#return from edinburgh

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

Oooh! A great Gavin Finney (Good Omens Director of Photography) interview with Helen Parkinson for the British Cinematographer! :)

HEAVEN SENT

Gifted a vast creative landscape from two of fantasy’s foremost authors to play with, Gavin Finney BSC reveals how he crafted the otherworldly visuals for Good Omens 2.  

It started with a letter from beyond the grave. Following fantasy maestro Sir Terry Pratchett’s untimely death in 2015, Neil Gaiman decided he wouldn’t adapt their co-authored 1990 novel, Good Omens, without his collaborator. That was, until he was presented with a posthumous missive from Pratchett asking him to do just that.  

For Gaiman, it was a request that proved impossible to decline: he brought Good Omens season one to the screen in 2019, a careful homage to its source material. His writing, complemented by some inspired casting – David Tennant plays the irrepressible demon Crowley, alongside Michael Sheen as angel-slash-bookseller Aziraphale – and award-nominated visuals from Gavin Finney BSC, proved a potent combination for Prime Video viewers.  

Aziraphale’s bookshop was a set design triumph.

Season two departs from the faithful literary adaptation of its predecessor, instead imagining what comes next for Crowley and Aziraphale. Its storyline is built off a conversation that Pratchett and Gaiman shared during a jetlagged stay in Seattle for the 1989 World Fantasy Convention. Gaiman remembers: “The idea was always that we would tell the story that Terry and I came up with in 1989 in Seattle, but that we would do that in our own time and in our own way. So, once Good Omens (S1) was done, all I knew was that I really, really wanted to tell the rest of the story.” 

Telling that story visually may sound daunting, but cinematographer Finney is no stranger to the wonderfully idiosyncratic world of Pratchett and co. As well as lensing Good Omens’ first outing, he’s also shot three other Pratchett stories – TV mini series  Hogfather  (2006), and TV mini-series The Colour of Magic (2008) and Going Postal (2010). 

He relishes how the authors provide a vast creative landscape for him to riff off. “The great thing about Pratchett and Gaiman is that there’s no limit to what you can do creatively – everything is up for grabs,” he muses. “When we did the first Pratchett films and the first Good Omens, you couldn’t start by saying, ‘Okay, what should this look like?’, because nothing looks like Pratchett’s world. So, you’re starting from scratch, with no references, and that starting point can be anything you want it to be.”  

Season two saw the introduction of inside-outside sets for key locations including Aziraphale’s bookshop. 

From start to finish 

The sole DP on the six-episode season, Finney was pleased to team up again with returning director Douglas Mackinnon for the “immensely complicated” shoot, and the pair began eight weeks of prep in summer 2021. A big change was the production shifting the main soho set from Bovington airfield, near London, up to Edinburgh’s Pyramids Studio. Much of the action in Good Omens takes place on the Soho street that’s home to Aziraphale’s bookshop, which was built as an exterior set on the former airfield for season one. Season two, however, saw the introduction of inside-outside sets for key locations including the bookshop, record store and pub, to minimise reliance on green screen.  

Finney brought over many elements of his season one lensing, especially Mackinnon’s emphasis on keeping the camera moving, which involved lots of prep and testing. “We had a full-time Scorpio 45’ for the whole shoot (run by key grip Tim Critchell and his team), two Steadicam operators (A camera – Ed Clark and B camera Martin Newstead) all the way through, and in any one day we’d often go from Steadicam, to crane, to dolly and back again,” he says. “The camera is moving all the time, but it’s always driven by the story.” 

One key difference for season two, however, was the move to large-format visuals. Finney tested three large-format cameras and the winner was the Alexa LF (assisted by the Mini LF where conditions required), thanks to its look and flexibility.  

The minisodes were shot on Cooke anamorphics, giving Finney the ideal balance of anamorphic-style glares and characteristics without too much veiling flare.

A more complex decision was finding the right lenses for the job. “You hear about all these whizzy new lenses that are re-barrelled ancient Russian glass, but I needed at least two full sets for the main unit, then another set for the second unit, then maybe another set again for the VFX unit,” Finney explains. “If you only have one set of this exotic glass, it’s no good for the show.” 

He tested a vast array of lenses before settling on Zeiss Supremes, supplied by rental house Media Dog. These ticked all the boxes for the project: “They had a really nice look – they’re a modern design but not over sharp, which can look a bit electronic and a bit much, especially with faces. When you’re dealing with a lot of wigs and prosthetics, we didn’t want to go that sharp. The Supremes had a very nice colour palette and nice roll-off. They’re also much smaller than a lot of large-format glass, so that made it easy for Steadicam and remote cranes. They also provided additional metadata, which was very useful for the VFX department (VFX services were provided by Milk VFX).” 

The Supremes were paired with a selection of filters to characterise the show’s varied locations and characters. For example, Tiffen Bronze Glimmerglass were paired with bookshop scenes; Black Pro-Mist was used for Hell; and Black Diffusion FX for Crowley’s present-day storyline.  

Finney worked closely with the show’s DIT, Donald MacSween, and colourist, Gareth Spensley, to develop the look for the minisode.

Maximising minisodes 

Episodes two, three and four of season two each contain a ‘minisode’ – an extended flashback set in Biblical times, 1820s Edinburgh and wartime London respectively. “Douglas wanted the minisodes to have very strong identities and look as different from the present day as possible, so we’d instantly know we were in a minisode and not the present day,” Finney explains.  

One way to shape their distinctive look was through using Cooke anamorphic lenses. As Finney notes: “The Cookes had the right balance of controllable, anamorphic-style flares and characteristics without having so much veiling flare that they would be hard to use on green screens. They just struck the right balance of aesthetics, VFX requirements and availability.” The show adopted the anamorphic aspect ratio (2:39.1), an unusual move for a comedy, but one which offered them more interesting framing opportunities. 

Good Omens 2 was shot on the Alexa LF, paired with Zeiss Supremes for the present-day scenes.

The minisodes were also given various levels of film grain to set them apart from the present-day scenes. Finney first experimented with this with the show’s DIT Donald MacSween using the DaVinci Resolve plugin FilmConvert. Taking that as a starting point, the show’s colourist, Company 3’s Gareth Spensley, then crafted his own film emulation inspired by two-strip Technicolor. “There was a lot of testing in the grade to find the look for these minisodes, with different amounts of grain and different types of either Technicolor three-strip or two-strip,” Finney recalls. “Then we’d add grain and film weave on that, then on top we added film flares. In the Biblical scenes we added more dust and motes in the air.”  

Establishing the show’s lighting was a key part of Finney’s testing process, working closely with gaffer Scott Napier and drawing upon PKE Lighting’s inventory. Good Omens’ new Scottish location posed an initial challenge: as the studio was in an old warehouse rather than being purpose-built for filming, its ceilings weren’t as high as one would normally expect. This meant Finney and Napier had to work out a low-profile way of putting in a lot of fixtures. 

Inside Crowley’s treasured Bentley.

Their first task was to test various textiles, LED wash lights and different weight loadings, to establish what they were working with for the street exteriors. “We worked out that what was needed were 12 SkyPanels per 20’x20’ silk, so each one was a block of 20’x20’, then we scaled that up,” Finney recalls. “I wanted a very seamless sky, so I used full grid cloth which made it very, very smooth. That was important because we’ve got lots of cars constantly driving around the set and the sloped windscreens reflect the ceiling. So we had to have seamless textiles – PKE had to source around 12,000 feet of textiles so that we could put them together, so the reflections in the windscreens of the cars just showed white gridcloth rather than lots of stage lights. We then drove the car around the set to test it from different angles.”  

On the floor, they mostly worked with LEDs, providing huge energy and cost savings for the production. Astera’s Titan Tubes came in handy for a fun flashback scene with John Hamm’s character Gabriel. The DP remembers: “[Gabriel] was travelling down a 30-foot feather tunnel. We built a feather tunnel on the stage and wrapped it in a ring of Astera tubes, which were then programmed by dimmer op Jon Towler to animate, pulse and change different colours. Each part of Gabriel’s journey through his consciousness has a different colour to it.” 

Among the rigs built was a 20-strong Creamsource Vortex setup for the graveyard scene in the “Body Snatchers” minisode, shot in Stirling. “We took all the yokes off each light then put them on a custom-made aluminium rig so we could have them very close. We put them up on a big telehandler on a hill that gave me a soft mood light, which was very adjustable, windproof and rainproof.” 

Shooting on the VP stage for the birth of the universe scenes in episode one.

Sky’s the limit 

A lot of weather effects were done in camera – including lightning effects pulsed in that allowed both direct fork lightning and sheet lightning to spread down the streets. In the grade, colourist Spensley was also able to work his creative magic on the show’s skies. “Gareth is a very artistic colourist – he’s a genius at changing skies,” Finney says. “Often in the UK you get these very boring, flat skies, but he’s got a library of dramatic skies that you can drop in. That would usually be done by VFX, but he’s got the ability to do it in Baselight, so a flat sky suddenly becomes a glorious sunset.” 

Finney emphasises that the grade is a very involved process for a series like Good Omens, especially with its VFX-heavy nature. “This means VFX sequences often need extra work when it comes back into the timeline,” says the DP. “So, we often add camera movement or camera shake to crank the image up a bit. Having a colourist like Gareth is central to a big show like Good Omens, to bring all the different visual elements together and to make it seamless. It’s quite a long grade process but it’s worth its weight in gold.” 

Shooting in the VR cube for the blitz scenes .

Finney took advantage of virtual production (VP) technology for the driving scenes in Crowley’s classic Bentley. The volume was built on their Scottish set: a 4x7m cube with a roof that could go up and down on motorised winches as needed. “We pulled the cars in and out on skates – they went up on little jacks, which you could then rotate and move the car around within the volume,” he explains. “We had two floating screens that we could move around to fill in and use as additional source lighting. Then we had generated plates – either CGI or real location plates –projected 360º around the car. Sometimes we used the volume in-camera but if we needed to do more work downstream; we’d use a green screen frustum.” Universal Pixels collaborated with Finney to supply in-camera VFX expertise, crew and technical equipment for the in-vehicle driving sequences and rear projection for the crucial car shots. 

John Hamm was suspended in the middle of this lighting rig and superimposed into the feather tunnel.

Interestingly, while shooting at a VP stage in Leith, the team also used the volume as a huge, animated light source in its own right – a new technique for Finney. “We had the camera pointing away from [the volume] so the screen provided this massive, IMAX-sized light effect for the actors. We had a simple animation of the expanding universe projected onto the screen so the actors could actually see it, and it gave me the animated light back on the actors.”  

Bringing such esteemed authors’ imaginations to the screen is no small task, but Finney was proud to helped bring Crowley and Aziraphale’s adventures to life once again. He adds: “What’s nice about Good Omens, especially when there’s so much bad news in the world, is that it’s a good news show. It’s a very funny show. It’s also about good and evil, love and doing the right thing, people getting together irrespective of backgrounds. It’s a hopeful message, and I think that that’s what we all need.” 

Finney is no stranger to the idiosyncratic world of Sir Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman.

[lydiimae]

Gentle

Pairing: Anthony Bridgerton x fem!reader

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, panic attack, fluff hehe, Anthony being the sweet husband ik he is

A.N: Hello my loves and hello dearest anon ^-^/! This one is a bit on the shorter side (2.5k words) but I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope I gave you what you wanted Nonnie. I imagine Anthony (I'M SO EXCITED TO SEE SEASON 3 MARRIED ANT AND KATE) as a protective and loving husband, who is also extremely gentle when he wants to be. Also, Infatuation pt two is in the works, for those that are eager (thank you btw <3 T-T) it should be out by next week at the latest. P.S I am planning on uploading at least twice a week hehe! Enjoy my dears! <3

Req found here <3

Marrying a Viscount was always going to be stressful, it came with responsibility. As well as a certain necessity to be perfect, at least that is the thought that nagged you. It was only a matter of time before the stress of being Anthony Bridgerton's wife caught up to you.

You had honeymooned in Edinburgh and Bath, all of the usual quiet places. He wished to make it just that, quiet and peaceful as both of you knew that would be one of the only times you would live in that blissful silence. Without worry of gossip, or rumors, or responsibilities.

Anthony also knew that you had a tendency to be anxious. Whether it be a result of how many people were present at a ball, or the rumors that tended to linger in your mind even after they slowly washed away from others. He wanted to show you the sights, and the gorgeous nature that was present in both of the cities that he had selected.

He also wished to show you the city of Bath. Take you to one of the large Roman baths, parade you around town, and wander the hills for hours on end. All lovely things that had taken your mind away from the lingering anxieties of being the new Viscountess.

It had worked marvelously, you had been the happiest he had seen you ever since you had met. You were completely in your element, especially when you were outside. It was a very loving, and freeing six months away.

Your leg jiggles as you fiddle with your gloves, looking out the window of the carriage as it rolls down the road to Aubery Hall. As soon as you had gotten back to England, your anxieties flooded back into your mind. You were already dreading what was going to happen. You and Anthony were already planning to attend a ball tomorrow, the first one of your marriage.

You hated it, you knew that people would talk, the women would glare and whisper, perhaps even confront you. You did not want to deal with it. You wished to be back in Bath, having a picnic with your husband, far away from the gossip.

You feel a hand on your knee and turn. "You have been antsy for four whole hours, my love. What is it?" He asks, moving his hand to yours and giving it a squeeze. You chew on your bottom lip and settle for resting your head on his shoulder. "I am only nervous for the ball tomorrow." You whisper.

"The ball, or the people?" He returns, pressing a kiss to the top of your head before tilting your chin up so he can look at you. You frown slightly and he gives a comforting grin. "They will talk, you know that, but none of it will matter. It is just that, talk." He murmurs before pressing a quick kiss to your lips.

"But what if... you leave and then I am alone and one of them tries to-" You begin, but he cuts you off swiftly with another kiss. A longer one, but still as sweet as before. You sigh and rest your forehead against his. "You are so much more capable than you know, Y/N. You are the perfect Viscountess and the perfect Bridgerton. None of them shall ever be able to take either of those two things away from you." He whispers.

You smile as your cheeks heat up from his speech. "You are mine, mine to protect and mine to love. I take that duty very seriously." He finishes, cupping your cheek. You lean into his touch and smile. "I love you." You whisper back and he grins. "And I love you." He returns.

Tomorrow comes all too quick, and soon you are in the large closet in your master bedroom, your maids pulling on the strings of your corset to get it to your liking. Anthony, however, waits downstairs in his study already dressed up fully for the occasion.

You had promised to try and be quick, and he knows you tried to keep that promise. He also knew that you wanted to look perfect, so he did not mind being a bit late to the ball. He wished for you to be as comfortable as you could be. After about thirty minutes of waiting, he had sent his family ahead, promising to meet them there.

He would be lying if tonight was a relaxed night for him. He was a ball of nerves, but he knew how to hide them well. He was not nervous for him, no, he was nervous for you.

He knew that you were perfect, and all of the much older and married members of the ton did as well. It was the cruel debutantes he worried about. He knew that many of them would be bitter, even if they were not interested in him. It was many women's third or fourth social season, many women would take that out on any kind soul they could find, and you were the kindest.

He downs his glass of scotch and adjusts his cravat before standing up and going to the bottom of the staircase. He wanted to see you now, and he would not wait another second. Just as he is about to call out, you appear at the top of the steps, dressed in the infamous Bridgerton blues.

The gown is a gorgeous navy blue, and you have paired it with long, white, silk gloves. Your hair is pulled back in his favorite way, an elegant pin holding it up in an elaborate bun. To tie it all together, you are wearing the diamond necklace and earrings he bought you in Edinburgh. So simple, yet so incredibly beautiful. So you.

You smile at him as you walk down the stairs and he just about dies right there. "My God, you look ethereal." He whispers as he offers you his arm. You gladly take it and he grins, pressing a kiss to your forehead before leading you to the carriage.

The driver opens the door of the carriage once the two of you arrive at Lady Danbury's grand estate. You look out at the many other women and men filing out of their carriages and feel a familiar sense of dread, causing you to gnaw on the skin on the inside of your cheek.

"Darling?" He asks after a moment and you look up, your cheeks flushing in embarrassment once you realize he has probably been holding his hand out for you for some time. "Sorry." You mumble, before taking his hand and allowing him to pull you to your feet and help you out of the carriage.

The two of you walk hand in hand into the ballroom, which is bustling with activity. However, when the Viscount and his new bride enter, all of the chattering halts. The eery silence makes you wrap your arms around one of his, the sense of dread looming over your head only getting more intense.

He notices and moves down, kissing you softly on the lips. Part of it is for show, of course, but part of it is also because he knows that it will calm your nerves down to a point where you can manage them. He just knows, always.

He pulls away. "Come on, we are going to make this boring night a good one, hm?" He murmurs. You smile gently and nod, walking deeper into the ball. You hear the whispers, the cruel words from the other women, but choose to ignore them for now.

The two of you arrive at the space on the floor where his family stands. He lets go of your arm with a kiss on your cheek and enters a conversation with Colin. You walk to Eloise, of course, and begin to speak to her about your newest literary obsession.

Anthony eventually finds himself surrounded by his friends, leaving you and Eloise to your own devices. "It is quite an interesting story, I am surprised I only found just found it." You hum as she grins. She had recommended the book Frankenstein after you had said you wished to read more of the classics. "I am surprised as well, you always struck me as a horror type of woman." She teases, bumping your shoulder. You laugh lightly as she does.

"Well, now I know that I am only to come to you for book recommendations as my husband is quite lacking in that department." You return, your eyes filled with playful affection. "Well, I could have told you that, Y/N. My brother, it seems, only likes books in the historical genre." She sighs and looks at her glass of lemonade. "I shall be right back, I am going to get more lemonade." She says and is off before you can protest.

You frown and look around for someone else to talk to, to hide behind really, as you wait. Before you can you are approached by none other than Cressida Cowper, an absolute addict to gossip. "Y/N L/N, I am surprised to see you alone. Has he grown bored of you already?" She says, tilting her head.

You wince and sigh. You knew it was coming, Cressida always had a knack for finding you when you were alone and vulnerable. Often times her insults insist on picking on your nervous demeanor, or even your kindness. The use of your maiden name, however, stung uniquely. A sign that she thought your marriage insignificant, and who knows how many others did. You can feel your breathing pick up already.

"Cressida. It is lovely to see you." You say softly, turning to face her head on. She rolls her eyes at your blatant disregard for her question. "Indeed. It is always a pleasure seeing how... dull you look. I am surprised the Viscount has not already taken a mistress, I mean, he would do well to." She sneers. "I-" You begin but she cuts you off.

"You know I am right. You are dull, Y/N. You always have been. It was a miracle you got as much attention as you did when you debuted and an even bigger miracle that you got married to Anthony. He will grow bored of you, just as everyone has." She scoffs before sauntering off to her next target.

You feel the heat of tears in your eyes and the familiar feeling of tightening in your chest. You know Cressida can be cruel, but what if she got those words from another? What if she was right? Perhaps Anthony will grow bored, perhaps he already has. The thoughts have you going into a spiral, your breathing picking up until you realize you cannot breathe anymore.

Eloise, upon noticing that Cressida had made her way over to you, rushes back. "Oh God, that woman is nothing but a jealous old spinster, Y/N." She whispers, putting her glass down and reaching out before she realizes that you are already too far gone. She takes your hand and begins to walk in search of her brother, "Hold on, Y/N. He has to be near. It will be alright." She says softly, though it does nothing to stop the state of panic you are already in.

She finds him about two minutes later, and you are already in tears. She drags you to him and spins him around. "Cressida." She whispers before leaving the two of you together. He immediately wraps his arms around you and leads you out of the ballroom to one of the balconies, whispering sweet nothings into your ear the entire way.

"Alright. Look at me, my love." He murmurs once you are outside, grabbing your hands in his and pressing them to his chest so you can feel his heartbeat. "Ready?" He whispers when your tear-filled eyes meet his and you nod.

"Alright, in..." He breathes in and you do the same, your breathing stuttering as you try your best to follow. "And out..." He whispers, exhaling with you. The two of you have gone through this many times. He had helped you when you were courting, when you were engaged, and he will help you until the end of time.

After a few moments of him guiding you, your breathing calms and you wrap your arms around his neck, pressing your face into the fabric of his cravat. "What did she say, darling?" He murmurs, rubbing your back gently.

You hesitate, and he senses your apprehension. "I will not get angry with you over words that such an insignificant woman spoke, I will not cause a scene. I promise. I only wish to know before I take you back home, hm?" He whispers, gently cupping your cheeks so he can look at you.

You wait for a moment before taking a deep breath and nodding. "She said that you would grow tired of me, just like everyone else. That you would take a mistress. She said I was dull." You whisper back, your grip on his shirt tightening.

His face darkens for a moment before he pulls you back into his embrace. "She knows nothing, my love. If you were dull, I would not want to spend every waking moment of my life with you. I would not have married you if you were not perfect for me in every single way." He whispers, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head.

"But I... I do this so often. I get so... so anxious. I am hardly a Viscounte-" You start but he cuts you off. "You are the perfect Viscountess. Y/N," He begins, pulling back a bit so he can look at you. "I do not say that lightly. I know that it has only been a short six months since we were wed, but I am more secure in my belief that you will be the perfect Viscountess. The perfect mother, the perfect head of my house. You are the perfect woman for me and for my family. Do not doubt that ever. Especially over some silly statement a foolish, sad woman made." He says, caressing your cheeks.

Your eyes burn at his speech, and your heart flutters. You lean in and press a lingering kiss to his lips before pulling away. "I love you so very much, Anthony." You whisper.

He grins, and you swear you see the faintest of pinks spread over his cheeks. "And I love you, Viscountess Bridgerton." He whispers, pressing another kiss to your lips. "Let us go home. Lady Danbury will not miss our company I'm sure." He hums as he parts, making you nod in response.

That is just what the two of you do. After saying goodbye to his family, and to Lady Danbury, the two of you make your way to the carriage.

The rest of the night is spent in bed, speaking of the future, whispering love confessions in each other's ears, and loads of kisses. Who knew that a man who seems so brutish could be so gentle just for you?

[vidavalor]

Crowley is not living in the bookshop in S2 because he's trying to protect Aziraphale. He's lost his flat and he's got Shax popping up unannounced everywhere and he knows that Heaven and Hell might be leaving them alone but it won't be forever. He's afraid of what could happen if Heaven and Hell find out that he and Aziraphale are living together. Aziraphale asked him to stay in the bookshop-- and Crowley does on some nights-- but he makes sure Hell knows that he's living in his car as a way of trying to protect them.

Aziraphale has been trying to convince Crowley that he doesn't need to do this. S2 suggests he's been trying to get Crowley to just move in already. His look of irritation when Crowley moves his plants back into The Bentley upon Aziraphale returning from Edinburgh suggests he was hoping that Crowley would just leave them in the shop and leave himself in there while he was at it. He later tries to calm Crowley-- who is talking about having been up all night with anxiety-- by telling him to go relax in the bookshop, illustrating that he knows that the demon-free zone is a calming place for Crowley and trying to remind him that it's his home, too.

I don't think it's that Aziraphale didn't ask. I think it's that Crowley said no as a way of trying to protect Aziraphale and Aziraphale loves the gentlemanly-ness of it but he's also just like oh, Crowley, will you just come inside and get under some tartan blankets and let me make you a cocoa already? Every night? Forever?

[bunny-jpeg]

show-off (johnny's version)

john "soap" mactavish

cw: smut/pwp, filming, choking, missionary, rough sex, dirty talk (johnny's got the mouth on him), dom!johnny, sub!reader, messy & rough sex, (partial) crying kink, overstimulation

simon's version | price's version | kyle's version

johnny just loved you. you met at the central branch of the public library in edinburgh. you worked as a librarian, even though most of your days were spent hauling carts of returned books around, you felt happy about it. it was a fulfilling job.

but the sargent adored you. the first thing he did when he came home from anytime away as picking you up a nice bouquet of flowers and waiting around the library till you finished up work for the day! it was a charmed little life, and you were a missing piece in johnny's life.

which is why, on a sunny summer morning, the rest of 141 found an interesting video in the team's group chat. a hefty little film that piqued the interest of the three men. the file was labeled "070824_babygirl.mp4".

the video started simple, it was a shot of you in your apartment. in the bed you shared with johnny. but what was interesting was that you were on your back, with the phone's flashlight beaming on your face which gave a clear sight of johnny's other hand around your throat.

it was a erotic sight, you were laid in the soft bed while johnny looked like he was about to fuck you well into the mattress. johnny asked, "how does it feel, baby girl?"

you nodded.

"nah, nah, use yer words." he encouraged as the pressure around your throat grew. you whimpered and he only chuckled, the camera still pointed on you.

"it feels good, johnny."

"nuh uh, uh." he said as he pushed the phone a little further towards you and said, "it ain't johnny tonight, bonnie. don't make me smack ya."

"no, sir." you swallowed, "it feels good, sir." you whined and arched your back a little.

the camera cut down to the sight of johnny's erect cock teasing your pussy. his cock was painfully hard, it was a deep red in colour and leaking precum. your pussy was soaked, with your wetness gleaming in the light of the flashlight.

"pretty thing, huh? don't cha think boys?" he laughed, "take me like a fuckin' champ too. she shouldn't countin' books, she should be countin' how many loads i can get in 'er in a day!"

you whimpered, the language johnny used was definitely not the kind he used when he was bringing you flowers at the library. this was reserved for the dirtiest depths of your bedroom at the most depraved hours of the evening.

he was such a gentleman. but behind the camera as he teased your pussy, he was a menace. mean and crass.

"i see how the boys look at ya." he chuckled darkly, his hand a little firmer on her neck, "i bet they got their pants dropped to the floor and their leaky cocks out to jerk themselves off."

you whined and arched your back. he never fully cut off your air, but the racing in your chest as the possibility of him doing that was immense.

johnny got a good shot of him feverishly making out with you. you whimpered and groaned against him. your pussy throbbed as you could feel his weight on top of you.

"pretty girl." he groaned, "fuckin' beauty. ya like that boys?" he asked the camera before he pulled away and got in position to fuck you properly. his special bonnie deserved to have his cock buried inside of her.

"sir." you whined, "please, please, please!"

johnny chuckled, he pulled his hand away from your throat and slipped his thumb between your lips. the camera trained on you, "my bonnie."

filming this was a surprise, but in a way it was johnny laying proper claim on you. the video would never leave the group chat, it would be saved under a virtual lock and key. no prying eyes except for the task force. he wanted to show that the lovely little librarian was his and his only.

as he slipped his cock into you with rather ease and watched your face scrunch up from the weight inside of you, johnny wanted his teammates to see how much of a good girl you were for him.

"ain't she just special." he purred, egging his teammates on through the camera as he fucked you. he knew he'd probably get some interesting messages once this was sent to the others. but he'd never tell you what those dogs through of you taking his cock so well.

you gripped the bed under you and you could feel the oppressive gaze of the camera on your bare body. you trusted johnny and you trusted the task force that this little video would stay safe. the last thing you wanted was the embarrassment of knowing that you took cock like a champ!

"you're so beautiful." he said, "fuckin' beautiful. don't want anyone else but you, i want to fuck you until i can't anymore. you're my bonnie, my sweet girl." his voice was laced with heavy lust, "how much you take of me, you just take it all so good."

you whimpered, "johnny."

"ah, ah, ah, don't slip up now, bonnie." he said as he squeezed your thigh, "i'd hate for this to turn into a punishment video. i know ghost would love the sight of your bruised ass." he chuckled as he continued to fuck you.

the sounds of sex filled the bedroom and picked up on the camera's microphone. it was in crystal clear audio. the boys knew that your pussy was being bruised from his heavy thrusts.

"please, sir!" you whimpered as you laid under him. you tried to keep up with his pace but it was hard, johnny could be so erratic in bed. he fucked you like a man on a mission. it was messy and loud.

"i like how you say that, girlie.' he laughed as he held your face to look at the camera. he held you jaw tightly as he watched pretty little tears form in your eyes form the over stimulation.

your core throbbed with an insistent need to have every last inch of your boyfriend's cock buried inside of you. you were just so painfully cute.

"so cute when you cry." he leaned in and kissed you on the forehead. he held your face as he pulled away to get the best angle of filming. he wanted the experience to be pleasurable for his team too. he huffed through his nose as he felt the heat in his body.

"sir." you blubbered.

johnny chuckled and watched you cry. the flashlight on the phone was so bright and made you whimper even more. but johnny just adored the sight, "pretty thing." he purred, "fuck yer little brain out so you can't even go to work tomorrow." he laughed as he bounced you on his cock.

you tried to use the sheets as leverage to keep you steady but johnny's hard thrusts just sent you into overdrive. he was battering your cute little cunt and you were practically drooling on it.

"no one at the library would've ever guessed that she was such a fuckin' hound for me cock.' he laughed, his language was degrading but it made you squeeze around his cock, "those cute little skirt hide those soaked panties. i keep tellin' 'er that i should be fuckin' 'er in the bathroom durin' 'er break! maybe the boys can give me a lil advice on how to make you more agreeable. how do ya feel about that?"

you looked up at him, tears still twinkled in your eyes as you tried to say another word, but it died in your throat as your body tensed up. you squeezed your eyes shut and your mouth opened a little as a healthy moan left your lips.

"good, bonnie." he said, "cum fer me."

you clawed at the covers and arched your back as you felt your head go into a spin. you came around his cock. you panted heavily, your lungs burned for air as you hit your peak. the drop down from it left you dizzy and your tongue hanging out of your mouth like a dog.

johnny patted your face, happy he caught your climax on camera. he turned his attention to his cock spearing you open. he pointed the device to your pussy that was still so greedy for his cock. the milky rim around the base of his cock that dripped down his hairy balls was a sign that he was treating his missus right.

he continued to bounce you on his cock. he even played with your clit a little which caused you to kick your legs out and almost yelp from the shock of pleasure. maybe that would be a little overkill (for tonight).

his pace staggered, as if it wasn't an disorganized mess already. he looked down at you with hunger as he felt his cock twitch inside of your sweet heat. you were an all consuming force and johnny was obsessed with you.

not in a stalking in a bushes sense, but rather follow you to the ends of the earth. he watched you shed a few more tears as he felt his climax in the back of his throat.

"good girl. a good little slut for me." he purred, "i bet the rest of the team is going to love it." he got in closer and asked, "do you have a little message for the boys?"

"si..sir." you whimpered.

johnny chuckled, "poor, lass." he rubbed your head by your forehead, jerking it around playfully as he continued his assault on your cunt, "fuck those last few brain cells out." his pat on your face was almost patronizing.

his orgasm pulled at him as the tight heat of your cunt lured him in. he could feel the seat down his back as he gave it a last few strokes before he slammed himself to the root and finished inside of you.

he licked his lips and slowed down. it felt so good. he swallowed in an attempt to compose himself after the intense feeling. he was still filming your sweet pussy.

"wanna tell the boys how yer doin'?" he asked after a few moments of silence with a chuckle, "pretty girl, face full of tears." his accent hung heavy as wiped your tears away with the scratchy pad of his thumb.

"feels good, sir."

"that's what i like to hear. pretty bonnie under me, legs spread up. lettin' me fuck her for ma boys." he laughed, "got me goin' all over again."

"johnny please." you whimpered.

'alright, alright." he said, his voice a little softer, "i'll turn the camera off and make sure you get fucked right to sleep. say goodnight to the team."

you blinked up at the camera, you looked like a debauched little slut as you said, "goodnight simon, goodnight captain price, goodnight kyle."

johnny patted your cheek and you melted into his touch. he said, "ma girl knows her manners." then the video cut off.

there was a message that was sent after the video was sent, it said, "pretty little thing, eh? you can only look don't touch!" <3

[gotham-ruaidh]

this passage is one of my favorite Jamie and Claire conversations in all of the books. more than anything else it shows how much they love and understand each other. how thrilling to see this so wonderfully adapted in 7x16 "A Hundred Thousand Angels"!

“Sassenach? Are ye all right?” A segment of the darkness on the floor moved suddenly and resolved itself into a Jamie-shaped shadow.

“Yes. Are you?”

That got me the breath of a laugh.

“I’ll do, Sassenach,” he said softly, and I heard the rustle of his movement as he got his feet under him. “I’m glad ye feel well enough to ask. D’ye need water?”

“Er . . . rather the opposite, really,” I said.

“Oh? Oh.” He stooped, a pale blur in his shirt, to reach under the bed. “D’ye need help?”

“If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have waked you up,” I said, a little testily. “I didn’t think I could wait for Mrs. Macken or Dottie, though.” He snorted a little and got me under the arms, lifting me into a sitting position.

“Now, then,” he murmured. “It’s no like ye’ve not done this—and a good many worse things—for me.”

While this was true, it didn’t make matters easier.

“You can let go now,” I said.

“Perhaps leave the room?”

“Perhaps not,” he said, still mildly, but with a tone indicating that his mind was made up on the subject. “If I let go, ye’ll fall on your face, and ye ken that perfectly well, so stop talkin’ and be about your business now, aye?”

It took some time—anything that put pressure on my abdomen, including the act of urinating, hurt remarkably—but the business was accomplished and I was eased back down onto the pillow, gasping. Jamie bent and picked up the chamber pot, clearly intending to hurl the contents out the window in customary Edinburgh fashion.

“No, wait!” I said. “Keep that ’til morning.”

He paused.

“What for?” he asked cautiously. Clearly he suspected I might still be unhinged from fever and be contemplating some grossly irrational use of the pot’s contents, but he didn’t like to say so, in case I had something logical, if bizarre, in mind. I would have laughed, but it hurt too much.

“I need to check, once there’s light, to be sure there’s no blood,” I said. “My right kidney’s very sore; I want to be sure there’s no damage.”

“Ah.” He set the utensil down carefully and, to my surprise, opened the door and glided out, moving soft-footed as a hunting fox. I heard one squeak as he stepped on a stair tread, but nothing more until a glow betokened his return with a candlestick.

“Have a look, then,” he said, picking up the pot again and bringing it to me. “I kent ye’d just fret about it did ye have to wait for daybreak.”

He sounded resigned, but this small thoughtfulness brought me close to tears. He heard the catch in my breathing and leaned close, alarmed, bringing the light up to my face.

“Are ye all right, Sassenach? Is it bad, then?”

“No,” I said, and wiped my eyes hastily on a corner of the sheet. “No—it—it’s fine. I just —oh, Jamie, I love you!”

-- Written In My Own Heart's Blood

[fakemichaelsheen]

-the bookshop-

aziraphale, returning from edinburgh: *enters*

crowley, lounging in a chair, flipping through a sketchbook: you could've asked me to pose, you know

aziraphale, exasperated: now where did you get that?

crowley, smirks: I think you know

aziraphale, embarrassed: it's private

crowley, looks at him, amused: private? really?

aziraphale, sighs: I was simply perfecting a craft and you're, well...

crowley, still smirking: what?

aziraphale, clears his throat, mumbles: an aesthetically pleasing model

crowley, having the best day of his existence: what?

aziraphale, having the worst day of his existence: it really is none of your business

crowley, throws him a pencil: go on. I want to see you do it

aziraphale, hesitates: is now really the best time?

crowley, getting comfortable: yes. get on with it

aziraphale, takes the sketchbook: fine. have it your way *drags a stool over*

crowley, relaxed: I like them, by the way. you make me look good

aziraphale, concentrating: that isn't me

crowley: ...

crowley, blurts out: shall I take my clothes off?

aziraphale, pauses for a moment: not if you want this to get done

crowley: *smirks*

[16woodsequ]

100 Asexual Books Rec List

For this list the goal is fiction books with a main character or significant secondary character that is on the Asexual spectrum, or non-fiction books about being Aspec.

Junior Novels

1. Rick by Alex Gino An eleven year old boy starting middle school begins discovering his asexuality admist the school's rainbow spectrum club. Also features transgender and crossdressing side characters, as well as a LGBTQIAP+ supporting cast.

2. Sal & Gabi Break the Universe by Carlos Alberto Pablo Hernandez In order to heal after his mother's death, Sal learned how to meditate. But no one expected him to be able to take it further and 'relax' things into existence. Turns out he can reach into time and space to retrieve things from other universes. Asexual Sal.

3. Hazel's Theory of Evolution by Lisa Jenn Bigelow Hazel knows a lot about the world. But even Hazel doesn't have answers for the questions awaiting her as she enters eighth grade. What if no one at her new school gets her, and she doesn't make any friends? What's going to happen to one of her moms, who's pregnant again after having two miscarriages? Why does everything have to change when life was already perfectly fine? Hazel (main character) is asexual and aromantic (it isn't said in the book, but it is specified in the author's note at the back of the book).

4. The Trouble with Robots by Michelle Mohrweis Evelyn strives for excellence. Allie couldn't care less. Together, these polar opposites must work together if they have any hope of saving their school's robotics program. Allie is asexual and/or aromantic. Junior graphic novel.

5. This is Our Rainbow by Editors Katherine Locke and Nicole Melleby Featuring contributions from Eric Bell, Katherine Locke and A.J. Sass, this first LGBTQA+ anthology for middle-grade readers presents stories of queer fantasy, historical and contemporary stories for every letter of the acronym.

6. Every Bird a Prince by Jenn Reese After she saves the life of a bird prince and becomes their champion, seventh grader Eren Evers must defend a forest kingdom, save her mom, and keep the friendships she holds dear--if she is brave enough to embrace her inner truths. Eren is aromantic (and I'm guessing asexual, though that isn't discussed).

YA Fiction

7. When Villains Rise by Rebecca Schaeffer With her best friend, Kovit's, life in danger, Nita is determined to take down the black market once and for all. Latina asexual and aromantic main character (Nita).

8. The Gentleman's Guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee Henry "Monty" Montague was bred to be a gentleman. His passions for gambling halls, late nights spent with a bottle of spirits, or waking up in the arms of women or men, have earned the disapproval of his father. His quest for pleasures and vices have led to one last hedonistic hurrah as Monty, his best friend and crush Percy, and Monty's sister Felicity begin a Grand Tour of Europe. When a reckless decision turns their trip abroad into a harrowing manhunt, it calls into question everything Monty knows, including his relationship with the boy he adores. Aro/ace secondary character (prequel to a Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy).

9. The Lady's Guide to Petticoats and Piracy by Mackenzi Lee A year after an accidentally whirlwind grand tour with her brother Monty, Felicity Montague has returned to England with two goals in mind—avoid the marriage proposal of a lovestruck suitor from Edinburgh and enroll in medical school. A highly loved book in regards to asexual portrayal, Felicity’s journey does a fantastic job of exploring the struggle of navigating a world where marriage is expected of women in order to function in society. Even more refreshing is Felicity isn’t just avoiding getting married out of a sole rebellion against the patriarchy (though those themes are also present), but simply because she doesn’t have an interest in sexual or romantic relationships at all.

10. Silver in the Mist by Emily Victoria Asexual Devlin has grown up in the shadow of her mother’s impressive spy network—and the shadow of the kingdom, too. A magical mist is eating away at their borders, weakening their magic and making them vulnerable to attacks. Devlin is tasked with infiltrating the royal court of the wealthier neighboring kingdom, but when she befriends their most powerful magic wielder, she discovers an ancient mystery that may hold the key to defeating the mists for good. Victoria prioritizes strong friendships between queer characters and an examination of wealth disparity in this fantasy full of twists and turns.

11. Not Good for Maidens by Tori Bovalino Beneath the streets of York, the goblin market calls to the Wickett women-the family of witches that tends to its victims. For generations, they have defended the old cobblestone streets with their magic. Knowing the dangers, they never entered the market-until May Wickett fell for a goblin girl, accepted her invitation, and became inextricably tied to the world her family tried to protect her from. Told through dual narratives in different timelines, the book essentially has two protagonists: Lou and May. Between these two characters, we have some great queer representation for both asexuality and bisexuality.

12. A Snake Falls to Earth by Darcie Little Badger Themes of magic, family, asexuality, and traditional storytelling dominate in Lipan Apache author Darcie Little Badger's delightful and uplifting second YA novel. A Lipan girl named Nina collides with Oli who is from the land of spirits and monsters. But some people will do anything to keep them apart. This is a wholesome, elegantly written read guaranteed to warm your heart! 

13. Arden Grey by Ray Stoeve Arden Grey is a novel about different kinds of abusive relationships, as well as the strength of family and friendships. Following her parents' separation, Arden is depressed and coming to accept herself as being on the asexual spectrum.

14. It Sounds Like This by Anna Meriano Yasm Trevi didn't have much of a freshman year thanks to Hurricane Humphrey, but she's ready to take sophomore year by storm. That means mastering the marching side of marching band--fast!--so she can outshine her BFF Sofia as top of the flute section, earn first chair, and impress both her future college admission boards and her comfortably unattainable drum major crush Gilberto Reyes. But Yasm steps off on the wrong foot when she reports an anonymous gossip Instagram account harassing new band members and accidentally gets the entire low brass section suspended from extracurriculars. Rep: Biracial Latina fat asexual-questioning cis female MC, Jewish gray-aromantic gray-asexual male side character with ADHD and APD.

15. One for All by Lillie Lainoff In 1655 sixteen-year-old Tania is the daughter of a retired musketeer, but she is afflicted with extreme vertigo and subject to frequent falls; when her father is murdered she finds that he has arranged for her to attend Madame de Treville's newly formed Acadaemie des Mariées in Paris, which, it turns out, is less a school for would-be wives, than a fencing academy for girls--and so Tania begins her training to be a new kind of musketeer, and to get revenge for her father. Rep: disability, asexuality, sapphic side characters, POTS and PTSD.

16. The State of Us by Shaun David Hutchinson When Dean Arnault’s mother decided to run for president, it wasn’t a surprise to anyone, least of all her son. But still that doesn’t mean Dean wants to be part of the public spectacle that is the race for the White House—at least not until he meets Dre. The only problem is that Dre Rosario’s on the opposition; he’s the son of the Democratic nominee. In a moment of solidarity and high emotions, Dean tells Dre that he has been questioning his sexual orientation. He isn’t sure if he’s asexual or demisexual. Dre puts a messaging app on Dean’s phone so they can stay in touch.

17. Scavenge the Stars by Tara Sim When Amaya rescues a mysterious stranger from drowning, she fears her rash actions have earned her a longer sentence on the debtor ship where she’s been held captive for years. Instead, the man she saved offers her unimaginable riches and a new identity, setting Amaya on a perilous course through the coastal city-state of Moray, where old-world opulence and desperate gamblers collide. Amaya wants one thing: revenge against the man who ruined her family and stole the life she once had. Desi, demisexual female protagonist. 

18. Camp by Lev AC Rosen It’s Randy’s fifth year at Camp Outland, a camp where queer teens get a chance to be themselves. Hoping to win over Hudson’s heart—who’s masc and straight passing and only seems to date other guys like himself—Randy has spent the past year reinventing himself: workout regimen, new haircut, new carefully curated wardrobe. His friends and camp counsellor all think it’s a terrible idea, but what can they do but support him anyways?

19. Little Thieves by Margaret Owen Once upon a time, the daughter of death and fortune was a teenage girl and she was the worst. Little Thieves is, as the dedication says, for the gremlin girls, never has there been a more gremlin girl than Vanja Schmidt. A brilliant and brazen swindler, Vanja could give Kaz Brekker a run for his money. But Vanja has bigger fish to fry. As her body rapidly turns into the gemstones she craves, Vanja must put things right and face her greed head on all while juggling her engagement to a terrible margrave, an investigator with his own magic, and the princess whose face she stole. Vanja’s relationship with junior prefect Emeric could not be more demisexual if it tried, with both sides of the romance experiencing asexual spectrum existence in different and complimentary ways. One part Germanic fairytale, one part ensemble heist, Little Thieves is an unhinged romp of a book.

20. Everyone Hates Kelsie Miller by Meredith Ireland Rom-coms and the asexuality spectrum...two great things that go great together. Kelsie and Eric have been competing against each other their whole lives. But desperation forces them to work together. Kelsie’s best friend stopped talking to her and Eric wants to rekindle his relationship with his ex-girlfriend, and since both will be at UPenn at the same time, Eric and Kelsie decide to go on a road trip together. Sparks fly.

21. You Don't Have a Shot by Racquel Marie Valentina "Vale" Castillo-Green's life revolves around soccer. Her friends, her future, and her father's intense expectations are all wrapped up in the beautiful game. But after she incites a fight during playoffs with her long-time rival, Leticia Ortiz, everything she's been working toward seems to disappear. Queer asexual biracial (Colombian, Irish) protagonist.

22. Foul Lady Fortune by Chloe Gong In 1931 Shanghai, two Nationalist spies pose as a married couple to investigate a series of brutal murders causing unrest in the city. Rep: demisexual Chinese protagonist, bisexual Chinese protagonist, bisexual Chinese main character, Chinese trans woman main character, aromantic asexual side character; (Chinese-Kiwi author).

23. The Spy with the Red Ballon by Katherine Locke Siblings Ilse and Wolf hide a deep secret in their blood: with it, they can work magic. And the government just found out. Blackmailed into service during World War II, Ilse lends her magic to America’s newest weapon, the atom bomb, while Wolf goes behind enemy lines to sabotage Germany’s nuclear program. It’s a dangerous mission, but if Hitler were to create the bomb first, the results would be catastrophic. Gay demisexual Jewish protagonist.

24. Beneath the Citadel by Destiny Soria Cassa, the orphaned daughter of rebels, and friends Alys, Evander, and Newt, fight back against the high council of Eldra, which has ruled for centuries based solely on ancient prophesies. Alys, an apothecary-in-training and the level-headed one of the crew. She identifies as asexual.

25. Eliza and Her Monsters by Francesca Zappia Eighteen-year-old Eliza Mirk is the anonymous creator of the wildly popular webcomic Monstrous Sea, but when a new boy at school tempts her to live a life offline, everything she's worked for begins to crumble. Asexual main character, not explicitly stated in the book.

26. Technically, You Started It by Lana Wood Johnson When a guy named Martin Nathaniel Munroe II texts you, it should be obvious who you're talking to. Except there's two of them (it's a long story), and Haley thinks she's talking to the one she doesn't hate. Demisexual main character.

27. Now Entering Addamsville by Francesca Zappia Zora Novak is framed for a crime she didn't commit--in a town obsessed with ghosts, will she be able to find the culprit and clear her name before it's too late? It's a brief mention, but Zora is ace.

28. Fully Disclosure by Camryn Garrett In a community that isn’t always understanding, an HIV-positive teen must navigate fear, disclosure, and radical self-acceptance when she falls in love–and lust–for the first time. One of Simone’s best friends in the book, Claudia, is an asexual lesbian. The unwavering support she gives to Simone is heartwarming, and she is also openly sex-positive—which flips the script on its head regarding what most people would assume of asexual people.

30. The Art of Saving the World by Corinne Duyvis When Hazel Stanczak was born, an interdimensional rift tore open near her family’s home, which prompted immediate government attention. They soon learned that if Hazel strayed too far, the rift would become volatile and fling things from other dimensions onto their front lawn—or it could swallow up their whole town. Hazel Stanczak identifies as asexual, though she spends time in the book questioning it. The book presents a unique way to show that there is not one single way to be asexual—that it exists on a spectrum and can look different for each person.

31. Let's Talk About Love by Claire Kann Alice had her whole summer planned. Non-stop all-you-can-eat buffets while marathoning her favorite TV shows (best friends totally included) with the smallest dash of adulting–working at the library to pay her share of the rent. The only thing missing from her perfect plan? Her girlfriend (who ended things when Alice confessed she’s asexual). Alice is done with dating–no thank you, do not pass go, stick a fork in her, done. Alice is a biromantic and asexual black woman who starts off very confident in her identity as asexual, yet has experiences that have her questioning her orientation and how to talk about it.

32. In the Ravenous Dark by AdriAnne Strickland A pansexual blood mage reluctantly teams up with an undead spirit to start a rebellion among the living and the dead. This book features Japha, an asexual nonbinary character who serves as the best friend to the MC.

33. Seven Ways We Lie by Riley Redgate Life at Paloma High School is much like any other high school, with petty drama, judgmental assholes, and mind-numbing schoolwork. Until it isn’t. A scandal emerges: a student and teacher had an illicit affair. At the center of the scandal are seven teenagers, each with their own secrets, whose lives are transformed as a result of this scandal. One of the characters can be read as asexual (and possibly neurodiverse). He never explicitly labels himself as such, but the way he describes his experiences of [non-]attraction strongly point to him being on the ace spectrum.

34. Quicksilver by R. J. Anderson Tori thought she had left her past behind when she and her family started a new life in a new city. But then Sebastian Faraday reappears in her life to tell her that she’s not quite as safe as she thinks: the relay is still operating and a genetics lab is trying to track her down to figure out the secret behind her unusual biology. Tori is going to have to use all of her considerable technical expertise to escape her past and live the normal human life she’s always wanted to have. Asexual main character.

35. Hullmetal Girls by Emily Skrutskie Aisha Un-Haad, seventeen, and Key Tanaka, eighteen, have risked everything for new lives as mechanically enhanced soldiers, and when an insurrection forces dark secrets to surface, the fate of humanity is in their hands. In Hullmetal Girls, Aisha is not only ace/aro but she is also happy with her identity. Crucially, so is everyone else.

36. Not Even Bones by Rebecca Schaeffer Nita's mother hunts monsters and, after Nita dissects and packages them, sells them online, but when Nita follows her conscience to help a live monster escape, she is sold on the black market in his place. Aro/Ace main character

37. Before I Let Go by Marieke Nijkamp When Corey moves away from Lost Creek, Alaska, she makes her friend Kyra promise to stay strong during the long, dark winter, and wait for her return. Just days before Corey is to return home to visit, Kyra dies. The entire Lost community speaks in hushed tones, saying her death was meant to be. And they push Corey away like she's a stranger. With every hour, Corey's suspicion grows. Lost is keeping secrets-- but piecing together the truth about what happened to her best friend may prove as difficult as lighting the sky in an Alaskan winter. Aro/Ace main character.

38. If It Makes You Happy by Claire Kann Winnie is living her best fat girl life and is on her way to the best place on earth. No, not Disneyland–her Granny’s diner, Goldeen’s, in the small town of Misty Haven. While there, she works in her fabulous 50’s inspired uniform, twirling around the diner floor and earning an obscene amount of tips. With her family and ungirlfriend at her side, she has everything she needs for one last perfect summer before starting college in the fall. …until she becomes Misty Haven’s Summer Queen in a highly anticipated matchmaking tradition that she wants absolutely nothing to do with. Aro/ace secondary character.

39. Dread Nation by Justina Ireland An alternate history where the Civil War was put on hold when zombies started to rise. Almost finished with her education at Miss Preston's School of Combat in Baltimore, Jane is set on returning to her Kentucky home and doesn't pay much mind to the politics of the eastern cities, with their talk of returning America to the glory of its days before the dead rose.But when families around Baltimore County begin to go missing, Jane is caught in the middle of a conspiracy, one that finds her in a desperate fight for her life against some powerful enemies. And the restless dead, it would seem, are the least of her problems. The word asexual is not used, but that fits with the setting, and the explanation goes into a fair amount of detail, also ruling out that she likes women instead.

40. Vespertine by Margaret Rogerson When her convent is attacked by possessed soldiers, Artemisia defends the Gray Sisters by awakening the revenant bound to a saint's relic, even though she runs the risk of being possessed permanently by the powerful ancient spirit. Non-explicit romantic asexual main character. Fantasy.

41. Archivist Wasp by Nicole Kornher-Stace A postapocalyptic ghosthunter escapes her dire fate by joining the ghost of a supersoldier on his quest to the underworld Aromantic asexual main character. Dark fantasy/dystopian.

42. Summer of Salt by Katrina Leno While anyone would love to have a bit of magic, what happens when magic turns dark? Georgina Fernweh will come into her magic someday soon. Before she does, Georgina faces a tragedy that tests the islanders' trust. In this book, Georgina’s best friend Vira is aroace, and it’s addressed somewhat in the story at different points. There is a sweet strength between Georgina and Vira, full of loyalty and support that is lovely to see.

43. The Summer of Bitter and Sweet by Jen Ferguson In this moving and complex narrative, Lou learns to draw boundaries, stand up for herself, all while coming to terms with her demisexuality.

44. The Sound of Stars by Alechia Dow One-third of the human population has died and now the world is about to end. Ellie, a fat, Black, disabled, demisexual girl with access to an illegal library teams up with a music-loving alien to risk their lives to save the world.

45. The Grimrose Girls by Laura Pohl Pohl serves up a veritable smorgasbord of queer fairytale goodies in Grimrose Girls. This tale as old as time follows four students at the prestigious boarding school Grimrose Academy—Ella, Yuki, Rory, and newcomer Nani. When the former three’s best friend dies, all four girls are swept up in a dark and twisted mystery full of old fairytale magic. They must work together to unravel the secrets between them and break an ancient curse that dooms them to a fairytale ending (and not the fun kind). Yuki’s aromantic asexual identity is explored in her relationship to expectations, beauty, and friendship throughout the novel.

46. Radio Silence by Alice Oseman Frances has been a study machine with one goal. Nothing will stand in her way; not friends, not a guilty secret – not even the person she is on the inside. Then Frances meets Aled, and for the first time, she’s unafraid to be herself. So when the fragile trust between them is broken, Frances is caught between who she was and who she longs to be. In this book, Aled identifies as demisexual while Frances identifies as bisexual. The story really pays homage to the importance of friendship, and romantic storylines move to the background in a way we don’t often get in YA literature.

47. This Golden Flame by Emily Victoria Forced to serve her country’s ruling group, Karis wants nothing more than to find her brother. But family bonds don’t matter to the sole focus of unlocking the magic of an ancient automaton army. Karis is ace and other LGBTQ+ characters are introduced throughout.

48. Sawkill Girls by Claire Legrand A horror novel centered around three girls facing off against an unseen monster that preys upon the young women of the island of Sawkill Rock. Features a black asexual girl fresh out of a romantic relationship, as well as a f/f relationship.

49. Love Letters for Joy by Melissa See Less than a year away from graduation, seventeen-year-old Joy is too busy overachieving to be worried about relationships. She’s determined to be Caldwell Prep’s first disabled valedictorian. And she only has one person to beat, her academic rival Nathaniel. But it’s senior year and everyone seems to be obsessed with pairing up. One of her best friends may be developing feelings for her and the other uses Caldwell’s anonymous love-letter writer to snag the girl of her dreams. Joy starts to wonder if she has missed out on a quintessential high school experience. She is asexual, but that’s no reason she can’t experience first love, right?

50. Not Your Backup by C. B. Lee Part 3 in the Sidekick Squad series by C.B. Lee. Follows a questioning aromantic asexual latinx superhero sidekick fighting to prove her worth on the team despite her lack of superpowers, all admist the team's battle against the corrupt League of Heroes.

51. Belle Révolte by Linsey Miller Noble-born Emilie des Marais, 16, wants to become a physician, a role usually forbidden women of her class because of the corruptive toll the magical "noonday arts" exact. Common-born Annette Boucher wants to escape her domineering parents and master the less physically costly "midnight arts" of illusions, divination, and scrying, normally reserved for those who can afford the expensive education. At Emilie's urging, each girl takes the other's place. Miller (Ruin of Stars) writes in lush, dense prose that can require a careful read, but her protagonists' awareness of privilege and desire to challenge the status quo shines through. LGBTQ representation--including gay, trans, and nonbinary characters (Annette identifies as asexual biromantic)--further widens this tale's appeal.

52. Tarnished Are the Stars by Rosiee Thor A secret beats inside Anna Thatcher's chest: an illegal clockwork heart. Anna works cog by cog -- donning the moniker Technician -- to supply black market medical technology to the sick and injured, against the Commissioner's tyrannical laws. Determined to earn his father's respect, Nathaniel sets out to capture the Technician. But the more he learns about the outlaw, the more he questions whether his father's elusive affection is worth chasing at all. This YA novel features an aroace character gradually coming to accept his orientation in the midst of everything else that is happening in his life. Perfect for older teens who also enjoy WLW representation and dark themes.

53. Aces Wild: A Heist by Amanda DeWitt An all-asexual online friend group attempts to break into a high-stakes gambling club and commit a heist together. Includes a male asexual character navigating what love looks like for him, an aromantic asexual Latinx gender-nonconforming boy, a Vietnamese American and German asexual nonbinary teen, and a black asexual girl.

54. Planning Perfect by Haley Neil Summer vacation quickly becomes complicated for Felicity Becker as she tries to plan a perfect wedding for her mom, figure out her feelings for her friend Nancy, and wonder what dating will look like for her as an asexual person.

55. Ace of Hearts by Myriad Augustine Everyone around Alvin seems to be obsessed with one thing-- sex. Alvin finds it uncomfortable to think and talk about it and he knows he isn't ready and may never be. His friends, however, think that all Alvin needs is to hook up with the right guy. But the closer Alvin gets to being physical with someone, the more he's uncertain that this is for him and he begins to wonder if he's asexual. Can Alvin find the love that's right for him?

56. Beyond the Black Door by AdriAnne Strickland Everyone has a soul. Some are beautiful gardens, others are frightening dungeons. Kamia comes to know more about her identity as she decides to battle the forces of evil, no matter the cost... Asexual and demi-romantic main characters. Dark fantasy. Kamai is asexual, but isn’t aromantic—she has an interest in relationships that isn’t always depicted for those who are ace.

57. Loveless by Alice Oseman A queer coming of age story featuring a romance obsessed aromantic asexual main character discovering her sexuality and coming to terms with what that means, and a variety of other queer characters that support her on her journey.

58. Summer Bird Blue by Akemi Dawn Bowman Rumi Seto spends a lot of time worrying she doesn’t have the answers to everything. What to eat, where to go, whom to love. But there is one thing she is absolutely sure of—she wants to spend the rest of her life writing music with her younger sister, Lea. Then Lea dies in a car accident, and her mother sends her away to live with her aunt in Hawaii while she deals with her own grief. While not the main focal point of the book, Rumi does grapple throughout the story about where exactly she lands on the ace and aro spectrum—and whether she has to label herself at all.

59. Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee In this queer rom-com, a transgender teen must decide if he's dedicated to romantic formulas or open to unpredictable love after an internet troll attack on his blog compels him and a fan to start fake-dating. Through an unlikely friendship with sweet, grounded Devin, who is Cuban American, asexual, and experimenting with pronouns, Noah--initially self-centered and standoffish--learns to value communication and empathy.

60. The Reckless Kind by Carly Heath In 1904 Norway, Asta runs away from her horrible fiancé to live with her two best friends. The three misfits set out to win the annual Christmas sleigh race to prove that they belong together. Queer asexual hard of hearing protagonist with heterochromia of Norwegian descent.

61. Forward March by Skye Quinlan How can band geek Harper have the chance of becoming the First Daughter with a fake dating profile? However, Harper does know that the drumline leader swiped right. Come along with Harper as she explores her truth during her last year of high school. Asexual-questioning cis female MC with anxiety and asthma.

62. Elatsoe by Darcie Little Badger What if America had monsters, magic, and interdimensional beings? For Elatsoe, this is real, and she has to uncover her cousin's murder! She can do this with the help of her ghost dog, Kirby, but has to remember not to wake human ghosts. Aromantic ace main character. Paranormal mystery. Casual representation which extends to Ellie’s identity as Lipan Apache. This identity is asserted more often and firmly than her asexuality, and Little Badger drops in nuggets of education for us settlers about what Indigenous people, and the Lipan Apache in particular, suffered at the hands of settlers.

63. All Out: The No-Longer-Secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages by Editor Robin Talley A collection of short fantasy stories, featuring a variety of queer characters across multiple sexualities and genders. Features an asexual roller-skating girl from the 70s struggling to explain her identity to her crush.

64. Black Wings Beating by Alex London Twins Brysen and Kylee live in a world that revers the power of the falconers, but in a world where war approaches, they aren’t safe. Hunted for their power, they work together to trap the Ghost Eagle. Kylee is an ace character, focused on protecting her brother.

Graphic Novels

65. A-okay by Jarad Greene Eight grade can be tough, especially if you have acne and bullies, and lose friends. But our relatable asexual and aromantic protagonist, Jay, pulls through. This is a relatable memoir with colorful artwork.

66. How to Be Ace: A Memoir of Growing up Asexual by Rebecca Burgess A comic memoir detailing the author Rebecca Burgess's experience with growing up asexual in a world obsessed with sex. Also talks about her experiences with her own mental health and OCD.

67. Jughead, Volume 1 by Chip Zdarsky A comic book reboot of the Archie comics centered around Jughead Jones. Follows an aromantic asexual main character in typical Archie-style shenanigans. Part 1 of a 3 part series.

68. A Quick & Easy Guide to Asexuality by Molly Muldoon A charming introduction to asexuality, created to shed light on the misconceptions surrounding sex and being asexual. Told by writer Molly Muldoon and cartoonist Will Hernandez, both on the asexual spectrum.

69. Is Love the Answer? by Isaki Uta A poignant coming-of-age story about a young woman coming into her own as she discovers her identity as aromantic asexual. A complete story in a single volume, from the creator of "Mine-kun is Asexual."

Domestic Fiction

70. Have You Seen Luis Velez by Catherine Ryan Hyde Raymond Jaffe feels like he doesn't belong. Not with his mother's new family. Not as a weekend guest with his father and his father's wife. Not at school, where he's an outcast. After his best friend moves away, Raymond has only two real connections: to the feral cat he's tamed and to a blind ninety-two-year-old woman in his building who's introduced herself with a curious question: Have you seen Luis Velez? Mildred Gutermann, a German Jew who narrowly escaped the Holocaust, has been alone since her caretaker disappeared. She turns to Raymond for help, and as he tries to track Luis down, a deep and unexpected friendship blossoms between the two. Raymond is asexual (to be precise, he is aroace) And he is depicted as kind, loving, sensitive and realistic.

Fantasy

71. In the Lives of the Puppets by TJ Klune In a strange little home built into the branches of a grove of trees, live three robots--fatherly inventor android Giovanni Lawson, a pleasantly sadistic nurse machine, and a small vacuum desperate for love and attention. Victor Lawson, a human, lives there too. They're a family, hidden and safe. Protagonist: Vic, A curious, loving, & asexual human.

72. The Bone Season by Samantha Shannon In the mid-21st century major world cities are controlled by a formidable security force and clairvoyant underworld cell member Paige commits acts of psychic treason before being captured by an otherworldly race that would make her a part of their supernatural army. Demisexual main character.

73. The Perfect Assassin by K.A. Doore Divine justice is written in blood. Or so Amastan has been taught. As a new assassin in the Basbowen family, he's already having second thoughts about taking a life. A scarcity of contracts ends up being just what he needs. Until, unexpectedly, Amastan finds the body of a very important drum chief. Until, inevitably, Amastan is ordered to solve these murders, before the family gets blamed. Amastan is asexual and, as it turns out, homoromantic.

74. The Bruising of Quilwa by Naseem Jamnia Firuz-e Jafari was able to escape the slaughter of traditional blood magic practitioners by immigrating to the city-state of Qilwa. But now a terrible disease is spreading through the city, and Firuz believes it comes from ineptly performed blood magic. Now they must find a way to break a cycle of prejudice in order to survive. From the author: it's about an aroace nonbinary refugee healer who is trying to cure a magical plague in their new home while hiding their blood magic.

75. The Midnight Bargain by C. L. Polk The Midnight Bargain is a story "set in a world reminiscent of Regency England, where women's magic is taken from them when they marry. A sorceress must balance her desire to become the first great female magician against her duty to her family. Ysbeta has a clear goal for her life: to discover and share magic. Besides loving learning for its own sake, Ysbeta is asexual, and wealthy in her own right, so the bargaining season offers her literally nothing.

76. Every Heart A Doorway by Seanan McGuire Set in a world where a group of children have the ability to find and enter doorways into magical worlds, and now must find who's targetting them for this ability. Lead by an female asexual main character, with a trans love interest. First book in a series of novellas.

Science Fiction

77. The First Sister by Linden A. Lewis She's a priestess of the Sisterhood, traveling the stars alongside the soldiers of Earth who own the rights to her body and soul. When her former captain abandons her, First Sister's hopes for freedom are dashed and she is forced to stay on her ship with no friends, no status, and a new captain she knows nothing about. When the Mother, leader of her order, asks her to spy on Captain Saito Ren, First Sister discovers that sacrificing for the war effort is so much harder to do when your loyalties are split. He climbed his way out of the slums to become an elite soldier of Venus, but now he's haunted by his failures and the loss of his partner Hiro. But when Lito learns that Hiro is alive, but a traitor, and he's assigned to hunt Hiro down, and kill them, Lito must decide what he is actually fighting for - the society that raised him, or himself. As the battle to control Ceres reaches a head, Lito and First Sister must decide what - and whom - they are willing to sacrifice in the name of duty, or for love. Hispanic panromantic asexual protagonist (Lito).

78. Firebreak by Nicole Kornher-Stace Mal is one of many war survivors in the old town working multiple jobs to scrimp by, one of which is her team's streaming video game play. The team lives with several other roommates in a converted hotel room run by Stellaxis, the company that owns half of town, and is the only legal provider of drinkable water. When Mal catches sight of an elusive SecOps character, special non-player characters (NPCs) modeled after Stellaxis' twelve bioengineered operatives, the team pursues her inside the game to catch her on video for two seconds before their power curfew kicks in. By the time Mal heads down for her daily ration of water, they've secured a lucrative contract, involving an in-person meeting and a conspiracy theory, paying them to capture images of the three living SecOps characters. When Mal returns to find out why the next payment failed, she becomes involved in a fracas that will endanger everyone she knows. Aroace main character.

79. To be Taught, If Fortunate by Becky Chambers Four astronauts set out to explore the galaxy. This journey spans centuries and many worlds. A thought provoking read that explores the themes of loneliness and sense of purpose. Excellent cast of diverse characters and vivid world building. Chikondi is asexual and the text is careful to note that his relationship to the protagonist is no less emotional or vital than those she shares with people she is sexually involved with.

80. The Circus Infinite by Khan Wong What better person to take down a crime boss than a mixed-species fugitive! Join Jes on this exciting tale of espionage, torture, demolition. Sex-averse panromantic asexual lead character

Historical Fiction

81. Kaikeyi by Vasihnavi Patel The only daughter of the kingdom of Kekaya, she is raised on grand stories about the might and benevolence of the gods. Yet she watches as her father unceremoniously banishes her mother, her own worth measured by how great a marriage alliance she can secure. And when she calls upon the gods for help, they never seem to hear. Desperate for some measure of independence, she turns to the ancient texts she once read with her mother and discovers a magic that is hers alone. Kaikeyi is asexual and aromantic. Although the words "asexual" and "aromantic" aren't used in the book.

Western

82. The Complete Lady Ruth Constance Chapelstone Chronicles by L. C. Mawson If you’re looking for steampunk magic, the Lady Ruth Constance Chapelstone novellas are the place for you. Read them individually or all together in this compendium. Chapelstone is interested in her inventions, not love and romance.

Paranormal

83. The Faceless Old Woman Who Secretly Lives in Your Homes by Joseph Fink Told in a series of eerie flashbacks, the story of The Faceless Old Woman goes back centuries to reveal an initially blissful and then tragic childhood on a Mediterranean Estate in the early nineteenth century, her rise in the criminal underworld of Europe, a nautical adventure with a mysterious organization of smugglers, her plot for revenge on the ones who betrayed her, and ultimately her death and its aftermath, as her spirit travels the world for decades until settling in modern-day Night Vale. Asexual secondary character.

Romance  

84. All the Wrong Places by Ann Gallagher After his three ex-girlfriends in a row leave Brennan because he's not fulfilling their sexual needs, he seeks out advice from Zafir, the owner of a sex shop. Zafir introduces Brennan to the concept of asexuality and slowly something more blossoms between them.

85. That Kind of Guy by Talia Hibbert Rae needs a fake date to take to her ex's wedding and convinces Zach, a close friend who has recently discovered that he is demisexual, to play along.

86. The Love Hypothesis by Ali Hazelwood In an attempt to convince her best friend that she really is over her ex-boyfriend, grad-student Olive panic kisses stern associate professor Adam in the hallway. (Olive is coded as demisexual/graysexual, but that label is never used in the book).

87. Far From Home by Lorelie Brown The oddest of odd couples finds unexpected joy in Brown’s warm, sweet contemporary romance. American citizen Rachel, a not-quite-asexual assistant film producer struggling to make a living in L.A., is drowning in student debt; Indian immigrant Pari Sadashiv, a lesbian logistics manager, needs a U.S. green card to advance her career. When Rachel offers to marry Pari in exchange for funds, it’s just party banter at first—but what’s to stop them from crafting a friendship with legal and financial benefits? Their platonic plans quickly go awry as Pari’s mother moves in to help plan the wedding, forcing them to live their lie. As Rachel feels herself awakening to an attraction she didn’t even know was possible, Pari has to decide whether she can live with the possible fallout of Rachel’s tentative first foray into same-sex love.

88. Kiss Her Once for Me by Alison Cochrun Last Christmas, Ellie met Jack in Powell’s when they both went for a copy of Alison Bechdel’s Fun Home, and over a cute argument over “shared custody”, and Jack poking gentle fun at Ellie (who had been crying alone and talking to a footstool as if it were her friend) they start to bond. Jack asks Ellie for coffee, and then they end up spending the whole day together. This is a big deal for Ellie, who is demisexual, and rarely develops attractions to anyone. And then Jack breaks her heart. Fast-forward to this Christmas when Andrew, the landlord who owns the building she works in, asks her to fake-marry him so he can access his inheritance, and shenanigans lead to her agreeing to this and to going home with him for Christmas, and surprise! Jack is Andrew’s sister.

89. The Charm Offensive by Alison Cochrun Tech wunderkind Charlie has never really been interested in dating, but agrees to join the cast of reality show 'Ever After.' While there he finds himself charmed by his producer, Dev, and questioning his sexuality. The Charm Offensive includes a conversation discussing asexuality and its spectrum.

90. Never Been Kissed by Timothy Janovsky Wren Roland has never been kissed, but he wants that movie-perfect ending more than anything. Thanks to Mateo’s boyfriend, he learns about demisexuality and realizes that when he came out as gay, he had not finished realizing truths about himself and intimate relationships.

91. How to be a Normal Person by TJ Klune Before The House on the Cerulean Sea blew up, Klune wrote this quirky and delightful story of two asexual people finding each other and their happily ever after.

92. Soft on Soft by Mina Waheed This super sweet, low-angst romance centers on two fat, queer women of colour (one Black and one Persian-Arab) who fall in love and find their happy ending with hardly any drama. There’s also anxiety representation. It’s just pure fluffy romance goodness. Demisexual protagonist.

Non-Fiction

93. Ace and Aro Journeys: A Guide to Embracing your Asexual or Aromantic Identity by The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project What does it mean to be ace or aro? How should I approach the challenges that come with being ace or aro? How can I best support the ace and aro people in my life? Join the The Ace and Aro Advocacy Project (TAAAP) for a deep dive into the process of discovering and embracing your ace and aro identities. Empower yourself to explore the nuances of your identity, find and develop support networks, explore different kinds of partnership, come out to your communities and find real joy within. Combining a rigorous exploration of identity and sexuality models with hundreds of candid and poignant testimonials -- this companion vouches for your personal truth, wherever you lie on the aspec spectrum. You are not invisible! You are among friends.

94. Being Ace: An Anthology of Queer, Trans, Femme, and Disabled Stories of Asexual Love and Connection by Editor Madeline Dyer Discover the infinite realms of asexual love across sci-fi, fantasy, and contemporary stories From a wheelchair user racing to save her kidnapped girlfriend and a little mermaid who loves her sisters more than suitors, to a slayer whose virgin blood keeps attracting monsters, the stories of this anthology are anything but conventional. Whether adventuring through space, outsmarting a vengeful water spirit, or surviving haunted cemeteries, no two aces are the same in these 14 unique works that highlight asexual romance, aromantic love, and identities across the asexual spectrum

95. Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Society, and the Meaning of Sex by Angela Chen A non-fiction research book about the asexual perspective on society's facinations with love and sex, and the misconceptions about what being asexual really is and what it means to a person.

96. The Invisible Orientation: an Introduction to Asexuality by Julia Sondra Decker An introduction to what asexuality is, both for people who don't know what that means and for people that may be questioning their own sexuality. It aims to puts asexual people's experiences in context, as they move through a very sexualized world.

97. Gender Queer: A Memoir by Maia Kobabe A graphic memoir about author Kobabe's growing from adolescence to adulthood, as e explores eir gender identity and sexuality. Features a gender queer and asexual main character that uses e/eir pronouns.

98. Ace Voices What it Means to Be Asexual, Aromantic, Demi or Grey-Ace by Eris Young This is the ace community in their own words. Drawing upon interviews with a wide range of people across the asexual spectrum, Eris Young is here to take you on an empowering, enriching journey through the rich multitudes of asexual life.

99. I Am Ace: Adice on Living Your Best Asexual Life by Cody Daigle-Orians Tackling everything from what asexuality is, the asexual spectrum and tips on coming out, to intimacy, relationships, acephobia and finding joy, this guide will help you better understand your asexual identity alongside deeply relatable anecdotes drawn from Cody's personal experience.

100. Sounds Fake But Okay: An Asexual and Aromantic Perspective on Love, Relationships, Sex, and Pretty Much Anything Else by Sarah Costello and Kayla Kaszyca Drawing on their personal stories, and those of aspec friends all over the world, prepare to explore your microlabels, investigate different models of partnership, delve into the intersection of gender norms and compulsory sexuality and reconsider the meaning of sex - when allosexual attraction is out of the equation.

I haven't read all of these books, so I can't guarantee all of them. But I did my best researching all of them. I was making this list on my own and I was amazed that I could find over 100 books with asexual characters and I wanted to share it!

The Aromantic Book List is now out!

Tagging some people who were excited about this list: @sweetspiderstew @majorgenerally @shayberri789 @53rdcenturyhero @knightoflodis @neonghost39 @rosaazulina

[whizzing-fizzbee]

Numb Without You

Sebastian Sallow x Reader (Female MC)

Rating: Mature 18+ (explicit sex, smut, language, mild violence), all characters are 18+

Summary: Sebastian Sallow, who happens to be your boyfriend, becomes irate when you agree to be Leander Prewett's dueling partner in Crossed Wands. He tries his best to punish you, but lust has a way of softening even the sharpest tempers.

Notes: Just a ramble-y little one-shot songfic thing that ended up being a lot longer than I'd planned. Not sure I like this but so it goes. Characters are 18 and in their seventh year. Gets smutty so minors DNI.

This was inspired by the song "Numb Without You" by The Maine. Lyrics are italicized and I obviously don't own them. (Is use of lyrics in stories annoying? Do they add anything? Do you skim past them? I'm curious to know your thoughts.)

Read on AO3 or below the cut.

Sebastian Sallow gnawed at the inside of his cheek.

It was his only defense against himself and the overwhelming urge to commit an act so violent, he’d surely be expelled. He chewed at the soft flesh, stewing in his fury until Lucan Brattleby took notice of him.

“Ah, Sebastian!” Lucan said cheerily, clearly naive to Sebastian’s simmering fury. “You made it. We were wondering where you were. Wouldn’t be like you to miss Crossed Wands.”

Sebastian tore his eyes from the source of his anger to briefly gaze down at Lucan. “Got held up in Potions,” he said tersely. 

Stupid Potions. Professor Sharp made him remain after class until he could perfect his powdering technique for asphodel root. The process made Sebastian 20 minutes late for Crossed Wands, and though the day’s duels weren’t part of an official tournament, he was eager to get some practice in.

Life had finally returned to some semblance of normalcy for Sebastian. After his tumultuous fifth year, he dedicated his entire sixth year to focusing on his studies and making amends so that he could spend his seventh year preparing for life after Hogwarts.

Anne had left Feldcroft to live with a family friend in Edinburgh. She threatened to turn Sebastian in for their uncle’s murder if he didn’t agree to drop his pursuit for a cure for her curse. Sebastian, no longer driven by the dark magic of the relic, reluctantly agreed. But Anne was at least returning his owls, even if she hadn’t seen him since that fateful day in the Feldcroft catacomb.

Ominis was also hesitant to come around. The decision to protect Sebastian rather than turn him in weighed greatly on him for much of their sixth year, but before the year ended, he found himself returning to the Undercroft to catch up with Sebastian and repair their severed relationship.

Then there was you. You backed Sebastian without a second thought after Solomon’s death. Your loyalty to him developed long before you even realized you loved him. 

You aren’t sure where that devotion came from, considering Sebastian had dragged you through Hell and back. He was cruel and stubborn with you at times, put your life in danger on numerous occasions, and then put his future unfairly in your hands with his biggest kept secret.

But as the two of you stood in the Undercroft one day, shouting your frustrations at one another, you accused him of using you the entire time. You told him he’d only befriended you when he realized you had powers and skills that could help Anne. Then you accused him of only pretending to care about you because you knew the truth about Solomon. But when you turned to leave, he begged you to stay.

“I’ve never used you,” he said, his voice dipping to something much lower and softer than you’d heard from him. “I need you.”

So you stayed and you watched Sebastian Sallow shift from a teenage boy misguided by dark magic to a man who hated himself and the choices that changed him. 

He opened up to you that day, spilling every anguished thought and insecurity he had – his regrets, his fears, his entire self-worth. And you hugged him and assured him that everything would turn out OK. Then you promised you’d never leave him.

Since that day, he’d more than held you to that promise. He clung to it like it was his lifeline – the final, fragile thread holding him together.

Without Ominis and Anne to lean on, you became Sebastian’s world. It all became clear during the summer before your seventh year, which you spent together in Feldcroft. 

The two of you worked to fix up the Sallow family home, which now belonged to Sebastian. You teased him, telling him it was time for him to start a family to fill the cottage. You joked and laughed about the notion that Sebastian could someday be a father. And then he retorted that he’d need a wife first, and the way he gazed at you made it clear he already had a candidate in mind.

And so, your romantic relationship with Sebastian started that day, in the quiet confines of his cottage. Someday, it would also be yours.

You returned to Hogwarts for your seventh year as a couple, to absolutely no one’s surprise. Even Professor Weasley said, “It was about time,” when she discovered the two of you locking lips in a quiet corner beneath a staircase.

So you and Sebastian transformed from best friends to lovers, Hogwarts’ hot new couple. That was three months ago, so by now, everyone knew they’d be better off wandering into a pond of dugbogs than trying to romance you. If you didn’t hex them for crossing boundaries, Sebastian surely would – or worse. 

That’s why Sebastian was currently seeing red.

His tardiness to the day’s Crossed Wands session forced you to find a new partner. You didn’t want to duel alongside anyone else. You and Sebastian had cemented yourselves as the king and queen of Crossed Wands, unbeaten since the day you started. 

You loved dueling together. Perhaps it was nostalgic in some ways, a reminder of the early stages of your friendship when you were fighting Ranrok’s loyalists, but it was also symbolic of your relationship – the two of you worked so well together, always in sync and never fearful of your opponents.

But Leander Prewett noticed Sebastian’s absence and pounced at the opportunity to call you his partner, even just for an afternoon.

You didn’t read much into it, but when Leander suggested the two of you hang out at the Three Broomsticks later on, you wondered if the Gryffindor was being far too brave for his own good.

Still, you agreed to duel together and the two of you made quick work of your first two pairs of opponents (though Leander was mediocre at best). 

You were too preoccupied to notice Sebastian’s arrival midway through your second duel, so you didn’t see the way he stared at you and Leander.

He clenched his jaw so hard it was a wonder his teeth didn’t crack. And as you shoved your way in front of Leander to protect him with a perfectly timed Protego spell with Sebastian looking on, you and Leander would have been safer in an acromantula’s nest. 

The noise inside the clock tower became a background hum as Sebastian dissociated, a surge of panic and rage ballooning inside his chest. He could hear Lucan speaking in his ear but didn’t register the words. Spells clanged off of wood crates and ricocheted off the stone walls but he took no notice.

The only time he tore his eyes from you was to turn to Lucan.

”I get next round,” Sebastian said quietly. It wasn’t a request.

Lucan looked up at him in surprise. “Do you have a partner?”

”I don’t need one.”

Lucan lit up in excitement, clearly oblivious to the repository of rage that had formed in Sebastian’s brain. “Wicked,” he said with a nod.

You always joked that jealousy didn’t look good on Sebastian, but truthfully, it did. His eyes darkened and he became focused. You loved the way he looked when he was brooding. So when Lucan announced the next round and Sebastian emerged from the top step of the clock tower entrance, you inhaled sharply.

That old adage, “If looks could kill” buzzed in your brain. And poor Leander was as good as dead.

“Sebastian!” you said, relieved to see him, yet terrified for what was likely about to happen. “You made it!”

But your expression quickly contorted into concern when you saw his face.

You knew that look. And it terrified you, because you’d only seen it on select occasions. Only when Sebastian was borderline manic.

You’d seen Sebastian’s jealousy manifest plenty of times, the worst being the way he damn near demolished a man for flirting with you during a visit to Irondale. You knew he thought Leander was a prat and that he’d be annoyed you agreed to partner with him, but you had hoped the two of you would be able to laugh about it later. 

You should have known better. Sebastian could be playful, but he didn’t play when it came to you.

Let's get this straight. You are a panic in the bloodstream, yet you bring me peace. You are a stutter in the heart that beats inside of me.

As the students who were crowded inside the clock tower realized what was about to happen, the air inside the room became heavy and tense. The crowd collectively stepped back, melting to the stone walls to make room.

“Sebastian, are you all right?” you asked, your eyes begging him to understand it was all in good fun. You’d never actually betray him. 

You loved him.

But Sebastian wasn’t looking at you anyway. He was glaring knives into Leander, who didn’t seem to understand he was nearing his own execution.

You are my last, you are my first. You kill me for the better. You are the rising tide. You're every fucking thing inside me now.

”Sebastian, relax,” you said in a reasoning tone, silently praying your soothing voice might relieve his ire. “It’s just a meaningless duel. Let’s have fun with it.”

Sebastian’s gaze finally shifted to you. It softened a bit, but there was still a blackness in his eyes that made you nervous.

You knew he’d never really hurt you. Not again, not after the scriptorium. He’d die before he allowed that. The two of you dueled each other all the time, countless hours in the Undercroft casting Confringo at one another. He’d never pushed too far or risked anything that could genuinely hurt you. You’d be safe because Sebastian loved you far too much to hurt you — and because he knew you’d put up too good of a fight anyway.

But for as much as Sebastian loved and cherished you, his Achilles had become the notion that anyone else could ever be permitted to do the same. 

You are the violence in my veins. You are the war inside my brain. You are my glitter and my gloom. I am so numb without you.

“Of course, love,” he said steadily as he slid his wand from his pocket. And you knew that his quiet, calm demeanor indicated a brutal battle was to come.

As soon as Lucan signaled the start of the duel, Sebastian fired a fury of offensive spells at Leander, one after another in rapid succession. You knew they were coming, but you could only do so much.

“Protego!” you cried as you shielded your partner, your bubble deflecting Sebastian’s onslaught.

That only seemed to irk Sebastian more as he sent a stinging hex your way. You dodged it and Leander chuckled. He still didn’t seem to fully grasp his predicament. 

“Is that all you’ve got?” he teased Sebastian. 

“Leander,” you hissed in aggravation. 

A basic cast whizzed past your ear and you flinched, dropping your shield charm. You straightened and hit Sebastian with Depulso, buying yourself some time.

“Leander,” you said again, your tone much more urgent as you willed your partner to take things seriously. “Focus.”

Leander snorted and used the opportunity to cast Diffindo. You winced as the spell largely missed, but just managed to nick Sebastian’s side. Blood began to seep through his white shirt but you knew better than to stop, especially when you noticed how your boyfriend’s eyes blazed.

“Sebastian, enough,” you tried to say firmly as Leander cast Incendio to put some distance between himself and Sebastian. But the only thing that burned hotter than the ring of fire was Sebastian’s temper.

“Aguamenti,” he mumbled to douse the flames with water. His eyes met yours momentarily and he smirked – that signature smirk that typically rendered you weak in the knees. But this time, you sensed danger.

“Sebastian, it’s just you and me,” you said, praying your words would land with him.

Sebastian nodded as your eyes locked. You begged him with your gaze to understand, and he did.

You and me. Those words had become your mantra over the past three years. You and Sebastian would whisper them to one another before raiding bandit camps, fighting Ashwinders and solving sinister puzzles. But you also spoke them in your intimate moments, when it was just the two of you savoring each other’s company. 

Something about that phrase comforted the two of you. You knew it had reassured Sebastian, but you also knew he was far too impish to simply stop the duel.

“Alarte Ascendare!” 

Sebastian’s spell sent Leander flying backward again. Leander coughed and sputtered. The way he grimaced confirmed he’d likely cracked a rib or two. It also confirmed that a slew of spells was likely to come, because that was Sebastian’s signature move – blast his enemy backward before unleashing a storm of offensive spells on them.

“Leander, look out!” you managed, but it was too late.

Sebastian levitated Leander and hit him with a Confringo and Bombarda spell combination powerful enough to rattle the entire room. Leander was blasted backward, the force sending him crashing into a pile of crates while Sebastian watched his handiwork with smug satisfaction.

“Sebastian!” you scolded. “You could have seriously hurt him!”

“And?”

You huffed in annoyance as you ran to check on Leander, dropping your wand in the process. That was your final mistake. 

As you bent down to see if Leander had any visible injuries, you were suddenly levitated off your feet.

“Sebastian Oliver Sallow, you put me down!” you demanded, your legs kicking wildly in the air. 

“Or what?” Sebastian challenged, his eyes glinting with mischief.

“Fight’s over, you won!”

Sebastian flicked his wand and you floated toward him swiftly, still flailing in aggravation at his antics. He held steady, hovering you above him, higher and higher until your feet dangled well above his head. He smirked and you could feel him peering up your skirt.

“You fucking troll,” you hissed.

Sebastian laughed.

Meanwhile, the crowd had been tending to Leander, who at least managed to sit upright. A group of students helped him to his feet to support him to the hospital wing, but Sebastian paid no mind.

“All right, that’s enough for today,” you heard Lucan declare. “See you all next week.”

Students began to file out of the clock tower for dinner, but a few of your curious friends held back, lingering to see the outcome of your lovers’ quarrel.

“Sebastian, put her down,” Poppy laughed, though you noticed the edge in her tone. “Duel’s over.”

Natty also sensed there was more to it. “Are you alright?” she asked. You weren’t entirely sure if she was addressing you or Sebastian but you didn’t want her to worry.

“We’re fine,” you sighed, still lingering in the air. You rolled your eyes to emphasize your point, that you and your boyfriend were just having fun. Your friends didn’t need to know that you had likely just saved Leander from devastating injury. They did know that you and Sebastian were prone to silly little spats like this, and though they didn’t quite understand your relationship, they knew you always seemed to handle it well.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like a word alone with my dearly beloved,” Sebastian said, smirking at you. 

“You two are something else,” Natty sighed while Poppy giggled. “See you at dinner.”

You waved goodbye and watched them leave the clock tower, your feet swaying gently as you remained suspended mid-air. Once they were out of earshot, you glowered at Sebastian.

“OK, you proved your point,” you sneered. “Now put me down.”

Sebastian merely chuckled. He twirled his wand for emphasis, causing you to also twirl, which made him laugh more.

He was enjoying this far too much and you were struggling with the fact you had little control over the situation.

“Not until it’s very clear to me that you understand what you’ve done wrong.” He flicked his wand again, sending you darting across the room with a swish. “And that you understand there are consequences to your actions.”

“It was just a harmless duel, Sebastian. You weren’t here and Leander asked to be my partner. You know it didn’t mean anything. And you made your point clear to everyone else.”

“Maybe it didn’t mean anything to you,” Sebastian noted. “But I bet Prewett loved it. He’s carried a torch for you since fifth year.”

“So? Even if he has, it’s a moot point.” 

“ I know that ,” Sebastian said, waving his wand for emphasis. The movements caused you to dip sharply before you were jerked upward again, dangling about six feet off the ground. “But he needed to know.”

“So then why are you punishing me?”

Sebastian grinned. “Because I can.” You heaved a defeated sigh and Sebastian approached you, his eyes fixated on yours. “Promise me you won’t do it again.”

“I promise.”

“And promise me you won’t partner with anyone else again.”

“I promise.”

Sebastian flicked his wand and you gasped as you were tipped upside down, your hair spilling downward and the hem of your skirt slipping from your knees, past your chest.

“Sebastian!” you squawked as you grabbed for your skirt hem, trying to cover yourself.

“Relax, love,” Sebastian said, his voice silky as he circled beneath you. You felt like bait, dangled inches above a hungry shark. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“I know that,” you huffed. “But anyone else could come walking through.”

He flicked his wand and you levitated lower, still upside-down, until he could reach you, his face inches from yours. He smelled warm and earthy, like sandalwood and spices. 

“You’re awfully attractive when you’re vulnerable,” he teased in your ear. He reached upward, his fingers gently touching the top button of your blouse. You held your breath as he popped open the first button, then the second, exposing your chest. The air inside the clock tower felt cool against your skin, but you felt distressingly hot.

Sebastian was quick to notice that you hadn’t bothered to squirm or swat his hands away. He knew you too well. You liked when he was possessive over you.

Let's get this straight. You are a fever in the cold, yet I'm not shivering.  You are a shudder in the voice that screams inside of me.

“But you do need to be taught a lesson,” Sebastian continued. He leaned forward to plant a kiss on your upside-down lips before his mouth found your neck.

You inhaled sharply as the blood continued to rush to your head. Sebastian gently nuzzled against your collarbone until you could feel him smirking against your skin.

“You feel hot,” he murmured against you.

“Probably because you damn near set Leander on fire,” you retorted. You could still hear one of the wood crates crackling in the corner.

“He deserved it,” Sebastian mumbled before his lips found yours again. When he pulled away, you could feel his eyes slink upward to your chest. He pressed a trail of kisses from the corner of your lips, up your neck and between your breasts.

Your breath hitched and you wondered if you were going to pass out. Sebastian already knew how to rob you of all sensibilities, but the blood in your brain induced a haze that clouded all of your inhibitions. 

You are my last, you are my first. You kill me for the better. You are the rising tide. You're every fucking thing inside me now.

You could feel him smirking against your chest until he pulled away, stepping back to set you upright with a swish of his wand.

“Put me down,” you said firmly, hoping you sounded more authoritative than you felt. In truth, you felt completely submissive. 

“Fine,” Sebastian sighed. He could be cruel, but he’d never force you to expose yourself to half of Hogwarts. That was all meant for him and only him anyway. That was the entire point of all this.

Sebastian held his wand out, steadily lowering you until you were a foot from the ground. As soon as you assumed you were about to reunite with the stone floor, he caught your gaze and grinned.

Another quick flick of his wand sent you swooshing toward a pile of untouched crates stacked away in the corner. You squealed in surprise until you were gently lowered slowly to a seated position on top of one. Sebastian tread casually toward you, one hand still clutching his wand as the clack of his footsteps echoed throughout the clock tower. 

“Bastard,” you sneered as he reached you.

“Now, now, love,” he cooed as he stepped closer, using a knee to nudge his way between your legs. “Don’t be mad. You’re the one who betrayed me, after all.”

“I’d hardly consider that a betrayal,” you chided. “Prewett’s about as useful as a Flobberworm. I would’ve been better off dueling on my own.”

“Glad you learned your lesson,” Sebastian mumbled as his arms snaked their way around your waist. “Now you get to make it up to me.”

“If I make it up to you, will you apologize to Prewett?”

”Absolutely not.”

”Sebastian…”

Sebastian sighed as he drew back to meet your gaze. “Why should I apologize?” he demanded. “He was the one moving in on my girlfriend.”

”Oh, please. Even if he was, it wouldn’t matter and you know that.”

”But it’s the principal,” Sebastian drawled. “He should know better. Everyone knows you’re mine.”

You are the violence in my veins. You are the war inside my brain. You are my glitter and my gloom. I am so numb without you.

Perhaps Sebastian was a bit possessive when it came to you. Attention from others made his blood boil and he was always quick to challenge them. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust you — you’d proven your loyalty to him long ago, but his fear of losing you often made him irrational. He’d already lost so many people close to him, you couldn’t help but give him some grace when he tried to cling too tightly to you.

”So maybe Prewett was just trying to test his luck. Or maybe he’s lost what few brain cells he had,” you said. “The point is, you’ve nothing to worry about. I’m sitting here with you, not him.”

”Too right you are,” Sebastian smirked. He inched closer and leaned in to kiss you in that slow way that made your stomach somersault. But as he kissed you, you quickly pulled away as you noticed the feeling of something trickling over your hand.

“Sebastian!” you gasped as you realized your hand was covered in blood. “You’re still bleeding.”

Sebastian sighed, clearly annoyed that your concern for his injury was outweighing your desire. “I’m fine,” he huffed. 

“You’re hurt,” you said sternly, eyeing his side. Blood had started to seep through his white shirt, which was ripped from Leander’s Diffindo spell.

“I’m fine,” Sebastian repeated. “And I refuse to allow the results of Prewett’s ignorance to distract my girlfriend any longer.”

“At least drink a Wiggenweld,” you ordered. 

“Fine,” Sebastian sighed. He turned on his heel and you watched as he crossed the clock tower to the storage chest equipped with various potions and first aid items. You leaned back on your hands, your feet dangling from the edge of the crate as you could hear Sebastian rummaging through the chest. “Ah, one Wiggenweld,” you heard him say before he paused to down the potion. A tiny clink suggested he tossed the vial aside before returning to you.

As he crossed the room again, you swallowed as he unbuttoned his shirt while he walked, slowly peeling it away until it fell to the floor in a heap. He smirked as you shifted atop the crate, the flickering lights dancing over his body to cast shadows on the stone walls.

“Now, where were we?” Sebastian said smoothly. He returned to his standing position between your legs, placing one hand on either side of you as he leaned forward.

Your eyes fell to the slash beneath his ribcage and you frowned. “At least let me do a quick healing spell,” you begged.

“I’m fine,” Sebastian insisted. But as you reached your fingers toward his wound, he inhaled sharply and you shot him a stern look.

“I’m not letting you touch me until it’s healed,” you said.

Sebastian groaned in annoyance. “Fine,” he huffed as he straightened up, turning his body so that the gash faced you. “Have at it, love.”

“Thank you. My wand, please?”

“Oh yes, that,” Sebastian said, offering you a smirk. “Forgot I still had that.”

“No, you didn’t.”

Sebastian chuckled at your remark and brandished your wand from his back pocket. “Here you are, princess.”

You glowered at him and pointed your wand at his wound. “Vulnera Sanentur,” you murmured. The gash immediately stopped bleeding and the skin seemed to fuse back together, leaving a red scar that looked tender and raw. “That’s better. Not fully healed, but better.”

“Good,” Sebastian said, plucking your wand from your hand and tossing it to the side. It clattered on the stone and rolled until you could no longer see or hear it. “Now, where were we?”

“Sebastian, we really should be getting to dinner,” you said weakly. Sebastian grinned. He was clearly amused by how pitiful and unconvincing you sounded.

“I’m not hungry,” he said. “At least not for dinner.”

Maybe it was his tousled hair. Maybe it was the signature smirk that never seemed to leave his lips. Maybe it was the way he had fought for you in such an unflinching manner. Or maybe, most certainly, it was the way the low light caught his toned arms and torso, his new scar a symbol of the lengths he was willing to go for you.

Whatever it was, it commanded control over you and you had no desire to fight it. You never did. 

I won't leave, no, I won't surrender. I'll wait 'til the end of, the end of time. You are my glitter and my gloom. I am so numb without you.

Instead, you let Sebastian lean down to kiss you, his hands grabbing your face. It wasn’t long before he fully closed the gap between you, standing pressed against your body while his teeth grazed your bottom lip.

Your hands roamed from his sides, over that new scar, up his chest until they snaked around his neck. Your legs mimicked your arms as they wrapped Sebastian’s frame.

“I do have to admit,” Sebastian murmured against your neck. “You do look pretty fucking gorgeous when you’re dueling.”

“You’ve just now figured that out?” you retorted. You could feel Sebastian smile into your skin.

“Of course not. You always look bloody gorgeous. It’s just particularly alluring when you happen to be surrounded by fire.”

“Noted,” you murmured. “Though that doesn’t mean you can cast Confringo every time you’re aroused.”

“You’re no fun.”

The two of you shared a quiet laugh before Sebastian’s hands found their way beneath the hem of your skirt. You felt the pads of his fingers gently skimming the tops of your thighs until they found your hips.

The longer he kissed you, the more the bulge in his pants prodded your inner thigh in earnest. The feeling of Sebastian’s desire for you fueled your own, igniting the familiar beckoning between your legs that made you shift closer to the edge of the crate. 

Sensing your urgency, Sebastian pulled away just enough to smirk at you. “Now now,” he mused. “If I had to endure the absolute torture that was watching you duel with Prewett, you should have to exercise a little patience yourself.”

You should’ve known you weren’t getting off the hook that easily. It was never that easy with Sebastian.

His eyes fell to your chest, where the top two buttons remained open. He reached for the third, then the fourth and downward, his fingers lingering as they took their time with each one.

With your shirt hanging open, Sebastian reached for your hair with one hand, balling it within his fist as he kissed you hard. The other hand snaked its way over your breasts to your left shoulder, tugging your shirt sleeve off. He released your hair to remove your other sleeve, leaving you bare above the waist.

Sebastian took a moment to admire you – he always did. He had a way of ensuring you felt like you were the only other person on Earth, like your physique alone kept his veins open and his heart pumping.

Once his eyes were done drinking in your body, he reached for one of your breasts, his palm cupping you while his fingers gently squeezed. His thumb traced circles over your nipple until his mouth replaced his hand.

You sucked in a sharp breath as you felt his tongue flicker across your skin. You wanted his tongue everywhere but if you asked for it, he’d surely continue to tease you with it.

Instead, you felt one of his hands creep back under your skirt, resting atop your thigh again. He gave your leg a gentle squeeze and you shifted, parting your legs to invite him in. His fingers hooked around the waist of your panties, so you lifted your hips to help him remove them. 

His fingers traced gentle lines over your entrance and you bucked your hips, your silent way of begging for more. Your body was aching to feel any part of him inside of you, but he merely flashed you a smirk and left his fingers trailing outside of your folds.

A whimper escaped your lips as he kissed you again and you just knew he was thriving off of your impatience. He kissed you in ways that left you at a loss for thought, void of all composure as his fingers drew enticing circles around your cunt.

“Sebastian, please,” you whined, rocking forward in desperation to relieve the scorching tension swelling in your core. He barked a laugh.

“It’s sexy when you beg like that,” he chuckled. He dipped his head to kiss your neck, nipping gently at the skin before his lips pressed a trail of kisses between your breasts and across your stomach. Bent over your body, Sebastian lowered himself to place a kiss atop your knee until he started a new trail beneath your skirt, creeping closer to your core until…

He straightened up again, standing tall as he flashed a sinister grin that nearly made you scream in frustration.

You hated the waiting game. Especially when it was getting dark and dinner would be over soon. Especially as the space between your thighs had become so sensitive, so wet, you nearly moaned at the slightest shift in weight. Especially when you knew how fucking good it would feel when you finally engulfed every inch of Sebastian’s length.

But perhaps there was a way to speed things up. You were a smart girl and Sebastian was merely an 18-year-old man. Surely you could find a quicker way to achieve your goal of convincing the bastard to hurry up and fuck you until you gasped his name and saw constellations undetected by any telescope.

So before Sebastian could tease you with that stupid fucking tongue any further, you reached for his belt, unbuckling it with expert rigor. 

“Awfully eager, aren’t we?” he teased. But instead of indulging his cruel banter, you indulged yourself by tugging his trousers down, reaching for the one thing you knew would gain back your control.

Sebastian hissed the moment he felt your fingers wrap around him. And though he loomed over you, gazing down at you with heavy eyes, you had regained control. 

You wrapped your lips around him and he groaned, his head tilting backward and his eyes falling shut as he focused on the sensation. This time it was your turn to tease with your tongue and Sebastian silently praised you for it.

You typically took your time when it came to this task. You enjoyed the empowering feeling of reducing Sebastian to whimpers and moans. But the prolonged build-up – the tension from the duel, the jealousy Sebastian couldn't quell, the way he kissed you like he relied on your breath for his own oxygen, had you wound so tight you were certain your insides had contorted into knots.

So you quickened your pace for a bit before allowing your tongue to flicker across Sebastian’s tip as his fist grasped your hair into a tangled mess.

“So fucking good,” he mumbled toward the ceiling.

His tip hit the back of your throat and your head bobbed as you took him in. The way he groaned, the way his nails dug into your scalp, you knew he’d returned to his rightful place – wrapped around your finger, even if you were presently wrapped around him.

You also knew he would never leave you hanging. He wouldn’t finish until you did, which meant you just had to tantalize him a little more, until his patience crumbled. A few more flicks of your tongue should do it…

With a sharp tug of your hair, Sebastian pulled himself from your mouth, his teasing ways now forgotten.

“Come here,” he growled.

You straightened to sit upright and before you could say a word, Sebastian grabbed your legs and yanked you to the edge of the crate. The hem of your skirt was shoved upward and Sebastian was prying your legs apart in haste.

You ran your tongue across your bottom lip as you realized you’d earned what you wanted. Finally . 

As Sebastian guided himself into you, you realized you’d been holding your breath. It escaped your lips in the form of a soft moan while Sebastian mumbled a curse at the sensation of your heat enclosing around him.

“You’re so wet,” he growled as you stretched around his length.

“Your fault for punishing me,” you murmured.

“And I’d do it again.”

Your banter subsided as the quiet corner soon echoed with the sounds of heavy breathing and skin whipping against skin. Sebastian’s rhythm was quick, yet steady while you silently thanked the gods, the fates, and every other spiritual being for causing you to cross paths with Sebastian Sallow.

Though you’d had Sebastian dozens of times before, there were no words to describe how fucking blissful it always felt.

“Fuck,” was all you could manage.

Your arms were draped around Sebastian, your fingers pressing sharply into his shoulder blades as he pumped into you with more force. Your nails gripped at his flesh and he clenched his jaw at the sting.

“Harder,” you breathed and Sebastian obliged. His hands gripped your hips harder as he worked. No more punishments. No more games. Now he merely wanted you to come undone for him.

And then you did. Your breath hitched in your throat and you managed to sputter Sebastian’s name just as your orgasm began. It pulsed through you and you cried out as your walls clenched around him, compelling him to fuck you harder, to ensure you were good and finished.

When your high subsided, Sebastian paused to kiss you forcefully, reminding you he was the one responsible for it. Your thighs glistened in the low light and Sebastian’s gaze drifted to the spot where the two of you were connected as he steadied his pace again.

He reached up to tug your hair, your head snapping backward so that you’d look him in the eyes. He pulled just hard enough so that your eyes began to water, and he smiled at you.

”Having fun?” he cooed.

”Yes,” you panted. 

“You’re lucky I was in a forgiving mood today.”

So lucky. You’d survived a goblin rebellion, vengeful poachers and bloodthirsty creatures. You’d been born with a rare gift, a powerful magic that most couldn’t even begin to fathom. But your luckiest moment in life was the day it led you to Sebastian Sallow.

Sebastian reached down to press his fingertips against your clit and your gasp echoed throughout the clock tower. Anyone passing by would surely catch on to the debauchery happening inside, but you trusted that Sebastian would hex anyone who threatened to ruin the occasion.

His fingers dragged their way across you, beckoning you to lose yourself for him again. The crate beneath you creaked as you rocked your hips to increase the friction wrapped around Sebastian’s cock, desperate to ride one more wave of ecstasy. As it started, you squeezed yourself around Sebastian, eliciting a sharp grunt from him.

The sound that left your lips was damn near guttural but you were too euphoric to care. Sebastian’s cock pounded that soft spot of flesh that made your thighs shake and your cunt flood around him.

It was too much for Sebastian’s restraint and soon he was also spilling himself, filling more than your body could take. As his own orgasm subsided, the sounds of your panting quickly replaced the sounds of your sins.

Sebastian rested his head on your shoulder as you caught your breaths and the room returned to sharp focus. Though you were hot, your hair plastered to your forehead, you suddenly became very aware that the air inside the clocktower was chilly. You gasped as a sudden shiver coursed through you and Sebastian lifted his head with a frown.

“Let’s get you dressed,” he murmured before pressing a kiss to your temple. He backed away to help you gather your wand and the articles of clothing you’d shed before getting dressed himself.

When you were both decent, he hooked an arm around your waist to pull you in for a quiet kiss.

“All right?” he asked.

“All right,” you answered with a smile. Your body felt tired, yet relaxed, and your head no longer felt full of the day’s stress.

“Learn your lesson?”

“No.”

Sebastian couldn’t help but smirk at your response. “Sure you don’t want to rethink that?”

“If by ‘lesson,’ you mean dueling with anyone but you, yes. But even the brightest witches sometimes forget everything they’ve learned,” you teased.

“Then the brightest witches will continue to be punished in the most cruel and unusual ways,” Sebastian hummed in your ear as he tossed an arm around you to steer you toward the archway.

“We missed dinner,” you whined as you returned to the castle.

Sebastian sighed. “We can sneak down into the kitchens and grab something. I’m sure they’ll have those biscuits you love.”

“I’d kill for a shepherd’s pie right now,” you mumbled longingly.

Sebastian squeezed your shoulder gently. “I’ll treat you to one at the Three Broomsticks tomorrow, I promise,” he said.

You smirked to yourself as you reached the castle doors and pushed your way inside. “You know, Leander offered to take me there tonight, after our duel. Beginning to think I should’ve taken him up on it.”

“He what?”

[neil-gaiman]

Hello Neil! Hope you are doing well!

Wanted to ask something about GOs2

When Aziraphale has returned from Edinburgh he said to Crowley that “nothing happened, no strange things at all”. But there was a very important strange thing- a conversation with Shax in the car, so why did he hid it?

Thank you an advance! And also big thanks for the 2 season, rewatching for the sixth time right now...

Why do you think he hid it?

[ayeforscotland]

This is phenomenal news. A solid first step to returning Glasgow bus services to public ownership.

It’s one thing that Edinburgh massively benefits from having, and can only be a good thing. End the tyranny of First Bus.

[unabashegirl]

the cover | part 3

Y/N and Harry, lifelong best friends, pretend to be a couple for a family wedding weekend in Edinburgh. As they navigate the event, old feelings resurface, and what starts as an act turns into something real, leading them to confront their true emotions for one another.

Author's note: Hello everyone! i hope you are all doing well and enjoying your weekend. As requested here is the third part of the cover. Remember on Patreon is the longer version of this one shot!

check out my patreon (starting at $2) and get full access to all of the one shot (+8K) and exclusive scenes, various one shots and much more :)

The soft morning light filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow over the room. Y/N stirred, becoming aware of the quiet stillness—and the comforting warmth of Harry’s body pressed against hers.

His head rested on her chest, curls brushing her collarbone, his arm draped lazily over her waist. Their legs tangled beneath the covers, and Y/N lay frozen, reluctant to disturb the peaceful moment.

She let herself breathe him in, the faint trace of his cologne lingering on his skin. Her lips curved into a small, fleeting smile. For just a second, everything felt perfect.

But the ache in her chest returned, unshakable. She liked him more than she should, more than she dared to admit. And moments like this—so intimate, so tender—were a bittersweet reminder of feelings she feared he’d never return.

Y/N’s throat tightened as she lay there, Harry’s weight warm and solid against her. She fought back the wave of emotions threatening to surface. Moments like this—tangled in bed with him—only reminded her of the lines she could never cross.

Carefully, she began to slip out from under him, untangling her legs and easing toward the edge of the bed. But just as her feet touched the floor, Harry stirred, his voice breaking the morning stillness.

"Where are you going?" he asked, his words heavy with sleep as he sat up, curls a messy halo around his head.

Y/N turned back, caught mid-step, and smiled softly. "Just heading down for breakfast. Didn’t want to wake you."

Harry leaned back against the headboard, a small grin tugging at his lips. "You weren’t sneaking out, were you?"

She chuckled, shaking her head. "Not sneaking, just giving you a chance to sleep in."

"Not a chance," he muttered, stretching lazily. "What’s the plan today? Something casual, yeah?"

Y/N nodded, brushing off lingering thoughts. "Yeah, just a laid-back family picnic before the rehearsal dinner. Games, food, the usual chaotic fun."

"Games?" Harry's eyes lit up as he sat up fully. "Like rounders or something?"

She rolled her eyes, smiling. "Maybe. Or sack races. My family loves to embarrass themselves, so it’s anyone’s guess."

Harry chuckled, standing to stretch. "I’m in. Let me grab a quick shower, and we’ll head down together."

As he disappeared into the bathroom, Y/N busied herself tidying the room, her mind racing despite the comforting normalcy of their morning. Outside, the countryside stretched peacefully, a stark contrast to her swirling emotions. Tomorrow was the wedding, and after that... things would return to normal. Best friends. Nothing more.

When Harry returned, freshly dressed, Y/N grabbed her outfit and headed to the bathroom. She took a moment to steady herself before slipping into a light, floral dress perfect for the warm day.

It was just another family picnic. She could get through this.

Y/N tied her hair into a loose braid and smoothed down her dress, giving herself a final glance in the mirror. The simplicity of her look felt perfect for the day ahead. With a deep breath, she unlocked the door and stepped out to face Harry.

He looked up from his phone, and his smile widened as his eyes swept over her. "Wow," he said, setting his phone aside. "You look really beautiful."

Her cheeks warmed at his words, but she managed a light laugh. "Thanks. You’re not looking too bad yourself."

Harry grinned, running a hand through his damp curls. "Gotta keep up with my girlfriend, don’t I?"

She rolled her eyes, trying to ignore the flutter in her chest. "Just make sure no one quizzes us on our backstory. I’m terrible at improv."

"Don’t worry," Harry said with a reassuring squeeze of her arm. "We’ve got this."

They headed downstairs together, the morning sun greeting them as they made their way to the garden. The picnic setup was already in full swing, blankets scattered across the lawn and games being arranged.

Y/N’s mother spotted them and waved excitedly. "Y/N! Harry!" she called, hurrying over with a bright smile.

"You two look wonderful," her mother said, her attention quickly shifting to Harry. "I hope you’re ready for a day of family games!"

Harry chuckled, slipping into his competitive role effortlessly. "Wouldn’t miss it for the world. I’m always up for a good competition.”

Y/N’s mother beamed at Harry’s response as she led them toward the rest of the family. Y/N noticed her cousins sizing Harry up, exchanging whispers.

The picnic was lively, full of food, laughter, and the hum of family chatter. After settling in on a blanket with Harry, the games began, and Y/N’s family went all out. Naturally, Harry was pulled into every game, and Y/N found herself watching him with an amused smile.

The first game was tug-of-war. Y/N was on one team, Harry on the other. He shot her a playful grin as they faced off across the rope.

"You sure you’re ready for this?" he teased.

"I’m not going easy on you just because you’re you," she replied with a playful glint in her eyes.

The game started with teams pulling hard, the rope tugging back and forth. Harry’s team seemed to have the upper hand until Y/N’s team made one last push. Just as Y/N thought they had it, Harry’s team pulled back, sending her tumbling onto the grass. Laughter erupted around them.

Harry immediately dropped the rope and rushed over to help her up. "You alright?" he asked, grinning as he extended his hand.

Y/N took his hand, brushing off her dress. "Yeah, I’m fine," she said, trying to ignore how her pulse quickened when his hand lingered just a little longer than necessary.

Y/N sat off to the side, catching her breath after the chaos of the sack race. The laughter of her family echoed in the background, but her thoughts were miles away, tangled in the way Harry had looked at her earlier, the way his hand had brushed hers, the way she still felt the lingering warmth of his touch. It had all started as a way to keep up the act, but now… it was starting to feel a little too real.

She could see him talking to her aunt and uncle, his smile easy, his voice warm as he charmed everyone around him—just like he always did. But Y/N couldn’t shake the thought that maybe, just maybe, Harry was starting to see her differently, too.

She was snapped out of her thoughts when Harry wandered over, excusing himself from the conversation. He moved toward her with that familiar lazy smile, the one that always made her stomach flip.

"You okay?" he asked, his tone casual, though there was something soft in his eyes.

Y/N gave him a small smile, trying to mask how much she felt the weight of everything, how much she wished she didn’t have to keep pretending. "Yeah, just thinking," she said, trying to sound light.

Harry raised an eyebrow. "About what?" His voice was quieter now, like he really wanted to know.

"Just… everything, I guess," Y/N answered, shrugging. She didn’t want to dive deeper, didn’t want to complicate things. But the feeling between them? That was a different story. It was complicated. She could feel it in the air, hanging between them like a thick fog.

Harry smiled, giving her a knowing look. "Alright, well, I’ll grab us some drinks. Meet you in a sec."

Y/N nodded, grateful for the quiet escape. But as he walked away, the ache in her chest grew stronger, the unspoken feelings that much harder to ignore.

The rehearsal dinner was under a canopy of twinkling fairy lights, and the air was alive with chatter and clinking glasses. It was a celebration, yes, but for Y/N, it felt like everything shifted the moment Harry stepped out of the car beside her.

He looked incredible. The black suit he wore fit him perfectly—classic yet relaxed in that way that only he could pull off. His tousled curls framed his face in that familiar way, but tonight, with the sharp suit and the way he stood so effortlessly confident, he looked even more magnetic. And Y/N could feel every pair of eyes follow them as they walked in together, but Harry? His attention was entirely on her.

Y/N had chosen a deep burgundy dress, simple but elegant, and she felt, for once, like she had it all together. Her hair was swept into a loose updo, a few soft strands framing her face. But she didn’t notice how stunning she looked. Harry did.

The moment he saw her, his breath caught. She was more than beautiful—she was luminous. Seeing her like this, standing next to him, something clicked in his chest that he wasn’t ready to face. But there it was, undeniable.

"You look absolutely breathtaking tonight," Harry whispered in her ear, his voice low and full of something unspoken.

Her heart fluttered, and she smiled at him, trying to ignore how those words made everything inside her feel… complicated.

The dinner itself was lighthearted, with wine flowing and family members catching up. But Y/N’s cousin Beth, sitting beside them, had been watching them closely all evening. She knew Y/N’s feelings for Harry before any of this started, and now, she was starting to put two and two together.

Finally, as the night wore on, Beth leaned in, a mischievous glint in her eye. "You two are really selling this whole ‘couple’ thing," she said, loud enough for the entire table to hear.

Y/N’s face flushed immediately, but before she could say anything, Beth shot her a wicked grin. "But I haven’t seen you kiss yet. I mean, come on—it’s your big debut, and we’re all watching."

Y/N’s heart skipped a beat, and her eyes widened. Kiss? In front of everyone? This wasn’t part of the plan. She hadn’t prepared for this. They hadn’t prepared for this.

But Beth was relentless. "Come on, just a little one," she coaxed, and suddenly, the entire table felt like it was leaning in, eyes fixed on them. Y/N could feel her aunts’ curious stares, her mom’s expectant look, and her cousins’ playful grins. This was just part of the act, right? It was all for show.

Harry turned to her, his gaze soft, searching hers. Then, with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, he leaned in slowly. "You okay?" he whispered, his voice just for her.

Y/N’s pulse raced, and she could barely nod. But before she could talk herself out of it, Harry cupped her face gently, bringing his lips to hers.

The kiss started soft, tentative. But then, something shifted. As soon as their lips met, the rest of the world seemed to fade away. There was no one else at the table, no teasing family members, just them, caught in the moment. The kiss deepened, and Y/N’s hand found its way to his chest, fingers clutching the fabric of his suit. The air seemed to leave the room, every second of the kiss making her heart race.

She couldn’t believe it was happening—this was her first kiss with Harry, and it felt nothing like she imagined. It was real, raw, and intense in a way she hadn’t let herself dream of. Her heart was pounding, and when they finally pulled apart, breathless, her lips still tingled from the connection.

The table erupted into applause and cheers, but Y/N barely registered it. Her eyes were locked with Harry’s, and for a moment, the world seemed to pause. It felt like they had crossed an invisible line, one neither of them were sure they could walk back from.

Harry broke the silence first, his voice low as he cleared his throat. "I think we need a breather." With a grin that didn’t quite reach his eyes, he took her hand and led her away from the table, escaping the sudden rush of attention.

They found a quieter corner, where soft music played in the background. Harry didn’t speak at first, and Y/N wasn’t sure what to say, either. But then, like it was the most natural thing in the world, Harry pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her waist. Without a word, he began to sway gently to the music, as if everything had changed—and neither of them were sure where it would go from here.

It was an old Frank Sinatra song, one Y/N couldn’t quite place, but the melody was soft and romantic. In Harry’s arms, everything else seemed to melt away. He held her close, his chin resting on top of her head, and they swayed together, their movements completely in sync.

Y/N’s heart was still pounding, her mind a whirl of thoughts from the kiss. She couldn’t believe what had just happened—that they had kissed, and it had felt so… right. Harry’s arms tightened around her, pulling her even closer, and she let herself lean into him, her cheek pressed against his chest. For a moment, it was just the two of them, the music, and the soft glow of the room around them.

Neither of them said anything, but there was no need to. In the quiet, in the way their bodies fit so perfectly together, in the gentle caress of Harry’s hand on the small of her back as they moved, Y/N could feel it—something was shifting between them.

Wrapped in this quiet, blissful bubble, neither of them wanted to break the spell. And as the song played on, Y/N realized something: she wasn’t just pretending anymore. The way she felt in Harry’s arms wasn’t an act—it was real. And suddenly, she wasn’t sure how much longer she could keep it hidden.

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

SFX Magazine Issue 368, August 2023

THEY’RE BACK – AND THIS TIME THEY’RE IN ALL-NEW TERRITORY. NEIL GAIMAN TALKS RETURNING FOR SEASON TWO OF GOOD OMENS

THE RASCALLY DEMON Crowley (David Tennant) and the neurotic angel Aziraphale (Michael Sheen) put aside their differences to pull off one doozy of a Hail Mary and prevent an impending Apocalypse in Good Omens’ first season. The task cemented the pair’s unconventional friendship. So what are divine beings, who have fallen out of grace with both Heaven and Hell, to do for an encore?

The answer lies with archangel Gabriel (Jon Hamm), who shows up unannounced on the doorstep of Aziraphale’s London bookshop. Suddenly, Aziraphale and Crowley are caught up in a caper of biblical proportions – but also a more intimate tale.

“It’s a mystery,” showrunner Neil Gaiman tells SFX. “It kicks off a story that doesn’t have giant consequences for the universe, even if it does have consequences for Aziraphale and Crowley. We have a lot of the marvellous Jon Hamm, who is the angel Gabriel and turns up at the beginning stark naked, carrying a cardboard box with no memory of who he is. In the same way, it is about Aziraphale and Crowley having to get involved with humanity in a way that they haven’t before.

“They get dragged in slightly against their will to try to sort out the love life of Aziraphale’s tenant,” he continues. “Her name is Maggie [Maggie Service] and she runs the record shop next to the bookshop. You’ll see the coffee shop over the road, which is Nina’s [Nina Sosanya]. The relationship between Maggie and Nina is one that Crowley and Aziraphale try to fix, and mess up, because they are not good at human relationships, even if they can do miracles.”

Truth be told, Gaiman never originally intended this arc to serve as Good Omens’ second instalment. The TV series was based on Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s 1990 novel. The two collaborators had partially hashed out the details for a sequel to the fantasy comedy, late one night in a hotel room. This, however, is not it. Gaiman instead plotted a new narrative that could provide the connective tissue between the first season and a theoretical season three, if it happens.

“Because the hypothetical season three exists, there is a story that is there, and I didn’t feel that we could drive straight from season one into that,” Gaiman explains. “I knew what the stakes were. I knew what the parameters were. I also knew that I had David and Michael. I had the angels from plot number one.

I had demons from plot number one. And with anybody that I wanted to bring back, but didn’t have room for right now, I did not have to bring them back as themselves. “I had absolutely nothing for Madame Tracy to do in this plot, but I would be damned if Miranda Richardson wasn’t going to be in this. She is one of my favourite people in the world. She is hilarious and is so good. And I knew I was going to have a new demon replacing Crowley as Hell’s representative in London/ the UK. Miranda’s demon Shax is the best demon you could want.”

It’s late February 2022 and SFX is in Edinburgh for a set visit. A soundstage in Pyramids Studios has been transformed into a street in Soho. The visible local stores include the aforementioned book, coffee and record shops, as well as a magic establishment. In the middle of them all stand Aziraphale and Crowley, the latter in close proximity to his classic Bentley. It’s close to the end of the six-episode season, so exactly what the duo is discussing constitutes a spoiler. We can say, however, that Aziraphale has picked up the pace. Time is of the essence as Shax marshals her forces to descend on Aziraphale’s store and retrieve Gabriel.

“This is really Shax’s first time out on Earth,” Gaiman explains. “She is working very diligently and very hard in Hell for a long time. Now she is on Earth, trying to figure it all out. She’s just discovering what Crowley has known for 6,000 years, which is that if you’re a demon and come up with a brilliant plan to screw up the lives of humanity, people will get there first and do worse than anything you could have imagined! She’s coming to terms with that.

“She is having to deal with the first crisis on her watch, as well, which is the disappearance of the archangel Gabriel from Heaven. It would be fair to say that by the end of the story, she is leading as much as she can get from Hell’s requisition department – a legion of Hell – in an attack on a Soho bookshop.”

When audiences catch up with Aziraphale again, he’s enjoying his time among humans. He owns most of the block in a Soho neighbourhood, and he’s meddling in Nina’s love life. Meanwhile, Crowley has been living in his car, with his plants sitting on the back seat. He’s grumpy about his current status quo, but frequently hangs out at Aziraphale’s. The duo began as antagonists, but their history and blossoming relationship will be fleshed out in flashbacks.

“One of the enormously fun things I came up with is the idea of minisodes,” Gaiman explains. “They are 25-minute-long episodes within the episode. We have three of them over our six episodes. Each of them is like one of those chunks of episode three [in season one]. Whereas the longest one of those was four or five minutes, if that, these are full stories.

“You get to have the story of [put-upon Biblical figure] Job, and you learn Aziraphale and Crowley’s part in the story. Then writer Cat Clarke takes us to Edinburgh in the 1820s for a tale of body-snatching and attempted murder that the boys get involved in,” he adds.

“Finally, Jeremy Dyson and Andy Nyman reunite the League Of Gentlemen in a Nazi-period story that takes place very shortly after the episode in the church. That one was the only one I said had to be there, because I fell in love with our Nazi spies in the church. I kept thinking, ‘What would happen if they essentially came back as zombies, with a mission from Hell to try and investigate whether or not Crowley and Aziraphale were actually fraternising?’”

Gaiman admits that one of the greatest challenges has been filming Good Omens simultaneously with his upcoming show Anansi Boys. The two shoot within throwing distance of each other, but are both timeconsuming endeavours.

“If I could go back in time, I would go back to 16 September 2020, when Douglas Mackinnon [co-producer] and I got the phone call from the Amazon bigwigs to say, ‘We have good news for you and interesting news for you,’” Gaiman recalls. “‘The good news is we are greenlighting both Good Omens and Anansi Boys. The interesting news is you are going to have to do them both at the same time.’

“I would go back to then and I would throw myself on the call and say, ‘Neil, don’t! This is unwise.’ That we are doing them both together is great. The amount of sleep I am not getting is monumental and monstrous.

“It’s a little bit like childbirth, in that I managed to forget all the things that drove me nuts about the first one. Having said that, I managed to fix all the things that really drove me nuts making season one, which is great. We just have a whole new set of problems making season two…”

The Odd Couple - David Tennant and Michael Sheen talk character and sets for season two

Crowley and Aziraphale come off as the best of frenemies at times. Where do they stand with one other now?

DT: They are indeed. What’s different in season two is because of what happened at the end of season one, they no longer have head offices that they have to report to. They are in a very different position. Whereas before they were trying to get away with things, now they are kind of free agents.

MS: Although sort of fugitives as well. They are sort of in-between. But this amazing life they have created over a millennia, they are now able to enjoy in a slightly different way. They are not having to put on a front for their respective teams. There is a different kind of freedom.

DT: While at the same time being cut off, so they are also strangers in a strange land.

MS: That kind of connects them in a slightly different way. They have always been the only two beings who could understand each other’s position. Now they are pushed even closer together.

Now that they have the run of the place with no obligations, does that bring its own set of problems, being cut off?

DT: They have this sort of uneasy relationship. They are not entirely cut off from their head offices. Indeed, their head offices are quite keen to exploit that sort of adjacent connection, as we will see as the story unfolds. They exist in this grey area, neither the supernatural nor of the Earth.

MS: By the time we pick up their story in this series, they have appeared in time where they were kind of let alone a bit more. When we pick the story up, they are being bothered again.

The depth and the richness and the detail of what we are seeing on set here in Edinburgh is mind-blowing. How is it for you having it all in one place now, rather than having filming scattered around the UK?

MS: It’s completely changed the experience of doing it. Just being indoors… The Soho set on the first season was freezing cold.

DT: I was in a car park. Even inside the bookshop I was exposed to the elements! There’s a greater percentage of the show set here. There was a practical imperative to making it a manageable environment. If we had been in a car park, the elements might have impinged our ability to film.

Hellraiser - David Tennant is Crowley

You and Michael know these characters inside out. Do you have a shorthand?

It’s a hard thing to be objective about. Although I didn’t know Michael that well before we shot season one, it was always easy and exciting working together. It’s well-oiled now, for sure. It’s certainly fun to come to work. We enjoy bouncing off each other.

How comfortable are they about becoming involved with Gabriel?

I suppose Aziraphale is a much more enthusiastic detective. We are very much voting for the spin-off called The Azirafiles, which will follow this! As with most things, Crowley is reluctant to get involved or to exhibit any kind of energy or enthusiasm about very much. He is dragged kicking and screaming into this. Necessity forces him to get involved, whereas Aziraphale rather likes it.

Where does Crowley hang out these days?

He spends a lot of time in the book shop. He only has one friend. He can only have one friend. That is the great liberation, and also the great prison, that they find themselves in. They have no one else. They have come to rely on each other more than they ever did. And more than they care to admit.

Crowley is a rock star, in a way. Were there any particular musicians that inspired you?

Not consciously, no. The look was assembled accidentally during the first costume sessions. The Crowley of the book is of the mode when the book was written. He is more kind of Wall Street, the way he is described. We just decided that Crowley should always be of the moment he’s in. We were just trying to find a look that we felt fitted.

Divine Being - Michael Sheen is Aziraphale

How has knowing your characters better informed this series?

The first series was the first time we really properly worked together. It feels like we haven’t stopped working together since. Everything that has happened in-between plays into coming back to these characters. I am sure it is all feeding into it. It’s very difficult for us to know how that is informing the characters and their relationships.

With the flashbacks to various points in Earth’s history, is there a period of time Aziraphale enjoys the most?

One of the most enjoyable things for the audience and us is moving through different historical periods. It’s a great source of joy, and people thoroughly enjoyed that episode in the first series, so that has been expanded on in season two. But in terms of which Aziraphale enjoys the most, I think it’s not actually a period of time that we’ve seen him in on this series.

He would have been happiest at the end of the 19th century, in the Victorian era, which is considered the golden age of magic. He would have loved being with the greats like Harry Houdini. He loved the Victorian period. It was a great period of time for philanthropy and doing good works in a municipal way.

How has it been going from something dark like The Prodigal Son to a more whimsical show?

That’s the nature of an actor’s job. You go from one thing to another. In some ways, it’s even more useful to have big differences between the characters. What tends to happen, and I think most actors feel this way, is if you are playing one character for a long time, part of you yearns to play the bits the character doesn’t have. There’s a naivety and an innocence about Aziraphale. But at the same time, underneath that, there is eons of knowledge and experience.

[lisbeth-kk]

Sherlock fandom.

Changes Hurt

John muses about how different his life would have been if he’d only followed his instincts thirteen years ago. He clutches his hand over his heart. It aches. The pain is just as familiar as his other discomforts; his star-shaped scar, which can be forgotten for weeks, but then the weather changes, and the throbbing pain returns full force. As if it wants to make up for its absence. And then, the most infuriation of the three, his leg. After he and Rosie left London, John has never been without his cane.

Rosie greets him cheerfully, and John’s heart hurts like it’s been stabbed with a knife. What he’s about to tell her, is not going to be pleasant. 

“Sherlock says hello,” Rosie says, looking expectantly and a bit snooty at her father.

“How is he?” John manages.

His eyes sting with unshed tears, but he needs to be firm now. Their future depends on it, though he knows an upcoming catastrophe when he sees one.

“Same as usual. Missing you. Us.”

Her jaw tightens, and she cocks her head in defiance.

“I know, love,” John sighs. “Sit down, please. I need to talk to you. About our situation.”

“What situation? Are you planning to move back to London? You know how much I loathe this place, and – “

“Please, Rosie.”

This is worse than he feared. He takes a deep breath, bracing himself for the inevitable outburst.

“I’ve been offered another job. Better paid, which is preferable. It’s not like we’re rolling in dough here,” he chuckles.

The blank stare Rosie gives him, makes him blush.

“So, yeah, we are moving, but not to London.”

“Where?”

Her tone is dangerously calm. It’s a tone he’s used himself numerous times. As a captain in the army, and while berating Sherlock, or the Yarders for calling his best friend – 

“Dad!”

He’s lost himself in the memories of a happier life. A life where…no, he can’t go there now. Needs to focus.

“Edinburgh. It’s a great – “

“What? But that’s miles away. I can’t visit Sher – “

“You can visit, just not as often as every other week,” John says softly.

“I hate you!” she yells and runs from the room.

“No, you don’t sweetheart,” John whispers, as tears roll down his cheeks and his heart breaks.

The front door slams so hard behind his daughter, that the picture hanging on the wall beside it falls to the floor, shattering the glass. It’s a photo of Rosie as a toddler. Only John knows who snapped the picture. The man living alone in 221B Baker Street.

***

John has texted Rosie for hours, but she doesn’t reply, and when he calls, an automatic voice tells him the device is turned off.

He starts to call her friends, but no one has seen her. To be expected. John is just stalling. He knows where she is. 

John never had the heart to pull Rosie away from the people she loves back in London. After all, quite a few of them are her godparents. Molly, Mrs Hudson, Sherlock. The latter was the only one who didn’t chastise him for leaving Baker Street. Both women were livid, and Greg tried to talk some sense into him, but he was determined. And stubborn. 

After the disaster with Eurus, John decided that a life in Sherlock’s orbit was too dangerous. His daughter deserved to keep her only living parent at her side. Sherlock hadn’t even pleaded with him, but said he understood. It had been uttered quietly, but it roared loudly inside John’s head for weeks afterwards. He knew it was a lie. Over the years, John had grown more astute, and could tell when Sherlock was shamming. The pain in those cerulean eyes before he turned away from John, contradicted his statement like a neon sign. John broke Sherlock’s heart that day, and his own heart cracked so thoroughly it was almost audible. It was the most excruciating pain John had ever felt.

***

Please tell me Rosie is with you.

On a case. She left hours ago. SH.

John called Mrs Hudson.

“She isn’t here, John,” his former landlady informed him.

It stung a little that she’d stopped calling him “dear”. His own fault of course.

“Thank you, Mrs Hudson,” he said and hung up.

Molly hadn’t seen Rosie since last week. She tried to comfort him by saying she’d probably just gone for a walk.

“Just like you did. Before…”

John’s heart broke a little more. It was nothing for it. He – 

What’s happened? Have you found her? SH

We had a row. Said she hated me. Ran out. Phone’s turned off.

She doesn’t hate you, John. SH

No, but she was in quite a state. 

I’ll contact my network. They’ll keep an eye out. Mycroft too. We will find her, John. SH

John sobs like he hasn’t done since the day he left London. Sherlock’s assurance is like balm. He’s missed him more than anything. They haven’t texted in ages. Not after Rosie got old enough to arrange their meetings herself. 

He continues to text her, despite his knowledge that they won’t reach her since her phone is turned off. But he needs to do something.

“How about getting your stubborn arse on the next train from this godforsaken place, and come to London, old man.”

It’s unnerving to hear his daughter’s voice in his head. There’s only been one other person who’s invaded his mind like this: Sherlock.

***

The quiet truth is this: John has missed London and his best friend like an amputated limb. How could he ever think his life would be whole without living in a flat in central London; the only place that’s felt like home.

John runs towards the gigantic statue at St Pancras – The Meeting Place, his cane forgotten. A bit to the side, away from the tourists wanting to take selfies, two people stand close together. A tall man in a luxurious coat, and a teenage girl who clings to the man, her face buried in the woollen fabric.

John’s heart quickens its pace. He feels alive. It’s time to move. Back home to 221B.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

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[penny-anna]

travelling home after christmas today

checking my tickets this morning to make sure everything is in order. realise i somehow booked a 2-stage journey with a change at Doncaster rather than a direct ticket.

aw fuck. :(

report this to my sister who suggests trains might not be running as usual. assure her that it's definitely my fault

arrive at station. my train is at 13:03. there is also a direct Edinburgh train at 13:00. longingly watch the direct train depart. :(

my train is somehow running 5 minutes late in spite of starting at King's Cross?? wym you're running late. you haven't been anywhere.

anyway this is a problem bcos i only have 11 minutes to change at Doncaster.

train also doesn't start boarding until maybe 2 minutes before scheduled departure. there are around 200 people trying to board. we are not leaving at 13:08.

finally leave at around quarter past. yeah i am not making this connection. i didn't have a seat reserved so no great loss.

notice that the app now says my connecting train is delayed due to 'overcrowding'. ehh i don't think i want to get that train anyway.

the connecting train isn't delayed enough for my to catch it. phew, i think, bullet dodged!!

the next train to Edinburgh arrives. it was also delayed leaving Kings Cross for the same unclear reasons as my original train. it's booked solid but the screen says there are seats available in coach C so off i go.

attempt to board the train. the vestibule is so full of people that im honestly not sure i can fit.

manage to fit. oh fuck. oh this is not a good train to be on.

various people are scouting out coach C in seach of seats and come back without. decide to make a trip myself as they were a couple and i'm a lone traveller so might have more success.

i have my big rucksack on + an extra bag so im just barging my way through there. there's people standing in the aisle. way unpassable.

return to the vestibule.

someone has left a very large buggy in the vestibule, unfolded, seemingly abandoned, unbelievably in the way.

someone suggests that we could fold the buggy. everyone agrees this is a good idea but no-one is the buggy's owner.

i ask if anyone knows who the buggy belongs to and someone points to a woman halfway down the carriage, beyond a bunch more standing people.

people are needing to get through to the bathroom. attempt to put myself on the other side of the buggy to clear a path. almost get stuck bcos w all my bags i am just so so large.

manage to get to the other side of the buggy and take off my backpack so i'm not taking up so much space. add my backpack to the luggage piled in front of the luggage rack.

someone returns from the adjoining vestibule with news of more space for luggage, suggests we move the buggy

collectively manage to get the buggy's owner over. she tells us she is travelling alone with 5 children. now feel kind of bad about being annoyed by the buggy.

buggy is too wide to go to the next vestibule without being folded. she say she can't fold it because it's got bags in it and there's nowhere to put the bags.

it's pointed out that she can put the bags in the other luggage rack where there is (apparently) more space. the buggy is removed and we all have space to actually move around.

my rucksack is at constant risk of fallling off the luggage pile and it's on the other side of the carriage door so not much i can do. another passenger is kindly keeping it in place for me.

also a problem w standing on long haul trains is that they are just not designed for it so there's nowhere to hold on and i almost fall into people several times.

okay we are coming up on York. maybe, i think optimistically, a bunch of people will get off at York (it's a big station) and things will improve

ohh god things do not improve

more people pile into the vestibule including a couple with a very large suitcase and a baby

suitcase has nowhere to go except the middle of the corridor. couple debate whether they should just get off the train and find alternative transport. woman says (reasonably) that she doesn't want to stand holding the baby for 3 hours to Edinburgh.

before they can come to a conclusion the train leaves

predictably the vestibule is now home to a crying baby

a man comes out of the coach w a bag from the buffet service. asks politely if he can get through so he can go back to his seat.

oh we are SO sorry but you are going to be here a while :(

manage to get my rucksack properly onto the luggage rack :)

after a while the man w the buffet car bag says that at the next station he's going to get off the train and back on at the next entrance in hope of getting back to his seat

we wish him godspeed. he gets off the train. never see him again. i hope he made it.

we are now not far from Durham. very large man w a very large bag comes through, smacks everyone with his bag, and then almost dislodges my backpack taking his suitcase out from underneath it

announces confidently which side the train doors will open on.

ok we have a shot here. on my previous recce i noticed a whole group of seats marked reserved to Durham. tell myself that i must act swiftly and decisively when we get to Durham.

by this point im having significant foot pains from too much train standing.

we arrive at Durham. the big group mentioned leaves and then a reshuffle commences

family of 5 kids mentioned previously (remember them??) are moving to take over the vacated table. observing events it looks like there's going to be 1 free seat left.

there's 2 people closer to the seat and i can't just barge past them BUT they are together. ask if one of them wants the seat.

they do not want the seat!!

move swiftly & decisively to take the seat.

it is covered and i mean covered in popcorn but i will take what i can get at this stage.

from beneath the seats me and some other helpul passengers retrieve a dropped pair of gloves, a hat and a toy Sonic the Hedgehog which we return to their owners.

finally sit.

take off coat put in eye drops begin drinking delicious 7up i've been carrying since kings cross etc.

at the next stop the person in the other seat leaves and am joined by another of the group from the vestibule. we sit and quietly read our books :3

[ltwilliammowett]

Half time with our calendar and this is the perfect moment to introduce you to a lady who shows the interface of Age of Sail and Age of Steam. She is generally regarded as the start of the Age of Steam and yet she still has both elements. But who am I talking about ? - The HMS Warrior

More about her history here:

HMS WARRIOR was built as part of Britain’s response to concerns over France’s maritime ambitions which included the building of LA GLOIRE, a powerful ironclad which was the most advanced warship of its day.  WARRIOR was commissioned on 1 August 1861 and at that time unquestionably ruled the seas. Her main guns, engines and boilers were contained within an armoured wrought iron hull and she could be driven by both steam and sail. This combination meant that she could outrun and outgun any ship afloat and she never fired a shot in anger – the classic deterrent.

During the first commission her main role was to lead the Channel Squadron. On 22 November 1864 she paid off for her first major refit at Portsmouth Dockyard during which the ship was comprehensively refurbished. She was also completely re-armed with 7” and 8” muzzle loaded rifled guns. However, in the American Civil War the success of the Monitor was to have a dramatic effect on naval thinking and WARRIOR’s role as ‘Monarch of the Seas’ was to be very short-lived.

She re-commissioned in July 1867 and re-joined the Channel Fleet. The second commission was rather less interesting than the first as she was no longer regarded as the most powerful warship afloat and faded from the limelight. The second commission ended in 1871 and she then spent four years in refit at Portsmouth being fitted with improved boilers, steam power for the forward capstan and a new poop deck to accommodate an Admiral.  On completion in 1875 she became part of the First Reserve Fleet where she was to remain until paying at Portsmouth on 31 May 1883.

After periods as a depot ship and part of HMS VERNON she was paid off in 1924. She was then converted for use as a floating oil jetty and in 1929 was towed to Pembroke Dock where she was to remain for the next 50 years. In 1967 the campaign to restore WARRIOR started and prominent in this was Sir John Smith who formed the Manifold Trust. A committee chaired by the Duke of Edinburgh met in 1968 to discuss her future and from this emerged the Maritime Trust. When Pembroke Dock closed in 1978 the Manifold Trust agreed to underwrite the cost of restoration and the ship was handed over to the Maritime Trust in 1979.

In 1983 ownership was transferred to the Ship’s Preservation Trust which became the Warrior Preservation Trust in 1983. Although the hull was very sound the rest of the ship was in a poor state. The task which was part restoration and part re-building needed vast resources not only of money (£8M) but also of skill, patience and endurance. The 8 year restoration programme at Hartlepool transformed her into one of the world’s most important historic warships and in 1987 she returned to Portsmouth where she is now moored in the Historic Dockyard.

A planned preservation programme is in place for the ship and over the years she has been dry-docked twice, and the upper deck, (£725K provided by the Heritage Lottery Fund), all three fighting tops and half moons and the stern gallery have been replaced.

[queers-gambit]

But You Without Me Ain't Nice

prompt: ( requested ) deciding to surprise your boyfriend for Christmas after studying abroad, only to discover him in the arms of another. when you return to Oxford, so does his desire.

pairing: Felix Catton x female!reader

fandom masterlist: Saltburn

word count: 5.7k+

note: it's not EXPLICIT cheating 'cause i wanted them to get back together.

warnings: small bouts of jaded feminism, cursing, hurt and comfort, AU timeline 'cause of implied altered canon, small angst, drama, emotions are hard, long distance relationships are hard, boys are dumb, "cheating" but not explicit - you'll see, more so betrayal, so that makes this relationship angst?

Cassandra's squeal of excitement was shrill enough to pierce an eardrum when you shuffled into her dormitory, shaking the snow from your hair and coat before she hugged you tightly. "I'm so excited you're here!" She beamed, "It's been so fucking lonely without you! God, you just had to leave, huh?"

You chuckled, "Oh, shove it. Edinburgh has one of the best programs in Europe, Cass, you know this!"

"I know, I know, you're better than us little folk at Oxford," she mocked with a groan, letting go of you as your eyes rolled in humor. "But still - it's so boring without you, I miss my roomie. There's literally nobody around for me to cause havoc with," she pouted dramatically.

"Well, I'm here for the holidays," you assured, "so you get me for the next couple weeks, you lucky ducky."

"Oh, please, you and I both know Felix isn't gonna let you outta his sight when he sees you. You planning on goin' home at all?"

"No, no, my sister has a flat just down the way," you explained. "She's in London until after the New Year - gave me her key when she picked me up from the airport," you showed her the metal device with a grin.

"Gonna take Felix back to the flat?"

"If he wants," you nodded.

"Oh, yeah, whatever, a flat completely to yourselves for the entire winter holiday? He's gonna lose his mind," your friend tutted. "When are you seeing him?"

"Uh, he said he was going to some party tonight?"

"Well, that's normal," she muttered almost bitterly. "C'mon, get changed, we'll meet him there."

"What do you mean, 'normal'?"

"What? Oh," her head shook as if realizing what she had just said. "No, it's - it's nothing, just," she winced slightly, "Felix is at every party."

"Really?" You asked softly. "We talk all the time on the phone, when does he even have time?"

"No offense, but it's not like he's a model student. He's constantly partying, I hear about it all the time from girls in class - "

"What do they say?"

"He's just popular - you know, he's Felix. And he's a regular at the pubs, too."

You had a weird feeling in your gut and chest, just nodding at Cassandra. "Well, at least he's enjoying himself," you offered meekly.

"Mhm, got that right," she snickered. "He's a legend 'round the university, even people in other colleges and programs know about him. Guess that's one way t'make an impression."

"Yeah, that's Felix for yah," you sighed. "Can I borrow an outfit?"

"What's wrong with that?" She paused, looking you up and down, then wincing, "Yeah, okay, I have options for you."

"Oh, don't sound so judgmental!" You laughed, "I just didn't pack party clothes, I didn't think we'd be going to any."

"You're so lucky to have me," she grinned at you, shoving through a rack of options in her wardrobe. "You wanna look classy slutty, spicy slutty, or just plain slutty-slutty?"

You hummed and chose the 'classy' option, being an open back black mini dress that clung to your figure and hiked up your thighs with every step. It felt exciting to be with Cassandra again, meeting your first year of secondary school and becoming the closest of friends; enduring family turmoil and social drama arm-in-arm. You listened to preppy pop music as you got ready; taking turns in the bathroom to finish your hair and make-up before slipping the dress on and latching the borrowed heels around your ankles.

When you gave her a look at your final outfit, she approved - claiming Felix would probably have a heart attack when he saw you.

"Wait!" You laughed, snatching a festive Santa Claus hat from the care package her parents sent; nestling it on your head. "Eh? Eh? Right? It's good!"

"Girl - "

"C'mon, it's festive!"

"You're lucky you're just so damn cute - it works," she grinned, tossing you your coat before shrugging into hers. "Hold on - you know the rules!" She halted you from opening the dorm door, holding up the bottle of tequila. "Shots before we leave!"

"Jesus, I've missed you," you laughed, taking the solo cup she held out; watching her pour enough for at least 2-3 shots.

"It'll keep us warm in the snow," she explained. "They not partying down at Edinburgh?"

"Not like here," you snickered, downing the drinks with a screwed up expression. "And they're all really preppy - like I thought Oxford had snobs, but Christ Almighty. My roommate down there literally had a panic attack when I bought a bottle of wine."

"Why?"

"She's American, said they're not allowed until they're 21."

"Wow... That's gotta suck for them," she downed her own shots. "Okay! You ready? Wait, are you wearing panties?"

"Yeah - "

"You can't in that dress."

"I'm not taking my panties off, Cass, let's just go!" You laughed, snatching her hand and leading her out of the dorm. "So, c'mon, tell me about the guy you're seeing," you requested, looping your arms together, trudging onto the snowy sidewalk.

"Oh, you mean Jason? Yeah, no, that's over. I just realized that being here is literally the only time in my life I'll have all these easy opportunities and there was no use in wasting my time dating just one person. And it eliminates the threat of cheating. Like... I don't hold my liquor all that well anymore and there's so many good looking people here! Why be in a relationship and run that risk, you know?"

You blinked at her, unsure what to say.

"Oh," she froze, "no, no, I didn't mean - no, look, dating in college is really cool when you know you're with the right person. And since you and Felix have been together for two years already, I think it's pretty safe to say he's the right one - right?"

"I think so... But I can't lie, I've been feeling kinda guilty, thinking Felix would prefer the opportunity to sow his wild oats instead of committing to us. You know? Like you said - "

"No, don't do that, you're gonna give yourself an aneurysm being stressed and upset," she hugged your arm tightly, continuing down the sidewalk. "Felix doesn't want t'be single, he would've bucked up the nerve to break up already. And you guys talk so often, he would've said something, right?"

You mused, "Not necessarily, Felix is used to having all he wants."

She shrugged off your words, "You're overthinking 'cause you're nervous to surprise him. But you're the best Christmas present, seriously. Made my day all the better."

You just smiled and skipped over the patch of ice in your way, nearly slipping, but Cassandra kept a tight hold on you - laughing loudly, your amused shrieks echoing around the brownstone buildings. When you arrived at the flat hosting the party, you climbed 2 flights of stairs without incident and let yourselves in; being greeted by strobe lights, thick clouds of smoke, and an abundance of drunken Oxford students.

It was packed - a welcomed sight after your past semester abroad, attending dinner parties with tart wines and classical music. You only had one more semester left before coming back to Oxford full time, and things just weren't the same being away; you missed the excitement, the parties, the friends you made. Granted, you had friends at Edinburgh, you often thought you could make friends anywhere, but you knew a lot of faces here. It was a comfort. And despite knowing you were here only a couple weeks until the next semester began again, it was still nice being back.

You were greeted by several people, being hugged happily and your cheeks kissed sloppily. They asked all about your program in Scotland, insisting you do rounds of shots with them, updating you on the juiciest gossip you missed.

They told you everything... Except what you should've known.

"Have you guys seen Felix?" You asked, glancing around the packed party. You noticed the uncomfortable looks exchanged, questioning, "What? What is it?"

"Uh, you know what?" Oliver Quick sighed, a new addition to the friend group that you didn't know - actually meeting for the first time tonight. "Yeah, yeah, saw him over there - on the sofa," he pointed somewhere behind you.

"Thanks, mate," you patted his shoulder, turning to push through the partygoers.

When you were gone, Farleigh turned to Oliver, "What the fuck was that? You know Felix is drunk off his tits and India's rubbing real close."

"So? Shouldn't she know someone's making moves on her man?" Oliver asked. "Not exactly fair - "

"It's not entirely fair to set Felix up like that," Farleigh sneered. "He misses her, so he drinks, flirts with girls. But he's not acting on it, you just want to get him in trouble, you fuckin' twat!"

Oliver shrugged, looking over in time to spy you approaching the couch. "He'll only get in trouble if he's acting on his impulses, being unfaithful," Ollie sneered.

When you made it through the crowd, you found Felix sitting on the couch, but what made you stop in your tracks was the little lady sat on his lap - a girl you recognized vaguely. Felix downed the shot being handed to him, grinning that stupid grin you adore, broad hands splayed on the girl's thigh as she curled into her chest with skinny arms wrapped around his neck. Her sticky lips whispered something in his ear, giving a small nibble that made your boyfriend laugh - always the ticklish type.

The alcohol you had already downed burned an angry hole in your gut, heart heavy with betrayal, feeling outrage at their audacity the longer you watched. You looked beside you and snatched the drink from a drunk guy, taking two dramatic strides up to them and without thought, launched the entire cup at the couple.

"You bitch!" India gasped, rocketing to her feet. Felix was about to yell himself, but when he looked up and registered your angry eyes glaring at him, he gaped in shock. "Seriously, what the fuck is your issue, slut?" India sneered, stamping her foot.

"Oh, fuck off, sweetheart," you snapped, "not like it's my boyfriend you're sitting on! Really wouldn't throw stones if I was you!"

Felix stood and pushed India to the side, "Baby - "

"Oh, spare me your fucking excuses, Felix! For Christ's sake! This is what you've been doing while I'm gone!? Huh!?"

"No - "

"Bullshit! Cass told me you're constantly partying, so is this what you do? Huh? Hang up the phone with me, come to these shitty parties, get shit faced, and take girls home before calling me in the morning? You even wait until they're gone before dialing my number?"

"Darling, I swear - nothing was happening, nothing was going to happen! I don't - "

"Well, not with us soaking wet!" India raged. "You're just a jealous hag, I mean, you're dating someone like Felix but I've never even seen you! Maybe if you were a better girlfriend, he wouldn't be looking elsewhere!"

"Jesus Christ, India! Fuck off - NOW!" Felix bellowed, shocking the girl. "You don't know a Goddamn thing you're saying, and you know you're too desperate - "

"Oh! So, you're moving in on 'desperate' girls 'cause they're easy, right?" You snapped. "She might be desperate, but you are fucking pathetic, Felix! I know you get everything you want, I know you don't know real consequences, but I don't have to add to that!"

"Let's just talk outside," he tried, looking more and more like a kicked puppy.

"I'm not going anywhere with you again. This isn't working, Felix, there's no way I can trust you - not when I've just seen - this!"

"Baby, it isn't - look, this isn't what it looks like! Okay? I know it looks bad, but I don't touch them - "

"There's more!? Of course, there's more - 'cause why have just one, right?"

He winced, "I just - listen, I only flirt, baby, I swear, but I-I know that's not much better. You bein' gone, I-I have this pent up energy - "

"Oh, the poor rich boy! Unsupervised without his girlfriend, so you think it's okay to flirt with other girls? Have them sit on your lap? Touch them? Flirt all night?"

"I know it sounds bad - "

"No, you know what?" You chuckled ruefully. "You two have fun, I'm out. I'm so fucking done with you, Felix, this relationship - it obviously isn't viable. So, have your skank, but make sure you get to a clinic. You obviously couldn't choose someone decent to cheat on me with, make sure she doesn't give you any STDs."

"What did you say, bitch!?" India tried to surge up to you, but Cassandra stepped in and shoved both her shoulders; sending her sprawling to the dirty, sticky floor.

"Watch yourself," she barked, dropping another drink on her and making India squeal. She glared at Felix and approached you, hushing, "You okay?"

"No."

"Let's get outta here," she nodded, wrapping you in her arms and leading the way out - not like she had to, students parted way like the Red Sea to let you two pass.

"Wait!" Felix rushed, grabbing his jacket and following you both out. Despite the heels, mini dresses, and alcohol, you and Cass were sober enough to scurry down the stairs and outside by the time he caught up. "Baby! Wait! Please, c'mon, let me explain!"

"You've done enough! I've seen enough!" You yelled back, Cass not stopping you two from making your escape. "Just fuck off back to your whores, Felix!"

"No, no," he rushed in front of you two, forcing you to stop. "Let me talk to you, please, you think it's worse than it is, I mean - "

"Awh, you think just touching other bitches isn't that bad?" Cass sneered. "Silly slut," she scoffed, rolling her pretty eyes.

"Cass, do you mind? This is between us," He sighed.

"Oh-ho, I very much mind," she rolled her eyes. "Grovel if you want, but I'm not leaving you two alone."

"I don't want to talk, Felix! For fuck's sake, I saw all I needed to. I'm literally killing myself slowly in Scotland, trying to secure my own future 'cause not all of us can be born into money - "

"Baby, that's not fair - "

" - And you're here, living your best life, being fucking deceitful, aren't you? Your girlfriend on the side and a full buffet of sluts to choose from - and nobody would know 'cause I wasn't in the fucking country! You know what?" You chuckled, "Thank you, actually. Thank you for proving what I feared the most and cutting us free. Better to know now than later when I'm far more invested. Enjoy your pick of the fucking litter, Felix, 'cause I'm removing myself from this equation, you're now free to do whatever you want - don't have to be such a gentleman anymore and just flirt with them."

"You're right, okay? You're right, I wasn't thinking, I was trying to - I don't even know! Have 'the college experience', I think, and I got carried away. I'm so sorry - "

"You're only sorry 'cause you got caught," Cass snapped.

"Ohk for fuck's sake - Cass, I love you and all, but do you mind if this stays between my girl and I?"

"Oh, so you inviting all that female attention was 'keeping it between you'?" She cocked her head, rolling her eyes. "C'mon, babe, let's go. You don't need to hear his pathetic whinging anymore."

"Think you're right," you sniffled from the cold. "Bye, Felix."

"Please - let's just talk about this!"

"No more talking!" You barked. "You don't need to defend yourself, I saw her with you - I don't need your excuses! This is over, Felix, just - for God's sake, fuck off, already!"

He froze, never hearing such aggressive words from you before. In the years you were friends and the two you've dated, you hadn't so much as raised your voice at him - even when upset. To hear such profanity at this level shocked him. He's heard you yell, but usually at other people; he's heard you curse, but typically from excitement. He felt overwhelmed watching Cassandra walk you away under her arm, the tears surfacing and his confusion blinding; wondering how the hell he had managed to fuck everything up THIS bad.

When you got back to her dorm, you were a wreck and Cassandra wasn't sure how to start comforting you. She watched you slide to the floor in tears and squatted to take your shoes off, set the bottle of tequila beside you, and then got comfortable on the ground, too. She stretched her arm around your shoulders, sighing sadly, and just held you when you sobbed uselessly into her neck.

No amount of crying would change the past. No amount of frustration or self-pity would help. No amount of regret would turn back time and prevent you from leaving your very attractive boyfriend to the mercy of Oxford sluts.

After an hour of just crying, Cassandra perked up and asked, "You wanna stay the night here or go to your sister's?"

"Felix knows where your dorm is," you sniffled, mascara down your cheeks and chin. "Maybe we should go?"

"You want me to come, too?"

"I don't want to be alone..."

"Lemme pack real fast," she agreed, leaving you on the floor to drink until you felt numb while she raced around to prepare a duffel bag. When she was finished, she hoisted you from the ground and took her car keys, shouldering your own duffel, and leading you out of the dorms. On your way to student parking, neither of you were surprised to find Felix sprinting in your direction.

"Baby! Wait, wait, wait! Please!" He begged, barely slowing down and literally skidding to a halt, nearly slipping on ice. "Just - please, let me talk to you. I-I can't let you leave thinking I fucked those girls - "

"Oh, just go fuck yourself, Felix!" You laughed.

"Is she drunk?" He asked Cass in mild shock.

"Do you know a better way to deal with a break up?" She rolled her eyes.

"We're not broken up - "

"I heard otherwise," she sneered. "You're not used to losing, Felix, but the rest of us, on Earth, know when a relationship is over."

"I made a mistake!" He pleaded loudly.

"Just one?" You snapped.

"No, you know what? I've made a few, but I swear, nothing fucking happened! Not with any of them!"

"Oh," you mocked, snickering to Cassandra.

"Just give me a chance - "

"I did," you interrupted sadly. "I gave you all the chances, Felix, and you still chose to betray me. So, you know what? I just need time to digest your bullshit betrayal, and in order to do that, I literally can't be around you."

"How will you know how sorry I am?"

"I know, I can see it - just like I saw that bitch on your lap," you scoffed. "Can we go now?"

"C'mon, babe," Cass agreed.

"Go? Go where?" He rushed, looking panicked.

"Away from you!" You laughed, holding onto your friends arm tightly as you wobbled in her borrowed shoes.

"At least let me help you - "

"Don't need help from a slut!" You shouted to the sky, not stopping.

Felix Catton was left standing in the snow, his heart walking away from him in heels too high.

And when you got to your sister's flat, Cassandra raided the fridge and brought you ice cream and pretzels - for something both sweet and salty. For the rest of the night, you cried while stuffing your face, but whatever it was worth, at the very least, you had your best friend there to wipe your tears.

Well, after a gut wrenching Christmas break, you went back to Scotland to finish an anticlimactic semester at one of the world's most prestigious universities. Without Felix to call, you dedicated more time to studying, which paid off, because by the end, you received the highest marks in your college and earned multiple letters of recommendations from well-respected professors.

But now that the year abroad was over, you were set to return to Oxford for the next three weeks to report back to your program chairs and give them an update. Suddenly, it was like the entire semester of avoiding your feelings about Felix caught up to you the moment you boarded the plane. You had stuffed your emotions deep down, ignored his morning and evening phone calls (yes, he still called everyday), and tried your hand at dating other people - but it wasn't the same. You hated that you missed him so much, but you figured you had more self-respect than to belittle yourself for a man.

A beautiful, kind, generous man... Who made a mistake... Who demonstrated remorse... Who understands what he did was wrong and hurtful... And your Daddy did raise you to 'forgive and forget'. But still, you had a difficult time forgiving Felix in full, and therefore, couldn't forget what he did.

The betrayal was still so fresh and you couldn't stomach the idea of even speaking to him. So, you decided to avoid him by any means.

When you returned to England, it was drearier than normal. Your sister wasn't able to pick you up this time, figuring you would just hail a cab when someone laid on their horn in a long, continuous, obnoxious beep. When you looked over, Cassandra was waving at you rapidly through her window.

With an easy grin, you rushed over to her car and tossed the few bags you had into the backseat before getting in the passenger seat. "What're you doing here?" You gasped, leaning in to hug your friend.

She returned your affection enthusiastically, then was pushing you off, "Bitch, I'm double parked in the red - we gotta go!" You laughed when she rushed off, heading back to Oxford as she explained, "But you said on the phone your sister wasn't getting you, so I took the liberty of reading between the lines."

"No, I didn't mean it like that - "

"I know you didn't," she grinned, "but I just wanted to get you to campus all the faster, I've missed you!"

"We have three weeks together before the start of summer," you reminded. "Ready for exams?"

"Hardly," she scoffed. "Enough of that! Tell me all about Scotland!"

You spent the rest of the car ride without a single thought spent on Felix - all too appreciative for friends. Until you got back to the dorms, that is. You'd been there all of an hour before there was a knock at the door and when Cassandra opened it, she glanced up and down the hall in confusion, not seeing anyone - but a bouquet of flowers caught her attention.

"Well, this is cute," she mused, picking up the flowers from the floor and closing the door. "Someone left flowers? Ew, bet they're from Jason - he's been begging me to get back together."

You didn't bother reminding her they were the same Felix always sent you. You just nodded and said they must've indeed been for her since nobody knew when you were coming back. Yet something in your stomach churned, knowing this was no coincidence, you knew they were from Felix, and the idea made you oddly... Warm.

You didn't want to be touched by the small gesture, but it was sweet. Reminded you of the good times between you and Fi. You felt your guts twist, realizing how much you missed him. None the less, you never said a word.

The following day was as normal as it could've been. People were looking both happy to see you and exhausted from prep work before final exams. You understood, having completed yours; all that was left was to write up a report to your dean and other department heads and present it. You spent your days in the library while everyone was in class, and while there, you were surprised to see Felix hunched over a set of books.

You didn't approach him, just chose a separate table and got comfortable. You were in the zone for a solid hour before a shadow loomed over you, making you jump when a hand met your shoulder. "Sorry, sorry," Felix rushed, hands held in defense. "Just thought I'd give you this - you seemed really focused."

You blinked when he set a blueberry muffin down. The gesture made you smile, "You remembered?"

For every study session, you had a blueberry muffin to munch on.

"'Course I do," he nodded rapidly. "Remember everything about you, love. And these were always your favorite, right?"

"Yeah," you breathed. "Uh, thanks, Fi, this was nice of you."

"Seemed really focused, wanted to make sure you ate," he half-smiled. "I didn't mean to interrupt, uh, j-just wanted t'say good luck on your presentation."

Your heart clenched when he walked away back to his table, not once looking up at you as he worked. He really only meant to give you the muffin, which surprised you - Felix was terribly persistent, and for some reason, you actually felt sad that he wasn't vying for your attention or forgiveness.

This felt like a reality check, reminding you that you were truly broken up. So, you just sniffled and focused again, nibbling on the muffin as you revised your report. You hated the tension, the distance, the disturbing idea that while gone, he had been with countless other girls. You especially hated that you began regretting leaving for a year, feeling as if you created this situation by leaving room for Felix to seek attention elsewhere.

You knew it wasn't the truth - this wasn't your fault. You weren't the one who decided to implode your relationship, to be unfaithful in the least bit; and seeking higher educational opportunity wasn't grounds for anyone to cheat. It felt entirely unfair; you were in the same position as Felix, alone in another country, missing your friends and family, and yet, YOU never sought attention - emotional or physical - in any way from anyone else.

You at least had a sense of loyalty. But at the same time, you tried to validate that this was "the best years of your lives" and Felix was a young, hot, rich boy. Why wouldn't he bask in the attention of others? He always had and it felt wrong to crucify him for being a lad with hormones.

You began to wonder, did you overreact? Of course you didn't!

But you missed him immensely.

For the three weeks left in the semester, Felix would leave flowers at your dorm room, brought you little treats, never impeded on your space, and just made himself known without being overwhelming. You thought it was endearing without giving him too much credit after his betrayal. For three weeks, he was sweet, kind, soft spoken, and from what you understood, turned reclusive - refusing any party invitation, even backing out of pub meetings.

He wasn't hanging with friends, drinking, distracted with girls. According to local gossip, if you could put stock into the words, this new behavior started right after Christmas; after your very public break-up.

You were mildly intrigued by his change of attitude, but didn't confront it. You felt distance was necessary for healing, yet there was no denying your love that still festered - and maybe, the idea that Felix was truly remorseful and loved you, too.

It all came to a cultivation on the day of your presentation. To say you were nervous was an understatement - pacing the entire night before, going over what you were going to say, making final revisions; driving Cassandra up the wall, but she was still supportive.

That morning, she left early for her own ventures, but made sure to help you pick out an outfit. It was something smart, it complimented your figure in a professional manner and made you feel powerful and like a "real" adult.

You packed your bag and walked to your college's lecture hall, getting there about 20 minutes early to set up your materials and run through your notes one last time. When your dean and other professors entered to settle in their seats at the front, you heard the upper backdoor open. When you looked up, you were shocked - like, actually shocked - to see Felix sitting up there with Cassandra, Farleigh, your parents and sister.

You tried not to dwell on their presence, but suddenly, knowing Felix was there to support you, you didn't feel so nervous anymore. Something about his viewing of your final project made you a little more confident, quelling your nausea as you cleared your throat and started your oral presentation that had a guided visual and 20-page report.

When you finished, you were grinning. Your deans applauded you, and from the back, so did your friends and family; in fact, Felix was on his feet, clapping with vigor. You handed over the flash-drive that housed your visuals and then your bound essay report, shaking the professors hands, and letting them leave.

When you turned, your family had descended the auditorium stairs and your friends were trailing after.

"Oh, you brilliant girl!" Your father gushed, wrapping you in a huge hug. "My perfect, most special girl! That was amazing!"

"Thanks, Daddy," you giggled. "What're you guys doing here?"

"Oh, Felix called," your mother informed, petting hair off your shoulder in a calming motion. "Glad he did, we're so proud of you."

"I didn't even know peers could sit in," you admitted.

"Apparently, they're not, but you know, Felix has a way with rules," your father sighed, shaking his head in amusement. "Thank God you got your mother's intelligence, fear you'd be shit outta luck if you had mine, eh?"

This triggered a round of other compliments from your loved ones; sister and Cassandra both beaming at you in pride, everyone offering their compliments on specific sections of your presentation to prove they really, truly had been listening. You felt bashful, waving them off out of embarrassment, and then you agreed to attend dinner for a celebration - your mother informing you that the summer would be spent in a French villa and details were to be discussed at the meal. But first, you noticed Felix still sitting high up in the lecture hall and promised you meet everyone at the dorm later.

When the hall cleared, you sighed and slowly made your way up to where Felix lingered; his form fidgeting nervously the closer you got. You dropped to the seat beside him with a deep sigh, ready to confront everything, when he offered a decently large bouquet of familiar flowers. "Congrats, love," he whispered. "Was really well-done, even if I didn't know half of what you were sayin'."

You accepted the flowers, petting the petals gingerly, then asking in a low whisper, "Felix?"

"Yeah, love?"

"Why'd you do it?"

"I know how important this was for you, I asked them all to come so we could support you, knowin' you were nervous - "

"No," you interrupted, turning in your seat to face him. "Why'd you have to go and ruin us? Why wasn't I enough?"

He swallowed thickly, "It wasn't you that wasn't enough."

"Huh?"

"Think I felt insecure," he admitted. "You were at Edinburgh, bettering yourself and I think I got scared that you'd love it there so much, you know, that... You'd leave. Leave Oxford, leave England, leave... Me. So, I just... I don't have any excuse, honestly, love. I know I fucked up, but I think my fear was being projected in the worst way..."

You nodded, "Do you regret it?"

"Every fuckin' day."

"Any plans for tonight?"

"What?" He blinked in shock.

"You wanna come to dinner with us? I mean, you went through the trouble of gettin' everyone here - and I know you must've bribed someone to let them watch."

His cheeks reddened, chuckling nervously, "It wasn't... I didn't... All right, yeah, I had to pay off the custodian - he unlocked the door for us."

"Mhm," you smirked. "So? Dinner?"

"Are you sure?"

You nodded, "You made a mistake... A huge one, but a mistake none the less. We've had time apart, and I've learned, I don't want to be without you. My life is far more interesting with you in it and I feel less alone. So, if you want, I'd like for you to come to dinner with us, maybe work on our friendship again. See where things go?"

"As long as you're okay with it."

"I'm the one inviting you, yes, I'm okay with it," you chuckled at his nerves, standing, and offering your hand. "C'mon, Mum says we're spending the summer in France - maybe we can convince her to invite you, too."

"Doubt Cassandra would let that happen," Felix mused, shouldering his bag and taking your hand - instantly lacing your fingers together.

"Oh, on the contrary, she might like it; it'd give her something to do."

"What's that? Makin' me her personal punching bag?"

"Exactly," you grinned, squeezing his hand.

"Hey," he paused you before you could exit the auditorium, looking sadder than when his dog died; bottom lip gently trembling. "I just... I need you t'know, I'm really fuckin' sorry, love. I was an absolute idiot, I fucked this up - broke your trust. I regret nothing more, I was such a fuckin' arsehole, and I don't want to be without you, either. I realized I'm not myself without you, that me without you doesn't feel right - "

"Hey," you halted his rambling, "I can't tell you it's okay, Fi, because it's not, but your atonement is appreciated. We've been friends for so long, I don't think I want to walk away entirely - so, let's just go slow and figure our shit out." He nodded in agreement, letting you lead the way, smirking when you cheekily told him, "Mh, bit of advice though? You could try to get in good graces by payin' for dinner tonight."

"Done and done," he eased, releasing your hand to hang his arm around your shoulders, and just like old times, you raised your hand to lace with his, other wrapping around his waist. The smile didn't fall from Felix's face all night, and by the end of the night, had arranged to stay with your family that summer - Oliver Quick and what could've been a summer at Saltburn far from his mind.

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Saltburn masterlist