#repeating things or not saying things. because you forgot whether or not you told them

[doomingthenarrative]

Hi, that time loop fic you're planning? Let me give you my thoughts on it:

ashdhfjdj

Thank you for your patience

that is so real me too<3 my thoughts on everything

[syluslnd]

Hii love✨✨

If it’s ok with you i was wondering can you write one where he has been super busy lately and kept forgetting your dates and as much as you were understanding, you felt bad so he promised to makeup for your birthday but he get caught up at work again.

How he will react and compromise for it ??

sylus who forgot your birthday

You sat on the edge of the couch, your fingers tracing the seam of a throw pillow, lost in thought. The glow from the dim light in your living room cast long shadows across the room, making it feel colder, emptier.

You had told yourself not to get upset—that you understood how busy Sylus had been lately. He has the weight of entire missions on his shoulders, of course, he’s stretched thin. You had repeated that so many times over the past few weeks each time he had to cancel a date or when messages went unanswered for days at a time.

But this time… this time it was different. Today was your birthday and Sylus had forgotten.

The soft hum of your phone on the table pulled you from your thoughts. It was a message from him, brief as usual: “Sweetie, I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you. Just been swamped. Soon, I promise.”

That was it. Another promise. Another “soon.” You felt the familiar pang of disappointment settle in your chest but this time it was sharper, more persistent. You swallowed hard, fighting the sting in your eyes. You had been so patient, so understanding. You had excused his absence time and time again. But now…now it felt like your own feelings had been set aside, like your importance had been brushed off.

You stared at the message your fingers hovering over the screen. Normally, you’d reply with a simple “It’s okay” followed by reassurance that you understood. That you weren’t upset. But tonight, that lie felt too heavy. So you left it unanswered.

A few hours later the sound of Sylus entering your apartment broke the silence. His footsteps were light, almost hesitant, as he walked toward you. “Kitten?” His voice was low soft—only ever that way with you. He appeared in the doorway, his usual sharp, commanding demeanor softened by the sight of you, curled up on the couch.

You didn’t look up. “Hey” you muttered, voice barely above a whisper.

He walked closer, standing before you. “Sweetie, I’m sorry” he repeated, his tone thick with exhaustion but his words felt rehearsed. “I lost track of time. Work’s been relentless.”

You nodded still not meeting his gaze your heart pounding in your chest. The urge to just accept his apology to say it didn’t matter, weighed heavily on you. But this time, the words wouldn’t come.

Sylus tilted his head, sensing the shift in your usual response. “Kitten… talk to me. What’s going on?”

You closed your eyes for a moment, gathering your courage. “It’s my birthday today” you whispered the words trembling as they escaped your lips. “you forgot.”

The silence that followed was suffocating. You could feel the tension building between you like the space around you had suddenly grown smaller, tighter.

His jaw clenched, his eyes darkening with realization. “Shit… I—” He knelt in front of you, his hands reaching for yours but you pulled them back, crossing your arms instead. “Sweetie, I didn’t mean to—”

“You’re always busy” you cut him off, voice shaking. “I know your work is important I get it, I really do. But you keep… missing things. Canceling plans. I try not to say anything because I don’t want to make things harder for you but…” You finally looked at him, your eyes glistening with unshed tears. “It hurts, Sylus. It hurts to feel like I’m not important enough.”

His eyes softened at your words and for a moment he looked almost… pained. His hand hovered near you, unsure of whether to touch you. “Kitten, you are important. You know that.”

“Am i ?” you asked, your voice breaking. “Because it doesn’t feel like it. Not when you forget something as important as today.”

Sylus’s breath hitched. He reached for you again more gently this time cupping your face in his large hands, his thumb brushing over your cheek. “I’m sorry” he said, his voice low and rough with guilt. “I fucked up. I should’ve been here. I should’ve been better for you.”

His usual stoic demeanor cracked and for the first time in a long time you saw vulnerability in his eyes. “I hate that I’ve made you feel like this.”

You wanted to give in to accept the apology and let it all go but something inside you kept pushing. “You keep saying you’re sorry but nothing changes” you said quietly. “I need to know that I matter to you. I need you to show me, not just tell me.”

Sylus let out a frustrated breath his hands dropping to his sides, the tension between you palpable. “You do matter. You matter more than anything.”

He stood, running a hand through his hair, pacing slightly his frustration turning inward. “I’ve been so caught up in everything else… I didn’t realize how much I’ve been hurting you. I never wanted to hurt you, sweetie.”

The room felt thick with the weight of unspoken emotions, his words hanging in the air. You watched him your heart aching torn between the deep love you had for him and the frustration that had been building for so long.

Finally, Sylus turned to face you again his gaze intense, filled with something raw. “I’ll do better. I swear, I’ll make it up to you. I can’t stand knowing that I let you down like this.”

You didn’t respond immediately, your own emotions swirling. You wanted to believe him, but the hurt was still fresh. “I don’t need grand gestures, Sylus” you said softly. “I just need you to be here. Really be here.”

He closed the distance between you in two strides, kneeling in front of you again, his hands resting on your knees. “I will. From now on… I will.”

You stared at him for a long moment before finally nodding though the ache in your chest hadn’t fully faded. Sylus gently pulled you into his arms holding you close as though he was afraid of losing you. His voice was barely a whisper against your hair. “I love you, kitten. I’m sorry I didn’t show it the way you needed.”

You let yourself relax into his embrace, your heart still heavy but slightly soothed by the sincerity in his words. It would take time but maybe—just maybe—things could change.

A week had passed since that night and true to his word Sylus had been more present, more attentive. But today, he had something different planned—something special.

He had insisted on keeping it a surprise driving you across the city with a small, knowing smile that kept you guessing. You loved surprises but with Sylus it was hard to predict what he had up his sleeve. So when the car finally pulled up to the mall, you were taken aback when he led you to the Build-A-Bear Workshop.

Your heart fluttered. Sylus hated malls, crowds, anything remotely cute or fluffy but he knew how much you loved plushies and this? This was so out of his comfort zone it almost made you laugh.

“You… brought me here?” you asked, incredulous, as you stared up at the storefront.

Sylus smirked his arm slipping around your waist, pulling you close. “You love this kind of thing, right?” His voice was smooth but there was a subtle unease in his tone, like he wasn’t entirely sure if he was doing this right.

You looked at him trying to hide your amusement. “I do… but you don’t.”

He shrugged his expression softening. “It’s not about me, kitten. Today’s about you.”

With that he pushed the door open and you stepped inside. The store was empty—completely deserted, except for one employee who stood at the counter, smiling warmly. You glanced around, frowning slightly. “Where is everyone?”

Sylus’ grip on your waist tightened slightly, his lips brushing your ear as he whispered, “Rented the place out. Just for us.”

Your eyes widened and you turned to face him. “You rented out the whole store?”

His smirk deepened. “Figured we’d need some privacy for this.” There was a glint of mischief in his eyes but you could tell he was serious about making this special.

Before you could say anything else the employee walked up to you, holding two plush bears in her arms. “Welcome! I’ve got a little surprise for you both.” She extended the plushies, one for each of you.

You took yours and couldn’t help the giggle that escaped when you realized—the bear looked just like you but it was completely naked. You glanced at the one in Sylus’s hand—it was a perfect match for him, also unclothed. The resemblance was uncanny, down to the smallest details.

“Wait” you said, laughter bubbling up in your chest. “These are supposed to be us?”

Sylus looked down at his bear, his brow furrowing slightly. “They are” he muttered, clearly uncomfortable. He held the plush like it was a foreign object, looking utterly out of place in the brightly colored whimsical environment. You couldn’t help but laugh again the sight of him—tall, broad and imposing—in a Build-A-Bear store, holding a tiny version of himself was almost too much.

“sweetie..don’t laugh” he grumbled, though there was a faint smile playing at the corner of his lips. “This was harder than I thought it’d be.”

“I’m not laughing at you” you managed between giggles. “I’m just… surprised.”

The employee gestured toward the walls lined with endless clothing options for the bears. “You two can dress them up however you like. We’ve got unlimited items for you to choose from, so go wild!”

You looked at Sylus, grinning. “Oh, this is going to be fun.”

Sylus shot you a wary glance as if he wasn’t entirely sure how he’d gotten himself into this. But he followed you over to the wall of tiny outfits, watching as you eagerly picked through the options, holding up various shirts, pants and accessories.

“Here, put this on your bear” you said, handing him a little leather jacket. It was almost comical how serious he looked as he tried to wrestle his bear into the jacket, his large hands clumsy with the delicate fabric.

He sighed heavily clearly out of his element and you couldn’t help but giggle again. “You’re doing great” you teased, leaning over to help him adjust the tiny jacket. “Very badass.”

He shot you a sidelong glance his expression softening at the sound of your laughter. “I look ridiculous.”

“No” you said, smiling as you dressed your own bear. “You look cute.”

He rolled his eyes but didn’t protest, his usual gruff demeanor softened by the fact that this—however awkward for him—was for you. He had gone through the trouble of planning something so completely opposite of who he was, all because he knew how much you loved it.

After a while you both had your bears fully dressed—yours in an adorable pastel outfit with a tiny skirt and sweater and Sylus’s bear looking every bit as tough as him in the leather jacket and sunglasses.

You turned to look at Sylus who was standing there, holding his bear like it was the most absurd thing in the universe but there was a softness in his gaze as he looked at you. “You’re happy?” he asked, his voice low.

You smiled up at him your heart swelling with affection. “I’m more than happy. This is perfect.”

He stepped closer pulling you into his arms, his bear tucked awkwardly under one arm as he leaned down to press a kiss to your forehead. “Good. I wanted to give you something that wasn’t just an apology… but something that shows I’m listening. That I care.”

You rested your head against his chest feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath your cheek. “You did” you whispered, your voice filled with emotion. “Thank you, Sylus.”

He pulled back slightly his eyes searching yours. “I’m not done making it up to you, kitten. This is just the start.”

You smiled softly, feeling the weight of his words. “I don’t need anything else. Just… this. Just you.”

His hand came up to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing gently over your skin. “You’ll always have me. I promise.”

For the first time in a while, the ache that had settled in your heart was replaced with warmth. You knew he meant it and as you stood there in the middle of the empty Build-A-Bear, holding your matching plushies, you realized that this—this silly, thoughtful gesture—meant more than any grand apology ever could. Sylus had shown up for you, in his own way and that was all you had ever really wanted.

[koiir]

SWEETEST LOVER

Blue lock boys who are the BEST lovers ( I’m bias) Relationships with them { not proofread }

ᡣ𐭩 •｡ꪆৎ ˚⋅ Chigiri, hiori, reo, isagi, kurona

CHIGIRI H.

Chigiri is the definition of “best friend and partner” he’s rather open to you (having known for years) and also being the person who’s the best boyfriend you can could ask for.

The advice he gives is one of harsh criticism yet the most truthful, many would be surprised by how blunt he can be with you although it shows in how he cares and truly only wants the best for you. If opening your eyes with a hard truth will help then he will take that route.

Although of course, he isn’t heartless. He comforts you with a warm smile, heart beating at how attentive he becomes with you. Giving you the princess treatment one would die for. He knows comfort can differ in various ways, so he will always try and communicate on what you need.

I feel as though chigiri struggles with communication concerning his wants, so he tries to grow in order to be the best version of himself he can give you. Yet there will be moments where this can “problem” can arise and he will always realize his faults.

Other than that, his knack for his wellbeing swells into you as well. Hair is rather important for the guy, so when he comes to you with a grin about a new hair secret, expect a days worth of hair care. The two of you are seen as rather “gossipers” yet you two just find anything and everything interesting. Really, anything with chigiri can turn into an interesting conversation. Thus making him an amazing boyfriend and best friend in one<33 ( I could go on about him but I’ll save that for later)

HIORI Y.

SO UNDERRATED I LUV HIORI. Ugh he’s the sweetest I mean cmonnn…

With his already calm and polite demeanor, falling in love with him is that of a warm spring that flourishes into a bond greater than words can say.

A quick learner, can easily pick up your moods and will give it his all for you! Very much a giver and will cherish whatever you give him, hiori becomes emotional seeing how much you give to him, already viewing your love the best thing he could every ask for.

From his childhood, he was told he was loved, although feeling it would come and go. Yet when you come into the picture, it’s as if he experiences the feeling of being loved for the first time ever. His past one of hallow that now with you, it beams with hope and joy, making him the more doting on you with showing how much he truly cherishes what you have given to him.

The type of guy who would let you drag him anywhere, as his face is filled with adoration for you, soft smile evident as he lets your body take the lead as he follows you to no end. Out and about, would definitely rub your wrist gently before crossing the street whispering a faint “be careful” that causes your heart to race in seconds.

Can’t forgot how he would definitely, want you to game with him. Even if you don’t he finds a way for you to be near or engage with him. Whether that be you seated next to him or him lying across you, the peace hiori has in being close to you is infinite. A safe space he never wishes to let go of.

Seems squishy (don’t ask)

ISAGI Y.

GREEN FLAG I REPEAT ULTIMATE GREEN FLAG. Might be bias but cmon it’s isagi

The boyfriend who literally will do ANYTHING you wish for (as long as it’s reasonable ofc) Follows you around like a lovesick puppy as he comments on places he thinks you would like or you two should go to. Will love to get stuff where it compliments the other, almost as if something that matches.

He once asked you what you were going to wear and showed up with a similar color combo, mind you he bought you two the same shoes for days where you want to match.

The kind of guy who will hold eye contact whenever you talk, even if you can’t hold it with him because of how intense his gaze is. He will continue looking at you as id you’re all he can stare at. How can someone make you flustered without anything at all?? That’s isagi for you

Isagi is someone you admire, someone you learn from even as you two grow in the relationship. His kind heart giving you the courage to try new things as he supports you all the way, words of encouragement making a hue of light shine in your life.

Overall, a loving caring guy who always has your back and a cutie

BACHIRA M.

Bachira just like anyone has his…quirks. Although nothing severe to the point of destruction or hurting you. If anything he’s the most loyal and treats you with such care, fearing that one day you might perish or realize he’s not so called normal.

His insecurities one that you know from the beginning, tending the wounds he has held from years of the past. His reluctance to thank you with the best he can give you, his affection and loyalty to you one of scarce of losing you. He can’t fathom this, you with him. Together. So it’s only natural he wishes to show you what others cannot see.

There’s never a dull moment with him, his vibrant persona melting into you as you intoxicate in the newfound confidence he gives you. Bachira is the type to move you out of your comfort zone, making a break to see you in a new light that he’s lucky enough to see and be the cause for.

His affection spreads throughout every aspect, in public he resembles a dog that clings onto its owner that holds eyes filled with adoration.

His warm hands allowing for yours to bask in his warmth, feeling more as he squeezes yours and grins from ear to ear viewing your flushed expression. “There’s that face I adore oh so much!”

Eyes wander to your figure as bachira sees the shiver in your figure, cold winds swirling around causing you to feel the cold sensation of the winds. His embrace eternal, fitting like a puzzle as he snuggles up behind you swaying your bodies side to side. The norm would be teasing words, yet for now he embraces the delight with you in his arms.

Ah bachira

KURONA R.

Cutest boy I mean cmon he has shark teeth

No matter the time being, kurona can’t fathom that you’re truly his, his mornings being filled with a lovesick smile at the thought of you.

His teeth hold many stories, the most memorable being how insecure he is because of them, smile showing less due to this fact. But the day you tell him to smile, hands on his cheeks as you gaze into his eyes, the crack in his lips breaking as he smiles at you softly.

It’s only natural for kurona to want to be the reasons for your smiles, indulging in what will make your smile come to fruition so he can also gift you with his smile.

His adoration for sharks weaves into you, no matter what he makes a correlation between you. Expect matching trinkets of any shark related item. Plushies that greet you in a pair that hold eachother, his lips spilling the words of “look, it’s us”

What may come to a surprise is his ability to make you swoon with his words, maybe not directly, but on paper. The reassurance kurona needs is spilled onto messages late at night, showing his vulnerability on text because he cannot bear with how you might respond. He knows you would comfort him, although he knows his heart will experience speed to limits unknown.

So when morning dew comes and you wake up with his messages, your heart grows fond seeing just how much the boy wants you to know, his heart is all yours and he wishes to hold it for the eternity to come.

a/n; MONTHSS of not posting anything…prob cause I’m almost out of school and have inspo

edit; guys I’m sorry reo wasn’t added my ass was just tired after writing for bachira😞

[mimimui]

hellooo i saw your 'genshin men asking for a kiss' and i loved it sm your writing is amazing <333

can i request relationship headcanons for the genshin men. specifically alhaitham but idm who else you add

stay cool and have a good day/night :)

genshin boys as your boyfriend

includes: alhaitham, scaramouche, kazuha, diluc, kaeya, childe, xiao

tags: established relationship, endearments, fluff, not proofread, non-mortal/adeptus reader in xiao's

a/n: thank you so much ♡⸜(˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶)⸝♡ aaaah i am back after being mia..! the writers block is beating me up so hard rn + its 3am :') i wrote each part in different time frames so the writing might seem inconsistent aghuahgu i hope its still ok :( anyways, as always .. enjoy !

ALHAITHAM

he asked you to be his s/o while you were playing tcg together. you were in the middle of your turn when he asked you, and it'd be an understatement to say you were shocked.

(y/n): i'll use this support ca- alhaitham: will you be my s/o? (y/n): what? (shocked) alhaitham: what? (questioning)

while alhaitham is a bit aloof, he does loves teasing you. he would hide your things and help you look for the lost item like he doesn't know where it is.

when you're eating outside, he would step on your feet under the table. you can confront him about it all you want, but he will keep acting innocent.

if he's standing behind you, be wary because he might just throw his coat over your head as a joke, and then act like he did nothing.

alhaitham: do you want help putting on my coat? (y/n): seriously, haitham? alhaitham: yes? i'm seriously asking if you want my help.

when it comes to cooking, he'd leave you to do it. alhaitham would rather look forward to a meal you cook rather than a meal he helped make.

dinners are usually quiet, but if you want to tell him about the person that skipped in front of you in line today, then he's all ears.

the first time he told you he loved you, you were giving him a gift. you were smiling so brightly when giving it to him that he didn't know whether to be thankful for the gift or for you.

or at least you think that was the first time he said he loved you.

it was actually when you were asleep the first time you slept over. a very meaningful "i love you" was whispered softly in your ear.

SCARAMOUCHE

he brought you somewhere with a nice view. he grabbed your hand without warning, and when you asked him where he was taking you, he said, "no need to be nervous, just want you to see something."

(y/n): thank you for bringing me here, scara. scaramouche: you're my s/o, there is no need to thank me. (y/n): i'm your s/o...? scaramouche: are you not informed about that or what?

it turns out that scaramouche planned to ask you a long time ago, and from the amount of times he's rehearsed in his head, his mind convinced him that he already asked you.

you laughed at him when you witnessed the moment he realized he forgot to actually ask you. he huffed at your reaction.

he acts annoyed whenever you ask to try on his hat, but his actions contradict his words as he places it on your head.

scaramouche: there are a lot of places where you can get hats, i don't even know (places hat on your head) why you want mine. (y/n): :D scaramouche: if it falls, i'll laugh at you. (y/n): >:(

scaramouche would make you food if you ask him to. he's glad to do it, but he wouldn't want you to thank him. he thinks thanking him for things he's happy to do is a waste of effort.

it's somewhat his unspoken rule to never leave you alone at the table. even if he doesn't join you for the meal, he'd sit down just to accompany you while you eat.

he denied it when you heard him tell you he loved you. the three words escaped his lips when you were busy picking fruits together. or, rather, you were the one picking fruits while he holds them.

you asked him to repeat what he said, but he was quick to reply with "it'd be a waste of effort to repeat what i said."

but he knows. and you know. you both know he loves you.

KAZUHA

while he was out on sea, he wrote you a letter asking you to be his. along with all the other letters he wrote you, he made sure this was was sent out especially.

(y/n): welcome back, kazuha! about your letter... kazuha: yes, what about it? (y/n): my answer is yes. kazuha: i'm glad. thank you, (y/n).

he loves taking you out on adventures. even when he doesn't have a certain goal in mind for the day, kazuha will always find an excuse to bring you along with him.

you will always find him surrounding himself in nature. thanks to his extraordinary sense of hearing, he enjoys being outside even more. the world has a lot to offer.

one day, you ask him what his favorite sound of nature is. immediately, without fail, his reply is 'your voice', which you're flustered by.

(y/n): that doesn't even make any sense... i asked about your favorite sound of nature. kazuha: the world is full of nature, correct? (y/n): your point being? kazuha: you're my favorite sound of nature because you are my world, (y/n).

you both take turns cooking, always excited to try each other's new recipes. it's become sort of a competition of who can suprise the other one more.

his reaction is the cutest when you compliment his dish. if you're happily chewing the food he fed you, watch out because his hands will pinch your cheeks.

you two were hanging out one night, and you asked him to create a poem for you on the spot. he liked the idea, and immediately got to it.

without any hesitation, without thinking twice about it, he ended his poem with a very sweet "i love you."

when you stayed silent afterwards, kazuha got nervous. but his nervous expression soon washed away when you wrapped your arms around him, complimenting his impromptu-poem-writing abilities.

DILUC

he was closing up the tavern for the day, and you two were the only one there after work hours. he decided to take his chances and ask you right then and there.

diluc: can you pass me the wash cloth? (y/n): sure! diluc: can you fix the chairs? (y/n): sure! diluc: can you be mine? (y/n): sur- wait.

he's never said it outloud, but diluc actually enjoys having senseless conversations with you. just last night you told him he reminded you of an owl, which he found amusing, and he asked you to explain why.

whenever diluc takes shifts at the tavern, you'd be somewhere around helping clean tables or wash dishes. he has enough staff at angel's share, but he appreciates your assistance nonetheless.

if you know how to play chess, he would regularly ask you to play against him. he thinks it's a great game to play while also being able to converse with others. he loves talking to you.

(y/n): the main character realized—check—his feelings too late, and lost the love of his life to someone else. it's sad. diluc: what happened—oh, good move—to the main character after that? (y/n): he was never able to express his true feelings to her. he should've taken the chance. diluc: hm.. i agree. he was too coward when he had the opportunity. and checkmate, by the way. (y/n): wh- hey! i didn't see that move! diluc: better luck next time, my dear.

when you offer to cook dinner for him instead of the maids, diluc doesn't try to hide his smile. you've prohibited him from entering the kitchen, wanting to cook something for him all by yourself.

he will always stand by the archway and watch you cook. you go over to him occasionally, asking him to taste some parts of the meal you're making. these are some of his favorite moments with you.

it was when you were eating dinner that he first told you he loved you. you had just finished cooking a meal, and you were sharing details from your day with each other while eating.

halfway through the meal, he says, "i've been wanting to tell you something all day. may i?"

as you nod your head, he tells you he loves you. or, rather, he tells you he's in love with you. but what's the difference? diluc is all yours.

KAEYA

you brought klee back to the knights of favonius' headquarters after playing with her outside all day. albedo and jean thanked you, but kaeya wanted to express more than just gratitude.

kaeya: klee always returns happy whenever you're the one bringing her back. (y/n): she's precious. i'd do anything to keep her smiling. kaeya: likewise. but i also want to keep you smiling, sweetheart. (y/n): what do you mean? kaeya: be mine, (y/n), and i promise i'll always make you happy.

you, klee, and kaeya are always seen running around mondstadt. not only in the city, but also around the mountains. you'd all go find a big, empty space for klee to blow up.

rest assured he will always invite you for a drink, even if it's the morning. you've rejected about 90% of his offers, but he will always, always, make sure to invite you.

he is one call away when it comes to you. you have something urgent and needs his help? he's on it. you simply just miss him? he misses you too, he's on his way to see you.

(y/n): kaeya, aren't you supposed to be working right now? what would acting grandmaster jean say? kaeya: i missed you. that should be enough reason. (y/n): kaeya. kaeya: what? just wanted to see your face, sweetheart. i- ow! okay, okay, i'll go back now!

kaeya really enjoys when you cook for him. of course, he'll step in to help you, but the thought of you making him his favorite food is so heartwarming.

he insists on feeding you, even embarrassing you sometimes by pretending the spoon is a crystalfly and your mouth the cave it's about to fly into.

he first told you he loved you immediately after you agreed to be his. after you said 'yes' to his confession, he was quick to tell you those three words, and your heart fluttered at his boldness.

he will never forget to tell you he loves you. when he greets you good morning, when you drop by to pick up klee, when you come back to drop off klee, and so many more instances.

there was never a moment you doubted his love for you. he constantly reminds you of it, and kaeya will never let you forget it. he loves you. so much.

CHILDE

he had it all planned out when he asked you to be his s/o. he made restaurant reservations at your favorite place, and even made sure it was on a day where not much people visited.

childe: (y/n), will you be mine? (y/n): are you serious? yes! childe: you are the only one i've ever been serious about. (y/n): you're so corny.

whenever he gets back from missions, he always makes sure to bring you back a little gift or a souvernir. one time, he brought you back a ruin hunter eye because "you're the light of my life" he says. it didn't make any sense.

the first time he brought you to snezhnaya, he wrapped you in so many layers that you were better off rolling on the ground than walking.

he absolutely loves it when you play with his siblings. when he comes home tired, he'll immediately be energized if he sees you and his siblings spending time together.

(y/n): ajax, join us! we could use another person to play tag. childe: do i get a kiss if i win? (y/n): ...i was just kidding, you don't have to play with us anymore. childe: hey! okay, okay, i'll join. no kiss needed, i swear!

cooking is one of his favorite activities to do with you. doing something so loving and domestic as cooking with someone he loves is heartwarming.

no matter how much you try to keep yourself clean, childe will find a way to get you messy. he says you can't blame him if you can never catch him wiping his hands on your shirt.

he wasn't the first one to tell you he loved you. his siblings did it for him, actually. well, who was going to stop them? childe was asleep, and you weren't.

he brought you all on a camping trip outside snezhnaya, and he promptly passed out first after story-telling time. as you were cleaning up the campfire, his siblings all walked over to you.

"(y/n), our big brother loves you very much."

it was very random, but very sweet. you smiled at them as you gave them a hug each, asking them why they were suddenly telling you this.

"if you leave him, you leave us, and we don't want you to leave. he loves you a lot, we swear!"

XIAO

being uninterested in relationships, neither of you ever asked each other. but you've been together for as long as you could remember, and your memory goes back for centuries.

(centuries ago) (y/n): xiao, can you promise not to leave me by myself? xiao: that's a hard promise to keep. (y/n): but you'll try? xiao: ...yes.

xiao has never been the type to express much of what he was feeling—if he felt anything at all. unlike you, he has never bothered to fully understand mortals.

you thrive around the people of liyue harbor, and xiao will always find you casually strolling around or stopping to pet a cat you found on the sidewalk.

when xiao rests at wangshu inn, you find yourself accompanying him, staying with him on the highest balcony. this is the only time you accompany him though, as he has his duties to eliminate evil.

(y/n): need any help? xiao: you always ask, and i always say no. (y/n): well, you might need me one day. xiao: we've been together for centuries. you know i'm capable enough. (y/n): i know. you always have been. xiao: rest easy, (y/n). i'll be here. (y/n): good night, xiao.

food has never really been a problem for either of you, but if you want to treat yourself to a mortal meal, xiao will come along with you. with enough convincing, of course.

you eat at wangshu inn, and chef yanxiao prepares your meals. eating with xiao is quiet, but if you were to start a conversation, he will always reply.

he's never told you that he loves you, at least not directly. his actions will speak for him—one of them being always ridding the path you're taking of monsters.

whenever xiao has to leave you at the inn, he will never fail to tell you to "rest easy" before he leaves. he has sworn to himself to protect you, and eliminate all evil that might affect you.

his duty is to protect liyue, but it wouldn't hurt to make you his duty as well, right?

thanks for reading (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

[annab-nana]

Hi Anna!🥺 I have a request for your winter wonderland sleepover🥺

Scenario: told parents about SO and now you have to rope someone into it for the holiday with Eddie🥺🥺

please i love this request sooo much!!

warnings: not proofread

❀ masterlist ❀

why?

that was the only question you could ask yourself as you hung up the phone.

why?

why in the world did i do that?

why did i say that?

you had to talk this out with someone and there was only one person who could help you make sense of this. so, you got in your car and drove to the trailer park.

"hey- woah," eddie started to greet you when he opened the door, but you were on a mission, beelining it to his bedroom. he just shut the door and followed you there. when he passed through the doorway into his room, he saw you lying on your back on his bed with your hands covering your face.

being your best friend, he could normally sense if the issue at hand was a more serious one or a dramatized one. today, he was picking up the vibe that it was the latter, so he crawled into bed beside you and copied your actions.

"why are we laying here like this?" he asked out loud, his voice muffled by his own hands.

when you responded, he couldn't make out many of the words you'd said. "can you repeat that? i only got because, christmas, and parents."

you lifted your palms up off your mouth but kept your eyes hidden by your fingers. "because i'm an idiot. i didn't want my family nagging me again about not having a boyfriend yet, so i told them there is someone when there isn't so now, i have to find someone in the next two weeks or show up at my parents' house with no one and get interrogated even more so than i would've if i had just kept my mouth shut."

once done with your explanation, you let your palms drop back down over your mouth and groaned into them. your body rolled over onto your stomach and closer to eddie. he moved onto his side and brought his hand to your back.

"hey," he started softly while rubbing between your shoulder blades in a comforting manner. "i'm sure it'll work itself out. how many times have you gotten yourself into something and figured a way out? too many to count, so i don't doubt you'll do it again."

suddenly, you lifted your head out of your hands and looked at him, a mischievous glint in your eye.

"that's your not-very-good-idea face," eddie commented. "i'm a little worried."

"i don't know what you're talking about. i only come up with great ideas and i've got another right now. but, it'll take some convincing."

"just spit it out already."

"you love me, don't you, eddie?"

"okay, now you're scaring me."

"well, i was thinking you could step in and be my fake boyfriend for the holidays, just to get my family off my back, you know. you don't have to kiss me or anything. at most, you'll have to hold my hand or kiss my forehead or be close to me. but, it's perfect because you know me so well already. we'll just have to come up with a backstory. eddie, i'll do whatever to make it up to you whether that be do your laundry, help with d and d stuff, do your homework, whatever, but pleas-"

eddie cut you off. "i'll do it."

you weren't expecting it to be that easy. "really?"

"yeah, why not? wayne's working on christmas so i'm free anyway and based on the stories you tell, i've always wanted to meet your uncle charlie. i get something to do on christmas and get to hang with my best friend. i would've said yes before the whole speech, but now that i know i can get some stuff out of you, i might cash in some of those favors later."

you jumped to wrap your arms around him. "oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, eddie! you don't know how much a relief this is."

"yeah," eddie spoke, trying to ignore the way his heart was racing. that was the one thing he forgot about before agreeing to this whole thing. it was going to be hard to keep his crush on you hidden, but for you, he would risk it all. "no problem."

remember to support writers & reblog :)

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tag list: @fiction-is-life @jellyfishbeansontoast

[thefuseoftemptation]

—WE'RE GONE' BE!

'Uncle Wayne shows reader how to be behind the wheel, and then there's Eddie....'

EDDIE MUNSON X GN!READER

WARNING(S): cussing, eddie being a child or in other words, a little shit, not much else but lmk! NOT PROOFREAD. Reader is over 18.

NOT SURE WHERE THE REQUEST WENT SO HERE.

—

It had been a few weeks since you got behind the wheel, just now being shown what it was like. Even though you were well into your years, you still had yet to get your license, but you were more than sure it wouldn’t be much more until you had one.

Honestly it was just the matter of getting yourself out there, and who else to be up for the role to show you than someone you had known for years?

When you went to Uncle Wayne asking, it was a little unexpecting how quick he was to take you up on it.

Sure, you knew he wouldn’t just leave it for you to learn by yourself– he wasn’t the type– but you guess because he wasn’t really someone who’d be known to be so forth with that sort of thing. Generally because you weren’t even his child, you weren’t his for him to show that to. 

Though unbeknownst to you and others, you’re his kid just as much as his nephew is. And he’d swear to those who told him otherwise. So, whenever you guys got the time, whether it was late or not, you’d get in the seat behind the wheel with him in the one next to you telling you where to.

See, guess too that it was a little unexpecting that Wayne was showing you how to drive because of Eddie. You’d grown up with the guy, someone who knew you like the back of his hand, someone you had feelings for– not that he knew of them– so it might’ve been thought that you’d go to him for this.

But it seemed you and Wayne had the same thoughts on that because well, it was Eddie. If you knew him and seen the way he drove….you’d be thinking the same. Though you couldn’t tell him that! Even though you knew he sort of knew…somewhat.

Wayne had even brought it up a little after you asked, which resulted in you looking at him as if he grew another head. ‘Really?’ 

It had him shaking his head as he sighed under his breath, ‘just mak’n’ sure here.’

You prefer not to, you’d been with Eddie when he drove, too often might you say, and you weren’t looking for him to show you his ways.

Whether he knew they were proper or not. You’d think since Wayne had taught him he’d know by now, but you forgot that Eddie made his own rules. As he would put it. No matter how many times his Uncle told him to settle down when he was out and about, going who knows where at whatever fuckin time it was.

So, to see the look on your friend's face when he sees you driving. Without him???

It was like when you were children, that one time you left him by the restrooms because ‘you didn’t feel like waiting since there was a line,’ it was a fucked excuse but really you couldn’t miss your bus.

Plus, you were told that some kid was looking to take your seat, like you were gonna have that happen! Eddie didn’t speak to you the next day but at least you got to keep your seat. 

Not even a week later he left you in a tree…you were even after that.

“What is this? What is it my eyes are beholding?!” There Eddie stood in the lot, gesturing, while staring at you, expectantly. You had been waiting for Wayne, who went in to get something, and in the time he was gone, Eddie had gotten back.

“Uh…”

“Uh?...” He repeated back with a tone. He took a few steps forward and in response, a childish one, you put the window up. As quickly as one could with all the years it has been around for.

Eddie got his hand through with the little room left, trying to reach out, but with you trying to finish winding the window up, it was minimizing and becoming not as simple to get to you.  

“Stop that!” He said as he waved his fingers.

“No, fuck off I’m trying to learn here!” You shot back, nudging his fingers away from you. It was just like back in school when he wouldn’t leave you be, but then again, you also couldn’t go a few minutes without turning to him.

“Well, let me in and I’ll show you.” By now, Eddie’s forehead was on the window, his nose and mouth pressed to it too.

“No.” You state.

“Let me in.”

“No.”

“Let me in.”

“No.”

“Let me in.” His tone became more cutting with every word released. Sighing, you look at him pretending to think about it, before telling him no again. Though his tone suggested one thing, you knew he wasn’t bugged by any of it.

Eddie stared you down before his eyes went to what was behind you. Looking over your shoulder was all it took for him to rush over to the other side and put himself through the window that had been down. His legs sticking out as he extended his arms to take hold of the wheel.

If it had been on and your foot were pressing down…let’s just say it wouldn’t have ended well. But it wasn’t, the keys were in but you had yet to start it.

“Munson, let go!”

“No, it’s your turn to fuck off!”

“My turn? I’m the one who’s learning how to drive!”

You kept pushing at Eddie’s face, while he kept trying to get himself fully in. Why hadn’t he just gotten in by opening the door? It was unlocked.

While trying to nudge your friend over, him being a fuckin child, and the two of you pushing on the horn unknowingly, you hadn’t heard much less seen Wayne come out.

He just stood there for a few seconds trying to make sure he was seeing everything properly. And when he saw that it wasn’t in his head, he sighed and scuffed his boots on over to where you guys were.

“The name in christ you two up to, huh?!” The volume of his voice was unexpected, it even had Eddie turning to check if it was his Uncle it had come from.

“Nothing.” It was in sync the way you two stopped and answered his question so quickly.

Wayne tilted his head as if to say ‘you expect me to take your word,’ before muttering something under his breath.

He wasn’t even going to ask why Eddie was half out the window, only tipping his head to the side telling him to get it, which he listened and did.

The door shut with a clunk as Wayne put on his seatbelt and looked at Eddie, who was still standing there.

“Well, you gettin’ in?”

The look that crossed his features had you glaring at him from your spot in the drivers side. The all too common self-satisfaction.

Eddie didn’t have to be told again, sliding himself in the small back and throwing his arms up on the top of the seats.

“So, where to?”

—

Wayne had been sure, had made it utterly clear to his nephew that if he were to be going, he would have to keep his mouth shut. He knew the way he was, he’d been with him too many times himself. Who do you think was the one picking and driving Eddie everywhere when he was little, all that and in between before he got his license? His Uncle. 

He never forgot those times when Eddie would try putting his feet up or tried taking his seatbelt off, all the times he wouldn’t sit still and would be leaning over the seats or console to get in Wayne's face when he had something to tell him or when a song he liked came on.

And though Wayne somewhat missed those days, he was really really thankful that his son got his license because he wasn’t sure how much more he could’ve put up with. He already had very little hair and he wasn’t looking to lose what was left. 

Though he feels like he spoke too soon with that, seeing the way Eddie was when he drove. He was…quite the driver. Sense the tone. So either way, his thoughts weren’t at rest until he knew that his kid had come up those few steps and through that threshold.

And Eddie had listened. For now. He kept to himself in the back though by the way you could feel his eyes on you as you drove, you just knew he wanted to say something but held it in upon his Uncle’s request. Or, more like order. And the more minutes that went by, the more you could feel Eddie’s front break.

Looking in the rearview mirror and seeing him give you a little finger wave, his mouth curling up.

This guy.

You couldn’t think clearly with him there, and he knew that. Wayne knew that too, so why had he let Eddie come? You weren’t so sure.

“Just turn up here.” Wayne nodded his head to the upcoming split, following his words and slowly releasing your foot a little so the turn wouldn’t be so sudden. Unlike someone you knew….

“There you go, that’s it.” You loosened your shoulders at his words, feeling yourself get more comfortable. It wasn’t until you heard clapping, that your tongue clicked.

Eddie. 

And that’s the name that had left Wayne’s mouth upon hearing it too. 

“M’just clapping. You said no talking and m’not. Well, now I am– but before I wasn’t. I was simply sitting here–”

“Son.” Eddie stopped at the sound of his Uncle’s voice, pretending he was zipping his mouth, and clasping his hands together like he was oh so guiltless. If only that were the case….what a little-

“Why don’t you pull into this lot ‘ere,” Wayne gestured to the empty lot to the side “we could make a few laps ‘fore heading off again.” 

Pulling into where he said, you began to make a few laps. Turning based on the curves of the street. It went on for a while until you stopped for a small break, Wayne getting out to stretch and have a smoke, while Eddie and you stayed put.

It was too quiet between the two of you. Though you were just waiting for him to say something.

“So, why’re so slow?” And there it was. 

“S’cuse you?”

“You heard me.”

“It’s not slow, it’s the limit which you wouldn’t know since you don’t even go by it.”

Eddie’s mouth fell, making it seem like you just told him to shove it. Quickly leaning towards you to tell you off.

“I so go the limit!”

“Nuh uh, stop lying to yourself."

“You trying to tell me something? Because from what I know, m’the one who has a license!”

Oh, OH. So that’s where he was taking it.

“Not for long!”

“Oh, shut up.” Eddie leaned back with his arms crossed, putting his feet up on the console.

“You drive like you’re in a rush to be somewhere, which is concerning since you never seem to show up on time.” You shoot. And it was the truth. For someone who was constantly tailing it, he was always late to wherever he was going.

From what you know of at least.

“That was like- once.” Eddie knew that was an utter lie because it was more than a few times he would be pulling into school late. Few times was an understatement. Literally.

“Maybe not that much but so what? Not like it mattered.”

“Well, when it took you years to finally get the fuck out of there because of stuff like that? It mattered so…”

“Shh, m’not speaking to you from here on out!”

“Oh no.” You spoke, pretending to be hurt, though your tone was nothing if not empty.

Eddie made sure to get in a quick to push to you before his Uncle came back. He was such a little shit sometimes and you just knew these next minutes with him were going to send Wayne through the roof. Might.

—

Just like you guessed, there he was.

It started off subtle, with little gestures and mutterings, but then he began giving unnecessary and untimely commentary that had you clutching the wheel so much you thought you’d pull it off.

Then Wayne kept having to tell him to shut it which he would, for seconds, before he kept going. 

It was repetitive.

He was such a backseat driver.

Sometime during, Eddie leaned forward to talk and in the result, it had you pulling your eyes away from the street to turn and tell him off.

"Look where your going!"

"Stop telling me what I know, Munson!"

"Then?"

"You two keep it up, we're gone' be no more!"

And just like you guessed too, it sent Wayne through the roof. Well, that was a little much and maybe fetched seeing how layed back the guy was but when he’s got the two of you together, in the same room, something was going to happen eventually. He just expected it to be later and not sooner. But you guys were something else…

How he got through when you two were little and you were over at theirs? He’ll never know. He thinks it might’ve had to do with the years that have went by.

So, there you guys were sitting in the back seat as Wayne was in the front behind the wheel. He had booted you to the back. It began with you in front on the passenger’s side, having quit driving for the day— but when at a stop you two couldn’t keep your hands to yourselves— he switched it and put you with Eddie.

It wasn’t long until the two of you were back to usual. Like the last few hours hadn’t happened, but that’s the way you guys were. That’s how you’ve always been.

Leaning on his shoulder, Eddie extended his other arm, his hand out the window as he felt the wind– only to take your hand in his so you could feel it too.

There was a brief moment of eye contact between you and the one up front.

You were sure Wayne knew of your feelings for his son, just like he knew of Eddie’s for you. It was just a matter of you guys telling the other. Maybe it would be quicker than you getting your license.

Only time could tell.

Though if there’s one thing Uncle didn’t know….neither of you were wearing your seatbelts. 

Oh well.

—

A/N: feedback and reblogs are appreciated.

[jaggedwolf]

pll rewatch 1x20-1x21

plot ramps up as we approach the finale. Caleb boards a literal bus, Paige gets on a metaphorical one, a new lesbian appears to go oh hell yes to Emily's face and as always: Spencer has a bad time

Spencer sounds most like a teenager when she whines "make them stop" to her mom about the cops searching her room. she is a sixteen year old, easy as it is to forget.

Hanna/Caleb are so domestic already - we will meet more queer women as the show progresses, but Haleb will beat all of them in the art of u-hauling by virtue of moving in together before getting together and oh god I just remembered another future Caleb line

Hanna has told the liars that she had sex with Caleb and Emily's first question is "have you had another opportunity" ok Emily

The girls all :eyes_emoji: at Paige and Sean having lunch together and Hanna reassures Emily, saying "it's okay, Sean's a good guy"

do the liars now think of Paige as Emily's friend or at least a neutral? Hanna's response here is quite different from when she called Paige a knob a few episodes back

Aria being the one to go "woah when did that start happening" cracks me up Aria you pay the least attention to your schoolmates out of everyone why would you expect to notice anything

She then accidentally sends an Ezra text to her mom instead. This bewilders me because (1) even phones of ye olde 2010 showed SMS threads by recency and I assume Ezra is at the top of Aria's list (2) does she have her mom saved as "Ella" instead of "Mom"?? (3) in a contacts list, Emily would appear between Ella and Ezra.

Ella is very understanding. and believes in giving Aria her privacy. She will not at all be rewarded for trusting her daughter. Poor Ella.

So, why does Sean think Emily would know whether Paige is dating anyone anyway? Gives Emily the opportunity to say "we swim on the same team" and that's all that really matters.

Sean describes Paige as "fun" a descriptor no one has ever used for S1!Paige. I kid, kid, she does seem more at ease and is probably less palpably full of turmoil outside of the contexts of Emily and/or swimming.

Emily's reaction to being handed a bag of full of Ezria totems is my reaction, this episode is Emily dealing with real or forced heterosexuality

Emily interrupts Paige putting up...swimming posters? Are the Sharks still recruiting team members? Anyway, here we get Paige saying "he makes me laugh" about Sean and unfortunately for our Ken Doll I think that comment is merely a trite recitation of what you are supposed to say about the boy you like

Paige tries to walk away from the conversation and Emily still follows her, like Emily, you have no reason to poke your nose into this. (Other than petty petty jealousy, but Emily would not admit such a thing when she can subsume it into generic concern.)

So what's up with Caleb not replying to any texts right when the liars tell Hanna he's sus and they all see the owl necklace/USB on Jenna? Does he know he's been caught out, is he trying to figure out a way to come clean, is he planning his bus trip out of here?

Regardless it gives Hanna time for her anger to build, and for her to figure out that 214 is Caleb's locker combination (Pick a better one, dude). This means Toby heard Caleb and Jenna mention Spencer's name. What's up with that.

I'd forgot Spencer's story about running away as a seven year old, and no one noticing. Sad little Hastings. The writers foil me by there being literally no Disney princess films released between 1999 and 2002, what re-release did she watch, and more importantly, what was each liar's favorite Disney princess as a kid?

Spoby right now are really bonding over being pariahs...Toby repeated the line about people crossing the street when they see him....my poor guy...

Hanna's slapping of Jenna felts way more violent than I remembered, those glasses flew!

At some point in this ring Aria is wearing a gigantic black ring with a pointy bit and all I could think about was how easy it would be to take someone's eye out with that

Aw, Paily's first scene in Emily's room, featuring the window seat of course.

And of course, the introduction to PLL's soundtrack of a theme literally called Guys Like Paige. Not the last time we'll hear it :D :D

Veronica is really good with Spencer this episode, helping her understand the legal circumstances, getting the police to back off, keeping Spencer in the loop...but she is still a C+ parent for not kicking Ian off her property imo

1x21 is all about the founder's festival where the people running booths range from the Ackard's church (what denomination are they, anyway), Hanna and Mona (don't even know what they're selling), and students from Sheridan Prep

+ Garrett lurking ominously in the shadows

Love the scene where Caleb tries to talk to Aria about Hanna and Ella mouths "HE'S CUTE" about Caleb to Aria. Caleb has now talked one-on-one with every liar and is the first love interest to do so. Ella is should interact with the teens instead of just her family, Byron or Ezra, it is actually pretty fun seeing her in that context

Paige is cute in this next scene, before it all goes badly. She grabs Emily by the arm because she's so excited, and she is so very smug that she got tickets to a sold-out concert and is treating Emily to them

We will never see Nick McCullers on-screen again but I'm trying to construct a picture of the type of stress-inducing parent he is and I don't think it's a micromanaging one or one who knows what Paige is up to every minute - she doesn't seem time-constrained at the karaoke or picnic dates, and he gets her these concert tickets via his connection.

Oh foolish foolish Paige. What you do is, you tell your dad you are going with your friend Pru, you go to the concert with Emily, you tell your dad that you are meeting Pru there and after, oh Pru's parents already picked her up. For bonus points, you ask Pru to cover for you without coming out to her, because the whole school already knows your dad is a homophobic douchenozzle about Emily and so it's not that weird.

Paige is too fucked up about herself to even contemplate logistics like that though, so of course she goes with bringing a guy. Though I assume Nick doesn't know the third ticket is for Emily anyway or else he'd be miffed so what's the point of insurance boy anyway.

"What even was your plan here, Paige" <- a question I will have many times

Paige I know you've been looking up how to come out to your dad but I wish you had also stumbled across how to excel at being closeted while still going on gay dates and not piss off your girlfriend lmao.

When explaining why she can't go over to Sheridan Prep's support group Paige mentions it is two (2) miles away and Emily nods understandably and I am left going wait does Paige not have a car. Did she pedal furiously on her little bike to the karaoke place. Did she fill panniers with picnic supplies for that date.

Tell me more about Paige McCullers' traveling logistics, show.

Keeping things subtle, Aria knocks Ezra's coffee onto his pants in the middle of a hallway at school and goes WOW I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT I AM SUCH A KLUTZ and. I hate this. I hate them. Just text like normal people. You are doing a worse job of hiding this than Paige is of her sexuality.

Aria then proceeds to be distressed because guys, she looked at his WEBSITE PAGE (...are they not allowed to say facebook anymore? because Aria said facebook in the second or third episode) and saw you know what? A woman! With a ring! In a photo with him! Egads!

All of the liars project on to Aria's concerns - Emily says to be honest and clear the air, Hanna says fuck it find out for yourself by befriending the girl in the photo, Spencer says sometimes people look guilty but they aren't guilty okay :(

S1 Spencer is more suffused with guilt than I expected....real guilt, false guilt, imputed guilt, all of it

Toby and Spencer negotiate no one wanting them to spend time together and being trailed by the cops, and instead of arranging to meet somewhere normal like a restaurant or a movie theatre or even in Spencer's car in a random alley, they arrange a rendezvous at the festival's creepy clown maze

Paige stands up Emily and Samara, once more causing her own problems, as Emily is intrigued by Samara and her handmade jewelry, Paige feels exposed and explodes, and it all goes to shit. Not the right time yet, kiddos.

You'd expect a scorched earth response from Ashley towards Caleb for hurting Hanna, especially considering how heartbroken Hanna sounded in the bathroom, but Ashley isn't mean to him at all, saying he reminders her of herself. Young Ashley probably hurt a person or two while looking out for numero uno.

Spencer gets fucked up in that festival maze, man, and that's before some traps her in some kind of enclosed turnstile and freaks her the fuck out. If she didn't have claustrophobia before, she definitely does now.

Spencer is so dramatic in choosing to kiss Toby in front of her family and Mrs Ackard, but well, Spencer's always had a romantic streak. She loved doing that.

Emily gets her first A text that refers to Paige - thoughtful of A to wait till it's over - leading to an Ali flashback. The day she disappeared, Ali gave Emily a snowglobe.

In that snowglobe is a key. The key opens a storage unit. In that storage unit is a Tweety Bird lunch box. In that lunch box is a USB stick. On that USB stick are videos of the girls in Ali's room.

Worst russian doll surprise ever.

[g0nta-g0kuhara]

OKAY OKAY, I've been reading your Ch4 text posts, and I was gonna just comment, but it got so long, and I was ITCHING to interact so-

Honestly, I think the big reason Ch4 is underappreciated is because of just how divisive Ch4 is as a WHOLE.

Ch5 and Ch6 in a lot of ways are a lot more straight forward!! Especially in characterization. It could (and frequently is) argued what Kaito and Kokichi's motivations are in Ch5, and how they are meant to be interpreted- but it's super open-ended and people can really easily view it the way THEY want to. Kaito and Kokichi can so easily fall into what the viewer WANTS them to be.

Ch4, on the other hand, fundamentally challenges how the characters view each other and, more importantly, how the AUDIENCE sees the characters. For example if you have hated Kokichi since the start, its easy to write him off in ch5 and say he deserved it, but in ch4 you have to confront the fact that Miu was planning to take him out, and that he was SCARED. I've seen people argue the fact that Kokichi SHOULDN'T have been scared as a way to justify how they feel about him and Ch4.

And of course the major Ch4 elephant in the room: A lot of people have to grapple with (or chose to ignore) the real tragedy Gonta faced, because it would mean fully embracing how complicated he is as a character. A lot of people wanted a straightforward: perfect wholesome character was manipulated by an evil villain to kill and faced the consequences, but that's just not what happened. Gonta is a genuinely kind soul and was placed between a rock and a hard place, and whether or not Kokichi had TOLD him... would have been deeply affected by losing another friend, one he thought HE was close with. He lost his memory, not because he was stupid, but because he didn't have the same DOMINANT HAND as everyone else and got his wires mixed up. There's so much to be said about Gonta in chapter 4 but all of it involves a mental confrontation with the fact that he's a human being with free will, who can make both informed decisions and mistakes.

I keep using the word "confront," because that really is what chapter 4 is. Confrontational. Kaito embodies someone who can't handle that confrontation, Shuichi has to cope with the truth and confronting others WITH that truth (including a perpetrator that forgot what he did-), Kokichi has to confront the horrors of the outside world alongside the fact that someone he trusted and worked alongside is planning to kill him, he has to confront the fact that Gonta lost his memory and the fact everyone thinks that Kokichi is just trying to frame his friend, and Gonta has to confront so much of that alongside Kokichi as well as what he, himself did. Something he IS willing to take responsibility for because he recognizes his OWN agency.

(Repeating my thesis like this is a report -) Chapter 4 is incredibly hard to swallow and harder to digest, and because of that gets overshadowed by the following chapters that have a lot more ambiguity and room to pack in as much interpretation as the audience can imagine. There's no fun in wondering how Miu's last moments played out, unlike wondering what REALLY happened in the hangar. Interpretations can be played around with a LOT when it comes to pregame characters, but it's a lot less fun to place blame in a situation full of people who were only trying to defend themselves. To fully appreciate Chapter 4 you have to be open minded to the fact that characters can do "bad" things and it doesn't make them bad people, and that situations can be deeply and blatantly unfair to those you love and those you hate alike.

It's a really complicated chapter, I see you in being obsessed with it, thank you for coming to my Ted talk lol.

(I didnt even know you could send asks this long holy hell!!)

I can see that ch5 and ch6 have a long more areas of wiggle room and ambiguity to play around in. It's no surprise hangar fics are so common. I guess that makes a good deal of sense- the interest in ch4 is less in "What happened that we didnt see" and more the implications of what concretely happened on the characters and their motivations/inner thoughts for doing what they did.

An image I have in my head extremely vividly of trial 4 is Kaito, Shuichi, and Kokichi arguing with eachother (metaphorically with truth bullets- Ideals vs Truth vs Lies (Ive been struggling to think of an art composition along this theme since I finished the damn chapter a year ago ghdsjkf)) with Gonta in the centre in the crossfire. It is a BRUTAL chapter for all of these characters. But within that there is so much to dig into. What was going through Kaito's head as it became increasingly clear Gonta could not be innocent? How did Shuichi deal with his number one support lashing out and rejecting him like he did? What the genuine fuck was going through Kokichi's head?

I'm going to be fully honest here (so I apologize if this is a bit blunt or anything I am trying my best), but I REALLY struggle to grapple with Kokichi's role in ch4 wrt gonta in any type of sympathetic light. With Miu and Kokichi I see the complexity in its entirety. It's heartbreaking to think that those two were friends and Miu chose to target him in her desperation, and Kokichi had to deal with the fact that she was trying to kill him AND with whatever he saw from the truth of the outside world. But when it comes to Gonta.. I almost feel like I can't talk about it objectively. Even just thinking about the trial from that perspective makes my stomach turn in knots. But there is an amount of fun in that yknow?? I cannot tell you how many hours I've spent trying to unravel all that, especially before I played ch5 5 months after I finished trial 4.

The fun and the interest in trial 4 is that its so complex. There's no one complete villain and there's no one true hero, despite what a superficial look at the chapter might tell you (especially pre ch5). Putting these characters in situations where they're so outside of what their standard role in v3 had been so far is so entertaining to me.

Miu asking Kokichi not to struggle as she betrays him (what caused her desperation to get to this point?). Kokichi pushing past being just mischievous and perhaps insensitive to being downright cruel (and what caused the change in his behaviour). Kaito's righteous anger and rejection of Shuichi, his desperation to defend Gonta. (fun fact- they used a sprite for Kaito here that is only used twice in the game AFAIR, once when Gonta is proved without a shadow of a doubt to be guilty, again when he saw the truth of the outside world. It's one of my favourite Kaito sprites). Shuichi having to push through the trial with his only support being Kokichi (which he does not necessarily want) and Kiibo with everyone else against him. The subversion of what Gonta had been saying about himself, and what his classmates had been implying about him the entire time, that he is not stupid, and they've all been brushing him aside because of their own preconceptions, hurting him in the process. It drives me insane. It's so good.

You're so so right, and thank you for this ask. This is the kind of analysis of ch4 that I ADORE.

[kreeperslash]

Journal/Memories Pt. 1

i don't really know how this works on here I don't know whether I should make this public or keep it private. So I'll just keep it as whatever settings it on. (bear in mind I like to ramble a lot and my words or whatever won't make any sense at times other than to me). These post will be a double story (a real story of my life between two people named E (me) and C (you'll get a explanation of this person)

My name is E. Male, demi-sexual/romantic, will be 30 this year (Capricorn), born in Mexico but raised in the U S. (I came illegally at barely a year old it's hard to say I don't recall I just repeat what my family has told me) And was under the DACA program, animal lover,degree in business, alien enthusiast, tarot card reader, anime/manga nerd, I collect figures, I am a big gamer, I want to get better at the things I love and want to learn more like DIY/baking/gardening.

The other person in my post I'll bring up a lot is C the one and only person I truly have ever love and will only love (my soul mate and the person I always choose in each life time of they actually happen). Born and raised in Australia, silly, clumsy (I'm way more clumsier than them), tarot believer, gamer (sims, lol, other life sims, story games), collecting stuffies, cat lover, unicorn.

I fell in love with a person which I'll leave as C. We met through a online social game named Smallworlds. Funny is that we met through an accident on my end since I ended up in the wrong room. While clicking around to the actual room I needed to be in C approached me without me realizing that they were. Then a simple question was asked "Are you a lesbian?" My avatar is clearly male and usually I would ignore things like this and move on, but C something about them was different I can't explain it besides the fact that they are special in a way. I gave a response and we slowly talked more and more and I forgot my original plan of going to meet up someone else in a different room. Realize this game was a flash 2010s social game stuff that doesn't really exist anymore now a days. It was at the end of 2016 or 2017 that we met btw. Room was a Burger King and we started to mess with people saying the meat was people and convincing people that we are going to murder them and make them into burgers for laughs and jokes.

I don't know how long we spend playing around but you know how all things end you usually leave and never meet the person again or just casually add each other and forget. No not C they wanted to not only add me in game but add me on Kik if I had it, again I would really never add people outside of games unless I knew them well but C was special and I did.

I'll continue my story of me and C in another post for now but I'll let you know what's actually going on now. I moved to Australia to marry them fucked it all up because I have severe mental health issues that thought I get through and solve here but no my anxiety and depression has gripped me too hard and I've push C to their limits that we need to be apart for a while so that I can grow and improve myself without using them as a crutch. Since I left the US while under DACA I nullified my chances of going back to the US and I knew this and I still chose to be with C. But even if I stayed in the US to try to fix myself it wouldn't have happened my family, my family is so much of a crutch also in a different way like a crutch that actively makes you wanna trip (I hope to explain this in another post for now I'll just keep it simple). So now I'll be going back to my home city in Mexico in one of the top 10 deadliest cities in the whole country. I hope to become better through my own means and not using C as a crutch because that's not a relationship that I want them to see it as I want it to be one where they are holding my hands and making them feel what they should.

I guess that gets stuff out of the way about me and where this will go. I'm hoping that this string (that a good way to put it?) of post about my journey for self improvement and telling the story of me and C as well.

[happy-place-for-sad-people]

I recently got banned from a space for talking about what I was experiencing… I spoilered and CWed it and I was desperate but none of this makes it okay… the mods setting boundaries was a fine thing to do on their end but for anyone else I’d think PERMANENTLY banning someone for venting is harsh especially considering I’ve seen people on that server actively and maliciously pinging people with things they know will trigger them and get off scot-free… my brain is taking them banning me as a sign I’m a lost cause and people are better off without me and trying to apply that to the whole world instead of just a discord server… I was already having suicidal thoughts which was a primary reason that I was venting in the first place… I knew the server had a “no venting” policy I just didn’t realize what I was doing counted at first and assumed it was on the same level as the “warn people when posting upsetting content” and I saw people do that all the time and whether they understandably just forgot or were a repeat offender the mods just told them to fix it or occasionally gave a warning… so my brain is trying to convince me I’m just uniquely horrible which isn’t productive but it feels like the message they’re actually trying to give me is to not say anything and I’ve already tried that and am doing that irl and it’s made it worse… they’re allowed to have boundaries and I don’t want to force anyone but it seems messed up to me that they punish people who are struggling SO much more harshly for sharing their experiences than they punish literally anything else even people who are clearly actively malicious… and yet my brain still uses this as more ammo to tell me that I should just die because I don’t deserve to be here and I hurt people

thank you for your trust and coming to me with your thoughts and feelings, it means the world. unfortunately, the world seems to judge those who struggle harshly, especially those struggling with mental healths and issues you can't see a physical reflection of. i'm sorry you were made believe you didn't deserve to vent or share your experiences with others, not even being able to use what you considered to be a safe space for you to do so. as hard as it is and can get, i will always encourage you to be your most vulnerable self. express your emotions. share your experiences. be whoever you feel you are, and be so proudly. i'm proud of you and i embrace your vulnerability. just know this is a safe space for you to vent and talk about whatever you need. the world won't always treat you fairly and lovingly, but i can promise you some will love you. some will care. i'm on your side! sending you lots of love from here.

[dualityvn]

Pokes head out the door after having dressed like an onion, only to see actual Keith.

"Oh... hi? I'm just gonna like stay behind this door. For extra safety. I don't know how much tenebris has told you, but um weird situation. I may have accidentally slept in your guys' bed wearing your clothes, and Tenebris did for some reason think that it was a good time to question my intentions for you. We're gonna ignore him threatening me over the idea of wearing his clothes. Like I would wear the clothes of someone that hates me, smh. Regardless, the situation was my fault really, I completely forgot about him there. Will never happen again, definitely making sure of that. But I think I should ask whether tenebris is gonna be like this in general? I kinda don't enjoy being threatened nor interrogated like that so randomly, but he's cool if you kinda put those things aside. Don't let him know that though. Uh yeah, right now might be a smart idea for me to you know, casually disappear from your life. Kidding... Somewhat. Ha ha ha, I did consider it for a lot bit to be honest. Thought a lot about things, had a few crying breakdowns in the bathroom but it's all ok now.

Still, I can't believe I was planning for weeks to ask you out and shit. God, was I delusional to think you're that into me. Maybe I was moving too fast? Sorry, uh, I'll stop coming over in general, unless I know for sure you're the one in control? The safest choice honestly, last thing I need is to piss off tenebris even more. I can still bring over cookies sometimes, even though I doubt tenebris ever eats them. It's the thought that counts, I think? That's what my therapist at least says. Do tell him not to feel too bad about the situation, let's just agree to never have a repeat of this. But if he does pull another stunt like this, and he's being unreasonably rude, I won't forgive him so easily even if he's important to you.

Uh yeah, is there anything you want to ask or say? I do know that's a lot of information to take in."

"No, please don't stop coming here just because of him! I'm so sorry about what just happened. I promise I won't let him do it again! I'll make him swear he won't! And once he makes a promise, he never breaks it. It's my fault, I shouldn't have left him alone with you just because you didn't seem to mind him. I'm sorry." - Keith

[freedom-barricades-bighero16]

Chronicle of Abuse v2

Hey guys... I need help.

I've been thinking about what kind of a person my sister really is, whether all this is just sibling rivalry or she's actually been abusing me for years. I've talked to many counsellors, support staff and my therapists but they don't seem to have an answer. Maybe you'll know the better terminology to describe her behaviour and I'll let you be the judge.

When we were toddlers

Has hit me before.

Has sent me a threatening note. She even explained what it meant to me: She is allowed to hit me (repeated three times) and she is allowed to scream at me.

She abandons me whenever her friends / my older cousin comes along.

Always made me play the bad guy in our games, or in my drawings.

When we were children

Again with the threats. She threatened to tattle to our mum by using a "special device" to send her notes, and I was petrified because she would scream at me instead of disciplining me properly.

Slammed me against a wall once during a fight. I cried and my parents asked her what did she do, and she said that she did nothing.

When she first went to middle school, her own bullies got worse so she kind of took it out on me (can't really blame her for that)

Started creating some really weird stories. When I expressed that I'm uncomfortable with them, she gets angry and I have to pretend that I liked them.

Jumped out into the road many times just to avoid a dog, and throws a tantrum every time she sees one (which is a lot). You have no idea how much her dog phobia traumatized me

Sometimes says I'm not allowed to do certain things while doing the same things herself.

Told me many times that our parents are spoiling me and that I'm an entitled little brat, and she would get very upset if Mum and Dad finally agreed to get me something but she didn't have the same exact thing. In fact, now when I get something for myself, I'm kind of still dreading her throwing a fit.

After Mum almost divorced Dad over not having a cake for her birthday, my sister threatened that she would throw a tantrum like Mum did if she doesn't have a cake for her birthday. (She told me this when we're alone, I think. I forgot if Dad was present too)

My Dad has told her to not scream at me many times, but she never listened to him.

When we were teens

If I told my parents that I'm disagreeing with what my sister said (I often had to whisper), she would get really close to my face and GROWL.

We went to the same primary school and were both bullied by our classmates. When I cry, my sister tends to just tell me to shut up.

She got into Harry Potter and Game of Thrones for a bit, continuing on the weird stories. She would also read out the books in an accent that sounds more like English (which personally, I found very pretentious). I couldn't leave or she'll yell at me.

She tried to pressure me into dating boys when I came out as bi, and was very dismissive and asked me if I'm making everything related to LGBTQ+ when I came out to her as gay, and tried to adopt a more butch look.

Technically this doesn't count as affecting me, but there was a time where my sister wanted a manga but my Dad said no, so she threw another tantrum until he finally bought it for her.

She literally said "You're not allowed to treat me like this" when I'm unhappy with her. It happened a few times I think.

Demanding me to take a post down on my social media if it had swear words.

She would scream at Smokey like she did with me whenever he bit her (basically, being a typical baby kitten). I told her to not do that, her response was "What else can I do apart from screaming?"

When we are adults / Present day/ Ongoing

The transphobia. She once told me that she has heard of trans people saying that what Rowling said isn't transphobic, but now I'm pretty sure she was lying to me.

Constant, overt anti-Chinese racism. This happened after I told her her rants about dogs in the family chat are making me very uncomfortable.

Just being dismissive to literally anything that has to do with me, even when I'm trying to warn her about a cryptocurrency scam that I almost fell victim to.

So, there you have it. That's as much as I can think of right now.

I've heard from some friends that my sister might be a narcissist, while my parents often told me she has a lack of awareness of things/inertia and that she's very blunt in general. It almost felt like they're letting her get away with the stuff she did.

I've been trying to find support for dealing with a possibly abusive sibling, but I don't seem to find anything. I need your help. Please. I don't know what to do.

[littleoddwriter]

Update:

it's been a little over 3 weeks and... I had to quit the clinic/leave early. which obviously derails the plans I've had completely. which is annoying and very frustrating and elicited feelings & thoughts I hate to have. but it was the right decision. this clinic was horrible for me and only made me more unstable with every day that I was there (didn't think that was possible, lol).

(details and a bit of a rant under the cut)

while, usually, it makes sense for things to get a little worse first before it gets better, this was not the case here. I didn't feel comfortable with the staff. the doctors and therapists seemed very dismissive and hectic to me. the organisation and communication were crap. (like... how the fuck do I have five doctors/therapists in a room with me, discussing what meds to give me, only for them to not have a single clue about that a week later (after not giving me the meds because they Forgot...) and not believe me when I repeated what THEY told me. only for the meds to have lactose in them (I'm lactose intolerant) and so of course I reacted (they KNEW I had an issue with lactose and still gave them to me. I wouldn't even have known what was in them if I hadn't looked up the package insert online...) like what the actual fucking fuck). I've been to 2 clinics before and it was far better there, which is great and I'm glad I had something to compare my experience there to because sometimes I thought I might be overreacting, but I explained it to both of my social workers independently and they both agreed that it was Not Good. I already felt that way on my very first day there, but decided to give them the benefit of the doubt and just wait and see for two weeks at least. but alas, it only got worse for me. I also sat down with one of the doctors and one of the therapists and my social worker last week to talk my issues and my fears through with them; but again, they just didn't even try to help. (basically, what that talk came down to was that "[they] can't do more than what [they're] doing already (virtually Nothing) and it's solely on me to make the best of it or quit otherwise". obviously, I know that myself. I was looking for some guidance and help. some sort of advice. maybe a recommendation for someplace else. just... something. i explicitly asked for it, too. and I would have gotten that at those two other clinics I went to before because they actually cared about helping me. just for comparison's sake. instead, I was busy explaining my issues (more than I listed here, and I didn't exactly say that I had issues with the staff because duh but y'know, there were enough other issues that came up anyway) three times to make them somewhat 'understand' and have my social worker reiterate how badly I've been doing and how much help I need and that I'm feeling very helpless and alone; even while I'm there.)

for anyone that ever considers going to a mental health clinic: you should feel like you can actually talk to somebody if needed. you should feel safe. you should feel like you'll be caught when falling. you should never feel like you have to manage on your own completely. mental hospitals are for support and management. the staff should be a shoulder to lean on, a listening ear, a guiding hand, a safe haven that you can practice in/with. if that is not what you encounter at the hospital, you should look for a different one (if possible).

anyway. I've been debating with myself for over a week whether or not I should actually quit and I couldn't really decide until this Tuesday. that was the first day I was back at the clinic after five whole days off (because of the holidays), and it was like Hell on earth. it only showed me that if I had to do this every day for 3 to 5 more weeks, I'd break down completely and can go to a closed psychiatry right after, which is exactly what I've been trying to prevent with this clinic, of course. that's how bad it'd been for me there.

something that's been frustrating me most about this clinic and the dismissiveness of the staff I encountered, though, is that they were very clearly not equipped for a patient like me (somebody with severe symptoms, several different disorders, unprocessed traumas, etc.), and that they should have felt responsible enough to tell me that when I came in for a first talk in December to be put on the waiting list for a spot at the clinic. the whole point of this first talk is to assess whether or not this clinic is the right space for me, if they are equipped for somebody like me. instead they just waved me through and now I was forced to have that realisation on my own and become increasingly angry toward the staff because it's very irresponsible of them. most other patients I encountered there had depression, anxiety, and/or burn-out and were already on their way to getting better. and this clinic helped them gain back control, learn to manage better, etc. and for a lot of them it helped them. that's great and I'm happy for them! but it's very clear that that is what this clinic is truly for. not for someone like me. and they know that, in my opinion, they should know that, at least. and they should have told me to look for a different clinic instead because this wasn't the one for me. (but from what I've been told by other patients they really just let anyone in there...)

my social workers and I are working on making sure I can find something else (not a clinic for now tho). hopefully, I can get stabilised with the different approach we've been looking into, so I can do the second clinic stay (at the one I've been to before) I've mentioned in my original post.

anyway... that's the update. I wish it was a happier/more optimistic one. but alas, maybe next time!

take care! <3

[harrison-abbott]

My father occasionally asks me to sit his flat when he goes on a trip. And he did so earlier this month. Nice part of town. So, he has a flat on the other side of the city and when he goes on a holiday somewhere he’ll ask me to come over and be there, because he’s a bit worried that the flat might be burgled and so on (which has happened before). Anyway. I was there recently, and on one of the evenings, I heard a knocking on the door. And when I opened it, there was this girl in her teens. Who I’d never seen before. She was holding a small dog in her arms, like a baby. When she opened the door she was expecting my father to open; who she knew vaguely. I.e., she knew him as a neighbour. But when she was me it was unexpected. She began telling me that she’d locked herself out of her flat. Which was upstairs. And she wondered whether my Dad had any keys, here? Spare keys, for her flat? I didn’t know any of this. So I called my father up – who was down in Wales. He responded. But he did not have any keys for her flat. He did, however, know the girl’s name. Rowan. And he said that I should invite her in for the time being. The story was that Rowan’s parents had gone out for a meal, and Rowan was in the flat. Then her dog was barking so she went to take him a walk. But forgot her keys and phone inside the flat, and the door had an instant lock thing on it and so she couldn’t get back in. So I invited Rowan in to the flat. And offered a cup of tea and so on. And, on my phone, I asked if she wanted to call her parents to see if they could come home and let her in? She didn’t know their numbers off by heart. So I suggested she contact them via social media. She couldn’t log into her accounts. Didn’t know her passwords or whatever. So then I called up my Dad again, and asked if he knew the contact info for her parents. He sent me a photo of the number and email of Rowan’s mother. So I typed in the number in my phone and then gave it to Rowan whilst it was calling. And we waited as the phone rang and rang … and then a man picked up. Not a woman who was Rowan’s mother. And Rowan said, “Who’s this?” because she didn’t recognise the voice. And the man said, “Who is this? You called me?” And Rowan dropped my phone on the table. So I mouthed to her, “Wrong number. Sorry.” And she repeated the sentence.

Clearly, my father had copied in the wrong number to his phone. So we sent an email to the mother instead. But the mother didn’t respond to the email. And then I was here in this flat with this very young girl who I barely knew, wondering what the Hell to do. And her dog, as well. At least the dog was chilled out. If he had been barking it would’ve made it worse. I offered Rowan some food. All I had was bread and humous and tomatoes and cucumber. Rowan was from America. Chicago. But she sounded Scottish. So I asked her why she sounded Scottish. And she said that she put on the accent because she got bullied at school for having her American accent. Which was a shame. And we were sitting in the kitchen and there was nothing really to do. So we spoke. I asked her what Chicago was like? She said she was from the suburbs. And that she wouldn’t go into the city because of the crime. Rowan was fun. Just in the way that she asked funny questions. Quirky queries – she would ask these weird questions without me expecting. I liked her. She was clumsy as Hell. Just in the way she made her sandwich and the way she communicated. And she told me she had actually locked herself out of the flat twice in a row. But, it didn’t matter. And after a while, her dog barked at the door. Rowan went to answer it. And then I heard the voice of a man, with a heavy American accent, saying, “Hey, what’s going on?” And obviously I had never met him before either. So I went and explained to him that I was my father’s son (his neighbour’s son) and explained the rest of the weird story. He was fine with it. With the whole thing – he said thank you. At this point – when I met her father – I still hadn’t received an email back from earlier. So I didn’t know whether they understood the story either. But the man was cool. Rowan walked upstairs with her dog without saying bye to me. But, I got that she was very young. It was such a bizarre two hours to spend with a stranger. And then for them to leave like that. I just kind of shut the door after the father left as well. Then I was on my own. And half an hour later I got an email from Rowan’s mother thanking me for sheltering her whilst she was locked out of the flat. And I responded, saying, no problem, I was glad to help out.

[annegris]

Okay, ranting time

My newly ex doctor today:

- Exercise should be rational and moderate, for example, don't start with lifting a barbell with weight disks, just lift it alone!

- Uh, a barbell weighs 10 kilos, so no thank you...

- Well, you're wrong about that.

Dude. My first physiotherapist explicitly told me I shouldn't lift more than 5 kilos, and no more than 3 would be even better. That was a dozen years ago btw.

Also, at some point he asked whether I had questions, and, well, I did, but I began to cry instead because I was feeling I was not getting through to him (this kind of thing brings me to tears much too easily for my liking, but whatever). So I wiped my face and told him exactly that.

- You say that physical activity is the main trigger for me.

- That's right, exactly. You washed the window and had a flare after that.

- But during two months, I washed one window and had three flares!

- Yeah, so?

- So maybe physical activity is not the main trigger?!!

I admit, I raised my voice a bit.

- Physical activity is any physical activity! Have I once said it was strenuous physical activity! A person makes two steps and gets a flare! While someone with arthritis feels pain after sitting for some time, and walking helps!

I didn't care for his tone of voice. Like, at all. Later, I listened to the recording I'd made (which had been meant to help me in case I forgot something; and yes, it's legal where I live) and it didn't sound that bad to me, so I may have imagined that.

Still, I don't think I'm going back. I have my doubts about the barbell thing, and I don't feel like I'm actually being heard. And whether the latter is real or imagined, I have no desire to knowingly repeat the experience.

I don't like that I doubt every doctor by now, but I can't exactly not doubt them. I spend two years popping sulfasalazine, and it takes away my energy and gives me migraines instead. Then I quit, and feel better, and now another doctor tells me sulfasalazine was not needed, and I don't have sacroiliitis. Apparently, I'm supposed to lift weights. Idk, really.

[j-exclamationmark-l]

Monday, my partner and I were going to meet at our home station. We were actually on the phone with one another when he suddenly said, "sorry, cops are trying to talk to me right now," and hung up.

I arrived just as he was telling the cops, "Look, they're here, you can ask them."

The cops demanded my ID. I handed it over. They checked it against the train pass my partner was using, which was actually mine. I explained my partner couldn't find his train pass the previous day so I let him borrow it. The police chewed me out for a bit because apparently you can't do that, but they let us go.

My partner told me that when they stopped him, they asked for his ID. He went to pull it out of his wallet when they just fully took his whole wallet to search it, that's when they found my train pass.

I was pretty upset. Stopping him was racist. He also felt like if I didn't arrive right then, they might have taken him to the station. I did some research when we got home, apparently they don't even need to give you one phone call or anything, so I would have had no idea where he was and would not have been able to explain that I willingly let him borrow my train pass.

I went on Reddit to ask if it was okay to say no when the police ask you to hand something over. I mean, I would have fully thought before we were fine and not doing anything bad at all, the "you can't let someone borrow your card" thing really took me by surprise. What if we do something else innocuous one day and are stopped again? Like the other day my partner was carrying my violin for me, was that illegal too? A while back, my partner forgot his entire wallet in my backpack, what if I was searched then? I wanted to know if it was okay to say no when asked to hand a bag or wallet over.

Most of the Reddit comments were explaining why you can't carry someone else's train pass and links to websites backing up their statements. This is not what I was asking for. I already found out it was bad, I didn't need further proof. I also wasn't trying to argue whether it was okay or not. I know already. In the police's eyes, it's bad. You don't need to keep repeating what they told me.

The second most common comment was personal stories about others being stopped by the police. Kind of interesting to hear, but again, not what I was looking for.

The third most common type of comment was "I'M nOt HiDiNg AnYtHiNg sO i'M nOt AfRaiD tO lEt tHe PoLiCe ChECk MYYY bAg." To everyone who commented that, I would like to say: Piss off. No one asked you. I didn't think we had anything to hide, either. If it was me, I would have complied as well, and I probably also would have gotten in trouble for carrying my partner's wallet or something. I'm asking if it's okay to say no.

Piss poor reading comprehension is not limited to Tumblr.