#rodrigo alarcon

[coffee-skin]

"Volta correndo que eu 'to com saudade

Nem bate na porta

Sinta-se a vontade

Mas vem depressa que eu passei café

O que eu estou esperando?

Por que eu corro atrás?

Grande besteira

Ela não volta mais

[...]

Que desperdício de café

Se ela não volta mais"

O Lado Vazio do Sofá - Rodrigo Alarcon

[b-etter]

Visse morena, não é que Deus existe mesmo

E ele mora entre o meu e o seu olhar

[brasileirando-085]

[reinventarias]

O peso dessa música...💔🩸

[carkaolrio]

Não creio em nada que trave

O amor quando é de verdade

Quero é viver a liberdade

De ser eu

De ser meu

De ser deus

De ser seu quando me convém

De ser eus

Muitos eus

De ser seu quando me faz bem

[amor-barato]

E eu nem sei por que eu faço café

Já é amargo o sabor de te amar

De gole em gole

Eu vou enjoando

Vendo o lado vazio do sofá

Besteira, já cansei de esperar

De xícara em xícara

Eu vou me afogar

No café

O que eu estou esperando

Por que eu corro atrás?

Grande besteira

Ela não volta mais

[leleux]

:(

[ana-eomar]

Nós somos tocados de várias formas ao longo da vida. Às vezes de formas boas, e, às vezes, de formas nem tão boas assim. Tem tempos que essas formas se misturam, e fica um gosto agridoce no nosso paladar sentimental.

A todo momento conhecemos pessoas. Algumas que ficam. Outras que vão. E algumas que, por falta de capacidade de escolher entre ir ou ficar, permanecem paradas e acabam sendo deixadas pra trás pelo nosso tempo emocional.

É raro e bonito conhecer alguém. É uma aventura muito boa, querer conhecer e deixar ser conhecida pelo outro. Mas é também um risco. Um daqueles que a gente compra torcendo pra dar tudo certo, porque quando não dá, dói demais.

É dessa dor que quero falar. Dessa dor, que é minha companheira e, quase, amiga, por anos. Ela é uma dor lancinante. Daquelas que faz a gente perder o rebolado da vida e deixar de acreditar. Que abre feridas, antigas e novas, em lugares de nós que nem imaginávamos existir. Essa dor - do coração partido, das esperanças despedaçadas, dos planos futuros desfeitos - é capaz de paralisar até a melhor das intenções.

Conviver, por anos, com essa dor me ensinou algumas coisas. Algumas que eu preferia não ter descoberto sobre mim... Eu me descobri dentro de uma bolha, tentando encontrar um jeito de voltar no tempo pra reencontrar um amor, que nem me cabe mais. Tentando, de todas as formas, continuar presa à um sofrimento que eu não queria que passasse. Porque no momento que passasse, aquela história se encerraria.

Durante todo esse tempo eu estive aqui. Acreditando, cegamente, que eu não era mais capaz de saber quando ir embora. E, por isso, eu fui. Fui indo embora da vida de todo mundo que eu conheci. Fui, bem antes de precisar, de fato. E, sinceramente, eu ainda não confio na minha capacidade de identificar se sou bem-querida. Tampouco, na probabilidade de ser o bem-querer de alguém. Então, sigo lutando comigo mesma. Pra não ir antes do tempo, nem me deixar ficar o suficiente pra revisitar esse lugar do tempo que já passou.

É engraçado como, às vezes, estamos tão concentrados no passado, que deixamos de enxergar o amor que está ali. Disponível e na nossa frente. E, quando olho pra trás, me lembro quantos desse eu perdi. Quantas pessoas incríveis. Quantos olhares no olho. Quantos sorrisos beijados. Quantas histórias não vividas. Quantas versões de mim mesma. Quanto carinho negado. Quantos amores inteiros, enquanto eu estava por bem menos da metade. Quanto esforço feito pra não parecer que eu me importava, quando, na verdade, eu me importava demais. Quantas pessoas machucadas no meu processo de me curar de um coração partido.

Esse meu castigo auto infligindo não foi justo. Nem comigo, nem com os outros. Esse processo não é gentil. E me deixou feridas, que só aos poucos estou conseguindo fechar. Mesmo que ainda fique as cicatrizes. Recuperar essa capacidade de saber quando voltar pra si, tem sido difícil. Tanto quanto entender que também é preciso sair um pouco de si, quando o amor chega. Porque sair de si ajuda a se expandir. Ajuda a ver melhor o amor do outro.

Ana C. O. Silva

[wsdalt]

#1 kamaitachi listener if you haven't listened to kamaitachi before outside of Carnival i cannot recommend enough the rest of his discography !! both of his albums are so so good and while they have incredibly different vibes (homem torto being acoustic noir and very macabre while festa is much more lively) they are both incredible albums! he also has a large range of singles! its difficult to pick out my favourites since i have so many but for a place to start i would recommend Lana, Morgana, Sabbat, Infame, O Psicopata, and A História de Jhonny!

Also if you want another brazilian band rec PLEASE listen to O Grilo their albums and eps are incredible ive been listening to them on loop theyre sooo so good. Herói do Futuro, Você Não Sabe de Nada, and TUDO ACONTECE AGORA PT. 1 (which just released!!!!!) are incredible. lots of awesome rock music. also listen to their single MALVADONA

if you have any brazilian music as well i would love to trade ^_^ << the musicer

hi \o/!! i have listened to a little bit of kamaitachi before (i have "sinfonia do inferno" on my playlist), but i will go through this musical journey you have layed out for me as i'm… bad at listening to albums so i usually just pick whatever titles speak to me oops

and i've listened to a few o grilo songs too \o/!! and i actually really need to listen to more brazilian rock songs because i have a lot of pop right now. so if you have any other song suggestions from o grilo that fit the rock genre i'd love to hear \o/ (o grilo songs i currently have saved are "seja quem você quiser" and "trela")

and regarding music i can recommend to you, i have "onde mora deus" by rodrigo alarcon and "santo", "escorpião", and "idiota" (idiota is a felpac song to me) by jão. that is… pretty much it right now though

[bee-bzz]

some Brazilian songs that represent some ppg couples because I think you guys are missing out on Brazilian music and I'd like to share.

(this is gonna be a long post so buckle up)

Blossick

"They tell me: the world is in your hands

I guess I let it go then

no, of course I don't love you

but in trying to forget you I'm already remembering us

and if I remember, don't answer me

I swear I don't love you, I just had too much to drink" - Não Te Amo (don't love you), Jão

"I won't talk about love, no

because I don't like anyone

if one day I did, what a shame

(...)

and I won't talk about your eyes

it makes me say the things that I'm afraid to

because they show me what I didn't want to see

and I won't even mention your mouth

I won't say I love you

after spending so long trying to hide it

and I don't even know what I'm talking about

every time I open up I give you an opening to fuck me up" - NÃO VOU FALAR DE AMOR (won't talk about love), Lagum

"Why did you never love me?

why did you hurt me

pretended, lied, never loved me

I wish I could tell you that I

never felt anything for you

I wish that I could uncry

the tears that already ran

and if it already ran (it'll dry)

and if it already dried (no one saw)

I will send it there, to the bridge that fell

this letter that doesn't say" Carta Que Nao Diz (letter that doesn't say), Mariana Froes, Rodrigo Alarcon, Ana Muller

Butchercup

"I like being immature with you

I like to give myself and get lost

I want to be able to nag you on your every manner

smoking anything, just to entertain myself

I risk my life just to see you

all of our youth runs through our veins

it's just, I'm weak, fragile and stupid

to talk about love

but if it's with you, I'll do it" Imaturo (immature), Jão

"The first time I saw you

something told me

"this is gonna end badly"

on the second time, I had the same impression

but I'm not one to listen

to my intuition

it's like something between chaos and stress

but that kind off messes me up

in a good way

baby, don't make me crazy

because I already am

it's just, there really should be a test

anything, a simulation perhaps

to avoid getting into a trap

instead of a relationship

you tell me you hate my outfit

and I really love your dress

when I have the chance to take it off

you tell me that you love me

and I hate you

in a strange way

because nothing is weirder than loving" - EU TE AMO (I Love You), Lagum

"Tell me you hate me

but say you don't live without me

I'm a plague

miss "no shame" from your garden

you're jealous

but you love to watch me dance" - Bem-Me-Quer (He Loves Me, like from the "he loves me, he loves me not" thing), Rita Lee

Boomubbles

"I made these blues for Bia

but Bia won't come and hear

I won't censor the beauty

it's in her nature

living loose around here

I composed sweet melodies

so she would be moved by them

I rhymed with melancholy

my day-to-day without Bia

but Bia doesn't care" - Blues Pra Bia (Blues for Bia) , Chico Buarque (he's like a father to me)

Note: translating this man's songs is almost sacrilegious. Please go listen yourself to at least feel the vibe a little bit. He's a master of lyricism.

"Whoever sees you walking past me like this

doesn't know what suffering is

having to see you in this way

always so pretty

contemplate the sun of your eyes

losing you in thin air

in the certainty of a love

thinking of myself as nothing

because without your kindness

I feel so alone

I drown myself in loneliness" Anna Júlia, Los Hermanos

"Love of my life

from here until eternity

our destinies were traced since maternity

cruel passion, unbridled

I bring you a thousand stolen roses

so you can forgive all of my lies

and all of my blunders

exaggerated, thrown at your feet

I really am exaggerated

I adore a crafted love" - Exagerado (exaggerated), Cazuza

[thoughtportal]

The Price of Paperless

Table of Contents

Here Everything is Poison

By J. Malcolm Garcia, Photography by Darren McCollester

Fall 2010

Cold winds carry lead-filled dust from a nearby slagheap, a hundred million tonnes of toxic tailings, and scatter it on clothes hanging from laundry lines, on open buckets of drinking water, on the dirt children play in, and on the feral dogs running down alleys in this former French army barracks housing about 250 displaced Roma men, women, and children.

Editor’s Desk

The Price of the Paperless Revolution

By Ted Genoways

Reporting

Jharia Burning

By Allison Joyce, Photography by Allison Joyce

The Pit

By Nathaniel Miller

Father Copper

By Annie Murphy, Photography by Rodrigo Llano

Mother of God, Child of Zeus

By Jessica Benko, Photography by Bear Guerra

Digging Out

By Elliott D. Woods, Photography by Elliott D. Woods

The Solution: Bolivia’s Lithium Dreams

By Matthew Power, Photography by Fabio Cuttica

Tin Fever

By Delphine Schrank, Photography by Mark Craemer

Here Everything is Poison

By J. Malcolm Garcia, Photography by Darren McCollester

Essays

The Devil’s Tail: Reading From the Lives of Authors

By Robert Boyers

Fiction

Favorite Son

By Jennifer Haigh

The Digger

By Samanta Schweblin, Translated by Daniel Alarcon

Poetry

The Man

By Patrick Phillips

Work-Clothes Quilt

By Patrick Phillips

Tailing Dam of Baotou Steel

By Qin Xiaoyu

The Book of Lost Railroad Photographs

By Amy Beeder

Criticism

The Age of Inequality

By Oscar Villalon

The Activist Novelist

By Jacob Silverman

The Triumph of Capitalism

By Brian Sholis

Multimedia

The Underground Giant: Life in the Hard Rock Mines of Quebec and Ontario

By Louie Palu, Photography by Louie Palu

[carkaolrio]

Me permito sonhar até de olhos abertos

Exercito o afeto, eu pratico o amor

Me dedico a criar um amanhã mais bonito

Pra quem anda comigo, pra quem nunca andou

Ciente do perigo em cada passo que eu dou

Viver é brincar com a incerteza

E eu 'to

Eu 'to bem vivo

Tento manter o equilíbrio

Sustento o peso de um sorriso com dor

E choro com riso

Empresto e peço um ombro amigo

Digo e repito o óbvio

Sobre o amor

[writinandcrying]

Dark Corner | Part 2 - Michelangelo x GN Reader

(platonic friendship to something more? who knows, not me!)

Angst. Tw hinted depression, friendship loss, harsh decisions, unrequited love, anxiety, moods swings - mainly due quarantine, and uh- acceptance? melodramatic a little bit lols (i suck at summaries pls act like this is sexy enough to seduce you to read this fic)

songs that helped me write this

Hearing Damage - Thom Yorke

Apesar de Querer - Rodrigo Alarcon

Breezeblocks - Alt J 

Snap out of it - Arctic Monkeys

Why We Can’t Be Friends? - The Academic

Eventually - Tame Impala

Chp. 2 - And then it vanished

(Part 1) | (Part 3)

—————————————————————-

“Just rip the bandaid off”

The sudden sound of the weights thumping down floor woke you up for spiraling thoughts, yet, your body hadn't a single reaction out of it, it was normal to get used to abrupt, rapid movements when talking about Raphael, as he grabs his gym towel heading towards the exit, he looks back at you, even without glasses, even with the stinging sensation in the corner of your eyes due unshed tears, you can draw out a mix of angry and disappointed expression.

“If you can’t handle it, then rip the bandaid off”

And that’s what you did.

One thing you knew for sure; Your brain is a bitch. Your memory sucked ass into remembering nice moments: the sensation of kisses, the last good bone- crushing hug you had, the last time your mom said she was proud of you. But agonizing, painful memories? Those were on a loop constantly. 

Every strong emotion made Raph’s eyes shine like gemstones, vivid, vibrant, now varnished with disdain, it was beautiful; you hated how you were the reason his golden irises were so gleaming and captivating.

That was 6 months ago, at least you think it was, quarantine sure proved something: time is indeed an illusion that doesn’t make sense. It seems like it was longer than that, although the pain made you grounded as it was yesterday. The last conversation you had with Raphael felt like a sore goodbye on both ends. You wish you could forget it, trick your brain into thinking it’s a happy memory so it can toss it away into the nearest trash.

Looking back at it, you should have fought back. Argued, yelled at him even. You should've made your point about how you didn’t want it to let go. But you were so tired, god- the lifeless sensation of how your body felt back then still phantoms you, it was honestly ridiculous, how a simple phrase could drag you back into the shadows back then. Or maybe you were never truly out of it, just constantly living in the dark, both hyper-aware and oblivious. You didn't know anymore-  a sentence, a reaction, someone else even, those could easily remind you how dark your mind could dive, So yeah, you clearly didn’t have any more strength to fight back, who would have known that being in constant fight with your own self would be so arduous? Maybe only you will know how much it took it from you, how desperately you wanted to hold onto it. And maybe that was the problem, there was nothing to hold on to anymore.

During that night, you didn’t know how long you remained glued on the concrete ground after Red left their training room. How long you stared at the gray walls, the foundation of the lair was unsettling cold. It made you feel more isolated than ever, you found yourself unable to control random shivers traveling through your body. You felt small, pathetic. Tears quietly slid from your cheeks to the very end of your chin. You felt invisible, literally, you could identify what the lair residents were up to by your own lack of sound, vague questions and noises that made you feel even more distant and undeserving to be there. You don’t know how long you remained motionless; sitting and staring at nothing, wishing it was different, but not really sure how to change the future.

You don’t know how you managed to drag yourself to the entrance of the lair, you found yourself there at some point of the night, turning back one more time. You loved that place, even if it took ages to get used to the sewer’s damp smell, you still loved it. you have always seen it as home. Sure, it was actually an abandoned intersection of a reservoir sewage station, yet filled with bits of love. Sewer sweet sewer, In every corner, from the dōjō to any repaired piece of furniture, graffiti or neon sign, it was laced with care and devotion. A house could be made of wood, cement or bricks and it was made for shelter, a home means safety, comfort and belonging, a shelter and much more, The lair is a home. was.

Tears ran down your cheeks as you glanced at the Christmas lights above the homemade living room, you remember how you helped them place it there 2 christmas ago, the boys decided not to take it back, it gave a inviting cozy glow, which matched so gracefully with all the wonderful times you had there. 

It's strange to desperately have the desire to stay and run away at the same time, pressing your lips tight, inhaling deeply- you were not going to sob your way out of it. Gripping hard at your backpack straps, you know you were going to miss how they made you feel, especially him. Dealing with the lack of it, how it became a foreigner feeling once again was one of the toughest parts during this whole fiasco of…. whatever was left remaining between the two of you, only some fond memories lingered, for a while those were the source of warmth during silent nights, but lately, it was a fuel to a abyss you could not stand being in it no more.

When your friendship with Mikey first started, you initially thought ‘that's it, that's something to treasure forever.’ How can two people be so close one day, to complete strangers in a course of some weeks still perturbs your mind and heart to this day.

Mikey wasn’t home when you arrived that day, your first intention was to talk out your last text messages, You weren’t sure how the conversation would start, or if it would even flow at all, you truly missed the times you could just talk about anything to him finding a topic to bond over was as easy as breathing air. He’d be busy. He needed to train, or out with his new friends. As usual,you were always the understanding friend, you knew everyone has their daily duties and hell, being the overbearing clingy friend? No, thank you. 

You and Mikey were different, at least you thought so, it was ok to be vulnerable with him, and him to you, you shared how you always held back truly connecting with others, afraid of how dependable you could become. You’ve seen it firsthand how much that could hurt, Mikey made you feel that you could trust, that you could rely on him, and for once you believed it. 

The first time you felt the unsettling vibe of not being so welcomed anymore was heart wrenching, even by now, you thought you would get used to it. It happened too many times for you to “not receive an invitation”, to be forgotten over hangouts, to being left out of jokes. You knew way too well the thin line between hanging out and being invited over pity.

That’s how you ended up talking to Raphael, maybe wasn’t the starter choice, he was a good friend, sure, but not the greatest with words. Leo and Don would have tried to understand your end at the time. but Raph was closest with Mikey. He saw how sometimes your unspoken, pitiful- whatever the hell this”friendship” is could gut his little brother. Mikey had intense feelings just like Raph, he understood him, and at the end, he would choose his side over yours.

You looked at the lair one last time, trying to preserve what you know you couldn’t have anymore: the warm welcomings, laughing until 5 in the morning, Mario Kart competitions, you name it. As you choke out a cry and walk towards the exit, what were good memories are now too painful to be felt and be remembered, although you already knew that it would haunt you constantly.

Only if you knew a certain turtle, who’s very fond of the color purple, watched and listened to it all in his lab. All of it. All 6 months of it.

Donatello’s top 5 regrets was not coming after you when you ran out crying, if he only knew this would drag into months on end, he would tackle you in a hug and tell you that you are indeed going to be missed, the time he wished to respect your privacy, looking back now, he knew it was a bad move on his end, Donnie was too used to observation and theories, that in this moment the situation needed a bit more action.

When you first befriended the turtles, there was an unspoken contract that they would track every move of you, for your safety and theirs as well.Donatello still had trackers on your personal turtle device, all of their humans friends had turtle-watches, not only for safety or rapid contact, but it also tracked vital signals, indicating any problems or disturbances about their friend's health.

So, when Donnie didn't see both of you and Mikey hanging out weekly, he didn’t think much of it, maybe you were just busy. But,when your signals started to point signs of bad nutrition, he got worried. When it showed a barely fictional human being, followed by hasty, god-awful goodbye (the courtesy of his older brother) he got obsessed with checking on you at least 4 times a week.

When your tracker suddenly shut down, he knew it was bad.

A different sound emitted from Donnie’s lab one quiet morning, a sound that if you have paid close attention, never went off before, this could have gone unnoticed because well, It’s Donnie. Every month he was working on something new, so maybe that was it, right?

By the way the second youngest flew out off the living room couch and, almost knocking Leo as he passed by, it truly showed the severity of the distinct sound.

"You have been away from your lab for 15 minutes and there's already a "situation?" Leo stood by the lab door, watching his brother's fingers work frantically while his eyes didn’t leave the monitors. 

"Yes, i'm overachieving" Donnie replied, Leo cautiously approached, truth to be told, he wasn’t fond of Donnie’s lab. Sure, it was great for secret sharing, strategy talk, toaster fixing area, yes. However, the possibility that any sudden movements there might result in catastrophe made Leonardo feel uneasy to say the least. His movements were always precise inside his brother's favorite Lair spot. Don finally guided Leo's eyes with a short nod after a intrigued "So?" left his lips, a main notification wouldn't budge from the screen, your tracker wasn't on anymore.

The leader reached for his katana instinctively, ready to head towards the door. He felt a firm hand hold his bicep  

"Pump the breaks, I don't think that's necessary", Leo raised a brow, Donnie  was already familiar enough to understand how his brother was once again, questioning what on Earth he was on about - "I have been... monitoring them." Casting his eyes down, Don doesn't like to call it stalking, neither does his older brother, due the circumstances of their reality, they needed to keep an eye out, just to be to safe, That's what they would always say in the back of their heads. "I think they disconnected themself"

"Can you handle this?" Leo asked looking back towards the door to check if anyone was around. Donnie told him what happened that day, infuriated was a nickname for how the oldest felt after hearing about it. 

Raphael didn't had any right to treat you like that, but he also knew if they argued about this, Michelangelo would find out, and the possible outcomes of it weren't pretty. He did make sure to be somewhat transparent about his knowledge over the secret quarrel, glancing towards Raphael if someone questioned your sudden dissapearance.

Truth to be told, Leo had no idea what to do. Figuring emotional, sentimental matters isn't his strong suit, and talking with Master Splinter would only raise red flags all around the situation. So they kept the situation under the rug. only if he knew what was going on between the two of you would drag it for months, he truly wished he had done something sooner. 

"Yeah," Donnie remembers clearly how crushed you looked back then. Was it fair to visit you? To make you relive all those unpleasant memories? 

"I hope so." His carapace met the cushion of his favorite chair followed by a drawn-out sigh as silence settled between the two brothers.

Honey colored eyes turned back into the monitors, Donnie knew briefly how you managed to get by these past months. From monitoring subway stations you caught towards work, to hijacking the local market surveillance cameras. he was glad that you were indeed getting by or so it seems. Again, he doesn't like to call it stalking. It's not like he watches you 24/7, maybe, 16/7? Weekly checkups? Just to make sure you are alright, that's what friends do, right?

Donnie felt a light hand over his shoulder, followed by a pair of sorrowful yet sympathetic Imperial blue eyes, "Tell they have been missed." A half-smile graces Leo’s features. There was mutual sentiment between them. Just because you were mainly Michelangelo's (former) best friend, doesn't mean you didn't leave a print on everyone else.

 "Shall do." Donnie responds with an uncertain smile as he stares back into the monitors. Quickly gathering his gear, it was already nighttime. Soon enough they all needed to headout.

Don sneaked towards the garage entrance by Leo's guidance, he had exactly 48 minutes before patrol, he could be at your place in exactly 9 minutes and 36 seconds, 7 minutes if there was no humans luckering on closest manhole’s alleys to your place, Don lips grow thin and firm, is 38 minutes and 24 seconds is enough to cover a 6 month silence between all of you?

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(next) | (previous)

comments and feedbacks are welcomed!! and thank you @melancholysway for being so helpful into making this scenario possible!

[will-be-florever]

🎶✨when u get this, list 5 songs u like to listen to, publish. then, send this ask to 10 of your favorite followers (positivity is cool)🎶✨

My favs 💞

@callmethechaos thank u 💞

[thesmpisonfire]

oi des \o/!! Tem alguma música brasileira que eu possa ouvir que você sugere? você não tem sugerir nada, só não sei como achar bom músicos ainda. só sei sobre jão agora mesmo

HI WSD IVE BEEN MEANING TO ANSWER YOU BUT I KEEP FORGETTING

Okay so besides Jao, I also really like Anavitoria, Clarisse Falcão and O Grilo!!! Also, theres this one song called "Onde Mora Deus" by Rodrigo Alarcon that is very felpac coded to me