#round: april 2019

[miniy00ng1]

Not Yours

Five Hargreeves x Female!Reader

wc: 1845

warnings: swearing, fighting, lmk if i missed anything!

find my masterlist here

hiii lovelies! i really enjoyed writing this, i will probably make a part two since the ending isn't really an ending, but i just wanted to get something posted! in this piece i refer to Viktor's character as Vanya since in the series at this time he did not come out yet! as always please ignore any grammar errors, give me feedback, and i hope everyone enjoys! thank you <3

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A bright blue flash appears in the foyer of The Umbrella Academy, from the flash comes the Hargreeves siblings, slowly coming to after being disoriented from time travel. The siblings surround the singular round table in the room, sitting atop the table was a newspaper.

Five Hargreeves, the youngest looking of the group, snatches the paper off the table frantically searching for a date. “Holy shit…I think we did it. It’s April 2nd, 2019, the day after the apocalypse.” Five lets out a dry chuckle, surprised he and his idiot siblings succeeded. 

Klaus lets out a cheer of excitement, he rests both arms over the shoulders of his two nearest siblings, pulling them close, “Go team! I mean look at us, we’re so amazing you guys. I think we should celebrate by breaking into Dad’s very special liquor cabinet.” The siblings laugh, all relieved they survived and saved the world, yet again. As the group begins to wander towards the sitting room, Five stops in his tracks–something, no, someone was missing.

Five looks at the bunch ahead of him, he counts their heads once—only five, and then recounts afraid that he’s made an error. He whips his head behind to check for the missing person–his missing person. Five releases a shaky breath he didn’t realize he was holding, panic beginning to set in, “You guys…where’s Y/N?” The siblings immediately become aware to the fact that you were missing.

“Maybe she ended up in another part of the house? We should split up and look for her.” Vanya suggested. The group murmurs in agreement, designating sections of the house for each sibling to search. Before the siblings can break off, something strange catches Diego’s eye, “Hey, why is there a painting of Ben over the mantelpiece?”

The siblings immediately gather around the mantel and stare in confusion at the painting of their dead brother, which was previously a painting of their missing brother. “Shit, that can’t be good…” Five hisses, trying to figure out what was going on. The siblings attention is pulled away from Ben’s painting as a figure abruptly stands up from a nearby chair. The fireplace sheds light on the figures, it was their previously dead father—Reginald Hargreeves.

“Dad, you’re alive.” Luther says softly. The older man scoffs and speaks in his shrill voice, “Why shouldn’t I be? And I am not your father, boy.” The monocled man corrects Luther causing him to furrow his brows in confusion. “What? What’re you talking about? Yes, you are. This is the Umbrella Academy.” Allison questions. “And you would be wrong again. This is not The Umbrella Academy, this is the Sparrow Academy.” As if on cue, six figures appeared near the railing of the balcony in the room.

“Those are my children, The Sparrows. After meeting you lot in the 60s, I was so put off by you that I made it a point not to adopt you, and instead found the others. I was quite successful and adopted eight of them.” Reginald states proudly, his hands behind his back. Another familiar voice grabs the attention of the Umbrella’s, “Dad, who the hell are these assholes in my house?” Ben Hargreeves, formerly dead, but now clearly alive stands before the group. Five squints his eyes at Ben, trying to determine what was off about him. Was it the hair?

“Oh my god! Ben-er-ino is that you? You look so good alive! Well, I mean beside that haircut, but I can look past that. Come give your favorite brother a hug!” Klaus squeals in excitement, approaching Sparrow Ben with his arms wide open. Sparrow Ben meets Klaus with a solid punch to the face. Klaus stumbles back and Luther manages to catch him. “What the hell was that for Ben?” Klaus groans, holding onto his nose.

Five examines the Sparrow siblings, trying to size them up, “You said you got eight. Where is the last one?” Five questions out loud. Suddenly, a small teenage, female figure appears seemingly out of thin air next to Ben. The Umbrella siblings slightly jump at the appearance of another person in front of them before they calm down and realize it’s you. But why are you standing next to Sparrow Ben and why are you wearing a school girl outfit with a sparrow logo on it.

“Y/N?” Five calls out, you tilt your head in response to hearing your name. You squint at Five with confusion, “How the hell does the kid know my name?” You look to Reginald for answers to which he doesn’t provide any. The rest of your siblings join you and Ben in front of the strangers in your home. “I think it’s about time you guys leave.” Marcus states, puffing out his chest. “We’re not going anywhere, this is our house.” Diego replies stalking closer to Marcus. “All right, it looks like we’re going to have to settle this the old fashion way.” Both groups of siblings get into fighting stances, readying themselves to beat the shit out of each other. 

You roll your eyes, your siblings have always had a flare for the dramatics and it’s just never been your style. You use your powers–manipulation of your appearance, to make yourself invisible once again. You study the way the young boy immediately looks for your presence, trying to get even the smallest hint of where you’ve gone. As your siblings start to fight with the strangers in your house you sit back to enjoy the show.

Each one of your siblings is matched up and fighting one of the Umbrella Academy siblings and with the way things are going down, you’re betting on the Sparrows. Marcus is clearly winning against Luther and you’re becoming bored watching them hit each other back and forth. You then come across Diego riding around on Christopher asking him repeatedly about “who his daddy is” this makes you giggle. You then make your way into the foyer where you observe two more pairs of siblings fighting.

Something on the table catches your eye. A sleek, black briefcase rests in the middle, you don’t recognize it, but recall that the Umbrella’s first appeared in this room. You snatch the briefcase and decide to keep it, just in case. “Y/N! Come here and look at this freak!” You hear Jayme call your name from the top of the staircase and follow her voice. Once you reach the top of the stairs you make yourself visible and see the teenage boy, who they call Five, making out with the air. “Guess who the little perv is macking on.” Jayme says wiggling her eyebrows suggestively at you.

“Gross Jayme, why do you have to say it like that?” You say scrunching your nose in disgust. “Let me deal with him.” You signal Jayme to go away. The boy is still stuck in his daydream and continues to make out with the air. In order to get him out of the dream state you hit him in the side with the briefcase, knocking him off balance. Five rolls to the floor, shaking his head trying to re-enter reality. Immediately realizing his compromised position he quickly gets to his feet raising his fists but once he realizes it’s you, he drops his arms.

“I’m not going to hit you Y/N. I would never fight with you.” As Five lets his guard down, you use this to your advantage, immediately swinging your body in an attempt to roundhouse kick him in the face. He blinks away, dodging the kick, and appears on the other side of you causing you to stumble back since you missed your target. You prepare to hit him again but he blinks away for the second time, this time right behind you and pressed to your backside. Five’s arms wrap around your body, holding you in place, the briefcase still tightly clutched in your hand.

“Love, stop this. I am not going to fight with you.” Five says through gritted teeth as he holds you arms down to your side. You struggle against his grip trying to wiggle free, “I am not your love.” In that moment you swing your head back hoping to knock into his head but a flash of blue light surrounds you. You’re back in the foyer with Five and a couple of his siblings. “Someone hold onto her and make sure you don’t lose that briefcase. I’ve got to make sure Vanya’s okay and then we’ve got to get the hell out of here.” Five calls out to his siblings, Luther takes over the hold on you as Five blinks away and snatches the briefcase out of your hand. “I will kill you if you don’t let me go you fat gorilla.”

The Hargreeves siblings manage to “win” the fight against your siblings thanks to Vanya’s powers and take you as hostage without the Sparrows noticing. Luther carries you over his shoulder while the group tries to find a place to rest. Once arriving at a nearby park, the siblings sprawl out and complain about their aches and pains. Luther sets you down on a park bench laying his legs over yours to hold you down. “Get off of me you overgrown monkey! Let me go home or I’ll make you regret it!” You say trying to come off as threatening but Luther doesn’t take you seriously. “You know Y/N, you used to be a lot nicer. Now you sound like Five, and he’s an asshole. Here’s a fun idea! Why don’t you go back to being the nice Y/N we all know and love.” Luther sighs, covering his eyes with his arms and ignoring anything else you say or do.

Five sits up straight from the table he’s sitting at, “Luther quick, hand me the briefcase. Maybe I can time travel us back to the correct timeline.” Luther groans at the thought of having to move, he brings his hand to the floor in search of the briefcase to which he finds nothing. Luther lets out an awkward chuckle, “Yeah…about that…I might have dropped it when that blind one was chasing us with her scary birds.” Luther winces in preparation of Five’s wrath. The look on Five’s face turns murderous, “I ask two simple things Luther, that’s it. So simple even a monkey could do it…or maybe not. Keep my wife safe and don’t lose the briefcase. Is it that damn hard!” 

You let out a laugh and tune back into the conversation at the mention of yourself, “Not your wife short stuff!” Five’s attention is now back on you, his nostrils flaring in frustration, “Yes Y/N, you have made that painstakingly clear. And you’re certainly not as sweet and loving as my Y/N and you’re annoying as hell. But until I can get my Y/N back, you’ll have to do. Not to mention, you’ll come in handy once the Sparrows realize you’re gone.” Five lets out a breath as an attempt to calm down, “We need a game plan and a place to stay seeing as we don’t have one anymore. Anybody have any ideas?” 

part two, part three

[operafantomet]

Big mirror / small mirror

The current Middle East / European Tour seems to alternate between two different mirrors. For the original production in Romania 2015 and the current revamped version premiering in Norway 2018-2019 they featured a big, round window/mirror with such a depth Christine could sit inside it. For the mirror scene she therefore sat there.

For the Greek premiere in 2020 they introduced a smaller mirror for the Thessaloniki stop, while Athens had the bigger one.

When the production continued to Riyadh, Dubai and Sofia in 2023-2024, they kept using the small mirror. But it looks like the big mirror had a comeback for the Sofia revisit in 2024.

Me? I'm "Team Big Mirror" all the way. As the stage is quite bare, apart from Christine's dressing room, it has a bolder visual impact. It also means Christine can walk through the mirror instead of crawl through it. A tad more elegant. But the smaller mirror makes the Phantom more visible, so I guess both versions has its merits.

(Photos from top: Bucharest 2015, Oslo 2018, Oslo 2018, Thessaloniki 2020, Athens 2020, Thessaloniki 2023, Dubai 2024, Sofia April 2024, Sofia September 2024)

[rederiswrites]

Why are we afraid of a Trump presidency? Well, here's the beginning of political historian Heather Cox Richardson's daily writeup:

April 30, 2024 (Tuesday) This morning, Time magazine published a cover story by Eric Cortellessa about what Trump is planning for a second term. Based on two interviews with Trump and conversations with more than a dozen of his closest advisors, the story lays out Trump’s conviction that he was “too nice” in his first term and that he would not make such a mistake again. Cortellessa writes that Trump intends to establish “an imperial presidency that would reshape America and its role in the world.” He plans to use the military to round up, put in camps, and deport more than 11 million people. He is willing to permit Republican-dominated states to monitor pregnancies and prosecute people who violate abortion bans. He will shape the laws by refusing to release funds appropriated by Congress (as he did in 2019 to try to get Ukraine president Volodymyr Zelensky to smear Hunter Biden). He would like to bring the Department of Justice under his own control, pardoning those convicted of attacking the U.S. Capitol on January 6, 2021, and ending the U.S. system of an independent judiciary. In a second Trump presidency, the U.S. might not come to the aid of a European or Asian ally that Trump thinks isn’t paying enough for its own defense. Trump would, Cortelessa wrote, “gut the U.S. civil service, deploy the National Guard to American cities as he sees fit, close the White House pandemic-preparedness office, and staff his Administration with acolytes who back his false assertion that the 2020 election was stolen.” To that list, former political director of the AFL-CIO Michael Podhorzer added on social media that if Trump wins, “he could replace [Supreme Court justices Clarence] Thomas, [Samuel] Alito, and 40+ federal judges over 75 with young zealots.” “I ask him, Don’t you see why many Americans see such talk of dictatorship as contrary to our most cherished principles?” Cortellessa wrote. No, Trump said. “‘I think a lot of people like it.”

[olivette-branch]

Oh baby, is it time.

normally this is where you'd expect to see @yamball and her magnificent primers.

Alas, it is but me and my attempt to let the world know about the puck-slinging, hit-throwing, scared of haunted houses, pale as a vampire forward that has captured our hearts:

Tye Kartye

photo credits: steph chambers

*disclaimer: all of this information is googleable & found across various interviews from Tye, his parents and other information surrounding him & games he has been in! If you want a link to a specific article, please feel free to ask! Also, feel free to send this to others, but keep the primer on tumblr & don't crosspost to other platforms :) keeping fourth walls intact is very important to me.

Childhood

Tye Kartye was born to Richelle & Todd Kartye on April 20, 2001.

His mom is a clinical nurse educator & his father is a chemistry teacher in Kingston.

Tye also has a younger sister, Talya, who is two years younger. They were both also incredibly athletic kids. Tye played soccer and hockey, plus touch football while Talya played basketball and volleyball.

This boy is also so hardworking. Well-known by the nickname, "No Quit" Kartye, he is constantly lauded by numerous past coaches as incredibly hard-working, and focused. To quote his dad, he knew from his childhood that, "he wanted and was going to be in the NHL."

included also, since there are very few photos of Karts as a kiddo: here are some of his Prezi's. Note from topics like stick flex to environmental effects, he is so dedicated and focused in his details. Truly a teachers' son

Stick Flex Prezi

Environmental Effects Prezi

Tough Road Ahead

Of course, Tye's path hasn't been easy to where he is and it starts pretty young.

He took the more traditional route, played in house leagues before going up into high school hockey and then AA & AAA.

Of course, then comes time for the OHL draft. Karts isn't drafted in the first round, nor the second round, not even the third.

Tye is drafted by the Soo Greyhounds in 2017 in the eighth round. Not only is he selected dead in the middle, but he also was cut his first training camp. Instead, he went back to midget AAA and worked his ass off.

In fact, his former coach John Dean, who was named HC of the Greyhounds in 2018-2019 had heard about the skinny kid told to get bigger/stronger in his exit meeting. He came in that year, and said about Karts that "Here comes this moose of a man, who clearly took direction very literally and took it to heart."

Karts took his time in the OHL, and spent a good bit of it working to improve. As it came closer to draft time, he bumped up his work to a more physical level. This was supposed to help his game, but also his potential for the draft. Keep this in mind.

Karts was first eligible for the 2019 draft. He was not selected. Now, he'll mention that he didn't feel he was ready at all at the time.

But! He does partake in the 2019 Development Camp for the Toronto Maple Leafs.

So, Karts plays another year and, is eligible for the 2020 draft.

He isn't selected again. In fact, routinely his scouting reports talk about his skating ability, or lack thereof. Even for a larger player for his age (6'0 and 175+), his skating was seemingly enough of a deterent. He was disappointed, especially after a good season.

Then 2020-21 hits and the OHL season is cancelled. Tye keeps practicing.

photo credits: this blog post about tye

The Undrafted Kid

2021 comes, and the Kraken need bodies for their first development camp. They've got draft picks (Matty Beniers, Ryker Evans, Ryan Winterton to name a few) but they've gotta invite a few more for the incoming guys to spend time with.

Mike Dawson, a scout for the Kraken, started doing his homework. He noted how weird it was this kid hadn't been picked, mentioned it might be because he's a later bloomer.

He gets an invite to the 2021 Development Camp, and while he doesn't get a contract the Kraken now know his name.

He begins to push in his 2021-22 season with the Greyhounds. Not only did he recieve an A, he also scored over 100 career points with them, but also ended the year 4th overall in league scoring, and led the league in PPGs and GWGs as well as ended the season with 79 points (and 57 PIMs, he's been a bit of yapper his whole life).

So March 2022 hits, and the Kraken finally bite. Tye gets an ELC, and he's ready to work.

Also additionally, Ron Francis is an ICON for Tye, who is a Soo Greyhounds alum. The Rink in the Soo is literally on Ron Francis Way.

CVF + Hard Work makes the Dream Work

Tye comes into the new CVF team for the 22-23 season. He attended Kraken training camp, but let's be real. Tye needed more time to prepare.

Karts comes in, and is ready to show off what he can do. He also is trading cold, Canadian weather for the hot Valley and grabbing his golf clubs.

Note of importance: he becomes really good friends with Ryker Evans & Luke Henman.

He starts as a fourth-liner. And, he struggles. He has little ice time, as well as few opportunities.

But, he gets better. And better, and better and better. Soon, he's one of the Firebird's top 6 forwards, and he's skyrocketing towards being a potential call up.

Although it comes later, by the end of the 22-23 Firebirds season (off of a devastating Game 7 loss to the Hershey Bears), Tye is awarded the Dudley "Red" Garrett Memorial Award for AHL Rookie of the year and is also placed on the AHL Rookie All-Star Team. He led all rookies in points, and appeared in every game for the Firebirds that season.

But let's not get ahead of ourselves, because Tye's breakout moments in the AHL don't just end there. They lead to the real deal.

photo credits: Firebirds Media

The Call Up & Goal Heard Round Colorado

So come April, Tye gets recalled to the Kraken who are going on a completely unprecedented and expected playoff run. Not only is it a little unexpected (he's a rookie coming up from his first year in the AHL instead of a vet, and he's having to replace the Jared McCann).

But, Tye gets it because of what has always been the case. He's a hardworker, a grinder and he will make others notice him through it.

So, he comes in for Game 5 of the First Round of the Stanley Cup Playoffs versus the Colorado Avalanche. He finds out that morning he's playing, and sends a single word text to his mom, just saying "playing" at 12:00 PM EST.

His parents begin their journey to Denver, arriving just a few minutes into the first period.

The first period stays scoreless, and the second begins. Geekie scores, before a response by Nathan MacKinnon.

Then a few moments later, Nate MacKinnon trips and is laying on the ground. The crowd is roaring for a call, and Eberle is skating the puck up and around Colorado goal. A quick shot down and a one-timer from Karts nails the puck in the back of the net past the Avs goalie.

Let me say, even for those as a fan of the Avs, the look on NateMac's face when this happens is unbelievable. He's in shock, completely. And meanwhile, Tye is having a fantastic time grinning and celebrating what only 7 other players have done, scoring their first goals in the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

Also, let it be noted that Karts gets back to the locker room after the game. Pure joy from his goal, and what is the first thing he does? Check his phone to see the Firebirds game and how they did.

Not only was that his first instinct, he also was almost more excited about the potential to be back down with the Firebirds. He loves following his dream, but god did he love the Firebirds and family he built there.

Of course, the Kraken’s road to the Stanley Cup is ended in Game 7 of the Second Round vs. the Stars. But! In this time, Kartye has stayed up and even in the place of Jared McCann in some spots.

And then he goes back down to CV for the harrowing journey that was their 22-23 Calder Cup Playoff Run.

photos credit: Steph Chambers & Icon Photography

The Summer After & Rookie Experiences

Of course, Tye became one to watch in the lead up to the 23-24 season.

During which included a delightful video with bestie Ryker Evans and Matt Tennyson, on Episode 7 of Tenny Talks.

I'm simply going to link to the video, because it is insanely funny and it also shows off Tye's personality so well.

So, the summer ends and Tye ends up with the Kraken for 23-24 season.

I could probably spend hours discussing this season, but for our key highlights we're gonna focus on just a few things.

Throwback to our note of importance: anytime Ryker gets called up, he stays in a hotel. Not only does he end up knowing the car valet by name, any time he does almost anything, it is with Tye & Joey. He literally went over to Tye’s to do laundry while Tye’s girlfriend cooked them dinner. Besties for real.

First and foremost, Tye doesn't get a ton of chances. First rookie up (really the only rookie during the season for the Kraken minus other call ups), he gets scratched first a decent amount of times, especially prior to December. But! He keeps working hard, and by the end of the season he has well cemented his place as a fourth liner (who can def move up the line up if needed to).

Second, he really starts to gain a lot of perspective & skills from Yanni Gourde. Note, not only did he dress up as the Easter Bunny in 2024 for the Kraken's kiddos (like Matty did in 2023), but he also really focuses on the aspects of his game that he can improve and make stronger. So what does he do?

He gets into a few scrums (which early on he loses badly), and becomes known as a player who will fight for his teammates. (key fights include: him absolutely lighting up Pospisil after the first period hit on Adam in the Kraken v. Calgary game on March 3).

He also starts to up his physicality. And when I say up, I mean up. Tye ended the 23-24 season with 229 hits, placing him 19th in the entire league.

And of my favorite: Tye is a Grade A yapper. Like literally, this man will yap whenever he needs to. And one of the most iconic times might I add is against Connor McDavid, who Karts almost succeeds to into scrapping with. Known non-fighter Connor McDavid. (Note: this occurred after McDavid checked Ryker Evans, these firebirds turned squids don't play about each other).

photo credits: steph chambers (i believe, but if not, please correct me!)

gifs from: @starshipoftheseus

This Season and Beyond

So where does that leave Tye now? Well, if you tune in to almost any Kraken game, you're sure to see him on the fourth line (likely with Yanni Gourde & Brandon Tanev).

He’s likely to be spotted hanging out with fellow former firebirds Joey Daccord, Shane Wright, and Ryker Evans. They all went to the Halloween party in a group costume and are frequent dinner buddies, with Joey finding gluten-free restaurants for himself and Ryker.

There's also some interest bubbling up, especially because as of posting this, the Kraken re-acquired Daniel Sprong. What does that mean? Well, due to lots of cap things & money stuff, the Kraken essentially with every player healthy can only carry a 20-man roster. This means either someone has to be traded, or you've gotta send the 13th forward down to the AHL. While Karts hasn't been rumored in any trades (and frankly his contract isn't big enough trade value-wise to really help), there is still the possibility he could go on waivers and be sent back down to CV if not performing. So this is definitely a step-up time while the Kraken wait for Vince Dunn to get off of LTIR (which we saw on the 11/12 game against CBJ, where Karts scored the first goal in the second period and his second of the year).

[novantinuum]

Today (April 2nd, 2019 was original post date) is the 5 year anniversary of Crack the Paragon!

It’s both wild to think how much I’ve accomplished on this story since then and also intensely frustrating, lol, since I still have so much more story to tell but am a ridiculously slow writer.

As celebration, here is a round-up post of all the full color, full background illustrations I’ve created for this story over those years- including the final one, which is for a yet-to-be-posted future chapter. >:3

[hugheses]

USA’s Jack Hughes #6 celebrates with Trevor Zegras #11 after scoring a first period goal against Finland during quarterfinal round action at the 2019 IIHF Ice Hockey U18 World Championship at Fjallraven Center on April 25, 2019

[3416]

1634 primer (2015-2023)

since my brain refuses to let me think about anything BUT the toronto maple leafs these days, i've decided to compile info/links/photos/videos of the dynamic on the team i personally find most compelling, charming, heartwarming, hilarious: mitch marner and auston matthews (aka 1634 aka the heart and soul of this current leafs team in my humble opinion). this will cover the beginning of their nhl careers to the end of the 22-23 season. for anything from 2023 summer onwards, here’s part 2.

i will be citing my sources, but if any info needs corrected or there are things i've missed, don't be afraid to hmu. i've only been around for a couple months so 🫡 😘 ✌️ this is going to be long-winded (almost 4k kinds of long-winded...) let's DO IT:

2015-2017 (rookie era)

in june 2015, mitch marner is drafted to his hometown team, going 1st round 4th overall in more beginnings of an effort to rebuild the leafs franchise. here are photos from that day. here's an athletic article about why they picked him that makes me cry. 

in april 2016, auston matthews is drafted 1st overall and is basically deemed the savior of the toronto maple leafs from the jump. here are pics from that. (please look at the one below of auston putting on a 16 leaf jersey on draft day and tell me that wasn't fate of SOME sort... i know it's the year but. THE VIBES. the what's-to-come of it all) (here’s a sportsnet documentary on auston/his journey to the nhl).

they played against each other at the 2016 world juniors (dec 2015-jan 2016). here they are on the cover of world hockey news before they had even met... as boys to watch in the hockey world

according to mitch, the first time they actually met was when he said hi to auston in an elevator at world juniors. then mitch says the night auston was drafted, he was at a concert and everyone started an auston matthews chant that he was 100000% in on and excited about. and it was pretty early on in development days that they became instant friends. here's the vid @ ~4:21 and here's a gifset

during their very first day of training camp, auston broke a pane of glass off of a pass from mitch when they were just messing around (again.... fate). here's the vid and here's an article about it

here's them fighting each other for the puck at camp... there's something about it that makes me emotional... their tenacity as rookies...

one of the first ever hangouts recorded on social media... they went to a fair or smth august 2016 (gifs)

at first, they didn't play together very much. in fact, through a lot of the coach mike babcock era (2015-2019), they weren't linemates at all, as auston usually had willy on his right wing. (here's an article justifying that decision from babcock)

that didn't stop them from developing a lot of habits and routines together though. this whole half of a morning skate interview with mitch... "hopefully we're together for a long time and can build up some great chemistry" "that's a big part of what me and matts try to do when we drive together, just keeping it light and have fun with each other" (gifs... it kills me)

"Not only are Matthews and Mitch Marner clicking on their respective forward lines, they are having a good time in the car driving to and from practice and games."

they used to come into the the arena in the same ways on game days (watch any leafs blueprint ep from this time... they’re always getting off the bus together or walking into scotiabank together attached at the hip), went out of their way to greet the doormen and staff, sometimes showed up in matching outfits as evidenced here, here, here, and honestly.. so many more times. it’s about the coordination... the texting each other their fits.

the famous copycat hat moment (gifs).... their goofy responses and getting chirped on twitter about it by everyone and stamkos) (auston’s smile)

they started making sure they were coming out onto the ice together for warmups, always in line toward the back (still the same to this very day). here (x, x, x, x) are just a couple shots of that... they have a handshake they do on their way out (still to this day also), and i think this is the one of the first times it was recorded.

and on the rare occasion they DID get to play together... they were always the Most™ excited and cute about it. here's them talking about playing on the same line, here and here and here are some first moments of cellying that deserve to be looked at for 10000 years... just pure excitement and joy

here's mitch hopping right on into a ridiculous fight on auston's behalf. and here are their responses about it in the media afterward (cute, loyal, grateful).. and here’s auston pissed about an uncalled shove on mitch ... even though they’re not big fighters, they ARE big defenders of one another

2016 centennial classic where they were so cute (x x x x x)

there are lots of practice photos/vids and media of them around or mentioning each other obviously (like this hug at a scrimmage that kills me personally), but anther one of my favorite standout days was this practice when auston had mitch falling on the ground in laughter. gifs: "I think a lot of people don’t understand how big of a jokester he is at times. He’s always pretty serious, but that’s not his kind of personality at all" (pics)

so many bench shenanigans (literally too many to try to round up)

(what i assume is) a broadcast quote i can't seem to track down but so many ppl have used it for edits and gifs that i believe it: “They love him, clearly Auston Matthews loves him.” ... they're always saying the most ridiculous things about them as a pair

case in point.. they also said this: "Matthews and Marner together - their eyes light up […] They've been dying to play together." (basically confirmation vid here from auston.. his hopeful little smile, help)

one of the most iconic moments has to be the time the camera caught them singing 'livin' on a prayer' together on the bench and it became a whole thing in the media. here's the moment, their responses (gifs, gifs), and bon jovi's response too.

they used to play video games as a unit and basically annoy the shit out of everyone. thanks zach hyman for the confirmation: “They have this whole strategy, whenever we play. Auston sits in the back and snipes, and Mitch runs around and looks for you. They have this whole little strategy they put together. And then they laugh. They start dying laughing. They’re clowns.”

they have so many oddball social media interactions and a lot of them are probably lost to time but: here's a meme of mitch being part of both of their twitter profiles, here's some petulant mitch getting clowned on and compared to mickey mouse, here's more auston making fun of him for looking 12, “can’t be a boys week when your gfs are there...... but u look nice :)”, purp.... the joint ootd.. who was doing it like them?, “getty images”, “walking advertisement”

holding bozak’s baby together at the xmas party (gifs)

golfing, hanging out at the mall, shopping

despite their very complimentary talk of each other in media, they're also not afraid to razz each other. "he gets sensitive sometimes", "just kind of get him grinding", auston chirping mitch and the insurance ads he does, mitch making fun of his hair (pre balding era... wonder if that’s off limits now LOL)

here’s a vid of the 2016 leaf rookies at a christmas market... mitch and auston were very cute... mitch uploaded a story of them on the ferris wheel smiling their asses off too

auston recording him on his ig story here and here while they were filming this batting practice vid

here’s a goalie challenge video mitch and auston did with matt martin and barstool back in the day (”don’t take slapshots” ���you took seven”)

here are some misc gifsets from this time period: x x x x x x

i'll end this section with a couple of my favorite and the most iconic game pictures from this era... 

if you're curious about more stuff from the rookie days, i highly recommend checking out this initial 1634 primer from @/zoehickel, @/thiccbrock's soft bros tag, and @/mitchski's auston x mitch tag (pro tip: add "/chrono" at the end if you want to see everything chronologically).

2018-2020 (not-so-rookie era)

nothing extremely important or concrete separates this timeline but mitch and auston clearly started to grow into their roles on the team and were no longer just rookies (altho i compiled some very basic stats from wikipedia and both of them have just been crazy talented and at the top of team goals/assists/stats almost every year since they were drafted.. they’ve never really been ‘just rookies’ but )

from what i gather, early 2018 was one of the first sightings of mitch's drawings on his gloves... a habit that auston had also been into since his rookie year... mitch started doing this toward the tail end of the hardass babcock days as a reminder that hockey is supposed to be about having fun (here's a not-official-seeming article about their clashes w babcock) (here are some pics of the doodled gloves of that era)

here’s an article talking about how much mitch and auston loved playing together and tried to take advantage of it and prove to babcock they should be allowed more often (also includes goofy bts content of them sharing a fantasy football team)

babcock got fired bc of nasty coaching tactics (here’s a story on what he did to mitch as a rookie), and in came sheldon keefe, who is more mild-mannered and is willing to experiment with auston and mitch playing together so they got more time as linemates these years.

auston and mitch developed a warmup routine together before games where they stayed on the ice a bit longer than everyone else and passed the puck back and forth (here are some vids from this time period: x x x x x)

the team did a big nhl video game faceoff early 2018, and mitch was auston's #1 hype man about it: gasin him up, helping him warm up, sittin behind him making commentary, and acting like it was his own personal victory when auston won

instagram teasing for mitch’s 22nd bday... “babe !”

they participated in this ‘need for speed’ challenge video with natalie spooner and laura stacey to promote the canadian women’s hockey league... competitive dorks is all i have to say about that.

at the end of 2018, mitch and auston took part in a real production of the nutcracker as cannon dolls... and it is as absurd and amusing as it sounds. famous quotes from the event include: “he couldn’t let go of me”, “that’s what friends are for”, “mitch could just sit around and pout the whole time which he’s so used to doing”...  here's the vid (gifs) (pics w ballerina) (more goofy pics) (ig story)

some cute practice pics

in 2019, apple had them film a commercial where auston just followed mitch around titled Mitch Marner Shot on iPhone by Auston Matthews... (gifs) (tumblr vid) (more gifs) just any excuse to talk about it forever... it's arguably one of the greatest things they've ever done... pov of dreams tbh. here's another snippet that didn’t make the cut of them laughing... here’s some gifs of ANOTHER snippet.. and here’s an article about auston with some quotes about how he and mitch are great friends and they were just going to “their” favorite places in toronto that day. (also THEIR favorite restaurant being sotto... the exact place mitch/steph go on very special dates apparently according to this pandemic leaf to leaf... food for thought)

another thing about auston and mitch... they WILL be forming unbreakable bonds with people on the team like it's a group activity, and the most formative for them was probably patrick marleau, who basically became their dad for the 2017-2019 seasons. they would always hang out on the road together, watch movies and go to dinner, etc etc. one time mitch n patty when on vaca without auston... ymca in the car with patty and his sons... “he’s obviously old but he acts even younger than me and mitch”... mitch and auston singing happy birthday to him... here’s a christmas party pic of them that kills me... that here's a video where they talk about their relationship... here's another long interview they did together during lockdown... here is an emotional gifset about the three of them, and below are pictures of the family unit (and one rather... interesting... see: the 3rd pic) (here are pics from 2023 when the marleaus came to a leafs game)

morgan rielly on mitch and auston: “[they] are like best friends. they’re different personalities... when you watch the dynamic with the two of them, whether it’s on the road or on a practice day, it’s pretty funny. it changes every year. it’s a unique dynamic for sure.” and him on mitch/auston/patty also

here’s mitch and auston honoring patty with an appearance from the truly wild jumbo

another case of the trio vibes would be freddie andersen, who was on the team 2016-2021. he was basically besties with auston and they spent lockdown together later, but during the 2020 all star game, all three of them attended and freddie, dedicated his goalie helmet to his best friendship w them. "you look cute?" "yeah, i look cute." ..... also here’s some pre-game high five rituals with the three

more all star content: failed attempted at a heart, the blueprint ep (gifs)

the style/clothes content continues... auston was featured in gq mag and here's mitch's giggly reaction to it. "he's a big style guy and i respect it" (gifs)

auston attended a marner assist foundation event in 2018 to support mitch's charity work (some sm pics from here and here)... also went to the marner assist invitational and got dragged for his tape job (here’s a selfie w them)

here’s some intense cellys from this era: like hello? .. SWEET PEAS... this bench moment....... whatever this was

“Marner and Matthews entered the NHL together in 2016-17 and remain good friends and road roommates now. Marner sounded genuinely enthused about his buddy’s new contract, and sent him a text once word broke Tuesday joking that they’re going to have to figure out where to be neighbours once they enter a higher tax bracket next season.” fellas.... is it gay to plan your future in the suburbs of toronto together 

here they are dancing at naz kadri’s wedding ... hand check

which teammate does auston matthews like to watch the most? the answer won’t surprise you!

mitch was planning to stream and play nhl with this random streamer during lockdown and auston literally asked to join and hang... “matts, i’ll talk to you.. in like an hour probably” aka mitch is a constant texter/talker (ALSO here is a twitter thread recounting to the experience since the streams gone forever... rip 2020-2021 mitch the streamer)

here are some of my favorite pictures from this time period:

2021-present (superstar era)

they're both alternate captains, very clearly leaders of this team, and basically recognized as superstars in the league too with continued individual success. they're the last ones out on the ice at warmup still, the first ones to cheer for their teammates milestones, the last ones to give the goalies big hugs after wins. they still don’t always play together 100% of the time, but they individually enhance the players around them and have played career high years when they’re at each other’s sides.

confirmation of their warmup rituals and the fact that it's something they've been doing together, to feel good about themselves, since the very beginning ........ the same as back then .... here’s very recent vid

still doing their little handshake too, with the added bonus of a behind-the-back one too sometimes (mitch does the handshake line for the whole team by this point)

"it really seems like we're not cellying really by ourselves. we're constantly going in to hug each other. i think that just shows the amount of joy and happiness we have going for each other right now."

mitch basically assisted on a large percentage of auston's goals these past few record breaking years that they've been allowed to play together. here's a video after the 21-22 season where mitch talks about how thankful and generous auston has been.

here is a tumblr compilation about their chemistry after they've gotten to play significant stretches as linemates (literally part of the most offensively dangerous line in the 21-22 regular season).

“have you ever had this kind of chemistry with another teammate before in your life?” “no, not really”

they're so silly... so much goofy inconsequential content is out there but: mitch fighting the post that hurt matthews at practice.

here’s mitch checking on auston after he took a puck in the knee at practice

forgotten 2021 christmas vid i can’t track down but. matching mugs and whipped cream mustaches. also just look at them in THIS...

the fashion saga continues.. where here they anecdotally have the same spikey high top/low top shoes (they also have lots of random matching sneakers but i’m not knowledgeable enough to compile those)

this media day fashion trend video... where do you even start with this. “you better put some earrings in here for auston” like auston is the center of his fashion conscience. “i won’t wear one of those.. i don’t think... maybe.. we’ll see” you know DAMn well if auston recommended--- “matts has got those- he’s got a big frame”

they both wear chains with their numbers on them (recent fit pics of auston here and mitch here), and though they’re not exactly matching but the coordination, the knowing they talk about fashion and accessories... them having these chains dates back to 2018 btw

their mutual social media hype for each other's accomplishments never gets old: mitch breaking game point streak in 2022... random overtime winner in 2022... auston hitting 50 goals in 21-22 season... "@austonmatthews what an achievement. proud to be a part of this journey with you"... "congrats to my brother @austonmatthews on his historic night"... “couldn’t have done it without my boys”.... they were so extra just bc of a pic of them hugging... like sure ! ... “my fucking guy is a beast” YOUR guy?? .... mitch basically campaigning for individual awards for auston every time he scored a goal ... “well deserved my dog” “lets go baby” when he finally won them... “new range got that dawg in it”

“[auston’s] always very thankful. he’s done a couple really big thank yous for me already and given me a couple things that i’m just gonna keep between us two... he’s a great guy and obviously deserves what he got.”

in the same way they grow attached to people as a pair, michael bunting joined the team and auston and mitch's top line in 2021 and a best friendship blossomed between the trio.

they went to auston's home in arizona over the 2022 summer to "build chemistry", play golf, play tennis, and just generally hang out

they also potentially celebrated auston’s birthday there because here’s a photo of them at auston’s house with his fav chef and here’s auston with his bday cake in the same outfit ...... best friends

went to a jays game together right at the beginning of the season, this image..... a video of them chatting :’) 

here is bunting talking about what it's like to get to know them

iconic bench moment between the three of them... another cutesy one

the 2022 heritage classic costumes/entry together like usual, plus the new trio, plus practice pic

their 2022-2023 gloves where they are still drawing cute little doodles of hearts and dog initials and smileys to remind themselves to have fun

"i think the sky's the limit for [mitch]. i think he's just unbelievable. i love playing with him. i think after he came back, he was probably the best player in the world for the rest of the year. he's incredible to be out there with and watch."

commentators weighing in on their joint legacy and saying “they’re magic out there together. they are what they are because of each other” 

here are some more quotes about their impact on the franchise and the way their names are basically cemented in history... the modern day odd couple, they say

for auston’s birthday in sep 2022, mitch commissioned a drawing of auston and his dog felix as a gift

speaking of their dogs..... this goofy insta story 

auston feeding mitch a golf club at a charity event? or are they using it as a mic... who can dissect their weird antics

the blueprint episode about mitch has some cute bg stuff of them (gifs), as well as one of my fave little head bonks here

some cellys/bench moments these years too bc they don’t stop: big squeeze... he just lauched himself... i just love them... arms wide open... mitch is a cartoon character... what in the hell is THIS... iconic moment ... 22-23 season cellys so far.... this riveting convo

“all of this doesn‘t really happen without him.” okay another unverifiable quote but like. look at those images and tell me it’s not something he’d say... you can‘t

auston asked about mitch trade rumors: "Mitch is an unbelievable player, he's an unbelievable teammate. In this room, everybody loves Mitch; everybody loves everybody. We really have a tight bond. All the noise coming from the outside, you guys have fun with that." 

i’m getting derailed here bc half of these moments are not that significant but i fucking love these pics of yappy auston... like of course he’s talkin to mitch

plenty of ribbing is still going on.... or at least attempts: “those are loud flip flops”... though we have transitioned into blatant confirmation that auston can and will be bossed around by mitch when he says stuff like “mitch will assault me if i don’t pick him [to bring with me to a desert island], but i’d like to have him there too”

team bonding at a lake house but you only tag mitch? that vs the history of mitch complaining about not being included...

the importance of the content we received on the 2021 media day cannot be overstated. here’s 5 questions with auston and mitch, yearbook superlatives, career day (images: x x x), and then 2022′s who’s more likely? (all must-sees, i promise... even confirm themselves as the best bromance... if i spent too long on any single revelations this post would be 500k words more)

also the 2021 leafs call out video and the 2022 leafs call out video absolutely showcase how annoyingly endearing they are about each other... whether they’re trying to harp on one another or give genuine compliments... amazing that a dynamic can be captured so clearly when they’re not even in the room at the same time

“mitchelly marner, i’m grateful for my guy” (gifs) (the new nickname... the incessant use of my guy... mental breakdown inducing)

in november 2022, mitch tied a franchise point streak record (with a very valiant effort from the whole team to get him an empty net goal in the final 2 minutes, i might add) and auston was the first one to scoop him up in celebration and then (where he’s normally :| in media these days) was very :D and proud about it and him afterwards. “i’m so happy he got it” (mitch went on to set the new record at 23 games)

and as for extremely recent, both auston and mitch hit their 500 career points mark within a week of each other (1/3/23 and 1/7/23). here are screencaps, gifs of mitch getting to hit 500 with auston on the ice.. then auston collected the puck and pretending to throw it over the glass and prompting the broadcasters to say: “they’ve celebrated so many milestones together”

here are some teammates and coaches talking about their chemistry together and the fact that they push each other to be better players and enjoy it (tumblr vid)

there’s them being hype about the fact that they were SUPPOSED to go the 2023 all star game together on instagram (auston didn’t end up going bc of injury)

here’s a 2023 athletic article about how different they are in personality but how clear their leadership and friendship is (the athletic... tumblr)

mike johnson went on a podcast pre 22-23 playoffs and said “they like playing here, they like playing with each other, they care about each other, they want to have sex– success together” .... the freudian slip 

toward the end of the 22-23 season, mitch was nearing 100 points (never made it) BUT they kept showing this graphic about how mitch has assisted on 99 of auston’s career 299 goals up to that game (ALL DESPITE THEM NOT PLAYING REGULARLY TOGETHER TIL A COUPLE YRS IN)

mitch being asked if he prefers to drive his own line or play with auston... he says it’s always fun and special to play with auston bc of their chemistry and the way they're not afraid to “give it to each other” about where they need to improve. “that’s the kind of friendship and teammate you want. that’s something we’ve built a bond over” (vid) (gifs)

mitch marner got married on july 29th 2023, and auston came back to canada (after skipping OTHER weddings like his “favorite teammate” alex kerfoot and ex teammate tyson barrie) to be in attendance :’) here’s a video of him watching mitch n steph dance there way into the reception, here’s a picture nazem kadri generously posted, here’s a pic of him with mitch and willy, here’s gifs of mitch and auston singing shirtless at the reception, and most 👀 of them all... here’s a pic of auston watching mitch and steph’s first dance. ..

here are some of my favorite more current pics of them

i also gif or post pretty much every 1634 moment from current leafs content/games, so you can check out my hockeyedit tag for some goofy bench or ice shenanigans that didn't make the cut. or my 1634 tag in general.

TL;DR

mitch marner and auston matthews were basically drafted to the maple leafs to be two of the faces of the franchise, and they share a similar burden in that with the leafs lack of playoff success thus far being leaders on the team. they’ve accomplished so many records at an individual level in tandem because of their talents and their chemistry on the ice, and they play their best and happiest hockey when they’re allowed to play together. despite different backgrounds and personalities, they’ve developed an extremely charming relationship off the ice, one built from years and years of intense mutual support, playful teasing, and a shared vision for the team. they seem to be so much more outwardly excited for each other’s successes; it becomes so easy to root for them...... regardless of what the future holds for the current maple leafs team, the two of them have done enough to have their names in the hockey history books, and we are all so lucky that there’s much more ahead of them and that we get to WATCH.

if a single person made it this far, i love you, lol. i personally will never be getting over them and am always looking for more content or unseen stuff so lmk if i missed something crucial. edit (6/18/23): if you’re looking for more pictures of them, i have removed watermarks of 95% of their images together on getty and organized them by tags on this blog @1634archive​ if you’d like to peruse!

hopefully some people get some sort of joy out of this like i have in compiling it all!! cheers to much much more 1634 in the future too. ❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️❣️

last updated: 9/12/23

[itsonlyanapple]

Am I being silly or is Five supposed to be at least 64 in s4? Cuz he says he's 63 and it's not computing for me.

In s3, it's April 2019 and Five is still 58. After 'six years later', it's December of either 2024 (assuming they rounded up from 5 years and 8 months) or 2025 (being over 6 years). They pass October, which is their birthday, so Five should be either 64 or 65??

please tell me i'm not going insane 😭

[1dficfests]

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Please let me know if I’m missing something!

[welcometothejianghu]

Welcome to another round of W2 Tells You What You Should See, where W2 (me) tries to sell you (you) on something you should be watching. Today's choice: 有翡/Legend of Fei.

Legend of Fei is a 2020 adaptation of priest's webnovel Bandits that tells the story of a competent yet sheltered young swordswoman, the terrible gremlin boy who decides they're married now, and their various friends as they venture into the jianghu to acquire the legendary MacGuffin that will do ... uh, something, probably.

This show is a delight. It is pure goofy, tender-hearted sincerity. It has so many precious baby angels with adorably pinchable cheeks performing so many fetch quests in so many styrofoam dungeons. It is funny on purpose and funny on accident. It is 51 episodes of rollicking, slapdash, green-screened adventure.

I am trying real hard here not to bite on @agendratum's wonderful rec post for the series, which includes the words "discount word of honor with teens," a phrase that lives rent-free in my head. Go look at their work for a more detailed character guide. What I have here are a mere five reasons above and beyond said post that you should watch this darling little show.

1. All the production values of a sixth-grade class play

This show flopped pretty hard, and I can understand why. It was a highly anticipated drama with two big-name headliners. Fans expected a lot from it! And what they got is something that looks and feels like a mid-budget syndicated UPN show from 1993, complete with how all the high-schoolers are played by actors in their thirties.

This show is comically janky and earnest. Stunt people fall down before they're hit. Breakaway furniture abounds. Actors bounce gently off "stone" walls. Damn near everything was filmed on sound stages with greenscreens. (Filming ran from September 2019-January 2020, stopped for pandemic reasons, and finished March-April 2020. While this certainly is not the only cause of the show's jankiness, it definitely contributed.)

This it not a show with no money; this is a show with an appropriate amount of money spent poorly.

The flow and pacing of the story are as smooth as a car crash. So many times, a scene with Characters A and B will be happening, the show will cut (sharply) away to a different storyline, and by the time it jumps back, Character A is in a completely different location and Character B has departed. When did that happen? Why did that happen? Where are we now? No time to ask questions! Establishing shots are for weenies! This director knows filmmakers who maintain narrative continuity, and they're all cowards.

Speaking of the narrative: I've seen Saturday morning cartoons from the '80s with more depth. I would be hard-pressed to explain what exactly is happening that's driving the plot. There's big business with a deposed emperor and a forever war happening on some distant front and disgruntled veterans of the army that's fighting it ... but, like, it doesn't matter? All those machinations are barely relevant to the plot at hand, which can be summed up thus: Bad Guys want Thing, Good Guys go on adventures to stop them from getting Thing.

And I am listing all this messiness as a selling point -- as the show's primary selling point, in fact -- because I think it's all charming as heck. This show is plain, unpretentious fun. It's a downright romp! It's got a very teenager's-eye-view of the inscrutable situation driving the whole plot, which does a good job of drawing attention to how maaaaybe this whole situation is bullshit and the grownups should stop killing themselves and other people because of it.

Here's a good metric: If the Ye Olde Haixing parts of Guardian warmed your heart, you are in exactly the right frame of mind for this.

There's no way to tell how much of this campy, underfunded aesthetic was intentional, and how much was the result of both poor budgeting and way too many cooks in the production and screenwriting kitchens. I'm not going to say this was a labor of love, because it was at best a labor of like. Everybody onscreen is giving it their all, but no one's giving the same all as anyone else. Go into it expecting that and nothing more, and you'll have a great time.

2. Punching the Bechdel Test into next week

Are you someone who loves c-dramas, except for the part where you're like, gee, I sure wish there were some girls in this? Oh, my friend, there are so many girls in this.

I actually kept being stunned while watching it by just how many girls are in it. Old girls! Young girls! Evil girls! Nice girls! Rich girls! Poor girls! Strong girls! Weak girls! Just a whole lot of girls!

Truly, it's not just how many female characters there are, but the sheer variety of them. The main octet includes an awkward tomboy who can kick your ass, a spunky brat who's not above crocodile tears to get what she wants, and a soft femme who's a brave little toaster despite having zero martial arts skills. The show absolutely loves them all and thinks they've all got important things to contribute, no matter how hard they can or can't punch.

And that's before we get into how many female side characters there are, both heroes and villains. I've seen that some people hate on these side characters. Those people are wrong.

Maybe the best part is how much they interact. There are many scenes with multiple female characters in them, sometimes with male characters too, and sometimes just the girls. Because this is a jianghu story with martial artists, several of the female characters have unique skills that they pass on to other, younger female characters. Women are often the honored masters of things who have competent all-ladies support staff. And there's no sense that they wash out after a certain age -- even the grannies can still school you as needs be.

...Of course, the sad thing is, I'm touting all this ladyfolk representation when maybe 20% of the total listed cast is female (doing quick math from the MyDramaList cast page). Pound for pound, the Untamed's listed cast has a (slightly) greater female:male ratio, and nobody would call that a girl-forward show. It just makes a difference when what female characters you have, you push toward the front of the narrative and give them reasons to have relationships with one another, instead of making them occasional props in the background while real (read: male) people get to be people.

The entire reason the Bechdel-Wallace Test exists is not to praise or condemn any individual piece of media, but to comment on larger trends in the depiction of women in fiction. It's not a problem when one thing doesn't pass the test; it's a problem when nothing passes the test, or when the things that do pass skate by on single moments and technicalities. The more things that fail its three criteria, the more that indicates the prevalence of an attitude that regards women only as accessories to men's stories.

Legend of Fei is aware that not only do women have inner lives, but they relate to one another in very specific, culturally informed ways. The female characters in this are not just male characters with incidental she/her pronouns. Zhou Fei not only gets to be the protagonist who goes on the whole hero's journey of growth and change, but along the way she also gets to have some complicated interactions with her own gender and how much expected modes of femininity do and don't suit her. But it's also not because she's Not Like The Other Girls! It doesn't make her better or worse to be that way. It just makes her more like her mom -- and if there's one thing I know that makes a teenage girl break out into a cold sweat, it's the idea that she's anything like her mom.

This little drama is hardly some revolutionary piece of thought-provoking feminist insight, or anything like that. It's just that if you're feeling the lack of ladies in your c-dramas and wish to see girls on film (as it were), Legend of Fei may be what you're looking for!

3. Chaotic bisexual (asexual?) extravaganza!

priest's work is queer as fuck, and while this story itself does not rise to the level of being textually gay, there's still a great big rainbow flag flying over the whole business. You can rest assured that when two dudes or two ladies are giving one another meaningful looks, it is not an accident. We all know who's writing this.

Do you like relationship charts? Because I've got a doozy for you:

How many of these are me making jokes? Way fewer than you think.

There are of course some actual canon couples in there, and the amount of real estate they take up in the narrative means your affection for them will make or break your affection for the show. Fortunately, all the teen pairings are super-cute!

Zhou Fei embodies the bisexual stereotype of liking all the ladies and maybe one dude. Xie Yun falls so hard and fast for this beautiful butch-by-local-standards that his head spins. Together, they are the romantic backbone of the story, and they are just a treat.

I've seen people say these two have no chemistry, and I think that's bullshit, but okay, let's assume that's your read on it. You can still understand why they like one another, beyond your standard, he's a boy, she's a girl, what more do you want? Zhou Fei likes Xie Yun because he's funny, emotionally available, and socially unacceptable. Xie Yun likes Zhou Fei because she's fierce on the outside and warm on the inside. Sure, they're in love, but what's more important is that they're good partners and great friends.

(I think it helps that even though the characters are supposed to be around the same age, Zhao Yiling is literally a decade older than Yibito is, and he clearly thinks even off-camera that she's dreamy.)

Also, it's great when he helps her sheathe her sword. This is a couple that's going to take about three whole minutes to figure out pegging.

Li Sheng and Wu Chuchu are the normie couple. He is big strong boy-man! She is small helpless lady-girl! ...Except no, this is yet another case of a wife guy who thinks his girlfriend's strengths are awesome; it's just that in this case, her strengths are her brains.

The fact that her attack and defense scores are nearly zero does not keep Chuchu from being the most competent person in any given room. She starts out as the girl who's important because she's got an important dad and an important key item, but she winds up being basically Jianghu GameFAQs. She never stops being soft and pink and feminine and tender, and she never learns to fight worth a damn, and none of that keeps her from being a vital (if unfortunately kidnappable) part of the team!

Meanwhile, Li Sheng is never really a male chauvinist, because he's grown up under his aunt, who kicks so much ass. But he is a bit of a cocky teen-boy turdface who needs to get knocked down a few pegs. It's great, then, that the show pairs him with the kind of helpless femme that he's supposed to want, then has him decide the fact that she's miles smarter than he is is the best.

And then there's these dipshits.

Normally in c-dramas, I'm used to triangles that are a strong canonical line between the main guy and his girlfriend, a strong but unacknowledged line between the main guy and his best friend, and maybe a faint dotty wisp between the girlfriend and best friend. Not so here! Ying Hecong, Li Yang, and Yang Jin (L-R above) are a damn near equilateral triangle. I mean, okay, technically they're set up as a more conventional love triangle, where both boys like the same girl, and she does sort-of choose one of them in the end. But in that arrangement, you'd expect the boys to become rivals -- and they never are. In fact, they become special allies who trust and take care of one another more than they do anyone else.

They're a great weird trio. Ying Hecong is a poorly socialized weirdo whose special interests are poisons and befriending snakes. Yang Jin is the chief of Doctor Village, a position that he got not by being a doctor, but by being a dumb jock who didn't realize fast enough why nobody else wanted the job. And Li Yang is the spoiled little sister of Li Shen and cousin of Zhou Fei, prone to getting what she wants by pitching a damn fit about it, who has decided that both of these boys are hers now and she can do whatever she wants with them.

(Li Yan is actually the most Actually A Teen of all the characters, and is the one who makes me wish so much that more of the cast had been played by actual age-appropriate actors. Some character traits are adorably tolerable when someone's twelve and verge on really fucking annoying by the time that same person is twenty-five.)

If you are into OT3s where two partners have to join in solidarity with one another so they can survive their third, you've found your pot of gold. Each one of them is enough of a catastrophe that they need two whole love interests to manage them. Between the three of them, they almost make one well-functioning human being.

Now: A thing to note about all these relationships, and one thing that may be surprising to you about something adapted from a priest novel, is that this show is negative horny. All of the romance is extremely chaste. At no point does any grownup worry that leaving these teens alone with one another will lead to some hanky-panky. Nobody ever volunteers to chaperone, or seems to need one. The adults aren't particularly horny about one another either! This is the kind of universe where people blush while tenderly embracing, then go to pick their baby up from the local cabbage patch.

Even my jokes about Zhou Fei's fuckable grandpa are just jokes, because nobody actually wants to fuck him. They all want to duel him, or to fuss over his health, or to follow him around and bask in his nobility. He has two kids, but we never meet their mom(s?). He deflects the obvious interest of multiple beautiful women with ease. He is the perfect man, both fuckable and unfuckable at once.

This may be what's having people read the main pair as having no chemistry. They have a lot of chemistry! It's just not a particularly sexual chemistry. It's extremely tender and playful, and there's plenty of physical intimacy. But it's not horny.

And that's not on the two actors. I've seen both of them look at someone else like they wanted to eat that boy alive. That was a choice this show made, to play all the romance about as spicy as when the puppets on Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood hold hands. The only hints of horniness are in the fighting/injured bits, because sex is a big no-no, but nice polite violence is always okay! (Hey, uh, culture? We need to have a talk about this.)

4. The Grownups

As you may have gathered, most of this show is about the younguns. But a great deal of the supporting weight is carried by characters who are supposed to be of their parents' generation (even if most of their actors are only a decade or so older than the "teens").

I cannot fully in this post detail my great affection for every adult character; I wouldn't have room for anything else. So here's my top-three shortlist of the most memorable old folks.

If you like your ladies badass and crazy, Duan Jiuniang is here for you. Her grip on reality is ... well, it's complicated, but it doesn't stop her from being able to roast you from the inside out with her special skill. She's a terrible teacher and an even worse step-grandma who's made a lot of life choices that weren't what she wanted, but were what she needed to do to survive. I have no idea where she got those hideous leggings, but I kind of want a pair. She doesn't stick around past her one arc, so enjoy her while you've got her.

Speaking of crazy, the Phoenix, Mu Xiaoqiao, is a beautiful, tragic, genderqueer, completely insane middle-aged drama queen with a pipa to play and an ax to grind. I would watch an entire hundred-episode drama just about his campy antics. Hands-down my favorite character in the show. I'm not even going to say anything more. This bitch must be experienced. Love you, baby.

This fucking DILF. Holy shit. Shen Tianshu has a chocolatey voice and the world's most inconvenient prosthetic hand. At first his facial hair seems excessive, but then you see him without it in flashbacks and you're like, no! put it back! put it back! Frankly, I'm glad for the tufty brows, because this man does so much eyebrow acting, and you wouldn't want to miss a sinister moment of it.

And he's not the only one! Every single villain is running with full Bad Guy From A Power Rangers Episode vibes. No piece of scenery remains unchewed. They're what make this whole thing feel like you're watching a stage play. Every arched brow, every expansive hand gesture, every maniacal laugh, all of it plays to the nonexistent back row. (In fact, one of them -- Eyepatch Guy -- was so over the top that we had to look up his whole deal. Shockers, he's got an opera background.) If you have affection for the points I discussed in selling point #1, you will have love extra for the adult antagonists.

If you've ever watched a show made for a young audience starring young actors, you know exactly the grownup vibe I'm talking about. No, real adults don't act like this. But these are not real adults -- they are adults seen through the lens of a YA narrative, where everyone has big emotions and ultimately pretty simple motivations. Violence is acceptable but sex is not, and sexualized violence is especially not. You can threaten the kids but you (mostly) can't kill them. Parents should be removed from the main storyline, by death if necessary (offscreen preferred). By the end of the story, all adults must defer to the wisdom and battle strategies of the kids or be ready to be taken down by them. The lessons of age and experience are ultimately only useful once handed to the next generation.

Which is fine! ...provided it's the vibe you're expecting. I'd put this as another item in the list of probable reasons that this show did not go over as well as it should have.

5. We use every part of the Wang Yibo

Okay, so if you're like me, your introduction to this beautiful man was the Untamed, where 95% of his job is to keep every one of his facial muscles from doing anything -- and, if you're like me, you then watched some Untamed behind-the-scenes stuff and went, holy shit, this boy can make expressions?

This boy can make so many expressions.

I'm not going to argue that Wang Yibo was necessarily miscast as Lan Wangji, because that's not a fight I'm interested in having with internet strangers. I do, however, think it's undeniable that the Untamed misused him by all but ignoring his two primary skills: his giant goofy smile, and his being a dancer.

Legend of Fei makes use of both of these to great effect. Xie Yun is a gremlin who can't fight but can dodge. The show loves to leave the camera on him and let him spin and duck his way out of battles with his own mischievous grace. Wang Yibo does a remarkable amount of his own flipping and fighting, with and without wires. In a world of stunt doubles and smash cuts, it's a delight to watch.

My favorite thing about Xie Yun is that he likes that girl so much. He looks at her like she's the best thing in the world. He is her biggest hype man. He's all wife guy. Every time she's stronger and butcher and meaner than he is, he's pulling out his pompoms and cheering her on. He is in no way emasculated by the fact that she kicks so much more ass than he does. He is actually her wife, and he knows it. Kick their asses, baby, he'll be your flower.

Wang Yibo sells that devotion with each look in her direction. He brings every piece of his inherent chaotic good energy to the role. He's a comedic scamp right up to the point where he rips your heart out. If you are at all a Yibito fan, you owe it to yourself to get this show in front of your eyeballs so you can see what trouble that precious baby boy has gotten himself into this time.

Bonus: Do you like Word of Honor? Because this is how you get Word of Honor.

So I'm betting a lot of you did what I did, which was that you watched Word of Honor, and you loved it, so you went to read the book, and you were like, the fuck? Because Faraway Wanderers is also great, but uh, after a certain point, they're two very different stories.

While I cannot prove this, I would place a large amount of money on the screenwriter for Word of Honor's having been very aware of this production while doing the adaptation. See, in case you haven't read it, Faraway Wanderers itself barely spends a page of time with anything outside of what the main dads-and-kids quintet is doing, which makes for a fun danmei webnovel, but doesn't translate so well to live-action. I am almost certain that in the same way that they used frog DNA in Jurassic Park to fill in the gaps in the dinosaurs' code, this screenwriter (who is a priest fan) used Bandits/Legend of Fei to build out Faraway Wanderers' moments into a whole drama.

The timeline goes like this:

June 2010: priest publishes Qi Ye

October 2010: priest publishes Faraway Wanderers

November 2015: priest publishes Bandits

September 2019: Legend of Fei starts filming

June 2020: Word of Honor starts filming

December 2020: Legend of Fei airs

February 2021: Word of Honor airs

So yeah, it's not like the Word of Honor screenwriter could have watched Legend of Fei prior to penning the Word of Honor script. But there's too many similarities to be coincidence. To be clear, I'm not accusing the Word of Honor screenwriter of ripping off Legend of Fei. Watching it is more like seeing bits of Word of Honor's first draft. The Color of Ocean and Heaven and its five tokens become the World's Armory and the Glazed Armor. Wu Chuchu becomes Gao Xiaolian. Mu Xiaoqiao becomes the drama version of Xie Wang. All the nonsense with Yu Wenzhi and the Demons becomes all the nonsense with Zhao Jing and the Scorpions. Someone with more time than I have could probably make a thorough accounting of the number of times scenes with Wen Kexing and Zhou Zishu visually parallel moments Xie Yun and Zhou Fei have, and how often those scenes were in bits not related to the original Faraway Wanderers plot.

And I think this is great. It's why, even though a lot of Word of Honor was not in priest's original text, Word of Honor is still very priest-flavored. Frog DNA, you know?

All of which is to say: If you love Word of Honor, you owe it to yourself to watch Legend of Fei. It's much sillier and straighter, and it's way less sexually charged, but it's got a very similar vibe, and it's fascinating to see what the two have in common. Think of them as two distant cousins, where you're like, sure, I can definitely see how you're related, but ... huh.

Ready to embark on your journey?

So many options! It's on iQiyi (VIP), Viki, and YouTube.

We watched it on iQiyi, and the subtitles were ... well, they made some interesting choices. You could always tell what they meant, but the actual phrasing was often wonky. Occasionally, where you'd expect a "Dammit!" or "Crap!" these subtitles would have someone exclaim, "Screwed!" And we never stopped laughing about the poor villain whose name those subs rendered as "Pathetic Clam." I cannot tell you if the other subtitles are any more polished, but I can promise that the awkward translations just added to the charm.

Do I have a soft spot for well-meaning television that does not have the means to achieve its goals but tries anyway? You better believe it.

Just a pile of precious cutie pies.

[arofili]

Tolkien Fandom Event Calendar

Recently I’ve received some asks about events/weeks in the Tolkien fandom, so I thought I’d compile a list of those that I know about. This is not exhaustive, and dates are subject to change by the organizers of these events!

Other blogs you can check out are @tolkieneventsblog and @tolkienfandomevents, though I’m not sure how active those are. The @silmarillionwritersguild Discord also has a channel dedicated to signal boosts for all sorts of Tolkien-related & general fandom happenings, which is another excellent way to keep up with fandom goings-on.

Want to run your own event? Here’s some of my tips!

If your event is not on here and you’d like it to be, let me know and I can add it :) Note: I will only add events that have announced dates!

~

JANUARY Screw Yule My Slashy Valentine @myslashyvalentine — work time Lord of the Rings Secret Santa @lotr-sesa — reveals Thorin’s Spring Forge @thorinsspringforge — signups Second Age Week @secondageweek

FEBRUARY Hidden Paths My Slashy Valentine — reveals Thorin’s Spring Forge — claims Maedhros and Maglor Week @maedhrosmaglorweek

MARCH Back to Middle-earth Month @spring-into-arda Thorin’s Spring Forge — work time Fëanorian Week Fun with Fanon Fest Round 1 @funwithfanon

APRIL Tolkien Reverse Summer Bang @tolkienrsb — signups Silm Remix @tolkienremix — signups & assignments Thorin’s Spring Forge — reveals  Aralas Week @aralas-week Barduil Month @bi-widower-dads All of Arda is Autistic @all-of-arda-is-autistic F3: Focus on Friendship & Family, Phase I @spring-into-arda

MAY Tolkien Reverse Summer Bang — claims Silm Remix — reveals Aspec Arda Week @aspecardaweek Angbang Week @angbangweek Gondolin Week @gondolinweek F3: Focus on Friendship & Family, Phase II

JUNE Tolkien Reverse Summer Bang — work time Scribbles and Drabbles @fall-for-tolkien — signups Tolkien Ekphrasis Week @tolkienekphrasisweek F3: Focus on Friendship & Family, Phase III

JULY Tolkien Reverse Summer Bang — work time Scribbles and Drabbles — claims Tolkien Gen Week @tolkiengenweek LotR Ladies Week @lotrladiessource Tolkien Appreciation Week @tolkienweek Tolkien Latin American & Caribbean Week @tolkienlatamandcaribbeanweek

AUGUST Tolkien Reverse Summer Bang — deadlines Scribbles and Drabbles — art reveals Innumerable Stars Exchange @innumerable-stars — nominations & signups Tolkien of Colour Week @tolkienofcolourweek Silvergifting Week @silvergiftingweek Tolkien OC Week @tolkienocweek

SEPTEMBER Tolkien Reverse Summer Bang — reveals Scribbles and Drabbles — work time Innumerable Stars Exchange — signups & assignments Sindar Week @sindarweek Dor Cúarthol Week @dorcuartholweek Finwëan Ladies Week @finweanladiesweek

OCTOBER Innumerable Stars Exchange — reveals Scribbles and Drabbles — work time Half-elven Week @halfelvenweek

NOVEMBER Tolkien Secret Santa @officialtolkiensecretsanta — signups & assignments Scribbles and Drabbles — fic reveals Nolofinwean Week @nolofinweanweek

DECEMBER Tolkien Secret Santa — advent calendar & reveals My Slashy Valentine @myslashyvalentine — signups & assignments Lord of the Rings Secret Santa — claims Khazad Week @khazadweek

MONTHLY EVENTS: These events have prompts/challenges occurring every month. Teitho Contest Tolkien Short Fanworks Silmarillion Writers’ Guild @silmarillionwritersguild

(this list was last updated 5/4/23)

LEGACY EVENTS: These events used to occur, but have not happened within the last year. Arda Needs More Pride @ardaneedsmorepride (bimonthly; last run 2020) Kiliel Week @kilielweek (timing variable; last run 2021) @oneringnet monthly events (last run 2021) Atani Week @ataniweek (January; last run 2021) Legendarium Ladies April @legendariumladiesapril (April; last run 2020) Gates of Summer Exchange @gatesofsummerexchange (May-June, last run 2022) Tolkien South Asian Week, run by @arwenindomiel (June; last run 2022) Arafinwëan Week @arafinweanweek (July; last run 2019) Fëanturi Week (August; last run 2019; no official blog and the creator has deactivated) Imladrim Week @imladrimweek (November; last run 2019) Doriath Week @doriathweek (November; last run 2020) Tolkien Family Week @tolkienfamilyweek (November; last run 2021)

[april-is]

April 4, 2024: Coyotes by the Eliot House, Glyn Maxwell

Coyotes by the Eliot House Glyn Maxwell

Tom I’ve a question and all I have is a question. There are lots of coyotes near this old house you lived in. I didn’t expect them here in the green Northeast. Figured them things of rocks and the high sierras. There goes another one bounding for the bushes. First time, I thought: that’s a dog acting really strangely. But it didn’t turn back for approval or get distracted by an insignificant thing, as a dog will tend to. No it was gone by now, it had made me nervous. They’re the size of a family dog but they’re on their own. Folks round here reassure me there’s no danger unless you attack their cubs so I’ll shelve my plan to attack their cubs, chrissakes. Tom, Tom, apologies, I have loved my time in your house.

Last night at dinner we heard a siren wailing off in the town and all of them started howling, all the coyotes for miles around in the bushes aghast, alerting their young, alarming their old, rising and heightening, matching its pitch and power, one near the blue spinning light in its thrall, uniquely bound by this unpredicted visitation. Then after the siren faded they packed it in. What do they think that is, that demands of them and gets of them their love or their terror or both? What do we poets do when we know it’s nothing? Not for them or against them or about them. Tom, I had to be here to ask that question. I expect I’ll have to be gone before you answer.

--

More animal poems.

More poems responding to T.S. Eliot, my problematic fave:

Waste Land Limericks, Wendy Cope

Old Women in Eliot Poems, David Wright

Today in:

2023: I Know Someone, Mary Oliver 2022: I’m Going Back to Minnesota Where Sadness Makes Sense, Danez Smith 2021: In the Morning, Before Anything Bad Happens, Molly Brodak 2020: Interesting Times, Mark Jarman 2019: The accident has occurred, Margaret Atwood 2018: Little snail, Anonymous 2017: Poem for My Son in the Car, Jennifer K. Sweeney 2016: Postcard to Baudelaire, Thomas Lux 2015: What The Dead Tell Us About Charon, Ferryman Of The Dead, Brett Ortler 2014: The Trees, Philip Larkin 2013: A Small, Soul-Colored Thing, Paisley Rekdal 2012: Last Supper, Charles Wright 2011: I Said to Poetry, Alice Walker 2010: Disgraceland, Mary Karr 2009: What To Say To A Bear, Ionna Warwick 2008: In The City of Light, Larry Levis 2007: the mockingbird, Charles Bukowski 2006: Part of Eve’s Discussion, Marie Howe 2005: I thank You God for most this amazing, e.e. cummings

[thecaptainoutoftime]

"Five years ago, we lost. All of us. We lost friends. We lost family. We lost a part of ourselves. Today, we have a chance to take it all back. You know your teams, you know your missions. Get the stones, get them back. One round trip each. No mistakes. No do-overs. Most of us are going somewhere we know, that doesn't mean we should know what to expect. Be careful. Look out for each other. This is the fight of our lives. And we're going to win. Whatever it takes. Good luck."

"He's pretty good at that."

"Right?"

Happy 5th Anniversary to Avengers: Endgame

April 26th 2019-April 26th 2024

[zeldahime]

I did math on David Tennant's hands (so you don't have to)

EDITED WITH MORE ACCURATE PHONE INFORMATION AND A DIFFERENT CONCLUSION.

I swear all I wanted to know was what kind of phone Crowley has in season 1.

See, I have an iPhone, and one of my gigs shares a building with an Apple Store. I was taking a screenshot of his contact picture for Aziraphale, and noticed that the camera on the back of his phone is laid out horizontal. Most iPhones aren't! So, I fell into this rabbit hole: what phone does Anthony J. Crowley have?

(The bit where you can see the cameras, immediately before the cool heart-in-flames picture he has for Aziraphale's contact, is basically impossible to screenshot; the phone moves very fast and reflects the environment. But his contact photo for his angel is so neat and I love it ❤️‍🔥)

I figured out very quickly the only iPhone with that camera layout is the iPhone SE series, but there have been only three generations: 2016, 2020, and 2023. Season 1 of Good Omens was released in 2019. The iPhone SE first generation was also Apple's "budget" phone. It just didn't make sense to me that Crowley would have an old budget phone, but the new SE wasn't commercially available so it also didn't make sense to me that the prop department could have given him a new phone.

The main visual differences between gen 1 and gen 2 are threefold: gen 1 didn't come in black; gen 2 has slightly more beveling; and they are different sizes. The first two visual differences are basically meaningless, because it's trivial for a props department to turn a white phone black and the beveling difference only is obvious in comparison. So I had to figure out what size Crowley's phone was.

We see Crowley's phone in s1e4 and s1e5, but the only thing in its environment we can really measure to get an accurate read on its size is... Well. David Tennant.

More specifically, we get a fairly good shot of the phone in his hands, held level with the screen, and thumb easily available to use as a reference.

But if anyone has done David Tennant Hand Math before, they weren't on page 1 of Google and therefore may as well not exist. So I took up this quest myself.

So first, I had to find a picture of David Tennant holding something of known dimensions. I am, first and foremost, a Doctor Who nerd. There's only one answer to that.

Another Doctor Who nerd on the internet went and figured out 10th Doctor's sonic screwdriver was about 160 mm and the head of the sonic from tip to the joint with the middle section was about 40 mm.

I then got out my actual goddamn fabric tape and measured this man's fingers on my computer screen. After converting the measurements back to scale, first to second knuckle on his middle finger was 54.55 mm.

Then to figure out how long his thumb is, I needed a photo of his hands. This one is courtesy of the GO Reference Server:

His thumb came out to being approximately 68mm long. (My thumb came out to 55mm long. Not relevant, I just got curious while I was doing all this measuring.)

Finally, the data necessary to the main event: the goddamn phone.

Using the thumb as a reference, the phone came out to 136mm in length.

The iPhone SE Gen 1 was 123.8 mm long; the Gen 2 was 138.4 mm long.

Given that I rounded quite a bit during my calculations to keep things at 2 digits or less, I'm very comfortable saying: Crowley had an iPhone SE (second generation) during the events of Good Omens Season 1, a phone that would not become commercially available until April 2020.

I don't know how the props people got their hands a phone that wouldn't be released for a full year and change after filming, but they did that for us. It's a character note that practically nobody noticed, for a prop that gets barely a full minute of screentime. They could easily have used an iPhone XR or iPhone XS Max, which were the newest iPhones actually on the market at that time and which people would have recognized when the episode aired, but they knew Crowley would have the newest iPhone before anybody else had the newest iPhone and by Jove, he did.

After I posted this in Discord, @giveintomay pointed out that the iPhone SE second generation used the same build as the iPhones 7 and 8, which came out in 2016 and 2017 respectively. So, he most likely had an iPhone 8, which would have been the latest generation while filming (as generation 10 became commercially available over the summer and fall).

[zvaigzdelasas]

The closest international airport that doesn’t require Raneem to make the dangerous and expensive journey from the Houthi-controlled areas where she lives to those under the authority of the Presidential Leadership Council (PLC) is in the city of Sana’a. A Saudi-led military coalition, which includes the United States, bombed that airport multiple times during the war, and closed it to commercial flights. In April 2022, Saudi Arabia entered into a truce with the Houthis and, working with the United Arab Emirates, another country on the Saudi side of the war, established the PLC. This eight-member council came to power without an election, replacing President Abd-Rabbu Mansour Hadi. The United States now considers this the “internationally recognized government” of Yemen. The truce was supposed to reopen Sana’a airport to commercial air travel, a development that has been touted by the Biden administration as proof of progress in a humanitarian crisis for which the US bears considerable responsibility. But there are so few flights that the truce hasn’t changed anything for Raneem’s family. The PLC permits only three round-trip flights a week from Sana’a airport (down from six in June). They are all operated by a single airline, Yemenia Airways, which charges around $720 for a round-trip ticket to Jordan. (Yemenia is partially owned by the Saudi government.) [...] Of Yemen’s 30 million people, an estimated 80 percent “require some form of humanitarian or protection assistance,” according to the United Nations. [...] The PLC obtains its legitimacy and firepower from the Saudi-led military coalition that bombed Yemen for eight years, and imposed an aerial and naval blockade on the country. The Biden administration says that this blockade does not exist. “For one year, Yemenis have benefitted from a halt to airstrikes, regular civilian flights from Sana’a airport, enhanced and unrestricted humanitarian and food assistance, and the increased flow of fuel to northern Yemen,” said Vedant Patel, principal deputy spokesperson for the State Department, in an April 2023 statement marking the first anniversary of the truce. And while some incremental improvements have been made, particularly with respect to fuel and food imports, they fall far short of meeting the needs of a country devastated by a war in which the Saudi-led coalition repeatedly targeted civilian infrastructure like mosques, schools, hospitals, and markets. Today, Yemen is the site of one of the world’s worst humanitarian crises: 21.6 million people need humanitarian assistance; 17 million are food insecure; and 2.2 million children under 5 need treatment for acute malnutrition, according to the World Food Programme.[...] According to the Health Ministry of Sana’a (where the Houthis are the dominant power), some 71,000 cancer patients and 8,000 kidney-failure patients need care outside of Yemen. In August 2019, the Norwegian Refugee Council, a humanitarian organization, reported that in the three years since Sana’a airport was closed to commercial flights (starting August 9, 2016), “as many as 32,000 people may have died prematurely because they were unable to travel abroad for treatment, according to the Ministry of Health in Sana’a.” The extremely limited United Nations mercy flights permitted to leave Sana’a airport in 2020 barely began to meet these needs. [...] There are other airports in Yemen that have international flights, but these are in areas that are under the control of the PLC. The biggest such airport is in Aden, but distances are far and expensive to traverse, and the travel comes with risk and hardship. For those who live in Houthi-controlled areas, which account for roughly two-thirds of Yemen’s population, traveling to airports in PLC territory may not be an option.[...]

Throughout the war, the Saudi-led coalition repeatedly bombed hospitals. (The United States provided arms, intelligence, training, maintenance, and political support for the coalition. While the Biden administration said it suspended support for “offensive” operations in 2021, the United States continued to send arms.) In November 2015, the International Committee of the Red Cross said that it was aware of “close to a hundred” incidents where the Saudi-led coalition attacked health-care facilities over an eight month period. In January 2016, an MSF-supported hospital in Razeh, in northern Yemen, was hit with a coalition projectile, killing six people. Another bombing of an MSF-operated hospital in Hajja province in August 2016 killed at least 11 people.[…]

“The health system in Yemen has completely collapsed,” he said. “Very few public hospitals are operational.”[…] Key materials used to treat cancer are either unavailable or in extremely limited supply. For example, Dr. Alhadi said radioactive iodine, commonly used to treat thyroid cancer, “is not widely available in Yemen due to the ongoing conflict and blockade.”[...]

The Health Ministry of Sana’a told us that radioactive iodine has been banned from import into Houthi-controlled areas.When we reached out to the State Department to confirm this ban and to request a full list of items that are prohibited from import, a spokesperson referred us to the United Nations Verification and Inspection Mechanism (UNVIM) for Yemen.

UNVIM, which did not respond to a request for comment, is the UN inspection body tasked with facilitating the transport of non-humanitarian goods into Houthi-controlled parts of Yemen, by verifying that these goods do not violate United Nations Security Council Resolution 2216. That resolution, which was drafted by Saudi Arabia, places an arms embargo on the Houthis. Once UNVIM grants clearance, the “internationally recognized government of Yemen,” now the PLC, gets the final say over which goods can enter ports in Houthi-controlled areas.

Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates have exerted considerable influence over the “internationally recognized government of Yemen” since this resolution was implemented at the start of the war. The resolution has been a key means these countries have used to impose the blockade, alongside the bombing of airports and ports, and the placement of Saudi warships in Yemeni waters.

Shireen Al-Adeimi is an academic and nonresident fellow at the Quincy Institute who has campaigned to end US support for the Saudi-led war and blockade. She said that, given the role of Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates in influencing the PLC, and given past coalition action to block humanitarian aid, this amounts to foreign control over what goes into and out of Yemen’s ports in these areas. “A blockade is an act of war,” she said.[...]

The war has been defined by a lack of accountability and transparency, including from the United States, a fact acknowledged by the US government’s own internal watchdog. A June 2022 report from the US Government Accountability Office (GAO) found that the departments of Defense and State “have not fully determined the extent to which US military support has contributed to civilian harm in Yemen.”[...]

There have been some reports that the United States may be “slow-walking” peace negotiations by introducing conditions for a deal. The Biden administration, meanwhile, has signaled that it remains a partner of Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates, and in August 2022 approved $5 billion in total arms sales to both countries. This comes on top of at least $54.6 billion in military support to these countries from 2015 to 2021, according to the GAO.[...]

With a presidential campaign ramping up, Biden has an incentive to emphasize relief and openness in Yemen; the US role in the humanitarian crisis—including rolling out the red carpet for Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman last year, and ongoing weapons sales—goes against the president’s claims to embrace human rights as a foreign policy principle.

27 Jul 23

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USA's Jack Hughes #6 looks on during the national anthem following a 6-3 preliminary round win against Russia at the 2019 IIHF Ice Hockey U18 World Championship at Fjallraven Center on April 21, 2019 in Ornskoldsvik, Sweden. (Photo by Steve Kingsman/HHOF-IIHF Images)