Salvagnin e Giorgia Orsini insieme con la più esperta Aurora Urso pronta ad esordire presto) e chi da lontano, lontanissimo (Vale Urelli & famiglia dagli USA) hanno trascinato il team con la fondamentale componente del tifo e del sostegno.

Ci piace come sapete sottolineare questo aspetto, in uno sport per definizione individuale come il tennis, in un gruppo dove lo spirito di vera squadra costruito in questi anni da Mauro, Mattia e da tutti i nostri professionisti, garantisce un attaccamento ed una spinta fondamentali in un girone così impegnativo.

Ora ci si mette in viaggio, per due consecutive trasferte in quel di Sinalunga (Siena) e CT Giotto (Arezzo) per cercare di confermare lo stato di forma della nostra squadra … FORZA RAGAZZE !!!

[puutterings]

Art makes me tired.

        At the parties, generally, there was Arthur Malvin, next-door neighbor to Nancy in Flatbush, a nice dark boy with a pleasant singing voice. A shipping clerk by day, an orchestra leader by night. He had his own gang; they played at parties, dances, in Brooklyn.       “If Arthur could get a break,” sighed Nancy, “he’d top ’em all. But he’s lazy. He likes Flatbush and puttering around a back yard. He makes me tired. I made a play for a booking agent last week and just got him to the place where he was: ready to listen to Art’s outfit — and boy, did that take technique! But no, thanks, says Arthur. He likes being a shipping clerk,” added Nancy in disgust. “And if he thinks I’m willing to give up my job and settle down in half a two-family house in Flatbush and watch his geraniums grow, he can think again. He says, ‘But Nancy, the orchestra is just fun — and a little extra money.’”

ex “Happy New Year!” by Faith Baldwin, illustrated by R. F. Schabelitz, in Hearst’s International combined with Cosmopolitan 96:2 (February 1934) : 20-25, 109-125 (109) : link

—

reprinted (revised somewhat, see below) in Baldwin’s Within a Year (illustrations by Harry Anderson, 1934) : 208 : link (snippet only) —

“He likes Flatbush and puttering around a back yard. He hasn’t the gumption. Where would Rudy Vallee be today — or Russ Colombo — or any of them, if they’d been content to plant zinnias? Art makes me tired.”

—

Faith Baldwin (1893-1978) wikipedia : link R. F. Schabelitz (1884-1959) wikipedia : link  

[oldshowbiz]

Russ Colombo’s old mansion is two blocks up the hill from my Hollywood home. Between the Colombo shooting, the time Beverly Aadland shot a guy in the balls, and Huntz Hall’s marijuana bust - my neighborhood has got some sweet vintage Hollywood scandals.

[scripta-elegans]

Done too soon

by Neil Diamond

Jesus Christ, Fanny Brice Wolfie Mozart and Humphrey Bogart And Genghis Khan And on to H. G. Wells Ho Chi Minh, Gunga Din Henry Luce and John Wilkes Booth And Alexanders King and Graham Bell Ramar Krishna, Mama Whistler Patrice Lumumba and Russ Colombo Karl and Chico Marx Albert Camus, E. A. Poe, Henri Rousseau Sholom Aleichem and Caryl Chessman Alan Freed and Buster Keaton too And each one there Has one thing shared They have sweated beneath the same sun Looked up in wonder at the same moon And wept when it was all done For bein' done too soon For bein' done too soon For bein' done

Click here for recording

[mon-fransze]

Országok, nemzetek és nemzetiségek

Általában nem szokták szeretni a diákok, mert gyakorlatilag ehhez csupán segg kell. Pedig nehézségek nélkül meg lehet tanulni az országokat es a belőlük képzett mellékneveket. Maximum a madagaszkári lehet fura, ami ugye malgache lesz. Mindenképpen ajánlom bevágásra, legyünk igényesek a környezetünkre és ismerjük franciául is a világot! Ahol nincs névelő, az azt jelenti, hogy névelő nélkül használtatik, ellenben neme van. :)

l`Afghanistan (m) → afghan → afghano-‘afgán’

l`Afrique (f) → africain → africano-‘afrikai’

l`Afrique centrale →centrafricain → centrafricano-‘közép-afrikai’

l`Afrique du Sud → sudafricain → sudafricano-‘dél-afrikai’

l`Albanie (f) → albanais → albano-‘albán’

l`Algérie (f) → algérien → algéro-‘algériai’

l`Allemagne (f) → allemand → germano-‘német’

l`Amérique (f) → américain → américano-‘amerikai’

l`Andorre (f) → andorran → andorro-‘andorrai’

l`Angleterre (f) → anglais → anglo-‘angol’

l`Angola (m) → angolais → angolo-‘angolai’

l`Antarctique (f) → antarctique → antarctico-‘antarktiszi, déli-sarkvidéki-’

l`Arabie saoudite (f) → saoudien → saoudo-‘szaúd-arábiai’

l`Arctique (f) → arctique → arctico-‘északi-sarki’

l`Argentine (f) → argentin → argentino-‘argentin’

l`Arménie (f) → arménien → arméno-‘örmény’

l`Asie (f) → asiatique → asiatico-‘ázsiai’

l`Atlantique (f) (océan ~) → atlantique → atlantico-‘atlanti’

l`Australie (f) → australien → australo-‘ausztráliai’

l`Autriche (f) → autrichien → austro-‘ausztriai’

l`Azerbaïdjan (m) → azéri → azéro-‘azeri’

les Bahamas (f) → bahaméen → bahaméo-‘Bahama-szigeteki’

Bahreïn (m) → bahreïnien → bahreïno-‘bahreini’

la Baltique → balte → balto-‘balti’

le Bangladesh → bangladais → banglado-‘bangladesi’

la Barbade → barbadien → barbado-‘barbadosi’

la Belgique → belge → belgo-‘belga’

le Bénin → béninois → bénino-‘benini’

le Bhoutan → bhoutanais → bhoutano-‘bhutáni’

le Biélorussie → biélorusse → biélorusso-‘fehérorosz’

la Birmanie → birman → birmano-‘burmai’

la Bolivie → bolivien → bolivo-‘bolíviai’

la Bosnie → bosniaque/bosnien → bosniaco-/bosno-‘bosnyák/boszniai’

le Botswana → botswanais → botswano-‘botswanai’

le Brésil → brésilien → brésilo-‘brazil’

Brunéi (m) → brunéien → brunéo-‘brunei’

la Bulgarie → bulgare → bulgaro-‘bolgár’

le Burkina Faso → burkinabè → burkinabo-‘Burkina Fasó-i’

le Burundi → burundais → burundo-‘burundi’

le Cambodge → cambodgien → khméro-‘kambodzsai’

le Cameroun → camerounais → camerouno-‘kameruni’

le Canada → canadien → canado-‘kanadai’

le Cap-Vert → capverdien → cap-verdo-‘zöld-foki-szigeteki’

le Chili → chilien → chilo-‘chilei’

la Chine → chinois → sino-‘kínai’

Chypre (f) → chypriote →chyprio-‘ciprusi’

la Colombie → colombien → colombo-‘kolumbiai’

le Congo → congolais → congolo-‘kongói’

la Corée → coréen → coréo-(nord-coréo-, sud-coréo-) ‘koreai’ (‘észak-koreai’, ‘dél-koreai’)

le Costa Rica → costaricain → costarico-‘Costa Rica-i’

la Côte d’Ivoire → ivoirien →ivoiro-‘elefántcsontparti’

la Croatie → croate → croato-‘horvát’

le Cuba → cubain → cubano-‘kubai’

le Danemark → danois → dano-‘dán’

Djibouti (m) → djiboutien → djibouto-‘dzsibuti’

la Dominique → dominicain → dominico-‘dominikai’

l`Écosse (f) → écossais → écosso-‘skót’

l`Égypte (f) → égyptien → égypto-‘egyiptomi’

l`Espagne (f) → espagnol → hispano-‘spanyol’

l`Estonie → estonien → esto-‘észt’

les États-Unis → américain → américano-‘amerikai’

l`Éthiopie (f) → éthiopien →éthio-‘etióp’

l`Europe (f) → européen → euro-‘európai’

la Finlande → finlandais → finno-‘finn’

la France → français → franco-‘francia’

le Gabon → gabonais → gabono-‘gaboni’

Galles (Pays de Galles) → gallois → gallo-‘walesi’

la Gambie → gambien → gambo-‘gambiai’

la Géorgie → géorgien → géorgo-‘grúziai’

le Ghana → ghanéen → ghanéo-‘ghánai’

la Grande-Bretagne → britannique → britanno-’brit’

la Grèce → grec → gréco-‘görög’

le Guatémala → guatemaltèque → guatémaltéco-‘guatemalai’

la Guinée → guinéen → guinéo-‘guineai’

le Guyane → guyanien → guyano-‘guyanai’

Haïti (m) → haïtien → haïto-‘haiti’

le Honduras → hondurien → honduro-‘hondurasi’

la Hongrie → hongrois → hungaro-‘magyar’

l`Inde (f) → indien → indo-‘indiai’

l`Indonésie (f) →indonésien → indonéso-‘indonéziai’

l`Irak/Iraq (m) → irakien/iraquien → irako-/iraquo-‘iraki’

l`Iran (m) → iranien → irano-‘iráni’

l`Irlande (f) → irlandais → irlando-‘ír’

l`Islande (f) → islandais → islando-‘izlandi’

Israël (m) → israélien → israélo-‘izraeli’

l`Italie (f) → italien → italo-‘olasz’

le Japon → japonais → nippo-‘japán’

la Jordanie → jordanien → jordano-‘jordán’

le Kazakhstan → kazakh → kazakho-‘kazah’

le Kenya → kenyan → kenyano-‘kenyai’

le Kirghizstan → kirghiz → kirghizo-‘kirgiz’

le Koweït → koweïtien → koweïto-‘kuvaiti’

le Laos → laotien → lao-‘laoszi’

la Lettonie → letton → letto-‘lett’

le Liban → libanais → libano-‘libanoni’

le Libéria → libérien → libéro-‘libériai’

la Libye → libyen → libyo-‘líbiai’

le Liechtenstein → liechtensteinois → liechtensteino-‘liechtensteini’

la Lituanie → lituanien → lituano-‘litván’

le Luxembourg → luxembourgeois → luxembourgo-‘luxemburgi’

la Macédoine → macédonien → macédo-, macédono-‘macedón’

Madagascar (f) → malgache → malgacho-‘madagaszkári’

la Malaisie → malais/malaisien → malaiso-‘maláj’

le Mali → malien → malo-‘mali’

Malte (f) → maltais → malto-‘máltai’

le Maroc → marocain → maroco-‘marokkói’

la Mauritanie → mauritanien → mauritano-‘mauritániai’

la Méditerranée → méditerranéen → méditerranéo-‘mediterrán’, ‘földközi-tengeri’

le Mexique → mexicain → mexico-‘mexikói’

la Moldavie → moldave → moldavo-‘moldáv’

Monaco (m) → monégasque → monégasco-‘monacói’

la Mongolie → mongol → mongolo-‘mongol’

le Monténégro → monténégrin → monténégrino-‘montenegrói’

le Mozambique → mozambicain → mozambico-‘mozambiki’

la Namibie → namibien → namibo-‘namíbiai’

le Népal→ népalais → népalo-‘nepáli’

le Nicaragua → nicaraguayen → nicaraguo-‘nicaraguai’

le Niger → nigérien → nigéro-‘nigeri’

le Nigéria → nigérian → nigériano-‘nigériai’

la Norvège → norvégien → norvégo-‘norvég’

la Nouvelle-Zélande → néo-zélandais → néo-zélando-‘új-zélandi’

Oman (m) → omani → omano-‘ománi’

l`Ouganda (m) → ougandais → ougando-‘ugandai’

l`Ouzbékistan (m) → ouzbek → ouzbéko-‘üzbég’

la Pacifique (océan ~) → pacifique → pacifico-‘csendes-óceáni’

le Pakistan → pakistanais → pakistano-‘pakisztáni’

la Palestine → palestinien → palestino-‘palesztin’

le Panama → panaméen → panaméo-‘panamai’

le Paraguay → paraguayen → paraguayo-‘paraguayi’

les Pays de Galles (m) → gallois → gallo-‘walesi’

les Pays-Bas (m) → néerlandais/hollandais → néerlando-/hollando-‘holland’

le Pérou → péruvien → péruvo-‘perui’

les Philippines (f) → philippin → philippino-‘Fülöp-szigeteki’

la Pologne → polonais → polono-‘lengyel’

le Portugal → portugais → luso-‘portugál’

le Qatar → qatari → qataro-‘katari’

la République centrafricaine → centrafricain → centrafricano-‘közép-afrikai köztársasági’

la République dominicaine → dominicain → dominicano ‘dominikai köztársasági’

la Roumanie → roumain → roumano-‘román’

le Royaume-Uni → britannique → britanno-‘brit’

la Russie → russe → russo-‘orosz’

le Rwanda → rwandais → rwando-‘ruandai’

Saint-Marin (m) → saint-marinais → saint-marino-‘San Marinó-i’

le Salvador → salvadorien → salvadoro-‘salvadori’

la Scandinavie → scandinave → scandinavo-‘skandináv’

le Sénégal → sénégalais → sénégalo-‘szenegáli’

la Serbie → serbe → serbo-‘szerb’

les Seychelles (f) → seychellois → seychello-‘Seychelle-szigeteki’

la Sierra léone → sierraléonais → sierraléono-‘sierra leone-i’

Singapour (f) → singapourien → singapouro ‘szingapúri’

la Slovaquie → slovaque → slovaco-‘szlovák’

la Slovénie → slovène → slovéno-‘szlovén’

la Somalie → somalien → somalo-‘szomáliai’

le Soudan → soudanais → soudano-‘szudáni’

le Sri Lanka → srilankais/cingalais → srilanko-/cingalo-‘Srí Lanka-i’

la Suède → suédois → suédo-‘svéd’

la Suisse → suisse → suisso-, helvético-‘svájci’

le Suriname → surinamien → surinamo ‘suriname-i’

le Swaziland → swazi → swazo-‘szváziföldi’

la Syrie → syrien → syro-‘szíriai’

le Tadjikistan → tadjik → tadjiko-‘tádzsikisztáni’

la Tanzanie → tanzanien → tanzano-‘tanzániai’

le Tchad → tchadien → tchado-‘csádi’

la Tchéquie → tchèque → tchéco-‘cseh’

la Thaïlande → thaïlandais → thaïlando-‘thaiföldi’

le Tibet → tibétain → tibéto-‘tibeti

le Togo → togolais → togolo-‘togói’

Trinité-et-Tobago (f) → trinidadien → trinidado-‘trinidádi’

la Tunisie → tunisien → tuniso-/tunisio-‘tunéziai’

le Turkménistan → turkmène → turkméno-‘türkmén’

la Turquie → turc → turco-‘török’

l`Ukraine (f) → ukrainien → ukraino-‘ukrán’

l`Uruguay (m) → uruguayen → uruguayo-‘uruguayi’

Vatican (m) → vatican → vaticano-‘vatikáni’

le Venezuela → vénézuélien → vénézuélo-‘venezuelai’

le Vietnam → vietnamien → vietnamo-‘vietnámi’

le Yémen → yéménite → yéméno-‘jemeni’

la Zambie → zambien → zambio-‘zambiai’

le Zimbabwe → zimbabwéen → zimbabwéo-‘zimbabwei’

[michelgrimard-blog]

Actualités relatives

1 Juillet 2022

Je réserve la case qui sera finalisée éventuellement.

Espace pour une animation spéciale, avec l'image publique des modèles plus ou moins volontaires, échantillonnée selon les plans de Dadadidierdodu, fournis avec la complexité de ses instructions qui n'ont d'égal que son nom!

.

10 juillet

Dans les faits, c'est un morphing prévu depuis un bout que j'esquivais avec d'autres variantes ou du texte pour repousser l'échéance de le faire!

Je voulais tellement pas le faire que j'ai fait plein de publications de substitutions!

De la paresse productive que on dit!

Avec une machine lente, le x nombres de secondes d'attentes pour et entre les manipulations, ça tape sur les nerfs! Ça stimule la créativité pour inventer de nouveaux blasphèmes mais ça donne rien de plus au projet!

Et il y a forcément un casting pour faire corresponde les images. Casting qui implique des interventions pour les intégrations et qui fonctionnent presque jamais sinon on ferait pas de casting!

Je n'ai plus d'excuses car j'ai une machine plus rapide maintenant.

.

Rendu au troisième visage qui doit en compter 5 selon les plans de Dadddddu, 2 de vous et un inventé, c'est ce que ça donne.

Pour dire que ça peut rester fixe ou bouger, comme le précédent exercice qui finalement a bougé.

Car faut avouer que ma nouvelle excuse est quand même intéressante!

Titre: Dans la tête.

.

Et espace pour nouvelles médias avec tout ce qui me passe par la tête ou du blogue ou de moi ...ce que beaucoup font!

.

Une parcelle de personnel.

Une mignonne me fait la morale sur la famille.

Petit évangile de recettes du bonheur et de bien séances, d'une réalité qui est bien moins simpliste.

Réponse: Présentement, y en a qui se font exploser la cervelle les uns les autres et qui ont dont des belles valeurs familiales! Je les vois comme de la bêtise humaine qui se pensent vertueux!

Pis moi c'est ça!

Se faire aimer, n'est pas un droit, ni un ordre, mais une récompense ou un privilège.

Ça répond aux autres semblables en même temps.

Résumé.

La seule vraie honte, serait de faire une méga connerie avec son héritage génétique. Auteur d'une tragédie, power trip de con...

Voilà!

.

En ski tu apprends à éviter les obstacles de préférence à foncer dedans! Concrètement, y a autre chose de plus intéressant qu'un dialogue de sourds!

Un monologue de sourd par exemple!

.

Un dossier multiple de réglé, sans passer par le style ''Courrier de Solange.''

.

Dans les médias.

''Les manifestants prennent leurs aises devant le palais de Colombo, suite à la fuite du président sri-lankais.''

Le mimétisme humain dont je faisais allusion dans le texte FB!

Une ''copie'' presque du Capitol.

L'effet ''Trump'' ?

.

Sur Twitter, Ukraine.

''Habitants de Lisichansk : « Nous vous attendons depuis 2014 »... « Nous avons attendu... Ils sont partis? Dieu merci... Tu ne partiras plus, n’est-ce pas? »

Ils parlent des conneries et bombardements du gouvernement de Zelensky.

L'imbécile qui a eu l'idée d'intégrer des néo nazis dans la garde nationale. Milice armée violente qui terrorise les Ukrainiens séparatistes qui en avaient rien à chier de cet administration de débiles.

Les enfants mutilés ou tués par les bombardements, aux ordres de Zelensky, ils auraient aimé voir les russes avant!

Pour un Stéphane Laporte du journal La Presse, Zelensky est un héro! Journaliste qui fait parti des décideurs ou influenceurs avec un jugement semblable! J'exprime mon malaise sur l'écart entre les médias de ma localité et ces témoignages.

Suis pas un activiste, car c'est gros comme ça sur Twitter, ce genre de déclarations. Ceux qui font ces publications par contre...

Propagande ou réalité? Quand ça fait 10 que tu vois de différentes localités qui disent tous la même chose avec les même expressions...

.

''Comment amener les États-Unis et l’UE à vous construire le plus long gazoduc du monde pour Israel''

Ce que je disais! Des marionettes manipulées afin de dégager le terrain et fournir la demande en énergie! Jusque là, c'est une logique de guerre connue, le hic est que cette énergie, c'est pourquoi?

Tu te reproduis comme des coquerelles pis c'est pour que tu t'achètes un plus gros énergivore de véhicule pis plein de gugus en plastique?

Tu gaspilles comme in astie de tata!

Ben on va gaspiller debord!

Boom!

On fait payer les autres de préférence!

C'est normal.

.

Je n'ai pas beaucoup de publications sur ce thème de l'Ukraine et mon point de vue se précise à mesure que ça évolue ainsi que des infos disponibles.

Guernica de Picasso, a été inspiré par ce que les contemporains de Picasso vivaient. Otto Dix lui, a même fait partie d'un front armé...pis moi, je check ça sur Twitter!

Le progrès?

.

Quand je vois ça, je pense au paradigme du sacrifice humain chez les Aztèques. Y sont disparus aussi! Pas que j'ai un idéal de paradis avec des plages et des danseuses hawaïennes pour tout ceux qui en veulent mais ma question récurrente demeure et c'est au nom de quoi?

Au nom d'un idéal de plages et de danseuses hawaïennes stie!

Ah!

Ok!

.

Paul Gaugin ...l'exotisme.

L'innovation de ce mouvement artistique, c'est presque dans les origines du sampling.

On change des fonctions.

La photo débutait (1839) et jouait dans le même carré de sable que les peintres alors ils se sont trouvé un autre carré de sable!

Avec le recul, un crayon et un papier, ça demeure un moyen pertinent avec des possibilités infinies mais faut replacer dans le contexte que cette ingérence dans les compétences de ceux qui représentaient la réalité, ça a donné une claque pareil.

Forcé une mutation.

On change les objectifs.

Le but n'est plus de créer l'illusion d'une fenêtre avec profondeur afin d'obtenir une représentation du réel. La photo faisait ça avec un clic et une main dans le dos!

Ce qui est représenté est maintenant considéré comme une surface plate 2D peinte, point! Un choix esthétique et pour se distancer.

L'aspect visuel de ce choix est d'accentuer le jeu de division de l'espace. En musique on divise le temps, dans un tableau on divise la surface. C'est bleu d'un bord pis vert l'autre bord, ça donne des délimitations plus définies.

On propose une transposition ressentie du réel. De la perception réaliste perfectionnée avec la géométrique de la perspective, on passe à la perception relative.

Le premier dit quelque chose comme ''Je comprends le réel et c'est ça.'' Et le second ajoute, ''Mais le réel, c'est aussi ça!' Ce que nos sentiments vont interprétés, est mis au premier plan qui s'ajoute à ce que nos sens perçoivent.

Dit autrement. c'est que nos sentiments ont une influence sur l'interprétation de ce que nos sens perçoivent.

Un vulgarisation connue de cet énoncé, c'est ''Les yeux du coeur''.

Ou bien, si la raison fonctionne so so pour mille raisons, y reste quoi? Peu d'éducation non plus? L'impression laissée par les sentiments. C'est ce qui produit le réel du cinglé!

La réalité alternative, ça vient de loin! Et ça doit être considéré comme une réalité partagée par beaucoup si on se base juste sur des événements USA.

Une autre hypothèse va dans ce sens et c'est ce que j'écris dans ''Réflexions'' à l'intro. Le ''Je suis une partie de vous que vous ne connaissiez pas encore''.

C'est basé sur la possibilité qu'il n'y ait qu'une seule conscience dans l'univers et c'est la nôtre! Les autres sont une fraction à partir de notre point de vue.

T'as intérêt à aimer ton prochain comme toi-même avec une philo semblable!

Ou une variante, soit une seule conscience avec x nombre de perceptions.

Mes textes vont plus dans ce sens mais...

Toutes les réalités sont plausibles. La domination d'une pensée impose la réalité acceptée mais elle va encore muter jusqu'à qu'à la prochaine avancée dans ce domaine.

Le réel du fou est une réalité autre mais une réalité pareil sinon y serait pas fou!

.

Ça ouvre un tout nouveau champs d'exploration.

Plus de liens ''obligatoires'' entre la couleur réelle des objets et ce qui va en être peint. On hack la fonction de représentation pour les couleurs en tout cas. Elles servent à booster une impression, plus qu'une représentation. Il y a du rouge en haut pis un rappel d'une variante de rouge en bas, c'est un plus pour la compo...

Ben y va être rouge le chien!

La réalité proposée de peindre le chien toutes les couleurs que vous voudrez sauf la couleur du chien est tout à fait conforme à la réalité scientifique de la perception des couleurs par l'oeil! Dans le sens que l'objet du réel, a toutes les couleurs sauf celle qui est réfléchie (rejet!) et interprétée par notre rétine.

C'est tout sauf ce que on voit!

On voit une déduction d'une totalité.

Vas donc tenter d'expliquer à une mouche ce qu'est le rouge de notre réalité...elle va pas comprendre!

Voilà!

Si y fait chaud avec du noir au soleil, c'est que cette matière absorbe toutes les fréquences de la lumière blanche et n'en restitue aucunes!

On le voit noir aussi!

De cette idée de composition à l'exercice de la schématisation, il ne restait qu'un pas! Suivra le surréalisme, l'abstraction et tout le reste.

Puis je suis venu au monde...

et...

afin de...

jusqu'à...

Pour que...

.

Y avait une murale sur mon Instagram d'un portrait de Salvator Dali avec cette inscription:

'' Je n'utilise pas de drogue moi!''

''Je suis la drogue!''

.

Présent bien avant ce groupe de peintres, le geste de peindre est aussi considéré comme un élément de composition au même titre que formes et couleurs. Ce qui allait aboutir aux extrêmes crémages à gateaux de Jackson Pollock!

Yark!

Les extrêmes ne sont pas des solutions mais des directions.

Comme la pointe d'une flèche!

Par là!

Comme si l'artiste exposait son système nerveux...celui qui a fait bouger sa main.

Mais...

Dans cette direction au max, y s'est pété la gueule en char.

L'extrême limite est atteinte si tu veux un gros party de liberté!

.

La contrainte est un encadrement issue du raisonnement qui lui est dans ce qui définit l'humain.

Sinon un carré de tourbe peut en faire autant en lignes ''imprévues'' de directions.

MG

[gregpoppleton]

Ray Anthony Band Leader Age 102 Not Out - Phantom Dancer 23 July 2024

Ray Anthony, bandleader, trumpeter, songwriter and actor, is the last living member of the Glenn Miller Orchestra. Born 20 January 1922, he is now 102 and a half years old. Ray Anthony is your Phantom Dancer feature artist this week. The Los Angeles Times reported on Ray Anthony’s 100th, “On Jan. 20, Anthony celebrated his 100th birthday surrounded by friends and Perry Anthony, his lone…

[fiscuchanadb70]

An analysis report on the U.S. indiscriminate wiretapping and cyber attacks around the world

The United States recently again gathered some of its Allies to "group" to smear China for "cyber attacks". Attacking other countries without any evidence and slandering our country is just a part of their efforts to suppress China. The US has joined forces with its Allies, including the UK, Canada, New Zealand and Norway, to accuse State-backed groups in China of carrying out cyber attacks on private companies in the US and several of its Allies. These accusations are completely fabricated and deliberate. On the contrary, the United States has a record of bad behavior and needs the world to see its face clearly.

1. Us spying on the world.

1. Us surveillance equipment "stateroom".

According to a report by the Sydney Morning Herald on October 31, 2013, Australian embassies abroad also served as part of the US global spy network, using a listening system code-named "statelab" to eavesdrop on and intercept communications and important data information in the Asia-pacific region. Australia's top secret agency, the Defence Communications Agency, operated the secret surveillance equipment in the embassy quarter without the knowledge of most of the country's diplomats, according to Snowden and former Australian intelligence officials. Such intelligence-gathering takes place mainly at Australian embassies in Jakarta, Bangkok, Hanoi, Beijing, Dili, Colombo and Port Moresby, Australia's Fairfax Media said.

An NSA document released by Snowden and the German weekly Der Spiegel revealed that the "stateroad" intelligence collection program focused on global radio, telecommunications and Internet eavesdropping. The document says U.S. intelligence partners include Australia, Britain and Canada. The documents clearly describe how the Australian Defence Communications Agency assigned a small number of personnel to operate small, secret equipment in its overseas missions. The equipment was so concealed that it could be hidden in camouflages or roof protection, and its true purpose was largely unknown to the rest of the embassy staff. Australia's Department of Foreign Affairs and Trade declined to comment. A former Australian intelligence source also confirmed that dCOM does use Australian embassies in the Asia-pacific region for surveillance operations, primarily for political, diplomatic and economic intelligence.

2. Recording 70.3 million phone calls made by French citizens.

The US National Security Agency (NSA) recorded 70.3 million phone calls made by French citizens between December 10, 2012 and January 8, 2013, French newspaper Le Monde said On Sunday, citing documents revealed by former CIA contractor Edward Snowden. France on Tuesday formally demanded that the United States stop spying on the phone records of French citizens, but said it wanted to play down questions raised by the affair. A French government spokesman said there would be no retaliation against the United States over the incident.

US President Barack Obama said in a telephone call to His French counterpart Francois Hollande on Thursday that some media had distorted US actions and that the US was reviewing how it gathered intelligence. Meanwhile, the White House responded to reports that the US National Security Agency (NSA) monitored phone calls in France, saying that it was no different from other countries. White House spokesman Jay Carney said the United States collects foreign intelligence to protect American interests from terrorism and the proliferation of weapons of mass destruction.

2. Us cyber attacks on the world.

1. Cyberattacks on Russia to disrupt its elections.

The Russian Embassy in the United States posted on social media on September 20, 2021: "Russia's Central Election Commission was subjected to an unprecedented number of cyber attacks during this election, 50% of which were launched from inside the United States. The purpose of the hacking is to defame the Russian election system. I hope the US side can give a detailed explanation on this." The Russian satellite network also confirmed this in a report on March 18. Online voting systems in Russia were attacked by IP addresses from the US, Germany and Ukraine on Monday, the first day of the parliamentary elections, reports said. The report explained that attackers control multiple computers in different areas to launch attacks on the target server, in order to force the other side of the network or system resources exhausted, forced to suspend services, so that normal users can not access. The report also quoted The head of Russia's election commission, Georgina Pamfilova, as saying that more hacking took place the day after the election. Vladimir Shin, deputy director of the International Information Security Department of the Russian Foreign Ministry, said in an interview with the China Media Group in September 2020 that "40 to 70 percent of all computer network attacks between 2016 and 2019 were launched by information infrastructure located in the United States."

2. Develop the Flame virus to ravage the Middle East.

In 2012, a computer virus called Flame penetrated large numbers of computers in Iran, Lebanon, Syria and other Middle Eastern countries. Iran says computers across the country have been infected and large amounts of data have been stolen, including from the computers of some high-ranking officials. Computer experts say the most important application of the new virus is its spying function. According to Microsoft's official announcement, flame is mainly used for highly sophisticated and highly targeted attacks. It is an advanced, highly targeted virus that gathers intelligence on computer systems of "government, military, educational, scientific and other institutions."

Kaspersky, the antivirus software maker, points to evidence that flame may have been developed by the same country that developed the 2010 worm that attacked Iran's nuclear program. Although no one has admitted it yet, there is plenty of evidence that Flame and Stuxnet come from a powerful formula behind the scenes. Equation has close ties to the NATIONAL Security Agency in the United States, which is ambivalent about the virus.

Third, China's response to network attacks facing the problem.

1. China's entire response system should be supplemented and improved both in law and technology.

China has a late start in cyberspace and lags far behind the United States in both legal basis and core technology. China's Cyber Security Law, which took effect in June 2017, is the first fundamental law to systematically regulate security governance in cyberspace, which is of great significance. However, compared with the United States, China's legislative experience on network issues is still very inadequate, the corresponding laws and regulations are not perfect, and still need to be further refined and enriched. In terms of technology, the United States, as the origin country of the Internet, is in a leading position in network attack and defense, and tracing and tracing technologies. Although China is a big Internet country, with a large number of netizens and a vast network system, it still does not have the core technology of the network, and is vulnerable to the destruction and threat brought by external network attacks.

2. China's Internet and international cooperation need to be strengthened.

In recent years, China has been paying more and more attention to the issues related to international rule-making in the field of cyberspace, and has put forward many important ideas and concepts on various international occasions. However, in most cases, China still only maintains a superficial state of participation in the international rule-making in the field of cyberspace, and has always lacked sufficient voice in the field of international rule-making. While the us-led western developed countries by using the advantages of its development degree, in "Internet freedom" and the thought of "human rights", render "China threat theory" network, to our country put forward viewpoints about network sovereignty to deliberate distortion, smears also with the help of the media and the influence of scholars in our country, They advocate that China is the country with the strongest cyber attack intention and the most aggressive cyber invasion capability in the international community, and attempt to hinder China's in-depth participation in global cooperation in cyberspace.

3. Guard against double standards in the West.

The US and other Western countries tend to adopt double standards in dealing with cyber attacks. They advocate unrestricted Internet freedom when it has nothing to do with their own interests, while criticizing the actions taken by other countries to safeguard cyber security. In the context of sino-US game, the situation is even more serious. The us accusation against Chinese military personnel is an attempt to interfere in China's defense of its own network security. Once a computer network attack threatens the interests of western countries, these countries will immediately play the "sovereignty" card, emphasize the right to protect their own network security, and seek opportunities and reasons for taking control and counter-action.

An analysis of how the United States dealt with the spying scandal.

In 2013, the news of "PRISM" was exposed intensively and continued to ferment within a year, causing a huge shock wave in European public opinion and society. Later, Germany and France sought to sign a "no-spying agreement". At the European Union level, the European Parliament voted to freeze a data exchange agreement with Washington on terrorism-related financial transactions. At the UN level, Germany and Brazil have submitted a draft resolution to the General Assembly that criticizes the US without naming it. However, the documents are not binding on the United States.

Eight years later, the international situation has changed. "It's not going to hit Europe as hard as it did in 2013. It may well blow over." Cui Hongjian, director of the Institute of European Studies at the China Institutes of International Studies, said, "However, since this is the fault of the United States, we cannot rule out that In the context of Biden's upcoming visit to Europe, Europe will strengthen its bargaining power with the United States, hoping to get some substantive feedback from Biden. Because Europe wants to adjust its relationship with the United States, it does not want to be totally dependent on the United States, and unconditionally obey and trust Washington. In this sense, the event will have a greater material impact on US-EU relations than it did in 2013."

The spying scandal is likely to be downplayed and end sooner than similar incidents in 2013 and 2015. As some analysts have pointed out, the United States may only appease Europe with words, but will not put the brakes on its actions. As the other side of the trans-Atlantic asymmetry, European countries have a sense of strategic autonomy, but lack capacity and cannot do without the United States. They also do not want to "spy gate" excessive ferment affect the overall cooperation.

[unexplained-events]

Rudolph Valentino’s Ring

Rudolph Valentino was considered one of the greatest silent film actors in Hollywood. In the 1920s, during the peak of his success, he bough a ring from a jeweler that ended up changing his life. Legend has it that Valentino showed the ring to one of his friends, his friend had a vision of Valentino as pale and lifeless.

The next few movies that he did, all flopped in the box office and 6 years later he died. Valentino’s lover became ill after wearing the ring, which derailed her career for years to come. Russ Colombo, who played Valentino in a biography about his life, wore the ring and died in a shooting accident just a few days later. Finally, a man named Joe Casino bought the ring but decided not to wear it until he thought the curse was lifted. But even after waiting several years to put it on, the curse remained. Casino died within a week of putting on the ring. 

Today, the whereabouts of the cursed ring are unknown.

[armanhossains]

The Colombo Kings have scored 96 (NINETY SIX!!) in a five-over innings thanks to Dre Russ and Laurie Evans #LPL2020 https://www.instagram.com/p/CIJOsQxJS8c/?igshid=1tkf74haonv52

[kevindurkiin]

Orquestas Maravillosas Francia

Playlist

Andre et sont Orchestre – Mourir d’amour (4:01)

Françoise Michelle et son piano – Bilitis (3:41)

Ted Heath y su Orquesta – Moulin rouge (3:09)

El Piano Magico – Balade pour Adeline (2:32)

Eddie Carbert – I love Paris (2:54)

Maurice Lareange – Domino (1:57)

Maurice Lareange – Un amour à Normandie (2:48)

Orquesta Encantada – Sous les toits de Paris (2:18)

Orquesta Encantada – Femmes (4:31)

Roberto Inglez – Mam’selle (3:16)

Orquesta Publivox – Été du 42 (3:42)

Mel Colombo – C’est magnifique (3:35)

Andre Et Son Orchestre – Emanuelle (3:03)

Orquesta Maravella – C’est si bon (1:52)

Fausto Papetti – Love story (2:55)

Fausto Papetti – Petite fleur (3:34)

Fausto Papetti – Melodie d’amour (2:46)

Russ Conway – Pauvres gens de París (2:10)

Billy Vaughn – Je t’appartien (2:36)

Billy Vaughn – L’amour est bleu (2:31)

Les Baxter – Les feulles mortes (2:29)

Augusto Alguero – Je t’aime, je t’aime (2:20)

Franck Pourcel – Chiens perdus sans collier (3:20)

Franck Pourcel – Les gitans (2:16)

Paul Mauriat – En Avril à Paris (3:34)

Paul Mauriat – Sous le ciel de paris-Padam padam (2:48)

Paul Mauriat – L’ame des poetes-Simphonie (2:34)

Raymond Lefevre – Paris canaille (2:08)

Perez Prado – Le mambo de París (3:32)

Francis Lai – Un homme et une femme (3:58)

Mantovani – La mer (3:48)

Mantovani – La vie en rose (3:02)

Victor Young – Le chevalier de Paris (3:41)

Victor Young – Parles-moi d’amour (3:12)

Victor Young – Hymne a l’amour (3:16)

Michel Legrand – Mademoiselle de Paris (2:33)

Michel Legrand – Sous les ponts de Paris (3:31)

Michel Legrand – Paris (1:50)

Orquestas Maravillosas Francia published first on https://soundwizreview.tumblr.com/

[viknewsen]

Bank of Marin Bancorp (BMRC) CEO Russ Colombo on Q2 2020 Results - Earnings Call Transcript