#riejules

[shehasfallennn]

if being sensitive = not tolerating disrespect, then yes,

i am sensitive.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

and was it really that shameful? to beg for a love you thought would last a lifetime?

“no, but it was one i'll never do again.” – Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

the reason why i don't talk to people about deep, personal things about me is the attachment—the dependence i'd develop eventually on those people and the thought of how it would hurt once they're gone.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

I could've loved you better, but I couldn't have loved you more.

If time allowed me to retrace my steps, I would have loved you better. I would have held you closer on the nights when the weight of the world pressed too heavily on your shoulders—caress you when you think the world doesn't understand. I would have memorized the way your eyes dimmed when sadness crept in and learned how to chase away the storms before they consumed you. I would have listened more, spoken less, and made sure you never had to question your worth in my eyes. I would have been softer, kinder—someone who made you feel safe, not someone you had to heal from.

But even if I could have loved you better, I could not have loved you more. My heart, flawed as it was, gave you everything it had. Every ounce of love I was capable of, I poured into you. I loved you in ways I knew how—messy, unfiltered, and all-consuming. And maybe that wasn’t enough. Maybe love should have been quieter, more patient, more gentle. But it was never lacking. You were never unloved.

And If I could go back, I would stitch back the things I tore. I would erase the hurt, soften the sharp edges of my love, and hold on a little longer. But even then, the depth of my love would remain the same—because even at my worst, even in my shortcomings, I loved you with everything I had. And I always will.

Rie Jules ꒰⁠⑅⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠꒱⁠˖⁠♡

[shehasfallennn]

nakaugalian ko nang tuwing sasapit ang ika-labindawala ng hunyo ay may pinapalaya akong kahit ano—mga hindi kaaya-ayang alaala at mabigat na karanasan, mga bagay na hindi ko na kailangan, mga damdaming dapat nang pakawalan, o maging mga taong dapat nang kalimutan. sa bawat taon, binibigyan ko ng pagkakataon ang aking sarili na magpalaya at lumaya upang maghilom at maging payapa ang kalooban.

kaya naman, kung nababasa mo ito ngayon, nais ko lamang ipabatid sa 'yo na pinapalaya na rin kita. pinapalaya ko na tayong dalawa.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

it's not as easy as it looks. i may smile at the world, but i still cannot fathom why you left in silence—“was the relationship we had not worth fighting for? did you just want to hurt me less? did the distance wear you out? was it ever even real?”—i wish i knew. i wish you told me. i wish you explained. but no, you disappear without even saying goodbye. and my heart still gets confused whether you're coming back or not. and it breaks every.single.time.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

It's so unfair that being soft all the time somehow strips you of the right to feel or express anger, frustration, or sadness.

Because when you do, it's seen as a flaw or a sign that you were never really who you seemed to be.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

i know it's gonna hurt you and it's gonna make me cry one way or another—knowing after all the time, the efforts, the sacrifices, the promises we've tried reigning in to not keep our hopes high, the sacrifices and late night talks even if it means going to school or work tired the next morning, the hopes of keeping and having one another in our futures, after all the calm and genuine love we did our best to give each other, it's gonna end. . . still. but can we not break each other's hearts more by letting things and what ifs unsaid, enough to create a massive storm of rage in our hearts that will forever stain the precious moments we had?

can we please end things properly? – Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

we often don't realize the value of something, until we've lost it.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

regardless of all the stress, the lack of sleep, the complaints—both heard and unheard, i can truly say,

God put me exactly where i want to be, where i need to be, where He wants me to be.

and i will forever be grateful for Him for that.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

they say, you listen to the kind of music that conveys the message you cannot talk about for it speaks on your behalf. so. . .

i listen non-stop to the songs from his favorite artists and band, play the songs he told me he loves on repeat, all so i could understand him better.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

I just want you to know that I do not look for you in people I meet. I do not look at them and wish they were you or that they'd have the same qualities as you do—that they would make me feel the same exact way you do. I do not ask them their favorite places, hoping for it to be somewhere between Iceland and Switzerland or Batanes that we have fallen in love with. I do not bother to ask whether their playlists contain songs from Novo Amor or if they're familiar with Cornfield Chase and Interstellar, because I'm certain no one else would remind me of those things but you. And I have no plans on changing that. Ever. I've loved you truly. I still do. I think I forever will.

But I do not look for you in people I meet.

With love,

Rie Jules ♡˖

[shehasfallennn]

i needed to be sane when it comes to making decisions for us because i want to love you properly.

yet somehow, you always manage to blow my mind away in ways i'm not sure are even healthy – Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

and i want you safe and happy and healthy, even if it means not being with me.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

trust me, we're better off as friends than lovers.

as a friend, i'm sure you'd see me being a ray of sunshine. you'd say that i'm carefree and funny and caring and fearless and confident, and you would love all those qualities about me. we would smile and laugh about things and life most of the time. maybe sometimes, we would talk about the people we don't like and those who have hurt us, and probably make theories on why they treated us that way. and eventually, we'd feel closer to each other more than ever that you'll start to wonder, “how would it feel like to have a romantic relationship with her?”

and that's where the tricky part comes in.

once we're in it, you'll see i'm not ALWAYS fun. that instead of greeting you “good morning” with a grin on my face everytime, there will be mornings when i get up grumpily and you can't do anything about it but just let me be. you'll find out that on times when you won't be able to send me messages or updates, i have already thought of hundreds of reasons why you're not around—“is he really that busy?” “is he really serious about me?” “what if there's someone else?” “is this relationship not one of his priorities? then why are we in a relationship in the first place?”—you will learn that i overthink a lot about things. and that i require so much reassurance that will probably wear you out at the end of the day. you will get tired of answering all my random questions and passing the mind games and tests i will pull off at any moment i think of it. you will get sick of hearing me say “i'm okay” whenever you ask me how i'm doing if i feel like you aren't really listening. you will be frustrated when i go silent mode on you whenever you've said something that hurt me or did things i don't like, because i don't wanna say hurtful words at the peak of my emotions that i might just regret in the end. i could give you a never-ending list on how i'm too hot for you to hold. i never want that for us. i don't want us to tiptoe around each other nor break each other's hearts in the end and exist as if we've never been in each other's lives before all the hurt and hatred and trauma.

so trust me when i say we're better off as friends than lovers.

Rie Jules

[shehasfallennn]

and if he comes back, i'm gonna be the one to slam the door on his face because i know you love him too much to even permit yourself to curse him when he deserves every bit of it. i'm gonna be the one to point a knife on his throat knowing you will welcome him with open arms if he returns running to you. i'm gonna be the one to rip him apart in the most horrible ways until he'd realize it was brutal for him to claim he loves you, only to tear your heart by saying none of his affection were ever true and that he only said and did every f— loving thing because he was bored.

R. Jules—“and i'm gonna be the one cradling your face saying it wasn't love at all if it was that cruel.”