#revealing myself to be the Bad kinda fic writer. aside from the fact that i yknow. don't write the fics

[leatherbookmark]

so the thing about writing them rpf not because you dig particular dynamics but because you become psychosexually obsessed with a particular mv shot and half a year later you read one short fanfiction and thanks to one (1) sentence from this fanfiction you accidentally construct a whole story IS that. i wasn't aware that seongsang was a thing. and yet it is. what's more, once you exclude other ships, it has 375 works on ao3. that's fascinating. i'd love to find out more about them

[humanwheatleyslefttoenail]

Number 15 :o)

NUMBER 15 BURGER KING BURGER-

Ok all jokes aside, unpopular opinion time. 

- It’s cool if you just personally don’t like ChellDOS, but shipping aside, I think they are coded as a couple. I mean, GLaDOS sings her Cara Mia and Don’t Say Goodbye, which are objectively love songs. Want You Gone and You Wouldn’t Know are breakup songs. There’s deleted content where GLaDOS passive aggressively gets mad at Chell “cheating on her” by talking to other cores. GLaDOS begins to use “we” in old Aperture and starts treating Chell like an ally, then saves her and lets her go, all while revealing the humanity she’d promised not to reveal to anyone else. The ENTIRE FOCUS of the series is on their changing, dynamic relationship be it as friends or enemies. Their arc is also literally just... an enemies to lovers set up lol. Again, I’m not saying it’s canon per se or that you have to ship it or like it, but I am saying there’s a lot of canon subtext there. (Also btw I heard somewhere “cake” in Argentinian Spanish is slang for lesbians so maybe the cake isn’t a lie-)

- Wheatley is very flawed, and throughout the whole game. I don’t think he was always evil and I definitely think he got corrupted just like GLaDOS, but I also don’t think it was a case of “Corrupt The Cutie.” He’s never been a cinnamon roll or whatever the fandom calls it - he’s shown having some implicit sexism, he’s cowardly, he’s flighty, he’s so obviously a show off because he’s so underconfident. People seem to gloss over these things, especially his actions in the mainframe (which, btw, he is at least partially responsible for), but I feel like if you do that and then justify everything he does... you don’t have Wheatley anymore. Wheatley’s flaws make him *more* sympathetic imo, not less - like I see fics and art where people insist Wheatley doesn’t need to redeem himself or grow in any meaningful way and just want him to be forgiven. I really don’t like that because A) It’s just not true and B) a flawed but likeable character struggling to be better is so much more compelling and relatable. 

- Chelley is. Not a good ship. But. I still like it out of nostalgia and because Blue Sky lol. I think it could work post-canon but first Wheatley would need to do a lot of work on his end and actually prove to Chell that he is worthy. Unfortunately, a lot of Chelley content doesn’t actually do this and has Chell do all the emotional work for him which I don’t like. I consider myself a fan of this ship and I think if you search it up, I’m one of the blogs that comes up, but I don’t like it as much as ChellDOS and I wish people put more consideration into their fanworks when portraying it. 

- Cave dying was actually kinda sad - like he was a bad person and everything but his last few intercom messages still really get me after everything he did. He made so many fucked up decisions but like, I think it’s very relatable - this idea of getting so caught up in your own ideas that you hurt everyone around you and don’t realize until it’s too late and you’re going down with them. It’s sad because like... there were so many chances for him to stop and they never happened, and with the lemon rant he’s still struggling against everything. He still never gave up. And like... idk it just makes me emotionally because he was a bad guy for sure but he’s very human. It doesn’t make me sad in an “oh he didn’t deserve that” way, but more like the way you’re sad after finishing a Greek tragedy kinda way, if you get what I’m saying. 

- I wish I saw more content for the P1 cores because they’re adorable. I want to give the Curiosity Core and the Cake Core hugs. They are babey. 

- Wheatrat and Chellmann aren’t that popular rn because Doug never actually shows up in the game, but both these ships are seriously underrated imo (maybe that’s just the multishipper in me lol). ChellMel and Chellyx are also good and I wish there was more content for that, too. 

- It’s 2020. Can we stop acting like Wheatley did nothing wrong. Can we stop acting like GLaDOS is Only Mean And Has No Other Traits. Nuance is a thing, and the Valve writers didn’t spend hours meticulously creating these three dimensional characters for the fandom to turn them into UwU Cinnamon Roll and Mean Evil. 

- I think Chell is actually a pretty kind person - the fact the game gives you the option to save companion cubes and the oracle turrets, the fact she still tries to stop Wheatley from going to space, the fact that she allies with GLaDOS despite everything, the fact that you physically cannot let go of Wheatley in the first half when you’re holding him - Chell really only does bad things when it’s a literal matter of life and death. She’s a good person just looking out for her own survival, and I don’t like how the fandom has decided she’s mean, angry, or just as bad as GLaDOS and Wheatley when she’s pretty clearly not.

- We as white portal fans need to do better and think critically about the way we’re portraying Chell, be that drawing or writing her. Stuff like not portraying her as an angry stereotype and not whitewashing her. It’s really sad to see the amount of implicit racism in the fandom. 

- Blue Sky is still good although GLaDOS being the bad guy again was a bit OOC. I think it still serves as a good study of Wheatley and I like that it acknowledges his flaws and ultimately makes him responsible for his own redemption, not Chell. Also, “Prove it” was a raw line - I still can’t get it out of my head. 

- He’s unpopular for obvious reasons, but I really like Nigel from Aperture Tag. He’s so charming and quirky and then when he betrays you, he’s such a fun and charismatic villain. I love to hate Nigel and I wish Wheatley had been more like that when he turned evil. Nigel is a good combination of weirdly cute, intimidating, and frustrating. He’s a really well written villain and I wish more people knew about both him and Aperture Tag. 

- GLaDOS didn’t delete Caroline. I don’t think she physically can, and I think she was just lying so that Chell wouldn’t come back or think GLaDOS had feelings lol. I think even Ellen said she thought Caroline wasn’t deleted. 

[justhereforthefanartbean-blog]

For the commentary tag: “”I can only offer myself,” Yuri replies” to about “The shout is too late.” from chapter 5 of The Thirst for Adventure. Also AGHH choosing a specific short section was so hard, just. The whole thing. One of the most memorable scenes I’ve ever read in a fic.

Bruh. That’s 800 words XD 

AlsoEXCUSE YOU HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH NICE THINGS ABOUT MY WRITING (because theinternet does not allow hugging and I want to give you all of the hugs rn likedude, I cannot emphasise enough how much your opinion means to me, you’re afantastic writer and Heart is literally one of my fave YOI fanfics of all time,I’m so fucking stoned that you like my shit, holy crap)

Warning:I’m gonna post it all below because I wrote that so long ago I barely rememberit and I want to be able to reference it as I respond :P 

“Ican only offer myself,” Yuri replies.

Heis not shaking. The woman sneers at him anyway, her lip curling back to exposea mouth only half-full of teeth. Then, right before his eyes, her head opensup. A wound; the scar left by a sword. Stretching from the top of her headalmost to her eye, it splits her face and exposes her brain, but does notbleed. The skin is ripped, raw white and bloodless, and what he can only guessis the remaining mess of brain tissue is grey, like a carcass left to hang.

“Doesthis,” she hisses, moving closer, “deserve a half-blood’s revenge?”

IfYuri is shivering now, it is because she has chilled him to the bone. Standingthis close to her is like being immersed in the winter lake. It knocks all thebreath out of him.

“Ican only offer myself,” he repeats, choking it out as best he can, through whatfeels like lungs full of water.

“Notenough,” the woman spits, and steps back, sheathing her sword. “I will wait forsomeone better.”

Yuritries not to breathe a sigh of relief as the sensation dissipates. He coughs alittle, trying to clear his lungs of something that was never really there. Thechill, however, does not fade. The second widow steps forward.

“Whatwas your mother’s name?” She asks, hair whipping in the wind that wasn’t therethe moment before. It drags at the edge of his cloak, snatching it away fromhis fingers and throwing his hair in his face. It stings, cold, like tiny barbsof nettles.

“LarisaNikolayevna Plisetsky.” Yuri has to shout it above the churning and roilingair, and only hope that she can hear. To his great surprise, the woman stepsback immediately, and the wind drops to a breeze. “I know her name. She was agood woman. Your debt with me is balanced. I will not challenge you.” And thesecond sword is sheathed.

Liliahad told him that he might be in a better position than either of his brothers,upon meeting the widows, but he hadn’t anticipated by quite how much.

Unfortunately,his good luck cannot last.

Themoment the third woman steps forward, she introduces herself by name, and Yuriknows that he will have to fight.

“Iwas Véra Savvichna Ivanova. I fought and died for your ancestors over a hundredyears ago, only for my body to be tossed into the water as if I were nothing tothem. We will fight for my honour.”

“Iaccept your challenge.” Yuri does not take his sword. The nature of thechallenge is always the choice of the challenger.

Vérasteps forward and picks his sword from the ground, passing it to him.

“Sheatheit.” He does so, silently. “My body lies at the bottom of this river. You willswim down and retrieve it. If the river claims you, my debt is repaid. If yousurvive,” her eyes, dark and bloodshot, bore into him, “bury me properly.”

Yurilooks at the water. The river has been by their side since they left thecastle. It is fed by the mountain, from glacial streams, and this is not theseason for melt. The level of the water is well below the bridge and the bank,settled into the rocky hollow it has carved for itself. All the same, it isdeep, cold, and blue. He cannot see the bottom. Backing out now, however, is assure a death as drowning.

Hehas no choice.

Thethree women move back as he takes off his sword, and boots, then most of hislayers of clothing. As unwilling as he is to get his undershirt wet, and asmuch as it may hold him back in the water, he decides to keep it on. Divingnaked into a mountain river in autumn is only barely worse than diving inhalf-dressed, but he’ll take it. They move aside, allowing him to walk acrossto the halfway point of the bridge. Chancing a glance over his shoulder, Yurinotices that Otabek and Roza have edged closer. With a sharp shake of his head,he warns them as best he can. The fact that they’ve held off this long alreadyis surprising. He can’t say he would do the same if it looked like Otabek wasabout to jump into freezing water of his own volition.

Especiallyas neither of them will have any idea what is going on.

Hetakes a deep breath.

“Ready.”The two women who did not name themselves nod, and with matching smiles, jump,vanishing back into the water. The river does not splash.

Hefaces the river. Takes a deep breath.

“Goodluck,” Véra says, and pushes.

“YURI!”

Theshout is too late.

Holyfucking shit. Okay so MAJOR SPOILER ALERT. 

This chapter was the culmination of so much research intoRussian mythology. I’ve already talked about everything that went into itfolklore-wise, but character-wise, I knew what I wanted to do to Yuri. He’sjust left home for the first time, essentially, and although he’s been warnedabout this kinda stuff his whole life, the first thing he’s faced with issomething that completely isolates him. 

Hedoesn’t have the reassurance of his family or even his friends helping him. Buthe knows what he has to do. He faces up to the injustices that his ancestorscommitted, and for the first time in the story (I think) we see him be courageous withoutbeing angry. 

As anillegitimate prince, his station offers him both protection and danger. This isa direct reversal of that; in court, revealing that he isn’t Lilia’s son is thedangerous part. He’s been forced to hide it, and even though he hates that andisn’t at all embarrassed by his mother or Nikolai, there’s always going to besome residual effects from being forced to hide part of yourself. Here, hisreal mother essentially saves his life twice just by existing. Basically, Iwanted to give Yuri proof that while his blood has absolutely dictated his lifeso far, that doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. (Although theWidows do basically insult him for it the whole time, because, you know, social indoctrination).

Ithink it’s also important to understand how entrenched Yuri is in his rolehere. He’s wanted to be a knight his whole life, he’s been training for itsince before he can remember, and then he had that taken away from him. Notonly has he got it back, his first ever encounter literally requires him torisk his own life. But he does it. Because he is a knight now, and that’s whatknights do. They do whatever it takes. And Yuri has always, always donewhatever it takes. It’s something that he struggles with a little later, especially when he actually leaves the group, so I wanted to establish it early so that when that happened it almost felt like he was betraying himself as well as them by letting go of some of his values and key goals. And also it then shows how fucked up that big key bond thing makes him, because he doesn’t deal with it calmly or sensibly even though we know that he can. 

There’salso a lot of traditional trial themes going on here. You know, he has to facethree tasks, the last of which is the worst, to prove himself kind of thing.All very ‘symbolic’ (idk it doesn’t feel like that when I write it). Taster of things to come! It’s definitely the simplestchallenge he’s faced so far, I think. For a start, there’s a very specific wayof dealing with it that he knows about, but also it doesn’t call his emotional state into question. Sure, it nearly kills him, but it’s a lot less gruelling than some of the stuff they go through later. 

It’salso kind of a test for Beka too. We get to see how much he trusts Yuri, eventhough Yuri hasn’t always given him reason to, and it’s obvious that he’s in a verydangerous situation. Otabek is the first person to actually trust Yuri tohandle it on his own. 

Butyeah, the folklore side of things was so much fun. I wanted to play withsomething that made it clear that Yuri isn’t the only supernatural being inthis world, but also that there’s a blur between the actual supernatural, simplesuperstition, and magic. Also, empathy. You know, they’re talking about theirdeaths and sort of forcing Yuri to experience them too. Like the sensation ofhis lungs filling with water, and the cold, and making him jump in the river –it sort of brings to life the brutality of what they faced. And we already knowthat, especially because of his influence, Yuri is a very humane person. It’sanother sort of inkling that he’s going to have issues helping Beka actuallyfight a war and kill people, even to protect more people in the long run. The ‘greatergood’ is much less of a clear concept for him.

Sothere you have it. Everything I was thinking when I was writing that scene! I’mnot sure a lot of it was very coherent but I hope it was interesting :P