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jeonjcngkook · 3 years ago

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try sleeping with a broken heart | myg (m)

➵ pairing: yoongi x female reader

➵ genre/au: lovers to exes, riddled with angst, smut

➵ wc: 15.7k

➵ summary: love is such a tainted thing. just because people say that they love you doesn't mean they really do. maybe once upon a time you really did love yoongi. but in the cold, dead, still of the days, you're reminded that love is now merely a myth between you both and you need to escape from it as fast as you can.

➵ warnings: no happy ending, funeral, heavy mentions of grief, depression (although not specifically stated, its behaviourally evident), post break up conversations, talks of breaking up, alcohol consumption, broken family, broken marriage, divorce, mention of character death (child - read at ur own risk), passing comments of ocs caesarean section scar, conversations about past infidelity, broken hearted yoongi

➵ smut warnings: kissing, biting, love bites, hair pulling, fingering, nipple pulling, nipple biting, spanking, oral (f rec), light petting (m rec), asphyxiation, spitting kink, use of a belt for wrist restraints, squirting, clit biting, protected sex, unprotected sex, yoongi crying when having sex

➵ note: this is my submission for the Anti-Romance Club collab hosted by @astramoonchild & @rockwithwoo. banner by @hobeemin. betaed by @sugakookitty @kth1, @hobeemin, @jessikahathaway

➵ note 2: tumble kept removing this story any time i added tags, so now that im back from my holiday, im adding them in now.

“Welcome to the anti-romance club, a place dedicated to those who have had enough of hopeless romantics and happy endings. Come and join us to show the angsty side of love, the sorrow and melancholy. We want to bring the heartache this Valentine's Day because sometimes love hurts.”

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When you experience loss for the first time, you are never told how to prepare. When you experience loss for the first time, you’re never told how to, not only, handle it yourself but also handle those around you. The grief is uncontrollably tangible. It finds the smallest cracks and seeps through, filling any empty space it finds, and then eventually it completely takes over until it is all you know.

Then comes the funeral. Where countless faces of friends, family members, and peers all gather together to share and sympathise their loss. Yet it all feels so meaningless and does next to nothing to soothe the hearts that have been shattered by devastation. The only person there to mutually share your heartbreak is Yoongi.

In the midst of a sullen grey drizzle that seems to have taken over the whole city that day, Yoongi was the only ray of sunshine among grey clouds to hold not only your hand but your broken hearts throughout the service. He didn't say anything, though, and he didn't need to. You both feel the same way. Words are futile and wasted. But in all honesty, he doesn’t need to say anything, because words don't mean anything. Not anymore.

The worst part of it all are eulogies. They simply do nothing to soothe and aid the emotions of those standing closest to grief. Eulogies end up being empty words and even emptier promises of staying in touch with the bereaved. They serve no other purpose other than to satisfy and fill in time of a formalised event that happens at funerals whilst others let tears freely flow down their cheek, wishing that it would end.

But it never truly ends.

The casket is closed, something that you and Yoongi can only be thankful for. Right? Maybe it is better that way? Maybe not seeing the face of your lifeless daughter on what can only be described as the day that no parent ever imagines going through. And though you and Yoongi cry, you both clutch at each other in front of those nameless faces for the sake of comfort.

Why? Why, of all people, did it have to be your baby girl? The one who brought joy and light to so many people's lives with a single smile. The same smile you would see every single day from her doting father. As you and Yoongi have iron clad grips on each other in the front row of the service, for a moment you will yourself to believe that there is indeed a God, so you can thank them for taking her pain away and bringing your baby girl peace.

In the end, though, you and Yoongi are chauffeured back to your own house, miserable and quite literally drained of life.

It doesn’t feel right calling it home anymore. A home is meant to be filled with joy. A home is meant to be filled with love, and yet this home is so empty and cold and void of any happiness.

When you experience loss for the first time, there is no handbook on how you should mourn. Do you accept the pain or do you simply let it fester inside of you and allow it to consume you wholly? How do you adjust to living in a world without the one you have sorely lost?

And when all is done and when the coffin is laid in the ground, the people around you suddenly disappear to get on with their own lives. They venture off home to hold their own children close, embracing them closely as they push you and your broken family to the back of their own minds - wishing and praying that they never endure the same pain you have.

Nevertheless, it’s you that’s left in a state of numbness. The loss is acknowledged but yet life just… Continues.

Knowing that you’re never going to see your daughter smile, or hear her sweet giggles as she dances around the living room in pink tulle dresses and plastic tiaras on her head does nothing but tear your heart and leaves you shattered from the inside out.

You’re never going to be able to watch her grow up and live life in what was such a beautiful world before she left. Her first day at pre-school where you’ll never know if she’ll cling onto the legs of her parents and beg them not to leave them or let go of your hand with confidence and never look back, for her to come home afterwards and share with you and Yoongi her stories about the friends she made on her first day.

You’re never going to watch her fall in love for the first time and be absolutely smitten with them and you’re never going to be able to see her experience her first heartbreak, where she’ll cry and cry and cry and beg for her father not to hurt the person who shattered his little girl's heart. There will be no experience of her blowing out the candles of her sweet sixteen birthday cake, going to prom, or getting married.

It’s all been taken away from you.

It’s not the same. It never would be. The absence consumes every room. The warmth that had once enveloped both yourself and Yoongi in your bedroom had turned frigid and meaningless, waking up to usually an empty bed as he would disappear for work earlier than you would wake up.

Granted, when you woke, it would still take you hours to attempt to leave your bed and do something other than wallow in your own feelings. The thought of filling your days with small activities to pass time and purposeless chatter with others who teeter and walk on edges around you isn’t something you want to throw yourself into. Even in your own house, kitchen conversations over hot sweet coffees turned into a dull silence filled with bitterness.

This morning is not any better as you lay in bed on your own, clutching at the blanket and pulling it towards your face to blanket yourself from the world outside you. You lie there for what seems like forever as you stare up at the ceiling completely void of any emotion. Rubbing your stinging eyes and wince at the raw skin underneath your eyes as you attempt to remove the remaining droplets of stray tears that had woken you up from your restless slumber.

Getting out of bed is always hard. That initial feeling of your toes touching the cold hardwood flooring always makes you shiver, and today is no different. You grab at the bathing gown you keep hanging on the back of your bedroom door and saunter along the hallway of the upper house, stopping short as you reach the closed door of Mi-Cha’s bedroom.

Your hand grips the handle of the door and you lean your forehead against the white wooden opening for a brief moment before pulling on the lever and letting the door swing open in front of you.

The absence of life in the room is palpable. You take in the periwinkle and white stained walls that had taken you and Yoongi months to decorate. From picking out colours, furniture, toys, paintings, and murals — happy memories are now overshadowed by sorrow.

You step into the room and let your feet sink into the plush grey carpet as you find yourself standing over the little single princess bed with the white light up string lights attached that she held the biggest fuss for. You chuckle for a split second as the images of Mi-Cha sulking in the arms of her father consumes your mind. Mi-Cha hated the dark and would never fall asleep without her little yellow star shaped lights on and her daddy next to her bed reading a bedtime story to drift her off to sleep.

You sit down on the white comforter and pick up the tiny pillow and bring it up to your nose, inhaling and finding the faintest of scents of her strawberry shampoo that you and Yoongi would bathe her in. Your arms wrap around the Egyptian cotton and you close your eyes, letting your mind take you away and flutter down memory lane all over again.

The pitter patter of small feet on the mahogany wood floors and the sound of sweet giggles resonates throughout the living room as you sit at the kitchen island and sip on your sweetened coffee; The sound of your daughter's laughter is like a choir of melodic angels as Mi-Cha has her daddy playfully rolling around and pinned to the floor as he tickles at her sides, prompting the beautiful sounds.

Your daughter lifts her eyes towards you and gets up from Yoongi's lap, making her way over to you. She begs for your attention with grabby hands up, silently asking you to bring her into your lap, and so you do exactly that, attaching her to your hip and allowing her to snuggle into your neck.

Mi-Cha was the spitting image of her father. Her brown eyes held the same warmth Yoongis did. The kind that draws you in and has you instantly wrapped around her tiny fingers. Her pale skin is delicately painted with rosy hues from the laughter leaving her lips and a tiny smile which is a true replica is one that grows and thrives like flowers in spring.

“Mommy,” your darling daughter coos, “do you know how much daddy loves you?”

You stare at Yoongi and watch as his skin flushes a light hue of pink at your daughter's question.

Mi-Cha moves her head out of your neck and places her hand on your cheek, replicating the touches that Yoongi places on her own cheek from time to time. “He tells me he loves you lots all the time. And me!” She smiles.

You can’t help but get out of your chair with Mi-Cha in your arms and find yourself sitting beside Yoongi on the floor, loosening your little girl in your arms, allowing her to waddle out of your hold. You turn towards Yoongi and place a tiny kiss against his jaw.

“Does he really?”

Mi-Cha falls back into the arms of her doting father and taps his nose and both his cheeks before giving him a peck on his cheek, ignoring your question. It really is like that sometimes. Mi-Cha was the biggest daddy’s girl. And Yoongi takes it all in, allowing her to wrap him around her dainty little fingers, spoiling her to no end.

Yoongi turns to you and presses his lips against your own sweetly. “Always, my love,” he confirms. Looking back at the little human in his arms, you watch as his eyes glimmer like stars. “I have everything I’ve ever wanted right here.”

The memories of the three of you together never seem to get any easier. It’s like they live to taunt you. Everything in this house is a constant reminder of what you don’t have and won’t have anymore. Tears come thick and fast as your mind is plagued by pictures of her face. You crawl off the bed and slump yourself to the side, keeping your back pressed against the structure of the furniture and tuck your legs into your chest. The trembling of your limbs is barely noticeable to you anymore as anger and denial consumes you whole. Your head falls against your knees as quick and painful breaths get caught in your throat.

Scanning the room around you, you take in your surroundings in more detail. Neither you or Yoongi had it in you to move any of the personal items that had belonged to your tiny toddler, opting to keep it as is. Is that healthy? You’re not sure. Then again, none of this is healthy, you try and tell yourself.

The photograph that sits upon her dresser of the three of you huddled together on top of a picnic blanket catches your eye and you can’t help but smile as you look at the smile on all your faces. Admittedly, you feel like this is all a cruel game. Someone tugging your heart out of your chest and leaving it to burn on an open flame.

It brings a twist to your stomach, paired with sickness and bitter tears all over again. A never ending cycle of misery and despair. ‘Sometimes the most beautiful things in life just can’t be touched’, is what you’re told by those around you. You didn’t understand what that meant until you lost Mi-Cha.

You scoff to yourself, finding it sickly amusing that it is you that has been handed this card. With one last wipe of the tears on your face, you get up from the ground and exit the room, mentally making the decision that you need to get out of the house.

Pacing around the hallways with empty thoughts becomes the new normal for you. There is nothing in this house that brings you any type of merriment. The wooden structure of your once shared bedroom door stands tall above you, doing its job in aiding you in the heartache of seeing the leftover possessions of Yoongi.

Cracking open the door, your eyes immediately dart to the bed. It’s still unmade from the last time you found Yoongi breaking his vow he had made to you as he piledrove his feelings into his secretary as you stood in the doorway and watched. So much for ‘for better or for worse’.

At a quick pace, you wander into the cold room and clutch at some clothes while making a mental note to start moving your belongings into the spare room you now occupy.

The undesirable smell of stale cigarettes, cheap alcohol, and body odour fills the establishment as soon as you walk in and take in your surroundings. The bar is next to empty considering it is the middle of a working day. You find a deserted stool where the bar top is and decide to take a seat and order a drink. The woody cedarwood tabletop is sticky with spilt beer, it wasn’t exactly the most pleasant place to be around.

The feeling of a vibration hums from your handbag and you pull it out to find a message from nobody important. You aimlessly scroll through your phone at anything and everything, finding something to keep you entertained. Bored, you decide to open your texts again and scroll until you find Yoongi’s contact.

The bartender hands you your drink and you drink a generous sip. Your face screws up as the liquor burns as it trails down your throat. You look back at your phone and let your fingers press on Yoongi’s name. Navigating your way through the threads of messages, your eyes sting at the words you share with each other.

You keep scrolling through and stumble upon the ending months of your pregnancy with your beloved daughter. Taking another copious sip of the bitter alcohol, you read through sweet words from Yoongi. Sharing ‘I love you’s’, ‘please rest’, ‘I can’t wait to come home and look after my two girls’, the list goes on.

“You’re deep in thought,” the deep, gravelly voice of the bartender rips you away from memory lane. “You’re going to need another one of those if it’s getting you that upset.”

Tiny tears had passed your lashes and dripped onto your cheek without you noticing until the bartender had pointed it out to you. Nodding, you accept his offer to pour you another and you drink down the rest of your first drink before scrolling all the way back down until you’re back at the last message sent between the two of you.

June 8th

7.32pm [yoongi] : im sorry.

Locking your phone, you place it screen down against the wood and take another drink, throwing your head back at the distaste. It’s useless leaving your phone there face down, it's only taunting you to pick it up again. Picking it up, you’re about to place it back into your handbag, away from prying eyes before the large manilla envelope pokes out the top.

A heavy sigh leaves your lips and you’re once again opening up your cell. Your fingers click onto the textbox and begin typing but nothing sounds right. It’s a back and forth journey of typing and erasing the text over and over again. In the end, you think it’s best to keep it short and to the point.

November 21st

2.34pm [you] : yoongi, we need to talk.

Not even a moment goes by and the ringtone of your phone goes off and you see a response from Yoongi.

2.34pm [yoongi] : ____, is this really you?

2.34pm: who else would it be?

2.35pm [yoongi] : nobody. im just surprised to hear from you, that’s all

2.35pm [you] : nobody is as surprised as me, yoongi. send me your address, im on my way.

This is it. Now is the time. Except there is no right time, there’s never a right time to do what you’re about to do. But it needs to be done. Swallowing the last of your drink, you gather your belongings and head for the exit.

The address Yoongi has given you isn’t too far from where you are currently, so you pull your jacket over your shoulders and begin walking, letting the droplets of rain spit down from the sky and onto your skin.

It only takes fifteen minutes to reach his apartment complex, the drizzle now turning into a rainstorm. Typical. Yet, you don’t move. You stand at the opposite side of the street and look up at the tall building, your feet unwilling to move as you stand outside letting the pouring rain soak through your clothes.

You watch people around you in the busy street as feet slam through the wet asphalt, causing splashing as people around you race to find some shield from the torrential downpour that suddenly took over the once blue sky. The air is cold and humid and sticks to your skin, evoking a shiver to course down your body.

Your feet finally drag themselves across the blackened cement towards the entrance of the complex. You're greeted by an elder gentleman who seems to be in charge of the building as he helps usher you inside to the warmth and out of the coldness of the rain outside.

You look around the foyer of the building and can’t help but take in the sight of it all. It’s definitely more upmarket in comparison to your own home. Somewhere that is made of money, and a part of you is a little speechless that Yoongi has found himself here while you’re the one left wallowing in pain in your house.

You realise that the gentleman was staring at you, expecting a response from you as if you hadn’t just spent the last few minutes zoned out.

“Sorry, what?” You ask.

He chuckles, assuming that you’re the bashful type, and for him, you play along. “I asked if you’re here to visit someone?”

Hesitantly, you nod your head and give him the name.

Momentarily, the gentleman leaves and returns just as quickly with the apartment number and level you would find it.

You thank him and head towards the escalators. You can’t turn back now because then you’d look ridiculous.

Pressing the number of the floor, you wait for the elevator to come back towards the reception foyer. Sickness washes over you at the thought of seeing Yoongi again after spending so long apart with no contact. Your mind wanders and you wonder if he’s changed at all. Physically or personally. You wonder if he is as broken up as you. You wonder if she’s going to be with him when you get there. If maybe he’s been with her this whole time and has completely left you and the misery behind in his past.

You’re broken from your thoughts as the doors open in front of you. It’s now or never. Stepping inside, you watch as the doors close and you press the button for his floor.

Leaning against the railing, your hands grip the cool metal as you take a breath in and out. Repeating the steps over in your mind until the doors open once more signalling your departure from the elevator.

You knock on the door with the lightest of knocks, now completely unsure if this is something you’re prepared for. You wait and there doesn’t seem to be an answer. You think about walking away - this is your signal that maybe this isn’t such a good idea. But before your feet can shift you back in the direction of the exit, the sounds of a chain shifting on the other side of the door and a lock being twisted are heard before the door is pulled back to reveal Yoongi on the other side.

The sight of him catches you more off guard than you had anticipated. Your heart picks up and thunders against your chest as you take him in. He hasn’t changed whatsoever since the last time you had seen him and you’re unsure if that’s a good thing or not. Sure, his eyes are darker than usual and his face looks a little sunken but other than that, he still looks like your Yoongi.

Without saying a word, Yoongi stands to the side to allow the door to open further, inviting you inside.

You take in your surroundings of Yoongi’s new place, silently looking around for other signs of life in the apartment. The door clicks shut behind you, cutting you short of your findings. However, it seems that Yoongi is aware of what you’re up to.

“Nobody else lives here,” he huffs.

“Hm,” is the only response you find in yourself without barking at him. Afterall, you’ve always been taught that if you have nothing nice to say, you say nothing at all.

“It isn’t just someone living here,” you mutter to yourself under your breath.

You notice that the living room and kitchen area are open planned as you continue walking around. Placing your bag on the countertop, you find a seat at the breakfast island and sink into it with your back facing Yoongi, impressed with yourself that you’ve made it this far.

Yoongi is back in your line of sight as he walks to the other side of the kitchen island and leans his back against the sink with his arms closed. He keeps his eyes on the ground, not being able to look you in the eye, none of you wanting to be the first to break the silence.

“Did you only come here to stare at me, ____?”

You bitterly smile at his words, the alcohol from earlier fuelling your courageousness. “It’s bold of you to assume that I would want to stare at you in the first place. Why? Did your piece on the side not give you enough attention?” You laugh.

Yoongi’s nostrils flare at the mention of his infidelity yet left at a loss for words at your sharp tongue. This isn’t who he remembered you to be but on the other hand, he isn’t surprised at all after everything you have been through. You are bound to be a little more on the defensive side and he blames himself to be a part of that reason.

“I didn’t let you in here to belittle me and bring up my past mistakes. I’m at least trying to move on from it. Trying to give you the space you need, like you asked for.”

The smile leaves your face just as quick as it came as he reminds you why he’s here in this apartment rather than the home you used to share together. He’s right though — he’s here because you told him to leave.

You hum again. “It’s a nice place you’ve got yourself here.”

“Speaking of permanent,” you start. You take a deep breath and let the following words that have been dancing on your tongue for the last few months leave your mouth. “I want a divorce.”

The silence that fills the room is concrete. You watch as Yoongi’s eyes widen, the hope of any reconciliation with you vanishing to be replaced by devastation and hurt. It takes him a few moments to gather his thoughts before responding to you.

“A divorce? What, so that’s it? You’re not even going to try and fix this? Don’t we both deserve better than that?”

Standing strong by your decision, you shake your head at his argument.

"I can't even bear to look at you anymore, Yoongi. What makes you think this can be patched up, fixed and forgiven?"

“You don’t mean that, baby. Mi-Cha wouldn’t want this. She would want us to work thr-,”

“No.” You’re quick to cut him off. “No Yoongi. You don’t get to call me that anymore and you certainly don’t have any right to bring up my daughter, not after what you did. There's nothing you can say that will make me change my mind. I want this divorce. I can't deal with this, with you, any longer."

At the mention of Mi-Cha, you notice Yoongi’s fist clench and nails dig into the palm of his hand in a desperate attempt to snap at the insinuation of her not being a part of him just as much as you.

“____, I know I messed up, b-but a divorce? C’mon, you’re not thinking clearly.”

You crack a sarcastic laugh at his words. “Yoongi, I have never thought more clearly. After everything that has happened since we lost Mi-Cha, you were so absent. Even when you were around, you were never around. Where were you when I needed you the most?” You raise your voice, all the built up emotions from not seeing Yoongi the last few months now finally surfacing.

Yoongi looks down, a look of defeat written across his face. It’s heart wrenching to see someone you’ve loved for most of your adult life look so helpless but putting his feelings aside for just a moment, this is what needs to be done.

“Come on now Yoongi, let’s be realistic here. Aren’t you tired of this continuous back and forth between us?” You question.

It was Yoongi’s turn to snort. Your words light a small fire within him, enough to give him the courage to approach you in the kitchen and pull out a bottle of single malt whiskey and two crystal whiskey glasses from his liquor cupboard. “How,” he pauses and laughs, “can I be tired of something when I haven't heard from you in five months, ____, huh? Don’t I get a say in this?”

He finishes pouring the drinks into the two glasses and slides the second your way, the scratching of the crystal on the marble surface ringing loudly in the air.

“You left me and you didn't even think twice about it, and now you’re asking for a say in this? That’s funny.” You deadpan as you take a sip of the nippy drink. You never did have a taste for whiskey but you reckon you’re going to need all the liquid encouragement you can get for this conversation. “You hurt me, and I just can’t forgive that. What is so difficult to see about this?”

Yoongi tries to stay calm through your onslaught of words. His fist holding his beverage begins to tighten as his grip turns white, “Oh, don’t condescend me about being hurt, ____. It took two people to break this marriage, not just me.”

It was your turn to grip tightly at the crystal glass as you raise it to your lips and take a generous amount into your mouth. His words are spiteful and bitter. Enough so to leave a pain so deep that it almost makes the taste of the alcohol pleasurable.

“You’re right. You and that slut of a secretary who got your dick wet in our forever home. There’s your two people,” you scoff. Your chest begins to tighten at the thought of it all. Mi-Cha’s death and Yoongi’s unfaithfulness all hit you all over again all at once, causing a wave of dizziness to wash over you. You reach out for the counter and lay your hands across the cool top. Your head falls forward as you try to control your breathing. "Why couldn't you feel what I do, I jus-,” you struggle to finish your sentence. Your voice cracks half way through your sentence as your resolve begins to fall apart.

“What do you mean ‘why can’t I feel what you feel’? Losing our daughter is the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with. I needed you and you fucking pushed me away so don’t come to me with that bullshit,” Yoongi lashes out as anger takes over.

You manage to control your breathing enough to straighten yourself out and stare Yoongi in the eyes. “Why’d you do it?”

The question catches Yoongi off guard as his eyes widen and he stares at you with an open mouth, but no words come out.

“I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that you had sex with one of your employees in our home. In our bed. In the bed that you touch me in. I’m your wife," you snarl. Every syllable that leaves your lips increases in volume until you feel like your lungs are moments from giving out. “You want me to just let you come crawling back into my house and just act as if nothing ever happened? Yoongi, I can barely look at you, and when I can finally muster up the courage to, I can’t look at you for too long because then all I see are the facial expressions as you fucking jackhammer some twenty year old in our bed.”

In a desperate attempt to stop the words from leaving your mouth, Yoongi grabs the first thing in front of him, and hurls it across the opposite side of the room you're both standing in. The sound of the expensive glass shattering against the stone wall fills the air.

“Okay, fine.” It was your turn to flinch as Yoongi raises his voice to match your own and slams his hand against the marble counter. “I fucked up. Is that what you want to hear? That I fucked up? Do you think I’m not aware of that?” Fuck ____, I fucking know. I live with what I did every single day.” Stopping, he turns away from you and extends his arms out to lean against the cold marble worktop. “But you know what ____? It wasn’t just you that was hurting when Mi-Cha passed away. I was fucking hurting too.”

The tears that have gathered at your lash line are falling freely listening to your husband. His words burn into your skin like a red hot iron blistering your skin.

Yoongi feels his resolve breaking as he looks at you, his once bright eyes now dulled by grief. “I lost a child too, ____. She was my daughter too.” His voice shakes as he gathers the last of the courage he has left. “She died, and I couldn’t protect her like I am meant to do. Like fathers are meant to look after and protect their daughters." He runs his hands through his hair and pulls at the strands hard, tears forming in his eyes. Yoongi stares at the ceiling, blinking faster than normal as he chokes back a sob. The nausea in his stomach creeps further up at the loss of his only child.

A stray tear escapes and runs down his pale face as he stares at you once more. He curses and carries on. “But you are so caught up in your own grief, that you couldn’t even see that we —,” he points back and forth between the two of you, “ — we were breaking!” Yoongi snarls at you.

The silence between you both was speaking more volume than words themselves. Tearing your gaze from your husband, your eyes zone in on the pile of broken glass. Broken and Shattered. A visual representation of your marriage.

Smashed, cracked, and unrepairable.

“So that's it then? That’s your excuse for you to bury your cock in some twenty-year-old pussy?” You snort as you make your way in front of him, squaring up to him and looking him straight in his eyes. “I carried her in my body. She is made up of my flesh and my blood. Fuck you, Yoongi,” you punctuate your vicious words with jabs into his chest. “You’re a piece of shit. I trusted you with everythi-."

“See, that is exactly what I mean. It is always about you and never about us.” Yoongi’s voice roars above your own. He continues to stand his ground amidst the onslaught of insults. Not once does he break eye-contact with your enraged state. “I tried being there for you. But it was you who pushed me further and further away with every passing day. I wanted to comfort you. Fuck, I needed you to comfort me. But no, you shoved me out like you shoved everyone else around you. And now look where we are,” he lashes back, voice as sharp as a knife. “In case you have forgotten, it took two people to ruin this relationship.”

His words cut. Like vines wrapping themselves around your heart and tightening with no signs of stopping until the thorns have torn their way through and spilled the contents all over the floor as you both stare at each other with mutually pained expressions.

“It would have been kinder to kill me than to do what you did. Now I'm the one that is filled with a bitterness I can't control and I don’t want that anymore, Yoongi. I don’t deserve to keep feeling this way.”

Stunned into a violent silence, you shove Yoongi from you and watch as he loses his balance and stumbles backward. Somehow it just isn’t enough. You wanted to see him hurt as he had hurt you. Yet nothing you think will ever make him hurt the way you are. Raising your hands to push at him again, your movements are cut short as a pair of palms lock around your wrists before you can make contact with his chest and pull you in.

“Don’t you dare,” Yoongi seethes. All he can do is look at you in the moment of your shared pain. Even when you assault him with full fists, your hands aren’t exactly void. They are full of anger and hatred and Yoongi doesn’t ever think he would be able to forgive what he has turned you into. “I want you to look at me.”

It’s a command you wish yourself to ignore and despite every urge in your bones not to, weakness fills your body as you obey. His beautiful face twists in anger at your actions. Dark circles under his eyes, his clothes are wrinkled and his onyx hair is dishevelled and messy. And you aren’t faring any better. You’re just as much as a mess with puffy cheeks, swollen from all the crying. Mascara stains slide down your face in streaks of faded black and yet Yoongi still finds you the most beautiful woman he has ever laid eyes on.

In a hasty rush, Yoongi backs you up towards the closest wall and pins your wrists above your head, keeping his eyes on yours the whole time. His chest rises and falls with every breath he takes, and you will yourself not to back down to the feeling of fear crawling under your skin underneath his stare.

Yoongi’s face nears your own, and he presses his nose against your cheek, his grip on your wrist tightens ever so gently as he inhales and trails his nose down to your neck. You’re unsure if it's the dominant behaviour he’s displaying, the close proximity or the unforgiving tone of his voice, but something inside of you stirs.

Impulsively, you pull a hand out of his grip and find the top of his hair to pull his head down towards you. “Yoongi, if you want to kiss me that badly, then do it.” You lash back, your words sending a shiver down your own neck. This time it’s your own chest that rises and falls with every inhalation, your tits pressing up against Yoongi as the proximity between you gets smaller.

He exhales deeply. The warmth of his breath tickles at your skin as he grins, feeling you shudder against him and before you realise it, Yoongi has his head buried between the junction of your throat and shoulder. Making his way up to your jawline, he begins licking at your skin and leaves the tiniest of nips, feather light and barely enough to leave marks.

Yoongi lowers one of his hands from your wrists and trails it down your face. You watch him as he plays with the strands of hair that have fallen into your face before he tucks it behind your ear.

It all feels too intimate, an eruption of butterflies in your stomach catching you off guard. It’s been so long since you’ve experienced flutters like this. Especially from your husband.

Yoongi places his palm over your cheek to frame your face and leans in for a kiss but stops a hair breadth away from your lips. He closes his eyes and rests his forehead against yours.

Tears well in your eyes leaving your vision blurred, unfocused on Yoongi in front of you. Your breathing shortens at the close proximity of the man you have spent the last eight years of your life with, letting your own hand find his on your cheeks and lacing your trembling fingers in between his.

“I need to know if you want me again,” Yoongi gently probes.

The knuckles of his index finger softly caresses your puffy cheek as it continues down and finds the base of your throat. His fingers wrap around your neck and ever so slightly lifts your head up and squeezes the sides of your throat just hard enough to be uncomfortable but not enough to cause any restrictive air loss.

“I missed what we were…Don’t you?” The grip gets tighter and to your credit, you let him, as your free hand falls limp by your side and let out a breathy moan.

His words sting, but you’re too lost in Yoongi and the heated tension between the two of you to care. Your hand wraps around his neck and pulls him forward, pressing your lips against his in a needy rush. You whimper into the kiss, not thinking that this is going to be the last time that you both share a moment like this together.

Yoongi’s lips don’t feel like the usual smooth and soft lips that you remember but resemble more of a dry and cracked feeling like he had never gotten over the habit of chewing and picking at the skin. Nevertheless, they are still full and plump as you remember and it only makes you yearn for more.

Your mouths move against each other like they have so many times before, growing with passion as every moment passes. Yoongi licks along the seam of your lower lip and you open up for him on instinct as he begins to lick and nip at your own lip.

Yoongi takes control the moment his tongue slips into his mouth, tangling his tongue with your own in an aggressive and needy manner. The kiss resembles everything that Yoongi is. Dominant and fiery. You moan again as your eyes shut, allowing yourself to get lost in the sensation of his tongue massaging against yours.

Your wrist fights its way out of his grip from above your head and joins the other in wrapping themselves around his neck and pulling on the hair at the nape of his neck. Your body grows hotter with every moment that goes by, pulling him closer, trapping your body in between his and the wall behind you.

Yoongi doesn’t resist as he holds your head while he tilts his own to deepen the kiss and the other rests on your waist, his warm palm sneaks under the material of your soaking sweater to rest against the flat of your cold back. He kisses you with fever and grabs a handful of your ass and pulls you into his embrace.

You wrap your legs around his slender hips as he keeps you held up by his grip and the brick wall behind you. You just can’t get enough. Your tongues move roughly against each other in hunger, relishing the taste of each other like it is the last time.

A few tears fall from your shut eyes as the thought of knowing this is going to be the last time takes over your thoughts. Yoongi drags his teeth across your lower lip and sucks a little. His teeth dig in a little too hard and draws blood ever so slightly.

With his gaze on you turned downwards, you can’t tell if they are closed or are simply staring you down through his cat-like eyes.

“I want you, Min Yoongi,” you breathe against his lips and you feel him smile at your words.

He squeezes your ass again and grinds his hips against yours. “You still want to get up and leave me?”

Heat creeps up your neck at the thought of lying to your husband. “N-no.”

Yoongi slides your jacket straight off your shoulders and doesn’t hesitate as he reaches for the hem of your shirt and pulls it over your head, throwing it across the open plan kitchen straight into the living room. A moan leaves his lips as he takes you in and watches as you fumble about with the clasp on your bra, slowly sliding it down your arms once the claps have detached.

Yoongi’s lips are on yours the second the word ‘no’ leaves your mouth, teeth bumping against your own in a ferocious kiss. You whine at the contact, desperate for a breath but Yoongi has other ideas as he walks you away from the wall and down the corridor towards what you can only assume is his bedroom.

“That’s right. I’m gonna fuck the thought of you leaving me right out of you.”

You give no response to his words as you feel your heart get heavy, ready to shatter all over again.

Yoongi sets you down, both feet on the floor as he keeps his lips on yours. His tongue continues to slip in and out of your mouth as he pushes the door open and pulls you in with him. You are forced against the door and you flinch at the sound of it slamming loud behind you. The door knob behind you pushes against you, but you lose the sense to care when it’s Yoongi who has you pressed against it. Your fingers reach for the belt loops of his denim jeans and tug him towards you, feeling his hardening cock pressing against you.

Finally getting a break, Yoongi detaches his lips and kisses down your jaw until his lips, tongue, and teeth grace across your neck. You automatically tilt your head back for him, granting the space for him to leave his mark. Your hands fly up to grab at his hair, tugging when the taller man traps the skin in between his lips and lightly sinks his teeth in as if he is testing the waters.

In response, you moan at his actions and you can feel him smirk against your neck. Yoongi continues to kiss all over the expanse of your neck, finding your collarbone and nibbling on the skin. You mewl at the pleasure, feeling the hair on your neck stand at the feeling of teeth grazing your flesh.

You feel Yoongi’s cock twitch and swell slightly as you both begin to grind against each other, desperate for friction. Yoongi finds the sweet spot of your neck, in between your shoulder and your neck. His mouth sucks on the spot vigorously and diligently, creating a kaleidoscope of marks to decorate your skin. Your reaction pleases him enough to know that that spot is still your sensitive spot and he keens to himself that he is still able to rouse the sweet sounds from your lips.

Yoongi dives forward and gets to work on unbuttoning your jeans before finding the small slider of the zipper and teases you, not pulling it down like you desperately need him to. Instead, he releases the little piece of metal and his palm reaches down and palms your pussy through your jeans. You throw your head back and grind down on him, looking for any sort of friction to get you off. The feeling of his index, middle and ring finger rubbing your pussy up and down gets you wetter than you ever thought you would be, but it’s just not enough. And if there is one thing Yoongi always was and always will be, that’s a tease. As he watches your face twist as you writhe in front of him by the minute he deems necessary, he rips his hand away from you.

“Yoongi, w-why?”

He eventually pulls the zipper down and hastily dips his fingers into the separated denim, past the hem of your underwear, and straight for your clit. You yelp out at the indulgence being bestowed upon your body from the only man who knows how. Yoongi begins to pull your jeans down your thighs and legs, letting them pool at your feet before kicking them away and moving your underwear to the side and then opening your legs further to allow him more access to move his hand in between your legs.

“Fuck, you’re so wet,” Yoongi begins as two fingers spread your lips open and his middle finger makes the first intrusion into your pussy. Your body spasms as he slides in knuckle deep and curls his finger once he finds that spongy spot deep inside.

Your lips surge forward and attach them to his own mouth in a frenzy of lust. The kiss is carnal and animalistic, tongue and teeth battling against each other as his finger never stops pumping in and out of you at a deadly pace. Your hands wrap around his biceps and squeeze. Your chipped fingernails digging into his skin, tearing at the flesh and leaving a trail of red marks.

“What do you want?” Yoongi questions with a lazy smirk on his face.

For this to be over. For me to leave you once and for all, you don't say.

“You.”

“That’s right. You’re mine, and I’m not going to let you forget that,” he softly whispers in your ear causing your body to shiver. He removes his finger from you and pulls you away from the door and pushes you down on the bed.

The bed creaks against the hardwood flooring the cotton sheets doing barely anything to save you from your dramatic landing. Encouraged by your moans from his aggressive actions, Yoongi grasps at your ankles and pulls you towards the bottom of the bed until your feet touch the floor and parts your legs to allow him space to fit in between.

Once again, his fingers trace over your glossy folds ever so gently. If you weren’t so hyper aware of everything going on around you, you don’t think you’d be aware of his fingers caressing your folds. That is how gentle Yoongi is with you. A juxtaposition to how carnal he was just moments ago. The whole time, Yoongi has his eyes gazing at your soaked pussy, like it’s the only thing he has ever been trained to do.

“Mmm,” he hums, “look at all this mess… Is this all for me? Did you miss me this much?” He goads, groaning as he presses his fingers into your clit, watching your hips rise from the bed beneath you.

“Yoongi, please,” you babble, lips parting and eyes fluttering shut at the tingling sensation of Yoongi’s fingers. Your hand reaches down to Yoongi’s wrist and holds him in place, a silent plea to encourage his movements. “Please, I just… I need… you,” you murmur, a choked cry escaping you.

The words drip from your tongue so easily, the words that Yoongi has been desperately needing to hear from you this whole time.

A fire blazes warmer as Yoongi slides two fingers past your slick folds and buries them deep inside your cunt again. He gives a few lazy pumps of his index and middle finger before sinking his head down between your legs and licking a wide stripe from your quivering hole, making sure to manoeuvre around his fingers, to your clit. Yoongi flattens out his tongue and repeats himself twice, thrice.

Your hand finds its way to Yoongi, as you take a generous amount of hair and tug at him, pulling him toward your pussy for more. Instinctively, your legs part to give Yoongi more room to play with you. He makes sure to give your clit extra attention as he draws lopsided and rough circles on the sensitive bud, causing your back to arch significantly off the bedspread and further into his awaiting mouth. Your hands tighten the grip on his hair and you shiver at his ministrations.

“God, I’ve missed you so much,” Yoongi breathes, into your dewy lips. The movement of his lips against your pussy sources a sigh and loud moans to creep past your lips, letting Yoongi know just how good he is making you feel.

His fingers never stop in tandem with his tongue. With every suction of his mouth comes a harder thrust of his fingers, knuckles deep and never missing a single beat, pulling your orgasm closer to the edge.

One of your feet lifts off the floor and finds purchase on the end of the bed, bending your knee. You raise your head and are graced with the most wonderful view of Yoongi from below you all fucked out, just from some oral. It never fails to amuse you how Yoongi can get so riled up just from your own pleasure.

“Spit on it,” you beg.

You can feel Yoongi smile against your slick cunt at your words. Removing his head from your pussy, you watch as his chin is connected by a string of your arousal as he looks towards the mess he has already made. His skin is glossy and wet, just how you both used to enjoy it.

Rather than letting the fluid leave his mouth, he takes his time and lets the liquid leak from his mouth slowly. You watch as it drips from his tongue and climbs out of his mouth before the first drop lands on your clit, now connecting the both of you. Never has Yoongi ever done that with you before and it leaves you feeling more turned on. The never ending drool between the both of you finally snaps and Yoongi’s eyes return to your pussy, watching his spit mix with your arousal and trickling down past your ass creating a wet patch in his red comforter.

“Oh fuck, Yoongi,” you moan, voice breaking as his two fingers leave your sloppy cunt with a pop, collecting the mixed fluids and stuffs his fingers back into you, curling it at the right spot. “Shit, shit, shit, Yoongi that feels so good,” your voice is breathy.

Yoongi lifts both your legs and places them over his shoulders and continues to suck vigorously at your clit, your orgasm approaching you at a phenomenal rate. Garbled cries of Yoongi's name fall from your lips like a mantra, like it's the only prayer you know. Pleasure consumes every single part of your body. Your toes curl as your ankles dig into the back of Yoongi’s shoulders.

“Keep going, Y-Yoongi don’t stop, oh God-,” your grip tightens in his hair as you scream, your orgasm ripping through you. Your legs tremble as you feel Yoongi’s hands hold your hips down and continue to slurp every last drop of cum that leaves your pussy, making sure that you remember every last movement of his tongue.

Yoongi places one last chaste kiss on your clit and removes himself from in between your legs. The bed dips ever so gently as he places a knee on either side of your body and crawls up towards you. You watch as he removes his shirt from his body, revealing the soft skin of his torso. The moonlight outside seeps in through the crack in the curtains, giving Yoongi an ethereal glow like the purest angel who’d been cast upon you, to look out for you and love you. But you’re easily reminded of the devil in his angel eyes.

You see the remnants of your slick coating his lips as he strokes his own tongue along the skin, savouring the taste of you entirely. His lips are full and swollen from the attack he just bestowed on you. One of his arms balances his weight on either side of your head as the other slides under your head and lifts you up, meeting your lips half way. Your tongue slips into his mouth immediately and tangles with his own. You taste yourself on him and you moan aloud.

Both so lost in the taste of each other, you fail to feel Yoongi’s hand being removed from your hair as he begins to pull on the leather of his belt. The metal clacks against each other and he starts to pull the material through the loops as he tilts his head and deepens the kiss. He places the belt next to your thigh and you break the kiss to begin working on the button of his jeans before pulling the zipper down.

You pull apart the top of his jeans just enough to give your hand enough room to slide under and grip his cock from through his boxers. Yoongi’s hips jut forward at the contact, head falling back and a breathy sigh fills the air around you as you squeeze over him ever so gently. It only spurs you on and you begin softly palming him, allowing him to press more and more into your hand as you continue to apply pressure to his cock. You feel a surge of confidence knowing that you still have this effect on your husband. Maybe he is still attracted to you, you think. Maybe it could work again.

No. You can’t think that. Remember what he did to you, your shattered heart reminds you. No matter how often you try, and you have tried, your heart just won’t let you see the light of Yoongi again.

Yoongi doesn’t remember the last time he felt this good. He is so used to using himself to get off since the separation that he has totally forgotten what it was like having someone else help him get off.

Eventually, he pulls his jeans and underwear off and throws them somewhere behind him, hearing them land in a heap on the other side of the room. His cock bobs slightly up and down as he groans at being released from his tight confines. It wasn’t a secret that Yoongi had a beautiful cock. Pink from base to tip, precum shining in a glistening sheen at the head. He isn’t the biggest but he definitely had girth.

“Where are your hands?” he questions.

You raise your hands towards his cock, thinking that is what he was asking for but Yoongi stops you short as you near his dick and brings them up to his mouth and presses kisses to them both. He crawls a little further, pushing you down with his knees as he gets higher and sits just shy of your tits.

“What are you doing?”

Yoongi places one kiss on each wrist and then places them above your head, and in between the metal bars of his bedpost and reaches for the belt he had removed earlier. “Do you still like being bound?”

Your mouth opens but you can’t formulate any words towards his proposal. A soft moan and deep breath echoes in the room as you nod your head. His thumbs are rubbing soothing circles on the inner skin of your wrists.

With a heated gaze, Yoongi wraps the leather around your wrists and ties a knot in the metal bars your hands are caught in between, giving it a rough tug and testing the strength of the knot he has created.

Happy, Yoongi manoeuvres himself slowly down your body, his fingers grazing over your cheeks and down your jawline. He continues his touch towards the valley of your breasts and tender skin of each tit. His fingers pinch one of your nipples and your body reacts in the most beautiful way at the unexpected pleasure. He releases your nipple momentarily and then presses down on it again. A sharp exhale is pulled from you at his actions. Leaning down, his teeth graze the other nipple and he grinds a little harder with the bud between his teeth. Your arms pull at the restraints in an attempt to feel anything. Yoongi, the bed sheets, anything you can sink your nails into.

Yoongi catches your reactions from his peripheral vision and amusingly smirks to himself. He begins laving at the valley of your breasts, basking in the salty sweet taste of your flesh. Yoongi looks up to you through lust filled eyes and curls his lips into an amusing smile, a bright tint taking over his soft porcelain skin. Gently, he presses the underside of his cock through your folds and rocks himself through your wetness in an unhurried pace.

Regardless, there is plenty of pain and torment behind each other's eyes at the loss of each other, but not as much hurt and betrayal your heart feels as you gaze at Yoongi, watching him manipulate your emotions in this very moment and yet you can’t help but let him and every part of your being can’t help but add layer upon layer of guilt for what you’re really here to do.

Yoongi kisses down your stomach, making sure to run his tongue over your flesh and wet trails in his wake. His hands glide up and down your ribs, tickling you as he goes until he abruptly stops. You peer down at Yoongi to see what it is that has him pausing until you see him staring at your stomach, and more specifically - your pregnancy scar from the emergency surgery you were rushed in for the birth of your child.

Suddenly feeling insecure, your hands move to cover yourself up but the slight burn of the leather against your skin, held as a tight reminder that you are bound to the bed all for Yoongi’s taken.

“Shh, my baby,” he starts as you swallow heavily. His hand caresses the scar with the utmost care as his fingers linger and trace feather light touches back and forth, causing your abdomen to tighten. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on.” He kisses your scar and tears well up in your eyes and immediately drips down the side of your cheeks. “This body — it gave me, us, life. You’ll always be the most beautiful woman in every room,” he mouths against your inner thigh as he ventures closer to where you both yearn for him to be.

At first, Yoongi didn’t know where to start. It had been so long since the last time you had sex with each other and to say Yoongi is at a bit of a loss would be an understatement. He wants to taste you, feel you, touch you in any way and every way he possibly could think of.

Without thinking too much into it, Yoongi lowers his head until his mouth reaches your pussy and your hips jerk up at the feeling of his soft tongue finally running the length from your hole to your clit. Yoongi’s hands reach up to your hips and pin you down to the mattress, minimising your movements below him while he assaults your nerves over and over.

Yoongi stops for a moment and uses the time to revert his gaze back up to you. Your face is twisted to the side attempting to hide in the crook of your arm which is bent at the elbow due to the belt restraining you to the headboard. But he can see your face painted in pleasure and that is enough for him to chew at his bottom lip and move back towards your pussy.

Separating your pussy with his index and middle finger, Yoongi reveals your swollen clit to the cold air and watches as you clench against nothing — just for him. You’re squirming from under his hold on your hips as you attempt to seek any possible friction to the emptiness you’re currently experiencing.

“Baby, there’s no rush. We have plenty of time,” Yoongi mumbles under his breath as he begins to blow cold air on your pussy and you can feel the pressure in your belly to turn into something needier.

If only he knew that he did not in fact have plenty of time and that after this, this would be the end between the both of you.

Yoongi licks past your folds once more, reattaching his lips to your clit. You let a deep sigh fall past your lips as your hips rise from the bed and harder into Yoongi’s mouth.

Yoongi swirls his tongue expertly through your pussy, remembering every motion that made your body writhe and yearn for him and watching you fall undone minute by minute underneath him. Your legs instinctively try to clamp themselves together, however, with Yoongi’s hold on your fleshy thighs, he is able to pry them open wider and hold your legs down flat on the sheets.

His soft muscle works in all different motions and shapes against your pussy all while slurping your juices like a man starved from his woman, causing you to squirm and pull once again at the restraints on your arms, feeling the leather item burn your skin. You moan his name over and over as Yoongi takes your clit in between his teeth and grazes ever so gently.

“Fuck, Yoongi, that feels so good.” You plead as your hips move back and forth at an increasingly quick pace.

You feel two of Yoongi’s fingers dance their way across your slit and ever so gently pushing past your folds and inch towards your clit and begin rubbing in feather-like touches on your bundle of nerves. He presses the pads of his fingers onto your sensitive clit and watches as your toes curl at the agonising pleasure he is providing before trailing down to your wet hole and pushing the digits into your cunt.

Both fingers push past your empty pussy until his knuckles meet your pubic bone, watching the way you open up for him and accommodate his fingers with little to no issues. Yoongi’s tongue works in tandem with the quick sharp thrusts his fingers make in and out of you in quick motions.

“Shit, ____, you’re so beautiful,” Yoongi mumbles. Your eyes are wide as Yoongi begins a harsh pace, fucking his fingers as deep as he could get them into you. He curls both fingers just right and watches your face contort, mouth agape as a deep sharp scream fills the air around you both.

Yoongi continues to twist his wet muscle against your clit before moving his head further down and thrusts his tongue into your dewy opening to join his two fingers. Your fists grab a hold of the leather belt and tug at it in an attempt to pull yourself away from Yoongi, the pleasure he’s indulging you with is almost too much to handle.

Without a warning, Yoongi’s fingers leave your pussy and wrap around your thigh, leaving your slick stained against your thigh, and pulls you back towards his mouth as he pushes forward and attacks you with his skilled tongue.

“Yoongi, Yoo-, oh my-,” you mewl as your walls clench around his muscle, letting him know that your climax is within reach.

Yoongi doesn’t stop, instead opting to concentrate his movements on your clit. He flicks back and forth over and over, watching you with feline eyes as he smirks against your cunt and digs his fingers into your trembling thighs.

“Cum. Remind yourself who makes you feel this fucking good,” Yoongi growls and blows cold air onto your pussy before diving back in. He is relentless in his movements, never leaving one area untouched.

“I hate what, ngh,” you try to say through the pleasure being bestowed upon you, “what we’ve become.” You mumble in between cries, your heart races, and your chest heaves as you fight for air in your burning lungs.

Opting to make you cum faster, Yoongi takes your clit in between his teeth and lightly nips at the sensitive bud. Your back arches off the bed and your toes curl at the sensation.

Again, he drags his teeth over your clit and smirks, “Yeah, I’m sure you do. That’s why you’re in my bed letting my mouth fuck you this well,” he cockily rebuttals.

He isn’t wrong. The sounds of him sucking and slurping your juices, the roughness of the pads of his fingers digging into your thighs was overbearing and just too good. You had missed having Yoongi in bed. But being here is just a constant reminder of the broken promises and torn vows. You’re just here to milk each other of all the pain you possibly can.

“Such a sweet pussy. The best pussy I’ve ever eaten.”

Your eyes look up at your bound wrists and can visibly see the marks underneath the leather and that was enough to spur you over the edge.

“Ngh, yes, r-right there, right there,” The ache in your tummy had finally snapped as your climax washes over you like a tidal wave. Your eyes clap shut and tears fall from the corners in small rivulets at the pleasure. Your mouth is wide as a weak cry sneaks past your lips.

As you try and close your legs around Yoongi, he relieves both of his hands from around the bottom of your ass and instead presses it against your inner thighs, holding your legs open further tongue darting in and out, up and down, as he drinks in every last drop.

You watch him through your blurred vision as he closes his eyes and opens his mouth further to accommodate your clit once more, continuing to take mouthfuls of you without a single bit of trouble.

Your effort to stay still is at a loss as loud sobs fall from your lips at the overstimulation of Yoongi’s tongue slithering back into your quivering hole.

Despite your fragility in the moment, he seeks another orgasm from you, as if to challenge himself - to show you that nobody would be able to treat you just like he can.

“Stop, I’m -,” the words get stuck in your throat as your body seizes and your sight blackens, “going to come again.” Your body melts into his touch and your muscles tense once more as you come for the second time in just a matter of minutes.

Your skin burns as the leather of his belt above you tears from the force you pull on it. Your hands fly down and find Yoongi’s hair and fists themselves in between the strands, pulling him closer to you once more as the power of your orgasm forces his tongue from your pussy as a clear stream of liquid oozes onto the bed sheets, dousing the both of you.

You barely manage to clamp a hand over your mouth to muffle the sounds that threaten to tear from your vocal cords before Yoongi gets a hold of your wrist and manoeuvres it away from your face.

“Don’t be quiet now, it’s a little late for that, don’t you think?” He laughs.

“I forget that you can do that, shit, you’re so hot. Bet nobody else can make you squirt with that kind of force,” he continues. “Fuck sweetheart, I bet nobody but me can make you squirt, period.”

The cockiness in his voice frustrates you and prompts you to bite back harder. “I’m sure the bitch you fucked in our marital bed couldn’t provide you good enough pussy, so you’re back in between my legs trying to prove you’re still useful at something.”

As soon as the words leave your mouth, you’re in shock with yourself. You never thought of yourself as the kind of person who would outrightly be so malicious. But all the emotions are beginning to crash one on top of the other, you couldn’t help but bark.

You watch Yoongi’s face contort in anger or disappointment as the words leave your mouth - the mention of infidelity obviously hitting a sore spot.

Yoongi moves quickly and is soon straddling your waist once more and lets his head ebb towards you and attaches his kiss bitten lips to your own swollen ones while his hand works on the buckle of the belt to move off your wrists.

The taste of yourself is pungent as he slides his tongue straight into your mouth and circles his own wet muscle with your tongue prompting the kiss to become unforgiving, wet, and messy from the start.

You are unable to respond at first out of surprise, not expecting him to react to your words in such a manner - yet you aren’t against it at all. The lewd sounds of your tongues entwining and lips smacking resounds through the bedroom and prompts you to wrap an arm around his neck and force him further against you.

Yoongi diligently swallows every moan you let out as his own hands sneaks down and slaps your clit once, twice; the salacious wet sounds prompting you to bite down on Yoongi’s lip before letting it go and watching it snap back as a string of saliva keeps the two of you connected.

You feel Yoongi ever so lightly thrust his cock against your leg, smearing the pre-cum that has gathered on his head over your stomach. “Of course, you’re still into the rough hate sex.”

“Not make-up sex?” Yoongi laughs at your words.

“Don’t push it.”

You look back at him and see that there is no anger left in his expression, but instead, he looks empty. Like a shell of the man you once knew. He looks at you from above, with his muscly arms keeping you trapped in between his body and the bed with glints of melancholy laced with the desire for more of you.

Lacing both your hands together at the back of his neck, you draw Yoongi closer and kiss him once more, tasting his lips against yours again. You inch away from his mouth and trail your kisses towards his ear, taking the earlobe into your mouth and sucking on it lightly as Yoongi continues to find pleasure by rutting against your stomach.

“Go on. Now is your last chance to fuck the thought of me leaving you,” you whisper into his ear, taunting him with his words from earlier.

Yoongi scoffs and flips you over onto your stomach, coaxing a yelp of surprise from you, and guides your hips lower until you feel his cock probe ever so gently at your entrance. The graze of his dick against your clit prompts you to gently back away from him at the last minute.

“Have I done something wrong, ____?”

“Maybe you should cover up. It’s been a while and I don’t know where you’ve been. Sorry, who you’ve been with.”

Yoongi hesitates behind you, taken aback by your words. He doesn’t fight you on what you propose because if he’s honest; you’re right. You have no reason to trust him or his words now. Getting up from the bed, he rakes through his nightstand for a minute before finding himself back on the bed behind you.

You hear the sound of the foil packet tearing and you’re a little disappointed that Yoongi didn’t even try and convince you that he’s not been with anyone, confirming your suspicions that he’s maybe already been seeing other people. Or worse, her.

Rough fingers grab at one of your thighs and push them further apart to allow Yoongi ample space to fit in between your legs.

“Spit and spread your pussy for me,” he mumbles.

Stunned, you reach one hand up to your mouth and spit onto the pads of your fingers. Your head turns to the side and lowers towards the duvet on the bed to help balance yourself as your fingers find a home in between your legs and split your lips open in a ‘V’ shape. You shiver as you feel your fingers slide past your lips easily and mix your saliva with your spilt cum from earlier.

As you wait for Yoongi, you can see him from the position your head has found itself in and you can’t help but take him in.

With a strong stance behind you, you can see how his skin is flushed with excretion and shimmers under the light as perspiration sticks to his skin. When he takes a hold of his cock in between his hand, he throws his head back at the friction and you can’t help but let out a quiet moan at the sight.

You’re not quiet enough it seems as Yoongi looks back down at you through his dark lashes as he inches forward and pokes the head of his cock against your clit once more and thrusts in between your wet slit and out again, watching as the silicon wrapped around him glistens at the wetness from in between your own legs.

Yoongi’s mouth drops open at the sight and wills himself to run his cock back through your lips once more, pulling back again to see the filthy concoction he requested keep the pair of you connected before snapping and dripping from his tip to the sheets underneath.

His hands roughly grip at your hips and lowers you back towards him before settling at your small hole above and pressing forward.

“Oh, my God, Yoongi,” your voice strains as tears gather at your lash line at being stretched out once more by your husband. It’s been so long since you have had someone inside you. Since you have had him inside of you.

Yoongi bottoms out in one go as he pushes past you in one fluid motion without an issue. His hips grind up against your ass, half amazed that your pussy is still as tight as what he remembers it being. For the briefest of moments, he asks himself if finding another woman to bury his troubles in was even worth it; he has deprived himself of you for too long as a consequence.

It is a foreign feeling to the both of you fucking with a condom after years of unprotected raw sex, but nevertheless, it is like your pussy is custom made just to fit his cock. The way he fits inside you with next to no resistance - the slickness of your walls welcoming him home after so long of being away.

“Your pussy feels so fucking good around me, ____. Fuck.”

Yoongi pulls out all the way and watches as your hole clenches around nothing before he bends over and spits his own saliva onto your pussy and fills you up to the brim all over again, just to feel you tighten around him again.

Moans and grunts fill the room from the both of you as Yoongi starts with an unrelenting pace from the get go, watching you coat his cock in your slick over and over. Yoongi's hands dig into your hips as he pulls you back to fuck yourself on his dick, hitting all the spots inside you that neither your fingers nor toys could ever dream of reaching.

The formality of words now reduced to nonsensical noises and babbling, shrieks cast from your lips and Yoongi all but laughs from above you at the state you still get into just from him and his cock. The sounds ever so quickly are drowned out by the slapping of skin on skin as he fucks into you faster, harder.

You feel a hand slither up your back and into the nape of your neck and grab your hair into a makeshift ponytail at the top of your head, pulling at you and guiding you upward. With your back now flushed against Yoongi’s bare chest, you’re able to feel the sweat that clings to his skin stick to your own.

Another hand wraps around your waist to keep you upright and descends towards one of your nipples where he takes it in between his pointer finger and thumb and twists it.

“You can’t tell me anyone fucks-fucks you this well,” Yoongi growls in your ear. “Not a chance any other man can make you take a cock like mine.”

Admittedly, he’s right. Nobody has ever made you feel the way that Yoongi has made you feel.

You let out a condescending snort at his words, pissing him off and ridiculing apart his ego bit by bit.

Yoongi lets go of your nipple in favour of curling his hand around your neck and tilting your head, the back of it resting against Yoongi’s shoulder as he towers above you, not breaking eye contact. Every so gently, Yoongi twists your head to the side, enough to allow his lips to meet yours as he continues the brute pace of pounding into your pussy.

The kiss is open mouthed, rough, and messy. Both your tongues circle each other in a battle against each other, saliva dripping from your mouths down to your chest and travels down the valley of your breasts.

Yoongi can feel your throat bob with every swallow you allow yourself, groaning in the process. The rough calluses of his fingers around your throat squeezes slowly, not hard enough to hurt you, but firm enough to cut off your breathing and leave you breathless and lightheaded. Your mouth opens further to suck in air and encourages Yoongi to pull away from the kiss. He leans down to trail rough kisses down your neck over the exposed skin that isn’t covered by his hand. With every touch of his lips, Yoongi made sure to suck on the skin and bite down hard enough to leave teeth marks.

Your mouth twists into a wicked smile at the action and you watch through lustful eyes Yoongi matches your smirks along with you as he keeps thrusting in and out of you, allowing you to see stars with every press of his cock against your cervix.

Yoongi starts to lightly release his grip on your neck as the heat begins to travel up his face. What a beautiful sight you are for him. As he begins to move his hand, you grab at his wrist and whimper for him to keep going.

“More.”

Both of you are so lost in the pleasure of it all that Yoongi doesn’t find it in himself to deny your request. Following your orders, Yoongi’s hand finds itself placed back on your neck and squeezes harder than before.

Keeping his hand in place, Yoongi watches from above as your eyes flutter shut at the constriction on your throat and the never ending bruising thrusts he is providing you. Yoongi drinks in every sound of the choked noises spilling from your lips in needy haste. You look like you’re on the verge of passing out with tear stains on your cheeks. The makeup that was smeared earlier in the night is now no longer present on your skin, having completely been erased by your activities.

“F-fuck, Yoongi, I c-can’t. I love you so much that I hate you,” you croak the words out past your tight throat, clenching your cunt as he drags his cock against your walls.

Yoongi’s head drops onto your shoulder from behind and the sound of sniffling can be heard. If it wasn’t for the sudden wetness that dripped onto your shoulder, you would have thought he was sniffling for oxygen. Instead, Yoongi is fucking into you while he lets his tears fall freely onto your skin.

He removes his fingers from your neck and you can’t help but suck in oxygen, your head going light headed quickly and your body bending forward, only to be kept in the arms of Yoongi.

“Are you crying right now?”

No response. Instead, Yoongi just sniffs again.

You see Yoongi’s reflection in the corner of the mirror from the way your head is against his chest and come to the conclusion that he has been crying for a while now. His eyes are bloodshot and red from rubbing the tears away. Your heart breaks at the sight and you can’t help but entwine your fingers with his own that lay against your stomach and give his hand a tight squeeze.

“You feel so good around me, ____. Wish I could feel you properly,” he muttered to himself, ignoring his tears and your question.

Without thinking, you respond, “do it.”

Yoongi abruptly stops mid thrust at your words, making you come to your senses and what you have just agreed to.

“Really?”

You pause for a moment to contemplate your next answer.

“Yeah.”

Yoongi couldn’t have pulled out of you fast enough at your confirmation. There is a moment of silence in the room as you presume Yoongi takes the latex off. Your mind is racing a million miles a minute at the decision you’ve made, unsure if it’s the right one or not.

“____. Ride me,” Yoongi voices directly.

Your breath gets caught and you splutter out a cough at his request. It was fine with him fucking you from behind, you didn’t have to look at him as he fucked into you but riding him was a whole other request. The position is so personal and would require you to hold your emotions together as you come face to face with him in the most intimate of ways.

Without saying a word, you move out of the way and let Yoongi rest his back against the headboard. He pulls you by the elbow on top of him with ease, your hands lay home on his shoulders as he holds his weeping cock at the base, readying himself for you to sink down on his length.

Your knees rest on either side of his thighs as you take in the view of Yoongi’s dick below you — proudly standing reddened and swollen under the lights. You slowly grind yourself against him, aching for the chance to feel him inside of you. Your pussy clenches around nothing at the desire of having Yoongi in such a way. At the end of the day, this is the man you had fallen in love with, grown with, and created life with.

Yoongi guides his cock past your wet slit one more time and basks in the feeling of you finally sinking down onto him, moaning with relief as his dick reaches parts of you in this position that the last couldn’t.

One more time, Yoongi bottoms out and his eyes flutter at the feeling of finally having you raw, with nothing between the two of you. He can feel everything — everything he always told himself he would never be able to experience again. Maybe this is his second chance to make things right. To prove to you that he is still the same man you fell in love with all those years ago without the feeling of hatred to be lace in between.

Yoongi’s hands rest at your waist and rub soothing circles into your skin above your hips. You both draw in a breath in preparation for your movements. You can’t help but lower your head and press your lips against Yoongi’s.

The kiss is softer than the last few you have shared. But just as quick as it starts, it stops. The overwhelming emotions become just too much to handle at the moment.

You start to move your hips with the help of Yoongi placing both hands on your waist and slowly moving you up and down on himself as you chew on your bottom lip to keep from screaming.

“I wish you could see what I see,” you hear Yoongi say from below you. “You’ve never looked so beautiful.”

You roll yourself down onto Yoongi steadily as you start at a moderate pace. The feeling of no barrier between you both clearly affects you just as much as Yoongi. Your hands lay against Yoongi's chest as you watch his head fall back in desire.

Your hips pick up the pace, bouncing up and down for Yoongi as he guides you with his hands still glued to your hips. You smile to yourself as you look at the man below you so lost in the feeling as he moans out loudly with every sink of your pussy on his cock. Seeing Yoongi lose his composure was as rewarding as it comes, filling yourself with pride.

A shift beneath you catches your attention and you nearly scream as the change allows the head of Yoongi’s cock to kiss the opening of your cervix repeatedly. Furthermore, Yoongi’s head comes up and takes a nipple straight into his mouth, using his tongue to swirl around the erect pebble, only increasing the desire.

He frees one of his hands from your hip and snakes it between the two of you, and presses his thumb against your clit, teasing it in tiny circles. You bounce yourself down harder on him, feeling the burn of the muscles in your thighs as you chase the pleasure you're so desperately needing.

“I don’t think I’m going to last, Yoongi,” you sigh. You bury your face against his shoulder and bounce so his cock slides in and out of your pussy faster.

“Fuck, you got this. Make me come, sweetheart,” Yoongi manages to stutter through gritted teeth.

Your nails rake over Yoongi's chest, leaving tracks of red and split skin at the force. Your eyes snap shut and your bounces get sloppier, losing the rhythm a little as you start to feel the pleasure build. The thumb that Yoongi has pressed against you begins to pick up its own pace, aiding you in finding your climax faster. You slide yourself down on his cock and roll your hips once you reach the base over and over again until your legs begin to shake.

Yoongi isn’t faring much better as his hips lift off the bed in search of his own euphoric bliss. He meets your bounces with a thrust of his own, causing your body to shake, and pleas of making you come leave your lips like a filthy prayer.

Bursts of pleasure erupting from your stomach spreads from deep inside your pussy. The butterflies in your tummy flutter in their hundreds as Yoongi finally tips you over the edge, your orgasm overtakes your body wholly consuming you.

Every nerve in your body is reactive as his fingers trails down your neck, through the valley of your breasts, and back on your clit as he plays with you through your pleasure.

The feeling of you clenching and unclenching while you keep bouncing on him through your own orgasm is enough to keep Yoongi pulling your body down onto him. He thrusts once, twice before he buries himself so deep inside you and unloads ropes of sticky cum into your already messy cunt.

Your cunt wraps tightly around his dick as it pulsates with every shot of cum he empties into you. Yoongi's hips convulse and lift off the bed as he continues to force his load deeper, making sure none of what he has to give you goes to waste.

Swollen mouths meet in the middle as your tongue instantly slides past the seam of his lips and wraps around his own as you both bask in your mutually shared climax. You swallow each other's moans as you sigh in satisfaction with the familiar feeling of being filled by your husband one last time.

Breaking the kiss, you shift your weight out of Yoongi’s lap and crash against the soft comforter below, nuzzling your cheek into the cool sensation it brings to your heated skin. Yoongi isn’t too far behind you as he slides down the bed and lies himself behind you, wrapping his arm around your waist.

You can’t help but stare straight into the bare wall at the opposite side of the bedroom as a cold shiver runs down your back. You came here with a purpose and you need to see it through.

Removing Yoongi’s arm from around your body, you sit up and promptly tie your hair out of your face and gather your pants from the floor and redress yourself before walking out of the room and back towards the living area where the rest of your clothing was left.

“What’s gotten into you?” Yoongi sulks once he makes his way to you, watching you put your shoes on. “I thought you would want to stay?” He admits bashfully, rubbing the back of his neck.

Without an answer, you head towards his kitchen to find your handbag on the island. You unzip it and tug out the manilla envelope and pen from the leather material and walk back to Yoongi. Handing him the heavy package, you avoid eye contact and offer him the pen second.

Yoongi gives you a look of disdain as he snatches the envelope from your hands and tears open the band that is keeping it bound shut.

“APPLICATION OF DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE (DIVORCE)”

is written in large bold red writing at the top of the first sheet of paper.

“I want a divorce, Yoongi,” you reiterate for a second time tonight. “Tonight changes nothing.”

All of Yoongi’s fears that had hung in the air above him like taunting stars had finally come to a head. He can’t believe that the words had even left your mouth for a second time that night — especially after what moment you two had just shared.

Sure, six months ago he had a feeling that things might have led to this but he was so sure that the silence from you was you needing your space before coming back and wanting to fix things. To fix your marriage.

“____, please. Don’t. Don’t do this,” he pleads. “We can talk about this. We can work this out. It’s us,” he stresses, almost begs of you. Yoongi’s hand is quick to find your own and lace his fingers with yours tightly. “I know we can work this out. All couples have problems, we’re no different-,"

Scoffing, you interrupt him, pulling your hand from his hold fast. “Not all husbands cheat on their wives after they have just held their dead child in their arms.” You bark. “I’ve already made up my mind. I’ve already signed my part,” you sigh, pointing out your initials and signature, already dated a week from today's date.

“There is nothing left for us to figure out.”

#bts smut #bts angst #yoongi smut #yoongi angst #yoongi x reader #bangtansorciere #btshoneyhive #btsdreamcourt #btswritingcafe #thebtswritersclub #min yoongi angst #yoongi fic #yoongi fanfic #min yoongi smut #min yoongi #yoongi #bts

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hyunnows · 3 years ago

Text

SOME PEOPLE | KTH

PAIRING(s): Taehyung x reader, Dowoon of day6 x reader

RATING: pg13

WORD COUNT: 6.5k+

CONTENT/WARNINGS: unrequited love, friends to strangers, angst, unhealthy friendship, lowkey toxic Taehyung, swearing, pretty minor fluff and happy memories mentioned, university!au

SUMMARY: You’ve been Taehyung’s best friend for a while, in love with him from the sidelines as he chases after others. You’ve always given him a hundred percent, while he’s struggled to give you more than twenty-five. After all this time, you finally realize that while you were once “best friends”, he’s never been your “best” friend.

A/N: my submission to the anti-romance collab hosted by @rockwithwoo and @astramoonchild <3 I put so much effort and p a i n into this fic so i really hope you all enjoy! please make sure to go check out the other fics that are a part of this collab!!! there are so many amazing, talented that took part! i hope you enjoy, possibly find both pain and comfort in this fic and have a great day/night! Back to the fic, thank you to my lovely betas who I couldn't have written this so well without 🥺💜 @starry-paris, @nightshadevinter, @mochajoon, @sunshinejunghoseokie, you were all so encouraging and helpful throughout this process and I'm incredibly grateful for your help <3 Thank you all and I hope you enjoy this!

Teaser

YOU COULDN’T REACH THE TOP SHELF, struggling on your toes to grab at the air around the book you needed to complete your research. Groaning, you lowered yourself back onto the flat floor, about to turn away and give up when a warmth engulfed your back, one long, toned arm reaching from behind you to pull down the book you’d been reaching at for the past five minutes.

You turned to face the stranger, holding in a gasp when you met his piercing gaze. He was devastatingly handsome—gorgeous, even.

The tall stranger loomed over you, a friendly yet flirty grin on his lips as he handed you the book. “Hi, I’m Taehyung. You needed this?”

Calming your restless heart, you reached for the leather cover, his rough but still gentle hands gracing your own briefly during the interaction. “Nice to meet you, Taehyung. Thanks for helping me out, can I repay you?”

“No problem! As for payment… I could use a study buddy,” he offered, a bright and hopeful gleam in his dark mahogany eyes. You nodded, holding back your own beam as the two of you began your trek to find a table. “I didn’t catch your name.”

“[Y/N].”

“Well, [Y/N],” he started, his voice luscious and deep. “I hope I can get to know you.”

That’s how it all started, your beloved friendship with Kim Taehyung.

The two of you became inseparable over the months, swapping secrets and trading tragedies in the depths of night. Now you’ve known each other for a solid seven months, comfortable enough to call yourselves best friends.

Friends.

Another crucial development throughout the time you’ve been friends is that you’ve grown feelings that are a bit more than friendly.

Taehyung, as you’ve learned, is naturally bright and affectionate. He always manages to make you laugh, simultaneously making your heart jump every time he opens that dumb, perfect mouth. His warmhearted, firm hugs did you no favors in stopping you from falling further for his charms either.

Not to mention his innate flirtatious behavior. Taehyung has a charisma to himself, one that draws people to him, whether they like it or not. You have the pleasure of being one of his more willing victims, always playing along with his teasing until one of you gave out from embarrassment, which is usually you.

But you never mind his ways of affection, always ready to accept whatever he’s willing to give.

Taehyung groans, slinging his arm around your shoulder and pulling you to him. “I don’t want to study, can’t we just cuddle and watch a movie? Maybe do something else…?” His brows bounce as he trails off, implying something a bit more than friendly, a light smirk playing at his lips. Rolling your eyes, you shove him off, making him pout in defeat. “C’mon [Y/N], I don’t even need this class, why do I have to study for it?”

You hand him the aged, dusty book that was previously tucked under your arm. “Because there’s no point in failing. Plus, you need to get into a better study habit.”

Taehyung’s dedicated to his work, he really is, but he just doesn’t have the right policy when it comes to academic work. Usually, you just give him the answers he needs when he needs them, sometimes the full assignments if you can, but you’re beginning to tire of constantly having to do all your work on your own just for Taehyung to slack off. Besides, it’s better if he learns to do the work for himself. He’s not too happy about it though, trudging to the creaky old desk in the corner of the library—where you’d studied when you first met.

The library has a lingering smell of cinnamon and tea tree oil, one you find most comforting. On late nights you find yourself wandering to the back for a good book, earbuds plugged in to drown out your personal sorrows. It’s old, worn carpet always crinkles quietly beneath your weight, and the chairs have a certain texture from years of use that grazes your soft fingers in just the right way whenever you hold their wooden frames.

The seat cushion wheezes quietly under you whilst you sit yourself down, shaking your head at him. “I’m not always going to be there to help you cheat, Taehyung.” His deep voice mimics yours childishly under his breath. “And I’m not going to do all the work for you this time.”

“I know, I know.” He mutters, frowning and flipping the old publication open, coughing dramatically at the bits of dust that fall off the leather covers. “Y’know, when I said I liked smart girls, I didn’t mean this.”

“Gee, thanks bestie,” tossing him a glare, his implication of you being boring and not his hot fantasy type chipping at your self esteem. Unfortunately, you can’t say that you didn’t mean him whenever you’ve said you liked dorks.

He lets out a quiet laughter, ruffling your hair until it’s too messy for anyone to develop a secret crush on you during this library visit. “I’m kidding. You know you’re exactly my type. So smart and beautiful.” His words make your cheek burn, so you hide them in your hands, only eliciting a wide grin from him at your flustered state. “You’re so cute.”

“Stop flirting with me and read.”

“It’s so hard to focus on the book when you’re right next to me,” he witness pathetically, “We could totally be making out—”

You scowl at him playfully, cheeks aflame. “You’re gross.” Your feigned joyful tone masking the pain he brings you with every tease. But, that’s just how Taehyung is. Blunt, occasionally obnoxious, and unapologetically coquettish. It’s what made you fall for him in the first place.

“What? It’s not my fault my best friend is literally a perfect human. Not to mention, my favorite one.” He says halfheartedly, part of him meaning it and the other part just being a sweet best friend. “On the topic of how amazing you are, what are you studying? Didn’t you switch electives?”

“Oh, yeah. I switched to photography, but I might take up art next semester…” You trail off the moment you notice you don’t have his attention, the new library assistant now the center of his undivided attention. Chest burning, you sigh, lowering your focus back to the article you’d been reading before his affectionate behavior started. “You should go talk to her.”

He doesn’t even seem to hear you, already scooting out of his chair to approach the slim figure leaning against the shelves elegantly.

“You should really start getting over him.” Jimin advises, flipping onto your bed theatrically, phone in hand as he scrutinizes your taste in men. “He doesn’t see you as anything more than a friend.”

You jump on top of him, your back pressed against his and arms spread to your side like a starfish, making him gasp for air under you. “I know, but I can’t. He just makes me feel special. You know?”

Rolling you off him, Jimin gives you a look of disbelief. “[Y/N], he makes everyone feel like that. Especially the girls he ditches you for.”

“It’s not like that…”

Oh, but it is exactly like that. Taehyung has a talent for making people love him, getting them to absolutely crave for his attention because it just feels so good when they have it. And, like everyone else, you’ve fallen victim to his endearing ways. Honestly, with all the time you spend with him, you’d be more surprised if you weren’t in love with him.

Tonight you’re definitely one of his moths, him the light you’re all drawn to, begging to touch even at the risk of being burned. Unfortunately, you’ve already been burned, even this early into the night.

You two had been dancing, laughing the night away when Taehyung was stolen by a foxy physics major, leaving you to your one woman wiggle of loneliness.

He’s like a raccoon, you think, distracted by beautiful, shiny objects far too easily—and oh so lucky for you, you’re rusty and dim. Jimin’s right with how he makes everyone feel special. You're becoming aware of this more and more. The girl looks at him as if he’s hung the stars in the sky, just for her—a feeling you’re too familiar with. His gaze is solely trained on her, and at the moment, she’s his world.

But later that same night, he’s leaning on your shoulder as you help him waddle to your car, drunkenly muttering how beautiful you are and how great you smell. His eyes are mostly closed, but he still manages to peek through his tired lids, pupils trained on you.

You’ve always known Taehyung wasn’t the most reliable friend in your life. He’s always running late, rarely has his priorities straight, and never remembers to show up when he’s supposed to. All qualities you once found eccentric and cute, now are inconveniences for you.

Foot tapping against the ground, you try to ignore the echoing steps that grow increasingly louder the closer his frame gets to you. You try not to shiver at the breeze that his abrupt stop blows against you, your soaked clothes clinging impossibly tighter around your icy figure.

He huffs in front of you, his hair lightly damp from the now light sprinkle outside. “[Y/N] I’m sor—”

“You’re late.”

He licks his lips, eyes big and guilty, like they always are when he forgets about his responsibilities and promises. Opening his mouth several times, he finally manages to force something out, in a gentle, pathetic whisper. “I’m sorry, I know I really messed up, but I’ll make it up to you—”

You ignore him, walking past him towards the parking lot doors, clutching your arms around yourself silently. Your teeth chatter, only stopping momentarily because you grit them at the sensation of his jacket draping over your shoulders.

You stop in front of his car, pulling at the handle wordlessly, one hand weekly pulling his jacket tighter around you. As much as you don’t want to accept it, especially because it absolutely reeks of his date cologne and his date’s cologne, you can’t keep shivering from the chilliness of wet clothes.

He hastily unlocks the vehicle, reaching to open your door for you, but to no avail as you swing it open and climb inside, secretly thankful he’d been running the heater and simultaneously ticked that he had been enjoying warmth while you were suffering in the cold rain.

Taehyung climbs into the driver’s side, hands nervously gripping the wheel as he glances from you to your clothes to the long forgotten lipgloss of his date. With a deep inhale, he fails to hide his frown. “I’m so sorry. [Y/N], you know I didn’t mean to forget, I just got caught up—”

“On your date, right? Because some random girl is more important than your best friend. Don’t worry, I get it.” You hiss out, crossing your arms and leaning against the water-stained window. Disappointedly, you sigh. “It’s not fair. I always make sure you have what you need when you need it, regardless of whether it's money, cheat sheets, clothes, whatever! But, the one time I need your help, you forget about me because of a date.”

“I said I was sorry…”

Lip trembling, you furrow your brows. “Sorry doesn’t cut it this time, Taehyung. Sorry won’t make my clothes dry. Sorry isn’t gonna stop me from being sick tomorrow. Sorry doesn’t do anything.” Your voice breaks in the middle, but you can’t seem to let everything out. You don’t feel the comfort or safety that would normally let you open up to Jimin or any of your other friends. “Just take me home.” He complies, shutting up and turning the heat higher in hopes that you’ll stop shivering.

Sorry doesn’t cut it… but maybe the homemade soup, medicine, and brand new weighted blanket do.

Jimin’s eyes roll back, displeased to see Taehyung at your door, get well soon package in hand and a shameful expression painted on his face. “She said I could come over to pick up some notes…” The taller boy mumbles, abashed that even with all the trouble he caused you, you still prepared what he needed, just as you said. “I’ll leave after I make it right.”

“You hurt her, I’ll hurt you.” Is all your roommate grumbles out before stepping aside and letting the slightly unwelcome guest into your humble abode. “You know where her room is.”

A gentle knock sounds at your door, but your head feels too tight for you to do anything about it besides blow into another tissue. “Jimin I don’t want to talk about it—”

“I’m not Jimin…” He murmurs, eyes failing to meet yours from the guilt pitted in his stomach. “Before you kick me out, I just wanted to give you these. This is soup, your mom’s recipe, some cough and flu medicine my grandma used to use when I got sick, and a weighted blanket because I know how much you’ve been wanting one.”

He flinches as you hack loudly, eyes red and puffy, struggling to focus on his face. “How did you get in here? We changed,” you choke out another cough, “we changed the locks last week and I haven’t given you a key yet.”

Trying not to smile, he mumbles. “I might’ve told Jimin you knew I was coming. In my defense, I just wanted to give these to you in person and apologize again, although I know that apologies don’t do much…”

His head hangs low as his voice fades away, and you can’t help but shake your head at him. “I’m not mad anymore Taehyung. I’m sorry for overreacting yesterday, I was just upset.”

“I get why. I’m not reliable or a good friend, really. I don’t know why you keep me around.” He chuckles a bit, setting the things he brought for you on your bed gently before straightening back up. “You deserve a better best friend than me, huh?”

You shake your head. “No, you’re amazing, honestly I don’t think I deserve someone as sweet and thoughtful as you half the time.”

“You’re just saying that.” He laughs, the two of you falling into your usual banter. After a bit, he winds up beside you, the two of you watching an old comedy flick when he leans closer to you, closing his eyes as he leaves a kiss on your head, his lips lingering as he maffles against your skin quietly. “No date is worth more to me than you are, I promise. You’re the most important person to me.” His body gradually begins to shudder against you as a quiet sob leaves his lips. “I’m so sorry…”

Somehow, even when he messes up so grandly, you always end up letting him off the hook, even comforting him when it truly should be the other way around. Your hand rubbing his back to soothe his sadness while nobody’s there to wipe your own silent tears.

“I’m sorry Tae,” you tell him, frowning as he cries into his pillow over his last girlfriend. “Some people, they just aren’t meant to stay.” The words sour on your lips as you recall how head over heels for her he’d been.

Now, early into your fifth year of university, your best friend had been in a serious relationship for about four months, only for it to end with the girl cheating on him. You can’t comprehend why—she had all his time, attention, love, everything. What more could she want?

“I gave her everything…” Oh, I know you did, your heart ripping slowly at his next sentence. “I’ve never loved someone like her. She… she was special.”

Your hands freeze their actions, no longer threading through his thick, wavy hair. Aren’t… aren’t you special? Because that’s how he always made you feel in those fleeting moments where it was just the two of you in the world. That’s what you believed in each of those memories where he was the only one you could see, when you thought you were the sole center of his world.

You thought you understood the pain before, but you were oh so wrong. You should have known better than to think you were exceptional in Taehyung’s eyes. How foolish of you to think that you were any different to him than anyone else.

Pathetic.

Yet you’d fall under his spell again, thinking you were someone more to him than everyone else. Like you always do.

One glance, and you’d be right back where you started.

You know it’s ridiculous to be so malleable by the simplest of actions, but you could never stop yourself from hoping and falling over and over. Especially as he gives you his puppy-like eyes with an irresistible pout. “Please [Y/N], I need this grade.”

“I know you do but i can’t let you wait until the last day and ask for my help anymore. Besides, I have stuff to do.” You pry your eyes off him reluctantly, heart heavy because you know this will bring him down quite a bit, but he’s got to learn to do things on time on his own somehow.

Slender arms wind around your waist, his nose nuzzling your cheek affectionately, his lips still pushed up. “[Y/N], you love me, right? I promise I won’t put my projects off this long again if you help me with this one.”

You know he’s tricking you, lying, using your heart against you. He’s a player—he knows how to bend someone’s will to his bidding. And while you’re fully aware of what's happening to you—you give in like you have so many times before, and like you will many times after this one.

“Fine.”

He pecks your cheek, holding you in a tight embrace with a grin on his face, mumbling and muttering praises against your cheek. “I love you so much, thank you. Really, you’re the best. You’re my favorite person on this Earth, I don't know what I’d do without you.”

And its nice, appreciated even, at the moment. Hearing Taehyung sing your praises and tell you how much you mean to him is all you crave for—but it’s not real, and it won’t last. So you bask in his words and warmth as long as you can.

You’d seen Taehyung leave people behind after he got his fill of them, be it friends or more, he didn’t keep most people around for long. You’ve been one of the lucky few, you suppose, to stay around longer than a month or so. After all these hours, days, months, you thought that he’d never leave you behind. That maybe he wouldn’t get tired of you like everyone else.

But as he avoids your gaze across the university’s literature hall, you realize that was an unrealistic notion your feelings had concocted. He’s got someone new on his mind, staring at her with those adoring eyes you once believed were reserved for you. He’s not concerned with how you feel or what you’ve been up to—he hasn’t been for weeks now, the small talk and short conversations between the two of you practically courtesy now.

“What did I do wrong?” You mumble to yourself, staring at him longingly whilst rewriting some of your notes.

Jimin pats your back, shaking his head. “Girl, I told you, he ain’t shit.” His tone almost makes you crack a smile, the comical edge bringing a bit of joy into your constantly dulling life. “You need to move on, get out more. Taehyung doesn’t have the capacity to give you what you need as a friend or partner.’

“He’s not that bad… I must’ve done something.” You frown, rubbing your left temple stressfully. But maybe Jimin is right. Maybe it’s time for you to get over your former best friend, and fall for someone else. “Just out of curiosity, what’re you thinking of?”

Jimin gives you a gentle yet mischievous smile, pulling out his phone and pulling up a profile on social media. Flipping the mini screen for you to view, you blush as you realize what he’s doing. “This is a friend of mine—well actually he’s a friend of a friend, but I think he’s perfect for you. He’s a complete dork, loves music, animals, and he has a beautiful, deep ass voice. Oh, and get this, he’s a drummer.”

You raise your brow at the rapid-fire profile he gave you, but can’t deny that the guy he’s describing not only sounds perfect, he looks fantastic as well. Cute, soft, and uncharacteristically muscular for someone who looks like he’d never hurt a fly. Damn Jimin and always being right. “What’s his name?”

He tells you everything about this man, well, everything to convince you to go out with him. That he’s sweet, a good listener, adorable, and so on. You think it’s too good to be true, but promise Jimin that you’ll give him a real chance before rejecting him. Which is how you find yourself approaching the same man from the photos in a coffee shop a few days later, tapping his shoulder lightly.

“Yoon Dowoon?” He turns around, eyebrows raised slightly from the startle you gave him moments ago. He puts a hand on his chest, and lets out a light laugh. He nods. “I’m [Y/N]. The person Jimin set you up with.”

He greets you with a polite and gentle hug, one that’s neither formal nor too personal. Just, comfortable and welcoming. “Hi… Wow, you’re even more beautiful in real life.”

You flush, and for the first time in months, you feel like the attention, the focus and car, all of it, is on you. And it feels wonderful.

Your meeting isn’t at all like yours with Taehyung, where you’d learned his entire life story by the end of the day. No, instead, he’s intent on learning about you and your interest, the two of you finding a perfect balance of learning about each other and staying enigmas at the same time. He’s sweet and kind, and he’s passionate about everything he does. He’s already at the door for you before you can attempt to open it, taking your bag and coat and making sure that you know that he wants to do these things for you, that he’s willing to put in as much effort as you, if not more, into having a good relationship with you, no matter what kind.

As cliché as it sounds, Dowoon makes you feel like you’re the only girl in the world, despite the many trying to get at him on social media. He doesn’t hesitate to turn them down or reassure you that he’s only interested in you.

And though it may seem petty for you to inwardly focus on, you love his reliability. He’s always got himself together, and he’s always ready to help you in any way you may need. He’s on time, prepared, dependable. Something Taehyung never was.

And speaking of Taehyung, you two haven’t spoken in a while. While you know now that your conversations with him were never too deep—well, not when they were about you—you miss talking about the small, insignificant things you two could once go on for hours about. You miss Taehyung.

So you decide to meet up with him, except it’s unannounced. He doesn’t know you’re meeting up—you’re too afraid of him rejecting to hang out with you, like he rejects your attempts to talk in messages sometimes.

Luckily, being friends with Taehyung meant that you quickly became acquainted with his friends—aka, the people who throw some of the best parties on campus. You usually skip out, only going to a few when you and Taehyung were still thick as thieves to make sure he didn’t drive home drunk, but now you’re going on your own.

Well, on your own with Dowoon.

You’re sure it won’t be much of a problem, considering they never get upset because of unexpected guests or surprise plus ones. All he has to do is show up with her and there shouldn’t be any trouble.

So you dress up, wanting to look nice for your first party with your new boyfriend. You wear a black dress Jimin bought you that you once swore you’d never touch, along with some heels you saved for special occasions.

You’ve got your makeup done, for once not just some foundation and blush, but a nice, full face without being caked up. You even put some effort into your hair, although you know by the end of the night your work would probably be destroyed. All this and your delightful perfume, and you’re stunning.

Dowoon looks incredible too, his outfit not only flattering as heck but not clashing with yours. A faded green button with the top few buttons undone on top of a black t-shirt. He’s sporting some darker khaki chinos, paired with a black belt that matched his black converse. The whole outfit makes him look even taller than he is—not to mention how the shirt makes his build stand out, the material hugging his muscles when he moves.

When you arrive at the dorm, you don’t make a move to look for Taehyung. You’re sure he’s here, so there’s a good chance that you two will bump into each other at some point. Instead, you take your time, enjoying yourself with your boyfriend and dancing until you can’t anymore and you’re ready to have your first drink.

That’s where you find him, leaning against the counter, almost as if he’s guarding the drinks. In reality, he’s probably hoping to run into someone that catches his fancy, but the idea that he would gatekeeper the alcohol makes you giggle a bit.

His back is facing you, so you don’t bother to tap him or anything, opting to just grab a cab from the fridge and hang around. He hears you behind him, and whips around with a slight smirk on his face when he sees you… only it doesn’t seem as if he recognizes you. He’s giving you those same sparkling eyes he gives his weekly dates, not the warm—sometimes, dull—ones you’re used to.

“You look familiar, have we met?” He takes a step closer to you, and you can just barely smell alcohol in his breath. In other words, he’s not drunk yet.

You raise a brow at him, stepping back a bit with a hand on his chest. “Woah there, bud.” A slight chuckle in your voice that becomes a stifled laugh at his shocked expression.

“…[Y/N]? Wow, you look… wow,” he gapes, jaw almost on the ground as he struggles to recover. He’s seen you like this maybe once or twice, but never did you have this affect on him. Licking his lips, he gives a lopsided grin with a glint of mischief in his eye. “Is all this for me?”

You chortle, shaking your head and waving your hands frantically, your cheeks flushed. “No, it’s for my boyfriend. Can I introduce you two?” Face bright with excitement, you fail to notice the way his face falls before he masks it.

Coughing lightly, he musters a fake smile, and nods. “Yeah sure,” he mutters, following behind you, back straightened and shoulders pushed back to seem larger than he is—which you of course don’t see, too busy searching for Dowoon.

Once you find him, Taehyung immediately introduces himself, shaking his hand firmly with his lips in a fine line, the corners barely upturned. Dowoon, sweet and polite as ever, returns the gesture, only he’s more genuine and gentle about it.

When their introductions are finished, you find yourself alone with Taehyung getting another drink, trying to make conversation with him. He’s not interested, not really, only giving small hums and nods here and there so you can’t tell how little attention he’s paying.

You’re not all dolled up beautifully for him. You’re not waiting around for him to give you something to grip onto. Taehyung’s only interested in people interested in him.

If only you knew that when you met, you’d never be stuck in this pool of turmoil.

Taehyung has never been one to ignore you. Sure, he’d avoided you a bit before the party, but he didn’t blatantly ignore you or brush you off, not the way he does now.

After the party, you tried to reach out to him through texting, only to find your number blocked. Then, on social media where he’d also blocked every account of yours, as well as a few others who were close friends of yours he was never too interested in.

Taehyung had cut you off.

Every class he had with you, he sat on the far end, making sure not to meet your eyes not even once. You know he can feel your gaze on the side of his head, burning a hole with curiosity and betrayal.

He said you were best friends. That you were his favorite person.

Then why has he removed you from his life?

You try not to make a deal of things, keeping your questions to yourself, hiding your sadness under a mask. You don’t want your friends to worry, and you don’t want Dowoon to think you’re still into Taehyung. But damn, it hurts and it eats you up inside with the constant wondering of ”what did I do wrong?”

It keeps up this way, until Jimin can’t stand to see you beating yourself up silently anymore. “What’s wrong?”

And you can’t hold it together anymore, shoving your face into your friend’s chest and squeezing him tightly, your lip trembling. “I don’t know what I did, but he blocked me on everything, and ignores me everywhere. I tried to talk to him about it, and he just pretended as if I wasn’t there. What did I do wrong Jimin?”

The dance major strokes your back, hushing your growing sobs while holding in his own anger at the boy you put so much effort in, despite his warnings. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just how he is. Taehyung gets attached to people, makes them think they’re his world, and then throws them aside when he’s tired of them. It’s not your fault, it’s just how he is.”

His words don’t do much to comfort you though, and you find yourself trying to talk to him in person, trying to rekindle any tiny spark between the two of you as friends.

And it’s only after a week or so of trying that you realize how truly right Jimin had been when he warned you about Taehyung. Because while you’re worked up, broken down and beat from this new dynamic—he’s perfectly fine. It’s as if you never existed to him.

He’s got one of his other friends, one prettier than you and more energetic, hanging off his arm. She’s someone you remember feeling jealous of when they first started hanging out, but now you pity her too, because one day she’ll be in your shoes, watching from the sidelines as he moves on without her.

He doesn’t even spare you a glance as his group of friends pushes past you in the halls, like you’re a ghost and nobody can see you.

You always wanted to deny that your friendship was one sided, always arguing to Jimin that Taehyung cared for you just as much as you did him…

But as you watch his figure get smaller and smaller, you know that was never true.

“If he cared, he’d make an effort, [Y/N].”

“I know… it’s just, what if he’s going through a rough time too? I know it’s silly of me to try and justify his behavior, I just…” You trail off, leaning against Dowoon’s shoulder and frowning. “I don’t want to believe that I meant nothing to him. I don’t want to think we were never friends. I just want this to be a phase he’s going through, you know?”

The drummer nods, pulling you close with his large, warm arms that remind you of Taehyung’s when he used to cuddle you on movie nights. “I know what you mean. It’s just, if a rough time was all this was, why would he cut off his best friend? He still talks to all his other friends, you’re the only one he’s truly blocked off.”

You nod, sighing. “Yeah, I know. I just really miss him.” And it’s true. Taehyung may never have been your “best” friend in the sense he was never a truly good friend, but he was who you turned to with your worries and who made you feel valuable for a long time.

You know you shouldn’t have ever relied on being praised and validated by him to feel sufficient, but it was so hard not to when he was the one you wanted to look at you. Now, it’s in your nature to crave that same feeling whenever you see him pass you in the halls or on the courtyard. To crave that feeling when you do something that would’ve made him smirk and wink at you jokingly.

And you crave it so much, along with the need to know why he’s left you in the dust, that you confront him.

It’s in the school’s parking lot that you corner him. You wait by his car, not leaning on it, but hovering very closely as he enters the lot alone, his face pulled in a tight frown when he looks up at you. “What’re you doing here?”

You don’t like how he seems so upset, but you ignore that. “I just want to talk, Tae.”

“Well, we’re talking,” he says with an attitude, piercing your heart with each word.

Looking at his shoes, you don’t dare to meet his eyes, you begin. “Why are you ignoring me?”

“I’m going through a tough time right now. I told Jungkook, hasn’t he told you? Or are you too busy hanging out with Dowon or whatever that you haven’t spoken to him yet?”

As he’s hastily getting into the car, you scoff. He’s trying to blame you now? That’s not going to fly with you. “What the hell Taehyung? I haven’t cut anyone off. That’s what you’ve done to me, remember?”

“My mental health isn’t its best right now, so I’m taking some time alone to fix it.” He mutters, face void of any guilt or sadness. “You’re just too depressing to hang out with.”

That hurts. Lip trembling, you fight the ache in your heart. “Did you never think about me? What it would do to me to lose the person I trusted most? Or are you so sick of me that you just didn’t care?”

He shuts his car door, and rolls down the window in front of you, glaring hard. Deadpanning, he growls. “I didn’t care. I still don't.”

“You know, you’re the reason I’m so damn depressing. You’re the one always breaking my heart, and I keep letting you.” You sniffle, crossing your arms and wiping your eyes. “If it wasn’t for you, I’d be so much happier. I wouldn’t have longed for someone I couldn’t have for so damn long. I wouldn’t be so choked up over someone who’s never given back half of what I gave them.”

“That’s not my fault, you decided to stay by my side.”

“I know.”

“So leave me alone.”

You have more to say. More that you feel. You want to ask him if he knows how it sucks to not be able to talk about your crush with your best friend. How it hurts to not be able to ask them for advice or turn to them for comfort when things get hard. But you don’t get the chance.

His words ring in your ears like bullets, leaving you shocked, mouth pressing into a thin, trembling line as you step back from his car, eyes watering. Now you know for sure.

Taehyung doesn’t give a shit about you anymore.

“Goodbye Taehyung.” You mutter, mostly to yourself, turning away from his car and shuffling toward the front gates as you dial up someone who actually cares about you.

You barely hear him call a quiet, “Goodbye [Y/N].”

You move on, slowly but surely forgetting the details about Taehyung’s face. You forget each and every wrinkle you knew by heart once. You forget about how he used to talk a little differently than everyone else because of his dialect. How he’d have such creative and unique thoughts in the depths of night. The way he’d flirt whenever he got the chance. You forget him and the impact he once had on you.

Sometimes, when you’re alone in your bed watching reruns of shows you two watched together once—you watched them out of pure enjoyment of the characters now—you have glimpses of memories of your once treasured friendship. You think about them semi-fondly, until you push them out of your mind and try not to wonder if he does the same.

You don’t ask if he’s doing well, and you don’t actively avoid him either. At times, you two even give each other a nod of acknowledgment when you pass by. Maybe even a wave some days. But you don’t care to do any more than that.

Now, you don’t give a shit about him either. You can finally heal.

Jimin, ever so curious in your life, hesitates to ask you whilst you braid his hair. He doesn’t want to hurt you, but you’ve reassured him countless times that you’re okay, that Taehyung has no importance to you and therefore cannot hurt you. “Would you do it again? Would you still be his friend and go through it all over if you could?”

You tilt your head to the side before realizing what he meant. Releasing his strands of hair, you let out a breath and smile a bit. “We had some really good memories together. Lots of smiles and laughs but, not enough for me to put myself through that again.”

He nods, and pats your shoulder. “I’m sorry things didn’t turn out better for you two.” His eyes are remorseful as if he thinks he’s got something to do with it. After all, he always pushed Taehyung away from you, and pulled you away from him. It’s hard to think he didn’t play some role in this.

“Don’t. It’s nobody’s fault. Just…” You fade into a sigh, and give him a tight lipped smile. “Some people, they just aren’t meant to stay.”

Words you’ve uttered before but never realized how true they were. You always thought it a phrase for people you’d never known well or someone who would leave quickly—not someone whose deepest secrets were shared with you, someone you loved and trusted. Passerbys.

You never knew they’d one day describe the person you used to care for most.

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seungisms · 3 years ago

Note

your inbox? dry? not on my watch😌

can always count on my wife to have my back 😽

#📨 you've got mail!#rockwithwoo #moots!

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fluffyydumplings · 3 years ago

Text

We Are Breaking Up

Pairing: hoseok x reader

Summary: Breaking up.. When asked about how such an ending has come to be. Most people tend to consider factors like love affairs, unrequited love and unsupportive parents. The reality? Some relationships simply end, because love is no longer present. Perhaps that is why Hoseok looks at you with nothing but those empty eyes of his?

Word Count: 5.3k

Genre: breakup!au / angst / established relationship / bulleted fic

Warnings: profanity / heartbreak / regret / implied stress eating (one line mention, not in detail) / a pinch of self-doubt / just lots of angst

A/N: This was written for the “Anti-Romance Club” collab hosted by @astramoonchild and @rockwithwoo.. @jayhopely and @diorkoo Have fun reading this one! I really thought I would never be able to finish this fic.. But, then.. Ba bam boom! I felt like writing, and in a few days.. This fic was done.. Me and every other fic I have ever written for a collab - really :) Oh, I’m never going to finish this.. Ahahaha.. Ba bam boom! Hee hee!

Clouds lifted up from oceans and rivers flowing of love, the sky a battlefield that does not stand a chance as that love multiplies quickly to form a blanket that drapes over its sad shoulder and covers its head completely as hours tick by..

‘I like you.. I like you, Sunbae!’

‘Ji-eun ah.. I like you too.. I like you so much!’

A blanket draped over your figure, a sip of overly sweet juice coating your lips.. The tv remote by your feet, a bowl of bland popcorn placed on the armrest of the stuffy old couch you bought from a garage sale..

‘Gross..’ tossing a chip in between your lips (barbecued flavoured ones), you nearly kiss the floor.. your hands dangling loosely as the rest of you fights against gravity.. Your feet digging into the couch to remain stagnant and not bruised up from the wood that covered the floor of your stingy ass apartment..

You weren’t rich.. You weren’t smart (lies).. You weren’t in love or loved.. You were simply living..

Love? Not a fan..

You’ve seen people fall in love, you’ve seen people fall out of love.. You’ve seen people die because of love, you’ve seen people live for the sake of love.. Love was truly in the air.. There really was something wrong with the air.. How is it wherever you go outside, some love-sick puppies are always busy sucking on each other’s face?

You have no recollection of falling in love.. Or being the centre of this emotion called love..

First loves? Most people are either married to one, divorced from one.. Or: ‘It was beautiful but fleeting..’ ‘We were too young..’ ‘We were on different paths..’ ‘We couldn’t work..’ Either a person you met on the swings or went to high school with..

Well.. Let’s go back to those times then..

Kindergarten days.. Hmmm.. No pretty boy with chubby cheeks there on the slide.. Just a crap ton of vomiting and flower picking..

Primary.. Middle school.. nope.. You were emotionally and physically attached to your science book.. Photosynthesis was so much more interesting than gossip.. Or love..

Secondary... High school.. You sat at the back of class, took notes, read your books four times before a test, took more notes, bothered your teacher at lunch so she could explain to you what haemoglobin was, ate lunch alone, sat out on p.e.. Glasses girl.. In love with studying.. No time for love..

College.. ‘Pss.. Do my homework for me, glasses! Thanks!’ ‘Do your own homework, cockface..’ Rows and Rows of bitches and jerks.. Particles and atoms were much more interesting.. Not even a tiny little crush on handsome bangs dude who probably slept with the entire campus.. Not even a tiny little crush on Joon dude who practically shrieked at how desperate the other girls were..

How old are you? Ahahahhhaaaa ha ha ha.. Did you hear that right? The question?

Umm.. 28

Old? You’re not that old!

Well.. Let’s see..

You’ve worked four part-time jobs.. Two permanent office jobs.. Leaning into three.. The one that’s about to start around tomorrow.. Another job before retirement reaches and before your hips stop moving properly..

To be honest.. You’ve always imagined yourself discovering stars or walking on the moon one day. But, life hits hard and sometimes you don’t get to do the things you want to do..

And you’d think, being on Earth.. surrounded by humans.. It would have been easier for love to find its way to you.. Loneliness isn’t the state of being alone, it’s the state of being surrounded by people who make you feel small and helpless.. - as though you are alone.. As though you don’t belong.. As though the world isn’t on your side as much as it is on theirs..

Love! Love! Love! It was everywhere!! Your parents were madly in love.. Smiling faces.. Packed meals.. Warm hands.. Quick kisses..

It would be a lie.. If you were to say, you didn’t want to fall in love.. It would be a lie.. If you were to say, you were looking for love..

Love was everywhere, but not anywhere near you.. You’ve searched hard enough.. If it were to find you, it knows where to look.. Why should you go look for this person that would make your heart clench out of joy? Why should you find love in strangers who would rather stare at the ground than at you?

Perhaps, you once swooned over the protagonist of a manhwa (comic book) before.. Kicking your legs up and down, your heart fluttering over a 2d character.. That was the past..

Love to you was preposterous... Absurd.. Mind-baffling.. Not yours to claim..

Each time the fourteenth pasts on the second month of the year, another page simply gets ripped off.. No chocolates.. No dates.. No presents.. No love..

November 11th.. Shops with huge signs, using love to advertise their chocolate-covered biscuit sticks.. You buy a few boxes here and there the day before.. Love aside, that shit is good..

April 14th? Black day? Have many bowls of black bean noodles have you emptied? You’ve lost count.. It’s not because you’re sad about not getting all involved with this love thing.. It’s because black bean noodles are good.. In fact, you order them once every month..

‘Jung Hoseok.. We’re both new here.. I guess we’ll have to stick by each other’s side to not get squished up by the higher-ups..’

‘Y/N.. I'm not into friendship and all that sappy shit.. I’ve never had a proper friend before.. So.. Do not expect me to-’

‘Looks like I will be your first friend, dear Y/N..’

‘Huh..’ a scoff..

‘94..’

‘Huh?’ you were baffled.. Was that his office number or something?

‘1994..’

‘Oh..’

He could have been more direct.. Jeez..

‘Me too..’

‘We can drop the formalties then, Y/Niee.’

‘Not so quick, Jung Hoseok-shi.. I do not make friends with anyone, or do I plan to.. As I have informed you a-’

‘Blah blah blah.. Let’s get lunch after..’

He did not come in like rain on land that has been barren and begging for water... He did not come in and make rainbows appear in the sky.. He came in wearing a suit - red hair, hoop earrings, and a loudmouth that did not know when to stop babbling on.. He was far from perfect.. He would bump into glass doors, spill his coffee, and pull his hair out over a project that wasn’t complete yet.. He was far from perfect, but for you he was..

He was your best friend.. You went from sulking at his appearance to grinning whenever he made an excuse to look over you.. Breaking his printer just so he could use yours. Hiding his markers in forgotten drawers, so he could come over to ask you for one..

He was always there when you needed him, and you were always there when he needed you.. Together, you were far from perfect.. But, Jung Hoseok.. Dry crusty ass hair and all, he was your person.. As much as you were his..

Who else would knock on your door at 2 pm just to deliver that ice cream you badly wanted? A late-night craving you needed to fulfil in order to sleep peacefully at night.. You wouldn't want to dream about scary ice cream cones with legs, and chocolate ice cream for hair..

‘I love you..’

You don’t believe in love.. Or at least, you didn’t believe you needed it.. You had your parents, that has always been enough. To have someone cherish you the way he did though.. It made you feel special, like never before..

Jung Hoseok didn't make rainbows appear in the sky, he was the rainbow.. A human being with different colours and sides to him..

Red for when he was angry.. His usual smile replaced with a frown (an angry frown..) His sweet tone turned bitter, his voice slightly raised but never too much.. Jung Hoseok was never angry for no reason. And when he was, he was scary.. Always rightfully scary though.. He was just that type of person..

Orange for when he was frustrated.. Lines of that frustration marking his forehead with its wrath...

Yellow for when he was slightly under the weather.. A sneeze escaping every few minutes or a cough dropping every time he goes over to try typing on his keyboard yet again..

Green for when he was happy.. Like fields of grass that danced happily in summer.. Green for happiness.. Because he liked green.. Plus, it just seems like a happy colour.. Things are like that sometimes..

Blue for when he was sad.. An ugly ugly ugly frown that didn't belong to him, but was handed over to him anyways..

Indigo and violet for when he was excited.. It’s an eye-catching colour.. Purple.. And its shades.. The same way Hoseok’s heart smile, his squeal of excitement and jumps are when he is pumped up with enthusiasm.. Very much eye-catching!

‘Isn’t it a lovely day..’

‘Every day is lovely to you, Hobi.’

‘That’s because you’re with me.’

‘Lies..’

‘Hobi does not lie..’

‘Whatever you say!’

‘I love you.’

‘That won’t solve anything..’

Oh.. That would solve everything.. From the pain that lingered everywhere to the remains of him in the shared apartment that was now only yours to call home..

He was far from perfect, but for you he was... Lies.. Lies.. Lies..

‘We’ve been best friends for so long.. I wake up with you in my head.. I fall asleep thinking of you.. I smile when I look at you, when I think of you.. I’m a mess.. If I’m being honest, I don't know what love is.. I’ve never been in love..’

‘I think I love you though.. In the eyes of a lover and not that of a friend.. I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a very long time.. I know I sound gross and stupid, but I love you..’

‘I’m asking this regardless of what you have to say.. Will you give me a chance to show you what love is?’

‘Okay.. That’s gross.. Will you go out with me?’

‘No... That’s even worse!’

‘Let’s give this love shit a try.. Grrr..’

‘My.. Are you trying to imitate me?’

He pouts at that..

‘Fried rice?’

Thousands of bowls later, the universe rearranges itself over and over again.. Certain stars forgotten, new planets brought into light and constellations to never be seen again.

‘I think I’ll love you forever and ever.. How in the world can I even stop loving you?’

‘I think I’ll marry you one day..’

‘What will I do without you? My other half.. My Y/niee.’

You were standing on dry grass, the sun splashing joy left and right. Your hands in his, his eyes on you.. You stood there, the centre of his universe.. The reason he was smiling so hard that his jaw started hurting.. If you were to fall, the sun would stop being the star it is and was - its glory no longer worth the effort to shine, the universe plunged into a monster of complete darkness.. Until one day, rain started dripping and the land started flooding.. Thunder striking left and right.. You hands reaching for his, and his eyes nowhere on you.. You stood there, but another dwarf planet accidentally dragged into being in his universe.. Not the reason he was smiling so hard that his jaw started hurting.. If you were to fall, in darkness you would remain..

It wasn’t a storm that travelled through without you even realising it had begun, it was a storm that slowly brewed right before your eyes.. A storm you were very much aware off, but couldn’t stop. A storm that will change courses depending on how you deal with it..

He didn't go from feeling absolutely everything to absolutely nothing for you within one night, day or even week.. You were connected by the magnetism of your hearts, but the moon kept tugging on those strings and a high tide had risen. The distance that grew from dates of lonely tables, chairs and a person cutting steak opposite to nothing.. Weeks of simply seeing each other at work, and barely having time to say hello.. Office night outs turned more important than birthdays and anniversaries..

A bridge was in place of his warmth and yours, only a gap of heat left to savour.. It was a matter of whether you’d both cross that bridge in time before nothing is left.. The thing is, both of your backs are turned on each other.. Neither of you can see the bridge, therefore you never cross. The gap of warmth fading away, your heads submerged deep into metres and metres of water.. He was fully submerged before you were, 0.5 centimetres of your warmth left while his was completely obliterated to nothing.. You loved him more than he did you..

You turn around to face him, desperately running to what you knew best - he, whom you love.. Coming so close, he evaporates and condenses into clouds.. He’s fallen out of love.. You were now nothing but a tree surrounded by clouds that would disappear within the swipe of your branches..

‘I think we should stop..’

You still remember the look he had in his eyes that day.. The pensive sadness that clung onto them as he brought an end to the five-year-old relationship you had with each other.. It could have been so much more.. You could have loved till the earth was bare of green and till your hair was bare of anything but white.. But, it ended this way..

It started with big smiles.. It started with joy.. It ended with tired glances... It ended with regret..

‘I don’t.. I don’t love you the way I used to..’

‘I care for you.. I like you.. I would die for you.. But.. my heart remains still when you pass by and I no longer smile as I used to when I think of you,’ he was in conflict with himself..

He was in pain.. He was about to lose not just a lover.. but a friend that eased him through nights he was afraid of being himself.. but a friend that was a constant in his life for so long, he doesn't remember what it was like before she came.. He can’t pretend to love her though.. The longer he drags this on, the more resentment will wrap against his heart and hers..

His heart constrained in a cage of thorns.. It was about time he freed himself..

‘I love you Y/N.. I do.. Just.. Just.. Not the way I did when we started..’

‘I’m not good with words.. I’m not as well-spoken as you are.. I just.. I don’t want to hurt you... I’ve been avoiding it for too long.. I just.. Let’s put an end to this..’

‘Idiot.. Be simple with your words,’ you wipe away the pained expression on his face along with the single teardrop that dripped from his eyes.

‘Just be straightforward with what you want to say, you idiot.. Just say you want to dump me.. No wonder you never dated anyone before me.’

He smiled painfully at that.. You could see how much deeper his smile lines have gotten.. You could see how wrinkles have slowly started forming around his eyes.. That’s when you reminiscence on the story of a man you once loved and once loved you.. One that spent the last of his twenties and his early thirties by your side.. Just as you did..

You think of how, you wouldn’t have survived those five years without him.. You think of how you’ll never meet another man like him.. You think of you - the version smiling at him.. You think of him - the version smiling at you.. You think of the you standing in front of him now.. You think of him that stands inches away from you now.. He might be close by, but his heart was km away from wherever yours is..

‘I’ll get my things out by tomorrow..’

As my heart grows cold, so does our love

Whatever happened to the timid glances and soft touches we used to share?

Whatever happened to the little picnics and star-gazing days we used to have?

For darling now there are only thorns left

There is no we

There is only I

And there is only you

The red petals of our days have finally plummeted to the

ground

There is only one left and it's starting to wither away

It's not that I no longer care

It's that my heart no longer beats for you

And no matter how hard I try not to

It has a mind of its own

The time has come

There is nothing left

Leave now or never

For I'm afraid darling

The longer you stay the more we'll grow to hate each other

Because our love is no rose

And you're no beast

And I'm no beauty

So till another rose blossoms your way

Look over there and cross the bridge

It's the least we could do

‘Do you have a place to stay, Hobi?’

‘Namjoon’s.. He’s been looking for a new roommate for a while now..’

‘Stay safe.. Take care!!’

‘You too!’

Perhaps the biggest mistake you have ever made was choosing to stay friends with him.. Or maybe it was the fact that you didn’t push him away hard enough that day, letting him erode through the edges of your heart and willingly letting him break it down to the way it is now..

You don’t regret falling in love with him.. The only thing you will forever regret, is how things ended the way they did..

Staring at the eraser attached to the top of your HB pencil, you wonder if it always his been this rounded on the edges.. That’s all you seem to do.. Overthink and overanalyse everything that is known to humanity.. Why are jars shaped the way they are? Has leaves always been this green?

How do you get rid of this pain? How do you? Just! How do you get rid of this pain! It hurts so much! It hurts so much!

You wish you could act dumb and put him on the phone, pretend to be drunk and beg for him to come back.. You wish you could have been better.. You wish you could have tried harder.. Will that make him come back though? Will it?! Will it?!

Scenario One: Where they live happily ever and after

‘Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the-’

‘Let’s run for it, Hobi!’ you nudge at him, ‘Ready! Set! Go!’

Oh the look on everyone’s face when they finally realise that the bride and groom has given up on their own wedding.. And for what? To get ice cream of course.. Forget about the silly wedding.. Forget the white dress, and silly rings.. By heart, you were together.. No piece of paper would prove otherwise..

‘And that was how your mommy and I got married..’

‘Aish.. Hobi, stop!’ you slap his thighs playfully a couple of times..

*meow*

‘What a good boy! What a good little boy!’ he coos..

*meow*

With sweat dripping down everywhere, you both burst into a chorus of laughter.. Two people dressed way too formally to be eating ice cream by the side of the road..

‘What do you think? Much more better than a wedding with snobby old ladies.. Isn’t it?’

‘Till Death do Us Part!’

Your surprised your ice cream hasn't descended to the ground and winded up in some clueless pigeon’s stomach yet..

‘Forget Wine or Champagne.. Isn’t clinking ice cream cones together, so much better?’

A home set up slightly out of the city’s way, a distance away from a mart, and everything you could possibly need. You can even get delivery out here!

*flashback*

‘Y/N.. Are you there, love?’

The door cranks open..

‘I fucked up, Hobi.. The boss is going to fire me for sure..’

‘I brought pizza,’ he lifts the box up and drops it down onto your counter.

Michelango’s Pizza.. A name you would assume would be found attached to an institute of architecture of some sort.. Or a warehouse.. Or a tool supply store.. Never, a pizza place. But- but- but- But! Despite the silly name, the place makes crazy silly fucking immaculate delicious scrumptious finger-licking good fucking delicious oven baked pizza. Not to leave out their chicken nuggets and onion rings that taste like they were freshly dropped off from heaven of course.. However, maybe it was a reference to how Michelango was a perfectionist.. After all, they make crazy perfect pizza..

The thing is.. The place is very deep.. And you mean deep.. Into the outskirts of the next city.. In short, Jung Hoseok drived that far just to get you a box of pizza.. He even brought heating pads with him.. And.. And.. A well insulated box with a zipper thing that keeps the pizza warm..

‘So.. Let’s talk about it..’

He was offering a shoulder to cry onto.. He.. For you? He..

*flashback ends*

Where in the world are you going to find another man like him!? Where! Where?!

It hurts..

Scenario Two: The One Where They Get Back Together

It was yet another dreary night spent shoving salted caramel ice cream down your throat as you decide for the love of life to switch tissue papers for a washable cloth.. Because, the poor trees :(

The poor trees :(

Poor you :(

Poor trees :(

But..!!! Sjjjsjsjjsjsjsj!! It hurts.. It hurts.. You miss him.. It hurts.. It hurts..

And then you hear the doorbell ring.. Who could it possibly be at 2 in the morning?! Well, it’s no other than Jung Hoseok..

‘Hobi?’

You hug, make-up, kiss, hug, make-up, kiss..

‘I missed you..’

‘I still love you..’

‘I’m an idiot..’

‘What am I without you?’

‘Who am I without you?’

That’s what happens in the books and movies you have read and watched.. The same ones you have decided to give away to shelters all over the country.. Because from this day and onwards, you have one mission! From this day and onwards!!! You, L/N Y/N, are never going to ever fall in love or come anywhere near that filthy emotion again!!! You are going to stuff your heart break into a drawer along with the ten pack tissue boxes you will no longer need ever so much, and you are going to pick your ass up... You are going to get over this breakup! You are going to get rid of whatever feelings you have left for Jung Hoseok!

Jung Hoseok..

Jung Fucking Hoseok..

Jung Hoseok.. Without you, he was still Jung Hoseok.. He wasn’t you whose eyes threatened to spill whenever you were to cross paths.. He wasn’t you who struggled to finish any work assigned to your office, because the weight of the break up was sinking down deep into your soul.. So so so very deep into it, it was sometimes physically painful to breathe or move..

You want to scream at yourself for being so pathetic.. But, your pain was valid.. You would cry for today, but tomorrow you would be looking straight into his eyes and he would be the one cowering in fear..

Scenario Three: The One Where They Meet Years Later On

A green tea oreo frappe with extra whipped cream and cookies, a coffee with one pump of cream, a coffee with one sugar, plain black coffee, an espresso, a latte, flat white, oolong tea, iced mocha, doppio, lungo, dirty chai..

Squinting at the piece of paper filled with orders every one back in the office wanted, you pitty the person who has to make all of this.. You also pitty yourself for having to recite it all, out loud as the person behind you curses you as they are running late for work and are in desperate need of caffeine..

In two years, you went from being a person with her own office cubicle to the errand girl..

‘Drinks, Y/N!!!!!’

‘Can you please copy-’

‘Can you bring-’

‘Can you go to-’

‘Can you-’

‘Y/N?’

Turns out the person behind you wasn't a cranky old man who didn't sleep well last night because of his ongoing respiratory problems and was in need of some hardass coffee.. It was your ex-boyfriend.. Your ex-best friend.. Your ex-coworker.. Well, Jung Hoseok’s earned quite a title or a bunch of titles for himself..

That’s the part where you talk and find out that he’s some hotshot CEO and doing fine without you, as you get a call from the boss - telling you to hurry up and not get sidetracked as the office needs you..

Need! Need! Need!

He does not need you..

And as you walk into that office, you know, that you either need need neeeeed to mop the floor (because someone came in drunk and barfed all over the ugly tiles) or make coffee out of a packet mix as that one guy who is seemingly important drinks nothing but that.. As erand girl, you must follow orders! Hsjsjsjsjj!!!!

Reality: The Truth Hurts

The reality? You stay by his side, and he pretends that you weren’t all over each other a year before.. You go along.. For once, hurt not flashing in your eyes as you get hit by reality for the 152nd time this month..

You bite your tongue hard enough and is relieved to conclude that: You were possibly over him!!!!!!!!!! Your eyes have been dry for a while, and you can stand next to him without feeling like your chest is leaping out of you!!!!

And then, he starts smiling.. And then he- and then he comes over to ask you for a favour.. And he- and he-

‘There’s a really nice flower shop by the intersection.. Can you buy me a bouquet of roses, pleeeeaaaase.. I’m so busy today.. But, I really need them.. And I know, you have a day off today.. Pleaaaaaaase..’

‘And.. And.. There’s this chocolate shop nearby.. Across the street from the flower shop.. Buy me a box.. It doesn’t have to be big.. I’ll pay you back.. Pleaaaaseee.. Do me a favour, Y/Nieeeee!! I love you!!!!’ pleeeeeaaaaseee!!’

You turn over to the calendar on the wall.. Today.. February 14th.. Fuck.. Your chest is back to leaping out of you.. It hurts.. It hurts..

Damn it.. You’re not over him!!!!! It hurts.. It hurts.. It hurts..

‘It’s been a whole damn eleven months, Y/N!!! Pull yourself together, you stupid bitch!!!!’ you look like a piece of bread soaked in water as you walk to where Hoseok wanted you to go..

‘I really like her! Y/Nnnn.. She’s.. She’s.. I think.. She’s the one.. My other half.’

Hey!!! Years ago, you said that to me.. You wanted to sob into his expensive ass suit and hit him hard in the chest, so he remembers that exact moment..

Half of you was hoping this ended the way you and him did.. Half of you, genuinely wanted him to move on and live the happiest of happy lives..

Even if it's without you..

Even if it’s with someone else ):

‘I’m going to do it! I’m going to propose to her!!!’

‘What if she says no?’’ ‘What if..’ ‘What if she?’ ‘What if she?’

‘You’re perfect for each other, Hobi.. She loves you so much.. Just as much..’ Just as much as I do.. ‘Just as much as you do, Hobi.. She’ll say yes.. For sure!!! Who would say no to you?’ Who would say no to you?

Watching from the side, the proposal you help planned.. His knees dropped and on her finger stood his ring.. She said yes..

Is it evil of you to have wanted her to say no.. Is it evil of you to wanted this to end up badly?

Tip Tap.. Tip Tap

‘Excuse me..’

It wasn’t someone that tapped onto your shoulder..

Tip Tap.. Tip Tap..

It was the rain..

The sky was angry for you.. So therefore, it started raining..

But even its anger wasn’t able to do anything... He took his coat off and they ran to safety.. In his arms, she would always be..

You stood by the same wall, soaked.. Whether you were shivering from pain or the cold.. Does it matter?

Tip Tap.. Tip Tap..

Oh- how wonderful would it be of you were to evaporate into sea foam just like the little mermaid did..

Tip Tap.. Tip Tap..

*flashback*

‘We are breaking up.. Not the way I thought we would..’

‘Is there even a cool way to break up, Hobi?’

‘Nah..’

*flashback ends*

‘Y/N!!’

‘Hobi!!’

‘Why are you here?’

‘Can’t I visit my best friend?’

‘Spit it, Hobi.. Do you want me to look after the kids, so you love birds can have some time to yourselves? Or.. or… Do you want me to help you make cookies for your other half?’

‘Min Yoongi.. He’s of average height, likes hip hop-’

‘Aish.. Not again.. I told you, I’m not interested in anyone..

‘But- but- He’s perfect for you.. Not interested in shit, grumpy, nags-’

‘I love my cats..’

‘Perfect! Yoongi’s just like a cat.. Sleeps a lot, is-’

‘Enough! Enough!’

‘You’re nearly-’

‘I’m old.. I get it.. I get it.. Enough- enough..‘

‘But..’

‘This Min Yoongi is perfect for you!’

‘Gosh.. You’re stubborn.. Fine, I’ll meet him.. But if I don’t like him, like that Namjoon guy from last month.. I will-’

‘You didn't even meet him! You stood him-’

‘Aish.. Asih.. I won’t leave this one hanging..’

‘Good.. Because he’s perfect for you!’

Ha.. That silly little boy.. Oh if only if he knew.. There was no one on this planet, that was perfect for you as he was.. There was no one on this planet you could ever love as much you did him..

125 notes · View notes

piedpiperslists · 2 years ago

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Jungkook One Shots (XLV)

* s - contains smut

In which you and Jungkook get your hands full … literally. by @onlyswan wc~3.2k / established relationship, idol au

Knot Today by @kinktae s wc~5.8k / friends to lovers, alpha!Jungkook, omega!reader, werewolf au, PWP Summary: When your first heat approaches and you are left desperate and partnerless, who better to turn to than your alpha roommate that you’ve spent the better half of your life hiding your feelings for?

Summer Nights and Morning Dew by @jeonstudios wc~11k / alpha werewolf!Jungkook, strangers to lovers Summary: “As if we don’t know where you go every night.”

Castaway by @hamsterclaw s wc~8.3k / strangers to lovers, desert island au Summary: When your charter plane crashes on a deserted island in the middle of the Pacific, you’re the only survivor. Well, you and the most irritating man in the known universe.

If I Told You by @gukyi wc~22k / friends to lovers, college au Summary: In order to pay for university, Jeon Jungkook decides to market his most valuable asset to the wealthy socialites of campus: himself. Donning a suit and tie, tousled hair, and glasses (to look smarter), he becomes every rich daughter’s dream: the perfect boyfriend to bring to balls, dinners, and business gatherings. All while you watch from the sidelines, only able to dream of having that much money to buy yourself what you really want: him.

Waste It on Me by @rockwithwoo s wc~5.6k / established relationship, idol au Summary: After a frustrating day for you, your boyfriend Jungkook offers for you to use him, and his body, to let go of your aggravation.

How to Make Him Cum 101 by @mimithings97 s wc~15k / established relationship, university au Summary: You’ll love each other in sickness and health, hungover or hangry, sexless or… well, it’s becoming a little harder for the pants to stay on despite the calls of ‘let’s take this slow’ on the first date.

[...] Poster Boy by @hamsterclaw s wc~8k / ft MYG, boyfriend!Jungkook, doctors au Summary: You, Jungkook and Yoongi liven up the most boring conference in the world.

Later Sounds Good Too by @satnin-darling s wc~6.5k / ft MYG, polyamory au, idol au Summary: It’s a rare day off and when it comes down to it, nothing quite hits the spot like quality time does.

Why Didn’t You Wait for Me? by @jungkook97 wc~10k / childhood friends to lovers Summary: Y/N attends a wedding in Hawaii with her old high school buddy Taehyung for a much needed reunion. Little did she realize that the last person she wanted to see would end up attending.

#jjk list #jungkook oneshot

33 notes · View notes

chemicalpink · 3 years ago

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Love Me Not ♡ ྀ Kim Seokjin

♡ ྀ Pairing: Kim Seokjin x Reader

♡ ྀ Genre/Tropes/Rating: 18+, smut, so much angst, falling out of love, unrequited love, lovers to exes.

♡ ྀ Word Count: 4.6k

♡ ྀ Warnings: lots of tears, emotional constipation, fighting, hard talks about feelings, seokjin breaking down, unprotected sex, emotional detachment, tiredness of routine, not a happy ending.

♡ ྀ Summary: arms empty, fists filled with phantom pains. Isn't it a real tragedy how you found yourselves in one another until saying 'I love you' started to hurt? How you turned around and walked away?

♡ ྀ Collab: Anti Romance Club Collab of the wonderful @astramoonchild and @rockwithwoo

♡ ྀ A/N: I'm not sure just if it is really angsty or if it just hit home too closely but I did have to pause every few paragraphs while writing this because I kept ugly sobbing. If you wanna amp up the angst, here's the playlist that made it possible, just press shuffle on it and enjoy! Did I adapt an oh so cheesy Ted Mosby speech even tho I didn't know where it was from? yes I did

You want to curse yourself for even thinking that, wishing in the depth of the night that you could go back to the day you met him and leave him be, never to cross paths from the start, defying fate or whatever it was meant to be called that was causing a stranger who knew all your secrets to pull you apart and break your heart. Perhaps it was always meant to be the other way around.

“Hey, do you need any help with that?” you couldn’t help the smile that was drawn on your face as you did your routine check-up around the store, you had quickly escalated to supervisor while on college– a part-time job just in case, as your mother had put it. Although the neighbourhood was more on the quiet side, most people preferring the larger malls on the other side of town, which meant just having a few workers on duty at a time, most of them college kids like yourself. Truth be told, the few appliances from the store were quite worn out, which made it all the more amusing whenever rare occurrence you got a new addition to the team. His name was Kim Seokjin, a few years older than you, his handsome looks and perky personality had snatched the job out of your manager’s hands in no time, a vague image of bumping into him around campus faintly inside your head as you watch him struggle to open one of the storage rooms whose key is severely worn out, needing a bit of a trick of push and pull in order to get it to work.

He turns to look at you amusedly “Help would be great, I’ve been at this for half an hour and I wouldn’t want that time to come out of my paycheck”

“Huh. An employee that actually wants to work” you work your magic on the door enough to get it to open before facing him and jokingly add “That would be a first”

“I’m great at it”

“Defying the status quo?”

“I was thinking more down the path of being amazingly good looking when I do my job” he continues to sort out through the stuff inside the storage room now that you had worked it out for him “But that other thing works too”

You just smiled at him before letting him continue his work, unable to get out of your mind just how true his words were despite the out of the blue proclamation, there was no denying that the man was handsome, even more so than average, with his dark hair falling softly on his eyes, pretty pink pouty lips that seemed to indicate his state of mind as he comically struggled with a jacket. You shook your head amused, what was that fuzzy feeling inside your chest that refused to go away as days passed with Kim Seokjin by your side?

“Still working late?” you don’t even turn your head up to watch Seokjin entering your apartment, faintly hearing the telltale of his keys being dropped in the crystal bowl by the entrance, a quietness ever so present as he approached the couch where you had your laptop in front of you, a rather chilly atmosphere along with the faint moonlight coming from the huge window beside you making their way to send goosebumps along your spine as he bowed down to plant a kiss on the top of your head, his hand resting in a lovely manner on your shoulder, giving it a quick squeeze that makes all the fuzzy feelings you had once thought unending to come back for a brief second. His voice is barely above a whisper, something inherently tiring about it as he says “I’ll start dinner then”

“I’ve already eaten”

You don’t look up to him in the next few seconds where the air around you becomes tight enough to choke on it as the silence stretches between the two of you and you can hear him unmoving from his spot just before the kitchen entrance, stealing a glance his way as you pick up your wine glass, taking a sip as you watch his shoulders sag a little lower, swearing you could see him die a little more inside as an effect of your words yet you can’t seem to blame yourself for it. Even as you think you hear him sniffle before he continues his walk to the refrigerator “O-okay”

The room is filled with laughter from the both of you as the first rays of sunshine make their way through the small kitchen window, the smell of burnt pancake batter mixed with something sweet and smooth coming from Jin’s side of the room as you throw a bit of uncooked batter to his face, making him leap towards you, scooping you up in his arms the best that he can, burying his face in your neck before planting a sounding kiss on your cheek as you both continue to shake with laughter at the sheer happiness that keeps radiating out of such a domestic interaction just a few months after getting together.

“What?” the smile in your face finds its way all the way up to your eyes as you catch Seokjin staring at you from across the table, soft-looking in the early morning light, warm in ways you would have never imagined a person could be, almost sure you can see splattered pancake mix drying up in his hair, undoubtedly the same as you.

He shrugs his shoulders but doesn’t stop smiling up at you “I can see myself waking up to this every day”

Your eyes lock with his as your hand finds its way on top of the table to take his larger hand in yours, thumb caressing his knuckles and you’re almost sure you’re burning up with happiness as butterflies run wild inside your stomach “I wouldn’t have it any other way”

The apartment seems to get colder by the second, even more so with the passing of days and weeks, unlike anything it was before. The light barely seems to reach the windows anymore, no matter how they cover the majority of the living, they only seem to let the cold inside at a more rapid pace, the quietness of Seokjin being gone most of the time as you stay behind adding onto it. Even the covers on the bed seem stuffy and freezing at the same time as you lay awake at ungodly hours of the night.

There’s barely a sound around you as you keep staring at the stray ray of moonlight surpassing a small opening in between the curtains as it makes its way to illuminate your drawer, somehow hoping that things would go back to how they used to be before the cold took over your life. There’s a rustling beside you, not even bothering to turn to your side as you feel Seokjin’s arms wrapping around your waist in an effort to provide you with the warmth you so actively seek, yet his skin feels uncomfortably scorching on yours, making you jump at the feeling, prying the covers off of you as you sit straight on the mattress, bare feet touching the floor as Jin rests his weight on his side to sleepily check up on you at your sudden movement.

“Y/N?”

“Can’t sleep” your voice is completely flat as the words leave your mouth, you can see him nonchalantly turning to the other side of the bed as he lays back down, falling asleep almost instantly and you can’t help the freezing sensation that washes over you at such a simple act of his, without a fight, nothing like it was before.

“Sorry I woke you up” you look up at Seokjin as he hands you a steaming hot cup of tea, nursing one of his own in between his hands as he takes a seat on the floor next to you, the view out of the huge, almost empty apartment you both had just moved into, was amazing as you could watch all the flickering lights of the city even as everyone was supposed to be sleeping. The sight makes your heart race, even more so as you turn to look at Seokjin’s sleepy face staring right back at you with the softest of smiles on his lips

“It’s fine, I wasn’t even sleeping” the statement bubbles a burst of soft laughter out of you and he relishes on the sound, it is obvious he was asleep if the messy hair and barely open eyes were any indicators of that. You can’t help but melt at the gesture of him deciding to check up on you even while knowing how hectic his work is going to get in a couple of hours. He points to no particular spot outside the window as he says “Isn’t it beautiful?”

“It’s freezing” his eyes soften as he turns to look at you, knowing full well you aren’t just referring to the city or the depth of the night, but more to those intrusive thoughts that make their way into your mind every now and then, leaving cold and awake in the middle of the night, no matter how hard he tries to give you the warmth you so desperately seek every time you’re in his arms. He settles for nodding in understanding, not even sure if you’re able to see the gesture before you rest your head on his shoulder as you both keep on admiring the view.

“I’ll see you at 4 in Dr Hak’s office” his tone is flat as it makes its way into your ears, not quite something new, yet surprising as you’ve grown accustomed to Seokjin always being the perpetual source of light and warmth in between the two of you. He’s dressed as pristine as always before leaving for work. Handsome as the first time you had first laid your eyes on him.

You muster everything inside you for an emotionless “Yeah”

“Y/N” his voice is almost a whisper as if he’s afraid he’ll say the wrong thing and wreak havoc. This time you do look up to meet his eyes and you’re able to tell just how tired he looks in comparison to how he carries himself, subtle bags under his eyes that you’re sure he conceals before dressing up, the barely-there shakiness of his hands as he toys with his bag. He looks almost as tired as you feel “We’re really trying, right?”

It almost sounds like a desperate plea. Enough to have you softly nodding your head in agreement, looking down as you hear the door click shut.

“I can’t fucking believe you’d have the absolute fucking nerve, Jin!” you can’t even hear yourself screaming at him as your head pounds with rage. Can’t even see straight, just knowing that he was standing against the closed door, the picture-perfect smile he had managed to upkeep while dragging the both of you into his apartment rapidly disappearing in favour of a calmer approach that chilled your bones at the sight.

“Did you really have to go and do that in front of my mother, Y/N?” you’re able to tell how hard he’s working on keeping it together, quickly losing his grip “My fucking mother, Y/N!”

Even from the beginning, after Jin had been working with you a few weeks, it had been painfully obvious how different your approaches to life were, with Seokjin being there as a humbling experience of sorts from his family, the fact that Kim Seokjin was a man born with a silver spoon hadn’t changed your relationship. At least not until he hadn’t shown up to your graduation ceremony in favour of attending one of those fancy galas of his, tears in your eyes, the image of an empty chair in the crowd mocking you inside your mind as you come to find him laughing warmly with his arm around another woman as they all chatted away with his parents. You couldn’t even pinpoint your anger as something out of jealousy, outrage or how much more right it looked for a man like him to be with a picture-perfect woman like her.

“So what?! You were just going to keep it a secret that I was- some type of side piece?!” a million thoughts were racing inside your mind, the most logical making its way out of your mouth before you could stop it and you could see just how it infuriates Jin all that much.

Seokjin doesn’t even look angry at you, he never does. He looks angry at himself– or the situation. You wouldn’t be able to tell “God you don’t fucking understand any of this fucked up shit Y/N! I truly truly envy you!” You laugh dryly at him, scoffing at whatever nonsense he was spitting, knowing fully well there were things left unsaid “I was about to tell my mother that I was walking away from that life! My whole fucking life, YN! For you!”

You can see his eyes becoming glassy even from a distance, your heart clenching as you try to make some sense out of it, finding none of it “There’s no logical reason for you to do that”

“It’s because I love you so fucking much, Y/N!” Seokjin looks a second away from losing it all, doesn’t even catch up to his words until he sees you standing there completely still at his revelation, his gaze goes soft, voice barely a whisper now and you can already feel his warmth blooming towards you as he says “I love you”

You stare at each other for a few seconds as the room seems to pick up temperature, Seokjin dragged towards you like a magnet, his lips on yours and you can feel the freezing sensation melting as his mouth works on yours, one of his hands working its way up to your dress as one of yours had been already tracing the outline of his hardening cock through his pants, a breathy groan coming out of his lips before his mouth started leaving open-mouthed kisses along your jaw, teeth lightly nipping at your skin as he pinned you against the wall, you faintly hear him fumbling with his own clothes before he hoists you up, legs around him, dress riding up and giving him access to your cunt as he doesn’t even bother to get rid of your panties in favour of stretching them aside and pushing two fingers inside, pumping them in and out for a few seconds, your hips reaching forward as you try to get him deeper somehow. He teases the tip of his cock by coating it with your wetness, rubbing it in between your folds as you hold on tighter against him as he pushes his length inside you, not giving you a second to adjust before he is moving with harsh rapid thrust, building up your climax rapidly as his heps meet yours every time even in such an awkward position, he nibs at your exposed skin and you’re almost sure the neatly placed painting beside you will drop at any second from the sheer force and speed he’s fucking you that’s making it tilt as you try to reach your head backwards in pleasure, the room filled with grunts and moans from both of you as you can feel all the built-up anger flowing out rapidly. His movements become erratic, allowing down as he presses himself impossibly further into you, his forehead resting against yours, lips locking with yours as you feel him fill you up inside, both of you left shaking from the emotional rollercoaster. His croaky voice barely a whisper “I love you so much, Y/N”

You can’t help but wonder when did it become significantly harder to move on?

You can only hear the ticking noise of the clock from where you’re seated, can’t even afford to steal a brief look at it. The leather under you has become as uncomfortable as it can be as you shift in your seat for the umpteenth time, the man sitting across you continues to stare down at his notes, glasses dropping from his nose and you’re almost sure it has been almost an hour. The pristine office is making you lose it, the faint smell of disinfectant making you dizzier by the second.

The doctor takes a brief look at his wristwatch before sighing loudly “Perhaps, we should get started?”

“Thank you, Dr Hak. I’m sorry for making you lose your time” you’re barely able to work a polite tight-lipped smile his way before standing up from your seat, collecting your bag and aiming for the door, only to be met with Jin’s dishevelled hair, looking like he ran all the way to the office.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry I lost track of time and-”

“It’s fine, Jin” your smile doesn’t reach your eyes, and you’re sure that he’s able to look past the polite approach of yours as you try to push past him only to have him tug on your elbow.

“Let’s go inside” his eyes are pleading and sparkly even under the fluorescent lights, the way that they had now constantly come to be whenever he approached you, as if afraid the wrong move would make you bolt out of his life “Please?”

You can’t even feel the tug at your heart as his voice breaks anymore, can’t even bring your eyes to well up with tears as you just stand, stare and watch Seokjin break under your hold, removing his fingers from where they grasped your clothes as if grasping for his own dear life and continue your way out.

The night gets colder by the second, making you cling onto Seokjin harder as he keeps rocking the both of you in a lulling manner, you’re able to see the moon shining brightly from where you are both standing on the balcony, the whispers of some classical music quartet making their way all to where you both kept on dancing. You can’t help but notice the clean way that Seokjin’s feet move with the rhythm, posing your head on his shoulders as he takes a deep inhale, hands around your waist as you take a glance inside, to all the overdressed people that seem to be enjoying themselves. Can’t help but wonder if Seokjin missed any of it, his life before you came along.

He seems to catch along with your thoughts as he says “You do know I’d do anything you want me to, right Y/N?”

You straighten up to look at him in the eyes, looking for a sign of him lying to you the way you would expect him to but not finding any indication of it, making you smile and pressing your lips to his for a brief second, feeling your insides flutter with warmth, a warmth that you’ve come to identify with Seokjin only.

The tiles beneath your feet are ice-cold even after a long time of standing on them, expertly moving around the high-end kitchen that Jin had adamantly purchased when you first moved in, fixing yourself a warm cup of coffee as you hear the door opening and closing after a second, Seokjin’s feet making little noise as he walks all the way to where you’re standing.

“Dr Hak said we both have to be there for it to work” and the warmth is almost back. Almost. And not for the right reasons, just out of watching him look as miserable as you feel inside, a nagging ever so present inside your chest that begs to be free.

“That’s a shame”

He turns around in record time before you leave the room, his eyes are begging for an answer you already know he’s not going to like. An answer that’s been burning inside your head for the past few months as you watch him vanish right before your eyes. “What is?”

And it’s like he is even afraid of asking, like he can’t contain not hearing you say what he is already painfully aware of, looking for a way out of both of your miseries, and he’s begging you to be told. Seokjin’s eyes are almost empty yet pleading for an answer. You’re almost sure he’s able to feel the impending freezing sensation you’ve grown accustomed to as you watch a shiver go down his spine while you place the mug on top of the counter, voice determined and completely void of emotion, having had this conversation in your mind a million times already “Seokjin, I don’t think you realise that life moves on, and some things are prettier the way they were before we decided to give each other all of our love” your right hand comes down to play with the gold ring that had decorated your finger for a couple of years now before you make a move to remove it, placing it gently beside your mug and that’s the exact moment you watch Seokjin snap broken.

“Y/N don’t-” his words are cut off by a sob that makes its way out of his throat as he tries to hold himself tightly.

“I’m leaving, Seokjin” his sobs are the only sound in the room in an otherwise silent night. You can’t bring yourself to shed any more tears than the ones you had already shed months ago, alone in the same damned spot Seokjin was standing “There’s no coming back from this”

“Y-Y/N” his voice comes out croaked, faltering as you just stand there, watching him fall apart, trying to pull himself together with the same way he’s tightly grasping the end of the counter to keep himself from falling onto his knees as you walk up to him until you’re eye to eye “Y/N please, we can fix this!”

“What is there to fix? There’s nothing left between us, Jinnie” your hand comes up to caress a few stray hairs out of his forehead as you force a pitiful smile to draw on your face before placing a soft kiss on his forehead “I’m so sorry”

You can’t help the smile on your face as you stand before Seokjin, dressed in an all too expensive tuxedo, as he spent every last bit of his money on the ceremony. On your white dress. Old habits never die. You turn to glance at the people that celebrate such an important date of yours, not finding any of Seokjin’s family except for his sister, yet he’s smiling as wide as he could be, the sun raining down on both of you, warming you up “And I promise that there’s nothing in this whole wide world that will separate me from you. I promise to be the warmth that you seek in a cold winter evening, I’ll be your light during your restless pitch-black nights. I’ll stand by you forever, no matter how hard things get, I’ll always be there for you”

“Goodbye, Y/N”

“Goodbye, Jin”

Even in the face of the impending end, he works up the words to leave his mouth, eyes somewhat hopeful as he watches you rearrange whatever little belongings you had decided to take with you “Until we meet again?”

“I don’t think there will be such a thing”

♡ ྀ♡ ྀ♡ ྀ♡ ྀ♡ ྀ

“I don’t think stupid cuts it! I really don’t think there’s a word for what this is” Seokjin’s sister is trying to keep it civil as her brother recalls the story of the past few months, her mind racing as she recounts all the things her brother had to face on his own for the sole fact of choosing to be with you all those years back.

“Actually, there is a word for that, it’s love” he takes a deep breath as a way to stop himself from dwelling too much on it “I’m in love with her, okay?” and he really tries not to think too much about the pitiful look his sister is giving him, feeling the need to elaborate “The word you’re looking for is love. It’s caring about someone beyond all rationality, wanting them to have everything they want no matter how much it destroys you, it’s love”

“Seokjin-”

“The worst thing is that it never stops, ever” he feels himself crying. Not the way he had before, but the tears don’t seem to stop even as they’re in public, the words coming out of his mouth. Words that he wished he could have told you, words that could have made a difference “It doesn’t stop when people roll their eyes or call me stupid for believing in it, even then, especially then because if I could, i don’t know, give up, if I could just- you know, take the world’s advice, take her advice and- and move on, find someone else, then that wouldn’t be love! That would be- that would be some other disposable thing that wasn’t worth fighting for the way that I did”

Seokjin walks into the apartment the same way he has done for the past week or so, finding you curled up on the couch staring blankly at the turned-off TV, he briefly thinks he should bring up the conversation on how you’re slowly but surely slipping through his fingers, even as you fake the wonder inside your eyes, he can see the truth behind them, can see the light dimming every time you turn to look at him, even if you pretend that it is all okay. He just doesn’t want to lose you the way he had pictured he would all those years ago when you said you hated the freezing sensation that people left on your being after some time, even as you reassured him he was your evergreen summer day on the lonely nights you spent inside your mind. He was terrified as he approached you, watching the way you felt completely blank, a few stray tears rolling down his cheeks the very moment he realised he had to fight for you, even if you were unwilling to do so for yourself, a lot of jumbled words coming out of him yet you’re only able to catch the last few as he desperately tries to reach you inside your mund, his voice pleading and almost broken “I’m in love with you, you heard me?”

“I guess”

“I’m in love with you and I know that loving you right now is just a shout into the void and I know that oblivion is inevitable, that you and I both are doomed and that this will all be turned to dust one day and I know that I can’t keep on being the Sun you so desperately want me to be, that all of this will eventually consume us both and leave us freezing, it will swallow the only love we will ever have” the tears keep running down as he gathers you in between his arms, your figure almost completely limp at his actions, even as he feels you take a deep breath in between, hoping that maybe, just maybe the warmth you had sought in him all those years ago is still there “I’m in love with you and I’m so sorry Y/N”

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