#rkjan20eval

[rkjisoo]

remember forever,

@yuzurk

it was anything but a leisurely trip but with the way that she brought different types of clothing with her, one would think that it was. flitting around their otherwise small ( for her tastes ) bedroom, she tries to fix the pieces that she lugged around with her. clothes neatly stacked and folded, she placed it on top of a table she claimed as hers. the lack of closet space is abominable but it was not as though this was a five star accommodation. still, she makes do; making sure that she leaves space for her suite mates as she does so.

“if i am hoarding your space please let me know,” she remarks towards the the other occupant who is surprisingly the only other person in the room with her. “i will find other places for it. i just do not like majority of my clothing stuffed inside the luggage.” the older explains, glancing with satisfaction at the work that she’s done. with that, she finally gets to sit down on the bed─finding the minimal time to be comfortable.

as she sits across the younger girl, her eyes narrows in worry. “yuzu,” she calls her attention. “how are you? really.” it has been a whirlwind start of the year and she’s anxious for the girl as much as she is amongst other things. “i hope the coaches haven’t been as hard on you as i know they can be.” if so, that was just cruel. 

[rkharuto]

❛ you raise me up

a panicked haruto during eval preparations with @jkookrk

while he was thankful that his second evaluation under kt was based around dancing, when he found out that he gained himself a couple of center parts, as well as having to be lifted up in the air, it was needless to say he was a little worried about it. what on earth had he done to deserve this sort of treatment? while he was sure others would be thrilled to be in his position, haruto was nothing more than a shaking wreck just at the idea of having to dance in the middle and have most of the attention on him. 

“i don’t know about this...” he murmured, unable to stop himself from backing off from jeongguk ever so slightly, “you’re going to drop me.” and that was nothing against the other trainee, it was just that he didn’t really trust any of them to lift him up without dropping him. and the last thing he wanted was to break anything. maybe. maybe if he broke something he could get out of actually having to do anything - which would be nice.  

[rkxhyunjin]

♥ KT ENTERTAINMENT’S JANUARY EVALUATIONS: KT BOYS’ EXPERIMENTAL GROUP’S PERFORMANCE 

The phrase “practise makes perfect” holds more weight this time around, a mantra that Hyunjin solidifies into his mind.

Pulled aside with another group of male trainees, the last thing Hyunjin expects is the announcement of an experimental group. Normally an easy book to read, the shock on Hyunjin’s expression doesn’t quite come through this time, instead adopting a serious countenance as he nods along to each of the man’s words. When he finally falls into bed that night, it’s a different story. Almost one in the morning, Hyunjin’s heart is still beating as if he had run a marathon, a confusing mixture of emotions muddling his ability to pinpoint just exactly how he feels about this.

Excitement for sure, pride in thinking that he had worked hard to earn this opportunity. Fright of a new change perhaps? But courage in attempting to embrace it. A deeper insecurity of disappointing his parents gnawing at the back of his mind, numbingly aware that a step closer to this dream pulls him further from his lifelong duty to provide and repay his parents.

(It’s for perhaps this last reason that he doesn’t tell his parents about this new development, guilt keeping his hands fastened by his side about the matter when he sees them in the morning).

This evaluation around, the pressure spikes to a new level with the realisation that others are relying on him to perform to his utmost ability – perfectly if possible. It’s not the same as previous evaluations when others relied on him before. To everyone else on the team this evaluation means more than a typical evaluation. To Hyunjin too. He wants to perform well not only for the team, but himself as well. Selfishly, he takes another step forward in the direction of becoming of performer.

When it comes to the performance, Hyunjin does his best. (But when has he not?) The moves come with a finessed ease and he schools his expression to something far more mature than he feels at the moment. They finish the performance and it feels nice to perform with others once again, to perform on a team once again. Performing with no regrets, performing with others. If he can accomplish this Hyunjin thinks he’ll be happy.

[rkrose]

LOVE FOOLISH.

♡ ╎ @yuzurk ; 

january’s evaluation had been coming along too smoothly and stress free for rose’s liking. it was only the beginning of the month though, but rose couldn’t help but anticipate the worst. and then it happens, drama hits the fan and while no one in her circle is caught up in the drama, a couple of royal’s trainees find themselves in the firing line of the aftermath. in particular, one yuzu. rose can understand how yuzu got herself caught up in this, as the younger female always seemed so carefree and opinionated, in a fun and youthful way. and good for her, or so rose thinks. she isn’t too happy to hear about the social media ban, though. nor watch the coaches pay out on yuzu. rose hasn’t any other choice but to look on and grit her teeth, though.

it’s later on and their training is done for the day. it’s mostly dancing, perfecting the choreography of the routine they’ve been given and working on their stage presence, among other things. it’s a little tiring, but rose gets that they all need to work on this as a whole. she can’t help but feel like she’s the weak link in the team, considering so many of the girls are charismatic dancers already. she’s occupied one of the bottom bunk beds in the camp dormitory where they’re staying for the next couple of days. rose sits, curled up, knees to her chest as she watches a recording of their practice earlier on today, brows furrowed. her hair is still braided and she’s still in her workout gear from earlier on today. she just happens to glance upwards and spot yuzu, to which she then pauses the video, tugging the earbuds out of her ears with a smile.

“it’s our yuzu!” she chimes, sitting upright. rose discards the phone, locking it and tossing it to the side before she pats the space beside her. “come here, come sit with your unnie!” 

[rkxrm]

Fighting Across ||

@taeminrk 

Tension was at an all time with Minhyuk. He was so tightly wound that he could potentially break down and explode in moments. There were many reasons as to why Minhyuk was so tightly wound. He had just come off a holiday week with his parents and his extended family and all of their professional friends . God how he hated being reminded of what an absolute mess that he was. Your rapping career will go nowhere, your looks will fade, why aren’t you using your good looks, you should be more kind to people... .blah blah blah the same bullshit that he heard weekly. He was so annoyed that his annoyed mood carried over into the new year and going back to practice was irritating. All he wanted to do was just to flop down and not do anything and just happily drink his coffees. 

But oh, god bless his luck or maybe a curse from satan, he was herded into a room with a few others on the first day of the month and was told that they were going to be an experimental group. Here at this moment, his annoyance turned to irritation and mild frustration. They were sent off back to practice and it was easy to avoid taemin for the first few days of the month, but of course, minhyuk couldn’t avoid him forever, and it all came to a crash when they were all practicing for the eval. 

minhyuk was not a dancer. that wasn’t his major talent and if he had to be honest, dancing was his weakest, but he was pretty charismatic and could command a stage but of course, his lack of talents was enough to set it off. “i don’t like this eval. dancing is hard and i’m not having a good time.” he said, sighing. He had been over the choreo for the past several hours and he was making mistakes, but this was frustrating. He would have preferred a vocal group or even a more vocal song. he wanted to rap, he didn’t want to dance. 

[rkseungjoon]

&&* outside

@rkheejin

it’s not easy to spot her, actually. but he does, of course, because what is a challenge to lee seungjoon? they don’t exist. except for the one they’re trying this month, but that’s nothing that anyone needs to know. well, everyone knows, but not heejin.

he basically runs to the empty seat beside her. it’s still only the first day of trainee camp, and lunch is already the only thing he can look forward to. “ah, look who it is.” he’s already sat down. heejin can’t fight him about it anymore. she could still try to stand up, but seungjoon is strong and brave, and a tiny girl like herself wouldn’t be able to run away. not that anyone would ever escape from his charms.

“isn’t it funny, this life?” he asks, then reaches for his chopsticks. with one swift movement, the chunk of rice that comes with it goes straight into his mouth. he chews four, maybe five times before pushing everything to one side of his cheeks. “so our heejinie can’t dance? you’re in a performance practice group?” as he was himself.

[rkiny]

♡ ₊˚ what a coincidence!

❪ w. @rksihyeon​ ❫

     having already experienced living in such close quarters to her other fellow female trainees under kt, the reality that they’ll all once again be rooming with one another during this training camp is something that brings nayeon joy. she’s become fond of the other girls, and having this time to bond all together is something she’s come to realize she cherishes ( it’s only natural to feel that way, the very real possibility of them all being together for the foreseeable future if they’re set to debut only fueling her drive for them all to be close ).

     now that their first days been complete, it’s time to relax for the night.

     kneeling next to her things as she searches to her sleepwear, she assesses the room— it’s plain enough with an ample amount of space for the four of them, bunk beds on either side and after a moment, she looks up towards sia. “do you wanna share a bunk with me?” brows raised, her grin never falters. “we’ll be bunk buddies!”

[memoirsofrkxjiyeon]

* lil rapper baby

@rksae

Why are they making all of us suffer by taking us to rap lessons? That is the first initial thought when she saw the schedule for this specialized camp. When it finally came Minhee recalls the horrors when she tries to be a rapper when she first joined Sphere even though they encourage her to be singer more since it was truly obvious there was no rapper bone in her body, unlike saerom. During the rap lesson she took the opportunity to make Saerom smile with terrible rap impression, “Yo yo, it’s your mini unnie. Beep boop beep boo?! am I’m rapper yet?” she tried to act swag before tapping her nose lightly in a playful manner hoping for the other to crack a smile. Minhee noticed lately she seem not herself lately probably cause the fact they kept losing girls either them leaving or samsung giving them away to other companies, which is great for them but it still sucks especially when end up training and performing them. Minhee can’t complain to much she still got Saerom, Jihyo and Sua is a really nice addition to the mix. 

[rkmason]

                                            IF YOU ARE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT ˟                                                               (       CLAP YOUR HANDS YO IN THIS BEAT       )

it’s not even the first day of the camp by the time minho realizes it’s his first performance with everyone in a group. in november, he came in too late to join them for the busking performances and december had been about acting. yeah, this month is the true test of whether or not he can fit in anymore. the issue of age came up during the mgas, sure, but he realizes again just how much older he is. there’s chanyeol too but chanyeol hasn’t debuted and left a group before.

then again, he realizes he was wary about his age even when he was in nova. there is always someone younger and potentially better and he didn’t think that got to him in the past.

this is also his chance to leave that all behind, to simply be choi minho, trc trainee hoping to debut. there’s no again, or who knows when, but he only wishes to hold onto the desperation, the eagerness, the strength to continue each day. whenever he talks to one of the guys, especially when he talks to chanyeol or doyum, he realizes being inside the company walls aren’t so restricting, so confining. they’re locked up from 5am til midnight most days but he’s haopy.

when he mouths that particular line, he feels like a child again, wanting to clap his hands enthusiastically because he is. he is.

not surprisingly, he thinks of mijoo, of how she tells him to do whatever he wants as long as it makes him happy, and, as he takes a sip of water before they get started on the evaluation day, he thinks of that in particular, thinks this does make him happy.

part of him wants to know the specific moment he fell in love with performing again after leaving convex, after walking away with the most remorse he’s felt in his life, mourning what could’ve been and what won’t because of his mistakes. he wants to pinpoint the moment he decided he’s still allowed to want this, to dream, to act, to perform freely. the other part of him knows: it’s never truly a choice or one moment.

no, it’s his entire life.

[rkevent]

A new decade has just begun and all the five companies’ teams are already working restlessly to put together and execute their strategies and plans for this year that not only involve their active artists but also trainees. As always, the start of a new era comes with high hopes of progress and development and there is no better day to put some resolutions in action and start shaping your own future than today.

In each company, coaches gather their trainees on the first day of the month in the practice room they should know well at this point to pass a message from the superiors. Motivational 'New Year' speech aside, they emphasize that the CEOs are looking for results and that it's fundamental that they are ready if they don't want to miss out opportunities. "With this in mind, we'll divide you in male and female groups and you will work on improving some aspect of your performance skills as a group, not individuals, because if you were to debut today, we don't need a group unable to dance or sing properly, nor we want trainees relaying on this one person to do the dance or hit the notes. You should be the best version of yourselves and be capable of doing well."

Continuing, they explain that trainees will be sent to camps in Seoul for three days (from January 10 to 12) to focus on the determined area the coaches decide to be the groups’ weakness. The camps consist in Vocals (Singing & Rapping) and Performance (Dance & Stage Presence) and at the end of the month, trainees will show off their improvements in a performance they will put together at the camp under specialized coaches' supervision. Vans will be waiting outside the companies at 6 a.m. on the 10th to drop them at the camp and they are instructed to take casual and comfortable clothes, but only the necessary.

Once they return to the normal schedules on the 13th, they are expected to resume training but continue practicing for the evaluation. At the end of the month, the 31st, coaches will be waiting for them in a practice room to watch, record and take notes of the performances as usual. All CEOs and directors will watch the tapes later as they make decisions for the upcoming months and years, so it’s smart to make good use of the special lessons.

Below the cut you can find more details on the camp.

In order to collect +2 POINTS TO DISTRIBUTE AS YOU WISH and +2 DEBUT POINTS, write one 250+ words solo or a four-post thread with another trainee about your muse’s experience at the camp. For +3 POINTS IN A RELEVANT SKILL, +2 DEBUT POINTS and +1WK RELEVANT ACHIEVEMENT, write one 300+ words solo regarding their performance at the end of the month. Please tag all your posts with #rkjan20eval and have them up by midnight EST at the end of Friday, January 31st. Threads may be continued after the deadline, but points can only be collected if the requirements are met before it.

JANUARY EVALUATION (for the FEBRUARY 5 verification form)

[link to thread or solo about camp experience]

+2 ___ POINTS +2 DEBUT POINTS NEW DEBUT POINTS TOTAL:

[link to solo about performance]

+3 ___ (RELEVANT) POINTS +2 DEBUT POINTS +1WK ___ (RELEVANT) ACHIEVEMENT (number of times taken + current level) NEW DEBUT POINTS TOTAL:

PS: The "weaknesses" refer to the group as a whole or decided by other factors in balanced cases and does not necessarily reflect the trainee skill.

Special Schedule

Vocal group:

7:00 am - breakfast

8:00 am - core strengthening + cardio exercises

9:00 am - break

10:00 am - singing lessons

12:00 am - lunch

1:00 pm - rap lessons

3:00 pm - practice time

7:00 pm - dinner

8:00 pm - breathing lessons

8:30 pm - free to rest

Performance group:

7:00 am - breakfast

8:00 am - stretch

8:30 am - dance conditioning

9:30 am - break

10:30 am - dance lessons

1:00 pm - lunch

2:00 pm - stage presence lessons

3:00 pm - practice time

7:00 pm - dinner

8:00 pm - breathing lessons

8:30 pm - free to rest

Groups

KT Boys - performance / song: We Must Love - ONF (reference)

KT Girls - performance / song: Picky Picky - Weki Meki (reference)

Royal Boys - vocals / song: Sign - GOT7 (reference)  

Royal Girls - performancce / song: Loca - Favorite (reference)

Sphere Boys - performance / song: Poison - VAV (reference)

Sphere Girls - vocals / song: Be Myself - Gugudan (reference)

TRC Boys - performance / song: Cherry Bomb - NCT 127 (reference)

TRC Girls - performance / song: Remember Me - Oh My Girl (reference)

Nova Boys - vocals / song:  Stay - Blackpink (reference)

Nova Girls - vocals / song: Be The Star - Pristin (reference)

* line distributions can be found here and centers here.

Rooming

KT Boys (Experimental group):

Room 1: Taemin, Jimin, Seonghwa, Sungho, Hyunjin

Room 2: Youngmin, Minhyuk, Jongdae, Youngho

KT Boys: Jeongguk, Haruto, Jaehyun KT Girls: Naeun, Nayeon, Sihyeon, Luda Royal Boys: Changbin, Eunsang, Bin, Hwichan Royal Girls 1: Yena, Jisoo, Soohyun, Chaeyoung Royal Girls 2: Yoojung, Jiwoo, Lisa, Shiah TRC Boys 1: Minho, Dongmin, Seungjoon, Youngjae TRC Boys 2: Doyum, Jongsuk, Chanyeol TRC Girls: Yujin, Yeji, Heejin, Jinsoul, Chaeryeong Nova Girls: Yongsun, Hyojeong, Nakyung Nova Boys: Seokwoo, Zhengting, Taeyang, Sungyeol Sphere Girls: Jihyo, Minhee, Bora, Saerom Sphere Boys: Daniel, Hyunggu, Chan, Wonpil, Moonbok

[rkdoyoung]

✧ ✧ ✧  ━━━━━━━  JANUARY 2020 EVALUATIONS                                  GROUP PERFORMANCE —                                          POISON by VAV

performing in a group is completely new to him.

from the second he’d stepped foot back on korean soil with the ambition of becoming a singer, he’d always imagined himself as a soloist under some small, indie company, but after years of no success and the sphere audition suddenly falling into his lap through an instagram post of all things, who was he to say no, ignoring all the signs?

the idea of becoming an idol was so far removed from him that training to become one now is still sort of surreal. hearing stories of people training for years and still never getting anywhere, of those who have debuted who were now struggling with either privacy issues or lack of exposure, it all sounded so difficult, and still wasn’t even sure if it was something he wanted in the long run, even after signing away his life to the company for two years.

despite his current apprehensions, he still wanted to perform well, if not for himself, then for those whose spot he’s potentially taking up on the trainee roster, and that meant getting used to things he never thought he’d do. last month it was the idea of having to promote a product he may or may not even trust or believe in, this month, it’s acting as one unit in a team.

the day of the performance comes fast, weeks condensing into what feels like only a couple of days. they’ve practiced day in and day out, and by the time the actual evaluation comes around, he can’t help but feel like he’s formed a closer bond with them, and whether that’s because of all the time they’ve spent together, or because of that one night he spent rubbing muscle salve into their skin, he isn’t able to tell, but he’s grateful for it nonetheless, because it makes it easier to focus on the group aspect the company is asking for.

he’s a seasoned dancer, a seasoned performer, but not a seasoned group member, and while he does feel a bit more of camaraderie between them all, his rookie status still shows when he’s unable mesh quite as well as he’d wanted with the others, his few months of training a stark contrast to some of the others who have been training longer.

it seems he still has a long way to go, but he doesn’t let it get him down. that just means he has to work even harder to get there, and he’s never backed down from hard work.

[danielxrk]

✞ JANUARY EVALUATION * DANCE PERFORMANCE ; POISON   jan 31st, 2020

if december was a trainwreck, january is when the remnants of the crash burst into flames. 

first: woojin leaves sphere the day after november evaluations finish. daniel didn’t know. daniel didn’t know what to do, either, the one person he joined the company for gone, leaving him behind in it. still, he pushes on. he thinks of kenta, training in nova, and in the end, he didn’t want to leave woojin or kenta alone as trainees. he would do his best for kenta’s sake, even if they spent most of their time in different companies.

second: sungwoon, right before he leaves to go back home for christmas, tells him that once he graduates in april, he’ll be enlisting. just like that, and he’s left in the dust again, sungwoon able to run away from the bomb he’s dropped as he always does, but daniel can’t. daniel won’t be able to escape it, and the preemptive grief for a relationship daniel didn’t even allow to properly start. (it’s guilt, too. how long did sungwoon know? is he leaving because daniel can’t be what he wants? did sungwoon hold on hoping for better from him?)

(he asks him to be his boyfriend for real when he gets back. if we only have four more months, i want them to be the four months you deserve, he says. it’s not out of pity, and even if it is out of fear, it’s what he should’ve done a long time ago. he knows as soon as it leaves his lips. )

third: kenta leaves. as woojin was the first day of december, kenta’s is the first day of january, this departure and evaluation thrown at him on the same day, weighing him down. it feels like trying to breathe underwater. he wants nothing more than to leave. no one is keeping me here anymore. i can go back to empty enigma. but he can’t. soon, empty enigma will no longer have a lead vocalist, and there’s no empty enigma without squall. he still can’t look woojin in the eye.

january begins, and he knows, through the same dance moves repeated over and over, progress even slower than he expects, that nothing will be the same again. 

he doesn’t let the others see his mourning. he calls upon the mask his mother taught him, and smiles and laughs and pretends he is not working through a fog. every time he feels himself slip, he thinks of jinyoung and yeji during the trio round, after sungwoon and minhyun’s eliminations-- how they scolded him for his moping and letting it interfere in their practice. he refuses to make the same mistake again. he doesn’t distract the others, but it still stunts his usual quick learning. he trips up in the same part of the dance, and the others have limitless patience.

he stays late and works harder, trying to make up for the time his heavy heart steals from him during their normal practice times, but sometimes he can’t help but cry. he can’t help but wonder what he’s doing, and if he has a place here at all. the singers are all better than him, the rappers are all better than him and the dancers are all better than him, and worst of all, he’s entirely alone.

maybe it’s hyunggu’s kindness that makes him cry, when he stays late with daniel to help him. he doesn’t deserve it for how much he wants to betray them and leave. he doesn’t deserve it for how pitiful and useless he is when it comes to performing as an idol would, but it’s like none of them care. they’re all intent on caring about him anyway, and maybe they can tell something’s wrong, because the rest of the boys all feel a little warmer than usual. maybe it’s only because daniel is so cold.

as the month ticks on, he focuses. he uses all of his energy to clear his mind, using his desire not to burden the others as motivation to pursue the best performance he possibly can. poison is no aju nice, and for that much, he’s grateful, but daniel will likely never be a dancer. he will always be a fish out of water. that means he just has to flop fast until it’s over. (maybe not the best analogy when he’s supposed to try and pass as a coordinated dancer.)

he opens up the dance alongside hyunggu, and while normally he wouldn’t mind, it puts him in the front far too early for his liking, with dancing more difficult than he’s comfortable with under a spotlight. the spin down and then back up during doyoung’s part is a part daniel struggled with throughout the month, practicing over and over, and he doesn’t know if he executes it well now. he doesn’t focus on his mistakes anymore, and instead just focuses on getting through.

he tries to channel the cameo focus, long untapped now-- that confidence and drive, the charm and ability to sell anything, even where he lacks. 

the chorus is difficult too, but thankfully, hyunggu takes point, rightfully so, and daniel trusts that more eyes will be on hyunggu than him in the back. he has one brief moment to shine, however, or as daniel sees it, one moment of escape from the difficulty of the choru’s choreography. he looks directly into the camera as he rolls his shoulders, like he actually knows what he’s doing and thinks he’s doing it well.

the move following the chorus is coo, where he holds up a hand like a puppeteer and directs the rest of the boys to move side to side. he likes it, and hopes his work on it shows now.

his part in the prechorus helps him avoid more difficult dancing, too, and although he’s grateful, getting here now, part of him regrets it. even after spending all month feeling inadequate, with no right to be a trainee, now, there’s a sprout of greed. there’s part of him that wants to be good enough for sphere to not have to hide him in choreography anymore.

there’s one more chorus part for him in primary focus, and then nothing else, and although there’s relief, there’s a spark of something else he can’t quite put his finger on.

maybe it’s the desire, if he’s going to be here for another month, to make february a better one.

[memoriesofyccjungrk]

▫︎ ▪︎  ━ ᴊᴀɴᴜᴀʀʏ 2020 ᴇᴠᴀʟᴜᴀᴛɪᴏɴ ( ᴄᴇɴᴛᴇʀs )

gahyeon knows she’s among the most excited about the evaluation at hand, that much is probably obvious among the trainees. of course, she’s excited to get to perform in front of the coaches – even more excited that they’d be showing the recordings to the ceos. knowing that alone should’ve make her nervous – and to be fair, she was. at least a little. but no, more than anything else, she was petrified.

as far as gahyeon knew, this was the first evaluation the ceo would be seeing of her in a year. it had been a year since she had really been performing for something – for attention, maybe ? she’d been a center back then, and gahyeon knew that meant something for her. meant that he had some sort of belief in her, saw something in her – that had been clear when he’d signed her a year prior to that performance. this evaluation told gahyeon that maybe the coaches agreed with that sentiment. because, while performance was the royal girl’s collective ‘ weakness, ’ gahyeon knew it was one of her own strengths. she was a performer through and through and had gotten a spot in the top ten of her season for her dance skills, her performances.

she had to prove that she could continue to impress. the last time gahyeon had seen so jisub, he’d told her that he saw something in her. potential – the ability to grow. there was no chance she would flub this opportunity to show him that he was right about her. in seven months, she’d be up for contract renewal – she had to prove that her contract would be worth renewing.

drawing in a breath, gahyeon takes her place behind the other girls when told to get in place. yes, she still has months to go – but a lot can change in seven months. gahyeon needed to show them as if this was the last chance she’d get. as much as she wants to say it’s to prove to him that she’s worth keeping, the voice in the back of her head reminds her that it’s not just him. no, because she doesn’t need to just prove to jisub and the trainers that she’s worth it – she needs to prove it to herself.

the last few months have been shrouded in nothing but confusion and doubt, and gahyeon feels as if she’s taken ten steps backward. the feeling isn’t unfamiliar – no, it was a reminder of how she’d struggled after getting signed. perhaps it was the lack of communication – she didn’t know if she was doing well, if they saw something in her, if she was progressing how jisub had thought she would. she didn’t know what anyone thought of her, where the other trainees would praise her, gahyeon had to wonder sometimes if it was just a tactic. while the royal girls were notorious for being kind, loving, attentive, and caring – that didn’t mean that it was real. that didn’t mean it couldn’t all be an act, and gahyeon knew she could be paranoid. so how did she really know ? how could she be sure that they were honest ? that she was really moving forward, and not just taking more and more steps back ?

she had to prove this to herself. performing was what she was good at – the one thing that she’d drowned herself in since she was young. the one thing that really meant something to her, that she was sure she was good at. but becoming a trainee had brought more doubts than consolidation. if anything, gahyeon was more unsure in herself than she had been standing on that stage two years ago. in reality, she knew she had to have gotten better. she had to have made progress. but that didn’t mean the fear didn’t crawl in every crack in her armor.

she had to prove this to herself.

she draws in another breath as the music starts. wills herself to relax, to let any doubts that filled her head fade away – because in that moment, she has to be perfect. she closes her eyes for just a moment – because dancing is something that comes naturally to gahyeon. something that has always been second-nature.

while the track played the vocal track around them, filling the room with the familiar tune, gahyeon still mouthed along with the lyrics as she rolled her neck. this was a style she was comfortable in – something that, perhaps a year ago she wouldn’t have been so comfortable with. she hadn’t danced much outside of hip-hop, nothing with the softness loca’s strong yet feminine movements offered. now, however, gahyeon was comfortable and danced in the style with ease. it had taken time and practice – but gahyeon figured this meant she had grown, hadn’t she ?

taking center at the beginning of the song was nerve wrecking for gahyeon at first – after all, she wasn’t sure she’d be able to manage it. opening a performance like this, that wasn’t something she could’ve seen herself doing, even a few months ago. however, she knew she shouldn’t be so hard on herself – had been told just the same by the other trainees. she tried to remind herself they wouldn’t sabotage her. the girls weren’t like this, she’d known most of them for over a year. not to mention, the coaches wouldn’t have given her center parts without reason – and gahyeon knew she was talented. maybe not how talented – but she could do this. because now, this was something she couldn’t imagine not doing.

after weeks of practice, the dance was second-nature. the smooth movements required meticulous practice and each girl had to had to ensure every move was in sync with one another. even as they dance around one another as someone else took center, gahyeon had ensured she was always working her hardest. that she was always showing her best face – because if there was one thing she’d learned during the mgas, it was that someone was always watching.

when it came to the main rap section, gahyeon made her way to center as the girls split in front of her. she moved forward with the music, mouthing the words along with the vocal track – because while their vocals weren’t the group’s main focus, after she’d performed it so many times how couldn’t she know the lyrics by heart ? once she made it to the front, the dance become stronger and concise, but still elicited a certain softness that came with the femininity of the routine. once they moved into group movements again, gahyeon ensured she kept on time. being at the center and front meant that, although she was crouched and not the main focus, she could easily screw up – and it would be very obvious. she couldn’t see the others behind her, after all. however, gahyeon reminded herself that she knew the routine like the back of her hand – she knew she wouldn’t go off-beat.

when they’d been practicing, gahyeon had noticed the arm work – the precise timing the dance required of them. everything was carefully coordinated, and if one member screwed up, it would be noticeable. but after all the practice they’d had, gahyeon was sure they wouldn’t screw up. they’d all practiced tirelessly – gahyeon had as much faith in them as she did herself.

when it came to the dance break, gahyeon, lisa, and shiah took center. the three had practiced just as hard as the rest of the girls with the routine. especially as they were learning it. they’d dance for hours on end. gahyeon knew they had this routine down-pat. gahyeon didn’t doubt a movement she made. couldn’t. if she couldn’t trust herself, then how could she ever do this for real ?

she had to trust herself.

once again, as the routine was coming to an end and the other girls were on the group as gahyeon took center again. she reached her arm out, moving it slowly to the front as the other girls turned toward her in center. with ballerina fingers, gahyeon swayed her arm from side to side before bounding it to the front to accentuate the word babe; doing just the same as she spun forward. her hair framed her face perfectly, landing nicely on her shoulders as she spun – it was as if it was that movie-magic that kept her looking fierce, despite what could’ve looked like a disaster.

she had to trust herself.

they moved to into the end of the performance, lisa taking center in place of herself. they moved in unison, the replication of the performance they were emulating perfect – or, as close as it could get. gahyeon was confident in their abilities. although performance was viewed as the royal girl’s collective weakness, gahyeon knew they were all talented women. they were all women who worked hard at their craft, and who were determined to succeed. this performance was a clear indication of that.

once again gahyeon took center, and the performance came full circle. what she had begun he was ending. her movements are sharp, and familiar. she spins her finger beside her head, body moving with her as she lowers her hand to her side and the girls all strike their final pose. it’s almost sad – that this is the last time they’d perform this song. over the past month, it had been the collective royal girl’s focus – gahyeon had even allowed more time that she typically dedicated toward her own choreography to the routine for this evaluation. it was hard to believe this would be the last time they’d perform it. gahyeon drew in a breath before allowing herself to relax and bow along with the other girls once the coaches announced they were good to go. gahyeon swallowed as she glanced at the camera one more time as one of their coaches moved to turn it off.

it was sad – because gahyeon could see herself dancing like this for the rest of her life. she hoped the performance would show the coaches as much – anyone who had a say in what concept they’d eventually debut with. that they were meant for this. this was what she was meant for. the girls danced as a unit, they were all strong performers. they could do this – and no matter how long it took them, gahyeon knew that they could do this. she had to believe it. otherwise, how was she going to get through however long it took her to finally get to where she wanted to be ?

[rkwxnb]

rkevent: rkjan20eval  evaluation mode: performance

It has become a calming method for her before she went on camera during her acting days to take a deep breath before submerging herself into character. Apparently, it transitioned into her trainee life too, just before she begins any monthly evaluations. Looking beside her, she quickly flashes a grin at the other girls.

Naeun honestly felt a sense of camaraderie and bond form with them over their camp a few weeks ago. She had shared a room with the rest of the girls and basically spent the whole weekend with them. It was only since the last few months did she genuinely start feeling comfortable in her trainee status and slowly integrated herself with the other trainees.

More specifically during the time, she left home. There was no longer an overbearing and micromanaging mother. Who was almost more obsessed with her being a trainee than actually caring about Naeun's happiness. It was something she was used to for as long as she could remember, but being an idol is genuinely her own dream. She auditioned and got signed without anyone's knowledge, not even her personal agent. So when she got it, Naeun thought it would be her little pride and joy that she can nourish and do on her own. Clearly, that didn't happen.

Now, she welcomes the tough choices she had to make because it brought her such freedom and life.

The beat drops and gracefully she makes her way to the centre. They have practice and practice this whole routine as if their life depended on it. To a certain extent, that does seem to be the case considering this is their future and lively hood. All those long nights and sweat-soaked days, Naeun could recall them doing this routine while going about their daily lives. It's quite funny looking back at it now, but in reality, it was all worth it. Especially, when they ace this performance.

[rkzhengting]

vocal fry.

         his voice is shot.  he doesn’t know why it’s shot -- perhaps because he’s spent the last couple of days yelling at the wall for absolutely no reason, other than stress and bad coping mechanisms -- but why doesn’t really matter here.  what matters is that it’s affecting the vocal training.  they tell him to speak less, to drink warm water with honey, as if he doesn’t already know that.

        “do they think i’m stupid?”  he asks @rksxngyeol on their lunch break.  “didn’t have to tell me that in front of everyone.”  to save himself from saying anymore, he chugs the rest of his honey lemon tea.  the camp’s only a couple of days long -- he doubts his voice would clear up that quickly.  on the bright side of things, his rapping sounds a bit more unique than his usual ‘regurgitate korean sounds really fast’ technique.

        he heaves a sigh, places the tumbler down.

        “they do that a lot, don’t they?  calling people out.”  his lips purse for a moment before he continues,  “have they ever called you out for doing anything?”

[rkseungjoon]

             ***  ♔  ┊   trc january evaluation                                 &&    group performance

when he had first signed his contract, he didn’t see himself as a singer. it had only made sense to sing at his audition because it’s something everyone does. you can sing in your car, or in the shower, but that doesn’t make you a singer. seungjoon chose a popular song and went along with it, and trc went along with it too. he was signed a few days later, and that day had been over half a year ago.

dancing was a struggle to get into, and now he’s given some of the major center parts for the choreography. when was it that had changed their mind about him? or when he proved himself to be more than just another doomed to fail?

he can’t pinpoint it, as much as he’d like to, and maybe it’s because that switch never really happened. as much as seungjoon is seen as some goofy, chaotic man, he had been putting effort since day one. at first, it was purely out of fear, but now that percentage had dwindled down to at least 90%. the fear of losing a job again, of failing himself again, of just not being good enough at something he enjoyed. 

and he does enjoy this, even if it took him longer than it should have for him to realize it. he had waited for the magical day when he’d wake up and, suddenly, he was an amazing dancer. except that day never came and no one told him that it never would. instead, slowly, seungjoon received more and more chances to show his skills. no one could become the best after one night of rest. he had put effort through the intense nights and days—and not for one or two months, but eight. 

when he’s done, he doesn’t think he made every move perfectly. and that’s a tiny bit okay. he’s not the best, and he wouldn’t be after two days of bootcamp, but he’s better than he’d ever be trying this same choreography eight months ago. seungjoon looks down at his hands and smiles. for once, he can actually smile.