#riverparents and food

[nadjaofstatenisland]

The Parent ‘Cap - 1x03 Body Double

And this marks the first time we ever see Clifford and Penelope speak. Looking back on this now, I understand their anger at Cheryl in this moment. (well, penelope’s at least.) We really don’t have much backing up that they were always so cold towards Cheryl before this. They were silent those first two episodes and they’re only just now discovering Cheryl played a small part in whatever plan Jason had.

Hiram threatens to sue The Blue and Gold - a school newspaper - over saying something mean about him, yet Clifford and Penelope let The Riverdale Register get off with just a slap? Hmm.

Fred being a strict dad and grounding Archie? Low key turned on.

I wish everyday Alice just forced Betty to go to the mayor’s shindig with them,

Ferris Bueller was Fred’s  favorite movie growing up. Confirmed.

Props to Sierra. Hosting an event called Taste of Riverdale in a town that has approximately one diner, one pizza place, and one Chinese take out. (those last two are speculation.)

Alice chugging wine. Atta girl.

Grundy ruining  a perfectly good Fred and Hermione moment. What doesn’t she ruin?

Everything about the Blossom/Cooper/mayor/sheriff interaction is perfect. Everything.

Penelope is so done. And she thinks, for whatever reason, that the mayor has some responsible for figuring out who murdered her son. I don’t know how to tell you this, Pen, but that’s not how local government that works.

Tom is still waiting for Agent Dale Cooper to come figure this shit out for him. Instead he gets tipsy Alice Cooper.

Penelope slapping Alice? High key turned on.

Hal kicking himself for letting Alice out of his sight for ten seconds. He just wanted a blue cheese slider. Was that so much to ask?

@alicecoopcrs has pointed out to me repeatedly how cute Alice and Hal are in the aftermath of that slap. Hal’s holding on to her and has his hand on her stomach as she’s pulling herself together. Engrave this moment in my head forever.

I want to hug Fred here so bad. He just wants wants to be supportive and not watch Archie waste his life on a dream that may never happen. Did you think you were going to be a rockstar one day Fred and it didn’t happen? Did your own dad give you the cold hard truth? And of course now Archie has almost entirely ditched music by the second season, so… Fred was actually right about this whole thing.

Alice attacks Penelope, Penelope attacks Alice, Alice attacks Hermione. Way to go, Hermione! Trying to end the vicious cycle of girls being mean to one another.

“Hermione Lodge. Park Avenue princess to cater-waiter.” “Alice Cooper. No longer lactose intolerant, I see.” God tier banter right here. This is banter I need so much more of. Why don’t these two have more scenes together?

So I know people give that slut shaming line a lot of shit, but I really like it. And I’ve always gotten the feeling that “You need to keep an eye on girls like Veronica. They can so easily get out of control,” is something that Hermione probably used to say about Alice.

On that note, how the hell does Alice know what’s everyone’s saying about Veronica? Does Alice follow Chuck on Twitter? Does Alice know what a Sticky Maple is? Can she explain it to me?

Fred in glasses? Do we ever get that again??

Best part of Fred soundproofing the garage is in 2x13 when Alice and Betty hear the cymbals crash. Look, Fred is doing his best.

Some other things...

Continuity! Archie still has a black eye from the last episode. Black eyes last longer in Riverdale than broken wrists, gunshots, and third degree burns.

In my mind, a Sticky Maple is the dirtiest possible thing, but this is Riverdale. It’s probably literally dumping maple syrup over someone’s head. There’s a whole underground maple syrup kink in this town.

I wish Betty and Jughead still low key blackmailed people. Good old days.

[hayscodings]

i always wonder what the blossoms would’ve done if it turned out penelope couldn’t have children cause on the one hand it would’ve been the ultimate poetic justice, but on the other they probably would have treated penelope even worse because of it or thrown her out on the street so

[fredheads]

riverparents + most cherished pet name

Fred - baby

FP - “my” anything

Gladys - tiger

Mary - pretty lady

Penelope - darling

Hiram - ram tough???? 

Hermione - mi amor 

Hal - pudding

Alice - sugar pie (+ various food names from hal)

Sierra - dove

Tom - lover

[rigginsstreet]

riverparents + what their favorite carnival/fair activity is

i think ive been to a fair once in my life but i have seen a lot on tv and movies

hal: food

alice: teacups except whatever the fair equivalent of that is

fred: tilt a whirl

mary: funhouse

gladys: rickety rollercoaster that looks like a final destination death trap

fp: also food

hiram: that one game where you hit the mallet to see how high you can make the bar go up you know the one

hermione: tunnel of love

penelope: ferris wheel

tom: that one game where you shoot a water gun at a target to make the thing rise

sierra: carousel

[blueandgoldoffice]

None of my Asks are showing up and it's starting to make me upset..

Good morning, dear

Today is your lucky day; you’re going to get a behind-the-scenes tour of how things run at the Blue and Gold!

Hi! I’m Mother Maple - I’m Canadian, and I’m a mother. 

It’s just after 0800 here where I live in Northern Alberta (side note- when is the snow going to melt? It’s been on the ground for six months and three days, people. I’m over it) and my husband, recently returned from his third deployment and/or training mission in the last year and a half, has just gone to work. 

I’ve fed him and packed his lunch, and now I have to contend with the fact that my house is in complete chaos because there is army crap EVERYWHERE. (Seriously, they teach them how to be tidy in basic training, so why does my house look like a kit bomb went off in it every time he comes back from a trip?)

My high-needs toddler is still sleeping, thanks to daylight savings time, but he’ll be up soon and demanding breakfast. He will not stop eating until he goes to bed. And he likes his veggies and fruit chopped. (Already have a savings account devoted to feeding him as a teenager, heaven help me.)

Once he has his first protein fix of the day, he’ll be unstoppable. He makes Taz look lazy - and the mess he’ll make will make my husband’s army chaos look like dropped coffee next to an Atlantic oil spill. His current obsession is Lego, and boy is he good at it, but if he can’t find that one block that he needs, he will dump that entire bucket of Lego on the carpet and burrow like a Niffler until he does. 

At some point, I should probably eat something too.

 Pyjamas aren’t exactly day wear, either. 

Keeping my kitchen clean is something of a pipe dream at this point, but I should make an effort at that. I ran out of plates one day last week and it was not pretty. 

Oh, and Monday is laundry day - and one would think that wearing a uniform to work lessens the load but it actually triples it. Fun fact.

My next-door-neighbour recently had a hip replacement, so I’m taking turns with some of the girls to do her shopping. Hubby took the car to work, so I’m taking Shank’s pony to the shops. I’m also taking my kid, who likes to browse. 

So that’s just my morning and I won’t bore you with the rest of my day but you get the gist. 

Jandy has kids, too. And a full-time job. I would imagine that her kids, who are older and who outnumber mine, wear more clothing and eat more food. They probably tidy up after themselves though, so she does have that going over me. K is equally busy.

Recently I made a post on my own blog that mentioned that my therapist has put strict time limits on how much time I can devote to fandom - that is reading, commenting and blue-and-golding. I max out at one hour, but we prefer 45 minutes.

So - how we answer asks. I mostly dabble in lost fics, which are pretty straight forward. We either know them or we don’t. If we do, we link them up and put them in the queue. (We queue all of our asks because some days we have a productive fit and answer twenty all at once, and some days we don’t find anything and there’s really no need to publish evidence of our ineptitude all over Tumblr.)

If we don’t - well that’s when it gets fun. Obviously, our first step is a filter search. For example, we recently queued up an ask looking for a fic in which Jughead is a firefighter etc. I happened to know it off the top of my head, but it was well tagged so even if I didn’t know it, it would have come up under a simple ‘bughead’ ‘firefighter’ search.  (@transparentpicklezonklover your ask is queued)

Now, if it hadn’t been well tagged, we would have had to turn to Google which is sometimes a real pain in the back end. Per the firefighter ask, I would have searched ‘ao3 Jughead firefighter auction’ and received a whole lot of Captain America fic for my troubles. But no matter! We persevere, putting stranger and stranger combinations of words into that little search bar until it finally cracks and gives up its secrets. 

My record is six days of searching for a single fic. I saw it in my dreams. It was behind my eyelids every time I blinked. I even asked my husband, who wouldn’t know Bughead if he walked in on them in the bunker, if he’d read it.

Of course, sometimes we just can’t find it and we put it out to the audience, and someone invariably links it within three-point-five seconds, making us question just how inevitable our obsolescence is. (Just kidding, I actually love the community aspect of it and I feel all warm and fuzzy when people help us out.)

So. Your most recent ask is looking for Jughead visiting Hal in jail. It’s not a lost fic, but the principle will be more or less the same because I don’t know any off the top of my head. Which means searching for them - and filtering out all the FP in jail fics that come up first. I or one of the other mods will read, or at least skim, dozens of prison fics that come up on google (ao3 search has failed us, alas) to see which Riverparent is in jail (honestly though, they should all be in jail) and if Jughead or Betty does the visiting. Betty visits FP and Hal a lot, so we have to weed through quite a few. 

You sent your ask on Friday, and this follow-up yesterday. You gave us less than two days to answer an ask that will take literal hours to complete - when we already have 20 other asks in our inbox that were there first. 

I will also add that I posted this last time you were in our inbox decrying our delay in answering your asks. I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt as a new blog, and took it as a teaching moment. 

You should also read this post that Jandy recently made on the same subject.

We will not respond to any further follow-up asks of this nature - particularly not from empty side blogs that seem to exist for the sole purpose of side-stepping our no-anons rule. 

If anyone truly believes that their ask has been lost - and we’re talking weeks of inactivity - please feel free to follow up (especially if you can provide more detail on which we thrive like ladybugs love aphids). We are here to help, and we don’t want to leave anyone out if it can be avoided. 

But, as I’ve said before, we are humans. We are not bots, and we only have so much time to devote to this. Please give us patience.

~MM

[nadjaofstatenisland]

okay... riverparents + depression meals (freds is beanie weenies, dont try to talk me out of this)

Fred - Beanie Weenies (i’ll give you that one)

Mary - extra cheese pizza with globs of ricotta tossed on top

FP - entire quart of chicken fried rice

Alice - extra crispy onion rings

Hal - melted vanilla ice cream on a peach pie (yes a whole pie)

Hermione - twelve Twinkies

Hiram - family sized bag of Cool Ranch Doritos

Penelope - shrimp flavored Top Ramen (the food of peasants)

[nadjaofstatenisland]

have we done riverparents + types of pie?? freds all american ass has gotta be apple

Fred - apple

Mary - pumpkin

FP - blueberry

Alice - cherry

Hal - peach

Hermione - lemon meringue 

Hiram - chocolate cream

Penelope - strawberry rhubarb

Tom - key lime

Sierra - coconut custard

[nadjaofstatenisland]

What are each of the parent's favorite girl scout cookie?

Fred - Tagalongs

Mary - Trefoils

FP - Tagalongs

Alice - Samoas

Hal - Samoas

Hermione - Thin Mints

Hiram - Trefoils

Penelope - Thin Mints

Tom - Thin Mints

Sierra - Samoas

[nadjaofstatenisland]

remember when the show implied there was a Fred/Hermione/Hiram love triangle in high school and Fred and Hiram had a rivalry going on and then the flashback like totally forgot that

and then remember how FP and Hal were all buddy buddy in s1 and then s2 the fandom decided there was some ~drama~ back between these two because of Alice but once again even the flashback didn’t bring it up

anyways someone please write some high school fredsythe vs halram antics that have nothing to do with them fighting over girls and only them fighting over who can hold down more in a pie eating contest thank you

[nadjaofstatenisland]

FP in a Pop’s uniform > FP in a sheriff’s uniform

[hayscodings]

Ranking of how Penelope likes her eggs from favorite to least favorite

1. hard boiled

2. poached

3. sunny side up

4. scrambled

[nadjaofstatenisland]

So Hiram gave up on SoDale.

He never made Southside High into a private prison.

He purchased the Whyte Wyrm and never step foot in it again...

I’m just going to say it. Hiram Lodge is a terrible property owner. 

[hayscodings]

idk why but i can't get this visual out of my head of teenage penelope sneaking spiked apple cider up to her room and playing "wuthering heights" by kate bush when she needed a palette cleanser after listening to cyndi for hours on end

awww! i’m not familiar with the singer, but the lyrics of the song convey a vibe i can see penelope enjoying. and she did love the novel. the spiked apple cider bit is so cute. she probably took advantage any time the blossoms weren’t home. though she had to be careful not to get caught by any of the staff…

[hayscodings]

on another night, alice is aggresively typing away at a story... her eyes are strained and her wrists ache. penelope drops in to bring food. hal isn't one to tell alice if she needs to take a break. penelope gauges this. hal enjoys some pie at his desk. penelops slips behind alice, and places her hands on her shoulders. alice isn't phased until penelope leans down to whisper something in her ear. alice is like "will you knock it-" but penelope looks hotter than hell tonight "... off"

what did penelope whisper in her ear!!

[hayscodings]

"now, i know you said the view from a plane window isn't the same. but what do you think about flying to indonesia?" she holds up passports and tickets. in this moment, you realize you cannot live without her. your hands find her hips. "i think that sounds like the perfect place for a honeymoon." her hazel eyes glow with something that could be described as a shakesperean type of passion, but even that doesn't quite capture it. "is that a yes?" you nod through tears. "yes! i will marry you!"

indonesia, huh? wonder where the inspiration for that came from 😉 thank you for describing penelope’s eyes as hazel and not green or brown. nobody ever gets it right

[nadjaofstatenisland]

have i asked you this before? riverparents + cheesecake flavours!

Fred - peanut butter cheesecake

Mary - plain cheesecake with strawberries on top

FP - brownie cheesecake

Alice - vanilla bean cheesecake

Hal - oreo cheesecake

Hermione - caramel cheesecake

Hiram - chocolate chip cheesecake

Penelope - red velvet cheesecake

Tom - plain, regular ol’ cheesecake

Sierra - raspberry swirl cheesecake