#riff's son socks

[the-woild-is-y-erster]

draw my man ❤️❤️

( Aka cructhie )

possible socks too but that’s my era of drawing

OK HI I FINALLY FINISHED IT SORRY I WAS OUT OF TOWN FOR THE WEEKEND

woe, modern sockscrutchie be upon ye

uh crutchie is in fact wearing crust pants and a vest, i was in a Mood ok and like the way i started drawing crutchie wouldve just been weird if he wasnt lookin ag someone so threw socks in there too

sorry? ig lmao

im still trying to figure out how to draw them both so if this sucks ass im sorry but i just think theyre silly<3

[zorosangell]

⛥ﾟ・。 protector: chapter six

synopsis: " you were supposed to stay a crewate, just another back to watch, " he tightened his hold, " i didn't even notice the change until i woke up one day and realized i'd take a bullet for you "

cw: violence, gore, fighting, mature themes, profanity, MAJOR/MINOR ANIME SPOILERS, follows the plot of the anime, slowww burn.

a/n: reposting from another account

Everyone crash landed right next to this tree Usopp was perched in, but you managed to catch the kids before they could hit the ground. 

"My goodness, are you okay?" a girl, who you assumed to be Kaya, asked from her window, concerned.

"Uh, Kaya, don't worry about them. That's just the price of being a famous adventurer! They're just new recruits who heard about me and came to join the Usopp pirates!" Usopp nervously tried to cover.

"Nope, not me. I came here to see you. I wanted to ask you a favor," Luffy stated, standing up and brushing himself off. 

"A favor? From me?" Kaya asked.

"Uh huh. I was wondering if there was anyway you could help us get a boat," Luffy started.

"You there!" an angry voice interrupted, "What do you think you're doing?"

It was a man with slicked, black hair, and he was wearing a swirly suit. 

"Klahadore," Kaya sighed.

"Get out! I'll have you know that this is criminal trespassing," he stated.

'He looks familiar.' 

"Uh, actually Klahadore, these people are—" "Not now, Kaya. You can tell me all about this riff-raff after they've left. Now get out! All of you."

"Riff-raff?" you cocked an eyebrow, tongue in cheek as you got ready to walk up to him before Zoro pulled you back.

"Not now," he sighed.

"Leave now unless you have some business with me," Klahadore ordered, turning around and starting off.

"Alright! Do you think that you could help us get a ship?" Luffy asked.

"Certainly not! Usopp!" Klahadore shouted.

"Crap!" Usopp winced, as if the words stung.

"You have quite the reputation. You are very well known in the village. I hear you've been on many an adventure. Quite impressive for someone as young as you," Klahadore falsely complimented.

"Usually, people who admire me so much, call me Captain. So it's Captain Usopp to you," the boy smirked.

"Captain, huh?" Klahadore laughed, "Your father also had something of a reputation."

"What?" Usopp growled.

"Klahadore, please just stop!" Kaya exclaimed. 

"You'll never be anything more than the son of a filthy pirate. Who knows what sort of trouble you're up to now? All I ask is that you and your kind leave this respectable young lady alone," Klahadore smirked.

"A filthy pirate?!" Usopp angrily repeated.

"You and her are from different worlds and you know it! Is it money you're after? How much do you want?" Klahadore asked.

"Cease this at once, Klahadore! Apologize to him!" Kaya shouted. 

"I don't believe there is any reason to apologize to this savage young man, my Lady. My goal isn't to slander. I am merely stating the truth. I sympathize with your situation. You must hate your great idiot of a father for abandoning his family and his village because of his mindless lust for treasure!" 

"Klahadore, stop!" Kaya ordered.

"Don't you dare insult my father ever again!" Usopp growled, jumping down from his perch and glaring at the disrespectful butler.

"Why have you gotten so worked up Usopp? It's times like these when you should do what you do best and lie. Tell me about how your father is really a traveling salesman, or about how you aren't really related by blood," Klahadore smirked.

Usopp immediately socked him in the face.

Everyone gasped.

"Alright, Usopp!" you cheered, Zoro still holding you back.

"Case in point! He results to violence! I guess the apple never falls far from the tree, does it?" Klahadore stated.

"Shut up! My father listened to his heart an chose a life of risk and adventure! I am proud to say that my old man is a brave warrior of the sea. You're right, I have been known to exaggerate form time to time, but I will never lie about who my father is! I refuse to be ashamed of my heritage! I am the son of a pirate!" Usopp shouted.

Klahadore chuckled.

"Pirate are brave warriors of the sea, are they? That's quite a twisted way of putting things. You don't seem to understand that you are living proof of his savage blood. You run around spouting lies and use violence when you don't get your way. To top it off, you cozy up to the lady of the house to steal her fortune," he stood up, brushing himself off.

"You're wrong! I only—" "Your father is a filthy, no-good pirate! Treachery is in your blood! Of course you would hatch such an evil scheme!" Klahadore interrupted Usopp, shouting.

"You won't let up, will you?!" Usopp shouted back, grabbing the butler's shirt and winding his fist.

"Stop it, Usopp! Please! No more violence! I can't take it! Klahadore isn't a bad person... he's just—he's just trying to do what he thinks is best for me and sometimes he goes too far," Kaya pleaded. 

Usopp begrudgingly loosened his grip and Klahadore slapped Usopp's hand away. 

"Leave this place. You are never to come here again!" he ordered.

"Yeah, I get it. You don't have to tell me twice, buddy. This is the last you'll ever see of me," Usopp spat, walking off.

Just then, the Usopp Pirates ran in front of Klahadore.

"Hey! Our captain's not that kinda guy!" Carrot shouted.

"Ya stupid jerkface!" Pepper spat.

"Jerkface!" Onion growled.

"Jerkface!" you and Luffy shouted in unison.

"Shut up, you two don't have a bone to pick with him," Zoro smacked Luffy upside the head.

Klahadore shot the kids a piercing glare and they all screamed, quickly hiding behind you.

"You will all leave immediately!" 

"Hey, where's Luffy?" Nami asked.

You, Nami, Zoro, and the Usopp pirates, were currently sitting on a fence.

"Who knows? He probably ran after that captain," Zoro shrugged, sitting up against the fence post.

"He's probably in his secret spot by the shore!" Pepper exclaimed. 

"Yeah! He always goes over there when he's gotta think something over," Carrot agreed.

"Well if Luffy's goin' over there, I better go too to make sure he doesn't fall in a ditch or something," you sighed, jumping off the fence and making your wings sprout. 

"WHOA! ARE YOU AN ANGEL?!" The kids exclaimed. 

"Maybe," you smirked before shooting off into the air, seeing Zoro's smile out the corner of your eye.

You made it back over to the shore to see Usopp and Luffy laying on the ledge, spying on Klahadore and a man with heart sunglasses.

Just then, Luffy stood up.

"Hey, bad guys! You better stay away from that girl!" he shouted.

Usopp looked terrified and your eyes went wide.

'Stay away from that girl? Does he mean Kaya? What do those two want with Kaya?'

"Who are you?" Heart Glasses called.

"Well now, if it isn't Usopp, the mischievous town liar," Klahadore glared

"Oh no! I'm spotted, too!" Usopp panicked.

"So did you hear anything?" 

"We heard it all," Luffy stated.

"Shut up!" Usopp smacked him in the chest. 

Klahadore gave Heart Glasses a nod and he smirked.

"If you say so," he shrugged.

"Pay attention, boys! And watch this ring closely!"

'A hypnotist!'

"Don't look at it!" you shouted, flying in front of them and blocking their eyes with your wings, but you could still see the ring. 

"By the count of Jango, you will be in a deep sleep. One... two... Jango!" Heart Glasses exclaimed.

"Get... back to the... crew," you groaned, feeling yourself falling out of the sky.

"(Y/N)!" Luffy shouted.

You felt your head smash against something and suddenly, everything went black.

You groaned as you felt something shake you roughly, faint voices surrounding you.

"(y/n)! (y/n), what happened?!" Zoro's voice frantically asked.

You slowly opened your eyes to see him, Nami, Luffy, and the Usopp pirates standing around you.

"Oh, hey guys. What'd I miss?" you groggily asked as you stood up, stretching your arms and your wings.

"YOU IDIOT! DON'T SCARE ME LIKE THAT!" Zoro shouted, shaking you.

"Zoro, you're gonna give me brain damage!" you exclaimed, which stopped his shaking.

"Gah! How are you alive?!" Nami exclaimed, repulsed by the dent your head made in the rock.

'My powers again.'

"I don't know. All I remember is seeing a ring, and then falling asleep," you shrugged.

"It was that Jango guy. He's a hypnotist," Zoro grumbled, firmly gripping the handle of one of his swords.

"I figured."

"Well we've got a lot to catch you up on," Nami sighed.

*2 𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒖𝒕𝒆𝒔 𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓*

"That's why he looked familiar. I remember seeing Kuro's wanted poster all over my village," you facepalmed, embarrassed you didn't realize sooner.

"Oh, wait!" Luffy exclaimed.

"What is it?" You, Zoro, and Nami asked, thinking it was something important.

"We need to stock up before the meat shop guy leaves!"

You smacked Luffy upside the head, "That's not our priority right now! We gotta find a way to save Kaya and the village before it's too late."

"The kids already said that Usopp went ahead to worry the town and get Kaya, don't worry about it," Nami waved off, a smirk on her face.

"We do have to worry about it. Usopp is the town liar. Do you really think anyone is gonna believe him?" you asked, cocking a brow.

Their eyes went wide.

"I'm gonna go fly ahead, I have a hunch about something."

"Are you sure? The last time you went off by yourself you almost cracked your skull open," Zoro asked as he walked up to you, talking in a low voice so only you could hear him.

"I'll be fine. I have an idea of what Usopp's plan is going to be and I need to get to the north shore," you nodded.

He sighed, still looking uneasy.

So you gave him a quick, awkward hug

"Relax, mosshead. It's gonna take a lot more than a rock to kill me," you assured him, backing out of the hug and flashing a warm smile before unfurling your wings and flying away.

He looked so dazed, you were beginning to regret your decision.

You landed at the mouth of a narrow passageway on the north shore and made your perch, sitting criss-crossed and staring out at the sea.

'If my hunch is right, Usopp is gonna make a bunch of defenses at the south shore since that's where he saw the secret meeting. But just in case they switch up, I'll post here at the north shore.'

You sighed and looked up at the moon.

'I gotta get to the Grand Line soon. For Cora.'

[obey-me-hoe]

In honor of achieving 100 followers (y'all are amazing and ily 🥹) here is some lore for my two MCs (Thank you @legglesscat for the suggestion 💛 They're not all goofy facts like you suggested but I did sprinkle some in especially for you)

My Twin MCs:

Melinda & Mikey

Melinda and Mikey are twins

Mikey is 2 minutes older

Melinda is left handed while Mikey is right handed

Mikey is 5'10 while Melinda is only 5'3

Melinda's hair is naturally very dark brown while Mikey's is naturally black

Melinda wanted to get a split dye but was worried she'd be made fun of so Mikey got one with her

When Asmo learns that the twins dye their own hair he immediately begs to help them the next time they dye it

Both are pansexual

Mikey is very protective

Melinda cries a lot (sad, stressed, happy, angry, etc) and is rather emotional. This startled everyone at first but they got used to it. Beel, Mammon and Barbatos think it's endearing

Both have childhood trauma from their upbringing thus they show trauma responses in their daily lives (i.e. Melinda gets silent and ridged when someone starts yelling angrily near her, Mikey tends to not ask for help thus suffers in silence as he doesn't wanna be a burden to the others, Melinda has self esteem and body image issues, etc.) Both are in the process of healing with help from everyone and each other

Melinda is bff's with Levi and is dating Mammon

Mikey is bff's with Mammon and is dating Levi

Both wear a bow/bowtie that matches Mammon and Levi's ties

They wear matching socks because Melinda thought it'd be fun

Melinda was a ballerina in the human world while Mikey ran track

Only one of them was supposed to come to RAD but there was a mix-up and both ended up coming. Diavolo laughed about the mistake and said both could stay

Melinda's room is in Purgatory Hall while Mikey's is in the House of Lamentation. Mikey thought Melinda would be safer with the angels/Solomon. They slept in the same room for the first week in the devildom

It didn't take long for both Mikey and Melinda to trust Simeon

Lucifer thought it would be too much for Mammon to take care of both so he had Levi take care of Melinda while Mammon took care of Mikey (this is how they become so close)

After they started dating, Mammon would randomly go on tangents about Melinda while hanging out with Mikey. Mikey thought it was sweet but one time Mammon made the mistake of mentioning that he was surprised how flexible humans could be (he was referring to Melinda's dancing and didn't mean it in a sexual way) and ended up getting a boot to the face

Both get along well with Beel and Belphie. They are referred to as the B twins and the M twins

Melinda once drop kicked a demon for talking shit about Mammon (he and Mikey were shocked yet so proud)

Melinda and Levi often cosplay together and rope Mammon and Mikey into it (Mammon has definitely cosplayed Satoru Gojo for Melinda)

Both have 11 piercings (2 lobe and an industrial in each ear, tongue, and nipples) They didn't get them together they just both happened to like the same piercings

(Before Mammon and Melinda started dating) Mikey once walked in on Mammon on his knees begging Levi to help him get a date with Melinda since they were best friends (Mikey thought the sight was so funny that he didn't bother telling Mammon that Melinda definitely liked him back)

Both like cats but especially Melinda (her and Satan bond together over this)

Melinda sees Luke like a son and likes to co-parent him with Simeon and Barbatos

Mikey is usually pretty chill but will get mad and throw hands when necessary

Melinda is usually sweet and kind so when she does get mad it throws everyone off (it's like she's a completely different person when mad)

Both like to joke around and make others laugh

*cough* trauma jokes *cough*

Both like to talk in references and will riff off each other all the time (the others don't understand most of the references so it just sounds like they're speaking another language)

Melinda has at least 100 anime/video game husbands and loves to talk about them (she and Levi rant to each other about their fave characters all the time)

Mikey likes to draw but isn't very good at it (he's still learning)

Melinda is a Kpop stan (Mikey sometimes listens with her but doesn't participate in the stan culture)

Mikey likes to bake and will make sweets for Melinda on the condition that she cleans up from it since he hates cleaning (she doesn't mind)

Both like to teach Solomon the human slang they know as a way to bond. They have a group chat that Melinda named The Powerpuff Girls (Sol is Blossom, Melinda is Bubbles, Mikey is Buttercup)

Mikey and Asmo have a weekly gossip sesh and Mikey writes down all the tea so he can tell Melinda later

Melinda and Barbatos are surprisingly close and she sometimes keeps him company while he does various chores around the castle (that's when she'll tell him some of the tea she heard from Mikey) If Barbatos has to go somewhere Melinda isn't allowed then he'll escort her to wherever Diavolo is so Dia can take a break and chat with her

Melinda and Mammon got together because of a plan that Lucifer and Mikey came up with after growing tired of watching the two idiots pine after each other

Mikey asked Levi out while they were hanging out in Levi's room and he got so flustered that he kicked Mikey out of his room until he could recover. Mikey waited outside his room for 15 minutes before Levi opened the door and shyly agreed. During those 15 minutes Levi called his bff Melinda for advice (they ended up making a pros and cons list)

Lucifer has asked Melinda to keep him company while he works because he thinks she has a calming presence

Mikey, Melinda, Luke, Simeon, Solomon and Barbatos once went on a day trip to the human world to get ingredients and ended up going to a bunch of different bakerys together to sample different human world treats (originally it was just supposed to be Barbs going but they all tagged along)

Melinda has sleep issues. One time it got so bad that she walked all the way to HOL from PH in the middle of the night (in her pj's) just to cuddle with Mammon (he calms her and helps her sleep) When Lucifer found out he was beyond furious and lectured her for over an hour. When Mammon asked her why she didn't just call him she said she didn't want to wake him up. After this incident, Mammon makes sure to always be nearby when it's time for Melinda to sleep (they take turns on who's room they sleep in)

Anytime Levi has to leave the house he makes sure to bring Mikey if he's available as he is better at navigating social situations (Melinda does the same thing with anyone who's available at the time)

Satan once caught Melinda in the library balling her eyes out because someone's pet died in the manga she was reading (it reminded her of her childhood cat)

Mikey likes to workout with Beel on occasion but has to tame the workout down a bunch so he doesn't hurt himself

Mikey is an amateur photographer. Sometimes Asmo and Mammon pose for him to help him practice. He has pictures he's taken of everyone hanging on the wall in his room

Belphie once walked in on Melinda and Mammon showering together one night and proceeded to tell everyone about it at breakfast the next morning (both turned bright red)

Mamms: "We were tryin to save ya water! 😇"

Luci: 😐

Levi: 😱

Satan: 🤨

Asmo: 😆

Beel: 😶🍔

Belphie: 😗

Mikey: 🙄

Melinda: 😳

This is all I have for now but I had so much fun coming up with these so there'll probably be more in the future for anyone who's interested. Feel free to let me know if you wanna know anything specific about my MCs that I didn't state here!

Anywho, I love y'all dearly and really appreciate you following me and interacting with my posts!

[takeiteasyonmeimstilllearning]

hot take on a real life Jigen

I know that Monkey punch modeled Jigen on James Coburn, but hear me out. Robert Mitchum is Jigens spirit animal.

1stly, voice. They have the same timber. (Idk what else to call it) I would definitely say epcar and Mitchum are in the same category. Kobayashi is similar too but he is more animated, going into falsetto and such. I also think if jigen sang he would be baritone and talk-sing his way through lyrics.

2ndly, Mitchum's grumpy old man vibe just radiate Jigen imo.

Mitchum quotes:

They got so they wanted me to take some of my clothes off in the pictures. I objected to this, so I put on some weight and looked like a Bulgarian wrestler when I took my shirt off.

The only difference between me and my fellow actors is that I've spent more time in jail.

I gave up being serious about making pictures around the time I made a film with Greer Garson and she took a hundred and twenty-five takes to say no.

[on his acting talents] Listen. I got three expressions: looking left, looking right and looking straight ahead.

People think I have an interesting walk. Hell, I'm just trying to hold my gut in.

When I drop dead and they rush to the drawer, there's going to be nothing in it but a note saying 'later'.

I never take any notice of reviews - unless a critic has thought up some new way of describing me. That old one about my lizard eyes and anteater nose and the way I sleep my way through pictures is so hackneyed now.

Years ago, I saved up a million dollars from acting, a lot of money in those days, and I spent it all on a horse farm in Tucson. Now when I go down there, I look at that place and I realize my whole acting career adds up to a million dollars worth of horse shit.

I never changed anything, except my socks and my underwear. And I never did anything to glorify myself or improve my lot. I took what came and did the best I could with it.

[asked what jail was like] It's like Palm Springs without the riff-raff.

John Wayne had four-inch lifts in his shoes. He had the overheads on his boat accommodated to fit him. He had a special roof put in his station wagon. The son-of-a-bitch, they probably buried him in his goddamn lifts.

There just isn't any pleasing some people. The trick is to stop trying.

Sure I was glad to see John Wayne win the Oscar. I'm always glad to see the fat lady win the Cadillac on television, too.

I kept the same suit for six years - and the same dialog. We just changed the title of the picture and the leading lady.

[asked why he took on an 18-hour mini-series] It promised a year of free lunches.

How do I keep fit? I lay down a lot.

[1969] How the hell did I get into this picture anyway? I kept reading in the papers that I was going to do it, but when they sent me the script I just tossed it on the heap with the rest of them. But somehow, one Monday morning, here I was. How the hell do these things happen to a man?

[1948] I'm a natural hermit. I've been in constant motion of escape all my life. I never really found the right corner to hide in.

[1968] The Rin Tin Tin method is good enough for me. That dog never worried about motivation or concepts and all that junk.

[on working with Faye Dunaway] When I got here I walked in thinking I was a star and then I found I was supposed to do everything the way she says. Listen, I'm not going to take any temperamental whims from anyone, I just take a long walk and cool off. If I didn't do that, I know I'd wind up dumping her on her derrière.

[asked what he looks for in a script before accepting a job] Days off.

[on Jane Russell] Miss Russell was a very strong character. Very good-humored when she wasn't being cranky.

They think I don't know my lines. That's not true. I'm just too drunk to say 'em.

Look me dead in the eye and Tell me this isn't jigen

[lastcallatrockysbar]

This is a couple of days late, but the deanwinchesterweek prompt for Music Moment inspired this little drabble in my head, so I’ll share it anyway 😊 Thanks to @firefly-graphics for the divider!

Dean yawned as he started coffee brewing, standing still for a moment to breathe in the enticing aroma. Eyes closed, he smiled to himself. Usually he was the one bracing himself for the next catastrophe, constantly reminding himself that the few hours or days of peace wouldn’t last. But the last few weeks had finally begun to settle into his bones, his outlook shifting.

When she had come into their lives, things had definitely improved. But now that he had finally admitted his feelings and they had started an actual relationship, he found his mood was downright sunny. He shook his head at himself. “Little Mary freaking Sunshine, that’s what you sound like right now,” he berated himself, but he was still smiling as he took a swallow of coffee and pulled out the makings of breakfast.

As he set the carton of eggs down, he reached for the radio, turning on the classic rock channel, grimacing slightly at the current drone of news. He hitched his sweatpants up a little, turning his head as she walked into the room. She barely had her eyes open, shuffling along in her baggy socks and boxer shorts, along with a stolen henley. (She had insisted to him that it had shrunk in the wash, but he doubted it was true – it looked pretty damn good on her, anyway.)

He stepped up behind her and slid an arm around her waist, bending to kiss the side of her neck as she stood with her face practically buried in her coffee mug. “’Mornin’, babe,” he said softly, and she  leaned back into him. She mumbled her reply, and he moved back to the stove. “You want pancakes, or just bacon and eggs?”

The voice on the radio announced a Bob Seger song, and Dean’s face lit up with a grin as the first notes of Old Time Rock and Roll drifted from the speaker. He reached to turn the volume all the way up, grabbing the whisk in his other hand as the second ‘DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DUH’ echoed through the kitchen. She whirled to face him, eyes wide as he began to bellow out the words into his whisk-mic. “Just take those old records off the shelf…”

She began to giggle as he danced around, singing at the top of his lungs. He reached for the spatula on the counter and handed it to her, eyebrows raised expectantly, then grabbed her hand and dragged her to the open area of the floor. “Sing with me!”

“I like that old time rock and roll!” Their voices rang through the bunker with complete disregard for the notes, the two of them dancing around each other as they wailed into their makeshift microphones.

By the time they reached the last chorus, Sam was standing in the doorway, head shaking in disbelief as he watched them performing with complete abandon. When she turned to see him there, she struck a pose and threw one arm out, pointing a finger at him as they sang one more round of ‘I like that old time rock and roll!’ Sam couldn’t suppress a snort of laughter as he finally walked into the room, heading for the coffee pot.

The song faded to its end, and Dean hugged her, both of them rosy-cheeked and laughing at their own antics. Dean pulled back with a gasp as the guitar riff to Nazareth’s Hair of the Dog blared forth, and Sam turned to throw them an indulgent smirk as he left the kitchen, moving towards the library where the decibel level was a little more ear-friendly. “Now you’re messin’ with a  - son of a bitch!” followed him down the hall as the two self-appointed rock stars scream-sang into their kitchen utensils.

He sat down at the table, shaking his head with a grin. Dean was happier these days – not quieter, but definitely happier.

Tags for my lovelies:  @saenalife​    @deanscarlett​    @jensensgotyoudean​    @jinkieswouldyoulookatthis​    @deansdirtylittlesecretsblog​    @geeklibrarian​    @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid​     @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan    @mrswhozeewhatsis​    @littlegreenplasticsoldier​    @sleep-silent-angel​    @darcia22​    @winchesterprincessbride​    @ellen-reincarnated1967​    @eyes-of-a-disney-princess​      @deanslittleangel2y5​    @melanie451​        @spectaculacular-sammy​     @bookchic20​    @jodyri​    @selma-jean-blog​           @savingapplepie-eatingthings​    @kittenofdoomage​    @masked-maiden42​    @lean-mean-deanwinchester​    @ericuhlorain​    @undecided-garden    @ceeceewinchester​    @typicalweirdbookworm​          @callmesweetheartifyoumeanit​    @youtoldalie​    @tanithlowisabamf-blog​    @deandoesthingstome​    @jxackles​    @nerdwholikesword​    @soivebuiltupaworldofmagic​    @kreweofimp​  @gabavaldman​    @chaos-and-the-calm67-blog​    @darkx143​    @disassociativedogma​    @ioanashalala​    @jencharlan​    @deansthirstblog​     @dorky-and-i-know-it​    @mischief-maker1​    @winchestersandwordprocessors​    @percussiongirl2017​    @bringmesomepie56​   @akshi8278​    @torn-and-frayed​    @sandlee44​   @wingedcatninja​  @evansrogerskitten​   @emoryhemsworth​  @peaceinourtime82​  @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior​  @sarcasmqueen74​   @maliburenee      @mrsjenniferwinchester​   @yeehawbitchs​   @emily-winchester​  @hobby27​

[captainjamesjoneshook]

Day 15: NPC Playlist - The Boy's Noise

What Hook's son listens to

The Evil that Men Do by Iron Maiden

The first half of this album is rock songs because that's a majority of he listens to. Old rock, metal, screamo, etc etc. Stuff that is loud and has good musical riffs. Things with lyrics that make him wear his headphones, staring at the wall, zoned out, as he absorbed them into his skin. This ALBUM in particular is like one of his go to's. It is an Essential Listen To if you're going to say you like rock music to him. He is that guy.

2-4. Another Brick in The Wall by Pink Floyd

A classic for a reason. He doesn't think this song is over hyped, it is what it is because it is what it is!!! Which, to him, is a work of art. The music is perfect, the build up from the beginning and the ability to keep everything restrained until it gets the suspense going of when the big climax comes in, and then it just keeps on grooving. Then of course we have the lyrics and the overall thesis of the songs, which is like, just another product of the system, some kid, the accumulation of how life shaped one's childhood to make up the person. He relates to that, as everyone else can since it is the human condition. But he's also been told by his dad that he shouldn't just follow the crowd or really trust authority figures (a product of Hook's own upbringing and getting to break out from underneath all the adults in his life telling him what he was going to become to go do his own thing with smee <3) so you look at part 2, the boy can relate to that because I also imagine he was that kid in class who didn't necessarily START trouble on purpose, but asked questions that got teachers flustered or was always trying to deepen the conversation and that just annoyed people, esp when he would also goof around because he would get BORED, so they wrote him off as a trouble maker or an annoyance. another brick.

5. We Rock by Dio

this song really has no deep cut. it's a banger. it fucks severely. it's a fun time, it's got great music to head bang to. mr. dio had a GREAT voice in the boy's opinion, which always brings him back to this band. this song never has a lull, it is go go go go from the absolute jump and he likes that kind of music because it drowns out a lot and lets him just sink into the music.

6. Highway Star by Deep Purple

again, loves it for the music of it all. it's got some BANGING synth and guitar. he listens to it on repeat for those alone!! another song that just is pumbling everything down around it from start to finish. it feels like it could be the source of the energizer bunny's ability to bang that bass drum. when the guitar solo hits he'll vibrate out of his skin <3

7. Balls to the Wall by Accept

another head banger. what can i say, he's all in on songs that can knock a sock or two off. and this song's title does not disappoint. the vocals alone are /mwah, esp when they're just copying the guitar's progression there like a choir, but with the addition of the good music to back em up make it a top tier song. plus the lyrics, going back him questioning authority and just going through life by his own step, the song is how authority will fall and the people will be the reason because they've had enough of the bs.

8. Seek & Destroy by Metallica

to the boy, there is no other way to listen to this song than at full volume. it demands it, from the very beginning with the guitar going as hard as it does!!!! he doesn't always listen to metallica, but when he does, the whole town does too <3

9. Escape (I Need a Break) by Whodini

now we have the second half, bringing us to the rap portion. because rap is the second most listen to genre by the boy. it's another genre that is easy to escape into for him, with the good beats that he can turn up and being able to focus on the flow of the lyrics. he does like contemporary stuff, but his favorites are stuff from the older generation, like the rock and metal already listed here. whodini are an ESSENTIAL for him. this song is one of the best for both the beat and the lyrics themselves. i imagine the boy is v excited to get out of town and onto this grand adventure his dad and smee always described in their stories, while also being scared to leave the only thing he has ever known. this song is telling the story of like, life sucks, i need a fucking break, all the little things add up. then there's a reply of all the things that can be done to fix those little things, the main being, "so do what you gotta in order to escape // take it from me it's never too late."

10. I Ain't No Joke by Eric B. & Rakim

another essential. the lyrics are just ... /clenches fist. even to this day they go harder than a lot of the stuff out there but that's probably because rakim and eric were like the foundations from which the genre could build itself from. this isn't necessarily a dis track on anyone in particular, but it is about how he can take anything and make it sound better than the people who pretend they know what they're doing. like "ven if it’s jazz or the quiet storm // i hook a beat up and turn it into hip hop form." described hip hop!!! in a line !! and did it with perfect flow !! the boy loves and respects 'em

11. Posse In Effect by Beastie Boys

licensed to ill is probably one of his top albums of all time, this is just an example of that for this playlist. the music in this goes a lil slow but it keeps him nodding to the beat and the lyrics are just so good and crunchy, he'll keep a few in his mind to chew on all day since they just get stuck in there on repeat. like the way they say mustard. he'd probably live with that in his head rent free for days. truly proved they were MC's within the game, and the boy loooooves how that shows up in this album.

12. Smooth Operator by Big Daddy Kane

another song that's kinda about the rapper saying, "i'm the real deal." but who is ACTUALLY the real deal. this song is just a fun time and while the boy does like songs that are hard hitting, overall he is someone who likes stuff that he can listen to and just disappear into. all of these songs do that for him, and this one is more like a buttery version of that rather than the more chaotic version of that. this one doesn't drown everything out so much as it invites him in. if that makes sense lmfao. but yeah, as opposed to the others here, this artist has a sort of polished tone to his voice and his production. it's classy. it doesn't stray from his roots ofc but it's refined. very unique in comparison to a lot of rappers out there, even now. it's why the boy really loves his music.

13. Evil that Men Do by Queen Latifah

book ending this lil playlist of essential listening with a song of near the same title but from the other genre of his musical tastes. but also because it's a good song!!! queen latifah has some GREAT albums. this song has a great beat and flow, as well as the message of it all about gender equality. another song/artist that he just really enjoys putting on and listening to until he forgets about his day.

[cloveroctobers]

DECEMBER PROMPTS ❄️ — 3. Ez Reyes

Prompt: “you broke an ornament?” + opening presents

A/N: I saw the perfect house on Zillow that inspired me to write this scene lol

•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*••*•*••*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•

The sound of tearing filled your small living room with many windows as you stood with one arm folded against your slightly bulging stomach as the other cradled a mug in your hand. Enjoyment was written in your eyes as you watched your two girls rip into their presents. A yawn escaped your lips as your eldest, Paola let out a squeal that rattled the glass figurines in the cupboard in the foyer. You and Ez had a little musician in the making who had a set of lungs on her and made it known with random riffs she liked to belt out around the house.

“Whoa easy, mija.” Ez poked his head around the corner from the connected dining room, “you already woke mommy and I pretty early already, we don’t need you waking up the neighbors too.”

The nine year old pounded the bottom of her bare feet against the wood floor, “daddy this is the karaoke machine I wanted. I can now invite our neighbors to my concerts!”

Ezekiel pressed his elbows against the table a mug of his own in his hands smirking at you while you shook your head with a sigh. You were cool with the neighbors to the left of you but the ones on the right would not be entering your home, since the wife over there enjoyed writing letters to the home association—which caused more issues than necessary.

You loved your gated community, it was the best decision—at the start, raising your girls (and growing family) there but it wasn’t until Paola reached three that you were at constant war with the woman next door. Usually you were the one to always peep shit and address it from the beginning…while Ez was more of the calm one and analyzed then plotted if the situation required it. Since you had your children, your temper seemed to soften (a little) until Carol from next door with the damaged ashy hair next door kept trying you.

“Thank you mama and da.” Your youngest, aged six, Aubrielle aka “Brea” sent a wide missing tooth smile (which resembled her father’s) at the both of you as she cradled a american girl doll to her chest.

You smiled, “you’re very welcome baby,” You replied moving to rest your hand briefly on top of the 3c haired girl’s head before you carefully moved over the opened and unopened presents to take a seat on the couch.

Ez cut in after sipping his coffee, “P?”

The honey skinned girl hummed acknowledging that she heard the man but didn’t look up as she attempted to open the box on her own. Ezekiel got up from the dining table to sit down on the couch next to you, you immediately managed to toss your puffy feet on your husband’s lap.

“Paola.” Ezekiel called a second time and this time she looked up picking up on the tone of his voice, “don’t you have something to say?”

“Oh yes, thanks mom and dad for furthering my singing career.” She beamed, brushing her coils back from her eyes just for them to flop back into her face.

You covered your snort as Ezekiel shook his head placing his mug on the festive coaster, “yeah, we’re going to cut back on your quality time with tio Angel.”

Normally the nine year old would retort against that since she loved spending time with her favorite uncle but she was too involved in her favorite present this Christmas.

“Let her be great.” You leaned against the couch laying sideways while Ez plucked off your fuzzy socks to massage your swollen feet.

Ezekiel pressed into your trigger points as he said, “oh I am. I paid a lot for that damn machine, a little appreciation doesn’t hurt though.”

You managed to pinch Ez’s cheeks as he laughed dodging your assault as he pressed into another spot making you groan. “I told you to soak twice a day, baby.”

“And I told your son to stop stressing my feet.” You croaked slowly closing your eyes.

Ez used a free hand to gently rub against your 22 week old belly which also made you sleepier than you already were, Despite the sound of constant tearing and chatter from your two girls with some Christmas movie playing on the flatscreen in the background.

“You broke an ornament?”

Your eyes snapped open as you rolled your head over to see Ez squinting at your Christmas tree.

“Huh?”

While you dozed off—for how ever many minutes long, you realized Ez made himself comfortable holding onto you and your belly as if you were his body pillow and not the other way around. You were still in the state where you allowed Ez to cuddle you so he was trying to enjoy his time until he couldn’t. When you were pregnant with Paola you were physically sick majority of the pregnancy but Ez was still tending and trying his best to make you at ease. The next pregnancy with Brea? You had a fucking horrible attitude simply because you were miserable during and a couple months after due to postpartum—which he knew was not your fault.

Regardless Ezekiel Reyes stood by your side because he took an oath as your husband to be there for and with you.

“My favorite beer ornament…there’s tape on it.” He sat up now pressing his elbows into his knees as he studied it from his spot on the couch, “either you or the girls broke it.”

You rubbed at your eyes, “how can you see that from all the way over here?”

“My vision is better than yours.” He said so matter of factly which made you roll your eyes in response.

And this man liked to blame his brother for your daughter’s confidence, yeah…right.

It was your turn to face the snow covered artificial tree that towered over all of you. Originally you wanted a simple tree, maybe a real one to get the real experience of having one but after getting pregnant and quickly getting exhausted over the little things you had no issue window shopping online. Both you and Ezekiel were caught off guard by how fucking big the thing would be and poor Ezekiel had to call Angel and Coco to help him get it out of the box and up—while you supervised.

“So…you don’t read the little details portion on the site?” Angel panted, holding onto his stomach, “bout to make me have a fucken hernia, y/n.”

You sat on the couch with the girls giggling, twizzler hanging from your mouth as you tended to Paola’s edges. You were getting ready to take the girls over to your mother’s house to have dinner and for the girls to have a sleepover.

“I don’t like how I’m being attacked right now.” You warned.

Angel huffed turning to Ezekiel who shook his head as he tripled checked to make sure the tree stand was secure, “why is us asking questions automatically a attack?”

“I don’t see ez and coco asking me questions. Don’t start with me, angel.” You flicked your eyes at the bearded man who kissed his teeth.

Coco shrugged his shoulders as he added, “I’m not complaining about nothing, y/n offered us mini snacks dude, those buffalo boneless wings are quality and wee—lettuce too? So im good. I like putting up trees.”

“And smoking them,” Angel joked while the shorter man also shared a laugh as they nudged each other.

Coco turned to you, “but forreal I’m surprised Boy Scout over here didn’t check the measurements before you placed the order.”

“He wasn’t home and wouldn’t answer the phone.” You mentioned, knowing you sucked at numbers so when it came to those decisions you just had to wing it on your own.

Ezekiel added, “and when she did show me it was too late to cancel the order. It’ll just about fit so we’ll make due.”

“Or you could just burn off the top, give it a nice shape up.” Angel suggested.

Paola smiled at that idea from down below, which made you immediately send a glare at your brother-in-law. He knew better than to mention fire around your eldest…While Brea gasped, “I don’t want you to burn our tree uncle Angel.”

“Don’t listen to him, that’ll never happen. Nothing will ever happen to this tree, it’s family, mi amor.” Ezekiel promised.

You zoned back in to see Ezekiel still studying the tree leaving you to exhale, “maybe the cat got to it when we weren’t home? You know Cacti is a curious thing.”

Ezekiel shook his head as he leaned back, “no I have a pretty good idea who got to it.” He flicked his eyes over to you tilting his chin upwards, “what’d you do to my ornament, babe?”

You frowned, “I—your son.”

“Nah uh don’t blame him. He’s not big enough to get in the way yet and you know that.”

“Oh do you have a law or criminology degree that I don’t know about? Am I on trial, Mr. Reyes?”

Ezekiel shook his head as he blew out a laugh, “no. I saw you slow dancing with cacti the other night when you bumped it and it fell over. I’m glad you tried to fix it…but where’s the sweater that goes with it?”

You were a gapping fish while Ezekiel still found you adorable reaching out to caress your jawline. “…I think cacti might have eaten it? I’m not sure though. It was there one minute, I looked all over for it and when i turned back around he was chewing something…you know that brother a little different.”

All Ezekiel could do was shake his head at the truth that came to light.

“I don’t know why you put a sweater on a beer bottle?”

Ez shrugged, “beer bottles get cold too, no? What happens when the lights go low? It gets cold as hell downstairs since you want to be Omarion so bad.”

“I can’t stand this man.” You laughed, “I did try to hot glue it but the little bit of glue that came out made two of my fingers stick together and then it stopped working so after spending two hours trying to disconnect my fingers…I just said fuck it and got some tape.”

Ezekiel reached over to rest his hand on the back of your fro, “I love you y/n…thanks for trying.”

You nodded patting your chest while Ezekiel leaned forward to kiss your cheek before he turned to the two girls who were lounging on each other, seeming tired themselves. It looks like the adrenaline was starting to slow them down.

Good.

“Hey girls, want to see one of the gifts I brought mommy?”

“Yes!” Brea bounced in her spot while Paola shrugged with her head on her little sister’s lap.

The muscular man who sported a snug thermal shirt and navy Christmas themed bottoms carefully placed your feet to the side before he got up. When he returned, the girls had their eyes trained on you two as he sat down, handing you a small box.

You smiled as you pulled at the ribbon before you popped open the box. You dropped your head pinching at the spot in between your brows then let out some small laughter.

“What is it, mom?” Paola asked.

You pulled out the ornament by its thread holding it up to show a cat dressed in a Christmas sweater.

“That’s Cacti!” Brea clapped.

You turned to Ezekiel with a raised brow but equal amusement in your eyes as he learned towards you to peck your lips, “Merry Christmas, baby.” He winked.

The both of you broke apart as your cat jumped into your lap sniffing and swatting at the new ornament Ezekiel brought into your home.

•*•*•^•^•^•^•¥*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*•*••*•*•*

Continue along with my December anthology prompts here.

[bitpop-music]

Two Tribes (We got the bomb, yeah!) - FGTH Cove

My Dance/EDM cover of the classic Frankie Goes to Hollywood song, Two Tribes.  Presenting a nihilistic, gleeful lyric expressing enthusiasm for nuclear war, it juxtaposes a relentless pounding bass line and synth riffs inspired by American funk and R&B pop with influences of Russian classical music. This whole album was extremely influential to me when I was experimenting with 8/16bit computer sound synthesis. Musically, I learnt from songs on this album about not needing snares on every 2nd downbeat.  Yes, it's OK to do that even in a pop song! I first listened to this album as a boy who grew-up in a place and time where being known a 'other than heterosexual', could've resulted in verbal or physical punishment; and at a minimum, feeling  unconnected & different.  Frankie Goes to Hollywood at least gave me some connection. It seemed appropriate to make a parody of the the futility of war and how we as pawns become the victims of ravishment.---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Lyrics When two tribes go to war A point is all that you can score (Score them all, score them all) When two tribes go to war A point is all that you can score (Working for the black gas) Cowboy number one A born-again poor man's son (Poor man's son) On the air America I modeled shirts by Van Heusen (Working for the black gas) Yeah You know When two tribes go to war A point is all you can score (Storm them all, storm them all) When two tribes go to war A point is all you can score Working for the black gas Switch off your shield Switch off and feel I'm working on loving, yeah Giving you back the good times Ship it out, out Working for the black gas A point is all you can score When two tribes go to war When two tribes go to war A point is all you can score We got two tribes We got the bomb We got the bomb, yeah Yeah Sock it to me biscuits, now Are we living in a land Where sex and horror are the new Gods? Yeah When two tribes go to war A point is all you can score

[popculturebuffet]

Top 12 Christmas Episodes!

Merry Christmas Eve Everybody! We’ve reached the end of my christmas reivews and what not on this blog. 

But as a wise barrel chested canadian man once said, I fucking love christmas, So if i’m finishing up the holiday on my blog I want to go big and stay home. So in honor of the holiday, my memories of it and just how GREAT it makes me feel i’m counting down my top 12 christmas specials! After last year’s worst of list I really wanted to do the oppsiite.. but it was naturally a lot harder. Shows usually put a LOT of effort into their christmas outings, even the ones who do so once a year, so the good FAR FAR OUTWEIGHS THE BAD. To show the contrast I could only find like.. 8 I was comfortable with putting on the worst list and even some of them aren’t that bad just not good. With the best of list? I had over 60 considered and even once I started narrowing down.. it was still around 30 or 40 REALLY GOOD specials I had to work down into this list. It took a lot of work and up to the last one it was really HARD to cut it down this far. But this is the best of the best of the best of the best of the.. you get the bit. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover and this review was already supposed to come out on christmas eve, so, since I won’t be able to use this for another year...

Er. Top 12 Christmas Specials.

12. Merry Christmas Johnny Rose (Schitt’s Creek) So I finally watched all of Schitt’s Creek this year.. and i’m kicking myself for not powering through it’s terrible starting decent ending first season earlier because the show is easly one of the best comedies of the last decade and rightly earned it’s emmy sweep this year. Heartfelt, hilarious, and starring some of the best names old and new in comedy, the show is really great and I recommend checking it out.. just again be aware the first few episodes are not very good and if it wasn’t vital to the rest of the show story wise, i’d just recommend skippping season 1. While the characters minus patriach Johnny are insuferable at first... it’s their growing from self absorbed assholes to still self abosrbed but really good and decent people that is the beating heart of the show. And no where more is this heart on the show’s sleve than at christmas time as this episode is baked in just how far our cast have come.

The episode centers on Johnny Rose, played by Eugene Freaking Levy who co created the show with his equally talented son Dan who desrves the lion’s share of the credit for the show’s upturn in quality. Since the Roses used to have big lavish christmas parties once a year, Johnny decides to throw the equilvent of what they can do on a budget at the Motel they all live in. But his family all has other plans with daughter Alexis, now happily with Ted again, meeting his friends for the first time, son David, played by Dan Levy, busy at his store with his partner, in both senses, patrick and his wife Moira having a performance with her acapella group. At first it just comes off as something typical of johnny: Something well meaning and what not but ultimatley just not something his family is into or that he planend well for.

It’s only when Johnny finds himself alone at the local diner with Moira coming to see him we find out why he’s REALLY doing this: the old lavish parties, which we see one of at the start.. ultimately ended up with him alone, sad and everyone off to their own corners. WIth the family having actually come together over the past 4 seasons, Johny simply wanted to celebrate that and says such in one of the best moments in the entire show and with one hell of a line.

"I just thought, in spite of all the hardship, we found ourselves coming together, the kids, you and me, as a family. And it just seemed like the perfect day to celebrate that. The perfect day for a Rose Family Christmas Party." But Moira has already taken care of it and thus takes JOhnny home to find all their friends and the rest of the family gathered, wtih the Jazzagals serandading eveyrone with a beautiful rendition of silent night. It’s just a warm, well done character piece that really fits the holiday while also really cementing what the show had become: a show not afraid to make dirty jokes or humilatie it’s cast but one that has a true sweetness to it. It’s only that the first half’s jokes don’t quite pop all that well and feel a bit at johnny’s expense that holds it back. Otherwise this is one i’ll be coming back to every year.

11. Father of the Bob (Bob’s Burgers) Bob’s Burgers is a damn great show i’m season’s behind on. Warm, charming, weird and with an expansive side cast played by a whos who of whose in comedy today. It’s a damn fine show and i’m happy it seems to have manatained it’s quality long after the simpsons and family guy lost theirs. And the show really loves christmas.. and halloween.. and valentine’s day.. and thanksgiving. Oh god does it love thanksgiving. Point is, the shows good at holiday episodes and loves doin em and has produced some stellar ones and I had a lot to pick from here.. but I ended up going with my gut and my personal faviorite. It’s not the most christmasy despite the trappings, but the character work is just too good to leave it out in the cold.  It’s Christmas Eve and the Belcher’s are visiting Bob’s Dad. As you can tell by the fact the most we’ve seen of him is a picture of his restraunt, big bob’s diner in the belcher’s living room and a flashback where he told bob to work instead of play as a kid that set off an episode’s plot, they don’t have the best relationship. Bob has a firm rule about not spending more than 15 minutes with his dad, as that’s the point they run out of things to talk about and his dad starts getting overcrytical and making jabs at bob’s life and restraunt. Linda, being Linda, decides to meddle and when she finds out Big Bob’s short order cook is missing, has our Bob fill in.  But as we see in flash backs it’s not THAT easy to repair things, as there’s a long, bitter history between the two: When a youngbob made his first unique burger and served it to a customer, his dad threw it out without even letting anyone taste it. He then offered bob a partnership when bob was a young man but Bob snapped at Big Bob in front of his friends and left to make burgers his own way, leading to where we are now. And honestly i’ts the perfect origin story for Bob and adds a lot of shades to his character. He’s obessed with the restraunt not just because he genuinely loves cooking but because it’s HIS. His place, to create creative burgers, his family and his regulars. It’s his corner of the sky. It makes the restraunt’s existance and surivvial that much more heartwarming to know the meaning behind it.

Naturally things end up blowing up with Bob pointedly serving the burger to make a point and Big bob walking out angrily and sadly. It takes bob’s gift from the kids, who had their own neat subplot of making gifts for bob in the basement, a snowglobe wrapped in newspaper.. to find out hsi dad kept the newspaper with the review of his first restraunt and kept ALL reviews of Bob’s Burgers. Despite being a stone faced critical ass on the outside, Big BOb STILl cared.. and bob relizes he needs to make amends and actually make an effort instead of just avoiding his dad or gettin gback at him. And through the power of gay club next door line dancing, and nick offerman whose a wonderful guest star here, the two reconcile with Bob admitting he shouldn’t of humilatied his dad even if he had to go his own way, and Big Bob admitting he’s hard to work with, the loss of his wife hit him hard, and he was a bit too much. The two hug, and it’s genuinely just a good, well done story of father and son that somehow gives even more dimension to Bob, an already pretty damn fleshed out character. Just a really great episode whose holiday timing makes it better.. though not being AS much a holiday episode as a really good bob’s burgers that’s enhanced by it is why this one’s so low. Next!

10. Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (MST3K) I”m honestly surpised i’ts taken me THIS long to get to something MST3K related. I’ve loved the show since high school, first exposed to it thanks to a dvd from the library and continuing from there to present day. I love the show’s combination of riff’s on perfectly cheesy movie and fun skits with really good puppets especially for the budget. It’s just good comfort food in show form and no where is comfort food more welcome than christmas, and each era of MST3K, so far hopefully the show will come back again eventually, has had i’ts own damn good christmas special, with this being my faviorite out of the three. 

The other two are good: ironically I have a poster for the santa claus over my computer, or rather crow and tom as santa and pitch aka satan respectively. Yes really, that’s the premise. IT is as awesome and batshit insane as it sounds. Point is I like that one and year without a santa claus, this one just has more personal warmth to me. I jus tlove the holiday feeling of joel and the bots readying for christmas in the host segments. It just feels like christmas and it’s wonderful to see the bots act like kids.  That being said.. it’s still also fucking hilaroius, with the mad’s hilariously petty wish squisher, a device that turns good gifts into socks and other unwanted presents, the best Crow T Robot quote of all time as he gives joel his santa wish

And of course, one of the best and most patently insane christmas songs ever: Have Yourself a Patrick Swayze christmas, which has become oddly sweet after his death and got me to watch road house for the first time last year... and it’s as awesome and wonderfully rediclous as this song inspiried by it and even better once you get the refrences

But while the host segments are what push this film into the list, the movie is still a delightful bit of 60′s cheese as, to restore their children to being children, a couple of martians kidnap santa to bring christmas to mars. Fights iwth robots, an asshole martian and an obnoxious sidekick named droppo, yes really, insue. IT’s just some fun cheese for the holiday and a staple of my holidays. 

9. The Three Wise Men (Letterkenny)  It’s no secret Letterkenny has quickly become one of my faviorite shows. After watching it last January, it’s become part of my being and one of my go too feel good shows, a funny as hell, uniquely weird slice of life show set in rural canada. While like it’s fellow recent legend of canadian television Schitt’s creek it’s first season CAN be a bit rough.. but it’s not as rough and getting through it is worht it as the show immiedatly picked up and became one of the funniest things to ever exist. It’s also uniquely tied to christmas as every year a season of the show has dropped on that day on it’s home streamer Crave TV in canada, and on boxing day here in the us. So it’s only fitting the show also has a REALLY great christmas special. 

It’s Christmas eve and our heroes the hicks, are having a christmas party. For the uniniated the hick’s aren’t really all that “hick” ish just hardworking farmers who still accept everybody and work damn hard. Leading man, terse talker and certified badass Wayne is suprisingly really into christmas, as he spent pretty much every holiday spouting out inacuracies about it but this day? He genuienly enjoys, even insiting on awful holiday drinks only and a midnight toast, the titular three wiseman (Canadian, irish and American Whiskeys, one shot of each). “It’s tradition”.  And thanks to tradition we get the main gag of the episode: most of the episode is wayne calling in various members of the town, most of whom he dosen’t like very much and some who deeply annoy him, to give them presents. And  while i’ve admitted to being a guy who dosen’t like a plot that basically repeats itslef.. it works here.. mostly because while the setup is the same, each member provides something new and hilarious: while it starts innocently enough with Bonnie Mcmurray, local fanservice, nice lady and fangirl of wayne, getting a camera and offering to be an elf, an offer wayne is forced to take up, it soon becomes a parade of weirdness and bullshit Wayne really dosen’t want to put up with and that really makes me laugh hard: Local loveable sex maniac and bar owner Gail goes on for a good minute about her sexual antics with Wayne’s beloved departed uncle eddie after Wayne gives him a picture of the guy, Glenn, another of wayn’es unwanted admirers and local pastor, obsesses over a christmas themed digeredoo, local druggies and emos the skids intitally refuse to open their gift out of prinicpal until wayne simply asks “What if theres drugs in it” (It’s insted vitamin d), the local hockey coach sings a hilarious and gloriously cringe song about having sex with his wife when they were alive and the hockey players make wayne uncomfortable both by crying a bit. Also tanis gets an apron. 

But even if the reactions horrify or piss off our hero into needing his elf’s help, the heart is in the fact that despite hating most of these people, he still got them a gift and one that’s hearfelt and well meaning. And naturally the sweetest is saved for his family of choice with the hicks: Squirrely Dan gets a pencil case for his oft talked about women’s studies class, Dary gets some clonge since he wears his barn clothes everywhere, and Katy gets an obscure korean christmas movie since her subplot that episode had been spent trying to get a christmas movie going, only for everyone to pick it apart: from the racisim of santa and co towards rudolph to pointing out how profoundly fucked up the premise of the santa claus is (including the fact various serial killers could’ve gotten the suit), which I agree with, it’s just a sweet gesture that shows how well he knows his friend. Overall it’s just a fun hangout of an episode that feels like a real christmas party and in these troubling times we could all use that. Now let’s all have a spit.

8. The Feast of Alvis (Sealab 2021) Another Christmas staple for me.. and a gloriously strange one at that. This time we’re checking under the sea with Sealab 2021, one of the earliest adult swim shows and the blueprint for the abriged series format, it took a dry hannah barbara show about an underwater research station and remixed it into the antics of a bunch of idiots and lunatatics throughuly unequipped for the task. Except Dr. Quinn, the only sane person aboard.. most of the time. It was comedy gold courtsey of Adam Reed, creator of the later Frisky Dingo, a throughly underated show, and Archer, which is like Frisky Dingo but refined into it’s truest and most sucessful form. It was magical and just talking about it makes me want to talk about it again at some point, probably in a best of list.  So naturally this madcap energy was perfect for the holidays. Originally the crew planned to use ACTUAL religions for this, but were forced by network to change it.. which ended up being one of those cases where the network ended up actually making the right call as the creators instead created thinly veiled substute for the various religions... and centered it around Alavanism, which is christianity.. but if christ was instead born in the us at some point, and instead of being a pacifist, was a drunken beligernt gun loving redneck who shot a guy in the face, has “vengance is mine” as one of his quotes (from said face shooting) and still had pomp and circumstance as part of his holiday.  Helping this though is our Alvian for the evening is Captain Murphy, the series best character and often the center of it’s best moments, played by the wonderful and sadly late Harry Goz, a half crazed half chidlish cloud cuckoolander who often comes off like a demanding child in an old man’s body. So naturally this holiday is for him and even more naturally he’s holding a massive alvis day cermeony that’s as batshit as he and his religion are in the main deck: he’s got buffalo, a buffet that’s deeply unsanitary, and a hallogen light mimickign the alvistide star that he wants to plop a baby under.  Naturally no one else is happy about this. Well Stormy, local hilarious dumbass, is as the only other alvian on board for this, and a general sucker for dumb shenanigans but he’s so plastared he’s even less coherent than usual and can mostly muster the desire to kick something’s ass or a weak “shut up” Most of all Quinn and his girlfriend debbie, who point out religious tolerance is a part of the sealab charter and that this kind of grotesuqe celebration really isn’t in season. I’ts also a nice dig at “War on Christmas Assholes”, long before that was as big a problem with Muprhy very much being the asshole and his cleebration rapidly crumbling. He also attempts to fire Sparks for being a wiccan stand in so yeah he deserves it. It’s all capped in Muprhy getting visted by a drunken halucination of his lord. All in all easily one of the best and most insane christmas specials ever put to film. If you have HBO Max watch it today or tommorow you will NOT regret it. 

7. Arnold’s Christmas (Hey Arnold)  A classic of my childhood, Hey Arnold is one of the best animated shows period. It’s something i’m not shy about saying, I bleivie I said it in my thanksgiving list and i’ll say it quite a bit. It’s not PERFECT, it has it’s flaws.. but it’s still damn good and the golden standard for slice of life shows. 

This episode naturally is one of it’s best and, while I didn’t catch as a kid the signifigance or what this was about, touches on of all things the vietnam war and the children who were helicoptered out. In a heart destroying story, Mr. Winn, one of Arnold’s boardinghousemates, reveals he has a daughter he has no idea where she is as to give her a better life, he made sure she got on one of those helicopters as an infant. While he was able to immigrate later, he never found her. Arnold being our own personal jesus, refuses to let this stand and goes out of his way to figure it out and goes on a quest that seemingly ends in failure. It falls on Helga to save the day as Helga actually gets what she wanted from her parents, a pair of nice boots, and gets the rare moment where they actually acknoledge her.. but loving arnold and seeing the noblility in his quest.. she gives it up. Just to make someone elses’ dream come true. He may never know who did it and tha’ts okay. An utterly heartwarming and heartbreaking episode. Nuff said. 

6. Santa Claus is Comin To Town  Speaking of classics this is how you do a santa origin story. Not the first or last i’d see, and we’ll get to one of those in a moment. While i’m not a huge fan of Rankin Bass’ other big hit with Rudolph, this one really hits the spot for me and is only this low because it’s pacing is really slow at points. Otherwise this special is near flawless, looks good and holds up today.  As I said this is a good Year One for santa establishing how he became immortal, how he met the elves, he was raised by them, how he started giving out toys, how he met mrs claus you know all the stuff you’d ask about.  To me what really sells it the best though is Mickey Rooney as Santa. While I had no idea who played him till literally writing this article in my mind his earnesness, kindness and genuine nature just.. fit the old elf to me even as a young man and everything from his humble beginings to his wanting to help children just out of kindness to his teaching an old man to dance to his romance just feels.. genuine and warm like christmas should. It just makes me feel good and like others on this list.. FEELS like christmas if that makes any sense. Not a lot else to say. Burger Meister Meisterburger isn’t the best vilian, but it was the early 70′s and we weren’t quite to diamond levels of complex interesting villians just yet so fair enough. Baiscally I don’t have a TON to say about this special in short, I may review it next year, we’ll see, but  it’s really good, really fun and sometimes simple just works I guess? Speaking of stop motion..

5. Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas (Community) I love a good sitcom. I haven’t shared that love enough on here, I should try and change that at some point, but I do, as a fourth of this list should make crystal clear. So while sadly some of my faviorites like Brooklyn Nine Nine, Parks and Rec and Roseanne didn’t make the cut, Community thankfully did. Community is a show that’s really damn good and had THREE awesome Christmas episodes. All three, all winners and all in contention for some time. Regional Holiday music just barely didn’t make the cut. But ultimately I went with the best of the best, the most creative, most character driven, and most intresting. And the one that in Community’s traditional style, decided to take a spin on an old genre.  In this case Abed, the study groups resident pop culture junkie, guy who thinks in tropes and future Huey Duck, is seeing everything in stop motion and may get thrown out of school as a result. With his friends deeply worried, they turn to Greendale’s local psychologist and british areshole Professor Duncan, played by my spirtual father John Oliver. ALL HAIL THIS MAN

Duncan takes the two into Abed’s fantasy and thus into a rankin bass special where Abed slowly weeds out his friends and tries to get rid of Duncan, whose naturally only intrested in proving a case. It’s a fun, chaotic ride including christmas pterodactyls, and the cast all in bizzare forms based on what Abed thinks of htem. it’s really damn creative and beauitfully animated at that.  Naturally like most of these what clinches it is the heart and soul. We find out towards the end WHy this happened: Abed’s mom is spending christmas with her new family instead of him and it’s broken him to not be able to watch specials like they do> Thus the group rally behind their friend, beat duncan in a wonderful christmas number and watch specials with their buddy, as the weird ass family some of whom have or will make out, they are. 

4. A Charlie Brown Christmas With my love of comic strips and sentiment, it should suprise absolutely no one this is on here. I love peanuts and have only grown to love it more over hte years for it’s mealancholy, finely constructed cast and weird bits people forget about like Snoopy’s disco phase, that really damn good arc where his house burned down, his brother stealing his fiance only to have her stolen from him, the fact Lucy threw Linus out once, that peppermint patty was once held back a grade and her snores took her place at her desk, the fact there was a character named 5, Charlie Brown and Linus’ friend roy who introduced peppermint patty to the cast, the fact a character named crybaby boobie exists, the fact there are specials devoted to a pastiche of call of the wild, a friend of linus’ getting cancer, and Flashbeagle. Just flashbeagle. 

It is glorious. And I really need to add that to my review queue.. maybe for late january. Seriously, tis glorious. And I OWN this one. So yeah. What were we talking about? Oh yes the special that made all the specials, especially flashbeagle, possible: A Charlie Brown Christmas This one has always been part of my life, but even beyond it’s signifigance to me, having grown up with it and grafted it to my soul, it’s just .. good. It has some good commentary on the consumrisim of the holiday with Charlie Brown rightly a bit upset about it and ending up roped into directing a christmas play. Great gags, and charlie brown trying to stick up for a scragly tree no one enlse likes insue. Oh and scripture as this is probably the only overtly religious special on the list. Not that ther’es anything wrong with not being religious and celebrating christmas: i’m not anymore but I still do and while I respect people who celebrate the holiday int he spirit of christ I have none for people who bash anyone who dosen’t just see it religiously and whose over zealous about it. Your just as bad as war on christmas people and you should feel bad.  But yeah overal it’s just an inconic special whose clunkyness in production and audio just adds some charm to it. It shows it’s age.. but only in the animation and production values, which is just.. charming. It’s message is timeless, it’s characterization is perfect as you’d expect from peanuts in it’s prime, and i’ts ending is truly heartmelting. If you’ve never seen this one.. just go do that. I can wait. 

3. How Santa Stole Christmas! (Ducktales)  I”ll be brief on this one as, since it only aired a few weeks ago, i’ve already done a full review on it. But I will justify why such a recent special is this high up: because it’s just that good. It may of JUST been aired, but it’s as good as anything else here and age dosen’t matter. Quality does. There will likely be future specials worth this list i’m sure but for this moment in time this one earns it. It has Santa perfectly charactrized and tells an utterly heartrending story of friendship that ends up ending simply because the two are moving in opposite directions and of Scrooge learning the meaning of christmas. Not thorugh the ghosts, they already brilliantly messed with that one. It’s just really fantastic, gets the christmas spriit perfectly and uses the characters just as flawlessly. I will defintely be watching this one every year. Just a warm, creative, funny as hell special. 

2. Comfort and Joy (Justice League) Speaking of reviews I held off reviews of my final two so I could save more thoughts here. I probably still will review them eventually, especially this one, I just felt i’d be repeating myself or have to be brief like the last one. But yeah this one slaps. The Justice League cartoon is easily one of the best superhero cartoons, if not superhero properties, period. Taking the base already built in from the previous three dcau cartoons, this one builds out the world and expands it , and introduced a young me to my lifelong loves of Martian Manhunter, The Flash and especailly the green lanterns with John Stewarts badass reciting of the oath easily etched in my brain. The only reason he isn’t my faviorite lantern is because mogo exists.. aka the lantern that is a living planet. 

You can see why. But yeah Jon stuck in my mind. So it’s probably no suprise that the christmas special heavily featuring all three. It’s Christmas Time and after the league stops it’s usual disaster, they head off for their usual holiday activities. Batman and Wonder Woman are missing, but it’s fine. While I love both, especailly DCAU Batman, the episode is probably better off not trying to shove them in there just for the sake of it. One of the show’s greatest strength’s was character ballance, not forcing EVERY member of the big 7 into every episode and just using whose needed and shuffling them in and out FAR BETTER than say, Ducktales. Point is this, much like being loved by anyone, was not unusual and it makes the episode tighter. Even more so since this is the ONLY half hour episode in the first two seasons, the rest are basically hour long episodes split into two parters, though still paced for being two episodes so it’s good.. and three movie length three parters for the premire, and the season finales. Fun Fact: As a kid I missed starcrossed and thus had to find out second hand, and barely at that, why hawkgirl was gone at the start of unlimited. I still have not seen it. I will correct this eventually. It was a diffrent time. 

So yeah this episode not only has a main character cast of 6, with 3 other major supporting characters, but is handily split into three amazing plot lines. The first has Green Lantern try to teach Hawkgirl how to have christmas fun by playing on a snowy world, while Hawkgirl takes him to a bar to show how she celebrates.. i.e. getting hammered and starting a fight. Nanananana, she’s gonna start a fight. It’s a fun really sweet segment, and some nice ship tease between the two.  The other two though are what make this special.. not that the first one is bad these two are just really inspiried for the characters involved: For the Flash, who in this series is both Wally and a bit of a smug quipster.. we see beneath the ego and flirting he’s really a sweet, caring guy and spends his christmas finding a toy for the orphans in this case a rapping duck. 

Not QUITE as embarassing btu close. He runs into the Ultra Humanite whose destroying the toys because he hates the comercialism and how it dumbs things down for the kids. Have I mentioned that I love the Ultra Humanite? Because I do.. the animated version. The comics version is REALLY fucking creepy but this version? He’s fucking great, an intellectual whose a formidable threat.. and honestly sympathetic. His motive here, while misguided, is well meaning and his price for selling out the injustice gang and going back to jail quitely? one of the best gags in human history. Getting PBS to say “This program was supported by viewers like you.. and the ultra humanite” He’s just awesome and i’ts a shame he never returned for unlimited. His comic version, while not BAD is just.. not NEARLY as intresting or deep and I wish the comics would have him take after this version.  And that depth shows as once he learns what was going on, he willingly helps flash and simply reprograms the duck to recite the nutcracker. It’s a really nice gesture, that flash returns by giving his foe a christmas tree. Really good stuff.  And I saved the best for last. Heading home for the holidays, Clark takes Jonn with him since otherwise he’d be stuck at the watchtower and batman was apparnetly “Begging” for duty. Granted one wonders what his surrogate dad and adopted sons think but odds are alfred would just drag them up there anyway no mater how much Dick protested. And of course Alfred has watchtower clearance, he’s alfred: he’s the only one besides Diana looking out for bruce.. and no I don’t buy the bullshit from the batman beyond comics that never happened. And Clark too, this is true... but it takes a village to get bruce to go the fuck to sleep and most of that villiage is alfred. And if your wondering “wait won’t he be in danger”... the only thing that can kill this man is apparently bane. He’s survivied earthquakes, poisonings, turning into a supervillian via radaition induced crazies, yes really, apparently dying leading to the supervillian thing, being stabbed, being shot at, having to help raise damien... my point is the guy’s been through a lot in comics, I doubt the dcau version is any less resilent and god damn I miss this old man. Salute alfred, salute.  Where was I oh yeah, Clark insists on taking John home. And it’s stuff like this why I freaking love superman. Many dismiss him as corny, unrelaistic or boring.. all untrue. Sure he’s a boyscout, but he’s meant ot resprsent the best in mankind, what we can truly be powers or no, what we can achieve and the kind of moral, kind person we can be. He’s an inspiration for us all. And this kind of act is what shows that: his response to one of his friends having nowhere to go on christmas and not having been around the holiday? Take him to his house to share in the warmth and love.  And Clark’s parents here show WHY he’s the hero he is and why I freaking love them in all flavors.. except Zack Snyder flavor and even then tha’ts only for Pa “Letting people die is the right thing to do now i’m going to throw myself into a tornado to prove that” kent. But it’s christmas so i’m not here to bitch about zack snyder and if you want that in full, you can pay for it.  My point is they show, as they should how he became the moral paragon he is: they meet a man from mars, who they’ve never met and their son just invited.. and welcmoe him without a thought. While this isnt’ their first alien obviously, and they say so, it’s still really sweet they just warmly welcome the man in and give him their surrogate daughter/their sons’ biological cousin’s room while sh’es away. Oh Kara’s away conveniently skiing with barbra. Also she lives with them in this continuity. Also maybe that’s where dick is. I dunno, but I hope so. Dickbabs for life.. depending on the continuity. I”m still dick and star for life in the titans cartoon.  Point is we get nice of sweet, and hilaroius, holiday stuff: Jonn is suprised to see this side of clark: while he’s always warm and inviting as Clark.. he can also be relaxed, enjoy the holiday and get real spirited. For one day he dosen’t have to be superman. He can just be clark. Evne superman can take a day off.. and he’s superman, he desrves one. Let Bruce and Diana take care of it after they finish marathon sex and Diana finshes with Cheetaah and Maxwell lord.  But yeah as I was saying hilarious as we find out clark used to peak and they had to, and still do, line it with lead foil to make sure he can’t peak, and Martha gives John a sweater, saying his company is all they need for a gift and when it’s a bit big he charmingly grows into it. Jonn also walks among the humans a bit and we get a great little bit of him sneaking down a chimney after hearing the thorughts of a girl whose worried santa isn’t real. It’s just all great stuff that cumilates in Jonn joyfully singing a song in his native tounge while stroking Kara’s cat Streaky.. who sadly does not have a cape or super powers in this universe. Yet. Just a really good superhero story, a damn fine christmas story and one of the best episodes of a stellar show that thankfully is still remembered in this new age of heroes. 

1. It’s Christmas You Dorks (Harvey Beaks) Yup not probably a lot of people’s first choice but fuck it. I’ve loved this one since i saw it a few years ago shorlty after the series ended, having grown far behind and caught up just as it was ending... and regretted it as Harvey Beaks is easily one of my faviorite shows from the wall to wall hit parade that was the 2010′s. It’s charming, hilaroius, heartfelt, and creative.. and really weird if not as weird as CH Greenblaht’s previous show chowder.. but still weird enough.Thankfully Big City Greens is carying the banner for this kind of show, as is Craig of the Creek, so the kind of gentle, slice of life stuff hasn’t gone away, but this show was still it’s own thing and i’m sad it’s gone.  But while it was here it was spectacular and this is one of the best of em if not the best. And naturally for a show like this it has a neat approach: The episode is dialouge free, only having some singing in the last act and that’s diagetic, the characters singing a christmas song. We’ll get to that. This isn’t the FIRST silent christmas special i’ve seen, Courage the Cowardly dog did it’s own take on the nutcracker, but it’s still the best. And given Courage the Cowardly Dog is one of my faviorite shows, that’s high praise. Each segment is charming, unique, and well done. 

As for what each are: The wraparound is a gorgeously animated bit of stop motion or something like it where the spirit of winter goes around and turns fall to winter or helps the kid with winter fun. It’s a bunch of really adorable stuff. The first proper one is the kids having a snowball fight when a bunch of asshole adults interupt, and hte kids end up getting even by hiding in some snowmen. Again just some really fun, really well done stuff.  But the first one that really makes it follows Technobear, local wannabe ladies man in training who has a crush on Harvey’s mom and fantasies about giving her some lovely read shoes and skating with her. His hopes are dashed when instead her daughter michelle, the horrifing baby child pictured above, takes them instead. But not only is it heartwarming to see the stone faced future rule of the world crack a smile, Techno instnatly realizes whats’ improtant and takes the bby ice skating.  The next segment is just some goofy googus with the squirrels, the local crooks who are also squirreels, but it’s still pretty good. We then get Jeremy trying to be santa which is both funny but genuinely heartwarming and finally the best bit as Dade, local killjoy, gets annoyed at everyone singing a popular new christmas song instead of the old standard he likes and being a dick about it before softening a bit when Harvey genuinely offers him camradere. It’s just.. good stuff that’s hard to put into words, and given putting it into words is my thing, it really speaks to just hwo good this special is. it just, makes me feel nice, and really gets the spirit of the holiday in all it’s forms. It’s gorgeously aniamted, well paced, and never stops being entertaining and that’s why it’s both my faviorite and why every year.. i’ll be coming back to little bark. And if nothing else.. it’ll keep this warm, great show alive in my heart.  So with that I end this list. If you didn’t like it tha’ts fine, this is my opinon. But I wanted to share my faviorites with you and hope you’ll check them out this or next chirstmas. Until we meet again... Merry Christmas to all,and to all a good night. 

[kmalexander]

The 2020 Cosmic Horror Holiday Gift Guide

The phrase “Black Friday” has a more menacing tone in 2020—especially here in the United States. Hopefully, you’re following the advice of the experts, staying home, laying low, wearing masks, and washing your hands. But a pandemic shouldn’t stop gift giving! So, once again, I took some time and assembled my List of Lists for 2020. In it, you’ll find a plethora of paraphernalia for the weird-fiction fanatic, cosmic-horror connoisseur, or mythos maniac in your life. As with previous years, I’ve worked to assemble a list of exceptional items for all ages and budgets.

There’s a few changes this year. First, I’m now linking to IndieBound for all books. Please do what you can to support your local bookshops and small businesses. Odds are they can get you anything Amazon can, and it’ll help out your community. Secondly, where possible, I’m also linking to the author’s personal webpages. Check them out. Follow them. It’s a nice way to stay current with what’s happening in the world of weird fiction. Please remember, while I’ve ordered these by price, the prices and availability are subject to change. I don’t have any control over that. Happy shopping!

 QUICK LINKS 

• Books • Music • Apparel • Games • • Housewares • Miskatonic •

Books

Mother Hydra’s Mythos Rhymes by Jarred W. Wallace $9.95 + Shipping (Paperback)

This mock children’s book features twenty-one sinister nursery rhymes twisted with a Cthulhu Mythos bent and illustrated by the incredible Heather Hudson. Also included is a complete Edward Gorey-style alphabet. Every budding cultist should learn their ABCs after all.

The Worm And His Kings by Hailey Piper $13.00 + Shipping (Paperback) $6.99 (eBook)

This arrived only a few weeks ago, and I can’t wait to dive in. Set in New York City in 1990, the story follows Monique as she hunts for her missing girlfriend. But the trail goes much deeper than she realizes, sending Monique into a subterranean world of enigmatic cultists and shadowy creatures.

The Stars Were Right by K. M. Alexander $14.00 + Shipping (Paperback) $2.99 (eBook)

I’m nearly finished with Book Four’s edits. So, if you haven’t, now is the perfect time to start reading my Bell Forging Cycle. Follow Waldo Bell as he is sent careening through the multi-level megalopolis of Lovat, fighting to clear his name as a bloodthirsty killer stalks him. It’s mystery and monsters, chases and cults, and an ancient evil in a world that is similar but not quite like our own.

RADIO by J. Rushing $15.99 + Shipping (Paperback) $3.99 (eBook)

A jazz-infused, opium-soaked, historical fantasy with a transgressive edge that explodes from the opening chapter and never relents until its final pages—a welcome addition to modern fantasy literature and weird enough that it earned a place on this list.

Murder Ballads And Other Horrific Tales by John Hornor Jacobs $16.95 + Shipping (Paperback) $7.95 (eBook)

Seems like it’s becoming a tradition to see a new book from John Hornor Jacobs on this list every year, and it’s no surprise. He’s arguably one of the best mythos writers working today. This collection of recent horror and crime short stories takes you through tales involving old gods to malevolent artificial intelligences, plus it includes the sequel to his 2011 novel, Southern Gods.

The Cipher by Kathe Koja $17.95 + Shipping (Paperback) $3.99 (eBook)

Part haunted house story, part body horror, part descent-into-madness tale all told in the style of Transgressive Literature. The Cipher is one of those stories I was shocked I hadn’t read until this year. Koja writes stunningly physical characters and knotted complex relationships that feel eerily familiar to anyone who’s spent time in artist circles. Enjoy the Fun Hole. (One of my 2020 Three Great Horror Reads for Halloween.)

The Only Good Indians by Stephen Graham Jones $26.99 + Shipping (Hardcover) $9.99 (eBook)

At its heart, this is a horror novel about growing up poor and native in western Montana. But The Only Good Indians also a novel about revenge, mistakes, and their extended consequences. I blew through it. I grew up not too far from where this novel is set, and I have yet to find a recent author that captures the behavior and actions of the people in that area quite as well as Jones. You’ll never look at elk the same way again. (One of my 2020 Three Great Horror Reads for Halloween.)

The City We Became by N. K. Jemisin $28.00 + Shipping (Hardcover) $14.99 (eBook)

The first of the Great Cities series focuses on a roiling, ancient evil that stirs beneath the streets of New York City and threatens to destroy the city. New York must go on, and it will take five protectors scattered across the boroughs coming together to stop it. An allegorical response to Lovecraft’s work and a love letter to the city.

The Dark Brotherhood and Other Pieces by H.P. Lovecraft $650.00 + Shipping (One Copy Available—Sold via AbeBooks)

This rare late-60s first edition copy from Arkham House is in fine condition with a fine dustwrapper. It also comes with an inscription by the publisher and editor of this work: “for Herb Arnold from the compiler – August Derleth.” An extremely unique find and a unique piece of weird fiction history.

No book catches your interest? Check out the books featured in one of the previous guides. • 2014 Books • 2015 Books • 2016 Books • 2017 Books • 2018 Books • 2019 Books •

Music & Audio

Tribute To H.P. Lovecraft by Epsilon Eridani Free (Digital Download)

This atmospheric and somber dark ambient album is the third project from Mexican electronic artist Juan Pablo Valle. Blending instrumental tracks, spoken words performances, and recitations of parts of Lovecraft’s stories, this tribute serves as an excellent horror soundtrack.

The Yellow Sign $6.99 (Digital Download)

While Lovecraftian music often skews towards dark ambient or metal performances, The Yellow Sign goes takes a more orchestral approach. Composer Graham Plowman has created a fantastic classical soundtrack putting this album on par with any feature film—brooding, menacing, and wonderfully enjoyable.

Beyond Madness by Aklo $9.00 (Digital Download)

Erich Zann would be jealous. Aklo, like its madness-inducing namesake, is hard to pin down. But this album captures “the beyond” in ways not often heard in modern music. Part noise, part experimental, Beyond Madness is an excellent addition to any Lovecraft fan’s collection.

Live from Stockholm by Ogham Waite $12.00 (Digital Download)

Ogham Waite, one of Innsmouth’s Deep One inhabitants, and the Amphibian Jazz Band are the mythos’ answer to the lounge stylings of early Tom Waits. Bluesy and moody, this seductively smokey album drips with saltwater. Waite’s performance and delivery are melodious as they are melodic, a great addition to mythos music.

Ambrose Bierce’s The Boarded Window $20.00 + Shipping (Vinyl)

This limited vinyl pressing of Bierce’s unsettling perspective-shifting tale is read by Anthony D. P. Mann and scored by Chris Bozzone. Cadabra Records always goes the extra mile with their products, and it’s clear from the hand-poured red and white splattered vinyl to the incredible art by Jeremy Hush.

Deities by Tortuga €22.50 ($26.68) + Shipping (Vinyl) €5.00 ($5.93) (Digital Download)

This one showed up randomly on a playlist, and I found myself intrigued. Once I listened to it, I became a fan. Tortuga is a Polish doom metal band whose work is loaded down with intricate and heavy driving riffs inspired by Lovecraft’s writings. It’s good stuff.

Not finding any music or audio that interests you? Check out one of the previous guides. • 2014 Music • 2015 Music • 2016 Music • 2017 Music • 2018 Music • 2019 Music •

Apparel

Tiki Cthulhu Embroidered Patch $9.00 + Shipping

I see many patches as I search for new cosmic horror gear throughout the year, and occasionally I find one that rises to the top. This sew-on tiki-styled Ctuhulu is 3″ x 2.5″ and was created for the 2018 H. P. Lovecraft Film Festival. If you want a mythos inspired adornment for your bag or jacket that’s a bit outside the norm, look no further.

Cthulhu Socks $18.00 + Shipping

It’s winter in the northern hemisphere, that means you need to keep your appendages warm. Also, socks-for-Christmas is a right of passage. Why not consider getting these Cthulhu Socks from PutYourSocksOn featuring tentacles up the side and an illustration of the dead and dreaming Cthulhu on the ankle.

Sourpuss Tropicthulhu Rosie Dress $29.00 + Shipping

When you are associated with the ocean, you generally get associated with the tropics regardless of where your sunken city dwells. This 40’s style Rosie Dress allows you to show your appreciation of R’lyeh’s favorite son in a subtle but delightful manner.

Amulet of Azathoth £23.95 ($34.42) + Shipping

It’s the grandpappy of the mythos deities in amulet form! Well, kinda. A representation of the nuclear chaos beyond angled space himself. This antique amulet is a little over an inch and a half long and is cold cast in a mixture of resin and brass—a stunning little pendant.

Mother & Father Statuary Set $85.00 + Free Shipping

These handmade and hand-painted resin figures of Dagon and Hydra would work perfectly as bookends or garden statues. Aged in a way to evoke feelings of lost treasure salvaged from the seafloor or perhaps a dank and forgotten chamber somewhere beneath Innsmouth. Kinda cute to boot.

Cara Mater Silvae Shub-Niggurath Woodcut Print $187.50 + Free Shipping (Limited Edition)

Liv Rainey-Smith’s fantastic woodcut work has long been a fixture in the weird lit community. This limited-edition print is done in the style of a sacred icon and features a great rendition of Shub-Niggurath, The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young, or as my readers will know her, “Cybill.”

Keeper of the Nightmare Mask $331.53 + Free Shipping (Made to Order)

Plague doctors always cut a fearsome figure in humanity’s historical memory, but what lies beneath that leather mask and shielded eyes? This custom made-to-order mask twists tentacles to form that familiar (and terrifying) plague-doctor shape adding an extra level of menace to an already menacing form.

Not finding apparel you like? Check out the apparel on one of the previous guides. • 2014 Apparel • 2015 Apparel • 2016 Apparel • 2017 Apparel • 2018 Apparel • 2019 Apparel •

Games

No Players Online Name Your Own Price (Windows/Linux)

What starts as a simple old demo of a capture-the-flag 3D shooter found on a discarded tape eventually twists and turns becoming something else entirely. I’m a sucker for the 80s glitch aesthetic, and it’s used here in masterfully unsettling ways—multiple endings, interesting game world, very much worth your time.

Kadath $5.99 (Digital Download, Early Access)

This first chapter of a first-person cosmic-horror adventure has you following the case of a World War II Nazi train that vanished only to reappear in a cave in the Himalayas 75 years later. Dripping with atmosphere and filled with brilliant puzzles, this first chapter left me excited for Kadath and wanting more.

Fate of Cthulhu $20.00 (Downloadable PDF) $35.00 + Shipping (Book + PDF)

In this tabletop roleplaying game from Fred Hicks and Evil Hat Productions, you and your friends will find yourself sent into the past on a mission to prevent the future. It’s a race against time as you try to stop the stars from being right and prevent Cthulhu’s foretold return, all before you and yours are transformed into something monstrous.

Elder Sign Dice – Blue Aether $24.99 + Shipping

Infinite Black has been making some wonderful cosmic-horror-themed gaming products for a few years. They’ve finally gotten easy enough to nab for holiday gifts. These Blue Aether Elder Sign Dice stood out to me, but they have a robust catalog making it easy to find the right gift for the dicing Lovecraft fan in your life. (Or yourself.)

Fate of the Elder Gods $63.99 + Shipping

Cults battle cults in this race to summon your ancient order’s elder god of choice! But it’s not just the other conniving worshippers and cult leaders you need to worry about, crafty investigators are on the prowl, and they’re working to subvert everyone’s goals as well. Hasten the earth’s doom in this competitive area-control game for two to four players.

Hastur $274.99 + Shipping (Two Shipments)

I’m a big fan of the Mysterious Package Company, the quality of their products always impresses. This latest journey into the realm of Hastur is no exception. Taking place over several mailings, Hastur invites the recipient into the world of the King in Yellow, the play with the same name, and the utter madness that dwells within those words.

Not finding a game you’d enjoy? Check out the games on one of the previous guides. • 2014 Games • 2015 Games • 2016 Games • 2017 Games • 2018 Games • 2019 Games •

Housewares & Collectables

Cedric’s Eatery 11oz. Mug $16.00 + Shipping

It’s cold out, and you need a new mug. Why not pick one up from Lovat’s own Cedric’s Eatery located in the entresol between Levels Three and Four. An in-between place for in-between folks. Waldo Bell’s latest hangout. Fill your mug with 11 oz. of bad coffee, your favorite tea, or something stronger. [From the pages of the Bell Forging Cycle.]

Cthulhu Clay Idol & Letter $29.80 + Free Shipping

Alternative takes on the Cthulhu idol are rare. More often than not, we see the same shape repeated over and over. Because of that, this rawer, more original piece stood out to me. It feels more realistic in many ways, reminding me of the sort of thing one would find on an archeological dig. Plus, with the attached letter, you get a little mini-experience here.

Sea Monster Shower Curtain $32.00 + Shipping

There be dragons. And there. And there. And… well, all over the place! If you love weird old sea monsters and old maps, then this curtain will be perfect for you. Decorate your shower with this fantastic curtain featuring beasts that look lifted from early Renaissance maps. 70″ x 72″. Liner recommended.

Cthulhu Lovecraft Blanket $59.99 + Shipping

As cooler air moves into the northern hemisphere, we can all celebrate the arrival of the cozy season. To stay warm, why not cuddle up beneath this cotton and acrylic Jacquard Knit blanket featuring the squatting visage of The Great Dreamer himself? He might be cold but you don’t have to be.

Anxious Blob Original Sculpture $325.00 + Shipping (Supplies are limited.)

This weird little one-off sculpture of a nervous little entity is made with polymer clay and hand-painted. The eye sits beneath a glass dome giving this piece a unique character. Who among us hasn’t wanted an anxious blob with hundreds of teeth and a single staring eye decorating our walls?

Not finding a houseware item you like? Check out the housewares from one of the previous guides. • 2016 Housewares • 2017 Housewares • 2018 Housewares • 2019 Housewares •

Miskatonic University

Miskatonic University Pennant $15.99 + Shipping

I love seeing all the different takes for Miskatonic University collegiate gear. Here you can show your support for “Ole Misk” with a felt pennant from H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society and cheer on the “mighty Miskatonic Myrmidons” to another victory. Wave that banner proudly!

Miskatonic University Real Leather Notebook $41.40 + Shipping

Journaler? Artist? Writer? Mathematician? Norwegian sea captain? Random idea generator? If you’re one of these, odds are you need a notebook. This 8″x6″ Miskatonic-themed journal features 100 sheets of thick handmade Khadda paper and is durable enough for the dig site while still being elegant enough for the classroom.

Miskatonic University Wax Seal $48.07 + Shipping

Secure your correspondence with old friends from bygones eras who seek answers using this classic and exquisite seal. It might not stop prying eyes, but at least your old colleagues will know if someone’s been tampering with their mail. (Wax sold separately.)

Miskatonic University Hockey Sweater $109.00 + Shipping (Supplies are limited.)

Every sports fan needs a jersey. Miskatonic students are no different. It’s why when I came across this Hockey Sweater from Geeky Jerseys I knew it’d be perfect for the cosmic horror student in your life. (While this one is great, I’m hoping the superior Miskatonic 2.0 sweater becomes available once again.)

Not finding any Miskatonic University gear you like? Check out the Miskatonic University items from one of the previous guides. • 2014 Miskatonic • 2015 Miskatonic • 2016 Miskatonic • 2017 Miskatonic • • 2018 Miskatonic • 2019 Miskatonic •

  Merry Christmas & Happy Holidays!

So that wraps up the seventh annual List of Lists. Let’s all keep wearing our masks, socially distancing, and washing our hands so we can all do this again next year. Big thank you to everyone who has suggested items in the past to help me pad out this list. Y’all rule. If I didn’t get to your submission, fret not. There are many more holidays ahead. I appreciate the help.

Do you have a book, game, album, or other weird fiction-related items I should feature in 2021’s Cosmic Horror Holiday Gift Guide? Leave a comment below with links to your favorite goodies for others to see, or send me an email as a potential submission for next year!

Want to stay in touch with me? Sign up for Dead Drop, my rare and elusive newsletter. Subscribers get news, previews, and notices on my books before anyone else delivered directly to their inbox. I work hard to make sure it’s not spammy and full of interesting and relevant information. Sign Up Today→

from WordPress https://ift.tt/3mfcWB8 via IFTTT

[the-woild-is-y-erster]

me thinks you should draw socks and shoe bonding over being called socks n shoe ( just a mere suggestion )

"im socks" "im shoe"

we're the foot brothers

[guitarsandviolins]

Guitars and Violins II Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Problems Arise

(Disclaimer! I own nothing of Korra!)

Korra and her friends made it to their favorite spot where they would be playing.

The Axis Nightclub.

"We finally made it," said Korra.

"Its finally ready!" Said Tahno, "We're gonna rock their socks off with our awesome sound."

Bolin was clacking his drumsticks.

Marcus was looking at some paperwork walking by.

"So much to do, so much going on with this place," he said.

"Hey guys!" Said Zoe, "We're excited to see you guys jam."

"Hey Marcus, that thing that happened with the beer fight…." Korra started.

"All water under the bridge," said Marcus, "Maybe those guys will be a bit wiser for the wear, but don't worry about it."

"What should we do until the show Marcus?" Asked Varrick, "Any papers we have to sign or what?"

"Oh yes well…. I hope to see you here," said Marcus, "Pardon me for not showing you around, there's a map inside I'm sure you can read it out."

As he left, Korra and the gang went inside.

"Just look at this fucking stage!" Said Tahno.

"Its amazing," said Opal, "The entire area is a lightshow spectacular."

"Guys?" Asked Tahno.

They were all looking at the schedule.

"That's odd," said Opal, "Your band isn't on there."

"What happened?" Asked Korra, "Was there a mess up?"

"I don't know Korra….. but I'm gonna find out," said Varrick.

He went to the room where Marcus was and Korra followed.

He was filling out some paper work.

"Pardon me," said Varrick trying to get his attention.

"I am incredibly busy sir," said Marcus bluntly ignoring them.

"I know and I won't take much of your time, I just had a concern about the schedule," said Varrick, "The schedule for the concert tonight, we noticed that The Tone Benders aren't in the set. I just wanted to ask when they're playing."

"They're not," Marcus said still ignoring him.

"Why not?" Asked Varrick.

"Because they violated the contract rules," said Marcus smoking his cigar.

"What contract rules?" Asked Korra, "We didn't see any contract rules did we guys?"

Marcus threw his bottle of beer at the wall.

"Wrong toots, wrong!" He said frustratedly.

Everybody was surprised in his change of tone.

"Under section 39-a of the contract which all of you signed, it states quite clearly that all performances shall become null and void IF, and you can read it for yourselves in this photostatic copy," said Marcus beginning to read, "'I the undersigned do hereby forfeit all rights to perform with said band herin, and herin, contained et cetera et cetera, fax mentis incendium gloria culture et cetera et cetera, memo bis punitor delicatum!"

He slammed the contract down still angry.

"Its all there, written in black ink, and CLEAR AS FUCKING CRYSTAL!" He shouted pointing at Korra and Asami, "You allowed lesbians to perform with us, and to make matters worse…."

He opened the door pointing at Mako.

"You allowed your bassist to sleep with our vocalist, a bassist from Japan no less!" Marcus said, "Now there's rumors going on about them dating! By committing these acts you violated your contract, so you will not be performing here tonight. You lose, good day sir!"

He went back to his work.

Varrick was indeed shocked.

"You're a cheat… you're a tycoon and a scoundrel!" He said, "THAT'S what you are! How can you do a thing like this, build up a group of young musicians hopes and smash all their dreams to pieces? You're an inhuman TYRANT….."

"I SAID GOOD FUCKING DAY!" Marcus shouted.

"C'mon guys," said Korra, "Let's get out of here."

"I'll get even with that son of a bitch if its the last thing I do," said Varrick, "If Cass wants a nirvana tribute band, she'll get one."

Zoe was listening to the whole thing and called a number.

"Hey, its us," said Zoe, "We've got a bit of a problem."

Korra and the gang were eating at a bar.

"I can't believe this," said Mako, "We don't get to play at the performance because of that guy being an asshole."

"What I wanna know is where in the contract it says that lesbians can't play with the band?" Asked Bolin, "What's that guy's problem with us?"

"Exactly," said Asami.

Varrick was busy calling his friend about the upcoming Nirvana Tribute concert.

"He's real hell bent on getting back at Marcus," said Opal.

Zoe walked in.

"Hey Z," said Mako, "What's shaking?"

"Guys, good news, you can play tonight!" Said Zoe.

"Really?" Asked Korra.

"Yes," said Zoe, "But….. on one condition."

Later, Korra was looking at Marcus.

The two of them were trying to outdo themselves at the guitar battle.

Marcus was looking to the crowd thinking that he won.

Korra however had a trick up her sleeve.

"Wait til you hear this."

(A few hours earlier)

"Come again?" Asked Asami.

"Well, Marcus thinks you have talent, and he even told us so," Zoe repeated herself, "He doesn't wanna say it out loud though because it might destroy his image."

"Then why is he so uptight about her relationship with Asami?" Bolin asked.

"Well to answer that question, its because his old girlfriend cheated on him, and dumped him for a woman."

"Bambi all over again," Tahno said.

"So he wants to have a guitar duel with me?"

"Correct."

"And if we win, we get to stay on the tour."

"Exactly."

Korra thought for a moment.

"Alright I'll do it."

Asami kissed Korra's cheek.

"That's my girl."

Opal groped Korra's breasts.

"For luck."

The others laughed.

Korra tuned her guitar and went to MArcus' room.

"So did you give my offer some thought?"

"I'll do it," Korra said.

He grinned.

"Get ready to meet your maker."

The two of them went to the main stage of the Axis Nightclub.

Marcus grabbed his guitar and plugged up.

"I think its time I gave you a taste of what I'm made of."

He played a guitar solo.

Korra looked at him.

"Oh I didn't realize it was my turn, I thought that was just you tuning up."

Korra countered with a bluesy riff.

"Ok so you can walk, but can you run?"

He played a punk rock riff.

"Sure, but I prefer to fly."

Korra played a solo using her thumb as a pick.

"Just like Jeff Beck…." Blake said.

"She's good," Shelly said.

Marcus countered with a heavy metal solo followed by a dive bomb.

Korra retaliated by playing guitar with her teeth.

Marcus played a lick and Korra copied it in her own style.

The two of them kept going at each other with different licks and riffs trying to outdo each other.

"We gotta get in on this," Blake said.

The band joined in doing a blues shuffle.

Marcus did his thing and then Korra did her own.

Marcus played the guitar behind his back.

Korra did some slide guitar riffs.

Varrick was watching Korra bust the moves.

"You show that dickhole who's boss," he said.

Zhu Li called him on the phone.

Marcus did a trick using a delay pedal.

Korra did the same using reverse delay.

Marcus then did something similar to Pat Metheny and then Frank Gambale.

He then turned around believing he won.

Korra then started a new lick.

She then played something that was similar to Paganini's Caprice no. 5.

Varrick was listening.

"What the devil?"

She then played another Paganini riff.

She merged a few Paganini riffs together to create one incredible guitar solo and then finished it.

The audience clapped for her.

Marcus attempted to play the same thing but kept messing up on a few parts.

He then put his guitar down.

"You're a fucking legend," he said smiling, "You get the first set tonight."

Korra's band cheered and chanted her name.

Zoe smiled.

Tahno took the microphone.

"Ok tell you what, its time you all joined me," he said, "Everybody is gonna keep yourself alive!"

Korra started playing a riff.

Tahno took the first half of the microphone off.

The band started to join in.

Marcus found himself clapping along with everyone else.

Keep Yourself Alive by Queen

Tahno: I was told a million times

Of all the troubles in my way

Mind you grow a little wiser

Little better every day

But if I crossed a million rivers

And I rode a million miles

Then I'd still be where I started

Bread and butter for a smile

Well I sold a million mirrors

In a shop in Alley Way

But I never saw my face

In any window any day

Now they say your folks are telling you

Be a super star

But I tell you just be satisfied

Stay right where you are

Korra and Asami: Keep yourself alive

Keep yourself alive

Tahno: It'll take you all your time and a money

Honey you'll survive

Well I've loved a million women

In a belladonnic haze

And I ate a million dinners

Brought to me on silver trays

Give me everything I need

To feed my body and my soul

Well I'll grow a little bigger

Maybe that can be my goal

I was told a million times

Of all the people in my way

How I had to keep on trying

And get better every day

But if I crossed a million rivers

And I rode a million miles

Then I'd still be where I started

Same as when I started

Korra and Asami: Keep yourself alive

Come on

Keep yourself alive

Tahno: It'll take you all your time and a money

Honey you'll survive

Bolin did a drum solo while Opal recorded it.

Zoe was watching Mako play the whole time.

"This guy is amazing with his bass playing! GO MAKO!"

Marcus laughed.

Someone was watching them and had her eye on Tahno.

Korra stepped on her tone bender and played one of her signature guitar solos.

She then walked out to the stage using a wireless.

"I knew the wireless would do the trick," Asami said.

Korra and Asami: Keep yourself alive

Keep yourself alive

Tahno: It'll take you all your time and a money

To keep me satisfied

Mako: Do you think you're better every day

Tahno: No, I just think I'm two steps nearer to my grave

Korra and Asami: Keep yourself alive

Come on

Keep yourself alive

Tahno: You take your time and take more money

Keep yourself alive

Korra and Asami: Keep yourself alive

Come on

Keep yourself alive

Tahno: All you people keep yourself alive

Korra and Asmai: Keep yourself alive

Come on

Come on

Keep yourself alive

Tahno: It'll take you all your time and a money

To keep me satisfied

Korra and Asami: Keep yourself alive

Keep yourself alive

Tahno: All you people keep yourself alive

Take you all your time and money

Honey you will survive

Keep you satisfied

Keep you satisfied

The band finished and the audience cheered.

"Looks like we're back in business," Korra said.

[very-virgil]

Fearing Abnormalities (Roman’s Prologue)

Rising Over Skylines - Part One

Thomas Sanders lives in a world where having strange powers are not uncommon. However, they are punishable at the hands of a large corporation known as CASTE. In a world where being abnormal is a fate worse than death, Thomas Sanders exists as such, with his only sanctuary coming in the form of a young boy with golden wings

---

Pairings: Platonic Thomas and Roman, endgame Logince, endgame Moxiety

Warnings: Child neglect

Notes: While this is Roman's prologue, a lot of Roman's main story revolves around Thomas' backstory so this mostly follows Thomas' origins.

Word Count: 3649

Harborview was nothing more than another city in a long line of obsessively, hurriedly built urbanized areas, built in a panic to best cope with an ever-growing population in an ever-collapsing economy.

The city has once been nothing more than a small fishing town affectionately named Harborview for the salt-stained piers reaching out into frothy oceans. Barnacled boats bobbed at the town’s shoreline, careening to one side with the weight of nets plump with fish. Few, but for the regular fishermen who made a living off catching fish and selling them to local shops, stayed there permanently. The town was more motel than permanent home, and many who came did so to sail out into the ocean, or buy some particularly organic bait, or sit out on the piers with loved ones to watch the sun paint the ocean gold as it sank deeper and deeper into the horizon. Then, they would pack their things back into vehicles and drive off in the direction of a less salty, more densely-populated area to quench their need for non-seafood centric meals or air which wasn’t littered with salt water and fish.

To the many fishermen who did call Harborview their permanent home, the sight of visitors leaving by the end of the day was always a relief. While many of the shopkeepers knew the tourists were valuable for a running business, no one wished for them to overextend their welcomes. They all lived in fear of visitors learning their small town’s secret; that being that their town was heavily populated by Eccentrics who had come to use the small, off the map town as a refuge from CASTE.

Jeremiah Sanders was one such Eccentric. He had been born in the town just as his father had been, and just as many generations would come to be as well. While many Eccentrics were sure to keep any abnormalities close to their chests, such a concern wasn’t upheld in Harborview. He, like many of his fellow fishermen, used his powers freely and without hesitation. After all, he had been born Eccentric. He had been gifted eccentricities—powers far greater than any human capability—and to not use them seemed a waste. Jeremiah Sanders was an Eccentric, and he was happy in Harborview.

That was, until one such visitor outed to CASTE the large number of Eccentrics which did take haven in Harborview. In the course of a few decades CASTE—a Corporation of Analysis, Specialization, and Testing of Eccentrics—became integrated into life at Harborview, and soon the inhabitants of this small town were sporting tags forcibly clipped onto their ears, conveying to all who saw them that they were different. Abnormal. Eccentric.

For this reason, Jeremiah was relieved to discover, upon his son’s birth, that he was not Eccentric. Young Theodore Sanders had been the upmost example of normal the family had ever seen and, for that reason, became one of the first to permanently inhabit Harborview without need for a tag.

Theodore would not be the last, though. Seeing the potential for business, CASTE eventually integrated a permanent location in Harborview, and with them populations followed. Businesses built, citizens bought apartments, and over the course of Theodore’s life he watched what his father had once affectionately called a small town evolve into a metropolitan area.

Air which once smelled of salt turned musty and thick with smoke. Waters once crystal clear turned brown and littered. Many fishermen who once spent their days on the piers or on ships, casting out lines and nets, eventually moved away in the direction of fish, leaving the piers to grow soggy under disuse, and for ships abandoned by fishermen to be eventually taken hostage by the dirtied, soiled ocean.

Regardless, Theodore found some enjoyment in their ever-changing city. He eventually fell in love with the daughter of a fisherman, Martha, another non-Eccentric who had refused to leave the city when her father had. Stubborn-headed and passionate, Theodore fell in love, a love which eventually resulted in a marriage, then a home, then, at last, a child.

Relief had met Theodore and Martha when their young Thomas showed no signs of the abnormal. He was born a decently average size, with decently average brown eyes, a head of decently average blond hair which would turn brown in his lifetime, and decently average dimples framing a decently average smile. He learned to walk at an average age, learned to speak at an average rate, did average in school, made the average amount of friends, and grew up to have an average love of theatricals. In a world where being above average could result in you being CASTE’s property for the remainder of your lifetime, his parents were thrilled.

Theodore and Martha spent much of Thomas’ early life determined he would remain average, a feat which would ultimately prove useless.

Thomas had been fifteen when a few students from school—fellow cast members from his school’s production of West Side Story— invited him out after stage rehearsal. Thrilled at the aspect of being invited to hang out, he quickly phoned his mother letting her know he’d be home late and followed his new friends out towards the pier.

For some time, the group only sat there, throwing stones into the water and catching trash which wadded by with sticks. They had managed a fairly impressive pile of waste removed by time Thomas became anxious enough to warrant asking, “What are we doing here?”

One of the other boys—the senior at school who Thomas had been briefly jealous of when he had landed the role of Tony—only chuckled, patting Thomas on the back without meeting his gaze. “You’ve just gotta wait, Sanders.”

“I know, it’s just that I told my mom I’d—”

His words were cut off at sight of bubbling beneath the water’s surface. For a moment Thomas sat there in fear, terrified of someone jumping from the water as a prank, or a large fish bursting from the water and grabbing their dangling legs to pull them in, but no change came. In time, Thomas joined his companions on the edge of the pier, peering into the murky waters below.

All Thomas could make out was the blurred, hazy image of a ring of gold glowing brightly from the water, like sunlight shining from beneath the ocean.

In a breathy voice, Thomas sighed. “What is it?”

“I dunno,” one of the other boys—the one who had been cast as Riff—said, “Why don’t you go check it out?”

Thomas’ heart raced and he quickly backed away from the edge, eyes wide. “Why me?”

“Aw, c’mon,” Tony said. “Think of it as an initiation. You poke the thing and we’ll, I dunno, put in a word with Mr. Hoppstead about getting you something more than an extra part in the next production.”

Thomas looked down at the water churning in the night, the only light coming from beneath it. Every echoing consciousness in his head screamed at him to turn away, that no part was worth nearly dying, but the light wasn’t too far down. Surely, he could get to it and up in one breath. Plus, the waves weren’t too bad tonight.

“I’m not sure…”

“We’ll be right here for you, Sanders” Tony said. He smiled brightly, patting Thomas’ arm and Thomas felt something in his chest flutter.

He stood up immediately, tearing off his shoes and socks and pealing his shirt off, knowing if he didn’t have dry clothes to change into the entire event would make him miserable. Then, with an affirming thumbs up by those around him, Thomas leapt into the water.

Icy waves surrounded him immediately, and almost he gasped, loosing what breath he had. The water was salty and he slimy with grime, and when he opened his eyes to gather his bearings they stung. Still, comfort came to him at sight of the golden something just beneath him.

He swam down towards it, finding it harder and harder to keep his eyes open both from the intensity of the light and the water stinging his face. Squinting, he pushed himself closer.

He still wasn’t sure what it was, though. The water around the golden mass was warm, and as the mass swirled the water moved around it, a whirlpool of light sucking the water inside. Thomas had to grab onto one of the pier posts, using what little strength he had not to be sucked inwards. The sight of the mass was nothing less than comforting, and the warm water whispered to Thomas to fall asleep and sink in with it, but he had a mission.

Trusting himself to tread water, Thomas released the post. He let the water pull him closer, and closer, dragging him towards the sight of the mass. For a moment, Thomas wondered if they were anxiously watching him above, wondering why he hadn’t come up for breath yet or preparing to call 911 incase anything went wrong. Pushing the thoughts from his head, Thomas touched it.

What happened next was disorienting.

The mass simultaneously exploded and imploded, both sucking water in far faster than earlier and expelling it all at once. Unfortunately for Thomas, the later was what affected him most and in a force which ripped the air from Thomas’ lungs he was thrown backwards. He shot out of the ocean in an geyser of water and landed hard on his back on the pier, his companions gathered around him.

He was soaked, as were they from the expulsion of water, and while the cold air nipping at his skin was certainly a concern for Thomas, he couldn’t shake the knowledge that landing on the pier should have hurt like hell.

Only, it hadn’t.

It was a few weeks before Thomas had managed to figure it out.

Suspicions had lingered in the times between them, however. Everyone in Harborview knew the dangers of interacting with strange phenomena no one could explain. Thomas could only assume that was why he had been pressed to investigate the glowing mass; he had been the test dummy. They had wanted to see if it were something which may have triggered the development of an eccentricity.

For the next two weeks Thomas took care to ensure the upmost presence of normalcy within himself. Growing up, he had been surrounded with endless stories of individuals unaware that they had powers up until an accident occurred and only by instinct their eccentricities were triggered, leaving the individual entirely exposed to the whims of CASTE and the disgraces of those around them. Thomas took every precaution manageable to ensure he wouldn’t unknowingly trigger a now-dormant eccentricity and distress his family. Despite his care, though, they still came.

He had been helping his mother with dinner, chopping vegetables when his hand slipped and the blade nicked his thumb. Thomas had winced, immediately pulling his hand away expecting to nurse a wound, but no blood spotted his finger. Instead, the blade itself had dented. It had been injured by him.

It was Thomas’ decision to turn himself into CASTE. His parents had gone back and forth about it for weeks on end—mostly when they had been certain Thomas couldn’t hear—but every time they left out Thomas’ own opinion. Everyone knew delaying turning oneself into CASTE was a recipe for a higher tagging; CASTE saw reluctancy as synonymous with dishonesty, and a dishonest Eccentric is a dangerous one.

So, it had been Thomas who had contacted the Collectors—a group dedicated to collecting Eccentrics and turning them into CASTE—and he had been marched from his home willingly and towards the towering building at the center of town where all CASTE agents resided.

He would then go on to spend two weeks in CASTE’s possession, living in cramped cell-like quarters, being moved to and from interrogation rooms and science labs by CASTE’s lacky Controllers, being prodded, poked, and scrutinized all as a means of CASTE determining just how dangerous to the general public Thomas could be.

That, Thomas thought, was the most ridiculous part of the entire endeavor. Throughout the ceaseless questionings and the undesirable experiments on himself which were ran, he wanted nothing more than to blurt out to those observing him that he was simply average. All his life his parents, his teachers, his friends had pushed him to take pride in what was surely a magnificent feat in this world.

Perhaps that is why the next chain of events which occurred were so alarming.

At the end of the two weeks—as is accustomed for every Eccentric brought in for tagging—Thomas was corralled into a small room empty but for a single table and a hanging light fixture which a man in a well-pressed suit sat behind. These procedures Thomas knew well, and while he was certain they would end in unavoidable pain, the comfort of being released back home in due time was far greater than that.

However, that was not quite what happened.

CASTE is quite proud of their system of tagging. Each Eccentric is to have a tag inserted onto the cartilage of their ear signify to those which were lucky enough to be born ordinary that this individual is different from them. The tag will be a certain color—red through purple—with red representing the most dangerous of Eccentrics and purple the most harmless. Each tag will then be etched with a number one through three. A one signifies an Eccentric with advanced, ordinary abilities—for instance, enhanced intelligence, strength, agility, etc. A two signifies someone who obtained their powers at some point in their lifetime—this is Thomas. A three, and the most feared, is someone unfortunately born with these advanced abilities, therefore permanently cleaving themselves from the rest of society.

Thomas knew he would be a two, and he doubted he deserved much more than a blue tag on account of his docile past and the lack of damage he could do with his abilities.

The man who sat across from him at the table had other ideas.

This well-dressed figure explained in simple words and a slow voice that Roman was a potential threat. While, sure, he lacked the ability to take outright action against any person, his newfound inability to be injured prevented him from being stopped should he want to. In that way he was a liability; a danger to all those around him.

Should he go rogue, there would be no controlling him. Therefore, he is dangerous enough to warrant constant observation, preferably from inside a cell.

Despite Thomas’ apparent revulsion at the concept, the well-dressed man went on.

There was, however, an alternative. As Harborview grows in size with it does CASTE, and the growth of CASTE always seems to predate the appearance of rogue Eccentrics who wish to use their powers for their own malicious gain. CASTE wished to implement the License to Hero program into Harborview by providing them with their own hero to guard the streets in ways Collectors and Controllers never could.

Thomas seemed to be the most likely candidate for this program.

In return to agreement, Thomas would be marked down to a yellow—a color far more accepted by society and free to live as they please. He would also be paid heavily in return for his services, with fine checks being mailed out to his guardians until he became old enough to accept them himself.

Thomas hadn’t the chance to discuss such a life changing decision with his parents, whom he had previously always trusted to guidance.

He was on his own, with only the time the well-dressed man granted to him in this bland room.

In the end, Thomas did accept. He walked away with not one but two tags pinned to his ear: a yellow one representing his capabilities and a golden one revealing to all those who cared to look that he was a hero.

For weeks his usual school curriculum became replaced with CASTE’s hero training program. He learned how better to use his abilities, received suits and gadgets to help him in the field, was taught to fight, and in time was introduced to the public as Impervious: Harborview’s resident hero.

Years passed of Thomas living this double life. His days became split between school and work in the morning and Impervious at night, with Impervious always seeming to take the greater of the cut.

Still, he was content. Not happy per se—CASTE’s controlling nature as well as the constant eating guilt that he was locked in a contract with one of the most tyrannical corporations which existed prevented that—but he considered himself far better off than he would be locked in a cell day and night as the well-dressed man had once threatened.

In time, Impervious became more of Thomas than Thomas did. He became enveloped by responsibilities he wanted to do right, fans he wanted to please, charities he wanted to support, and the word Impervious became a name rather than an alias.

That was, until he met Roman.

Thomas had been requested into CASTE’s hospital facilities nearly a decade after taking on the mantle of Impervious. Apparently, a child had been turned into CASTE by parents who had claimed to no longer want him, and best attempts to calm him all fell short. They could only hope a well-known figure would sway the child’s attitude.

Willing to help, as well as curious of the abandoned child, Thomas agreed and eventually came face to face with the child.

He was a small kid, skinny, but with bright brown eyes filled with an emotion which almost seemed out of place for a bed-ridden child. He was tanned as well, darker than Thomas himself, with a head of hair oddly red in the light. There was no asking the nurses and doctors working if the child was Eccentric; he could see it.

A pair of golden wings, corporeal and intangible, yet alive and moving all the same, rested at his back, twitching as he moved, thrashing when he did. Large wings framing such a small child.

The sight may have been magical were it not for the large bandage covering much of his forehead—an injury, the doctor’s said, which the parents hadn’t disclosed before dropping him, and which the child himself couldn’t seem to recall.

For a while, Thomas simply played the part of Impervious he knew to be. He spoke in a loud, regal voice, smiled as much as he could, he told tale of daring adventures which the child beamed at, nearly rolling off his bed in his excitement. The most progress, though, was made as Thomas.

It was made as he walked in one day, suit packed away, and simply had the opportunity to speak with the child.

He told Thomas his name—Roman Santiago—but that seemed the furthest extent of which he remembered save a few words of Spanish he often dropped mid-sentence. What the nurses had taken for distrust or reluctance had been true ignorance. Roman truly remembered nothing of before, not even how he had gotten his powers, or who his parents were.

He was a broken child with a broken mind to match.

There had been one night when a storm had rolled in over Harborview. The sea nearby had roared, waves threatened to wash their city out to sea, thunder shook the CASTE building repeatedly with lights flickering at every sight of lightning.

The child had been terrified.

Roman, a seven-year-old boy who had proclaimed loudly time and time again to be the bravest in the hospital (which wasn’t much competition, considering the only other residents were a few elderly Eccentrics who couldn’t handle on their own) had cowered near to the point of tears at sound of thunder crashing, and Thomas’ heart had broken.

He refused to leave Roman even as many assured him that the boy would be fine and Harborview needed him outside. He laid in bed alongside Roman, humming softly into the boy’s hair songs his mother used to sing and rubbing circles along his back, urging the storm to pass so that Roman might sleep.

The storm did pass, but not before Roman fell asleep in Thomas’ arms, clinging to his shirt with clenched fists and a face buried in his chest. Thomas, not having the heart to move, stayed there, holding the child tightly until he, too, fell away into sleep.

When Thomas had woken, the corporeal wings of Roman were gone, leaving nothing but the blue tag at the boy’s ear to suggest he was Eccentric.

After that moment, Thomas hadn’t the heart to be apart from Roman for much longer. When CASTE announced to Thomas that Roman was near being discharged and sent out to a foster home for further care Thomas had rioted, furious.

How was it fair to throw Roman into a home with people who wouldn’t care for him, at least not how Thomas did? Roman hadn’t made his parents throw him out. Roman hadn’t made himself Eccentric.

Roman didn’t deserve to be unwanted.

The CASTE workers above him argued against it. They thought it was stupid and Thomas should busy himself with being Impervious, not a father, but Thomas couldn’t be dissuaded. If CASTE wanted Impervious, Thomas needed Roman.

And Roman he got. He had taken great joy in guiding Roman home, showing him around the apartment building, helping him settle into the room Thomas had spent his last few paychecks on getting sorted.

Regardless, Roman hadn’t fallen asleep in that room his first night.

He had fallen asleep in Thomas’ arms, curled up in the chair which faced towards the window.

The two had collapsed together—as they henceforth would always be—looking out at the skyline.

masterlist

---

@werefam-ily @trans-and-not-trending @kingwillow @sandersstuffsblog @hereforapathylogic @dannythehalfakid @panic-at-my-sexuality

[trastornadosrevista]

Arctic Monkeys en el Lollapalooza Argentina: sin temerle al qué dirán

El fenomenal segundo día del Lollapalooza Argentina 2019 tuvo un cierre de lujo en manos de los Arctic Monkeys. Ante un público enardecido, los oriundos de Sheffield regresaron al país luego de cinco años, presentaron el innovador sonido de Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino y demostraron que se encuentran en el punto más elevado de una carrera construida sin temerle al qué dirán.

No fueron pocas las personas que se quedaron durante todo el show de Sam Smith bien pegadas y/o en las cercanías del Main Stage 1. El regreso de los Arctic Monkeys tras cinco años de ausencia en los escenarios había sido suficiente como para convertir a la jornada del 30 de marzo en la más poblada y eufórica de las tres que compusieron al Lollapalooza Argentina 2019. Luego de recibir algunas críticas iniciales en tono negativo por parte de un sector de la prensa especializada y de sus propios fanáticos, Alex Turner, Matt Helders, Jamie Cook y Nick O’Malley habían necesitado de un puñado de presentaciones en Europa y Estados Unidos para demostrarle a todos que estaban más que de vuelta y que su nuevo enfoque estético-sonoro les sentaba a la perfección.

El retorno de los británicos al gran escenario mundial no fue casual ni tuvo elementos azarosos: Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino no es en absoluto un “capricho” de su líder, sino más bien el paso definitivo hacia el olimpo sonoro por parte de una de las bandas más camaleónicas de la historia musical contemporánea. De un comienzo con ventas récord basado en la furia guitarrera del indie rock y la estructura del (post)punk, bien enraizado en el barro industrial de su ciudad natal –Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not (2006) y Favourite Worst Nightmare (2007)– pasando por la expansión hacia lo más psicodélico, oscuro y pesado –Humbug (2009) con la producción de Josh Homme– y un momento con texturas entre vintage y pop –Suck It And See (2011) bajo la mirada más minimalista de James Ford–, todo terminaría derivando en el polémico AM (2013) un cambio de rumbo sutil y significativo que los terminaría por despegar de sus raíces terrenales para acercarlos a territorios espaciales inexplorados.

Si bien la psicodelia, el blues y el indie rock son el hilo conductor del disco que los trajo en 2014 a nuestro país para el Personal Fest, la introducción del soul, el R&B y el hip hop marcaron el hecho de que ya no había vuelta atrás. Mirar el pasado con nostalgia suele ser un ejercicio constante por parte de críticos, fanáticos y músicos, pero Alex Turner y compañía diseñaron una carrera en la que –poco a poco, sin seguir los lineamientos de la industria– construyeron sobre ese pasado y, al mismo tiempo, aprendieron como demolerlo por completo para nunca volver la vista atrás.

La llegada de un piano de cola a la vida de Turner fue el disparador para una creación que generaría revuelo desde su concepción: un retro-futurista hotel de lujo, con reminiscencias a la estética de Stanley Kubrick, situado en la cara oscura de la luna; plataforma libre para que los Arctic Monkeys se sumerjan en el universo clásico –bien sesentoso, influenciado fuertemente por David Bowie, Serge Gainsbourg, Nick Cave y Leonard Cohen– del lounge/space/ pop, el pop/rock psicodélico, el jazz, el funk, el soul y el rock progresivo. 

Ante una multitud, el minimalismo de su nueva puesta en escena se vio (lamentablemente) amplificado por fallas en la iluminación que impidieron visualizar durante casi todo el show la recepción del hotel y el gigantesco cartel luminoso con el nombre de la banda. Una masa impresionante cubrió más de la mitad del Hipódromo de San Isidro, estallando desde cada uno de sus rincones cuando sonó la secuencia de emergencia que antecede a su salida a escena: sin salirse de lo planificado hasta el momento, “Do I Wanna Know?” fue la canción elegida para romper el hielo, seguida por la locura –en versión lo-fi y con un freno exquisito a puro foxtrot de Matt Helders antes del cierre– de “Brianstorm”, como para dejar en claro que equipararlos en cuanto a sonido y presencia es una tarea cuasi imposible.

Sería redundante e innecesario (simplista) centrar el análisis en la intensidad de un público que es capaz de hacer pogo con una balada en cámara lenta, pero lo cierto es que el índice de calor y pasión –ahora liderado por una cruza entre millennials y centennials, hijos de dos momentos inversos de la banda– volvió a superar con creces al promedio que se puede ver a nivel mundial. El groove sensual, virtuoso y espacial de “Snap Out Of It”, canción que tranquilamente podría ser parte de su nuevo disco, contrastó con la pesadez industrial de la guitarrera “Don't Sit Down 'Cause I've Moved Your Chair”, quedando el predio sumido en un viaje esquizofrénico.

La voracidad y elegancia de un Alex Turner plantado como crooner a lo Frank Sinatra durante la secuencial y deliciosa “One Point Perspective” fue la materialización del descubrimiento de lo clásico por parte de las nuevas generaciones. No en vano, una (apenas) más cadenciosa versión de “I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor” confirmó todo lo dicho acerca del pasado y mostró que la voz cantante puede ponerse el traje del mejor Elvis Presley sin que le quede ni un centímetro grande.

El funk acelerado del bajo de Nick y el hard rock rabioso de la guitarra de Jamie se fusionaron durante el estribillo frenético de “Library Pictures”, avisando los Arctic Monkeys que ellos son los primeros de su especie en llegar a la luna. La oscura versión de “Knee Socks” sostuvo su esencia gospel, soul y R&B, para luego regresar de un tirón al clasicismo introspectivo de la mano de la melancólica “The Ultracheese”; “Teddy Picker” y “Dancing Shoes” generaron euforia, algo esperado para un breve retorno a ese momento en el que –luego del quiebre de inicios de siglo a manos de The Strokes– a pura rabia y locura se llevaron al mundo por delante

“Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High?” instaló una sensación de eternidad bailable y misteriosa, conectada directamente con el sentimentalismo radical de “Cornerstone” y “505”, dos bellísimas (y plagadas de arreglos y cambios de ritmo) baladas ancladas, respectivamente, en el jazz psicodélico y el rock clásico. Otra evidencia de que existen pocos compositores como Alex Turner en el mundo; ni hablar de la demostración de técnica y flexibilidad por parte de sus compañeros cuando ejecutaron la voraz y jazzera “The Jam Of Boston” –un verdadero viaje a la luna–, enlazando sin más con “Tranquility Base Hotel + Casino”, emblema de su actual faceta, coreada de principio a fin por todo el público y coronada con un cierre muy fino.

Saltando entre las fintas alternantes de O’Malley y los efectos disparados desde la pedalera de un Turner en modo desatado, la elegancia electrizante de “Crying Lightning”  y la oscuridad de esa tenebrosa gema post-punk llamada “Pretty Visitors” fueron un golpe directo al mentón. El agradecimiento en un divertido español del líder antecedió a una saludablemente extendida “Four Out Of Five” que cerró la primera parte de un setlist que dejó más que conformes a todos los exhaustos presentes.

Sin hacerse rogar mucho tiempo, los británicos volvieron al Main Stage 1, acompañados por un cubo giratorio por demás intrigante. El lounge pop de “Star Treatment” volvió a iniciar el conteo, con esa frase ya icónica (“I just wanted to be one of The Strokes, Now look at the mess you made me make”), una que lejos de expresar el peso que supuestamente sienten por ser el “sostén” del rock de guitarras más crudo –actualmente hay muchas bandas jóvenes que se ocupan de eso–, encierra una reflexión acerca de cómo las cosas inevitablemente cambian cuando se camina con firmeza hacia adelante.

El momentáneo adiós fue a puro salto con la potencia nuclear y sexual de “Arabella” y “R U Mine?”, redondeando un show magistral que estuvo dominado por los siempre notables riffs amplificados Jamie Cook, las fintas meteóricas de Nick O’Malley, el golpeo veloz, preciso, indescifrable e inigualable de Matt Helders y la voz cavernosa y punzante de un Alex Turner que no conoce de barreras a la hora de cambiar de piel. Pero por sobre todo, lo que se destacó fue el coraje (apoyado en un talento interminable) de los Arctic Monkeys para edificar una carrera a contracorriente, siempre pensando en hacerle un favor a la música antes que en temerle al siempre nocivo qué dirán.  

Por Rodrigo López Vázquez

Fotografía: Gentileza prensa Lollapalooza Argentina

[bidrums]

Forcing my friends to watch films: Rocky Horror

So @participlepotato  and I literally just watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show a few hours ago (I got drafted into watching Saw with some other friends and I must say that was fun) and their reactions were the absolute best.

Backstory: I’ve seen Rocky Horror twice before this viewing, once in the comfort of my own home and the second time last weekend with a live audience for the first time. They haven’t seen it at all and have looked it up on Parent’s Guide but that’s it.

The Reactions:

Me: So this is when we threw the rice.

Par: That makes sense.

Me: I got rice in my boobs.

Par: *snorts*

--

*Dammit Janet*

Me: *monotone* Dammit, Janet. I love you.

Par: The whole theater did that?

Me: Yeah.

Par: Excellent!

--

Par: They’re recreating American Gothic! Is there a reason?

Me: Nope.

Par: Just like this movie.

Me: Exactly!

--

*The Criminologist talking*

Par: What’s his deal?

Me: We never know.

Par: At all?

Me: He’s the narrator.

Par: Dear God.

--

Me: We call them “Asshole” and “Slut” the entire film. I won’t do that.

Par: No, you’re cool! I want the full experience! 

Me: You’re just hoping you’ll have context aren’t you.

Par: For the slut comments, yes!

--

Me: And this is when the assholes with squirt guns spray everyone and those of us that are lucky to be in the sides don’t get wet.

Par: I need to see this live now.

Me: I’ll go with you.

Par: Perfect.

--

Riff Raff: You’re wet.

Me: She’salwayswet!

Par: What?

Me: People do say that.

Par: *judgement*

Me: Only once!

Par: *judgement*

--

Par: What is that outfit (about Magenta)

Me: Sexy maid.

Par: I can dig it.

--

*Time Warp playing*

Par: Okay, we danced this in theater class.

Me: We go to the front of the theater and dance it.

Par: Yeah!

--

*Sweet Transvestite starts playing*

Me: Okay, this is the best entrance.

Par: *perks up* Really?

Me: Just watch.

*Tim Curry turns around and Janet faints*

Par: *dying of laughter* OH HELL YES

--

*Tim Curry struts to the throne*

Par: LET’S SEE THAT OUTFIT

*the cape goes off*

Par: YES!!! THOSE GLOVES!!! I NEED THOSE!!!

Me: *Dying of laughter*

--

*Riff Raff drops the wine bottle*

Me: Pouring a glass of wine, chugging the rest from the bottle, the shattering the bottle is a whole ass mood.

Par: *grunts in agreement*

--

*Brad and Janet enter the lab*

Par: *cackling* They’re all just staring at them this is so awkward I’m in love

--

*Rocky’s tank is revealed*

Par: It’s a mummy body!

Me: It’s a hottie body.

Par: What?

Me: What.

--

*Rocky face reveal*

Par: *scrunching up nose* That’s a bowl cut...

--

Par: I must say, he has a nice form. Good to draw.

--

Par: Why is he screaming?

Me: I mean, he did just bring a hot dude to life. He’s hysterical.

Par: But he has a bowl cut.

--

Par: He’s been alive for two minutes dude. He doesn’t even know what’s going on. Chill.

--

Par: *moving imaginary noisemaker after I told them about that*

--

Par: Can he even read?

Me: Apparently.

Par: But not talk.

Me: It’s bad science.

Par: Well duh.

--

Par: The OG I’ll Make A Man Out Of You.

--

*Eddie comes out*

Par: Is that a saxophone?

Me: Yes.

Par: Does he play it?

Me: Hell yes.

Par: Nice

--

Par: That outfit is great. The saxophone ties it together.

--

Par: This is my son now.

Me: We have joint custody.

Par: My Son!!!!

--

Me: So this is one of the few sequences that genuinely terrifies me.

Par: Wait, what??? You said this was funny?

Me: Just... watch.

*Eddie gets axed off*

Par: No oh no what did he do no Eddie! oh no why would you do that why

--

Par: Do we see Eddie again?

Me: *thinking of the dinner scene* ...Yes...

Par: Oh wait, I read that they eat him. Dammit!

Me: Yeah.

--

Par: That’s not Brad is it?

Me: Nope.

Par: It does look like- never mind.

--

Par: So this is why you call her slut.

Me: And because of... Another thing.

Par: Oh boy

--

Par: Is he holding a whole ass candelabra?

--

Par: Why?

Me: To be mean to Rocky.

Par: Why?

--

Par: Aren’t they siblings?

Me: Yeah. Ooh, elbow sex!

Par: What the fuck?

Me: Just watch.

*elbow ses*

Par: ...Why?

---

Par: *laughing their ass off* It’s the exact same scene oh my god literally the same thing holy shit Brad’s fucked

--

Me: Post-coitus cigarette.

Par: *snickers*

--

Par: Aww, she’s so sweet!

Me: *knows what’s literally about to happen in five seconds* ...Yeah...

--

*Touch-A Touch Me starts*

Par: Oh fuck no

--

Par: ...So she really is a whore.

Me: There’s no more sex, if that helps.

Par: Thank God

--

Par: Who’s that?

Brad: Scotty!

Par: *laughing* Scotty?

Me: We throw Scotty toilet paper at the screen when they say Great Scott.

Par: *dies* They say Great Scott? Oh yes I love this!

--

*Zen Room*

Par:... what.

--

Par: So they have a magnet... just for him? And it goes around corners?

Me: Even better.

*Magenta and Columbia*

Par: ...okay.

--

Brad: Great Scott!

Me: Cue toilet paper.

Par: *laughing too hard*

--

Frank: I know Brad is.

Me: *mockingly* “I hope you’re bi because Brad definitely is”

Par: *laughter*

--

Par: What about my son? 

Me: Well, he’s-

Dr. Scott: My nephew.

Par: *stunned silence*

--

*Eddie’s Teddy playing*

Par: He’s singing with an accent. Why?

Me: No idea.

--

Par: Eddie?

*the table is a coffin*

Par: Dammit!

--

Dr. Scott: My wheels! My God, I can’t move my wheels!

Me: My socks!

Par: *snorts* He’s wearing socks poor baby

--

Me: Everyone cheered for Columbia at this part.

Par: Good.

--

Me: Here’s the best Frank look.

*before the floor show look*

Par: What the hell?

--

*Brad lifts his leg*

Par: Leggy boi, Brad. Leggy.

Me: This is the best verse.

Par: Leg.

--

Me: Guess where the stairs go.

Par: The basement.

Me: That makes sense.

Par: The roof?

Me: That makes sense.

*It’s a pool*

Par: ...How is that even possible I’m sorry that’s a pool in a stage how does it go from a stage to a pool no I’m sorry why

Me: The pool’s inside the stage. That’s still the same stage.

Par: *eye twitch* Why.

--

*Dr. Scott raises his leg*

Par: *doubles over laughing* YES

Me: Was this one shot worth the entire film?

Par: YES

--

Me: Here’s where Susan Serandon kneed him in the balls.

Par: *snickering* His face.

--

*Riff and Magenta enter*

Par: Is that a man bun

Me: Unfortunately, yes.

Par: Ooh, Bride of Frankenstein Hair.

--

Par: ...what are those people?

Me: Dream sequence.

Par: Okay good.

--

Me: Shots like that have no place being this beautiful.

Par: Agreed.

--

Par: Oh thank god that’s just a ponytail.

Me: Better?

Par: It hurts less.

--

Me: Here’s the ultimate classic movie reference.

Par: What?

*Rocky climbs the tower*

Me: King Kong?

Par: Oh my GOD!!!!

--

Par: It’s a spaceship???

Me: Yep!

--

Me: What a shot to end on.

Par: Nice.

--

So Yeah, that was the reaction. I’m gonna force them and their sibling to watch other things with me, so there will be more!

[rollingstonemag]

Un nouvel article a été publié sur https://www.rollingstone.fr/arctic-monkeys-au-zenith-de-paris-classe-et-fulgurances/

Arctic Monkeys au Zénith de Paris : classe et fulgurances

Fort d’un nouvel album brillant et vintage, « Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino », Arctic Monkeys a impressionné de sa candeur. Sur scène, le groupe assure toujours autant son statut de prince du rock anglais

Lorsque Arctic Monkeys débarque à Paris, c’est toujours un événement. Le groupe, qui a présenté son nouvel opus « Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino » partout dans le monde à travers des pop-up stores (dont un dans la capitale), nous a très clairement annoncé la couleur. Dans le fond, cette nouvelle aire semble épurée, dénuée de gros riffs et de détonations rock. Dans la forme, on en a la confirmation : cet album est possédé par les démons de Bowie et des Beatles, les arrangements y sont espacés, délivrés dans une spirale jazzy. Et ce disque est devenu, au fil des écoutes, un représentant de la musique de chambre « nouvelle génération », que porte le parfait des dandys : Alex Turner. Alors forcément, quand nous sommes arrivés, lors ce cette premier round dans le Zénith plein à craquer, et qu’on a remarqué l’immense et vintage « MONKEYS » qui surplombait la scène, on s’est sentis dans nos baskets. Bienvenue dans l’hôtel de l’une des bandes de rockeurs les plus classes de ces dernières années !

C’est sur un crescendo de synthés qu’arrivent les gars d’Arctic Monkeys, accompagnés de plusieurs musiciens additionnels (ils seront 8 au total). Sur les premières notes de (l’unique ?) single du dernier album, « Four Out of Five », la salle commence petit à petit à sombrer dans l’euphorie. Mais où est donc Turner ? Evidemment, le front man sait se faire désirer. Et c’est quelques instants avant son premier couplet qu’il apparait, costume et cheveux coiffés légèrement en arrière, en marchant paisiblement. À l’aise. La température atteint déjà son paroxysme et ne descendra que brièvement durant ces 1h30 de concert. Tout du long, Arctic Monkeys contentera en grande partie les fans de la dernière heure. Visiblement pas encore rassasié de la période « AM » (2013), le groupe a composé sa setlist de six morceaux de l’avant-dernier opus, ce qui peut en agacer plus d’uns. Pour notre part, ça fait toujours plaisir de retrouver le désormais classique « Do I Wanna Know », qui éclate d’autant plus en live que dans sa version studio aseptisée. Fort heureusement, les Monkeys ont aussi pioché au plus profond de leur répertoire. On aura le droit à un enchaînement de folie avec deux bombes : « Brianstorm » (qui signe le vrai début du set) et « Crying Lightning », exécutées avec férocité. Dans les premiers rangs, pogo se mêlent à verre de bière catapultés, renversés.

Passé « She Looks Like Fun » qui offre un moment de gloire au batteur Matt Helders, Arctic Monkeys offre un jouissif tour debut pour « Do Me a Favor ». Certains fans se retrouvent enfin, surpris par la tournure des événements. Et le groupe nous lâche dans les montagnes russes : puisque si le trio infernal « Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High ? », « Fireside » et « Knee Socks » forment un moment d’un respiration, la cadence reprend de plus belle avec un ultime tiers ravageur. « Don’t Sit Down Cause I’ve Moved Your Chair », « Pretty Visitors », » I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor », un amoncellement de tourbillons qui permet au public et au groupe une défoule générale. Alex Turner, qui a enlevé sa veste, se déhanche comme jamais et effectue des pas de danse bowiesque. Jamie Cook, le guitariste ténébreux, prend un malin plaisir à faire rugir son instrument. Le son est fort, dense. Le son est bon. Suite à l’excellente « One Point Perspective », qui introduit Turner au clavier avec la nocturne « 5O5 », on atteint le point culminant du concert. Le groupe fait mine de partir mais on sait qu’il nous prépare un rappel bien pêchu, à base de mosh-pits. L’un des premiers morceaux de la formation, « The View From The Afternoon » rend hommage aux puristes et nous ouvre d’autant plus l’appétit pour ce final. On s’y attendait presque : le concert se clôt sur deux morceaux du trop fréquent « AM », que sont « Arabella » et bien évidemment « R U Mine ? » qui boucle les sets depuis quelques années. De quoi, en tout état de cause, mettre K.O le Zénith.

Alors qu’on pourrait regretter des albums bien trop boudés (« Suck It and See », « Favorite Worst Nightmare ») et pester un tantinet sur la représentation de l’opus datant de 2013, Arctic Monkeys a surtout réussi haut la main le grand pari de ce retour. C’est-à-dire inclure les nouveaux titres. Verdict : le boulot a été fait comme une évidence. Le talent global du groupe sur scène nous aura, une fois de plus, impressionnés. « Good night everybody », nous souhaite Turner avant de quitter une bonne fois pour toute la scène. Sans un mot, ni un regard de plus. Timide, peut-être ? On ne sait pas, mais c’est ce qui fait le mythe.

Pour plus de photographies du concert, par ici !

Setlist :

FOUR OUT OF FIVE

BRIANSTORM

CRYING LIGHTNING

DO I WANNA KNOW?

SHE LOOKS LIKE FUN

DO ME A FAVOUR

CORNERSTONE

BATPHONE

WHY’D YOU ONLY CALL ME WHEN YOU’RE HIGH?

FIRESIDE

KNEE SOCKS

TRANQUILITY BASE HOTEL + CASINO

DONT SIT DOWN CAUSE I’VE MOVED YOUR CHAIR

PRETTY VISITORS

I BET YOU LOOK GOOD ON THE DANCEFLOOR

ONE POINT PERSPECTIVE

505

RAPPEL

THE VIEW FROM THE AFTERNOON

ARABELLA

R U MINE?