#ricky horrror x reader

[cybersugru]

❝ rock me ; ricky olson

𖥻 pairing: ricky olson x fan!female reader

𖥻 contains: summer love, angst, +18 contents, second chance romance

𖥻 warnings: inspired by one direction's "rock me". swearing, alcohol consumption, legal age gap, mentions of smut / english is not my first language. i did change a bit their summer tour from 2019 but bear with me. please.

word count — 8k

synopsis — ricky didn't want a relationship. especially not after his previous one and especially not with a girl much younger than him. still, when you two met a few summers back, you changed his life forever in ways he wasn't prepared to. after you, all his life experiences were thrown out the window and all he could think of was when he would be deserving of meeting you again.

🎀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⭒ part one... summer of '19

SUMMER of 2019. that’s when everything changed.

it was a true dream come true. you eventually managed to save enough money to buy both a concert and a plane ticket to see your favourite band perform live; it took months and months of convincing your parents to let you go with your best friend as a birthday gift for your nineteenth and an equal effort to save said money. still, despite all the hardships, you had made it to the front row.

the night before was hot — painfully hot, for that matter — which in itself was already a good enough reason for your best friend to convince you to go out and explore london together, but not only that it was a special night. we have to go out tonight, for christ's sake, she said and as you protested saying you were tired she rolled her eyes, it's your birthday and we're finally traveling by ourselves... do i really need to give you any more reasons why?

before you realised it, you were out of the hotel, dressed up, and heading towards what google had suggested as the best rock/sports pub in the area you two were in. on your way there, from time to time, a breeze would come through and make not only the heat a lot more tolerable, but also causing your loose little black dress to dance along with your hair, swirling it around against the night sky and neon lights of the many pubs and stores nearby. at that moment, you stopped regretting leaving the hotel room for the city seemed to have a life of its own in a way you hadn’t seen before at the other places you’d been to and it felt revitalising to be a part of it, no matter how small.

your best friend pointed at the pub you were headed to once you arrived and it was packed inside — it was a friday night, after all; the fact that you two were clearly the youngest people entering the place should’ve been a red flag to you, looking back, but you were nineteen and excited about life to care about that and so as you two entered the place, finding a spot for the two of you became somewhat of a mission that resulted in you standing by the actual bar, near the bartenders and where the air conditioning was much stronger.

“wouldn’t it be crazy if we saw somebody from motionless in white here?” she said in a chuckle.

the environment was different from anything you had experienced before, in a positive way — smiling at your best friend was only a natural reaction to that, even more so when she pointed out, laughing, the terrible security job there. there was an arsenal match replaying on the tv’s but you couldn’t even properly hear the girl next to you due to the loud rock music playing, much less a football game; most of what your senses could smell were either alcoholic beverages or sweat mixed with the cheap perfume of those around you and all you could see was an ocean of people crowding the relatively small establishment that soon began to come together to sing chop suey by system of a down in a single harmonic choir, which made goosebumps travel down your spine as you stood there sipping a fruity drink that matched the warm weather of that night.

it wasn’t until about half an hour or so later, when your glass was empty and your girlfriend had gone to the restroom, that you discovered someone had taken an interest in you.

“hey, that guy over there just paid for your drink.” one of the five bartenders handed another glass of the same cocktail towards you and pointed at an almost impossible-to-see spot across the bar, near a pillar that was clearly separating that area from the rest of the place. some kind of vip reserved area or something like it. as you took the drink from the employee, your gaze searched around to see who was the guy that she was talking about — flirting was not on your to-do-list for the night, but considering it was your birthday, you assumed perhaps you should give it a chance.

you turned your attention back to the bartender to ask if it was a safe drink but before you could say anything, the blonde offered you a reassuring stare. “don’t worry, i made it myself.” and as you thanked her, with your cheeks burning from the heat and the surprise of having someone buy you a drink on your first-ever night out, you continued to search for the mysterious man, wondering what was he like.

once you found him, your blood froze.

he was raising a glass of whisky at you when your eyes finally met his grey ones. the black hair shined beneath the neon lights above him, just like all the silver accessories on his fingers, neck and wrists. his tattoos caught your attention, as well — even though you couldn’t actually see them properly, you already knew what designs and stories his body carried in art form. and for a whole moment, looking at him, it felt like the world had stopped spinning while you were caught in a mist of admiration.

richard olson had bought you a drink. not only that, but the guitarist stared at you without blinking as if you truly were the most mesmerising creature he had ever seen before in his life.

in your mind, there was a mixture of paradoxical feelings both pressuring you into doing something while keeping you static without reaction. you knew who he was, obviously — how couldn’t you? you were there just to see his band live the following night —, and you didn’t want to ruin everything because of that or make him uncomfortable; but at the same time, you’d hate yourself for the rest of your days if you fumbled this once in a lifetime chance because you were scared to do something about it. as much as you wanted to go to him, a part of you reprimanded the idea, trying to convince you that you weren’t that cheap or a groupie.

ricky smirked from across the pub and took a sip of the amber liquid sitting in the glass in his hand. there was no way for you to know what was going on inside his head, naturally, but just from your reaction alone, the musician could tell you were a fan: he was used to the reactions of being recognized in public, it was easy to tell.

between your internal conflict and the crowded pub, air became rarefied and the sounds around you started to fade into an overwhelming background noise that took over you. still, you couldn't drift your gaze away from his, it seemed like the man you had always admired from afar had now casted a spell on you so you couldn’t look anywhere else other than his gorgeous grey blue eyes.

“i swear the bathroom line was ginormous! it took me ten minutes just to get in. ten minutes! i hadn’t even peed yet. can you believe that?” the voice behind you said with a grunt. your best friend rolled her eyes as she found her place again in front of you, but noticing you did not pay a single attention to anything she said, a confused frown formed on her features before asking what was wrong. you failed to answer once again which only made her turn around to see what was keeping your interest so intensely. “oh my fucking god… is that who i think it is? why is he staring at you? did you do something?”

“please shut up.” you instinctively fired. anxiety was creeping in with every passing second and not even the alcohol entering your system as you sipped the drink in your hands was easing it up. “he paid for my drink, but i’m too nervous to do something and he keeps looking in our direction. i don’t want to talk to him. what if he realises i’m a fan? then what?”

“are you fucking for real right now? are you stupid or something?” your friend asked turning back to you, looking completely shocked by your words. “if he does and he doesn’t want anything to do with you, then, hell, i guess you’ll just come back here and we can have fun just the two of us and tomorrow we’ll pretend that nothing ever happened. simple as that. now, please, do yourself a favour and go talk to him or i’ll never let you forget tonight.”

her answer was the reason that pushed you to finally break eye contact with ricky, who was still admiring you from afar. you knew she was right, as much as you hated to admit it that night: there was nothing about that whole thing that could possibly haunt you in your day-to-day life once you returned to your hometown. there was nothing to be afraid or ashamed of as long as you two were respectful towards each other. right?

it wasn’t like you were given the entitlement to choose for long after that — not when said musician left his band and crewmembers, shifting his focus on the path towards where you were, right as ‘iris’ by the goo goo dolls started playing which left you blushing by the time the dark-haired man stopped in front of you with that same closed mouth smile from before.

“excuse me, may i borrow your friend for a second?” despite his attention being clearly on you solely, his grey eyes shifted for a second to your best friend, who stood there in as much shock as you but soon nodded without saying a lot other than that she would stay where she was in case you needed her. “oh, please come with us. i’m sure a friend of mine would be very happy to meet you, if you’d like.”

and suddenly, the two of you went from young girls enjoying a girl’s night out in london standing by the bar in a crowded pub to two young girls enjoying a night out in london with motionless in white. never in your wildest fangirl dreams did you ever allow yourself to picture such a rendezvous becoming reality.

glancing in your best friend’s direction, looking for any sign that this was not a dream, your eyes found her talking excitedly with vincenzo — considering the way the two of them were gesturing at each other, most likely about video games. the smile on her lips, along with the shine in her eyes, served as evidence of her comfortableness in such an unusual environment and seeing the one person you cared for the most in the world so relaxed, got you to relax and smirk a little as well. if she was having fun then you found it in yourself to allow your mind to enjoy the moment too.

“looks like they’re having fun, right?” the slightly raspy voice behind you said by your ear in a lighthearted scoff. as you turned around, you were met with the image of ricky taking a final sip of his whisky. “this is probably the first time in a while vin found a girl that actually enjoys those games he likes to play in real life, not twitter or something.”

ricky’s comment made you laugh and hearing your laughter congealed the musician’s thoughts long enough for him to forget briefly that he was not in his own company, that there were other people around the two of you despite the reduced intensity revolving everything around him simply due to the amused sound that escaped your cherry-coloured lips because of some stupid thing he said. the dark-haired man hadn’t felt like that since the first date with his former girlfriend and although it did feel good and massaged his ego, richard also hated the idea of going down that road again. and so, ignoring the warmth in his chest, his eyes scanned you up and down.

“sweetheart, how old did you say you were again?”

“tonight’s my nineteenth birthday.” you answered, not noticing how your attention had quickly been redirected from your friend to him, and him only, in a matter of seconds nor how the two of you were standing close to each other. “my ticket for tomorrow night’s concert is my birthday gift.”

the powerful muscle inside your chest stopped beating once the realisation hit you and ricky’s bright eyes kept on staring at you as he furrowed his dark eyebrows. you were nineteen years old, never had your first kiss before and yet, against all odds of the universe and what was real or not, you were standing at a finger’s length of one of your biggest celebrity crushes while he showed an almost unbelievable interest in you — although there was no way for you to know that the reality was that he was momentarily rethinking his life choices for wanting to keep talking to a girl that much younger than him; for heaven’s sake, you could do better than him.

“happy birthday, sweet girl. i hope you’re having fun tonight.” olson chuckled and quickly rushed a hand to tuck a loose strand of your hair behind your ear, only to then use it to caress your cheek that seemed rosier than usual due to both the alcohol and the whole interaction with the man before you. “i'll make sure tomorrow’s show will be the best you'll ever see.”

ironically enough, as if the same mischievous universe from before hadn't had its share of fun already with your desperation of being at the older man’s mercy, the background music changed again to kiss’ ‘i was made for lovin you’ right when you found yourself with his hand on your cheek and his lips dangerously close to yours as the seconds went by. it was at that moment that you began to wonder if after that night, love songs would sound different… what if you could never listen to your favorite songs again after a night out with ricky olson? if that was the case, the most desperate romantic part of yourself began to pray for the heavens that it happened because they would remind you of ricky and bring joy to your soul and not tears to your eyes.

the song progressed along with its notes and vocals and all you could focus on was the guy right in front of you. ricky was so close that you could smell the whisky in his breath, the perfume on his body and the lingering scent of tobacco smoke particular to someone who spent time with smokers like he did. your eyes, unsure, raised themselves from the necklace resting on his chest to find his, as pretty as a set of jewels. you remembered once hearing him talk about it in an interview but the words escaped your mind in that moment — it wasn't exactly like your mind was functioning like it should be, anyways.

“what's the meaning of your necklace?” you asked, gently picking it between your fingertips. a bit scared to look up at ricky again.

“it was a part of my grandfather's key collection. i just took it and turned it into a necklace to keep it close, i guess.” he smiled. doing the same thing you did seconds earlier, he picked up your necklace. a single small silver star hanging from a silver chain. “what's your story?”

“my grandma gave it to me when i was a kid and i never took it off since.”

he nodded and played with the medallion a few times between his calloused fingertips before letting it go to focus on you instead. once again, the musician furrowed his eyebrows for a brief instant but it soon disappeared and metamorphosed into a little smirk. “i honestly don't know what to do now. and we haven't even known each other for more than like half an hour.”

“i don't know, man, sounds like you should just kiss her.” the characteristic powerful voice of aj rose up from behind ricky while his back stood facing the two of you as he waited for his drink at the bar. soon, the bottle of beer was in his hand and the tall blonde turned around faking a cough in ricky’s direction. “pussy.”

you couldn't help but laugh. despite the noticeable age difference between ricky and everyone that worked with the band and your friends back home, there were still similarities that made you feel a bit less nervous about everything.

olson closed his eyes for a second and told aj to fuck off while his cheeks turned into a shade of light pink due to the provocations of his friend.

“i'm sorry about that.” he apologized in a murmur while brushing a hand through his black hair that shone beneath the neon lights of the bar behind him.

“it's okay” you shook your head laughing. “it's nice to see you're not faking your relationship in front of the cameras. that you actually pick on each other like that and not just when there's someone recording it.”

“you're saying that because you're not the one dealing with this behaviour all the time.”

his answer made you giggle again. little did he know that you’d be willing to do crazy things to experience the so-called immaturity of the band and staff. you admired them, you were young, there was nothing you'd want more. well, maybe there was and it was mere centimitres away from you.

from the expression on your face to the light glistening in your eyes gazing back at him, ricky knew you truly didn't mind the playful comment from aj and on second thought, it was the push he needed to finally shut the hell up and hold your face delicately so he could wrap his lips around yours in a kiss. your first kiss. with richard olson.

at first it was shy, sweet, romantic even; ricky tried to be as respectful as he possibly could with you, afterall you were just a young girl: he had no right to act like an asshole and crush your heart in exchange for a night of selfish fun pleasure games. still…

after he leaned back for air, the kiss grew more passionate as the two of you allowed each other to deepen it further. the flavours of scotch whisky and peppermint bubblegum resided in his mouth and invaded yours just like the heat coming from your fragile heart did the rest of your body. ricky’s hands held you firmly on your left cheek and your waist, pulling you closer to him as your arms wrapped around the back of his neck.

it felt like a dream come true. so much so that you could barely believe that that was real life, that you were lucky enough to be experiencing such a thing. to kiss ricky like that was a surreal sensation and you begged mentally to pretty much every single powerful deity you could think of for that night to never end.

when finally the two of you were running out of oxygen, you reluctantly pulled away from the kiss, with your eyes closed and biting your lower lip. the feeling of ricky’s lips touching yours still there, making you finally understand hollywood romance movies in which one of the characters becomes addicted to the other's kiss.

richard called for you, pulling you from your awakened dream with the way his thumb caressed the bite marks on your lower lip. he knew that was your first kiss: it was difficult to not notice how you were so adorably awkward trying to mimic his movements or how stiff your body stood. he found it both curious and cute. still, the guitarist said nothing, instead he decided to just admire your features for a second as his heart trembled with something that he hadn't felt in a long time since him and his ex-girlfriend decided to “take a break” that had been going on for over a year, something he didn't want to feel for anyone. not when he still thought about her. not when he still carried a keychain of the tenth letter of the alphabet.

still, he brushed it off. it was impossible to think straight when two very strong conflicting voices were trying to take over his mind: at the same time he hated the idea of being a terrible man to you, someone that broke you on the inside, another part of him despised himself for even thinking about moving on when he could still have another shot at the previous relationship of his. ricky was being selfish and he knew it, which was why he also knew you deserved better than him.

you and your best friend spent the whole night with the band and staff — somehow logan managed to get you a cupcake with a candle for you to blow — and it was the best night of your whole life. pictures were taken on different phones and so were videos of drunk vinny and aj trying to beat ryan and talitha on a match of darts, which they failed, naturally. you talked all night long with ricky and it seemed so easy, so intuitive too that it felt like a breath of fresh air to be free of a mental need to fake or mold your true personality to fit in; you two laughed, talked about your life stories, about the things you liked or didn't and at some point, you and your best friend had pretty much blended into the motionless family that it barely seemed like the two of you were merely fans in the first place.

soon, one by one everyone around you started to leave. first, it was justin and chris who had only agreed to head out to a pub for a beer or two anyway as they were more homebodies than anyone else there; then it was ryan, talitha and bryan. lastly, aj and logan. it was around two thirty in the morning when the only people left of the much larger group were you, your girlfriend, vincenzo and ricky.

“maybe we should head back to the hotel or something.” vin suggested while stretching out the tiredness in his body.

that's what the four of you did. on the walk back, filled with stories of both vinny and ricky about the other times they had been in london, your best friend mentioned how all your things were back at the hotel you were staying at. to that, all vincenzo brought himself to answer was: don't worry about that, you can go back in the morning. when you get to the venue just say you're with us, they’ll let you both in.

perhaps it was the late hour, but thankfully there were no other fans in the hotel by the time you all walked in. ricky suggested going to the rooftop bar but vin refused, saying he would rather go straight to his room and so, after your friend practically begged you to not worry about her, you were left alone with rick on said rooftop.

the weather was far more pleasant than it was when you left for the pub earlier, a gentle breeze even ran across the space and played with your hair. the difference from before was that now you weren't the one fixing your hair, for it was ricky’s fingers that forbidded the strands to bother you. his gesture was simple and almost a natural impulse, something the dark haired man did without thinking, but it made your heart race nonetheless. for hours you'd been feeling like life was worth it and it was thanks to the way the entire band had been treating you, but above anyone, ricky, of course.

now that you were older, you realised how stupid you were to believe in him.

being close to each other on large leather lounge chairs near the bar, you could've sworn that time had slowed down for the remainder of the night. nothing you experienced before could ever compare to the birthday you were having that night. still, a part of you kept on whispering in your ear that you weren't truly deserving of that: you weren't pretty enough, you weren't interesting enough… you knew those were only insecurities trying to destroy your moment but it seemed that no matter how hard you tried, those thoughts just never went away completely despite all the effort you had put into getting ready with your best friend all those hours ago or the fact that, one way or another, you were accompanied by rick. in his arms, more specifically.

“what's going on in that pretty head of yours, star?” he asked, softly pitching your cheeks. the nickname coming from your necklace.

“nothing important.” you answered. the reality was that, along with the doubtful thoughts, your brain started to rethink about that night and how one thing so casually led to another until you ended up there with your cheek resting on ricky's chest while the skilled hands of his caressed and massaged the sides of your body.

“i doubt that.” he chuckled.

you shifted your gaze back to the older man holding you and just like that all the worries in your mind faded into nothing. your eyes focused on his lips for a millisecond yet it was enough for him to notice nonetheless.

“would you like to go to my room?” both his hands traveled up towards your face, cupping it on both sides, when the question left his mouth. it was ricky's way to mask the conflict happening still inside his head while still trying to be decent to you.

both of you wanted the same thing, but for different reasons. either way, as soon as he asked you that, you didn't have to say anything else all it took was a nod and a particular expression on your face and before your daydreamer brain could fully process it, you were back in the elevator laughing at the way ricky stumbled over his own feet only to then shut you up with a gentle yet deep kiss.

the way he touched you, the way he tasted and smelled like were numbing your senses, making you weak to your knees. all you wanted then was to be next to him forever. not only was ricky a musician you admired, you discovered he was a great company and showed every indicator that he could be an amazing lover as well.

by a miracle of some sort, the crew managed to book individual rooms for each member of the band, which meant you and rick would have the whole place to yourselves that evening when he opened the door moments after having picked you up in his arms. back then, you thought of the whole thing as evidence of luck: you thought of yourself as the luckiest girl in the whole world.

ricky kicked the door shut and carried you towards the large bed with his hands supporting your thighs around his waist and slightly chapped lips on your neck.

however, right when your back hit the soft surface of the mattress, your body unconsciously froze as your mind began to race at a thousand kilometers per hour with insecurities, fear and anxiety. there were a million questions traveling inside your head that shook the substructures of your confidence that had been meticulously built throughout the years. it wasn't like you weren't used to your consciousness trying to play tricks on you, but that was the worst possible moment for it to happen. besides, you had worked enough on your perception of your own image for things like that to happen the least amount of times possible. so why was your mind trying to sabotage you?

“hey, sweet girl, what's wrong?” rick asked gently. real concern lingered in his grey eyes. “talk to me.”

you faked a smile. “oh, everything’s fine. it's just that–” you stopped, took a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. “i’ve never… you know… i’ve never done this before. with anyone.”

richard furrowed his brows and leaned closer to you. he let out a comforting smile in your direction before raising a hand to caress your cheek like he had done hours earlier when he kissed you for the first time.

“don't worry about that, star. you're only nineteen, it's perfectly normal that you're still a virgin, you shouldn't compare yourself to other people” ricky placed a gentle kiss on your forehead. “do you want me to stop? i can sleep in justin’s room if you'd like.”

“no, no, please stay with me” you quickly fired back. eyes went wide and your left hand instinctively reached for his lower arm, to keep ricky close. “i don't want you to stop. i was only self conscious, i think. it's all so new…”

“it's okay, pretty star.” olson’s smile enlarged at your explanation. “trust me.”

his hands gently pulled away from your face and began moving towards the rim of your shirt, delicately removing the piece of clothing off of you and exposing your chest covered by a pretty burgundy lace bra. for a second, you could've sworn that the guitarist had frozen in time after the revelation, which made you both blush and giggle at his expression before you took matters into your own hands and took off his black t-shirt. now, you were the one mesmerised by the tattoos on his skin that seemed to lure you in like a spell of some kind. glancing up at the brunette, you pulled him by the necklace.

in contrary to your expectations of a warm kiss, ricky stopped in the middle of the path towards you and closed his eyes for a brief moment. you had no way of knowing but in his mind, all he could remember was how his former girlfriend used to do exactly that from time to time when she wanted to kiss him. but you weren't her.

“i'm sorry. got a little dizzy for a sec now.” he reassured, looking back at you. and as if nothing happened, the man above you began to deposit lovely little kisses across your chest and towards your abdomen.

“like i said before: trust me, sweetheart.”

the night you spent with ricky was beyond everything you could've expected or even dreamed of in your wildest reveries.

your body felt a bit sore when you woke up around eight in the morning, but your head was bothering you a lot more from the drinking for you to notice anything on the other members of your body. slowly, you recognised the environment as ricky's hotel room but before you could do anything, a weight around your waist precluded any movement of yours further from the stretching. it was his arm, holding you close to the side of his body as ricky remained peacefully asleep.

instinctively, you raised an index finger to brush away a few strands of his shoulder-length black hair so you could observe his features more clearly, for in your eyes, richard was a piece of art right there next to you.

“morning.” he mumbled beneath his breath. the magnificent grey blue eyes of his remained close. “what time is it?”

“good morning. it's eight fifteen.”

rick murmured a curse word and finally opened his eyes. upon finding you as the first thing he saw in the morning, the dark-haired man let out a smirk before raising his body to kiss your temple. “wish i could stay for breakfast with you, but i have to go. the band’s probably waiting for me.”

you watched as he got ready for the day and all the things he would have to do before going on stage and a part of you was positive that from that day forward, you'd become nothing to him. however, olson got out of the bathroom all dressed and ready and before leaving, he returned to the bed where you stayed, got down to his knees and brushed a hand through your hair gently. “i hope you enjoyed last night, that it was as incredible for you as it was for me.”

tracing a thumb on the valley between your breasts, ricky seemed disturbed by the sight of the purple hickeys on your skin. “i'm sorry about this. i shouldn't have gotten so carried away.”

almost immediately you shook your head and brought that hand on your chest to your lips, where you placed a few light kisses on his tattooed knuckles. “richard, don't do that. last night was the best night of my life and i loved every second of it. if anything, i only resent that it is over.”

the rockstar let out a nasal laugh at your answer to his complaint. you were unbelievable and he was starting to hate himself for not allowing his feelings for you develop into something other than maybe a few weeks-long summer affair. you deserved better than him.

“i'll see you tonight, okay? i'll be searching for you from the stage, star.” he gave you a final kiss on the forehead and left for the day.

you, on the other hand, decided to get ready to enjoy the hotel's breakfast with your best friend after a warm morning shower. as soon as you saw your reflection on the bathroom mirror, you stopped thinking about the things you and ricky had done the previous evening and how you were carrying marks of his handling. memories of the way his hands traveled across your skin or the way his lips devoted themselves in offering you a taste of what heaven was like filled your mind and kept you from going about your activities until you remembered that your girlfriend had texted you saying she would meet you at the restaurant.

on the contrary of what you assumed would happen, the shower didn't wash away the late hours, instead, it made you miss ricky more.

still, you finished getting ready with the clothes you wore to the pub, grabbed your belongings and headed out to meet with your friend.

you found her sitting on a table near the many windows. the traffic outside was still heavy, despite being past rush hour; perhaps it was due to the annoying rain and bad weather — it mattered not that it was summer, london would be london until the end of times.

in front of her, two plates of berries and croissants that she had picked up from the buffet awaited your arrival.

“hey” you said in a smile while sitting down on the chair across from her. tiredness still lingered on your body and mind. “how was last night?”

“already? we haven't even had a cup of coffee yet.” she protested with a fake offended tone, that was soon dropped and replaced with the largest smile you had ever seen on her face. despite the gloomy morning, your friend seemed to be glowing. “i'm gonna marry that man, i swear to god, i'm gonna marry that man. go on, write it down: your bestie will become the next mrs. mauro. seriously, you should've introduced me to this band earlier.”

before either of you could say anything else, a waiter approached the table to ask if the two of you would like something to drink. you ordered a latte and your friend a black tea. right as the waiter left your table, your friend, who was not a fan of the band in the first place, began to explain how the night in the company of vincenzo mauro went. right as they got to the hotel, she noticed how he became even more respectful than he already was throughout the whole time; vin respected her space and kept his distance, which he only breaked when she started to openly flirt with him.

“but then, he told me he was sorry if that was not what i was expecting but that he would much rather watch something together than to do something together. we watched spider man and talked like, through the whole movie. and i wasn't even mad about it, he is just so sweet and funny and smart and kind… i know it's the bare minimum but the fact that vin didn't try and force me to do anything warmed my heart, you know?”

you smiled at her rambling, feeling even more happy for her than you felt for yourself. she was your person and her happiness meant more than anything.

for the rest of the breakfast, you talked about how you and rick talked for hours and hours about many different topics and subjects like you were long-time friends or something; you told her how special he made you feel and how magical it was to know that ricky was going the extra mile only to make sure you were comfortable in doing the things you ended up doing.

it was crazy how in just a single day you went from a mere fan to, a few hours after that, someone who could enter the venue they would be performing at by giving your name to the security guards.

you and your friend were wearing black dresses: yours was a bit more flowy than hers, though. you two decided to go for a simpler makeup, scared that something could go terribly wrong if you decided to try something new but you compensated on accessories. chains, necklaces, rings, big earrings. you two were feeling both the most beautiful and special you had felt in the longest time.

somehow, vin and ricky found a way to grant you full access, which meant you two got to explore the backstage of a tour like theirs before you found your spots by the barricade, right below the right side of the stage. ricky’s side of the stage.

you were having the time of your life enjoying a live performance of your favourite band after such a long time waiting to finally be able to attend a concert of theirs, but every time the guitarist winked in your direction, you felt like your heart could explode at any given moment.

but nothing, absolutely nothing, could've prepared you for the moment when motionless began to perform city lights, even though they hadn't in years. it was your favourite song from your favourite band playing right in front of your eyes. and as if that wasn't enough on its own, the fact that ricky stood there, looking down at nobody but you during the whole song, was making your heart race in ways it hadn't before.

the performance was impeccable: the guys played perfectly, chris sang like an angel and everything was so special that once it was over and you two were heading back to meet the band, a part of you felt somewhat lost or empty.

justin was the first person you found on your wandering; as you hugged him and your friend complimented his stage presence, though, she soon switched her attention to someone else behind him. someone that opened up a smile equally as large as hers when he saw her standing there.

“hey, pretty” vinny said, taking her in his arms tightly, clearly not being able to hold back his excitement to see her there.

as your friend stood there talking to vinny — whose eyes seemed to shine while looking at her — you remained on your conversation with justin until he invited you to follow him to the greenroom where the rest of the band was resting after the intense show. “rick’s there, just take a left here and you'll find it, i have to take this: wife's calling.”

shyly, you opened the door to the greenroom like justin told you to do. inside, you found ricky sitting on the couch, head leaned back and eyes closed as he tried to slow down his breathing. seemed like there was no one else there — maybe ryan was somewhere else removing the makeup and lord knew where chris went after the shows. the man was always fixing something or resolving a problem.

“hi… may i come in?” you asked, standing by the door in case he asked you to leave him alone for a little bit.

instead, the brunette only smirked and opened his eyes at the sound of your voice. despite the chaos going on in his mind, the conflicting feelings, a part of him still felt a deep sense of relief in your presence; selfishly, rick wanted to have you around even though he knew he couldn't give you what you wanted and deserved. “of course, sweet girl. come here.”

like the dumb teenager starstruck you were, you smiled and went to meet him.

“did you like the show?” he asked, taking your hand in his before pulling you to stand between his legs.

“i loved it. you were incredible, all of you.” ricky raised an eyebrow at your answer. “yes, all of you. don't act all dramatic now. why did you guys perform city lights? you haven't in such a long time.”

“take a wild guess, star.” he chuckled. his hands shifted towards your waist, inviting you to either sit on his lap or next to him on the couch. you opted for the second choice, afraid that someone would enter the room and catch the both of you in an indelicate position. “you told me last night at the pub it's your favourite song and it's your birthday weekend, you deserve something special.”

the words that left ricky's mouth haunted your thoughts for the rest of the time you spent there in his company and the band, that soon all returned for a little get together, since they would have more time until the next concert so it seemed like nobody felt the need to rush getting out of that venue or out of london.

it was close to eleven in the evening when the whole crew — makeup artists, dancers, producers, photographers and more — got together with the band in the greenroom that apparently had a balcony attached to it that you missed earlier. justin was the only one that had gone to the hotel so he could get to bed a bit earlier than the night before. vinny and your best friend were outside on the balcony with ryan and talitha, the drummer’s hand never once leaving her waist.

on the couch were you, rick, chris and angela talking about everything and anything at the same time. rick’s hand rested between your thighs which, in turn, were on top of his while your head rested on his chest.

“hey, you” the guitarist holding you whispered above your head when chris and angela left to go get more pizza. around the two of you people were talking and music was playing much like a party on the backstage of a big concert and yet, as soon as his smooth voice came in your direction, everything seemed to have stopped or muted out for as long as he needed your attention. “would you like me to take you to your hotel? i don't know if you're comfortable here, but we can leave if you'd like.”

you shook your head in denial, a small close-mouthed smile on your lips. “i'm good, i promise. being here, getting to know everyone and them being so welcoming is quite literally a dream. don't worry about me.”

ricky smiled and kissed the top of your head. “you're too good to be true.”

somehow, you managed to convince your parents — and your best friend’s — that you two had won a competition in which the prize were two tickets for the motionless in white concert in milan. looking back, you wondered how the hell they believed two nineteen year-olds to travel around europe alone for well over three weeks. either way, though, you got them to believe you and that was how you and she were cleared to travel along with the band to their next tour stop.

you traveled around milan with your best friend and sometimes with the guys and girls when they had free time to do so. what was supposed to be a week long trip to london for your birthday turned into a three week long trip that became the best trip of your life.

ricky and yours relationship was particularly difficult to label but the way he insisted on making sure you knew how special you were in his eyes gave you the peace of mind needed to continue on that journey. he verbalised his feelings, gave you kisses and hugs that healed every bit of insecurity you could possibly have in your heart; spending time with him never felt like a burden or unnatural, instead, it felt like swimming in the widest ocean. peaceful, quiet, healing.

or so you thought.

it was the night before the milan concert. you and rick were alone in your hotel room and he was waiting for you to come out of the shower and get ready so you two could go out for a “proper fancy dinner date”, as he'd worded.

right as you stepped out of the bathroom, outfit on and hair freshly done, you heard his voice but before you could say anything you found him talking on the phone with someone that, at first, you failed to understand who was.

“yeah, i missed you too. are you really here in milan?” he said with the largest smile you had ever seen on his lips. the same lips that offered you comforting words and wildfire kisses. for a second, you tried to convince yourself that it could be perhaps a family member, but your heart knew. “are you free tonight? i’ll come over and meet you. no, no, i'm not doing anything tonight. yeah, okay, just let me know. i love you. bye.”

unfortunately for you, your mouth seemed to work faster than your brain to stop it from asking: “who was that?”

and just like that, unlike before, your voice wasn't a source of relief and peace for the guitarist: it was one of terror. his face went pale upon hearing your question, the smile on his lips died as quickly as his body moved to get close to you as if that would somehow make it easier to digest.

“oh it was nobody important, my sweet star. are you ready?”

feeling enraged by his audacity, you pushed his hand away from your cheeks and took a step back. “i don't go around saying i love you to people who aren't important to me, richard. who the fuck was that?”

his heart froze inside his chest at the face of such an adversity. for the first time in forever, ricky didn't know what to say to you: honesty would tear you apart from the inside much like deceiving you would. that was the worst possible scenario for him and yet, all he could think of was how he was going to get out of this situation without ruining his public reputation to his fans.

he took a deep breath and closed his grey eyes for a second. “my ex. i'm meeting her tonight.”

tears immediately invaded your eyes, even though your mind took longer than that to process the information that you had been nothing but a mere toy for him for the last few weeks. you trusted him with your heart, your respect, your deepest feelings for well over seven years and if that wasn't enough, your body for the first time in your insignificant existence in this world. crushed wasn't even a word destructive enough to begin explaining or expressing just how shallow you became in a matter of a few minutes. on a moment you were on top of the world, the next everything fell apart and you felt like a dirty mess.

a crumpling sensation began to take over you, numbing your senses and making you want to disappear into thin air. you didn't even have the strength or the energy to discuss with him.

“don't fucking talk to me ever again” you somehow got to say it before grabbing the few things you could carry, only to then head towards the door. “i really hope she breaks you like you're breaking me.”

and you closed the door.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⭒ part two... coming soon