#rixa's rants

[emathevampire]

so, for those of you who missed it, a red leather couch showed up on a neighbour’s curb. so i went and skinned it.

because sure a bunch of it looks like it’s in terrible shape, right? but good news! that’s all PLEATHER that sucks! the leather is in great condition! Though it took several hours to rip all the seams out and separate the wheat from the chaff here…

i swear, nothing will make you want to bite whoever it was that sold us on “vegan leather” being a good idea like scrapping a piece made out of both fake and real stuff… Anyway, I ended up with a TON of good material. So.

More seam ripping is required to fully break it down into usable parts, but with sheer audacity and unbridled confidence, I am going to finally make myself a suit of armour. Specifically, we’re going for the vampire armour from Skyrim. Or at least vaguely inspired by it, since as we all know from the Dark Brotherhood robes, video game outfit designers are not constructing things in manners that make sense.

However, in order to pass as armour for Dagorhir rules, i will need to layer this stuff 3x over… which means. glue must get involved. So. This post is simultaneously an excited announcement and a plea for help, if anyone has advice for what the hell I should use to make sure the pieces stay nice and flexible after being glued or other tips or tricks, I could sure use them.

[emathevampire]

oh my god i’m glad i’m not the only one who wrote fanfic of the latin textbooks

my friends and i wrote some in latin at lunch about a giant wasp eating Caecilius and his family. i think the dog defeated it, but not until after everyone except i think Grumio was gruesomely murdered.

[emathevampire]

i have. so much prep and writing to do before saturday’s d&d still. and i’m stuck with writer’s block NOW of all fucking times

it’s probably partly because our local problem player has been, surprise surprise, being a problem again (straight up told me he was tired of this campaign and wished we would do something else), and while i have been reassured by everyone else that they disagree and are still having fun… man. fuck me and my confidence i guess. what is even the point of writing cool dialogue and plot when everyone just wants to get through this slog fest of a campaign, anyway. and i KNOW that’s not how everyone else feels but it still feels fucking bad and i genuinely don’t know if i can pull this off. or if there is even a point in trying to.

[emathevampire]

so like i’m glad y’all are having fun with the baldur’s gate 3 news. i would be having more fun. but unfortunately. ever since an assignment in senior year of high school i have had a weirdly specific and intense squick for bears.

why?

i WISH i could fucking tell you, and point you to the book that ruined bears for me forever, but I cannot find the title and my description of what I remember from the plot makes me sound completely fucking insane. Probably because most of what stuck with me about this book was WHATEVER THE HELL WAS GOING ON WITH THE BEARS.

we had some weird incest shit going on to start with. in the dead of winter. think there was mention of the dad forcing his daughter to have abortions. then I don’t entirely remember what all went on but I think shitty incestuous dad died in a blizzard. daughter grows up. lives in the woods by a lake. and like. men get turned into bears by a witch or a curse or something and show up in her woods. and some of them assault her! but also one of them has a romance with her. she’s like. a social outcast bc everyone knows her dad was abusing her. or something. i think she also has a daughter. I tried so hard to forget everything about this book because man I was NOT into any of that shit BUT IT TURNS OUT THAT WAS A MISTAKE, BECAUSE NOW I CANNOT POINT TO IT AND EXPLAIN WHY I HATE BEARS. i do not remember if I finished the book and wrote my report on it. I’m pretty sure I did. I mostly remember hating every minute of it. I think that might actually be the only essay I ever deleted. and i can’t google it cuz all i get is werebear erotica, which this absolutely was NOT, i repeat, this was some weird fantasy novel on a list of books handed out as part of a lit class assignment, it was NOT erotica.

anyway if anyone can help me figure out what fucking book it was that cursed me like this. much appreciated. it’s keeping me up at night.

EDIT: THE BOOK HAS BEEN FOUND, titled “Tender Morsels” by Margo Lanagan. I can finally sleep again.

[emathevampire]

*squints*

i only really check the ask box when i'm on my computer instead of on mobile, so this response is hella late. I'm POSITIVE there's some sort of reference I'm meant to be getting here. perhaps it would have made more sense four days ago, when this ask was received.

is that the fucking betty crocker spoon?

is this homestuck

*squints harder*

i have no idea if i'm on to you or not. get booped, red thing.

[emathevampire]

There’s some really interesting ones in the 3.5e D&D Book of Vile Darkness, actually, including a take on a few of these (Possession Infection, for one thing), but my favourite is probably Festering Anger. It’s not contagious, and it actually makes you stronger… right up until it kills you, anyway. It’s brought on by exactly what it sounds like: you’re angry about something you’re helpless to fight for so long that it festers into an infection that takes a toll on your constitution but enhances your physical strength and drives you to take action against the root cause of your rage. Though it can technically be cured by magic, that won’t prevent it from coming back. If the source of the anger isn’t dealt with, guess what, you haven’t cured the disease, and you can always relapse if you find something new to be angry about, too. Once it develops, it’s a chronic condition you have to manage, because sure that strength boost is nice in the short term, and maybe it will help you kill the tyrannical king… but it’s a lot more likely to get you killed first.

What are some chronic illnesses that can only occur in a fantasy setting?

[emathevampire]

as much as i would love to be live-blogging the Hurricane Milton Experience, tumblr is being a bitch about loading, so the videos will not post.

Thankfully the eye weakened significantly and got WAY bigger, rather than staying the super tight 3-4 mile width that it had been… and it just finished passing over our heads. The wind has now changed directions. As scary as it is, it’s also really cool. I still remember this happening when we evacuated to Orlando for Charlie, and watching a sapling tree bent over one way in the first half, straight up still in the eye, and then bent over the opposite way in the second half.

I can’t see shit out our windows right now though, and I don’t want to! I am not fool enough to risk wandering around outside, even in the calm part, even if it’s mostly because I worry my cats would get curious and try to sneak out the door after me. If I didn’t have cats I would absolutely have been being stupid for curiosity’s sake.

Rest assured we are well prepared for the situation and are taking it very seriously. As I said though, tumblr is being a bitch about loading, so further updates are not likely until it’s over.

[emathevampire]

would anyone like to see my extremely funny bonsai tree being Extra because i had to take it inside since there’s a tropical storm warning on tonight

[emathevampire]

i love cities and graffiti. it’s like tumblr in the wild. you will be exposed to niche lovecraftian discourse monsters the likes of which you cannot imagine the second you google a “fuck <insert thing here>” sticker

communities you have never heard of are calling each other names in languages you don’t understand by slapping up stickers and scribbling in sharpie all over your local walls

and for the low low price of a quick internet search and dive into a reddit thread, i too can experience for a brief moment what it is like to be an unsuspecting fool clicking on a link to one of my most unhinged tumblr posts

[emathevampire]

my friend sent me this dilemma in the group chat the other day, and i have to say… i’m picking 9. i’m gonna have so much fun pranking everyone on the rest of the plane before the balrog inevitably hijacks it as a result of something pippin did while we were out of our seats, and nearly kills us all (thanks gandalf).

will it be insufferable sitting in front of aragorn and arwen? probably. but it could be worse. we could be behind them. and you KNOW none of us are staying in our seats the whole flight, we’re gonna collectively migrate to 10 to bother gandalf and sam and boromir and just generally be bastardous little gremlins. That said, my rationale (which I was asked for as our group chat’s local LOTR expert) is as follows…

Balrog. This foe is beyond any of you. Do not sit here. I can only assume things are chill until Pippin does SOMETHING to set the balrog loose from these presumably god-tier seatbelt-plot-devices keeping all the bullshit contained.

Treebeard. EXCEEDINGLY chill, if you like poetry.

Frodo. This could either be very chill, or ZERO chill, depending on where you are in the journey. The pro play here is to trade seats with Sam. I mean really what kind of monster separated these two.

King Theoden. If it wasn’t for literally everything going on AROUND this seat, it would probably be okay.

Éomer. Again, if not for everything going on AROUND this seat, this would be one of the best in the house.

Boromir is going to die before this flight is over unless you somehow kill the Uruk-hai sitting next to him.

In the middle of Galadriel and Sauron??? I haven’t even read the Silmarillion yet and I know better than to sit here.

Aragorn and Arwen are going to be making out and crying about it the whole time. 0/10, do not sit here, they won’t even ask you to join.

Merry and Pippin. You are about to get SO high and have the BEST time, until they decide to steal Gandalf’s fireworks and set them off mid-flight.

Sam and Gandalf. I hope you like gardening and tall tales. Objectively one of the best seats in the house for real, I love Sam, but I’d rather be menacing him from seat 9.

Legolas and Gimli. They will be arguing over you like an old married couple the entire time. You don’t want to get involved, but they’re GOING to get you involved.

Lord Denethor and Faramir. Depressed idiot bastard who thinks he’s king, and his abused neglected son. I would only pick this seat for the opportunity to KILL DENETHOR. 🔪🔪🔪

The Witch King and Eowin. Do not sit here, unless you are no man and can help her kill this nazgûl bastard. As a genderfluid person, there’s like, at least a 25% chance at any given time that I might not qualify, so, sorry bestie but also? I know you’ve totally got this.

The King Under The Mountain. Are you Aragorn? No? And he’s distracted making out with Arwen? Don’t sit here.

Galadriel’s husband?? I don’t remember his name. It’s been a minute. This is probably fine though so long as you’re cool with Galadriel.

Lord Elrond. He’s cool, but probably busy glaring at Aragorn from across the aisle.

17. Uh. Well. That’s… Literally All Of The Nazgûl. What can I really say, except… You’re fucked, man. Do not sit here.

Though I’d be lying if I said my brain didn’t immediately pull this post up out of the abyss upon seeing the placement of Seat #17.

[emathevampire]

as if things were not bad enough, now my cat is suddenly sick and i don’t know why.

vet in an hour, but the stress of everything is making me panic spiral.

[emathevampire]

too stressed. think i’m gonna leave some mead out for zeus, pray i don’t wake up to a mad king in charge of the country, and go level up fishing in ffxiv.

[emathevampire]

when i was a kid. about 10 or so. i went on a walking trip for school in the summer.

at the kent downs, we stopped. did anyone want to look over the cliff?

the teachers sat at the edge and we were allowed to approach one at a time on our hands and knees, and they held on to us, squished us into the grass with their hands on our backs, so we could lie down with our elbows pressed to our ribs and look over the edge. hang our heads straight off the drop and look down at the rocks below.

and i did. i looked. and it would have been so, so easy to struggle. to fall. to take them all down with me. and worst of all i wanted to do it.

the only reason i didn’t? was because i wanted to wait until i was 13. it would be more poetic that way. dramatic, at least. they’d remember me for it.

we moved back to america before i turned 13, so i never got the chance. not that i didn’t stop thinking about it, but there aren’t any cliffs in florida.

even now, it’s still one of the only things that keeps me from the edge. i missed my shot to be poetic with the number. it would just be a waste now. the cliffs still call my name, when we meet again from time to time. but i shake my head at them, like they’re an old lover, which i’ve likewise learned it’s best to ignore in spite of the longing.

it would have been a beautiful moment. but the moment’s passed, hasn’t it?

31 just doesn’t have the same appeal.

[emathevampire]

Oh HELL no.

My local city park here in Florida used to be a great place. We held sparring practise for our foam fighting group on one of the fields every week, and the wooded area was a GREAT habitat for all kinds of fungi.

However, they added a disc golf course. Which, and I do not exaggerate in the slightest, slowly systematically destroyed these areas and made the park actively hostile for anyone else who wanted to use it. That wooded area had bike trails and walking trails, people held birthday parties and easter egg hunts, and we had our practise in one of the fields, with a pretty sizable group. When it rained enough, TONS of fungi popped up, which mostly fed the squirrels but I sometimes took home a few for dinner too.

Now? Almost the entire park is damn near unusable unless you’re there to play disc golf. They tore up the mushroom habitats to plant those damn chain nets everywhere, as well as concrete slabs, and the massively increased foot traffic in the area has degraded all the rest of the wooded space. The disc golf course has people throwing across the walking trails and fields, making them unusable without the risk of getting whacked in the head with a frisbee. More than once, our sparring group ran into conflicts, and usually we would just hold our battle so people could have their throw and move past, but that was IF they were considerate enough to ask to borrow the space. Frequently, they did not, and we not only had injuries from frisbees thrown into the field but also people harassing us (including threatening and stalking me specifically) because they felt entitled to use the space for disc golf and that everyone else was simply in their way. We eventually had to move our practise elsewhere, as did the Tai Chi group that did their sessions in the same field. And needless to say, an actual golf course would be even worse.

I am dead serious, if you value your parks, DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN TO THEM. Speak up before it does. Find out if similar plans are being proposed in your area, and put a fucking stop to them.

The Florida Department of Environmental Protection (FDEP) announced an initiative yesterday proposing major changes to various State Parks throughout Florida.

Today, with only one week's notice, FDEP announced public meetings throughout the state scheduled for 3 p.m. on Tuesday, August 27th. The meetings will consist of a presentation and an opportunity for public comment, but with only an hour allotted, they do not appear to include a question-and-answer period.

To voice your concerns about these proposals and the lack of public participation, send your customizable email to the Governor, the Secretary of FDEP, and your state representatives. Adding your connection to Florida's State Parks in the email can help them understand how important this issue is to you, their constituent.

if you are able to make it to one of these, i strongly recommend you do. otherwise please send a message. we dont need fucking golf and pickleball in our already threatened natural areas

[emathevampire]

absolutely stunned that someone bookmarked the fic that i posted. that it’s gotten almost 400 hits. no comments but fuck, man, i never imagined that many people would actually want to read anything i wrote. it always kinda blows my mind that anyone would choose to do so, and this is even like… it shouldn’t be a surprise at this point. i KNOW people like my work. they even liked what i now think was hot garbage, honestly. like i had half my classmates in high school asking me when the next chapter of the spooky vampire short story i was writing in algebra instead of doing class work would be put on facebook. i have eight people in my d&d group and i’ve been running this game for… over five years. i should really know by now that i’m actually good at this, and that people do want to read it.

but even knowing that, like, it’s still crazy to me. especially because that’s hundreds of complete strangers. these aren’t my friends doing it bc i shoved it in their faces! that’s people i don’t even know! what the fuck!!!

anyway, shout-out to all you random freaks like me on ao3, i really never thought i’d get this far but i’m so fucking glad i finally got up the guts to hit post.

[emathevampire]

How'd pumpkin carving go?

It’s not my best work, but this pumpkin was much more difficult than normal to get into and really awkwardly shaped (that’s what i get for waiting til the last second to ask someone to grab one).

However. I made a boopin’ cat :3