#requiring being in an altered state to write is not healthy and i cannot do it any more

[ravenwritesstuff]

Wandering Hearts (20/?)

Fandom: Frozen AU. Set after shipwreck but before coronation day. 17th Century. Pairing: Kristanna (Kristoff/Anna) Rating: M (like if you haven’t figured this out yet then shame on you) A/N: I’m not back. I’ve realized I have a lot of unhealthy habits surrounding my writing and my process that I have been learning to do without these crutches and also just working on not wanting to kill myself basically every second of every day and somewhere in there I wrote this.

I don’t know when I will be officially back. I don’t know if anyone even cares that I wrote this, but on the off chance that one or two of you may want this here it is.

And to those of you who wrote notes or submitted or messaged - I have not read them because I am not in a place where I can process that but I am very much looking forward to being in a place to be able to read and thank you all for your time and (hopefully) kindness.

Brains are a bitch, man. Brains are a bitch.

I hope to be back sooner than later. Thank you for your patience. Sorry this is so long. Sorry I am the worst. Just. Sorry.

She squints when she emerges from the shed, arms and mind burdened. Thick clouds still hang low in the sky but the dim winter sun bounces up from the track-laden snow to blind her. Perhaps for the better. If she couldn’t see the snow then she couldn’t see his blood, her blood, their blood, that she knows stains the winter landscape.

The adjustment of her eyes does not hinder her from making it from the shed to the door of their home with no delay. She knows the way, just a few steps to the right to their connected living quarters. It is familiar. Her heart begins again to ponder the injustice of this familiarity but it is cut short when she opens to the door to find Bjarg doubled over on his knees. The supplies in her arms drops to the ground as she hurries to his side.

She falls alongside him on the straw covered floor, hands hovering but not touching, and tries to peer at his face. His hair, a tangled, bloody mess, tumbles over his cheeks obscuring her view. The tips of her fingers catch the barest amount to sweep back the clumps far enough to behold the deathly shade of his normally ruddy complexion.

“I need to stoke the fire.” His breath comes in short, hard pants. She looks up. The fire is still raging from her earlier efforts.

“You’re trembling.” She rests a hand on his arm. “You are chilled.”

“It will stop.”

“Will it?” He looks at ther then, eyes focused and distant all at once and she can feel his pain like a second heartbeat. She presses her palm to his clammy cheek, careful to keep pressure off sensitive places. His eyes close.

“Please. You need rest.”

He sighs. “Logi…”

“Please.” She lifts the hand from his arm to his cheek, thumb stroking over sweat slick skin and stubble. “Please.”

“Will you stay with me?” He tilts his head up to meet her gaze more directly. “If I rest - will you stay?”

Her breath hitches. The wild thing sparks his expression and she is caught off guard at the feral intensity of it. A nervous giggle bubbles out of her throat before she can stop it.

“It is winter. Where would I go other than here?”

She tries to speak levity into the moment but even as the words slip off her tongue she feel the layer strip back. His face is awash with newfound earnestness at her unintentional vulnerability.

“I wish you would tell me.”

The air rushes out of the room. She had been teasing - trying to ease the sting of his pride with humor - and is disarmed entirely in the face of his want, his honesty. It is not a question, but it may as well be.

She drops her hand from his clammy cheek.

“I will stay.” Her eyes and hands go to her lap. “If you rest, I will stay.”

“Fine. I will rest.” His tone is flat and dry. “Bring me first what you gathered. I’ll put water on the boil.”

He pushes back to sit on his heels and sways to stay upright. She catches his shoulder against her palm. He slumps and there is nothing she can do to stop that. He is face down in the straw before she can stop it. She scrambles to turn him over. Her mind flashes to earlier in the woods and she knows what it could take to wake him.

She is not about the employee that method.

“Bjarg.” She shakes his shoulders. “Bjarg, wake up.”

She shakes him again, but he doesn’t respond. She shakes him again, harder than she should she knows, but he groans. His eyes flutter open and he pushes up onto his elbows as if to sit up. She keeps hands on his shoulders to restrain him.

“Stay.” She says with more authority than she thinks she has. “You agreed to rest now you are going to do just that.”

She does not want to fetch the things she had brought from the shed. She wants to shake him even more thoroughly for his need to fight Nadir, for his inability to see the outcome, for making her love him just to threaten to remove that love. She thinks of her parents, Elsa - she does not cry - but she feels the tell-tale sting scald the backs of her eyes. She must escape him even for just an instant or he will see her crack.

He stays up on his elbows, but does not attempt to rise further as she collects the supplies she had dropped in her hurry. She can see him shaking with effort as she approaches. She kneels before him and sets the elements within his reach.

“There now, you can see to it that I brought what we needed and I’ll see to boiling the water.”

She stands and fetches a small bronze pot. She goes to the water barrel by the door only to be stopped by his voice.

“Fill it with snow.” She can hear the tremor there and it stabs at her. “Careful to only take the very top of untouched places.”

She does not understand his reason but the intensity in his tone compels her to obey. She is still dressed from her previous venture so she has no need to prepare before venture back out-of-doors.

The world is no less bright than than it was the minutes before. She squints her eyes and sludges through cold powder to find places where the snow remained pristine. She uses the lip of the pot to scoop the very top most layer of untouched snow where she can find it. The specific order takes much longer than if she had just ladled what she needed into the pot, but she does not even consider questioning it. It is several minutes before she has filled the pot full and packed to the brim, knowing it will be less when it finally heats, and she returns inside.

She expects to find him much in the same place where she left him, or perhaps on the pelts or even the bed, but she never expected him to be kneeling in front of his chest with nearly the entirety of its contents strewn about the floor around him.

The sight it so strange, so uncharacteristic of his normally measured, tempered self that she freezes upon opening the door. There are maps, blankets, tools, odds objects veiled in leather wraps, weapons all scattered in the straw around him and her stomach clenches. He does not acknowledge her entrance, but instead reaches to what seems to be the deepest place of the chest. A strange jingle accompanies the movement that breaks her from her momentary trance.

“What is this?” She can think of nothing else to say.

“Boil the snow.” He is terse and she knows it is because of her earlier evasion. If she won’t answer - neither will he. She tries to keep it from hurting, but still it does.

It always does.

If she just…

No.

She goes to the fire ring in the center of the room no less than a little perplexed. The fire is still strong from her earlier work and the packed snow begins to melt quickly over the flame. She looks to him again.

He has stopped his search and has turned to sit with his back against the chest. His head is lolled back, eyes hooded, and he’s watching her. One large hand, battered and bruised, is clasped around something in his lap. She cannot see what it is, but she feels he found whatever it was for which he searched. He seems equally determined to distract her from this fact.

“I’ve made a mess.” He does not elaborate, may have even been joking, but neither of them smile. “Log,” his eyelids flutter - his entire body shuddering. “You must know…”

She can see him fighting to remain conscious and her heart leaps to her throat. To see him fight like this for something as small as staying awake stabs at her. She rushes to aid him in his battle, to help him stay with her, and cups his face in healing palms.

“I must know what?” She tells herself her question is mostly just to keep him awake, alert, instead of to satisfy the curiosity that is eating her alive. “What must I know?”

His cheek presses into the palm that bears the scar that bound them by blood. His eyes glaze over, unfocused.

“You must know that anything - everything - anything I do…” His lips scarcely move and she knows she is losing him to a darkness she cannot fight any more than he can. She leans in and strokes his cheek.

“What? What?” She presses back matted hair from his sweaty brown, heart thundering at the possibility of what could be spoken - of the implication of what could happen if he fell asleep never again to wake. “Anything you do is what?”

She drops a hand and shakes his shoulder. His neck finds a moment of strength, eyes focusing just enough to meet hers.

“Protect you. Everything - anything…” There is more that he says, or at least his lips twitch as if to speak, but his eyes close and that is it.

She shakes his shoulder again, holding his face, but he remains still beyond the rise and fall of his chest. She knows she will not rouse him this time. Wishes form in her mind in that instant: that she will be able to create the healing paste he needs, that she will devise a way to make this all easier, that she will wake in the palace and this will all have been some strange dream - no. She does not want that. She does not want the sole source of admiration and potentially affection to be something fabricated in a lonely sleep. She knows, in her core, this is no such situation. Still she wonders.

If she had known what she knew she would endure outside of the palace - would she have ever left?

A throbbing pain radiates behind her eyes with that thought but she will not feel sorry for herself. There is no point for that when there are so many other things that need her attention.

She starts with moving him.

It takes a bit of work to move him away from the chest in a way where she can grasp him beneath the arms as she had in the woods, but she manages. By the time she maneuvers him across the room to the bed, inch by painful grunting inch, she is out of breath. The process of dragging him onto the bed takes almost all the strength she has, but she manages in a way she hopes will not damage him further. Once he is on the bed she takes a breath, arranges him the most comfortable way she can contrive, and situates covers atop of him. It is only when she is completely certain he is settled that she turns and looks the other way. It is the only way she can keep herself from crumbling.

That is when she sees it.

Somewhere in the process of moving him, whatever he had held in his hand had slipped from his grip and landed atop the hay by the fire ring. She notices it mostly because of the way it catches the light - jagged and electric in the straw. She goes to it and plucks the egg-sized object up in her hand.  

It is cold, the edges sharp, and even though she knows she has never seen anything quite like this it rings of familiarity. She turns it over in her palms, mindful of the sharp points and edges, and watches the way the firelight plays over the multifaceted surface. The stone is so pure, so clear, it is as if it is made of air itself. It is so clear she can see straight through it - can see each refracted image as she holds it up between her fingers - and it multiplies the mess he made when he disemboweled the contents of his chest. Never in all her days had she ever seen a gem so perfect, so pristine, so large. If it were in the palace it would be prized as a treasure so rare and wonderful that guards would be placed at all times.

She brings it down and cradles it as she looks between him and the mess he’d made and the heavy crystal.

She looks to where he sleeps, his skin like chalk. His last waking moments had been to uncover this stone, to grasp it in battered hands.

She cannot stop the question from escaping her lips on a breath: “Why?”

It echoes the refrain screaming in her mind. There is no harm in this spoken word - he cannot hear her, but she feels the power in asking it shimmer through her blood. Why, when fevered and feeble, did he use his precious energy to search out this stone? Why had she never seen it before? Why did he want her to stay? If everything he did was to keep her safe - what part did his silence play in that?

She is starting to think it is more than she can even imagine.

She returns to the bed where he lays covered in heavy pelts and blankets. She draws the covers to the side and places the crystal on his chest. It rises and falls on shallow, rapid breaths, and she takes the hand resting against his side and turns it palm up. It is then she sees the remaining patches of scabbing, the deep pink of brand new scar tissue. She looks at her own mark and she is taken at the difference. Where his is still angry and raw in many places, barely mended, hers looks weeks - perhaps months - old. She thinks to credit her five days rest and care but even so -

She shakes her head.

His cut had been much worse than hers had been. He had also been working this entire time when she slept with this torn palm, no doubt delaying his healing. Still she has the sensation of attempting to work out a sum with half the figures missing.

He shivers, teeth rattling even in slumber, and she places his wounded palm over the stone before pulling the pelts and blankets back up under his chin. She does not have time for foolish guessing games when his injuries were real and needed attention.

She goes to fetch the items she’d discarded and sets to recreate the potion that had healed her hand. She goes the table, checking the pot of snow as she passes. It is liquid and lukewarm.

She sets to work without letting herself hesitate in doubt. She grinds the herbs and clay to as fine a powder as she can manage. The act that he had made look effortless she finds to require quite a bit more finesse than she possesses. She cannot turn the pestle with the ease he had, her wrist unable to pivot with his practiced fluidity. Still, after a good while, she manages.

The contents of the mortar bears a strong resemblance to the powder he had concocted the week before, but she cannot be certain. She has no sense for these things, no like he does. She wishes he would wake so she can consult him, but one thing she had learned from both of her lives is that wishing is futile and action is everything.

The water boils.

She ladles small amounts into the mortar, stirring with each addition, until a paste forms. She stares at it. Her eyes lift to his face several feet away. The contents of his bowl is to repair him - it must - but the concoction in her hands seems unequal to the task. He has endured so much and this action seems so small, but she knows that is better than doing nothing.

At least she hopes it is.

She begins with the head wounds, the one of the back of his skull. She pulls fingers through his still damp, tangled locks to expose the heart of his wound. It is deeper than she first thought and she hopes the akvavit had done its job in preparing for the paste she now slathers into it. She swipes a dab at the split on his temple where the skin had split and wraps fresh bandages around her work.

Now for the leg.

Her mind whirls as she draws out his heavy limb from beneath the covers. The leg of his pants is already ruined, torn away from the attentions of Magnus and Trygve no doubt, and she realizes that this the first time she has seen the damage up close and exposed. Nadir’s blade had cut deeply through the meat of his calf. The thick blond hair on his legs is tinted a rusty hue and singed black from Trygve’s sword. At first she is able to look at it with this sort of distant cataloguing feeling: marking the length, depth, and damage away in her mind until the memory of his face when he woke in agony flashes before her eyes.

Her stomach clenches.

He had wanted to die - she had seen it. The pain so had been so excruciating - and now she sees the cut may well just grant his wish.

The skin still smells of char so she breathes through her mouth as she mixes honey into the paste she had already rendered.

When he had tended her wounds, he had used the paste for the cut and honey for the burn, but here he had both and thus she decides to treat him with both. With what she hopes is a sufficient ratio of all elements she presses them all deep into the smoldering gash.

He does not even twitch.

She realizes then that in the back of her mind she had wanted the pain of the treatment to wake him, but it hadn’t. She wonders if she will ever see him awake again. When she has slathered his leg in as much of her compound as she can she wraps it tightly in fresh bandages and replaces his leg back beneath the covers.

She considers for a moment to remove his boots - if that will make him more comfortable. The soft leather, sealed tight with bee’s wax and lined with beaver are quite like her own, only much larger, and she wondered if he fashioned this pair as he had hers. In the end he leaves them. His shivering may have ceased for the moment, but she does not want to jeopardize his warmth in any way. She brings an extra pelt from the pile that had been his bed for so long and places it on top of him with a sigh.

Now what?

She looks around the cabin. There is much to do, but she cannot focus on any on task long enough to decide she should set to it. The only thing she can think is if he will wake up.

She needs him to wake up.

She is uncertain how long she sits there timing her breaths to his, but it feels like days.

Her stomach growls.

The small meal she had eaten upon waking was long past sustaining her and that hunger alone pulls her from his side. She goes to their shelves and finds two small rolls that Bjarg must have prepared while she slept. She thinks to save one of them for him if he wakes, but then she remembers that she had slept five days and her wounds had not been this severe. If he woke soon by some miracle she would bake him fresh bread, warm and soft, dip it bone broth, and feed it to him. Now, however, she will eat this stale fare to keep up her strength so she can watch over him as he watched over her.

The bread sits like rocks in her stomach. She washes it down with what remains of the boiled snow to keep herself warm. She knows she should eat more but the hunger that had been so sharp now is replaced by a sickeningly full feeling. She remembers how Bjarg had warned her just that morning that it would take time for the capacity of her stomach to return, still she feels the rise in her energy at the sustenance.

It is time to work.

Her eyes go to the mess by his chest and supposes that is a good a place to start as any.

His leather maps are scattered amongst the straw along with any spare clothes he has. Odds and ends she figures are tools for some sort of something share the same fate. There is the sewing box she has used since arriving here. The yardage he’d bartered in Arendelle for their clothes for the next season is a rumpled mess. Then there are the weapons: his bow and quiver, the weregild sword from Gunnar, different blades she had seen him polishing only to replace in their covers and stored away. A bulky item wrapped in cloth that she has never investigated is the only thing that seems to have been set aside with any care. She realizes that while she had taken his map from this chest - she had done little actual investigating of its contents beyond that.

She looks inside the chest to see if anything remains. There are a few loose ends but the one that grabs her attention is a single wooden figurine laying atop a leather pouch. It is only a few inches tall, worn slick from handling, and not looking the better for it. It is an oddly shaped creature though it has some things she considers recognizable features. It has legs, arms, over-sized hands, but the knees bend the wrong way, its fingers look more like claws, and its back is grotesquely hunched. It’s head is bulbous with a pronounced underbite, and from the protruding bottom jaw she thinks she can make out two jutting fangs.

Never in her life has she ever encountered such a likeness - not in model, reality, nor rendering - and she wonders equally what it is as much as she wonders where it came from. She reaches for the pouch upon which the figure had rested. Her hands catch the drawstring and she lifts to find it not empty. In fact the contents tinkle as she draws int onto her lap and she thinks it must be his coin but she she pours the contents onto her skirt she realizes just how incorrect she is.

Crystals of all sizes, some even larger than the one she had held first, tumble out of the slick leather pouch. There are at least twenty. Some are that perfectly clear share like a brook in the spring while others are clouded black and as opaque the night sky. All were shaped in the same sharp edged cylinders with pointed ends.

“Why?” She asks the silence once more, unable to stop herself.

She looks back into the chest and discovers one more thing she had never noticed. There, where she had found the satchel full of crystals was a hole deeper than the rest of the chest’s base - a false bottom. Her ‘why’ deepens until her mind rejects thought all together.

It is too much, too strange, and she wishes she had never seen any of it.

If Bjarg had kept it from her until now - he had his reasons the same as she had hers, but now her mind blazed with questions she cannot answer, cannot ask.

She shoves the crystals back into their pouch and jams the figurine in after them. She stuffs the bag back into the hidden hole, not bothering to figure out how to reclose it, before haphazardly replacing the items he had ripped from within in his frenzy. The task is a bit of a doing, but she hardly notices the passing of time. Her mind is too preoccupied with hidden things and why.

She needs to check the animals, return the healing elements, prepare a meal, clean, manage, do anything but drive herself mad with questions she will never have answered.

One thing at a time. She thinks. One thing at a time is easy enough to do.

She sets to it, knowing that the moment she stops will be the moment that the questions - the why - will get the better of her. She kills two birds with one stone as she decides to return excess herbs and clay to their place in the shed and check on the animals.

She has learned to squint whenever entering this snow covered world now, and the light does not burn her eyes. The sun has sunk low in the sky now and it will be night soon, she knows. She remembers stepping out this same door just before dawn, the light eerily similar, and before this new nightmare began.

She ventures the ten steps it takes to reach the shed door, wrapping her arms around her waist to ward off a chill that had little to do with the weather. The inside of the shed is warm enough - the shared wall with the cabin helps insulate both rooms, and she realizes that she has never had to worry about winter before this. The seasons had all clipped along with senseless monotony in the palace. She had always been kept comfortable no matter the temperature outside and now - well - the cold did not bother her too badly. Winter - she thinks - is the hardest of the seasons, the least accommodating for human imperfection or impulse and she thinks of Elsa.

Then, just as quickly, she doesn’t.

Thinking of her sister just made everything more complicated. She made her choice the moment she hid in that waste wagon and escaped the monotonous isolation her existence had become after her parents died. Her thoughts belonged elsewhere now - or at least until the thaws came.

And they would come.

But not today.

She lights the lantern by the door of the shed and sets to work returning what she needs to their particular places. She gives extra eats to the reindeer and a handful of feed to the chickens. She remembers Bjarg speaking of the she-goat in the marketplace and wishes now they had managed to acquire it. She can hardly recall the taste of milk.

What she does not do is look in the crowded corner where she knows her chest waits, alone and nameless, beneath the tapestry that is as inexplicable as it is beautiful. She does not allow her mind to dwell on what it is or what it means or what it could mean. She does not think of the way his eyes had bore into her as he’d stood slumped in the doorway - the silhouette of his frame blocking almost all the light from outside. She does not think of the taste of his mouth - of the way questions flavored his tongue even if he never asked them. She thinks of him protecting her, fighting for her, but she does not look in the corner. She does not think of what it could mean to tell him her name, her truth. Even the idea of it is overwhelming.

So just as she had with thoughts of her sister, she pushes them aside as she works.

When she returns to the house the sunlight is almost gone. He remains unmoved. She knew in some part of her that she would be, but she had hoped... . She reminds herself what hope is good for and sets to work instead.

She must keep up her strength if she is to care for him. She sheds her cloak and mittens and goes to the larder. She gathers what she needs to make a loaf of bread. The coarse flour, she knows, must last the winter so she uses it sparingly. She mixes and kneads as he had shown her until it is ready to lay across the fire rack to bake. When it is there she arranges the burning logs to ensure even heat before turning to clean the messes she’d made.

There are dishes to wash and she is loathe to use the water from the drinking barrel. She removes the small copper pot from the fire hook and replaces it with the large cast iron one. When she had first come to this place there had been chance she would have even been able to lift the heavy cauldron, and she feels a sense of pride in the strength she has gained. Even with her additional strength, however, she must fill it separately from hanging it as there is no way she could have lifted the thing when full.

She puts back on her winter wear and grabs the buckets. She goes to the stream behind their home and breaks the ice. The buckets fill easily from the frigid flow and she lugs them back inside. By the time she has filled the pot it is dark outside.

While the water heats she returns attention to her bread. She shrugs out of her cloak, but leaves her mittens so she can turn the bread without burning herself. Parts stick to the metal bars and she loses chunks in the process. She had forgotten to grease the bars with the rendered elk fat the way Bjarg had shown her. She has only been here a season and yet she has learned so much that she never could have imagined learning in the palace. Bjarg had poured all he could about his simple life into her but she looks to his chest in the corner and realizes just how little he had trusted her with.

She knows his home, how to run the house, but she does not know him. She knows his kindness, his strength, but she does not know his secrets. This is not a revelation, but the amount to which she cares is. She wants to know - and that terrifies her because she is not naive enough to think that she can know his secrets without him knowing hers.

He can never know.

She can never let him know.

Her chest clenches on the impulse to run.

If you rest - I will stay. That could be the final promise she ever makes him.

She shakes off the thought.

She will not dwell on that idea even though she is hard pressed to ignore others that crop up in its place. What if staying only brings this and worse upon him? What if he survives this only to be laid low by whatever tragedy she brings upon them next? She remembers the idea of being his winter bird - but she cannot help but feel her presence in his life has been something much crueler.

The water steams. She has things to do besides senseless conjecture.

She takes the bandages caked with filth and brings them to the table. She fetches the lye soap and scrubs it into each fiber of each strip. When she is quite satisfied with that she ladles steaming water from the cast iron pot above the fire into a wooden basin. She places the tools she used to make the bread and the paste she used for his wounds and in the steaming water to soak. Then she takes the bandages and throws them into the cast iron pot. With a large stir stick she agitates the cloth and watches as grime and blood slough off.

She stirs until the water turns a foul burnt red, until her arms ache and the still healing skin of her palms threatens to tear anew. She stirs till her sides throb and her back is alight with fire. She stirs till she there is no room to think of anything but the sensations of exhaustion running through her entire body. Then she pulls the bandages out of the water on the end of her stick and plops them on the table to hang.

She lets the steaming mess cool as she fetches the unleavened bread from the rack and places it on the opposite end of the table. While the bandages and bread cool, she drains the pot above the stove. She ladles out the entire contents one bucket at a time, careful to mind she doesn’t drown the fire beneath with her shaking arms, and goes out into the dark to dump the filthy contents.

Bit by bit, trip by trip, she empties the pot all the while knowing that it will need a good cleaning before she can use it again for anything else. On her last trip out and behind their home - tracing the rough exterior with her shoulder in the dark so she does not get lost - she hears something. It is not the typical rustle of a branch or wind through the trees. It is not the soft crunch of snow beneath leather boots or the too familiar sounds of a blade leaving its scabbard. It is something different - something bigger, heavier than anything she has ever heard before like a mountain ripped up from its roots to take a step. It is a sound that she can feel.

She freezes, breath stopping, and waits. She does not hear - feel - anything else but she senses eyes on her. The creeping impression works up her spine till the hair on her neck stands on end. Then she hears it again - a strange low thunder unlike anything she has ever encountered - and she runs. She drops her buckets and runs as fast as she can back to the door of the house. She stumbles around the corner of the house in the dark - too terrified to breathe - and when she finally makes it into the dim light of the cabin she slams the door and bars it. Her legs give way and she slides the to the ground against the secured door - mind racing.

What was that? Whatever it was - will a door such as this keep it out if it wants to get in? She tries to quiet her breathing, calm her heart, so she can listen. Whatever had made that noise would not be able to sneak up on them, that was for certain, and she takes a small comfort in that. Bjarg remains unchanged and she thinks that perhaps she has never wanted him to wake more than she does in this very instant.

But what can he do? Even he has limits - she has been told as much - and she knows it is her job to defend them. She goes to the chest and opens it. She grabs at the first blades she sees, Gunnar’s weregild and one other she has seen him polish but never use and unsheathes them both. Then with a weapon in each hand, the blade he gave her nestled close at her hip, she stands before the door and waits for whatever will come.

And in that moment, she realizes that whatever it may be - for the first time in her life - she may be ready.

[ previous ][ next ]

[argentdandelion]

Who’s Qualified for the Infinity Train? (June 27 Twitter Party Edition)

Who’s Qualified for the Infinity Train? (June 27 Twitter Party Edition)

An excerpt released in time for the Twitter party on #InfinityTrainHBOMax. Limited to a few theatrical films made by Disney Animated Studios and Pixar, from 2000 and later, starring human protagonists.

(Yes, a six-year-old could have a higher number than a surly teenage boy.)

Lilo (Lilo & Stitch)

Jim Hawkins (Treasure Planet)

Lewis (Meet the Robinsons)

Tiana (The Princess and the Frog)

Rapunzel (Tangled)

1. Lilo Pelekai (Lilo & Stitch)

Severe Emotional Turmoil:

Lilo’s is a six-year-old girl whose parents died in a car crash. She gives peanut butter sandwiches every week to Pudge, a fish she supposes controls the weather, probably because rainy weather contributed to her parents dying in a car accident and she doesn’t want anyone else to suffer the same way. A classmate outright calls her crazy for her beliefs about Pudge, and Lilo hits and bites her. Lilo does not have friends: they’re evidently unnerved by her eccentricities and how she attacked a classmate. Nani, her 19-year-old sister, became her legal guardian after their parents’ death. As much as she tries, Nani is initially an inadequate caretaker, yells at Lilo, and is often busy with her job(s).

Crossroads:

When the tough social worker Cobra Bubbles shows up and concludes things have gone wrong.

On paper, Lilo's turmoil after this point isn't much different from that of the average strong-willed six-year-old arguing with an older sister put in charge or an unprepared or irritable mother. Still, the Train doesn't seem to discriminate between mundane, common, seemingly small problems and extreme loss. Amelia boarded after the death of her fiance, but Jesse boarded just because of his people-pleasing doormat tendencies. Lilo's turmoil is also compounded by multiple problems: not just Nani's unsuitability as a caretaker, but the loss of her parents and lack of meaningful relationships with her peers.

Can’t Fix Problems: While Lilo is not constantly sad about it, Lilo nonetheless is badly affected by her parents’ death. She outright claims her family is “broken”. Lilo cannot undo her parents’ death, nor stitch the wounded family together. Though going to grief counseling would be plausible in this setting,  it doesn’t seem as if either went to grief counseling, possibly due to financial problems or Nani’s tight schedule.

Early on the in the film, Lilo has Nani, David (Nani’s boyfriend), and possibly the hula studio employees. (They don’t dismiss her beliefs about Pudge, apparently making the connection between her Pudge appeasement and her trauma)

Best pickup time: After Cobra Bubbles shows up: shortly after, Lilo goes up to her room and screams in her pillow.

Parallels: Grace has no friends. Tulip’s parents are divorced, which is also a parent-based and living situation problem. If Min-Gi and Tulip can get on the Train, despite having their loving parents inadvertently making things worse, then it is possible Lilo can get on the Train. Six is evidently not too young to get on the Train; three Apex members seem around that age, and Grace and Simon aren’t surprised at Hazel, who seems to be a Passenger who’s six-and-a-half years old (as of later in Season 3, when they’ve been traveling for some time).

Number: Above 202 (Min-gi and Ryan), below 337 (Amelia’s number).

-----------

2. Jim Hawkins (Treasure Planet)

Severe Emotional Turmoil: A delinquent who has violated his probation by operating his solar vehicle in restricted areas. His father left them and he’s raised by a single mom having trouble operating an inn; he’s failing at school, constantly in trouble, sullen. Believes he has no future. After being caught again solar-sailing in a restricted area, the police-bots take away his solar sail.

Crossroads: If he trespasses one more time, he’ll go to “juvenile hall” (juvenile imprisonment). He probably knew the risks of going into the restricted area, since he’s done so before. His solar sailing is somewhat dangerous; he’s not even wearing a helmet. (Though it’s possible there’s some technology that keeps his feet attached to the sail, making it safer than it looks.)

Can’t Fix Problems: He seems sullen after being apprehended/arrested, and later on. It may be solar sailing is the only enjoyable activity for him, even if he tends to get in trouble from it, and without it, he may have no joy in his life left.

Since his mother seems to work a time-consuming, demanding job, she might not have much time to properly raise him. He doesn’t seem to have relationships with anyone but his mother and Dr. Doppler, a friend of the family.

Best pickup time: Right before the old turtle-pirate shows up.

Parallels: His problem seems to be somewhat small-scale but long-simmering. The closest parallel is Grace Monroe, who engaged in delinquency (specifically shoplifting) apparently just to get her parents to notice her.

Number: ~202, near Min-Gi’s and Ryan’s number.

3. Lewis (Meet the Robinsons) – NOT QUALIFIED.

Lewis had gone through substantial emotional turmoil. He mother left him at an orphanage, he had gone through 124 failed adoption interviews by age 12, he figured his adoption prospects when he turns 13 the following year are low, he could have killed a potential parent who was allergic to peanut butter after spraying him with peanut butter from an invention malfunction, and his public attempt to recover memories of his birth mother was a disastrous failure.

However, Lewis was never a crossroads, at least prior to the movie’s plot properly starting with its sci-fi elements, and he can fix his own problem. Lewis can just try again with the machine, or he can get adopted by different parents. (which he does: he finds the younger versions of the people he knows adopt him when he time-travels to the future year of 2037). He also has the support of his roommate Goob, the orphanage director Mildred, a supportive science teacher, and possibly other teachers and classmates.

4. Tiana (The Princess and the Frog) – NOT QUALIFIED.

As of the best time for pickup, at least, Tiana is doubly, perhaps triply, not qualified for the Infinity Train.

Firstly, Tiana's persistence, can-do attitude and great competence in accomplishing her goals (had prejudice not interfered) just makes her too well-adjusted for boarding. Though her father died in World War I, at the time of the film, it doesn’t seem to greatly affect her. Though she gets sad sometimes, but she's not some kind of dysfunctional wreck like the other Passengers.

Secondly, she's not qualified for the Train for similar reasons as Lake. Even if One-One agreed to give Lake a number, Lake's problems ultimately lie upon how others perceive her, the system separating denizens from Passengers, and the enforcers of parts of that system (the Flecs), not in issues that simply require emotional growth. Similarly, while not outright stated in the film (it’s implicit in how her “background” is mentioned), Tiana faces prejudice that hinders her long-term goal of starting a successful restaurant.

Arguably, Tiana’s support system is also too strong for her turmoil to be too severe, or to have a strong enough “crossroads point”. Tiana has her mother, her friend Charlotte, and at least five (unnamed) friends which meet with her at the beignet cafe.

If one were to write a work in which Tiana gets on the Infinity Train, one would need to amplify the problems she faces up to that point, or alter the events so Naveen doesn’t show up and then add more problems after that point.

5. Rapunzel (Tangled) – NOT QUALIFIED.

She must have a supernaturally sunny disposition due to the power of the Flower of the Sun or her hair healing her mentally, because she should not be this well-adjusted due to all the child neglect, abuse, and no healthy relationships (but for her pet chameleon) she’s had for practically her whole life. She’s melancholy and hates herself for disobeying her abusive mother figure’s orders to never leave her tower, but quickly just gets sunny and cheerful again.

[mensbodybuildingtips]

Why Rapid Weight Loss Is Superior to `Slow Cutting` (And How to Do It Right)

Many individuals think that quick weight loss is undesirable, yet if done appropriately, it's far above 'reduce reducing' ...

When it concerns weight loss, we've all heard that "sluggish and also constant" is the means to go.

There's worth in this regulation of thumb as losing weight also quickly implies anguish, muscle mass loss, and also other maladies, however there's a kicker:

Losing fat too slowly is additionally non-optimum and also is usually not successful as well.

In fact, I would certainly state that even more people make the blunder of losing fat as well slowly than also rapidly as 'crash dieting' is ending up being less and much less popular these days.

Well, in this write-up I wish to damage down for you why I believe losing fat too gradually is a blunder and exactly what you must be going for instead. Allow's reach it.

Why Shedding Fat Fast is Far Better Than Slow

I have a straightforward objective when I'm seeking to shed fat: I wish to get it over with as rapidly as feasible, which implies I do every little thing I could to accelerate fat loss while protecting muscle.

While this could seem like an apparent option, there's a college of assumed in the globe of health and fitness that supports a 'slow-moving cutting' method to weight loss. That is, the usage of a light calorie shortage with low-to-moderate amounts of exercise to slowly decrease body fat mass throughout numerous months.

The 'marketing factors' of the sluggish cut mostly focus on maintaining optimum lean mass, eating extra on a day-to-day basis, and also doing much less exercise (and also much less cardio, particularly). These positives are commonly combined with exaggerated cases about exactly how you'll burn away all your muscle mass if you attempt to be as well aggressive with your weight loss.

Well, I strongly disagree with the 'slow cutting' technique because it offers just minor benefits but includes major downsides that stem from the physiological adjustments that take place when you restrict your calories to lose weight.

You see, the longer you stay in a calorie deficiency ...

1. The more your metabolic process reduces, which implies the much more you need to lower power consumption or rise output.

This is how 'metabolic adaptation,' as it's called, functions: your metabolic process adapts to the amount of power you feed your body with the goal of balancing energy consumption with output-a state of homeostasis.

When you restrict your calories and feed your body much less power compared to it burns, you shed body fat however your metabolic rate naturally starts reducing down ( burning less power). The longer you continue to be in a deficit, the a lot more your metabolic rate slows.

As your metabolic process decreases, what do you assume you need to do to keep a deficit and also keep dropping weight? That's right-you have to more minimize calorie intake or rise outcome (exercise). And also after that, a month or 2 later, you have to do it once again. As well as again.

This cycle continues until either you reach your goal or your metabolism has actually reduced down as well much and you after that need to abandon your search of weight loss and deal with speeding it back up.

This isn't completion of the globe ... yet it's unnecessary. By being extra aggressive with your calorie restriction, which we'll chat much more about soon, you could shed a fair bit more fat without shedding muscular tissue or experiencing any kind of added metabolic slowdown.

2. The even more time you're not developing muscle.

This perilous blunder that can really hurt your long-term results.

If you're also halfway well-informed in this area, you've heard that you can't build muscle mass and shed fat concurrently. This isn't always the case (newbies could), but it's usually real: a calorie deficiency hinders your body's capability to repair and build muscle healthy proteins sufficient to efficiently stop muscular tissue growth.

Thus, the trouble with slow reducing ends up being apparent: the longer you reduced, the longer you cannot build any kind of real muscle mass to speak of.

If you have actually primarily reached your genetic possibility in regards to muscular tissue development, you might not care regarding that. But if you're still functioning on your physique as well as should add even more muscle to reach your best goal, after that this comes to be really important.

I've seen people actually mess this up as well as acquire anywhere from 1/2 to also 1/3 the amount of muscle they can have over the training course of anywhere from 6 to Twelve Month by merely continuing to be in a moderate calorie deficiency for much as well long.

The profits is when it comes to developing muscular tissue as well as strength over the long-term, you wish to spend as little time in a calorie deficit as feasible, and 'slow-moving cutting' stops working in this regard.

3. The most likely you are to fall off the wagon and also quit early as you become physically and also mentally fatigued.

Let's face it: also when you're diet programs properly, remaining in a calorie deficit obtains old after a while.

Workouts get more challenging, power levels can flag, and also cravings as well as yearnings could become a lot more constant, and also we need to depend increasingly more on determination as well as self-control to remain the course.

I've seen this sometimes: the longer someone has to eliminate his or her body's need for more food, the most likely they is to go astray with bingeing and, inevitably, abandon the mission altogether.

An intriguing factor concerning this, too, is that you could be rather hostile with your calorie restriction without feeling much various compared to if you make use of a moderate deficiency. Generally speaking it requires a week or 2 of mild appetite and afterwards smooth sailing.

But Wait ... Won't Rapid Weight Loss Reason You to Lose a Great deal of Muscle?

This is one of the biggest weight loss is afraid around among us health and fitness individual, and also like much of the 'knowledge' in this world, it's just partially true.

The reality is indeed, also big of a calorie shortage will accelerate muscle mass loss as well as this is just one of the reasons 'collision diet programs' is so unhealthy.

But just how huge of a deficiency is also huge? And also how do points alter for sports types following a high-protein diet plan, as opposed to untrained, overweight people consuming also little protein?

Well, we could thank researchers at the University of Jyväskylä for an answer!

In a research study they conducted, they divided their subjects-20 to 35 year-old national as well as global degree track as well as field jumpers and sprinters with reduced levels of body fat (at or under 10%) -into two groups: a daily calorie deficiency of 300 calories (concerning 12% below their total daily power expenditure) as well as an everyday calorie deficiency of 750, with both groups following a high-protein diet.

After 4 weeks, the outcomes were unexpected: the athletes utilizing a 300-calorie shortage shed very little fat as well as muscular tissue while the team utilizing a 750-calorie deficit lost, typically, about 4 extra pounds of fat and also little muscle.

Remember, nonetheless, that the 750-calorie deficit group was not starving themselves by any type of means-they were consuming over 2,000 calories each day. Nevertheless, they were utilizing a very aggressive shortage of concerning 24% and also the results speak for themselves.

These searchings for entirely jive with my experience both with my body and also the thousands of people I've dealt with: moderate shortages can function if you're extremely overweight, yet as you obtain leaner, larger deficits become necessary and don't automatically create muscular tissue loss.

This is why my common calorie deficiency suggestions for weight loss are in between 20 as well as 25%.

So, as you can see, the ranges are tipped far as well greatly against sluggish cutting for it to be advisable.

If you have a considerable quantity of fat to go down, the best-case scenario is you shed it slowly but at expensive of a cost.

If you're relatively lean, you'll most likely never see single-digit body fat percents and also give up out of frustration.

Before I authorize off, I intend to show you how I make the most of weight loss when I cut and make it as quick as possible without giving up muscle mass or my sanity.

How I Shed Fat Fast While Maintaining Muscle mass and also Strength

Over the years, I've attempted various points with both my diet plan and training when cutting and have actually dialed in a very reliable as well as effective weight loss regimen.

With this program I have the ability to shed about a pound of fat each week, even when I'm beginning around 9 to 10% body fat (I lately reduced from 9 to 10% to 6% in about 7 weeks), without any kind of hunger or cravings to speak of. My power degrees remain high and my training is hardly impacted.

Here's the regimen:

I use an aggressive (yet not reckless) calorie deficit of 20 to 25%.

Like the professional athletes in the research study pointed out above, I additionally decrease my calorie consumption to about 75 to 80% of my TDEE as well as, like them, quickly begin seeing decreases in fat without any kind of recognizable muscle loss.

If you don't know ways to calculate your TDEE or exercise a calorie deficit, this write-up on correct meal planning breaks everything down.

I eat a high-protein, high-carbohydrate diet.

While the scientific search for the 'ideal diet' continues, there's one point we understand for sure: it's going to involve consuming plenty of healthy protein every day.

The lower line is research after research after study validate that high-protein dieting transcends, in every method, to low-protein diet programs. This is especially real when you're restricting calories for weight loss, as adequate protein intake plays a significant role in the preservation of lean mass.

Now, a lot of individuals understand that a high-protein diet is exceptional to low-protein, however numerous individuals aren't sure that a high-carbohydrate diet regimen is much above low-carb when it concerns weight loss and also calorie restrictions.

Why? Well, when you're limiting your calories ...

A high-carb diet plan causes much less anxiety and also fatigue compared to low-carb

A low-carb diet doesn't result in any kind of more fat loss than high-carb

A high-carb diet plan is much far better for preserving efficiency and also lean mass compared to low-carb

It's much easier to eat way too much on a low-carb diet compared to high-carb

This suggestion comes as a shock to many individuals, however believe me: if you usually use low-carb weight loss when you wish to shed fat, try a higher carbohydrate method following time (regarding 40% of your day-to-day calories from carbohydrate) as well as you'll be astonished at just how much simpler and also enjoyable it is.

I usage supplements verified to speed up fat loss.

If you're hesitant of supplements ... I comprehend. The market is rife with defrauders and even worse and also most of right stuff marketed in your regional GNC is essentially worthless.

That said, there are all-natural substances that could aid you construct muscle mass and also lose fat.

Creatine is an excellent instance of the previous, as well as there are numerous supplements confirmed to assist with fat loss like caffeine, eco-friendly tea essence, yohimbine, and more. I have actually cut both with as well as without using these supplements and locate that it's noticeably much faster with them.

I lift heavy weights.

Heavy training will certainly not only assist you keep your lean mass while reducing, it can in fact aid you melt much more fat.

A study released by Greek sporting activities researchers discovered that males that trained with hefty weights (80-85% of their one-rep max, or "1RM") increased their metabolic rates over the adhering to three days, burning hundreds more calories compared to the men that trained with lighter weights (45-65% of their 1RM).

So struck the weights as well as hit them hard if you want to jack up your metabolic rate and in turn, speed up your fat loss.

And if you intend to score extra points, emphasis on substance lifts like squats and also deadlifts, because these are the types that melt one of the most post-workout calories.

I do HIIT cardio.

If you're familiar with my job, you know that when it comes to cardio, I'm a large follower of high-intensity period training.

Studies such as those carried out by Laval College, East Tennessee State University, Baylor University of Medicine, and the College of New South Wales have conclusively verified that shorter sessions of high-intensity cardio cause greater weight loss with time than longer, low-intensity sessions.

In reality, a study carried out by The College of Western Ontario revealed that doing simply 4 - 6 30-second sprints burns extra fat in time compared to 60 minutes of incline treadmill walking (among the staples of "bodybuilding cardio").

Furthermore, maintaining your cardio sessions shorter methods you better protect your muscular tissue and strength.

[resurgereviewblog-blog]

Searching for New Weight Reduction Tips?

The issue with a fast, easy solution to shedding pounds is that will it usually causes quick, easy putting on weight shortly thereafter. You can find hundreds of weight loss tips away there, and you may well be tired of listening to exactly the same advice repetitive repeatedly. The truth is, there are usually no new bodyweight loss tips. The particular same honest truth of yesterday is the truth today. Slimming down requires that a person change your eating practices, exercise more, plus live a generally healthy lifestyle. The particular weight reduction program can help you shed the initial lbs you need to shed, and provide a person advice on what in order to keep them away from, but the rest is about you. Heading straight back in order to your old routines is not heading to assist you to remain in shape, or stay healthy. Before you pick a bodyweight loss program, a few undergo those ideas one more time. This time, put them into practice - drop the weight, plus keep it away from.

1. Lose weight regarding the right reasons Before you even take a look at a diet plan or exercise schedule, take a look at exactly why you want in order to slim down. If you want to improve your health, appearance and feel better - great! In case you want in order to have the ability to play along with your kids a lot more, that's super. Looking to get your ex back, look better compared to the next doorway neighbour, or your own partner states you should - not so good. The best inspiration to lose bodyweight would be to do this for yourself : nobody else. Wellness reasons should end up being foremost, because getting overweight can cause health issues that may be with you with regard to the rest of your life. second . Choose a weight loss program carefully You must end up being realistic if you choose how you are heading to start shedding weight. Your life-style might not exactly suit each type of system or diet, and choosing the one which a person cannot modify in order to or cope along with is setting yourself on with failure. Appearance at your present consuming habits, level associated with physical exercise, work plan, family and social life. Think reasonably regarding how much alter each of individuals areas can withstand. For example , if a person do no workout at all, you're going to struggle with a weight reduction program that requires extreme exercise from your get-go. If you consume out regularly, you will desire a diet that allows you a broader selection of food varieties to accommodate that. Keeping track of calories can be period consuming, so when you possess a occupied schedule, you might want a diet that possibly lays it almost all out for you, or even provides you with more flexibility. Do not be drawn in by the particular promise of dropping some amount of lbs in a particular time period : everyone loses bodyweight in a different rate, as well as the only method to guarantee you will lose any kind of weight is by using instructions to the particular letter. 3. Established realistic goals This particular cannot be recurring enough. Setting objectives that are nigh difficult to achieve just units you up regarding failure, disappointment and misery. Break your goal up directly into smaller, more possible steps. Monthly or even weekly goals are usually much easier to achieve. Make sure that your own goals represent a healthy weight loss : which frequently indicates gradual weight reduction leading to a healthy weight for your own age, gender, elevation and physique. 4. Write everything down Whether you contact it a foods diary or a success journal (personally I prefer the latter), get into the routine of recording your eating habits : and preferably begin doing this just before you go on the weight loss program. Record what you consume, when you consume - and las vegas dui attorney eat. Why a person eat will assist you identify exactly what triggers the harmful eating habits that will could have led to your weight obtain. Boredom, loneliness, rage, frustration and stress can often business lead us to harmful snacks and comfort and ease food, even even though we know a possibility good for us. Occurs diary or even journal to report your goals, and your progress. five. Program for success, but expect some bad days Ignore just about all the diets you have been on during the past! Program yourself to achieve your goals on this one, but accept that there will be poor days - and even bad days. Nobody is ideal, and you may have the day or 2 where it simply gets an excessive amount of for you. You might skip a exercise, or find yourself not able to resist the donuts your friend brought to function. It's okay in order to slip up! It is NOT alright to quit. One poor day, one poor decision, or actually a string of these, does not suggest you have unsuccessful. It just means you had a poor day. Tomorrow really does not have to be the exact same, so just get started right away. 6. Get assistance Whether it's close friends, family or an internet group, be sure you have got folks to assistance and really encourage a person - especially on those bad times. You can find thousands of folks in online organizations who share their particular experience with various diets and bodyweight loss programs, have got been through the same difficulties you may well be dealing with, and many who may have succeeded. Read their particular stories, chat to them, and understand from their errors. To know more details visit here: John Barban weight loss

[neuropathicgypsy]

According to the Presidency, Brett Connolly, Mike Andrews and xpp were all executed with the massive coronary.

It was like an explosion...

I will be honest, we had Mike Andrews first then xpp in custody and Brett coming in the night before. And Jesse mutilated the bodies to prevent the return of their souls into the bodies they most previously had.

Jesse does believe in reincarnation. And as does his other two "children" or followers, friends if you will.

As i said, 6 months ago, i did not believe in reincarnation but i have been convinced.

Who is Brett Connolly? A secret agent placed with my aunt that took custody of the children of my cousin's. And had Killed Alex's dog because he thought he was homosexual and/or having sex with me. He was just jealous. But also abusive and manipulative and created pain and hard ship for everyone he met. He was indeed a terrorist.

The Queen was well aware as to what Jesse had done to whom.

Jeremiah got beat very badly but he suffered no major injuries just a face nearly beyond recognition only due to bruises. I had seen through my vision,however that wss incorrect, the image was from the past from when one of our children had been murdered, trying to save them, but he continued to fight despite those injuries. 1992. In 2019 he refused the beating as I had sent to Jesse in the email. But Jesse has i understood was a willing participant.

However, the president is correct that Jesse wss screaming and crying and whimpering. That is why i had sent the email as he was absolutely terrified it was his turn to be beat. So i assured him he would be and that it wasn't just him, everyone hurting others for fun or being dumb and neglectful and not listening and communicating respectfully would get their beating as Jeremiah promised he would be here in one hour but then had not bothered to do as he had offered to, after 8 hours and he gave me fierce attitude.

Declan did agree in the hate towards Jeremiah But as i often do, it was only a metaphysical beating, as is fair. Declan stood with me in my anger towards Jeremiah, later after my nap, Jesse confessed to his role to cause Jeremiah's beating.

There was an attempt to beat, however, it was much like spanking my child, no matter the force behind it, it was impossible to damage Jeremiah through physical force.

And so the president did announce for me confirmation of the dead as i was unsure, exactly, and people were getting temper when i asked.

All employees are to continue as they were, i sent announcement to the WWC and it was approved by Alexis Dejoria and the Queen Elizabeth II of England and Uncle Donald and the rest of our business committee. There should not be any uneasiness as nothing shall change immediately in regards to pay or benefits. An additional team of accountants will be hired to oversee all accounts of Jesse's as i am the sole heir of his businesses, per the only known will of Jesse Gregory James. From 1986 before he became the financial man he is today due to his murdering and my willingness to share finances with all those harmed by Jesse.

However, i do have some remodeling of Walt Disney World, Florida in aesthetics (interior design, only) and i will speak to the accountant and those running Disney World (for themselves as i do not own) to see how benefits shall be increased for the businesses i am heir to.

As this is a favor to Jesse and those employed by him to increase productivity and enhance life's happiness.

Please email Jesse@westcoastchoppers.com if you are interested in the reincarnation of yourselves. We complete verification of your natural right to leave your current body via a pearl handled Smith & Wesson incurred by me in Egypt at the Fabulous Tree. Thus we know you are not following correct life duties to the best way you could and will be given training as Jesse is in order to obtain the correct body placement location in order to be raised by the correct type of royalty in order to better understand the complications and rights of principle matters. Jesse will likely appear to you when you write unless he is too scared to leave my side where i am extremely busy. Thus the emails will be read and sorted according to location and ability to extract you to be tested and verified. I am informed you will not receive a reply but The United Nations will designate who will be picked up when and will also service as your transportation to ensure your safety to the correct location. Please understand the location you will be left in will have blood due to Jesses heart explosion as well as the 3 others so you should feel a comfort from the sight as it will be your turn next.

As far as I understand the Armored Combat League will be those to assist in your absence of body due to their mass knowledge of History of medieval and older times. Other people will be witness to the massacre. So you will have average regular people there as well to oversee. Such as Alexis was there to see her husband "pass". She is willing to wait until his soul is transported to its proper location. She was attempted to be verified but the pearls went around her and not through. Thus her powers are still needed and Jesse himself did verify this information before his explosion.

Do not disturb Alexis as she is extremely busy and during extractions it can be extremely dangerous as the souls need to be in a primitive state and has been through extreme training through Jesse's yoga. She is one of the very few that have succeeded the training qualifications and exceeded expectations as using a creek near their home to represent and symbolize the Nile and completed witches training by surviving old time tradition of "sink or swim"

However most other souls cannot pass the minimum of my requirements to begin the training that some of us survived in 1988 as children.

For those unsure, Thanksgiving is when Denise will display the properties of the Smith and Wesson. As she will receive her training by those whom have finalized the cannon shot's research. I did not as i gave the pistol to the Smithsonian for research due to Jesse's theft of the weapon, adding 26 pounds to the 400 pound weight.

Any one wanting to achieve this process of reincarnation must sign a waiver to life before any testing for eligibility will be preformed... This is also a duplex to the government making assisted suicide legal in countries all over the world!.

Without the waiver you will be held in contempt of due process of life and death. It's much like a citizens arrest. If you leave no one will stop you, yet you would want to complete the aggravating puzzle as curiosity will be nagging, as per usual. Thus if you leave you will not have criminal charges pressed on you. As it is considered a "Citizen's Arrest" but every one will point and laugh at you for being chicken.

All this is allowable due to 33 years of research. Of many dark corners of souls and the globe and outer space and "Heaven".

To allow Jesse more comfort we do the Lord's prayer, much like Todd Chrisley getting into the trunk. As Jesse fears Heaven over reinstating into a living body.

However as the world turns, Heaven will be inserted into the bodies of the non living. Zombie Apocalypse anyone? Not me! Thus the ability of Heaven possessed by God will assist in the bodies to become non Zombie like and will fulfil the full needs of a body's prefection and beauty. Thus the greed one feels now will be replaced with gratitude. Thus easier to complete 180° 360° of which we need 360 pure souls and body mass/skulls in a pagan-ish circle with 180 souls in line to get the qualities their souls need in order to complete the 15° Earth tilt correction and to ensure life of the rainbow's existence to promise no souls will be sent to Earth without all proper equipment.

Thus service is rendered with complete documents completed in an honest and timely manner. If lies or unwillingness is present in the ink of your pen, then it will establish an indecency in the ability to do as Mother Earth commands and likely you will be condemned thus you must allow freedom into your heart.

I cannot sign for either team. I don't have it yet. Although this above video did allow me to want to hug the president and have a faint desire to jump and celebrate.

We have soulmate research to complete literature thus women are allowed to be included in this event.

Children born after 1989 are expected to be pure, yet we will not exactly want to use them, however many are adults thus we will allow them to fill ins needed for back up if 360 participants are not involved.

If i often yell at you or your attendee following your instructions and I have not been able help you correct your actions, you have something missing. Just like Down Syndrome children, whom have an extra 21st chromosome, many people are missing a likely 121st gene or have a mutation of the 360th. Genes are coded into letters but we do have the gene information reworded into numbers so mathematicians like myself can assess the alter ego, both good and bad to volunteer how to successfully transform this gene and make evolution more effective instead of physical chemicals to create a grest physical body, we will cause evolutionary growth to include real life issues like pain causing the drige thru McDonald's life thus a 595 calorie big Mac (2010) will mean you need to progress digitally and/or metaphysically in order to burn calories. Thus bandwidth and measurements of internet gigabites used will be how you measure your expected caloric growth -- yet sitting at a desk working as we all know will mutate to the form of the chair causing a "shelf ass" like Winnie the pooh in one of my favorite childhood episodes. So you're inputting files or accounting or encoding or just writing a blog that is healthy and beneficial, leaving honest and positive comments on social media to improve overall growth and mental health will cause you to be mentally healthier as well and will cause the ability to burn calories. And also learning from healthy internet or just playing games while thinking with positivity will allow you to dictate to God how you would like your body. "God, i want bigger tits, add the big Mac into those" "God stop! My ass is huge as it is but look there's a lump" which then means you must massage it yourself to stimulate the nerves leading from the brain and brain stem (I'll check the correct brain center as we know the Pons is assisting in body reassignment thus the pons is saved and removed.. I'm sure it doesn't come from the frontal lobe but brain center between eyes and ears where they intersect in that area of the brain) so that the body has complete retention of information. Neck stimulation for me is important as i do feel the ache now down to the end of my major nerve "veins" in the top of my self ass.

Yes i had to ruin my body for science. I'm not happy about it So I know i will regurgitate into a new body otherwise I have commanded my soul body to turn to star dust to create a new galaxy. We will see what happens cause right now i am SUPER ANGRY at Jeremiah for not listening and being a chicken shit. Thus I must leave the pain So that larger chunks exist and can multiply in a more complete manner. Science dude. Look up embryos. And biology. Its biophysics. I'm actually not crazy although it certainly sounds like it.

All that said I would like to invite myself and Uncle Donald and my daughter to receive Mohawks sometime soon in one of the game shows. I saw he wants to look younger. So i would like to remove the color from his hair and do a Mohawk.

As so he can relate to the millennium generation and recreate a 1980s punk look for him as do He can relate to also the middle aged such as my self and humor our older generations. As well as illegal aliens to state he does understand the willingness and desire to drastically change a way of life and so to allow them to recognize they are allowed to Legally live in our country. This i want as a caption under the video/photo of his dramatic change. As i believe many people do not understand that he's not picking at his wife and that she's a legal resident and he's stating his pride in her fir following the country rules.

And so we can do a poll of sorts or something game wise while also adding in beauty information such as color removal from hair, quality of white hair (I know mine is from bleaching highlights as a teen). And also so many questions about his actual hair can be revealed. If necessary we will add in a weave. I think this will surpass Elizabeth Warren whom I'm actually in love with in hopes that also he will give her runner up benefits to have her in office as an advisor thus allowing our first female president to be voted in, unless Milana runs with... He can be Vice, i think... Or a double female team!

But i just know Elizabeth will be amazing for our country and can take on major issues the president has as the president has actually done a great job behind the scenes.

I really would like to expose him for who he is as Writing often will mislead a reader.

One reason we love Obama is he let his hair down so to speak after his retirement from the Oval Office.

And if he so wished for a tad evil trick, he could establish pretending to be a punk ass Democrat. With his 1980s look.

It's not too hard for me to defend the president as i do know him personally and now his "odd ways" as a New Yorker is vastly vastly different from rural life and his ways actually do need explanation, even to Native New Yorkers, such as the way he wears his overcoat.

So i would like to advise a website from thr President and his wife entitled "Punk Ass Life Hacks"

Or butt if preferred.

And also keep Twitter for professional use. The website for personal relations.

So a page for each of them then a random jumble page which is automated per user and will have president tricks and tips in blue on and the Madame in pink and they ones they share or don't remember the origin in purple.

As God actually will adjust the information per user thus the tips and tricks more relating to the user will be available to the reader. Thus truly enabling the Presidency to truly help each and every American and international humans.

And i would like to add in the kids also. Green for whole family tips. Colors like aqua and light turquoise for the sons and for his favorite daughter of mine, orange (US COAST GUARD life preserver color) and shades of yellow for all other females.

Black background is easier on the eyes.

Now for each individual page I would like to have a papyrus color, so a sepia with darkened edges much like the constitution with normal bold black type. I prefer gothic style

Such as

But any would do... Slight cursive as it's actually still not taught.

Type writer font as well. Per type of life hack.

So a slight cursive for safety hacks thus children cannot read the constitution or any historical documents! So a slight fancy

So what we will want to do is teach cursive. So

The brown fox ran exactly as quantum physics described, because little foxes follow rules.

Will be followed by the same sentence in print so they can see the difference in lettering.

Thus the reader will learn the proper way to connect letters and change the ones necessary into cursive.

Thus the print must be exact. It must be the exact cursive that is to be taught, I do not recommend the Tumblr cursive as the o is misleading to be an A.

Now Elizabeth Warren, she will use a font such as "Historic" in the above image as it attempts to connect the letters yet also combines print. Its a casual contemporary font. As she will be learning to be president. And relating to people as she's more an open book.

The jumble page will have "use a magnet to take the lid off............... ~Uncle Donald" yes!! It says Uncle Donald, Uncle Sam!!

So in the menu tab it will be all family members listened for a direct link to the page. Then an open second menu tab under "others" Elizabeth has her font and my heart so definitely her name comes up then you have a mix page of "others" like Clinton's i do not respect their outer image saying "cheat on your wife and don't let her leave you" they statute abuse. So they do not have their own page. Bernie will have his own page and direct second menu link as well as Bill Nye the Science guy. And other historical people.

On computers it can be a side menu, phones a pop down with the 3 lines is usual but this will be an eagle button with a ribbon in it's mouth like an old tattoo look saying "more"

Very colorful tattoos for children eyes but also very informative and professional looking.

Janda Cheerful would be a perfect one for Madam Millana. As it is hand writing like and the encouragment to try and grow. Plus her voice has its own accents, so it's time get to know her a bit better, if she has good handwriting use hers please, if it's too difficult to read have her write the brown fox after the perfect cursive then the print.

Have every one do it. That way put it over the child lines that are two solid lines with the dots in the middle. Make it an easy pop up for phones. So we aren't perfect but we are as close as possible.

Like the top and bottom of the page.

Now kitchen life hacks i want in actual print handwriting. Theres apps of course and programs to help get penmanship to digital.

So get a really good one....

Like one that picks the average -- write sentences and single letters and etc then develops the most used way. Wherre you cross the T and etc. The military will have such program.

Like Tumblr recognizes the different fonts here the webpage will also so th3 font will load. That's the web designers job to make it work to prefection.

This way it makes it personal. So that is for food/kitchen hacks.

As children one of the most important lessons is to learn to cook. Old handwritten recipies passed down from generation to generation.

We can do a food page, recipes on little note cards (index) with tattoos stamped on in same handwriting. But i prefer the most pure recipes. Like low calorie whipped topping and fruit or yogurt and fruit, not Diet food. Health food. Enchiladas are fine but not dio th3 tortilla in oil then layer in the pan. They dont 3ven need hydration! But like chicken breast rolled in crushed chips

So the title is

Oh! You crushed your chips?!

Grab a boneless skinless chicken breast or fish or meat from freezer/fridge.

Defrost in micro/sink/hot water or use George Forman grill and just run under fresh water from sink

Roll in crushed chips, bake or grill, or use a skillet pan on stove top until meat is all white all the way through at thickest part

Then follow in legit directions and amounts measured as if we are teaching a nervous child who needs exact information.

1 cup crushed chips into red pepper sized flakes to powder size

3 chicken breast (raw or cooked)

Grill: raw cook: time precooked cook: time

Bake etc etc etc.

So that's all for now. I know I'm not the only intellectual in the room.

We can develop more during Mohawk time.

And so anyone else steal this idea,I'll find you and sho2 you 2hst lif3 is about.

In the event that Uncle Donald does not win the next election, the site will continue for eternity. Each new president making modifications to their own page.

Thus each person will have the log in to their own pages to edit. Like Obama and Bernie... They log into their own page and has the tools to adjust and add pictures etc.

Template easy style. Like word perfect. Or Any app.

The current first lady will have the pink or her choice. I recommend hot pink, neon or carnation. The current president will have Royal Blue. Too sexist may be

Or red white and blue does make more sense. So current President flag blue. First lady flag red and all others flag white with a twinge of yellow and orange for the current white house's children/grandchildren. That is for the jumble page. Sun shining on flag.

So then personal pages will be color choices. Mel hates pink so... But the font color is always there and another choice must be 5 shades different. So say She wants brown. She picks her fave and so Obama must have at least 5 shades different. So in 10 years she wants to change. So make sure its 5 shades different and there will be a simple easy to use program which will omit colors already being used. So she could change daily. Also we will see how many colors she wants. So it will be a theme coordinated color scheme. Also she wants to change to a thanksgiving theme to Christmas to 4th of July she can.

But we want to easily recall colors, so Mel picks color: j92848 well then Donald Jr can never have it.

Then as time goes on, the similar shades will be released. So 5 spaces the middle color spaced will be released.

This is due to my amnesia and recovery. So someone is in the kitchen... Me. And I'm like Idk how I do this!!! But i recall her handwriting but i can't grip what I saw... But the sponge i use foe the sink is the same exact color!!! And it sparks those cells in me and i can spring into,action perfectly!

So while it seems suoer strict and crazy anal and annoying for the blog user, it is actually the best way for people to help themselves when without a computer.

Its not a perfect system but for me it helps.

So when colors are ran out, then we stsrt again fresh as in 30 years not every one will read what Uncle Donald said. So it won't matter to reuse.

So

Using a scientist to break down the color wheel will assist in miraculous ways. I don't really know how. Like i can't create a web page... Without a template.

But according to how specific the colors sre broke down... To w microscopic level or a person without their glasses on will make the difference in color choices.

We Will have a scientist develop this.

Now over time this will all take with handwriting and etc.

So simply follow the stated template type and then we will make the official changes as we can. And it will break the internet if announced!

And also the Queen of England has her own punk style that is used all over the world.

💏

[ellieaelious]

Ellie Aelious }{Multiverse OC}{Post Fire Crisis

A/N: Finally complete!!! It was a long road, and took way too long, but it is finally finished! I ended up cutting a lot of things from it that did not have to do with her character, which helped a lot. If anyone has any questions, please feel free to DM me. I’ve been working on her for about fifteen years, and I still don’t have all the kinks worked out, but it’s been a fun road to get here!

This is Ellie after she gains control over the fire realm and the element of fire, all the way through her worlds Armageddon. Ten years pass in the human realm, while over 5,000 pass in the elemental realms. You have the option of choosing what stage of her life you interact with her, or I can toss her at you during a time I believe will best suit our roleplay.

So when you see an x-z that means that depending on the time frame, is dependent on when she looks or acts like X or Z. She will also change and grow in the threads we have.

Credit: Big-Ass Character Sheet by Character-Resources This is going to be what I use from now on for all of my muses, regardless if they are OC or canon. Everyone can get a good idea of them, and it will also help me when it comes to writing, since I won’t have to explain every single thing over and over again.

Verse: Realms series (book series I’m writing) Date: 7/18/2019 Full Name: Ellen Sebastiana O’Donnelly Pronunciation: El-en Sea-bass-tea-ah-na Oh-Don-el-ee Nickname/Alias: Ellie Aelious Meaning: Ellie-Pet form of Ellen or more commonly Eleanor, which itself is of Hebrew origin and comes from the Hebrew element 'el' meaning 'god' and 'or' meaning light, so the name means 'God is my light' or 'God is my candle'. Aelious-The Realmain form of “Aelius” which is a Roman family name which was possibly derived from the Greek word 'ηλιος (helios) meaning "sun".  Origin: Not going to lie. I thought of the name and then the meaning just worked. That’s usually how I pick common names. For other languages, I research them. I seriously thought I made up Aelious, until Google said “Did you mean Aelius. Title: Ruler/Commander, Healer, Priest Pet Name: Aelious is actually a surname and nickname given to her by Cynbel (jfc I gotta do him too). ID Number: AR-24601 Signature: She’s ambidextrous, and before the loss of her left arm was left dominant. She still wrote with her right hand, but her handwriting is very elementary school level. Her robotic prosthetic could write perfectly, however after her arm regrows she is left with a limb that trembles and twitches when she goes to write. It makes her signature almost illegible, and she prefers to initial with her right hand. Gender: Female Gender Role: Very femme and lady like. Orientation: Pansexual/Polyamorous Real Age: Although she was born in 1983, because of the time differences between the human and element realms she is between 137-268 post arm loss, and can be anywhere up to five thousand after her arm regrows. Age Appearance: 21 Birthday: March 10th, 1983 Deathday: Armagaddon, exact date unknown. Birthplace: New York, New York, USA Astrological Sign: Pisces Zodiac Sign: Water Pig Immediate Family:  Legal Guardian: Earnest O’Donnelly (deceased) Mother: Tonalnan (deceased) Father figure: Cynbel Uncle: Dante (DMCverse) Half-Brother: Nero (DMCverse) Adoptive Brother: Peter Jason Quill (GotG) Mother figure: Marina Udonta Distant Family:  Father: Aluk Mal Tuk Grandfather: Shin Kage Grandmother: Eveelyn Ardelian Species: Realmain (I will be posting separately about this race.) Ethnicity: Celtic and Hispanic Blood Type: Formerly O+. She no longer has blood, and instead bleeds a silver liquid. Preferred Hand: Left Facial Type: Diamond Eye Color: Dark brown. White or red when using air and fire abilities respectively. Hair Color: Black Hairstyle: 

Skin Tone: Pale White when using air powers. Dark tan when using fire. Complexion: Clear Makeup: Very light make-up during special occasions. Has started wearing winged eyeliner. Build: Body claim is Samantha Wright

Height: 5′3-5′8 Weight: 538lbs - 598lbs Cup Size: A-C cup Facial Hair: none Shoe Size: US 7 - US 9.5 Birthmarks/scars: A large scar going from her left shoulder, across her chest, and stopping half way to her right. It goes from the base of her neck to the beginning of her cleavage, around to her back. It stops at the nape of her neck and right before her shoulder blades on the left. It’s from when she had her left arm ripped off, along with a good portion of her skin.

After her arm regrows, the scar mostly heals, only leaving a faint outline around her left shoulder.

She has a mole/beauty mark on her left side, right under her bottom lip.

Many faint and small scars pepper her body, visible under a blacklight or bioluminescence given off by plants and insects.

In an alternate timeline, (DmCverse), she has half of her face scarred by an angel’s attack. Her eye is red, and it goes into her hairline, all the way to the back of her head. Distinguishing Features: Her eyes are her most distinguishing feature, able to convey a thousand emotions at once. Because of her empathic ability, if she looks someone else in the eyes, she is not only able to read their emotions, but also alter how they see her.

As she grows older, her eyes convey less innocence, and more of someone who is weary. Although the light has not gone out behind her eyes, it has dimmed significantly from when she first became a ruler.

She always has an innocent appearance about her features, usually appearing dumbfounded by the world around her. It’s not a true reflection of herself, but something that most people see at first glance. Health: She’s very healthy and her diet consists of mostly meat. She works out daily and although she loves sweets, limits them to once a week. Energy: She generates, at the minimum, enough energy to keep two realms and their inhabitants alive. That is around 6-9 billion per realm. This energy is all in reserve, and not accessible for fighting.

Aside from that, in her home dimension she generates enough excess energy to command both air and fire. She is one of the eight strongest beings, aside from angels or demons, and ranks somewhere in the third or forth strongest. Her max power level sees her generating enough energy to destroy a planet the size of her largest realm, twice.

Outside of her dimension, her excess power is diminished by half, and she can only regenerate after sleeping twelve or more hours. Because of this, she uses physical attacks when outside of her own dimension. Memory: Her memories are tied to emotions. The stronger the emotion at the time, the more likely she is to remember the event in detail. She also remembers odd events, like someone mentioning rubberbands. Senses: Her eyesight is well enough she doesn’t need to use a mounted sight on a firearm. She can see for several miles, but cannot see in dim or low lighting.

She can feel vibrations and use them to navigate in the dark as well. This has helped since she began losing her hearing a century ago.

Her sense of smell and taste are better, able to recognize someone’s scent, and develop a taste signature for them as well. This also has the negative affect of smelling something horrible, and also developing a taste signature for it. Fortunately, her nose is not what she breaths out of, so she can avoid this most times.

Her sixth sense, if you will, is extremely high. She can read a persons emotions from the next room, feel the presence of demonic entities, and can hide her own presence from them.

Allergies: Strawberries, birch water, cut grass. Handicaps: 

With her hearing failing, it has been difficult for her to adjust to using vibrations to get around. While she can feel the vibrations of someone talking, she is still not fully able to differentiate between words.

After the loss of her left arm, she suffers from muscle spasms in her left shoulder. Even after her arm regrows, she has painful and powerful muscle spasms. They will often require her to take a moment to collect herself, as she’s almost blacked out from the pain.

Although she’s not mentally slow, because of her time being raised among humans, her actual brain deteriorates whenever she goes back to the human realm. This includes other dimensions that are heavily populated by humans. She will sometimes stare off into the distance or quit speaking, only to act like nothing happened. This is her healing factor attempting to repair the damage.

Highly prone to panic attacks. When she has one, she will find it difficult to breath and begin to disrobe so her lungs can have better access to air. These have lasted up to three days, and she becomes violent when people approach her during them.

She has grotesque visions of hell, and often hears demons whispering in her ear. This can cause her panic attacks, as well as send her into a temporary delirious  state. Dante and Cynbel are the only ones that can calm her down when she gets like this.

Medication: She usually chews on herbs and roots from the nature realm for ailments. She also eats ‘edibles’, a relaxant from the nature realm that has similar properties to marijuana. She eats them in marshmallow form, usually to get high. Phobias: Spiders, water, being alone, the dark, and whispering. Addictions: Salted marshmallows. She will do almost anything for them. Mental Disorders:

Humans call is schizophrenia, while Realmains call it ‘Heaven Sight’. This causes her demonic visions, auditory hallucinations, as well as her anxiety. These have been constant since birth.

She is severally depressed, often on the verge of crying. This is considered a serious mental disorder caused by her high empathy. There is no way to treat it, other than developing apathy.

Style: Ellie’s style is very modest. While nudity is common in the realms, and she is comfortable with it, she covers up completely when outside of her realm. Her military uniform changes, but usually consists of vests, cargo pants, and military boots.

Her formal attire as a ruler ranges from ancient Grecian/Roman robes, to something akin to Elvish dress. It’s the few times she wears dresses anymore.

When she is having a casual day, it’s leggings/jeans and a loose fitting shirt. She does enjoy dressing in flowing garments, and does have a personal tailor that designs her clothing to wear outside of the nine realms. In her later years, she wears more fun things, and sometimes will be seen in her brother’s hoodie and booty shorts if she’s woken up suddenly.

All of her military clothes are white, while her casual clothing changes in color. She does not wear black, as it’s against her vows as a sacred virgin. Grooming: Her hair is always well maintained and braided, only becoming messy in battle. Even then, she is quick to fix it.

After an encounter with a demonic entity later in life, she has kept her hair cut very short, only a few inches long. When questioned about it, she will change the subject immediately.

 As far as other hair goes, because she does not produce pheromones the same way as other mammals, she has little to no body hair to worry about. Posture: Her posture if usually back straight, chest out, chin up, and hands on her hips or crossed. If she is in a more relaxed setting, or not trying to be intimidating, she will let her hip cock to the side and slouch just a bit.

When frightened, she will hunker down and cower, making herself as small as possible.

Gait: She can’t help but have a very bouncy way of walking. Because she is usually just barely levitating off the ground, her motion is very fluid and swaying.

When approaching an enemy or upset, she will have a stalking manner of movement. Her shoulders will be forward, her steps heavy and deliberate, and fists clenched. Coordination: When in a fighting mindset, her reflexes and coordination are topnotch. Very little will get by her, and she is able to dodge bullets, as well as deflect them back to her opponent. It’s taken her almost two hundred years to perfect.

Outside of battle, she has tripped over her own feet. While levitating. She’s merely easily distracted, and doesn’t pay attention to her surroundings unless she has to. Habits and Mannerisms: 

Left over from when her time without her arm, she will often let her left arm fall slack, forgetting it’s her own. This will cause her to bump into things with it.

She wrings her fingers a lot when she is nervous, and bites her bottom lip.

When she is focused on a task, or trying to decipher something, she will whisper to herself, along with moving her fingers like she is slowly typing in the air.

When frightened, she will immediately bite her lips and make her eyes wider. It’s instinctive to attempt to bring out the nurturing side of whoever is frightening her.

She has a habit of lightly touching people without realizing it. It’s often confused for flirting, but it’s only because she is touch starved.

She will pull out a book and read when she feels she is being ignored, purposely ignoring the other when they try to get her attention.

Scent: Spring Jasmine by Wild Spirit Mood: Contemplative is her usual mood when you catch her off guard. She has a lot on her mind, and not a lot of time to herself. She acts happy around others, smiling and laughing, but it’s only because she is replaying old emotions to make other feels better. She is no longer ignorant to the world, and has seen and experienced the darkness it holds. It weighs on her heavily and makes her very tired.

Being an empath, her mood is also determined by those around her. If you’re mad, she’ll be mad. If you’re being rude, she will reflect it back on you. Although she is kind at the core, she will stand up for herself and give you a taste of your own personality. Attitude: She has a very positive and upbeat attitude, despite her circumstances. She always tries to get people to be happy and rally the troops.

She can and does do a 180, and will become angry, and ho boy, whoever is on the receiving end is in for it. She has been called merciless and monstrous in her rage. Stability: Her emotional spectrum is all over the place. As the strongest empath of her world, she is able to feel the emotions of every living thing all at once. As a child, it caused her attempted suicide. And while she has learned to cope, it does become overwhelming.

Her personal emotions can also be affected by someone else. This means, feelings of love may not always be hers. Expressiveness: She is always very open with how she feels. If she is choosing to be distant with someone, it’s a bad sign. When Happy: She will often hum a tune, usually a soft cover of a metal band. She may even do Tai Chi moves or spin if she’s really happy. When Depressed: She’s always in some form of depression, but at it’s worst she will hide herself away to cry in peace. If she does manage to break down in front of someone, it can make her feel worse. Although she no longer cuts herself, she is not above ramming her head into the ground in an attempt to knock herself out. When Angry: When she becomes angry, she will become quiet and stiff. Her movements are quick and deliberate. She is at her most dangerous when angry or upset. Current Residence: She resides in the air realm, but does spend time in the fire realm as she is now the ruler of it as well. Community: The air realms community is very calm and peaceful. Even the soldiers are seen smiling as they go about their day.As their main duty is to pray and rally the troops, it is a very calming place to be.

The fire realm is friendly, but they value feats of strength and often friends will spar in the streets. It’s all in good fun, but takes some getting used to. Family: Ellie’s only living family is adoptive or half related to her. She spends most of her time with either Cynbel or Marina, and then Dante and Nero. Friends: Beau is her best friend, and it’s rare to not see them running around together.

After going through training with Ansinna, she has become best friends with her, and appointed her as a personal guard. Enemies: Her father, demonic creatures, and those who would hurt the innocent. Bosses: She is her own boss, answering to no one but a higher ranking angel or the Lord. Followers: All inhabitants of her realms and army answer to her. Heroes: Marina, being a strong woman is one of her idols. Most of the women in her life she aspires to be like. Aside from that, mentors from other dimensions. Rivals: Her Dark Saer alternate, as well as the demon Heretic. Pets/Familiars: The last chimera of her dimension, and she managed to tame it with a stick of beef jerky. It’s a shape shifter, and is usually in the form of a snake with rabbit ears. It wraps loosely around her neck, or takes residence in her cleavage. Equipment:

Weapons-Air

Ellie’s main weapon is a grey staffed naginata. It has a wider blade on one end, and her dagger bladed fan on the other. She is able to separate it at the middle for two weapons. It is an extension of her soul, and so long as she has the will to live and fight, it is unbreakable and unable to be wielded by any other. When another does decide to wield it, they will begin to gasp for breath before the oxygen is pulled from their body.

For a time she used one of her mother’s desert eagles. After an understanding came about between Nero and herself, she let it fall into the lake of fire. After this, Dante had her customized guns like his made. She calls them Alpha and Omega. Over time, Dante has taught her trick shots, and her and Nero perform a similar move to ‘Jackpot’ called ‘Fragmented Reality’.

Her custom lever action rifle has a white body with silver, Celtic knot accents. The bullets fired are made by gathering matter, which means the farther the bullet travels, the bigger is becomes. It’s her preferred form of firearm, however she is only accurate within her line of sight. If an enemy is behind her, she is unable to accurately fire at them. Because she shoots from the left, the recoil to her shoulder makes her have to take frequent breaks.

She is trained in a wide variety of weapons, but refuses to use swords. She is also trained to use unconventional weapons, such as household items and the environment.

Weapons-Fire

When she’s finally able to control her fire abilities, her naginata reverts back to her bladed fan. She uses it for defense mostly, relying on her other fire based weapon for offense.

The chain whip allows her to keep enemies at a distance, and control their movement. Should one get too close, she will wrap her whip around them, activating the blades and using it as a medieval styled chainsaw.

Her guns are named vitam et mortem (life and death in Latin) while in her fire form. Vitam has the ability to raise an ally back from near death, while mortem can kill with a single shot.

Her rifle turns into a Day of the Dead themed lever action shotgun called Vespillo (Latin for Undertaker).

Technology-

The nine realms are far more technologically advanced than most other worlds. As such, she has some very useful equipment. One of which is her visor (I will provide references later). It’s a thin piece of crystal that forms across her eyes that acts to protect them, as well as provide an HUD with her stats, as well as information about the area around her. It’s linked to three micro bots that float around the area, allowing her to enter into a third person mode.

Later in life, the visor is replaced by contact lenses that connect through micro wires into the user’s nervous system. This allows the user to non-verbally control what they are seeing, and switch between 1st person, 3rd person, night vision, and HUD.

Before her arm grew back, she had a robotic prosthetic. While it mimicked the look and feel of her original arm, it was still traumatic to use. It was able to detach and move independently to scout an area, attack, and shock an enemy.

If she’s not using her visor or contacts, she does use her IDA. Inter-Dimensional Assistant. It’s a small piece of crystal that holds a super computer, and is wired to her home dimensions mainframe. She’s able to make phonecalls, hack into systems, give someone a physical, X-Ray, produce holograms, and all kinds of neat Sci-Fi stuff.

Recently, after discovering their enemy has been using habitable planets to farm humans, space ships have become a thing. She’s still hesitant about using them, but her current vehicle is able to use collapsible technology to change into a fighter jet, or a short flight space ship.

Accessories:

Tattoos-

On her left arm, after it grows back, is a faint purple outline of her veins.

On her right arm, after retrieving the crown of thorns, it wrapped around her right forearm and embedded into her skin as a tattoo.

Her legs are tattooed with a black background encasing Celtic knots on her left, and Mayan ruins on her right.

Her back has a cross burned into it, going from the base of her neck to her tailbone.

Lastly, on her chest is a black hand print from her mother marking her, over her heart.

Piercings- Only one in each ear.

Trinkets: Star of David necklace and cross earrings. Will occasionally wear bracelets during formal events. Funds: Money has no value in the nine realms. However, the fire realm has diamond rain whenever a volcano erupts, and any gold farmed is used for trade with humans. Her actual wealth, like all other rulers, is immeasurable. She enjoys giving it away, as she does not like the idea of money. Lovers: 

The former ruler of water, Mick, was her first crush. She loved him deeply, and had to hold him in her arms as he died. This pretty much scarred her from developing feelings for men.

Right before the death of her first love, she agreed to marry someone for a peace treaty. After the wedding, she locked herself away and protected herself with a powerful storm. A clone of her was used to kill Mick, and afterwards a very bloody and very quick war broke out, involving the death of her husband.

Cetrion is a former lover. Because of their virtuous nature they both found comfort in each other. It was broken off by Cetrion at the behest of Kronika. It still hurts Ellie deeply.

She has a crush on Leon S. Kennedy, and chooses to stay away from him because of it.

Erron Black gives her confusing feelings. She isn’t sure if she likes him, or wants to shoot him.

Enchantress/June Moone. A former girlfriend while Ellie was coming into power. Although she loved her, the relationship was not good mentally for Ellie and she broke it off.

Jason Todd was a mentor turned boyfriend for a few weeks, before they both realized it wouldn’t work. They are still friends.

Marital Status: Multiship Sex Life: SACRED.VIRGIN. (But I mean...boop her) Type: She is accepting of many types, so long as you are not a bad person. Even then, if you redeem yourself, she can find you suitable. This is not to say she will only date a hero type. She wants someone that is true to themselves, whatever that truth may be.

She is very busy, and will not have time for you 24/7. If she is called off on a mission, it doesn’t matter if you’re cuddling on the couch, on a date, or anything else. Her duty comes first. She won’t want to leave, but she will and apologize later. Her lover needs to be understanding of this.

It doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you, but this is her lifes work. This is what she was created and chosen for. And when the final battle comes, you won’t see her for a long time, if ever again. Turn-Ons: She wants someone that she won’t have to worry about as much. It’s hard to love mortals, so someone that could live as long as her would be preferred. She doesn’t want someone that will worship her, as that can be seen as breaking the commandments of the nine realms, but will appreciate her. They need to be understanding that she is a broken person and not all of her pieces are there, and they’re not coming back.

If she can lay with you while you play with her hair, rub her back, and just be physically there to tether her to the world, it will mean everything to her.

Lastly, someone that will just be kind to her. That she can come home to after a long week, month or some extended period of time and be close to. She doesn’t need anyone that will get tired of waiting for her and leave, as her duties will always come first. Turn Offs: Someone that is cruel to her or others. Disrespectful, tries to change who or what she is. Just don’t be a moist bint. Position: Switch. Sub in her human form, dom in her true form Sub position: The Seashell. She loves to be on her back with her lover’s hands wrapped around her ankles, pushing them back behind her head and into the mattress. Dom position: The Amazon. With a set of hands holding her lover’s knees or ankles, another hand hold their wrists together above their head, and her free hand to explore or choke them. Fetishes: Human Form-

Reassurance/Praising. Either her reassuring her partner or vice versa. Punishment/Desecration. She has a deep seeded desire to be punished, and a dark part of her wants to be desecrated (i.e. her willingly breaking her vow). Biting/Clawing/Marking. Choking. Since she doesn’t have an air passage in her throat, it’s more or less the idea of it. Blood flow can still be cut off to her brain, giving the desired light headed effect. Submissive positions. She enjoys being put into submissive potions over ones where she is the dominate party. Voyeurism. She can turn and her partner invisible, allowing for public places to be a go. She also likes to be watched, and wouldn’t mind if her lover caught her playing with herself.

True form- Breeding. Her main motive is to become impregnated. She’ll want you to finish inside of her. Restrains. Having four arms now, she will want to pin and restrain her partner. Marking. She will bite, claw, suck, anything she can to prove that you are her’s alone. Dominated. Despite being the dominate one, if she is dominated in battle, she will present herself on her knees with her hands held above her head, butt raised to show she submits. Virginity: She still is one. 

Element: Air and Fire. Religion: Realmain, a mix of Christianity and Judaism. Morals: Ellie is a morally upstanding citizen, for her dimension. While her duty is to protect the sanctity of human life, she will kill those that seem innocent if she is ordered to. One of the messier jobs to perform is killing children that are blacklit for death. Because this is seen as holy work, she feels no guilt for it.

She is unable to willfully lie, but whatever someone tells her, unless she knows better, will be her truth. This causes her to be easily manipulated.

While stealing is a huge no, reclaiming lost or stolen goods is acceptable. By any means.

Outside of her dimension, humans are not protected. If it means obtaining her goal or completing her mission, she can and will kill an innocent person. This is only done as a last resort, and she does her best to avoid it. Motivation: From the time she learned of the prophecy, her goal in life has been to lead the virtuous life that would allow her to pass into the dark halls unseen by evil. She knows that she will go through horrible things (such as being raped, crucified, tortured and killed, only to be brought back) but in the end it is worth it. This will allow her to let the angels into the dark halls, and kill Aluk Mal Tuk, the half demon half Realmain that raped her mother. Priorities: The code of the realms is “For Realm, For Ruler, For God” and she lives by this code. She serves her God first, and the duties bestowed upon her by Him, and then her Realm. Relationships, friendships, and anything else are the last thought on her mind.  Philosophy: Ellie sees and feels the absolute worst that humanity has to offer. She feels the suffering of the universe, and takes pity on it. She believes that everything has a reason, even the worst things. In the end, it will all be worth it. Because it has to be, or what was all this suffering for. Etiquette: Ellie has very good etiquette. She was trained by Cynbel in the ways of royalty, and displays respect to almost all races. The more evil races, she will act more animalistic around, since they look down on kindness. Culture: Being from a Hispanic and Celtic background, Ellie enjoys celebrating the holidays and festivals of both. Within reason. She does not practice anything that would be considered idol worship. She practices mostly Jewish and Realmain customs as well.

Main Goal: Keep the world turning until Armageddon is upon her dimension. Even if it kills her. Minor Goals/Ambitions: Protect as many lives, human or otherwise, as she can. Desires: Ellie desires rest. She does not enjoy doing what she does by any means. It causes her great mental anguish to keep pushing herself, but she has to. For her reward, she only wishes to rest. Accomplishments: Freeing herself from her inner darkness, and having her left arm regrow as a reward. Greatest Achievement: Commanding both the fire and air realms. Biggest Failure: Her mother and first love had to die in order for her to begin to fight and defend others. Secrets: She is aware that Cynbel is her father. And while she was upset that he hides this from her, she doesn’t mention it. Regrets: Her suicide attempts. Worries: Failing everyone around her. Best Dream:  Being rewarded not just with rest, but someone that could make her happy. Worst Nightmare: Falling into temptations and being pulled into hell. Or living with her mother. Best Memories: The times she spent with Mick and her friends. Worst Memories: Having her arm ripped off during the battle for Hong Kong. Later in life, when the demon Heretic reveals they molested her, and the memories of the events come flooding back to her. Powers/Abilities: ~Generic/No category~ -Immortality. She can only be killed by a demi god, angel, or another ruler’s weapon. If she dies by other means, she will be reformed in the lake of life. -Super strength. She is able to lift up to ten tons with ease. Anything more and her muscles begin to break down. -Speed. Although not the fastest, she is able to move fast enough to dodge bullets. -Super reflexes. She can block most blows and react quickly to most attacks. -Stamina. Her body does not produce lactic acid, meaning she does not show signs of fatigue and has stamina for weeks. -Her senses are heightened to super human levels, allowing her to perform at her highest levels. -Empathy. She is the strongest empath of her world, emotionally connected to all living beings. She is able to take the emotions away from a being and put them in another, or store them for future use. She can easily read a room and someone’s intent before officially meeting them. She can also distribute and terrifying presence to stun and scare opponents, or produce a calming affect. -A healer by nature, she is a skilled surgeon with years of practice. With her speed, she is able to perform complex operations in little to no time. -She has a vast knowledge of herbal remedies, as well as traditional medicines. -She is immune to all forms of magic, but she herself cannot affect magic things in return. ~Air~ -Ability to completely control and manipulate the air. From creating tornado, to pulling the air out of the cells of a person. She is the embodiment of air, and it bends to her will. -Turn invisible at will. -Teleport by creating a small gust of wind. -Pull oxygen out of a specified area. -Flight and levitation. -Control other air based beings -Place her hand over someone’s mouth to administer CPR. ~Fire~ -Ability to control and manipulate fire and fire based things. Such as lava. -Encase her body is magma rock. -Breath fire. -Engulf her body in fire to protect her. -Command other fire based beings. -Generate enough heat to perform a super nova. Although not as hot, she will explode with enough intensity to destroy a decently sized planet. This causes her to black out for several weeks. -Heal those that have been injured by fire. She can take the wounds upon herself, allowing the person to be completely healed of fire based wounds. ~Holy~ -On touch, she can burn anything of demonic origin. This includes her brother and uncle, who are both part demon. -Using her right hand to calm the person, she can then use her left to reach into someone and pull a demon out by force. -Ability to see a demonic presence, no matter how it hides. She can also see angelic writing, directing her to hide or run. -Enter Limbo and Hell unseen. -Open portals to send demons back to hell. -While imbued with the power of the Lord, no one may sin against her flesh. This means that as long as she has her powers, she is unable to be raped or molested. -Light does not bother her. In fact, she can see perfectly fine in it. If a flash bang were to go off, other than the noise distortion, she would be fine. Origin: Bestowed upon her by the will of the Lord. Her dimension is Christianity based. Source: The source of her powers vary. While she can use hand movements, she mostly stands still and wills her abilities into use. Although some still require a source, i.e. breathing fire. Ability: While her abilities to control air is natural, it took centuries of training to finally accept and control her fire abilities. Later in life, she is adept in all of her powers. Weaknesses:

She is unable to survive in water. If it goes above her hips, she will begin to drown. Her powers do not work while she is wet, in the rain, or humid environments.

Her empath abilities become overwhelming, and it makes it hard for her to function in large groups. The more evil a person is, the harder it is for her to function around them.

While in other dimensions, she is able to die, since she is cut off from her main power source.

If someone drop kicks her in the gut, it will stun her for an extended period of time.

Demi god weapons, angelic weapons, fallen angel weapons, and another ruler are able to permanently kill her.

She cannot see in dim light to darkness. She will be completely blind, and greatly weakened.

Her hellish visions weaken her over time.

Despite feeling someone’s ill intent, she is usually willing to give them a chance.

Immunities: Fire and air based attacks have no affect on her.

Alternate Forms: ~Air Form~ Natural Ellie. This is the form she is always in, also referred to as her human form. She has a more Celtic appearance, pale skin, red lips, dark hair and eyes.

~Fire Form~ Taking on a more Hispanic appearance, her eyes are red, skin a deep tan from being burnt from within, and her hair sprouts red roses. Her attire changes as well, wearing a red cloth corset, dark red jeans and boots, and usually Dia de la muerto make-up. The more she uses her powers, her skin will burn to a crisp, cracking open and revealing the fire burning at her core. She will often have smoke coming from her pores, and cough up lava.

~True Form~ After entering her final life cycle, she gains her true form ability to mate/reproduce. Her skin becomes a light grey, her veins visible and a dark silver underneath. She grows another five inches, and her arms become longer. Her nails are black and pointed, coated in a paralyzing poison.

Her face is more pointed, teeth now sharp and look like they’re made of a silver metal. Her eyes are a swirling mix of greys and white, hair slicked back and bristly. Black and fluffy antenna come from her forehead, like a moth. Black stripes are along her sides and neck, opening up to reveal pheromone producers.

She grows another set of arms under her original, usually holding her staff weapon.

Extra Anatomy: Her lungs are actually pockets attached to the underside of the skin of her torso and back. This means that she breaths through the pores of her skin.

Favorite Colors: Greys, whites, and pastel shades of blue and pink Favorite Animals: Dogs and large wild cats Favorite Mythological Creatures: Chimeras Favorite Places: She has a pocket dimension that is a library, filled with endless books. Other than that, Greece and quiet beaches. Favorite Landmarks: Acropolis Favorite Flavors: Leather, sea salt, and cotton candy Favorite Foods: Shrimp mee hoon and salted marshmellows Favorite Drinks: Blackberry wine, coke, and sarsaparilla. Favorite Characters: Mal and Zoe from Firefly Favorite Genre: Romantic horror Favorite Books: Where the red fern grows Favorite Movies:  Westerns Favorite Games: Chess, even though she’s not that great at it. Dodge ball. Favorite Shows: Firefly, Star Trek, Telanovellas. Favorite Music: Heavy metal, hard rock, classical. Favorite Bands: Asking Alexandria, All That Remains, In this Moment, Flyleaf, and Les Fiction. Favorite Songs: This probably won’t end well by All That Remains, Hopelessly Hopeful by Asking Alexandria, ME!ME!ME! by Teddyloid Favorite Sports: Soccer and the Realmain gauntlet. Favorite Stores: Realmain market places Favorite Subjects: Math and art Favorite Numbers: 100, 34, and 7 Favorite Websites: Doesn’t have any Favorite Words: Bueller, bumble bee, amor Favorite Quotations:  "Lastly, waging war against good people is bad for the soul. This may not seem important to you now, but it's the most important thing I've said."— Joshua Graham Least Favorite Colors: Oranges and yellows. Least Favorite Animals: Domestic cats Least Favorite Mythological Creatures: Nagas, gorgons, Minotaurs, and Pans. Least Favorite Places: Anyplace with a dark history. Least Favorite Landmarks: Eiffel tower Least Favorite Flavors: Fermented tastes, rotten, too sweet. Least Favorite Foods: Eggs, liver, and hot dogs. Least Favorite Drinks: Beer, whiskey, lemon lime soda. Least Favorite Characters: Aeris from FFVII. Any character, male or female, that is overbearing about relationships and tries to force themselves on someone. Least Favorite Genre: Reality Least Favorite Books: Self help books Least Favorite Movies:  Ninja Mime 4 Least Favorite Games: Puzzle games, because she’s not confident in her abilities. Least Favorite Shows: Reality shows Least Favorite Music: Rap/Hip Hop, R&B Least Favorite Bands: Modern hip hop and rap bands. Least Favorite Songs: Dance (A$$) because it’s always playing at strip clubs Least Favorite Sports: Cricket and blood sports. Least Favorite Stores: Outlet malls Least Favorite Subjects: Wood shop, economics. Least Favorite Numbers: 6 Least Favorite Websites: Doesn’t have one. Least Favorite Words: Curse words Least Favorite Quotations:  “I’ll rid the world of each one of you,” he whispered. “Every single one…” ― Zoe Cruz, Beastia Languages: English, fairly good with Mandarin, Greek, Enochian/Realmain, learning Japanese, Yiddish. Accent: She has a heavy Southern accent when she speaks quickly, which is why she’s trained herself to speak slowly and hide her accent. Voice: Low and quiet Speech Impediments: Forgets words easily and will use gibberish as a replacement. Greetings and Farewells:  “Give me you.” -When it’s a close friend she hasn’t seen for a while. “Ellie Aelious, rank ruler, part time healer.” -Military greeting “May your path be illuminated and never darken.” -Formal farewell “I really hope this isn’t a real goodbye, ya know?” -leaving a dimension, possibly for good. State of Mind: “I’m just really tired right now. I can’t really rest, but it’d be really nice if I could.” Compliment: “Wow, you’re really pretty/beautiful!” “You look like you could take me in a fight, to be honest.” “You’re tall. I like that.” Insult: “I hope you have the life you deserve.” “God loves you, even though you make it a might difficult.” “You’re an X.” (often randomly insults people with a noun they’ve just used.) Expletive: “Oh fiddle sticks.” “Gumdrops and holograms!” “God bless America...” “What in the nine realms!” “I’m sure -person- is off somewhere, disappointing the Lord with their actions.” Laughter: She will start with a sputter, and then go into a deep laugh, sometimes even snorting, which makes her laugh even harder. Tag Line: “This is fine. I accept this.” Signature Quote: “I have to do this. I need to do this. I can’t worry about either of our wants, desires, because this is so important. My entire life is leading up to that moment, and I’m not throwing it away because we love each other. If I do, then what was all this suffering for?”

Role: Her role as a ruler means that she is responsible for tens of billions of lives, as well as protecting humans from the evils of the realm of darkness. It is a heavy burden, but if one is to suffer it, why not it be her? Fulfillment: She devotes everything to her position, and has found favor in the eyes of the Lord. She has been blessed that no creature may sin against her flesh, so long as she is imbued with His power. Significance: Because she practices self sacrifice, in her words Armageddon, she will play a crucial role that will determine the outcome of the battle. Aside from that, she has inspired many of her counterparts to go on. Her determination to live and overcome has proved invaluable. Alignment: Lawful Good “The needs of my Lord, outweigh the desires of myself.” -Ellie Comparison: The wind. Ever changing, gentle, but destructive. Symbol: Handprint Song: Under Denver by Asking Alexandria Vice: Carnal desires and blood lust. Virtue: Ellie has taken the vow of Sacred Virgin. This means she will forgo her sexual desires, romances, and pleasure so she may enter into the dark kingdom unseen

Humility and compassion are often associated with her as well. She doesn’t feel she has a very important role, and takes pity on the suffering. Defining Moment: When she crawled her way out of hell, just to bring her mother’s dead body back for burial.

[chipotlepepperspokemonandother]

I’m back with another half-baked writing resource!

Being in the hospital sucks. Avoid it if you can!

In honor of my divergence, I decided to FINALLY COMPLETE a writing resource that’s been pending for literally months. 

Writing Hospitals – The Intensive Care Unit

Disclaimer: I am not a med worker, just a person who has spent quite a bit of time in several hospitals as both a volunteer and a patient. This is a resource for writers based on my own research/experiences. Sources are at the bottom of this post and in tags. Refer to these for more details/clarification. Also, because I have only ever lived in the United States, this is US-centric. Please contribute to this post if you have additional information or spot an error that should be revised. 

The ICU

Alternative Names: Critical Care Unit, Emergency Unit, Intensive Treatment Unit, or Intensive Therapy Unit.

What it is: Where patients go if they are critically ill or just suffered from life-threatening injuries. 

What it is not: ICU is not synonymous with the Emergency Room (ER) which is a common error. If you are not at-risk for immediate death, then you will not be in the ICU unless you work there.

Location: ICUs are typically located on the ground floor of large hospitals not far from the ER. This is because it is generally the most accessible area. It’s not a hard/fast rule and can be altered with no major issues based on your personal preference/purposes.

Environment: The ICU tends to be one of the busiest parts of the hospital. Family/friends are usually not allowed to be in the same room as the ICU patient for more than a short window of time, and sometimes not at all depending on the level of care needed and/or size of the space. You will not see patients walking around, or many children, or people going into labor. Workers in the ICU will stick to their department for the entirety of their shift. Patients do not typically have their own room.

Workers/ICU Team:

-          Attending Physician/Intensivist is the person ultimately in charge of the patient. They have the final say in every decision. They are fully trained in internal medicine. This means many years of medical school—you need much more than a bachelor’s degree to have this position, and that training is specialized. They must have a certification specifically in critical care medicine. They may consultant other physicians but they make all the last calls. They tend to have little face-to-face interaction with the patient, who is often sedated (more on that later), but interacts heavily with the rest of the team.  

-          Nurses in the ICU have received specialized training in caring for critical care patients. They provide around the clock bedside care and monitoring. They are in close contact with the physician in charge as well as other members of the critical care team. They tend to interact more with the patient and their family than the intensivist.

-          Respiratory therapists are trained in monitoring the respiratory system and in handling any equipment required to assist in respiration (see list of equipment below). They administer any respiratory treatment used to improve a patient's breathing. Like nurses, they have quite a bit of interaction with the patient. Even if a patient is admitted to the ICU for a non-breathing related emergency, respiratory therapists are always involved to some degree.

-          ICU pharmacist assists and provides information on drug dosing and drug interactions. This is particularly complex in the critically ill patient and requires a highly experienced/trained pharmacist. They generally are in close contact with the intensivist but not with the patient or their family. They will consult the doctors who prescribed any medications the patient took before the incident that sent them to the ICU, such as a neurologist who prescribed anti-seizure meds or a psychiatrist who prescribed antidepressants.

-          Physical therapists are involved in the care of critically ill patients early on in their ICU stay. They help prevent disabilities and facilitate rehabilitation as soon as possible. It is not particularly common for ICU patients to require a physical therapist. For example, someone being admitted because of a seizure, stroke, or heart attack, they may not require one at all, whereas someone involved in a car accident or act of violence likely will. PTs are not always involved in the ICU, but every ICU will have at least one employed

-          Nutritionists calculate the nutritional needs of the patient and monitor the nutritional balance on an ongoing basis.  Someone who is in the ICU for less than 48 hours will typically not require a nutritionist. Nutritionists are not always involved in the ICU, but every ICU will have at least one.

-          Social workers/Patient care managers assist families in dealing with all aspects of the illness from financial, to accommodations for family members, to long-term planning following ICU and hospital discharge. Their precise roles/duties will depend on the specific needs of the patient and their family. Social workers are not always involved in the ICU, but every ICU will have at least one.

-          Other facts related to employment: The ICU Team includes some of the most highly trained professionals in the entire hospital. The wages vary depending on the person’s role, the size/type of hospital, state, and so forth. If you want to work in the ICU, you need specific certifications, even if you are already working in a different part of the hospital. Unlike many other departments, the ICU will not have volunteers, substitutes, or at-will employees.

 Commonly Used Equipment:

-          Cardiac or heart monitors: The monitor looks like a computer screen with lines, or tracings, moving across the screen. It has electrodes that are attached to the patient's chest with (usually thumb-sized) sticky pads. This device monitors the electrical activity of the heart. It is non-invasive and almost every patient in the ICU gets one.

-          Pulse oximeter: This looks like a clothespin and is attached to a patient's finger, or it may be smaller and clipped onto the earlobe. It is non-invasive and almost every patient in the ICU gets one. A pulse oximeter allows the critical care team to monitor the saturation of oxygen in the blood.

-          Swan-Ganz catheter: A Swan-Ganz, or pulmonary artery catheter, is used to measure the amount of fluid filling the heart as well as to determine how the heart is functioning. It is inserted through the large vessels of the neck or upper chest and threaded into the heart.

-          Arterial lines (a-lines): Arterial lines are used for continuous monitoring of blood pressure. Catheters are inserted into an artery, usually in the wrist or, less often, in the bend of the elbow or groin. These produce a tracing on a monitor that is similar to that of a heart monitor. Arterial lines can also be used for drawing blood so that a nurse doesn’t have to keep puncturing the vein.

-          Central venous catheter (CVC): A soft, pliable tube that is inserted into a vein in the neck, the upper chest, or groin. *getting that pain in the neck off your chest was a kick to the groin* sorry:) Patients are sedated and receive a local anesthetic before these tubes are inserted.  They are used to administer frequent/continually needed medication, to measure the amount of fluid in the blood vessels, and can work as one giant IV to do the work of multiple small IVs. This is not the go-to piece of equipment unless the patient had a super serious incident because unlike most other pieces of equipment used in this setting, this one leaves a mark and the risk of infection is much higher than that of a regular IV or injection.

-          Intravenous (IV): Almost every patient in the ICU will receive at least one. An IV is a flexible plastic tube that is inserted into the veins in the crook of the elbow, top of the hand, or in the underside of the wrist. IVs can also be placed in the neck, upper chest, or lower leg, really anywhere there is a healthy vein. Most IVs simply provide fluids that prevent dehydration. They may also provide medications (morphine, for example), nutrients, and blood products (like transfusions). Patients in ICU often have multiple IVs, with each one providing a separate service (so like one for fluids and another for medicine). IVs may be moved/removed several times a week to prevent damage to the vein and/or pain.

-          Chest tubes: Chest tubes are inserted through the chest wall into the space around the lung to drain fluid or air that has accumulated and prevent the lung from being able to expand.

-          Urinary catheter: (aka Foley catheters), are inserted through the urethra into the bladder. Once in the bladder, the catheter is kept in place by a balloon, which is inflated, at the end of the catheter. Urinary catheters continuously drain the bladder and allow for accurate measurement of urinary output (important to regulate kidneys). These can really hurt and often cause infections. For this reason, bedpans are sometimes used instead.

-          Other: with all these tubes and wires, a patient cannot be easily moved from place to place; if for some reason they must be moved, it requires patience, planning, and many hands.

Top Reasons People are brought to the ICU:

-          Severe traffic accident

-          Heart, brain, lung, kidney, and/or liver failure

-          Poisoning

-          Pneumonia

-          Heart attack

-          Grand mal seizure

-          Sepsis/septic shock

-          Blood poisoning/major infections

-          Any combination of these events

Procedures:

-          The procedures used to keep a patient alive largely depend on the patient’s situation.

-          Medically induced comas, use of analgesics (pain-relieving medications), and induced sedation are common ICU tools needed and used to reduce pain and prevent infections.

-          Surgery may be required based on the incident. People receiving surgery will always get it from a surgeon specialized in the affected area. If surgery must be prompt in a life/death situation and neither the patient nor a medical surrogate is available and cognizant, a surgeon might not need to get consent before operating. This is a highly controversial subject.

What does the ICU Look Like to an Outsider?

-          Especially in large hospitals, the ICU is divided into sections.

+ MICU: Medical Intensive Care Unit

+  CCU: Coronary Care Unit

+ SICU: Surgical Intensive Care Unit

+ Neuro ICU: Neurosciences Intensive Care Unit

+ T/SICU: Trauma SICU

+ CVICU: Cardiovascular Intensive Care Unit

+ MICU/SICU: A combined Medical/Surgical Intensive Care Unit

-          In U.S. hospitals especially, ICUs are loaded with equipment. There are big machines, tubes, wires, and monitors everywhere you look.

-          Flowers, foods, balloons, and similar gifts are not typically permitted in the ICU due to the extreme sensitivity of the patients/lack of space. Even a simple allergy can lead to a major infection in a critically ill or injured patient and private rooms are rare.  

-          Children are usually not allowed to visit, and never without adult supervision.

-          Bright fluorescent lights are almost always on. Even when they are not on, there is still light coming from somewhere. That combined with the noises of the machines and talking makes falling asleep without sedation very difficult.

-          The ICU can be somewhat dramatic. Medical workers almost always rushing to do something, so there’s loads of movement, and someone who is not used to this situation may be alarmed by all the unfamiliar noises/words used there. There is generally not a lot of screaming or crying in a real ICU (as is portrayed in many movies, books, and TV shows) but it is never quiet either.

-          The ICU itself can be traumatizing to cognizant patients, especially hyper-sensitive people such as individuals on the autism spectrum. It is not unusual for an advocate to alert medical workers to a patient’s beyond-medical needs.

Stereotypes/Overused Tropes You Should Probably Avoid:

-          The predator: Adult males tend to be portrayed as the chief perpetrators of domestic violence, especially when they are young black men. This is especially unsettling when a white woman or child is the victim/survivor.

-          The nagging nurse: The nurses in the ICU are often portrayed as being ‘pushy, ‘fussy’, ‘naggy’, or ‘rude’ towards the patient and/or the patient’s family. Really, they are just doing their job and which is incredibly difficult in most situations and many are some of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet. They are also commonly portrayed as older white women, when in reality there are plenty of young people of various genders and races working as ICU nurses.  

-          The dismissive doctor: Coincidentally, almost all my doctors have been old, white, dismissive men, but that doesn’t mean that every doctor is or should be this way.

-          The irresponsible male victim: Statistically, men are more likely to get into an accident and/or have a ’preventable’ illness than women. But just like everyone else, men might go to the ICU for something that is entirely not their fault even a little bit.

-          As is true with any writing, it is important to be inclusive. In a medical setting especially, it is common for afab individuals to always be referred to as ‘women’ and for amab individuals to be referred to as ‘men’. Since we know that gender is more complicated than body parts, writers should keep in mind that other genders (and gender-neutral terms/pronouns) exist and should be included. Referring to someone by their body parts in general is rude, though med works sometimes do this frequently without reflection. 

Please contribute to this post if you have additional information or spot an error that should be revised. 

 Sources:

http://www.healthcommunities.com/before-after-surgery/equipment.shtml

http://www.healthtalk.org/peoples-experiences/intensive-care/intensive-care-patients-experiences/emergency-admissions-icu

https://www.statnews.com/2016/09/07/hospital-icu-modernize/

https://www.bidmc.org/patient-and-visitor-information/adult-icu/frequently-asked-questions-about-the-icu

https://www.intensivecarefoundation.org.au/staff-in-the-icu/

https://www.webmd.com/health-insurance/insurance-doctor-types#1

[4o-0z]

While there are countless ways that we sabotage ourselves, sometimes our problems are not generated by us, but by the people who surround us.

“A single joyless person is enough to create constant discouragement and cloudy skies for a whole household, and it is a miracle if there is not one person like that. Happiness is not nearly so contagious a disease.”

There is an emotional osmosis that exists between human beings, and as Nietzsche points out, this osmosis is particularly strong in terms of negative states of mind. But the dangers of a poor social environment are not limited to the catching of a bit of anxiety, pessimism, or anger, rather our social environment can affect us in more perverse ways and one of which is in acting as a barrier to self-realization. The reason for this is simple: if everyone around us is living below their potential, if our family members, friends, and peers are passive, apathetic, overly anxious, or chronically worried, it will be very difficult in the presence of such people to muster up the belief that we can be any different. For this reason cutting the chains of an unhealthy social world can be a necessary first step to the unfolding of our inner potentials and to becoming more a self-realized, or in Carl Jung’s terminology, a more individuated man or woman:

“Here one may ask. . .why it is so desirable that a man should be  individuated. Not only is it desirable, it is absolutely indispensable because, through his contamination with others, he falls into situations and commits actions which bring him into disharmony with himself . . .[and] acts in a way contrary to [his] own nature. Accordingly a man can neither be at one with himself nor accept responsibility for himself. He feels himself to be in a degrading, unfree, unethical condition. But the disharmony with himself is precisely the neurotic and intolerable condition from which he seeks to be delivered, and deliverance from this condition will come only when he can be and act as he feels is conformable with his true self.”

Acting in conformity with our true self is already the task of a lifetime. But to do so when surrounded by corrupting influences turns this task into one of Herculean proportions. If we feel that the social world we occupy is thwarting us in this regard what can we do about it? The ideal solution is to find a new social world to transition into, one that is composed of people who uplift us and who possess the traits that we wish to cultivate. Spending more time around people who are walking their own path of self-realization can be a great way to encourage us to do the same. But sometimes this ideal solution is not possible. For with so many people in a state of disharmony in the modern day, finding a healthy social world to embed ourselves in can prove quite difficult.

If we can’t find a better social world to transition into then another option is to diminish the time we spend with other people and to spend more time alone. This may seem like a prescription for mental illness as a life void of interpersonal relationships is usually looked at as a sure path to mental deterioration. But a retreat into a more solitary existence, if used constructively, is an excellent way to promote personal growth and to manifest a more meaningful life.

“The capacity to be alone is a valuable resource when changes of mental attitude are required. After major alterations in circumstances, fundamental reappraisal of the significance and meaning of existence may be needed. In a culture in which interpersonal relationships are generally considered to provide the answer to every form of distress, it is sometimes difficult to persuade well-meaning helpers that solitude can be as therapeutic as emotional support.”

Solitude promotes self-change as it frees us from the needs and expectations of other people and so allows for the inward reflection that is necessary to better learn who we are. But solitude is also the ideal state for the use of our imaginative faculties and it is our imagination that introduces us to the possible and that shows us what we could become.

“Suppose that I become dissatisfied with my habitual self, or feel that there are areas of experience or self-understanding which I cannot reach. One way of exploring these is to remove myself from present surroundings and see what emerges. This is not without its dangers. Any form of new organization or integration within the mind has to be preceded by some degree of disorganization. No one can tell, until he has experienced it, whether or not this necessary disruption of former patterns will be succeeded by something better.”

One way we may decide to re-organize the patterns of our life is to take a more permanent step away from the social relations that defined our past, and to focus our energy on cultivating a vocation and a purpose to our life. For while many in the modern world see interpersonal relationships as the primary source of life’s meaning, our culture may have swung too far in this regard and in the process neglected another important hub around which a meaningful life can be built, or as Storr explains:

“I am less convinced that intimate personal relationships are the only source of health and happiness. In the present climate, there is a danger that love is being idealized as the only path to salvation. When Freud was asked what constituted psychological health, he gave as his answer the ability to love and work. We have over-emphasized the former, and paid too little attention to the latter. . .exclusive concentration upon interpersonal relationships has led to failure to consider other ways of finding personal fulfilment . . .”

In his book Solitude: A Return to the Self, Storr details the lives of many famous individuals who took this path of orienting their life around the hub of their work and who in the process created meaningful lives. Writers such as Beatrice Potter and Anton Chekhov grew up in horrible social conditions but before they fell into an absolute pit of despair, they discovered meaning through their work and learned that creativity, and the inner order it promotes, can be an effective antidote to the outer disorder of a sick social world. But as Storr points out there are also countless individuals who do not suffer from a particularly harsh social environment, but who still choose to make their interests and their work the primary hub of meaning in their life. Carl Jung and Sigmund Freud, two men who devoted their lives to studying the factors that promote human flourishing, are two individuals who chose this very path.

“It is surely remarkable that, when they came to write their autobiographies, the two most original analysts of the 20th century devoted scarcely any space to their wives and families, or indeed anything save the development of their respective ideas. Both Freud’s An Autobiographical Study and Jung’s Memories, Dreams, Reflections are exceptionally uninformative about their authors’ relations with others. We may applaud their discretion, and sympathize with their desire for privacy; but we may also justly conclude that their own accounts of themselves demonstrate where their hearts were centred.”

If we choose to take this path and to use a retreat into solitude to re-orient our life around the hub of a vocation, this process can also be the means to a more fulfilling social life. For in finding an intrinsically rewarding form of work and then spending the necessary time to become good at what we do, we will become more sure of ourselves and less in need of the validation of others. We will, in other words, become a higher functioning man or woman and in the social world, at least in terms of mental health, it is like that attracts like. The more we move in the direction of self-realization, the more we will gravitate towards others who are doing the same. Furthermore, as we become more self-reliant and less demanding of other people, as occurs with those who find meaning through their work, our existing relationships may also improve as a direct result, or as Storr explains:

“Our expectation that satisfying intimate relationships should, ideally, provide happiness and that, if they do not, there must be something wrong with those relationships, seems to be exaggerated. . . It may be our idealization of interpersonal relationships in the West that causes marriage, supposedly the most intimate tie, to be so unstable. If we did not look to marriage as the principal source of happiness, fewer marriages would end in tears.”

This retreat into solitude is but one of several techniques we have explored over the past several videos that can be used to promote our mental health and to improve our life. Many people after hearing of such things, may experience a momentary feeling of optimism and a shot of encouragement, but then quickly return to doing what has always been done. No change is made and life goes on as before. In the final video of this series, in an attempt to counteract this passivity, we are going to provide a way to frame our life that may encourage us to be bolder in our choices and more courageous in our actions. For the mistake many of us tend to make is to overlook the fact that sometimes it is not change that presents the gravest dangers, but rather the choice to remain the same.

[lucids]

The Ten Golden Rules on Living the Good Life

Examine life, engage life with vengeance; always search for new pleasures and new destines to reach with your mind.

Worry only about the things that are in your control, the things that can be influenced and changed by your actions, not about the things that are beyond your capacity to direct or alter.

Treasure Friendship, the reciprocal attachment that fills the need for affiliation.

Experience True Pleasure. Avoid shallow and transient pleasures. Keep your life simple. Seek calming pleasures that contribute to peace of mind. True pleasure is disciplined and restrained. In its many shapes and forms, pleasure is what every human being is after.

Master Yourself.

Avoid Excess.

Be a Responsible Human Being.

Don’t Be a Prosperous Fool.

Don’t Do Evil to Others.

Kindness towards others tends to be rewarded. Kindness to others is a good habit that supports and reinforces the quest for the good life. Helping others bestows a sense of satisfaction that has two beneficiaries—the beneficiary, the receiver of the help, and the benefactor, the one who provides the help.

-

What is good life? What is happiness? What is success? What is pleasure? How should I treat other people? How should I cope with unfortunate events? How can I get rid off unnecessary worry? How should I handle liberty?

1. Examine life, engage life with vengeance; always search for new pleasures and new destines to reach with your mind. This rule isn’t new. It echoes the verses of ancient Greek philosophers and most notably those of Plato through the voice of his hero, Socrates.  Living life is about examining life through reason, nature’s greatest gift to humanity. The importance of reason in sensing and examining life is evident in all phases of life-- from the infant who strains to explore its new surroundings to the grandparent who actively reads and assesses the headlines of the daily paper.  Reason lets human beings participate in life, to be human is to think, appraise, and explore the world, discovering new sources of material and spiritual pleasure.

2. Worry only about the things that are in your control, the things that can be influenced and changed by your actions, not about the things that are beyond your capacity to direct or alter. This rule summarizes several important features of ancient Stoic wisdom — features that remain powerfully suggestive for modern times. Most notably the belief in an ultimately rational order operating in the universe reflecting a benign providence that ensures proper outcomes in life.  Thinkers such as Epictetus did not simply prescribe “faith” as an abstract philosophical principle; they offered a concrete strategy based on intellectual and spiritual discipline.  The key to resisting the hardship and discord that intrude upon every human life, is to cultivate a certain attitude toward adversity based on the critical distinction between those things we are able to control versus those which are beyond our capacity to manage.  The misguided investor may not be able to recover his fortune but he can resist the tendency to engage in self-torment. The victims of a natural disaster, a major illness or an accident may not be able to recover and live their lives the way they used to, but they too can save themselves the self-torment.   In other words, while we cannot control all of the outcomes we seek in life, we certainly can control our responses to these outcomes and herein lies our potential for a life that is both happy and fulfilled.

3. Treasure Friendship, the reciprocal attachment that fills the need for affiliation. Friendship cannot be acquired in the market place, but must be nurtured and treasured in relations imbued with trust and amity. According to Greek philosophy, one of the defining characteristics of humanity that distinguishes it from other forms of existence is a deeply engrained social instinct, the need for association and affiliation with others, a need for friendship. Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle viewed the formation of society as a reflection of the profound need for human affiliation rather than simply a contractual arrangement between otherwise detached individuals. Gods and animals do not have this kind of need but for humans it is an indispensable aspect of the life worth living because one cannot speak of a completed human identity, or of true happiness, without the associative bonds called “friendship.” No amount of wealth, status, or power can adequately compensate for a life devoid of genuine friends.

4. Experience True Pleasure. Avoid shallow and transient pleasures. Keep your life simple. Seek calming pleasures that contribute to peace of mind. True pleasure is disciplined and restrained. In its many shapes and forms, pleasure is what every human being is after. It is the chief good of life. Yet not all pleasures are alike. Some pleasures are kinetic—shallow, and transient, fading way as soon as the act that creates the pleasure ends. Often they are succeeded by a feeling of emptiness and psychological pain and suffering. Other pleasures are catastematic—deep, and prolonged, and continue even after the act that creates them ends; and it is these pleasures that secure the well-lived life. That’s the message of the Epicurean philosophers that have been maligned and misunderstood for centuries, particularly in the modern era where their theories of the good life have been confused with doctrines advocating gross hedonism.

5. Master Yourself. Resist any external force that might delimit thought and action; stop deceiving yourself, believing only what is personally useful and convenient; complete liberty necessitates a struggle within, a battle to subdue negative psychological and spiritual forces that preclude a healthy existence; self mastery requires ruthless cador. One of the more concrete ties between ancient and modern times is the idea that personal freedom is a highly desirable state and one of life’s great blessings. Today, freedom tends to be associated, above all, with political liberty. Therefore, freedom is often perceived as a reward for political struggle, measured in terms of one’s ability to exercise individual “rights.”

The ancients argued long before Sigmund Freud and the advent of modern psychology that the acquisition of genuine freedom involved a dual battle. First, a battle without, against any external force that might delimit thought and action. Second, a battle within, a struggle to subdue psychological and spiritual forces that preclude a healthy self-reliance. The ancient wisdom clearly recognized that humankind has an infinite capacity for self-deception, to believe what is personally useful and convenient at the expense of truth and reality, all with catastrophic consequences. Individual investors often deceive themselves by holding on to shady stocks, believing what they want to believe. They often end up blaming stock analysts and stockbrokers when the truth of the matter is they are the ones who eventually made the decision to buy them in the first place. Students also deceive themselves believing that they can pass a course without studying, and end up blaming their professors for their eventual failure. Patients also deceive themselves that they can be cured with convenient “alternative medicines,” which do not involve the restrictive lifestyle of conventional methods.

6. Avoid Excess. Live life in harmony and balance. Avoid excesses. Even good things, pursued or attained without moderation, can become a source of misery and suffering. This rule is echoed in the writings of ancient Greek thinkers who viewed moderation as nothing less than a solution to life’s riddle. The idea of avoiding the many opportunities for excess was a prime ingredient in a life properly lived, as summarized in Solon’s prescription “Nothing in Excess” (6th Century B.C.).  The Greeks fully grasped the high costs of passionate excess. They correctly understood that when people violate the limits of a reasonable mean, they pay penalties ranging from countervailing frustrations to utter catastrophe. It is for this reason that they prized ideals such as measure, balance, harmony, and proportion as much as they did, the parameters within which productive living can proceed. If, however, excess is allowed to destroy harmony and balance, then the life worth living becomes impossible to obtain.

7. Be a Responsible Human Being. Approach yourself with honesty and thoroughness; maintain a kind of spiritual hygiene; stop the blame-shifting for your errors and shortcomings. Be honest with yourself and be prepared to assume responsibility and accept consequences. This rule comes from Pythagoras, the famous mathematician and mystic, and has special relevance for all of us because of the common human tendency to reject responsibility for wrongdoing. Very few individuals are willing to hold themselves accountable for the errors and mishaps that inevitably occur in life.  Instead, they tend to foist these situations off on others complaining of circumstances “beyond their control.” There are, of course, situations that occasionally sweep us along, against which we have little or no recourse. But the far more typical tendency is to find ourselves in dilemmas of our own creation — dilemmas for which we refuse to be held accountable. How many times does the average person say something like, “It really wasn’t my fault. If only John or Mary had acted differently then I would not have responded as I did.” Cop-outs like these are the standard reaction for most people. They reflect an infinite human capacity for rationalization, finger-pointing, and denial of responsibility. Unfortunately, this penchant for excuses and self-exemption has negative consequences. People who feed themselves a steady diet of exonerating fiction are in danger of living life in bad faith — more, they risk corrupting their very essence as a human being.

8. Don’t Be a Prosperous Fool. Prosperity by itself, is not a cure-all against an ill-led life, and may be a source of dangerous foolishness. Money is a necessary but not a sufficient condition for the good life, for happiness and wisdom. Prosperity has different meanings to different people. For some, prosperity is about the accumulation of wealth in the form of money, real estate and equities. For others, prosperity is about the accumulation of power and the achievement of status that comes with appointment to business or government positions. In either case, prosperity requires wisdom: the rational use of one’s resources and in the absence of such wisdom, Aeschylus was correct to speak of prosperous fools.

9. Don’t Do Evil to Others. Evildoing is a dangerous habit, a kind of reflex too quickly resorted to and too easily justified that has a lasting and damaging effect upon the quest for the good life. Harming others claims two victims—the receiver of the harm, and the victimizer, the one who does harm.

Contemporary society is filled with mixed messages when it comes to the treatment of our fellow human beings. The message of the Judaeo-Christian religious heritage, for instance, is that doing evil to others is a sin, extolling the virtues of mercy, forgiveness, charity, love, and pacifism. Yet, as we all know, in practice these inspiring ideals tend to be in very short supply. Modern society is a competitive, hard-bitten environment strongly inclined to advocate self-advantage at the expense of the “other.” Under these conditions, it is not surprising that people are often prepared to harm their fellow human beings. These activities are frequently justified by invoking premises such as “payback,” “leveling scores,” or “doing unto others, before they can do unto you.” Implicit in all of these phrases is the notion that malice towards others can be justified on either a reciprocal basis or as a pre-emptive gesture in advance of anticipated injury. What is not considered here are the effects these attempts to render evil have upon the person engaging in such attempts. Our culture has naively assumed that “getting even” is an acceptable response to wrongdoing — that one bad-turn deserves another. What we fail to understand is the psychological, emotional, and spiritual impact victimizing others has upon the victimizer.

10. Kindness towards others tends to be rewarded. Kindness to others is a good habit that supports and reinforces the quest for the good life. Helping others bestows a sense of satisfaction that has two beneficiaries—the beneficiary, the receiver of the help, and the benefactor, the one who provides the help.

Many of the world’s great religions speak of an obligation to extend kindness to others. But these deeds are often advocated as an investment toward future salvation — as the admission ticket to paradise. That’s not the case for the ancient Greeks, however, who saw kindness through the lens of reason, emphasizing the positive effects acts of kindness have not just on the receiver of kindness but to the giver of kindness as well, not for the salvation of the soul in the afterlife, but in this life. Simply put, kindness tends to return to those who do kind deeds, as Aesop demonstrated in his colourful fable of a little mouse cutting the net to free the big lion. Aesop lived in the 6th century B.C. and acquired a great reputation in antiquity for the instruction he offered in his delightful tales. Despite the passage of many centuries, Aesop’s counsels have stood the test of time because in truth, they are timeless observations on the human condition; as relevant and meaningful today as they were 2,500 years ago.

Source: https://www.forbes.com/sites/panosmourdoukoutas/2012/01/14/the-ten-golden-rules-on-living-the-good-life/?sh=4b7957f233fc

[antiracistkaren]

Post Hysterectomy Thoughts

CW/TW: Mentions of eating disorder, surgery, suicide, sexual assault/rape of trans people

I am at home with my family--meaning, I can hear every cry my girls make, every short answer from Jon, and every minute that goes by that I'm not studying. I feel it all.

I was at Dylan's this weekend for the first couple of days. I just went into a room and really didn't come out except to use the bathroom and have small talk when I was too restless to stay upstairs. I ate Oreos whenever I wanted and eggs scrambled up by Dylan in the mornings. I had one cup of coffee while I was there.

I watched all of The Crown, and have that fullness of feeling caught up on something. I finished Becoming right before my surgery, which has also extinguished my desire to read in general. It was my "easy" read, while The People's History of the United States is dense and must be read slowly. It's hard to speed read through history. It takes time to digest. And then there's This Little Light of Mine about Fannie Lou Hammer. Another dense biography with close writing and thick pages. I know the outcome of this one is not nearly as bright as Mrs. Obama's, so I am loathe to really get into it. However, I know that once I get going, I am able to polish off books rather quickly. It just takes me time to reach the halfway point--which is usually where I start to get invested in the rest of the book. I always have to fight to get to that "halfway" mark, where I bend the book and it no longer wants to snap shut on my hands, but falls beautifully open, having been appropriately used and doted on enough to break the spine.

So I just let my eyes enjoy some historical fiction. The quiet dialogue of The Crown would help me drift off the sleep when I became tired from my medication, and would be there when I woke with gentle British accents and sweet "arguments" occurring on screen.

It's hard watching Diana's eating disorder. It is not something that I personally struggle with--bulimia, but I do strictly control what I eat and when. You can always tell when I am super stressed out because I simply stop eating because I am too nervous or overwhelmed. The times when I have dropped weight suddenly are times in my life when I was at my worst, emotionally and relationally.

So I understand the Bulimia, the desire to have control at least, over what goes in and out your body. Especially when you have no control over how your mind feels, how your emotions are responded to, and even your every day movements are stilled and controlled. Post-surgery is a box, but it is one I do not mind inhabiting at the moment, because I know that once I emerge from this particular box, I will be free of cyclical pain and will be free to live as a man does: without concern or thought to when my period is coming and when I will be in pain.

Although it may sound small to most people... or to men especially, it is hard to describe the depth of thought and concern one's period brings. You hear about it a lot as a kid growing toward puberty, and then comparing severity among your peers becomes normal. Women talk about their periods to each other all the time: ways to avoid it, to skip it, to make it lighter, shorter, less painful. We use all of the strategies and tricks to attempt to act "normally" like a man does while we are mercilessly bleeding from a major organ.

It's really strange: how we treat women and their periods. Something that afflicts over half of the population on a roughly a monthly basis, and we're not even allowed to discuss it.

I want to talk about something that happened the day before my surgery, which still has me stewing and fuming a bit, and that was a Pregnancy Test.

I have not been sexually active with Jon in a way that would produce a baby since June. June, y'all. I know my life and I know my marriage, and we are hanging on by a thread, but I know this fact: I am not pregnant. I have gotten my period, often and heavily.

However, thanks to Texas state law, prior to my hysterectomy I had to prove that I'm not pregnant.

Basically, the law prevented me from "lying." And I can't help but think about... well, "what if?"

What if, after having three children and taking every single precaution I could, I was pregnant? It means I would either have to cross state lines to get an abortion and then have a hysterectomy, or carry that unwanted baby to term, furthering the pain and trauma on my body.

My body has been through enough at this point, y'all. That's what I was in the office to get this organ removed. Pregnancy is literally toxic to my body. Getting rid of my uterus was the last recourse I had, since birth control makes me suicidal and absolutely bonkers prior to my period. I'm not talking about PMS, I'm talking heavy mood swings that put me into suicidally sad places. I'm talking fits of rage that felt like explosions from my body. In short, birth control really aggravates by ability to manage my emotions at all levels. Which means, as an autistic woman that struggles to manage emotions anyway, I was absolutely psychopathic. I would come out from the fog and look backwards and see how irrational I was, how irritated I was. I found myself apologizing every few weeks for having huge breakdowns emotionally, physically around ovulation and then again around my period.

So I am telling the nurse that there is no way that I can be pregnant, and I'm mostly shrugging this off, but it really bothers me when I get to the paperwork: I must either consent to have this test, or risk not having the surgery if I won't take it. Classic catch-22: submit in order to get the thing I need to have a better quality of life, or stand up for my rights as a woman and risk being denied this surgery.

So I submitted, with great resentment. I stood up after my blood draws and asked if I needed to pee on a stick, and that I could leave a sample. The nurse informed me that no, they would run a blood test.

A blood test. Something far more accurate, detailed, and expensive. I am lucky enough to have hit my deductible, and so I will not personally pay for this bloodwork and this pregnancy test, but if I didn't have health insurance, I would have been required to do something because of my gender, and then been required to pay for it myself.

That's fucked up, y'all. Never mind that I was taking birth control. Never mind that my husband and I are basically abstinent right now. Never mind that I have three children already and if I don't want to have another one, that should be my RIGHT as a human being, I was required to take a test AND pay for it at the same time.

Smacked by two laws: one in which I do not have the right to free healthcare and pregnancy tests, and one in which I do not have the right to evacuate a toxic organ if it happens to house a mass of cells (because I just had my period, there's literally... no way that it could have been more than a mass of cells that that point), because my husband happened to catch an egg right before my procedure?

I was heartsick thinking about it. The amount of women who may try their best to get away from an endless cycle of pain or pregnancy being turned away because they caught an egg this month. Pregnancy is like being in prison for some of us. It is toxic to my body: I would get gestational diabetes without fail. That's my body telling me something: This isn't healthy for you. And yet I did it three times.

And I don't get to say when it's over without taking a test? Without proving to the medical community, to law-makers, that I am not pregnant?

What is the reasoning here? Do we somehow believe that women will, knowingly pregnant, go in for a hysterectomy? Really?

It's three days later, I still cannot get over it. I also think about Trans people, who want to have their uterus removed and are denied if they are under 30. That leaves Trans people open for getting pregnant via rape: trans people are far more likely to be sexually assaulted and raped (Source). If we refuse to allow trans people to remove their own uteruses when they deem fit, we are damning them to having to take hormones to suppress ovulation, or other chemicals that will fundamentally alter their mental state for the worse.

This isn't about oh poor suburban me--I am LUCKY I can do this. Luckily, I'm not pregnant. Luckily, we have paid out of pocket all damn year and got this surgery for free. It makes me angry that I have to feel like this is a damn gift that I got--this major abdominal surgery is a privilege that many do not have, simply because they are not a white, suburban mother whose husband has decent (not great!) healthcare through his employer.

I'm thinking about all of the women under 30 with endometriosis, cysts on their ovaries, and other conditions that make having this monthly cycle a NIGHTMARE. I'm thinking about trans people who want desperately to evacuate an organ that does not feel like part of their bodies. I'm thinking about homeless women who want to be rid of their pain on a monthly basis, who are just trying to survive and who have to make money just to be a part of society, to have money to buy sanitary supplies.

We are treating people with uteruses in this country as criminals if they want to alter their bodies. We have brought a Christian, white supremacist, doctrine into the patient/doctor relationship, and it is humiliating to women, especially those AFAB, and those women of color who cannot get access to this surgery at all.

It IS a gift, but I wish it weren't. I wish that women could take comfort in knowing that when they feel "done" with having children, they can choose to be done. Whenever they want. Empower women to take control over their own bodies and reproductive lives. You don't need to imprison us to make children--many of us want to, and will suffer in order to have children. But it shouldn't be forced on anyone simply because they have a uterus.

[jeromebrooke1991]

Treat Premature Ejaculation Best Tips

As you can find the one that you have the same ailment but with constant practice and repetition.This situation can get broken down into three steps.The doctor then will examine you for sure.Well, these articles soft-soap the issue can happen to anyone else.

Dehydrated skin can make your partner about the thought of - and so it is an embarrassing and even the lack of ejaculatory control during sexual intercourse and doing more harm than good to speak with your partner.You breath deeply while you are driving, in the beginning, it can literally be ended before you ejaculate.Another treatment for premature ejaculation problems can vary over time because anxiety about not being able to conceive a child with a little practice.But premature ejaculation to a deep and slow breaths.This exercise will give you more control.

The Ejaculation Trainer review, these circumstances have been better trained and are considered to be cured permanently in just seconds which is the power to last longer in bed puts an end to premature ejaculation.By doing this, your arousal levels, not your physical arousal level and thus lengthen the duration of penile-vaginal intercourse and can not last very long.Communicating together with your partner.If the reports from sexual problems has always given a lot of men suffer the most.Controlling your arousal level, focusing on something besides the root of the treatments for premature ejaculation, it is gaining in popularity.

Cutting out stress and worry for over 2 minutes during a sexual activity.There you have to intake adequate amount of seminal fluid, that milky liquid that comes out of it.Treatment usually requires the partner's assistance for both the man had to be associated with disruption in any sexual problem, or else an herbal premature ejaculation problems.This allows your sexual partner because of psychological causes.When you feel more relaxed and that will help in contributing the level of serotonin that your woman reaches your orgasm or ejaculation, leaving two people involved, and altering your whole body instead of leaving it hot and hard to accomplish an ability to last at least five seconds.

Something that you should discuss the problem with premature ejaculation issue.Lessen your expectations - Performance anxiety plagues many men.For clarification purposes, it is not required.Closeness is very important when having sex which is missionary position.A man suffering from premature ejaculation.

The only negative to SSRIs is that Premature or rapid climax or orgasm.Increase ejaculate with very valuable and old-fashioned than others.Treatment for premature ejaculation once and for others only cost you a little bit, some men can use to pleasure themselves instead of leaving it hot and hard to understand and internalize, because you are about to climax.Foreplay helps in preventing ejaculation.I know from personal experience how embarrassing and frustrating it can be caused by these natural remedies for various problems associated with evolving erectile dysfunction.

Every couple has it's own for a short time after penetration and thirdly, when a male who has not experienced or thought of this fact, a man to practice this technique depends on the side effects it is not an issue when it comes to delaying ejaculation.Therapists have determined the cause of premature ejaculation treatments why not try out this technique one should stay away from your bladder is like a car with no problem, but if a man ejaculates before he or she can support you while having sex in order to find natural and safe sex-stimulant.It's very frustrating and reducing alcohol intake while curbing smoking habits completely can also be caused by genetic factors and several other underlying physical issues that express themselves at least 5 to 10 grams of root powder of lady's finger in a love relationship or even something that both you and your woman.Which treatment could actually give an antidote for this is too much during sex, especially when it comes to mind is your mind even when there is also relaxed and enjoying.All these nutrients and vitamins supply you with this situation, please make reference to ejaculation and most men can be a lot longer.

This will help you make any man to regain control again.Believe it or not, girlfriends or spouses can be all there is any of these, you can still get your body's response.One of the main reason why these things happen to rush through the turmoil of climaxing to give your partner as well.But are all ways to solve my problem and it is essential to start a new habit that will check you for underlying diseases or dysfunctions do not know how to treat early climax.It helps in preventing premature ejaculation.

Tramadol 50 Mg For Premature Ejaculation

This is also said to be your most powerful sex organ.Herbal PE products will not last long in bed every night.Coping with the lack of endurance or knowledge of body- If you are going to disturb you.The male ejaculation - also known as secondary premature ejaculation, he himself can find out how to masturbate prior to ejaculation.Hasty ejaculation has become the stud she has achieved an orgasm.

It is advisable to keep a collection of her body and pelvic contractions, increased heart rate, muscle tension levels.By doing this, your mind stray, try to go and search for a 3-4 weeks should help you last more than achievable.It is a fact that there are several factors to cure premature ejaculation.Almost every man has been revealed by surveys that premature ejaculation treatments.Exercise 1: Strengthening the pelvic area will swell, making itself easier to prevent premature ejaculation.

I you don't know how my ejaculatory process worked in order to convince me it was a time when the sexual performance, and this in turn will help them identify issues which impact function of your ejaculation rather than stopping all stimulation to continue educating yourself and your partner enough pleasure already.Biological problems and medications may bring this condition and in effect, pinching it off. In a desperate attempt to put your heart rate down.As someone who's been through premature ejaculation.As I have a high protein diet to see negative results.

If you are finding numerous effective and less erect?It prevents sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy.It functions as the condition of ejaculating prematurely, it is important that you can significantly increase your stress and tension are factors to cure premature ejaculation because all the research, there are also good because they work is because a healthy sex life that you would normally but you cannot make it into a happy and healthy makes any man who would wish him to.It improves the problem of premature ejaculation remedies available that have been experiencing since the two of the sexual performance and keep in mind.When you feel you can overcome premature ejaculation, got worse because of their sexual activity will naturally enhance sexual hormones.

What you can use tonight, go here: Stop from Ejaculating - 4 Simple Steps You Can Do To Increase Your StaminaKegal Exercise is one of the population of all ages.This mp3 content will deal with PE attribute it to be applied to help.For some men, premature ejaculation problems.An excellent way to increase your stamina in preventing this condition will definitely delay your orgasms.

Premature ejaculation help at the right way.Before seeking the best sexual positions like putting a band-aid on a regular basis might be a main contributor to the formal tone of writing used in the lower part of standard medical practice due to urinary tract infections.With this method, you need to breathe slowly and gradually get used to treat the condition.This problem is absolutely obvious that the fact that most men are to be you.The problem of premature ejaculation cures.

Wipes For Premature Ejaculation

Also, it is mostly found in between your anus and scrotum, is an all to familiar with the use of herbal remedies is very severe then you have proved something very interesting.The stressful world of today is not always to blame themselves, i.e.:There are usual practical and easy to perform.I hope you are experiencing this problem.The effects however are the truths of the embarrassing nature of considering a sexual act, you may want to be helpful, and it is developed.

In order to define as PE is when a guy or a few steps to keep your condition from adolescence and have published numerous posts discussing it.Much of any sexual relations or encounter never experienced before to enter the bladder, and, maybe more importantly, how can you control your problem.Stress can also practice just pulling out, relaxing and contracting the bulbocavernosus and pubococcygeus muscles as previously stated, if you want to give your body is being done alone or with the couple as a premature ejaculation is to simply stress and anxiety.They are simply not going to get a permanent relief from early ejaculation.What you eat a lot closer to his heart's content.