#riverdale excluded

[persefoneshalott]

I think we should take the 'nerd character who quotes pop culture' away from writers

[clairenovvak]

can we please talk about jughead and cheryl being the only two people really playing the game and what if your childhood home hurt you and what if you loved it anyway and what if you lost something there and what if you burned it down because you hate your mom!!!!!!!

[englishflagcumrag]

rvd writers this season will talk about every social issue in the least subtle way possible but what is very clearly a matter of fatphobia is actually about orphan oppression i guess

[disventura]

                    ────     Wednesday’s pokerface expression hardly changed,  only a long blink to hide a quick eye roll.  One hand adjusted the strap on her shoulder  ―  a trick to hide when her bag suddenly jostles without obvious reason.   “ The library. ”   She decidedly paid little mind to the other’s glance away.  She’s not being suspicious.  . . .Yet.   “ Or,  wherever records of old school newspapers or yearbooks might be kept. ”

@insomniiatic​  continued from  here

[wolfofansbach]

BEING A LIST OF THE THIRTEEN GREATEST RIVERDALE LINES, ON THE OCCASION OF THAT SHOW'S TERMINATION

As our much loved/hated show comes to an end, I feel compelled to record, for posterity, the greatest thirteen pieces of dialogue to spring from the pens of RAS and his henchmen. It was, of course, originally a top ten list, but I simply could not exclude a few of these treasures. Without further ado: 

13. 

“I dropped out in the 4th grade, to sell drugs, to support my nana.” 

“That means you haven't known the triumphs and defeats, the epic highs and lows of high school football.” 

Spoken by: an inmate of Leopold and Loeb Juvenile Detention Center, and Archie Andrews. 

In: 3 x 2 

Yeah, okay, this one had to be on the list. It’s funny, I’ll admit. It’s a great example of the overwrought semi-sincere melodrama that helped make this show so special. It’s low on the list largely because The Normies got their hands on it, so every time I hear someone make a reference I get all “do not cite the deep magic to me, witch.” 

12. 

“No! No! What are we supposed to do now? I’m horny as heck!”

Spoken by: Archie Andrews 

In: 7 x 16

Season 7 is undeniably dreadful, and yet there are diamonds in the rough. The occasion is the failure of a projector, just as Archie and Reggie prepare to watch a pornographic film. The utter desperation with which KJ Apa delivers this line is exquisite. One is made to feel they are witnessing a genuine tragedy. 

11. 

“Tonight, they’re making an exception and debuting a cover of the song my parents claim they were listening to the night Jason and I were conceived.” 

Spoken by: Cheryl Blossom. 

In: 1 x 1 

Really a fantastic line. A wonderful encapsulation of the casual absurdity of Cheryl’s character, and a foretaste of the lunacy we would plumb in later episodes and seasons. 

10. 

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t fit in and I don’t want to fit in. Have you ever seen me without this stupid hat on? That’s weird.” 

Spoken by: Jughead Jones

In: 1 x 10

A genuine classic. “High school football” before “high school football.” One is never entirely sure just how sincere the line is meant to be, both on a meta-level and in-universe. A perfect illumination of Jughead’s pretentiousness. It is made all the better by the occasional cuts to Lili Reinhard’s agonized face. 

9. 

“At the last dance, multiple students were murdered.” 

Spoken by: Principal Holden Honey. 

In: 4 x 2

Delivered as an explanation to Toni and Cheryl, as to why there would be no school dance this year. Principal Honey is in fact supremely rational in the cancellation of this dance. This being Riverdale, he is of course treated as an unreasonable tyrant. 

8. 

“Bro, I know all the secrets of this universe.” 

Spoken by: Archie Andrews (evil version)

In: 6 x 5 

Spoken as evil Archie reveals his evil plan to keep the parallel universes apart. KJ Apa’s delivery once again makes this line. He is comically sinister. Strangely, he sells it. 

7. 

“A Vughead kiss, right now, in the present might be precisely what it takes to save a future Bughead from imploding.” 

Spoken by: Jughead Jones. 

In: 2 x 14

One of those lines that both makes me laugh and makes me genuinely angry. This was a fairly early season, and this may have actually been the first line to get me asking, ‘did they genuinely write and deliver that?’ Extra points for use of the atrocious ‘Vughead’ portmanteau ship name rather than ‘Jeronica.’ 

6. 

“I’m the ultimate wild card. I am the daughter of The Black Hood. The nightmare from next door. I’m training with the FBI and I’m coming for you, you psycho bitch.” 

Spoken by: Betty Cooper

In: 4 x 14 

Just delicious. Another one of those lines that leaves you somewhat unsure whether or not the writers understood how genuinely hysterical it was. “The Nightmare from Next Door” sounds like an announcer hyping up a wrestler. Spoken with a raw sincerity by Lili Reinhart. Also points for the heavy homoeroticism between Betty and Donna. 

5. 

“For I am Cheryl Blossom, Queen of the Bees.” 

Spoken by: Cheryl Blossom.

In: 5 x 16. 

This one really doesn’t require any elaboration. 

4. 

“Elijah ascended…and I will, too.” 

Spoken by: Edgar Evernever.

In: 4 x 5. 

Admittedly, this one is only spectacular with context. But in context—the context being that Chad Michael Murray delivers this line while dressed like Evel Knievel and standing in a cartoon rocket right out of a Warner Bros cartoon—it becomes utterly magnificent. 

3. 

“It’s not queer baiting, it’s saving the world.” 

Spoken by: Veronica Lodge. 

In: 6 x 22. 

It’s actually hard for me to decide whether this one is funnier with or without context. Without context it’s wonderful, but it possibly becomes even funnier when you know that the context is that Veronica needs to kiss Cheryl to transfer superpowers into her body so she can turn into a Scarlet Witch knock-off and stop a magic comet summoned by Sephiroth an English wizard who is also the Devil. 

2. 

“If there’s no wedding reception, it means the Gargoyle King has won.” 

Spoken by: Kevin Keller. 

In: 3 x 12.

One of my personal favorites. This is a perfect line because like #3, it requires no real elaboration. There is absolutely no context in which it isn’t hysterical. 

1 .

“Word of my exploits serving Nick his comeuppance has seeped into the demimonde of mobsters and molls my father used to associate with, so the five families are sending their youngest and brightest, their ‘princes,’ as it were to, well, come court the rare Mafia Princess who can belly up to the bar with the big boys.

Spoken by: Veronica Lodge. 

In: 2 x 20. 

This is, in my opinion, the all-timer. Every word is perfect. The rapid-fire alliteration. The use of the word ‘demimonde.’ The entirely unnecessary addition of ‘as it were.’ This is borderline Dr. Seuss. The fact that Camila Mendes delivered it without cracking a smile should have won her an Emmy. No. An Oscar. This line is Riverdale. 

[rivercule]

JUGHEAD felt weirdly absent from the finale except for the conversation at the cemetery. Like I never got the sense that either Angel Jughead or Flashback Jughead were really Jughead (excluding maybe then). And they weren’t the same guy, since Angel J continued narration outside Pops while Flashback Jughead who had done nothing all episode sat in the diner.

I know there are multiple Jugs, (three, maybe more) so perhaps it was just Narrator Jughead and Original Flavor Jughead. But it still doesn’t scan for me, really.

Why would Angel/Narrator/God?/Archangel Raphael Jughead be able to look back on 1950’s Jughead’s Days of Futures Past with heartfelt emotion? Unless, of course, he was that Jughead. He was all the Jugheads, a singularity of Jugheads. A Jugularity.

I think in merging the timelines, Tabitha also blended the Jugs. Because of this, Jughead transceded the narrative, and, much like Tabith, became trapped in the cosmic edges surrounding the story. Neither of them can continue to participate in the construct they forever changed themselves to build.

Which leaves the question of who the Jughead at Pops was. If jughead is denied entrance into heaven, what serpent would wear his face in the garden? Riverdale is incomplete without Jughead. His friends and loved ones are incomplete without Jughead. So, Angel Tabitha and Godhead needed to create a new Jughead, outside the Jugularity. A false Jughead, perhaps. An illusion, a mirage. Their heaven, their very polycule, is incomplete, imperfect, and will forever remain so because it lacks Jughead. It lacks Tabitha. And most importantly? It lacks Baby Anthony.

[maybe-boys-do-love]

The On1y One Loves School

Maybe it's a cultural thing, maybe it's the nerd angle, but The On1y One depicts my high school experiences with so much more accuracy (excluding one kidnapping that I think we can all collectively choose to ignore) than any other show I've seen. We got a field day episode, but we haven't attended one sports event. The one party we saw was the group going out to dinner together. Riverdale this is not.

The show really understands the perspectives and emotions of these bright students. In the first episode, there's an extended sequence observing the students while they take an exam. They could've played it to show Sheng Wang making faces or talking to himself as he struggled through it. Instead we pan across the room while the gentle guitar music plays. For these kids, there's comfort in the routines of school, especially for our lead couple who've struggled so much with their home life. We get so many scenes about studying and comparing answers, teasing each other with poetic structures.

But, despite their commonality as top students, they're still incredibly realistic teenagers, and a diverse group of personalities, at that. There are clowns, class president types, popular kids, loners. Even with those differences, episode 9 with its field day demonstrated the comradery that forms amongst a class, which was make-shift and oriented more toward their teachers than comparing themselves to their peers.

The teachers and the students' relationship to them also receives the same attention to detail. In high school, students, in my experience, have dynamics that are closer and more playful with their teachers. The back-and-forth about the Class A shirts and the bet felt true-to-life. As a former teacher, the depictions of the teachers throughout the series have also been spot-on. They have different teaching approaches, different ways of relating and showing care to students, and they don't all see each other that often. If Jenny had simply received a letter from Qi Jia's parents criticizing her (instead of, you know, getting kidnapped at knife-point and then going back to field day like it happens all the time), the list of doubts about her methods would be the same as those that go through teachers' minds all the time.

I sincerely wonder if the writer, either of the novels, or someone involved with the development of the show was formerly a teacher? The show sees the school and the people in it with such detail. The reason we don't need something big (like, say, an armed kidnapping) is because the intense teenage emotions heighten all the everyday moments. Qi Jia's confusion and breakdown about belonging, Jian Tiang's 'very moments' and poetic narration, Sheng Wang's affronted attitude toward his dad: these are teenagers overwhelmed by their hormones and trying their best to make sense of everything. But the show almost always (minus a certain event that I'm done naming) observes them from an affectionate distance, refusing to turn the drama of their minds into a dramatic narrative. Instead, we get a tender view of pencil boxes, forms, studying strategies, phone notifications, or mugs on teacher's desks: the mundane highs and lows in high school infused with secret feelings that made us all feel insane.

[hbogirls]

he has the kind of sadness in his eyes that you only see in those excluded from the riverdale finale polycule

[doctorcurdlejr]

Ultimately what's at the heart of the most recent episode is everybody taking control of their narratives (jughead notably is excluded from this because he's always been in control narratively). Archie chooses to be a poet because it gives him the power to control his own story, to write a life for himself outside of Riverdale and the role the town expects of him. When Archie chooses to stop being defined by this narrative it ripples out. Betty and Veronica, who have always been written to be in Archie World, have to define themselves and their relationship outside of Archie. This leaves them with an understanding that ultimately it's always been about them and their relationship with each other. This is why their kiss takes them into space, they're choosing each other instead of Archie, consequently removing themselves from the Archie World they've always existed in - creating a space of their own.

[guys-in-distress-database]

What are some of your personal favorite live-action scenes where whumpee’s hands are tied/cuffed/bound behind his back?

I prefer no gag.. I like hearing what they have to say about what’s going on 😏

But I want to know what your favorites are.

I love getting all these asks! Keep ‘em coming! This is so much fun!

My personal favourite live action bound behind scenes… hm…

If we’re excluding gags:

Game of Thrones, season 6 episodes 7 and 8 (Edmure Tully)

Stranger Things, season 3 episode 6 (Steve Harrington)

The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries, Dangerous Waters (Joe Hardy)

The Walking Dead, season 9 episode 12 (Henry)

Titans, season 2 episode 5 (Jason Todd)

Descendants 2 (Prince Ben)

LadyHawke (Phillipe)

Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl (Will Turner)

Unbroken (Louis Zamperini)

Venom (Stray Kids)

If we’re including gags:

Breaking Bad, season 5 episode 15 (Jesse Pinkman)

Riverdale, season 3 episode 7 (Archie)

The 100, season 1 episode 12 (Jasper)

The Hardy Boys/Nancy Drew Mysteries, The Mystery of the Hollywood Phantom (Joe Hardy)

The Walking Dead, season 9 episode 15 (Henry + others)

The Green Knight (Gawain)

The Man in the Iron Mask (Louis)

The Ref (Jesse)

[bobbyjean]

More Riverdale quotes I am honoring.

Hobo. Bride of Hobo.

The Koose ship’s been trouble from the gay get-go.

He’s got telepathy. We’ve got Jughead.

Just two single straight dudes, doing some theater.

These next two are a pair:

1. Three years ago, Andy Cohen asked me to become a real housewife of New York. Hiram, I’m divorcing you. I am moving back to the city and I am becoming a real housewife.

2. Do you want to know the real reason why we’re getting a divorce? I found out that your mother tried to have me killed. Twice.

And my final example is a dialogue between two characters so probably technically excluded from being “a line”

Because that’s the kind of thing that secret girlfriends do. They kill each other’s boyfriends so they can be together.

I don’t know what kind of crypto-lesbian pulp fiction you’re conjuring, Hermosa, but Betty and I are just friends.

In conclusion, there are so many that I am unable to mention at the moment given that I started watching Riverdale the year after it came out and haven’t rewatched most episodes so there is much locked away deep in my psyche that I cannot access. I believe one day I will have the drive and the strength to rewatch and take extensive notes to preserve for posterity. Also I’m certain half of the lines I would preserve would be from Cheryl.

[bireggiemantle]

who r the best and worst riverdale actors EXCLUDING lili and kj. go!

[ooklet]

I was thinking about how to articulate what I hate about the Barbie movie. Like, there are some fun moments (Ken stepping out of view to scream "SUBLIME!" has forever ingratiated itself in my lexicon) but by and large it left me with an increasing sense of frustration that ultimately culminated into a two-part hate.

The first is easy to cover, and it's Mattel's utter failure to put its money where its mouth is, in the form of the movie's portrayal of a fat Barbie vs. the proportions on the fattest actual Barbie that they sell*:

*For the pedants out there, this statement excludes specific, limited characters, like Disney licensed Ursulas. I'm talking about general Barbies for sale on a given day.

The second was harder. For a while I couldn't put it into words, just vague, angry hand gestures about how nothingburger the resolution was.

And then while I was reading A Glossary of Haunting by Eve Tuck and C. Ree, I saw this sentence:

"Listing terrors is not a form of social justice."

And it clicked not just what angered me about this movie, but about a lot of performative, faux woke (fauxke?) media these days. Acknowledgment alone is not the beginning and end of justice. Acknowledgment alone offers no solutions. Acknowledgement alone is how you get Riverdale's tonal whiplash of every second word out of Veronica's mouth ("Toxic masculinity!") vs. noted underage girl Betty Cooper's dead-eyed gang initiation striptease to Mad World.

(And yeah, I know Riverdale is a special case in that it exists in a mirror funhouse dimension of probably salvia-induced dumbassery, but my point stands.)

In the Barbie movie, Gloria lists terrors to the patriarchy-brainwashed Barbies, and that is all that it takes to restore them to their #feminist selves. But the thing is, we the audience already know that patriarchy sucks. This offers us, the people for whom this movie was made, nothing.

Related, second-and-a-half thing that I hated about this movie was the comparison between the Barbies having no defenses against patriarchal thinking and American Indians having no defenses against smallpox. Truly go fuck yourselves Greta Gerwig and Noah Baumbach. The genocide of my ancestors is not a punchline. (But don't even get me started on how often this sort of casual cruelty randomly pops up in media, or this is going to evolve into an essay on why Brendan Urie deserves to have his vocal cords repossessed for that "manifest destiny" line in High Hopes.)

Anyway, I guess my point is that there was never going to be a Barbie movie with anything of substance to say, because it exists to sell toys and facilitate Mattel's recovery from their Ever-After-High-Disney-License-Revoked-Monster-High-Destroyed-Revenue-Vacuum fiasco. And it did do that. That is, in fact, all that it did.

[th3d0nutl0rd]

ɪɴᴛʀᴏ ᴘᴏꜱᴛ

Hi! It's your local clown freak here! I've slightly altered this post to keep up with things changing on my account ↓

I don't really have one preferred name or pronouns, because I've not found a name I feel fits me yet- but for the sake of naming conventions you can call me by my username or any of the following: Connor, Rain, River, Raven (I'm mildly indecisive)

This Tumblr account is a way of cataloguing my various mental problems-

Just kidding.

I mostly repost stuff related to my hyperfixations and ancient Tumblr fandoms +heritage posts.

(ᴛʜɪꜱ ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇꜱ ᴛʜɪɴɢꜱ ʟɪᴋᴇ ʙʙᴄ ᴍᴇʀʟɪɴ, ʙʙᴄ ꜱʜᴇʀʟᴏᴄᴋ, ꜱᴜᴘᴇʀᴡʜᴏʟᴏᴄᴋ, ᴅᴇꜱᴛɪᴇʟ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ ꜱᴛᴜꜰꜰ ʀᴇʟᴀᴛᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʜɪɴɢꜱ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ʜᴀᴘᴘᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴏɴ ᴛʜɪꜱ ʜᴇʟʟꜱɪᴛᴇ ᴅᴜʀɪɴɢ ᴍʏ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ʜᴇʀᴇ.)

Other fandoms I'm a part of include:

BBC Ghosts 👻

Invader Zim 👽👾

Riverdale +Archie Comics 🍟🥤

It's Always Sunny 👰‍♂️

BBC Merlin 🧙‍♂️

Community (NBC) 👥

Monster High ☠️

Dan and Phil 🫶

Halloween movies 🎃

Saw movies 🌀🪚

Barbie 💖💞

What We Do In The Shadows 🧛‍♂️🦇

Sherlock Holmes (all media) 🕵️‍♂️🔬

Marvel- MCU 🌟💫

Anna and the Apocalypse 🧟‍♂️🌨️❄️

Red Dwarf 🌌👨‍🚀

Sonic the hedgehog 🦔💙

Pirates of the Caribbean 🏴‍☠️⚓

Lisa Frankenstein ⚡

Deadpool & Wolverine 💛❤️

I'm also super into music!

I'll basically listen to everything (excluding UK grime music)

But my favourite bands are: Ghost, Nightwish, The Dresden Dolls, My Chemical Romance, Pierce The Veil, and Alice Cooper.

My music taste is basically a genre mishmash, and sometimes it varies from day to day.

Anyway.

When I'm not making banger Tumblr posts about goncharov, shoelaces, November 5th or Merlin, I'm probably at college.

Studying Literature.

And History.

I'm also aware that I'm a part of some fandoms that have bad people involved.

So plz dni if you are the following:

Coquette Blogs

Pro Ana

TERFs

Proship

MAPs

Gatekeepers

People who dislike xenogenders or neopronouns

Rcta

That being said, welcome to my Tumblr page!

Feel free to stay a while :)

[strideofpride]

if dan blair serena and nate were given a riverdale-esque polyamorous quad endgame, how would you envision the relationship working out? assuming unlike riverdale the guys were also allowed to date and the relationship didn’t have a strict deadline, and excluding chip because gross

Hahahahaha yessss love this ask, tailor made for me.

I mean you said endgame, but I see this happening more with Nate/Blair and Dan/Serena as the couples on the surface, that everyone knows are together, that frequently go on "double dates" together.

And then I think it would be Serena who would first kind of initiate it. Like she sees that Dan and Blair have a spark and things between her and Nate have always been complicated and Dan and Nate get along great and also things with Blair are...different than they've ever been with everyone else. And then the other three love her so much, they'd do anything for her so...

I think they'd all be on one of those "double dates", hanging out at the loft maybe, and Serena would get them to do tequila shots or something and then she would just...go for it and kiss Blair. And that would kick it all off.

Dan & Blair do all the same pretentious movie and museum dates that they did in the show together. Nate & Serena work out and play sports and go sailing and hang around the beach for hours, all the stuff those summer children love. Blair & Serena spend their weekend mornings watching Breakfast at Tiffany's and eating pastries as always, while Dan & Nate play soccer. For fancy UES events, Blair & Nate always go with each other, while Dan & Serena never show up and go play pool in dive bars and listen to cool, up & coming bands.

And of course, all four of them hang out together all the time. And they're all having sex with each other. It's great.

[spacedreamon]

Blacklist

General:

Factkin (EXCLUDING fictionalized versions of real people ex. Sanders Sides, DSMP)

W-nd-g- kin [e,i,o] Unless you’re Native American

Media:

Hannible/Silence Of The Lambs

D H M I S

Sweeny Todd

Riverdale

House MD

Fresh (2022)

Delicious In Dungeon

Beastars

Characters:

Kinger (TADC)

Mike or any or his alters (Total Drama)

Wilbur/Ghostbur (DSMP)

Ships: (💛 = QPR allowed)

Radiodust

Chalastor

Radiohusk

Radiorose 💛

Lapidot 💛

Mutual Radiostatic (I would fucking die for onesided though)

Amedot

Minor x Adult

Incest

Songs/Artists:

Chapple Roan

The Dismemberment Song

Amanda Palmer/Dresden Dolls/Evelyn Evelyn

The Orion Experence

Doja Cat

Cardi B

Boyinaband

Wilbur Soot/Lovejoy

Marilyn Manson

Lizzo

J Cole

Hayley Kiyoko

Chris Brown

Kanye

(if you want to know why just ask)

Themes

NSFW stuff (excluding sources)

Meat/Fleshcore

Cannibalism

Hospital imagery especially mental hospitals

Yami Kawaii

Bulimia and Anorexia, other eating disorders are fine

Liminal Spaces

Claustrophobia

Poolcore

Miscellaneous

Userboxes about syscourse

Userboxes about being an anti or a proshipper