#ruby zizes

[limamuckraker]

THE MUCKRAKER : TENTH EDITION (  JULY 20TH, 2040 )

THERE’S NEVER A DULL WEEK IN LIMA, OHIO. READ THIS WEEK’S EDITION BELOW TO STAY IN THE KNOW OF LIMA’S HOTTEST GOSSIP

JOEY HUMMEL-ANDERSON’S WEEK OFF! (pg 2)

after many-a-drag about his actual ass here in the muckraker, a source has reported that @joeyhqs​ has toned down his twinking around lima because he crossed the border over into indiana to get some major work done for the week. apart from some preemptive botox and an alleged face lift, it seems that he got a brazilian butt lift. using what body fat? the answer is unclear, but what is clear? joey got some work done and the twinking will probably resume as usual!

BURNING THROUGH THE BURN OUTS, LJ HOLLIDAY BANGS ALL! (pg 4)

in a shocking turn of events @ljhollidays​​ was spotted at lima’s premier hook up hot spot, the view, with @wrenschuester​​! i’m not sure what makes those brown baggers so appealing, but it seems lj has joined the slew of others here in lima who has been unfortunate enough to hook up with at least three of that crew! let’s just hope that tweet of kaden’s about getting tested was true and lj didn’t swap stds with wren!

DING DONG THOSE WICKED HETS ARE GONE! (pg 6)

i don’t often become emotionally invested in a story, but this story feels like a victory that has been months in the making. those atrocious heterosexuals, @leo-mccarthy​​ and @ivystjamess​​ have finally called it quits. the reasons why are beyond me, i don’t know, and quite frankly i don’t care, but if i had to guess, it probably had something to do with the fact ivy is known to be. . . get around and needed a little more than a greasy film nerd to satisfy her needs.

RUBY MOVES IN ON GRAYSON, WATCH OUT WINNIE! (pg 8)

all of lima was rocked to it’s core when @graysonlopezpierce​​ cheated on @rubyzizes​​ with @winniclove​​! in months passed we’ve come to accept that their relationship is what it is and they’re off being the definition of a straight couple with a girl way out of the guys league. anyhow, i’ve had a very reliable source tell me that ruby is putting the moves on grayson in hopes of stealing her man right from under winnie’s nose and giving her a taste of her own medicine.

WINNIE CHEATS AGAIN? (pg 10)

as mentioned in the previous story, ruby is plotting to steal winnie’s man, but does winnie even care? sources say @winniclove​ was seen cozying up with lima’s loveable church boy @drewharts​ at the lima bean. given their history i wouldn’t be surprised if it very soon became very public that these two are once again hooking up. sorry ruby, but it looks like your master plan might be for nothing!

CANCER SEASON FLOPPED! (pg 12)

cancers are already a flop of a zodiac sign as is, but that has crept into the personal lives of @hunterxslade​, @jrdnabrams​, @alexiscsmythe​, and @graysonlopezpierce​ seeing as all of their birthdays flopped! this only further proves how much as a zodiac sign, cancer sucks! there was no passing out drunk, no crazy hook ups, alexis didn’t even publicly indulge her alcoholism for all of lima to laugh at! regardless of the floppage, i’m just absolutely thrilled for cancer season to be over and sail smoothly into leo. hopefully something interesting will actually come of those parties!

CHECK BACK NEXT MONDAY FOR THE MUCKRAKER (ISSUE #10)

[ruby-zizes]

INTRODUCING: RUBY ZIZES

{ barbie ferreira fc, cisfemale, she/her } - hey look it’s { ruby zizes }!! i heard they are { 18 } and a { senior } in { high school }!! someone also told me that they are {+intelligent, +bold } and { -self-conscious, -sensitive } but it could be just a rumor!

BASICS

Full Name: Ruby Jane Zizes Nickname: N/A Birthday: November 29 Age: 18 Sign: Sagittarius Hometown: Lima, OH Sexuality: Fluid Education: Senior @ WMHS Occupation: Receptionist @ Hummel Tires & Lube

LIKES/DISLIKES

Likes: astrology, 90s pop music, smoking weed, hitting her juul, having sex, sending nudes, getting As on tests, challenges, chocolate covered strawberries, second chances, first impressions, bath bombs, luxury, shots of espresso, comedy podcasts, girl power

Dislikes: slut shaming, toxic masculinity/femininity, frigidness, ignorance, pretentious people, people who don’t tip well, organized religion, watching sports on TV, waking up early, jealousy, losing her temper

TL;DR BIO

Someone leaked Ruby’s nudes when she was a sophomore and sent them to her parents. This got her kicked off the cheerios. Everyone thinks she’s a huge slut and gives her shit for it, so she mostly keeps to herself—aside from her hook-ups, of course. She’s incredibly smart and graduating at the top of her class, but no one really knows that because they can only see her for her past mistakes. She got into Yale and plans on attending in the fall.

FULL BIO

Ruby Jane Zizes was born on November 29 to Lauren and Dave Zizes — and yes, her dad took her mom’s last name. Lauren explained that because she was the bread winner of the family, it made sense that he would take after her and not the other way around. This laid the groundwork for Ruby’s upbringing. Her foundation was built on the fact that girls were just as good and smart and strong as their male counterparts, if not more. With a headstrong mother like Lauren Zizes, Ruby learned quickly to take no shit and never to shrink at the hands of anyone.

Despite her extremely confident demeanor, Ruby still struggled with her body image growing up. She learned quickly that it didn’t matter how much your parents loved you or how much you loved yourself—if the world didn’t love you, eventually it would break you down. But through every self-conscious and self-deprecating spell she went through, she found ways to pull herself out. Ruby knew she had value. She was incredibly bright and quick witted, she was funny, and she was compassionate and kind and fun. She knew there was so much about her to love. 

But the desire to be desired never went away. Once puberty hit and Ruby’s body filled out, she knew she didn’t look like all of her thin, petite friends. She was determined to prove to herself and to everyone that she didn’t need to be those things in order to be wanted and sexy. So when she got to high school, she maintained her perfect GPA, joined the cheerios to prove that someone like her could, and leaned into her sexuality without shame. What did that look like? Well, for Ruby, it meant taking pictures of herself naked and sending them to anyone who gave her the time of day. It meant sneaking around and hooking up under the bleachers or in someone’s car or in the janitor’s closet. She loved the rush she felt whenever she had a new conquest and the satisfaction of walking away from them after the deed was done knowing she had rocked their world.

Sending nudes when you’re sixteen isn’t smart, and Ruby learned that the hard way when her pictures started spreading to the students at McKinley high like wild fire. It bothered her when it started to happen, but it wasn’t the end of the world until someone sent the pictures to her parents. She was wrapping up her sophomore year of high school when it happened and the fallout was insurmountable. She was grounded for the entire summer, no phone or computer or hanging out with friends, and she was swiftly kicked off the cheerios for lewd behavior. 

When she returned to McKinley for her junior year, everything was different. For the first time in her life, she felt deeply ashamed. Girls hated her because their boyfriends had sexted her or looked at her photos. Boys didn’t take her seriously because they all viewed her as the town bicycle. Teachers felt bad for her or judged her. That year was easily the worst of her life socially, but her best academically. She was already effortlessly smart, but with the newfound time on her hands, she was able to double down on her studies. 

Despite her outstanding grades and being the top of her class, Ruby never got her reputation back. Part of that was probably because she also never really stopped doing any of the things that got her in trouble in the first place. She kept sexting and sending nudes and being reckless with her hook-ups because why not? What else did she have to lose? It also didn’t help that she got a job as the receptionist at Hummel Tires & Lube, a place that was typically crowded with men. They rumors people spread about her giving “roadside assistance” weren’t all true, but it didn’t matter. None of it was out of the question, so mostly people believed it.

In her final year of high school, Ruby mostly kept her head down and continued doing well in school and at work. She was numb to the gendered slurs people hurled at her in the hallways and she just tried to stay focused. She never joined any other clubs after she got kicked off the cheerios and never really made any new friends outside of her very intimate, close circle. She occasionally went to parties and participated in things here and there, but she knew what everyone thought about her. She tried to let it roll off her back and kept her eyes on the prize — she was graduating as valedictorian and in the fall, she’d be headed to Yale where no one would know about her past and whatever bad decisions she made in high school. She’d get her fresh start and be done with it. 

Until then.

[wrenschuester]

↳ INSTAGRAM: @wrenschuester uploaded a new photo and tagged @rubyzizes

everyone thank ruby for being a mf BABE and being my muse a few weeks ago. i let her have the og copy but there’s prints available on my etsy shop! link in bio!

❤ 231 LIKES ✐ 25 COMMENTS — view all.

[milespearce]

boot scootin’ boogie //

𝐖𝐇𝐎: miles pearce & @crhqstarters​

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍: saturday, jan 9. late.

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄: st. james house

Livestock. The people in this town took it upon themselves to throw unborn livestock at one another. Pathetic.  Miles was somewhat grateful for the party invitation extended from Ruby Zizes to him and his sister, but from the looks of it, a Lima Ohio hootenanny was exactly what he’d pictured. The smell of cheap beer wafting through the air immediately made him miss the aroma of blue agave tequila that blanketed most of their favorite bars in New York City. He half expected to hear Garth Brooks blasting through the speakers, but instead, it was some try-hard rap song. That, like everything in this godforsaken town, missed the mark.

Being detached from his sister always felt weird, but things were exasperated now that they were in Hicksville. He wasn’t completely sure where she had wandered off to, but in his efforts to find her, he’d discovered the world’s tackiest Barbara Streisand portrait. It made sense for Broadway has-beens to hang a tasteless portrait of one of the greats in their home. She was something to aspire to. Something that no one in this godforsaken garbage infested shanty town would ever come close to. The fact that he had to slum it at a party with these hillbillies made his skin crawl.

He brought his flask to his lips and took in a small sip. Obviously, he wasn’t about to drink whatever Bud Light or Burnett’s they had flowing around that party. He’d brought his own stuff. The good stuff. That he didn’t plan on sharing with a single soul. Reaching into his pocket to grab his phone, he sent a quick text to his best friend, Warner, making another quip about the redneck central he was currently living in. He pulled his head out of his phone as the door opened, realizing he was no longer alone in the room. It was not  a surprise to him that someone would have eventually sought him out. “Hello,” he greeted with a buttery smirk. “You can join me. I’m just acquainting myself with the natural inelegance of the place,” he explained, motioning around the room. “I’m Miles, but I bet you already know that.”  

[candymotta]

WHO: @candymotta & @rubyzizes & @mollypearce​ WHERE: breadstix / candyland WHEN: sunday, 2/14 WHAT: this little trio sings the opening number at candyland, “i want candy”

After Zoe and Eli’s Annual Halloween Birthday Party Extravaganza, the next party on the list of guaranteed bangers was unsurprisingly Sugar Shack Candy Land. What was there not to love? It was crappy Italian food, tipsy show choir kids giving impromptu performances, and love! To open up the event, the lady of the hour herself had recruited Ruby Zizes and Molly Pearce as back-up for the opening number. 

Once the restaurant was filled with love birds and a few singles that had snuck in, Ruby and Molly took to the stage. The lights dimmed to signal the start of a performance and Ruby quietly tapped the microphone to check if it was on. “Hey Molly,” she started, holding her hand up to her ear like it was a phone, “hey it's Ruby. I can't come out tonight. I’m gonna see this girl…no, her name is Candy, she’s real cute. I gotta go see ya!”

On cue, the instrumentals of ‘I want candy’ by Aaron Carter blasted through the speakers as Ruby sang the opening line of the song. For the entire first verse, Ruby and Molly alternated lines. When they reached the chorus, the curtains behind their makeshift stage parted, and in walked the lady of the hour.

Candy always liked making a big entrance, and on a party that was all about her, she had to make the best entrance ever. It was pretty obvious why she had chosen that song and of course she had to choose Ruby and Molly to sing with them, seeing as they were probably the best performers in the Glee Club. As she stood behind the curtains as the song started to play out, Candy waited for the perfect moment until the chorus started playing to walk in on stage, listening to everyone cheer and clap when she walked in. As she walked towards the microphone, she started singing along with the girls as she waved at everyone that was watching them perform.

Singing at Candyland was a lot different than the duet Molly had just performed at Regionals. Whether it was the love in the air or the excitement radiating off of both Candy and Ruby, Molly allowed herself to lean into the moment and have fun. As she sang, danced around the stage, and exchanged stolen glances and shy smiles with Leo, Molly couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe, just maybe, she was starting to like Lima, Ohio after all.. a sentiment that was proven true as the trio moved in sync.

 The song went on, as Candy, Molly and Ruby kept singing the lyrics to the song that was all about her. As the song came to an end, Candy grabbed the microphone out of the stand and pointed it towards the audience so they could sing along, before the song came to an end and Candy was jumping on stage. As the cheers simmered down, Candy decided to welcome everyone. “Hey hey hey, what is up Lima?! Welcome to the best party in Lima! I hope you all have fun and that you have a wonderful Valentine’s Day! Or as I like to call it, Candy’s Day! Happy Candy’s Day everyone!” Candy said, before letting out a small squeal as she kept jumping on stage and wrapped her arms around Molly and Ruby and pulled them into a hug.

[dumbofassjoey]

you two

𝐖𝐇𝐎: Joey Hummel-Anderson & @ottomeeks​​

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍: Friday, February 19th

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄: WMHS 

Although he would never be the next Ruby Zizes, the truth is that Joey liked gossip – and even if most people wouldn’t tell him what was going on in fear that Joey would go around and spreading it, he would always find a way to figure stuff out. This time, he didn’t need anyone to tell him anything, especially when he had seen it happen at Candyland earlier that weekend. In all honesty, Joey wasn’t even sure what he had seen and maybe he had a little too much of spiked punch, but if he remembered correctly, he had seen Michael and Otto being a little too friendly by the dance floor, which was surprising to say the least – but he had to know what was going on between the two. After a boring math class where Joey had spent most of his time drawing on his notebook, he set out to find either Otto or Michael to ask what was going on and hope that he could at least get an answer. As he walked down the hall, he spotted Otto by her locker – it wasn’t hard to know that it was her since seeing red hair in the halls of McKinley meant that it was either one of the Meeks’ twins or Julien’s mom.

As he made his way towards his friend, Joey smiled at her once he finally reached her and leaned against the lockers as he held all some of the books he had taken to class close to his chest. “Hey Otter!” He said with a genuine smile, before deciding to dive in the mystery that was Michael and Otto. “What’s going on between you and Michael? I saw you two dancing at Candy Land and I was curious about it… I would have asked him because we’re kind of friends, you know, he saved me from being locked in the bathroom and all of that. But I also only have 17 minutes of him being nice to me and I need to use them wisely for when I need to reach something on my top shelf or something like that.” He said with a chuckle, hoping that the other would at least give him an honest answer.

[rubyzizes]

COME ON GIRLS, DO YOU BELIEVE IN LOVE?

WHO: @lemonlopez​ & ruby zizes WHERE: lemon’s house WHEN: thursday, 1/28, evening

Ruby and Lemon had always been friends, but ever since Lemon pulled through for her in the face of her nude scandal, the blonde had earned herself a forever spot in Ruby’s heart. It was rare to come across people that good in life and even more rare to keep them in one’s close circle. This wasn’t lost on Ruby and she really appreciated Lemon’s friendship. Because of this, she made a concerted effort to carve out time for them to hang. It was important and it was worth it. After cheerios practice on Thursday, the girls had made plans to do homework together at Lem’s...which was really just code for shoot the shit and gossip. 

Sitting on Lemon’s bed with her back up against the wall, Ruby looked up from her laptop with a sigh when she finished her last assignment for the night. “I’m done,” she announced, closing her computer and sliding it off her lap and on to the bed, “wrap it up, babe. It’s literally tea time.” They had earned it. “You need to tell me if you got into anything crazy at Renzo’s or like...even the ski trip?” Ruby inquired, quirking a brow, “I feel like we haven’t caught up in a minute and I know we have plenty to talk about in terms of other people’s business, but I wanna know yours first.” 

[benlynnten]

YOU’RE MY GIRL OF THE YEAR

tagging: ben & @rubyzizes​ when: december 31st where: the zizes’ residence + lima country club

The holidays were always a special time of the year, but for the Lynn family, it was one of the only times of the year in which the entire family got along. Sure, they were a smaller family, but with a fiery personality like Kitty Wilde-Lynn roaming around? It was easy for a tense moment to spark. Because of their holiday closeness, it closed off Benji’s social life, which was fine! Christmas was about family! Loved ones! Spending time watching holiday classics and drinking hot chocolate! Every other year, Benji was solid with how his holiday season measured up... but it wasn’t every year that Benji was in the middle of a romantic whirlwind like he was this year. It had been almost a week since the fateful night at the basketball courts with Ruby, and yet, Benji had hardly any time to see her. They had been texting a lot and Facetiming, but other than that? They really hadn’t seen each other more than a handful of minutes.

But that was changing tonight. 

Benji glanced up at the Zizes’ residence as he smoothed out the front of his tuxedo with a heavy sigh. He was nervous. It had been a while since he had been on a true date with someone, and even longer since it had been such a high stakes moment. They both knew what this night was going to mean to them and their progression, and while he was excited, he had a lot of ground to cover. His behavior over the last couple of months was pretty unacceptable. It had taken him getting called out for him to realize, and now that he had pinpointed his nearly torturous teasing ways? He was headstrong on correcting them.

With flowers in one hand, Benji knocked on the front door with the other. The next couple seconds were nearly agonizing... but then, the door opened and Ruby freakin’ Zizes was standing in front of him. She was fucking beautiful. “Wow,” Benji said with a dreamy look in his eyes as he swallowed hard, trying to focus on what he was here for. “You look... wow, I’m the luckiest son of a bitch tonight, huh?” Benji smiled wide enough that his eyes appeared to be squinting in her direction before he held out the flowers for her. “I uh- I got you these.” C’mon Benjamin, this is your fuckin’ moment. Don’t fuck it up. “Ready to go?”

[thechoir-roomhq]

LOVE IS IN THE AIR LIMA!

In attempt to raise funds for nationals and whip his team into shape, Dan Schuester has paired off the McKinley Glee Club Members and assigned them songs intended to push them out of their comfort zone in order to hone in their skills for nationals! 

Vocal Valentine will be sold for five dollars each and performed in school from Feb. 8th to Feb. 12th leading up to Valentines day. 

Anyone from any school is welcome to purchase a vocal valentine for five dollars to help out The New Directions! Please read below the cut for more details. 

The Options for Vocal Valentines Include: 

Now That I Found You - Carly Rae Jepsen (LJ Holliday and Molly Pearce) Love On Top - Beyonce (Trace Hummel-Anderson, Julien Schuester, Samuel Chang) Love Story - Taylor Swift (Otto Meeks and Miles Pearce) Friday, I'm In Love - The Cure (Joey Hummel-Anderson and Lemon Lopez-Pierce) Everywhere - Fleetwood Mac (Ruby Zizes and Jaz Evans) Be My Baby - The Ronettes (Candy Motta and Dylan Hart)

Characters wishing to purchase a Vocal Valentine should submit the following form to the main and the admins will be in touch! Vocal Valentine requests should be submitted between 2/8-2/12 in order for them to be posted!

[CHARACTER NAME] is buying a vocal valentine for [DESIRED RECIPIENT]. they would like [SONG FROM LIST] performed at [LOCATION] during [TIME OF DAY]. before their number, the singers should tell the recipient: “to- [RECIPIENT’S NAME] from- [YOUR CHARACTER’S NAME/SECRET ADMIRER/ETC.],*[OPTIONAL PERSONALIZED MESSAGE]*”

[ljholliday]

HELLO WORLD, I’M YOUR WILD GIRL!

WHO: lj mf holliday with mentions of brock remington, her MOM, dan schuester, and some other show choir bitches. WHEN: tuesday, 1/5 WHERE: the choir room WHAT: lj has a horrible attendance record. with the start of a new semester and senior year approaching, brock remington decides to do something about it. lj complies.

LJ HOLLIDAY WAS ALL ABOUT ROCK AND ROLL. after thelma and louise, her favorite movie was almost famous, and she walked through life like she was an extra in the cast, like she was someone great just waiting to be discovered. it wasn’t difficult for that chilled, swaggering exterior to crumble though. underneath it all she was just a seventeen year old kid, and that was apparent by the rapid bobbing of her leg first thing monday morning when she was called into brock remington’s office. she’d been in trouble at school before, but it was embarrassing she’d managed to land herself in the hotseat at a school her mom had such strong ties to.

brock remington’s news hit her like a bad migraine. she’d missed so much school doing whatever the fuck, it was likely she wouldn’t graduate on time. the idea of that in itself was fucking horrifying. lj had been held back once before back in middle school, and she wasn’t about to do it again when she could taste her senior year. “lucky” for lj, brock was willing to bargain. if she were to join a school sanctioned activity and promised not to miss any more class, he’d be willing to make an exception. ad as much as she dreaded joining a club, like a sane person, lj took the deal.

the very next day it landed her in mckinley’s famed choir room. lj wasn’t huge into glee club, but she needed something. so what better than joining her mom’s group and dan schuester’s merry band of misfits. lj didn’t have a great voice, but she could sing on key and as long as she had an instrument to hide behind, she was set. at least if she were a trouble tone, she’d only have to be in one number per competition, and it would only be her mom she had to listen to-- not dan schuester. as much as lj didn’t wanna fuckin’ do an audition, her mom was pretty uncompromising, which left her standing before a pair of what felt like a million eyes. suddenly, lj didn’t want to be a rockstar anymore. . .

this was different than her performance with lljj, she wasn’t the center of attention then and she could just sit in the back, tucked away behind her drumset. right now now it felt like she was a piece of meat for the more snobby of the bunch to devour and laugh at how she didn’t sound like a rachel berry or a mercedes jones. even though her mom had promised her that she would get in, she was fuckin nervous. now came the shitty part. flipping her guitar around from being strung around her back to now resting at her front, she cleared her throat, “hey i’m lj. . . i heard it was girl group week.” she began. maybe if she could be quippy prior to her performance, they’d go easier on her. “as a fan of women myself, i picked a song by the ulitimate girl group.” trying not to focus too much on all the eyes, lj cleared her throat and caught ruby’s gaze. the girl shot her a thumbs up, as just behind her, she could hear her mom whispering, “she’s actually really good dan.” again, she cleared her throat, “right, so, this is cherry bomb by the runaways.” the glee kids politely clapped, though ruby zizes’ wooping wasn’t lost on her.

she placed her fingers on the neck of the guitar and began the opening notes of the song. the band kids quickly joined in with her, and she felt herself growing a little more comfortable. she stood in place bopping to the beat before crackling out a ‘can’t stay at home can’t stay at school’  lj might not have had the clearest voice in the world, but she could play a mean guitar part.or any instrument really. if she could focus on that, maybe she’d get through. the less she looked at those occupying the room, the more relaxed she became. this song was one part yelling, one part sick instrumentals, and mostly about the attitude. by the second chorus, she had loosened up enough to the point that she was thrashing around, tossing her hair about, and embodying the essence of joan jett. so much so, she was confident enough to stop between joey hummel-anderson and jaz evans to interact with them in the midst of her guitar solo, complete with the angsty moaning sounds from the original song.

as she finished out her guitar solo and rounded back to her next hello daddy, hello mom-- lj swung her guitar around to settle on her back so by hello world, i’m your wild girl she could hop up onto a chair, tilt it’s back to the ground and run off of it towards the piano where her mom and dan stood. when the chorus repeated, lj predictably cast a wink in her mom’s direction on the second hello mom, before adjusting her guitar for the third time so she could continue playing it by hey, street boy, what some style?

with the song coming to a close and the only thing left to sing was a slew of cherry bombs, lj shamelessly continued to jump and kick around in hopes some of the other glee kids would get up and join her. she’d feel less stupid that way. if she thought about it for too long, lj was sure she looked ridiculous, but debbie harry and joan jett didn’t get anywhere by playing it safe. so she finished strong, like she were playing a sold out stadium tour! maybe there was something magical about performing in the choir room after all. . .not to worry though, she wasn’t going to become all glee club crazy all of a sudden, because while the applause filed in, lj shrank beneath it’s roar. needless to say, when dan told everyone to ‘give it up for our newest member of the troubletones!’ she was quick to cast a close lipped smile, and take her seat.

THE END.

[limamuckraker]

      THE MUCKRAKER : THIRD EDITION ( JUNE 1ST, 2040 )

THERE’S NEVER A DULL WEEK IN LIMA, OHIO. READ THIS WEEK’S EDITION BELOW TO STAY IN THE KNOW OF LIMA’S HOTTEST GOSSIP!

CHEERIO CHEATS ON LOSER WITH FOOTBALL PLAYER, IS ANYONE SURPRISED? (pg 2)

anyone with eyes and ears could tell things were tense between lima’s most unlikely couple @ivystjamess​ and @leo-mccarthy​ at prom. what they might not be aware of is that one ivy st.james was getting busy in the bathroom AGAIN. sources tell us she was seen sneaking in there with @archerxcs​. this was later confirmed by an after party goer who admitted to hearing ivy tell lemon sterling-duval that her and archer had shared a kiss. given her track record with boys though, we’d be surprised if it was just a kiss. who could blame her though? leo mccarthy has the classic case of lima loser waiting to happen. 

SLUT STRIKES BACK! (pg 4)

catfight! according to our sources @winniclove​ was walking around prom with a welt worthy of the guinness book of world records on her face. it came to no surprise when the plot thickened that @rubyzizes​ was the one responsible for slapping winnie. given their history with grayson, some may argue that winnie deserved a lot worse, but personally here at the muckraker we find ruby zizes to be a literal attention whore. it’s no wonder one would be jealous of winnie-love karofsky, but we find it kind of sad when it’s a girl who was cheated on the dumped out of her first relationship. some people just aren’t meant to find love! and they shouldn’t take it out on the beautiful like winnie.

PROSTITUTION FOR PROM PRINCESS VOTES? (pg 4)

it came as a shock to just about everyone that @shanepuck​ won prom princess. while there were allegations tossed around about bella lopez-pierce stuffing the ballot box, with her status as the only cheerleading glee club member on the ballot, we figured she would likely be a shoe in. but shortly after prom we learned there was a wrench thrown in the mix by shane! seeing her date boring hart as mckinley’s prom prince frontrunner activated those psycho puckerman-fabray genes! a week prior to prom she was offering herself up to multiple male staff members in exchange for the elections to sway her way. this was brought to us by her sister, emory puckerman. god, i love when those girls go crazy!

5YOW? MORE LIKE FIVE YEARS TILL FAILURE! (pg 6)

@hunterxslade​, @graysonlopezpierce​,and @tatumfm​ make up 5 years of winter, or more commonly referred to as 5yow. but their performance at prom left people thinking 5yowza! many students report things just generally seeming off and to us here at the muckraker we instantly knew that meant lip syncing! there’s a history of lip syncing scandals at mckinley and we wouldn’t be shocked to hear that these has-been’s waiting to happen are the latest in the list of lip syncing embarrassments! 

PUNCH BOWL CULPRITS SAVE PROM (pg 8)

for the most part, prom was a predictable snooze fest! the only thing that spiced it up was @aliviaporter​ and @kadenabrams​ joint effort to spike the punch bowl. though somebody usually spikes it, seeing drunk underage kids flopping around a dance floor all night really makes prom something special. we just hope alivia doesn’t catch feelings for kaden like she does with any guy who gives her an extra minute of attention.

TROUBLE IN PROM ROYALTY PARADISE (pg 10)

predictably @lemonsterling​ and @tj-beiste​ took home the title of prom king and queen, but it seems a saving grace @leiaevans​ crept in and provided some much needed drama for this eventual pta mom and coach dad. in an intimate hallway tryst, leia evans was overhead confessing her love for theo which put so called, ‘themon’ at odds for the rest of the evening to make matters even more interesting lemon was spotted kissing @tracehummelandersons​ at LJ’s prom after party. these two really can’t go more than a week without incident! i unfortunately doubt it’ll be the thing that i’m hoping breaks them up, how boring could they get?

JULIEN SCHUESTER MOVING IN A DEW DIRECTION (pg 12)

our sources say even in spite of taking crazy ex-girlfriend emory puckerman to prom, @julien-schuester​ hooked up with @roryslade​ in his own brothers office! which is kind of disgusting, but after their duet we aren’t surprised to hear reports of such a thing. rory slade notoriously throws herself at any guy older than her or who might give her an edge on tense glee club competition, which, julien fits the bill for both. while they quite literally defiled the choir room, we can only hope julien ditching emory results in some broken bones for rory and a new set of slashed tires for julien!

 CHECK BACK NEXT MONDAY FOR THE MUCKRAKER (ISSUE #4)

[puckermanoah]

VOCAL VALENTINE

TO: NOAH

FROM: SOCCER KYLE 

MESSAGE: Noah…let’s smash everywhere!

The last place Ruby Zizes expected to find herself during last period was smack dab in the middle of celibacy club. Perks of being in glee club, she figured! As her and Jaz Evans abruptly entered the classroom, Ruby slid in and hung on to the doorway with one hand as she dramatically pretend to scan the nearly vacant room. “Is there a…Noah Puckerman here?” she asked, eyes immediately landing on her friend. “We’ve got a hot little number prepped for you, courtesy of soccer Kyle.” Ruby pretended to stick her finger down her throat and fake gagged. 

Jaz gritted her teeth as they entered. She wished that she was singing a vocal valentine from literally anyone else. She cleared her throat after Ruby’s introduction and pulled out the note, reading it aloud. “Noah….let’s smash everywhere.” She said before rolling her eyes.

Once the formalities were out of the way, Ruby reached for the bluetooth speaker she’d placed on the ground by the door and brought it inside, placed it on a desk, and hit play. The dreamy opening instrumentals to ‘everywhere’ by Fleetwood Mac quickly filled the celibacy club class room and Ruby began playfully dancing and singing around Noah. 

Jaz allowed herself to get into the groove as she watched Ruby serenade Noah, interacting with her celibacy club mates. As the chorus began, Jaz hopped onto the table and sang in harmony with Ruby, making her way to her side.

As the song came to a close, Ruby breathlessly made her way back to the door and let out a laugh, quickly high-fiving Jaz. “Happy Valentine’s Day, prudes,” she said endearingly to the celibacy club members, “even though it couldn’t be me? I respect your hustle.” 

And then they were off and on to the next serenade.

“You have got to be kidding me,” Noah said aloud as soon as Ruby and Jaz were entering the celibacy club classroom and saying her name. The last thing she was expecting was to get any kind of Vocal Valentine, let alone from any guys. Namely, fucking Soccer Kyle. This had to be some kind of joke, right? Whether or not Kyle had actually sent it, this couldn’t be serious. Especially after the note he so colorfully left, but she wouldn’t put it past him to write such a note. 

As the pair started busting out into song and dance, Noah shielded her eyes out of her own embarrassment. Why would anyone do this? She couldn’t rattle it in her brain. At all. Regardless when Jaz and Ruby, she mumbled a small “thanks” to the girls, essentially feeling terrible that they even had to do this for her. Maybe it wasn’t as embarrassing for them, but for Noah? This was her own personal hell. 

When the girls finally left the room, Noah could feel all eyes on her which again, sent her into a flourish of embarrassment. “Let’s pick up where we left off. 2 Corinthians, 12:21, right?”

[wrenschuester]

When are you gonna stop acting like you're the living embodiment of counterculture and accept the fact that you're lazy?

Not wanting to be a slave to the American blue-collar life isn’t counterculture, it’s simply what I want to do and maybe I wouldn’t have to work some dead end job if dickwads like you bought a naked painting of Ruby Zizes every time you complained about me being a Lima Loser, a title I carry with pride.

Also, I’m not lazy, I’m just an Aquarius.

[bentleylynn]

@bentleylynn​ & @michaelchangiii​

The Brainiacs was something that Bentley didn’t talk about that much – if people asked him about it, he would usually tell him that he was part of it, but it wasn’t something that he necessarily needed to say about him. The people in that group were people that probably wouldn’t talk to each other if they weren’t all in that club – after all, Ruby Zizes, Michael Chang III and Bentley Lynn in the same group of friends seemed unlikely, but they seemed to get along just fine and that’s all it mattered. As they were finished with another day, Bentley thought it was for the best if he caught up with the two of them – however, before he could even get to Ruby, she was walking out of the door, leaving him and Michael in the room where they would usually meet up. Walking up to him, Bentley nodded his head. “Yo, Mikey.” Bentley said with a small smile, as he threw his bag over his shoulder, holding on to the strap. “Are you going to that fucking fundraiser thing at Rinky Dinks later? I’ve heard that it’s the best opportunity to make those glee club kids fall in the rink and honestly I can’t wait to fucking see that happen.” Bentley said with a small chuckle, thinking in the ways he could make that happen, while also making some time to hang out with Reggie. “I bet that I can make that Joey kid trip and fall on his face, it won’t be that hard.” Bentley said with a smile, hoping that the other would come along with him – he was sure after that, there was no way he was going to say no.

[candymotta]

@candymotta​ & @michaelchangiii​

Candy loved gossip, this much was true and she was sure that everyone knew about that – it was no lie that she spent most of her time with Ruby Zizes gossiping in the cafeteria or wherever they would meet, but she did like knowing about other people’s lives. The most recent rumor that Candy had heard was clearly about Jaz and Michael – even if Jaz had assured her that the two weren’t together in that sort of way, Candy needed to know the story from both sides. After all, maybe they were hiding a secret relationship and it would be great if Candy found out about it – she wouldn’t tell anyone about it (that was a lie, she would tell Ruby the minute she knew), but she still wanted to know if it was true or not.

As she stood by her locker checking herself out in the mirror, she glanced over her locker’s door and spotted Michael. After all, it was not hard spotting him since he towered over everyone and he always had that look in his face that he was going to kill someone who tried to stop him from making his way to class. Candy thought it was hot and that’s why she slept with him, but she didn’t plan on doing it again. Quickly closing her locker and making her way as fast as she could in those heels towards Michael, Candy was quick to greet him. “Hi babe! So, are you going to tell me about that picture of you and Jazzy? What’s going on there? Just curious since she wouldn’t tell me and I wanted to hear it from you.”

[dumbofassjoey]

@dumbofassjoey​ & @rubyzizes​

Ruby Zizes was the source of most gossip in all of Lima – at least from McKinley. Joey still wasn’t sure how they had turned out to be friends, but since she was a Cheerio and she had helped him with school a couple of times, it was inevitable that the two had become friends. Even after the whole situation of Ruby getting kicked out of the Cheerios, Joey realized that what happened was wrong and he still got to be friends with her.

It was the New Year and even if Joey was still feeling pretty terrible from last night’s party, he gathered all of his strengths so he could hang out with Ruby at the Lima Bean – there really wasn’t anywhere else to go, but it was always a good spot to be. As he made his way towards one of the tables, Joey looked over at Ruby and sighed. “You know, I would have been better if I stayed in bed… I can’t believe I threw up all over the place last night, it was pretty bad. My dads said that I’m not allowed to drink that much ever again or I’ll be grounded.” Joey said with a sigh, before taking a seat as he waited for Ruby to sit across for him.

Since it was Ruby, Joey thought it would be a good opportunity to catch up on everything that he had missed from the party, but there was something more important that he needed to ask. “So, you and Benji… Are you guys dating or what? Tell me about it.” Joey said with a smile, before taking a sip of his coffee. It was no secret that the two had been fooling around for quite some time now, and obviously he was going to talk to Benji about this too – but he wanted to know how things were from both sides and what better time than now? “He’s a great kisser, right?” He asked, chuckling lightly.