#right alongside mythal!!

[kissingwookiees]

i have to stress that i made brendan 20 at the start on inquisition and he’s all grace and humility, and scared shitless of being called the herald, while embracing people’s faith and trying to do right by them, and AT MOST, he’s 22 by the time they defeat corypheus and the inquisition is cemented into legend, and 24 by the time of trespasser (if im scuffing the timelines idc it’s my right) when the world is suddenly pulled out from under him by someone who he trusted, respected, and looked to for guidance.

all this is to say when he and solas are finally face-to-face again in datv and brendan is now 32, missing an arm (thanks pal), with permanent dark circles (because he hasn’t had a single good night of sleep since the anchor was removed), and a receding hairline, the stress of the years since written plainly on his face AND IS STILL insisting to everyone around him that solas is good and can be reasoned with in spite of it ALL… oh i hope it hurts like hell.

[queenaeducan]

Every time I think about that line where Morrithal calls you her beloved children I am gripped by the deep-seated urge to dismantle the heavens

[evanhereonearth]

The Insidious Cycle of the Abuser Who Says They Love You: Mythal and Solas

Likely goes without saying, but Veilguard spoilers all under the jump.

I have been absolutely wrecked by the end scenes in Veilguard for weeks now, and I want to do a deep dive into Solas's relationship with Mythal and how it absolutely reeks of abuse. Long post incoming!

CW for heavy discussion of cycles of abuse, trauma response, and abuse tactics.

When I finished my first playthrough, this moment hit me like an absolute freight train. His visceral response to her presence and the way he instinctively retreats and flinches back/puts out a hand to protect himself is a full-blown trauma response.

And then she starts talking and moving towards him, and it gets worse.

Solas curls in on himself; his body goes even further into self-protection mode. His face is downcast, not the way he bowed to his vhenan moments before with a straight back and open posture, but shrinking.

And then as she advances, he cowers.

He completely folds inward. He crumples; he shakes, he hyperventilates, and the moment she reaches for him, he fumblingly offers her the lyrium dagger to kill him with.

Is this shame? Yes, of course, but it's far, far more than that.

For the sake of brevity, I'm going to limit this list to the four most widely recognised trauma responses:

Fight

Flight

Freeze

Fawn

As someone whose primary trauma response is fawn (wooo CPTSD), which is intensely common among people who experience complex trauma, especially through emotional and prolonged physical/mental abuse where their needs are discarded, pushed aside, or otherwise steamrolled, I felt this right alongside Solas. My own body responded to seeing it. This is, quite frankly, one of the most visceral and realistic (and extreme) fawn responses I've seen depicted in media.

Mythal in this scene is...phew, something else.

"She was the best of them," Solas tells us in Trespasser.

But she was not good, everything tells us in Veilguard.

Let's look at his regrets in chronological order.

Through Solas's memories of regret, we see this germinate in his foundational regret: leaving the Fade to take a physical form.

He does not want to do this. He tells her he does not want to do this. From the conversation, it's clear it's not the first time she's asked.

And the way she asks? Outright coercion.

"You have so long observed the world. Why not consider joining it?" [I want you to do this thing, so I will frame it as logical for you to make the choice I want you to make.]

"But I have no desire to live as humans. Besides, this talk of taking on a solid form. I think you underestimate the danger." [I don't want to do that. It does not feel safe to me.] "When you took the glowing stone to build your body, did the earth not shake?" [This is dangerous and selfish.]

"The lyrium gives us the strength we had when we were of the Fade; we are the best of both physical and Fade." [It makes us powerful, so I don't care about the risks.] "I need your wisdom, Solas, to withstand the louder voices like Elgar'nan's who would go too far." [If you do not come with me, a tyrant you abhor will make others suffer.] "I need you."

"This is madness. You must know that." [I don't want to do this at all. This will hurt me. I don't want this.] "I will always follow where you go." [Because I love you and trust you.]

Mythal's words in this part are classic abusive framing. When appealing to his natural curiosity does not work and he expresses strong rejection of her logical thought process (just because I have observed this place does not mean I want to go there, echoing his comments to the Inquisitor in DAI: "Many Orlesian peasants dream of travelling to exotic Rivain. But not everyone wants to go to Rivain!") and expresses that there is significant danger to continue to build bodies out of lyrium, she changes tactics.

Her second tactic is that it gives them power--she implies that he is limited and not enough for being only of the Fade. If he follows her, he will be the best of both, like she is. She clearly already sees herself as above him.

Her third tactic is pure emotional blackmail: "I need you. I will give in to the tyrants without your wisdom, and having your counsel in the Fade is not enough. If you don't go against your own nature and desires, people will suffer...and it will be your fault for not being by my side."

She doesn't say those things outright, but they are implied by everything she is saying. He says again he doesn't want it--that it is madness and that she must be aware of that despite her ignoring any suggestion that she actually is. All she is seeing is power and her desires: for Solas to do what she wants him to do.

So he agrees. Because she is his friend, and she says she needs him.

As far as core wounds go, this one is a doozy. It's absolutely brutal, because it's irrevocable. It's a point of no return. It's the first in what will become millennia of regret, of her ignoring the Wisdom she coerced out of the Fade to do what she wants regardless, to continue to push him to twist his nature under the guise of the greater good, to continue to cede to Elgar'nan and enable the very tyrants she promised him to balance.

This regret was deeply painful for me to watch. The nuance here is easily lost if people don't understand abuse tactics and how this sort of manipulation is used. It also serves to bind Solas to Mythal, an enormous sunk cost fallacy in the making--once he has made this choice, there is no going back.

And you see Solas curled in on himself in anguish and regret from the trauma of taking a physical form. It is in deep, painful contrast to his open, free wingspan as a spirit of Wisdom; he will never be the same.

"Have you created what we need?" From the outset Mythal is framing this as his idea as much as hers, when from everything he says, that is not true.

"With this, the proper ritual will sunder every Titan from its spirit. But you must know, those severed dreams will certainly be driven mad, a disembodied blight of pain and anger. It--is--awful what we are doing."

"And the only way to end this war."

Again, Solas offers the wisdom she claimed she took him from the Fade to listen to. He warns her, again, of the danger. He does not want to do this. Just like he warned her of the earth quaking when they made their bodies--they, the Evanuris, started this war by taking what they wanted regardless of who it hurt. He never wanted to participate in it, but now he is in the middle of that war. Mythal was one of the initial perpetrators of this war; she brought Solas into it against his will because he loved her, and now he's stuck. He is past his point of no return. And she is still using his heart against him. She has isolated him from everyone he knew in the Fade; he has no one to support him. He. Only. Has. Her.

This is another classic abuse tactic; if the person being abused has no one else, they will continue to enable that abuse even if it harms others, because they cannot see a way out. If you don't do what I say, it will destroy our children, our family. If you don't do what I say, this war will consume all you have, and you no longer have a home to return to. If you don't do what I say and hurt yourself and the Other, more will suffer, and it will be your fault.

Again, his posture, curled up and broken, appearing to cradle a now-tranquil Titan beneath him--and be embraced in return. This is an interesting artistic choice here, one that aches. It speaks to the depth of his own wound and how much it rent his own spirit to follow through with Mythal's wants here; that it sundered him from his spirit as much as it did the Titans.

"You cannot do this, Elgar'nan! You swore we would give up our commands when this war was over!"

"Our people need our leadership. If you are unwilling, leave."

From Elgar'nan, this is expected. From Mythal?

"Our people must rebuild. And we must help unite them."

Solas, once again, betrayed. He put his trust in Mythal and in the other Evanuris to follow through with their promise. Everything he has done thus far is poisoned in this moment; had the Evanuris indeed stepped back rather than stepped on necks, perhaps Solas could have healed, found a way to live with what he had done, maybe even to make amends. But this starts his war anew--and Mythal is standing with his enemy despite her promises, despite every wheedling word she's used to get what she wants from him over the centuries and longer, despite him turning from everything, everything, he loved to love her. This is the moment where he understands that he has only been a tool to her all along.

"So we did not fight for freedom, but to conquer this land and our own."

Let's pick apart Solas's words.

So we did not fight for freedom: He truly believed that he was fighting for freedom, that no matter how bad it got, that he could bear it for freedom.

But to conquer this land: Literally the land, I think, because of the Titans. To subdue them at all costs. This was not what he came for, but he believed Mythal.

And our own: Our own, our people, more spirits we gave bodies for this war, more who may not have wanted to leave the Fade. Our own, our people. To Solas, he is one of them. In this moment, he realises how much Mythal holds herself above all of them.

Elgar'nan's words are all too telling: "We fought to win. And now the Evanuris are as gods. I do not answer to Mythal's annoying lapdog."

They all--all--see him thus. As her pet.

Because he is. She has, until now, controlled him utterly with her manipulation and "need" for him.

"The people are afraid. They must believe in something." Mythal does not even stand up for Solas here; she does not reject Elgar'nan's perception of him. All she does is further distance herself.

The people are afraid: The Evanuris made them. They are as controlled as Solas and more.

Elgar'nan asserts, "They need strength."

"And wisdom." Mythal has the absolute gall to attribute this to herself, when Solas is the source of the wisdom she "needed" for so long. (Belated addition: And another level here: she may also be saying again that she needs him, but doing so in a way that doesn't require her to stand up for him directly. Honestly, fucking gross.)

"They need gods who can protect them," Elgar'nan continues.

"We are not gods. You will learn that." Solas's voice here is pure defeat. The scales are falling from his eyes.

"Every lapdog holds a wolf inside," says Elgar'nan.

Solas knows that Elgar'nan's "protection" is hollow, based on subjugation. And I think in this moment, he learns that Mythal's is based only in her belief that she is better than those beneath her, who cannot possibly handle themselves.

So her lapdog becomes the Wolf.

"I was not certain you would come."

Solas's opening words in this regret show the distance between them already and how much he has realised he does not know this woman who called herself his friend.

And her response is to instantly blame him.

"You are the one who walked away. I never turn my back when my friend needs me."

In putting this post together, this line absolutely sucker punched me. I've watched these several times already, but the absolute audacity to blame him for standing up for his principles for the first time against all her manipulation? Hoo.

She blames him for doing just that, "turning his back when his friend needed him." She needed her enabler, and when he stopped, she turned bitter. Just like any abuser.

That he goes straight into "The Evanuris seek the magic of the Blight" instead of engaging, honestly shows that he's still Wisdom. That is one battle that is unwinnable, trying to stand up against an abuser's bullshit like that.

"Impossible," she says. "The Blight is safely sealed away forever."

Gaslight, girl boss, gatekeep.

"Though I wish I could believe you." [You have lied to me so many times.] "I have sensed the breaking of the wards."

And her answer is patronising. "I will investigate your claims." [I don't believe you.] "If they forget the danger of the Blight, I will endeavour to remind them."

Solas knows this is futile. "What if, instead, you left the Evanuris and remained with me? Do you not wish for freedom from this struggle?"

He asks her, again, to veer from the dangerous path. He desperately wants to believe he was not completely wrong about her, I think. If she were to leave, he could heal somewhat, for not having so thoroughly misjudged her character.

Am I enough for you? Was I ever enough? is the unspoken question here when he asks if she will remain with him.

And in return, he gets back even more patronising bullshit and hubris. "Be at peace, love. I will stop them."

(Can you tell Mythal pisses me off?)

She calls him love. What an unbearable insult after everything, to go on telling him she cares for him whilst ignoring his wisdom--the very wisdom she coerced him into leaving the Fade so she would have by her side--and consolidating her own power at the expense of his people.

"As you must," he says. "The Blight is our mistake."

Might be unpopular, but I do not think Solas bears a split fifty-fifty custody for whose fault the Blight is. Could he have said no about the dagger? Could he have pushed then? Maybe. But by this point, he'd already had probable millennia of complex trauma and a deeply abusive codependent relationship, probably also a level of magical bond. Like, sorry, Trick and BioWare, if you want to retcon everything you shared with us in Inquisition about being in service to the Evanuris ("You have given yourself into the service of an ancient elven god! You are Mythal's creature now. Everything you do, whether you know it or not, will be for her.") AND Mythal casually overriding her servants' will and Solas burning her vallaslin off his face and leaving a scar and devoting himself to freeing the elven people from the Evanuris's domination, fine, but I don't buy it. Even if there was no magical compulsion on him all this time, that is immaterial.

Complex trauma literally rewires the brain to survive. She spent lifetimes programming him, isolating him, stripping from him every bit of agency he had. This man did not have the capacity to say no.

When our no is trampled even for a few months or years, we stop trying to use it. We comply. We, as mortal humans, cannot begin to comprehend the compounded trauma of millennia of this happening with the stakes of worlds in the balance. Solas, quite simply, has lost the entire ability to consent. No one of us can even imagine.

Yet he managed to walk away from her somehow, when she chose Elgar'nan. This man is stronger than anyone gives him credit for.

The dagger was clearly Mythal's idea. The plan to sever the Titans from their dreams, clearly her idea. To end the war. For there to be "peace". For there to be "freedom". Except that never came.

His loyalty was to her and to their people; hers was only ever to herself.

And again, she walks away and lets Solas suffer.

What a good friend.

[screaming from the general direction of Scotland]

She put her trust in monsters instead of her oldest friend, and the monsters ate her face.

Anyone surprised? I'm surprised. (I'm not surprised.)

And on top of this, Mythal finally, finally giving Solas one tiny breadcrumb that she had any principles remaining? I think that cemented his bindings to her forever. Not just that the Evanuris killed her, but why they killed her: because after millennia, she listened to him.

For someone that deep into trauma and abuse? Well. We know what happened.

It cannot be overstated that with his imprisonment of the Evanuris and the Blight, Solas saved the entire world. The entire world. Every living being in Thedas had a chance at life because of him. Only because of him.

Morrigan says it early on in the game, that for all the consequences of the veil (which, it also must be said, was not supposed to be global!), "his imprisonment of the Evanuris was just. Had he not done so, all of Thedas would have fallen to the Blight."

And the world has hated him for it.

He woke after sleeping for millennia, exhausted by this immense act of magic, to discover that not only had it gone horribly wrong, but that it had cost his people everything. That Tevinter had come in and enslaved them, released a trickle of the Blight after breaking into the Black City, used so much blood magic that the veil itself all over Thedas has been in tatters--not least because in releasing the Blight, the survivors had had to face down and kill the dragon thralls (archdemons) of the Evanuris, rendering five out of seven of them mortal, and with their deaths over the intervening centuries, the veil had grown threadbare with only two Evanuris sustaining it.

The risks were catastrophic, the price unbearable.

Everything he'd ever done to protect the world could still come crashing down...and in a sick twist of fate, he would be alive to see it.

And, shockingly, so would Mythal.

Mythal, whose fragment has just been chilling in a swamp for centuries in human form. Mythal, whose abuse of him lasted through the entirety of the world's history. Mythal, who, due to the Evanuris's betrayal and her abusee's abandonment, has become little more than retribution.

Mythal, who could have set him free at any point in all this time and didn't, because he was hers.

Mythal, who is the only remaining person with the power to do what he feels must be done.

I find it interesting that they chose not to use the post-Inquisition dialogue at all. Interesting also that they used Mythal's voice actor and not Flemeth's. This feels like a retcon, but we'll go with it. Whatevs.

"I knew that you would find me soon enough. You need the power of a god, the strength that I alone still carry."

She's still asserting her own godhood.

He's not having it. "The blighted Evanuris will soon break free from their prison. I must make a stronger one that can contain them."

He's not wrong. Not even a little bit wrong. And he's also right that she won't help him. Why would she? She never has.

"While the prison is important, it is not the only goal you seek."

"Why should I not tear down the veil? And bring back immortality to all the elven people? They deserve it."

And this is where I get even more raging, because Mythal's answer is this: "The elven people of today do not deserve to see the world they love torn apart to salve your conscience."

I'm sorry, what?

The world they love? The world that has offered them nowt but literal genocide for thousands of years? The world where in Tevinter, they're chattel slaves and worse, fuel for blood magic without a thought? The world where in the "civilised", slaveless nations to the south, they're either confined to alienages and subjected to repeated genocide (that's what a "purge" is, if anyone isn't clear on that) or the remnants of the Dales, who are the descendents of another enormous genocide? The world where elven magic has been pillaged but elven mages in human settlements are confined to Circles and abused or made tranquil or also genocided by Templars invoking the Rite of Annulment? The world where they're called "elf savage" and "rabbit" and "knife ear" and cannot participate in Thedosian religious life because the Chantry erases every instance of elves from even the Chant of Light? The world where it took the Inquisitor installing a perpetrator of genocide on the Orlesian throne (both Celene AND Gaspard fit this bill) and either having Celene reconcile with Briala (Briala and Celene's relationship could be a whole other post. Boak.) and blackmailing them to give a single elf lands and a title? That world????

What the fuck, Mythal, die faster.

I got real mad there for a second. I'm fine. I'm fine!

Solas, once more, simply says, "I must fix what I have broken. I am sorry."

More than she deserves, frankly. Man's a mess, but at least he tries. She's been chilling in a swamp and pulling puppet strings for ages and abusing her kids. Nudging history like it's some sort of hobby, because it has always just been pieces on a board to her. They have never been people in her eyes like they are in his.

"As am I, old friend."

Aye, get tae fuck. Friends don't treat friends the way you treated Solas. The closest thing to an apology Solas will ever get from her is that she pretty much just lies down and dies when he comes to kill her. And she still won't set him free before he does. Has to continue to twist her own knife.

This scene has me riled.

And this takes us back to the beginning of this post.

To her essence showing up to release him from her service.

In what is, to me, the least accountable, bare minimum non-apology (she never actually says she's sorry) I've had the displeasure to witness in a videogame, with Solas literally cowering before her and offering her a knife to kill him with since this is the first time he's seen her actual, non-Flemythal face since she died.

This was never a friendship of equals. Ever.

She got one thing right. She did break him. But she knew it all this time, and she never took a single step to put it right until pushed. Her corner of the Crossroads, which he built for her in the desperate hope that she would show a glimmer of the friend he believed she was, notably has a pair of wolf statues. Both beheaded.

She's spent all this time punishing him further.

He never went to visit her? I wouldn't either. I could not blame him.

This has gone to an angry place. So let's conclude with what is, I think, the entire point.

Grace.

"I lied. I betrayed you."

"I forgive you."

Has anyone--anyone--in all his long life, ever said those words to him?

I'll say that again: has anyone--ANYONE--in all his millennia of existence, EVER said those words to him?

I forgive you.

Mythal certainly didn't.

The world certainly didn't.

He has shouldered all the blame of an entire pantheon, a war that broke the world, a blight, everything, always, and while people have come alongside him to help him, I am not sure anyone (certainly not anyone he cares about) has given him the grace of forgiveness.

The beauty of this final scene for me wasn't just Ilaana, wasn't just Ilaana reuniting with the man she has loved for a decade who has spent all that time pushing her away so he couldn't--in his mind--inevitably poison the love of the only person who has seen his spirit and cherished it without twisting him.

It was the slow realisation that Rook trusted his love enough to try.

It was Morrigan, who carries all Mythal's memories and her own of Flemythal's abuse and machinations, who responds to Rook's question about her views of Solas with: "Or do you mean to discover if I would stand directly against the Dread Wolf, were there a need? I shall aid you in any way but that. What has passed between Solas and Mythal...I beg you: do not ask this of me again."

Morrigan knows. She will not raise a hand against him. She will not try to stop him. She will let the veil fall. She will not fight with Rook. Because she knows this being whose memories she holds has harmed him enough.

Solas, in these final moments, even before Mythal shows up to gut punch him, realises all these people have somehow, somehow, banded together to help him.

Not work for him.

Not be his agents.

Not worship him.

Not follow him blindly.

To help him. To help Solas. To help him, after all this time, take the first steps towards himself. Towards his own essence, so long twisted into something he never sought or wanted.

The Inquisitor and Morrigan certainly understand what it's like to be seen only as the symbol others raise in your image. Rook will learn that someday, but is still naive.

But even with that naivete, willing. Present. Able to put aside being a chess piece on his board. Able to see that they would never have succeeded without his help. Able to trust two people who know him better than they ever will.

Able to offer him grace.

And when they produce Mythal's essence, how that must brutalise him; to think that perhaps all this has been to let his abuser kill him back. He clearly thinks that's what's happening. He breaks. He fawns. He offers her the blade that has caused so much pain.

Her release of him is the bare minimum she owes him. I've already railed about that.

What is transcendent here, transformative--it is the mortals.

The mortals offering grace to a god who never wanted to be a god.

It's them together showing him a way out of an endless cycle of trauma and abuse. No one of them alone is enough. Without Rook, they wouldn't have Mythal's essence; Morrigan can't go get it, and she can't do what is needed because she's not actually Mythal, only has her memories. Without Morrigan, who can stand there with those memories but from the compassionate perspective of someone who has watched them in horror from the outside. She's far from objective, but she can do this one thing to help.

Without the Inquisitor (romanced or not, still someone he let know him as he most desperately wanted to be known--the Fade-walker, the Dreamer, the humble mage who desperately needed a friend). The Inquisitor, who kneels before him to comfort him. Who sees his hurt and responds.

If romanced, without Lavellan, who kneels to repeat back words he once shouted at the Nightmare in the Fade after Adamant.

"Dirth ma, harellan. Ma banal enasalin. Mar solas ema mar din." (Speak, traitor. Your victory was fruitless. Your pride gives way only to your death.)

To which Solas replied, "Banal nadas."

On the surface, nothing is inevitable, but can also be taken to mean that nothingness is inevitable, entropy, the final void. (Thanks to Dumped, Drunk, and Dalish for this excellent long post on this scene.)

And here is Lavellan, kneeling beside him with those words. "Banal nadas ar lath, ma vhenan."

Nothing is inevitable but the love we share, my heart.

I see everything you are, all you have done, and I love you. I forgive you for the pain you have caused me. I understand, see, and forgive.

No one has ever shown him grace like this.

Ever.

And Solas, this shattered man, sobs.

He sobs.

Someone has taken the trouble to isolate his voice in the video. This man has nothing left. And, after millennia of this trauma cycle repeating over and over, he is finally free to make the choice he wants to make. It's not the outcome he wants; that has to be said. He doesn't want to leave the veil up. He doesn't want to be bound into prison forever with no hope of seeing the world he fought for ever return.

But he is done.

In the Fade after Adamant, there is a cemetery with the worst fears of every companion scriven on shrines and stones. Solas's is dying alone.

After all of this, he is willing to face just that--and would, if not for her.

She knows his deepest fears. She has faced the demon Mythal made of the man she loves. She has given unwitting comfort to the spirit of Wisdom still within. She has seen his sweetest self. Nurtured him, cherished him, and has been nurtured and cherished in return.

Does she want to leave the world behind and spend eternity in a Fade prison? Probably not her first choice. It's not my Ilaana's; she has been on his side all this time, dreaming of a world where the spirits she loves can be reunited with the world in peace and ready to make that happen.

But it was not supposed to happen this way. It did happen this way anyway.

He has sacrificed everything--everything--including his own spirit self, his soul, his life. How could she not offer him what no one ever has? A friend forever, a lover willing to walk the din'an shiral by his side, a companion to ward off the forever alone.

Together, the two of them can begin to heal, with their counterpart who has always seen through the burdens of the world to the soul within.

This is the only thing I've ever had any faith in. Grace I know you carry us Grace And it was such a mess Grace I don't say it enough Grace You are so loved

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

Don't mind me, just revisiting the plot (again) and dying over this line (again). (These screenshots are going to be abysmal, but you'll get the point).

"To stop now would dishonor those I have wronged to come this far."

Yeah he's talking about Mythal (earned or not) and Felassan and Lavellan and Varric...but the way it applies to HIM, too, is what absolutely guts me.

Long post ahead...

Solas realizing that Lavellan doesn't care about how others see him or want to use him under the inquisiton, that HIS motivations as he has shared them are enough for her and worth defending against those who would tell him he's something he isn't. Solas, for the first time, being confronted with the realization that one these new elves he does not see himself in will still go to bat for him.

"You came here to help, Solas, I won't let them use that against you."

(Is he duplicitous? Yes. But intent on working against Corypheus? Undoubtedly).

“How would you stop them?”

“However I had to.”

“...thank you.”

Solas grappling with the fact that it wasn't just a one off, that this Dalish woman being faced with "hypotheticals" he's desperately been trying to get her people to entertain is jumping in head first, pushing back and disagreeing with him but never treating him worse for their differences and always admitting when he's helped shape a changing perspective. Solas daring to ask for help and marveling at the fact that he receives it, that the same woman who asked if it might some day be possible to live alongside spirits, who did not immediately shoot down his critique of THE CHANTRY REFUSING TO ACKNOWLEDGE SPIRITS AS LEGITIMATE BEINGS (GAH), who did not laugh at him for saying he preferred their company most days, this woman, is going to drop time and resources during war time preparations to personally help his friend.

And then, when he is too late and has once again failed someone he considers a friend, he disappears within himself, where he has always gone to exact punishment for the weight of the lives he believes he's betrayed. It almost works, too.

Psych. Lavellan doesn't want him to grieve alone, to stare at the place in the Fade where his friend used to be and think of all he should have done differently.

“The next time you have to mourn, you don’t need to be alone.”

“It’s been so long since I could trust someone.”

“I know.”

“I’ll work on it. And thank you.”

And still she unbalances him, accepts him, wants more. Solas is sharing a personality that brings him the closest he has ever been to his spirit form, and it is ENOUGH for her. Existing as he has always dreamt of is all takes to earn her loyalty, respect, and eventually love.

But does she stop there? No. She doesn't chafe at this random apostate who speaks with certainty and unapologetically delves into a past he believes worth preserving, even at the cost of questioning her culture as it currently stands.

The very woman he once thought of as a mistake that HE unleashed upon the world is asking to be a part of his, not because of what he can bring to the table, not because she needs a right hand man, and certainly not because she thinks he has some well of power and intelligence critical to winning over enemies she’s willing to join for "supervisory" purposes (cough cough hi Mythal). She bears the weight of choices that can and will lead to death, to pain, and when it wears on her she relies on him, not for solutions but so that at the end of it all she might smile with someone who knows her heart and the good she tried to do amidst a sea of terrible options. She wants to be known, no inch of her unturned, and worse, she thinks she knows him. But how could she? This is no longer who he is, it is merely the remnants of what he destroyed to make a world at Mythal's whim.

“You’re an admirable man. Not many people know who they are the way you do.”

“Thank you. Both for saying that and…for seeing that. Few in this world can see me instead of just seeing a pair of pointed ears”

She. Sees. Him. Every part he slowly is realizing he wants to be known for and even a few he thought he could hide. And then he gives it all up. Because he woke to a new world where spirits and elves and mages were so far removed from the role they played in Arlathan that it can only be yet another mistake he caused and must fix, never mind the fact that the dwarves have forgotten why they fled underground millennia ago in the first place.

The friend who tore him from the world he loved, urged him to take physical form? She is dead, too, never mind the fact that she ignored his urging for a different path, nevermind that he killed and tore and hurt in her name because otherwise what was losing the part of himself he loved for?

"A spirit becomes a demon when denied its original purpose.”

“It hurts. It always does, but I will survive.”

“You bound it to obedience, then commanded it to kill. That is when it turned.”

He may no longer recognize where the Dread Wolf ends and where Solas begins, but if he gives up now and permits himself the chance to remember, the pain he caused himself and others means nothing, because he did it all for Mythal and in his final discussion with her, regardless of what Veilguard tries to convey, she does not release him from his position as her agent.

And maybe that's part of why I'm so angry, because EVEN BEFORE TRESPASSER, the fragment of Mythal that ends up in Morrigan could have freed him, but she does not.

"I am sorry." He whispers.

"The failure was mine," he tells her, voice trembling. "I should pay the price."

Silence.

And do we get that "what we did, we did together" psuedo-fake ass-absolution, the one that, if given enough time and safety to put himself first he may have realised he doesn't truly need to pursue the things he deserves, that make him feel finally like himself again? No the fuck we don't.

"As am I, old friend." She murmurs.

Looking through the lens of Veilguard, this isn't an apology, it's a condemnation. It's Mythal tormenting him one more time, twisting the knife deeper, agreeing that it is Solas alone who has brought them to this point, who deserves to be punished. And then she reminds him what they are to each other, what he is supposed to be to her. What he must become again.

"It isn't abuse if I ask," Cole says in his personal quest.

"Not always true," Solas shoots back.

So he recommits to the friend he gave up his nature for, he refuses to let himself remember that Lavellan learned the full truth of his identity and still begged him not to mourn alone. Even so, he still cannot quite forget.

Var lath vir suledin. Our love will persevere.

I wish it could, vhenan.

And so he pushes onwards, spending almost a decade denying himself his true nature and regretting that he ever gave it a chance to come through because now he KNOWS that this world is different and a little broken, but it's a world he could be a part of because of the woman and the friends that made a place for him. It is a world that doesn't necessarily need to be restored as much as it might need renovation, but that is not the world Mythal demanded of him when she let him kill a remaining piece of her. And any solution but that means the hurt of taking a body, of hurting the titans, of time and time again being called on by one evanuris to fix a problem they all caused, was for nothing.

And a Pride of that magnitude, that sinister an origin, has a long, long way to fall.

And then that same uppity little shit has the audacity to tell him it's not too late, that he can turn back.

He kills again. He kills again. He kills again.

He kills a friend.

He fails to prevent the Evanuris from wreaking havoc a second time, wrenches another innocent into his war, and when they ask him about the woman he calls vhenan, he feels the mask stifling him begin to suffocate. But he never lets it fall, because to surrender now is to place her broken heart atop the pile of regrets he's been holding up like Atlas crumbling beneath the weight of the world itself. Because he still thinks it selfish to want the things that make him feel like himself again, so they need to be taken off the board entirely.

"To stop now would dishonor those I have wronged to come this far."

If he gives up now, his entire corporeal life has been a betrayal of many, but worst of all, he will have ruined himself for nothing.

But then she's there. A little older, a little sadder, and still looking at him like she did the night he almost broke and instead carefully removed any suggestion that she had ever belonged to anyone but herself.

"Didn't you hear me?" Her every action screams as she kneels to meet his gaze like he did the day he took her arm (another failure, another sacrifice he cannot let be for nothing).

The tombstone in the fade is his greatest fear, but it is not his fate. Why? She will not let it be. It cannot be his din'anshiral if she is not beside him.

Lavellan may not have understood the depth of exactly WHEN Solas first came somewhere foreign and uncertain to help, but she never once failed to keep her promise. She refuses to let his initial desire to do good be held against him any longer. And when she sees him accept that not-quite-absolution-definitely-more-of-a-power-play from the god that saw what he was capable of and molded him into a weapon, she finds her in to make sure he doesn't walk off alone to mourn again, never again will she lose him to the expectations others have of him. No doubt she wants to find a way to sink the fingers of her good hand into that spectral visage and tear it away like he wishes to do to the veil. But she is not here for Mythal. She is here for her heart, and for the man who has been carrying it since the moment her lips met his in the fade ten years ago.

“No orders to kill, no conflict with its nature, no demon.”

She forces him to see that the only remaining betrayal is to lock himself away one more irreversible time. All that's left to lose is the piece of himself he cherishes more than his greatest victories: all that he has to gain comes from making sure the love that was given to him at Skyhold, in the moment where Varric saw all he was capable of and still tried to bring him back home, was not given in vain.

"There is no fate but the love we share." She tells him as soon as Mythal's too-little-too-late platitudes send shudders through his body.

Banal nadas ar lath'ma vhenan.

It will not be so terrible a place, so unforgivable a betrayal if he can finally dare to put himself first. If, unlike that night in Crestwood, he finally gives in not to break, but to make himself whole.

There's a codex entry in Inquisiton about a spirit of wisdom who is summoned by researchers and only after a very pleasant conversation do they realize they made a mistake and never successfully bound the spirit in the first place, that it chose to speak with them of its own accord.

"I am not certain the spirit would have talked so freely had it been shackled at the time," writes the author of the entry.

I keep thinking about this alongside the datamined line of Morrigan saying, "And so, the Dread Wolf is stopped by, of all things love."

But that isn't quite right, is it?

Because in the end, of course the Dread Wolf could only ever freed by, over everything, love.

[raviollies]

actually no im gonna yap

im trying SO HARD to gaslight myself into liking veilguard but so many narrative choices just make me scratch my head. I AM NOT DONE, I currently gotta go to Weisshaupt.

I'll start with things I like so far:

1. I think the game is really pretty and I like the puzzles :) Antiva is GORGEOUS, I think one of the prettiest areas in the entire series.

2. I really like the Minrathous/Treviso choice. More of that please! some actual drama and consequence!

3. Assan is adorable and I cannot walk past without petting him. I didn't anticipate myself liking Davrin so much since I'm usually drawn to magic babies over warriors, but he's probably my favourite alongside Bellara. I think him having left his clan is very interesting narrative choice (I am totally not biased considering it's very similar to Daee's story)

4. Thank you lord almighty for the wardrobe/mirror system. Godbless.

5. Everytime Lucanis speaks I think of Puss in Boots and that brings me great joy. Whimsy even.

6. When you place Tevinter decor in the lighthouse, they have a Hookah right beside a fresco of Solas killing Mythal and that is mind bogglingly hilarious. I do love that the Shadow dragons know how to unwind. We're turning up after fighting for elf rights.

7. Solas surviving entirely on meat, raisins and honey feels very r/malelivingspace

Things I am Not Liking So Far

1.Minrathous feels utterly toothless. Its described as terrible, den of slavery, conversion therapy through blood magic, treatment of elves being terrible - yet we walk around unimpeded. I expected a similar experience as the Winter Palace, or fights that could be avoided if playing as a human.

LAVELLAN is introduced in the TEVINTER TAVERN, wearing TEVINTER CLOTHING, like it doesn't...make much sense to me? Inquisition set up the cross roads with Morrigan AND the Inquisitior, it feels like it would have made much more sense narratively not just from..."I am the fucking Inquisitor In Fucking Minrathous" but "Solas and the crossroads are a vital connecting point of these characters story."

Speaking of Inquisitor, wildly bizarre to me that neither Solas nor Varric comment on you meeting them. Solas has a weird painting of the Inquisitor chair, but you meet the mf face to face and he just does't acknowledge it. I am not a Solavellan player but I felt Really Bad For Them In That Moment.

I think a good moment of comparison is the difference in tone of DAI and DATV...When we find out the orb is elven in DAI, Solas warns us to keep it to ourselves, with Lavellan even remaking that the world will blame us for Corypheus. In DATV, we inform everyone that Elven gods are attacking, and there's no thought or conversation about the impacts of that on Elves in society. The only one to mention it is Davrin way after we've been spilling the beans left and right.

2. I'm not done the story but hey has anyone mentioned we haven't fought a single Fen'Harel agent, what's up with that... I expected to be fighting Elves based on the epilogue in Tresspasser but ?? ???

3. I'm sorry I HATE THEM DISREGARDING THE WELL OF SORROWS IN FAVOUR OF MORRIGAN WHEN SOLAS MAKES A HUGE DEAL OF YOU BEING TIED TO MYTHAL IF YOU DRANK FROM THE WELL. Oh sorry, if it was unimportant then why the fuck did you go on a monologue about how you're "her creature" and connected to her. It felt like a retcon of the importance placed on it in Inquisition and how much of a deal both Solas AND Morrigan make about it. I'm sorry picking a ROMANCE was more important than acknowledging THIS?? ? ??

"But Ravie, they can't account for Inquisitors personality and making them important would piss people off" then just kill them off. If they're set on Morrigan carrying this piece of narrative, I would have written the Inquisitor off the table before the choice becomes relevant. Have them help you in the ritual at the start of the game and die. I feel similarly about Varric, because he feels like the writers stuffed him in the closet to not talk which just...JUST KILL HIM. Its better than being relegated to furniture!!!!

3. Speaking of Morrigan why the hell is so nice. This is not my beautiful mean witch wife. In fact everyone is nice. Even hardened Lucanis has been polite to me.

4. I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH ROOK. I profoundly hate starting off friends with Varric (and him getting shelved like what was the point). It ruins a lot of initial RP for character establishment, because it limits how the player character FEELs about the whole thing, your motivations are GIVEN to you. Furthermore, it feels like rook HAS an established character. I don't feel like I got to play my rook, just say things slightly differently based on an already established character. I dont feel like I am roleplaying a custom character, just as Biowares stand in protagonist. Maybe I'm just spoiled by the level of interaction that BG3 provided me.

The opening sequence is bizarre to me, because IF I MAKING THE STORY....I would have had the introductory quests for each of the companions be the first quest based on the faction you select (Shadow dragons with Neve, Mournwatch with Emmerich, Crows with Lucanis etc. etc.) That way you establish your character based on the faction and immediately get a little tutorial on what kind of character you're going to be playing. I would even keep the introductory quests the same with minor dialogue tweaks. The ritual would come after the tutorial prologue mission and then you start with Harding and the companion you got introduced with, since the order you get them...really doesn't matter or impact anything.

5. I think the Venatori and Antaam following Elven Mage Gods is kinda dumb. Sorry. I thought they both looked down on them for being either Elves or Mages/didn't even acknowledge them. What the hell is their goal anyway

My criticisms comes down to...I don't know what themes the game is trying to tackle? The game SAYS things but doesn't actually do anything with these topics. Minrathous HAS a slavery problem but we don't see it. Treviso is ruled by a faction of assassins but it's like a good thing! Elven gods are responsible for everything wrong in the world, but the narrative implications of what that means for modern elves are acknowledged in passing like acknowledging the weather. The game feels hesitant to actually unpack any of these things despite being the one to put them on the table.

Anyway I am going to finish the game and probably play on Daee with a Solavellan Inquisitor to see if that improves my experience by picking a character who is more tailored to the Rook they portray/not having an emotional connection to the Inky, but atm...Man I Had Hopes. Made me feel stupid for getting so hyped up for a conclusion to a story arc for a character THEY SPECIFICALLY LEFT ON A CLIFFHANGER FOR A DECADE. I'll just draw art, lie face down in the ground and imagine a more narratively satisfying conclusion to my Inquisitors story.

[luckycl0ve]

Sounds like you and me.

sometimes the dialogue supports your own backstory for your ocs. in this instance. well. rook is the inquisitor's illegitimate son that he didn't know he had

You are the Inquisitor / You are Rook:

You are the Inquisitor. You were born of a scandalous affair between your father and an elven grand enchanter. Lord Trevelyan is a harsh, imposing, mountain of a man, so you're tall; you can hide the slight point of your ears behind your hair, so your open secret need never go addressed. Besides, Lady Trevelyan is kind, and raises you as her own alongside your true-born brothers and sisters - even when your magic manifests - though she cannot protect you from being taken to the circle at Ostwick. You meet a loving partner there, an elf a couple of years your senior, but the relationship does not last as they disappear without notice one day - one of many heartbreaks. You think of them whenever you hear Solas speak of the plight of the elven people, and you wonder if he knows of your lineage, but feel unable to ask: the topic has always been unspeakable for you, as a result of your upbringing, though you yearn to know yourself more. It is only in the later days of the Inquisition when Dorian gently breaks it to you - having done some research after hearing rumours circulating in Tevinter about a scandal concerning his beloved - that your old partner disappeared to have your son. He is a grey warden and a mage and, of course, he is an elf. You have missed his entire life and, from the sounds of it, it's not been an easy one for him. You could have helped him, maybe, or at least shown him that though you didn't count on him existing, you want to try and be something to him - for him. You wouldn't have chosen to leave him at the mercy of a world that treats mages and elves the way it does on his own. But so much for that. You cannot take it back nor make it right. He is 29 now, and what's more - he's working with Varric to undo your mistakes. You write letters, but they go unanswered: he doesn't wish to see you, and you can't say you blame him, though you wish he didn't feel that way. But when Solas' ritual goes wrong, you must see him anyway. It's what you wanted, but you can scarcely face what you are to him, what you've lost, and the way you've repeated and intensified the very mistakes your father made concerning you. 

You are angry. You are grieving what could have been. You yearn to be understood by the man opposite you, but you know it's probably too late for that, and there are more pressing matters at hand. What's been done weeps like an open wound inside you. You wonder if words could ever close it.

-

You are Rook. As a child you were essentially an orphan in the alienage at Denerim, having been sequestered there after a pair of mages had a child at the circle of Ostwick, to avoid scandal for some noble family or other. You were 7 when the fifth blight hit Denerim, and a Grey Warden who smiled and made jokes amidst the battle and the chaos fished you out of the rubble and handed your care over to the Dalish allies he was fighting alongside, given that the alienage was reduced to blood and ashes. You wanted to be like that warden when you grew up. You spent years with the Dalish, learning their language and customs, and the ways of magic under their keeper, but never truly fit in - even when you were able sit stone-still and silent for your vallaslin ceremony at age 16. You bear the vallaslin of Mythal on your face, the only steadfast mother you've had, though you aren't sure she's real. You left to find yourself not long after that, living a turbulent and troubled life travelling the Free Marches. You spent a few years in Darktown, Kirkwall, under the care and mentorship of an undercover mage who helped the less fortunate, including you, facilitating your physical transition. He showed you kindness you hadn't seen since the women in the alienage sang you lullabies, and you found a freedom in being as kind and just as he was, too. Trouble and violence inevitably came with associating with him, however, and the resultant choice to join the Grey Wardens and finally know your place was a clear one, if not one made lightly. You found out, through gossip and the knowledge of your elders, that you are a Trevelyan's son - the one they call Inquisitor. Travelling with Varric, you try not to ask too many questions about him, because clearly he's never been interested in you. You don't read the letters marked with the Inquisitor's seal: you know there are no words that can make up for all the trouble you've seen, and hardship you've experienced, in your young but tough life. You want to burn the letters, and wish he could feel it when you do - but somehow you can't find the strength in your righteous anger to cast them into the Lighthouse's fire; you leave them for Harding to read instead. On the strange journey you're undertaking, you eventually cannot avoid meeting Trevelyan, and you find that seeing yourself in him at long last - the parallels between your lives, the physical similarities - steals all the words you've fantasised about saying to him from your tongue. 

You are angry. You are grieving what could have been. You yearn to be understood by the man opposite you, but you know it's probably too late for that, and there are more pressing matters at hand. What's been done weeps like an open inside you. You wonder if words could ever close it.

[loredrinker]

Solas Before the Veil

Firstly, spoilers below...

It hit me yesterday - my whole perspective on Solas through the spirit lens has been shaped by the Veil as it exists now, this physical barrier separating the Fade from the physical world. 

But Solas made the choice to form a body in a time before the Veil existed. 

In the pre-Veil world, spirits weren’t alien or separate entities. They existed naturally alongside the elves, Titans, and dwarves. The Fade wasn’t a separate realm - it was woven into the very fabric of the world. There was no “crossing” into the physical realm because spirits were already a part of it. They weren’t outsiders; they were neighbors, collaborators, even friends. 

This realization has my mind spinning. This is why I love Solas as a character: the layers, the vastness of interpretation. 

No Veil. No twisting of purpose. 

There was no Veil for spirits to be pulled into or corrupted by. In those days, they didn’t “crossover” in the way we think of now - they used lyrium, the blood of Titans, to form physical bodies. 

His transformation likely wasn’t tied to the risks of corruption that spirits face in the post-Veil world (still a possibility). Without the trauma of “crossing” the Veil, spirits like Solas could become physical without risking their essence being warped (I'm not saying experiencing human emotions and the shock of being human wouldn't be traumatizing). In this context, it's not Pride vs Wisdom. Instead, it’s the natural struggle of a spirit becoming man. 

I am reforming a lot of Solas thoughts - from his connection to Mythal, to his pride, his decisions, even his relationships. Oh my god. Bear with me, this might ramble – this came up during Christmas dinner with my sister, and we ended up debating it over a lot of wine afterward. 

The world before the Veil wasn’t governed by absolutes like good and evil, or even spirit and demon. Those are oversimplifications. 

What if lyrium, the blood of Titans, acted as a stabilizing agent? A way for spirits to create physical forms without losing their identity or purpose? That would be so different from the chaotic, dangerous processes spirits face in present day Dragon Age. 

Still thinking this through.

Anyway, this is shifting how I see Solas, his choices, and what it means to be a spirit-turned-man (immortal man). 

(This thought made me think of an awesome 10 part breakdown I read just before Veilguard came out from @nadas-dirthalen.  They have amazing insight and concepts related to Solas, Lyrium and Titans that I need to reread if I'm going to go further with these thoughts).  

MYTHAL PERSUADING VS BINDING

I stand by my belief that Solas, despite his reluctance and hesitancy, chose to take a body. Where I once saw that choice as something that helped him avoid becoming completely twisted (as per this post), I’m starting to see it in a different light. 

I’ve never quite bought the theory that Mythal might have bound Solas. This perspective makes even more sense in this context (to me). 

How could Mythal have bound him? There was no Veil that would force a spirit to change. Lyrium was needed to create physical bodies. She couldn’t physically force him into corporeal form against his will because the act of using lyrium to transform a spirit into a body would require cooperation. Sure, it’s possible that in the pre-Veil world, spirits were metaphysically bound to serve beings like the Evanuris. But that kind of binding was different - a spirit might be compelled to act in service while still remaining in its natural form. 

The act of physically transforming into a body with lyrium, though? It’s physical. It would require active engagement with lyrium’s magical and physical properties.

For the transformation to succeed, the spirit would need to align its will with the lyrium. Does that sound right? The body it forms would reflect the spirit’s essence, and that process seems like it would require both consent and intent. Solas had to choose to take on a physical form by engaging with the lyrium. 

And Mythal would have needed Solas to act willingly. Binding him would’ve completely undermined the very wisdom she sought from him. If she needed his insight and perspective, she also needed him to act freely. We are led to believe a spirit of Wisdom can’t function under compulsion. (Spirit of Wisdom Codex: "I am not certain the spirit would have talked so freely had it been shackled at the time.") 

So, if a spirit has to actively engage with lyrium and use its own will and essence to shape a physical body, then Solas didn’t just choose. He committed. (And let’s take a moment to appreciate what a fine body he shaped.) 

Solas’s reluctance to take a body, as per his warnings to Mythal about the risks of using lyrium, tells me he understood exactly what the transformation entailed. He knew the dangers - not just to himself but to the morality of what they were doing, including the horrifying reality of exploiting Titans for their blood. And why wouldn't he? He was a spirt of Wisdom. 

There’s no question that Mythal persuaded him, manipulated that persuasion, appealing to his purpose, emotional manipulation - but she didn’t force him. 

He still agreed. 

He wasn’t drawn to physical form for power or glory but out of a sense of...what? Duty, loyalty and purpose? To Mythal? He didn’t take a body to dominate or conquer the physical world. He did it because Mythal needed him as a counterbalance to the growing chaos and imbalance caused by the Evanuris.  

And then? He regrets it. Big time. 

That regret, to me, is so telling. Regret is a reflective emotion - it stems from owning up to your own choices. If he’d been bound or coerced, his feelings would’ve leaned more toward resentment or anger at Mythal. Instead, he’s consumed by regret because it was his decision in the end. 

NO BINDING – NO TWISTING OF PURPOSE 

As a man, Solas struggles with pride - not as some twisted perversion of Wisdom in this context, but as a human emotion. 

Solas’s decisions are just so much more painful, awful, delightfully complex, and utterly infuriating because of all this. The layers! They’re impossible to ignore. And honestly, the whole Mythal geas thing always bugged me. It felt too simple, too black-and-white. Something about it didn’t sit right. 

If Solas was under her geas, how could he choose to walk away from her? How could he burn her vallaslin off his face? Some say Mythal marked him with the vallaslin as soon as he took bodily form; others think it came later. Does anyone actually know? Either way...the vallaslin might have been more symbolic since there’s no evidence Mythal used it to enslave her people (or is there? I'm too impatient to look right now). 

But if it did have magical enslaving powers? That makes Solas’s agency even more impressive. Despite that, he still chose to remove it – successfully. (Let's say Mythal did have some sort of magical power over Solas, could the burning off the vallaslin have severed that?)

Anyway...getting distracted. Sorry!

Ok, so lyrium. It’s the blood of Titans.  Titans are "earth," so by taking on a physical body, Solas connected himself to the earth. He became man - human in a way he wasn’t before. 

Pride isn’t some monstrous force he has to overcome. It’s an intrinsic part of who he is, shaped by his choices, struggles, and human experiences.

Solas is what he has always been, a man, all too aware of his failings.  

Solas has been revealing who he is all along.  

Anyway, I'm still thinking through a lot of this and how it might change more perspectives (like how I view the various endings, how his time with the Evanuris shaped him, the Inquisition time). Lots to chew on and things may shift again for me. But I’d love to hear other thoughts - even if it’s to tell me this doesn’t make any sense or if I got anything wrong.

[inqvisitor]

listen i LOVE ameridan and this might be a little delusional of me but i ALWAYS play jaws of hakkon it after the main story because of the emotional ramifications that come with it

my inquisitor just “won,” and yet everything feels so empty. her vallaslin, the connection to her people, taken away, almost stolen by a man who stole her heart right alongside them. he abandons her, emotionally and physically, and the inquisition has no end in sight — rifts still linger in the world, nobles are desperate for her to lend her ear, her soul is bound to mythal and flemeth to preserve whatever she could of her people, and any hope of returning to normalcy ends not with a bang, but with a whimper.

and then she meets ameridan. the last person to bear her title, another dalish elf with the world on his shoulders, and he hates it as much as she does! he gets it, finally someone gets it.

and he says what she needs. hearing “find moments of happiness for yourself, the world will take everything else” hits especially hard. after the closing of the breach took everything that my inquisitor knew? after the love of her life abandoned her to gods knows what? after all she ever knew as a dalish mage was thrust aside for the machinations of the chantry and andraste and the circle and whatever else took her apart piece by piece? it’s almost comforting knowing someone else knows how the burden feels.

because he didn’t want this! he lost telana, he lost time, he lost his life for this world. he didn’t want the burden or the struggle, and he hated the politics, and seeing her pain reflected in another’s eyes… it means so much.

and then he leaves her, too. even lonelier than before. and all she can wonder is what the world will take from her next.

[thedinanshiral]

Evanuris Who's Who -take two-

Take one is here and should be partially discarded now. SPOILERS for absolutely everything, by the way.

I base these entirely on my sixth sense for lore and plain and simple logic, what makes sense to me. I am so set on these BW could come up to my door to tell me i'm wrong and that still wouldn't change my mind. I don't consider datamined text or file names as canon, they're drafts upon drafts piled up and forgotten throughout development, placeholders, etc, they're unreliable. What i do considered to reach this conclusion is the Evanuris lore, what's already been defined throughout the games so far, and vibes. In regards to the pantomime masks in Veilguard and considering the development issues this game had to go through i can't blame the devs for maybe missmatching asset and text on something i'm sure was never a priority in the game (except Mythal's and Fen'Harel's pantomime masks i wouldn't have focused on getting the other right if i were under such pressure).

Here are the pictures with the Evanuris symbols that i've decided to refer to as crowns:

The ones that are 100% confirmed are Elgar'nan, Ghilan'nain and Andruil, who appears in the mural from the comic The Missing, alongside Ghilan'nain. The rest are for now open to interpretation...up to a certain point.

The exposition Morrigan does to Rook in the Crossroads when she reveals the path to the fragment of Mythal we can get to aid us later on includes a very interesting detail: Falon'din and Dirthamen are fragments too, of the same spirit. I had already decided their crowns had to be as i assigned them based on the fact they were allegedly twin borthers, so the two parts would make one, but that revelation cemented it. As to which one's which, because Falon'din is the guide of the dead i think the crown that looks more like a staff should be his, whereas the one with empty space in the middle would correspond to Dirthamen as god of secrets. It's more evident on the first picture, but Falon'din's could fit into that empty pace in Dirthamen's. What that original spirit may have been, i can't imagine at the moment, but perhaps it was a spirit that fell during the Titan war, and rejoined the Evanuris as two. Spirit lore is all over the place, but if we go by Solas' words from Inquisition after his friend is killed -and i do take his word on such matters, for obvious reasons- when a spirit dies something else may be born in its place, different but somewhat related, and the memories may not carry on but part of its nature maybe does. What could have been the original nature of a spirit that left Falon'din and Dirthamen in their stead? Not to mention their connection was strong enough that they remained close as brothers, inseparable as twins. This may have been a spirit that refused to go. There's also the likely possibility that it was a case similar to Mythal's, but instead of being scattered in order to preserve part of itself after being stabbed in the back by her own people, whatever the twins original identity was did not, and continued on as two Evanuris instead of one; on account of each taking on different attributes and personalities, however, i'm inclined to think their death was more akin to that of the Wisdom spirit in Inquisition.

Next we have Sylaise and June, i find them particularly interesting due to the fact Solas has had almost nothing to say of them. He had no reservations when it came to dragging Falon'din for his vanity at the temple of Mythal in Inquisition, or add that Andruil was also a goddess of sacrifice. I have long suspected that the reason for Solas' silence regarding this couple may be found in their possible contributions to his rebel cause once upon a time. Sylaise, the Hearth Keeper. Her crown could only be the one shaped like the sun, evoking the idea of warmth and fire. In Arlathan Forest one of the artifacts in the Veil Jumpers' vault is called "Sylaise's Firefly", an oil lamp that when unstable emits "tremendous heat and light" and can even melt stone. This very sun symbol is also adorning the top of the entrance to the Lighthouse, a building that emits a bright light into the sky, a place Solas and his people relied on during their rebellion against the Evanuris.

June, god of the Craft. He was the inventor among them and so he's responsible for much of their technology. He created the eluvians, and the light beams artifacts, possibly the entire lock system they're generally used for, maybe the crystal power cells too. I dare say, anything gold and turquoise comes from him, including the adornments in elvhen architecture -something Sylaise is also credited for and it makes sense they'd work together sometimes-. All Evanuris were flawed in some way or another, and arrogance, vanity and pride were definitely shared traits, yet we've found no records of June being upset Solas took his grand invention and modified it to skip over its main limitation, improving on it considerably with the Vi'Revas in the Crossroads. And that's a constant so far, we have no records of Sylaise and June being against Solas or fighting him before. We know Elgar'nan, Ghilan'nain, Andruil and even Mythal were at odds with Solas, and his opinion of Falon'din implies the same, but there aren't really anything on his relationship with Sylaise, June or Dirthamen, particularly the first two, and that's strange, to say the least. Maybe their biggest sin was remaining silent or falling in line with Elgar'nan and the others, maybe they weren't as strong and couldn't oppose openly.. Now as for why i think June's crown is the one that looks like...whatever that is, is more evident on the second picture, where it is unquestionably similar to that archdemon early concept art from Origins. The archdemon there is Urthemiel, and as Veilguard confirms that was June's dragon thrall. That pretty much seals it to me, this crown belongs to June.

(Please excuse the reflection, i took the photo myself from the Bioware 25th anniversary book. The archdemons being dragons was a later development, and i think it's evident the bottom half of this design was revisited for Ghilan'nain's final look)

And then there are the masks. These "pantomime masks" are linked to mementos in Veilguard. Caitie shared these already, with details about the assets filenames and whatnot, but i think they don't match at all with the Evanuris they're supposed to represent, it's a mess really. Here's what i propose:

Leaving aside Fen'Harel's and Mythal's because they're the most obvious and nobody would argue that, my reasoning for the others is as follows:

Elgar'nan: the horns resemble his crown within the limitations of the mask's triangular design, and he's very vain. His diary entry complaining about his archdemon having shrank somehow and wanting Ghilan'nain to make it bigger tells me enough, his mask would also be the biggest one.

Andruil & Ghilan'nain: doomed yuri i mean, they were together, they're both sad and crying. While they weren't the only item amongst the Evanuris they may have been the most tragic. Ghilan'nain is so affected by Andruil's death she mourned her still and planned to build her a monument.

Falon'din & Dirthamen: their similar shape and size, plus the detail on the forehead does tell me "twins", a shared origin, a set. Add to that the one i think matches Dirthamen has no mouth and all its spaces are empty, matching with his god of secrets identity.

June & Sylaise: i have nearly nothing for them on this. June's details do remind me of a constant element around Veilguard's elvhen designs, this one between the Veil Jumper's hands:

It's everywhere, on top of the ruins of Arlathan Forest and the buildings at the Lighthouse, on top of the teleport points all over the maps, anywhere you look where there's elvhen designs you'll see it. Just add a little tip on the three points and you have June's crown too. As for Sylaise's i do think in this picture the mask is possibly upside-down, but i'm sad to admit i don't have much else to go with here so it's Sylaise's for me because that's the last one left.

Going back to my suspicions that Sylaise and June may have helped Solas in some way, we have the mementos for their masks.

The Way of Peace: In narrative, she is the hearth you leave and return to. The comfort that bookends a journey where everything, especially self, has become unfamiliar.

The Master of Craft: In narrative, he is the means, and the tools by which needs are met or obstacles conquered. His will hides in the actions of others.

The text for Sylaise's pantomime mask reminds me immediately of the Lighthouse and what it must have meant to everyone who found shelter there . The text for June's is intriguing to me, the part "the means and the tools by which needs are met or obstacles conquered" could apply to the Vi'Revas, all the eluvians in the Crossroads, and his other creations being used by the rebellion. But that last sentence, "his will hides in the actions of others", is so odd, it doesn't really spell out "crafting", does it? Sounds to me like someone else may had done something he wished he could do himself.

Unrelated to their symbols, maybe, but i'd like to note that the artifacts in the Veil Jumpers' vault are named after the Evanuris who may have been on more or less friendly terms with Solas, initially. In addition to Sylaise's Firefly, there's also the Tear of June, found in a well (pointing perhaps to a connection between June and water, as so do the eluvians as mirrors and water being natural mirrors, in contraposition to Sylaise's fire, a couple of opposites) and capable of separating things into their constituent elements (including people...). There's also Ghilan'nain's Binding, suspiciously found in the ruins of an unnamed thaig and capable for merging multiple beings into one body; i find it a bit weird the Tear of June and Ghilan'nain's Binding could be used together for some monster-making but on second thought it shouldn't surprise me Ghil would make use of any means available to her, including one of June's inventions. Lastly we have Dirthamen's Guidance, found at the western edge of the White Spire, it causes nearby objects to float high into the air, indefinitely when it's unstable. This one is a bit odd but i can make it make sense if we consider even though in the past there was no Veil dividing the world there were still different realms, there was an above (the Fade) and a below (The Void), with the earth (Titans) in between, and in their mythology Dirthamen is said to have chased his brother into the Fade so perhaps that'd explain why this artifact with his name takes things up.

That's all i have for now, and i hope when we get World of Thedas vol.3 all these are in there and we get some real official canon lore for them but like i said, BW could tell me i'm wrong and i wouldn't change my mind easily. Feel free to disagree, as always, this is what works for me.

[therookerydatv]

Thinking about this post from earlier, and how the choices you'd made in all the games previously would play out and how cool that'd be if we actually got to keep the...well The Keep. Because yes, every choice we made in Southern Thedas, in the 20 years since Origins started should've counteracted, or made the situation in Southern Thedas worse.

But that also got me thinking about how else to improve the game, especially given the 10 years of time between DA:I and DAtV.

In a perfect world, the 4th party slot is taken up by a guest NPC per almost every zone, you get one per zone. The reason for this? In the tutorial for DAtV, it's several sections longer, comparable to its predecessors, and you need Fenris since he'd probably fw the Shadow Dragons. That should've been the introduction to your party only being 3 slots. Because Fenris would've hung back to help those that still needed it.

Kieran would be with the Veil Jumpers, there was a separate post about how fitting it would be for Morrigan, who's taken up the mantle as the Vessel for Mythal to suggest taking Kieran along with you, but I figured it'd break her declaration of not wanting to be the Mother Flemeth was to her. So I figure Kieran offers to be the 4th slot once you've found Bellara, since he can fill in for Bellara at camp(He did once house the Spirit of June, the Elven God of the Craft, you can't tell me he wouldn't fit in right at home amongst Arlathan and all the Veil Jumper artifacts. It'd probably help tie in the VJ Faction story if Kieran also had a personal quest line alongside Bellara's, not given the same weight in you as Rook deciding what she does with the Nadas Dirthalen, but more of his additional commentary on Arlathan and all the structures surrounding it)

Dunno who'd be your 4th for Mournwatch or for the Crows(I was thinking Zevran but for my personal World State he never leaves my Warden's side so :p)(I also thought about Sera, and her and the Jennie's spreading out to beyond Southern Thedas, still fighting the good fight looking out for the little guy, but I'm not too sure)

For the LoF, I figure Isabella will come along on personal missions for Taash, mostly because I feel like only Isabella is somewhat concerned with returning artifacts to where they belong (she learned her lesson) and the rest of the Armada, most the rest probably only do it at her insistence.

As for the Grey Warden's, I'm thinking either our Hawke shows up or possibly Anders(surely 10 years is enough time for things to cool off, plus Rook is traveling around with an Abomination, and he's cool!) although if our Hawke were to show up somewhere it would be Weisshaupt, with some additional flavor text about how it didn't fall the last time they came there and now it surely has. Otherwise you'd only hear about them via an update letter from the Inquisitor.

Speaking of, given that Flemeth through Mythal, controlled the Inquisitor to stop Morrigan from casting anything in the Fade when Flemeth called Kieran to her, what would have happened in DAtV regarding the Well?

Would the Inquisitor have been privy to the deepest parts of rage that Mythal possessed, would the part of Mythal that was Retribution have possessed the Inquisitor during the Solas goes into the Fade Prison willingly moment? Would that affect any of Solas' plans what with Morrigan becoming Mythals vessel and Inqy to some degree being willingly at her beck and call?

Would having the Well and Morrigan mean that the Watchers (Abelas and co.) would help during the campaign down South, they are to some degree bound by her will. If that's the case, maybe if Solas' elf posse was still a thing, during specific missions to get them to stand down, Morrigan and the Inquisitor would both be present to get them to stand down.

But now I'm stuck here with brain worms at 7:40 am, so I'm gonna head to bed.

[daitranscripts]

What Pride had Wrought Pt. 11

Petitioner's Chambers

What Pride had Wrought Masterpost First: Speaking With Morrigan First: Meeting Kieran Previous: The Ancient Crypts Previous: Hall of Shrines

The party enters a large room that looks empty. Morrigan turns as they walk.

Morrigan: ‘Tis not what I expected. What was this chamber used for… Hmm.

A number of Sentinel appear behind them in a flash of smoke.

PC: We’re being watched.

As they continue into the chamber, an elf walks out on the dias.

Abelas: Venavis. You… are unlike the other invaders.

Abelas (Solas in party): You stumble down our paths at the side of one of our own. Abelas (Sera in party): You stumble down our paths alongside elvhen, or at least those having our features. Abelas (Dalish PC): You have the features of those who call themselves elvhen.

Abelas: You bear the mark of magic which is… familiar. How has this come to pass? What is your connection to those who first disturbed our slumber?

Dialogue options:

General: They are my enemies. PC: They are my enemies, as well as yours. ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ

General: “Our slumber”? PC: I don’t understand the “slumber” bit. Who are you? ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ

General: First tell me who you are. PC: I won’t be interrogated at sword point. Declare yourself.

Abelas: I am called Abelas. We are Sentinels, tasked with standing against those who trespass on sacred ground. We wake only to fight, to preserve this place. Our numbers diminish with each invasion. I know what you seek. Like all who have come before, you wish to drink from the vir’abelasan.

Morrigan: “The Place of the Way of Sorrows.” He speaks of the Well!

Abelas: It is not for you. It is not for any of you.

1 - Dialogue options:

Investigate: You’re actual ancient elves? [2]

Investigate: What is the Well? [3]

Special: Solas, talk to him. [4]

Special (Dalish PC): The elves need you! [5]

General: We mean you no harm. [6]

General: That Well could be useful. [7]

General: We came to stop Corypheus. [8]

2 - Investigate: You’re actual ancient elves? PC: So… you’re elves from ancient times? Before the Tevinter Imperium destroyed Arlathan?

Abelas (Dorian not in party): The shemlen did not destroy Arlathan. We elvhen warred upon ourselves. By the time the doors to this sanctuary closed, our time was over. We awaken only when called, and each time find the world more foreign than before. It is meaningless. We endure. The vir’abelasan must be preserved. [back to 1]

Abelas (Dorian in party): The shemlen did not destroy Arlathan. We elven warred upon ourselves. By the time the doors to this sanctuary closed, our time was over. Dorian: Wait… that’s not right. What are you saying? Abelas: You would not know truth. Shemlen history is as short as the pool of your years. Dorian: What did the Imperium do, then? Are you saying it wasn’t a war? Abelas: The “war” of carrion feasting upon a corpse, yes. We awaken only when called, and each time find the world more foreign than before. It is meaningless. We endure. The vir’abelasan must be preserved. [back to 1]

3 - Investigate: What is the Well? PC: What is this vir’abelasan, exactly? Abelas: It is a path, one walked only by those who toiled in Mythal’s favor. Morrigan: He speaks of priests, perhaps? Abelas: More than that you need not know. [back to 1]

4 - Special: Solas, talk to him. PC: Solas, perhaps he’ll listen to you. Solas: What shall I say, Inquisitor? Shall I sway him from a millennia of service by virtue of our shared blood? He clings to all that remains of his world, because he lacks the power to restore it. [back to 1]

5 - Special: The elves need you! PC: Our people have lost everything. They need you. They could learn from you! Abelas: “Our” people? The ones we see in the forest, shadows wearing vallaslin? You are not my people. And you have invaded our sanctum as readily as the shemlen. PC (completed rituals): We knew this place was sacred. We’ve respected it as best we could. Abelas: I believe you. PC (did not complete rituals): We came to stop them. Abelas: I do not believe you.

6 - General: We mean you no harm. PC: We did not come here to fight you, nor to steal from your temple. Abelas (completed rituals): I believe you. Abelas (did not complete rituals): I do not believe you.

7 - General: That Well could be useful. PC: If the Well of Sorrows is a source of power, now is when it’s needed. Abelas: It is not power. Not such as you could use, even if I permitted it. PC: Yet Corypheus’s minions are here to claim it. Unless you’ve defeated them already. Abelas (completed rituals): We have not. Abelas (did not complete rituals): We shall fight them as we shall fight you.

8 - General: We came to stop Corypheus. PC: We came to stop Corypheus. He’s here to take your well, not I. Abelas (completed rituals): I believe you. Abelas (did not complete rituals): I do not believe you.

9 - Scene continues.

Choice dependent dialogue:

Completed rituals [10]

Did not complete rituals [11]

10 - Completed rituals

Abelas: Trespassers you are, but you have followed rites of petition. You have shown respect to Mythal. If these others are enemies of yours, we will aid you in destroying them. When this is done, you shall be permitted to depart… and never return.

Party comments:

Solas: This is our goal, is it not? There is no reason to fight these Sentinels.

Sera: So they can stab us in the back afterwards? Stuff that.

Dorian: I’ll admit, the idea of fighting the last of their kind… does not thrill me.

Cassandra: I do not trust them. We know not what they’ll do once the battle is over.

Morrigan: Consider carefully. You must stop Corypheus, yes, but you may also need the Well for your own.

Dialogue options:

We will ally. (Accept the Sentinel elves’ bargain.) [12] + Solas Greatly Approves + Cole Greatly Approves - Sera Disapproves

I don’t trust them. (Refuse the Sentinel’s offer) [13]

We may need that well. (Refuse the Sentinel’s offer) [14]

12 - We will ally. PC: I accept your offer. Abelas: You will be guided to those you seek. As for the vir’abelasan… it shall not be despoiled, even if I must destroy it myself. [15]

13 - I don’t trust them. PC: I refuse. Abelas: As you wish. Our duty is clear. [11]

14 - We may need that well. PC: I refuse. Abelas: As you wish. Our duty is clear. [11]

15 - Scene continues.

Abelas leaves.

Morrigan: No!

Morrigan turns into a raven and gives chase to Abelas.

PC: Morrigan!

Party comments:

Dorian (if in party and asked about ancient elves): He said the elves destroyed themselves, before my countrymen came along. Could that be true? I can hardly believe it.

Dorian (if in party and didn’t ask about ancient elves): One stayed behind. Our guide, I suppose?

Varric: They left someone behind. A handy guide, maybe?

PC: This would be our guide?

Sentinel: Mythal’enaste.

PC: That’s helpful, since Morrigan chased off on her own.

Party comments:

Vivienne: Dear Morrigan left to use the Well herself, undoubtedly.

Solas: She seeks to protect the Well of Sorrows.

Cassandra: She’s worried about this Well, not Corypheus.

Cole: She turned into a bird!

They follow the guide down a twisting hallway into the vaults.

PC: This place looks untouched.

Party comments:

Iron Bull: You have any idea how much this place is worth? Solas: We did not come to cart off the last of elvhen glory. Iron Bull: I’m just saying! PC: Don’t let Solas hear you say that. Iron Bull: Admit it. You were wondering.

Cassandra: The entire temple must have looked like this long ago. How could the elves pour such devotion into this… nonsense? Solas: We can always ask our hosts. Cassandra: I will leave that to you.

Blackwall: I’ve seen Orlesian palaces with less gold. What did the ancient elves do here? Solas: Perhaps it was meant to kindle a sense of awe in visitors.

They continue through the halls.

Sentinel: Penshra! Ghilas vellathan!

Party comments:

Solas: I believe she would prefer that we remain close.

Varric: I think she wants us to go back?

Cassandra: She wants us to stay close.

PC: Just a quick look around.

They hear the sentinels fighting Venatori/red templars.

PC (sided templars): The Sentinels are holding against the Venatori. PC (sided mages): The Sentinels are holding off the red templars.

Party comments:

Solas: We should hurry. Their numbers are not endless.

Dorian: Count your blessings we’re not still fighting both at the same time.

Vivienne: How tragic. Our elven friends might exhaust themselves here.

Varric: Glad we’re not between them.

Sera: Good for something, I guess. If they keep it up.

Solas: Abelas gave us his word. Sera: Well, good for Dusty-Butt.

Cole: They’re dying. Faster than they wanted to.

The sentinel continues to guide them down hallways and up stairs.

Sentinel: Vir sumeil.

PC (Dalish): I’ve never heard that phrase. Can anyone translate? PC (non-Dalish): Can anyone translate?

Solas: “We are close.” Ma serannas, ghilan.

Sera (Solas not in party): I’ll try. (Clears her throat.) Can. You. Talk. Like. Us! Sentinel: Delltash! PC: Never mind.

The PC exits the vaults. Scene ends.

11 - Did not complete rituals: - Solas Greatly Disapproves - Cole Greatly Disapproves - Dorian Greatly Disapproves - Blackwall Disapproves - Sera Approves - Iron Bull Approves

Abelas: Our duty is clear. The vir’abelasan shall not be usurped… even if I must destroy it. Masal din’an.

Abelas leaves.

Morrigan: No!

Morrigan turns into a raven and gives chase to Abelas.

PC: Morrigan!

The Sentinels attack, and the party fights.

Party Comments:

Vivienne: Stop their mages!

Dorian: Watch out for the mages!

Solas: They have mages!

Cassandra: Careful! Their assassins disappear!

Iron Bull: Watch the assassins!

Blackwall: Careful! The have assassins!

Varric: Watch the archers!

Sera: Archers, yeah! Pointy shits!

Cole: Archers! Be careful!

Party comments:

Solas (if in party): That was unnecessary. A pointless waste of life.

Dialogue options:

General: I agree. [16]

General (completed rituals but did not ally): What else could we do? [17]

General: What else could we do? [18]

General: This was their fault. [19]

Don’t respond. [20]

16 - General: I agree. PC: Such a waste. To live through eternity, only to end up like that… Solas: Then perhaps you should have agreed to his deal. Solas: Then perhaps you should have done the rituals, instead of blundering after the magisters.

17 - General: What else could we do? PC: I should have trusted his so-called deal? Solas: Why not? Did he not seem honorable? PC: He’s a guardian, trying to eliminate one group of invaders before the next. Solas: You don’t know that. [21]

18 - General: What else could we do? PC: Were we supposed to lie down and die for those elves? Solas: If we’d completed the rituals, perhaps the Sentinels would have been open to discussion. PC: Would you risk our lives on it? Solas: (Sighs.) No. I would not. [21]

19 - General: This was their fault. PC: I didn’t make them attack, Solas. They’re the ones clinging to their pointless duty. Solas: Pointless, is it? This is their land, not yours. PC: We had to come to stop Corypheus. You followed me here! Solas: (Sighs.) Yes. So I did. [21]

20 - Don’t respond Solas: (Sighs.) I should have known. [21]

21 - Scene continues.

Party comments:

Dorian (if in party and asked about ancient elves): He said the elves destroyed themselves, before my countrymen came along. Could that be true? I can hardly believe it.

Dorian (if in party and didn’t ask about ancient elves): How many centuries have they guarded this place? Only to be gutted for no good reason.

Blackwall: I thought ancient beings were supposed to be wise.

Cole: Sleep, protect, serve. So little of them left, but still they were afraid to lose it.

Iron Bull: Apparently humans aren’t the only stubborn fools on this continent.

Sera: Pfft! How old could they be if they died so stupid? Right?

The party heads through the vaults, fighting sentinels and Venatori/red templars as they go.

PC: This place is like a maze.

Party comments:

Sera: Elfy-elves didn’t want normal people near their precious Well. Vivienne: Is is a maze. This Well of Sorrows was clearly not for the common man.

Varric: You surprised? This temple doesn’t exactly roll out welcome mats.

Cassandra: Be ready. These elven Sentinels will know every turn.

Iron Bull: There better be something good at the end of this.

Cole: Can you hear that ahead? People whispering?

Dorian: Let’s follow the sound of the fighting. That usually works for us.

The party exits the door at the end of the vault.

Next: Confronting Calpernia Next: Confronting Samson

[wardencommanderrodimiss]

I think a lot about the "What would you have me say? That I was the great adversary in your people's mythology?" "I would have had you trust me!" exchange in Trespasser because with Ena and Solas it's like. Solas knows how Ena responds to horrific revelations about the lies being told by someone she's close to. Blackwall's right there!

And the thing is! Ena wasn't even that close to Blackwall! They got along fine, they didn't really have any disagreement on the choices Ena made, but just on a personal level, they had nothing in common. Ena got along with everyone, but her closest friends were Dorian, Bull, and Josephine. She'd probably call Blackwall her friend, sure, just by virtue of all the time they've spent fighting and traveling together, but she's not like, spending a lot of her downtime hanging out with him the way she would some of her other friends.

But when he disappears with only a vague message left behind, she goes looking for him, and when he confesses the truth and ends up in an Orlesian jail - well, Ena's still reeling, she talks to him and comes away and tells Cullen she's not sure what she'll do, but then she thinks for a single second and is like well. either I do something or he gets executed by Orlais. That's it. I don't like that thought, so I have to do something. She tells the Inquisition to pull some strings to put him in her custody, because for all the horror he's confessed to - for all that she is, personally, appalled by what he did - Ena still trusts the person she's fought alongside. She trusts that a man who confessed his lie when he had nothing to gain and everything to lose from it is worthy of her trust, and of the pardon she grants him. And she knows that Orlais is going to be mad, she is warned of that and it's there rattling around in the back of her skull, but - is she a hypocrite, is she abusing her power, maybe, maybe, but Blackwall is one of her people and she does not let her people hang when she is so sure that they are more than the worst thing they ever did.

Even with her conviction that he should have this second chance, their relationship going forward is...uncomfortable, for a while, because of course it is. How can it not be? You think you know a guy. But Ena still checks in with him, takes him on missions, lets him rebuild that trust with her.

And Solas is right there and sees all of this and maybe his confessions are, how do you say, even a bit more than Blackwall's, but Solas still has a damn good idea of how Ena is going to respond! And after the Temple of Mythal, that conversation with Abelas, she already knows that the history of the gods and the ancient elves is different than she thought it was! She hasn't rejected that truth! She's confused, and wants to know more, and, well - Solas chickens out of giving her a different truth.

And Viddasala is the one who gives her the truth, instead. Or at least part of it, and Ena figures out the rest, and even still - having just been told Solas gave Corypheus the orb, her response is still "Whatever else, Solas was one of us. I won't leave him for Viddasala." Like she wouldn't leave Blackwall to the Orlesians! Those are her people.

And even after Solas tells her what he plans to do, and her response is "I never thought of you as someone who would do that, Solas" - Solas is straight up telling her that he is not the person that she thought he was, and yet. She still chooses to trust in the person that she knew, and fought alongside (and loved in Solas' case), no matter the horrid truth that they are currently telling her.

This is because she is deeply loyal but also a little deranged about it.

Basically, even if Ena hadn't romanced Solas, she absolutely still would be pursuing the "I can change him" path, because she does not give up on her people, even when they are actively telling her to give up on them. There might be something wrong with her.

[broodwolf221]

THE MERRY WHUMP OF MAY

1st — Breathless “Get back in there”; ring box; cliff ao3: Proving Ground

cws: lots of pain; magical electrocution; dissociation; stress position

1366 words

He would perform, and perform again. This proving ground was where he demonstrated his fealty to Mythal and proved his capability, his worth as her chosen, her weapon. At first he had fought others, but over time the challenges became more complex. He had been made to fight creatures, sometimes to the death, or had to navigate systems of pain to prove his loyalty.

He awaited his challenge, stomach dropping when Elgar'nan stood. The challenges he set were some of the most brutal, particularly when he smiled the way he was now. Solas was presented with a small, innocuous looking box. He took it and, meeting Elgar'nan’s eyes briefly for approval, opened it. Inside lay a beautiful ring of faceted crystal. He frowned down at it for a moment. “Wear it,” he was ordered, the All-Father’s voice leaving no room for disobedience. It took a moment to find which finger it would fit on, but it slipped smoothly down his left middle finger. 

A moment later and he was gasping, clutching the small box it'd come in so hard he heard it crack. It took everything in him to not fall to his knees and try to rip the ring off, anything to end the pulsation of horrible pain that wracked his body. He forced his eyes open—when had they closed?—to stare at the ring, at the arcs of blue lightning that crackled across its surface before sinking into his skin.

At long last it eased and he could breathe again, trying to fill his lungs—only to bite back a thick sob when it started all over again. “It will keep going until you finish,” Elgar'nan said cooly, Solas forcing himself to look up and meet his eyes. The sooner he could end this, the sooner the pain would stop. That was all he let himself think about right now—not the fury that boiled just beneath his skin, not the bitter loathing, not the violence he craved to enact on the Evanuris for making his suffering into entertainment.

He stepped to the side, revealing an angled platform. “Come,” he said simply, proceeding alongside it. Solas forced himself to move despite the pain. He could not disguise the entirety of his reactions, but he at least prevented himself from screaming. He did not wish to give them the satisfaction. Where Elgar'nan strode beside the platform Solas ascended it, hesitating at the precipice. “You will balance here,” Elgar'nan insisted. “Step forward.” 

He steeled himself and took the final step, grateful that the ring was momentarily quiescent as he settled the arches of his feet against the sharp edge. It was not a long ways down but it still gave him an intense feeling of vertigo. “You will maintain this position until the sand runs out of this vial—” at his gesture a large hourglass turned, his magic fueling it. It began to drain horribly slowly. “If you fail, the time will be reset and you will do it again.” He glanced up at Solas with a sharp smile. “I recommend not failing.”

As Elgar'nan turned away the ring began again and he jerked so hard he nearly fell, only catching himself at the last moment. Even then he teetered dangerously, each movement forcing the edge further into his sensitive arches.

It was so difficult. The ring pulsed through his entire body, leaving no part of him without pain. As Elgar'nan returned to his seat the others began to talk amongst themselves, still frequently staring at him.

When he felt the first line of tears down his face, he knew he could no longer meet Mythal's eyes. He was behaving shamefully, body flinching as the power coursed through him. Whenever it stopped he sagged and panted, struggling to get enough air while it was ongoing.

He stared down at the ground, or closed his eyes. Sometimes he watched the arcs of power from the ring, trying to lose himself in their beauty. There were times that he could pull himself away from his suffering, but this… the irregular reprieves made it so much worse, and each time it came back he suffered as if it was the first time. It felt as if he was being burned from the inside out, his muscles clenching, his teeth grinding together as he spasmed. At last he fell, unaware of what was happening until he felt his side impact the dirt below, what little air he had being pushed out of him abruptly. He curled into a ball as the pain wracked through him, the tears endless now. 

He wasn't processing anything until he was abruptly lifted by his collar, choking as the front of his tunic cut into his throat. He met Elgar'nan’s eyes, and a wave of fear washed over him at the anger he saw there. “You only made it halfway through, you worthless thing,” he spat out as he shook Solas—like how one might scruff a misbehaving dog. Except the dog could still breathe. “Get back up there,” he told him icily before throwing him on the ground. 

He shivered as he struggled to all fours, shaking like a leaf as the lightning moved through his body. This was a shameful display… he should stand. But he did not think he could walk the full distance. Instead he crawled, stopping sometimes to tremble and gasp, but he finally made it up the short ramp. He had to stand now, he knew, slowly pushing himself upright. He wished there were poles to drag himself up by, to hold onto, but there was nothing save his own balance and determination to bear the pain. 

He did not know how he managed to stand, but eventually he was letting the edge sink into the deep furrows in his arches, a sob escaping him at the new kind of pain, something blunt and warm compared to the coursing power.

This time he watched the hourglass. It had been a mistake to try and escape his body—he needed to maintain his position if this was to ever end. So he marked each grain of sand that drained through, and he shook as the lightning ripped through him, and he wept as he felt his feet grow hot at first then cool down as he cut off his own circulation. Everything was a different type of misery, but he just watched the sand. He did not let himself look away once.

Eventually he started counting the grains, although he frequently lost track. The pain of the ring was so sharp, so brutal and unyielding, and as soon as he was beginning to drift off somewhere that he stopped feeling it so strongly it stopped. Then he was left with the anticipation and fear, the other pains surging to the forefront until they were once more displaced by the lightning. Again and again and again.

He blinked when he realized the sand was nearing the end. Now he counted each grain fervently. One, two, three—a fourth, counted shakily as he spasmed and his legs wanted to give out—five, six…

Just a few more…

Finally. He knew he was still weeping as he met Elgar’nan’s eyes, waiting until he gave a faint nod before allowing himself to fall forward onto his knees, grunting at the impact. The lightning stopped and he yanked the ring off, tossing it away from himself, shaking in the dirt, hands digging into the cool soil as his feet burned with fresh blood. He’d need healing after this. He often did. But they would not bring him to a healer, he would need to seek one on his own. He closed his eyes and concentrated for a moment, his magic feeling distant and clumsy, but he managed to heal himself enough that he could stand, albeit weakly. He bowed to Elgar’nan, then to Mythal, and turned to slowly leave the proving ground.

He did not wipe his face clean of tears and dirt until he was beyond their gaze, collapsing against a nearby wall with a gasp, shaking as he crumpled to the floor. He would rise again soon, seek out a healer soon, but for now he let himself feel it all.

[ar-ghilas-vir-banal]

The painstaking care someone (despite Epler, thank God for this) put into tilting his head or the angle so his tears are so visible. He’s so broken. And in the free cam, when you’re looking straight at him, Solas tells Lavellan tha where he’s going is terrible. And then this look quirks down his brow.

He’s expecting, maybe even waiting for her to “You know what? You’re right. I love you but no. Have a miserable eternity.” It’s safer that way. Better to expect the worst and try to hold it together for a few more minutes.

But she diligently refuses to abandon him. Marries the man on the spot. For once, Solas bearing his very soul to the world is rewarded with love beyond anything he ever considered receiving.

Someone else was talking about how Solas views Lavellan alongside Mythal. The quote was “I would’ve been safe with you.”

He’s safe now. Bellanaris.

i have been sitting here staring at the way he looks at her with such raw vulnerability in this scene as he says "where i go will be terrible" and she responds that it will not be terrible if they are together and i am still not over it. the animation in this is insane. i can feel how much he loves her and how heartbroken he is. his eyes are literally still wet with tears.

"you don't let anyone see under that polite mask of yours, do you?" "you saw more than most" -> this

[dreadfutures]

Happy Friday!!! For the DADWC how about some Felassan & Cole: perhaps "you already know how this will end" from the make it hurt prompts.

Thank you, badger! For @dadrunkwriting

Rating: G

Pairing: Felassan & Cole (+ Felassan's hound dog, Fanny)

-:-:-

Fanny's long tongue flapped erratically as she panted in the shade, flinging specs of drool all over Felassan's leg and darkening the sandstone around where they lay.

She tilted her head up as some force flipped her ears inside-out, and Felassan was unsurprised to see Cole appear out of thin air beside her. Fanny hardly reacted, as though he had been there from the moment she plopped down out of the sun.

"Hello, Compassion," he said quietly, turning his gaze back to the camp far below them as he continued to scratch Fanny's spotted rump. "I was thinking of asking to borrow that hat of yours."

"This heat," Cole said in a tone of agreement. "You can borrow it, but I don't think it will work for you. You already know what it is. What I am. The sun would pass right through."

"Or," Felassan replied with a smile, "because I know that, my expectation that your hat will behave like a hat will be enough to make sure it is a hat."

He glanced back at Cole to find the uncanny, watery eyes of the spirit boy upon him, and he looked away again. Discomfort gnawed in his gut.

"Even if that works," Cole said, "that doesn't mean the other things you expect will be true. That's now how this works."

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

Felassan leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees and looked placidly down at the Inquisition camp. He can see the small Inquisitor, made smaller by the trick of distance, as she speaks with the Orlesian mage.

Cole stretched out his legs and lay on the ground alongside Fanny, who rolled on to her side to mirror him, one paw lifted to invite him in for a belly rub. "Hmm," Cole said, under his breath.

Felassan sighed. "What."

"You already know how this will end," said Cole matter-of-factly.

"I suppose I do—"

"But it's the same thing. Why does your knowing mean something different than what she knows?" Cole interrupted. "Is it because the one you wear on your face told you, and the one she wears on her face and the one she wears on her heart are absent? That's what I can't understand! Mythal isn't here to see the ending through. You are. So why does it have to be what she wants it to be? Why do you have to be what she wants you to be?"

A warning rose in Felassan's breast, but it was choked out by the anger that rose, too. His chest heaved in silence as Cole, unperturbed, continued to scratch Fanny's armpit. They always seemed to be itchy. All Felassan can muster in the end, his voice resolutely in conversational tones, was: "I do not have to be anything, lethallen. That is the freedom of this form. I can choose, and I am in a position where my choice will be unopposed. I know how this—how I will end this."

Cole shrugged one shoulder, his face hidden behind his hat.

"What?" Felassan asked again, untamed anger gripping him tightly by the throat. It had started to leech into his voice again despite his best attempt at maintaining a jester's smile. It was false, a facade, and knowing that about himself made it harder to pretend.

That was why it was so important that he did not doubt the outcome he had set his mind to bring about.

"You know what happens after it ends, too," Cole said quietly.

"It would be very helpful if you made me forget that," Felassan snapped.

"No."

Cole vanished, and Felassan's cursing startled Fanny to her feet.

[pikapeppa]

Solavellan smut: Checkmate

“Mage to C4,” Solas said.

“Arishok to H4. Check,” Bull replied. “You got laid last night, didn’t you?”

Solas raised an eyebrow. “Did you hear anyone ‘getting laid’ last night, as you so colourfully put it?”

“Nope,” Bull said. “Doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, though.”

Solas forced himself not to smirk. Bull wasn’t wrong, after all. He may not have heard Solas and Nare having sex in their shared tent last night, but that didn’t mean it didn’t happen. 

How it happened, however: now that was something Bull probably wouldn’t approve of.

***********************

Solas and @elbenherzart‘s Nare Lavellan are back and as horny as ever! 😂👀😏 This time with some Solas and Iron Bull banter, because I love their friendship so much. 

A short excerpt is below! Read the full fic here on AO3. ~14k words and NSFW, of course.

************************

The Iron Bull inhaled deeply through his nose, then released his breath in a loud and satisfied sigh. “Harding was right, Boss,” he said to Nare. “It’s real nice and leafy here.”

Solas smiled faintly. Bull wasn’t wrong; the Emerald Graves were, to say the least, ‘nice and leafy’. But for Solas, this location was much more than that. 

This location bordered a territory that the people of this time called the Arbour Wilds: the beautiful and once-intensely-magical site where one of Mythal’s strongholds still stood tall. Most Dalish only knew this place as the home of the Emerald Knights some seven centuries ago, but Solas knew that the history of this forest went far further back than that – unfathomably farther back, from the perspective of today’s short-lived people. Solas had known this forest when some of these trees had been little more than saplings. He had once walked these lands on footsteps so light that they barely brushed across the grass, back in the days when the bones of the ancient buildings that dotted the hills and valleys had been glimmering bastions of magic and architectural mastery. 

He looked up at Bull. “Leafy, yes — to say the least. These trees are hundreds of years old.” He lifted his chin to admire the thick and craggy branches that stretched their verdant fingers toward the sky. “Each of these trees has borne witness to more history than most of us could imagine.”

Bull clapped him on the back. “Whatever you say, Solas.” He glanced over his shoulder at Nare, who was walking alongside Varric. “It’s a good thing you didn’t bring the Vint along. He’d be having fits about this overabundance of nature.”

Varric huffed. “You’re still calling him ‘the Vint’? I thought you and Sparkler were, you know. Official now.”

“We are,” Bull said proudly. “What’s your point?”

Cassandra replied from just up ahead. “‘The Vint’ is hardly an affectionate nickname.”

Bull grinned. “That’s a bit rich coming from you. Didn’t you only just stop calling Solas ‘the apostate’ about a month ago?”

Cassandra frowned as she fell back to join them. “Don’t exaggerate. It has been longer than that. Besides, that is different. Solas is not romantically involved with me.” She glanced back at Nare. “I apologize if this conversation implied as much, Inquisitor.”

“It doesn’t, Cassandra, don’t worry,” Nare said. She smiled at Solas, and he helplessly returned her smile. He and Nare had been together for a couple of months now, but each day with her still felt somehow new and breathtakingly delicious, like the first tender fiddlehead shoots in the spring. 

And yet, although he and Nare had been ravishing each other regularly for months, his hunger for her still felt as immense as it had before he’d ceded to his unwise but undeniable desire for her — and unfortunately, being on an expedition with Nare and their companions afforded limited privacy or time to indulge their appetites for each other. They had been travelling now for nearly a week and had not made love once during that time, and Solas was truly starting to feel the absence of Nare’s intimate touch. 

You can withstand this distance, he reminded himself for the umpteenth time. He wasn’t a slave to his own sexual needs, after all; he was a man of wisdom and patience and extensive age, and he could hold out on his desire for Nare until they returned to Skyhold in another week or so. 

Varric chuckled. “Can’t speak for you guys, but I’m glad Her Inquisitorialness decided to leave Dorian behind. I think one sappy couple in our company is more than enough.”

Nare laughed and poked his arm in rebuke, and Cassandra gave him a chiding look. “Solas and Nare are not sappy, Varric. I think they are behaving very respectably.”

“Thank you,” Solas said, genuinely amused by her approval. 

Bull clicked his tongue. “Cassandra, you’re a walking contradiction.”

“I beg your pardon?” she said.

“Do you want everyone to have their hearts on their sleeves, or do you want them to keep their feelings bottled up like a gaatlok cask?”

She gave him an annoyed look. “What are you talking about? And why are you laughing?” she demanded to Varric.

He held up his hands. “No reason. I’m just a happy dwarf, that’s all.”

Bull continued to press her. “First you want me to start calling Dorian by some sort of cutesy nickname. Then—”

Cassandra spluttered. “I didn’t — I said nothing about cutesy nicknames!”

He blithely went on. “Then you’re saying you approve of Solas and the boss keeping their libidos to themselves.”

“Bull!” Nare exclaimed. 

Bull shot her a grin before turning back to Cassandra. “Which is it, Seeker? Do you want to see the romance blooming around you or not?”

“I did not — you’re putting words into my mouth!” she protested. “It is none of my business how any of you govern your affairs of the heart.”

“And yet you had no problem discussing it when I called Dorian ‘the Vint’,” Bull said slyly. 

She scoffed loudly. “That’s because – but Varric was the one–!” 

“What did I do this time?” Varric asked. 

Cassandra shot him and Bull a forbidding look. “We should discuss this no further when we have important business to take care of. Is that not so, Inquisitor?”

“You’re absolutely right, Cassandra,” Nare said – even though she had been snickering quietly throughout the whole exchange. “Bull, stay on task. You’re distracting everyone.”

“Yes ma’am,” Bull said obediently.

Nare grinned at him, then turned to Solas. “I’m going to scout up ahead with Cassandra.”

“As you wish, Inquisitor,” Solas said. Then he tucked a stray lock of fiery hair behind her ear. “Stay vigilant for rifts. I am here if you need me.”

“Thank you, hah’ren,” she said. 

Her tone was polite, but her eyes were sparkling with a coy sort of mischief, and Solas carefully stopped himself from reacting beyond a polite smile. Then Nare bounced away to join a bickering Cassandra and Varric, leaving Solas alone with the Iron Bull. 

Solas smiled faintly at Bull and continued the pastime that he and the Tal-Vashoth had begun during the journey. “If you have a moment: pawn to H4.”

Bull chuckled. “Arishok to G6.”

“Pawn to H5,” Solas said promptly. “Careful.”

“You’re the one who lost his mage,” Bull said. “Arishok to G5. Varric is right, by the way,” he added. “You and the boss seem happy.” 

“Thank you,” Solas said. “We are. Queen to F3.” Truthfully, Solas was so happy with Nare that he felt rather guilty about it. In such a short time, Nare had become a pervasive fixture in his mind, an omnipresent facet of his thoughts whether he was studying or meditating or training to strengthen his magic in this tranquil time, and her presence in his life was like a brilliantly-cut diamond refracting colour and light into even the most mundane tasks.

Nare made him happy when he had no right to be, not when he had made such spectacular mistakes that he ought to be focused on fixing, and the knowledge that his happiness was undeserved almost got in the way of his joy.

Almost, but not quite.

Read the rest here on AO3.