#reynndiant

[keepermcge]

🧸 @reynndiant​​ 🎀

“Reynnnnnn....! Reynnnn? Hey? Reynn?” He can already feel a deadly aura just looking at her back, and he can just imagine the scowl that’ll be on her face, so the moment she turns, Lann brings something up to his face.

“Tada!”

A soft smile is flashed her way, although, it is obscured by a little pink unicorn plush. He knows she might think a pretty, pink, glitter, unicorn plush is just too childish for her... she acted so mature after all... but who wouldn’t get happy at the sight of a cute little plushie?!

“Ah-! Don’t worry! I didn’t spend our Gil!” He had saved up his own and gotten it for her. He had wanted to make it from scratch truthfully, but... the materials would’ve cost more than just buying this cute little guy! That said... he had made it a little turquoise bow that he had wrapped around its horn!

He actually kinda...liked...it... Lann had almost wanted to tell her proudly! But... on second thought... it probably wasn’t even that good... it was probably bad actually, and it’s better she doesn’t know he added that little addition or else she might not like it.

After all, above all else he just wanted to make her happy...

[dawnblxde]

What do you hope for in the next Final Fantasy?

@reynndiant 

/I’m eagerly awaiting Versus Remake right now and FF7 Remake now and I just hope they are faithful. Versus to what we saw in the trailers 2006-2013 and FF7 Remake to what was loved so much about the original FF7. Although can we let Aerith live this time please? Pretty please? Aerith deserves nice things, not to be impaled and die. Fuck you Antagonist! But if we’re talking Final Fantasy 16. Male or female, for once.. I want either a Black Protagonist or mixed - Black and White - Protagonist for once and/or a more diverse cast with those kind of people getting more attention. Can’t follow the same or similar trend forever. Every time I look at the opening cinematic for Dissidia NT and look at all the main character’s. I’m like. ‘Would be nice to see some main faces of color in this army. It’s just White and Japanese. I wish we had a bad ass mixed/black main character that was like Soma from God Eater. End this repetitive trend..’ I may be mixed myself, but I’d want this regardless of that fact.

So yeah, that’s what I want for FF16. I also hope the rumors it’s going to be an MMO are false. FF14 isn’t a terrible game, but it’s not unique from any other MMO’s I’ve seen or played and I can name free to play MMO’s that are better. It definitely shouldn’t be pay to play - it should just become free to play. There was no time when I tried it out for several months on a friend’s payed account at their house that I thought. ‘Yeah, they should be charging me for this experience!’ So please let FF16 be a normal Final Fantasy game, but diverse in it’s main character and/or cast. And let it bring Final Fantasy back to it’s proper state. Of month long games with loads of story and loads of grinding. But whatever you do FF16, don’t have any sequels or spinoffs! We don’t want you! Shrek vc: STAY OUTTA MY SWAMP!

[stellafate]

Wandering around Grymoire wasn't anything new to Skuld since she had gottent to know the world more. Especially since she was now to the point where she didn't get lost anymmore whenever she went anywhere. Although after awhile she made her way out of Grymoire and to Nine Wood Hills to get something to eat and also be able to rest for the night as well after she ate.

@reynndiant

[armagem]

“A rather empty dream, isn’t it?” 

She can’t help the comment that comes out, but out of some of the minds she has visited, Reynn’s is rather....bare. Which is a surprise - her mind is always so full of questions, of curiosity. The Girl expected it to be almost too crowded to walk around! But it’s not, and maybe that’s her fault in hindsight. Reynn probably wasn’t used to others talking to her in her dreams, oh well.

Carefully, quietly, the girl walks up beside Reynn. There’s a fleeting thought of how much taller Reynn was than her - but it’s gone in a second as she clasps her hands infront of her middle and looks up at blonde. She’s silent for a moment, as if she’s expecting the other girl to start a conversation - like The Girl didn’t just show up in her dreams. Hm. 

“How are you doing, Reynn?” That was normal to ask, right?

@reynndiant

[reynndiant]

Magical Boy/Girl Reynn & Lann

Idea by @heroofgrymoire Art and Design by @reynndiant

[keepermcge]

@reynndiant​​ 

“Hey, uh, Reynn?” 

He knows it’s rather sudden, maybe even abrasive in her eyes. After all, normally when it came to giving things to her or doing things for her, he would be a little more fidgety and evasive about it. Trying to play it off as if it was him up to his normal shenanigans, that is until she’d get mad or ask what dumb thing he’s up to now. 

“Here!” 

Although, he’s more upfront about it, his stomach still twists in knots afraid of the reaction that will be given, and if he could pull his arm back and stick his hand back in his pocket as fast as he had withdrawn it he would. 

Instead, his free fingers bunch up cloth of coat, muscles tense. 

He was gonna crack if he stood here stuck like this much longer, so he quickly speaks again. 

“It’s a ghost ward!” Since she hates ghosts so much he thought making a ward might ease her mind a little. Even if he has no proof it actually wards off ghosts.

“Oh! And! Also a Cactuar ward!” Lann knows how much she hates those too. Specifically, one in particular... so why not combine two into one ward repelling necklace? 

Then again, maybe making the central charm the prickly green Mirage that looked like the Conductor wasn’t such a good idea...

Lann can’t help but flinch under her gaze, eyes quickly darting down, teeth digging into the bottom of lip. 

It’s gotta be stupid to feel this nervous right? Why was his heart beating so fast? Even if she hates the gift it’d be fine, she’d just call him dumb or something and that would be it. 

Yet his stomach keeps doing somersaults, and the more he thinks on it the more nauseous he feels, quickly dipping his head down. 

“I’m sorry! Please don’t get mad!” 

Maybe suddenly apologizing wasn’t the best course of action either... 

But... it was shaped like someone she despises and when that someone shows she always got really, really mad... he didn’t want her to hit him again because it looked the way it did... 

And he begins to wonder why he had gone with that design choice in the first place... 

[keepermcge]

{🌟} @reynndiant​​​​ asked “oh, sweet cheese and crackers.” {⭐️} 

“Dude!” He huffs turning his nose up slightly in the air, arms folding across chest. Okay, okay! Maybe he’s exaggerating a bit, but he can’t help it!

“Reynnnnn! This isn’t cheese and crackers!” Lann lets out a puff of air again, cheeks holding some of that breath in a pout, eyebrows furrowed. Arms untangle, index finger pointing to the table to further prove his point. 

And he had worked hard on this meal too! It wasn’t easy cooking a chicken! Baking was more his thing, but Lann wanted to help with dinner for once! Yeah... maybe it was a little over charred... just a little... okay, it’s mostly entirely a charcoal color in shade... and probaly tastes like it too, but he really had tried! 

He knows her reaction is probably because of the chicken... or because he had used the oven without her permission, and not because she actually thought it was cheese and crackers... still...

Did she have to put it like that? 

He had even put in a lot of effort into the side dishes! Well, they weren’t anything fancy, just some asparagus and bread, but nonetheless! 

He had made that bread from scratch too!

Lann doesn’t try and let the hurt show in his voice, although he’s probably failing and his arms drop along with his expression. 

“Look! I know it doesn’t look that great, but, uh...” 

He looks down, scraping his foot back and forth across the floor mindlessly.

“I wanted to make something... like Mom did...” 

Even if she hadn’t been able to often, the times she did where some of his best memories and he just wanted to do the same for his sister.

[keepermcge]

{🌟} @reynndiant​​​​ asked “I won’t always be around to keep you safe.” {⭐️} 

“Why not?”

There’s a certain bitterness to biting those words back, forcing them in between pearly whites and pink flesh before swallowing them down painfully. They never meet air and resound out, eyes darting to the side in shame. 

His fingers find themselves latching onto marked arm, digging nails into flesh. 

Don’t be selfish. 

Stop being so childish. C’mon, Sis is right there. You know how she’d scold you further. 

A fake laugh echoes in head at that thought.

She’s right. 

And he is too, he’s not a child anymore, he can’t run behind her like in nursery school when kids would step on his sand castle or something incredibly stupid, yet cruel. Nor later on when he didn’t want to drag her in as much, when he’d hide under the bed crying while Mom and Dad weren’t there or busy; when she would occasionally break away from whatever she and Wyn were doing and comfort him...

It felt like the older they got, the less and less those moments happened...

And that was expected, of course! Everyone thought it should be that way. That was the normal way... and he was already considered creepy and weird as it is... so he just played along... 

And Reynn seemed to prefer that anyway. 

He always just wanted her to be happy, that’s why he never complained growing up when she’d hang out exclusively with Wyn at times, and he was left alone. Even if she may have thought he complained about everything else. He never did when it came to that. 

And besides... he didn’t want to burden her anymore. 

He was supposed to be done burdening her, her life was more important than his and yet... 

He’s messing up all over again... he has to be if she’s bringing this up.

He’s putting a burden on her like he did for Mom...

All he wanted to do was help...

He’d just have to try harder, it didn’t matter if deep down he wants that...

Why not? 

He’s not five, or even ten anymore... he can’t cling to something like that. It didn’t matter how much it stung hearing her words or knowing that... he’d never be able to take comfort in that well, comfort again. 

And maybe he says it too oddly... laced too much in seriousness, but... 

“I know, Reynn.” 

He knows it... he’s known for a long, long time now... and he’s been trying for the longest time...

[keepermcge]

meme 

concerned meme 

{Accepting}

@reynndiant​ 

The taste lingers on his tongue, the overly sweet taste. The disgustingly sugary taste of coffee... the aftermath of a sip burned into his skull and still burning on pink flesh from it being piping hot. 

His fingers wrap around the mug also still warm to the touch, trembling. It was too sweet. But he had so, oh so, not wanted anything else bitter in his life... so Lann had dumped in a whole jar of sugar like he was Enna Kros; unlike her, he did it in one quick motion. So desperate to drown out just one bitter thing. But now it was too sweet... too fake. Like his life. One big fat ‘Mirage’ after another. 

Another bitter taste. 

He stares into the mug, the brown liquid rippling slightly. The lights above help reflect a blurry image of himself, making nails dig into the ceramic, clutching as hard as he can, teeth grinding into each other. 

“I hate you.” 

It starts as a quiet whisper one barely heard, but quickly grows in volume, tears welling up in eyes.  

“I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.” 

His voice drops an octave, resentment dripping in tone, looking, continuously looking at that reflection in mug. His reflection. Shoulders shaking, in sadness, in anger. 

��I HATE YOU!” 

In a rage he picks the mug up slamming it down, droplets of coffee spilling over the corners onto the table and some landing on fair skin, burning and leaving small red marks in its place. 

“Ow!”

He pulls his hand back instinctively, muttering his own unique curses under his breath. 

A sugary saccharine laugh echoes out. Too sweet and fake just like the coffee. 

What the honk is wrong with him? 

Eyes drop to look at the mug again, fingers pushing it away, heavy breaths let out, tears falling over. 

Maybe he’s lost it. He was talking to a muddled reflection of himself in a coffee mug. 

But oh, did he want nothing more than to yell out and at himself. He felt nothing... nothing, but pure hate towards himself. 

To yell at his reflection though... 

Heh. Reynn’d probably think he’d finally lost his last brain cell... 

But... Maybe it’s the best he’s got. 

Why...? Why had he ever woken up? Why did Enna Kros tell them they’d be able to find their family...? thanks to that... thanks to it all...! 

He'd done nothing, but ruin everything again. Just like he always did... 

He should’ve stayed gone. A DEMON DYAD like him. 

Even if he did fix it all... even if... he was never ever gonna forgive himself. Never. All the suffering and it was all because of him... 

He never wanted this... he never wanted to... he just wanted to help Mom... 

He’s sorry... he’s sorry... 

Lann doesn’t bother with the notion of wiping away tears just letting them dry on their own while staring blankly in despair, yet defeat at that mug. 

Until her voice rings out, the hair on his neck standing straight up at the sound. He jolts, fingers grabbing the corners of the table. 

...Those words sounded so familiar... so much like the ones he often said to her... If she was okay... what was going on...

And how he hated how she hide... but oh, how he did too... and how he was gonna... but he tried to find a reasoning to it... it was different. Reynn shouldn’t have to hide! She didn’t do anything wrong to need to hide her feelings... 

But him... 

Despite that... He can’t even find the words to say... something ridiculous to say... He just sits there wondering what gave it away. 

The unfinished coffee that was spilled? 

Probably... he always finished his coffee... 

Lann blanks... fingers pulling away and fidgeting, chapped lips opening, but nothing coming out. He can’t... he doesn’t know what to say... to do... so he doesn’t... 

“Oh, uh! I bet Tama’s done resting up now! We should get going!” He jumps up so fast his knee hits the table, and he silently curses, but not in his own unique way this time. 

Just quickly turning on his heel pain still throbbing, throwing on a smile and marching as fast as he can towards the door. 

It’s the only thing he can think to do. And Lann doesn’t look back. He can’t look back. To that mug. To see her face. He’s too scared, so he faces forward, even if every other part of him is still sitting at that table drinking that disgusting cup of coffee... and falling apart with it.

[keepermcge]

meme

Crying Starters

{Accepting}

@reynndiant​​ 

The moment those words reach his ears it’s as if time slows, every part of him hyper fixating on her voice. But yet... when her voice reverberates in his ears, in his head, he can’t make out the tone of it and assumes it to be of something of annoyance, of anger... Exasperation. 

It might just be an illusion made up in his mind filling in the blanks. A natural reaction of fear to try and protect an aching, breaking heart. He was used to it being that way... hearing it soft might hurt more... because he’d yearn for it more often... knowing it won’t come...

The hairs on his neck rise up, fingers anxiously rubbing at arm and then neck. He’s quick to rub the edges of palms underneath eyes, trying to wipe away any traces of droplets. 

...Huh? 

That was funny... when had he started crying anyway? 

Lann always tried so hard not to around older sister... he burdened her enough as it is... no matter how red rimmed his eyes get... he always tried... 

After all, he was just that to her...

A burden. 

Everyone agreed... they felt pity for her having such a useless stupid brother... 

Tama... Wyn... probably even Mom and Dad...

...Huh...? 

That was somehow even funnier than before... why did he feel like crying more...? 

It’s hilarious... 

How stupid it he is... 

When it should be obvious... they were right... 

He shouldn’t be sad over something that’s fact... 

But his heart clenches at the thought in pain, fingers dragging up to his chest and clenching at cloth and the cold feel of buttons for a moment. 

He’s just being dumb... 

That’s right. Just like the nickname given form so often to him. He’s just being a big dummy. 

He forces the corners of his lips up, choking out laughter, waving his hand back and forth in front of his face. 

“C-C’mon, Sis!” He ignores how his voice falters and fails him for a moment, playing on, putting the mask on, acting no matter how it sounds false, she would likely shrug it off as him being dumb so... he takes that chance. He always does, he always puts that cracked mask on. 

“I’m not crying! Uh... I just...” He swallows back a painful sob that wants to break loose, looking towards the ground. “Tama hit me with her tail when she was moving around! And... uh... it got in my eye! And you know how... uh... fluffy it is! And jewely...!” 

He waves his arms around largely and lamely in exaggeration, more and more so she couldn’t notice. It was just him being dumb... 

It was just him being dumb... 

Even if the last words sort of falter, less filled with energy than the rest. 

“...Yeah...” 

[keepermcge]

@reynndiant 🌸💕🌸

“Reeeynnn... Reynn! Hey, Reynn!” His index finger lightly prods his older sister’s shoulder a couple of times; although he’s quick to cower back, afraid she might snap instead of groan and roll her eyes.  

He tilts his head inquisitively, a question forming on the tip of his tongue. “Reynn what do you prefer more Santa or ‘Reynndeer’- Uh, Reindeer!”  He quickly covers his tracks, biting his bottom lip, glancing away for a moment. 

She would probably be annoyed at the question because the choices were for something a while away... but! His little project was gonna take a while. He had made small stuffed animals before and a few little accessories, but making a shirt? From scratch? It would take a while even if he asked assistance from a certain fox and pixie. 

And Lann was planning on making three sweaters on top of that! Three ugly Christmas sweaters. 

Reynn’s was going to be pink with Moogles with antlers; he had sort of wanted to do Cactuars; it would look nice... but no way dude! He doesn’t wanna get slugged so Moogles were the safe choice! 

Wyn’s was going to be light purple with Baby Behemoth’s and Christmas Lights and his was going to be dark blue with Baby Paleberry’s and Snowflakes. 

He thought it would be a good contrast! He had them all made out! ...In his head... but Lann was hoping when the time came they could all wear them... 

They wouldn’t be quite ugly Christmas sweaters without something else... hence he was thinking of adding another design on the trim of the shirt, an actual Christmas symbol! He’d ask her and then Wyn between Penguin’s and Snowman, and whatever they didn’t choose he’d choose between. 

Of course, he is sort of scared they’ll reject the idea once he’s done, but... he wants to do something as a family... like they used too... 

[keepermcge]

meme

* wordless prompts 

firefly – muse a checks on muse b in the middle of the night

{Accepting} 

@reynndiant 

It’s not something he did every night, lots of times he’d just force himself to deal with the night terrors, just ignore the shudder of breath escaping lips, or how his heart was definitely about to leave his chest at any moment... or even sometimes the trembling of his body... 

He’d just close his eyes, even if tears may fall, and either lay there till morning, or fall asleep to either a dreamless sleep or one of fear once more. 

He didn’t want to alert Reynn, or anyone really... usually he just didn’t move, but if he needed to he was quiet... or so he thought... and he’d do some little task to occupy his mind. 

Of course, he’d done this once or twice or... more recently a lot more... but why oh why did he have to feel her stare on his back tonight...? 

He flinches knowing she’s there, fingers curling around a piece of paper laying on the coffee table. Muscles tighten, the cool of the floor feeling warmer with her body heat nearby. 

Lann bites his lip as it trembles, fingers shaking from all the pressure he is putting on top of the paper, now crinkled, ink smeared. 

A weak laugh escapes his lips and it comes out more bitter sounding than planned. He’s laughing at himself... at how pathetic he is... Fingers quickly wipe away any residue of tears shed, head tilting back to look at her. 

Although he cracks a smile, it’s more one of pity, a wincing one to that pitifulness.

“It’s silly, right? It’s stupid, right?” He forces his lips up into a bigger grin, a faker grin, a dumber one, even if they quiver when he does. 

And oh how he sounds desperate, looking at her, hoping she’ll just say it, normally it hurt so much hearing her call him such things like ‘dummy’. But now he wants nothing more to hear it. 

How pitiful. 

“It’s stupid, right? They’re never gonna get ‘em... but I...” 

How sad he sounds... 

Ridiculous. 

And she probably has no idea what he’s talking about... 

He writes letters out to them and even uses their old address from the destroyed Nine Wood Hills... he writes Mom and Dad letters some nights... 

Lann wonders sometimes... 

Is it to ease his conscience? 

Seize the terrors that wake his slumber?

Maybe... he doesn’t know, but it never helps... yet he still does it...

He knows it’s stupid. Why send letters to people who will never receive them? Sometimes they’re apologies, tear filled endless apologies, others just about his day, pretending him and Reynn are on vacation and that’s why they’re not here... 

“It’s dumb, r-right?” His voice cracks, but he ignores how it sounds, quickly turning his head away. He can’t look... he can’t bear to see her expression, simply pulling away fingers now stained with the same ink, tears making what ink is left to run, so much that it is longer legible. 

Please just tell him how pathetic he is... 

[keepermcge]

meme

Lightheaded/Fainting Starters

{Accepting} 

@reynndiant

“I-it’s n-no...big deal... Reynn...” Or so he says to try and convince himself even more than the blurry shape of his sister; her bright pink shirt making the sharp stabbing in his head worse. It’d be easy to convince himself if he didn’t feel the complete opposite, if his voice hadn’t cracked, if it hadn’t been so hard to even usher out a few words without breath coming out ragged and lungs feeling like they were getting squeezed painfully. But he still tries. 

Lann brings a shaky hand up to the side of his head to try and dull the pain, though it does little to aid in helping, his dominant hand wrapping around his stomach, fingers grasping at the thread of his coat. All to try and ground himself somehow, because even though feet were still planted on the ground his legs felt like a jiggly flan. Each inhale of air is painful, strands of strawberry blond sticking to the side of his face, and bangs pressed down due to a sheen of sweat, already fair skin flushed of all color leaving him almost the same shade as Tama’s fur. 

He stumbles forward feet dragging across the ground with the motion; had the fox Mirage been here he would have likely grabbed at her for support, even if it wouldn’t have likely helped any, but without her here, Lann’s left to pray his muscles don’t give out. Teeth grit and eyes close for a moment to try and halt the vertigo felt. Feet and legs take a tumble back which was much more preferred from planting forward onto his face, even if he audibly lets out a yelp when landing on his rear. 

Well... at least his feet were sort of elavated now...

So she couldn’t get mad... right...? 

[keepermcge]

meme 

Pick up my muse! 

send ⭐️ to pick up my sick or injured muse

{Accepting} 

@reynndiant 

It hurt. Everything was clouded over in a white fog in both mind and field of vision that was covered in that same bright white, but black bleeds around the edges, very little color and actual sense of reality there anymore. He tries to keep grip of it, but the pain was staggering, it felt like it was ripping him apart at the sides, and painful gasps leave his blood stained lips at every breath he attempts to take. 

It was so cold... 

He buries his head in the closest warmth nearby, fingers numb and trying to grasp at sides, but fail to even twitch, hot ragged breaths still staggered out. It was warm and the grip was strong... 

“...Mommy...?” 

...Huh? 

That was funny... he never called his Mom that... at least not in forever... only when he was real small... and yet he doesn’t care... 

He doesn’t... he just hopes Reynn is okay... she’s gotta be right? 

She was right here somewhere... he can just feel her presence, even as all sight of vision falls into darkness and no sounds echo aside from ringing in his ear. Everything feels so distant and fuzzy... it’s almost sorta nice... if not for the pain that was slowly becoming numb... 

It was fine. He couldn’t die anyway... Tama was here... so what did a little pain matter... for her, for them, for everyone he’d take it all over again. No matter how frail he is... 

After all, in the end...

He doesn’t matter... 

And yet... for some reason he does care... deep down, and wants to be something, wants the love his Mother gave him when he was younger that faster and faster fell from his grip because of the less time she had, they all had...

Lann shouldn’t care...

And yet he does. 

[keepermcge]

meme

Soft, Fluffy Starters

{Accepting} 

@reynndiant​

“I-I’m not!” High strung nerves crack before he can stop himself from snapping back, words coming out more irritable and defensive than he means. He rarely ever fought back against her, at least not in a legit way, and breath quickly hitches when realization hits, fingers recoiling into palm, pained filled eyes darting down.

“I’m... I’m...! ...not...” His voice comes out in a harsh whisper, but splits and breaks, sounding meek and pathetic towards the end, all bite drawn back. He can’t even stand to look at her, breath and fingers shaky, and shoulders heaving up and down. 

She was wrong! 

He wasn’t beating himself up! 

He hadn’t beat himself up in anyway, the worse he had done was drop a mug, picked up the broken pieces and cut his fingers that still itched from the small frustrating cuts. It all itched... under his skin, itching, biting, scratching, and ripping him apart from the inside out, everything. 

He knows what she means, but he plays dumb, it’s the easiest way, no one would notice then, she wasn’t supposed to... 

What choice did he have anyway?! 

How many times has he feigned now? Such a filthy liar.  

Somehow he thought it would’ve gotten easier with time, but when he sucks in a breath it squeezes his lungs and burns, teeth gritted together and muscles forced up into a false grin. 

“Really Sis...”

Really. 

“I’m not beating myself up, promise.” 

“So you don’t gotta worry.” 

Was she worried? Or was she worried he’d drag them down in such a state?

But he couldn’t... no matter what. He has to keep going. Even if it’s all a lie. Dragging his feet, barely able to pick them up anymore. He won’t drag her in, no, no yet. Just a little more, then he can break, but not now, not near her. Far. Far. Far away. Until then she doesn’t have to worry, because he’ll keep trying to make sure she doesn’t, even if more guilt drowns his lungs with each little white lie that grows and grows bigger and bigger, until it’s all spun out of control.

He can only lift his head up and give the biggest fakest smile he ever has.  

[keepermcge]

meme

 Caring Edition

{Accepting}

@reynndiant​

All he can do when she says that is give her a weak smile; force the corners of his lips up and look her in the eyes and smile. Even though deep down he knows it’s faltering, it’s too fake. It looks too fake. It feels too fake. It almost hurts. It does hurt. It hurts to force those muscles to strain, to keep up, to keep trying to not fall apart in on himself. It reflects in his eyes, the sadness, loss of hope, how broken it all is. How he is. 

But Reynn never acts like this… or at least it felt like she hadn’t in forever. They always had to keep on track, keep collecting Mirages… save their Mom... and for what? A lie…?

A lie… 

He can tell she’s growing weary too, and it only makes his heart tear at the seams further… she shouldn’t have to bear it… she shouldn’t have to bear his sin… it was all his fault this has happened and yet… her and everyone else.. so the least he can do is give her a smile… give them...

Even if as soon as she turns her back to go make the tea it crumbles, shoulders slumping, lips drawing down with teeth digging at lower lip and eyes pricking with tears, he won’t let them spill over… he can’t… 

Even though his shoulders dropped his body stays tense, stuck at the edge of the sofa with hands in his lap and neck lowering, strands of strawberry blond falling in front of eyes. His fingers tremble and all he can do is grip onto the fabric of his pants and hope that will help them to stop shaking. He feels sick. He wraps his shaky hands around his stomach, eyes screwing shut and trying to regain control… it felt like it was all slipping away… 

Everything was slipping away in front of him… 

The ground was swallowing him up… What can he do? 

Why is he still alive?

If anyone should’ve died it should’ve been him…

…What can he do...

Lann already knows. 

It only makes him feel more sick, bile burning and rising in his throat quickly swallowed down red-hot as tears almost slip by…

He quickly rubs them away harshly, forcing a fake smile upon his face once more. For now… until that time comes… this is all he can do… His throat still burns, but he forces words out trying to think of anything to say something… he preferred coffee more... or something… anything...

“Y-you know… Sis… I bet Tea Girl’ll be… r-real… jealous…” 

He tries. He tries so hard to push happiness in his voice that it fails, it falls apart right from the start ripping from his throat quivering and choking up, but he doesn’t say anything and ignores how the shame and guilt build faster and faster, simply lowering his head further and keeping his corners turned up, never daring to look her in the eye once she comes over. 

If he did she’d see he had failed again and tears had slipped past and stained cheeks.