#rockstar by lisa was literally written for lili

[lgclili]

໒꒱ . WORKSHOP OPPORTUNITY # 002 _ IDOL JAPANESE: THE EVALUATION 、 aka “LILI, CAN YOU TEACH ME JAPANESE?” I SAID 「はい、はい」

the unfortunate thing about all this is that when pushed, lili pushes harder.

and lili wouldn’t call what they did pushing, per say. unless you could call dangling lili over a cliff with nothing but herself and ichika as a safety net below her pushing — then so be it, they pushed her.

because lili did not like to be pushed around.

despite the practices for that nostalgia show the girls were all participating in, she had this on top of it — and lili was no stranger to overachieving and doing too much in order to appear as pristine and as put together as possible. even if it meant, forgoing necessary ailments such as sleep and food, lili was going to prove them why they shouldn’t push lili to do things.

in the grand scheme of things, the evaluation comes in a blur — her prepared speech, ran through and corrected by ichika with alarming quickness is something lili can only warrant from her own neck-breaking determination to get things done right. even if she had gone into this workshop not knowing a lick of the language — she could at least call herself somewhat knowledgable — if not, able to say more than yes. 

she goes through the motions, remembering the sounds of the vowels — trying to not trip over them as she slows her words, carefully, because the more she quickened her pace, the more she stumbled over them. taking a breath, and with another smile, she begins — in a banter with her partner, thank god at least they knew what they were doing, while lili felt like she was still dangling from that tell-tale cliff, searching for a savior. 

the breath helps, it eases the nerves tickling the back of her neck. her smile used like a shield in the midst of a battle against herself and the evils who had put her in such an uncomfortable position. never had lili felt this unprepared — even if she had spent every waking moment of the past three months preparing for just this — she still felt uneasy. 

was this is? 

her fall from grace?

( finally tumbling her from  her overly egotistic, completely arrogant pedestal that no one but she had put herself upon? ugh, the ground would probably hurt from a fall like this, wouldn’t it? )

these are things she keeps in her back pocket for later — for when she’s to complain about her downfalls and her supposed weaknesses to jang insung — a laundry list, really, of her woes and why she still doesn’t quite understand why she was placed for such a workshop. 

sure, she learned japanese — but at the end of the day, lili only did so because she had felt undermined, so really …

who was the winner in all this?

lili wouldn’t think it was she — begrudgingly, least said and never something she’d say out loud, it had put another notch on her otherwise ridiculously overachieving and accomplished belt — at least, she wouldn’t admit to it as so.

[beansbitch]

rating every song on the spotify today's top hits playlist (12th july 2024) for funsies

1. Please Please Please - Sabrina Carpenter

She's gotten a lot of mileage out of being a silly goofy girl. 7/10

3. BIRDS OF A FEATHER - Billie Eilish

2. Si Antes Te Hubiera Conocido - KAROL G

It's a vibe. 6/10

This new album is great, would definitely recommend. 8/10

5. A Bar Song (Tipsy) - Shaboozey

4. Good Luck, Babe! Chappell Roan

It's good luck babe by chappell roan. 10/10

I actually kinda dig this, I think it works really well. 7/10

6. Not Like Us - Kendrick Lamar

Physical manifestation of the phrase "get dunked on", and it's just fun to listen to. 10/10

7. MILLION DOLLAR BABY - Tommy Richman

The VHS version is better. 9/10

8. Too Sweet - Hozier

Hozier. 10/10

9. Beautiful Things - Benson Boone

Oh, objectively bad song, they could never make me hate you <3. 6/10

10. I Had Some Help - Post Malone, Morgan Wallen

Eh. 4/10

11. Espresso - Sabrina Carpenter

Once again, silly goofy. 7/10

12. i like the way you kiss me - Artemas

It's my understanding that all of the vocals in this are the same one dude and that's kinda impressive actually. 8/10

13. Stargazing - Myles Smith

Could go way harder. 6/10

14. LUNCH - Billie Eilish

Did not anticipate her preferred style of flirting to be "goofy" but you know what, it works. 9/10

15. End of Beginning - Djo

you take the man out of the city not the city out the man you take the man out of the city not the city out the man you- 8/10

16. we can't be friends (wait for your love) - Ariana Grande

Song that exists. 6/10

18. Tough - Quavo, Lana Del Rey

17. Lose Control - Teddy Swims

Got through this whole post without realizing I hadn't written anything for this song until the very end and. yeah, pretty much. 7/10

Weird collab, but okay. 7/10

19. Austin - Dasha

I'm still not entirely sure how boots could "stop working". 7/10

20. I Can Do It With a Broken Heart - Taylor Swift

Should've been the single instead of Fortnight. 6/10

21. Houdini - Eminem

This is so dated that when I first heard it I had to go check if it was a "Tiktok making a 20 year old song popular" thing, but no, it's just that cringe. 1/10

22. Nasty - Tinashe

Eh. 5/10

23. Belong Together - Mark Ambor

This one makes my skin crawl for some reason. 3/10

24. Slow It Down - Benson Boone

I have no idea what to do with this. 5/10

25. HOT TO GO! - Chappell Roan

H-O-T-T-O-G-O YOU CAN TAKE ME HOT TO GO!! 9/10

26. GIRLS - The Kid LAROI

is it bad that i think this direction kinda works for this guy? 5/10

27. greedy - Tate McRae

I forget who said it first, but song is a lot better if you interpret it as a semi-ominous warning. 7/10

28. Move - Adam Port, Stryv, Keinemusik, Orso, Malachiii

wow that's a lot of artist credits (I say that because I have nothing else to say about this song). 6/10

29. Fortnight - Taylor Swift, Post Malone

"i love you, it's ruining my life" would be a good all lowercase AO3 title. 4/10

30. Saturn - SZA

Amen, sister, there's gotta be a better life somewhere. 10/10

31. 28 - Zach Bryan

It's good but not in a way where there's much to discuss. 8/10

32. Close To You - Gracie Abrams

Eh, I don't get the hate, this is perfectly serviceable white girl music. 5/10

33. the boy is mine - Ariana Grande

That record skip effect on "divine" gets me every time. 10/10

34. Stick Season - Noah Kahan

Why is this still here. 9/10

35. I Don't Wanna Wait - David Guetta, OneRepublic

STOP. 1/10

36. Smeraldo Garden Marching Band - Jimin, Loco

Would I get killed for saying this sounds kind of cluttered and disjointed? 5/10

37. Stumblin' In - CYRIL

I feel like this shouldn't work as well as it does, but I can't put my finger on why... 8/10

38. 360 Charli xcx

I don't get the hype. 5/10

39. Rockstar - LISA

The beat carries this one for me but to be fair, it's a pretty good beat. 7/10

40. One of The Girls - The Weeknd, JENNIE, Lily-Rose Depp:

This gives literally nothing but unfortunately I have and will always be a sucker for this vibe in music. 6/10

41. Scared to Start - Micheal Marcagi:

The chorus of this is a callout post to me specifically. 9/10

42. Lies Lies Lies - Morgan Wallen

I just listened to this two minutes ago and I already forgot everything about it. 3/10

43. feelslikeimfallinginlove - Coldplay

Yeah this is what Coldplay sounds like. 7/10

44. Parking Lot - Mustard, Travis Scott

Pretty okay. 5/10

45. Gata Only - FloyyMenor, Cris Mj

I can't understand a single word of this. 7/10

46. BAND4BAND - Central Cee, Lil Baby

This kinda goes hard actually. 8/10

47. Santa - Rvssian, Rauw Alejandro, Ayra Starr

Have a negative amount of words to say about this one somehow. 6/10

48. Magnetic - ILLIT

Certified banger. 7/10

49. Water - Tyla

What if I said 10/10. What would you be able to do about that.

50. Illusion - Dua Lipa

I would like this more if she hadn't made some variation of this song like half a dozen times. 6/12