#retrologists || .001 main tommy

[thebabysittertm]

@retrologists continuing from here for Tommy

ㅤThe bitterness bled into his tone, and Steve, reformed asshole that he was, might not be entirely strong enough to take the high road there. He laughed, but it was that soft thing, eyes leaving Tommy as he shook his head - nothing funny, just frustrating and so much more hostile than necessary. It's a fallback habit, laughing off something aggressive in a way that comes off as dismissive; Tommy could act like "King Steve" was dethroned by Hargrove's appearance back in senior year, but the cool, easy way that he handled people wasn't gone. That wasn't some dumb hierarchal 'perk' thanks to hanging with the popular kids, no. The social intelligence was all his, trained into him by his parents and learned along the way, adapted to giving a shit about people but still so easily turned to protecting himself.

ㅤ"I did you a favor? Gimme a break, Tommy, you really wanna tell me you enjoy hanging out with Peterson and Carlyle?" he asked, almost like he was amused by the very idea of that, but it didn't linger before the seriousness started seeping back into his tone, if not fully into his expression. The smile lingered like armor, cocky and dismissive, but his eyes didn't entirely hold it. "You always cover your lying up by being mean, man. Same thing when you're upset about something. If you didn't give a shit, you wouldn't still be bringing Nancy up and getting in my face."

ㅤIn fairness, Steve was also pretty damn bitter about the whole thing. They'd been friends forever, and Tommy was a shitty influence, especially with Carol around, but Steve was just as guilty for letting it all slide. He'd been so damn worried that his friends and the popular crowd that he'd essentially lorded over would abandon him at the first sign that he was a decent guy that he'd gone along with the mean, petty shit. In turn, that had encouraged it to keep going, hadn't it? Like he was condoning it, helping normalize it just by not using what chance he had to shut it down. The occasional dismissive comment about this loser or that nerd not being worth the trouble to de-escalate hadn't been enough, and that was on him.

ㅤMaybe if he'd had more of a spine about it all sooner, he could have salvaged this before it got where they were, standing out by the street with his car at least a block away, maybe two? There was no quick, easy exit, and he felt like the coward that Tommy had accused him of being before for even thinking about just walking away. It wasn't a coward's move to walk away from a fight, but he knew all too well that it wasn't the fight that he'd be walking away from.

ㅤ"I don't want you to say shit. What I want is for you to cut the mean bullshit and talk to me, or leave me the fuck alone. You don't give a shit? Act like it," he snapped, and that's where his act of being vaguely amused was slipping away more fully. "But I know you and you can't lie to me."

[thebabysittertm]

ㅤFortunately, Steve does expect that if Tommy had done the slashing, he'd admit to it, probably just to rub salt into the whole thing. There was rarely ever any hesitation on Tommy's part in driving home exactly how brutally mean he could be when he meant it, and it was damn well clear how much he'd meant it since their blow-out. In fairness, Steve could have gone about things differently, but it wasn't like he'd really been in a state himself to really think things through and make calm decisions. He'd been hit square in the face with a lot of shit, including Byers' fist, and the commentary supporting his shit thinking and behavior had very suddenly felt like scrubbing the emotional wound with sandpaper. He'd had a self-realization moment and acted on it immediately, and it had been messy.

ㅤIn a way, Tommy was partially responsible for his further realization, though not in any way Tommy himself might have liked. He'd accused him of running away from his problems, like he always did, and that had stuck with him - he'd stopped running from as many of them as he could, for better or worse, and it had meant cleaning up the spraypaint and then diving back into a nightmare of flashing Christmas lights and an eight foot tall monster with a face like a flower with just a baseball bat and a prayer. A year later, it meant checking out a basement where a monster was being (unsuccessfully) contained, then putting himself between monsters and the kids on multiple occasions. Russians, the next summer, then diving into the lake and getting dragged through the gate, and finally being front and center with a molotov cocktail against a frankly unbelievable wizard in another dimension. It had snowballed incredibly, but when he thought about it he could narrow it all back down to one single verbal jab that had forced him to acknowledge something about himself that he hated.

ㅤSo he'd stopped running, and though he would have liked to have walked away from Tommy before things got weird, he hadn't here, either. Maybe that was what had Tommy giving it a shot, as well? Steve hadn't run, and Tommy wasn't in his face anymore, so maybe they were both growing up. He grinned despite the scoff he gave at Tommy's good-natured dig about who was cooler - because obviously he was wrong, but also because this was familiar teasing territory. "Yeah, right, Hagan. You have a cool job, but I was definitely always cooler."

ㅤEasy, practically scripted, but sometimes the easy stuff was more comfortable neutral territory. Tommy didn't know about the combat boots and leather jacket in his closet, cleaned up enough to stay in the house but still hidden away like some bad habit he hoped never to have to use again, or like maybe it was someone he was becoming and he thought that if he hid it away, he could hold it off a little longer. He had appearances to keep up, at least until he moved out of his parents' place, and then he could be whoever he'd become.

ㅤTommy's interest was of course unsurprising, because Tommy wasn't stupid and naturally he'd instantly catch on that specific comment and the fact that there'd be a story there, that something big had changed, though he had no way of knowing how much. Steve had known when he'd admitted it, when he hadn't just stuck with the 'rich kid' reputation and dealt with the tire himself without bringing it up. that Tommy would ask. He didn't think he'd done it because he wanted the other to ask, but he couldn't honestly say if he wished he'd kept it to himself, either. He still rolled his eyes at the nickname and the teasing, judgmental as it sounded, but there was a chance there that his old friend wasn't just being a dick about it. It wasn't like Steve was unaccustomed to both of them using teasing and sometimes insults to cover up for actually being concerned.

ㅤ"Yeah, yeah, you heard me," he sighed, looking annoyed, but how much of it was an act? This was the same shit he did with the kids, putting up a fuss for the show of it. "I'm still living at my parents' house but you know my dad's a dick. We're kinda in a stand-off right now over whether I'm gonna do what he wants with my life or something else."

Tommy doesn't even question whether Steve believes his explanation about the tire slashing and who was behind it. Hopefully by now, Harrington knows that if it were Tommy, he'd openly admit to it, even throwing in some comment about it being deserved or how he could get his new friends to help him out with it. Surely, one of them knows how to do it? Oh, wait— they're all nerds, so probably not.

But no, not this time. In a strange way, it's like history repeating itself — he'd once done something in support of Steve that hadn't been taken well, the spray-paint, and now one of his own cronies had done the same in an attempt to curry his favor. That, or Peterson just likes causing trouble for the hell of it. Tommy's an expert in that area, so it makes sense that he attracts like-minded people. Burnouts, mostly.

The offer Tommy makes surprises even him, and he tells himself that it doesn't mean anything, that if he can bring in more business to the garage it'll make him look good and that's the important thing… but really, a part of him wonders if this will make them 'even' somehow, and give him a chance to do one good thing for Steve before he goes back to the same old Tommy everyone knows and doesn't love. It might help him finally draw a line in the sand and move on from the resentment.

Hell, he's already done a total 180 from being up in Steve's face to having a kind of civil conversation with him somehow, and he'll never start praising the guy out loud, but he can see how different Steve is now. Maybe it really is for the better. It takes a lot to admit it, even just to himself, because not only does it mean the best friend he used to know might not even be in there at all anymore, but it also reminds Tommy that he hasn't changed all that much at all. He doesn't know how; not when the anger and desperation to prove himself remains ever-present.

It seems he's still able to surprise Steve though, and Tommy's eyes flash with something between amusement and pride after that question, a mere scoff following. And maybe he is a little proud of it; to have a job like this. He always liked cars, and now he gets to make money by being around them all day. Another perk is getting to shock anyone who probably expected him to end up as nothing more than a petty criminal who'd probably drink himself to death in an alley or something; if he didn't end up in a cell first. He might still do that — he's undecided — but hey, at least he still had this awesome job first.

He utters a louder bark of laughter at Steve's next comment, shrugging again as though it's obvious. "Well, yeah. C'mon — we both know I was always cooler than you, Harrington." Holy shit, now he's mildly joking around with Steve, and feeling that bittersweet wave of nostalgia that comes with it. It's a dangerous road he's on right now. But it's too late to turn back now, to put on his usual hostile front. Steve can see right through it anyway, and it's too obvious a choice, even for Tommy.

So he stays the course, casually nodding that yes, he's serious, hands shoving into his pockets to keep up the cool exterior that he's been sustaining longer than he even expected. Steve's confession appears to be genuine and offered with some hesitation, and Tommy's brows raise with piqued interest; aided by the fact he wants to take the focus off himself for a while anyway, before he can say anything else that makes him look like a total candy-ass with the guy he's supposed to hate.

"...Hold up a sec. Did I hear that right? King Steve, having to work to make a living like the rest of us serfs?" It might come off as judgement, or as simple surprise over the dramatic change and the possibility of a story behind it; he doesn't care how it comes across either way, but it's the second one. Mostly.

[thebabysittertm]

ㅤIt was important to remember from the top that Steve was not stupid. He wasn't book smart the way Nancy was and he wasn't the absolute geniuses that the kids were - he wasn't even the eccentric and talented Robin, who was definitely a nerd, but also a total weirdo who could crack a Russian military code in the back of an ice cream shop with a Russian to English dictionary and a pair of headphones. That wasn't just smart, that was something else. He was surrounded by incredibly intelligent people, so it was easy to think he was stupid, and even Tommy was smart in a very slick way; the word was likely conniving, or maybe cunning, but both of those had negative connotations and in Tommy's defense, it wasn't always negative. He'd certainly turned his smarts to devious purposes in more recent years, at least in Steve's experience, but Tommy had always been clever.

ㅤSteve's intelligence was more social-based, all people and situations and environments. He could read a room and manipulate the interactions with some careful words, the right body language and the confidence that Tommy likely remembered better than anyone - mostly because Tommy hadn't been present to see how off-kilter he felt with people so often anymore, how the facades had broken down and how flustered his ex could make him. Tripping over his own words talking to Nancy or openly ranting with Robin because he was comfortable enough to do it and didn't have to play it cool didn't change that the social experience was there, but it certainly altered the perspective. He was so damn good at people, and yet somehow he'd never truly understood how Tommy saw him and felt about him before. Now, he had Robin and he'd adjusted his thinking and observation to include a broader range of social behaviors and motivations.

ㅤTo him, he'd lost his best friend and he'd mourned that loss, but he'd meant it that they were all so damn miserable. He'd been just as guilty, but Nancy had made him realize it, and he didn't want to live like that anymore. He didn't regret saying it, calling it out, because Tommy and Carol had both needed to hear it, but he sure as hell had a lot of other regrets about who he'd been and how he'd behaved. He might never fully escape it all, but he'd made changes, and he was better for it. That didn't mean Tommy would, but it meant it was possible.

ㅤ"Huh. Yeah, that makes sense," he said, not like he was doubting what Tommy was saying, because he could picture it fully - Tommy talking trash with the guys after he'd flipped them the bird and then blown them off, 'joking' about slashing his tire to teach him, maybe some well-placed digs about his rich bitch car or lifestyle. It all slid into place easily in various configurations, various insults to get them all laughing and Peterson, who wanted to be part of the group and had always been just a little too uncool to really cut it completely for the top spots even on the team, taking it to the next step like that might prove his place this time when it had never worked out for him before. Peterson had never been able to make any headway into being actually 'friends' with them when Steve was around because the guy gave him a weird feeling, but he'd obviously made his way in once Steve was gone. It made sense, but Steve still didn't have to like it, and his tone might not be doubting, but it wasn't impressed, either. Annoyed, disappointed, any number of things, but none of them great.

ㅤNobody could really blame him, though. He'd come out to find Tommy and the others gone, his tire flat and a cold, dark walk home because, as embarrassing as it was, he'd never actually learned how to change a flat. He didn't even know he had the spare and a jack in the trunk until it was pointed out, which made him feel really dumb, and then he still had to be taught how to use them. He knew how to make molotov cocktails to kill a psychic wizard from another dimension, but he didn't know how to change a flat. It had also been a nerve-wracking walk home, all things considered, and what? Because Tommy's feelings were still hurt, because yes, he obviously cared.

ㅤCaring or not, Steve wasn't expecting the offer to fix it, and the surprise flashed over his features quickly, hit his voice before he could stop himself. "You can?" he asked, then internally kicked himself for it, but he didn't scramble to take it back because he knew that would be even less 'cool' to someone like Tommy than blurting a surprised question did. "You do? That's a way cooler job than the video store, nice."

ㅤSurprised, yes, but he meant it even if Tommy tried to play it off as casually as possible, and it was only after the flash of smile had disappeared that he winced a little. "You serious? Cause I'll take you up on it if you are. I don't get paid for another week and I still need gas and food for the week," he admitted, also a little reluctantly. Part of his popularity had been the big house and the parents never home, the money he had access to, and he still lived in the big house, but the rest was a lot more complicated now.

He'll probably never be completely… normal when it comes to Harrington, no matter how much time passes. Time has given him opportunity to reflect, though, and he's aware that he'd fallen into the position of a bully, a jerk, an asshole; the guy who'd instantly draw attention to someone without hesitation; someone who clearly didn't want to be noticed, in order to get everyone else to join him in mocking them.

The insecurity it all stemmed from was too much for Tommy to want to internally confront; a deep-seated kind that came about in adolescence when he learned of his adoption. The thought of anyone finding that out terrified him, and it was a driving force in a great many choices he made in school, as well as other things he tried to hide. Stay on top, or end up at the bottom. That was also part of the reason he'd taken Steve's distance and gradual transformation so badly after he'd begun dating Wheeler, and he'd gotten even worse once they stopped being friends altogether.

Because, for all his flaws and all of their problems and fights in school, he did consider Steve his closest friend once, and they had good memories to balance out the bad. Mostly, those came before he hit his mid-teens and things began to change. Everything, in fact, except Steve still being there — at least for a while.

But he's trying, damn it, to let go of it all and break the self-preserving habit he has relied on forever, but he still remembers their last conversation and what Steve said. 'She's not miserable like you two. She actually cares about other people.' Tommy said nothing then, simply looking away, because it was true. At least, the first part. The second, sure, Tommy cared about almost no one. 'Almost' being the key word.

But fuck it, it's in the past now. Taking another drag, he tries to forget it all with the next exhalation of smoke, avoiding Steve's eyes, but that goes out of the window when Harrington mentions a slashed tire. "...Peterson," he utters through gritted teeth, with a renewed aggression; this time directed at a third party. "I told him to leave that shit alone." They must have done it while he was buying beer. "Guy's an idiot, can't tell the difference between a joke and a suggestion."

He shakes his head, visibly vexed. Okay, maybe his quality of company has gone further downhill since school, and he doesn't enjoy being around those guys all that much. Especially knowing what he knows now. He's less annoyed from a moral perspective, of course, and more pissed that doing something like that might somehow come across to Steve like he still cares (and it does appear like the kind of thing he would actually do).

After all, that's why they'd spray-painted those words about Nancy on the movie theater marquee way back, right? Because Steve still gave a shit about her even though he was hurt?

One more drag, and he stubs out the cigarette, focusing on his former best friend for now, instead of the current friend he'll be cussing out later. "Look, I might be crazy for this, Steve, but... I can fix it." The words are uttered reluctantly, like it's a struggle to say something kind or offer to do the right thing. He's out of practice when it comes to that. Never had any practice to begin with, really. He probably won't have to, he soon concludes. Rich boy Stevie likely had it replaced already. "I work at the garage in town now," he volunteers the information, shrugging casually; still half-heartedly trying to seem nonchalant and blasé.

[thebabysittertm]

ㅤTommy honestly wouldn't have been the first (and definitely not last) one to wonder the 'what if he just punched Steve right now' or about his stupidly handsome face, but after Billy Hargrove, the Russians and all of the monsters, Steve was surprisingly unbothered by threats of low level violence. Munson's move with the broken bottle at his throat had flipped him out, but a punch? He could take a punch. Hell, he might even deserve it, if his way of handling Tommy was that frustrating all those years, but he wasn't about to be scared off, either.

ㅤThere might have been a part of him that was surprised that Tommy didn't lean into the threat of violence, or just walk away, because Steve knew him and knew the Tommy Hagan playbook by heart after so many years with the guy at his elbow, but his ex-friend didn't do either. Maybe calling him out had put Tommy as off-kilter as Steve had been feeling, and if so, then good, because the same old bullshit wasn't working, was it?

ㅤTommy would give him shit for it, but he heard that damn word echoing through his brain in Nancy's drunken voice every time someone said it. Bullshit, it's all just bullshit, you're bullshit. She was right on some of it, even if the rest had left cuts in him that still hadn't fully healed. She was right that the Tommy situation was bullshit, that the way they'd gotten along and the social hierarchy he'd once cared about was bullshit. Maybe some of it needed to be ruined, or had been and the pieces just had yet to be picked up. Tommy was wrong in thinking that the insults wouldn't work, that they wouldn't push Steve away and hurt him, because if he'd doubled down he would have gotten what he claimed he wanted - Steve wasn't going to stand there and bully his way through Tommy's anger and hate if abuse was all there was waiting for him, but he could weather it if it was worth something.

ㅤThat was one of the things that had changed that Tommy didn't yet know - Steve had learned how to be a shield, how to take a beating so that the people behind him were safe, and he'd better learned how to recognize when it was needed. Maybe in a way, it was what Tommy might need, even if the poor idiot was also the threat at the same time. The clenched fists made that seem possible, but just as suddenly, his old friend shut up and went for his cigarettes instead. Steve wasn't about to question not getting decked when Tommy walked away, but only to go lean against the wall a few feet away and then miraculously make an attempt at talking. He wasn't even sure how to answer or what to bring up, this thing seemed so unlikely, but he trailed a little and maintained a decent space for Tommy without looking like he was crowding or avoiding him.

ㅤ"Where to start? I guess with how you've been, and maybe also which one of you idiots slashed my tire a few days ago?" he offered, tone deceptively light for how pissed off he'd been after running into the crowd of guys and then coming back out to the car to find the flat and the group gone. He had a smile that was both a little sharp, a little amused because he knew he was being obnoxious by asking a very casual and friendly thing at the same time that he called out that one of Tommy's crew (or possibly Tommy himself) had been an asshole, but there was still a chance that Tommy might punch him if he dove right into calling him out for feelings instead.

Fuck this. What if he just punched Steve right now in his stupidly handsome face and knocked the smirk off of it? It wouldn't be the first time he's thought about such things; there have been more times than Tommy can count over the years where Steve's way of handling him has frustrated him, made him feel out of control without much recourse except to turn to violence or just walk away.

They're both effective at getting him out of the situation, so those are the methods he favors. They're a little older now, though, and they haven't spoken in a while, and those ways he used to rely on probably won't work the same way anymore. And deep down, despite the front he's putting up, Tommy doesn't really want to fight. It's self-sabotage on his part, something he happens to excel at. Ruin something before it can ruin him; although in Steve's case, Tommy hadn't been fast enough.

But unfortunately for him, Steve does know his tells and his means of protecting himself from vulnerability, so doubling down with the insults probably isn't going to work; isn't going to push Steve away and hurt him the way Tommy intends. In fact, he might even be sounding like a dumped, embittered lover or something at this point, which runs counter to his desperate efforts to express total indifference.

He clenches his fists by his sides to channel the frustration, but without intent of using them. It's hard to stay calm when Steve's responses have him floundering for a rebuttal of his own, and Tommy falls silent instead; fishing a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and sparking one up. It actually serves to calm him down significantly, and he walks a few feet away to lean against a wall and slowly exhale a plume of smoke, trying hard to let go of the long-held grudge. "What d' you wanna talk about?"