#repeating the exact same phrase so many fucking times

[rorygilmore-studying]

you really can’t judge a book by its cover because this is very pretty but it reads like a teenager’s first fanfic

[omegalomania]

ok listen obviously like everyone else i am Fucking Devastated but the fucking sHRIMPLICATIONS here are KILLING me.

the two last "new" songs we got before the hiatus were alpha dog and from now on we are enemies (equally fucked up song btw) and pete namedrops alpha dog as the last song they wrote before the hiatus and it's such a. it's SUCH a fucking. augh.

like it's so painfully and clearly a farewell. the lyrics all telegraph it. your time has passed. never means forever. walk off into the sunset. the discussion of how much effort is required to maintain this life and how they already feel burned out, past their prime when they were all in their mid-twenties and early thirties. and the sheer fucking POETRY of the way it was the last song they recorded - tell rock and roll i'm alone again - until they announced their triumphant return with save rock and roll in 2013. welcome to the new déjà vu.

and oh yeah the last word issued in the song's studio version is the word "abracadabra," which pete cites as the word that christian bales character in the film “the prestige” says he will utter before he disappears from prison. "abracadabra" was a key word in the viral ARG-esque marketing campaign leading up to the release of believers never die...right before fall out boy seemingly vanished off the very face of the earth.

and, OH YEAH, the first shows they played after reuniting involved a multi-song medley spanning all the stages of their career, with one of those songs being the first time they ever played alpha dog, albeit partially.

the notion of the wizard through the curtain speaking to a sense of bitterness (at least if pete's ten year old genius annotation is anything to go by) which is the exact same phrasing to the way joe would later talk about the band's fraught, strained feelings leading up to the hiatus in a podcast with kerrang while promoting his book.

many people have pointed out the parallels between flu game and alpha dog - the way they both discuss the exhaustion of being so visible and constantly putting yourself out there and how taxing that is, especially when you're simultaneously trying to cover up how hard it is. how isolating it is, when the whole world is squinting against the starlight feathering off you. it's worth noting that these parallels are not merely implicit, either. "flu game" is in and of itself an explicit reference to a famous game michael jordan played while sick in which he claimed that he didn't want to give up, no matter how sick and tired he was. and how did pete annotate a specific couplet, ten years ago?

we must make it hard to look so easy doing something so hard

another explicit reference to michael jordan, years and years prior.

and this is the first time they've ever played alpha dog in full. nearly 15 full years after the hiatus started. by now, fall out boy have been together for far longer than they've ever been apart. by now, fall out boy has been in their "posthiatus" era for longer than they have their "prehiatus" one.

i dont really have a conclusion to this. just, i dunno man. something about the repeated lyric "never means forever" on a greatest hits compilation titled "believers never die." something about i'm a star vs. so much for stardust vs. no more stardust. something about motifs that span decades, that span years of hurt and cracked-open wounds that have now been poured over with liquid gold, mending them anew. something about reclaiming old scars and ugly histories and reforging them into something filled with streaming starlight and sun-drenched smiles.

abracadabra.

[drdtappreciation]

MY FAVORITE VOICED LINES FROM EVERY CHARACTER: (I'm aware that they often repeat the same phrases in different moments & in different ways, so I'll be putting the exact episode and timestamp) TERUKO: "SHUT UP, ACE!" Chapter 2 Episode 15. At 33:58 XANDER: "Haha, pretty cool, right?" Chapter 1 Episode 3. At 7:47 CHARLES: "Are you stupid?" Chapter 2 Episode 3. At 16:15 ACE: "You don't have any real evidence to pinpoint me! Shut the fuck up!" Chapter 2 Episode 15. At 29:20 AREI: "I want so badly for kind people to exist in this world, but they can't!" Chapter 2 Episode 5. At 9:30 ROSE: "Uwah--!" Chapter 2 Episode 7. At 2:12 HU: "That's enough! Stop yelling! You're not helping your case!" Chapter 2 Episode 15. At 29:03 EDEN: "I didn't hate her!" Chapter 2 Episode 14. At 37:28 LEVI: "You just said you know that you're in the wrong, so why do you still do it?!" Chapter 2 Episode 16. At 6:00 ARTURO: "Something like this! There's no way I can do it--" Chapter 2 Episode 16. At 17:51 MIN: "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me." Chapter 1 Episode 11. At 17:36 DAVID: "In other words, this does not prove Eden's innocence." Chapter 2 Episode 14. At 29:44 VERONIKA: "Gosh, you have quite a strong fight reflex. Oh, and a strong arm." Chapter 2 Episode 7. At 14:55 J: "David… You're so full of shit! That's such an obvious lie!" Chapter 2 Episode 14. At 31:08 WHIT: "Sorry!~" Chapter 1 Episode 9. At 16:56 MONOTV: "Naturally, with such a convincing reason, I told her NO" Chapter 2 Episode 7. At 2:37 Some characters here I had a hard time picking a favorite due to not really having any interest in most of their voice lines, while with others (mostly Ace & J) I had a hard time picking due to having too many favorites. I almost didn't add anything for David & Veronika for those reasons. So uhh.. take one of my favorite unvoiced lines

^

[nemonihilominus]

Is This Good Latin? Agatha All Along Editon #6

In the last post from this edition I bring you two spells! And also a confirmation of another spell that wasn't quite apparent the first time. Let's get to it.

Drawing a protection circle

This one happened a couple episodes ago but without subtitles, it was difficult to catch. Thankfully, Agatha repeated a couple of the previous spells and this one was finally very undestandable. Here goes:

Expelle hoc malum. / Expell this evil.

Completely correct. Good job, moving on...

Letting someone into a protection circle

This is a short sentence with one word possibly missing (no subtitles, just like always), but I think I can manage:

Te accipimus in circulum.

This one fits the context perfectly, as it is granting access to someone's space marked by rocks and stuff. accipimus comes from a verb accipere, which has the exact same meaning one would expect. It is in 1st person plural form: we accept. This verb has an object in accusative case – te (you) – and also a prepositional phrase attached to it – in circulum (into the circle). circulus is a circle in a literal sense and also a gathering or a group. In the scene, I would say it is more literal but I like the double meaning all the same. The word is in accusative case to signify direction. So the translation is:

We accept you (let you) into the circle.

This one is a perfectly good Latin as well! Gif break.

Banishing a ghost

Interestingly enough, this spell was in the subtitles when I was watching, but I don't know if it was in the official ones or if my pirate subtitler decided to get creative, either way, it din't help, because it was complete gibberish. But because this spell kept being repeated over and over again, I think I got it!

Vale ad lucem. Relinque terram. Noli esse phantasma.

It's pretty basic stuff one would think of when creating a spell for getting rid of a ghost. The first part has ad lucem (towards the light – light is lux in its basic form and lucem is an accusative after ad), so you probably already know where this is going. The verb is actually kind of fun, though.

valere (infinitive form) can mean many things but originally it meant "to be strong, powerful" or even "to be healthy". Its imperative form vale was a Roman goodbye, literally "be well", but exactly because it was used to mean "goodbye", the verb gained a new meaning in what we call New Latin (Latin used from 15th century onwards): "to leave, to go away". So the first part is literally:

Go towards the light.

But the vibe is:

Get the fuck out, here's the door.

Now for the second part, once again, nothing unusual. relinquere means "to leave behind", relinque is the imperative and it needs an object in accusative, terram is accusative and it means earth (basic form is terra). Therefore:

Leave the earth.

The last part is silly, to be perfectly honest, but I like its structure. So nolle means "to not want" and its imperative noli ("do not want!") is often used when prohibiting something. esse means "to be" and phantasma is a (originally Greek) word for apparition or a spectre. So to conclude, this whole spell means:

Go towards the light. Leave the earth. Don't be a ghost.

Imagine saying the last part in English. Imagine. Silly. As I said.

Anyhow...

That is it, party people! The last few spells are good Latin! And the show as a whole gets like a B, maybe? Good job! Maybe see you with some other show that dares to use Latin, who knows.

Vale!

[bonnyhoddie]

Ocellus - Teenage Exocolonist OC

I need to post more so here’s something I made in February for a game I love a lot - I was a Teenage Exocolonist!

The character is called Ocellus (yes, like the changeling in MLP I could not think of anything else that sounded sciency or eccentric enough, ideas are welcome!) and their augment is chameleon, because I thought it’d be easiest for my mental health and art block to create a character with obvious signs such as that, without going into classic animals, like a cat or mouse. (Also I had a snake as a pet called Misty and I wanted to give a character a reptile tail)

The idea sketches (as you’ll find from the inconsistent outfits and lazier style, and also Ocellus being pink and blue to match the butterfly, when in the reference, it became decided that those colours would be romantic (I might change them actually)) and the reference drawing was actually made either on the same day or a day before I left my toxic environment lol

Also, fun fact, someone accused me of character theft because a bunch of members were planning to make a mod called Extracolonists (NOT Extracolonist by Seraphic on Reddit) so, AFTER I made Ocellus and just had to do some final details, I was like “omg how cool would it be if I joined in on the mod, they have some space left” so I looked through the discord search thing, looking up “chameleon” and I found a character called “Chanterelle”.

So, finding a chameleon augment character already I was like “oh ok so it won’t go in the mod, ah well, I’ll just post this in the art channel and make a little joke about it.”

Important thing to note: These characters looked nothing alike, aside from being POC and having multi-coloured hair. However, Chanterelle was default blue/pink and all I saw was an image, so I imagine a lot of the functionality stuff like the sign language and the tongue being too big in the mouth, is all mine (or, it’s ours now because sadly I did probably give too many ideas to them). Another thing to note is that I was exclusively following Exocolonist eccentric explorer styles, while the image I saw was Chanterelle’s child version just kinda in a blue hoodie.

And, at first I got compliments and, what confirms my thoughts about the functionality being mine, is that I was being COMPLIMENTED for my ideas AND my character. UNTIL, one person, decided to be like “I’m really uncomfortable with this” and, when I asked why, I get “Because it’s character theft! The characters look exactly alike!”

(They don’t, at all, whatsoever, again, aside from being POC and having multi-coloured hair with COMPLETELY different types of hair texture and multi-coloured types (Ocellus has straight thick hair that’s essentially just very tiny chameleon scales, so it’s a little heavy, with colours at the ends, while Chanterelle had afro space buns and split dye), which, is probably telling that those features make characters look “exactly alike” but idk I’m white, I don’t think I get to decide on what’s telling)

So then, the ENTIRE group, even ones that were COMPLIMENTING me, decided to just turn on me LMAO, (fucking pick a lane a stick to it dudes lmao /j) which, from the perspective of “I had just joined a few days ago and they don’t know me and they have established friendships” I get, but, first of all, I was doing a bachelor of ARTS at the time, which I stated on the first day, I’m sure that I wouldn’t be doing that if I was uncreative enough to be a thief, and, whenever I tried to defend myself and prove my innocence, I was not listened to and I had the EXACT SAME PHRASE repeated to me “you know how it looks right?” Over and over and over again no matter how many times I responded to that, it just was not going anywhere, my attempts of defusing the situation just was not working at all, and I was not being listened to. So then the person who “called me out” decided to post in another channel “let’s make another server for the mod because this doesn’t feel like a safe space for me anymore :(“

EXCUSE ME??? YOU accused me of character theft and dismissed my Timelapses, which is the ONLY way of proving that I didn’t steal a character design. I was reasonable and polite the whole time because I wanted to calm things down and clear up a misunderstanding, while you wanted to argue, and accuse me and my friend of being toxic because she has harsh tone sometimes, while YOU YOURSELF were displaying extremely toxic behaviours, the only bad thing I said to her was:

“I’m so sorry, this saying is only ever said in a mean way and I have no other way of saying this, but, I’m not gonna lie, I feel like it has to be said, you aren’t special, not every coincidence you see in a character is theft against you, and I’m literally in Uni for ART and MAKING CHARACTERS, where I am watched and observed when doing character design tasks, I’m not gonna be uncreative and steal a character design. I just checked to see if Ocellus could be in the mod, that’s it”

Because, I’m gonna be honest, the character wasn’t basic, and was fucking adorable, I’m not trying to insult the character, BUT, she had a LOT of popular character design choices when I checked, and not really much to separate her too much from the norm, which is absolutely ok, BUT, that means that that person is going to see a LOT of characters that look similar, and they can’t expect people to NOT have coincidental ideas of things that ARE unique to the character.

So I just sent a really long message about how I’m gonna leave because I TRIED to peacefully and calmly settle the issue, but everyone was willing to just attack me DESPITE complimenting me before, and not listen to me at all despite showing my Timelapses to show my thought process. And then for the person who started this whole thing to suddenly feel “unsafe” despite the fact that I was the one being attacked.

So, one of my friends (me and 3 others joined because we wanted to be a part of a community) stayed in the server, either that one or an 18+ one to see what happens after or for anyone to try and talk to me through her, and one of the mods did contact her, super sweet like:

“Hey I’m so sorry your friend went through that, we had a talk with the others, we don’t think Chari (me) did anything wrong and we’re gonna make a ticket system so things never escalate like this again, so if they want to join back at all, they are free to, again, we’re so sorry, we don’t let these things slide without a reaction.”

Anyway, I haven’t joined back since, because I said that I would if the person who called me out apologised, and, if I DID rejoin, I should get an apology from the people who escalated everything (bit immature I know and I did state that), but the mod kindly explained that she wouldn’t apologise and would just leave if I joined back, so I just decided that, instead of chasing her out of possible safe spaces by just existing, I was just gonna stick to talking about it with my friends and maybe in the future join another server, which I haven’t done yet. Also there was some Vace lovers /j

So yeah, fun story lol, I wonder how they’re getting on and I do hope the project is going well for them.

Might also add some more patterns and details to some parts of Ocellus and make an Ocellus mod, not out of spite at all, I promise, but because I really wanna do something with them and I really wanna make mods.

Also, despite how it seems, I’m not actually mad, I find this haha funny. I was also stressed and annoyed at the time but not exactly angry.

[serendertothesquad]

Seren's Studies: Odd Squad UK -- "Three is the Oddest Number" Episode Followup, Part 2

Man, this might turn out to be a three-part followup, the way things are going.

Well, anyway, let's continue below the break.

(A post-editing note: I was informed that Leonie is, in fact, a girl, and not a boy like I thought. I'm keeping the LGBTQ+ theory because we've already gotten gay triangle villain and they could extend that to child villains too, but keep in mind that Leonie is a girl and not a boy. That's my bad.)

Okay...again, I have to ask: are departments just not a thing anymore? Did- did we dissolve that concept or what?

Because sending out Oh-Oh, an agent known for unsolving cases, to do the exact opposite of her job description is utter fucking stupidity. And the only way I would excuse it is if there were a constant danger of low numbers in this precinct, which...after Orli's induction, there doesn't seem to be.

"She needs field experience" is not a viable excuse, either. She doesn't need field experience. She and the Investigation agents work symbiotically. That is the whole fucking point of her entire fucking department.

Niki, you were on one hell of a good track, but you're faltering. Step it up, honey.

Oh, forget about pollen. If you're allergic to birds, that's the real ruiner allergy-wise.

Pollen has a season. Birds are infinite.

Absolutely was not expecting this bewildered "huh?!" to come out of that child. Fucking golden.

Given the Season 2 references, you're gonna have a very hard time convincing me this isn't just Ohlm "reskinned", so to speak.

Like, you know the MLP: FiM palette swaps? That's what this is. It's an Odd Squad version.

I love how he accentuates the "free" in "free snacks" like he has no money on him and like we haven't seen agents get free food before.

The client probably can't offer anything, but there are other clients who specialize in human food 'round here...

Think about this for a second: they poison the food, he eats it, he lets his body hit the floor ground, and they take the gadget easy.

"But the adult is the-" The adult...is an idiot. Do you really think they'll stop the poisoning of a pseudo-government official?

Won't get fooled again, until they get fooled again.

(I'm sorry, I didn't want to make the same joke twice, but it's too perfect to pass up.)

ODD SQUAD-BRANDED WOODEN CASE FOR MY TABLET WHEN. W H E N . W H EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-

"It's not ideal, but it's not the worst thing that could happen! For example, I've heard Odd Squad once had a genocide and a mass murdering."

"Really?"

"Ahh, but that was many many years ago in a different country. None of you will remember it."

I honestly can't tell if "another chance to sink 'em" is UK grammar, or if it's just a really weird choice of words.

No, I don't care if they're geese. They are related to ducks. This is the finale. We've had many Season 2 references thus far. THIS IS ONE OF THEM AND DO NOT @ ME.

See, this is funny because Orli has literally wielded a Mary Sue gadget that removes oddness with a simple zap before.

And I'd say "just use that", but...then we wouldn't have this episode.

"Why did I think that would help?"

Look, everyone tends to think they're Fluttershy at some point or another, until they find out they aren't. Happens a lot, Ozzie.

Somehow I never noticed Oxandra was wearing a bow aaaaaaaaand fucking hell I just realized why she knew all the gadgets with all the shapes and I'm going to go kick myself in the ass until my coccyx breaks.

On one hand, phrasing the evil plan as a "plan of terribleness" is charming.

On the other hand, repeating the phrasing is inducing much cringe in me.

Thinking about this bit, and I've come to the conclusion that Ozzie meeting these three is definitely not as dramatic as it could have been. The Shadow's introduction brought more drama!

"But something tells me it's not the last we'll see of them."

*cackles in "WE GOT TWO MORE EPISODES YOU DUMB FUCK!!!!!"*

"Does Orli know they're ex-Odd Squad agents?"

Let's be honest: even if I hadn't spoiled myself for the finale, even just a little bit, I'd probably have this as one of my theories. The O names are a bit of a dead giveaway.

Just for reference, The Shadow at least did it better because she went under an alias. The Terrible Three just go by their Odd Squad-given names.

"I've never been able to find the right time to tell her."

WELL NO FUCKING SHIT DOG, YOU ONLY HAVE 12 EPISODES TOTAL AND SHE'S BEEN HERE FOR LESS THAN A FUCKING YEAR.

Putting aside the fact that Offee can apparently speak goose...this is so unbelievably half-assing it that it makes me question all of these villains' intelligence levels and perception skills.

In that they are probably a little on the low side, and they have next to none.

Okay, this effect looks cool on gadgets. It shouldn't do the same thing for regular-ass shapes, regardless of whether they are used as batteries for gadgets or not.

*deep inhale*

Note to self: make a Seren's Study on how the show gets an F in grammar while I educate the fandom on the correct phrasing.

This sounds menacing, until you realize it is one precinct in a sea of thousands and striking the Big Office department plus all the Big Offices themselves would be far more effective. (Unless these three have a vendetta against Ozzie only, but that doesn't seem to be the case so far.)

WAIT WHOA WHOA WHOA. "NEXT TIME"?????? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS WE'RE GETTING A "NEXT TIME" CARD?!?!?!?!?!

Honestly dead-shocked this hasn't been done before. I liked it when they did the "last time on Odd Squad" opening in "Training Day"; now we're doing the inverse.

AH!!!!! AP AP AP YA SEE?????? SHE I S A SCIENTIST!!!! OXANDRA IS A SCIENTIST I CALLED IT AHAHAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa wait hold on, is the book upside down or backwards and also why is it small and rectangular and not...dictionary-size?

I hate that, with this one line, I have a fairly good idea of where things will be heading.

The key word here, of course, is "fairly", because I definitely won't be right all the way through.

Cute. Cute how bro thinks he's part of the team when it's supposed to be a 2:1:1 ratio with Onom instead of him.

And your credits for this episode. I find it funny that, despite the reveal, nearly every member of the Terrible Three has the "Agent" title attached to their names (bar Oxandra, who was a Scientist, hence the lack of title...which makes no sense, but asides). Imagine if you just skipped to these credits without seeing the reveal, on some off chance for some odd reason.

----------------------------------

Overall...ough God, where the fuck do I honestly begin with this episode? I mean, I guess the best way to start would be that, for a finale episode, it was pretty solid. Definitely could have been better, but I'm liking what I'm seeing so far. The only real major issue I have is the complete and utter lack of foreshadowing and how the events of this episode, plus the Terrible Three, are just ham-fisted into the season. Story arcs do define the franchise, but there's nothing wrong with leaving one out and just wrapping things up with a final episode. Trying to put one in 12 episodes doesn't work out so well, and this is a good example as to why.

As for the Terrible Three themselves, I'm...not getting much from them. One's LGBTQ+, probably, which is great, but I'm looking for personalities. Aside from Ollison's obvious leader status and Oxandra's potential idiocy (and even that is lacking), there's nothing that's really drawing me to them like, say, Ohlm, or Odd Todd, or The Shadow. All of them have very distinct personalities and motives. The Terrible Three...don't.

But maybe it's too early for me to say much of anything else. Maybe the other two parts of the finale will clear things up, so here's hoping. With that being said, I'll see y'all around for the first part of "Should Odd Acquaintance Be Forgot".

Seren out!

[most-annoying-sponsorship]

Submitted propaganda under the cut

Wren - 1

fuckin okay i get Save The Planet is noble or whatever but do you understand i'm MAYBE tired of being told to change Everything abt how I live when everything i could ever do is a drop in the ocean compared to corporations and i dont want to micromanage my entire life for the sake of the planet and its ALWAYS the leftist youtubers shilling it as The Best Most Selfless Thing you can do. like. dude. i am tired. i dont get paid enough to have the energy to care.

RAID shadow legends - 22

I caved and downloaded the app, played three levels and holy shit it’s so boring

I don't think I need to explain myself here.

Every Youtuber has been sponsored by them at some point and they are infuriating

It’s everywhere and it’s a shitty game that feels like the kind of low quality shit you’d see in a mobile add, because that’s exactly what it is

I have not seen a single sponsorship that makes this game sound like anything but a waste of time. Plus, their sponsorships are always sooooo long lol. At least a full minute, sometimes two.

the sponsorships and ads are everywhere yet ive never actually seen anyone outside of the ads enjoying it or even talking about it

They say the exact same thing every time so much that it's become a memorized phrase used as a meme

the art is mid, but not only that, but none of the characteers were designed by someone truly unhinged and horny. giving out that many free summons just makes them look like a scam, like those scammy crap gacha games with promo codes that have one digit repeated (example: 1111, 777, 888, and so on). there's nothing you can do there that other games haven't done better, and there's no overlying premise that draws in fans of stories (talk all the crap you like about food fantasy, at least the lore was fucking WILD). raid shadow legends is like fruit gushers in that it's massively mediocre and wildly overhyped. sure, you *COULD* inflict it upon yourself without hurting too badly, but why would you want to?

You KNOW why

Infamous

gaming.

Annoying, constant, bs, dumb, pay to play, badgering, I hate them. My friend ended up spending over a hundred dollars on this game bc their advertising occasionally works, and when it does, that's not great!

You KNOW WHY.

They don't pay the fucking people they ask to talk about them half the time. Also the game is ugly.

scammy as hell wtf is that game

Do I even need to explain? It's not a helpful product, it's just a dumb mobile game no one needs in their lives.

It’s bad

Everyone’s heard of it. Nobody likes it.

[sealwithfeels]

honestly I don't know why so many fantasy readers get on Brandon Sanderson's case about shit like bland prose, flat characters and bad humour, and then turn around and praise Martha Wells, who is far worse at all of those things.

Sanderson at least admits to making his prose simple for a reason, while Wells' prose is painfully amateur and constantly repeats the exact same phrases in quick succession - I can only take 'I would rather be watching my downloaded human media' so many times. Sanderson can construct a compelling plot and the pacing makes sense, while I don't know what the hell is going on with Wells' inability to write an interesting climax without the protagonist getting knocked unconscious and why random pace-killing bullshit got tacked onto the end of The Serpent Sea.

Not all of Sanderson's characters work for everyone, and some of supporting cast are pretty flat but he tries to keep the main characters varied and attempts to give them some memorable personality trait and doesn't treat them as more important than they should be, unlike Wells who reuses the same stock archetypes for major characters and forgets to give anyone a personality outside the few mains and then for some reason expects you to give a shit about these personalityless nobodies and gives them critical roles in the plot (seriously what the fuck is Chime's personality and why is he treated as so important to Moon when Moon spends the whole time finding him annoying, and why the hell was the critical traitor plot given to Jade's nobody sister who has no presence before or after)

I at least get the impression that Sanderson is trying, and you can see improvement with his books over time, while with Wells it feels like she's lazy and coasting on having found a way to appeal to the 'it literally me, so relatable' crowd to her books' detriment. Sanderson at least in theory understands character arcs and tries to make his characters different, while Wells just uses the same 'awkward woobie who everyone bad is mean to and needs a bland worshipful found family to soothe away all their pain, while they're kind of entitled dicks about it' main character.

Please at least be consistent when criticising authors.

[unlimitedhorsepower]

Can someone explain to me how do I analyse my writing to tell whether its cringe or funny (professional dx). I have a fic I was gonna post but then I was overtaken by "whoa, Gabriel. What are you fucking thinking" and I have no answers.

Ry/anyu/rike/ith fic locked behind the classic issue I have, the cringefail disease. This is the exact same thing that happened to a ry/anyu/ri fic I wrote over the holidays and I was like I'll post it after NYE and I still havent posted it.

History is repeating itself, only with Valentine's day fic.

One issue I have is that I keep writing similar things, because unfortunately when writing about the same characters they kind of react to similar things in a similar way and they keep having the same issues because they can't be fixed overnight. And I'm self-conscious about it since there's no coherent narrative (only in my head) so it may seem as if I'm repeating the same part of their hypothetical narrative arc over and over again like a broken record.

Do you see what I mean... Is my issue partially that I don't read a lot of fanfic myself. Is it welcomed to write about the same things again and again.

I just find that part fun and interesting. My other issue is that I love bad humour. I will include extremely convoluted sex jokes that need to be set up, AND the characters thinking about how they're not good enough to be loved in the same fic and I get so embarrassed about the tonal dissonance that I get nauseous in real life.

But your honour...my blorbo Yu/ri can't simply be comedic, he's experiencing mental anguish prior unknown to man. I can't include jokes without it being OOC (to me). Jokes can't come at the expense of the brain fungus... humour is only funny if it's IC.

I can't believe high art connoisseurs are gonna write thinkpieces comparing my fanfics while swirling wine in a glass and judging me repeating certain phrases I enjoy in different fics instead of writing in an innovative fashion where every descriptive part is unique and fresh

That's how I feel every time I finish writing anything. I have a lower standard for visual "art" because they're quicker to make but only god knows how many fics and pics I have that I've never posted anywhere

Rip to hundreds of thousands of words and tens of images sitting in my files. Help. Anyway here's a poll for you

I'm not making any negative options. Just scroll by faster!!!!

[titles-for-tangents]

Hey if we’re going to be stuck in this mire again together, then please - *taps the sign* - remember to use your critical thinking and reading comprehension skills and read your news sources carefully.

Read as many news sources as you can, and not just on the same topic. Swap and compare notes. Keep an eye on who wrote what article and when it was published. If the language in an article’s headline or body seems vague, that’s because it is. It’s meant to be vague and reactionary, possibly even inflammatory, and the folks behind it are going to hope you won’t think about it too hard and simply take it at its word and face value. Often news headlines get restructured by an editor to get people’s attention and aren’t much what the author intended. Plenty of less formal news sources really don’t care how copy-pasted something is, so long as “content” is being generated.

Sometimes short and direct headlines can be good, like in the case of weather emergencies. Twitter was a legitimately good source for a time to help get such announcements as tornado warnings out there. Was.

Ask yourself good questions. If a detail seems missing, again, that’s because it is. Hunt it the fuck down. Maybe the author doesn’t know either. This is especially important for the likes of news articles based off of findings reported in the likes of medical and scientific journals, but it’s going to become especially relevant again going forward as a general rule of thumb. Does the article seem a little short to you, or seem more like gossip? What is the history of the news outlet? Is the news outlet known for its authors casually using a first person narrative perspective, or an objective, third-person one? Who is being interviewed? Don’t just ask yourself the big stuff, the who, what, when, where, why, and how; ask yourself about the author’s tone and what might be deliberately added or missing, perhaps to mislead you or make you feel a certain way. By whom, for whom? To where, from where? See if you can spot a prepositional phrase suspiciously lacking in detail and only does the bare fucking minimum. What and where is the direct object in the sentence? Does the article take a rather long time to get to the point and then not mention the most important part until the very last paragraph? Is it paying more lip-service than actually being informative?

Is there is a comment section? What is the vibe of the general audience? Also, especially if an article is of a scientific or medical nature, you can email the authors if you have further questions!

Do you get your news from a news app, or do you seek out news sources directly? If you do use a news app, is it algorithm-based? I can tell you my phone’s Apple news this morning looked especially ominous, as it seemed for the first time there were no major news sources with anything particular to report on. It was nothing but sections like “Readers’ Favorites” and “Picked for You,” and then plastic crap Buzzfeed and Real Style were touting from Amazon. I had to hunt down NBC News to glean anything useful. Not getting anything that I needed to hear this morning was like witnessing the calm before the storm, which to some degree might’ve been true. But still, always question the algorithm. The less it knows about you, the better. If you read a stupid article you know was stupid, see if you can delete your search/read history.

I don’t think we’re going to see an exact repeat of the previous Trump administration, but the news between the tail-end of 2016 all the way up to and passed the January 6th insurrection was nothing but one crisis after another, national and international. It was traumatizing. Misinformation was everywhere, partly because an actual pandemic cropped up in the middle of it (thanks to Trump and his administration mishandling and outright ignoring it) and some people lost their damn minds from the fright and stress in real time. Fear and fear-mongering were (and still are) surefire methods to keep people terrified and constantly engaged with the news, whether that meant news apps on our phones, on social media, on TV channels, or even the radio.

If you need a break from the news, take one. But do not stop asking better of your news sources. Be a bitch about it if you have to. Write a letter to the editor. Reread an article until you can repeat the gist of it to yourself and your peers. Use the comment section, be respectful, treat the author as a real person who will likely read but does not have to engage with what you have to say, and expect that other people can engage with you in return. Hold your sources up to the candlelight of scrutiny and don’t be easily satisfied.

I don’t want to do this again for another four years. I am so damn tired.

[theharpermovieblog]

#HARPERSMOVIECOLLECTION

2023

I re-watched The Big Lebowski (1998)

When I was 12, I asked my Nana to record this movie off of paper view for me. I was probably too young to watch it, but since that day it's just been a part of who I am. I'm sorry if this is less of a review and just me gushing.

Because he shares the name of a millionaire, a lazy ex hippie gets caught up in a kidnapping plot.

The Coen Brothers are among my favorite filmmakers. Which is saying something because I don't like to admit I have favorites. Their movies are 9 and a half times out of 10 excellent, and their characters are always well thought out human beings that demand the attention of the audience. The Coen's comedy films, despite a couple misses, are still meticulously plotted works of quirky genius that get better the more times you watch them.

The Big Lebowski is the Coen's version of a noir detective story with the most unlikely of detectives. Every noir beat is there. The millionaire, the trophy wife, the femme fatale, the sleazy porn producer, the dangerous kidnappers. But, in typical Coen brothers comedy fashion, everyone is a bit of an idiot, a bit volatile and pretty shitty at what they're trying to accomplish. This is the Coen's genius of comedy. These aren't cliche movie characters, they are cliche roles filled by very flawed, but hilarious human beings.

The lead characters of The Dude, Played by Jeff Bridges, and Walter, played by John Goodman, are exact opposites. Best friends who are never in synch and in many ways that makes the best of detective duos. The actors are, in my mind, forever defined by these roles. They are amazing, as is everyone in this film.

The writing is beautiful. Not only funny, but as meticulously perfected as the best Coen films. Just catching on to The Dude's talent for picking up and repeating phrases and words he's heard, using them as he tries desperately to stay out of trouble, is just the tip of the iceberg when discovering the attention to detail throughout. There's a well plotted little mystery, there is an interacting narrator, a well defined world, deep character development and a fucking epilogue. It's so good on every level. Even the minor characters have histories and depth.

Comedies are often cheaper versions of real movies. No one cares about the look, style, world building or story as much as the jokes. The Coen's don't subscribe to that way of filmmaking. They care about the craft of their comedies in the same way they care about the craft of their more dramatic movies. The Big Lebowski is not a parody of a noir movie, it is a noir movie. Just like Burn After Reading isn't a parody of an American spy thriller, it is an American spy thriller. The Coen's just populate these movie genres with foolish characters and misunderstandings that create a beautiful layered chaos of comedy, without sacrificing the necessary steps of the film's genre or the necessary steps of storytelling on film.

This is probably my 100th watch of The Big Lebowski. It's made me want to re-watch a lot of the Coen's films, which is what great filmmakers do. Just like re-discovering a band, you want to dive back into everything they've created.

[crudetautology]

Ghosts Christmas Special Thoughts (spoilers!):

Seeing as I accidentally spoiled myself for both the fact that Daley was going to be involved in some way and that there were going to be old footage of Pat shown I was expecting to find the episode a bit less emotional than I did. Everything re: Pat and Daley and family remembering those who've passed by repeating their words and phrases and family makes fun of each other but ultimately it's done with love. EVERYTHING in regards to Kitty and The Captain. And also just a feeling of pure love for all of these characters. I cheered when the plague ghosts showed up. The panto being so good and giving the same energy as the Sorry Song frankly. Might start a tradition to watch it annually. It just made me really, really happy! Utterly lovely and perfect episode. Less serious observations below:

- the Captain's got dance suggestions! - Mike trying to give his condolences to the departed ghost of the accident. "I'll just phone home- I'm ET." - breaking it to Robin that he would be playing the ugly stepsister and Robin sweetly holding hands with Humphrey's body - I did think "KISS!" at Thomas and Kitty when they hugged at the end, but alas it was not to be. Still utterly loved their dancing and Kitty throwing her shoe to him repeatedly. Cinderella and Prince Charming indeed! Also him pretty much only approving of Kitty's acting choices (and no one else's) i.e his satisfied little nod when she upped the ante of her line was so good.

- PATCAP! So many lovely moments from my favourite duo. Sitting together, watching and directing the rehearsals. Oh, and I felt like Pat was flat out looking at the Captain the most during his outburst and the Captain in turn looked hurt and confused. "Patrick!" Announcing the Captain as stage manager, the Captain complementing Daley, "Twist it!?" and them having an almost the Woodworm Men-level of understanding and togetherness throughout the entire episode. So lovely. - "Might be a bluey." "It's not a bluey!" - Mick getting fired up. "They're horrible to her!" - Fanny suggesting that The Captain play the fairy godmother! Julian and Thomas holding up the Captain during the fairy godmother introduction! "Bing bong!" the Captain showing up right next to Allison to get an exact time of her return was so fucking funny. - Also, Thomas shooting down the Captains dance suggestions and the Captain holding Humphrey's head. Love breadcrumbs for my two most far-fetched ships! - Fanny is a peeper-headcanon confirmed! - Every single ghosts being like yes Kitty is the best one! She'll never let us down, she's wonderful! Of course she'll play the lead etc. "I'm not an actress, just a girl!" Having the bear help her with practising lines for next time. Oh, how I love her. - And more singing! Them all singing "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" and shuffling together at the end was amazing!

[solarwonux]

Crop Tops and Tattoos || Wonwoo

soccer player!Wonwoo x f!reader

w.c: 3.2k

warnings: smut, shower sex, wonwoo soft!dom, oral sex (female receiving), friends with benefits, friends to lovers, public sex (kinda) I think that’s all. 

note: another repost I’m sorry lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, honestly I literally have like a bunch of works that literally take place in the same soccer!svt/college!svt universe but really have nothing to do with one another except for like 3 and they’re all spicy lol. Let me know if you’d want them and also enjoy this one and lmk your thoughts hehehe :)

masterlist

“W-What?”

“Come to my practice tonight.” You rubbed the sleep from your afternoon nap out of your eyes, listening to Wonwoo’s soft voice through the receiver. “I miss you, come to my practice tonight, we can hang out after.” Wonwoo all but begged, and you can almost picture the pout that was on his face.

“Woo, I can’t I have to finish my half of the group research project.”

“Perfect, I’ll help you. You’re my partner anyway. Please love, I just want to see you it’s been forever.”

“It’s been two days Woo.” You rolled your eyes sitting up on your couch, retreating your phone from your ear, checking the time, 7:30PM it read. So much for a thirty-minute nap, you sighed.

“Precisely why you should come to my practice…hold on a sec,” Wonwoo pulled the phone away from his ear and gave the lost student instructions to where the art history section of the library was located at. “Please, it will be worth it, I promise.” He whispered, cupping his mouth over the receiver, muffling his words a little making you laugh.

“I’ll think about it, get back to work.”

“Okay see you tonight.” He said a little too excited and hung up the phone, a wide smile appearing on your face, making your stomach perform a whole gymnastics routine in the process.

The relationship you and Wonwoo had was interesting, it had started off as mindlessly flirty with one another, graduated to ghost touches and during a hot summer’s day. Where the air conditioning in the library had leaked and instead of Joshua calling everyone to tell them to stay home, he had made sure everyone showed up. Or else. His exact words.

The touches and flirting had escalated to the point that Wonwoo had dragged you to the forgotten encyclopedia section of the library and pinned you against the dusty bookshelves.

Since then your relationship grew more to just sleeping with one another to let off some steam. He would hold your hand underneath the reception desk at the library, mindlessly drawing patterns and phrases onto your skin. He would walk you to class when he could, sometimes with a bubble tea in his hand, other times empty handed. If you were scheduled to close on days, he had an earlier shift, he would wait and walk you home holding you close while the two of you talked about your day. And as of recently, after sex he had started to spend the night, claiming he slept better with you by his side.

In your head Wonwoo was your boyfriend just without the label. It was also a conversation the two of you needed to have, but it was also one you feared because you didn’t want it to ruin it.

You ran through the gates of the soccer field and started up the steps of the aluminum bleachers, earning weird stares from the guys and girls that decided to attend SVT’s first soccer practice of the season. You sat down, out of breath, holding your bag close to your body as you tried your best to regulating your breathing. A reminder that maybe hitting the gym every once in a while, wasn’t such a bad idea, because clearly having mind blowing sex with Wonwoo wasn’t helping with building your stamina.

“Woo your girl’s here now you can finally start playing.”

“Get your head out of your ass Jun.” Wonwoo scoffed shoving Jun lightly, earning a laugh from the other boy. Wonwoo gazed over at you a knowing smile evident on his face and waved at you. You felt your cheeks heat up and your eyes grew wide as you took in his appearance.

Wonwoo had sworn to you that he would never wear his old jersey again, especially since Seungcheol and Jeonghan had deviously cut it up after their last game last season. Yet, here he was in all his glory. The shirt stopping just above his belly button, the sliver of his toned stomach peeking through and you felt the beat of your heart start to raise. You warily waved back, before placing your cold palm against your forehead trying to cool yourself down.

Wonwoo raised an eyebrow, lifting his hand up and threaded it through his dark locks. His shirt riding up, exposing himself more and you felt the air leave your lungs. It was stupid, you have been seeing him in a lot less clothing for months and in every angle. But for some reason now as he stood boring his soft eyes into yours as Jihoon shouted commands to his teammates. The sweat dripping down the sides of his face, his glasses fogged up slightly due to the humidity and a knowing smirk adorning his face, teasing you. And you felt like you were about to burst.

“Hey, Woo, stop ogling at your girlfriend and get into position.”

“I like your shirt.”

“Hmm, yeah?” A devilish snicker fell from his lips as he pushed up against the cool tile wall. You nodded dragging your nails across the sliver of teasing skin, leaving red marks behind in their wake making Wonwoo shudder. “So sexy.” He groaned lowly pressing his lips onto yours forcefully, his hands snaking around your waist down to your ass giving it a squeeze making you gasp. He pulled away from your lips and trailed them down your neck. He swiped his tongue over your sweet spot earning him a whimper from you.

“You gonna let me fuck you in the locker room showers?”

“If you ask nicely.” You breathed out playing with the elastic waist band of his shorts. Wonwoo laughed against your neck and bit down before pulling away. “Can I fuck you in the locker room showers please?” He pouted playfully, grabbing your thigh and wrapping it around his waist.

“God Woo, yes.” You wrapped your arms around his waist pulling him closer to you feeling his growing cock against your aroused pussy. “As you wish darling.” He mumbled pecking your lips repeatedly before pulling away from your body, making you whine at the loss of his body heat.

Wonwoo chuckled sinking down to his knees, your eyes hooded with pleasure, feeling the wetness between your legs grow. He left teasing kisses down your clothed thighs, his thumbs hooking underneath the waist band of your leggings dragging them along with him. “Woo my shoes.”

“I was getting there, you’re so impatient sometimes.” He mumbled sitting back on his knees tapping your calf silently telling you to raise your leg. “It’s your fault…how am I supposed to be patient when you always look so good.” You obliged watching as he slowly took of your shoe and throwing it outside of the shower stall along with your sock. He repeated the process with your other leg before attaching his lips against your clothed thigh and left gentle open-mouthed kisses up your leg.

“I guess it’s time I teach you how to be patient.” He smirked pulling down your leggings along with your panties in one go. He threw them aside, placing a kiss against your hip bone, where the small stick and poke infinity sign tattoo he had made after a long night of immoral rendezvous. “Still can’t believe you let me talk you into giving you this.” He mumbled giving it another kiss and stood up.

“I wanted a tattoo but didn’t want to experience the pain.”

“It still hurt you, I had to stop, that’s why it’s all crooked and unfinished.”

“But it’s my favorite.” You whispered, his dark lust filled eyes boring into yours as he slowly started to take off his shorts and underwear, exposing himself to you. No matter how many times the two of you slept together, the sight of his body always had your heart beating out of time. He was perfect, an Adonis carved out of marble and to your surprise he was all yours.

“Don’t take off your shirt.” You whispered reaching and grabbing a fistful of the cloth and pulling him to you. “I want you to fuck me with it on.” You eyed him, a teasing finger running down his chest. “You’re so naughty today.” He laughed grabbing your hand and moved it up to his lips kissing each of your knuckles his sensual gaze lingering on yours. You felt your breathing pick up, the heat trailing down your thighs. “Please touch me.” You whimpered pulling your hand away and taking your shirt of throwing it behind him.

“Not yet I need to shower, I’m all sweaty from practice.” He winked, his hand finding the shower handle and turning it. A gasp left your lips as you felt the cold start to coat your heated bodies. “Now behave princess.” He kissed you hard, running his tongue over your bottom lip asking for entrance in which you granted. His hips flirting with yours and all you wanted to do was get down on your knees and beg him to use you in any and every single way possible. He pulled away detaching the shower head sending you a wink before putting it against your clit. The harsh water jets sending a sweet wave of pleasure up your spine.

“You’re going to cum like this and then I’ll fuck you.” He mumbled, before sinking down on to his knees again. He kept the shower head in place and alternated in kissing your thighs. Desperate whimpers falling out of your mouth. Wonwoo hooked one of your legs on top of his shoulder and bit down on your thigh, sucking making you yelp. “Your body reacts so well to me.” He kissed up your thigh sucking another love bite next to your tattoo before pulling away, shifting the shower head slightly. The sensation sending a new wave of pleasure up your body making you moan.

“W-Wonwoo, mmm, please.”

“Please what?” He teased the sound of a smirk evident in his voice and you’ve never wanted to hit someone so badly before. “I-I need you please.” You cried out, the tip of his index finger teasing the entrance of your pussy. “Yeah…you need me baby?” He chuckled moving your arousal around coating his finger with it before pulling away and bringing it up to his mouth, moaning sinfully as he licked it clean

“Y-Yes need your fingers, or mouth anything p-please W-Woo.” You raised your hips trying to grind yourself against the water, searching for a release in every way you could. “I’ll give you what you want but you can’t touch me.” He tsked giving you a pointed look. You whined nodding your head grabbing onto the smoothness of the shower wall. He ran his hot tongue against the lips of your pussy, the sensation mixing with the coldness of the water sent shivers up your spine.

“You always taste so sweet.” He mumbled against you flicking the tip of his tongue against your clit. Your mouth hanging open as your fingers itched to touch him and push him against you even further. “L-Let me touch you?” You breathed out your nails digging themselves into the skin of your stomach. He nodded against you repeatedly licking strides up your lips before attaching his mouth on your clit. By now the shower head was long forgotten as it fell from his hand, hitting the shower wall with a loud clank making you jump.

You threaded your fingers in his short hair tugging at the roots making him moan against you. He wrapped his arms around your ass pulling you closer as he lost himself eating you out like a starved man. “B-Baby I’m close.” You moaned arching your back against the wall as he lightly bit down on your clit and pulled away. He licked his lips savoring you and adjusted his round glasses earning a lighthearted laugh from you. “Don’t laugh or I won’t help you cum.” He grumbled pressing his index and middle fingers against your entrance and slowly sinking them into you immediately curling them up in search for your g-spot. A satisfied smile etching across his face as you moaned out the second he found it.

Wonwoo attached his lips onto your clit again, this time wasting no time and sucking on it roughly, his fingers moving inside you at a fast pace. The coil forming at the pit of your stomach, your hands tugging on his hair, your hips bucking against his mouth and fingers. He moaned feeling your clench around his fingers, giving him the motivation to pick of his pace, the pleasure getting too much for your body to handle and before you knew you came undone screaming out his name. He helped you ride out your orgasm, desperately licking up your release making your body twitch from the oversensitivity.

“You did so well baby.” He mumbled before pulling away, licking his lips moaning in approval as the remnants of your arousal hit his taste buds. He thrusted his fingers a few more times before pulling them out making you whine, missing the way they felt inside of you. He chuckled licking them clean before standing up.

“Think you can give me one more?” He asked giving your lips multiple pecks and then your cheeks. You laughed pushing his face away resting your tired body against the wall of the shower.

“Yes.”

“Can I ask you something?” You crossed your arms in front of you holding up the towel Wonwoo had wrapped around your body. Wonwoo hummed handing you his extra t-shirt as well as the sweatpants you had left at his place weeks ago. How he knew to bring them along with him was beyond you, but you decided to save that question for another day.

“Why do the guys call me your girl.” You emphasized standing up from the bench and started getting dressed. Wonwoo closed his locker resting his back against it drinking you in slowly, making you feel a little insecure. “Jeonghan saw you leave my apartment one day and texted the group chat to share the tea.” He rolled his eyes using quotations around the last word of his sentence before pushing himself away from the locker. “Now the guys think we’re dating.”

“But you never corrected them?” You tugged his shirt over your head gathering your semi dry clothes and folded them. “Do you want me to correct them?” He placed his hand on your cheek moving your head gently to meet his eyes.

“I-I mean yeah, we aren’t dating you made it very clear that you weren’t looking for a relationship when this started.”

“I wish I could eat my words.” He whispered running his thumb over your swollen lips. “I think I’m past just wanting to fuck you; I want more.”

You felt the air leave your lungs; your cheeks heated up and you desperately searched for a new point of focus because the intensity evident in his gaze was overwhelming. “We should go, I need to finish my half of the project.” You picked up your drying clothes and your bag and rounded the corner of the bench you had been sitting at.

“You don’t want to be more?” Wonwoo caught up with you grabbing your free hand to stop you from walking and held it close to his chest. “I do, I’m just scared you’ll end up regretting it if we ever do try to be more.” You confessed trailing your eyes down his body and stopping at your interlocked hands.

“I won’t, you make me feel so good an—”

“Exactly, I make you feel good. All you’ve ever known is how it feels like to be with me naked. You don’t know what it’s like to actually be with me.” You pulled your hand away. A frustrated sigh spiraling out of his lungs as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Your worst habit is jumping to conclusions.” He mumbled lowly tugging at the roots of his hair. It didn’t feel nearly as good as it felt when you would do it to him, but that was something he would ever confess out loud. “I want to be with you in every way possible, I know what I said before and if I would take back my words I would because that was before I found myself falling for you.” Wonwoo closed the gap between the two of you holding you tightly. His confession had your mind running nonstop, the weight of his words making their way into your heart and finding a home. You hugged him tightly, burying your face into his chest. “Is that a yes?” Wonwoo asked confusion laced in his voice as he hugged you back running his hands down your back soothingly. You hummed nodding your head taking a whiff of his lavender body wash and somehow it felt like home.

“You can’t just say things like that so casually.” You groaned raising your head from his chest placing a kiss on his chin. “Give me a warning next time.”

“Would you have preferred reading the essay I wrote about it instead.”

“Wonwoo stop fucking around you didn’t do that.” You scoffed pushing away from him and started down the hallway to entrance of the locker room. “Yes, I did it’s fifteen pages long, I even used citations.” He yelled following you a few steps behind, the teasing tone in his voice made you doubt his word. But he did once write a whole essay on how Soonyoung was the worst co-captain in the history of co-captains because he had beat him in Mario Kart.

“You have two options I can read it for you tonight after you’re done with your half of the project or I can read it for you on your wedding day.” You choked on your saliva making him laugh. He patted your back gently before pushing open the door to the locker room.

“What the fuck Woo, our weddi—”

“Finally, we’ve been waiting out here for hours. I’m starving.” Hoshi exclaimed throwing his hands up in the air before starting down hallway. “I told you guys to leave.” Wonwoo sighed rolling his eyes and extended his hand for you to take.

“Half of us did once they heard you guys fucking.” Vernon shrugged shoving his hands in his pockets. Your cheeks started to heat up, you prayed to every god out there to do you a solid and open the ground up and have it swallow you whole. “And you guys didn’t?”

“Nah, you’re paying for dinner remember, plus we made a bet while we waited.” Vernon took two long strides over and placed his hand on top of Wonwoo’s shoulder. “I never expected you to have a daddy kink and now I lost fifty bucks to Jeonghan and Dino each, that’s a hundred in total.” He shook his head and walked away running to catch up with Hoshi.

“I don’t have a dad—”

“You know bathrooms have echoes right?” Dino pushed himself way from the wall and started walking away. “We heard the two of you loud and clear, so you can’t deny it, Jeonghan even took a voice note just in case you wanted to deny it.”

“Baby you’re going to have to visit me in jail cause I’m about to commit homicide.” Wonwoo placed a chaste kiss against your head and let go of your hand and charged over to Dino. He turned around laughing before running down the hallway leaving you behind with a smirking Jeonghan.

“Honestly, I just hope you guys disinfected the stall the two of you used.”

[kireimarkeu]

Yellow; l.mk

+another repost, one of my favourite works ever. its unfortunate not many liked it... ;-; but im still gonna post it anyways. i did not make any changes to this fic.

summary: a journey where boxer!mark and you start to fall for each other.

5.8k words... it wasn’t supposed to be this long.. sorry guys ):

i changed the title because sunflower reminded me of johnny lmfao! also i know you guys don’t like long fics but istg i didn’t want it to be so long either ;;

warnings: mentions of blood & violence, f words 

+Day 1

The loud cheers were really starting to annoy you. Why did you let your friend drag you here in the first place?

You let out a grumbled sigh when your friend had pulled your hand, leading you closer to the ring. Truthfully, you hated anything that has got to do with blood or violence. You didn’t dare tell your friend that since she told you that she has always wanted to go to an underground match.

People were pushing you around as you struggled to keep your balance. You hold onto your friend’s wrist, to avoid from falling.

Your friend must have noticed your discomfort and leaned towards you, “you okay?”

Shaking your head, you reply, “yeah... this- this is just not my type,”

She pouts, “do you want to leave?”

“No, no, you’ve been waiting for this, let’s just watch the match,” you reply, looking back to the ring. Your friend nodded, looking back front.

The match started within a few minutes, both participants standing on each side started getting closer, waiting for one of them to throw a punch.

“That’s Jung Jaehyun,” your friend says, pointing to the one who had chocolate abs. He had some parts of his black hair dyed a dark green, which really suits him.  

Jaehyun.

He was handsome. Pretty face— really pretty face. However, his neck was filled with tattoos, which gets rid of his cute demeanour. You already knew he was the type to get lots of girls just by doing nothing.

“And that’s Mark Lee,”

Your eyes gazed on the boy with black hair.

Oh. 

He’s cute. He’s really cute. Super cute features. Plump lips, cute cheeks— you just want to pinch. You were surprised why he would be in a ring with such adorable features. You wanted to coo at his ears, why are his ears so cute?

If you were to pick one, you would pick the latter. He’s just your type.

Great, you’re doing it again. Thinking which boys you would choose.

Shaking your thoughts away, you focus on the match.

Jaehyun suddenly throws a punch, to which Mark managed to dodge. Mark suddenly throws a punch, straight to the other boy’s cheekbones.

You let out a gasp, flinching at the sight. Though, the crowd continues to cheer.

In a blink of an eye, Jaehyun has Mark under him, his arm tightening around Mark’s neck.

“Isn’t that dangerous?!” you screech, turning to your friend who was happily watching the match.

“That’s what makes it fun,” your friend winks.

Your mouth was left wide open as you look back at Mark who was struggling to breathe. You notice Mark tapping on Jaehyun’s arm as the latter lets go of his crazy tight grip on the boy.

“This is crazy,” you whisper out.

Despite being absolutely terrified of the scene that had just happened, you wanted to see more.

After a few matches, it was declared Jaehyun had won this time’s match. You actually expected it- seeing how he was slightly more builded than Mark. At the same time, you were disappointed that Mark had lost the match.

The people around you started getting closer, excited by the first match. It was making it hard for you to breathe.

You tap your friend’s shoulder, “I am going to step out for a while,”

“Do you want me to follow?” she asks.

You shake your head, “no, enjoy the rest of the match,”

“Okay, text me if you need anything,” she tells you as you let out a hum and step away from the crowd. You climb the flight of stairs, pushing the tinted glass door open. You take a deep breathe, finally able to breathe fresh air.

You rest your back against the brick walls, fishing out your phone to reply to some texts and scroll through Instagram.

“Hey,”

“Oh, jeez!” you jumped, your hand pressed against your chest, turning to see Mark.

Mark laughs, staring at you in amusement, “weren’t you from inside? I saw you,”

You gulp and nodded, “yeah, yeah I was, I saw you too,”

You scan his features. He had multiple bruises and cuts on his cheekbones and lips. You notice a deep cut on his eyebrow, and a bruise on his neck. You look back up to his eyes.

“Are you okay?” you ask him, pointing to the bruises painting his face.

He chuckles at your question, wiping the blood staining his lips. “Your first time here?”

You nod, your head moving to scan the cuts on his face, “are you going to clean that up?”

“I’m okay,” he reassures you, a small smile playing on his lips, “this is nothing,”

You wince. That was nothing? You would be crying in pain if you had that many cuts and bruises on you.

“Okay,” you whisper.

“I’m Mark,” he says again, “what’s your name, pretty?”

Your face turned a crimson red, “y/n,”

“y/n,” he repeats, the name rolling out of his tongue smoothly, “beautiful name for a beautiful girl,”

You couldn’t help but laugh at his words, “how many times have you used that phrase, Mark?”

Mark was flustered for a moment, but quickly regain his coolness, “well, as of 3 seconds ago… once?”

He laughs when you grimace at his response, shaking your head in astonishment.

“So, what were you doing in an underground boxing, y/n?” he asks you, “you don’t seem like the type to be around this area,”

“My friend has been dying to come to an underground match and she dragged me with her,” you explain.

He hums, “ah, your friend? She really caught Jaehyun’s eye earlier,”

You smirk, knowing your friend definitely has been crushing on Jaehyun too.

“We should set them up!” you say excitedly.

+Day 15

2 weeks later, you were back at the same place. This time, you weren’t forced, you had begged your friend to bring you again. You would go alone but being alone in a place filled with rowdy men scares you. You knew your friend would agree since she wanted to see Jaehyun too.

“You usually don’t like this type of things, why are you suddenly so excited?” your friend asked, grabbing her bag, while you were tugging on her arm. 

You bit your lip nervously, knowing the exact reason why, but you refuse to tell her. 

***

“You’re back again,” says Mark, looking down at you with a smile plastered on his face.

“Yeah, I just need some break from the chaos at school,” you explain. You were actually doing well in school. Unlike other students, you let out your stress from doing work and projects.

Mark hums as he looks around, “wanna go somewhere quieter?”

“But—” you turn away to find your friend, but she was nowhere to be found.

“She’s talking to Jaehyun,” Mark tells you.

You turn back around, holding your breathe when you see Mark leaning awfully close to your face. When he saw your flustered state, he started smirking, letting out a low chuckle.

“Come,” he says, tugging on your elbow, pulling you out of the crowd. Climbing the familiar stairs, the both of you walked towards an empty playground. The both of you take a seat on the swings.

“It’s kinda scary to be in a playground at night,” you state, looking around the extremely quiet area.

You hear Mark laugh at your statement; you look at him confusingly. “You know what you remind me of?”

You raise your eyebrows.

“A sunflower,” he tells you, making you blush. “Anything with the colour yellow,”

“And why is that Mark?”

He rests his head on the rope of the swings as he stares at you, “You seem like someone who is absolutely cheerful, everyone needs someone like you in their life,”

You smile at his sweet words.

Your eyes gaze on his hands that was wrapped in bandages, blood seeping through them.

“Are your hands okay?” you ask, nodding your chin towards his hands resting on his lap.

He looks down at his hands then back at you, smirking, “why? Did I make you worry?”

You look at him like he was crazy, “of course you did! The guy went pretty hard on you,”

Mark felt embarrassed at that. You came to watch his match twice and he still couldn’t win in front of you.

He looks away from your gaze, “it was nothing,” he murmurs.

You were quiet for a while. You felt guilty for bringing it up, knowing he was already beating himself up for it.

“You did great,” you blurted out, “I came to support you actually,”

“Really?” he chuckles, his gaze still on his shoes.

“Yup, you did so well, I think I should take you out for lunch,” you blurt out without realising. Your eyes widen at what you had just said.

Oh god, why did you say that? Did you have no shame? What if Mark didn’t even feel the same way?

Mark swiftly turns to look at your confused face. Fuck, he just wanted to hug you so bad.

“Are you asking me out on a date?” he asks, an amused grin plastered on his lips.

Oh god. 

You quickly face away from the boy who was staring at you with amusement. “N-no,”

He lets out a defeated sigh, “damn, really? I was hoping it would be a date,”

Oh fuck, he was smooth. 

“Shouldn’t you be asking me out on a date?” you huff.

“Do you want me to ask you out on a date?”

“No! I mean—”

“Y/N, will you go on a date with me?”

+Day 17

The date was originally scheduled in 5 days but Mark was too excited and had asked you to meet slightly earlier, to which you agreed.

This time, Mark wasn’t in a tank top and shorts, he didn’t have cuts on his face or bloody hands wrapped in bandages. He was dressed in a button up and black skinny jeans.

He’s so adorable. 

“What,”

“What?” you look at him weirdly.

“You keep staring at me,” he points out, “do I have something on my face? Or am I too handsome?”

You grimace at his words and threw a fry at him, giggles leaving your lips.

Mark wanted to take you out on a proper expensive date, but he was also a broke college student— just like you. He felt bad about not being able to take you out on a proper date, but you had reassured him that you’d rather eat McDonalds kids meal than eat a $50 meal that is the size of a pea.

“You know,” you start, leaning back on the chair, “If I saw you for the first time, I wouldn’t believe it if you told me you were a boxer,”

“Why?”

You shrug, “you look like a baby to me,” you tell him, “just wanna pinch your cheeks,”

He scoffs, puffing out his chest, “I may look like a baby, but I fight like a man,”

+Day 23

Mark: hey are you coming later

You: where?

Mark: my match you loser

You: I don’t think so :(

You: i have a bunch of work to do :((

Mark: :(

Mark: oky then :/ make sure you rest enough

You:  I will :) don’t worry haha

+Day 25

“I didn’t know Mark had many girl friends,” your friend says.

You raise your eyebrows at that. The both of you weren’t official yet, only at the talking stage. He has never mentioned his friends or his family, but the information had your suspicions growing.

You pretend to not be affected by the words, “how’d you know?”

“You know the day you couldn’t come for his match?” you hum, “I think he invited some girls because they were all hugging and talking,”

You would be lying if you weren’t heartbroken by your friend’s words. However, you have no rights stopping him from seeing his friends. The both of you weren’t a couple.

“Aren’t you guys a couple?”

“No,” you answer with a sharp tone, “it’s his life he can do whatever he wants.”

“You’re not fazed by it?”

“Why would I be?” you murmur, “he’s not mine to begin with.”

+Day 35

Mark: hey :)

Mark: it’s been a while

Mark: I miss you

You: I knw haha

Mark: are you coming for my match tomorrow night?

Mark: no no you have to come tomorrow!!

Mark: ok?

You: hahahah

You: I will oky

You: im finished with my work & all so why not haha

You: but I need you to come get me hehe

You: my friend wont be following so its just me :3

Mark: that’s great!!!

Mark: I’ll send u home too ok

You: oky Markie :3

+Day 36

You had your hands resting on Mark’s face, cleaning up his bloody face. Mark had lost this time round; his opponent was three times your size and had beat Mark down like a pipe.

“I don’t even know why I support you doing this,” you mumble, wiping the blood running down his face, “you make me worry too much,”

“I’m okay.”

You glare up at him. “If you think this is okay then I don’t what’s your definition of the opposite.”

He frowns at you but didn’t say a word.

It took you a good 30 minutes to clean up all of his wounds. You lean away from him, “make sure you rest for a week,”

He hums, staring at you, “thank you,”

You felt bad for being so harsh on him. You reach for his hands, holding it in yours, your thumb stroking the back of his hand.

“Can you take me home now? I’m tired,” you sigh.

Throughout the ride home, you had one of Mark’s hand resting on your lap. You didn’t let go for a second, loving the warm feeling of his hand clasped in yours. Before you knew it, his car stopped infront of your apartment building.

You pout, turning to face him., “I don’t wanna leave yet,”

“Me neither,” he chuckles, “don’t go,”

You lips break into a grin, “you loser,”

He hums.

You unlock the door, ready to open the car door but Marks tug on your hands. You face him. He lifts his free hands, his pointer finger tapping on his cheek.

You snicker at his actions, your pointer and middle finger pushing his cheek away. You stick your tongue out when he pouts at you. You open the car door and left the car, shutting it, turning to face the boy who was still pouting.

“Thanks for today,” you say, “make sure you rest for a week before you start working again,” you reminded him.

Upset that you didn’t kiss him, Mark clicked his tongue and gestured for you to go in.

+Day 40

Your eyebrows furrow when you saw the pictures Mark was tagged in Jaehyun’s photo. You knew this photo was recent from the evident bruises on Mark’s face.

You had already warned him to completely heal for a week before going back to work but why was he so stubborn?

The girls who was surrounding the guy you like didn’t go unnoticed by you. You noticed how he had his arms snake around both girl’s waist.

Shutting your eyes close, you let out a frustrated sigh.

“Is this from today?” you ask your friend, showing her your phone.

Your friend takes a look and nods without hesitation.

A loud and angry groan left your lips. Getting up from the couch, you stomped to your bedroom, shutting the door as you climbed in bed.

God, why was liking a boy so hard?

Tears started rolling down your cheeks. You were so frustrated with Mark. You liked him so much that you hated seeing him being hurt— even if it was something he loves doing.

It wasn’t the first time he was seen surrounded by girls. Although the both of you weren’t in an official relationship, you didn’t enjoy seeing him touching girls. Maybe you were being dramatic with the girls, but did you really want to date someone like him? Someone who could potentially be taken away in a flash?

You sit up, rubbing your eyes with a deep sigh. Everyone deserves a chance, even if he had hurt you.

You turn on your phone to send Mark a text.

You: you went to work today?

It took him less than a minute to respond.

Mark: how’d you know?

You: jaehyun’s Instagram

You: I thought I told you to rest?

Mark: sorry :( it was just a last minute match

You: hm

Mark: but on the bright side, I won this time!

Right. Of course he would win the match when you’re not there to support him.

You: was it fun?

Mark: yeah! Our friends came to support us

You: ohh who?

Mark: just some ex-school friends, you don’t know them haha

You: okay hha

Mark: you’re not angr right? Haha

Mark: angry*

You: no why would I be

You: you’re not my boyfriend so I have no right to be

You: mad

+Day 58

“Hey,” Mark sends you a bitter smile, “you okay? Been a whole year since we last saw each other,”

“It’s been 2 weeks, Mark,” you reply dryly.

Mark pouts and takes a seat next to you, “two weeks too long~”

He leans his head on your shoulder as his gaze on your phone. You turn to him slightly, offering your bubble tea to the male who happily accepts. He rests his hand on the plastic cup and your hand holding the cup, pulling it towards his lips.

You giggle, “you’re so cute, Mark.”

He squints his eyes cutely at you as he continues sipping on your drink. You didn’t complain, you love seeing him all happy.

You clear your throat, earning his attention, “I want to ask you something,”

He tilts his chin upwards, “what’s up?”

You try to think of a way to phrase your words together without sounding possessive.

Mark notices your furrowed eyebrows, he cracks a grin and nudges you with his shoulder, “don’t be so serious, what’s up?”

“Are you going to introduce me to your friends?” you blurted out.

Mark fell silent at your question. He wasn’t annoyed or anything— not at all, he couldn’t ever be mad at you. But it was just so sudden, where was this all coming from?

“I mean- you don’t have to, if you don’t want to,” you explain, “it’s not like I want to,” you laugh awkwardly, looking away from the male.

“N-no,” he stutters out, “it was just so sudden, where is this coming from?”

“I’m sorry,”

“Do you want to meet my friends?” he asks.

“I’m not forcing you,” you state, “it’s just a question- it’s not important,” you mumble the last part.

He let out a chuckle, “I want you to meet my friends,” he says, “but, they just…”

You purse your lips, already expecting the answer. Of course he won’t introduce you to his female friends. It would be a lie if you said you weren’t disappointed, but you couldn’t do anything. you can’t force him into doing something he doesn’t want to.

“I’m sorry,” he sounded sincere, too sincere. It’s weird.

You feign a smile, “It’s okay, but I have to go now,”

He frowns, watching you stand up to grab your bag, “already?”

You nod, “I’ll see you when I see you, I guess,”

Before he could even hug you goodbye, you had already left the bubble tea shop.

+Day 62

You had this habit of overworking yourself whenever you were down. You had drowned yourself in projects and work. The incident that happened a few days ago has left your mind, especially when he hasn’t sent you a single text.

“Hey,” your friend called, you hum in response, although your gaze was still glued on your laptop. “Have you been talking to Mark lately?”

Your fingers freeze at his name. Suddenly you were furious just by hearing his name.

“Why?” you reply crudely.

“He’s been asking me about you. Did something happen?” your friend asks, worried about you.

He’s been asking about you? So he has been thinking about you this whole time? Your heart fluttered a little at the thought. You genuinely liked Mark and it sucked that the both of you were already having arguments even before being a couple.

You bit your lip, turning around to look at your friend, “what did he say?”

Your friend passes you her phone, showing the text message between the two.

Mark: hey, im sorry if im disturbing you but

Mark: is y/n okay?

Mark: we haven’t been texting lately and I thought she needed space so i gave her that

Mark: I just want to know if she’s okay? If shes eating healthily?

Your lips tugged upwards at the text. God, he was so cute. You scroll down a little more to read more texts.

Mark: could you update me everyday on how she’s doing?

Mark: I miss her :/

“He really likes you, you know,” your friend says abruptly.

You pass her phone back, looking up at her.

“I know I’m not officially his and I have no right on stopping him who he should hang out with,” you explain, “but it upsets me seeing how he’s being surrounded by girls every single night,”

Your friend places her hand on your shoulder, her thumb caressing your shoulder comfortingly, “you should talk to him about it.”

She was right. Communication is key. You can’t keep it a secret forever. If it upsets you, then you should voice out.

You were going to talk to him about it.

+Day 67

You were at the underground boxing area again. Mark had texted you to come and support him. You were going to talk to him about it today. After his match. This was the only way that was going to make you feel better.

This time, you were standing near the wall, furthest from the boxing ring. Mark had warned you to stay here because of all the rowdy men crowding the area.

“With your petite size, you are just going to be stepped on,” he had said. 

You locked eyes with Mark who was standing in the ring. You automatically grin at him. Mark struggled to keep a straight face after seeing your adorable smile.

‘Good luck!’ you mouth, lifting your hands to show a thumbs up, then sending a heart to the male.

Mark’s heart flutter just by looking at you. He looks away to keep a straight face. Soon, the match started.

“Hi,”

You swiftly turned to see a handsome male standing next to you. You send him a polite smile before turning back to look at Mark.

“What are you doing here?” he asks.

“I’m just here to support a friend,” you say plainly, your eyes gazing on Mark intently.

“I see,” the man says, “I’m Yuta,”

Does he ever stop talking? You hum, hoping it would stop him from talking to you.

“What’s your name?”

You wanted to roll your eyes at his question. You face the man, “I’m y/n,”

“Beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” he flirts, winking at you. You grimace at his words. “You’re really pretty,”

You didn’t respond, irked by his presence.

“Do you hate talking or something?” he asks you. He rolls his eyes when you didn’t reply. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No, I don’t, Yuta,” you sigh.

“Then? Do you hate me or something? Do you hate someone you’ve never met?” he asks you, leaning closer to you.

Unbeknownst to you, Mark saw you talking to the male and was distracted by it, which resulted in him getting punched in the jaw by his opponent.

Loud gasps and whistles filled the room.

You quickly turn to see Mark laying on the ground, getting stepped on by his opponent. Your hands went up to your mouth, watching in horror. Once his opponent was pulled away, you ran to find Mark, but was stopped by Yuta grasping your arm.

“Let go of me!” you shrieked, pushing his arm away, running to find Mark.

You see Mark in the room, holding his jaw painfully while Jaehyun helped him bandage his hand.

“Mark!” you call, running up to him. You instantly hold onto his elbow, scanning his face that was littered with bruises. He had a black eye too.

Mark meets your worried gaze. His eyes held something different— anger and annoyance.

“Are you okay? Are you badly hurt anywhere?” you ask.

The male suddenly pushes your grip off him, looking away from you. Your eyes widen at his actions.

Did you do something wrong?

You look at Jaehyun, hoping he would signal you something— anything. But he only looked away from you guiltily. You frown at the both of them.

“Mark?” he ignores your voice.

You felt your heart clench painfully. You didn’t know what you did wrong for him to treat you this way. A disappointed sigh left your lips as you turn around, leaving the underground boxing match.

You rest your back against the brick walls, you felt tears trail down your cheeks. You came here with Mark and was expecting him to drive you home, so you didn’t bring any money with you.

“Fuck,” you whisper, your fingers wiping the stray tears.

You fish out your phone, unlocking it but only to see a black screen. You harshly pressed on the button multiple times but it wouldn’t turn on. Great, your phone must’ve died. You look around, trying to find someone who could help you out.

“Are you going to get in?” a deep voice says.

You look up to see Mark standing next to his car.

+++++

A shaky sigh left your lips, brushing away the tears that wouldn’t stop leaving your eyes. You look out the window, hoping it would distract you. Another tear rolled down your cheeks.

“Stop crying,” Mark murmurs.

You wanted to scoff at that. How ironic, especially when he was the one who made you cry.

“I’m fucking trying,” you say through gritted teeth.

The car comes to a halt as you see your apartment building outside. However, you didn’t leave his car.

“Did I do something?” you ask. You have been dying to ask the question ever since.

He rolls his eyes, “I don’t know y/n, did you?” he responds sarcastically.

“Can you stop that?!” you shout, turning your body to face him, “Just tell me what I did so I can fucking apologize!”

He scoffs at your words, “who was that man? Openly flirting while I was in a match?”

Your brows knit in confusion. Is he being serious?

“Firstly, I don’t know who the hell that man was, and I was definitely not flirting with him,” you explain, “and secondly, you’re not my boyfriend. So, even if I wanted to flirt, I am allowed to.”

This relationship was starting to get confusing.

“We are in the talking stage!” he shouts, “technically you are mine.”

You laugh at that, “really? I can’t flirt with anyone but you’re out here hugging and touching random girls!”

He becomes quiet, looking away from your intense gaze.

You push your hair back, frustrated. “what now, Mark?”

He looks down at his lap, playing with his fingers. He felt like crying— he never cries. “I don’t think this is working out,” he whispers, voice cracking. “I think we should stop seeing each other,”

You feel your lips tremble, tears threatening to fall again. You close your eyes, the tears falling down your cheeks. Your hands clenched into fists, hoping it would stop you from letting out sobs.

“Okay,” you mutter, “I’m going to go,”

When you reached your apartment, your hand immediately rests on the wall, steadying your balance. You couldn’t even breathe properly as you let out loud sobs. Your heart was beating rapidly from your unsteady breathing.

You felt like you were going to die. You didn’t expect this to hurt so much.

You are going to get through this. You will get through this. 

+Day 83

It has been a few weeks since you had last seen Mark. You had spent most of your time in your room crying your eyes out. If it wasn’t that, you would be sobbing on the couch while your friend would try her best to comfort you.

You didn’t have the energy or appetite to eat. Your friend always made you drink lots of water and would sometimes make a sandwich for you.

Your friend had secretly sent text updates to Mark, but he would just ignore them. He was hurting as much as you were. Just by hearing your name, his heart would clench painfully. Mark had spent most of his time at the ring, taking out his frustration by throwing punches and kicks.

You were washing the dishes since your friend had left to support Jaehyun in the underground match. She had invited you to come with her, but you’d rather stay home, knowing Mark would probably be there.

Your phone started ringing. You let out an annoyed sigh, quickly putting the plate on the rack, then walking over to grab your phone. You answer the call.

“What?” you sigh, “I’m busy cleaning, you know?”

“y/n,” your friend breathes heavily. This was weird. “Can you come here?”

Your eyebrows knit in confusion, “what? Why? What happened?”

“Mark passed out,” she tells you.

Your eyes widen, “w-what?”

“He’s going to be sent to the hospital, you need to come, now,”

+++++

“What room is he in? Is he okay?” you ask, looking at your friend and Jaehyun with wary eyes.

“He’s okay,” Jaehyun says, “he’s in the room,” he nods towards the door.

You had tears threatening to leave your eyes. You couldn’t help but let the tears fall. You felt your body grow weak, you squat down, covering your face with your arms as you let out loud sobs.

It was all your fault. If you hadn’t taken care of him more often, none of this would’ve happened.

Your friend frowns at your state. She bends down and pat your back comfortingly. “Go in,” she persuades, “he has been dying to see you,”

You lift your head to look at her, a small pout on your lips. Your friend wipes your tears with her thumb, smiling at you.

Letting out a soft sigh, you stand up, smoothing your hair and your pants. Walking towards the door, you knock softly before sliding the door open. Mark tilts his head, seeing you walk in quietly with your lips pursed.

He didn’t know what to do. Should he send you a smile? Should he act cold?

When you got closer to him, you scan the state he was in. He had his forehead bandage and his arm in a cast. His lips were busted, a plaster on the bridge of his nose.

“Hey,” you say, voice still raspy from the crying earlier, “what happened?”

He clears his throat and looks away from you. He feels bad making you worried. But at the same time, he didn’t expect you to be here.

“Just a few bruises here and there,” he says.

“Mark.”

“It’s nothing, really!” he exclaims.

You glare at him, “fuck you,” you spit. “I came down here because everyone was so worried about you. I was so worried about you. And now that I’m here, you’re going to tell me it’s nothing?”

Mark was unbelievable. God, why do you like him so much?

His eyes soften at your words. He bit his lip nervously, intimidated by you, he slowly looks up at you, “I just don’t want to worry you,”

You scoff, “your job already worries me, Mark.”

He pouts without even realising. He looks down at his lap guiltily, playing with his fingers.

You felt bad for shouting at him. Letting out a huff, you amble closer.

“You’re okay now, right?” you ask him.

“Yeah,” he mumbles, his gaze glued on his lap.

A pregnant silence fills you two, unsure of what to say to each other. You didn’t want to leave, and Mark doesn’t want you to leave. You bit your lips awkwardly as you look everywhere but Mark.

“I think I’ll leave now,” you say, “I have work to do and I don’t want to… disturb you,”

You stare at him, waiting for him to say something. Anything. disappointment fills you when Mark looks away from your gaze. You turn around, ready to leave the room when Mark calls your name.

“Did you mean it?” he asks, “that day,”

You stop in your tracks, your back facing him. Your grip tightens on your sweatpants.

“Mean what?” you repeat, “you suggested it, Mark,”

“I know,” he breathes, “I regret it,”

You missed Mark. You missed his dumb jokes and his annoying laughter which you loved so much. You turn around to look at him.

“I don’t like seeing you this way, Mark,” you confess, “your job scares me, it worries me,”

“What can I do to make you not worry, y/n?” he asks, eyes widening, “should I stop doing it?”

“That’s not what I meant,” you reply harshly, “if you would actually let me stay by your side, it might ease my worries,”

You step closer to the boy, your hand resting on his cheek. He subconsciously lean against your soft hand.

“I’m sorry for what I said the other day,” he professes, “I..I didn’t mean what I said,”

You take a seat on the chair that was next to his bed, holding onto his hands tightly. “Then, why would you say that Mark?”

“I just—“ he sighs, “I just didn’t want to lose you to someone else, y/n,” he explains, looking up at you, “we weren’t even dating yet! I just knew that I genuinely like you.”

Your heart clench at his words. “I didn’t like seeing you with other girls either,”

“I know,” he huffs, his free hand going up to ruffle his mop of black hair, “I was just stupid,”

Your thumb strokes his hand comfortingly, “It’s okay. It’s all over now,”

“I don’t want to deal with this anymore,” he tells you, “all this, jealousy and possessiveness.”

Is he going to…?

“I have been dying to ask you this question for the longest time,” he continues, “would you like to be my girlfriend?”

[novelconcepts]

I’ve always wanted a first real date after bly scene. Light and right.

Where Dani is thirsty AF bc Jamie wore a dress

Where Jamie feels like she’s in an oven under Dani’s 👀.

Where Jamie wants to remark on Dani maybe using that weapon *👀👄* sparingly, but remembers her complete lack of autonomy in the past and is just like ~yes love, look. It’s for you.

Does it count as a date, Jamie wonders, when we’ve not been apart in four months? Hard to imagine, but it’s true--the time has very much gotten away from her in Dani’s company. Not that she’s complaining. Not that she can find much at all to complain about, with Dani at her side.

Nervous, Dani may be. Uneasy about planning for the future. Sometimes, she turns her head and finds Dani gazing back with a chillingly blank expression, and thinks, She’s going. She’s going already. 

And then Dani will blink, and she’ll smile, and Jamie can’t fathom how she’d ever thought the worst. Even for a second. There is so much life to Dani--different now than the woman who had pulled her close in a hallway, maybe, but full of life all the same. Dani’s eyes are different these days, beyond her newfound heterochromia, and her dreams are darker, but she is in all other ways the most alive person Jamie’s ever known. 

Particularly the way she tends to stare.

“What?” Jamie asks, grinning. There’s a certain steady pleasure to this moment, how Dani’s eyes snap to her the second she enters a room. “Why are you looking at me like...”

She hesitates. Like you want to take a bite. She doubts Dani would respond well to that phrasing. Four months in, Dani still tends to dart away from her when caught staring, her posture tightening up. Blatantly pointing out exactly what her face is doing just now is sure to send her into a mild tailspin.

And yet--hard to deny the truth of it. Dani, perched on the edge of the couch they’ve only recently hauled up the stairs to this very-new apartment, is gaping at her like she didn’t expect Jamie to even be home, much less stepping out of the bathroom. The surprise is etched into every angle of her, partnered with something Jamie is inclined to call naked desire. 

Bit much, she thinks, heartbeat increasing tempo, but if it walks like a fuckin’ duck...

“Like what?” Dani is shaking her head, smoothing out her skirt, fingers tightening around the fabric like she doesn’t entirely trust her own hands. “I’m not lookin’ at you any special way.”

She’s right about that much--if only because Dani has a tendency to look at her this way always. Doesn’t matter where they are, or who’s around, or how Jamie’s dressed. Turtleneck, battered jeans, or this, her eyes always darken the exact same way. Her jaw tenses, her tongue flicking out to wet her lips, and every single time, Jamie thinks, No one. No one has ever looked at me like...

Like it’s second nature. Like she’s been doing it all her life. Like Dani has forgotten how to even begin to tame her own expression, so long as Jamie is standing in front of her.

She’d be lying if she said she didn’t like it.

“I didn’t even know you kept a dress,” Dani says. She’s still staring just over Jamie’s shoulder, as though the only thing holding her in check is the blank wall.

“Didn’t,” Jamie says. “Recent acquisition.”

To see what would happen, she doesn’t add. To see if it would make a difference to the way Dani looks at her like she can’t get enough. A part of her can’t forget how Dani had lit up the day of the funeral, as though the sight of dress and lipstick and flirtatious little grin had been powerful enough to keep the monsters at bay.

Truer than Jamie could have realized, then. Still true now, she thinks, as Dani slowly rises and allows her gaze to take in the full picture once more. Dani is, she can tell, being as careful as she can. Dani is trying not to be too much. Like they haven’t been spending endless hours together, strolling through states, watching the seasons change. Like they haven’t spent all these weeks learning one another in motel rooms, and--as of very recently, in this flat. Like Dani is still, somehow, embarrassed by her own inclinations. 

It’s okay, she wants to say. You can look. You can do anything you like. Dani believes it, in the dark. Dani believes it when it’s Jamie at the wheel, guiding her hands. She believes Jamie wants her then--naked and pressed into a mattress, under the pulse of a hot shower, even in the backseat of a car. There are places, Dani seems to think, where she is allowed to want and be wanted.

But Jamie has to start it. Jamie has to expressly grant permission. Somehow, Dani still hasn’t quite realized it is her want--wherever it comes, whenever it comes--Jamie most prizes. 

Look, she thinks. Touch. Do what you want. No one’s ever told Dani that before. No one’s ever been able to make her believe it. Understandable; some things can’t be resolved a few months in. Some trunks have been locked too long.

She offers her arm, pleased when Dani hooks a hand through the bend of her elbow. “Shall we?”

Dani glances at her, glances away again, swallows. For a moment, Jamie wonders if she might tilt them back against the front door, taking the date off the table entirely. Wouldn’t be so bad. Would, in fact, be a glorious way to spend an evening with this woman.

But date was the plan, and date Dani seems committed to. Even as her fingers trace the soft skin of Jamie’s wrist. Even as her hip presses lightly to Jamie’s own. Even as they make their way to the restaurant, to a table near the back, and order. 

“This feels strange,” Dani says quietly. “Being out like this.”

“We go out all the time,” Jamie points out, knowing what she means. Knowing there’s a difference between lounging in a booth for dinner and going out like this--hair up, makeup done, Dani trying so hard not to take her in with hungry eyes. Is it really a date if you’re always together anyway? It would appear the answer is very much yes.

And it would appear Dani is just as out of practice with the whole idea as she is. Her hands are twining on the tablecloth, her head bent. Every so often, her eyes flick up to Jamie’s face, and it’s like having a campfire turned directly against her skin.

“You can do that,” Jamie says after the third or fourth time. She can feel herself grinning--the old flirtatious good humor, which has grown to encompass so many private moments. She may not be able to resist Dani’s big doe eyes, but Dani’s never been good at turning away from this particular breed of smile, either. Well-matched. And fucking lucky. 

 “Do what?” Dani isn’t feigning innocence, she’s sure. Dani is genuinely trying not to do this very thing. Dani is trying to be polite, and proper, and in public, and Jamie’s heart clenches a little to think of how often she’s done the exact same thing with any number of women she’d felt she couldn’t even glance at.

“Look at me,” she says. Dani’s eyes rise, her lip pulling between her teeth. “You can do that. However long you like.”

“We’re in--”

“It’s just looking.” Jamie smiles. “No one can stop you.”

Dani shifts in her seat, fingers knotting together. Jamie would bet her life she’s gripping her own hands that tightly to keep from reaching across the table.

“I don’t mean to.” Dani pauses. Smiles a little. “I don’t mean to look at you like--like I--”

“Want me?”

Dani makes a small noise under her breath, something Jamie suspects might be a groan. She laughs. 

“Poppins, you do know the idea of a date.”

“Yes.” Dani has this predictable way of huffing words out in irritation when she’s embarrassed. It’s entirely distracting in its own right. “But you’re--I’m not--”

Jamie waits. Things like this take time, she reminds herself. Things like this are not instantaneous. What Dani is comfortable doing--being--in private might never quite look the same out in the world. That’s all right. What matters is that Dani gets to choose. That Dani knows she’s allowed to.

“I don’t own you,” Dani says in a low voice at last. She’s looking Jamie in the eye now, and there’s so much happening on her face--an embarrassed pull of her mouth coming up hard against the heat of her gaze. “I don’t want you to feel like I’m always ten seconds from...from...”

“Tearing my clothes off?” She can’t keep the amusement out of her voice, and suspects it’s the only thing holding Dani here. That, if she were to say the same sentence with no humor at all, Dani might actually burst into flames right over the nearly-full wine glasses. “Can’t see a problem with that.”

“Jamie.” It’s nearly a whisper. She sounds so ashamed, even as her eyes flick from painted mouth to the low cut of the dress’ neckline. 

“It’s not ownership, wanting the person you’re with,” Jamie says, as gently as she can. “It’s...welcome. Very.”

“We’re in public,” Dani repeats in a strangled sort of voice. “And you’re wearing that, and I...”

“Do you like it?” 

Dani nods, very quickly. Jamie glances around, and, finding the waiter absent, slides a hand beneath the table to cover her knee. 

“I like that you like it. Might surprise you, but I did put it on because I hoped you’d like it.”

Dani swallows. Her leg is rising and falling in an unsteady tattoo under Jamie’s palm, the skirt riding precariously up her thigh. Jamie smiles. 

“You are allowed,” she says, “to look. And to tell me what you think. And, shocking though it might be, to respond according to what you want. I like that you want me.”

“I know,” Dani says, in the kind of voice that says she doesn’t entirely believe it, even now. Jamie shakes her head. 

“No, don’t think you get it. It is the best goddamn part of my day, watching you watch me. Knowing you’re thinking what I’m thinking. It’s...” She hesitates, her thumb stroking along Dani’s kneecap. “There’s nothing wrong with it. Or you.”

Dani is breathing a little less sharply with every pass of her thumb, her cheeks pink. She closes her eyes--and then, with the air of a woman turning a particularly stubborn key, opens them again. It is the memory of the funeral dress turned up to eleven. It is the moment she’d stepped out of the bathroom doubled, tripled, almost too much to stand in the middle of a populated restaurant. 

It is perfect. 

“See,” Jamie says, taking her hand back and settling it beside her fork. “That. With me, you never have to tone that down.”

“I do,” Dani mumbles. “I really do.”

“Why?”

“Because,” Dani says, leaning across the table, her voice pitched dangerously low, “we haven’t even been served yet, and I want to drag you home already.”

Jamie grins. “Going that poorly, would you say?”

She’s a little surprised Dani doesn’t kick her under the table.

She’s not surprised at all when Dani’s hand appears on her own thigh, intentionally driving her dress up. Dani is, she’s pleased to find, grinning. 

“Ah,” she says breathlessly, “now you’ve got the idea.”

[paradoxalriven]

hey! love your stuff. do you have any tips on how to write smut? i feel like mine is always just going through the motions ;w;

i feel like "read a lot and absorb what you like and then use that going forward" is a cop out but it's... probably the best advice i have to give? focusing on what you find most interesting in smut and then emphasizing that, figuring out the stuff that reads best, seeing if there's common themes in what you like and then trying to mimic that

for me, a lot of time that revolves around emotional weight and introspection, but i'm a pretty tactile person too, so i think a lot about touch and the sensation of touch; both of those things are what i end up focusing on in scenes (or attempting to, lmao, i don't always hit the mark)

and if you're worried it's repetitive, it might be worthwhile to read through it while looking out for any repeating phrases! there's only so many ways you can type "and then he fucked so hard and good because he's so cool and sexy" but like, if you find yourself rotating through the exact same beats, highlighting where that's happening and then making an effort to change it up can help

(for another me-specific thing, i like staggering orgasms in scenes, both because i like overstim and because i think it gives a sex scene more room to breathe if you're not trying to have both people match up perfectly in sync. people rarely do in real life! and playing around with people who come multiple times, or don't come at all, can be a way to liven things up. but yknow that's a very personal choice i make for ME i'm not saying that's necessary, lmao.)