#replaying this while dealing with a mental rut

[mossymandibles]

Kicking my feet and giggling while he ferries me to my assassinations.

[boxkeith]

Video Games I Played in April 2025

As a birthday present I was given a hacked PS3, which of course I used to play a bunch of games I own on disc and could’ve used my normal PS3 to play. There’s definitely some things in the back catalog I need to explore, but I’ve been on a bit of a kick replaying games lately. It’s bittersweet to put 20 hours into retreading old ground rather than discovering something new but also it’s a hobby and literal play. I don’t need to be efficient about it.

Nomad Survival – Normally, if I write about something a few weeks after playing it, I remember it enough to have cogent thoughts or at least have an inkling of what it looked like. I try not to refer back to my notes when writing these blurbs because how the games strike me in the abstract is more interesting to me than a formal review. That being said, Nomad Survival I really had to dredge up. It was one of the pieces of chaff on Humble Monthly and even by the standards of the hypersaturated Survivors genre it had nothing going on. Sometimes you’re in a mood to hit buttons but even by those standards there’s nothing here.

Fountains – An absolute delight of a game. I feel like not enough indie games are taking from Hyper Light Drifter in terms of dense world design, combat with a melee primary that recharges your ranged attacks, and enough lore to keep things interesting without bogging down pacing. Fountains excels at all of those, but it unfortunately falls into a pretty sharp rut where progress is gated by increasingly nonsensical bosses and because of Dark Souls your healing is piss-poor while opening you up to attacks that deal more damage than you restore. I had a lot of fun over 10 hours and even redownloaded the game to try something after thinking I’d given up, but it doesn’t quite stick the landing despite the overall level of quality. Still deeply compelling, and it’s not like I beat Tunic’s final boss either.

Ascent DX – Free and exceedingly simple metroidvania that I tried because I need to broaden my palate to a wider range of scales. Unfortunately when a metroidvania is very short it needs to either be exceedingly dense like Return of the Slimepires or a compelling vertical slice like most student projects. This is simultaneously overwrought and overly simple, which is a bad place to end up. For 15 minutes and 0 dollars I could do worse though.

AWAKEN – Astral Blade – Afterimage surprised me with its exceedingly strange cadence, beautiful art mixed with aggressively motion-tweened animation, disconcerting storytelling, and combo-centric combat. Apparently that’s just a house style for a whole family of East Asian metroidvanias because much like Demon Within: Satgat and to a lesser extent Vigil: The Longest Night, AWAKEN is positively delirious. Whether it’s the hypersexualized protagonist with a variety of skin-tight plugsuits, one of the main collectables being large Christmas trees in a game that is otherwise set in magitech jungle, the story full of waifish clones of the protagonist trying to murder each other, or the veneer of jank coating the entire experience; the game has a very particular flavor that I’m baffled to see in multiple titles despite this instantiation being inimitable in its specificity. The game itself is not very good even by 6/10 metroidvania standards but at this point I worry that’s not enough to stop me.

Solas 128 – I bought an Armor Games bundle and this was one of them. Mirror puzzles are fun sparingly in something like a Zelda dungeon, but when you try to build a whole game around them I have the same mental shutdown as I do in sokoban games where I go to the next room and there’s just more fucking mirrors and more fucking lasers. Lots of clever puzzles, could definitely do without the timing puzzles because once you add an execution layer to complex spatial puzzles it becomes infinitely harder to diagnose mistakes.

Swords & Souls: Neverseen – This is a flash game with several minigame dexterity checks like DDR-style arrow mashing, clicking on targets, and spinning the mouse around to block shots. This increases stats that you use to do basic turn-based combat with some timing elements in the vein of Paper Mario and some special attacks that can be used regardless of turns. It all comes together into a vaguely pleasant pile but once the minigames got stale it collapsed. Makes me wish something like Burrito Bison was on steam.

Prototype – I love Prototype. I have replayed Prototype probably 10+ times between NG+ runs and fresh file starts. Moving through the city is a dream, the helicopter is still the best of any game I’ve played, and the powers feel viscerally satisfying. The writing is campy, the boss fights are all infuriating, but it’s such a joy to run around and explore that everything else falls into place. I feel like superhero sandboxes have forgotten that the draw is being able to fuck about in the city with just enough breadcrumbs to incentivize going from place to place with various forms of traversal, not a trickle of audio logs and quippy sidequests in a sterile terrarium.

Polimines – I’ve been trying more and more esoteric puzzle games, and this is a fucked up little crossbreed of Minesweeper and Picross. Short, simple, well-crafted, but the UI is a little unclear and there’s essentially no QoL tools like notes or ways to mark hints as having expended their information.

Polimines 2 – They added the QoL tools and some more puzzle elements. It leans a little too heavily on deriving information through counterfactuals when the UI doesn’t really support it, but that’s also the nature of a game like this. The mixture of visible picross hints and hidden hints means it’s never clear how much progress you make revealing an individual cell, and sometimes that leads to situations where you’re lead by the nose a bit as only one cell can be determined and that cell is what has the next hint. The rudest bit by far is that the level select menu has the same color scheme as a puzzle, and beating a puzzle with a mistake marks that level with the same color as a mistake in the menu.

Forklift Load – I’ve never been one for games like Surgeon Simulator or Octodad where the deliberately imprecise controls are “the fun”. I can’t tell if this is on that level of irony, because it’s about sentient cars and forklifts clumsily navigating a world built for humanity but devoid of humans, but it also has a jump button and a ‘get unstuck’ button that frequently gets you even more stuck. Not for me, whatever it is.

Genopanic – I need to read steam pages more ardently. Genopanic is “Metroidvania-inspired,” by which they mean that you get upgrades and proceed through areas with an expanding toolkit but it’s linear with no ability to backtrack. Most of its mechanics are rote and their obsession with crumble blocks went from clever to amusing to insipid at a fairly rapid pace. The platforming wasn’t precise enough for how punishing and frequent death is, and overall it didn’t appear to be doing anything with its short runtime. Dropped after an hour.

Bookworm Adventures Deluxe – I ended up playing a lot of flash game-esque stuff this month for some reason, possibly because I’m lacking a big game to sink my teeth into for more than a handful of hours now that Monster Hunter has given up all but the last of its juice. I also thought this was normal Bookworm, but instead it’s a very odd word game where longer and more complex words deal more damage to enemies. I’ve been watching a lot of scrabble videos so I’ve gotten better at conceptualizing the words as components, but this game’s dictionary is also bizarre in its inclusions and exclusions. Corvid and Shire aren’t legal but slurs are?

Super Motherload – Unlike many, I do not feel the pull of the mines. Dome Keeper, Undermine, and Spelunky didn’t do it for me. I’ve never even played Minecraft. As expected, I tried this for 10 minutes and got bored. Props to Steam Family for making it free at least.

Prototype 2 – It’s always surprising when a sequel is a regression on every axis, and I’d be fascinated to know what caused the problems here. If I had to guess the easy answers are an overreaction to the Arkham series and a desire for graphical fidelity that heavily constrained the map scale and number of actors present onscreen at once, but that still wouldn’t explain the Blaxploitation writing and complete gutting of the movement and combat options. It’s a shame this is what killed Radical Entertainment, but who knows, maybe Microsoft has its corpse floating around in a vat somewhere.

The Mummy Demastered – Wayforward got me again. I’d heard this get moderate amounts of praise as an interesting take on a metroidvania, but what they didn’t mention was that it’s under 4 hours long and exceptionally simple. The core gimmick is that when you die your corpse becomes a zombie you have to fight to get your gear back, but the game itself was easy enough even with the HP-sponge bosses that I never died. Making the fail state the interesting part of your game is a rookie mistake, though it’s interesting to see someone other than a roguelike make it.

[hiiyaemilly-blog]

For The Girl That Can’t Get Away

This isn't a cry for help or an attention seeking post. It's more of a way to let out frustration & pent up emotions that I just can't seem to say to another living breathing human being. The constant struggles inside my mind that make everyday life somewhat of a challenge. I hope this reaches those who need it most, the ones who feel lost or helpless in an ever changing world where no matter what you try, you can't keep up.

So here it is- For The Girl That Can't Get Away.

Another day, another blank page to be written. After a restless night of helpless attempts to re cooperate for the next busy day. Your brain is ready to rumble before your alarm clock gets the chance to wake you from a restful slumber. You want to be positive, you really do, but that's something you know may not be the case depending on what social situation sparks the flame inside you that unravels the deepest darkest place you keep hidden in your heart.

You go through the morning routine- brush teeth & hair, dress in your best jeans that are usually slightly too short (thanks Levi), let the dog out, pack your lunch, sip coffee that doesn't seems to cool until lunchtime and venture out into the real world. The sun rises before you which you always take a moment to thank the universe to have allowed you to see another day, to feel the air across your fresh naturally imperfectly perfect face. (Let's face it- I couldn't apply makeup in a fashionable way if I tried & I'm okay with that).

Waiting on the phone to ring to be saved from the thoughts drowning your every move. You can't escape it- why me? One of the many questions that bring ache to my soul. Why have I been the one to be incapable of moving forward with the shitty hand life has dealt. I'm not saying everything in life is garbage, but when your a female in a committed relationship of almost nine years at your prime age of reproduction- dealing with infertility can be a real Debbie downer.

That's right, I said the 'I' word, Infertility.

Now, I know what some of you will say- you're not married yet, you're still so young, you just need to relax... it'll happen for you when the time is right. (please go back are reread these statements in the voice you use to mock your mother in an argument). It's annoying & honestly hurtful. Until you've experienced the loss of your growing baby in your whom or struggle with conceiving- you DO NOT have the right for input of that nature. I know what you're going to say next- I'm just trying to help, look at the silver lining, that's not what I meant. Reality check (insert hair flip) it doesn't help, no words can help.

'You have Endometriosis'. Diagnosed as one of the most severe cases your gyno has ever seen at age 20. I was told by second and third opinions that carrying to term would be nearly impossible. Me being my naive self never thought it would be true. Here we are suffering from a third miscarriage & it turns out the doctors were right.

I can't describe how every woman feels enduring the grueling reality of this, but I can relate. Point blank- it sucks. The past year has caused an overwhelming amount of heart ache in my bubble. No amount of screaming the words to Lizzo's new hit can mask the emptiness you feel. There was a point where I felt the only option was to pack up my shit and go. Retreat to the wilderness where I feel complete. This still taunts me as the right choice to make, but I know when I returned I would get a good ass whooping from my support system. Running isn't the answer.

Lately, I've labeled my situation as living in my own personal hell. I can't get away from it. At work, best friends, strangers in public- all pregnant & openly discussing it like they know I'm drowning. In reality they don't, I'm just hypersensitive to anything revolving around reproduction. I was able to suppress the pain when I didn't have a reminder every turn I took. Not so much anymore. The feeling is indescribable, like a theoretical knife stabbing a twisting my overly damaged reproductive organs. All the while my eyes welling up with tears that I don't shed due to having cried more than my fair share. It haunts you.

I replay the times where my people have 'broken the news' to me. Starting it with "I hope you don't hate me for this", "I understand if you don't want to be involved", "I'm really sorry", those words struck me right where it hurt. People expect for you to be a soulless bitch towards the more fortunate just because you can't grow a child of your own. Surprise, I'm happy to be involved. I'm happy to share the journey with you because, in reality, I may never get these moments of my own. In all honesty, I'm a selfish girl who wants to live vicariously through you.

At least that’s what I thought I wanted. It wouldn’t be so bad if it was one person, but to be surrounded at all times by women who are able to carry and deliver a beautiful mash up of themselves and their soul mate into one human being it’s kinda exhausting. To top it off- their mentally on to the next best thing... a diamond ring. It takes all that I have to not wack someone upside the head when I hear the bull like that fall from their lips.You’re more worried about a useless piece of jewelry that anyone could buy for you while I’m over here with sweaty palms trying to decide which body part I would sell on the black market just to become pregnant carry full term. 

Some days are harder than others. Listening to the silly complaints of having to pee every five minutes or hating that all you crave is junk food can take its toll. I wanted that to be me. A lot of women want that to be us, but here we are- stuck in rut of feeling like you should be ashamed of your struggles. For a long time I wouldn't talk about loss because I felt like it was a no- no subject. Look at me now! I'm changing my thought process & you can too.

The pain never gets easier, your feelings may never change, but at the end of the day you're not alone. You may feel that you are, you may feel like you're the only person struggling with this day by day. Take the few minutes to listen to that sad freaking song and ugly cry until you're ready to look yourself in the mirror and say out loud "I can do this". Seek an outlet of ways to 'talk it out' even if it means writing everything on a blank sheet of paper and burning it when you're ready to let go. Whatever it takes, keep on keeping on. 

If after reading this you feel that you need a shoulder, reach out- I love to find ways to distract myself & you're more than welcome to be a part of it too.

After all, I have too much love and there's never too many people to share it with...

~ The Girl That Can't Get Away

[personaltrainerz]

Best Chronic Stress Management Tactics

Overcoming chronic stress takes persistent effort, and you must focus on it regularly if you want results that stick. It’s also important to find the most suitable approach for your own circumstances. As illogical as this may seem, your mind will most likely try to hold onto your stress because it’s been a familiar presence for so long. Humans just don’t like change. You’ll need a great deal of determination to push through this resistance and start to make lasting changes. When your brain understands that you mean business, then the self sabotage can lessen. If you’re serious about conquering chronic stress, the following guidelines will be helpful to you.

Thinking in a certain way causes a great deal of stress, so your own mind is one of the first things you have to examine. Does your mind frequently replay the recent or distant past? Equally important is how much time you spend worrying about the future.

If your mind is frequently in the past or the future, it’s hard to avoid feeling stress. It’s much more relaxing to focus on what’s happening in the present. This is extremely difficult for most people and it takes a great deal of concentration. It takes a great deal of practice to stay in the present, which is why many people study various forms of meditation. Training your mind in this way takes time, but it’s well worth the effort. A common reaction to chronic stress is to find ways to make ourselves feel better. Finding a way to do this does not always lead to a healthy choice. It is very common for people to take up to destructive habits. Getting rid of them is really the challenge itself. When you try to abandon certain bad habits, you can actually add more stress to your life, both in body and mind. You really have to make the right decision, the right choices, and it is a personal decision indeed. The negative habits will go away much faster if you replace them with positive ones that you will even like better. Drink less and then get busy doing something positive, and that is how you can slowly replace the bad with the good.

Although we do form both good and bad habits, it is the unhealthy habits that catch us by surprise, forming without us even noticing. People sometimes develop unhealthy habits like eating junk food while watching TV. It could happen for five or 10 years before they notice how bad things have gotten. At this point, you have to make a decision to do something to fix this situation. You need to do something that does not involve sitting around. You need to get active, and do something other than watch TV. If you don’t want to do too much exercise or moving, start reading a book, or take up painting. Anything is better! More than likely, managing chronic stress will not be easy because it is multifaceted, which will force you to do many different things to get out of this emotional and mental rut.

If you want to get rid of chronic stress, you have to be willing to tackle some of your mental patterns that you’ve become accustomed to. Check out hormone replacement therapy Durham NC for revolutionary way to handle stress and other health concerns.But, you should also feel confident because you can re-program your mind to refuse to be affected so much. Rather than looking at how high the mountain is, take each day and apply what you know.