#rotates her in my head 10000 times

[rotyolk]

UNAUTHORIZED fucking thing!!!!!!!!! blow it up NOW!!!!!

[bropunzeling]

please know if girl leon has 10000 fans then i am one of them. if girl leon has 1 fan then i am that fan. if girl leon has 0 fans then i have DIED!!! it is actually a little hilarious going thru your girl leon tag and seeing the 293838 asks i sent while rotating girl leon like a rotisserie chicken in my head!!! i am deeply invested in her future and the cup rat baby she has and then the other rat baby she has afterwards and thinking about girl leon and matthew being happy and content in their suburban midwestern home with the fucked up garage door from shooting pucks. GAHHHHHH what a very compelling universe u have built. the kind that makes me want to write fanfiction of fanfiction!!!

omg anon thank u, this is so sweet!!! she just means so much 2 me, u kno??? even just today in chatting with a friend we decided that rat baby the second is actually a "stanley cup oops baby" because that was the funniest outcome so like. know in their earth 3.0 or whatever, that's what they're up to. winning the cup, fucking like bunnies about it. and someday i really hope to write a few more time stamps for all four of you loyal readers! once i, you know, write some other things first.

[jackienautism]

fire emblem update part three!! i played a BUNCH yesterday and am probably going to finish my first playthrough tonight!! update on character opinions - while my overall ranking of the eagles hasn't changed, i will say that both linhardt and ferdinand have gotten sooo much more special to me post timeskip. similar thing happened with hubert actually, where i like him even more but he's staying in the same spot on my rankings.

DOROTHEA IS MAKING ME SO EMOTIONAL POSTSKIP like. ending the war For Her <333 she and bernie and caspar are still my besties in the whole world. this getting redundant but. i am LOVING bernie postskip. caspar too! i got all of his supports with petra since my last ask and im rotating them in my head they are so interesting to me. actually i had really not gotten too many supports between characters by my last ask and i've been trying to get the ones im most interested in currently and like. i am rotating these guys and their dynamics in my head they are sooo interesting to me. sooo mad bernie and petra don't have an a support </3 i want more of them.

im trying my best to avoid killing any of the former allies. so far i've avoided killing ignatz, let seteth and flayn run away, recruited lysithea, avoided killing hilda, and spared claude. had to kill leonie bc she would not stop killing caspar and bernie no matter what i did. and i killed alois.

little bit sad that i'm missing out on the potential angst this playthrough of having like... only one blue lion kill the rest but. there's always another playthrough! i'm def gonna play all the routes (although honestly i'm gonna have a tough time on the church path.... idk it's one thing to fight edie without being closer to her but it's gonna feel sooo bad to like. directly betray her) but i'm probably gonna replay CF being a little more careful with who i recruit from a story standpoint.

semi related but MAN im LOVING the edelgrid posting im thinking about them soooo hard rn. anyway. on to finish the playthrough! already plotting my next playthrough which is gonna be VW. sort of considering who i want to recruit for that one bc so many of my favorites are in the black eagles so for maximum angst potential i should recruit one or maybe two. but who to pick.... or maybe im lying bc maximum angst would just be killing them all. and then at the same time. what if i just decided to save as many people as possible. what then. minimum angst.

anyway! im going to be thinking about these characters forever now. this game is basically the perfect storm in terms of media that's gonna have me thinking about it for a while (big cast with interesting concepts that could definitely be dug into way deeper, and tons of possible dynamics to think about) so. thank you for your posting about it because i found myself suddenly with an abundance of unscheduled free time and i am. definitely enjoying it now! also side note but i lovee how so many of these characters come with adorable nicknames. i love calling them like. bernie and hubie and edie like yessss those are my besties <333333

YIOPPEEEEE OHHH GOOD FOR YOU GOOD FOR YOU... IM SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT YOURE CLOSE TO FINISHING YOUR FIRST FIRE EMBLEM PLAYTHROUGH EVER HEHE and maybe even by now you may have finished it? but regardless, super happy for you my friend<3 AND RIIIGHT,.. THEY JUST GROW ON YOU POST TIMESKIP... sooo glad the same happened w/ ferdie and hubie for you! next time you check in you def have to submit or create your Official black eagles ranking! id love to see!!!

DOROTHEA IS SOOOOOO GOOD AND FULLL OF ANGST POST TIMESKIP AAAGH YEAH. THATS WHY SHES SO SPECIAL 2 ME.... THE ARC W/ HER DEPRESSION IS JUST.... GOSH. so gladyou're ending the war for her aand only her<333 i support that sentiment 10000% i still have to go through the black eagles supports w/ each other (i enjoy getting them myself... hence why i dont just watch them on youtube or smth. plus i havent played through crimson flower in a looong while) but im SOOO happy youve been enjoying tjhe characters and the dynamics between each of them! fire emblem is especiallly good w/ writing stuff like that. and they def did not fall short in this ggame! so i unfortunately cant comment too much on individual stuff but im glad you like the supports<3 ALL OFD THE CHARACTERS DESERVE A SUPPORTS TBH!!!!!! luckily im pretty sure there are more supports in three hopes so if youre interested for more content you can always loook them up on youtube :o

understand why youd try your best to avoid killing former classmates,def makes it a bit more difficult but ): it's super fucked up, especially in the perspective of the characters. the angst potential is sooo good but sometimes i am Weak of Heart. so im glad to hear that you were able to spare / recruit most of them! rip to leonie and alois though. i defunderstand alois bc wasnt he abt to do some shit during the battle for the monastery? makes sense why youd need / want to get rid of him asap

FDJGDFBG GLAD THAT YOURE LOOKING FORWARD TO THE POTENTIAL ANGST????? did you only recruit sylvain and ingrid this route? or were you able to recruit felix as well? sorry i remember you saying you liked felix but i cant remember if you recruited him or not! but yeah im sure the crimson flower!blue lions is esp....... hard for them. considering that 3 of them were close friends w/ dimitri as children. but thats whats so GOOD about it..... there's so much angst in that alone. ouugh what are your plans for a future crimson flower route regarding the blue lions :o? BUT YEAH. SILVER SNOW (THE CHURCH ROUTE) IS GONNA BE ROUGH LMAO I DONT WANNA GO AGAINST / BETRAY EDIE LET ALONE THE REST OF THE BLACK EAGLES.... its gonna be tough but we'll make it through </3 that is why i am putting it off for as longas possible👍

HEHEH SO GLAD YOUVE ENJOYED ME GOING BATSHIT OVER EDELGARD / INGRID. SOMETHING SPOKE TO ME AND THEY JSUT..... GOD. YEAH. HAPPY YOU UNDERSTAND. fdjndfg i totally understand that want to like. get as painful as possible but for me personally. whille i HATE separating the black eagles from edie. i just cant be without them and kill them in battle i jusr CANT .... so props to you for wanting to do that! i will sauy though theres alreyad enough angst surrounding edie and hubie if you choose to save everyone else in the BE.... it just. it fucked me up, so have fun in VW<3 good luck w./ the rest of crimson flower if you stilll havent finished and verdant wind when you get to it :D!!!!

<3333 SO HAPPY TO HEAR THAT MY SILLY POSTING AND MUSINGS GOT YOU TO PLAY AND THEREFORE ENJOY THE GAME!!!!!! MY WORK HERE IS CERTAINLY DONE... also happy that this new piece of media gave you more shit to think about<3 theres def a bunch to think about in terms of three houses man...... AND RIIIGHT THE NICKNAMES ARS SOC UTE..... ADN THEF ACT MOST OF THEM CAME FROM DOROTHEA ALONE MAKES ME SO ........ GOD . GIOD.

[aurltas]

author interview tag (!)

aaAAAA ty to @backcountry-deltora for tagging me!!! much loveee <333 i haven’t been looped into a tag game for so so long and this is making me feel 10000% better about the fact that i have not written a single fic related thing in MONTHS o)-( but i love to talk about writing and myself so here we go,,

Name: i went by crystal silvera on ffn and here for the longest time so a lot of ppl know me as crystal but my Real(TM) name is dani and my ao3 name is auritas so like take ur pick haha

Fandoms: currently in mxtx hell (im a mdzs main, to the shock of no one) but my og fandoms that i am still very much attached to are deltora quest (the OG og), young wizards, the raven cycle, and yuri on ice

Where you post: ao3 alllll the way babey (but i originated from ffn and still have some stuff up there.......it’s Not Good tho)

Most popular one-shot: oh boy i knew this was gonna be a popular one bc i only wrote like?? rambly reflective thematic pieces(?) before this, my First Attempt At Fluff lmao. even then, But we’re alive (because we bleed) still exceeded my expectations by far in terms of reception, probs bc mdzs was such an up and coming fandom at the time and i posted it right on the crest of that cql wave

Most popular multi-chapter fic: obviously where the light goes, also known as my beloved CHILD !!!! i don’t write multichaps anymore but this is 2 long ass chapters so ig that’s Technically a multichap haha,,, yeah i knew this one was gonna be popular for the same reasons as the previous one + the very intentional tipping of the scale i did here with the balance of fluff and other things. like this is just pure distilled sugar it’s so so fluffy

Favourite story you’ve written so far: oh mannnn i gotta say where the light goes. especially that first chapter, just,, damn. what was i ON ?? its so good!! what the heck!!! quite proud of my metaphor work there, even if balancing prose/poetry feel is very stilted at times . in terms of that balance i think i did a Really good job with and neither did the both of us bc i went back and reread where the light goes for inspiration and i was like “oh god this is DROWNING in metaphors i need to lighten it up a little”

Fic you were nervous to post: i was nervous about where the light goes bc i had such high expectations going in, like i Knew people were craving what i had but i was like, did i do it right?? will this be my breakthrough in the mdzs fandom??? and it sort of was and sort of wasn’t, which,, fair. also SUPER nervous for astriferous bc i had written it all in like, one (1) day and it was for an exchange LMFAOOO (and you can really tell it was all written in one go......it was only when i hit the end that it got Good)

How you choose your titles: when i write fic i’m often scrapbooking a TON of different things together so titles are often just whatever it is i’m already drawing from. there are a few exceptions, like here, then, begins the mending, or and i need nothing more where a phrase popped into my head during the writing/drafting/brainstorming process and i was like OH THAT’S REALLY GOOD. TITLE IT IS

Do you outline?: usually only if it’s plot-driven, like my (incomplete for . Reasons) (ok i was being pestered bc i took it as a prompt and my promptee was. hm) YW multichap equilibrium, for which i outlined EVERYTHING. it was so annoying but i also lowkey liked it because these were MY messy outline notes and i could go as ham as i’d like

Complete: everything that’s posted !! except equilibrium ofc . that’s gonna stay where it is unless by some miracle of nature i get my momentum back for it

In progress: i am working on another jaslief oneshot!!! and for my mdzs folks i have been working on a rly long lesbian songxiao oneshot for a Very long time and it’s . mwah (i showed it to one of my friends and she lost her mind so i think i can say that with confidence)

Coming soon: probably nothing until i’m released from ochem/thesis hell hahahahahahahaaa but if anything were to come out this year it would be the songxiao most likely !

Do you accept prompts?: not after what happened last time !!!! ;o; until i’m done with school altogether, i really need writing to remain something For Me

Upcoming story you’re the most excited to write?: i wanna finish my jaslief SOOOO bad oh my god . i put in so much self-indulgence in there and used what i learned from where the light goes to make it REALLY good n thematic. like don’t get me wrong i am also so excited for my songxiao but i wrote it with some uhhhhh Influence from things i was going through irl and it feels weighty now?? idk i’ll work it out eventually,, i’ve also had oubing fic brewing in my head for literally a year and i REALLY wanna write some pynch in the barns/cabeswater content. let me write about dreamthings and nATURE

Upcoming story you’re most excited about?: bold of u to assume i read multichapters anymore HAHAHA i rotate through the same library of 100 one-shots i have bookmarked now......but back when i did read multichaps i was REALLY into the work of iruutciv + orchids_and_fictional_cities team from yoi, they were absolute LEGENDS and their fic and miles to go before i sleep changed me as a person lmao (i also did read part of their ongoing but monsters are always hungry, darling and i’m actually still in their discord for it but it is SO so intricately crafted and i fell out of the loop and didn’t rly get back in) . currently i follow megafaunatic aka etymologyplayground’s work the most closely for my mxtx fix (my fav from them currently is probably you, asleep and dreaming)

tagging: @lenawin4 and uhhhhhhh anyone else who feels like doing this?? for my life i cannot recall any other writers off the top of my head rn o)-(

[ammi-ka-shehzada]

“1995. I was 16. He was 17. We saw each other for the first time in front of Copper Kettle in Liberty Market Lahore. He was a friend of my cousin’s and they met briefly while I waited next to the car. He thought I looked like a snob and I thought he seemed too chummy. So “hmph” teenage moment!

We met off and on with the cousin but never got along. Snob vs too chummy didn’t stand a chance!

1997. I was 18. He was 19.

I was in my BA 3rd year. He still hadn’t completed his A levels...moment of silence there.

I took his number from the same cousin and called him one night in June to talk about something pestering me. Something I knew only he could help with. Incidentally he was alone at home and free.

So, as fate would have it, the snob girl and the chummy boy ended up chatting the entire night. Something which is quite a heroic achievement in the times of one landline a house. That too in the TV lounge and Amma Abba’s surveillance at its peak.

Bharpoor taaliaan!

The next few days we ( separately in our own lives) couldn’t help but think of how well we got along in that one chat. It was actually as comfortable as chuddy buddies.

So. A few days later I, the cheeti ( as my sister called me later) called him again! From the same landline ( it was an orange phone I still remember that. I still remember his phone number also) and from the same TV lounge. Guess what? Yes! Another all night chat. But drop scene yeh huwa ke meri walida mohtarima aa gayeen subha 5 bajay. She didn’t exactly figure out what was happening but of course antennas were up. And Mr Rana ki to sitti gum ho gayee (which he told me later). He said he walked outside on the road at 5 am for hours panicking that I may be in trouble.

Later in the day he walked to a PCO to call and check if all is well. The phone kept ringing and shutting until I picked it up. And a voice said “Sarah?” I said “ uhh no” He said “just wanted to check are you ok?” I said “Yes”.

Relief for him.

Giddy smile for me,

And that was it.

Two telephone conversations later we were both 100% certain that we wanted to get married.

Why?

Because it was just so easy to talk to each other. We are the absolute opposites when it comes to personalities, like & dislikes, habits and general approach to things. But, we were both so sure. The kind of bond we had was special, and we couldn’t let go of it. 23 years later, this one fact still holds true.

Acha jee. Ayen na zara practical zindagi main. Jag jayen thora. 19 sala Hero A levels kar raha hai. Theek hai na? Interest kis cheez main hai? Theatre main. Operation theatre nahin. Drama wala theatre. Theek ho Gaya? Heroine BA kar rahee hai. 3 sisters and an EXTREMELY strict and conservative household. Fauji abba. Elder sister engaged. Matlab ke next in line to get married and Amma Abba completely clear on the fact that 1 acha rishta and baat done and beti ko tata bye bye. Parhayee etc sab 2nd priority.

Kher. Nazreen waqt ka pahiyya chalta raha. BA ho gaya. Lekin hero A levels main fail ho gaya. Bijlian gir gayeen armaanon par. His result came out the day my best friend was getting married. Crying my eyes out was easy because it got camouflaged behind my missing her. Everyone thought she was so lucky to have me as her best friend My Masters degree began and he enrolled in a local foundation course for an external degree.

My elder sister got married matlab tamaam topon ka rukh kahani ki heroine ki taraf. Rishtay atay rahay lekin waapis bhee bhee rahay, Shukar Alhamdullillah! Never did rejection feel so good!

1999.

He told his mother kyunke bairooni maddad ki zaroorat par chukki thee. Aik rishta serious ho gaya tha. Army Captain. I wonder where he is now...ok. Focus. His mother was super supportive. I collected the himmat to confide in my mother. Jhaar pari lekin qayamat nahin ayee. Baree hee maharat se donon walidas to milwaya. Makhan lagaya. Kiya nahin Kiya. They both said ok we will help you. Plan yeh tha ke my Ami will defer potential rishtas and his mother will bring the rishta as soon as he nears graduation and can talk to Abu with some grace.

Took a promise from us that we strictly follow boundaries.

No exclusive meetings.

No one should be able to see us together.

No compromise on this.

And we remained true to our word.

Now when I think of it I feel SO good about us. I kept studying. He tried studying and kept doing theatre. Started debate coaching with the initial pay of Rs. 5000.

2000.

My Masters done. Itni parhi likhi qabil heroine. Hero ka final year. Finally!!! Rishta aa gaya and came the million dollar question “yeh larka Akhir karta kiya hai?!” Start of a new era of daily discussions and many at times fights of Abu saying this is insane and Ami supporting me ( how sweet).

2001.

Finally a graduate. Hero found a job of 13000 Rs. Wasn’t great but I was ready to marry an unemployed man to Yeh to lottery thee. I started working. With almost the same pay...and Somehow, after two years of convincing and case pleading we got engaged on the 1st of January 2002. By far that day is, even now, the happiest day of my life. If anyone asks me that question, the first image that pops in my head is that night. It was surreal...honestly it was just meant to be. There was nothing going in our favour but somehow it happened.

Understanding yeh huwee the shadi araaam Se ho gee. Obviously hero was 23 years old!!! But dekhain, dulhan 22 kee thee na...and that’s OLD in a conservative, Punjabi family. To naya katta khul gaya na. My parents wanted it over and done with ASAP and his parents were reluctant. I can understand both sides but qeema kis ka bun raha tha? Aik saal main tension peak par pohanch gayee aur wohee huwa jo filmi stories main hota hai. Hero ko laga unn ke Amma Abba ki “insult” ho rahee hai and unhon ne mangni tor dee... jee haan!!! 🥁🥁🥁

Lekin heroine ki dhittayee par to medal banta hai. ( My sister suggested that I should talk to Abu. Matlab ke khud kush Hamla). Aadhi raat ko ja kar Abba ko jagaya aur bhaaan bhaaan kar ke dukhi kahani sunayee. Felix felicious feeling thee seriously. He heard me. And somehow promised to take care of everything. And he did. Date set ho gayee. Aglay saal ki! 365 days later. That one year was torturous. Because both set of parents were extremely upset with each other and both of us were constantly playing peace makers with one goal. Countdown to 365 days...it was exhausting!

But main ne bhoolne nahin diya hero ko ke mangni main ne jori. Jee Haan. Pehli call bhee main ne hee kee thee. I’m sure he mutters under his breath “why did you?”. Acha jee six months before the big day, Mr Rana decided to quit his job and pursue acting. Chalo jee. Naya sayapa. To huwa Kiya? Everyone discouraged him. Except me. But he wanted to satisfy his parents and went to UAE for a job hunt. Nope. No luck. Came back and announced that whatever it takes I am going to pursue my first love. Theatre and acting. And there was no turning back. Nautankee it was!Amma Abba told me clearly ke soch lo. There is no certainty or future for theatre or acting in Pakistan. All my life I’ve been answering the wretched question “So what does he ACTUALLY do?” Lekin kahan jee. Nothing hits home when you’re in “lurvvve”. He assured me that he will make me the happiest girl on earth. I believed him.

2003.

To kar li shaadi.

We were the happiest people alive. I honestly have seen VERY few couples as happy on their wedding day as we were. We were actually on cloud 9. Ready to take on anything that life brings. Anything.

Early marriage days were an absolute dream come true. We felt that all hardships are behind us and we have conquered everything in life. If we can do this, whatever life brings will be easy! Life with him for me actually meant a fairy tale. I was the stupid, naive, day dreaming princess and he was my Prince Charming, equally young and naive. He was supposed to whisk me away from a life of curfews, restrictions and boundaries to a house where I could paint the town red! From the house that didn’t allow me to laugh loudly and clap without a reason to a house where dancing to random songs was daily routine. Without any occasion or reason.

The fact that we paid for a 2 day stay at PC Bhurban with our salamis was a matter of pride for us. We still talk about how we sat down on day 3 and counted if we can stay another night, which we couldn’t and came back.

Happily.

The first few months were like a daze. With no luxuries but plain joy. We had so much fun. Just being together. Nothing mattered. Driving to work in the morning chatting chirpily, watching TV with dinner, going for groceries. Finding joy in the smallest of moments. Will our car ( a 3rd hand Alto) start or not in the morning was a daily bet of ours. The fact that our entire pay ( both) was spent completely on basic necessities was a matter of pride for us. Watching late night movies with a pizza was an absolute luxury!

I was willing to face anything with him. For him. When our car’s windshield smashed during a toofan we didn’t have extra cash. Omair won 10000 Rs at a theatre festival the very next week and we got it repaired. Drove around for days with no windshield and we still laugh about it 🙂

But things started going downhill a few months later. My super comfortable relationship with my mother in law turned bitterly toxic, for reasons incomprehensible to me ( at least then).

My 29 year old elder sister suffered a brain hemorrhage in UK and was in the hospital for months. In and out of surgeries before coming around but her movement was affected for life.

My parents and younger sister went on rotation to be with her while I stayed back because I was “someone else’s wife” now so he was supposed to take decisions for me. Finances became a big issue so I took tuitions to save money and go visit her.

Omair found a better job and kept doing some TV work on the side but it was a struggle with nothing to fall back on. My heart would be with my sister but I would act jolly because “ghar ka mahaul kharab hota hai”. He decided to study and applied to LUMS for an MBA and started preparing for GMAT, which meant greater financial stress one me. But I stood by him. He didn’t get in ( a behteri in hind sight). The constant stress affected my gynea system... I actually didn’t feel like having a child because I was just so unhappy...and the uncertainty of life, my sister’s health, my parent’s stress and his career had started getting to me. But it had been three “LONG” years, and that gullible version of me caved in to pressure and we started treatment. What followed was two years of scans and injections and tablets and all the side effects that come with it.

2007. Eventually, an IUI worked and Rayaan came along. In bitter reality Rayaan was my clean chit in the eyes of the society that I am “complete”. I did not feel any gushing love for him. Omair on the other hand was over the moon! He has not loved anyone like he’s loved Rayaan. He is born to be a father. And that was a blessing, because Rayaan got the love he deserved from Baba while Amma was busy fighting her battles. The toxic relationship with my mother in law turned unbearable, I almost had a nervous breakdown and we moved out. It was ugly.

Omair didn’t have a job at this time. We had an infant and no worldly possessions at all except my jewellery and bedroom furniture. Fun fact: I had no jahez. Omair’s family made is 100% clear that there will be no jahez. Full marks to them there.

In these 4 years the ONLY thing that kept me sane was Omair, his humour, and our friendship. In these years we became even closer friends than before. He would listen to me silently if ever I felt like venting my heart out. Mostly I tried to keep it in because I didn’t want to upset him. Just silent hand holding was so comforting when he didn’t have any words of tassalli for me. He didn’t share his stress because HE didn’t want to stress me out.(This is when I realized strongly how the man is the worst hit in a conflict between his wife and mother. Made a mental note of never ever letting my son go through this. I hope I remember this by the time that time comes)). We cared for each other as friends before anything else and kept going...We have always been more of friends than anything else.

Something that caused huge problems later because married people need to be husband and wife, behave like a couple, argue like a couple and demand stuff like a couple. But we thought as long as we can communicate openly, make each other laugh, never dream of hurting the other and never go to bed angry, all is well.

This man has made me laugh at the toughest of times and has always ALWAYS been kind. That alone is something I cannot thank Allah enough for.

2008.

This marked the year for us actually starting from scratch. I sold some of my jewellery to buy furniture (Something I confided in Omair much later and he still hates this fact) crockery and appliances. We used up all of our savings. We set up a two room portion far away from the city which we called home for two years. I remember someone bringing flowers which I put in a balti because there was no vase. Meals were on the floor. We used to leave home at 645 daily to drop Rayaan to day care ( eternally grateful to The Early Years ) and get to our jobs. I was teaching at several places and so was he. We were shuttling between jobs all day. Only to return in the evening exhausted, showered ( if we had the energy), have omelette toast and crash. All this was just making ends meet, pay rent, bills, Rayaan’s fee, basic grocery and NO savings. Eating out was out of the question. But we were SO very happy.

It was unbelievable.

Even now when we look back the two years at “26 M” were the warmest, coziest, happiest ever. I actually found out what people mean when they say money isn’t everything. I learnt to love my baby boy who was an absolute Godsend. He took his first steps on that terrace. We got heat strokes from the hot weather but still managed to smile. The first sofa set we bought was second hand, for Rs 4000, which Omair refused to give away till 3 years ago.

The beds in the 2nd room were given by a dear friend for free. We shared the bills. Since we couldn’t eat out much I experimented with a lot of cooking (Dalda ka dastarkhwan was my saheli in those days).

Sharing financial and household responsibilities was never ever a problem between us. It was always “our” money, our responsibilities. We were both fighting our separate battles of the move ( we really never wanted to move away from his parents and this was very painful for both of us differently) but we never fought over it. Everything was always so civil and so comfortable.

2010.

We moved to a better place. Things settled a bit vis a vis work. Him and mine both. Slowly the ice started melting with my in laws ( things now are 100% ok. Yeah. That also happens. A lot of the credit goes to my parents in law here. But that’s a separate post) Slowly and steadily we made a home.

Right now, I’m sitting in our TV lounge of the home we’ve been in since 2010. And when I look around, every single thing that I can see has been bought by us personally.

Alhamdullillah.

Allah has been so unbelievably kind. If I say that we have actually built a home from scratch together, it’ll be 100% true. From a teaspoon to the TV to the car. Everything. But we still remember the first 5000 he earned and the third hand Red Alto whose floor collapsed while we were driving it. Flintstones!!!!

2011. I had my miscarriage.

2012.

This was the year we lost our twins in the 33rd week.

What followed was a complete fallout between us.

Oddly enough...We were heartbroken, more for each other than our own selves. I struggled desperately to deal with everything that follows after losing a child. But I failed miserably because of my combination of “I have to be strong”, “ I should always be grateful”, and “ everything happens for a reason” and “I need to be there for him”, and “Look how much pain my sister has gone through, this is nothing”.. But my body wasn’t agreeing with my mind and I fell critically ill.

Hospitalized for weeks while doctors struggled to figure out the problem. Eventually managed to come out of it Alhamdullillah but it took its toll on our relationship.

We drifted apart although he looked after me with such care that it makes my heart melt every time I think about it. But we both knew that it wasn’t the same.

For reasons we both knew and understood but didn’t have the courage to talk about. Since we were such close friends, we both understood the other’s thinking process and we let each other be. It was like parallel lives. We came home to each other, never stopped loving each other but we started living our own lives. Professionally we both grew but as “us” we stopped moving.

Now, when I see couples making this mistake I make it a point to tell them. Ask them to talk it out. Understanding each other’s struggles and giving each other too much space at the cost of your own happiness can cause irreversible damage.

This lack of communication is something I regret in hindsight. Something that went on for years and something that caused our marriage to almost end at one point...We didn’t even talk about what we were going through with anyone either.

No One.

Because our go to person was us...to kiya kartay?

But, yet again, guess what came to our rescue? Dosti. We just couldn’t give up on the dosti. No matter how much time we spent with other people, we just couldn’t help but miss what we have.

And what we have is extraordinary.

We feel at home with each other.

And that is irreplaceable.

You know the person who can look at you and understand what you are about to say? That’s us.

Home is where your heart is, and our hearts belong to each other. Three C sections and he stayed with me at the hospital. You want your mother around at that time and I wanted him. He’s changed countless pampers, done night duties with the kids, cooked breakfast for me, cleaned, dusted, changed linen, gotten furniture poshish done, taken me shopping infinite times, waited patiently while I got my threading done only so we can take a drive together, bought sanitary napkins, taken me for Falooda at midnight, you name it. He made me open my first personal bank account and asked me to put all my salary in it instead of the joint account, he’s never asked me how much I earn, never told me I’m fat ( and I’ve been fat!!!). Always disregarded comments about how “young” he looks compared to me. Something I have let bother me for years before growing up and not giving a rat’s ass eventually.

We’ve never ever argued in front of the kids. He’s always given me the lead in parenting, trusting every single decision I take as a mother, and never made me feel bad for the bad ones (there are quite a few).

He’s never stopped talking to me although I tend to give him the “silent treatment” quite a few times. He’s supported me most in my work. Helped me through the tightest spots professionally. I have grown as a person with him. I have learnt from him what it means to truly forgive someone, to be non judgmental, to drop one’s agenda and focus on the bigger picture. People say it about their fathers, and as much as I love my Abu with all my heart, my husband gave me wings to fly and the courage to follow my dreams.

He’s actually one of a kind.

Completely secure.

Non judgmental.

Hospitable and generous to the core.

Genuinely happy for everyone’s success and happiness.

Humble.

A truly happy person who wakes up every morning to live life to its fullest!

A truly loving father.

A genuinely caring son.

An absolutely accommodating husband.

A wholeheartedly loving brother.

A friend in need.

I’ve spent years being scared of Nazar and bad luck by telling people how blessed I feel, every moment of my life, but not right now. I feel if many people will jinx this, enough people will be happy for us and make the bad nazar nuetral 🙂 I think the world deserves to know this side of the coin as well.

There ARE men who are plain GOOD men. And I have been infinitely lucky to have one of them. I may become overwhelmed with fear in a few days though. I’m unpredictable in this department 🧿

My love story is rather simple.

I simply decided to marry my best friend. My best friend decided to marry his. And we really wouldn’t have it any other way. He calls me his “best mistake”. I still can’t decide if that’s a compliment or not I consider him “my lucky break” in life.

We haven’t had a marriage which revolves around expensive presents, holiday destinations or lavish surprise birthday parties but we have a marriage which has survived the test of time. It is based on years of honesty, trust, hard work and respect. We have both invested in it. Yes I have invested a lifetime in this relationship as well. I have compromised and given in countless times. Cried myself to sleep and wept in the shower. There have been numerous ugly downs in these 23 years...but the beautiful ups have been more than numerous. The laughters are actually infinite.

Alhamdullillah.

The most important thing is that we haven’t kept any scores. Who needs to keep a score when we both get to win in the end?”

-shared by Ms. Maira Omair Rana

Copied from facebook page: Humans of Kinnaird.

[anotherplumbob]

Gaaahhh!! I'm gushing over all the likes and love you gave me! :`D. And I have sooo many more questions, as playing through the premades has always been an idea in my head. Do you have plans for them when you start? Do you let things happen naturally, or is there certain things you're aiming for? How long are your rotations? SO MANY QUESTIONS!!! xxx

:D hahaha I love premade stories!! :D So I am always happy to find more simblrs that do it and I really love that your Neck of the Woods Challenge incorporates premades too! (for a second I thought Moira was a remake of Moira Fryres and that she and Bjorn had eloped lol but now I know better haha)

So about your questions…Basically what I do is follow my master’s footsteps @homijoh hahaha She was the one that got me interested in the sims 4 premades in the first place and I am sooo inspired by the way she plays. If you don’t know it, I recommend you follow her blog because it’s honestly so inspiring!

Basically, before I start playing a family, I have an idea of the sims are and where I would like to take them. BUT to make things more interesting and get myself out of my comfort I use homijoh’s amazing rolls and rules (here) to roll a chance card for each sim in the household (ages YA, Adult or E). When a new sim is born into the game, I also use her rules to roll for traits, grades, jobs, number of pregnancies, etc. This has made it 10000% more fun, because it has really made me step out of my comfort zone and try new stuff. Then, of course, I also let some things happen naturally, for example you will soon see an example of Siobhan Fyres picking an in-game chance card and having to deal with the outcome lol Also, sometimes the chance card or the roll just gives me an idea, but I take things to a completely different place lol

As for the duration, I play each family from Monday 6AM to Monday 6AM (i.e. 7 days). I found that one week is the perfect duration for me (it used to be the amount of time I played back in TS2 times too). Each season also lasts 7 days, so I change season and I change family. In order not to get bored with the holidays, I change them every year (e.g. my sims dont celebrate Harvestfest every year. The Pancakes celebrated Harvest fest, but the Heckings celebratd “The Big Game” day). For a list of custom holidays, I recommend that you check this.

I hope that helps!! Im happy to answer any questions really (it’s not like I get that many lol) so don’t be afraid to ask!! :)

ETA: Omg that was long, sorry lol

[dreadhaus-literature]

Bye Bye, Decade!

Like I said, I like doing these things. ✧٩(ˊωˋ*)و✧

First things first, did you have a good year?

Uhm, haha, to be honest, no! No, I don’t think this year was one for the record. It was one of the harder years I’ve experienced in the past decade, especially the latter half. I’ve said it recently but I haven’t felt right since May/June.

Lost some spring in my step this year. Still trying to find it again.

How old did you turn this year?

I turned 30! Pretty neat, actually, felt super...idk, official? Felt good to be out of my 20′s, anyway.

Do you feel your age?

To be honest, I don’t really know what “30″ is supposed to feel like. I’ve never made a huge deal about my age, I just act how I feel any given moment of any given day.

Did your appearance change in anyway?

I went full mohawk this year, but that was earlier in the year. I’m growing my hair back out, now.

It’s looking a little untamed, actually. ƪ(‾ε‾“)ʃ

If you traveled, where did you go?

I went to Chicago over the Summer.

What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible?

I’m too lazy to get up and get it but I got a “Mama Bear” shirt for myself a couple months ago and it’s currently my favorite piece of clothing, just because that’s...well, that’s the best part about myself, I think. Being the Mom friend.

What song sums up this year for you?

“LIFE” by HEALTH.

If I can ever stop cutting myself, I want to get the lyric, “Life is strange, but it’s all we’ve got,” over the scars.

What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then?

VOL.4 :: SLAVES OF FEAR by HEALTH

What was your favorite movie of the year?

Oh, pfft, Captain Marvel!!! Or Endgame, even though it shattered my heart into a billion pieces.

Still love you, Thanos. (♥ω♥*) Idc what the rest of the fandom says.

Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year?

Yeah, Brie Larson. I mean she was amazing in Skull Island but I watched that movie for King and Tom, but she was 10000/10 choice for Carol and finding out she’s so pro-feminism and just civil rights in general really made me fall for her in a big way.

Favorite new TV show?

The Mandalorian really surprised the fuck out of me for holding my attention, and though I’ve only seen the first ep, the new Harley Quinn show was really funny.

Oh, Bless the Harts, too. Surprisingly hilarious.

Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears?

I don’t ship, but I got deeper into DC this year, really integrating it alongside Marvel now and that’s been nice. ♥

What food did you try for the first time?

Oh man, I tried these uhm...Chinese-style pancakes (savory, not sweet) in Chicago and right now I can’t think of what they were called but it made me regret my baby tummy, because I wanted to just sit and eat them until I exploded.

Did you make any big permanent changes this year?

Nah, I don’t think I did. Nothing comes to mind anyway.

What was one nice thing you did for someone else?

Well, just over the weekend was Bestie’s birthday, and I was pretty pleased with how that turned out. ( ᐛ )و She seemed happy, anyway!

What was one nice thing you did for yourself?

(」゜ロ゜)」i...don’t know. Not cut myself?

Did you develop a new obsession?

New? I don’t think so, I’m pretty...hm. Idk the word, I hyper-focus on my stuff and that’s pretty much where I sit.

To put it in a perspective, I’m fine playing with my same ol’ toys, I don’t tend to go back to the toy box to find new ones. Besides, with the fandoms I’ve got, there’s always some new, under-appreciated gem waiting to surge back up to the forefront.

Did you vote?

Nah, ‘rents tried but I couldn’t be fucked. I worked.

I’ll go out for 2020.

Did you move?

(;¬_¬)

Did you get a job?

Yeah. Not much to write home about, there.

Did you get a pet?

I did not! I had the opportunity to get half-sphynx kittens from a friend but Phoenix doesn’t get along with other cats and I refuse to put her through that again. She was miserable the first time I tried and with my current living arrangement and not being home to monitor...it wouldn’t have worked.

Do you regret not doing anything?

Like every other goddamn year of my life, I should have written more.

Do you regret doing something?

Actually, yeah. I thought I didn’t have anything to put here, I tend to lead a pretty well-thought out life, I think about everything before I do it, but I do have a regret from this year.

I regret giving up on writing as much as I did.

I didn’t have to, but I did. I knew I’d look back on the last year and have this regret and I was right. I kicked ass at the beginning of the year and then I let my environment influence me to give up when I could have, should have, kept going.

Have you done anything that scared you?

Nah, that’s not who I am. Mom friend, remember?

Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days?

Haha...yeah. Grudge holder with infinite memory storage and rumination/over-thinking habits and a god-awful family.

Bad combo.

Did you lose anyone close to you?

I don’t have enough people close enough to me for this to really apply, so no.

Did you fall in love?

With fictional characters? Yep.

With a real person? No.

Did you fall out of love?

No one to fall out of love with, unless you want to count re-reading the Civil War and me glaring at Steve and Tony for a month and a half.

Did you start a new relationship?

There’s new characters lining the walls of my brain but otherwise, nah, son. Reality and I don’t really cross paths as far as “relationships” go.

If you could have a do over on one thing you did, would you take it?

Yeah, I want a chance to redo this writing thing. Every year I let go without doing anything productive toward my goals of either enjoying my fandoms or working on getting published seems like such a waste to me and I hate it.

I work a job I hate, I’m stuck financially, and the one thing I know I want to do with my life...I’m not doing. It’s so fucking stupid it makes me cross-eyed when I think how often I just shrug and not do shit.

What was the best moment of the year for you?

It’s going to sound stupid, but Captain Marvel was a huge deal for me. I cried watching the red carpet premiere and I cried twice in the theater. I love Carol, I’ve loved Carol for years and years and I never thought the MCU would do well enough for me to get a movie that was all hers. To see her up there, to see Brie Larson portraying her and doing it so well, it was a huge deal to me. It still is.

I still feel that excitement.

What was the worst?

I’m not elaborating anymore than to say May/June was the lowest I’ve been in a long, long time.

What are you most proud of accomplishing?

I haven’t cut myself this year.

What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior?

That just when you think you can’t take it anymore, that you’re at the end of the rope...there’s still a little left. You can still go a little further.

Did your opinion of anyone change for the better?

Haha, yeah. I understand Steve Rogers more the second read-through of Civil War than I did the first time I went through it.

I still would have hit him in the head with his own shield, but, you know, the scales are more even between him and Tony, now.

Did your opinion of anyone change for worse?

Nah.

If you make resolutions, did you complete them this year?

Lol. I made a resolution to write every day at the beginning of the year and for three solid months, yeah, I wrote every day.

But then I stopped.

If you make resolutions, what will your resolutions be for the coming year?

Write.

I mean it. Write.

Take care of yourself.

Aim for Two Years.

Get back on medication.

What do you wish for others for the coming year?

Happiness. It’s cheesy, maybe even cliche, but it’s the hardest thing in the world to get and harder to hang onto. And in the end, really it’s all that matters.

What do you wish for yourself?

The same. Happiness.

It’s about time I got some.

[riddles-of-the-unknown]

* Notes: The Temple of That Which Waits

I can float~

o   Lafi was right, how dreadfully exciting~

o   I am becoming more of what I am by the day~

o   I have not yet figured out how to move forward (or any direction but up, really) but it is certainly an exciting start~

o   I can rotate, however~  

o   And be upside down!~

Ren has left.

o   Vathen follows.

We headed off to the swmp

Waters have receded

Swamp life has seemingly disappeared.

Abandoned ship is more exposed.

Barrow entrance is still caved in.

Miasma has dissipated entirely.

To the West

o   More ruins have surfaced near Lafi’s home.

o   Another thing that looks somewhat like the barrow.

o   4-5 feet

o   Ruins came up from the ground.

We’re going to the ship

You’d walk into the miasma, according to Lafi,

o   Then pass out

o   She’d wake up in a different part of the swamp.

§  Always in her bed.

The Ship

o   Gang plank leading up the side.

o   Looks somewhat rickety.

Deck

o   Very crooked

o   Center has a big crack.

o   Wood seems rickety.

Head down

Door pushed open, kinda falls.

Stairs going down, hits a corner

o   Apparently a body.

o   Some flesh still on it.

Deeper in there are more bodies.

Doesn’t look like there was a struggle.

o   Sigil

o   A star with a big circle in the middle.

o   Owner’s mark.

Ren opens a crate.

Magic no

A dagger, an axe, a pair of gloves.

Flametongue dagger

o   Can set them on fire thrice a day.

Gloves of dexterity

o  Makes one more dexterous

Axe of fast movement

o   When holding it you can move an extra 10 feet.

Residual traces, nothing left here.

+300 gold

Captain’s quarters

o   Skeleton laying atop the pile of goo

o   Desk relatively well preserved

o   Lafi finds something.

The Maiden –

o   Ren hasn’t heard of it.

Star Sailers

o   Somewhat mythological

Ruins

o   Coated in slime

o   Gleaming

600 – 700 years ago

o   Mystrifs became a thing

o   Before that they came from another family.

o   The 3 Magi came several thousand years ago, so I imagine perhaps 3000?  4000?

The Symbol of the Unknown

o   Gleaming pale marble.

o   Symbol burned into it.

The Symbol is carved into the door of the ruins that have risen.

Giant dome.

o   … is it like the library?

I place my hand on the Symbol.

Symbols all along me glowed

o   I was like a beacon of light

o   And then energy came from me and went into the door.

o   It began to open.

Within is pure darkness.

How dreadfully exciting~

We go in immediately.

Torches along the wall

Giant pillars

Can barely make out the walls.

Extends farther than light can show.

Tentacles

Marble material, white, golden filigree

Ornate carvings

Leaves and branches hanging from the ceiling.

Little cracks where plants are coming in.

100 feet

Looks like there might’ve once been symbols on the ceiling.

Over time seemed to be eroded.

Little things that might’ve been traps

o   Look like they’ve been already set off / disarmed / are too old to function.

o   It was triggered.

Stench of the swamp gets a lot stronger

Walls taper out

o   Wind moving.

o   Large room.

o   Foot snags on a bone.

o   Voice says ‘come to me’

‘What is this place?’

o   ‘This is my temple, child.’ – hissing voice

Who are you?

o   ‘I am That Which Waits, if you would help, I would give you power.’

Tentacles grab onto the alter.

Lights flare to life.

Image flickers into life.

This place looks desiccated, what may have been splendor has fallen to ruin.

Fridiel looks around, panicked.

o   50 years younger.

o   Note: … 50 years ago is when this began, at least for him.  But I… I am far older than that.

‘I Am That Which Waits, if you would help, I would give you strength.’

o   More conversation is skipped over.

Fridiel pacing.

o   “How would I become this Master of Death?”

o   Hissing, no longer a voice, he seems to understand.

o   Looks up and nods.

Fridiel off to the side of the alter.

o   You must break the seal.

o   To find the realms beyond and then to find me.

o   How will I break this seal?  How will I seek you out, Master?

Skips.

Fridiel looking ragged, thinner, older, weathered.

o   The five are needed to break The Seal; The Weaver is needed, The Questioner, The Protector, and The One That is Tied to The Sea itself.  Then the Outlander will be joining them.  They are all needed to break The Seal.

o   I think we have a lead on the Death Weaver.  She will be trained and brought up to be what is needed.

o   Pleased silence to the voice.

Skips.

I am ready, my lord.  Give me the power to become the master of death.

Item appears on the altar.

o   Fridiel takes it.

o   Small.

o   Green glow.

Fridiel: Will these five be enough?

They will be enough to destroy the first barrier.

But the souls needed to open the final are innumerable.

o   “You must destroy your realm to welcome me in.”

o   The destruction of the entire plane.

o   Fridiel seems fine with this. Nods.  “It will be so.”

o   Note: I am not particularly surprised.

§  Note:  The cadence of the voice seemed familiar. . . but the voice itself did not.  However. By means of necessarily destroying a realm full of those who have yet to have so much curiosity and inquiry. . . this is not the nature of the Unknown.  What is Not has no reason to destroy so much inquiring sentience, especially considering they have been divorced from Sigil for so long.

Symbols on the altar [various reinscriptions]

Combination of the three priorly seen.

o   The 3 Magi

o   A being above the ocean, a being in the sky, A being over the earth

o   All in one.

It will resonate with the sound of bardic powers

“Welcome Outlander.”

o   Voice is talking to Bran.

o   Sounds jovial, decent enough fellow.

o   Bran is needed apparently to open a barrier…?  Or perhaps.  [blot] He did something on his end prior.

We need to figure out a way to see what happens when souls are un-trapped.

o   Return to the library and seek this knowledge.

o   How long does it take them to move from one plane to the other?

o   How does the Astral Sea work?

Hallway.

Smooth circular stone.

Bank slate.

Touching it doesn’t work, no magic.

Proto portal

o   Portal, but more primitive.

o   I was able to open it with the port stone, and drawing the Symbol of What is Not + The Riddle.

The general “Library Symbol”

o   “Questioning that which has been learned.”

o   The man Ravisrim Tysenlar made the library.

o   No longer alive.

o   Apparently, he didn’t come from Sigil, way way back

o   When Sigil was pulled out of the pre astral sea

o   Founding gentleman

o   Might’ve been one of the masters at some point.

o   Other librarians (acolytes) wear this

o   ‘only ones crazy enough to wear that sort of thing’.

Pin of the symbol.

o   Genasi

o   Hair that is consistently windblown.

10000 years ago

o   Half elves in the outer district.

o   May be related; blood ‘diluted’.

He goes

The man was dreadful, arrogant, does not deserve the Symbol that he wears.

[blot]

o   Note: Ravisrim Tysenlar.  I cannot help but question, and wonder, if he is That Which Waits.  There was a clear connection of the Symbol of the Unknown, myself and the ability to bring forth these visions, to open doors… while that, normally, could easily be merely the nature of what it not, The Symbol of the Unknown was very clearly /made/ into the door.  What happened to him?  Did he go astray of What is Not?  A title also similar to That Which is Not.  … And a place chosen which had some connection to the 3 Magi, those who came from Sigil.  Ravisrim Tysenlar supposedly vanished, but also was tied to Sigil in clear ways.  … I will be looking out for this.