#rng god please help me

[erveinangel]

// Divergent Universe thoughts in tags.

[marinemeatmonday]

Marine Meat Monday is a casual creation challenge for the Warhammer 40k fandom.

The instructions are simple: Create something fun and/or sexy involving Space Marines and post it on a Monday!

Tag your creation "#marine meat monday" and I'll reblog your post here!

Every month, I'll post two new prompts to this blog to help us all get started.

DON'T feel forced to follow the prompts!

DO feel free to make whatever you like!

August MMM Prompts!!

SWEET: Casual Clothing

SPICY: Ritual sex, sex dedicated to the Emperor or Chaos Gods

Posting Date: August 5th, 2024 (Or any of the Mondays in August.)

July's Prompts were "It's raining outside" and "Canon-typical Night Lord/Blood Angel weird and kinkiness. Playing with knives and with blood." Feel free to use them for the rest of the month! (Or anytime 😁)

How to Submit Prompts

Submit more prompts here: https://forms.gle/rG5i5eC7tTNg2Zeh6

Prompts or images that could apply to any chapter or legion are more helpful.

For Image Prompts, please paste a link to the image in the box and if possible, write out the credit.

More Details Below

Please DON'T create Primarch-focused pieces for this. Primarchs are great, but this challenge specifically focuses on their sons!

You may create a spicy piece for a sweet prompt or a sweet piece for a spicy prompt.

You may use any artistic form you like, including writing. There is no minimum or maximum length for writing.

You don't have to, but please consider tagging stories and artwork with "#marine meat monday" so I can share them here.

Asks and submissions are open, so please send me links to your Ao3 based pieces if you're not planning to post them to tumblr yourself. Otherwise, I probably won't know they exist!

The prompts are just there to give you a springboard, feel free to disregard them and do your own thing.

I'm not 100% sure where it started, but this challenge was popularised by the one and only @tagedeszorns.

This particular format with the two prompts is an extension of a challenge we've had running on a discord server for a couple of months.

Your current mod is @two-reflections.

RNG Proof

[peeledpokemon]

PINNED POST OF HOW I DO STUFF HERE:

asks are answered via random number generator. better hope the numbers are in your favor, or several people ask for the same thing.

please send it as an ask unless you're sending a peeled thing you've made yourself. i auto-delete submissions unless it was an image submitted to me [ex: jirachi, samurott]

tumblr's search is absolute dogshit. You will likely not find the pokemon if you try to search it. your only hope is scrolling, or asking off anon and I'll link you privately to the post (if I've done it before) relatively quickly. If you ask anonymously i can't help you and will only delete :(

You can ask again for any of the pokemon I've done in the beginning of the blog's history, as they're like, a good 3? years old? 4? math is hard.

specific requests/edits are also encouraged. if i haven't done the pokemon before, you'll also get a peel attached :)

I'm sorry if your ask takes forever to get to. Blame the RNG gods. I will get to them eventually.

there is a non-zero chance your ask will get lost in the sauce if it's actually a normal ass question and for that i am so sorry.

[feralkwe]

top five worst tropes, in your opinion?

ooh! a tough one, because there are so many tropes, and so many categories of trope (character trope, relationship trope, plot trope) that i could make a list just in one of them. but just generalized off the top of my head, no specific category:

5. amnesia. oh my GOD i hate an amnesia plot, especially when it is the only thing preventing the conflict from being resolved, or used as the conflict keeping a ship apart. the closest thing to an amnesia plot i have ever liked, and i feel dirty giving terry goodkind anything related to a compliment, but the chainfire spell in the last two sword of truth books was actually compelling because *everyone* magically forgot the character in question existed, every touch of her was wiped away in an actually cool concept. it's too bad tg wrote the most insufferable male protagonist ever committed to the page. he seriously ruined the entire series by existing. i wish there was a chainfire spell to make me forget richard rahl.

4. the misunderstanding. if your whole story arc/plot/reason a ship can't sail is because of some misunderstanding that could have been resolved with a reasonable conversation, you've lost me. it's uninteresting to me. it's just so flimsy as a concept that it cannot carry the weight of a compelling story. it makes the characters feel shallow. come up with a better obstacle. i believe in you.

3. deus ex machina. i love a good twist or unexpected turn, but babygirl you gotta leave us crumbs that lead us there, even if we, the reader, might be too dumb to see them. idc if it's a random convenient power introduced at the exact moment it's needed or a literal deus ex lowered on a crane to solve the problem. if it's too convenient without any context clues, i'm gonna be annoyed because i feel cheated. leave that stuff to the theatre professionals. you're not an ancient greek.

2. the perfect protagonist everyone loves. no, i don't mean mary sues as they've been smeared across fiction everywhere. i love me a mary sue! more people should be so bold! i mean the characters who never seem to have conflict with anyone ever. everyone is their friend. no one ever argues with or challenges them. no one is ever annoyed with them. wronged parties forgive them right away, even when they are wrongity wrong wrong. even the pc of an rpg runs into personality clashes with their closest companions and have to rng their way out of it. give me a little grit or friction, please! bonus irritation points if the characters just bang and it's all forgiven.

1. the love triangle. just... heck off i am so tired of it. no one writes it in an interesting way anymore. it's always obvious who will pick who in the most boring way. more often than not the third person is just mistreated and left hurt and alone or as a lazy plot device to keep the main couple in conflict. let me balance the scales of my terry goodkind compliment from earlier by saying that he did this most egregiously to my poor girl nikki in confessor, building her up in a relationship with the horrible protagonist who did not deserve her until the last minute when she helped rescue his real love. then he just... discarded her. it's boring. give me (believable, well developed) polyamory or find a better conflict for your obviously destined to be endgame couple. heck, even give me a person who genuinely loves both people and *tries* while slapping on a bittersweet ending! if your third person is disposable then your character did not earn their hea*.

*i purposely left off the hea. that's a post of its own.

[seasoning-my-story]

🍐 (pear) 🍊 (Orange) for the HM/SOS ask game!

- seasons-of-turnips

AAAA thank you friend!!!

🍐(Pear) - Favourite rival pairing (Canon or non-canon)?

okay okay A cannon rival pairing first, and then a non-canon because i am weak and cannot help myself lol.

Popuri X Grey from Harvest Moon 64. god i love them, Sweet compassionate cottage core flower wife, and grumpy ex-horse jockey who is immensely devoted to his loved ones omggg. he plants flowers for herrrr at the expense of being teased by everyone, this man is whipped for his wife, love to see it. I am deeply biased because their 64 iterations in particular are my favorite.

I have a lot of non cannon ships for the first Story of Seasons game(honorable mention to KamilxNadi lol), but I am an AngelicaxFritz truther and need to talk about them or i will expload. god like, career woman breadwinner and cringefail  malewife, do you see my vision???  but actually both of their heart events frame them as very focused on helping their community, and their dynamic i feel would be cute, Angelica fondly scolding Fritz while patching him up after he fell face first down the town stairs, and Fritz checking in on her and making sure that *someone* is taking care of Angelica because she's certainly not. idk just theyyyyyy

🍊 (Orange) - If you could change one thing in the franchise, what would it be and why?

I am so tired of customizable farms, I am too neurotic for them and my farms all end up looking like a tornado plowed it's way through, i do not want rows and rows of makers please and fucking thank you. I just want a pretty already in place farm for me to upgrade(like tott's farm?? beautiful, just do that every time please).

I also disagree with the notion that the development should move away from being marriage focused and focus on mechanics, when marriage and your relationships have been a "Central" point of the series since it's beginning. obviously mechanics are important, the biggest thing holding back some of my favorite games are the issues with mechanics bloat.

my Ideal game would be a combo of the mechanics/upgrade system(with like some improvments, like not having your tool upgrades be on an rng message board) of Tale of Two Towns and the writing and characters from Trio of Towns.

these are so rambly but thank you for dropping an ask!!

[ovkl]

i started playing funger. i chose dark priest and my first run went exactly as youd think

Dude. I started playing cause I thought Enki (The dark priest) looked cool. Was not aware of if there were any character differences aside from intros and beginning skills, and it was/is pretty hard to find sources. In spite of being out for 5 years, there's a lot that we don't really Know.

First run ended in prisons. I totally fucked myself over. Just really bad rng. No way to wiggle through. Played again, paused for several months, came back and couldn't remember what the hell I was doing. I simply knew it was sucking because I had it in my mind that you HAD to fight bosses and enemies, and often did so unprepared and unaware of their patterns. I still wasn't totally aware of the fact you do not have levels. Just better items, ideally, as you go deeper.

For a 3rd pass I ended up needing to reset from a fresh save a lot. I quickly learned the hard way about the fact people like Ragnvaldr, who was missing a goddamn arm, WOULD NOT fuck Enki specifically to form Marriage. I went about things in a pretty nontraditional way otherwise. As soon as I left inner hall, I bee lined to the Thicket. Got Ragnvaldr. Went to Mines. Got Cahara, and D'arce. Got the Salamander Snake soul stone. Left with a regular ending as I did not meet conditions for anything in particular. Enki has really great starting shit. I personally decided on Dash, getting Necromancy later as most fights until I'd eventually get a scroll or soul stones were pretty much a nonissue. He couldn't hold most of the good stuff I got due to his... gauntness. I did get a lot of cursed weapons in this run which proved to be extremely helpful. Endlessly in love with how different each play can be but memory and reliance on previous experiences in dying and whatnot can be very useful, even if the layout is a different version.

I started a new run recently as Cahara and it is UNREAL how different it is. The leg weights came off and all that... Ragnvalder lost his stupid fucking arm again and had no issue banging it out immediately. Trying to keep the girl in my party. I gave her to Pocketcat for a sword in my prev. Raced thru the Thicket and got Le'garde. I think I was omw to D'arce but wanted to do some other stuff for an ending now that I'm not on a time limit. Have been contemplating getting Nas'hrah this time...

Also checked out Termina finally. I was pretty relunctant but the enemy designs were too good not to check it out and I fucking love it. Lots of focus on a god we don't see a lot of in F&H. It's a stark reminder that while the Gods have abandoned them, they have not left. They simply refuse to intervine. They will favor and gift and view, but they will not halt their demise in any way whatsoever. They will be present to their suffering. Love O'saa a lot. And Samarie. Among others. Lots of cool shit and ties. Anyway I rambled a lot please liveblog the shit out of your play for me.

[furryprovocateur]

used all the boosters you get from transfer data sans the body ring on eliwood! it appears i misspoke earlier and you do NOT get speedwings (which makes sense, i thought i just inexplicably lost a speedwings in the HNM run but it just never existed). the good news is that eliwood is now mostly usable because he has pretty good tanking abilities (thanks to the angelic robe mostly) and C Hector, and the rapier is helping him cut corners on kills. the thing is gonna break soon but i'm praying eliwood will stop getting the shittiest level ups on earth. that said, please refer to the post before this and look at how exceptionally shitty the level ups i've gotten with him are. i had to RNG manipulate a level up on him to get skill speed luck and defense, but otherwise all his level ups have been like 2 stats max. god. i have never been so fucking trolled by this game.

speaking of RNG manipulation, i RNG advanced until i was able to get bartre two good level ups in a row. he's now level 6 with 6 speed, which is frankly fucking nuts considering his growth is dogshit and he starts with like half that. autism be damned im gonna fucking abuse the RNG

i decided to keep the silver card because after all this obscene levels of malding i've done i deserve a little treat. i can't help but feel like transfer bonuses make the run a little cheat-y, but considering how hardcore shafted i'm getting (i've missed so many fucking 85+% hits, you have no fucking idea), idc anymore. besides, the game has glitched requirements for HM exclusive chapters so this feels better once you soften the blow like that.

fuck erk. i'm almost certainly only going to use him for potshots and getting experience. the LHM guide kept him squarely at level 1 so actively using him is gonna be like. impossible unless he gets insanely good levels (he won't. he never does.)

started the chapter with 4 stars in combat, ended it with 5. gonna hopefully keep that momentum and never see it dip, though combat is such a nonfactor of a rank tbh.

not looking forward to talons alight, in HNM sealen was a huge cunt to me, expecting the same level of difficulty if not worse. i'm also a little sad that my tactics rank is gonna take another huge hit; i was honestly doing pretty damn well turn counts so far (obviously the hit is out of my control so i'm not too bothered about it).

[flecks-of-stardust]

attempt number two:

my beautiful 27 points ✨

real time as recorded on my phone was 1 hour, 12 minutes, in game time as told to me by the game was 1 hour, 1 minute, 33 seconds. so just shy of sub hour by real time standards, but really, really close. i think if i hadn't died to the white lizard pack on the wall (you know. that one room where there's sometimes four of them) i could've done it sub hour, but ah well.

i've definitely got a more defined route now that i've been introduced to the potential of how fast i can go. i wasn't even trying to do it in four cycles. hell i could've done it in three if the rain hadn't forced me to take the last FS shelter; i had to do dark FS, and i was stumbling my way through it, i wasn't going to make it to depths with three pips left on the timer. but still! i'm very impressed and pleased with myself. i'm going to get more familiar with FS as i practice this more too.

the key thing about this is that i let pebbles kill me this time. i saved in the lower CC shelter near IC and ran all the way up the wall from there. i actually had some time to spare too after getting past the rain band, which was sort of surprising, but really really helpful. since dying to pebbles still saves your maximum karma, i let him kill me to warp back to lower CC, and from there i just ran straight back to outskirts, entered drainage system, and then filtration system, all in one cycle. of course cycle rng played into this a bit, i got a really long cycle after pebbles killed me, but if i needed to i could have just saved in outskirts and then booked it to depths after that.

also good god i hate navigating in the dark. it's literally pitch black on my screen when i'm in the dark. i can't see ANY of the geometry at all. i'm impressed i managed to get the spear in the wall in depths to climb up at all tbh.

anyhow, really proud of this. will definitely be trying again soon.

[sophiloedian]

I've only opened CF now, so after a few hours, these are the result. Aren't they precious?

[lightinexile]

[MUFFLED SHOUTING] [SHOUTING CEASES] [POKES HEAD OUT OF A BACK ROOM]

hey guys! fun fact! we have literally never gotten anything but the “sleeper agent” outcome for Rats of Glory!

[SHUTS DOOR] [MUFFLED, AGONIZED SCREAMING RESUMES]

[cinnaxis]

POPPY HUNTING DAY ??

WRONG RED SQUIRREL DAMMIT

[sunnydaze-art]

Annelie is such a qt pie!! Loving the circus event rn! 

[marinemeatmonday]

Marine Meat Monday is a casual creation challenge for the Warhammer 40k fandom.

The instructions are simple: Create something fun and/or sexy involving Space Marines and post it on a Monday!

Tag your creation "#marine meat monday" and I'll reblog your post here!

Every month, I'll post two new prompts to this blog to help us all get started.

DON'T feel forced to follow the prompts!

DO feel free to make whatever you like!

September MMM Prompts!!

SWEET: Scars

SPICY: Fisting or other large insertions

Posting Date: Any of the Mondays in September!

August's Prompts were "Casual Clothing" and "Ritual sex, sex dedicated to the Emperor or Chaos Gods." Feel free to use them for the rest of the month! (Or anytime 😁)

How to Submit Prompts

Submit more prompts here: https://forms.gle/rG5i5eC7tTNg2Zeh6

Prompts or images that could apply to any chapter or legion are more helpful.

For Image Prompts, please paste a link to the image in the box and if possible, write out the credit.

More Details Below

Please DON'T create Primarch-focused pieces for this. Primarchs are great, but this challenge specifically focuses on their sons!

You may create a spicy piece for a sweet prompt or a sweet piece for a spicy prompt.

You may use any artistic form you like, including writing. There is no minimum or maximum length for writing.

You may create self-inserts or use OCs. Astartes x baseline human is welcome.

You don't have to, but please consider tagging stories and artwork with "#marine meat monday" so I can share them here.

Asks and submissions are open, so please send me links to your Ao3 based pieces if you're not planning to post them to tumblr yourself. Otherwise, I probably won't know they exist!

The prompts are just there to give you a springboard, feel free to disregard them and do your own thing.

I'm not 100% sure where it started, but this challenge was popularised by the one and only @tagedeszorns.

This particular format with the two prompts is an extension of a challenge we've had running on a discord server for a couple of months.

Your current mod is @two-reflections.

RNG Proof

[soulerflaire]

Let me just start by saying how abso-fucking-lutely relieved I am that the Pokemon Sword & Shield trailer very pointedly showed standard encounter mechanics and wild Pokemon battles. It could still have the motion control catching mechanic, which I am not a fan of, but I can handle that as long as I get my normal Pokemon battles again and don’t have to catch 374 Pidgeys to level up (or worse, as I saw on the few streams of it I watched, have a party constantly be so overleveled from the bloated encounter xp that they had to switch Pokemon out repeatedly for trainer battles to be anything).

And the game looks beautiful. That music in the background? I want the soundtrack for that song alone. Gorgeous, all of it. The aesthetic is totally my jam, especially the sword and shield thing. Cannot wait to see the legendaries here.

I’m not really a starters kind of person (Rowlet was the first started I really loved and actually used since Cyndaquil), so kinda meh on them. I like the rabbit one a lot, but with that bandaid pattern on its nose, I’m leery of yet another fire/fighting type (we’re doing speed, so flying? Electric? Steel? Actually, its feet were making sparks. Steel makes sense. I really hope it’s steel, I might pick it if it is). I’m also interested in the water one. As long as it doesn’t end up gross like Geninja.

I don’t like monkeys.

All in all, it looks promising. But I still maintain: this is the first core game going on a console (and make no mistake, the Switch is a console. Sure, it’s portable; so is a laptop. But it doesn’t fit in my pocket. I cannot take it wherever I go. Its battery life certainly isn’t long enough to last me a slow day at work). This game had better fucking blow me away.

I’m talking Gen 2 “We added a whole other region so the game is basically double the length” kind of blow me away. They don’t have to do specifically that (although with England and France being so close geographically and having so much (admittedly bloody) history together, Kalos would be a great pick for that), but this game had better be huge. It had better run smoothly and be gorgeous 100% of the time, not just in a couple cinematic shots. I want more Pokemon available in the normal gameplay than ever before. I want features that are more than just gimmicks and one-offs. I wanna see things like multiplayer (Let’s Go had the drop-in, drop-out thing. Surely that could be iterated upon and made into a more concrete thing for local co-op). Give me the option to do double battles and triple battles more than just in a couple one-off fights and Battle FronTreeTrainTier or whatever it’ll be called this time around. I really want to make use of Pokemon whose entire purpose is to be in a double battle in the main game too, you know. I don’t even know. Just...more than a small surfing mini-game. And I noticed that football thing. That would be a cool and appropriate minigame to have, but do not make that the big thing the game has. There needs to be more than a new minigame.

This game had better be deserving of being played on a TV. Don’t put a gameboy game on a console and say it’s good enough. You’re forcing me to use the hardware, you better fucking use it too.

P.S. Please, please, please, please, please learn from the positive response that ride Pokemon got and do not add HMs back into the game. I am begging you.

[emxie]

When the World Was At War We Kept Waltzing

You are the sole heir to one of the wealthiest families in the country. A charming and mysterious stranger steals your heart. What could go wrong?

Zhongli x Fem Reader

Warnings: Blood, gore, murder/massacre, violence, one curse word, slightly suggestive content, somewhat yandere Zhongli

Word Count: 3139

A/N: There are several influences that inspired this piece. Music plays a huge part in my writing, so originally I drew inspiration from Lana Del Rey, specifically her Born To Die album, which I love to pieces. Of course, this song title is basically from a Lana Del Rey song (from her Lust for Life album), except for the last word, which I changed to "Waltzing" both for alliteration/phonetics purposes, and because it fits the theme of the fic more. You might recognize influences from Hamilton and Parasite, as I also like these pieces of media. When I first started writing it, I meant to include more angst, but as I formed the story, it morphed into a darker storyline and came to involve some blood and gore. What can I say, I just enjoy writing horror. Additionally, you might notice some repeating motifs throughout the story, specifically involving color. After reading The Great Gatsby, I have been fundamentally changed as a person, and thus why this fic also contains color symbolism and repetition of such themes. Also, although it's a bit vague and I didn't specify the time period in the actual story, I like to imagine that this takes place in the 1920s (just like The Great Gatsby), and there's like the sense of grandeur and riches associated with the time period (until it all goes south with the stock market crash, but let's pretend that didn't exist in this fic).

Enough about the background. I have not gotten Zhongli yet, despite doing 30 rolls and then some, and his banner is still continuing for another week and a half or so, so I'm saving more primogems up to roll more for him. Please come home Zhongli!!!! I'm so desperate you're the one character I would pay money for. Anyways, take this fic as another cry for help from the RNG gods to give me Zhongli.

I hope you enjoy the story, and remember that if you are triggered by violence and graphic imagery, or yandere-type characters, please don't read this fic.

“Would you like to be mine, and I yours?”

That was what he had asked you on this balcony laden with brocade ribbons and your heart bursting with passion.

A breathy “Yes” passed your lips, and then he was on your lips, gripping the bodice with a ferocity bridled. You two had stayed like that under the moonlight, broken up only by the occasional crackle of a firework.

You ran your fingers over the marble balustrade. Memories danced through your mind, earning a small sardonic quirk at the corner of your mouth.

How naïve you were.

That night set in motion a series of elaborate plans, not that you were aware.

Not even a week later, he had asked your father for your hand in marriage. You watched, holding your breath, as he sat across the furnished oak table from your father. As they talked, his hands continued to move as if they were their own entity, gesticulating to convey his intense love for you.

After an hour of discussion, you watched as your father reached across the table to shake hands with your love.

He stood up, moving across the room to where you sat. His amber eyes glowed as he reached out to you, gloved hands an inviting trap. You took his hand, standing up and being pulled into a tight hug. He brushed his lips against your ear. “You’re mine, beloved.”

🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟

After another month of bliss, engaged to the man who had taken your heart in its entirety, painting it red with his raging passion for you and entreating you to his cause, the wedding was announced. And it would be a sight to behold.

The absolutely sheer size and amount of wealth your family possessed signified that this would be a legendary union for ages to come. Invites slipped into envelopes and marked with your family’s seal, a dove holding an olive branch, were sent to hundreds around the country. Day in and day out maids and ladies-in-waiting would pester you about the dress, the flowers, the decorations, the theme, the ring you wished to gift your soon-to-be husband, and a variety of other accessories.

In the few spare moments you were able to catch with your fiancé, you would find yourself within his arms, gripping onto his broad shoulders as he bent down and kissed you. Occasionally you two would get a little too riled up, and had to cut your loving short lest a servant find you. But in those several times you found yourself subject to his more intense states, you were shivering, eager to learn what it was finally like to be loved by such a fierce and powerful man. And as you grabbed onto his long black and caramel locks which trailed behind him whenever he walked, pulling him down into a rough kiss, his hands ghosting your body feverishly, you couldn’t wait to be wed.

And wed you would be. For it was the day of your holy union to the one you loved, and excitement thrummed throughout your body as you were being dressed. The maids were straightening out the final pieces of your outfit. Staring at yourself in the mirror, you could hardly recognize the person staring back at you. The intricate makeup, paired with the dramatic crimson dress that you chose, was certainly a statement. Layers of bright red fabric made a beautiful waterfall all the way from your chest to your ankles. Making the decision to dress so boldly was another way to ensure the strength and legacy of your family among the wealthy. Of course, at the time, you didn’t think much of how he had suggested you wear a certain color.

They placed the scarlet veil over your face, obscuring your vision. It was time.

You walked out of the dressing room, a couple of servants gathering the glorious gradient of a tulle train behind you. The presence of such a color caused pride to swell in your heart, and your back straightened and you felt a bit taller as you slowly stepped, in sangria-colored heels no less, towards your future.

🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟

You had arrived at the venue where the wedding was to be held. Hundreds of people, most whom you knew from previous encounters, milled around the entrance. Your maids guided you towards a side entrance, so that you would be prepared to walk down the aisle once everyone was seated.

After some time waiting, you were informed that everyone had gotten settled, and it was about time for you to walk.

Rising from your seat, you passed another mirror in the room before leaving. Glancing at your reflection, you noted how your appearance seemed to herald…something. You resembled a specter; of what kind though, would remain unseen.

🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟

Regal doors, carved with designs of divine intervention, could barely be seen beyond your veil. There was a hand clenching around your heart. You could feel your pulse speed up. This was it. The beginning of your happy ever after.

Your father stood to your right, looping your arm with his. “Look at my gorgeous pumpkin, already so grown up.” You offered a delicate smile at these words.

A grinding noise sounded as the doors opened. Music began to play as you began the slow trek to the altar. Each step felt like an eternity. There was a noticeable hush as you began to walk.

Your gaze swept over the guests. You could make out some familiar faces. They looked as if they were drenched in a red liquid due to the filtering effects of the veil.

Then you were there. Your father handed you off, and stepped to the side. Looking up, you saw him.

He was dressed handsomely, in a suit matching your dress’s vivid choice of color. The sleeves stopped just above his wrists, allowing you to focus on his hands. Black gloves still covered his hands, barring you from viewing the naked flesh underneath. A little miffed, but undeterred by such an occurrence, your eyes moved up to his face.

He possessed a strong profile. Intense golden eyes, an angled bridge of a nose, lips that were straight-set, yet still so luscious and plump (you knew from kissing them so often), and a jawline to die for.

His eyes trailed over your body, taking in the sight of how beautifully you had dressed up. Just for him.

The music ceased. Only the occasional shuffling noise could be heard from the guests.

“We gather here today to celebrate a most momentous union!” The priest announced with a wide sweep of his arms. Some polite applause ensued, before dying into oblivion again.

The priest continued on with his speech. Some of the words became lost on you. Staring into those glowing amber eyes really did make you lose track of time.

With the exchange of the rings, you gave him a black ring carved from obsidian with ruby and gold veins running through it. In return, he gave you a typical diamond ring, although the jewel was perched atop a red crown. The priest was about to conclude.

“You may kiss the bride,” he declared. Your husband leaned in, grasping your soft hands in his rough leather gloves. He placed one hand behind your back and dipped you, while flipping the veil behind your head in one fluid motion. The crowd gasped in awe at his movement.

You could finally view his handsome face, unhindered by red. He kissed you, those plush lips resting comfortably on yours, just as they did on that nighttime balcony escapade. His eyes flashed a golden brown as he did so, so fast that you missed it. Your eyes fluttered shut, basking in his unwavering attention.

You didn’t feel the veil floating back down to shield your face from the atrocities committed. Almost. The absence of his warm lips and firm grip had you opening your eyes, searching for the touch of your husband.

The world was swathed in red. The guests were asleep, draped over the chairs in awkward and unnatural positions. Your father was slumped in his chair. Standing in the middle of the aisle was your husband. You ran up to him, hiking up your dress to reach his side.

“What happened?” you inquired.

“It had to be done,” he whispered, shoulders stiff as he stared down at the ground, hands entrenched in his pockets.

“Wait, what had to be done? What do you mean by that?” You backed up, heel skidding on the marble surface almost too easily. Tumbling backwards, you landed with only the padding of your dress breaking your fall.

The sudden motion tossed your veil backwards.

It was red. Everything was red. Red. Red. RED.

A scream clawed its way out of your throat. You back-pedaled on the floor, away from the man. No longer was his aura inviting. The love within your heart was obliterated in an instant, crushed by the rising fear that swallowed every warm emotion in its dark terror.

Your hand slipped. Catching yourself on your elbows, you looked to the side. A slick scarlet substance coated your hand. You knew what it was.

Your stomach twisted into a knot at the sight, sending a wave of nausea throughout your body.

The clicking of dress shoes against the floor had you freezing in place, too afraid to do anything else. What could he possibly want? You thought that you had it all, and he had truly loved you.

He knelt down in front of you, cupping your face with a bare hand dyed garnet. You flinched as his soiled skin made contact with you. You didn’t miss the sorrow in those entrancing golden eyes as he witnessed you shy away from him.

“I had to do it, my dear dove.”

“Why? WHY?!” you yelled, slapping away his hand. “My entire family is dead because of you!”

“Now; that’s not entirely true, princess.” He gestured with a grand sweep of his arm to your surroundings. “Give a great round of applause to your regularly-scheduled assassins!!!”

He chuckled at your puzzled expression, slowly morphing to one of wide-eyed horror. Several wedding guests arose from the prone bodies around them, dressed in all black and with Gatling guns slung over their back.

“I don’t understand. What could you possibly gain from murdering my family, much less hundreds of people?” you protested.

“Angel, angel, angel.” He tsked at your confusion.

In one quick smooth motion he had wrapped his hands around your head and placed his forehead against your own. You squirmed in his hold, cringing at the feeling of life, other people’s once thriving life, coating your once perfectly-coiffed hair.

“Oh, is my dear princess a little squeamish?” His voice had deepened, sending tremors throughout your body. You felt his fingers tighten around your locks, tugging on them ever so slightly.

“A small price to pay for the keys to an empire.”

It dawned on you.

“This…this entire time, I trusted you! How dare you scheme to steal my family’s fortune!” You struggled once more, and he released his hold on you, having thoroughly soaked your hair a crimson shade.

He began to pace in front of your weakened form.

“Beloved, you know that I only have the best intentions. Believe me, I really did fall in love with you. At least, that’s all it was at first. Did you know, the idea came to me in a dream, with you by my side? You gave me the idea. You agreed to be rid of the shackles of your family’s status and expectations in order to be by my side. And that’s when I reached for the sun, love.”

You spit at his shoes.

He stopped pacing. Leaning down, hovering over your body, he gripped your chin with a newfound strength, sending jolts of pain throughout your face. “You’re lucky I love my wife so much that I would be willing to overlook a little bit of deviance, when she should be rightfully punished.” As you were forced to look up, the amber eyes you had so loved to stare into for hours on end gleamed with a vicious ambition, thirsty for vengeance and glimmering with scathing deceit.

He released his hold, and continued to pace.

“I thought to myself: why not kill two birds with one stone? Continue my original plan of marrying you, but orchestrate the death of your father to gain access to an entirely new world of wealth.”

“You bastard! I hate you!” You screamed at him, voice growing more hoarse with each passing second.

“Now darling, I don’t think that’s an appropriate way to treat your dear husband,” he mused, shooting you another glance with those damned eyes.

You shut your mouth, the obscenities coming to a halt. Something sinister lurked beneath the surface of those eyes. And if you didn’t stop yelling, you didn’t want to know what he would do.

“Now, as I was saying, once we were legally married, I would be able to get rid of your father without anyone questioning my claim to your family’s assets.”

“Then why did you kill every other person in this room?” you questioned, voice cutting into his reasoning with a bitter hatred.

“Simple. They were collateral.” He shrugged as if this were the most rational approach to take.

“Don’t give me that sanctimonious bullshit,” you spat. “You know perfectly, as do I, that there was no need to shed so much blood over an act that could have been committed in secret.” Your voice cracked as the “secret” spilled over your lips. The gravity of this atrocious event hit you straight in the stomach, twisting your insides until you felt sick.

Sinking to the floor, you began to sob, body trembling against the cold floor. This time you ignored the drying vitality crusting over the white marble, for it could no longer distract you from the terrible truth that had been unveiled. You could not escape the claws of the dead, for they were forever persistent, leaving indelible rust-colored stains that permeated your dress, your skin, and your mind most of all.

He let you cry, until you could mourn no more.

Growing quiet, you whispered one thing through a raspy voice: “Why play your ace now?”

“I couldn’t just sit by and take the coward’s approach out. I had to go all out, my love. Otherwise, I would have no right to call you my wife, and you to call me your husband.”

“And how do you plan to cover this up? This isn’t some stupid business deal you can let fall through when it no longer suits you. These are lives you so carelessly crushed. You toyed with the fate of all these people. And you will pay.” You steeled your gaze at him, glaring with all of your might.

“I won’t let that happen, dove.” In one swift movement, he drew a pistol from his suit.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! As naturally as if he were breathing, he took four shots, clean right through the skulls of each of the assassins.

“There. No witnesses besides us two. I hired the assassins from a local mafia. We can blame the deaths on them and how it was part of a larger scheme to take over your family.”

He blew the smoke off the tip of the barrel before pocketing the pistol carefully.

“I believe it is time for us, lawfully wedded husband and wife, to return to our rightful mansion. I will talk to the authorities and handle the specifics, okay? All you have to do for me is sit pretty and act scared, princess.”

He placed another rough kiss to your head, burying his face in your bloody mussed hair. You didn’t respond. He took your left hand in his and placed a delicate kiss, right below the ring he had so lovingly slid onto your finger, which was now saturated through with the runny insides of others. You didn’t respond. He ran his hands, dipped in the sacrifices of others, down the sides of your dress. You didn’t respond. He sighed.

He slid one of his arms under your bottom, and supported your back with the other. “You know, you’ll have to talk to your dear husband sooner or later, dove. I won’t have any bad behavior from my wife.” 

Muttering these final words to your despondent form, your love, the one who had buried his fangs deep into your heart until it dripped red with desire, picked you up in his arms and carried you off, his own bride, back to your home—no, our home—where no one would be there to meet and congratulate you. Where your father would no longer be. And where you would never find happiness again.

🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟🎕⽕⼟

You sighed, running your hands up and down the railing of the balcony. It had been a year since you had first kissed him. A night you will never forget, and always come to regret.

“My darling, my dove, my angel, my princess, the light of my life.” Arms encircled your waist, and he buried his face into your neck. His hands, bared to the chill night air, toyed with your thin coral nightgown.

“What are you thinking about? I hate to see you look so miserable.”

You smiled, despite the pain in your dejected and blackened heart. “Just about the night we first kissed, honey.”

He peppered kisses against your skin. “Ah, yes. That night I wanted to ravage you and steal you for myself. Yet I withheld and waited, remaining patient and anticipating our marriage with open arms. If not for that night, we would never have married and gotten our happy ending. If not for that night, you would have been plucked out of my life forever, like a dying flower. I revitalized you, darling. Look at how you glow in the moonlight. My wife, all for myself.” Chuckling, the timbre of his voice rumbled against your skin.

Placing his right hand around your waist, kneading the soft flesh underneath his fingers, and interlacing the fingers of his left hand with your right, he began to sway with you from side to side. There was no music to guide you two. Yet you still danced, illuminated only by the moon and stars.

And so was your fate. Doomed by the very man you loved. The man who had charmed you and pulled the rug out beneath your feet. The man who had shielded you from the bombs he himself had set, distracting you with promises of loyalty and extravagant gifts. While the rest of the world had raged on, he had blinded you to reality, and now you were his. The man you were to be wed to for all of eternity.

Zhongli 血红血红血红血红血红血红

[karmawonders]

🌸Hi! I write for sagau, the Self Aware Genshin Impact AU, as well as the Cult AU. Almost hilariously my RNG has been much, much better after starting to write for these AUs.🌸

Edit: these are just my rambles and this is not all reader friendly but I had to s h a r e . Please tell me other sagau writers/consumers have had other similliar experiences

Edit 2: this post will be updated regularly with my strange coincidences

I got Hu Tao after joking about “ayo me the all creator wants you to come home” and the bitch did? First 10 pull? With like little to no pity? Also with single pulls? I got Kaeya on a standard outta no where, after LiTERALlY taking him off my team.

Kaeya came home AGAIN after using him as an ice bridge on a SINGLE pull on standard.

Barbara has cooked me w a y more sweet madame then nessecary. I cooked 20 and she made me 12 extra? Same with Jean? Nearly all the time?

I’ve been like playing the game as if they could actually hear me, as a jOkE. And now my Characters CRIT nearly every attack despite their terrible builds. I haven’t changed any artifacts? I’m like grateful but also I am concerned.

I’ve gotten the same 20 primo achievement multiple times? And the primos are stacking?

Making food, getting no bonus foods from Xiangling. I quietly whispered “extras please.” And the next 4 dishes gave extras back to back? None before, only AFtER?

Kaeya has come home an alarming amount of times. 2 of those times were in random single pulls in the standard. I got him before I even got him in the story event. (Mentioned before above but im still shook)

Whenever I verbally ask for multiple characters in ten pulls I have always gotten 2+? I’m gonna start messing with this more to see if maybe me speaking my desire helps? I dunno.

I messed with it again on Yaes banner and I didn’t say anything. I got Thoma, who is strangely very similar to Kaeya now that I think about it, he has come home with other characters a couple times as well.

I sat down the traveller at a cute spot to “rub their head” with the cursor cuz i love them and I STG this BiTcH SMIlED ? LIKE HELd THE SMIlE AS WELL? And as soon as I was gonna get a screenie it stopped ??? i ??? 😭

Venti came home and ate my pity early at 44 pulls after I jokingly said he better not since Im trying to get Ayaka.

Ayaka cane home at 30 pulls right after venti I think I actually am god

I’ve literally been like “oh snap imma get isekaid this is just like that one fan fiction I read-“ you know, as a joke.

Well I was scrolling through character profiles and - I- what? Like?

The character details for my lumine says “The Keeper is fading away; the creator has not yet come. But the world shall burn no more, for you shall ascend.”

Is the keeper that unknown god? They said they were the sustainer of heavenly principles and that’s similar-

Listen imma be honest I don’t look at a lot of character profiles but I’m pretty sure it didn’t say that aight. Am I going insane what? That better be for fuckin everyone or imma freak- like in a good way cuz I’m totally fine waking up in Teyvat but also HOLD UP?

How much of Genshin Impacts story actually involves some seeming All-Creator or the player? Or is this me loosing my goddamn mind? Im not surprised if it’s either.

Regardless, this brings up good ideas for future sagau fanfics, and valid questions about genshin itself. What exactly is Celestia? Some mediator? A corrupted council? Who is this creator that’s a c t u a l l y m e n t i o n e d .

My ear is literally ringing as I write this I’m actually kinda feeling adrenaline.

I want to incorporate this into some sort of narrative. I really wanna dig into Genshin now, I’m actually like, hyped? Lore? Going brrr? New ideas for different writings?

Anyway if I randomly disappear please note that I totally am in Teyvat somehow and am pray be, not in some Imposter AU.

Is this some sort of Meta joke or have I finally lost my few remaining marbles.

Istg I just saw Lumine smile at me- OH SHE DEFINITELY DId AGAIn WHaT

🌸Please share if you have had any similliar experiences cuz I’mma starting to sweat : ) 🌸