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jksian · 27 days ago

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When the end comes

You loved him with all your heart, held onto the person you knew will never be yours; but, the only regret you had was, you weren't able to tell him about those feelings.

Pairing: best friends brother JK x reader

Genre: ANGSTY, unrequited love

W/c: mid length?

warnings: depressing thoughts and implied suicidal thoughts, character dea*h, workplace harrasment, illness, family drama and step-parent, one sided love from oc' s side, tattoo artist Jk, age gape

A/N- This story is incomplete and I don't intend to continue it, but I'm still posting it because I wanted to share it with you guys and since many of you expressed your desire to read it :⁠-⁠)

It was during the autumn season when he first met you.

Not in a literal sense; but that was the day he thought he finally come to knew you. A side of you, he never thought he would be able to witness.

Just like the sight in front of him right now.

He did not even fathom the idea of seeing you like this. Beautiful eyes which once shined so brightly under the sun; are now closed. Not even a hint of flickering of your eyelashes which you usually do while being extremely nervous.

Now, autumn has returned again; but, despite the comforting warmth of the cozy weather being replaced by the harsh wind blowing away the leaves from the trees, creating the atmosphere unbearably gloomy and dull.

Because the warmth is gone, along with you.

…

15 years ago…

“Why is he coming, now!? Fuck, I have to meet Sam!” Jia was beyond frustrated after knowing that her brother was coming to picked her up from the school.

Both you and Jia had been friends since your childhood. From being scolded by teachers to helping each other in anything and everything and being the ‘crime in partners’ duo, everyone in your school knew you two were inseparable.

She was always been a free-spirited girl. Generous and helpful, she was kind of a friend who stick by your side in bad times. Other than that, there were many good things about her and one of those were, her brother.

Jeon Jungkook.

The first time when you laid your eyes on him, you couldn’t able to remove the image of his glowing face ever since then. He was gorgeous as well as kind. You were smitten by his beauty. He was popular among girls. With a face like that, it was a very common fact, girls often got trapped by his good-looks which wielded them to the world of imagination.

And, you were one of those girls.

You often found yourself daydreaming about him, made silly scenarios in your little head. Your weekly visits to his sister’s house and getting to watch him closely more than any of those girls could, doesn’t help with your increasing amount of fake scenarios growing inside of your mind.

It was a stupid little crush, but you still held onto the possibilities of those cringe worthy romantic stories in your head to manifest it into reality.

Whenever he was around, every time you got a little bit shy but you tried your best to hide it from others.

“Someone clearly isn’t happy to see me.” Your best friend’s brother sing song those words towards his sister, pointing out her scowl which was very much evident on her face upon seeing him. The fact that she was planning on meeting her so-called-date in the name of fake extra classes would be caught red-handed, made her panicked and mad.

“H-hello.” You asked him even though your heart was racing at the speed of 100 mph and your hand was sweating like the Niagara waterfall, you still conjured up some courage to start the conversation.

“Moon? How are you?” He immediately replied with a sweet smile on his face. People often compared his face with the bunny and you can say why. There are some significant similarities.

You got a little bit flustered whenever he used that name. He gave that name to you because you loved the moon. So much so that you escaped from your school with your Jia to watch the night sky.

It was the first time you witnessed the true beauty of the moon. Sitting on the edge of the river near her house, you both admired the shinning moon light spreading on the water as it sparkled.

You both got scolded for your little escaped not just from your parents but your teachers also. From that moment, he gave you the name ‘moon.’

He was in his sophomore year of college, got an scholarship to study in abroad. It was winter at that time when he got back in his own country during holidays. Even though the atmosphere was cold, Jungkook radiated warmth wherever he goes. He was always been the one who shined brightly in whatever he did.

Jia’s endless pleading didn’t helped much in convincing her brother, so she didn’t had any choice but to went back home. Through out the way to her home, she kept on cussing him.

“You go on dates too! Even, you have a girlfriend!” That was the first time you experienced your first heart break. It felt like someone had put a knife into your heart.

“So? Are you the same age as me?” Jungkook reasoned with her but the thing you noticed that, he didn’t denied it. Your friend wasn’t lying.

The brother-sister duo busy their selves in an argument about “Jia should go on a date or not” where you went silent, had a emotional turmoil within you. It was so random, your little heart weren’t prepare for that news.

The thought of your crush loving someone else who was never gonna be you, shattered your heart. That day, you cried your heart out into your pillow at night when no one was around to heard your broken sobs.

…

Thanksgiving came and it was time for celebration. It was the time for eating delicious food, show our gratitude to the universe and spending time with our loved ones.

But, you weren’t particularly enjoying.

Every year, the Jeon’s and your family celebrated most of the occasions together, due to your father and Mr. Jeon being friends apart from your friendship with their daughter. But , this year, one more family joined in. You didn’t mind if it was just another random someone, but it wasn’t someone random.

The food was excellent as always. Mrs. Jeon had always been a great cook. All the food was mouth-watering but still, you found your self concentrating more on the scene unfolding in front of you rather than your food.

Jungkook invited his girlfriend to his house on Thanksgiving. That was the first time you saw the girl, your crush was in love with.

She was beautiful would be an understatement. Long, silky hair which was dyed brown, tall with a sweet personality. Anyone could have said on the first glance at them that, they were made for each other. There were many similarities between them too, like both were studying at the same college, Jungkook being art major and she was in the literature department, both belonged to the same city but never met each other before and the most importantly, both were at the same age.

Where you were four years younger than him, basically same age as his sister.

He probably think of you as his sister. No. Definitely he did.

You were burning with rage when you saw them holding hands. Even though everyone was around them, they didn’t seem to care much. It also seemed like Jungkook’s family liked her so much. They were happy that their son have met someone who made him happy. Both their families were happy about their relationship.

When it was evening, everyone was chattering and laughing inside the house but you were on the balcony, standing alone. You couldn’t help but cry. It was too much for you. You’d been crying for days now, but now that you’ve seen his girlfriend, there was no denying that it was real. Their relationship was real and you didn’t had a chance anymore.

“Moon is watching the moon?” You didn’t noticed when Jungkook came here. You abruptly wiped your tears away from your cheeks. He came closer to you and stand beside you, you took a step away, tried harder to hide your face from him.

When he noticed you hadn’t answered his question, he continued “I picked the right name for you, didn’t I?” he asked again, tried to humor you but you were nowhere near to laugh or even smile at his jokes.

You were standing there silently, not staring at the sky anymore. You lowered your gaze and your head fall downwards, shoulders slumped. He must had sensed that something was wrong with you, that’s why he asked “Hey, are you okay–,”

Before he can finish his sentence, an ugly sob slipped past your mouth, unable to held it back anymore. This time he didn’t held back, he placed his hand on your shoulder and made you look at him. You were insistent on not to face him so he settled with just holding you by your shoulder.

Tears were streaming down your cheeks without any resistance but his hands felt comforting even though he was the one hurting you at that time.

“What happened? Does someone hurt you?” you could sense the concern in his voice, his voice was so soft like he was afraid of hurting you. That made you cry even harder.

“____, please tell me what happened?” This time he was rubbing your arms up and down, a gesture of comfort. He patiently stand there until you calmed down and was ready to talk.

When he saw you finally wiping your tears away, he took a loose strand of your hair and tuck it behind your ear. That little affection felt like someone poked a needle into your heart.

“I like someone.”

You whisper to him , tried your hardest to not burst out crying again. You saw his expression turned into confusion, so you continued “But, He doesn’t like me.”

Again, your eyes were filling with tears. The image of them together encrusted into your mind will always hunt your down for sure.

Jungkook seemed to contemplate on how to respond to you. Then, he asked “How could you know that he doesn’t likes you?”

“Because, he has a girlfriend.”

Jungkook was taken aback by your statement. He looked at you with sympathy in his eyes, like he was sad about the situation you were in.

“I- are you sure? Also, do I know them by any chance?”

You avoided his gaze but nodded to his question. You were afraid that he might know about your secret crush on him. What if, he hates you after knowing that he was the person you likes?

No no, you couldn’t let that happen.

“how old is he?”

“Same age as yours. And, I’m sure that he has a girlfriend. I’ve seen them together the other day. You- you might know him but I don’t know…” You shifted on your feet, fidgeted under his curious gaze. He was staring at you, you felt that even though you were looking at the other direction.

“May I know his nam– ,”

“No.” Before he could ask the question, you dismissed immediately. There’s no way in hell you were gonna tell him that.

After seeing your defensive state, he didn’t push that question onto you anymore.

“Okay. You know, you’re a beautiful girl, right? You’ll find someone better than him in the future who will love you.” His smile was surreal, he was looking at you like you were the only one existed in the world, Eyes so gentle.

He was such a kind person, always helping who was in need, from offering jacket to a random person at a cold night to rescuing you from getting embarrassed in front of thousands of people on your first day of period. Even if you tried to assume that he was being caring only to you, that you’re special to him, you knew it wasn’t true.

You were just a random girl who was happened to be his sister’s friend.

He took out a handkerchief from his pocket and gave it to you. Your tears were as stubborn as you were, “If he is my age then, that means he is older than you –,” the realization hit him.

“–___, he didn’t do anything to you right?” his worrisome expression made you think that why does that matter? His brows were pinched as he searched for your eyes.

“N-no, why are you asking that?”

“You should be careful from people, especially older guys. I’m not saying all the older guys are bad, but you haven’t see much of the world yet, so it might be difficult for you to identify who is good. You also haven’t matured enough–,”

“What do you mean by that!?” you got offended by the those words. Matureness doesn’t comes from age, also why was he acting like a seventy years old grandpa?

He got off guard from the sudden change in your tone. Shifted on his feet, he tried to make you understand his prospective, “I mean, many guys in our college targets younger girls like you to take advantage of, and… I don’t want that to happen to you.”

“W-why?” you wiped your nose with his handkerchief as you asked.

“Who wants something bad happens to the people they care about?” his smile was so genuine, the way he looked at you back then, made you feel things you’d never felt for anyone else.

That night you realized that, maybe, your silly little crush on him wasn’t just a crush. It was more than that. Something that might ruin you in the end but, still you let that thing to engulfed you completely.

That night, you found comfort in the person who was the reason behind your heart break.

…

That year, your father got transferred to a different country, so without a doubt, it was the time when you part your ways with your best friend.

It was painful, parting ways with the friend you’ve spend your almost entire life, but what’s more painful, was not able to see your childhood love ever again.

That was the last time you saw Jungkook on your way to the airport, walking hand in hand with his girlfriend.

You didn’t knew back then when someone’s in love, how they looked like. That radiant smile on his face and the glitter in his eyes when he looked at her shined so brightly made you think that, maybe it was the face of a man in love.

But, the sad thing was, you were not the reason behind that smile on his face.

…

8 years ago

Life wouldn’t be anymore shittier.

After you left your country, you tried your hardest to overcome and forget about Jungkook.

You left everything behind and those memories you’d made with some of the closest people there, weren’t leaving your mind even for some moments. Every little thing you did back then, reminded you of them, especially Jungkook.

Still, you managed.

You did graduated from a college and got a job. Everything was going fine until you found out that you had pancreatic cancer.

Doctors said that it wasn’t in it’s last stage yet but after thousands of medications and appointments for half an year, before that day, they declared that you only had 10 months to live only.

Not even an year.

It was so unfair. You had dreams and goals which you still had to achieve but life had other plans for you.

Your health wasn’t well enough to maintain a 9-5 job, but, you still did it because you didn’t wanted to be a burden on your family.

You were twenty-four when you realized your life was going to end soon.

“What is this!? Are you gonna present this in front of the client?” Your boss shouted at you, that bald-faced nuisance who doesn’t even know how to pronounce ‘future’. Yeah, his future was as clear as his empty bald-head.

You’ve submitted the same project for the third time, because he wasn’t ‘satisfied’ with your work, but the truth was, he doesn’t even turned the first page of it to check. Clearly, he was just messing around with you or to be honest, harassing you.

The reason behind it – rejection. You rejected his offer of ‘get a promotion just by spending a night with him’. He was adamant on sleeping with you. His flirty remarks wasn’t very subtle, you knew this pervert would come to this point at sometime.

“Make this again!” he threw the file across the table towards you. It hits you and you cursed under your breath.

“What was that?” he asked, his chimpanzee like face contort with anger once again.

He got a pretty punchable face.

“Have you checked my project, sir?” there was mockery in your voice which his one brain cell wasn’t able to comprehend.

“What nonsense are you talking about?” his brows were pinched together, flared his nose like a fucking dragon.

“I submitted the same project for the third time yet, you didn’t noticed that. Is your ego got hurt so much so that after my rejection, you’re doing this pity things to me now?”

His face goes through seven stages of grief, fear flashed through his eyes but, soon turned into rage. He abruptly stood up from his chair, banging his fist on the table, “What the hell are you talking about!? Have you forgotten your place? Don’t cross the limit, ____. You’re nothing, a good for nothing! You should know that, I’m your senior here, talk to me with respect! Or –,”

“Or what? Are you gonna complain? You know, I’m also going to complain about something…” You said, your tone as calm as ever but eyes hard as a rock.

He knew, what filthy texts he had sent you and obviously, you didn’t deleted them even though he had told you to. You thought, he might explode right at that moment out of anger, “Are you threatening me? Huh? What? Are you gonna complain about me now?”

“Yes, you asshole.”

“Bitch–,” He was going to hit you with a file but before he could do that, your colleagues interrupted and he stopped midway, pretending like nothing happened.

You stormed out of his office, never minding him calling your name continuously. Everyone in your office looked at you like you’d grown two horns on your head. You didn’t gave them any attention and straight up went to the CEO’s office.

He had threatened you countless times about how you were gonna lose your job if you don’t work how he wants you to, accordingly.

But, you had nothing to lose anymore.

After you filed a complain and submitted the resignation letter, you left that company. For good.

On the way to your home, you called your parents and told the you left your job. Your step-mom was more furious than your own dad.

Of course, you knew that would happen but what was the benefit of continuing the job when you won’t be alive anymore.

You hang up the call as soon as you heard her shouting from the other side.

You felt lost. What were you doing all these years?

Barely surviving.

You didn’t even know how it felt to live life. Not surviving, living.

All you did was, earning money with your fragile health to make it stronger but instead, it worsen even more at the end.

Now, you were on the brink of death.

Is it okay to leave everything behind? You thought. It wasn’t like you had much left in your life anyway. Your parents were stressed all the time because of you. Your sister were depressed after knowing about your condition.

Is it too soon to die in this moment? You asked yourself while standing at the edge of the bridge which connected two cities together. Staring at the river below, almost 136 meters high. You kept on staring blankly at the way water flows by, wondering where it might took you if you jump at this instance.

Before, your intrusive thoughts controlled you, your eyes landed on a bird, it’s wing crippled. It kept on chirping and tried to fly, but every time it does, landed on the surface of the barrier.

You slowly shifted closer to it, not wanted to scared it away and held it in your palms gently, “Hey, let me bandage you, okay? You will be able to fly again then!”

Fortunately, you had a small box of fast aid kit with you. Being a full-time patient and a regular visitor to the hospital, you got accustomed with the medical kits and medicines.

You swiftly bandaged the wounded wing carefully while rubbing its back.

“Do you have a name?”

The bird wiggled into your hold a little. You realized how dumb that question was, but you’d always liked talking to animals even though they couldn’t reply back to you or even understood you. All they did was, stare at your face dumbfoundedly, probably judging the crazy women in front of them.

After you were done, you released it from your hold and you saw the bird flying again.

The happiness you felt at that moment was indescribable. It felt like, you were cured from your deathly disease and your death sentence has been halt for a long period of time.

You felt like, you could live your life, just like that bird.

You felt…alive for a moment.

You didn’t knew when you started crying, tears ran down on your cheeks, on their own. You saw the bird fly happily. It wasn’t fully recovered yet, but still, the determination and courage ignited something inside of you.

At that moment, you regain the courage to live your life.

Not surviving anymore but, living your life to its fullest. At least for once.

…

Convincing your family wasn’t easy, especially your step-mother.

You had decided that, you want to spend your last days of your life in your hometown, which meant, you all had to move back to your old country where, once you left everything behind.

“I want to live my life before I die, dad. I want to live and do all those things while I’m still alive… because I don’t want regret it on my last days. Please, let me fulfil all those dreams before I left this earth?”

You father rarely saw you crying since you’d grown up. Not that you often cried in front of people, you always preferred crying silently in the dark of your room, hiding from everyone.

It was surprising to him.

But, the most surprising thing was, when you saw tears in his eyes. Your father was someone who believed that, crying was a sign of weakness.

But, he didn’t showed that to you, hiding his face from you, he said, “Then go, start packing your bags.”

You didn’t believe your own ears, did you heard it right?

You couldn’t contained your excitement as you hugged your father from behind and said, “Thank you.”

Tears breamed from your eyes after realizing that, finally you were going back to your country.

…

The streets still looked almost the same where you had spent your entire childhood, just not as much calm and warm as it used to be.

So many residents were built there now, it was more hectic and crowded. Thankfully, your old house was on sale at that time. The owner whom your father had sold that house to, wanted to sell it and your father bought it.

The walls of that house held so many memories, many untold truths and evidence of your cruel sleepless nights. The whispers of heart break buried in a corner of your room. All those memories came back to your mind and you found yourself day-dreaming about your old crush again.

“Where Jungkook might be right now?”

“What are you thinking about?” your sister came up behind you, noticing your eyes fixed on the direction of his house.

Your sister had graduated at the same year when you guys moved here. You were more than happy that she decided to start her career here and stayed with you, at least for that reason, you were able to spent your last days with her.

She knew about every single thing happened in your life and Jungkook wasn’t exceptional.

“Nothing…”

“Don’t lie. You were thinking about Jungkook, right?”

Oh god. Hearing that name after so many years, felt surreal. It only intensified the longing you were feeling all those years. Your eyes slightly widened but you dismissed immediately.

“No, you idiot. Go and do your work.”

“You don’t? Okay then, if you say so… but you should probably call Jia, she will be so happy to see you again!”

“I’ll call her later but now, my head is aching! Can you please make me some tea?” you pouted at her, gave her those innocent doe eyes. She glared at you in return, with bombastic side eyes, she left the room.

You giggled and heard her cursing back at you. You laughed a little more at that. Your bond with your sister was special. Something very close to your heart. She was the only family you had, according to you.

Your parents got divorced when you were only twelve years old, so figuring out what was going on and adjusting to the situation was difficult for you. Separating from your mother was especially harder, you thought of her as your best friend but…

No one’s gonna stay with you for forever and you learned it the hard way.

Ever since then, so many things changed in your life. Your father married again in the hope that, you and your sister might be able to experience the motherly love from her, but instead you got more pain and suffering.

She was at your throat for every single second, peace was something you used to crave, if not love. You never felt at home. When you found out about your disease, it was a disaster; but still, all she cared about was money.

How thoughtful!

You decided to take your sister’s advice and called your best friend. After eight years, you were again in your hometown. It was so nostalgic that you got emotional.

All the furniture were yet to be settled, your bed wasn’t ready to be used so you took a seat on your window, staring outside.

As you saw the canvas of the evening sky transforms into a masterpiece of hues, a tapestry of twilight unfolds, painted in soft pastels — a symphony of peach, lavender, and whispers of indigo. That moment felt celestial as your heart filled with an unknown warmth and you found yourself embracing your own body into your arms.

You had called her few times in all those years and she did too; but, with time, the busy schedules and hectic day to day life forced both of you to grew apart. The calls kept on reducing in number and, then it stopped altogether.

The call rang for four times before she picked up. For some moments, you were just staring at each other’s faces, network wasn’t working on your favor so it took time to get a clear picture of her face.

“You’re still alive?” was the first thing she asked you, very typical ‘Jia’ like behavior.

“Yeah, I’m still alive. Thank you very much! How are you?” you humored her and you saw her scoffed.

“You tell me, where were you? Huh? NO calls! NO massages!… were you gone underground or something? Oh no, wait! You forgot about me, right?”

She kept on blabbering her nonsense, falsely accusing you, dramatically thrown tantrums at you. You saw her brows pinched together as she glared at you which was supposed to be intimidating.

“Well, I’m in our hometown.”

“…What?!”

She couldn’t believe your words so you turned the camera around and gave her the view of the street where you guys used to run and play.

You saw her eyes widened and mouth gaped at the view, she scrutinized the area a little bit longer and made sure it was indeed her hometown.

“Fuck, bro! why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Because I wanted to surprise you, but well, looks like you’re not here.”

Her face turned into a sad expression from irritation, mirroring your own face.

You knew you would’ve told her, but you genuinely wanted to gave her a surprise with your arrival, in which failed miserably!

“It’s fine, I’m coming home in a few days.” That comforted you to some extent, knowing that you would be able to meet your best friend after all those years finally, before you die. It certainly gave you some comfort.

No one knew about your condition except your family, not even your best friend. The reason being, you wanted a normal life.

You didn’t wanted those sympathetic looks from others or them doing things for your just because you are gonna die soon.

No, you wanted them to act normal, just like they always did.

You didn’t wanted them to felt some urgency or pressure.

You didn’t wanted them to feel bad or guilty for you.

No, you wanted them to treat you normally, just like they had been with you ever since they met you.

Just a normal life before you die, where you can enjoy every second of your life and live it with others. Was that too much to ask for?

“Come back soon then,” Your smile held a sense of nostalgia and melancholy in it and for a brief second, you thought you saw tears in her eyes.

“By the way, have you informed others?” She changed the subject, probably didn’t wanted to cry at that moment of happiness.

“Yeah, we are going to meet at a club in this evening.”

“That’s great! Have fun then and also… is Jay coming?” she smirked at the camera and arched a brow at you.

Having a crush was different but this guy was on another level. He was head over heels for you. You never understood his obsession or love (what he used to say) for you. He was the same age as Jungkook. It wasn’t like he wasn’t good looking, on the contrary, he was charming. A guy for any girl would fall for. Topper of his class with that cute face of his, he got the whole package.

But, you never felt anything for him. So the first time he confessed to you, you straight up said ‘no’. Maybe it was a bit rude, not that you were denying but You never grasped the concept of leaving someone in ambiguity without providing a clear response, especially when it involved feelings.

“Do you want me to bonk you in the head? Why would he come to our reunion party? Come on…he isn’t even belong to our friend circle!” You said in disbelief and she rolled her eyes a little more.

“Dude, he was obsessing over you for such a long time! I’m sure he might be into you after all these year– ,”

“Jia–, you know how I feel about this–,” Yeah, she does. She knew everything, “Can we please drop it?”

She dropped the topic after your pleading. You always got irritated whenever she acted this way, teasing you by someone’s name who had a crush on you, constantly encouraged you to start dating one of them. You being you, never listened to her.

You both talked about things in general after that and then hang up.

Yeah, it was good. If not telling anyone about your sickness helped you live the way you wanted to, then, it’s okay.

As soon as you hang up the call, you felt a sharp pain in your stomach. You breathed in and out as you tried to endure it. Probably because you hadn’t took your medications yet. That’s why it was happening. You’d accustomed with all this by that time, so it wasn’t any thing new to you.

You were fine.

…

The city you lived in looked different but still, there was a familiarity in it.

Sidewalks hum with activity as people strolled, laughter echoed from cafes, and the distant sounds of traffic created a vibrant urban symphony. The evening air carried a blend of aromas from food vendors, filled your noses trills and made your stomach grumbled.

You met with your school friends at the club 15 minutes away from your house as planned. Coming to a club doesn’t made sense to you, because you weren’t able to drink alcohol, but.. well… you were there because of your… friends.

You sat on a stool which were lined the polished counter, where patrons sipped drinks and shared laughter. You watched your friends danced across the crowded dance floor, lost in their own world.

You saw Kai from your friends group, approaching you, came straight at the direction where you were seated. You quickly reverted your eyes to somewhere, acted like you hadn’t even noticed him just now, like any other introvert, focusing on your drink in your hand.

“Hey, ____! Long time no see.” Yeah, it would be longer if he weren’t just interrupted your peaceful time there.

He was grinning ear to ear like he just found some treasure. You adjusted yourself to looked at him, “Yeah, Hey! How are you?”

“Oh fine, just living the busy life of a busy man. You say, what you’re been up to these days?” oh, nothing special, just waiting to be embraced by death and, oh! Also trying to have a peaceful time which now has been disrupted. You hoped you’d be able to say that on his face but… oh, well… manners!

“Nothing special –,” He pulled a stool beside you and hopped on it, “You say?”

You watched him settling beside you comfortably. You internally rolled your eyes when you realized he probably wasn’t going anywhere soon.

He started talking about his life which you didn’t mind any attention to, you were busy finding loopholes to escaped the man in front of you. You eyes darted frantically everywhere around the club to found any of your friends, anyone, but the crowd made it harder to spot any of them.

He offered you a tequila which you politely refused. Then, he continued insisting on buying you a drink, his words laced with determination, the alcohol in his system clearly kicked out at that moment. The background buzz of the bar heightened as he tried to charm you into accepting, created a moment of tension which wasn’t a good kind.

Despite your clear signal of disinterest, he remained persistent. It ultimately left you annoyed than ever. The last time, your refusal was harsh, words came out of your mouth was rude but the situation particularly made it harder for you to be calm, “How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want a drink? It would be great if leave me alone.”

He took that to his heart, it seemed, because the look he gave you was similar to Chihuahua dogs when angry. You never got what this boy’s problem was, even any other boy who tried to pursued you before.

Why boys don’t know when to stop and have no shame? Universal question. The whole world wanted to know the answer, included yourself.

“Why the attitude? I’m just trying to be friendly! Damn, seems like you don’t deserve that–,” He scoffed, “you’ve become more hot, not gonna lie; but, that hard-to-get bitchy attitude is still there.”

The audacity he had!

You raised an eyebrow but maintained your composure. “Friendly doesn’t usually come with comments like that. It’s about mutual respect,” You retorted.

He leaned against the counter, undeterred. “Come on, no need to be so serious. I’m just being honest here. You were always good looking and now, you looks irresistible, but the attitude…”

You sighed, contemplated on if you walked out of there or slap him across his face, “Honesty is appreciated when it’s respectful. Your comments are crossing the line.”

Unfazed, he chuckled, “I just call it like I see it. No harm meant.”

“Well, it’s causing harm. I value my personal space and expect to be treated with respect,” You stated firmly.

He scoffed again, “You know, it wouldn’t hurt to loosen up a bit. Not every compliment is an attack.”

As his audacity reached new heights with an attempt to grab your arm, frustration surged within you. You were on the verge of snapping back, but just in the nick of time, a familiar voice called your name, halting your impending outburst.

“Hey, there you are! I’ve been looking for you.”

You turned your face to your left and saw Jungkook standing there, a n knowing smile on his face which he usually made when he got annoyed or angry.

Relieved and equally surprised to hear his familiar voice, you redirected your attention, grateful for the interruption regardless.

You stared at him with wide eyes, still thinking that if he was real or not. He glanced at the guy who had attempted to grab your arm, his smile faded into a more serious expression. “Is everything okay here?" Jungkook asked, his tone carried a subtle warning.

The guy got tensed, visibly uncomfortable under Jungkook’s scrutiny, stammered, “Just a misunderstanding, man.”

Jungkook’s demeanor remained stern as he replied, “Best not to misunderstand personal boundaries. She’s not interested.”

His hand was on your shoulder in a comforting manner. With that, Jungkook subtly positioned himself between you and the guy, creating a clear physical barrier. The unwelcome intruder, perhaps sensed the shift in dynamics, made a hasty exit. His protective side kicked out.…

…Like any other big brother might had.

Being the protective big brother he was, Jungkook had a younger sister, so dealing with guys hitting on her became a familiar scenario for him. He had accumulated experience in handling such situations.

Yeah, he still saw you like his little sister.

“Jungkook…” Words came out breathy form your mouth like you still hadn’t believe him standing there. The feeling you had buried in a corner of your heart years ago resurfaced once again, the bittersweet warmth you used to feel whenever you saw him bloomed inside of your heart.

Jungkook’s gaze held a mix of familiarity and affection, and you found myself lost in the moment, the years melting away.

“Hey –,” He said softly as he stand in front of you, “Are you okay?”

When he smiled at you, you realized his smile was still the same, radiated warmth and playfulness. That boyish innocence was still there but with a mix of mature allure that time. That doe-like, expressive eyes that held a certain depth, his gaze was both inviting and enigmatic, in which you found yourself drowned.

There were significant changes in his appearance though, like the tattoos on his arm and those piercings on his eyebrows, ears and even his lips. You stared at him absentmindedly before he spoke, “Moon? I asked if you’re okay?” That name again!

“Yeah, right… I’m okay. Thank you, Jungkook.”

He smiled at your response as he said, “I didn’t knew you were in the town.”

“Yeah, no one does actually. I wanted to surprise Jia, but she is out of the country so…’

“Right, she is.” Then silence settled between you two. Before it could got more awkward, Jungkook said, “So…how is life going?” as he took the seat on which Kai was settled before.

How were you gonna answer that? Your life… you felt like it was never yours. You moved out of the country because of your father, you got a college degree so you could help your family financially, then you diagnosed with a disease which eventually going to kill you so you didn’t had much time left.

But, in all of these, what you did for yourselves? When was the time you actually lived your life?

You didn’t had an answer to that tbh.

“Nothing special. My dad got retired so we thought about coming back to our country.” You answered, swirling the glass of virgin mojito in your hand. “and, what about you?”

“Me?” He asked, his doe eyes staring wide at you, chucking a little, he replied, “Came back to my home after realizing, I’m not gonna get a job there any time soon, not bad though–,” He glanced over your shoulder as you saw something flickered in his eyes, “ –Then thought about starting my own business, now I got my own tattoo shop.”

You saw him frequently glancing over your shoulder, as if someone was behind you whome was trying to see.

“Oh! That’s awesome!”

He didn’t replied and kept staring at a particular direction behind you. When you attempted to look behind, he stopped you by grabbing your arm. “Yeah, it is.”

He let out a laugh which clearly indicated his nervousness. “Is everything okay?” you asked.

“Yeah, yeah.”

“Is someone behind me?”

“Yeah… it’s just my ex.”

He said that casually as if he wasn’t just trying to desperately snatch a glance at her. You didn’t understand, his ex?

You remember his girlfriend. What was her name again?

Nina? Nanny? Ah, no. Yes!

Nancy. She was his girlfriend whom he invited to the thanksgiving party. As far as you knew, they were still dating according to Jia even though she confessed that to you a long time ago.

“Umm– Jungkook? I need more context to understand what you’re talking about. So, fill me in what I’m missing out?” You squinted at him dramatically and he laughed a little at your ministration.

That same smile which was enough to make your heart flutter and skip a beat.

“It’s nothing, just that…” He paused midway and glanced over your head again before continuing, “We broke things up a few months ago. Decided to go separate ways because we didn’t work out eventually?”

There was a question mark at the end, you wondered why was that for. Was he not know why they broke up? That’s sounds silly. Maybe, he was confused after they broke things up and thought that he made a mistake there? He might still wanted to be with her?

Before your train of thought escalate even further, He tapped you on your shoulder and brought you back to the reality, “Earth to ___,” You saw him smiling at you, “What are you thinking?”

You were wearing off shoulders, so, the naked touch of his fingers upon your skin kindled a transient flame, imprinting an indelible mark of his presence that will linger unwelcomed for the next few days.

“N-nothing, what were you saying again?” shaking the dizziness from witnessing the stars in his eyes, you asked. It’s normal for a human being like you, feeling dizzy after touched by someone made of stars. Gotta be grounded, you aren’t allowed to touch the stars, you reminded yourself.

“I asked, if you want to dance with me. Would you?” He asked as he extended his hand for you. You knew, you shouldn’t touch the stars but the shining flow of it made you blinded to the upcoming consequences of your actions.

You should knew well, why he was asking for a dance. His ex was still behind you so the only reason would be to – made her jealous, still you reciprocated.

You warned him about your lack of knowledge in dancing, nonetheless, he pulled you to the dance floor.

Placed your hands on his shoulder and his on your waist, he instructed you to move. As soon as, you two stepped on the dance floor, the song changed to a melodic one from a upbeat song.

Apocalypse by cigarettes after sex started playing in the background and you found yourself staring at the men in front of you for a second before you broke the eye contact.

Even thought you turned you face to the other side you could feel his eyes on you, making your mind go blank.

He pulled you closer, bodies Pressed together as both of you started to move in sync with the music. His breath hit the side of your face, making your breath hitched after knowing the close proximity between you two.

“____,” He called, your name sounded pretty from his lips, “Look at me.”

It sounded like a demand but his tone suggested other wise. Tender and delicate, as his soft lips brushed against your hairline, made you gulped the lump forming in your throat.

You did look him in the eyes. His gaze, held galaxies within, each flicker echoing the poetry of an undiscovered universe, in which you found yourself lost.

“You’re doing good. Just don’t think too much and let your body move according to the rhythm –,” He said, his gaze focused on your face, closer than before. The ambient lighting casted a soft glow, accentuating his delicate features, his words gave you courage, an unfamiliar sense of comfort and his face made you thought that you had someone you could rely on.

In that shared gaze, time momentarily freezes and you found yourself falling for him, again.

“Aish…I sounded like some know-it-all, I think? don’t mind it, please.” There was nervousness in his voice, fleeting glances searched for reassurance to make sure you didn’t found that offensive.

You didn’t help but realized how thoughtful and considerate a person could be that he was worrying about something so small. It wasn’t even sounded offensive to you, it was just a suggestion, guidance to someone who doesn’t know the ‘D’ of dancing.

Like a delicate melody played on uncertain notes—a sincere expression that made his words all the more genuine and endearing and you found that oddly charming.

You couldn’t help but smiled at him, “Don’t worry, I didn’t mind at all, but… I might get offended if you don’t tell me the truth right now.” You teased, slightly grinding at him.

He pinched his brows in confusion, “What are you talking about?”

“Are you. . . Somehow trying to make your ex jealous? Because if you are, I think it’s working.”

His eyes widened a bit, clearly wasn’t expecting something like that. He, again, glanced over to the girl who was still standing at the same spot for ten minutes, observing every move you two made.

“I– No–, I mean not exactly,” He looked at you with a hint of guilt in his eyes, giving you an apologetic smile, “Well, not gonna lie. I did tried to make her kinda jealous – but it wasn’t the entire reason why I asked you for a dance.” You found a hint of panic in his eyes, again looking like he didn’t wanted to offend by any means, which you found enduring. Why does he cared so much? You thought.

You couldn’t help but saw this little things in people, especially the people you held close to your heart.

“Then, why did you asked?”

“Because, I wanted to.” He said casually, as if he didn’t just made you skipped your heart beat a little faster. You shifted your gaze to the other side, feeling weird emotions about the person you wouldn’t felt. Nonetheless, you chuckled a little bit.

“You would have told me earlier, then I might have put more effort.”

“So, you aren’t putting effort yet?” He giggled, eyes gleamed under the light.

“No – I didn’t mean that, but, now we have a mission in our hands, so we better win it!”

He made a look of knowing, realized what you were implying. He let out a chuckle, shook his head at you adorably and gripped your hand a bit firmly, pulling you a little bit closer as if there were any gap in between.

Your chest flashed against his, the burning heat of your cheeks might be visible by then, you felt his thumb rubbing slowly at your waist where he was holding you. That small gesture was supposed to be comforting but it only made your cheeks grew a shade brighter.

You thanked the dimly lights of the club.

The evening went by just the two of you holding each other close as you swung your bodies to the unfamiliar melodies. This time, there was no barrier in between you two, like, ‘he see me as his sister’ or ‘he has a girlfriend.’

…

Sometimes, It was hard for you to understand Jia.

That one time when she asked if she could borrow your white gown on her birthday. Of course you gave that to her. It was her birthday party in the evening, so you didn’t grasp the fact why she wanted to wore something …old, when she had a new dress waiting for her in her wardrobe.

But, then switched her dress to that very new black dress in the middle of that party. When you asked her, she refused to gave you an explanation, which baffled you and left you confused.

Even though you didn’t liked her odd behavior that night, you let that slipped.

“Taehyung is looking at your direction –,” one of the girls from your class whispered in your ears as she giggled like a typical teen girl next to you.

All of your friends were sitting at the cafeteria, munching on your food. It was a typical boring day at school until your eyes landed on Jungkook. He was in the senior year and also the captain of school soccer team.

When you were busy drooling over him, your friends started making their own theories.

“Yeah, I’ve seen him staring at ___ quite often.” Other girl from your same table passed a comment.

Kim Taehyung was in the soccer team as well but a year older than Jungkook, but they were like brothers, the ‘IT’ best friend duo. It was quite usual for you to saw Taehyung whenever Jungkook was around. He was with him almost all the time.

But, you never noticed him staring at you. You thought they were making silly scenarios in their little head in hope of some Juicy gossip until you noticed, Kim Taehyung staring at your direction.

“Stop, guys! He is probably looking at somewhere else or looking for someone? Who knows!” You shrugged them off, not wanted to participate in their nonsense.

The men, they were talking about was the ‘sweetheart’ of your high school, every other girl was smitten by him, so it was a bit difficult for you to accept that he might had a crush on you.

“___, you are dangerously oblivious.” Then they laughed as if they just discovered the funniest joke of the century, their laughter echoed through out the cafeteria except from you and Jia.

It was easy to assume someone’s weight just by looking at the structure of their body until you had to carry them.

“Fuck! He is heavy dude!” Jia cursed under her breath, unable to hide the suffering of carrying Jimin all the way up to the 5th floor to Jungkook’s apartment.

“He doesn’t seem like–,” You were about to trip and fall, but adjusted yourself quickly. “yeah, he is heavy.”

The knock on his door wasn’t too loud as you made sure not to woke any neighbors up 2 in the morning.

You heard a groan along with some footsteps before the door swung open in front of you and you wished that you wouldn’t saw what you’d saw.

There was Jungkook, naked and standing in his full glory. Thank God, he had a sweat pant on.

You immediately looked down out of respect and…well, shyness? Because the way your cheeks heat up was embarrassing. You were flustered and you hoped, no one noticed.

Jungkook made a surprised gasped and scrunched his brows out of confusion, “What are you guys doing here at this hour? I- wait, is that jimin?”

“Yes!! Now help us, dummy.” Jungkook grabbed Jimin’s arm but not before shooting a glare at his sister’s direction, gave her a look of ‘you better shut the fuck up.’

He took jimin from you two and carried him like his weight was nothing, held him like a feather. Before the three of you could reach out to the sofa, you saw Taehyung came out of another room.

“What’s going on in the middle of the night?” His deep voice was an octave lower, clearly he was in his dreamland. With a scowl, he rubbed his eyes and looked at his very drunk friend, “Wait – Is that jimi– Is he dead?” He dramatically gasped.

“No. But, tell me, are you two…gay?” She asked them quietly, made it more dramatic by her expressions. Her mischievous eyes shifted to Taehyung from Jungkook, then again on Jungkook.

Taehyung gave a glare at her direction, no words left from his mouth. The poor guy just woke up at the middle of the night and accused of fucking Jungkook. You held your laughter back, didn’t wanted to make it more chaotic than it already was.

“No– I mean you look like you just had a rough night and–,”

“Jia, will you shut up?” Jungkook’s voice was stern, as if he was holding himself back. His sister knew how to get on his nerves, for sure.

Ignoring the fact that she was about to bring scolded by her elder brother, she took the responsibility and filled him up with the information.

“We were at this bar and we saw Jimin there…lying on a couch. The owner was searching for his friends but, since they weren’t there, we took him here.” She chirped, feigning innocence as if she didn’t just called her brother gay.

Jia decided to met you at this famous bar, again you went along with the idea even though you knew the fact that, you won’t be able to drink anything.

At least you liked the ambience of the bar, until you found a very drunk blonde haired guy laying on a couch, almost knocked out. The owner was literally about to kick him out if it weren’t for you and Jia arrived at the right time.

“He was supposed to join us.” Taehyung shook his head in disappointment, letting out a huff, he walked over to Jimin who was finally knocked out on Jungkook’s couch. Following Taehyung’s lead, you sit beside Jimin, scrutinizing his face for any discomfort he might had.

Your gaze briefly flickered towards Jungkook, caught him staring at you, before he quickly averted his eyes towards Taehyung. You knew, it wasn’t anything you might had thought of, but the way your stomach flipped over wasn’t something normal.

“What you guys were even doing?” Jia asked exaggeratedly, squinted her eyes at both men in front of her suspiciously.

Yes, Jungkook and Taehyung was like brothers since they were in high school, probably saw shits of each other which might had never been seen by anyone, their bromance was top-notch but that doesn’t allow people to question about their sexuality. You knew, Jia was just joking and probably pulling her brother’s leg off and besides, Jungkook has a girlfriend. Or so, had.

They might broke up, but the possibility of him having feelings for her was strong, because of the dance you two had that night at the club. No person who doesn’t had any feelings for their ex would did such thing to just made them jealous. He doesn’t said that, he doesn’t had to, it was all clear in his eyes or so you noticed.

#jungkook fanfic #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #bts fluff #jeongguk #jungkook x reader #bts x reader #bts fanfic #jungkook smut #fanfic #jksian🤍

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h5eavenly · 8 months ago

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Thirty-Five - Flickers Of The Past I.

TW: mentions of disordered eating, diets, mental health issues and suicide.

wc: 8.3

playlist: dollhouse - melanie martinez / cardigan - taylor swift / until i found you - Stephen Sanchez

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The first time you ever saw Hyunjin you were seven years old. It was amid a hot June summer; the scorching hot weather and unforgiving sun were unrelenting. Swearing to make the process of you and your family moving into a new neighborhood absolute hell. Not for you though, the only thing that was causing you discomfort is your long hair. Adding unnecessary layer to provide heat on your neck and causing beads of sweat to roll down it.

Your mom had muttered countless excuses to you. Something about how this time your dad is finally gonna make it. His business is gonna flourish and soon enough you’ll be rich. You didn’t really understand what does having money make any difference? You only wanted three things right now, your mom, dad and one of the cookies that your mom had placed on a plate on the table in front of you. A rumbling in your tummy only confirms your hunger.

“Stay still Y/N.” she warns, pulling slightly on your hair as you had inched forward without noticing. You nodded earning a tsk in return. You stilled, shoulders slumped and trying not squirm in discomfort. The thigh highs your mom forced you to wear cling to your thighs in sweat. Your mom continued brushing your hair, tying your hair in pigtail to start working on the left section of your hair.

“Can I have a cookie mommy?” you ask with a hiss when she finally tied the remaining hair in a pigtail, like the right one. Your mom stood up; her brown hair falls beautifully over her shoulders, resembles silk. She sighs, a line of annoyance between her brows “it’s not time for your snacks yet Y/N.”

“But mommy I’m hungry” your small palm clutched the end of her red dress, a pout that would be described as adorable to anyone else but to your mom it was an eyesore. It was what she always said.

“Don’t be an eyesore Y/N. I don’t care if you’re hungry you need to wait.” She scolded with a stern voice and a glare you were too used to in her eyes. And just like that your small heart crumbles, breaking into pieces right at her feet. She turned away with a huff, her black heels stepping all over your broken heart. Breaking it into smaller pieces just to make sure that you won’t be able to pick it up.

You didn’t cry, despite the lingering heaviness in your heart. You told yourself it didn’t matter; your mom was probably just stressed. She always is whenever you guys moved and with this being the third time already in a year. She was probably overwhelmed. You adjusted the overall strap of your dress that had fallen to lie beside your elbow. An ache in your knees as you stood up. Your big eyes had stayed on the narrow corridor leading to your parent’s room.

You counted to ten and when there was no sign of your mom coming out, your small hand reached for one of the cookies in a hurry. Panic has your heart picking up its pace, a fear clinging to the tips of your fingers. Your other hand clutching the ear of your stuffed bunny, your small feet scrambling in hurry towards the door leaving a trail of cookie crumbs on the floor. The sound of the front door closing echoes in your empty house. Reminding your little mind that this isn’t home it’s nothing but another stop sign along the way.

Once you’re outside, you sit down on the steps of the front porch. Your stuffed bunny sitting by your leg as you chew away on your chocolate chip cookie. Humming in delight with a smile as you turn to watch the two boys playing soccer on your one of neighbor’s lawn. It wasn’t fun to watch simply because you did not understand a thing, did not understand if they were good or bad. Why was the girl cheering, on the ground with catlike eyes and a big smile. Was she cheering them both or one of them?

As if on instinct one of the boys had noticed you, leaving their game unattended to look at you. Locking eyes with you had you frozen in place, the cookie half way into your mouth. For an odd reason an uncomfortable feeling had travelled its way through your body, like you had been caught doing something you shouldn’t have perhaps that’s why when the boy with midnight black hair, a mole under his right eye, waved at you with overflowing excitement, your face burned, and you turned away. Walking back to your house in hurrying manner. A strange feeling in your chest. You blamed it on the boy’s smile, it was as bright as the sun.

Three weeks exactly after that you saw him again. You were waiting at the bus stop, short legs swinging back and forth as you sat comfortably on the wooden bench. Your dark hair is tied into a high ponytail and away from your face. Your pink skirt and matching thigh highs were added cuteness to your already chubby cheeks or at least that’s what the lady next door had said to you. It had earned you two small cartons of strawberry milk. One that is between your hands and its straw in your mouth while the other is protected in your pink bunny backpack.

The sound of sniffles had your ears perked up; attention stole. Looking to where they were coming from you saw a small boy, almost the same size as you, curled up on the sidewalk. Head in his hands. You eyed him curiously, a bit surprised by the number of adults passing by and not sparing him a glance. You weren’t really a brave kid, always more on the shy side, refusing to talk to strangers and clinging to your mother’s leg during social events. So, what you did next was definitely out of character for you.

Jumping down the bench, you threw your now empty carton of milk into a nearby trashcan. A hop in your step, the sun warming the coldness in your palms as you settled right beside him. Shoulders brushing and with your presence he looked up, eyes red and tear streaks over his pretty mole. You were surprised, didn’t expect it to be the boy from your neighborhood.

“Why are you crying?” you had asked, head tilting in spirit of inquiry. The boy eyes sharpen, a childish glint in them as he crossed his arms over his chest “I’m not crying!” he defended weakly, bottom lip trembling “mom said big boys like me never cry!” as if mocking him a tear rolled down his cheek, followed by another just to break down the act he worked so hard on putting on.

Your chest had tightened painfully in sympathy, an emotion you still didn’t know what to call.

“But it’s okay to cry when you’re sad doesn’t matter if you’re big or small.” The words came to your small brain like common sense, colored in innocence. He shook his head stubbornly, despite the sniffles escaping his mouth. Your own lips have formed into a pout, searching your brain for a way to make his sadness disappear.

“What happened?” you finally asked after a while, a black cat taking its place next to your leg. You scratched behind its ear with a smile and Hyunjin watched you with tear clouded vision.

“I-I think my dad is sick.” He muttered between sniffles; you furrowed your brows “tell him to take some medicine. Mommy always gives me that when I’m sick. It tastes awful but it makes me feel better.”

“I told my mom that too.” Hyunjin replies, his own hand reaching over your lap to scratch at the cat’s ears. It starts purring, eyes closed in bliss “but she says he’s sick in here.” He explains by pointing to his head with his index finger and a pout on his pink lips. You grow even more confused haven’t heard of people being sick in the head, but you keep quiet. Nodding in faux understanding as you tell yourself you should read about it later. A short silence settles between you two when the cat jumps into Hyunjin’s lap and curls on itself.

Hyunjin chuckles, the only evidence of his sadness is the lines of tears drying on his cheeks “she likes me!” Hyunjin mumbles cheerfully as he turns to you with a big smile, the same one you saw three weeks ago and that was as warm as the sun. You smile back at him “yeah.”

At the end of the street, you notice your familiar school bus making its way towards the stop “I have to go now.” You announce standing up and adjusting the straps of your backpack. Hyunjin pays you no mind, nodding slightly as he is too immersed in his excitement about petting the cat on his lap. You loiter, staring at the boy before unzipping your pink backpack and taking out the strawberry milk you were planning on drinking later.

“Take this.” You said, outstretching your hand to him with the carton. Hyunjin looked up, eyes widening slightly in surprise “I don’t like strawberry milk.”

“But why? It tastes good and it helps me when I’m feeling down.”

“Really?”

“Yes! I was feeling down this morning but now I’m so much better!” you boosted, an enthusiasm in your voice that had him growing slightly excited as well. He took it, a pink coloring his cheeks as this has been the first time he had ever taken anything from a girl aside from Yeji “Okay!”

“Later sad boy!” you waved with a big smile, his own words of protest left unsaid when you turned around and ran towards the bus stop.

After that day you never saw Hyunjin, not around the bus stop and nowhere around the neighborhood. You heard your mom and the women next door talk about how the Hwang’s moved away because her husband has passed away. It didn’t make much sense to you back then, but you only remember realizing that you never asked for his name, and he never asked for yours.

You don’t see Hyunjin again until you’re sixteen. It’s another wheel of destiny that spins you around just to throw you in the same spot as him, for you guys to clash into one another. But back then, you hadn’t realized it yet. It was a similar cycle, an old record that had played repeatedly till you memorized all the tracks. You had just moved to a new neighborhood, a house bigger than your last one, a more modern version than the last one with marble floors and big glass windows, a slick black aesthetically pleasing kitchen. It all meant nothing to your mom though, not good enough because even though your dad was making a lot more money than last year. He wasn’t rich enough for his name to mean something. It’s evident in the way your mom grumbles all afternoon, brows knitted and a scowl permanent on her face. You ignore her, lazing around on the couch in the living room and counting the number of black dots decorating the ceiling.

The faint sound of music coming from the turned on tv aids you in keeping your mind off your reality.

“Y/N! come on it’s time for your meal!” she calls for you from the kitchen, voice sounding a bit far just to remind you of the bigger space of this house. You sigh, rolling off the couch and onto your feet, passing by the unopened boxes and through foyer the only seems to grow longer with every house. You make it to the kitchen to be greeted with the plate your mom had made specifically for you, a bunch of steamed vegetables. Broccoli, carrots, and peas.

A sour taste settles in your throat, the emptiness of your stomach nudges to ask for more and you contemplate it, fingers drumming on the kitchen island.

“Can I at least have protein?” you finally ask, voice weak and unsure and your body wavers in similar weakness when your mom turns to face you with a hateful glare. As if she’s offended “You had protein for breakfast that’s enough.” She spits with disgust dousing her tone, and you don’t need her to say more to know exactly what she’s thinking, it’s the way her eyes trail over your body with a wrinkled nose. As if she hates to look at you.

“But I’m hungry.” You try to argue, ignoring the goosebumps raising on your body due to her harsh eyes.

“Being a little hungry won’t kill you Y/N. Now eat your food and shut up. You’re giving me a headache.” She rubs her hand over his face and then through her hair, an act of stress and your anxiety renders you mute. But your mother never stops and that’s always been her downfall. A greed that’s never full and it’s the same way with her mouth, always spilling venom and leaving it behind for you to clean up.

“Just look at your body, always talking about how hungry you are no wonder none of the diets are working.” She’s talking to herself, you realize that. And it’s not something you haven’t heard before, so you don’t know why it triggered you that day. Maybe it was another card destiny had thrown on your unfortunate table.

“I don’t fucking care about my body” the words have divulged from your mouth without warning, spilling like vomit. It was the first time you cursed in front of your mom, the first time you argued this long for a while, but you don’t get to dwell on the thought, don’t get to reflect long enough when her palms come in contact with your right cheek in a burning slap.

It’s not the first time she has hit you, it happened a few times before, so you wonder why does is it more agonizing each time? Why do your eyes still fill with tears and why does betrayal seep into your eyes, into your shocked look at her. As if she was anything different than a snake who sank her teeth into you. But she looks at you as if you’re a criminal who had stabbed her right in the heart, feed on it and threw the rest to dogs.

“Go to your room no food for you today.” It was a punishment you knew was waiting for you down the line the longer you had talked. And the best way to deal with all this was to take it but instead you run away. An ocean of tears had clouded your vision and you had somehow ended up on the beach. Sniffling as you hugged your legs to your body.

Now that you think about it you know fate had played you, placed you in another position where you would have no choice but to run into him, you had no choice but to be cursed by him but that’s not how you felt when his ball hit you, it’s not what you felt when even more tears had streamed down your face because what else could go wrong?

Frustration had bubbled in your blood, blending itself with your sadness to form a puddle of overwhelmingly painful emotions that you had no choice but to lay in. It gets worse when Hyunjin had jogged your worry, his apology dies on his tongue when you make eye contact with him. Teary yet fiery eyes pierce his soul, and he was never the type to be left speechless. It comes to him like a flame blown out from a candle and the heat burns him.

At his name being called, he picks his ball and turns away. The face of the crying girl on the beach leaves him awake an hour longer at night.

The second time you see Hyunjin it’s in the halls of your school. It was early in the morning, the halls bustling with students rushing to their first class. You were by your locker, getting your biology book out and once you closed it shut the last thing you expected to see that morning is the face of none other than Hyunjin. Leaning on the locker next to you with a tight smile on his face

“Hi.” He says and somehow his voice is nothing like you expected, it ends up being on the sweeter side, pleasant to hear.

“Hey?” you reply with an edge of confusion in your tone, clear enough that it makes him nervous. Pushing a hand through his already pushed back black hair “I’m Hyunjin. Hwang Hyunjin.” You nod signaling for him to continue, by now you already knew who Hyunjin was. It was impossible not to know him when his name was on everyone’s tongue. The talk about the endless impressive acts of his are a record you had to endure daily from every student you come across. From his outstanding dance skills at the dance club to his impressive plays on the field during soccer games. Getting the captain title was a piece of cake for him, a piece he hadn’t even planned on eating, but it ended up right on his plate by its own.

His silence stretches a minute or two too long as if he’s waiting for you to say something back, when you don’t, he clears his throat in attempt to regain his missing confidence “Uh- I hit you with my ball last week. At the beach? Remember?”

“I do,”

“Great! Uh I’m sorry about that.”

“it’s okay.” You assure with a smile in hope it will dissipate the awkwardness “how is your head by the way?” he trails bunglingly, fingers pointing to your head.

“I still have my memories so I’m probably fine” You reply with a soft smile. Amusement swims in your eyes at the way he acts, the way he won’t meet your eyes for longer than a second before they travel elsewhere. Randomly staring at a few lockers away.

Hyunjin’s blush colored lips twitch upwards in mimicking smile, a breath of a chuckle escapes him “that’s a relief.” He says, bouncing on the heels of his feet with his hands buried in the front pockets of his school uniform.

Another awkward silence settles between you two, he looks as if he has something more to say but the words won’t come out, you try not to rush him, try to wait for him to just spit out but when it stretches. You clear your throat to capture his wandering eyes, they lock with yours, widening as a nervous pink blush takes its place on his pale cheeks “Well I better head to class.”

“Yeah of course.” He nods. Taking a step to the side to move out of the way and with another faint smile of yours you go on your own way. Once you pass by him the smell of peaches and cream coats the inside of your nose and stays there far longer than you anticipated.

If you count the time, you’re sure it’s exactly sixty seconds and if you’re a little bit off then it won’t be more than eighty seconds before you feel his hand circle your wrist, halting your movement with a rushed out “wait!”

His palm is warm, yet his rings are cold as ice, and they leave you more buzzled when you turn to look at him with inquisitive eyes.

“Your name,” he sounds breathless, and you wonder why “you didn’t tell me your name.” the halls had started to empty, reminding you that you’re late to your first period already. The dying noise brings attention to the sound of your heartbeat in your ears and something else in the distance. If you focus hard enough you swear you could hear the chirping of birds as if they’re signaling the beginning of something you aren’t aware of yet.

If your life was a book this will be the chapter where everything changes and flips upside down, the chapter where you begin to see how large the real world is compared to this small bubble you thought was the world. And all what it’d take is a singular look at Hyunjin’s dark eyes. And if this was somehow a movie it would be the beginning of a fairytale like arc and a soft tune with overflowing lovestruck words would be playing right now. Swirling around and tempting you into a spell that tastes like nothing but pure gold and affection.

But this wasn’t a book nor a movie.

“Y/N” you say “Song Y/N.”

This was a game fate had started and choose you as the main player. The only problem was the rules were never explained and your purpose has yet to be found. Years later when you look back at your meeting you remember how Hyunjin never asked you about the fact that you were crying or the glaringly obvious red mark on your cheek.

You’re thankful.

The next time you see Hyunjin it’s in detention. Given his reputation you shouldn’t be surprised but given your reputation he is more than surprised when he notices you there. His bored and cold stare had transformed into a wide eyed one, eagerness filling his limbs into jumbled tapping of his foot on the floor. Grinding on his teeth as he chewed slowly on his mint flavored gum. Eyes pasted at you, you who was sitting a few seats way from him, you who was too immersed in whatever you were doing on your notebook to spare a glance in his way. Your dark hair falling over the side of your face like a barrier depriving him of stealing glances at your face. It left him withering away in disappointment he didn’t quite understand.

Truth, is you didn’t deserve to be here, well at least partly. Last night you stayed late, working on a brand-new idea you had for a jacket design. You were so focused on it and hadn’t realized the number of hours that had passed by. Once your neck had started aching from your position, fingers sore, you had finally looked at the clock placed next you, you were shocked to see it’s already 3 am. So, when you ended up dozing off the next day and falling asleep in chem class. You did not expect the punishment to be detention. You had argued with your teacher. It was a bad idea because it only resulted in a week worth of detention.

However, now that you’re here you realize it is not that bad. It was quiet, the other students dozing off along with the teacher that was assigned to watch you. It was an opportunity for you to finish your designs. Away from your mother’s nagging and your father’s freezing stare.

You feel it then, something hitting your shoulder to steal your attention from your drawing. You look down at the crumpled piece of paper by your shoes.

Hyunjin gauges your reaction, watches as you elegantly tuck your hair behind your ear. Brows furrowing in confusion as you bend down and pick up the paper. Pulling your pretty lips into an even prettier pout as you open the paper only to find it empty. Only to discern it was an attempt to capture an ounce of your attention. You’re surrounded in softness that has him drowning in jealousy, wishing he was a piece of paper just to be held by you.

He watches as your eyes scan the room, looking for a culprit to blame and then they’re landing on him. Bullseye.

Hyunjin plays his role way too well, leans in his chair with his soccer varsity jacket on. A spread in his legs. Undeterred by the speeding beats of his heart, palms watering in nervous sweat the longer your darling eyes are on him. His own hand raises in a wave, a wink colored in confidence he lacked last time is thrown your way. You feel a wave of shyness wash over you at his unexpected forwardness. Your lips curl into a sheepish smile, a shake of your head as you look away and back down at your notebook.

As if you have given him the green light. Energy surges through his body, overshadowing his nerves and he moves as if your smile has been a magic spell you so willingly put on him. And the empty seat in front of you is taken by him. You smell him before you see him, a whirlwind of emotions swim through you when he’s face to face with you, his back to the sleeping teacher.

“Song Y/N.” he greets with a grin, charm clings to his features and your eyes linger on his mole. Sending familiarity to your mind. Raking through it but finding nowhere to place it.

“Hwang Hyunjin.” You greet back, leaning back in your seat, arms stretching in front of you to cover your notebook.

His eyes flicker to it momentarily before going back to your face. A fresh glint is in there, a pleasant one like he’s happy you remember his name.

“Didn’t expect to see you here.” There’s a pleasant breathy edge to his voice.

“I don’t fit in here?” you ask playfully, tilting your head and he’s almost suffocating on your beauty. Didn’t think it’s possible for someone like you to exist.

“Good girls don’t belong in detention.”

“How do you know I’m a good girl? I might have a wild side to me.” You challenge with a raised brow. With his heart beating wildly in his chest when he reaches forward, his fingers drum on the wood of your table almost brushing against your hand “I’d love to see that.”

You hum, his hand radiating heat that spreads through your body despite the fact that he isn’t touching you “well I expected seeing you here, so I guess that helps with your bad boy image.” You comment.

“Bad boy image?”

“Yeah. Isn’t that why you walk around with a cigarette tucked behind your ear?”

“Oh.” His other hand reaches for the poisonous stick he forgot he placed there “that’s why everyone was glaring at me earlier.”

There’s a short silence that fills the small spaces between your bodies, melting on your skin and in your throat begging you to speak the longer his eyes watch you “what are you here for?” you ask after a while, Hyunjin blinks as if he had forgotten the moment he was in, as if he was lost in you, aa if you were anything deserving to get lost in.

“I got caught smoking in the bathroom.” He says stonily “and you?”

“I got caught sleeping in class,” you reply with a shrug, and he chuckles, amused at how different you two are in the best possible way. It ignites something in him, waters a field he didn’t know was abandoned in his heart.

“What are you writing?” he asks, pointing with his eyes at the notebook you’re still hiding. You hesitate, gnawing on your bottom lip before tentatively removing your hands, allowing him to look. And he does, ever so eager as his eyes study the sketch of your design.

“You did this?” he asks with wide shinning eyes, and you wordlessly nod “Y/N it’s amazing!”

“You really think so?” you ask and Hyunjin’s grin widens in response “yes! You’re so talented holy fuck!” he exclaims in strives to convince you. His tone raising in volume before he slaps his hand to his mouth, eyes wide and he turns around to check if he disturbed the sleep of the teacher. He still snores peacefully.

You break into a fit of giggles, a sound he did not expect to hear and when he turns back to you. Your small hand is covering your mouth. The sight has butterflies roaming through his stomach, violently as if fighting for a way to come out. His own lips stretching into a smile until your laughter dies down, settling into an awkward silence as you avoid his eyes.

“You’re cute, Song Y/N.” he says absentmindedly, as if he didn’t mean for them to run away from his mind to his tongue but he doesn’t flatter, doesn’t take it away and you bask in the way it makes you feel. In the way your face burns as you grip your pencil and resumed the swirls of your hand, running away from his words only for them to hunt you down again.

The rest of detention had passed in a tranquil silence, despite the windows being closed you had felt incredibly warm. It courses through your heart, bumping life into the dull ache that has settled there. The warmth of Hyunjin’s gaze had lingered, it seared on your being even after weeks of not seeing him again.

You don’t see Hyunjin for a long while after that, not until the end of the semester. A week before summer break and during preparation for your school’s summer festival. A yearly event that they held. In the midst of your group making a sign with unmatching colors for your class you had ran out of color, grumbling and complaining they argued on who should go get more “I’ll go get it.” You volunteered, killing their argument successfully and earning thank yous in return.

You strolled along the running track on your way to the main building taking your time as you had grown tired from working all day. It felt like a nice break. Your hand swings back and forth capping and uncapping the sharpie pen you didn’t realize you picked up when you got up. Your eyes linger to your left, watching the soccer practice that is taking place. It wasn’t hard to notice him, the star of the team. The hushed whispers of nearby students remind you that you’re all enamored by the same person.

It is these specific moments that have you grasping the reality of how different you and Hyunjin are. It dawns on you like a cold bucket of water, you didn’t think about it much, didn’t think about him much but it’s like when you see him you can’t stop. Every time you see him you know he will haunt your mind for a few nights after. Perhaps that’s why your steps had come to a stop. Hyunjin had once again managed to filch attention you weren’t willing to give but that was just the kind of person he was. He easily captured the attention of everyone around him, admiring him. That’s the thing with Hyunjin, it was so easy to admire him. And maybe that’s why you had made it a challenge with yourself to be different. To not be a person who waits around the corner just to steal a look at him.

When Hyunjin notices you, eyes widen in gleam and a beam on his face. You don’t think about how fast you fail. And when he waves at you from a distance. A scene so strikingly familiar it has you confused. Your challenge collapses as fast as it comes, lying pathetically by your feet as you wait, just like every other admirer you wait as Hyunjin says something to his teammates. Two of them you recognize because they’re always around him, Lee Felix and Kim Seungmin. You had smiled at them, in attempts to be friendly and kind. It was part of your building reputation after all.

Back then, you were once again proven to be naïve. Constantly pushed into the shadow as destiny liked to fuck with you. You didn’t know it back then, that soon enough Kim Seungmin, the Seungmin you smiled so willingly at would be the same person who’s aiming a blade at you, you didn’t know the amount of pain he’d inflict on you.

Hyunjin is jogging towards you as if he’s afraid you’ll disappear if he isn’t fast enough, his soccer uniform is a tad too big on him. His lithe body leaves space.

“Song Y/N.” he’s out of breath when he’s next to you, sweat rolling down his exposed forehead as he grins at you.

“Hwang Hyunjin.” You greet back as usual.

“I didn’t know you were watching me.” His hand starts wiping away at his sweat, brushing through his hair multiple times as if he’s suddenly feeling self-conscious about his disheveled appearance. It has smile tugging at the corner of your lips “I was just passing by,” you explain lightly, a palpable tension oozes around you the longer he keeps his eyes on you. His stare burns as hot as the sun above.

“Nice ears by the way,” he comments, eyes flickering to the top of your head, and you subconsciously reach for it, your hand touches the fake fur of your cat ears that you had completely forgot you put on. Your face burns in embarrassment while his eyes light up as if witnessing a rare scene.

“My class is doing a cat slash zodiac café thing.” You fumble with your words to explain, your nerves show in the way you go back to capping and uncapping the lid of your pen “sounds like a lot, Y/N.”

“It is.” You answer shortly and he hums into the momentary silence “what’s your zodiac sign?” he suddenly asks and you’re thankful for the change of subject, you show him your wrist, the symbol of your sign your group had drawn for you.

“What’s yours?” you ask, tone curious and gentle. Feels like feathers against his skin as he swallows back nothing “not sure, I was born on the 20th of march.”

“Ah, you’re a Pisces.”

“What does that mean?” he wonders, eyebrows furrowing in thought.

“That you’re a sensitive baby.” You let a playful smile climb to the corners of your lips, lifting over the wall of slight awkwardness that stays around you two. He pauses at the glimpse of it, his own lips quirking upwards, and he rolls his eyes “are we at least compatible?”

“I think we might be the worst match out there.” You reply, giggling faintly. Hyunjin watches you, a garden of flowers blossom in his throat, taking every word he could say back to you. Your softness is prodigious, delicate in ways he wasn’t aware of.

“I have to go.” You say after a while and Hyunjin blinks rapidly, realizes he had done nothing but stare at you like a fool.

“Wait,” his voice is hoarse, his hand that stop you only touch you for a mere minute before he retracts it, it leaves you burning for more “Can I uh-“ he nervously rubs the back of his neck with his hand, eyes lolling everywhere “Can I have your Instagram or something?”

“I don’t really use Instagram.”

“oh.” Hyunjin’s eyes drop in disappointment, so glaringly obvious and you feel like a criminal who had stolen his light. Maybe you felt sorry and maybe that’s why you decided to light a match for him.

“I can give you my number instead.”

Was it then? That your heart had decided to surrender? Or was it when he messaged you for the first time that night with a link to an article, talking about how your signs are in fact compatible.

When was it exactly that you had become a willing victim of his?

On the last night of your summer break you saw Hyunjin again, passing by a skate park in your off white vintage two-piece your mother had picked out for you, your heels leaves a dull ache in your body leaving a trail of disappointment behind you with every step you take, evidence of another failed blind date your mother had set you up on.

“Hwang Hyunjin.” You had spoken first that night and he froze, a cigarette mid-way to his lips as he stared at you in complete awe. As if he couldn’t believe you were real, as if you were a mirage and you were gonna be gone if he blinks. You looked so beautiful to him, you always did. You were the only person capable of making his breath hitch.

“Song Y/N.” he says breathlessly “Wow! You look amazing,” his eyes rake over you appreciatively, you were incredulously pretty. A goddess that threats to steal his remaining sanity.

“Thank you,” you mumble, something akin to relief had spread through your body at the sight of him, you hadn’t realize how rigid you were until your eyes met, melting the tension in the folds of your feature with a single glance of his.

Have you already surrendered?

“Back from a date?” he asks clearing his throat after noticing how hard he was staring at you, he twirls the white stick of poison between his fingers. How lucky, you can’t help but think.

“A blind date,” you specify “it was horrible.” You trail off, eyes fliting to his group of friends behind him before they’re back on him.

You’re not sure of what kind of expression you had on, not sure if Hyunjin had maybe pitied you. If maybe he felt nicer than he’d like and that’s why you ended up sitting next to each other on the beach. He lent you his dark flannel and you used it to cover your bare legs. Your shoulders bump as he splits his sandwich in half and hands you the bigger piece. Your heart was beating wildly, the warmth of his shoulder somehow spreads through your entire being leaving you wondering how could a single person radiate this much warmth?

“It’s kinda spicy,” he says through a bite, acting so naturally and it’s unfair the way he leaves you caught between his dark eyes and his nice gestures.

“I like spicy food,” you retorted taking a bite from your own half, he hums, watches as you chew and doesn’t look away until you’re nodding in satisfaction.

“So, how bad was your date?”

“It had me questioning if I’m even attracted to men. That bad.” Hyunjin chuckles but doesn’t say anything, he looks captivated by you. Watches the way your fingers wipe off the corner of your mouth despite it being clean, the way you tuck your hair behind your ear. The way you hum in delight as you take another bite of your sandwich, the sullen expression you had earlier is nowhere in sight. Was it normal to be this interested in such small mannerism? He felt peculiar.

“Do you think soulmates exist?” You ask after a while of silence, tone soft and content and your food is long gone.

“My answer is a little complicated.”

“Tell me, “You say, turning to look at him as you lay your head on your bent knees. He sees the moon in the flickers of light in your eyes. How exceptional you are, stealing the attention of the great moon. How could he ever not be defeated by you?

“I do think soulmates exist, but I don’t everyone is lucky to meet their own.”

“How come?”

“I just don’t think it’s not realistic for everyone to meet their soulmate. Not everyone can be lucky and happy that’s not how the world works.” He replies with a shrug, mirroring you as he leans his head on his knees. The sound of the waves fills the empty spaces between your words “What about you? Do you believe in soulmates?”

“I don’t,”

“Why?”

“I don’t know I just don’t think they exist. I don’t believe in forever and all that other stuff.”

“You don’t think someone is gonna love you forever someday?” he asks, tone soft and faint. And somehow it feels like there’s no room in your heart anymore for oxygen. It’s all taken by him. And you’re suddenly consumed by him without realizing it. His delicacy waters your heart, it’s in the flannel on your legs, in the scent that had now stuck to your body and it’s in the food you shared. His tenderness was unwonted for you.

Is that why you craved for more? Is that why you wondered if you could just fall?

“The idea of loving someone forever sounds ridiculous.” Hyunjin never said anything back to that, a tranquil hush had fallen over you two. Both of you quietly gaze at each other, entranced by one another. And a foolish little sparkle had formed in the middle of your heart, spreading its light through your being and birthing even more sparkles into your soul.

Was this another a test by destiny you failed or was it possible for him to fall too

Hyunjin had lingered by your doorstep that night, swaying on his feet. The night breeze is cooling as it brushes against you. And his flannel is now around you. His scent mixes with yours, leaving you feeling intoxicated.

“What?” you asked with a hint of a smile. He lets out a shuddering breath, his eyes vulnerable as they stare you down. “I’m just feeling somewhat sad.” he makes no attempt to conceal it.

“Why?” your voice sounded as frail as your swaying feelings.

“I don’t know. I guess I regret spending the entire summer chickening out when everyday could have been like today.”

Back then you had found his sadness to be indiscreetly foolish . It’s not like you were gonna dissolve into thin air. You had next summer and the one after. You had the upcoming winter and the one after. You had so much time coming or at least that’s what you thought. You wonder if Hyunjin felt it, if he felt your time running out already and just like you, he had desperately tried to clutch onto it. To squeeze himself into every passing second where you coexisted in the same space.

You didn’t know it then, that your own words would return to you tenth fold. You didn’t know that the words you spoke ever so causally were gonna be your dreading reality. You didn’t know you’d break down to the point where you’d hold on to a sliver line of hope wishing for it to someday bleed into the forever you once said you didn’t believe in.

You were constantly at the edge of your seat, every time Hyunjin had turned his back to you it left you drowning even more and wondering if tomorrow he’s gonna be there. You had prepared yourself all this time and yet when Hyunjin turned his back to you for the last time. It broke you.

The sliver of hope had ended up killing you.

Looking back at it now you think that your sixteenth summer might have been the last moments of your sincerity, the last few moments before change had barged in, breaking your door down and taking place in you to turn you into something you weren’t able to escape. a snake that you pretended to like being in the skin of.

On the morning of your 17th birthday the planets had shifted and just like always you were a pawn in this game fate liked to play. your fairytale like arc had ended. To commingle into something new, an agony that had spreads its roots into your life. Vow to not never leave unless it made a mark on you, unless it sucked the life out of and diluted you to nothing but an immense penumbra.

You were taking a stroll outside on your bicycle, the wind dancing its way in your hair. A cool breeze that draws a smile on your face settling into a peaceful warmth in the center of your chest. You hadn’t anticipated the break of it all. The dull darkness that had replaced every sense of and shape of light you had ever known. It all came in sudden waves, seeing your dad’s car parked three streets away was a surprise that had soon melted into curiosity as you inched closer to look. You didn’t think of why, didn’t think about the consequences. You were naive and that became your downfall when you peeked inside the car and saw your dad with another woman, your dad kissing another woman, your dad’s hand in another woman’s hair.

That morning you had experienced your first heartbreak, and it was caused by no one other than your own father.

“Make a wish Y/N.” your mother said, placing the sugar free vanilla cake she had purchased two days ago, and you ended up seeing in fridge in front of you. You didn’t feel happy, not an excited bone in your body. Instead, all you felt was betrayal and rage, melting into liquid to run through your veins. It transmitted through your eyes, sharp as they glared at your father who sat across of you. Sipping on his coffee.

“Go on.” Your mom urged you with a push to your shoulder. You stared at the candle, your heart catching on fire alongside it. You close your eyes, you draw in a deep, shuddering breath. And you blow on it. Your mother doesn’t clap and neither does your father. He’s scrolling through his phone and your mother takes the cake from in front of you.

“I’ll give you a piece after dinner.” She says and you wordlessly nod. Fresh pain swims in you the longer you look at him, the longer you notice how indifferent he looked. Was a guilty man supposed to be this relaxed? Did he even care? Just for how long he has been doing this? The questions overwhelm you, leaving you feeling choked.

Your phone’s screen lights up and your eyes flicker to the coming message.

Hyunjin: Meet you at our spot in 5? I have something I wanna give you.

“I’m going out for a bit,” you announce, standing up from your seat with one last glare sent your father’s way.

“What? Dinner’s almost ready. Where are you going?” your mother scolded, followed you as you were putting on your shoes “I’m seeing Hyunjin for a bit.” You explained frigidly, not letting her huff of annoyance affect you.

“Again? All you do is spend time with that Hwang kid! I told you a million times he isn’t good-“you close the door shut with a slam.

Once you see Hyunjin standing on the beach, his back to you as he stared at the sea immersed in the crashing waves, you felt the same waves crash against the walls of your heart. Washing it into a tempest of blues that you didn’t even know you were capable of feeling. It wraps around your ankles and drags you down, threatening to make you one with the sand. Taking wobbly steps to him, you wish it would happen.

“Hyunjin.” You call once you’re close, once you’re in an appropriate distance for your heart not to jump and attack his. He turns around and your heart is weaker than you hope for. Jumping out of your grasp and into him.

Please give it back.

“Y/N!” his voice is airy, light enough to blend in with your blood, light enough to have you wishing he was running through your veins.

“Hey.” You breath in faux cheerfulness, a smile that doesn’t reach your eyes but he doesn’t get to dwell on it because with three quick steps he’s in your presence, destroying your safe distance as he pulls you into him with a hug, arms around your waist. His scent invades your space and your fingers desperately clutch the fabric of his white shirt, tears brimming in your waterline.

When he pulls back, his cold hands are cupping your cheeks. It has goosebumps and tingles littering along your spine. “what’s wrong?” he asks gently, his concerned eyes search your own. Letting loose, your tears fall like a waterfall that can’t be stopped “I’m just overwhelmed.” You chuckle, humorlessly.

“About what?”

“I’m getting old,” you sniffle and Hyunjin is smiling, a comfort he doesn’t know he can provide “you’re an idiot Y/N.” he shakes his head at you, and you agree.

“Well hopefully this will cheer you up.” He tells you, eyes glinting with happiness you wish to never leave him, you wish for him to always shine this brightly and maybe that’s why you didn’t tell him back then, the burden you carried felt too heavy for his softening gaze. You watch as he reaches in his pocket, he gauges your reactions as he pulls out a silver chain, a bracelet. Eyes dancing with overflowing emotions as he clasps it around your wrist.

You look at it only to realize that the letter ‘H’ dangles at the end of it, he raises his own wrist to show you a matching chain around his, your initial dangles from it “We’re matching.” He tells you with a grin and just like that Hyunjin had once again managed to pick the broken pieces of your heart and glue it together with emotions you shouldn’t feel.

You bury your face in your hands, overwhelmed and stolen away again by his charm. He had pulled you from the sinking sand under your feet and into his embrace instead. Wrapping you into the delicacy you run away from only to end up drowned in.

The day you turned seventeen your serial mendacious had began with two lies, the first was a witless venture to protect your family. You thought if you kept quiet then you could save them maybe someday, you’ll be able to mend them back together. It was an idiotic idea.

The second lie didn’t matter because you were certain Hyunjin would never feel the same way about you. It was an idiotic idea to explore as well. How could the sun possibly be attached to a dying speck of light?

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˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ Taglist: @annybah , @christopherisfoive , @realrintaro , @kkamismom12 , @nujeskz , @wolfietara , @luvvvash , @pnkcasket, @asiixc , @shyshyshytwice , @samhomo , @babrieeee , @nhyunn , @enzstr , @idontlikecoffeeortea , @feelikecinderella , @not-very-slay-of-you , @linocvp1d , @amarecerasus , @itgirlalisaa , @babrieeee , @arikazu , @hyundumpling , @skzhoes , @cupkiki , @avokralaim , @hyunenenenenennenenehs , @super-btstrash-posts , @mellhwang , @kaiyaba , @hyunjinloverrrr , @finnbbl , @rockyhedgehog , @heyhaez , @anjian03 , @jihanniee , @skvrze , @tia827 , @enzos-shit , @lilliansreality , @sora1234sblog , @certified-lana-del-rey-lover , @chartrucewhore , @dessianna1

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yuumcbr · 3 months ago

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What are your favorite Twisted Wonderland AUs?

Like every fandom, Twisted Wonderland has countless AUs. Among them, there are some that I really like.

The purpose of this post is to share my favorite AUs and hopefully get to know others through other people. Under no circumstances do I want to cause conflict or confusion.

To begin with, I really like universes where the protagonist of the story is a secondary character in the story who is trying not to get involved or live an everyday life.I found most of these stories on AO3, such as:

In this fic, a boy from our world goes to the body of a boy from Octavinelle who committed suicide. Now he tries to adapt to his new routine at a magic school, without attracting attention (he attracts a lot of attention).

In this one, the protagonist is reincarnated as a rabbit-beastman and grows up in a watch shop. Bunny's (the protagonist's nickname) goal is to create a way to return to his world.

As time goes by, he enters RSA, but is expelled and enrolls in NRC.

Here we are introduced to a boy who had a sister who was in love with an Otome game called Twisted Wonderland. One day, he wakes up as Raphael, a boy who picked on Yuu (the protagonist of the game, not the story).But something happens, he is able to see the level of love the character has for Yuu.

Another type of AU that I love are the universes that take place in the modern world, that is, ours. And Yuu gradually gets to know other characters.

Some examples of this AU are:

In this AU, Yuu is a wizard who can see demons and works with a charlatan medium (Fellow).

Little by little, Yuu meets countless demons who want to make a contract with him and take his soul.

This one, Yuu works in a shop in Donetsk and his customers are, well, different...

Yuu is gradually introduced to the magical world of magical girls (who are actually the boys of TWST), apparently people can't see certain things around them, but Yuu discovers that he is an exception.

And this draws a lot of attention.

Here is a world of heroes and villains, Yuu is a student who adopted a cat/tanuki monster who wants to be the greatest villain of all.

Yuu's city is divided into factions, and sometimes he works at Mr. S's shop which is located in a neutral zone.

Little by little, Yuu and Grim find themselves indirectly meeting and forming bonds with people they shouldn't.

The next AU is a crossover created by two people, this AU takes place after everyone graduates from NRC, Yuu is studying at a History college and his friends got their own jobs.

But there's more to it than meets the eye, TWST x SAW Au.

As I said before, the AU was created by two people. While @kimium shows Yuu's view of their friends and everyday life at History college, @m34gs shows the characters planning murders and their past where they were trapped in someone's plan.

You can find more information on their tumblrs.

Next up is the Seven Great AU by @amarizuu , in this universe, Yuu can talk to the 7 Greats in his head.

This makes interactions with other characters very interesting, since Yuu listens to them 24 hours a day. They give opinions and discuss in Yuu's head.

Yuu went through a lot before going to NRC, being manipulated and treated like a weapon, at least now he can be treated like a normal teenager (as much as possible, since we're talking about NRC students).

Another AU that I love a lot is Deity AU or God AU, on Tumblr it was created by @ceruleancattail and on AO3 you can find the series of "twisted_wonderland_shenanigans" with this link:

I really like this AU, to summarize, the characters of TWST are gods that interact with the human world or a specific human.

You can also find other stories of this AU on Tumblr.

Now Android AU, this AU is by @ceruleancattail .Yuu is a mechanic who has always loved taking things apart and putting them back together. His curiosity about how things work has made him a great professional.

In the AU, Yuu fixes robots (who would be the characters) and treats them like any other person, not just as machines.

This makes the androids not want to go back to their owners who treat them like machines and stay with Yuu forever.

There is a touch of Yandere in the stories, but nothing too strong or explicit.

The stories in the AU vary a lot, but they are all really cool.

You can also find some stories from this AU on tumblr.

I think I mentioned most of them, I can't remember exactly which ones.

But now comes the fun part, which TWST AUs do you like the most?

This isn't a rhetorical question, I would really like to know more AUs and it's always fun to interact with other people in the fandom.

Ps: If you own one of the AUs and stories above and would like something removed or added, please let me know.

And if you didn't like me tagging you, let me know too.

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juanarc-thethird · 1 year ago

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How was the Ever After?

Nora: Jaune, how was the Ever After?

Jaune: *Smiling* A tree moved me to the past.

Nora: Wut?

Jaune: I waited 20 years for Ruby and the others to show up.

Nora: Oh god!

Jaune: I met new people, a cat, my bunny friend Juniper, and two siblings.

Nora: Ok, that's good.

Jaune: But the sister try to kill me.

Nora: Oh

Jaune: And she killed her brother.

Nora: Oh!

Jaune: But then I found a small group of paper people that helped me stay sane.

Nora: Ok?

Jaune: But they committed suicide while we were busy fighting Neo

Nora: Good lord!

Jaune: Then I got into a fight with Ruby and she ran away.

Nora: Oh no.

Jaune: We found her later.

Nora: Nice!

Jaune: But Neo pushed Ruby to commit suicide.

Nora: Not nice!

Jaune: And the cat got into Neo, controlling her.

Nora: What?!

Jaune: Then we realized that Ruby is still alive.

Nora: Wow

Jaune: But the cat show up and wanted her body, so we fought to the death.

Nora: Damn!

Jaune: And then we found out that the brother who I thought had been killed is still alive.

Nora: Great!

Jaune: But the cat did kill the sister.

Nora: What the?!

Jaune: We won and Ruby returned to normal.

Nora: good.

Jaune: But I had to leave Juniper behind.

Nora: Oh no.

Jaune: But hey, they gave me back my youth. Pretty good journey, right?

Nora: R-Right.

#ant-man inspiration #jaune arc #jaune #rwby jaune #rwby jaune arc #nora valkyrie #rwby nora #nora #rwby nora valkyrie #rwby #rwby shitpost

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thetarttfuldickhead · 1 year ago

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Roy wakes, fully hard and – two seconds later, when the details of the dream return to him – fully panicked.

Fuck.

---

It’s not like he’s never had sex dreams before. Come on. But none of them had featured men (except that weird one about Lee Pace in a banana costume and that hadn’t left him so much turned on as thoroughly confused) and abso-fucking-lutely not a single one of them had starred Jamie Tartt.

Jamie Tartt, who is now standing right in front of him in the dressing room, saying something about football something something, right Coach, something free kicks, and all Roy can think about is how he now has a very vivid idea of what those lips would look like when wrapped around his cock.

Jamie pushes a strand of hair of out of his eyes. They look grey now; in Roy’s dream they were green-tinting-towards-brown and heavy-lidded with lust as Roy had pushed him back on the bed—

Roy can’t stand it. Except one very specific part of him apparently can and no, no, fuck no, he’s not doing this. Without a word he turns on his heel and walks away, ignoring Jamie’s surprised objection.

Fuck.

---

Training is a nightmare.

The only way Roy can get through it at all is by not sparing Jamie a single glance. (Jamie running, dribbling, shooting; Jamie turning and twisting, as graceful as water; Jamie with hair damp with sweat and calling out to the others with that eager voice that had called out Roy’s name last night.) It’s really fucking difficult, though, because he’s used to always keeping at least half an eye on Jamie these days, no matter what else is going on. Besides, the prick’s everywhere, rushing around the pitch like the fucking Duracell Bunny on speed. Roy clearly made a huge mistake ever pushing him towards the heights of endurance because the little shit just. won’t. stop.

Roy’s attempts at avoidance don’t go unnoticed, either. He can feel the eyes of Beard and Nate on him; can see the way the other players look from him to Jamie and mutter among themselves.

He makes them run suicides until they collapse just to shut them up and when Jamie is the only one still on his feet Roy tells Beard that oh fuck, he has a really important meeting he needs to go to right now, he fucking forgot about it and now he’s running late, could Beard and Nate finish this up please, and of course Roy doesn’t flee from the pitch because Roy Kent doesn’t fucking flee from anything. He walks off rather hurriedly, sure, but that’s just to properly sell the lie of the meeting he’s in a rush to.

“Yeah, something is definitively up with him and Jamie,” he hears Beard mutter to Nate as he walks off.

Fuck.

---

He withdraws to the supply cupboard where he’s not likely to be disturbed, or found. He’s not hiding, obviously; he just needs a few moments to himself, to gather his wits. He’d drive home, except he actually does have a meeting with Rebecca in a couple of hours, and she is the one person he daren’t piss off. Not because she’s terrifying – although she can be, a fact that Roy respects immensely – but because she’ll know that something is off if he doesn’t show and unlike everyone else she has both the guts and the capacity to force it out of him.

In a farcical turn of events, which he entirely blames on Dr. Sharon (and maybe also on Keeley and Jamie a little, for their absurd and sometimes infectious tendency towards emotional honesty), Roy thinks that maybe he wouldn’t mind talking to someone about this. Maybe it would… help? Give him some perspective on things?

Problems is, there’s no one he can talk to, is there? Jamie is right out, for obvious reasons, and while this would probably be right up the Diamond Dogs’ alley, there’s no fucking way Roy is telling his fellow coaches and the club’s director of football operations about having a wet dream about the team’s star player. Apart from the utter mortification of it, it’s hardly fair on Jamie, having almost all his bosses discuss him like that. Even if it’s not the real Jamie they’d be discussing, really, just the very bendable and delightfully masochistic Jamie that’s taken shameless residence in Roy’s battered mind.

He can’t talk to Rebecca, for the same reason, even though he’s pretty sure she’d be able to say something clever enough and cutting enough that he’d snap right out of whatever the hell this is. Maybe she’d declare him clinically insane and unfit for duty and have him carted off to an asylum or some shit, and as much as that would suck it’d be a bit of a relief, honestly. At least he wouldn’t near twist his neck off his shoulders trying to avoid looking at Jamie.

Jamie would probably come and visit him, the fucking arsehole.

And Roy can’t talk to Keeley, either, because even though she’s probably the best person to bring this to and the person he’d most like to talk to, she’s been clear about having no interest in sorting Roy and Jamie’s shit out for them. Besides, he doesn’t want to somehow give her the idea that he’s over her. He’s not. He had a pretty wild dream about her just the other week, and—

For a brief moment, he’s assailed by the image of Keeley and Jamie tangled on Roy’s mattress, looking up at him with twin smiles and—

In spite of the cupboard being rather chilly, Roy starts to sweat. Desperately, he crosses his legs and forces his mind back to the time when he took a chug of orange juice only for it to be egg yolk and he nearly threw up.

It doesn’t really help. He’s still turned on, only now he’s feeling sick too.

He could talk to Dr. Sharon, he guesses, but Dr. Sharon is travelling southern France for the rest of the week.

Roy won’t last that long.

Fuck.

---

The door to the cupboard is pulled open with enough force to almost startle Roy off of the bucket he’s sat on.

“All right, what the fuck’s going on, man?” Jamie demands, without even having the decency to look surprised at finding Roy hiding hanging out among the mops and micro fibre cloths. “Did you hit your head and forget the last two years or something?”

“Of course not,” Roy mutters, determinedly not looking up from the computer precariously balanced on his lap.

“Then why the fuck are you ignoring me? The lads all think I did something really bad!” There’s a plaintive note in Jamie’s voice, reminding Roy of the noises dream-Jamie had made when Roy—

Roy closes his eyes. He can’t go on like this. He’s pretty sure that if he could just get a day or two – three or four tops, absolutely no more than five – away from Jamie, away from these constant reminders, the details of the dream would fade away, and his desire with it – but they have a game the day after tomorrow, so that’s not going to happen, and he can’t keep avoiding Jamie until then. It’d be bad for the team – not to mention that he can’t really stomach the hurt he hears in Jamie’s voice.

Nothing for it, then. Fuck it all to hell.

“I had a sex dream,” he grits out, carefully looking to the doorframe right next to Jamie’s face, so that he can catch Jamie’s reactions without having to look him in the eye.

Jamie doesn’t react much, just cocks his head to the side. “You had a sex dream about me?”

“Did I say it was about you, you muppet?!” Conceited prick.

“Uh, no, but it was? You wouldn’t be all weird about it if wasn’t.” Trust Jamie to always choose the worst moments to be insightful and reasonable. He’s doing it just to be contrary, Roy’s sure of it.

Jamie’s watching him expectantly, as if believing Roy will elaborate or explain further. Roy doesn’t say a word. Roy is busy stonily inspecting a small speck of dirt on the wall next to Jamie’s face.

Eventually, Jamie lets out a long sigh and rolls his eyes. “Fine. What’s the big deal then?”

Now Roy’s eyes snap to Jamie’s face, because what the hell? “What do you mean, what’s the big deal? You don’t think it’s a little weird and really fucking uncomfortable that I, Roy Kent, had a sex dream about you, Jamie Tartt? I’m your fucking coach! We’re friends!”

Jamie makes a face, like Roy’s being the insane one. “Roy, mate, you’ve seen the wall in my old bedroom. Bunch of half-naked girls and you, right? You never did the math on that?”

Roy has, in fact, never done the math on that. Hasn’t realize there as math to do. “You were impressed by my prowess as a football player,” he tries feebly.

Jamie rolls his eyes. “Um, yeah. Which is hot.”

“… oh.”

Roy doesn’t know what else to say to that. Doesn’t know how to feel about that. Hasn’t the faintest idea about how to even begin to process it.

Jamie is watching him with a small frown. He looks concerned, pitying almost, which makes Roy want to go throw himself in the Thames more than anything else in this discussion has.

“So,” Jamie says eventually, speaking slowly, like he’s trying very hard to find the right words, “all these years and you never once figured that this whole thing we’ve got going, all this fucking tension, that it was… you know… just a little bit sexual?”

“No.”

“What, never?”

“No.”

“That’s fucking mental, man.” Jamie looks like he doesn’t know whether to be incredulous or impressed. Then his eyes widen. “Ooh, is this because men getting with other men was illegal when you were a kid back in the dark ages? They burned people alive and shit, so you’re, like, repressed and stuff?”

Roy is about to bite his head off for pulling out fucking stupid ha ha you’re so old jokes now, except there’s something in Jamie’s eyes giving him the distinct impression that maybe Jamie is deliberatedly being a prick, doing it for Roy’s sake, trying to offer him a sense of normalcy or something, and that’s actually quite sweet, isn’t it? Only that thought has Roy’s heart doing something weird and stupid, so actually no, back to Jamie just being a prick.

“We’re in love with Keeley,” he says, and he means for it to be gruff, but it comes out pleading more than anything else.

“Yeah, I know.” Jamie sounds exasperated. “None of this means we ain’t. Fucking hell, mate, tension’s just tension, yeah, no need to fucking act on it if you don’t want to. And dreams are just dreams. I’m mad fit, you see me running around doing impressive shit all day, course you’re gonna dream about me, be weirder if you didn’t. Bet half the team do the same, anyway. It doesn’t have to mean anything.” Jamie crosses his arms, and looks as serious and decisive as Jamie ever does. “Listen, Coach, we’re playing West Ham this Saturday, and you need to stop being weird about this and start coaching me and not freak everyone out.”

Roy doesn’t ask him what Jamie think he’s been trying to do all day. Not his fault Jamie’s been right there, all pretty eyes and strong thighs and distracting lips and shit. But he doesn’t say that; instead, he sighs, because Jamie, infuriatingly, has a point. “Yeah. Okay. But… just give me a fucking minute. Go get changed and I’ll be there in fifteen, all professional and shit.”

“Great. See you then, Coach.”

Jamie turns and as he walks away Roy can’t help his gaze sliding down to Jamie’s arse, noticing the way the blue shorts cling to the round buttocks, leaving little enough to the imagination, only Roy is imagining what they’d look like sans shorts and red from Roy’s fingers and palm, wondering if the reality would match the dream.

Fuck.

---

Dreams are just dreams. Roy tells Dr. Sharon as much during their next appointment, because even though talking to Jamie helped him pull himself together just enough to muddle through the rest of the week with his sanity mostly intact, he’s still feeling rather rattled by the whole mess. Untethered.

Jamie’s been brilliant, carrying on as if nothing’s changed between them. Somehow, that hasn’t helped as much as Roy would’ve thought it would.

Dr. Sharon listens carefully and without judgement, as she always does. “You’ve had dreams before,” she notes once Roy’s fallen silent. “I’m sure some of them have been strange or unsettling. Has any of them ever affected you like this?”

“No. Like I said, it’s just dreams, right? It’s not real. Shouldn’t affect me. Never fucking does, not even the sexy ones, usually.”

“Right. So why do you think this one was different?”

Roy stares at her. She returns his stare calmly, patiently. Waits, watching him, until he can’t help but catch the shape of it reflected back at him in her kind eyes.

Fuck.

---

“What if I don’t want it to be just a dream?”

“Eh?”

Jamie’s peering at him through the open door, looking like he’s wondering what Roy is doing showing up unannounced and spouting nonsense on his doorstep at half past three on a rest day.

Which, okay, fair enough.

“What if I don’t want it to be just a dream?” Roy repeats, a little slower this time.

For another moment, Jamie just stares at him. Then his eyes widen, lightening up with delight. “Oh! You mean… ?” He gestures between them.

“Yeah,” Roy says and then he’s being pulled into the hallway by his jacket and he has time to think that that they really need to figure out how Keeley fits into all of this and then he has his arms around a body that is firm and solid and there and Jamie Tartt is kissing him and it’s not a dream at all.

Fuck. Oh, fuck… !

#i don’t know. it’s stupid. it’s dumb. here #have an entirely random bisexual awakening ficlet that came to me in my not-yet-sober stupor this morning #why is roy so silly in this you may ask #well have you seen 3x12?#why is roy so silly in that hmmm?#also it's crack #but a little bit it isn’t you know?#special thanks to everyone helping me settle on ‘supply cupboard’#nothing else in this ficlet has been brit-picked bc why start being consistent now?#roy kent #jamie tartt #royjamie #royjamiekeeley #although the royjamiekeeley bit is mostly future #ted lasso #ficlet #my stuff #post-canon

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badbatchsprincess · 5 months ago

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Heated ~ pt.19

Pt.1 ~ Pt.2 ~ Pt.3 ~ Pt.4 ~ Pt.5 ~ Pt.6 ~ Pt.7 ~ Pt.8 ~ Pt.9 ~ Pt.10 ~Pt.11 ~ Pt.12 ~ Pt.13 ~ Pt.14 ~ Pt.15 ~ Pt.16 ~ Pt.17 ~ Pt.18 ~ Pt.19 ~ Pt.20 ~ Pt.21 ~ Pt.22 ~ Pt.23 ~ Pt.24 ~ Pt.25

Masterlist

Summary: This is an ABO Bad batch!Poly x Omega Reader smut with a plot. This takes place as an AU before order 66. Y/N previously served under the 501st before being transferred to Special Forces 99. This is her adventure with these rowdy Alphas in a quickly changing universe.

THIS IS AN ABO AU ABOUT THE BAD BATCH (NO CANON OMEGA!) Due to the unfortunate situation of her name being Omega… Omega the child from the canon series is not going to be apart of this fanfic/porn with a plot. I feel obligated to put this warning in because it makes my skin crawl thinking anyone could make that mistake.

Warnings: no smut, but questionable imperial morals... Y/N is low-key becoming a good spy.

Smut in next chapter!

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ──

Reg POV

The entire cafeteria went silent when she entered, the buzz and the conversation slowed in her dominating presence. She was surrounded by four elite troopers posted at each corner of her, all donning similar armor to her infamous mate. The matte black was intimidating even from across the mess hall and very recognizable.

Crosshair’s new elite battalion.

“Who is that?” One of the bunker bunnies asked, perking up from her lunch tray, eyes big as saucers. The other regs at the table looked to her briefly before turning to the omega in question.

“That’s Crosshair’s mate.” Stunner answered watching Y/N sit down at her usual spot. One of the guards lefts to retrieve her meal before setting it down in front of her.

He cocked his head towards the small angry little woman across the room, “Don’t go near her.”

“Why?” The woman rolled her eyes, “Possessive mate?” She snickered.

Stunner scoffed and shook his head, “It’s not the alpha you gotta worry about. She slaughtered his entire garrison.”

The bunny studied the little omega, entirely confused how she could do such a thing. The empire had her donned in a black silk chemise that touched the ground along with a property collar soldered around her pretty little neck. She looked far too demure and feminine to have done something so heinous. The bunny couldn’t help but stare at the omega as she ate her lunch in total disbelief.

“Nat borns didn’t stand a chance.” Bolts was impressed as he continued. He couldn’t help but look her over. He always had been more attracted to dominant women.

He certainly was jealous of Crosshair, that was inevitable. She was such a perfect woman in his and his brother’s eyes. He definitely wouldn’t mind being trapped under her murderous little hands.

The bunker bunny suddenly looked frightened. She looked back at Y/N noticing the long scar through her brow and the seemingly permanent scowl placed on her lip. Okay maybe not so demure…

The entire table watched as Crosshair entered the room making his way over to Y/N, when a shiny new bunker bunny sauntered over to the icy alpha, totally unaware of the danger she was in, she intercepted the sniper. Stunner and Bolts watched with bated breath as the seemingly suicidal girl ran her hands over Crosshair’s front flashing him a pretty smile and alluring eyes.

What a fool.

The room seemed to turn back to their awkward conversation not wanting to catch the wrath of Y/N. Even the regs kept their eyes down on their food.

Everyone jumped in place at the harsh sound of Y/N punching the table with her fist.

Crosshair stood there with a smirk watching his mate round the table and lunge at the unsuspecting girl. The woman shrieked as Y/N fisted her hair dragging her away from her mate before rearing her back, to slam her head into the nearest metal cafeteria table with a sharp and vicious snap.

“Keep your filthy fucking hands off my mate.” The room heard Y/N growl as she dropped the girl’s limp body on the floor.

Everyone slowly returned to their food ignoring the whimpering sobs of the girl as she bled out of the floor.

Crosshair stepped over her, before rounding the table to take his seat next to his beloved mate ignoring the simpering woman.

As a crew of medics entered the mess hall to collect the injured girl, Crosshair picked Y/N by her hips and settled her on his lap. She nuzzled into him acting like she didn’t just wipe the literal floor with someone moments ago and he picked up her fork to start feeding her affectionately, running his hands over her belly as she chewed.

Stunner turned back to the woman seated across from him, “That’s why you don’t go near her.”

“Or CT-9904.” Bolts giggled mischievously.

“Why does she have guards then?” The bunny asked quietly chewing her food. Was she pregnant? She couldn’t help but zero in on the way Crosshair kept a protective hand on her belly like an expecting Alpha would.

“They’re not for her. They’re for us.” Stunner laughed.

The bunny huffed nervously trying to eat her food.

Bolts sighed lovingly, “A clone’s wet dream.”

Stunner nodded in agreement before shoving his food into his face.

————————- One Month Earlier ——————————

Crosshair literally couldn’t keep his hands off of you. With the bond now restored to its full potency, you wiggled in his grasp as he pressed little kisses over all of the skin he could possibly reach. He kissed your skin like it was the cure to all of his suffering. The poor alpha was absolutely desperate for it after these agonizing few months.

You basked in the attention moving your head around giving him room to kiss more spots, enjoying the press of his warm and soft lips on your skin.

It was staring to feel like a drug, his scent in your nose made your entire body thrum. You were still dripping with him between your thighs as he rolled the two of you on your sides. He pressed a few warm kisses to your forehead making you preen.

He purred in contentment. This is what he had dreamed of in those dark moments. Your cute little sounds and the feel of your hands on him.

He ran his trigger fingers over your cheek as he gazed down on you with adoration and what you might even consider being a look of… love? The idea made you shudder. You’d never seen Crosshair make a face like that.

You lifted a hand to his cheek mimicking him, but running your fingers over the tattoo on his eye affectionally.

You burned his expression into the core part of your brain. It made your body vibrate with excitement.

He seemed to lean into your touch nuzzling your palm slightly.

You smiled using your fingers to his hairline, dragging your nails through his scalp. He closed his eyes at the sensation making you bite your lip as you scratched his head. You were just about to make a comment about his long hair when you felt a small bump under the tip of your finger.

Tracing your fingers back over the spot, you realized it was raised, a ridge if you will. Upon closer inspection it was definitely a scar, just like his brothers….

When you looked back down at his face, you found him staring at you intensely. The love spell was suddenly broken, and reality was starting to creep back in.

You withdrew your hand realizing a startling truth… he had his chip removed.

He pressed a finger to his lips shushing you. You narrowed your eyes questioningly. He then pointed to his ear tapping it a few times.

Someone was listening to us.

You felt your stomach churn.

“I need to clean you up Adi’ka.” He said sitting back up, and maneuvering his way off the bed. You followed him cautiously leaving your ruined love nest behind as you trotted after him. He slinked into the bathroom turning on the shower letting the sound of water flood the room. He also turned on both sink faucets intensifying the sound.

Once the water was warm enough he stepped inside the massive space. You followed him inside letting him shut the glass door behind you cautiously.

“What is going on?” You whispered crossing your arms as the steam started to surround you both.

He stepped back into the water letting it run over him and in a hushed tone, he looked down at you, “I didn’t totally understand what this place was until a few days ago.” He began. You stepped under the stream of water with him letting him start to wash you with the scentless soap provided, “The admiral met me on the tarmac after you slaughtered my men. This place… it’s not safe for you.” He rubbed the suds into your skin.

“It’s imperial. Obviously it isn’t safe Crosshair. Do you have any idea the horror these people have unleashed on the galaxy?” You snipped, “I do. I’ve been in it for months.”

He sighed. He also felt the guilts about being a large hand in that terror you speak of.

“No Mesh’la, it’s not safe… for you.” He spread soap over himself too, “The Admiral has plans. He wishes to clone you. You have a rare designation no one was aware of, but he said he figured it out by torturing other clones who saw you with a reg on Ryloth and with Wolffe.” He couldn’t bring himself to even say Howzer’s name, even now, the jealousy clawed at him.

You were stunned. You? Cloned? Why the hell? And Howzer…. You swallowed nervously thinking about him. Was he alright? Was he tortured too? Or did he escape the empire… your anxiety was flaring up.

“Why does he want me cloned?” You whispered.

“He wants to breed your clones with the regs.” He replied putting the soap down and grabbing the shampoo.

You blinked slowly, utterly repulsed by that idea.

“What the fuck?” You shook your head.

Crosshair rubbed the soap into your scalp massaging you with his strong hands as he went, “He wants clone offspring for his new military. You’re the only one that can provide him with multiple pups from multiple partners.”

“Why doesn’t he just make more clones?” You shook your head.

“Loss of public support.” He shook his head, “The emperor would risk favorability by producing more men, the war is “over” apparently.”

“So he’s just going to clone me instead?”

“The galaxy doesn’t know about you.” Crosshair massaged the nape of your neck, “This base is under complete lock down, no one comes in or out unless they’re high clearance. You can’t even find this base if you wanted to. The galaxy would never know about this project.”

You sucked in a deep shaky breath. This is actually so fucked up. What the actually kriff.

“Why would you bring me here?” You pushed him back.

He squared up with you, “I didn’t fucking know what this place was for! Tarkin told me my assignment was to find you. I thought it was because I was loosing my fucking mind and he wanted his preferred soldier back in shape. I didn’t think he was looking for you specifically!”

“You’re his favorite soldier?” You accused.

Crosshair raised a brow, “Problem?”

“Why the hell are you serving these fucking people?” You wanted to yell so badly but you kept your tone quiet, “I know you don’t have a chip anymore, so all my pity is out the window!”

“I didn’t exactly have a choice now did I? You all abandoned me on that platform knowing I had been under their control.” He pointed a finger into your chest, “Now, I’m in too deep. Tarkin doesn’t know I haven’t been under his influence for a while now.”

You sighed knowing he was right. Crosshair was just as much of a prisoner as you were at the moment. If Tarkin knew his chip was gone, Crosshair would be executed.

“How did you get it out?” You narrowed your eyes.

“I had help.” He replied.

You leaned back under the water rinsing out your hair, “Who’s help?” Only a surgeon could remove something like that.

“I can’t tell you right now.”

“Well that really helps me trust you…” You rolled your eyes.

“Adi’ka, you know I would tell you if it wasn’t so serious.” He sighed.

You just stared at him.

He crossed his arms looking down at the floor briefly before looking you right in the eyes, “There’s something else.” Luckily for you, Crosshair was a straight shooter, the man never beat around the bush. He didn’t believe in that sort of thing.

“What?” You braced for emotional impact.

“Tarkin gave me orders,” He swallowed thickly. He was nervous you noted. That was unlike him, “He wants me to complete the bond, and breed you by your next heat.”

You paled.

He wanted you forever bonded to the sniper in front of you. He wanted you knocked up and helpless by Crosshair… his supposed loyal soldier.

You suddenly felt violently anxious and stepped out from the hot water before sitting down on the stone bench. He washed off keeping an eye on you as you processed this shocking information.

“Tarkin is a fucking creep.” You muttered resting your head in your hands.

Crosshair snorted, “You could say that.”

“We’re karked.” You looked up at him, “My heat is coming in a matter of a few days.”

Crosshair studied you for a second trying to weight out the options, “Please tell me Hunter is tracking you down as we speak.”

You shrugged, “I don’t know.”

He nodded standing under the stream of warm water.

“We’ll we have to think of something.” He said moving to kneel down in front of you, “We don’t have a lot of options.”

“What are we supposed to do?” You whimpered. He cupped your face in his hands and pressed a kiss to your forehead, “I’ll think of something.” He promised.

You suddenly got overwhelmed with emotion, “What does he want with our pup?” You asked.

Crosshair looked down at you sternly, “He’s not going to have our pup.” He growled protectively.

“He’s going to make you knock me up!” You shook your head, “He wants some kind of designer pup for whatever fucked up shit he’s up to. You’re an enhanced soldier, of course he thinks something useful is going to come from you.”

“He’s. Not. Getting. Our. Pup.” Crosshair reassured petting the stray hairs from your face.

You lurched forwards throwing your arms around his neck. He pressed closer into you drawing you into his lap. The two of you sat, knelt on the shower floor, holding one another as the water drowned out your cries, the tears melting with the hot shower water.

You just wanted to go home. To be with your alphas again, with Echo, the marauder and your beloved nest. Not this fucking puppy mill that Tarkin has created.

“We need to get out of here Cross.” You whimpered rubbing his scent on you trying to calm your nerves.

He lifted his head staring out of the glass window at the Nabooan terrain stretching endlessly in front of the base.

He took a few moments before speaking into your ear softly, “I have a plan.”

You looked up at him meeting his gaze, “What is it?”

~~~

This had to be the single handed dumbest thing you’ve ever done.

You adjusted the straps of your too little sleep tank top and the tiny shorts Crosshair had elected for you to wear.

“Ugh. Are you sure?” You whispered looking over the lean alpha. He stood before you in nothing but his sleep pants making you force yourself to calm down.

“They have to believe it.” He raised a brow, “up for the challenge?”

You shrugged, “not really.”

He just sighed crossing his arms.

You gulped and decided it was now or never. If this plan was going to work, you were going to have to sell it.

“Give me a head start.” You negotiated.

He smirked, “Of course.”

You huffed and turned back towards the main entrance door.

“Okay.” You nodded. Crosshair punched in the access code and the door slid open revealing a empty hallway.

“Go on little tooka.” Crosshair was enjoying himself a little too much, “Run.”

You gulped before spinning on your heel and jogging out of the room into the strange hallways. Even though you knew this was all ruse, it didn’t change how quickly your heart beat with excitement as you skittered through the hallway and down into the main corridor where all of the people on base were passing through.

All around you, regs out of uniform peered over you catching a glance. You continued on, acting like nothing was out of the ordinary. Even the nat born storm troopers would sneak a look. You trotted down the hall stopping by a group of regs who congregated in the walkway, “Excuse me?”

They looked down at you curiously.

“Do you know where I can find the admiral’s office?” You used your sweet nurse tone with them.

“U-Uhh over on the other side of the facility, second floor.” One of them answered practically drooling, you were certain it was your scent. Poor thing, couldn’t help it.

“Omega!” Your entire body shuddered hearing Crosshair’s cruel voice vibrate throughout the hall. The group of regs all shot up to gawk at the sniper who was barreling towards you.

So much for that head start.

You yelped and started to run weaving past troopers, regs, and various women who seemed to be apart of this program as well. They all watched in confusion as you dodged them to run from Crosshair who tore through the crowd to get to you.

“Get your ass back here.” He growled starting to catch up to you.

“Sir!” One of the troopers followed Crosshair, “Do you need assistance with your mate?”

“No!” Crosshair shoved a reg over, “She’s just being difficult.” He fell into a jog.

The trooper fell back watching his superior close in on you.

You had just turned the corner when you felt his strong hands slither around your arm yanking you back into him. You pretended to struggle, pushing back at him making him pin you to the nearest wall with his entire weight.

“You gonna make me work for it, huh cyar’ika?” He said loud enough for others to hear. Then he whispered into you ear, “Next time we need to get a little further from he apartment.”

You whispered back into his ear, “You didn’t give me much of a start.”

He chuckled, “You need to run faster.”

You nipped at his ear before pushing against him one more time, “Get your hands off of me!”

You noticed how the others couldn’t help but stare at the quarrel unfolding before them. Before you knew it, Crosshair was bending down and throwing you over his shoulder giving your ass a hard smack, “Behave!”

You hissed pounding your fist into his back as he carried you through the crowd heading back to the dorms. You pretended to struggle weakly as he rounded a corner deciding he “couldn’t wait any longer” the empty admin office would have to suffice. He slammed the door panel shut before setting you down with another smack to your ass.

You swallowed knowing the next phase of the plan.

He looked at you smugly, “On the table omega.”

You narrowed your eyes, “Make me.” You were trying to serve bratty.

It seemed like it was working. You didn’t miss the way Crosshair shuddered at the tone. It reminded you of him and Tech and your panties immediately became soaked.

He flashed his fangs with a smile before grabbing you by the hips and slamming you down onto the table before pushing your chest back until you were flat against the cold table manhandling you for whoever might be watching through the security systems.

You mewled letting Crosshair settle between your legs. You’d be lying if this plan didn’t excite you even just a smidge.

You let Crosshair pull down your pathetic excuse for shorts and throw them off to the side before he knelt down on the floor to dive face first into your dampening core.

You let out an exaggerated moan as he lapped at your core like a man starved. He shoved your legs up, practically folding you in half as he gorged on your cunt. You couldn’t help the next few moans that spilled from your lips.

He was damn good at that.

You reached down gripping his hair drawing him as close as possible to you. He grunted happily at the tug on his scalp.

You continued this until you were starting to feel your high approaching. Your moans only got louder, that was until you were rudely interrupted.

A beta male suddenly entered the room letting gout a shocked gasp at seeing you sprawled out on the desk, seemingly scandalized by the sight.

You looked up with hooded mischievous eyes as Crosshair continued his feast not being bothered in the slightest.

Behind the beta male, there was a clone commando. Through his helmet, you could tell he was fighting his instincts through the filters in his mask. The scent of horny omega was no doubt permeating the space making him lose his focus slightly.

The two imperials quickly left, leaving you with Crosshair who looked up at you smugly.

It fucking worked.

“Wha-?” You struggled to catch your breath.

“It worked.” Crosshair whispered, “That was Tarkin’s assistant.”

Just like Crosshair said it would.

You were being watched…

Crosshair said Tarkin always sends someone to confirm his speculations. No doubt, they’ve been monitoring the two of you since you woke up. Crosshair had assumed Tarkin would be checking in to make sure he was still following orders.

Probably sent his poor assistant to confirm.

Before you could think anymore, Crosshair went back to work bringing you back to the edge with his tongue.

“I want you to cum omega.” He muttered into your cunt, “Then maybe I’ll fuck that attitude out of you.” That last part was definitely meant for your unknown audience.

You whimpered at his words as he swirled his tongue over your clit making you arch up as the pleasure encompassed you. You let out a loud moan feeling like you were floating.

You sighed coming down from your high as you settled onto the desk letting Crosshair pull your little shorts up your thighs.

“Good girl.” He helped you up to a wobbly stand.

You gripped onto him feeling slightly dizzy. He leaned down so that only you could hear, “You did so good for me baby.” He pushed stray hair behind your ear. You purred rubbing yourself into his chest enjoying the praise.

“Let’s go adi’ka.” He chuckled taking your hand before turning back towards the access door.

~~~

“I think enough people saw.” You leaned against him under the steaming heat of the shower.

“It worked perfectly love.” Crosshair massages your pulse point, “Tarkin sent his man to confirm our relationship. The others now know you’re a little brat who likes to cause trouble, and so does Tarkin. That means we can move freely if he thinks it’s just a little game for us. That you like being hunted and I’m just following his orders.”

You felt your stomach flutter. You actually did enjoy being chased down by Crosshair, it had surprised you, but when he pulled down your little shorts to reveal how wet you were… you both were pleasantly surprised at the revelation. “I can try to get closer to the security check point. I saw the guards briefly out front.”

“They work on four hour rotations.” Crosshair confirmed, “Half of them are regs, the others I believe are conscripted.”

You nodded before turning to face him. You two had finished washing up long ago, you were just enjoying talking freely without the worry of someone listening in.

He looked down at you and looked a little sad, “It’s been two rotations, I’m getting worried my brothers don’t know where you are.”

“We know they’ll figure it out.” You were determined to stay optimistic, “We just have to keep our cover until then.””

He smirked looking down at you giving your arm a little squeeze, “Someone put on some muscle.”

You giggled, “Blame Hunter and Echo.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask.” He raised a brow, “How did you manage to kill my entire squadron? No offense, but you’ve only been learning since Kashyyyk. There’s no way you should have been able to do that.”

You nodded, “Something happened a few weeks ago, with Echo. We were in the middle of training and something snapped. We both momentarily had our minds connect I think and I suddenly was able to fight like him. It was like I was him. Just for a moment. The only other time it happened was with you, on the transport. Echo thinks it the soul bond.”

“But you’re not bonded to him?” Crosshair asked skeptically.

“Not sexually, no.” You agreed, “But more platonically. I’ve known Echo since he joined the 501st.” You felt a pang of hurt at the realization that none of them were left. You had to fight back the tears.

“What’s wrong?” Crosshair noticed the sudden change.

“I-I….” You sniffled, “My whole pack is gone. They didn’t survive order 66.”

“What do you mean?” He held you as you tried your hardest not to cry.

“Anakin and Obi Wan sent Ashoka Tano to Mandalore to help in a civil war against Maul. They won the battle, but Ahsoka was targeted by our pack. They tried to kill her and when they couldn’t they crashed the ship into the surface of an irrelevant moon.” You whispered this next part, “Only Rex and Ahsoka survived.”

“She lived?” He couldn’t believe it. A lone Jedi survived?

“But Fives, Jesse, Kix, Tup, Dogma… they’re all gone.” You sounded so defeated.

Crosshair sighed, while he may never understand your affection for the regs, he knew the grief you spoke of. He did think you had died after all.

“Actually,” You looked up at him with teary eyes, “You just missed Rex. You found us right after he left Bracca.”

Crosshair narrowed his eyes again putting all the pieces together, “That’s how you knew about the chips. How did Rex find you?”

“Rumors. I guess he’s searching for surviving clones and heard about defective ones roaming about.” You rubbed your eyes before remembering something crucial, “He gave me a private encrypted com line incase I needed help!”

Crosshair stood up straight.

“It was on me when you knocked me out.” You couldn’t help but sass him a little, “Do you still have my things?”

“Your clothes were ruined from the blood. But yeah, I have the bag of your things in storage hopefully it’s still there.” Crosshair turned off the water grabbing both of you a towel, “Let me see if I can get it. Maybe Rex will be able to find us.”

Crosshair was suddenly feeling something he hadn’t felt in a long time… hope.

~~~

“Okay, you’re going to need to give me some bad intel so I can get a search party looking in the wrong place.” Crosshair said handing you the evidence baggie he swiped from storage, “I told Tarkin you were being more compliant.”

You didn’t want to know if that was under the assumption after the little show you both put on, or just from you both settling into life on this base. It didn't really matter.

“Tarkin wants your brothers too?” You asked suddenly feeling scared this could all blow up in the wrong way.

“He wants the whole set I guess.” Crosshair hated the way Tarkin viewed all of you. Like designer purebred hounds for his army… like toys. It was ridiculous to think the Admiral could pluck pups away from clones without a fight. The man was deluded, and twisted.

“Shouldn’t we warn them to stay away then?” You asked dumping out the bag of dried bloody clothes.

Crosshair shook his head, “We’re going to need their help. I can’t get us both off this base without them.”

You sighed digging around until you found your bra. You picked it up flipping it around until you found the slit in the cup foam where you tucked the tiny com inside.

“Clever.” Crosshair said with a chuckle.

You smiled at the praise. Picking up the little device you switched it on watching it calibrate. Both you and Crosshair watched with bated breath as the device was at full power.

Crosshair watched you bring it to your lips pressing the communication button, “Havoc 6, come in Ghost.”

You waited but there was nothing but silence.

“Havoc 6 to Ghost. Come in.” You repeated.

“Signal is being jammed.” Crosshair sighed crossing his arms.

“What do we do now?” You sat back on your butt looking up as Crosshair paced in the shower.

“Give me a cold trail to send Tarkin after, then you and I need to get up to the communications tower. Think you’re up for another game of cat and mouse?” He smirked.

He was entirely too playful for the direness of this situation, but regardless it was better than falling into the functionless pit of anxiety.

You were thankful. He always seemed to be uncannily calm and that gave you a sense of reassurance that you might actually survive this.

“Of course alpha.” You smiled, “Do you prefer the shorts or the slip?” You raised a brow playfully.

Crosshair was liking this more than he should, “Hmm.” He pretended to ponder, “The slip.”

Just as you both were about to leave the shower to pursue your plan, you both heard the door chime alerting you both to someone at the door.

Crosshair quickly pointed to the bed making you dash over there jumping under the covers while he tore off his shirt before answering the door.

Gotta keep up appearances ya know?

He answered the door to find none other than Nala Se and her lab technician, the scrawny beta from yesterday at the door.

Crosshair raised a brow chewing on his toothpick, “Can I help you?” His tone was chilling.

“We’re here for routine health checks of your mate.” Nala Se’s creepy slow voice was grinding on Crosshair’s nerves, “We need to establish a baseline incase she conceives.”

Crosshair had no choice but to let them in, he stepped to the side forcing the beta to squirm to get inside.

“Omega.” Crosshair’s tone made you shiver, he was back in character that was for certain.

You decided it was time to resurrect your role as bratty omega so you slid out of bed tugging the white slip down before sauntering into the main living quarters to find the alien and beta staring at you with steady gazes.

You raised a brow looking Nala Se over, “Hi.” You added a twinge of disgust to your tone. You zeroed in on the beta watching him swallow thickly as you began to circle him, “Back so soon?”

Crosshair scoffed as the beta leaned a little closer to the long neck scientist.

Nala Se gestured to the love seat nearest you, you studied her for a moment before complying. You eyed Crosshair as you sat down.

“What kind of tests are you running?” Crosshair crossed his arms leaning against the head of the chair.

“Blood work and I need a scan of her healed fractures.” The beta replied grabbing the reader. He gripped it moving closer, but you stopped him with a raised brow, “You’re holding that wrong.” You watched him nervously flip the scanner around.

“You’re a medic?” He asked starting to move it over your pelvis and ribs.

“For the GAR.” You watched him like a hawk noting that according to his reading, you were healed entirely.

“She was top of her class at Coruscant.” Crosshair added, making the beta even more nervous.

You almost felt bad for the kid. The jabbed you with a needle collecting the sample before scurrying back to the droid to hand it the sample.

“Now I need to perform a pelvic exam.” Nala Se said, “I assume you would prefer I do it, over my assistant.”

You huffed.

Of fucking course… they wanted to know if Crosshair actually was trying to knock you up. If he was actually following orders.

You sighed and scooted down the seat so you could prop up your legs.

Nala Se grabbed the spacer before settling between your legs.

You grimaced as you started to feel her looking around in there, clearly looking for signs of intercourse. You knew exactly what she was looking for, she performed it to routine standard. You glared at her noting daring to give any of these imperials the satisfaction of you squirming.

“Satisfied yet?” You snarled.

She just hummed before retracting the speculum letting you scoot back up the chair leaning into Crosshair. He put a possessive hand around your neck.

“Got what you need?” A.k.a Crosshair’s way of saying get the fuck out.

“We’ll be back after your first cycle.” Nala Se said ushering her assistant out along with the menagerie of droids.

When the door closed behind them you let out a deep breath as he circled around you making sure you were ok. You just nodded knowing you couldn’t say too much. He took your hand in his and stroked your knuckles giving you a moment to calm down before you both would have to go back to your ruse.

You took a deep steadying breath before looking up at the ceiling hoping your unknown listener could hear, “Why would you let them do that alpha!”

He sighed loudly, “You must follow orders omega. They know what’s best.” He rolled his eyes making you chew your lip to stop your smile, he continued, “Get dressed, we need to get food in you.”

“Okay, Alpha.”

He nodded to the door giving you a real head start this time. He tucked the com device in the band of his boxers before leaving to grab a shirt. You took the opportunity and made for the door panel slipping outside into the hall once again. You skipped down the hall nonchalantly despite your insides absolutely churning.

Once you got to the main hallway, all the regs turned to look at you this time. You strutted down the hall swaying your hips mischievously as they watched.

You realized this place was something like your college dormitories on Coruscant. Rooms and rooms and rooms in endless hallways filled with bunks like the barracks. You noticed some omegas lurking about, but it was almost entirely regs hanging out playing games, talking, and generally fucking about.

You noticed all of the regs weren’t in their armor kits anymore. They were also wearing the same civvies as Crosshair.

The one difference you noticed was that the women in this place also had the same clothes as the men. Black t-shirt and black joggers. You were the one who stood out like a sore thumb. Your white clothes made it hard to miss you in the sea of black.

You continued your little fast walk, feeling like Crosshair was going to be tailing you soon. You began into a trot with a little sinister giggle.

You heard some whispers of some regs that must have seen you the day before. They were asking each other if you were Crosshair’s mate. The Omega.

Guess the rumors are getting around.

You followed Crosshair’s instructions and took a sudden left, climbing an open staircase to the dormitories on the floor above. Continuing your little skips you passed a group of girls as they congregated in the walk ways. They whispered something as you passed, looking for the access point that Crosshair had told you about. You ducked into a small alcove with a cheshire grin.

It wasn’t long before you heard Crosshair enter the hallway demanding to know where you went. You squealed and dipped out of the alcove, just like you planned, and skittered through the hall breaking into a run as you neared the communication tower.

He caught up to you, perfectly timed. You scurried into another alcove where the tower door began. He pinned you to the wall ducking his head into your neck as you squirmed and threw your leg around his hip running your hands through his hair.

As you played it up for the cameras, he nudged a leg between your own before leaning forwards to plug the com device into the side access panel in the door.

You felt your heart pace quicken and the thrumming in your core. You couldn't help but lightly grind down on Crosshair's slender thigh. He grunted feeling how hot you were against his clothes.

“Is it working?” You whispered wriggling against his front as he moved a hand to snake around your neck.

“I think so.” He watched the little light flash letting him know the signal was at least being transmitted. He didn’t know if there was any incoming messages, but he at least knew Rex had received your location transmission.

“It worked.” He said yanking the device and setting the panel back. He tucked it into his pants once again before leaning down to pick you up, wrapping you around his hips.

The two of you sat there kissing for a moment before he backed up setting you down, “As much as I’d like to play this little game, you need to eat something.” He said loud enough the others girls watched from their little spot could hear.

You groaned before letting him tug you down the hall, back to where the mess hall was on the main floor.

"Little brat." He smirked making you slap his arm. He just looked down at you playfully, like a tooka playing with its food.

He kept you in front of him walking behind you like he was your security detail. When you approached the mess and the doors slid open, you gawked at the size of this place. It seemed like there was a thousand clones in this place. They all couldn’t help but turn up from their meals to look at the new-comers.

Crosshair they knew… and avoided.

But this was the first time they laid eyes on you.

Crosshair’s mate.

The same woman who apparently was worth quite a few imperial soldier's lives and a mass effort on behalf of the admiral to retrieve.

You whispered to Crosshair, “Are they being held here too?”

Crosshair grunted confirming your statement.

You continued on, letting Crosshair guide you to the cafeteria line. When you went to pick up a tray you were suddenly stopped by the trooper in line, “You have a specific meal for you, prepared by the science devision.”

You narrowed your eyes watching him retrieve your meals. You and Crosshair took the trays before finding a seat at one of the empty tables. You scooted into his side letting him fuss with cutting your protein into little cubes. You smiled and bit your lip as the alpha fell into his instincts.

“It’s more nutrient dense than the others.” You looked around at the other trays noticing the obvious difference.

“Why?” He grumbled.

“Tarkin wants a healthy pup?” You guessed.

He let out an exacerbated sigh. Of course.

You brought the juicy piece of bantha meat to your lips enjoying the flavor while Crosshair picked at his veggies.

A few brave regs decided to sit at the other end of your table making Crosshair throw them a nasty side eye.

You turned looking at their faces. Generation two clones. They looked well seasoned.

You leaned into Crosshair letting him push another bite of meat into your mouth as you studied them.

“What’s your name?” One asked directing the question at you, but keeping his head down while eating.

You perked up feeling Crosshair slide an arm around your middle.

“Y/N.” You replied squirming against Crosshair, “You?”

“Stunner.” He gave you a cheeky smile, “This is Bolts.”

“You’re the infamous omega everyone here is talking about.” Bolts looked at you shamelessly.

You hummed and chewed another small vegetable Crosshair cut up for you.

“What’s your class trooper?” Crosshair cut out shoving food into his mouth.

“We were infantry, Captain. Now, we’re not so sure.” He huffed a laugh looking around.

“What garrison?” Crosshair asked.

“104th.”

Crosshair groaned, “Of fucking course.”

You bit back a giggle, “Did you serve under Commander Wolffe?”

They nodded, “The one and only.”

“How long have you been here trooper?” You asked chewing more food. You really were starving…

“Since the end of the war.” Bolts answered.

“You know any troopers by the name of Tack and Grim?” You asked licking your fork tasting the yummy bantha steak.

They looked mildly shocked you mentioned him, “The sniper?”

You nodded.

“Yeah we know him. Snaky bastard.” They laughed.

“You got a type mesh’la?” Crosshair whispered into your ear. You squirmed slightly before turning back to the troopers.

“I reset his arm on Kasshyyyk.” You nodded.

“You were on Kasshyyyk?” They asked with curiosity, “During the attack?”

You nodded.

Stunner let out a low whistle, “That shit got nasty.”

“Oh yeah.” Bolts nodded, “Whole camp turned feral. Lost our fucking minds for a second there. Lost some good men.”

“What happened to the Commander?” You were dying to know ever since you woke up on Mimban.

“Wolffe? Killed a shiny and never got over it.” Stunner nodded, “He was delirious, it wasn’t his fault obviously, but the guilt, ya know?”

“Actually,” Bolts looked up from his tray, “he should be around here somewhere.”

“The Commander is here?” Crosshair sounded annoyed.

You felt your pulse quicken with anxiety hoping this wouldn’t turn into something nasty. You could feel his distain bleed through the bond.

“He’s usually still sent out on missions, but the Admiral had him permanently stationed here.”

“Perfect.” Crosshair mumbled shoving the last of his food into his mouth. You could feel his eyes roll from behind you.

You turn to Crosshair, “You didn’t know?”

“I knew some 104th regs were here, but not the Commander. I was also sent on non-stop missions until you showed up.” He looked around.

“Maybe he could help us?” You asked hopeful. He helped you a few times already.

Crosshair’s face turned sour, “He’s probably chipped up. Doesn’t even know his own name anymore.”

You sighed realizing he was probably right. You two were alone in your escape plans.

Just as you were going to finish up your tray, a commotion in the mess hall stole your attention.

A garrison of storm troopers marched in sync, entering the mess with a group of frightened looking women at their center. They all had the imperial basics on, and their hair had been woven into braids neatly behind their heads.

What caught your attention however, was the glittering silver plates around each of their necks.

They were ushered into the mess, a couple of them resisting which resulted in them being shoved forwards towards the cafeteria line rather roughly.

“Eat!” One of the nat borns yelled, “Then return to your bunks!”

“Fresh caught.” Stunner murmured with a shake of his head.

You looked at them briefly watching how the regs looked at the girls with almost pity in their eyes.

“Omegas?” You whispered.

They nodded.

You turned to Crosshair questioningly.

He whispered, “They want reg pups.”

You looked around noticing the way the regs all perked their heads up trying to catch an interesting scent in their nose.

“What’s on their neck?” You asked as he petted your hair affectionately.

“Property collars.” He murmured.

You felt yourself steel.

Crosshair continued, “Some of the regs have obedience collars. The ones prone to rebellion.” He used his nose to point at a group sitting a table surrounded with storm troopers. They all hulked over their trays with the shock collars on looking blank in the face.

You murmured a quiet, “What the fuck.”

“When they first brought the regs here and they figured out what this place was, there was a small rebellion. It got quashed quickly.” He whispered.

You had a small inkling he was somehow involved in this aforementioned quashing.

“I think we should go back to the apartment.” You were getting squirmy.

He didn’t question you, he moved to stand when a certain voice sent chills down your spine.

“Well if it’s not the little omega from 79’s.”

…Wolffe..

AHHHH well if in doubt, when you're with Crosshair, you gotta fuck your way out 🤷🏽‍♀️

teehee

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ALSO IF ANYONE WANTS TO BE ADDED TO THE TAG LIST PLEASE COMMENT BELOW, I KEEP LOOSING YALL IN MY ACTIVITY BAR LOL MY BAD

#crosshair #hunter #tech #wrecker #abo #echo #star wars #bad batch #smut #clone wars #clones #x reader

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hippolotamus · 3 months ago

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tagged by the lovely @a-noble-dragon @stereopticons this is so cool! thank you, loves 💖

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#hippo gets tagged #i love this #i feel like i’m forgetting an important one #and yet…

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fuckyeahfightlock · 4 months ago

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While I'm thinking of it, I wanted to suggest that if you haven't yet read them, why not pop one or more of my novels in yr cart for Prime Day*?

At Night in the Floating World

. . .in sumptuous suites, amid trailing puddles of silk and fervent whispers in the night. . . Government operative Nick Barber—an insomniac ex-soldier banking his earnings to fund a nebulous future—becomes entangled in revolutionary intrigue and enchanted by a seemingly unknowable, living artwork known only as Xie. . . .during stolen after-hours encounters, through an exchange of ever-more-intimate letters. . . Beneath Xie’s luxurious gowns, priceless jewels, and ornately-painted face lives a man—Brighton James—with a talent for story-weaving, a hunger for beauty, and a need not for rescue, but for escape. . . .in clandestine meetings fraught with the danger of exposure. . . As a one-world government balances repressive class distinctions and close controls on personal wealth and behavior by elevating leisure time to an art in designated pleasure districts. In a high-rise called the Icehouse—the glittering heart of these high-style centers of art and culture, and home of the celebrated urban geisha called Xie—a web of intrigue is exposed, tangling its denizens in gilded threads pulled taut with tension. As the world teeters on the brink of deadly revolution, Nick dives ever-deeper into political danger, while Brighton swims toward the surface of a threat much closer, much more personal.

North Hope Cove

The only surviving victim of a newsworthy tragedy, lighthouse keeper Daniel Howard has found comfort in his quiet life of peaceable routine, minimal contact with the outside world, and useful work. What he likes less, but has learned to live with, is that the cliffs surrounding his light station have a tragic history as a location for suicides. Soon after learning his beloved lighthouse may soon be automated--potentially forcing him back into the world he does not trust—Daniel discovers another significant potential disruption to his peaceful life: a man at the cliff’s edge. The man is Justin Strongbow, a widower who inherited the inn he and his spouse co-owned, but with no wish to maintain it, and who has had a lifetime struggle with extended episodes of deep depression. One man unable to forgive himself for a perceived failure, the other unwilling to burden another with the weight of his troubles, yet they are drawn to each other and–despite the stormy present–to the possibility of brighter days ahead.

The Ides: An Extraordinary Affair of AJ Raffles & Sherlock Holmes

Gentleman of leisure Bunny Manders is running from a gambling debt—and the men to whom he owes it—when he chances upon former school chum AJ Raffles. Bunny learns Raffles is a brilliant criminal—a gentleman thief burgling high society—and they rekindle a mutual affection. In a rustic village, the reunited lovers meet detective Sherlock Holmes and his companion Dr John Watson. To rescue Bunny from financial ruin and physical harm, Raffles weaves threads of deceit, romance, and robbery to dazzle Holmes and intercept a delivery of precious gems. But intrigue can have tragic consequences, and before Raffles and Bunny can return to London with their prize a new disaster looms, so Bunny must rush to save Raffles from a violent end.

*They are not on sale or otherwise discounted because I am self-published and have already priced them as low as is reasonable.

#writing is easy #publishing is hard!#my writing #At Night in the Floating World #North Hope Cove #The Ides #diva hustle #every day I'm hustlin

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the-carnival-rabbit · 1 year ago

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Welcome to the blog of Carnival Jax!

We found this feral Ai just wandering about and mauling random pedestrians who decided it was a bright idea to try and grab at him! Instead of just returning this beast to his ai, we decided ti give him this here blog!

You can sent him asks asking about his life and where he's from, but don't expect him to be very fluent with his words or to spill any secrets!

WARNING

This blog will likely contain mentions of drugs, alcohol, alongside heavier topics like mental breakdown, panic attacks, ect. Sexual topics may be touched upon, but Suicidal topics will be kept to a minimum if it can be helped.

Be aware that both the character and the person behind this blog are adults, so for fucks sake don't send me sexual shit if you're a minor.

Roleplaying!

"This is the sort of text that will appear when Jax is talking"

*When Jax is doing an action, it will appear like this*

(And this is how I as the mod will speak with someone. I will appear from time to time, so heya)

ANON GUIDELINES!

After some rather nasty anonymous asks (you know who you are, and I hope you feel the sensation of a single hair being in your mouth at all times) I feel the need to set up anon guidelines, so here they are!

• No harm directed towards any of the baby bunnies. I really shouldn't have to even say this, but here we are!

• No overly violent, psychologically, or verbally abusive asks directed towards Carnival OR the mod. While I haven't gotten any directed towards me yet, I'm not leaving that open for a loophole.

Does this mean that you can't send angst asks or anything? No. You can still send them, and they will still be answered, but it's not hard to find the line in the sand I'm drawing with this cause most of you know what would cross that line.

• No hard-core or over the top gore. This one is pretty self-explanatory.

• Some amount of Sexuality in an ask is ok, but nothing too overly exaggerated or non-consensual. Like the second bullet point, most of you know what would cross that line in the sand.

To clarify, no, this is in no regard to if you're in the LGBTQ+ community. This is in entire regard to sexual topics as a whole, I just had no idea how to word it.

• This is a giving sort of one. If you don't feel like you can send the ask out of anon without being blocked, then don't send it.

Failure to follow these guidelines will result in the anon being blocked, and if it gets to be too excessive, there is a possibility I will turn off anonymous asking for a day!

I do not want to turn off anonymous asking due to how unfair it is for the people following this blog who just don't feel comfortable coming out from it, however I do know that sometimes there is no other choice for it.

Extras!

I have one other blog run by me @patchwork-the-fox, so go check it out if you want. That's where Mari's reference sheet is, but I'll probably post it here at some point.

The Carnival Au is something created by Sm-Baby, so go check them out too while you're at it.

For this blog, Carnival is 7 ft 6.

If there is a poll going on, you can find it by searching either "poll" or "choose carefully"

#the amazing digital circus #jax #tadc jax #tadc #the amazing digital carnival #carnival au #carnival!jax #tadc au #my art stuff

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historyisgaypodcast · 2 months ago

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47. All Your Children's Books Are Belong To Us (Gays), Part 1

This episode marks the return of History is Gay after hiatus, and we're excited to be back in your podfeeds diving into the fascinating world of classic children's literature through the lens of queer authors. Leigh is joined by wonderful guest co-host, Aubree Calvin, to explore the lives and works of several groundbreaking authors, revealing how their sexualities and personal experiences shaped the books we cherished as children. In this first of a multi-part episode, we're focusing on four beloved authors whose works were some of our favorites: Tomie dePaola, most notable for our favorite Italian grandma Strega Nona, Margaret Wise Brown, the bisexual poet behind beloved picture books Goodnight Moon and The Runaway Bunny, Ann M. Martin, who introduced us to our friends in The Babysitters Club, and Arnold Lobel, the man behind the cozy shared lives of Frog and Toad. This conversation doesn't end here; stay tuned as we will continue to explore more queer authors and their impact on the world of children's literature in the next episode, coming soon!

Outline 0:00 – Introduction 4:51 – Socio-Historical Context: History of queer children's literature 10:00 – Who Were They? Bio Time for some of your queer kid lit faves 1:00:15 – Why do we think they're gay? 1:15:57 – 1:16:03 – CONTENT WARNING: Mention of suicidal ideation 1:37:01 – Closing and Where to Find us Online

Want to help us continue to make the show? Support us on Patreon and get awesome goodies, behind-the-scenes access, special minisodes, and more! We have a Discord server for everyone to hang out in, exclusive O.G. Lesbian Sappho t-shirts, Pop-Culture Tie-In movie watches, and some really fun extras coming your way! You can also get merch in our store! Shirts, hoodies, totes, mugs, magnets, and other neat things!

If you’d like to help us transcribe the show for our d/Deaf and hard of hearing fans, please head on over to www.historyisgaypodcast.com/transcribe to join the team of volunteers!

Find our full list of sources and bonus content at www.historyisgaypodcast.com. Find us on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr, and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts! Don't forget to rate and review so more folks can see the show!

Newest episode of History is Gay for your queer ears to enjoy!

#history is gay #lgbt history #queer history

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l4v3nd3r-bl00d · 2 months ago

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i thought i'd do an updated introduction post since i’ve been so inactive, so new mutuals/followers can know more about me!😊❤️

my name is kittie, i am 18, i have been diagnosed with autism & adhd since i was 15 (important to know because it explains why i am the way that i am lol) i don’t mind what pronouns you use for me, literally any are fine. i am just a person. 😁

i first started collecting violet exacts in 2019 however my collection has grown pretty slowly since i can’t hold down a job because disability.. disables. 🥲😭💔

i enjoy old things quite a lot, at the moment my main areas of interest are in: gothic architecture, silent film era (georges méliès films are my fav), skeleton keys, children’s books & toys from the 40s-70s, taxidermy, postcards, and vintage fashion/lingerie from the 40s-70s.

i also cosplay, i just don’t post it on the internet very much, my favourite anime are: kamisama kiss, vampire knight, nana, paradise kiss, love live, k-on, the future diary and chobits.

my main/oldest special interest is japanese fashion subcultures! (lolita, mori kei, fairy kei, dolly kei and cult party kei to be specific)

i don’t game regularly but my favourite games/game franchises are: american mcgees alice & madness returns, fran bow, sally face, little misfortune, stray, silent hill, elder scrolls, resident evil, skyrim, bloodborne, life is strange, the walking dead, the last of us and batman: arkham knight.

some of my favourite shows/movies: ahs (obviously), the office, dexter, the walking dead, its always sunny in philadelphia, lost, kamikaze girls, ghost world, sharp objects, wayne, a series of unfortunate events(both the series and the movie), gummo, ginger snaps, donnie darko, twin peaks, black mirror, and every wes anderson, tim burton and a24 project ever.

okay now here is a dump of all of my fav albums because i feel it’s very telling

blonde redhead - misery is a butterfly & 23

scarling - sweet heart dealer & so long, scarecrow

air - le voyage dans la lune & talkie walkie

oingo boingo - only a lad

brennan wedl - holy water branch

daniel johnson - hi how are you

teen suicide - dc snug film/ waste yrself & i will be my own hell

fox academy - luxury beverage

sidney gish - no dogs allowed

s.maharba - s.maharba

mcr - i brought you my bullets, you brought me your love & three cheers for sweet revenge

katie jane garside - lullabies in a glass wilderness

roar - impossible animals & i’m not here to make friends

candy claws - ceres and calypso in the deep time

imogen heap - speak for yourself

ricky eat acid - three love songs

dandelion hands - bleak week

catatonia - equally cursed and blessed

mort garson - mother earths plantasia

black box recorder - england made me

lady radiator - bounce energy hear me out

coma cinema - posthumous release

color filter - sleep in a synchrotron & i often think in music

jenny01 - jenny01 best & cluster

otto benson - songs before bed

marysgate - special memory

fear before the march of flames - the always open mouth & odd how people shake

the avalanches - since i left you

elysian fields - queen of the meadow & ghosts of no

leslie gore - i’ll cry if i want to

my bloody valentine - loveless

smashing pumpkins - siamese dream & mellon collie and the infinite sadness

jack off jill - clear hearts grey flowers

colour filter - sleep in a synchrotron

elliot smith - xo

panic at the disco - a fever you can’t sweat out & pretty odd

maple bee - chasing eva & home

nastyona - another secret

heartsrevolution - kitsune hearts japan

rasputina - transylvanian regurgitations &cabin fever

chris vrenna - american mcgees alice

queenadreena - taxidermy

bunny boy - Shelly & the bunny tree & did the angels come to kiss you

hole - live through this & celebrity skin

akira yamaoka - silent hill 2

hooky - something to look forward to

jack stauber - micro pop & pop food

satanicpornocultshop - arkhaiomelisidonophunikheratos

sparklehorse - its a wonderful life

susumu yokota - symbol

every album by the cure ever

i’m not very interesting so i don’t have a whole lot to say about myself on a personal level, i just like to share the media that i enjoy lol. don't be shy to message me if u ever wanna talk, especially about anything music, fashion or fandom related, just a heads up though that i sometimes really suck at replying(i apologise in advance)🥲

here are links to my other social media if you want to follow me elsewhere, though all personal accounts, not violet or ahs related.

tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@kittiebot?_t=8pZwtHs5DjU&_r=1

instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kittiebot13621?igsh=MnFpbzlpaWo0enpn&utm_source=qr

pinterest: https://pin.it/4Rlko08SX

spotify: https://open.spotify.com/user/qenp8br378218on2h77lzldq8?si=-sS3g8ATQECdosiCSmBVyw

- kittie😇❤️

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hrhqueenfox · 1 year ago

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Savanaclaw Masterlist Leona

🥀=Yandere

🩷=Girl reader

🩵=Boy reader

💛=Gender neutral reader

Leona

🥀Aggressive reader doesn’t return the feelings

🩷Reader gets detention

🩷🥀Reader hates being called herbivore

🥀Yandere Leona (Soulmate au)

💛Sleeping with Leona

💛Leona confessing to reader that he’s fake dating

🩷Reader hugs them without knowing she’s a girl

💛Reader that doesn’t communicate well through texting

🥀Reader with sheep horns who can see prophetic dreams

🩷Dorm leaders reaction to reader making an ahegao face

🩷Leona with his sister introducing him to her girlfriend (platonic)

💛Reader is naturally nocturnal

🥀Yandere Malleus married to Leona’s older twin sister (Platonic Yandere Leona)

💛Reader is bisexual

🥀Reader doesn’t care about being kidnapped

🥀🩷Yandere Malleus likes Leona’s older twin sister (Platonic Yandere Leona)

🩷Reader knits a cute sweatshirt for him

🩷🥀Leona’s older twin sister makes him feel loved (Platonic Yandere Leona)

💛Dorm Leaders when jealous

Dorm Leaders reaction to them being Otome characters

💛Dorm Leaders reaction to reader kissing them first

💛Short but strong reader

💛Reader with the tail and ears of a bunny

💛Reader eats food he dislikes in front of him

🩵🥀With a male reader

🩷Dorm Leaders walking in on reader changing

🩷Dorm Leaders get Valentine’s chocolate from reader

💛Reader doesn’t want a child

💛Dorm Leaders reaction to reader saying they want to marry them

💛Reader singing them to sleep

🩷Dorm Leaders see reader in a dress

💛Reader who loves to play with his ears

🩷Dorm Leaders find out reader is a girl

🩷Short but strong reader

🥀💛Reader is scared of them and buddies up for protection

💛Reader only sleeps 2-3 hours

💛Reader is stabbed by someone who hate reader’s boyfriend

💛 Reaction to reader writing NSFW

💛Sugar Daddy Leona Headcannons

💛🥀Reader asks to have sEx with them

🩷Leona slap Malleus younger sisters butt

🥀Reader is also a Yandere

🥀Tsundere reader

🥀Reader with a protective big sister

💛Leona with a guardian reader (Child Au)

🥀Reader is tired of their “affection” and k!lls themself (swearing and suicide warning)

🩷Reader that has people lusting over her

💛They find out reader is a naga

🥀Overblot Yandere Leona

💛Reader makes flirting jokes but they get easily flustered

🥀Love letter

🥀Reader hates him

🥀Yandere Leona Headcannons

🥀Reader has been kidnapped by their ex

💛Leona sleeping headcannons

This masterlist is for the lovey @married-to-google-translater 💕

#twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #leona kingscholar #savanaclaw #twst #savannaclaw

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sunnygrey99 · 1 year ago

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~Trigger Warning: Typical TLOU warnings. Self Harm, suicidal tendencies, severe mental illness, PTSD (minors DNI) If any other Triggers apply please let me know.~

Story Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Violence, Murder, Death, Smut

A/N: Just another reminder please if you are suffering or need help Tumblr offers resources that can really help.

Wordcount: 2,094

Summary: Plus size!Reader is a Beekeeper and Medical Scientist living in Jackson. A simple meeting of a new friend slowly becomes so much more. Reader is immune. Reader is given a nickname. (This fic will have very dark tones though out. This deals with the unfortunate reality that men do disgusting things to women regardless of the world having ended. All chapters will include warnings and tag warnings. Please take care in reading.)

Hushed tones of a familiar voice pulls you from your deep slumber. Frozen to your spot your ears slowly start to pick up more of what the young girl is saying. “Do you think she’ll do it again?”Another female voice speaks in a soft tone, “I’m not sure. She hasn’t had an episode like this one before. It was different than the last time.” The other voice chimed in again quickly. “Last time? What happened last time?” “Well she doesn’t like us talking about it but last time she was outside the walls…” The woman’s voice cracks slightly. “Look I can’t talk about it. Just know there is a reason she isn’t on the patrol rotation and its not just because we need her here in town.”

A more masculine voice pulls your attention, “Is there anything we can do to keep this from happening again?” He sounded almost angry, and when the woman whispers out a tired “I don’t know” He grunts in return.

You try your hardest to force yourself to open your eyes, tell them it won’t happen again. You know you can’t though. No matter how much you wanted it to be true it would never be a guarantee. Slowly the voices dull back into a muffled lullaby as you fall back into unconsciousness.

It feels like only minutes later you hear a soft shuffling noise next to you. Your eyes slowly blink open, perfectly in view is Ellie and Joel. Ellie dealing out cards between Joel and herself. The smallest smile graces her lips as she lays out the first card. Joel placing his down and swiping the pile as he chuckles at the girl. “Why are you always so sure you are gonna beat me.”

They each put another card down this time Ellie swiping the cards to her side, “Because I will.”

You watch for the next ten minutes as the two go back and forth until Ellie snags the last card up for herself. She excitedly cheers and throws the last of her hand down. “And that Joel…It how you win at war.”

“Yeah with pure luck kiddo.” He chuckles at the indignant expression she dawns. You can’t help the giggle that comes out of your own mouth, however the sudden pain in your abdomen has you sucking in a hiss. You hear two chairs screech across the floor as you clutch gently at the affected area.

“Hey now take it easy.” Joel’s large hands find their way to your hand and shoulder. Instantly grounding you back into reality.

You feel both Ellie and Joel’s hands resting yours. Its a calming enough feeling to pull your attention back to them. Confusion written all over your own face as you take in the concerned look carried by the other two. Your eyes flicking between them then back to yourself laying in the hospital bed. You take a moment to soak in your surroundings before looking back to Joel. “What happened? Is…Is everyone else okay?”

Joel and Ellie’s features soften to a sadness that you hadn’t seen on either of them, almost bordering on pity. He turns to Ellie for only a moment whispering to her. Her tense shoulders drop and she scuffs. “Fine.” She turns her attention back to you and gives your hand another squeeze, “I’ll be back Bunny, I’m gonna let Maria and Tommy know you are awake”

You nod to her and squeeze her hand back as well as possible with Joel’s still covering your’s and Ellie’s. You watch as she leaves still confused as to what happened. Finally you remember the warmth of the other hand covering yours and the heavy weight of another on your shoulder, his thumb rubbing slightly in an attempt to comfort. Looking back up to Joel you see the same sad look still glued to his features yet an underlining anger in his eyes.

He sucks in a breath before stepping away and sliding a chair back over to the side of the bed so he can sit. “What is the last thing you remember?”

You immediately miss the warmth of his comforting touch on your skin. You look back up to the ceiling trying to think back to the last thing you remembered. It took a moment of hazy thought, “We were all sat eating at my dining room table. Ellie, Tommy, and Maria were there too.” You chuckled lightly at the thought of what happened after. “Tommy was telling us about how when you were little you use to pretend to be a country star and you’d make Tommy play plastic pales as drums. It was really sweet.” Letting your head fall to the side and look back to Joel. The furrow in his brow deep set. His eyes lock onto yours.

“Bunny that was over four weeks ago. You’ve only been out for a couple days.” His words sink quickly in and a heavy weight sets in your chest.

Heat blooms in your eyes as burning tears start pouring from them. A quiet no falling from your own lips. “Joel…” Your quiet call ensures his tense gaze stays locked on yours. “…please tell me…I didn’t hurt anyone…right?”

His hand quick to reach out to yours again. “You didn’t hurt anyone” He reaches his other hand out lightly wiping away the stinging tears on your cheeks. His hand then settling on your forehead as he brushes back a few hairs. “You stopped yourself before that could happen.” He nods down to your abdomen that was currently covered by a familiar blanket. Dark greens and creams that made you forget for just a second that you were in the clinic, however reality came back to you quickly as you looked back to Joel.

A thousand questions running through your mind. “Who found me? Was I…was I already…” You sucked in a breath clearly overwhelmed by the new information.

Joel takes that as a cue to squeeze your hand again and answer what he can. “I found you. Maria, Tommy and the Doc were waitin’ outside. You weren’t really you right then. You seemed real scared, throwing things and ya had a knife in your hand. After a few you calmed down and I tried to take the knife from you. Must have pushed a wrong button because not even a minute later you were on the ground bleedin’ out.” He pauses for a moment hoping he can keep the retelling at a minimum. He doesn’t seem to want to be talking about it either.

You nod and squeeze his hand back, fresh tears flowing down your face. “I’m so sorry Joel. I never wanted anyone to see that part of me again.”

“You ain’t got nothing to apologize for. Doc said its some sort of PTSD. There’s no controlling that, but you aren’t alone Bunny.” His eyes soften the anger replaced completely but something else you can’t quite read. His hand on your forehead moving to wipe away the tears again. “I can’t fix that but I sure can try to help.”

His hand finally rests cupping your cheek with a thumb gently rubbing the warm skin. You feel yourself press further into his gentle touch. Never would you have thought that a man like him could be so gentle and kind to another. It feels as if time stops as you look up to Joel’s eyes in that moment. The whole world melting away with his promise.

Quickly the two of you are reminded of the rest of the world as a knock comes at the door before it opens. Maria, Tommy, and Ellie all filing in and around the bed. Joel having already pulled back gets up and offers his chair to Maria. She gratefully accepts and slowly eases into the chair. Her attention immediately back on you. Her hand quickly meeting yours. Her warmth replacing what was left by Joel.

The next few hours are spent by everyone filling you in on the last four weeks trying to keep things light. You feel the weight that had been settled in your chest slowly ease up over the time they spend there. The Doc coming in near the end of the visit to take your vitals and check in with you before he pulls Maria and Joel to speak in his office. While you find that odd you focus on the current story Ellie is telling you about school and her new friend’s shenanigans.

~~~

Joel is on high alert as he stands by the door in Doctor Hector Grimm’s office. The doctor sitting in his chair while Maria sat across him in the old upholstered chairs. He pulls out a stack of files and lets out a harsh sigh as he looks between Joel and Maria. “I know you both have been through a lot in the last few days. Bunny surviving that wound was nothing short of a miracle and it almost has me questioning if there really is a god. Now that being said her previous diagnosis should have been given a more strict treatment plan. There is no easy way to say this. I believe Bunny needs full time care. She cannot live alone anymore.”

Joel feels himself tense. He had no idea you had been so badly affected by your ailment. Maria scoots forward more in her chair. “What? What do you mean? She can still function and take care of herself. We just need to get her some medication and get her to talk to someone.”

Dr. Grimm shakes his head, “I’m sorry Maria it doesn’t work like that, not anymore. This is an incredibly rare manifestation of CPTSD. For her to be having suicidal tendencies brought on by visual and auditory hallucinations is extreme even by old world standards. If we were still in the old world they’d have her committed to a full time care facility. We don’t have that luxury-”

“Luxury?” Maria stands and slams a hand on his desk. Joel stands up straight and uncrosses his arms at the sudden rise in tension. “This is Bunny we are talking about not a damn dog.”

His hands go up in defense as he moves back, “I’m not trying to offend, I am just trying to be realistic about her treatment options. This is the only option I can see without her ending up right back here every 3 to 6 months.”

Maria sighs and sits back down. “I can have her move in with me and Tommy when she is released.”

“I can’t let you do that either. You are about to have a baby in the house. That is already going to be stressful for you not to mention it could be a stress trigger for her.” He leans back and crosses his own arms. “Its gotta be someone she knows and can be there over nights. Maybe not necessary 24/7 but at least the majority of the time.”

“She doesn’t know that many people at all and you know how much she values her solitude.” Maria plops back further in her seat in exasperation.

Joel takes a few moments to soak up all the new information. He takes a step forward. “Ellie and I can do it. That way if I’m not there at least Ellie is.”

Maria looks over at Joel “Are you sure you’d want to do that?”

He nods before looking back to the Doctor. “How long are we talkin’?”

Grimm sighs before looking at the file in front of him. “Recovery like this can take a lifetime. She may not need it permanently but we should operate under the assumption it will be. This is more than just CPTSD so once we get the rest of the treatment plan figured out her condition will be a lot more manageable on her own. This is simply a precaution.”

They all agreed then on the course of action. Joel and Ellie will move in with Bunny. That way she is in familiar surroundings with people who are able to help before she gets to the point she was a couple days ago. Dr. Grimm going over how to effectively talk her down in the event she loses grip on reality. After all was said and done Maria went to break the news to Bunny and Joel went to Bunny’s to finish cleaning up the home so she didn’t have to look at the remnants of her breakdown. It was going to be an adjustment process for sure.

Part 5 Coming Soon

If you would like to be tagged in my works please feel free to message me and let me know who/what fandoms you’d like to be tagged in. I plan to write for at least The Walking Dead, Shameless(US), Marvel(MCU and Comics), DC(All), Teen Wolf and The Last of Us

Tag list <3

@gwendibleywrites

#reader insert #long reads #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #ellie williams #potentially triggering #maria miller #the last of us #tommy miller #tw abuse #ptsd #complex ptsd

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