#riejules

[shehasfallennn]

if being sensitive = not tolerating disrespect, then yes,

i am sensitive.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

and was it really that shameful? to beg for a love you thought would last a lifetime?

“no, but it was one i'll never do again.” – Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

the reason why i don't talk to people about deep, personal things about me is the attachment—the dependence i'd develop eventually on those people and the thought of how it would hurt once they're gone.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

nakaugalian ko nang tuwing sasapit ang ika-labindawala ng hunyo ay may pinapalaya akong kahit ano—mga hindi kaaya-ayang alaala at mabigat na karanasan, mga bagay na hindi ko na kailangan, mga damdaming dapat nang pakawalan, o maging mga taong dapat nang kalimutan. sa bawat taon, binibigyan ko ng pagkakataon ang aking sarili na magpalaya at lumaya upang maghilom at maging payapa ang kalooban.

kaya naman, kung nababasa mo ito ngayon, nais ko lamang ipabatid sa 'yo na pinapalaya na rin kita. pinapalaya ko na tayong dalawa.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

it's not as easy as it looks. i may smile at the world, but i still cannot fathom why you left in silence—“was the relationship we had not worth fighting for? did you just want to hurt me less? did the distance wear you out? was it ever even real?”—i wish i knew. i wish you told me. i wish you explained. but no, you disappear without even saying goodbye. and my heart still gets confused whether you're coming back or not. and it breaks every.single.time.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

It's so unfair that being soft all the time somehow strips you of the right to feel or express anger, frustration, or sadness.

Because when you do, it's seen as a flaw or a sign that you were never really who you seemed to be.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

i know it's gonna hurt you and it's gonna make me cry one way or another—knowing after all the time, the efforts, the sacrifices, the promises we've tried reigning in to not keep our hopes high, the sacrifices and late night talks even if it means going to school or work tired the next morning, the hopes of keeping and having one another in our futures, after all the calm and genuine love we did our best to give each other, it's gonna end. . . still. but can we not break each other's hearts more by letting things and what ifs unsaid, enough to create a massive storm of rage in our hearts that will forever stain the precious moments we had?

can we please end things properly? – Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

we often don't realize the value of something, until we've lost it.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

regardless of all the stress, the lack of sleep, the complaints—both heard and unheard, i can truly say,

God put me exactly where i want to be, where i need to be, where He wants me to be.

and i will forever be grateful for Him for that.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

they say, you listen to the kind of music that conveys the message you cannot talk about for it speaks on your behalf. so. . .

i listen non-stop to the songs from his favorite artists and band, play the songs he told me he loves on repeat, all so i could understand him better.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

I just want you to know that I do not look for you in people I meet. I do not look at them and wish they were you or that they'd have the same qualities as you do—that they would make me feel the same exact way you do. I do not ask them their favorite places, hoping for it to be somewhere between Iceland and Switzerland or Batanes that we have fallen in love with. I do not bother to ask whether their playlists contain songs from Novo Amor or if they're familiar with Cornfield Chase and Interstellar, because I'm certain no one else would remind me of those things but you. And I have no plans on changing that. Ever. I've loved you truly. I still do. I think I forever will.

But I do not look for you in people I meet.

With love,

Rie Jules ♡˖

[shehasfallennn]

i needed to be sane when it comes to making decisions for us because i want to love you properly.

yet somehow, you always manage to blow my mind away in ways i'm not sure are even healthy – Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

and i want you safe and happy and healthy, even if it means not being with me.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

falling in love ❌ growing into love ✔️

because everything that falls, breaks; but everything that grows eventually blooms. < 3

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

you will never know something beautiful could be heartbreaking until you've loved and lost without being given a reason why or the chance to even say goodbye.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

“why did you stop writing?” she asked.

i paused for a moment, before i breathed out, “it came to a point where all i could ever write about was him, and it pained me like no other so i stopped, in the hopes of me eventually forgetting the feeling.”

“and did it ever stop?” she whispered, soft and slow, as if she knew one more weight to the question would torment my soul. “did you ever stop thinking about him?” she added.

i smiled—one that didn't reach my eyes. i croaked out painfully, “i wish.”

Rie Jules