#rick isn't coping well

[sheena-is-a-punk-rocker]

Sometimes a guy just needs his girlfriend to yell at his psychiatrist

So, there's a lot of quinnflag content about Rick taking care of Harley but not nearly enough of the reverse, so I'm fixing that. Harley being Rick's mental health advocate. Got the prompt over on AO3 and technically it was supposed to be the reverse but this is what you're getting instead.

Harley comes back from her lunch date with Ivy to an eerily quiet apartment—which immediately puts her on edge. “Rick? Baby? You home?”

She hears a sob coming from the TV area and finds Rick, curled up in the fetal position in the tiny bit of space between the couch and coffee table. He’s clearly in the middle of a panic attack—shaking, hyperventilating, hands clamped over his ears.

She immediately goes into Doctor Mode and reaches out to touch him just as another firework (or gunshot, who can fucking tell in this god forsaken neighborhood) goes off from the alley below the open window.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” he yells, and she immediately pulls her hand back—trying not to feel hurt by his outburst.

She knows this has nothing to do with her and everything to do with his own trauma—both from the Corto Maltese mission specifically, and the rest of his time in the military.

“Okay, I won’t touch ya,” she says gently. “But baby, you’re having a panic attack. I need you to breathe.”

“Leave me alone, Harley!”

“Nuh-uh. Not goin’ anywhere until ya breathe for me.”

She coaches him through some deep breathing exercises and slowly, he stops shaking and his breathing regulates. She rubs his back soothingly and this time he doesn’t protest. “You okay now, hun?”

He shakes his head vigorously and then says, “Please… I just need some space.”

It breaks her heart but she does as he asks, wandering into the bathroom to grab his meds for him. She frowns when she shakes the bottle and realizes it’s completely full. He started seeing his psychiatrist six months ago.

After that night when he finally broke down and told her about Jotunheim, she’d helped him get set up with a psychiatrist and therapist but after that she butted out—recognizing that he wanted to be able to handle it himself. It suddenly occurs to her that he may have been so focused on her mental health bullshit that he’d neglected his own, and it makes her heart sink.

She goes back into the living room and Rick’s nowhere to be found. She’s about to panic when she hears him say, “In here, Harls,” from the kitchen.

He’s hunched over the sink, head in his hands, but straightens up when he hears her footsteps. He holds his arms open and says, “C’mere.”

She breathes a sigh of relief and hugs him tightly.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” he mumbles, voice hoarse.

She pulls back to look at him and brings her hands up to cup his cheeks. “Baby, you have nothin’ to apologize for. Let’s worry about you.”

She braces herself for the very difficult conversation they’re about to have. “Why haven’t you been takin’ your meds?”

He tenses up and immediately tries to look away but her grip remains firm. Finally, he sighs and closes his eyes. “I was on them after coming back from Qarac, just before Waller put me in charge of the squad. And uh, not gonna lie, the side effects were brutal.”

“So ya stopped taking ‘em.”

He nods. “I asked Dr. Parker to put me on something else but she won’t. So I just… haven’t been taking them.”

Harley rolls up on her toes so she can press her forehead to his, “Thank you for being honest with me. Now will you please let me fix this for ya? This was literally my job at one point.”

When he nods in response, she smiles and then grabs his hand—pulling him towards the living room. She gets him settled on the couch with his head in her lap and asks for his phone.

--------------------

Rick dissociates and focuses on the feeling of Harley’s fingers carding through his hair. He manages to catch bits and pieces of the conversation.

She starts out sounding professional. “Yes, I’d like to discuss a mutual patient with you, Rick Flag.” A pause and then, “Who am I? I’m his fuckin’ girlfriend, you d-bag, and you’re terrible at your job!”

He manages a small chuckle at her antics before another sudden loud bang makes him freeze up. The asshole neighbors have been setting off fireworks all damn day.

Harley pauses in her ranting to grab his hand and bring it to her lips for a gentle kiss. “Stay with me, baby.”

“That’s Dr. Quinzel to you, bitch,” she yells into the phone. “So here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna take him off the meds he very clearly told ya he didn’t wanna be on, and you’re gonna prescribe these instead, and no, don’t argue with me.”

By the time she’s off the phone with his psychiatrist he’s half asleep and she seems to be in a much better mood. “How you doin’, hun?”

He doesn’t answer the question and instead tugs on her hand. “Come over here.”

She takes the hint and rearranges herself so she’s laying right on top of him. He wraps his arms around her and buries his face in her neck. The smell of her shampoo and her weight on his chest helps ground him. “I love you,” he mumbles.

She pulls back to smile at him. “I love ya too, baby.”

Baby. He likes when she calls him that. Before he can say anything about it though she’s kissing him. He deepens the kiss and snakes a hand up her back under her shirt.

As much as he would very much like this to progress further, exhaustion hits him like a freight train and Harley picks up on it. She boops his nose. “Get some sleep, hun. We can continue this later—I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

His eyes drift shut as another firework goes off—and this time he doesn’t even notice.

[pjo-tvs-version]

I know that no one asked but I just wanted to add my two cents to the current pjo era we are having right now...

First off, I love Rick and the books he has written but honestly tsast and wottg aren't some of his best works. That's not the problem because yeah not all books can be amazing but the problem is that they are his most recent ones. Cotg was better than these 2 but it too had it's drawbacks. Now I have this thing where if I like something then however bad it it, I try to make myself enjoy it. It's like a coping mechanism- delusion. But with wottg, I actually sat back and thought. Since when did I take a week to finish a pjo book? I am the person who finished Hoo in like less than a week and I took a week to finish wottg which took me aback. The characters were very oc. Grover was perhaps the only character close to his actual well character. I don't usually nitpick but like I had said in a post earlier, continuity and callbacks in a book series are what make them extremely enjoyable and small textual errors are like pricking needles to me.

My main issue was Annabeth and then Percy. Look in know in this fandom there are many Annabeth antis and that's fine, I accept that. But now the worst part is that what they have said about Annabeth is to some extent true in this current Annabeth version we have. Look Leah is great and I love her with all my heart but Rick please don't mingle both of them together. Let show cannon be separate and book cannon to itself. Let Annabeth in wottg be her book character like please. She has friends? Great! The main thing we know about her friends are that they think Percy isn't GOOD ENOUGH for her? Awful! She is the mom friend? Okay(though I personally believe it should be Grover but fine if people are okay with it this is just a personal opinion guys)! BUT that should not make Percy 'alley boy.'

This brings me to the second part. We love Percy and love his humor. Well I recently reread the Battle of the Labyrinth (don't ask why I don't know I just had the sudden urge to read it). He isn't very confident and does underestimate himself often but it wasn't taken this FAR. Every single next line was describing how Percy sucks at everything while Annabeth is here in all her perfect glory and believe it or not this is coming from me, who loves Annabeth. I love Percabeth because it's a balance. They balance off each other soo well. They both comfort each other. They both know that they are smart. They both know that the other person has flaws. But in wottg it's just downright annoying because the dynamic is just "ooh look my gf is soo amazing, totally flawless with no error and here is me who sucks at any and every thing possible." This isn't the Percy we know nor Annabeth nor Percabeth.

LET ANNABETH BE IMPERFECT! AND PLEASE GIVE PERCY THERAPY because he needs it. For the next book Rick please just hire a better editor because I am not going into the MISTAKES in these books. You can hire me if you want because I swear I can do a better job than your editor. Seriously literally any pjo fan would do a better job. Wottg felt like maybe the second draft of the work which required maybe 3 more drafts to be published. It felt like an unchecked fanfiction and believe me that I have seen better fanfictions on AO3. The pjo fandom is an extremely loyal fanbase which is an extremely cool thing. But the problem here is that people like m even though I didn't really enjoy wottg, I would still hope for a better sequel because gaaahhhh optimism. I am actually wary of the sequel to tsast but that's for another post.

Whew! Talking so negatively about something was a new experience for me because I absolutely love pjo and will always keep it close to my heart. Rick please for the sake of advertisement please don't publish uncooked gibberish because it actually breaks my heart too see the hate and for once I understand it. Anyway, wottg wasn't all that bad. To balance out this post, I'll make one on the portions I liked because there were a few moments that were worth reading. Extremely sorry for the scattered thoughts and the rant but thank you and have a great day everyone !

[somewhereincairparavel]

Literally where do people get the idea that Jason was full of himself and that he thought he was better than Percy? This is legit brought up in so many 'why-i-hate-jason-grace" arguments it just screams lack of reading comprehension and obvious Percy bias saltiness. Like just say you are bitter that Jason is written as percy's equal and that you want Percy to have nobody rival him 💀

Never once in his povs did he ever think about how much better he was, on the contrary it's just him not feeling good enough about himself. He and Percy NEVER said anything bad about eachother.

His and Percy's rival is just a joke between two powerful demigods who have rival dads, that's literally it. Even if Jason did indeed think he's better, so what about it? What's the big deal?

he has worked hard and accomplished great things, so he has like, every right to be confident in his power, stop acting like hes all weak and inferior when he canonically killed a titan with like his bare fucking hands till the point Krios swore vengeance on him. No he's not "weak" or morally inferior to Percy as a person. You are merely trying to cope. Not to mention the way people judge a character's worth SOLEY based on their abilities is a huge red flag in itself, but that's a discussion for another time.

he shouldve canonically had more achievments and power than he originally got in the books as a son of jupiter. but rick made Percy too OP and fumbled jason for the sake of keeping percy's spotlight intact. Has it ever dawned on people that Percy is shown to have cool abilities like bending tears but Jason is never shown to have abilities like controlling lungs? Yeah, that's authors privilege for ya.

Y'all put Percy in an obnoxiously high pedestal and that's not a good thing. It diminishes his flaws and makes him appear so saint like and Gary Stu even though he's not. the fact that ppl get so sensitive over their rivalry and try to belittle jason by making up scenarios (like claiming jason thinks he's superior and shit) and go around saying that to ppl to reduce his value DESPITE being well aware that he has like enough hate already, is so insanely petty. BOTH Jason and Percy deserve equal amounts of respect.

God forbid a teenage boy say he's better than the other as a joke, he's such a terrible, stuck up, and shitty person who deserved death for that, isn't he?

[thesoftboiledegg]

"The Jerrick Trap" was a clever twist on the body-swapping concept. I had trouble following it at first because they both sounded like Rick, to the point that I wondered if Jerry's half went in hiding. A lightbulb went off in my head when they clarified that they're both Rick and Jerry.

I've seen two people merged into one being ("Tuvix" from Star Trek: Voyager) but two consciousnesses sharing half of each person is something I've never watched before. And Rick and Jerry's personalities merged surprisingly well. Rick and Beth struggle to get along because they're so similar, but Jerry complements Rick perfectly--if only Rick would get his head out of his ass and accept it!

I wasn't a fan of the cold open, thinking "...OK, seriously? Rick 'hates' Jerry so much that he kills himself when he's stuck in his mind?" Others pointed out that maybe Rick just couldn't handle being in a brain without his coping mechanisms, which is a better idea. Still, it's hard to shake off your initial interpretation. I hoped that the episode would elaborate on that, but it never did.

And boy, Jerricky almost ruined the episode for me. Rick and Morty is full of silly, stupid humor--"The Old Man and the Seat" is an episode about Rick sitting on a toilet, for one--but that human-centipede creature was too bizarre. I won't say it was objectively bad, but I might skip that part during rewatches.

Back to what I enjoyed. I loved seeing the reappearance of Rick's favorite thing: crystals. The writers gave Rick's crow phase a shoutout, which is MY favorite thing. I'm surprised the comics never explored that period. I don't read the comics, but I would consider buying that issue.

The backgrounds were stunning, too. Rick and Morty's artists create dazzling environments with their color theory expertise. Rick and Jerry's Miami Vice adventures blew me away in every scene, making me want to live in that tropical city.

As for Memory Rick, he was a surprise. I was wondering today if he ever escaped Rick's mind, so I guess that was a premonition. He'll probably have an important role later on.

Anyway, Jerry admitting that Rick is the closest thing he has to a friend surprised me, but it's true when I think about it. Who else does he talk to? Space Beth can't stand him, his marriage is strained and his kids aren't his friends. His parents rarely show up.

Rick's the only person in his life who isn't obligated to hang out with him because they're related. He's also the only fellow adult male. As much as their lives diverge, Rick can relate to him in a way that no one else can.

Morty says at the end "I think it's clear that you both love each other more than you're willing to admit." Of course, Rick denies it, but his and Jerry's bickering at the table is their weird way of saying "I love you." If they didn't, they'd just leave the table instead of frantically overcompensating.

And their minds wouldn't have fused together so well, either. Otherwise, both halves of Rick would've just killed himself again, or grabbed the gun while Jerry's halves tried to fight him off.

"The Jerrick Trap": a visual masterpiece, a feast for the Jerrick shippers and insight into what's really going on in Rick and Jerry's minds when they argue.

[cynthiav06]

This might be a genuine Controversial opinion of mine. Really because I Always see The Black Percy fanart or POC Percy and I love them, even though i still love the book version...it had me thinking...

But I highly think that if Percy were Black or Any minority I Doubt he would Take Annabeth's Bs or let her treat him the way she does

What do you think?

I have mixed opinions on this. I think it's a bit controversial but not for the reasons you are going for. Bear with me.

I think all this diversity propaganda has warped our perspectives on characters and their roles. Rick is shit at diversity roles cause he is trying explicitly to write them as diversity characters. I mean yes coming from a certain race, culture or ethnic group does play a large part of who you are but most authors make that the entire point or personality of their character.

In a world like Percy Jackson, where far greater things are at stake, I don't think a character's race or ethnic group should be prioritized so much. In fact, their motivations, how they choose to cope with their trauma and insecurities, how they love, how they fight is what makes a character.

In contrast to Rick, Leigh Bardugo writes tons of diverse characters who are just that, characters in her eyes. It's not because she needs to meet some quota or write diversity for the sake of it. She writes as it comes to her, and I think anyone would appreciate that far more.

Now, coming to your point, I don't think Percy being a minority or person of color would have changed him much. Because the points that you are trying to make should already be valid for Percy as he is.

He had an abusive stepfather who not only physically and mentally abused him but also always harassed him for money. Percy has grown up in that environment, he knows abuse well.

Percy can't stand bullies or people who impose their will, which is a fundamental part of his character which we are actually introduced to very. early on

Not to mention, Percy grew up in the streets of NYC all on his own, also moving from one boarding school to another. He is seasoned player when it comes to cops or law enforcement.

Plus I headcanon that all demigods have issues with any kind of normal organization or law enforcement cause what explanation are they supposed to give for their actions when the person across from them can't fathom it, see it or let alone imagine it. So they are all kind of in similar situations despite whatever culture or ethnic group they are from.

Percy's actions are also a reflection of his self-esteem. That's the thing driving his behavior. Percy wouldn't stand for this from a stranger, but Annabeth is his best friend. The first person he got close to in Camp. She represents his demigod life in a way. To him, the fact that someone like her wants to date him seems unbelievable. He goes in that relationship or any relationship feeling inferior. Then he begins dating her, and he desperately wants to meet her expectations cause Percy Jackson can't take her walking out on him, not because he disappointed her. Cause what sort of shit boyfriend is he if he can't even stand and accept Annabeth as she is. So he takes it as it is. He takes her demands, her violent way of expressing her emotions and her need to be in control. She wants to go to University and study, she wants to be involved in the demigod business, wants to be the heart of it and Percy isn't about to leave her to be on her own. He is Percy, he would go to the ends of earth and beyond for people he loves and cares for. So he goes along with that too.

The question shouldn't be what it would take Percy to be done with Annabeth's bullshit or what would finally make him snap. That shouldn't be the focus.

The focus should be at what point will Annabeth realize that she is stifling Percy, leashing him. (Before you snap, percabeth stans hear me out, not my words. Literally a bloody conversation from Mark of Athena, in which Piper word to word says and agrees with Annabeth that someone needs to leash him and Annabeth can do it.)

And I love how the fandom just glossed over it. What the hell??? Are you people blind? How is that a healthy relationship??

Annabeth should realize how badly she is hurting Percy or how badly she has misunderstood him. How awful her actions have been and how her actions are enabling his lack of self esteem. (For confused people who think Annabeth can do no wrong, please check other posts. There's nothing wrong with admitting that your favorite character is flawed and can make mistakes. )

And then if she truly loves him they should separate, go their ways, still be friends but not romantic partners. Or they should go on a long break in which Annabeth needs to sort out her behavioral issues, come back to Percy, apologize to him earnestly, then to Rachel and even Reyna. And then if Percy (after he too understands the problems in their relationship and how disastrous his lack of self esteem and self deprecation is) is willing to give her a chance or even willing to be in any romantic relationship then and only then should they get back together.

It might not be the answer you were hoping for anon but I had to give my honest thoughts on this. Feel free to comment your own opinions on this as well.

[spookyscaryskidnpump]

my thoughts on spooky month 6

copy pasted from a page and a half of google doc. crying. spoilers inbound.putting it under the cut cuz its super long. also swear warning.

Ok to start off LILA. LILA MY GAL NO UR DOING UR BEST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. Im crying im actually fucginf crying. She's trying. So hard. Skid is trying so hard. THEY'RE DOING THEIR BEST PLEASEEEEE. Father Gregor can go EAT SHIT. THEY'RE TRYING AND THAT'S WHAT COUNTS GODDAMNIT.

Susie… Susie no… please… she deserves better istgggggg. What happened to their parents? Are they actually just busy? Are they DEAD? Holy shit what if they're dead. Poor Pump, poor Susie, god please just let these kiddos be ok. PLEASE. ABUELO WONDER IS TYING SO HARD BUT SUSIE KNOWS IT ISN'T REALLY FROM HER PARENTS IM CRYING. SUSIE NOOOOOO

FATHER GREGOR I HATE YOU. ok well he obvs did some good but STILL. GREGOR. STFU GREGOR. I get that hes trying but U CANT JUST SAY ALL THAT SHIT ABOUT JUDGEMENT AND THEN JUDGE HER HER FUCKING HOUSE GOT BROKEN INTO!! YOU DONT HAVE THE FUCKING CONTEXT!!!! ARGHFDGHJSGHJKAGHSD. Also DAMN IS HE A CULTIST NOW?? IS HE DEAD?? WHAT?!?!?!

ROYYYYYY ROY MY BOI NOOOOOO poor guy :( i understand why he hates the kids they DID kinda ruin him so. At least he knows theyre trying now :( and ross n rob just ASSUME he did something bad isnt helping here!!!! I get that theyre also trying to help him and its nice to see him opening up to them about stuff (even if we dont get to know what specifically PELO WHY) but PLEASE get this kid an anger management class or smthn PLEASE. He needs SO MUCH THERAPY. I dont think hes gonna get therapy because im pretty sure his parents are Part Of The Problem but STILL.  Also FUCKER LITERALLY GOT POSSESED BY A DEMON?????? THATS GOTTA BE TRAUMATIC TF

Side note i love ross and robert dearly and i appreciate them doing their best to help on both sides i love them smmmmmm AUGH

KEVIN AND RADFORD FRIENDSHIP REALLLLLLLLLL i am SO fucking happy about that!!!! Also Kevin having conflicted feelings on the kids FAIR. Similar thing to Roy except hes an adult with a semi-functional support network and is able to understand that theyre just dumb kids and they dont actually mean any harm. He’s harsher on the hatzgang cuz theyre teens and old enough to know stealing is wrong but Skid n Pump are little kiddos they dont know better. Also him disapproving of father gregor REAL THO. also HE GOT POSSESSED TOO?? TRAUMA CENTRAL HOLY SHIT

PATTY DESERVES TO HAVE A GUN ACTUALLY. Also JOHN ANGST JOHN ANGST JOHN ANGST! IS HIS KID DEAD? IS HIS DAUGHTER OK HOLY SHIT. ALSO THEM HELPING THE KIDS PROPERLY IM CRYIG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

WHAT WAS EVERMORE DOING WITH THE HOBOMEN???? HELLO??????

I SAW THAT CULT NECKLACE UNDER IGNACIOS SHIRT. I FUCKING SAW IT. CALLED IT BITCH!!!!!!

Rick just has the WORST luck lmao

STREBER IS ALIVE LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO

DEXTER NO PLEASE AUGH…… HIS MOM TOO……

JAUNE AND ROSS’S DAD… HE'S REAL HE EXISTS!! I get ur trying jaune but that is NOT the best way to comfort poor lila… AT LEAST SHES TRYING THO I APPRECIATE HER

THE ENTIRE NEWGROUNDS ENDING?? THE THIEVES AND THE CANDY DEALER IN CAHOOTS WITH THE CULT???? HELLO??????

MOLOCH IS GONE. he deserved it but also THE KIDS ARE SO SAD ABOUT IT? Like they don't really get it but they just watched someone they thought was their friend DIE. HOLY SHIT.

finally. SKID AND PUMP. KIDDOS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ok for real tho theyre so much more self aware than the fandom and bulk of the show give them credit for?? Like Skid is VERY aware of his dad being dead/possibly missing and legit just doesn’t wanna talk about it. He knows what death is and he finds fun in it to cope. My poor sweet boyo… and PUMP. PUMP ANSWERING THE CALL AUGHHHHHH HE WANTS HIS PARENTS BACK IM CRYING. SUSIE AND ABUELO ARE DOING THEIR BEST AND HE'S TRYING SO HARD AND AAAAAAAAAAUGH. Also him getting possessed by Moloch while having Star-Eyes basically debunks the theory of the Star-Eyes being a form of possession which is FASCINATING. Anyway that scene with Susie and Pump got me misty eyed and then during the ending with Skid and Lila i actually genuinely started crying. I just want them to be happy. Please let them be happy. Please. PLEASE.

[demigodsanswer]

Hello! I'm genderfluid I went searching for stuff on Rick Riordan after finding out he won a stonewall award on The Second Book from the Magnus Chase trilogy. I've read all of Riordan's books as a minor and, upon finding this stuff it's been disheartening to say the least. I'll come back, after doing some research on my own but I'm personally curious about how you feel about LGBTQIA+ representation in Riordan's books.

I want to lead with: if you feel as though the queer and trans representation in the series is not reflective of your experience, or worse, offensive in its depiction, then I am very sorry. I myself am a bisexual woman who was in a relationship with a woman for five years, so I know what it's like to feel like a depiction of your gender or sexuality is simply insufficient or downright offensive.

Your experiences of the representation in the series are valid, whether they be positive or negative. These are fundamentally very personal experiences, and it's rare that any media will ever be 100% representative of our lived experiences. It is completely okay to feel represented where others do not, or to feel let down by a depiction, even if others think on it favorably.

To that end though, I honestly can't comment in any meaningful way on the representation in the series, simply because I am out of touch with it. I never finished Magnus Chase or Trials of Apollo. Chalice of the Gods was basically fun fanfic in my brain, and I haven't read any Hero's of Olympus book cover to cover since they debuted, not 10+ years ago. The only series I regularly return to are the first five, which do not have any explicit queer rep.

There are posts on my blog from 2020 and earlier that are from a time when I was more in touch with the fandom, Rick, and the books, but alas that time has passed. In between when I was last active in this fandom and now, I have completed almost all of a PhD. So a lot of this just isn't in my brain anymore.

What is in my brain is how important Nico coming out in House of Hades was. I will never forget how it felt to see that leak, get the book, and flip right to the page to make sure it was real. It was groundbreaking and so important. It wasn't the first queer rep in a book for middle or high schoolers, but it didn't exist in a saturated market either.

When continually stands out to me about Rick is his willingness to learn, grow, and correct. Sure, I wish he did things right the first time. He probably should have had sensitivity readers for HoO, but it's nice that he did have them for ToA. I think he has proven to be willing to listen to fans and course correct when he needs to. He doesn't just rest of his representation laurels; he keeps trying to make the world more diverse. I think the TV show is a great show of that work as well.

But really at the heart of my inability to be overly critical of him is the reality that I fucking loved Harry Potter. I loved it so much. And I have other queer and trans friends for whom that series was their life. It was the favorite thing, it was their #1 fandom, it was everything to them in the way Percy Jackson is still everything to me. And all of us feel as though Harry Potter was taken from us by the rampant bigotry of JKR. The choice to disengage is obviously also political, but it feels so emotional first and foremost. I cannot separate art from the artist there, and that to me doesn't feel like a political statement; it feels entirely like an emotional one.

So when I think about Rick's efforts, flawed as they may be, all I can think is "There but for the grace of god go I," because if it was him succumbing to the black mold and becoming one of the four horseman of the rise of global fascism, I do not know how I would cope with the emotional loss of this series.

That's not to say that fans should not continue to hold him accountable or engage in dialogue with him. It's just me saying that I'm not the fan who's going to do that. I'm too old, too tired, too out of touch, and I need to finish this degree before it finishes me.

[galadrieljones]

i read your theories. And i believe it but there is a feeling inside me and telling me that beth will never comeback. i don’t know.

I would be lying if I didn't say that every day, I deal with a similar nagging voice in my head: If she doesn't come back, is this all for nothing? I do truly believe that lately, there has been too many strange developments to be pure coincidence. But, at the same time, I have skepticism deep in my roots. It's simply in my nature to interrogate, which is how I got here in the first place, so I feel you.

I came into the Bethyl fandom about 6 years late. I saw "Coda," during my first TWD marathon during covid in 2020, and I had been accidentally spoiled a long time back. I knew Beth was going to get shot and that she was going to die, so while I was really upset about it, I knew it was going to happen. BUT. I didn't think it would be that...weird?? I just thought a rogue bullet would tag her during a shoot-out, and she'd die in Daryl's arms. But it didn't happen like that at all. It was just so WEIRD! It was so unlike any of the other deaths. And it just didn't sit right. The way Dawn was trying to convince Beth to stay, to do something that she said would be "the most important thing she'll ever do in her life??" Rick's repetition of the "Can't go back, Bob," line? The weird POV and high angle shots during the exchange? The bizarre audio and closed captions that don't match what we hear and/or see? The canted shots, which I remembered from a film class I took in college were meant to communicate messages of disorientation and even psychosis. I thought, is something wrong with Rick? Is he misremembering what happened? I was also stunned by the coda with Morgan, because it was just so...oblique? Like what were all those weird, random bits of inventory? The magazine, the little things he leaves at the altar, and how he seems to be laughing at some cosmic truth we can't see or understand. I thought, I have to be missing something!

Then I watched WHAWGO, and I knew something was like really off. I knew that the writers were playing some sort of game. I couldn't really put my finger on it, but like, I just figured they would address it later. I figured that whatever was being hidden, it would soon surface. But it never did. Around the time I was watching season 8, so maybe a month or two later, I found Team Delusional on tumblr, and I realized that my instincts were, if not definitively correct, than at least being shared by tons of other fans. It was amazing to me that, six years later, I could be asking the same exact questions, completely unprompted, that they were asking at the time the episode aired. How could that be a coincidence?

In any case, skepticism still finds me from time to time, mainly, I assume, as a form of self-preservation. I mostly cope with my creeping, inevitable skepticism by just...continuing to badger the evidence. Anytime I simply feel like being reminded of why I care so much about this, I go back and revisit "Slabtown" and "Coda." For me, the most convincing evidence is actually the Christ imagery. Why plant a bunch of Christ imagery if you weren't planning a resurrection? It really doesn't make sense. And it's really not that unusual for the GA of a show like this to just miss the signs. Because while "the signs are all there," if you don't know how to read them, you might just think you're looking at confusing writing choices and/or you might just tell yourself, "Meh, well, it's just a TV show. It's not that serious." And, of course, it's not. It IS just a TV show, but I have met lots of people who, because of TD, at the very least, have gone back and admitted that, um, yeah. "Coda" IS kind of weird. Like, what is it with that? And the angle of the gun actually DOESN'T make sense, and yeah, why DIDN'T we see Beth's funeral? Isn't a whole big deal made in "Alone" about Beth and how important she thinks it is to give dead people funerals? These are all objectively valid questions! They don't take "true believer" or "conspiracy theory" ideologies to entertain. They just take one single second look at the evidence and an open mind. Team Delusional really isn't delusional at all. We're simply very inquisitive, detail oriented people who really love Beth and Daryl.

All of that said, I definitely understand where your skepticism is coming from, and it's been such a long time. The best way I've found to deal with it, other than continuing to interrogate the show, is to just sort of let go of control and enjoy the moment as a hobby and/or a passion. For me, this kind of research and analysis is definitely a passion. But also, to (badly) quote @twdmusicboxmystery, "Until the powers that be come right out and say, 'Beth is dead and she is never coming back,' I'll be here." I do really think she's alive! And at the very least, I believe they'll create closure for Daryl, in some way that has to involve Beth.

Keep believing!! But don't let it cause you pain or anxiety. It has to be fun. Whatever will be will be, and if you're not enjoying it, it's okay to take breaks or to just take a firm "wait and see" approach. You can always change your mind and dive back in when you feel up to it again ❤️💕💫

[zombiigrll]

Can I request Carl x male reader who is Abrahams son set either during 7x1 or when Negan comes to Alexandria and reader is really angry and tries to kill Negan and gets injured. Carl patches him up and is upset at reader for doing that and they both end up breaking down and comforting eachother

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IT WAS STUPID. ⋆｡°✩ carl grimes x male!reader .ᐟ WORD COUNT .ᐟ ⭑ 1.7K ꩜ .ᐟ WARNINGS ⭑ angst to fluff + comfort, reader is abrahams son, use of y/n, spoilers for the walking dead 7x1, death mention, unhealthy grieving + coping, swearing, injuries, gore, zombies, arguing, crying, then cute moments trust <3 .ᐟ SUMMARY .ᐟ ⭑ your father made it your job to hold the fort at alexandria as he went on a run. but, little did you know, that was the last time you'd see him. you had to get back at him. .ᐟ A/N .ᐟ ⭑ thank you for the request anon! i hope this is to your liking <3 sorry for the weak ending T_T

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he told you he would be back as soon as possible, giving you one big bear hug before he left. you wanted to badly to come with, but your boyfriend, carl, had convinced you to stay back as well.

"you gotta stay here, kiddo. just while we're gone. we'll be back as soon as possible, promise." your dad comforted you, patting your shoulder with his palm.

"please, dad, let me come with. i can help!" you begged anxiously.

"abrahams right, y/n." carl popped in. "you have to stay here. it's dangerous, and the people here need you while we're gone."

you looked at him, your facial expression softening. he was always so good at convincing your stubborn ass.

"...okay." you sighed, looking back at your father as he nodded, entering the van.

"we'll be back shortly." carl pulled you in for a hug, kissing your forehead.

"you better be." you laughed.

carl moved away from the hug, nodding at you before entering the van.

...

it felt like the longest day of your life. having to help everyone at alexandria while worrying about the possibility of your boyfriend, dad, and your newfound family could all die and you'd never know what happened. but, finally, after what felt like years, everyone came back.

well, not everyone.

as people were coming back in, you were looking for your father, but you couldn't spot him. you knew something was up. everyone looked upset and beaten up, and thats when you spotted eugene.

"eugene?" you sped-walked over to him, acknowledging his beaten and cut up appearance. he stayed silent at the sight of you. "eugene, where is my dad?"

then, everyone fell silent, their solemn eyes piercing through you.

"...what happened to my dad?" your voice cracked as you looked around at everyone with your glossy eyes.

carl comes up to your side, grabbing your hand and looking at you sympathetically.

"he's.. he's gone, y/n."

your heart shattered. you brought up your hands and covered your mouth as tears flowed down your face. carl tried to hug you but you politely shook him away, running off to your house shortly after. you threw yourself onto your fathers former bed, curling up into a ball and sobbing into the pillow he once laid on.

...

a couple days had passed by. all of your grievances slowly transformed into anger. man, you really were like your dad, weren't you? carl was the only person you had a soft spot for, but everyone else experienced hell on earth if they had angered you. carl helped you with trying to recover from your loss, but it proved to be pretty difficult.

"i want to kill negan, carl. i don't know why you wouldn't either." you scoffed, picking at your calloused hands as you spoke.

"i do, but, we need to be smart about this. your anger isn't going to get us anywhere."

you rolled your eyes, silently crossing your arms. before you could say anything else, there was a knock at the door. carl walked over for you and opened it to reveal rick standing in the door way.

"hey, dad. what's up?" carl asked his father.

part of you felt jealous at his words. it made everything feel more real in a sense.. that you would never be able to say 'hey' to your dad again, or experience his bear-like hugs.

carl and rick had their conversation as you thought about all your past memories with abraham. how he'd comfort you whenever you'd need him to, how he extreme he would go just to make sure you were safe... he was the most amazing dad you could've ever asked for, and now he was gone.

carl walked over to you, causing you to snap out of your daze as he began speaking.

"my dad wants me to go babysit judith. if you want, you can come with..." he offered with a smile.

"no, thank you." you answered monotonously. he nodded in response before walking over to you, giving you a hug.

"that's okay. just let me know if you need anything, okay?"

you mumbled a quick 'mhm' into his chest before he pulled away, shooting you a quick smile before exiting your room.

after he left, you laid in your fathers former bed thinking about what you could've possibly done to prevent this. then your mind began racing to what you can do to avenge your dad. you knew that if it was you who had died, your dad would've already been on an expedition to find your killers and give them hell, even if he had no leads to where they could be. so why weren't you doing that?

you quickly stood up and began grabbing your stuff. your backpack, gun, knife, and some water. at this point, you knew you could die and that you were probably going to die, but you didn't care. as long as they got the message and you got what you wanted, which was negans life.

quickly but stealthily, you walked out of your house and began carefully climbing over the gate. you landed down on the other side and began aimlessly walking. you didn't know where you were going, but you knew that eventually you would find negan or one of the saviors. you had been walking for quite some time when you came across two walkers. you pulled out your knife. should be easy enough, right? wrong. two walkers quickly turned to four, then 6, then... you lost count. fuck, was this the end? are you seriously about to die from a random herd of walkers?

you had killed one of them before falling to the ground, your leg grazing down a sharpened branch as you fell, cutting your calf wide open. a small yelp left your mouth as you landed on the ground before looking up, watching the walkers slowly limp over to your helpless body.

you chuckled, accepting your stupid fate. but just before the walkers got to you, you spotted a boy with a familiar hat stabbing the walker in front of you through the ear.

"...carl?" you mumbled

he continued to kill the rest of the walkers and making sure the coast was clear before tending to you. he kneeled down, looking at your wound.

"fuck, y/n. we need to get you home." his eyes widened as he examined your leg. he quickly grabbed your arm and wrapped it around his neck, helping you back through the woods. he was silent throughout the entire trip back to alexandria, which made your blood cold. he was never silent like this, not unless he was frustrated. the two of you made it back safely and he sat you down carefully on his bed, leaving for just a second to grab some medical supplies.

you fidgeted with your hands as carl came back with a couple bandages, some gauze, and other kinds of stuff. he lifted up your pant leg to get a better view of your injury before silently cleaning it up, causing you to wince. he remains silent as he cleans the wound, making you anxious.

"...are you going to say anything?" you mumbled nervously.

"do you want me to say something to you right now?" he said, a tone of hostility in his voice as he began wrapping your wound up.

"if it means you'll stop giving me the silent treatment." you sighed, looking down at him.

"i'm just... i'm pissed off." carl admitted, his voice raising a bit.

"...why?" you knew exactly why.

"why?" he repeated, laughing in annoyance. "because you almost got yourself killed. did you even think for a second what could've happened aimlessly going outside the walls? it was stupid."

"you..." you started matching his energy, getting frustrated with him. it wasn't necessarily at him, it was at yourself. but you couldn't contain how you were feeling anymore. "you don't get it. you wouldn't get it."

"you're right. i don't get it, y/n." he finished bandaging your leg, standing up to face you. "i've tried so hard to let you know that you can come to me if you need anything. no matter what. and instead of doing that, you.. you risked your fucking life!"

you stayed silent, letting him say whatever he needed as you fought back tears. you've never seen him this angry before.

"if i didn't see you going over the fence and followed you just in time, you could've died-- you WOULD'VE died! you know that, right-" "maybe i wanted to." your voice broke as you cut him off, causing his face to go from angry to shocked and melancholic.

"wh.. what?"

"i wanted to. i knew i could've died. i knew it was stupid. i didn't care." you wiped away the tear that had fallen from your eye, laughing slightly. "..i was just wanting to do what my dad would've done."

carl shook his head, processing what you had just said. "are you serious? y/n?" his eye turned glossy and his voice was wobbling.

you hid your face from him. he grabbed your face with one of his hands, turning you to look at him. he noticed you crying, which caused him to cry as well.

...you've never seen him cry before.

he wiped away your tear with one of his thumbs as he brought his other hand up.

"i can't lose you." carl muttered before pulling you into an embrace. "especially not the way you were trying to go. if you left me without a word?" "i-i'm sorr-"

"don't be. just.. your dad, he wouldn't have wanted you to go out like that either. he'd want you to live for him." he ran his hands through your hair as he spoke. "we'll get negan. but it'll take time. we'll do it together, just like we always have."

you held him tightly, sobbing into his shoulder and he rubbed circles on your back.

"i'm here. remember that this time." he reminded you.

"i know, i promise i won't do it again." you reassured him.

carl broke from the hug, putting one of his hands back to your cheek with a smile. "i love you, my pretty boy." he laughed, giving you a quick peck on the forehead.

you let out a small chuckle with him. "i love you too, dork."

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[mazyb0i]

Someone on Reddit tried to say that Rick only truly loves Beth, and to prove them wrong, so here I am!

tldr:

Character analysis of Rick Sanchez from an autistic fans point of view, understanding his attachment styles.

He'll do anything for BP, if season 6 proves anything, it's that he'll die for BP. He literally admitted to loving him, which I have not heard him tell or say about anyone before in the show. When

he does say stuff like that it is significant. Bird person is the only character on the show he has been openly genuine with.

If season 7 proves anything, Pers is the only one that can sneak up behind him and grab him out of nowhere without getting some snarky comment, mean look, or a left hook. They both care about each other deeply, that is clear. Rick was extremely

upset by the wedding with Tammy. Rick told the bird person how much he respected him more than anyone, even when he contradicted himself by saying nothing matters, he wanted to be with Percy. He wanted to travel with him and spent every moment with him.

--

"Then why did you help me?"

"I respect you, and I wanted you to know that you could respect me too."

" But if nothing matters...?"

"You matter! You matter to me."

"Uhhh- Rick... the relationship we have-"

"I never used that word!" - Rick (denialism)

--

It's funny how after this he calls him a judgmental dork, and not something much harsher.

--

"Why the fuck are you risking your life for that asshole!?" - Memory rick

"Because, you love him."

"You do maybe, but I don't."

"Yeah, yeah, you're real cool. Now, come help me save his life or fuck off, because I don't need you.

(Very much so loves BP.)

--

--

"I'm sorry Rick, but we cannot choose the ones we love" - Pers

"You got that right! Why do you think I'm still fucking down here!?"

--

Birdperson mentions that he would be dead if it wasn't for Rick, this also accounts for multiple times now since he brought BP back to life recently. Rick has stuck his neck out for the man so many times contradicting his "nothing matters" front, because that's what it is, it is a horrible coping mechanism to ignore your problems and pretend they don't exist because 'nothing matters'.

Its a problem that I have and I'm working through in therapy myself, it's called Denialism. Because 'if you shut yourself out from the world and your problems, then nothing can hurt you, and they don't exist'. You convince yourself you're in control when you're not, you have the least control, and it fucks you up. Rick isn't truly and fully nihilistic, or else literally nothing would matter to him. He makes sure to keep his Morty alive, he constantly brags on about how he can just get a new family, but he has the same Morty that he's had since the beginning and sticks his neck out for him as well.

--

"No, Morty. Because you were too afraid to tell me. What we had was abusive, don't you see? I'm a bad partner, because I never made you a true partner."

--

--

"I was afraid if I jumped in a hole you would just stand there and watch me, you wouldn't even jump in after me!" -Morty

But then Rick in season 1 literally jumped in after Morty when he fell through the garage floor into the Schrodinger's cat void.

"Be good, Morty, be better than me."

--

--

And when Rick starts crying at his memories of Morty in season One, but he refrains from expressing it so that Morty does not become, as he puts it, "cocky" (denialism)

I would also like to point out I feel like in the later seasons he starts calling Morty 'buddy' more?? he's a lot nicer to him than he used to be, and just recently allowed Morty to hug him without pushing him away, actually hugging back. He's also stated that he respects summer very deeply, which if he says that about someone, it really means that he does. He sees his Diane in Summer, and he also implies that summer is like a cat, her affection and respect needs to be earned; unlike Morty's dog like affection that is just given away. But we also hear Rick say that Morty reminds him a lot of himself when he was younger, this implies a lot of parallels.

Memory Rick brought out a lot of Rick that we didn't see previously, a person who wasn't fully tainted by the lack of treating mental Health issues, coping issues, unhealthy attachments, and all the other things that led up to Rick being the way he is. he said his heart broken so many times, he's been backstabbed, he is very hurt person. This doesn't excuse all of his actions but is a very good explanation and reason for why he is the way he is and the way the human psyche copes with it's environment to protect itself. it's like walking up to a caged animal with a taser, these are his defense mechanisms, it makes him look like a dick on the outside but currently it is the only thing that he knows how to do on instinct for protection, and that's why he's in therapy. This is why I believe he's genuinely trying to get better, he can get along with his therapist more than ever, even if he has sly remarks he genuinely listens to Mrs. Wong.

--

"I don't like being told where to go or what to do. I consider it a violation."

--

"There's a lesson here, and I won't be the one to figure it out"

--

"I don't discuss problems, I incinerate them"

--

"It was charmingly analog. For a sec, you kind of made me like myself." - Mem Rick

"You'll grow out of it." - Rick

He resents his younger self for helping him and makes sure to mention that he "grew out" of his ability to like himself, Rick has some extreme self-hatred. it's hard to fully love someone or Express a healthy relationship when you can't even have a healthy relationship with yourself.

--

"You act like you're the one that got stabbed in the back!" -Morty

"Because I AM THE ONE, Morty. You wanna know why I replaced myself in the beginning of that stupid knights of the morning sun thing!? I SAID don't take the fucking sword! And you were like "Whatever", like I'm our neighbor Jean or David Arquette or something!! You called me boring! I've become dog shit to you! That's what happens when you let people in and they stop respecting you! They touch your shit, they screw things up, they KILL your fuckin family! Go ahead and trust them, you're gonna learn the same fuckin thing." -Rick

--

[fandomwe1rd0]

Overanayzling Rick and Morty againnn

I think a big reason why Rick and Morty is one of the few shows where I don't ship anyone, aside from the fact that most of the main cast is family, is that I don't think Rick or Morty are ready for a relationship yet.

The show tells us that Rick isn't ready for a relationship yet with Auto Erotic Assimulaton. It's not that he treats his partners particularly bad, he's actually pretty affectionate with them. Even using affectionate pet names like "baby", but he is a terrible influence. Even if they would rather not drink or do drugs, he'll pressure them into doing it, because he's selfish and he wants to drink and do drugs. So who cares if YOU don't want it? Unless he learns how to stop being pushy when it comes to certain things, he isn't ready for a relationship just yet.

There also is his whole trauma with Diane, thanks to that, he has a tendency to push people away when they get too close, this also, would be bad for a relationship. If you want to have a healthy relationship, you obviously can't just push people away. But Rick is unable to stop, so this is more proof that he cannot be in a relationship right now.

His substance abuse. Yeah this one is pretty obvious, we don't see a whole lot of consequences in the show, fingers crossed they'll show that with season 8! But yeah, we do see that he does have a tendency to be violent while drunk, I mean he literally held a KNIFE to Morty's throat and yelled at him when drunk. He also set up saw traps with the VIndicators, again, when drunk. I mean if he doesn't get physically aggressive, chances are he would at best be unpleasant when drunk, and substance abuse destroys relationships, not just romantic ones, Rick does do it to cope, but that doesn't make it okay or erase the hurt that rises from it.

And that's just 3 of the major problems I could think of! I'm not saying Rick should NEVER get in a relationship, but it's clear that he has A LOT to work on before he can be in a healthy and loving relationship.

Now let's describe why our favorite traumatized child, Morty isn't ready for a relationship as well.

Now Morty does have less problems than Rick, but that doesn't mean he's ready for a relationship. The anime just ignores this though…wait. Now's not the time to rant about how horrible the anime is, okay. Now, Morty is shown to be very loving and affectionate in relationships. And he does seem to genuinely love all of the girls he dates. Butttt he is obsessed with Jessica, remember the love potion? Now, Morty has definitely improved since then. Buttttttt there is one big glaring problem…

His codependency with Rick. Yep. Now, Rick is Morty's only friend, so of course he's gonna cling, butttt besides the obvious problems with that that will probably be the topic of another overanalysis, I discussed this in another post, so ya might've seen it, but his adventures with Rick takes up the majority of his time. Sooo if he does manage to get a girlfriend, he can't spend too much time with her. And obviously that would bother anyone, anddddd chances are the girl (or boy ig) would want to spend time with him and since they can't, they would probably offer an ultimatum. Andddd since he is codependent, he'll choose Rick.

[yanderes-galore]

Do you think you could do a yandere alphabet for Rick Sanchez??

Of course! Hopefully I can write him well in this. I did not focus on a specific Rick but you can assume it's main Rick if you want.

Alphabet Found Here

Yandere Alphabet - Rick Sanchez

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Kidnapping, Overprotective behavior, Mentioned intimacy, Manipulation, Drinking mention, Drug use mentioned, Implied forced relationship, Murder, Possessive behavior, Jealousy, Controlling behavior, Isolation.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

Rick isn't the most affectionate person. He doesn't like getting attached due to how dangerous he is but when his darling came into his life, he grew more considerate of the idea.

Rick may slowly try hugs around your waist and kisses if he's feeling... needy. Rick also tends to be more intimate with his darling, if you're understanding what I'm getting at?

Rick can be intense at times, even if he can be slow with softer affection.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Rick disregards life. He doesn't bat an eye at killing for his darling. If it means keeping you safe, the scientist does not mind ending someone's life. Same goes for jealousy, honestly.

Rick does not mind getting messy.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

If this Rick abducts you, it's for your safety. Main Rick doesn't want to mock you unless he has a reason. During your time in isolation he's trying to keep you comfortable and safe.

The same can't be said with Mysterious Rick or Toxic Rick, however.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

At times, yes. He may manipulate with peer pressure. He may ask you to take a drug or share a drink with him for example.

Rick tries to give you a choice many times though. He knows if he forces too much he won't get anywhere with you. That doesn't mean there isn't times he'll tempt you into affection or something.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Rick in the past may have been vulnerable, the universe beat most of that out of him. Now he isn't as vulnerable now but if you're threatened it shows he cares deeply for you. He'd do anything for your safety as he doesn't want to lose you.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

It's a little annoying to him. He's trying to show you he cares and you keep pushing him away.

He gets frustrated with you at times if you fight back and tries to quell your outbursts. He wants to fix things between you so it doesn't cause problems later.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

Main Rick isn't one to think it's a game and sees you escaping as troublesome.

Mysterious Rick may play along then command you to obey again.

Toxic Rick would find it annoying surprisingly and not take it as a game.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Oh, yikes, well with Rick it can be anything. From being dragged on a traumatizing date night/adventure, to kidnapping, or all the mass murder? Honestly, take a pick.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

He is not one for marriage after the death of his wife. However, he may just want his partner to be with him throughout everything. Rick does care for you and wants you safe. He hasn't entirely thought of a future with his darling other than keeping you safe and hooking up sometimes.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Rick does get jealous and how he reacts depends on the situation. He could kill someone or threaten them. He may even pretend he isn't bothered until he talks to you about it later. He can handle it in a variety of ways, really.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

He is mindful of what you're doing, feeling, and the danger around you. He gives you affection after adventures and likes to kiss you and hold you. He shows he cares for you in private but in public he tries to tone it down to show no signs of vulnerability.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

He probably met you somehow and kept an eye on you. Most likely through a party, honestly. After that he just... drew closer to you and wanted to learn more. You've made him feel an emotion he hasn't felt in forever... he's a bit curious.

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Yes. Rick comes off as someone who hates everyone to some degree. With you? He's actually kinda sweet.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Main Rick would cause isolation, torture or death is only reserved for enemies. He cares for you and just wants to break you enough to trust and rely on him.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

He'd start with none, but he gets stricter the more his obsession goes on. Soon he ends up restricting your freedom, one thing at a time. Rick can be not only protective, but possessive.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

He can be patient but it wears thin at times.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

With years of grief, yeah he could move on if you died. It isn't the first time his partner died. If you escaped or left somehow, he'll just find you and drag you back. You aren't safe running from him.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

If he did feel guilty it's over quickly. He may let you go if you promise to keep dating him.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Probably the loss of his wife, leading to crippling loneliness that makes him crave your touch-

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He doesn't like it. He'll try to comfort you but if you refuse it he'll either leave you alone or tell you to suck it up.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Yeah. He'd probably have an age gap with his darling and is super clever, smart, and powerful with his inventions. He can do so much more than the classic yandere.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

Using an invention against him or manipulating him. Even then, you have to get really lucky to make it work.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

With Main Rick, he tries not to.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

There's times of vulnerability where he worships you a little. He'd go pretty far to keep you, too.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Let's see, an actual length? Give him close to a year or two.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Yes.

[hed-romancer]

epithet erased: prison of plastic thoughts (spoilers)

finished the book! and before i go look at what everyone else thought, here's what i thought. negatives first, then positives.

NEGATIVES

brendan blaber really is a visual storyteller and you can tell reading this. if i read this again i'm making a drinking game out of every time he says someone was acting "like" someone else. 2 shots if it's doing something like a little kid

"also, there's just spontaneous dramatic exposition in places there really shouldn't be. someone should explain "show don't tell" to this guy because he'd randomly cut to paragraphs of a character's serious backstory with how exactly they reacted and felt and why, and it could get pretty awkward and borderline insulting.

I definitely liked Rick Shades more towards the end, but why was his whole character gimmick that he seems like a really creepy guy preying on tween girls, but actually he isn't? Like. I'm glad he does have good intentions, but having to sit through chapters of not knowing that was kinda rough and anxiety-inducing.

Also, the whole "isolated community with its own race of people barely represented in the mainstream society is really barbaric and people need to escape it and join mainstream society" rings some warning bells for me.

Also, while I liked Rick Shades more towards the end, I really do think it was a wasted opportunity having him along on the adventure instead of Sylvie (or Percy). It would've been interesting to examine Molly and Sylvie's parallel but different adult mentalities and actions, while not having to dive into the extremely fantastically-horrible situation Rick had going on.

POSITIVES

not that the rest of this book sucked, cause it was pretty good, but the rest of this book could've completely sucked and i still would've loved it for giovanni "kidnapping" molly at the end

i really liked lorelai's characterization. while her being boy crazy was mentioned a bit too often for me, her latching onto giovanni as someone who actually appreciates her creations was cute, and i like how her whole concept is of someone just completely unwilling to face reality and resenting anyone who tried to make her. this might've been annoying had it been an adult character, but since she was 14-15 when her mom died, this makes total sense and i dig it. the realization that she didn't know if she killed her mom and was going to such lengths to avoid considering it was genius

Molly was also done really well. I liked how she was very understandable but not perfect either. She doesn't appreciate her sister's creations or understand what her sister is trying to do at all, but she's got bigger stuff on her plate and you can't help but feel for her the whole time. (again tho, way too much exposition on how she thinks everything is her job. did not have to spell that out so many times for the readers)

giovanni being completely clueless almost the entire time was hilarious

trixie and feenie were pretty cute

martin blyndeff is written wonderfully. he's a horrible guy but he's genial enough that he can trick himself into thinking he's the good guy. good foil to lorelai

the worldbuilding was great

i loved how it was a magical story that focused on how these two girls cope with a horrible situation. i love that blend of magical and non-magical problems

[phoenixblack89]

Chapter 10 - The Secrets We Keep

Well its certainly been a hot minute since I posted a chapter. If ya follow me ten ya know that a unexpected, but otherwise welcome, pregnancy has taken up much of the past year. That whole shebang was very stressful which could b a whole episode of some soap opera with how certain members of my family went on about how I'd end up with post natal depression again and wouldn't cope with 2 kids etc. this person basically can go to hell...

Anyway that's taken up a lot of my energy and as ya can imagine i haven't had time to write or even read anything but I am finally in a place where I have the time, creativity and energy to write again and am already working on the next chapter of this so please keep ya eyes peeled.

As always - page breaker is by the awesome @firefly-graphics

TAG LIST: @lilythemadqueen @autocon23 @archerangel @littlegodzilla @pandora-writes-stuff @boondoctorwho @browneyes528 @darylsgirl @purple-serenity @fandomsaremykryponite

WARNINGS: Shane being a gaint tit, typical TWD gore, character death, foul language

Main Masterlist

SERIES MASTERLIST

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

Phoenix made her way to the camp fire as her stomach growled loudly. She knitted her eyebrows together in confusion as she saw Maggie shaking her head at Glenn from the porch of the farmhouse. She turned quickly to look his face as he received a nod from Dale. Glenn stood and walked to the centre of camp before he cleared his throat as everyone sat, gaining their attention. 

"Erm.. Guys. So... Barn's full of walkers." His voice quivered out.

"Ya know how to fucking ruin the day before it's begun don't ya Glenn." She scoffed as everyone slowly stared at the Asian man in shock, as he shuffled nervously from foot to foot. 

The group rushed towards the barn where Glenn said the walkers were. Growls and snarls could be faintly heard as the group gathered around the barn. Shane being curious, peered through the gaps in the slats into the dark building then startled back as one growled and lunged towards the smell of fresh meat. The walkers crashed against the door, making the chain rattle as the group took a step back in fright.

"You cannot tell me you're all right with this." He stated, shaking his head and pointing at the barn. 

"No, I'm not, but we're guests here. This isn't our land." Rick counted in his soft southern tones. 

"This is our lives!" Shane spat at his friend in anger. 

"Lower your voice." Glenn hissed as the doors gave another shake. 

"We can't just sweep this under the rug." Andrea sighed with a disappointing tone to her voice. 

"I would hate to agree with blondie but... We can't stay with walkers under 100 feet away." Phoenix huffed, pointing at the barn before shrugging. 

"It ain't right. Not remotely." T-Dog input quietly. 

"Okay, we've either got to go in there, we've got to make things right or we've just got to go. Now we have been talking about Fort Benning for a long time."

"We can't go." Rick snapped at his friend. 

"Why, Rick? Why?" 

"Because my daughter is still out there." Carol said breathily, giving Shane a look of disgust at such a suggestion. 

"Okay. Okay, I think it's time that we all start to just consider the other possibility." Shane laughed a little with a strange look in his eyes as he stared down the smaller woman. 

"We're not leaving Sophia behind!"

"I'm close to finding this girl. I just found her damn doll two days ago!" Daryl growled out, getting angrier by the second as the loud mouth former police man spoke. 

"You found her doll, Daryl. That's what you did. You found a doll." The man scoffed. 

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"I'm just saying what needs to be said. You get a good lead, it's in the first 48 hours." He half whispered to his former colleague, making sure that everyone else could still hear him. 

"Shane, stop."

"Ye being a dickhead Walsh." Phoenix growled, her hand going to her knife in anger. 

"Let me tell you something else, man. If she was alive out there and saw you coming all methed out with your buck knife and geek ears around your neck, she would run in the other direction!" Shane snarled into Daryl's face with a look of sheer disgust on his face. Daryl shoved at Shane as his anger got the better of him, causing the group to begin to yell at each other.

"Back off!"

"Keep your hands off me."  Shane hissed at Lori.

"Now just let me talk to Hershell. Let me figure it out." Rick yelled, trying to defuse the situation before it became a fist fight. 

"What are you gonna figure out?!" Shane spat, gesturing to the barn in question. 

"If we're gonna stay, if we're gonna clear this barn, I have to talk him into it. This is his land."

"Hershell sees those things in there as people... Sick people... His wife, his stepson." Dale spoke quietly, trying to get everyone to calm down. 

"You knew?" Rick gasped at the eldest group member.

"Yesterday I talked to Hershell." Dale said calmly, glancing at the group.

"And you waited the night?"

"I thought we could survive one more night. We did. I was waiting till this morning to say something. But Glenn wanted to be the one." The older man reasoned quietly as Shane glared at him in shocked anger. 

"The man is crazy, Rick, if Hershell thinks those things are alive or no -"

Phoenix scoffed at the noisy group before she walked around the side of the barn and looked up at the ladder. 

A Hayloft?

She glanced back at the rest of the arguing group and made her mind up and picked the torch lying in the grass up before her feet and hands pulled her quickly upwards. The smell made her gag slightly as she nearer the edge of the loft and looked downwards. The groaning mass turned their attention to her, broken and bloodied hands reaching upwards. She flicked on the torch she had grabbed and spun it over the creatures. 

"Oh shit." She gulped as she tried to do a head count. There was more than she expected there to be. How had they all gotten in here without people noticing?

Suddenly the beam of light landed on a smaller figure and her heart stopped.

"God no..." 

She turned and scrambled out of the hayloft and away from the barn as quickly as she could. As she reached camp, she leaned against a tree with her good hand and threw up all she'd eaten the last few hours. Her stomach feeling twisted and her heart completely shattered. 

It had to be her eyes playing tricks. It couldn't be her! It couldn't! Daryl had just found her doll two days ago! She wasn't in the fucking barn! She was simply lost out in the woods. 

No one noticed her throwing up or the tears streaming down her face. She fell to her knees gripping her hair tightly as she sobbed. Her rosaries fell from her shirt and she clutched them tightly in her fist. 

T-Dog was the first to notice the girl, who seemed to be in some distress. He nodded to Daryl and pointed to her. Daryl frowned and shrugged, he still felt guilty and was avoiding her. The most contact between them being when he had dragged her to Hershell. He shook his head at T-Dog and made his way to the house. 

Carl stood and frowned in confusion at Phoenix as she slowly stood. 

"What's wrong with you?" He asked curiously. She glanced down at him and walked away. Her hands itched, she needed to end the poor child's suffering for her mother's sake and the group's. It would destroy Hershell's trust in the group but to hell with that. Living with walkers less than 100 feet of them.

That wasn't going to fly. 

"Maggie. Hey, Maggie, just talk to me. Hey. Maggie." Glenn panted as he rushed after the girl, who finally paused and turned towards him. 

"Give me your hat." She held her hand out to him. "You said talk to you, I'm talking to you - Give me your hat." Maggie said quietly as Glenn handed her his hat before taking one of the eggs in the basket and placing it into the hat. Glenn looked puzzled for a moment before Maggie forcibly pushed the egg filled hat onto his ebony locks, the broken egg running down his face. 

"Why would you waste an egg like that?" He gasped flicking egg off his forehead. 

"I think it was rotten." Maggie snapped as she walked away. 

"Egg is good for ya hair Glenn. At least you'll have the best hair around here for a while." Phoenix chuckled as she glanced over her shoulder, continuing her way towards the farmhouse before spotting Carol sneaking around near the stables and heading, out of sheer curiosity, in that direction instead. 

"You can't!"  Phoenix heard Carol call out as she peered round the stable door.

"I'm fine." Daryl puffed out as he lifted a saddle down off the rack. 

"Hershell said you need to heal." 

"Yeah, I don't care." 

"Well, I do. Phoenix does too." Daryl's eyes flicked to the red head at the stable door before focusing back on the saddle. "Rick's going out later to follow the trail."

"Yeah well, I ain't gonna sit around and do nothing. Besides Rick can't track for shit." 

"Seriously Dixon?! You that pig headed that ye can't see ye need t' heal!? Ye really think I'd let Rick go out without me?" Phoenix snapped, her accent changing to a slight Irish lilt, as she entered fully, standing behind Carol and giving him a look. 

"Now ya talkin' t'me? Huh?" He spat in her direction before scoffing. "Mind ya own fucking business!" 

"No, you're gonna go out there and get yourself hurt even worse! We don't know if we're gonna find her, Daryl." Daryl paused and glanced at the grey-haired woman in shock. He couldn't believe he was hearing this from her mouth. "We don't. I don't."

"What?" 

"Carol....." Phoenix breathed in disbelief before glancing at Daryl. 

"Can't lose you too." 

Daryl threw the saddle in anger before clutching his side groaning. Carol rushed to his side and reached out to help but was brushed off.  "Are you all right?" 

"Just leave me be. Stupid bitch." He growled harshly as he limped away. Phoenix wrapped her arm around Carol's shoulders and smiled weakly. 

"He's just sore and upset Carol like a bear with a hangover. Just ignore him." 

"I know. Just wish he understood...." Carol said quietly, slipping out of the embrace and leaving the Brit to stand in the empty stable with her thoughts. 

"Come on in."

"A little light reading for lunch?" Rick asked, glancing at the bible beside the vet's plate. 

"Been working so hard lately I get my study in where I can." Hershell sighed, placing a bookmark into the holy book before gently setting it down on the table beside his plate.

"You know we can help you out with your work." 

"It's my field to tend." Hershell said quietly.

"We found the barn."

"Leave it be." Hershell said, his eyes not leaving the page. 

"Well, I'd like to talk about it, but either way... your barn, your farm, your say." 

"I don't want to talk about the barn. I don't want to debate." The man said finally looking up at Rick. 

"Not a debate, a discussion." Rick reasoned quietly. 

"I need you and your group gone by the end of the week."

Rick sighed heavily. 

"I talked to Dale. You and I have our differences with the way we look at the walkers. Those people, they may be dead, they may be alive. But my people, us, we are alive right now, right here, right in front of you. You send us out there and that could change."

"I've given you safe harbor. My conscience is clear."

"This farm..." Rick pleaded as he sat down. "This farm is special. You've been shielded from what's been going on out there. Dale said you saw everything happen on the news. Well, it's been... It's been a long time since the cameras stopped rolling." Hershell stood and walked away and Rick rushed after him to continue his plea. 

"The first time I saw a walker it was just half a body snapping at me from the ground. My inclination wasn't to kill it. But what the world is out there isn't what you saw on TV. It is much much worse and it changes you. Either into one of them or something a lot less than the person you were. Please do not... do not send us out there again."

"My wife's pregnant."

Hershell turned away from the window to look at Rick in shock. "That's either a gift here or a death sentence out there. If we were to stay we could help you with the work, with securing this place. We can survive together." 

"Rick, I'm telling you we can't."

"You think about what you're doing."

"I've thought about it." Hershell yelled. 

"Think about it."

"I've thought about it."

"Think about it again. We can't go out there." Rick said as he left the building. Hershell glanced up at Maggie, who turned away from her father. 

"He's right ya know." Phoenix sighed, stepping round the doorframe. 

"Miss Black. What do I owe the pleasure?" Hershell said quietly, standing and entering the kitchen. Phoenix followed slowly and looked at the old vet in quiet confusion.  "Ah... The same as Rick no doubt."

"There's a great deal of shit I've done in the past. You and I both know it. But this...." She scoffed, following as the man left the building. "Why keep it secret? Ya could've told us from the get go" 

"We all keep secrets do we not? You have yours.... You have them to keep you safe... From your group... from Rick and Shane...  I did the same."

"Mr Greene we ain't gonna go in there guns akimbo! This is your land and we'd of respected your decision." She spoke quietly, figuring that yelling would do no good. 

"Not all of you..." The girl nodded and sighed. "You are a woman of faith. I believe those people are sick and that God will deliver them into health again. Have you lost your faith? Do you not have any hope left at seeing the men you wish again?" 

"Faith is a fragile thing these days..."

"My offer still stands, regardless of whether your group finds out your secret. This isn't up for discussion anymore. This is my land. Its been in my family for generations."

"Mr Greene.... There are dead men walking in your barn. And one way or another...  This fucking shit is gonna end real badly."

"The same will happen if your group find out your secret. I'm asking you not to act so I don't have to Amelia..." Hershell said quietly, raising himself to his full height and staring the girl down. 

"If that is a threat, think about your decision sir. Some things need to stay in the dark..." She said quietly before turning away. 

"And some find glory in the light." Hershell said after her, returning to his work. Phoenix bowed her head and walked off slowly towards camp.

Neither noticed a figure step out of the shadows and fold their arms, shocked and a little confused about what they had just heard. 

"You're a complete bastard ya know that right?" 

Daryl glanced up at the feisty girl in front of him and scoffed. "Don't ignore me arsehole. I'll put ya on ya back and beat some sense into ya." 

"Yea, like to see ya try. Better yet, fuck off away from me." He growled deeply, his eyes daring her to even lay a single finger on him.

"Dixon.... What you said to Carol was outta line! When someone is loosing hope like that... You're supposed to make them find it again. Not blow up at them and hurt yaself!" 

"She's given up... Ain't nothin' gonna change her mind now." He sighed defeatedly. Phoenix crouched down in front of him and lifted his chin to look at her, ignoring his flinch. She smiled sadly at him before nodding slightly. 

"Then maybe... Its up to you to find something to give her that hope again. Anything to give her that little glimmer of light in the dark." Her eyes flicked down at the dried flower near his feet before patting his knee and walking away.

Daryl stood and sighed, watching as she walked towards Beth, who nodded eagerly at her. 

"Go get your cap. I'll wash it for you, okay?" Maggie said as she pulled dales hat off his head. 

"Do you know what's going on?" T-Dog asked as he walked up to the porch. 

"Where is everyone?" Andrea questioned as she walked beside T-Dog. 

"You haven't seen Rick?" Glenn asked the pair. 

"He went off with Hershel. We were supposed to leave a couple hours ago." Andrea replied softly. 

"Yeah you were. What the hell?" Daryl said as he and Carol joined the group around the farm house stoop.

"Rick told us he was going out." Carol puffed quietly, slightly out of breath from trying to keep up with Daryl's long strides. 

"Dammit. Ain't anybody taking this seriously? We got us a damn trail." Daryl snapped, waving his arm in the direction of where he'd found the doll a few days ago. "Oh, here we go."

Daryl walked up to Shane as the man walked towards the collective members of the group with the gun bat slung over his right shoulder. "What's all this?" 

"You with me, man?" Shane asked, holding out a shot gun to the redneck. "Phoenix?" 

"Yeah." Daryl replied, glancing at the Brit as she takes a gun out from the waistband of her pants and twirling it around her finger, as he took the offered shotgun. Shane nodded before turning to the rest of the group. 

"Ya had that all this time?" Daryl asked, cocking his head at the girl, who smirks in reply. 

"Time to grow up. You already got yours?" Shane said to Andrea over his shoulder as he passed by her. 

"Yeah." She said back quickly "Where's Dale?"

"He's on his way." 

"Thought we couldn't carry." T-Dog said confused as a handgun was placed into his palm. 

"We can and we have to. Look, it was one thing sitting around here picking daisies when we thought this place was supposed to be safe. But now we know it ain't." Shane said pacing in front of the stunned group before turning to Glenn. "How about you, man? You gonna protect yours?" Glenn glanced at Maggie before taking the shotgun from Shane.

"That's it. Can you shoot?" Shane questioned the elder farmer's daughter. 

"Can you stop? You do this, you hand out these gun, my dad will make you leave tonight." Maggie snapped, glaring at the angry man. 

"We have to stay, Shane." Carl spoke up as he walked towards his angry uncle. 

"What is this?" Lori queried as she exited the house and stomped towards the group. 

"We ain't going anywhere, okay? Now look, Hershell, he's just gotta understand. Okay? He... Well, he's gonna have to. Now we need to find Sophia. Am I right?" Shane whispered as he kneeled down in front of Carl.

"Huh? Now I want you to take this. You take it, Carl, and you keep your mother safe. You do whatever it takes. You know how. Go on, take the gun and do it." 

Lori pushed Carl behind her quickly and snarled down at the man for daring to drag her son into the madness. 

"Rick said no guns. This is not your call. This is not your decision to make."

"Oh shit." T-Dog exclaimed, his gaze drawn to the edge of the forest and the sight of Jimmy taunting a walker being controlled by a leash. The group all turned and gasped. 

"What is that? What is that?" Shane panted as he took off running towards the trio with walkers on poles got closer to the barn. 

"Shane!" Lori yelled after him as she and the rest of the group followed him. 

"What the hell are you doing?" He yelled bursting though the rusted gate. 

"Shane, just back off." Rick yelled as he corralled the walker he was controlling away from Jimmy. 

"Why do your people have guns?" Hershell snapped, his glare going to the Brit, who lowered her guns and slipped them back into their place. 

"Are you kidding me? You see? You see what they're holding onto?" Shane gestured towards the walkers in disgust. 

"I see who I'm holding onto." Hershell stated, his face a stony mask.

"No, man, you don't." Shane growled angrily, dodging the walkers outreaching fingers as Jimmy ducked away from the others. 

"Shane, just let us do this and then we can talk." 

"What you want to talk about, Rick? These things ain't sick! They're not people! They're dead! Ain't gonna feel nothing for them 'cause all they do, they kill! These things right here, they're the things that killed Amy. They killed Otis! They're gonna kill all of us!"

"Shane, shut up!" Rick yelled over the growls and hisses. 

"Hey, Hershell man, let me ask you something." He asked as he pulled his gun from his waistband and checked the chamber. "Could a living breathing person, could they walk away from this?" Shane hissed before shooting the walker in the stomach. Phoenix flinched at the noise and glanced at the rattling chain as Shane pumped 3 shots into the chest of the walker. 

"No! Stop it!" Rick snapped as he grit his teeth. 

"That's three rounds in the chest! Could someone who's alive, could they just take that?! Why is it still coming?" The angry man shot again and again.

"That's its heart, its lungs. Why is it still coming?" Shane shot another round from his clip into the walker. 

"Shane, enough."

"Yeah, you're right, man. That is enough." Shane took the final shot and ended the walker, Hershell dropped the leash and paled. "Enough risking our lives for a little girl who's gone!" Phoenix glanced away from the barn at Shane's words, causing T-Dog to give her a questioning look.

"Enough living next to a barn full of things that are trying to kill us!" 

"Enough!" Rick snarled, his grip on the catch pole sliding slightly. 

"Rick, it ain't like it was before! Now if y'all want to live, if you want to survive, you got to fight for it! I'm talking about fighting right here, right now." 

Shane smashed open the barn doors and backed off quickly as a group of the undead stumbled out. 

"Take the snare pole. Hershell, take the snare pole. Hershell, listen to me, man, please. Take it now. Hershell! Take it!"  Rick pleaded as Hershell stared at the guns pointed towards his friends and family. 

"No, Shane. Do not do this, brother."

"Wait! Don't do it!"  Glenn yelled. 

"Rick!" Lori shrieked. 

"Please!" 

Shane ignored everyone's yelling and broke the lock on the doors with a pick axe before throwing them open.

"Come on. Come on, we're out here." Shane taunted, backing away slowly from the barn doors. 

"This is not the way!" 

"Please!" Beth cried out as Patricia wrapped her arms around the girl. 

"Get behind me." Lori whispered, shoving Carl behind her and trying to shield him. 

"Come on." 

The walkers scrambled and growled towards the group.  Phoenix bowed her head as Daryl gave her a glance before raising his gun and taking aim. Tears fell silently down her cheeks as she knew what was about to happen.

Something she could have warned the group about. 

"Maggie." Glenn whispered to the young woman, who was clutching her stunned father as tears flowed down her face too. 

"It's okay."  Maggie whispered and nodded  at Glenn who raised his own shotgun. 

"Stay back!" Rick yelled over the shots as Lori pulled Carl to the ground and hugged him tightly.  

The group panted as the barn doors slowly creaked and a lone figure appeared, blinking at the sudden change in lighting. 

"Sophia?" Carol sobbed, rushing towards the barn to her daughter before Daryl grabbed hold of her around the waist as she collapsed to the ground. "Sophia! Oh no. Sophia. Sophia. No!" 

Lori grabbed onto Carl and pulled him tighter against her as her heart broke for the other mother of the group. Carl sobbed as he stared at his friend's corpse stumbled towards the group. Rick pulled his gun out slowly and aimed at the little girl's head. Silence over took the land as a single shit was heard. 

"Don't watch." Daryl whispered to Carol as she sobbed. 

"Sophia!" Carol wailed as Phoenix turned and ran before her body had even hit the ground. 

[0rb0t]

"my addictions, my narcissism, my IRRATIONAL ATTACHMENTS..." Rick describing toxic traits of himself in Rest and Ricklaxation, season 3

This line, when it first aired, I think made everyone go WAIT, RICK SEES CARING ABOUT MORTY AS TOXIC? WHA so people took Healthy Rick to have sociopathic (what they actually mean: lacking in compassion, connection, empathy) qualities.

Then the season 5 finale happened, and we took this line to mean "irrational" as in, he never would have had a Morty because his family was killed, Beth was killed when she was still a little girl. So, him being attached to Morty, in a way, is irrational.

but I think that's giving way too much intentional thought to a subconscious problem. Toxic Rick is more like... Trauma Rick. Toxic behaviours generally come from trauma or mistreatment, either things that fucked you up in some way, or things that were explained away as "That's how it's always been"

Regardless, the mind comes up with survival strategies to cope, but they're not perfect. You're basically operating under constant fight or flight adrenaline rushes, EVERYTHING and EVERYONE is a threat, and you tend to rip away and isolate over perceived danger or lack of safety. Feeling safe is extremely important to you, but it's also something we seek in others even if it should ultimately come from within.

Healthy Rick isn't lacking in compassion, empathy, connection, etc. He cares a hell of a lot, and if he didn't, he wouldn't have been broken up about the Toxic Versions suffering.

What Healthy Rick didn't have was his codependency on Morty. That's the IRRATIONAL ATTACHMENT part. It's an attachment that is irrational because it is fundamentally destructive for either/both parties. If Rick were to lose Morty, he would self destruct, but his attachment TO Morty is also destructive.

And vice versa! But it's more understandable for Morty to be dependent on his grandpa, someone who is an authority, has more experience, knows about more, is supposed to be a guardian... but Rick isn't a grandpa to Morty, not a proper guardian. instead, Rick breaks all of Morty's boundaries, takes advantage of that naivety, and even seeks to crush it to affirm his own cynical worldview so he doesn't have to change and can act like he's right. And of course a 14 year old boy is going to go "well you know best"

except. As the seasons go on, Rick is able to see how his relationship with Morty is codependent and extremely EXTREMELY bad for both of them. Especially for Morty.

Morty's toxic traits, the things he hates about himself on a subconscious level, are born of trauma sure, but also are things expected of a teenage boy going through puberty. Being indecisive, being anxious, deferring to authority, not having confidence, thinking he's the most cringy and annoying. But these things fall under "toxic" because no one in Morty's family is there to tell him it's okay, not unless they can get something out of it. This is especially evident in the Morty's Mindblowers episode, where the idea of telling Morty that he's loved is seen as a joke or a means to an end. It's incredibly fucking bleak.

In season 5,in the last two episodes, we see Rick trying to finally take responsibility for this codependent stuff... but he does it the same way he handles everything else... but running away. by leaving. Only this time he's doing it from a place of "I'm toxic, I'm hurting this family and you, I need to go" but cutting a person who is codependent off cold-turkey can be extremely detrimental to that person. And we see the lengths Morty is willing to go to try to get Rick to come back, even going as far to age himself up (to guilt him but also to be like LOOK I'M NOT A LITTLE BOY NOW, WE CAN MAKE THIS WORK) and lie about his family's situation... He's doing things that he thinks would impress Rick, in a way. He wants to punish Rick for leaving but also wants him to be impressed. That's their dynamic in a nutshell.

Rick finally does come back, and Morty every says that he's basically codependent and fine with that, and that he'll do anything Rick says as long as he doesn't leave again, and Rick is like OOOKAAAYYY~ and turns him back into the 14 year old boy, back to basics!

Except it's not. Morty finally gets to see what drives Rick, and then he gets the double whammy of finding out what Rick inadvertently helped build, the system that abuses Ricks and Mortys. (It's important to note that while C137 was hunting down Prime, we only saw a Morty ONCE and that was Morticia and she was in the garage with Summer and a Rick. This means that before the Citadel as we now know it, Ricks didn't need Mortys. C137 started THAT, inadvertently, by creating the citadel. We don't know which Rick was the first to get attached to a Morty, but we do know c137 fell into the pattern, too.)

Season 5 ends with the promise that Rick now treats Morty as an equal... but even if it's a step in the right direction, it's also not healthy, because Morty is HIS GRANDSON. It's not that parents shouldn't treat kids as people, it's that the boundaries are eroded here and it's just a Weird Time Overall. Rick and Morty still have this codependency, except Morty has more agency now, and Rick is not as able to handle it because he doesn't want to push Morty away and he doesn't really want to be alone.

So what does he do? He does what he always does! He withdraws to focus on finding Prime, but this time he doesn't blame Morty for his withdrawal either. He doesn't say "YOU'RE SLOWING ME DOWN" and he doesn't make a grandiose gesture about being toxic. He made a robot of himself meant to make Morty happy and hear all the things he needs to hear... he didn't want to drop him cold turkey, but he's also just not sure how to fix the codependency thing. That would likely involve many, many, many sessions with Dr Wong talking to Rick and Morty (which I'd watch if it became a mini series).

Instead he makes the robot, and then disappears back into this hateful space as punishment but also because it's safe. He saw Morty's rebellion as rejection. Morty's thoughts, opinions, feelings actually mean a GREAT DEAL to Rick on a subconscious level, so Morty just going his own way has Rick feeling powerless and foolish. So why not make a version of himself that will be a better friend, a better caretaker? And then see Morty love that version of him more? Even though it wasn't "real"? Rick ruins his own life #78457

But he finally lets Morty in, admits it wasn't fair of him to leave him out or to have yelled at him for it. Brings him into this shit show that's going to be incredibly uncomfortable because it's gonna likely have Rick at his rawest, most viscerally ugly of states because trauma is ugly. And Morty is along for the ride because Rick trusts him enough to be openly vulnerable with him...

... but it's still a form of codependency. It's... healthier than it was, but it's still this irrational attachment that is more self destructive than it is mutually beneficial.

AND THAT'S THE WAAAAAY THE NEWS GOES

[all-my-ocs-are-evil]

Howdy hey, call me Skipp!

I'm relatively new to tumblr despite having an account for years. I was always a little scared of this platform, but now that I know more about how it works I've come to adore it!

I figured I should just clarify what my blog is like. This blog is far from currated! It is simply the dumping ground of my mind. This ranges from ocs, to fandoms, to random inner monologues put to text. The only truly cohesive thing about this blog would be the art. I love to do the art things and will post and repost it constantly! So the best way to navigate my blog for anything specific would be through the tags :)

With all that said, you weary travellers who are interested in my wears (fandoms), below the cut you will find a list of things that intrigue me.

Tales of Arcadia

my obsession with this series will come and go in intense waves but will never truly fade.

Percy Jackson/Rick Riordanverse

show reignited my adoration to intensities they definitely weren't before XD

Mystery Kids

I love this and all of the different possible iterations with other media as well. So much angst and fluff material too!

Secret Trio

I constantly remember and forget how much I love this au. Same as with Mystery Kids, I'm a sucker for all the different interpretations and inclusions of other media in this au.

Indie Horror Games (Sally Face, Slay the Princess, Fran Bow, etc)

This isn't, like, exclusive to horror exactly, but games of a similar vibe and nature to those are what I find myself liking the most!

Undertale/Deltarune

been a fan since it first came out and I don't think I'll ever really stop

TMNT

got into the fandom through Rise and, ever since, I have been making my way through the other shows slowly, one by one. Currently on 2003, which I've heard is collectively believed to be the best, and am very excited.

Also looking for any good Rise!Raph angst fics, so if you've got any suggestions lmk!

Flying Bark Productions (ROTTMNT, LMK, MOON GIRL)

I am an animation nerd and my current nerd obsession is everything this studio has made in the last, like, ten years! Everything they make is just so...ashsreuvbevui!

Detentionaire

I don't care if everyone else has moved on, because I haven't!

Unus Annus

Momento Mori. I'm always down to reminisce and grieve with those who were there. This channel had such a profound impact on me so I'm not sure I'll ever be able to truly forget it, but that's fine with me.

Grojband

I'm totally normal about this show that no one around me seems to even recall and have totally not made a hella angsty au about it to cope.

Fashion

Like a crow, I like pretty things. Fashion is one of those pretty things. I repost a lot of couture.

Sims

I repost a lot of cc on here not just for me, but for anyone who might find interest in it as well (it's definitely just for me).

PowerPuff Girls

While I oddly enough don't remember much of the show, I have always been pretty deep into the fandom. Been reading fics and fancomics since, like, the early 2010s and just never really left lol

Miraculous Ladybug

I can't escape this show! I love the fandom, it's great. Love all of the artists and aus and fanart, but I've fallen out of love with the show itself. I will watch every single episode, I just won't talk about it because that's not where my interest lies.

These are definitely not all of the fandoms I am or will be a part of but these are probably gonna be the ones you see the most of!