#robins medication diary

[etherealspacejelly]

so as some of you may know, i was recently diagnosed with adhd and have been prescribed meds for it. they should be arriving early next week!!! (week commencing 15th Jan, 2024)

i am going to do a diary on here of my experience being on meds, for anyone who is unsure whether they want to be medicated for adhd, or just want to know what its like. i will write about any side effects i am experiencing, how i feel, anything that has changed etc.

i will tag all of the posts with "#robins medication diary" to make them easier to find, and i will title them with how long i have been on the meds for.

if anyone has any questions about the diagnosis process i dont mind answering them! bear in mind that i live in the UK and got diagnosed by a private organisation through the NHS right to choose scheme, so i will only be able to talk about that specific process.

i will also be open to answering questions about the meds once im actually on them!

i hope this will be useful to someone :)

(and even if it isnt, i think it will be useful for me to have a record of what it was like starting my meds)

[propertyofwhitney67]

How would the Li's react if they found Pc's diary which was documenting the Li's, had several photos that were taken without their knowledge, Sketches and doodles of them, and basically information they never told Pc? (Can we throw Wren in there?)

Whitney is very creeped out. When did you take these? Why do you know this shit? Just how?

Kylar is so happy but also wonders how you were able to take the photos without him knowing

Robin is also very creeped out, how do you know things that only Bailey and his bio family know? And the pictures? What?

P!Sydney is very concerned. The pictures are one thing but how did you get this info? Why do you know about his medical history and Harper?

C!Sydney is a tad bit concerned, are you obsessed or do you want to kill him? Please tell him you're just obsessed, he's ok with that.

Alex is very concerned, are you planning to kill him? Why do you have a journal of all of this?

Avery might actually get a restraining order after burning the journal

Eden is really concerned about how you could take pictures without him knowing and how you know all this shit

Wren is creeped out but also impressed, probably gives you props for being able to do this. He takes it after bc he can't risk people knowing this stuff.

[soleminisanction]

Do you see Steph as much of a planner? My gut instinct is to say no, bc I generally see her as shortsighted since she has nearly gotten several different people killed including herself on several different occasions by acting too quickly but then I remember ppl can be quick tempered and also make plans and also how she seemed to be plotting(?) to get Tim to spill his id to her in her diary in that one issue of yj

Hope you stay safe today, and thanks for your time

I think that Steph wants to be a planner, because the people she hangs out with and admires are all planners and schemers of various stripes. So she sometimes does make an attempt, but she doesn't really see those plans all the way through.

Steph tends to be pretty good at working out schemes in the moment. Present her with a simple problem with an immediate goal (such as infiltrating a hospital to get someone's medical information) and she can come up with a workable solution (steal her mom's scrubs and pose as a nurse). What she's not good at is considering the consequences of her actions (like what will happen if her mom who works shifts at the same hospital sees her posing as a nurse and calls her out) and what she'll do in response (in this case, get caught and yelled at -- this is all canon BTW).

In other words, Steph is good at starting plans, but terrible at bringing them to their conclusion. Prime examples of this include her scheme to find out Tim's secret identity (which had some solid method behind it until she jumped to the wrong conclusions), the execution of the stolen scheme that started the War Games gang war (she organized the meeting but didn't consider what would happen during or afterwards and didn't make sure the one guy most critical to be there was in on the plan before she went through with it), and the plot with Scarab and the General during the penultimate arc of Robin after she was brought back from the dead (it's unclear how much of this was her plan and how much was Bruce's but it can be assumed neither one of them intended for another gang war to happen, or to get Tim injured and two children killed in the process).

I kinda image she's the kind of person who, next to her diaries, has a matching set of yearly planners, each of which has the first month carefully filled out as part of a New Year's resolution to Definitely Get Her Act Together This Year, and then they all fizzle out around mid-February and are never touched again.

[beanghostprincess]

Sabo still struggles with memory loss. He had his childhood back, of course, he remembers Ace and Luffy and everything they did together. But he doesn't remember some stuff. Some anecdotes Luffy tells oh so excitedly? He can't recall that those happened. And if he does, it's all blurry and never at all like Luffy says. But he never says anything because that would break his brother's heart, to know his older brother isn't fully back with him, so he nods and smiles and pretends he knows what Luffy is talking about every time.

His room is filled with Post-it notes. Stupid, really. Dumb stuff. But he has all the meetings he needs to remember and the missions he has to do, along with everything he wants to write down at some point properly. The walls are covered in pictures of the people he loves (Luffy, Ace, Koala, Robin... All the others that have ever meant something to him because he refuses to forget somebody again).

He keeps writing dumb stuff down. Anything. He refuses to forget. He denies the possibility of doing it again.

But he forgets. Sabo keeps forgetting important dates. Important parts of his life, like his past with his brothers (he forgets a random adventure they had that he swore he had talked about the day prior) and crucial things he has to do. He has a hard time picturing his memories. Putting them in his brain. Turning them into images. Saying it's frustrating is a huge understatement.

Koala helps him out, of course. She's hard on him so he finishes his paperwork, but she knows it's difficult sometimes. She's his personal calendar and diary. She informs him of what he has to do during the week and always tries to talk and talk about anecdotes that she knows he still remembers but knows he loves to hear again.

His mental health isn't the best either, but he refuses to acknowledge it. There's a revolution at hand, he can't stop working. And fighting. And doing more and more and more. But sometimes it's just too much. Sometimes he goes into depressive episodes he can't control, and the medication is either addicting or the worst thing that has ever happened to him. Sometimes he's a bit too intense. Koala says he needs to calm down, that he has a problem with his fixation on the revolution and his past. Sabo keeps saying that it's fine. But he sometimes forgets or has blurry images of the fights and the people he has killed, filled with energy and excitement and like he has the power of a God. He doesn't like those. Enjoys the moment. Hates to forget it. Hates to know what he did during it too, even if it was for a good cause. Despises the look Koala gives him, also. Makes her promise not to tell Luffy about all of this.

But it's fine, he keeps saying. Sabo will keep trying to never forget anything ever again.

[frankenstein-ate-my-left-shoe]

A Recipe for Disaster

The Princess Diaries 2 steddie AU no one asked for but that i couldn’t get out of my head!!

On AO3 here

It had taken a lot for Steve to get to where he is.

As a person, not like, “in life”-wise

He was most definitely better off than most, he was about to be King of a whole ass country for fucks sake, but the internal shitstorm he had gone through to become the person he is today...was a lot.

He was 16 going on 17 when his long lost aunt showed back up in his life. News of his birthright hitting him like a ton of bricks.

Queen Joyce Renaldi was his father (Stephan Artur Renaldi II)’s older sister, and became Genovia’s ruler when her father passed away shortly after Steve’s.

She had sat down with him and patiently explained everything to him, that since he was the sole male heir to the throne, the crown’d be his when he turned 18. If he wanted it. That she’d train him in everything he needed to know to get him ready and if she had anything to do with it, he wouldn’t be alone in this. He’d have her to guide him as long as he needed her.

At that point in his life, he had already: lost his dad, learned how much of an ass his father really was (and how much people were glad he was gone), and completely shut down. He used to be the King of his school (ironically) but after his dad died, he dropped the façade and became friends with Robin Buckley, local freak.

It didn’t take long before they were the literal best of friends, joined at the hip and at the braincell, platonic soulmates. She became everything to Steve and even after one bad drug trip, finding out he was a royal (for real), their first fight, and his stupid brain thinking that his old best friend Tommy Hagen wasn’t just flirting with him to capitalize on Steve’s newfound status, but because he actually did like him back only to be caught by paparazzi making out in a boathouse at his school’s beach party…Robin was still there. She was always there for him.

She even decided to pursue her degree in languages at the same college; and not just her own degree, but also took another major in international and public affairs, same as him. Fully intending to stay by his side in Genovia.

Steve loves her so damn much (a fact she says he reminds her of all too often).

Which brings him to today. Graduation day.

Finally, finally, he’d be returning to Genovia. With Robin and their co-parented orange cat named Concrete by his side, he’d finally be returning to the country he loved. That he had loved since first landing there the summer after junior year.

He was looking forward to his 21st birthday coming up in a few weeks, nervous about being completely ‘of age’, and the upcoming coronation, but Aunt Joyce had assured him that he would rule at her side before officially taking over.

“Your highness, Lady Robin, look out the window,” Jim Hopper: head of security, local badass, and great friend and father (to his own kids, and a welcome father-figure to Steve these last 4/5 years), interrupted Steve’s tired thoughts and worries, “Welcome back to Genovia.”

Steve looked up at Hopper, grinning, and turned to the window closest to their seats where Robin was already holding Concrete up by his armpits to look out the window too. Steve loved seeing the palace as they flew over, but now all he saw was two-day old, travel-mussed, blonde hair and the bottom half of a very fat orange cat.

—--

The few weeks leading up to his 21st birthday went by in a flash.

The first couple days were appointments with the Palace’s medical team, introductions to the newer members of the staff that Steve would be seeing around daily, official introductions of Robin (and her official titling as Steve’s Royal Advisor) to the staff, fittings for his attire for the ball (a maroon tuxedo, subtly patterned with branches of the Genovian Pear tree in a slightly darker shade, a golden sunflower yellow bow tie and matching waistcoat, Genovia’s royal sash and medals, and a smaller crown of his grandfathers who, like Steve, was partial to warm tones than to cool ones. This crown looked like if the circular backsplash pattern of a drop of  water was cast in gold. The peaks of the crown were each adorned with a ruby, which just barely poked out above Steve’s hair like a halo), and multiple small family dinners, just Steve and his two favorite ladies (Aunt Joyce and Robin) plus Lord Concrete and Joyce’s beloved mutt Maurice. The latter of the two being sworn enemies.

Soon (too soon), it was the night of his ball. Joyce was to enter first with Hopper, and after her speech, would lead the attendees in a toast to Steve as he entered the ballroom. Steve could hear Joyce making her speech though the heavy oak doors, her voice carrying easily though the hall as if the palace itself wanted to send her voice as far as it could.

To top off the pile of anxiety growing in the pit of his stomach, Robin wasn’t with him at the moment. She wasn’t allowed to make the entrance with him, but knowing she’d be just on the other side of the door and down the stairs, gave him little reprieve.

He was pacing between the two doormen on his side of the door, twisting his grandfather’s signet ring worriedly on his left middle finger. The ring was a gift from Joyce for his birthday, said she wanted Steve to have it because “He would have absolutely adored you, Steve. He’d be so proud to see such a handsome, well-rounded young man wear it.” She had his face cupped in her small hands and wiped away his tears with her thumbs when they made their appearance. The ring was too big, big enough for Steve to be constantly worried about losing it right off his finger at the slightest movement. He is already planning on sending it off to be resized, but wanted to have it with him tonight.

Again, too soon, there was no more time to panic as he could hear the announcement of his name coming from the ballroom.

“Presenting, His Royal Highness, Stephan Artur Harrington-Renaldi, Prince of Genovia.”

At the bangs of the announcer’s staff, Steve stepped forward on shaky legs, the double doors opening before him by the ballroom’s doormen just as rehearsed. He dusts off his old “King Steve” mask and smile from his time in high school, puts them on, and walks through the threshold and out to the short balcony created by the twin staircases, beaming at the gathered dignitaries.

“To Prince Steve.” Joyce calls and lifts her glass of champagne.

“To Prince Steve!” The crowd parrots.

Steve lifts his right hand and gives them all a wave, then switches it out for his left, waving a little bit too vigorously toward where he’s spotted Robin who’s grinning at him, looking stunning in the sparkly golden yellow gown she had to almost be wrestled into. He must’ve waved too hard because he feels his grandfather’s ring fly directly off his sweaty hand.

He turns, eyeline chasing the flight path of the ring only to see it land safely in one of the doorman’s grasp.

The elderly man approaches Steve “It happens all the time.” he drops the ring into Steve’s palm and smiles. “And Happy Birthday.”

“Thank you very much.” Steve returns the smile

The titter and giggles from the crowd subdue back into easy chatter as Steve comes down the stairs to his left, and grasps Robin’s hand on his arm as soon as she weaves her arm with his.

“You must be the clumsiest royal to ever grace these halls, Your Royal Dingus.”

“You’re absolutely right, now every important person in the literal world knows it.”

"You are incorrect, Lady Robin,” Joyce calls from behind the two, who turn to face her. “My father was just as clumsy as our Steve, perhaps even more so.” Her smile is polite and loving, but the teasing smile on Hopper’s face betrays exactly what she is thinking.

‘Those two are just as symbiotic as Robin and I, I swear.’ Steve thinks to himself.

“Gee thanks,” Steve rolls his eyes but detaches himself from Robin “Care to be my first dance, Aunt Joyce?”

“I thought you’d never ask, my dear.” She similarly unweaves her arm from Hopper’s and places her palm atop the back of Steve’s downturned one.

Steve leads her to the middle of the ballroom, their guests parting like the red sea in front of them to give an open area to dance. As if they could read their minds, the band starts a classic waltz and Steve leads his Aunt around the outer edge of the circle.

Hopper soon joins them with Robin, and slowly, more and more folks spin themselves into the dance. Steve smiles at Prime Minister Wayne Henderson and his wife Claudia as he and Joyce spin past them, and when the song ends, it’s like the ice has been broken and the party can actually start.

People approach him from all angles to wish him a happy birthday, and make their introductions, including quite a few members of parliament, recognizable by the Genovian Crests pinned to their suits. Robin latches back to his side, they fend off the “Oh, how cute of a couple!” comments as usual, and Robin gets to flex her dignitary muscles. He catches a few excerpts sometimes when she is speaking to foreign dignitaries in their native languages. Steve feels very lucky to have her.

--

He’s whisked away soon after to start the part(s) of the evening he’s dreading the most. Prince Stephan is expected to dance with all the eligible persons of Royal descent. He starts with Robin first, just to get his nerves out of the way.. Then it’s off to the races.

It’s really like they all just expect him to be only a Prince Charming, He asks many of them questions about their own countries/principalities or their interests and they look at him like they'd rather he just tell them how nice they look.

The only one that doesn’t fit this mold so far, is a woman about his age named Nancy. Her small and petite frame is definitely in that mold of most of the attendees he’s expected to dance with, but she tells Steve immediately about how she’d love to be a journalist if it weren’t for her royal expectations.

“I just love to get down to the bottom of things, you know? I like digging in and finding out anything and everything about a story.”

“That sounds fantastic, I’d love to read some of your work sometime.” Steve smiles at her and is rewarded with a small smile and blush. “Actually,” he continues “Our head of security’s oldest son is a photographer, I’d love to introduce you. His work is really good; I feel like your writing and his photo skills could be a great combination.”

He wasn’t lying either, from the few minutes he’s spent with Nancy, he can tell without a doubt that anything she wrote would be fantastic, and though Jonathan and he have always been kinda weird, his photography is plastered all over the Palace’s media releases and he definitely has talent.

“Really? I would love to meet him.”

“Come on, I need a break from dancing anyhow.” They step apart and he offers his arm to her, which she takes. Steve can easily spot Hopper from across the room, easily a head taller than most.

Hopper greets them as they approach, “Good evening your highness, your highness.” directing their titles to each of them.

“Hi Hop, is Jonathan around today? Nancy here is an aspiring reporter and I’d love to introduce them.”

Hopper smiles warmly down at Nancy, “Ah, is that so! Well it is a pleasure to make your acquaintance Madam Nancy, let me radio Jon.”

“Thank you Mr. Hopper.” Nancy beams at him

“Please, your highness, Hopper or Jim is just fine with me.

“Just don’t call him Jimmy.” Steve stage whispers to Nancy, loud enough for Hopper to hear and shake his head at him. “Are Will and Ellie around tonight?”

“Ah yes, they are around here somewhere. I think they and Mr. Henderson have met the young Lord Sinclair, so I’m sure I will have to respond to one of their messes here sooner than later.”

“Your other children?” Nancy asks, genuinely curious.

“Yes ma’am, the wonder twins themselves.” His close-lipped smile makes his mustache scrunch on his face along with causing his well-worn crows feet to make their appearance.

“Whadja need…dad?” Steve hears Jonathan call out then trail off when he catches sight of Steve. “Good evening your highness, happy birthday.” He quickly catches himself and greets Steve with a short bow, “Is there something wrong?”

“Not at all Jonathan, I just wanted to introduce you to Princess Nancy here.” He gestures at Nancy, who’d mostly been hidden from sight behind Steve from where Jonathan had approached. She releases her hold on Steve’s arm and extends her hand for Jonathan to take.

“Many apologies your highness, I didn’t see you there. How do you do?” He takes Nancy’s extended hand and bows with a light kiss to her knuckles. “Is there something I can help you with?”

Steve watches this exchange and immediately the arrow on his brand new internal ‘Nancy’ dial flops from where it was in the “Interested in Nancy” section, to the complete opposite “Get Nancy and Jonathan together at all costs” section.

Nancy’s whole face and neck are blushing a wonderful shade of pink (Steve can even see some dripping down onto her collarbones since the navy blue dress she wears is sleeveless). Steve smirks and is about to cut in to tell Jon all about her, but she gets to it before he can, still eloquent and in command of her words despite her obvious flustered mood.

“I was telling Steve about my wishes to become a journalist and he said your photography work was very good. I am assuming you are on the palace’s public relations team?”

Jonathan still hasn’t let go of Nancy’s hand, and it doesn’t look like he’d like to anytime soon. “Y_yes, I am the lead photographer.. Steve said that?” Jonathan glaces at Steve disbelievingly.

Nancy nods, “He did. I would love to see what you’ve been able to capture so far.” She gestures to the heavy-looking camera around his neck.

“Uhh..” Jonathan looks to Steve worriedly, who quickly mimes standing up straight and offering his arm. “O_of course, I’d love to show you, your highness.” He offers his arm to her and she takes it excitedly.

“Please, just call me Nancy.” she smiles at Jon and his face flushes red.

About an hour later, Steve is starving and starting to get hangry from lack of food. He really doesn’t want to accidentally snap at someone important, so he sneaks over to the corner where his towering birthday cake has been mocking him, picks up one of the tiny serving spoons, and spoons out a mouthful of the cake from behind one of the fondant flowers.

Someone taps him on the shoulder “I saw that.”

Steve looks over, ready to apologize, and has to look down a bit more than he thought. “Uh, it’s my cake.” He tells the younger man. He must be at least 18, he’s definitely not a young kid. Curly light brown hair, slicked backward on the sides, like a fake mullet. “I like your hair dude, very 80s.”

The kid looked embarrassed, “Yeah my mom did it, it’s not what I would have done but I’m not the best at maintaining my curls myself. Our deal is if my mom does my hair, she does all of it. Style and all.”

“It looks really good, I promise, you should tell her thanks.” Steve says, taking another bite of cake.

“Dude.” the kid says incredulously, “Save some for the rest of us.”

“Dude.” Steve parrots back in the same tone “It’s my cake, I can eat as much as I want.” He pauses for a second, and thinks ‘Reel it back in Steve, you don’t even know who this kid is or who this kid’s parents are. Don’t be rude and start a war accidentally.’

“Sorry, I haven’t eaten anything all night and I can feel myself getting hangry. I’m Steve.” Steve switches the small spoon into his left hand and extends his right to the kid

“Yeah, I know who you are, you did make a pretty grand entrance earlier; don’t know if you noticed.” He takes Steve’s hand and gives it a strong (but somewhat clammy) shake. “I’m Dustin Henderson.”

“Ah, so you’re Wayne’s kid.” Steve drops Dustin’s hand.

“No, Claudia’s kid. Wayne is my Step-dad.”

“Oh, sorry...Wait, is that a bad thing?”

“God no, Wayne is the best. Quiet, contemplative, you know he loves you no matter what. And he’s been around as long as I can remember.”

Steve nods along to what Dustin is saying, picking up a second spoon and pulling out another spoonful of cake for Dustin, handing it to him while he’s still talking.

“He even took my Mom’s last name when they got married. He said that he’s the one joining our family, not the other way ‘round.”

Steve has that much more respect for the already well-respected Prime Minister.

“Plus I heard him tell my mom once that his family are a bunch of sleezebags so he’s happy to be rid of his own name anyhow.”

“Wow really? Who’s his family I wonder?”

“Dunno, never asked him and I don’t really want to bring it up if he hates them all, you know?”

“True, true.” Steve agrees. “I like you kid, (“Kid?? I’m only 3 years younger than you!”) I hope to see you around again if I don’t die of boredom talking to all these parliament geezers.”

Dustin grins a big squinty grin at him and extends his hand to Steve again. Steve smiles and shakes his hand, then Dustin puts on a fake, very haughty voice and says “I’ll have my people contact your people.”

Steve throws his head back and bellows out a laugh, “Sounds good man. C’mon, I wanna introduce you to my best friend, Robin. She’s the coolest, I think you guys will like each other.” He pats Dustin on the shoulder, stepping out around the table to lead him across the room where Robin is chatting with Murray and Hopper.

“Oooh, best friend only?” Dustin asks suggestively

“Nuh-uh don’t even go there little man, Steve looks back at the teen, “I am SO not her type and___oh shoot, your..foot” Steve looks up at the person whose foot he just crushed, and his hazel eyes meet chocolate brown. “Are you alright?”

“I’ll survive, your highness.” the man says, standing to his full height, Steve also rises to keep his gaze. “The fault was entirely my own. I apologize.”

The man is just slightly taller than Steve, and has dark brown, almost black, curls. They cascade onto his shoulders, and Steve has the overwhelming urge to reach out and see if they are as soft as they look. Only half of this hair is down, the top half pulled back away from his face.

He is drop-dead gorgeous.

“Are you sure you don’t want to exchange licenses and proof of insurance?”

“No, no, these shoes were a little big anyway, the swelling should help them fit a bit better.” he grins and Steve feels his heart palpitate at the sight.

“Please, excuse me..” He says, stepping back and to the side to squeeze through the crowd.

“Sure.” Steve says, whisper quiet, but dreamboat is already walking away.

As usual, Steve just knows exactly where Robin is, and he turns to meet her gaze (she had already been watching the interaction from her spot across the room).

The two of them mouth “What the fuck?” to each other before Steve’s attention is pulled back to Dustin quietly saying "Holy shit.."

"You saw nothing, that was nothing." Steve points at Dustin accusingly.

Dustin puts his hands up in mock surrender "Okay, okay, that was nothing..."

--

A couple dances later, Steve finds himself dancing with one little girl that honestly, he’d dance with all night if he could. She’s a sassy little thing, a princess from a neighboring country, who calls herself “Lady Applejack” with all the conviction in the world (Steve thinks her name is really Erica though). She stands on his toes while he spins them in dance like she is trying with all her might to crush the digits below her own into the floor for offending her personally.

When he asks about her interests, she tells him almost reluctantly about her love for Dungeons and Dragons, but insists that she’s NOT a nerd. He’s not sure what Dungeons and Dragons even is, but he has an overwhelming feeling that Dustin actually might. Steve tells her as much, and she looks excited that there may be someone else here to talk to about her game.

Steve feels a tap on his shoulder and when he turns, dreamboat is smiling down at Erica.

“Pardon me, Lady Applejack, may I cut in?”

“I’d be mad if you didn’t.” And with that, Erica nearly wrenched herself from Steve’s grasp, and strutted off, looking for Dustin.

“I would say thank you for saving me, but she’s the best dance partner I’ve had so far.” Steve tells the dreamboat, sliding into his arms like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“I believe you wholeheartedly, Your Highness.” He chuckles

“Steve. I prefer to be called Steve. And you are…?”

“Eddie. Just.. Eddie.”

Steve laughs “Well, Just Eddie, I’m glad to see that my clumsiness hasn't affected your dancing.” Eddie spins them in a lazy circle, “I’m sorry I stepped on your foot.” he whispers

“You can step on my foot anytime.” Eddie says, a promise.

They had stopped twirling, more or less just swaying back and forth in one spot. Steve was suddenly hyper-aware of how close they had gotten to each other, and how much closer Eddie’s forehead was to his own.

Suddenly, Eddie’s head spun to look at something. It was Dustin.

“It’s Sir Dustin’s turn.” He says to Eddie in that same fake-haughty tone he’d used before.

“You’re quite right, Sir Dustin.” Eddie says, stepping away from Steve and giving Dustin a quick bow.

Steve finds himself missing his closeness when his whole front goes cold in his absence.

“Your highness,” Eddie smolders at him through his lashes with his own bow to Steve, which he returns. And then. He’s gone.

Steve automatically takes Dustin’s hands and starts up the waltz once again, mood soured completely and vaguely aware that Dustin is trying to get his attention.

"Dude. Steve!”

Steve looks down at Dustin, hoping his calm face portrays how pissed he is.

Dustin rolls his eyes, “Look, I know we just met but please just play along here, pretend like you and I both know this is a joke. Laugh or something.”

Now Steve’s just confused.

“With all respect your highness, really and truthfully, love who you love, but the old guys that will end up making decisions for you are not all as cool as Wayne, and would probably have an aneurysm if they think you’re actually making googly eyes at the eligible bachelors here.”

Steve laughs uncomfortably, “Uh, I’m not_”

“You and I both know you were. C’mon man, you know I’m right.”

Steve actually starts laughing at the absurdity of it all. He’s grateful for Dustin, Steve knows he’s right, but he also wants to cry and bury himself in the garden out of embarrassment.

“You’re right, you’re right! Damn it… He was a total dreamboat though, wasn’t he?” Steve waggles his eyebrows at Dustin and laughs again at his disgusted expression.

“Want me to save you, little man?” This time, it’s Robin who cuts in, moving to take her turn as Steve’s dance partner.

“Ugh. Please.” Steve lets Dustin go. “Don’t say I don’t do anything for you.” he says as he walks away, waving at Steve and Robin over his shoulder.

“Tell me everything right now or I swear to god I will throw your shoes into the fountain.” Robin demands as soon as they start spinning.

“You saw how hot he was! And literally so smooth..”

“What was with the kid?”

“I was mooning over Eddie.”

“Oh, his name is Eddie huh?” She grins at him slyly “And what about it?”

“Dustin, rightfully, pointed out that the peanut gallery wouldn’t be too keen on me dancing with all the hotties in the room, not just the lady-type ones. He cut in to cover for me.”

Robin winced in understanding “Oof.. yeah I should’ve caught that too, honestly.”

"Yeah, me too.”

--

After this leg of the Prince Stephan World Waltzing Tour, Prime Minister Henderson tells Steve once again that “There’s a member of Parliament you should meet.” and heads off to go grab said member’s attention before Steve follows. Murray, Joyce’s #1 and palace scheduling wizard, passes by and Steve stops him with an uncomfortable “Murray, how many more members of parliament are there?”

“Only six left, sir. You’ve got it this.” He claps his hand on Steve’s shoulder.

‘Oh. That’s not too bad,’ Steve shrugs to himself as he and Murray part ways. Someone calls his name from behind him and when he turns toward the voice, he feels a tug at his hair and a weight sliding from his head at the same time.

Whirling around, Steve’s hand flies to his head to try and catch the crown before it falls completely off, but is met with the faces of a very apologetic waiter and a very cold-looking member of parliament who had already saved the priceless item from hitting the floor. The waiter whose tray had knocked the crown off his head is apologizing profusely, and the other man is making what Steve thinks is a very rude shoo-ing motion towards them.

He focuses his attention on the gangly looking waiter. “I am so sorry, It was only an accident!”

“No, No, it’s perfectly fine I promise. I am all good, no harm no foul.” Steve smiles genuinely at them.

The waiter clasps his hands together and smiles gratefully before turning and rushing from the room. ‘I’ll have to make sure he’s not fired for this, that’d be shitty.’ Steve thinks to himself.

“Thank you for catching that.” Steve tells the cold-mannered man, crouching down a bit so he can place the crown back on his head.

“You should be more careful, your Royal Highness.” He tells Steve, fixing the headpiece into position, “someone may try to take that from you.”

“I sure hope not,” Steve says with an awkward laugh, lightly touching his head “thank you for all your help!” and turns back to Prime Minister Henderson, intending on asking who the cold-mannered man was.

Pt. 2 here!

Tagging the couple folks that showed interest on my original post, hope you don’t mind! @totallybitchin, @potentialheartofdarkness, @steddieasitgoes, @princessstevemunson

[frogofalltime]

06.02.2024

as i am no longer taking adhd meds this is not a medication diary anymore but it has been helpful for my mental health to write about my day like this so i will continue it with a new tag :)

i slept very badly; i didn't fall asleep until very late and i kept waking up in the night having weird dreams.

i had to get up at 7:30 which was really hard but i did it. i ate breakfast and got ready and i was two minutes late for my 9am class but it's okay, the most important thing is that i went. i only wrote two lines of notes on the lecture though.

then immediately after that lecture i had a 3-hour long lab class. i did Not have a good time: i was so tired and the lab is so overstimulating even in the best of times, so i was really struggling. i also was very hungry, i think my body is catching up on the food it missed out on last week, so i went out of the lab for a few minutes to eat a snack and tried to mentally recover before i went back to continue working.

as soon as lab was over i had yet another lecture. thankfully this is the class that i have with @etherealspacejelly (seeing robin always cheers me up even if it's the worst day ever). it was just revision of some stuff we learned last year so it wasn't too hard but i was so tired that i just couldn't wait to get out of that room.

finally after 5 hours of back to back classes i finally could take a break. i went to the house where all my friends live to eat my lunch which i had left in the fridge there yesterday, and then i accidentally fell asleep on the sofa for an hour.

when i woke up we had to go to another class and by now i was Not feeling well at all. i had a headache, i was hungry again, i felt overwhelmed, and i just wanted to sleep. i spent most of the class with my head on the desk trying not to have a meltdown.

when that was finally over my friend tried to talk to me but i was unable to speak. i've struggled with this my whole life because i am autistic and i have situational mutism (?) but recently this has been happening every day. i left without saying goodbye and went home and stared at the wall for an hour because i felt like i was going to have a meltdown or cry or throw things around while screaming.

eventually i forced myself to get up and make myself some food and that helped a lot. i ate while reading percy jackson. by the time i had finished eating, i felt much better, though i still couldn't speak to my flatmate when she came in to the kitchen.

i washed my dishes and took a shower (which was very overstimulating, idk why showering has become even harder for me recently, and it was already difficult enough). i considered going to bed but it was only 8pm and i didn't want to wake up in the middle of the night so i decided to do some art instead.

drawing and creative things always improve my mood, but i often don't have the energy to do it, so i'm glad i was able to do that tonight. after that i was feeling hungry again. i was unwilling to eat Again because i already had eaten 3 meals and one snack and eating more than one "treat" food per day is against the Rules. but i know my body wouldn't ask for food if it didn't need it so i made myself some toast with nutella and seeds and i also had some grapes. it was very nice, my favourite kind of food, and i am proud of myself for letting myself eat it.

then i washed my plate and realised i had forgotten to take my antidepressant meds this evening, so i took them when i went to the bathroom to brush my teeth.

now i am in bed and i feel a lot better than i did all day. sometimes i guess i need some rest, a lot of food, a creative outlet, and some Autism Time, otherwise i turn into an insane little creeture.

goodnight everyone, i hope tomorrow is better <3

[ghostintheclawmachine]

Whumptober 2024 Masterpost

And that's a successful Whumptober in the books! 31 prompts completed across 16 stories, and now I need a nap and to put my laptop away to play Veilguard for a couple of weeks.

The AO3 series containing all of them can be found here, and each story (along with content warnings) is listed individually under the cut.

[1] A Moment to Catch Your Breath [AO3]

Stranger Things | Robin Buckley x Nancy Wheeler | 2,873 words

Prompt 01: Search Party, Panic Attack

Prompt 14: Left for Dead, Hunting Gear

[2] All Are Alone In the Maze [AO3]

Marauders Era HP | Peter Pettigrew Gen Fic | 3,444 words

Prompt 02: Amusement Park, "You got away with the crime while the knife's in my back"

Prompt 10: Swapped for alternate prompt Vermin

[3] Abandon Ship [AO3]

HP | Sirius Black x Kingsley Shacklebolt | 4,162 words

Prompt 03: "I warned you."

Prompt 28: Exposure, "They caught me red handed"

[4] The Razor's Edge [AO3]

Marauders Era HP | Pandora Lovegood Gen Fic | 3,415 words | CW for childbirth

Prompt 04: "You're still alive in my head."

Prompt 07: Magic with a Cost

Prompt 30: Hospital Bed

[5] Return to Sender [AO3]

Marauders | James Potter x Regulus Black | 3,167 words | CW for referenced character death

Prompt 05: Swapped for alternate prompt Finding Old Messages

[6] Where the Corpses Are Kept [AO3]

HP | Sirius Black & Regulus Black | 3,989 | CW for gore

Prompt 06: Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Healed Wrong

Prompt 26: Breakfast Table, Parting Words Regret

[7] They Show Their Truth One Single Time [AO3]

Marauders | James Potter/Regulus Black | 5,955 words | CW for torture and violence

Prompt 08: Sleep Deprivation, Forced to Stay Awake

Prompt 23: "I'm doing this for you."

Prompt 25: "It's for your own good."

[8] Diary of Ketheric Thorm, Vol 4 [AO3]

Baldur’s Gate 3 | Thorm Family Gen Fic (Minor Isobel/Aylin) | 1,823 words

Prompt 09: Obsession

Prompt 18: Unreliable Narrator, Loss of Identity, "I see what's mine and I take it."

[9] Mirror Image [AO3]

Baldur’s Gate 3 | Wyll Ravengard x Astarion | 1,965 words | CW for suicidal thoughts

Prompt 11: Seeing Double, Loneliness

[10] Veins and All [AO3]

Baldur’s Gate 3 | Wyll Ravengard x Astarion | 3,401 words | CW for character death

Prompt 12: Starvation, Underground Caverns, "Just a little more."

Prompt 22: Bleeding Through Bandages

[11] Feritas [AO3]

Marauders | Sirius Black/Remus Lupin | 3,414 words | CW for character death and blood/gore

Prompt 13: Multiple Whumpees, "Death will do us part"

Prompt 19: Blood Trail

[12] Sink Us If You Will [AO3]

Baldur’s Gate 3 | Wyll/Astarion | 2,489 words | CW for character death

Prompt 15: Painful hug, "I did good, right?"

[13] Left at the Graveyard [AO3]

Marauders | Sirius Black/Remus Lupin | 3,203 words | CW for drinking as a coping mechanism and mentions of suicide

Prompt 16: Swapped for alternate prompt Survivor's guilt

Prompt 17: Ruined Map, "We had a good run."

Prompt 20: Emotional Angst, Giving Permission to Die

[14] Catastrophic System Failure [AO3]

Watch Dogs 2 | Marcus Holloway/Wrench | 2,832 words | CW for medical content

Prompt 21: Body Horror, Tattoo Gun

Prompt 27: Voiceless, Muzzled, "I have no mouth and I must scream"

[15] New High Score [AO3]

Stranger Things | Max Mayfield Gen Fic | 2,688 words

Prompt 24: Equipment Failure

Prompt 29: Fatigue, "Who said you could rest?"

[16] If None of Us Believe in War (Then Can You Tell Me What the Weapon's For?) [AO3]

Stranger Things | Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson | 5,246 words | CW for PTSD

Prompt 31: Asking for Help, Therapy, "I'm alive, I'm just not well."

[ezzydantes]

The End of It All...

Author's note: I had some things happen recently that made mortality rear its ugly head. So the following may be triggers or such for some, but definitely angst. For now its Luffy and Zoro perspectives...

*********

Luffy

You had fought so bravely.... so hard to survive, but it wasn't enough. Luffy had fought his hardest to get to you and Chopper had done the same trying to save the future Queen of the Pirates. The wounds were just bigger than anyone. Luffy held you close to his body... whispering how sorry he was that he couldn't have saved you sooner and that you were a target at all.

Your lifeless body dangled in his arms... How was he supposed to go on without you? You had gotten this far.... how the hell was he supposed to achieve his dream now? He was always going to be King of the Pirates.... but you were supposed to be his Queen. The world had changed forever with your passing...

Luffy eventually let go of you so that Chopper could take care of your remains.

It was a somber night the moment they let go of you. None of them were willing to part with you, but they knew they had to be strong for their captain. It had turned into a bigger affair than expected. Word had spread during the days they were preparing your body and getting everything ready for what was supposed to be a small funeral... just between the main crew of the Straw Hats... but it had turned into a more complicated and extravagant occasion. There was a whole procession of your friends and allies leading your body to the small boat that Franky had built for you. It had been common among your people to be burned at sea. Luffy had remembered the painful conversation you two had years ago about what was to happen should one or both of you die. He had chosen Usopp to do the honors of shooting the arrow that would set the boat on fire, but everyone had placed something that represented what you were to them. Nami had placed the berry you had given her when you learned about the deal with Arlong. Zoro placed the dagger he had purchased to have restored for you, that he was going to train you with. Usopp placed a small diary of his grand "adventures" that you loved to hear so often. Sanji placed a copy of your favorite dessert in along with a cookbook and his favorite photo of you two when he was teaching you how to make Luffy's favorite meal. Chopper placed a laurel wreath... to signify your status as his Queen... and all the fun afternoons you two spent in the fields studying plants and herbs for his medical supplies. Robin placed a copy of your favorite novel, the one you had her read to soothe her spirit and save her from the constant monopoly of research. Franky had hand carved your boat with details of your life and the ones that loved you to include how the two of you met. Brooks had placed your favorite sheet music from the piano in.

Luffy had written you a love letter. It was not something the crew had known about, but the two of you would leave each other love notes and letters in your room on each other's pillows on occasion. You were the love of his life and he wanted you to know that before he had to part with you. Everyone was moved by how sweet he was putting his letter in your hands. Kissing both before kissing your forehead, then both cheeks, and finally your lips. He declared his undying love for you before Zoro and Sanji helped him push your boat into the ocean. He stood there for a moment... taking in the scene before him and trying to accept that his lover was gone and so too was the child that had been growing inside of you. This bit of information Luffy ordered only stayed between himself and Chopper. He signaled Usopp when your boat had drifted far enough out. The girls had surprised him with having the rest of the fleet light lanterns from their respective boats. Brooks played your favorite song on the violin.

Luffy had made good on his promises and became the King of Pirates..... but he refused to take another lover after you.... so to his dying day, you were the only one for him. He had tattooed your name to his chest... right above his heart, a reminder that you were always with him. And on that day a few years after he had become King... he was surrounded by his crew, but it was you who had come for him, rather than Death.

"Hey Lover", you cooed to him as you stood beside his bed. You gently pushed his bangs out of his face with one hand and caressed his cheek with the other. "Y/n....", he barely whispered as he looked as if he was talking to thin air. "Y/n?" Robin questioned as the rest of the main Straw Hat crew looked back at her, "Even after all this time, Captain?"

"Never was anyone else....", Luffy smiled as he stared into his girl's eyes, "I missed you..."

"I've come to take you home, your majesty...", you teased as you continued to hold his face between your hands.

"I like Lover better than your Majesty....", he mumbled as he pouted to you, "But I am ready to go home..."

"Luffy? Who the hell you talking to?" Sanji questioned his Captain.

"I think y/n is here.... to take him with her....", Chopper began to sob.

"As much as I hate to see our Captain go.... he's endured enough... let him go with y/n..." Zoro stated matter of factly, "They never got to really be together..."

"I agree...", Franky was crying, "They were separated before they actually had a chance to live their lives together."

"He was so heartbroken when we lost her....", Usopp sobbed, "I hope they both finally find peace."

"They're happier than you know...", Brooks smiled as he looked towards the pair of you walking off from the King of Pirates now still body.

"Luffy....", Nami whispered to herself as she finally closed his eyes, "Until we meet again..."

*****

Zoro

His eyes were wide in horror as he watched the blade of his cursed sword run right through your chest. Blood began running down your mouth as your lungs began to fill with the crimson liquid and you began to choke. "Y/N!!!!" the swordsman screamed desperately as he caught your body in his arms. He was immediately surrounded by Luffy, Franky, Brooks, Usopp, and Sanji. They were keeping anyone else from getting to the two of you while Chopper tried to check your wounds.

"Zoro...", the reindeer began to cry as he examined you. It was a fatal wound and he didn't have the means necessary to treat you properly on the field. Even if he had you back on the Sunny.... the amount of blood pouring out of you even while he was trying to pack around the wound.... he couldn't take the sword out because otherwise you would bleed out completely.

Zoro held you tight to him and began whispering in your ear. He didn't want to let you go... he had already lost Kuina... his best friend. He didn't want to lose his girl too. You were the only one who actually tolerated him aside from Luffy. "Baby girl... I need you to stay with me... stay with me, okay?" the green haired man begged, "Why would you do that? That was so stupid, y/n.... I can handle myself..."

"As if I would let anything happen to you....", you mumbled into his neck. You tried so hard to lift your hand up to cup his face but you were getting weaker by the second and speaking was going to take up your energy. There were some things you needed to tell him. "You're.... you're too stubborn for your own good.... so when.... when I pass, you can't busy yourself with training and losing your mind like you did with her... I will haunt you before I let you go down that rabbit hole again...", you quietly stated, "Also... I CHOSE to save you.... so don't be dramatic about it..."

The swordsman actually chuckled at that. "You're gonna be fine... Chopper is gonna fix you right up", he lied. He knew from the look on his friend's face.. you weren't coming back to the Sunny. He was losing his girl and the mother of his daughter. What was he supposed to tell Sora? That he had failed in protecting her mother and that is why she was going to grow up without you... This life was difficult and to be honest Sora was a surprise... but you wouldn't change having Zoro's daughter for the world... and neither would he.

"Baby... I know its alot... but I need some warmth... can I get some sun?" you barely whispered. You felt your lover's tears hitting your face but you were losing consciousness and so speaking was already a burden.

Your swordsman sadly smiled and informed the crew he was taking you higher into the mountains. Begging them to keep people at bay. You knew he was desperate then... because since when did YOUR Zoro ever beg. You're situation was dire... but you already knew that. You had to tell him everything you felt in this moment because you wouldn't have a second chance.

"i love you... I have no other words than i love you and if you ever feel lost...especially with Sora.... You have Robin and Nami. They'll know what to do... and... and she has all of her uncles to help keep her safe. Don't give the cook a hard time, he's your greatest ally besides the Captain..." you coughed and more blood spewed from your mouth,

"You're worried about the waiter?" Zoro growled. He readjusted you in his grip.

"No... ", you chuckled. "I'm more worried about you..."

The green haired man began sobbing. He held you closer to him and placed his head on your chest. Your heartbeat getting slower from the blood loss.

"Listen to me, my Love.... I 'll be waiting for you in the next life...." you were barely breathing... the blood in your lungs becoming more and more.

"Y/N!!!!" your swordsman shouted as he felt the last breath leave your body. All he could do was hold you close to him and cry his heart out. When he finally was able to compose himself he brought you back to the crew. They had defeated your enemies but seeing your lifeless body being held so preciously in his arms was more than any of them could bear.

Your funeral was a small affair. Your crew kept it between the original members only and each one of them made sure to have their time with Sora. When they sent you off in a coffin built by Franky into the sea, Zoro held your daughter tightly to his chest. Hating the fact that your daughter didn't understand why Mommy wasn't around anymore. For the next few months, each crew member helped him and Sora go through the grief of losing you.

Zoro made it a point to train your daughter to defend herself better. He refused to lose her, and when the day came that he finally passed.... Sora had made sure her father knew, it was okay to go back to you. She had surpassed him in his sword skills and once that had become a reality is when he felt the need to return to you. He was surrounded by his crew members and greeted by you and Luffy who had passed a few years after you. The three amigos were back together again.

*******

Author's ending note: I plan on making one with Sanji, Ace... and possibly Shanks... lemme know.

[thatblondeperson]

What did you think of the Robin/Spoiler special that came out around 2008?

It's definitely an interesting special. The timeline on this is way iffy. It definitely takes place after Robin issue 174 but where Tim is with Zo and Steph is a bit fuzzy. It's before they had their falling out because Tim is still calling Steph his sort of not girlfriend in issue 177.

And neither of them know if they're dating or not in the special.

On one hand, they gave Steph friends which is a first in a very long time. It's a weird group to give her given that they're loose canons in a law-breaking way, but on the other hand that makes sense for Steph. She seems to want to be a good influence while still being able to relax and let loose and I love that for her. Too bad nothing ever came of this.

It's very clear that Stephanie still has feelings for Tim, which carries over into their collision issues in their 2009 arcs. I think she does genuinely hold those feelings until they team up or hang out and by then she's kind of bursting to the point where it's all cloudy. It's nice to see the traces here because I think it's integral to how the two of them work, always sort of holding those feelings. Putting a pin in them to address later, circumstances willing.

I do love that we actually got an idea of what Stephanie went through in her time away, what she did, who she was. It's a shame they wrote her as having what seemed like a year of growth away from Gotham, and then obliterated it later.

She's helping Leslie, gaining medical expertise. She's absolutely beautiful in this little arc too.

But despite the new surroundings, she's still Steph. She wants to do more, be more than what she is. She's dreaming of Spoiler.

And it ends up taking her away from her new environment.

She is who she is.

I think it's a genuinely sweet little look at Stephanie's character. How she's been trying to piece herself back together, why she comes back, why she'll always come back. She can't sit still, she needs to have outlets, and she needs to help others. It's nice to have a kind of resting point to examine where she and Tim are, and I love love love how it's all one big diary entry. It's personal, it's soft, it's optimistic.

It's a checkpoint, anon, but I think it's a fairly good one. If only everything hadn't gone to shit right after because this would have been a nice, mellow transition into Stephanie's Batgirl run. Allowing her to figure out who she is, where her p[lace is and always has been, and moving on and up from there, on comfortable terms with Tim as well. Not that I don't love the angst, but it could have come from general awkwardness and the palpable tension between them, without it being about distrust. They already had shared trauma from several other places. We could have worked with all of that and gotten a very similar, but less character decimating, outcome.

Alas.

[intheshadowofwar]

04 June 2023

Weak Specimens

Canberra 04 June 2023

I had everything figured out. I was going to finagle a way to get out to Duntroon, and I’d make a quick little post about two First World War generals commemorated in the Canberra area, and it was going to be a nice little update before I went to Sydney. And then I got a cold.

This was not conducive to excursions.

That having been said, it has got me thinking about the role of illness and disease in war. Prior to the twentieth century, sickness was by far the biggest killer of soldiers. A posting to the West Indies (the modern Caribbean) was a near death sentence, for yellow fever would rip through the ranks of any regiment dispatched there. The pestilence faced by the British Army in the Crimea caused a scandal in the press at home. You might dodge the cannonball, or the bullet may miss its mark, but typhoid and dysentery always loomed ahead, waiting to strike you down.

By the twentieth century, medical science had advanced just enough that you were more likely to die in the trenches than from sickness - at least until the 1918 Influenza reared its ugly head - but unpleasant afflictions could still strike a soldier at any time. Nowhere was this more true than on the peripheral fronts - Southern Africa, Salonika, Mesopotamia, Palestine and of course Gallipoli. The terrible sanitary conditions on the front line attracted vermin, and vermin carried disease - by the summer of 1915, anything from half to three quarters of the men on the peninsula had some kind of illness, and diarrhoea was omnipresent.

(I promise this blog will not be entirely about that, but the runs are important to my point here.)

Diarrhoea wasn’t just uncomfortable - it had an impact on the combat performance of troops. They grew weaker from dehydration, exacerbated by the limited water and the heat of Gallipoli in the late summer. The island staging bases of Lemnos and Imbros was no better - Robin Prior notes that upon the British 11th Division’s departure from Imbros to take part in the landings at Suvla Bay, nearly every man had contracted ‘a particularly weakening form of diarrhoea’ and were also suffering from the side effects of a cholera inoculation.

These illnesses were not the reason for the failure of the campaign - the plan was fatally flawed from conception, and the direction of the August Campaign had been bungled before the first troops left their start lines - but it does play a role in the mythology of the campaign.

Remember how I said we’d mention Charles Bean again? Bean is a great example of a historical ‘problematic fave.’ He had a clear empathy for Australian troops, and his vision for the Australian War Memorial was laudably democratic and egalitarian in nature. His official history of the Australian Imperial Force is a mammoth work of historical literature. Yet he was also very much a man of his time - apart from his casual antisemitism , he was, like many educated men, a believer in eugenics. Bean saw the ailing British soldiers of the August campaign and saw confirmation of what he probably already believed - that the urban poor of Great Britain had degenerated. ‘After 100 years of breeding in the slums, the British race is not the same’ as it had been at Waterloo, he wrote, and that Britain had bred ‘one fine class [the upper class] at the expense of the rest.’

It should be noted that this was a private diary entry, and there were a great many British men who would have agreed with him - there was an obsession with urban degeneracy in the first years of the twentieth century. Yet the converse of this - the idea of the big, strong, manly Anzac, which was already being stoked by Bean and the British journalist Ashmead-Bartlett - has stuck around in the Anzac legend, and echoes of Bean’s private sentiment remain. I remember being told in high school about how Australians were huge and bronzed, while British soldiers were all short, stunted coal miners. I don’t think my teacher knew they were parroting eugenist ideas from the 1910s; I don’t think most people really think about it.

I’m sure this came out more than a little incoherent, as I’m still on the mend, but I thought I ought to put pen to paper on this line of thinking before I forgot. I just think there’s a benefit to thinking historically about myths, even ones that seem harmless. They all come from somewhere.

And on that note, carrots aren’t actually good for your eyesight. The RAF made that one up to prevent people from finding out they had radar.

[m4gp13-d14ry]

NETTLE : Linnet Marrow's Entry 3

Dear Diary

Like the devil in the form of the snake I have been betrayed. I do not dare to even think at this moment. I can feel my heart tearing apart the ribs that cage it. I can feel each mummur of my blood scorching my limbs.

Medication cannot soothe the agony of my heartbreak - a handful of whatever was in my drawer. I feel as if I am in my own hell. What have I done to deserve this - what attrocity must I have commited for God to find this a suitable punishment.

It is a vision as clear as day - as if it were personally burned into my eyes by Jophiel.

I aided Dr Crane's departure. His escape was a victory for us - we had outwitted those who fight against us. We were going to invoke fear in all. Until *it* showed up. A blasphemous creature. Satan himself incarnated. How could a loving God create such a monstrocity? No being with such long black horns and glowing eyes could be clean.

22 Bats, swallows, and birds alight on their bodies and heads; and so do cats. 23 From this you will know that they are not gods; so do not fear them. *baruch*

And yet *he* stood side by side with it. The dove, tainted by the darkness of such a beast. Or shall I call him ''Robin''. They worked side by side. Manipulating the shadows and possesing the night, they almost tore Dr Crane to dust. Comprehension escapes me. Why would Gods own messenger, a higher being, a luminary of justice - battle alongside an omen of calamity. *He* stood alongside. *He* aided it. *He* is a traitor. His gentle gaze has lied to me. God has abandoned me.

“Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?”

[etherealspacejelly]

Medication Diary: Day 10

My dose went up to 36 mg 3 days ago. Since then I have been feeling jittery and restless. I get the urge to get up and go for walks or do vigorous exercise, but it doesn't seem to help for long. As soon as I sit down again it comes back.

My chest feels fluttery. I can't tell if my heartrate has increased or not. I feel frustrated and a little on edge. I'm a little lightheaded and I keep breathing heavily.

My ability to focus and executive dysfunction issues have not improved much, if at all. I feel simultaneously Wired and Spacey.

Overall: this fucking sucks.

[kevin-day-is-bi]

OH MY GOD??? hi you're really cool to me tysm for tagging me!

currently reading: I'm working my way thru Fifth Season by N. K. Jemisen bc a friend rly loved it, but it's slow going bc it's not a genre or tone I usually like. I'm also reading Lindsay J Pryor on another friend's recommendation, and I just started Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

currently watching: I'm doing two separate rewatches of the Vampire Diaries lmao. one is from the beginning w/ my friend and the other is just watching my favorite episodes. as a family we're watching Professor T, Hotel Portifino, and Orphan Black: Echoes. I'm also rewatching the college season of Veronica Mars (starting college in 9 days). OH and I'm watching Caped Crusader with my friends

currently craving: a hug.......and a chocolate milkshake, a Farm Burger burger, and sweet potato fries

coffee or tea: both! I slightly prefer tea, but I use coffee to self medicate for my ADHD

hobby to try: I already have so fucking many.......I wanna get good at shadow boxes. I made one and I'm really proud of it but it's definitely a newbie's box and I wanna make better ones

current AU: I'm oh-so-slowly working on my isekai Tim fic, but I keep being torn on if I want it to be romantic or not. I really like both angles. I also have my Reverse Robins AU, a wholesome ish omegaverse jaydick fic, and a fucked up omegaverse Tim x everyone fic!

tagging uhhhh @cozy-fish-crow @altruistic-meme @hamishcat437 @andtwokisses @clockworkgraystairs and any of my writer followers or mutuals!! I have the worst headache of my life rn and cannot remember other people for love or money

thank you for the tag, @sasheneskywalker!!!

rules: answer and tag nine people you want to get to know better and catch up with.

favorite color: it changes regularly, but currently, a dusty/greyish purple

last song: Maps by The Front Bottoms

currently reading:

Butcher & Blackbird by Brynne Weaver is my current fiction read and i *hate* it with my entire being. don't read it.

Postcolonial Astrology: Reading the Planets through Capital, Labor, & Power by Alice Sparkly Kat is my current non-fiction read and so far, it's very good

i'm reading a lot of comics at the moment, but my main read is Manhunter (2004) which so far, is very good, i highly recommend. i'm also planning to read Midnighter (2007) and Black Widow (2014).

currently watching:

The Acolyte has been my most recent fixation so that's just on loop rewatching over and over in the background. a lot

i've been watching Pennyworth which is far better than i expected it to be, i'm really enjoying it

i also started Invincible, which i've been enjoying

idk if it counts but i've rewatched Madame Web a concerning number of times in the past few days.

currently craving: i'd kill for an Italian Cream Soda from tea2go rn

coffee or tea: tea. i used to be a big coffee person in my teens but my chronic illness doesn't like caffeine and it *really* doesn't like coffee so i just drink tea now, but i do love tea

hobby to try: the unrealistic hobby i'd like to get into a fanfiction binding, but that takes materials and resources i do *not* currently have. i think a more realistic answer is i've been meaning to get into marvel comics more.

current au: tbh the main AU i'm working on is a Lance Brunner-centric Post-Crisis fic where i'm completely rewriting his origins to make his death as Robin more significant but still something no one talks about, leading to the ressurection of Jason also reviving Lance and Jason going on his little spree, having no idea he's not the only dead Robin. i've figured out all of the backstory and how i want to characterize Lance, but the actual plot of the fic i'm still working out. i'm leaning toward Lance/Dick as a ship, but i haven't decided. i have so many notes and ideas though and i think it's funny to take a random one-off character from a random 60s comic and actually turn him into something substantial and how he'd shape the Batfamily. trust me i'm so close to infodumping about it here everyday.

i'm also working on a *really* messed up unhealthy Damian/Tim fic, where Damian purposefully breaks the timeline so Tim was never Robin and Damian was the third Robin instead. but when Bruce "dies" Damian realizes he has no idea where to start with finding Bruce so he has to go to a civilian!Tim for help, who has no idea the timeline was changed or that he was ever Robin in a different world. it's gonna be fun and fucked up and full of Damian's jealousy complex over Tim.

i don't know if i can come up with nine whole people to tag for this since i'm still new here but i can try: @searchforahero @divine-dominion @kevin-day-is-bi @kerakeriza @deepwithintheabyss

@maryshellyswife @alicemaem @justmyshittyspace @sandmanwhore and yeah that's all i got.just tagging some mutuals/ppl i see on my posts a lot!!!

[aquietpeacefulplace]

I try and never delete things on here. Even when I want to. It's a diary of my mentality and thoughts.

Today I got my medication. Today I also got sent nudes, that I thought I made clear I wasn't interested in from another trans woman.

However, I feel like a monster for saying, is all I can focus on is how she didn't pass. I'm scared I won't pass like Aly or Robin. That I won't be able to look like the woman I want to look like. I'm scared I'll regret becoming infertile. I'm scared storing sperm will cost too much. I'm scared for so many things regarding my future.

At the same time. I think I can pass. It'll be hard. But I can do it.

[frogofalltime]

day 15

i forgot to post my medication diary again so this is yesterday's entry !!

it was my birthday so i let myself sleep in until around noon

then i took my meds and had breakfast and arranged to meet @wiggles-mcgee to feed the pigeons. i got washed and dressed and ready to leave; i was slightly confused about the plan but it was sorted out !!

the flock was very hungry and happy to see us, i had a lot of fun

then we walked into town and looked in a vintage shop and a music shop. i was feeling very Weird™️ (nauseous, dizzy, not knowing what was going on, tripping over etc) but i did my best to like. act normal i guess ?

lucy had to catch a tram so we said goodbye around 4pm and i went home to rest. as soon as i was alone and not distracted anymore i realised that i was feeling really Bad

my friends then invited me to go to their house and play minecraft together. we wanted to start a new server for our friend group. so i got my things together and went to the house to do that

when i arrived i felt very overwhelmed and i was sweating a lot. i was wearing a wool jumper and a hoodie but i had to take them both off

@etherealspacejelly and our other friends surprised me with birthday gifts which i did not expect at all !!! it made me really happy

we played minecraft for a while which was very fun !! but then i started feeling really ill and had to take a break. i realised i hadn't eaten for like 7 hours so i went to buy food from a local shop but it took me ages to decide what i wanted to eat because i had no appetite and everything made me feel sick.

eventually i decided on a meal and brought it back to the house and warmed it up in the microwave to eat. after eating i felt uncomfortably full even though it was just a normal sized meal. also my heart was beating too fast, like it was buzzing.

i talked to robin and we were both struggling a lot and it made me feel very stressed and i started to panic. i decided i don't want to take adhd meds anymore, or at least not this kind.

my mother called me and i talked to her while sitting on the stairs because it was the only place where there weren't other people around. i was feeling very unwell and my legs were shaking a bit too. my mother agreed that i should tell the doctor that i want to stop medication because it really is making me feel worse, not better.

some of my friends walked past me on the stairs and asked if i was okay because i was noticeably sick and distressed :/

then i talked to robin some more, washed the dishes, hung out with my friends, and eventually they walked me home because they were going out somewhere and my place was on the route so it made sense to walk together as it was already past midnight by now.

i got in and went to bed almost straight away but i could not sleep. i felt very sick and also full of buzzing energy that wouldn't go away. i think maybe i fell asleep around 3am or later than that, i am not sure.

it was a nice day overall and i really enjoyed my birthday, i just hate the side effects from these meds, i would love to stop taking them and go back to normal again.

[berrychaing]

Why is cannabis banned in Olympics?

With her streaming tangerine orange hair, executioner grin and lightning speed, Sha'Carri Richardson was unmissable in the number one spot up to the Olympic Games.

Thought about the 6th quickest lady ever, with a best-at any point time for the 100m of 10.72, the Texas runner was supposed to be a significant competitor for the Gold decoration in Tokyo.

However, when her colleagues take to the track for the ladies' 100m warms on Friday, she will not be there.

Toward the beginning of July, it was declared that Ms Richardson wouldn't address the US at the games since she had tried positive for cannabis use during the passing race.

As discipline, the US against Doping Organization restricted her from going after one month and canceled her passing triumph. Albeit the 30-day suspension actually finished during the Tokyo games, US Sports decided not to remember her for the group.

Her preclusion has reignited a long discussion over weed restriction in Olympic Games.

A execution upgrading' substance?

Maryjane (cannabis) has been restricted by the World Enemy of Doping Office (Wada) since the association previously made its rundown of precluded substances in 2004. Things on the rundown meet two out of three standards:

Models 1: They hurt the soundness of the competitor

Models 2: They are execution improving

Models 3: They are against the soul of game

The subsequent go-to people appear to take the most issue with regards to weed, and it has turned into the subject of some late-night zingers.

"The possibly way it's an exhibition upgrading drug is on the off chance that there's a major [expletive] Hershey bar toward the finish of the run," kidded the late entertainer Robin Williams.

In 2011, Wada shielded the prohibition on cannabis in a paper distributed in the diary Sports Medication. Referring to a concentrate on marijuana’s capacity to diminish tension, Wada found cannabis could help competitors "better perform under tension and to ease pressure experienced previously and during rivalry".

Be that as it may, those discoveries aren't sufficient to warrant finishing up pot is a presentation improving medication, contends Alain Steve Comtois, head of the branch of sports science at the College of Quebec at Montreal.

"You need to take the higher perspective," he tells the BBC. "Indeed nervousness levels go down, however as far as genuine physiological information; it shows that presentation is diminished."

Mr. Comtois was one of the creators of a 2021 Diary of Sports Medication and Actual Wellness survey of exploration on cannabis use before practice and its ability to upgrade athletic execution.

The paper found that most exploration focuses to weed impeding physiological reactions vital for superior execution, by raising pulse and diminishing strength and equilibrium.

The paper didn't take a gander at the impacts of weed on nervousness, however Mr Comtois says its other adverse consequences would balance any advantages, giving that maryjane can improve athletic execution "no legitimacy".

Drugs and the soul of game

In any case, there is something else to Wada's standard besides a prohibition on execution upgrading drugs.

Established in 1999 after a few prominent doping outrages at the Olympics, Wada meant to lead the charge to end doping in sports all over the planet. While thinking of its rundown of prohibited substances in 2004, pot was unlawful in pretty much every country on the planet.

"They would have rather not caused problems," says John Hoberman, a social history specialist who explores the historical backdrop of hostile to doping at the College of Texas-Austin.

Its status as an illegal medication was referred to by Wada in the 2011 paper as one reason why pot outraged the "soul of game" (standards 3) and was "not reliable with the competitor as a good example for youngsters all over the planet".

The standard has prompted criticizes for Ms Richardson, yet in addition many different competitors.

"I don't think pot is execution upgrading, or that it ought to be restricted in any game," said David Epstein, the creator of The Games Quality, who's accounted for on doping issues for Sports Delineated and ProPublica. However, he noticed that some at WADA accepted the medication could offer advantages in sports like the biathlon, where quieting and loosening up impacts may be valuable. "I would see a sprinter getting restricted for cannabis as blow-back for WADA's thought that it could help in different games — yet once more, I don't actually get it."

The head of USADA, Travis Tygart, is a continuous pundit of WADA; as a matter of fact USADA kept yearly contribution from the worldwide association this year in dissent of WADA's failure to change more quickly.* (Transforming anything at WADA is "a Byzantine cycle," Epstein said, however he noted with endorsement the association's expulsion of CBD from the prohibited rundown in 2019.) By the by, USADA is limited by WADA's limitations, not by changing suppositions about pot in the U.S. or on the other hand even the laws of the state where Richardson utilized weed — Oregon, where sporting pot is, to put it gently, very legitimate.

Does pot work on athletic execution?

 A key paper referred to make sense of WADA's choice for put marijuana on the precluded list is a 2011 survey article by two individuals from the organization and a toxicologist at the U.S. Public Establishment on Substance addiction. In it, that's what the creators express, in light of the creature and human examinations that were accessible at that point, "cannabis can be execution improving for certain competitors and sports disciplines."