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short-shuichi-au-blog · 4 years ago

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Overemotional Chapter two

TW for Self Harm, blood, and cutting.

Shuichi woke up where he chose to sleep. On the floor with his face in the pillow. He did not want to leave. Couldn't he just waste away in here?

He sighed, pushing himself up. But Kaede might come looking for him. So Shuichi dragged himself to the bathroom and brushed his hair. Then nervously made his way to the dining hall. He pulled on his hair trying to distract himself and stay calm.

Shuichi felt like everyone was staring holes into his small body. He sat the farthest he could from everyone. His anxiety started to climb higher as a whine escaped him.

"Dude don't tell me you're going to start crying again." Kaito already sounded annoyed by Shuichi's emotions. "A man shouldn't cry so easily, what exactly are you even crying about?"

Shuichi muffled his beginning of a sob then sped out before he could even decide if he wanted to eat. He didn't know what upset him more, that crying wasn't manly or that Kaito was sick of the snooper's emotions. He slowed to catch his breath and shakily made his way to his dorm room.

He cried as he pulled the sharp object out of his sleeve. Shuichi needed to control these emotions of his right now. He pulled his left sleeve up and began to reopen the scars on his arms. He wouldn't stop until he stopped crying so much.

Shuichi would probably show his face again after he got his tears out of his system. Kokichi didn't have much to do while eating so he minded his own business and did not eavesdrop on Kaede and Kaito's conversation.

That's a lie, that's exactly what he was doing.

"Kaito! How many people here are going to scare Shuichi off?" Kaede glared at the spaceman with her arms crossed.

"Shuichi's not a child, he doesn't need to cry every time he hears something he doesn't like." He argued back. "It's going to get annoying if he does this constantly."

"Should someone check on him?" Kiibo asked looking as nervous as a robot could get close to a nervous look.

No, Kokichi is not taking the thought back.

"Why would Shuichi want to see a heartless robot?" Rubbing in the fact Kiibo was the first one to make Shuichi upset. Making the robot irritated and upset.

It wasn't working, Shuichi dropped the knife. He felt dizzy and fuzzy. His vision was darkening. The snooper did not want to experience this kind of death. He whimpered, crying even more. His throat hurt from the sobbing. He couldn't hold his body up, he passed out before he even hit the floor.

Kokichi had been walking to his room when he heard a sound inside Shuichi's. He could only describe it if something had fallen.

He knocked on the door, laughing slightly. "Shuichi don't throw yourself on the floor."

A tense silence is the response back.

"Heeey! Come on, don't ignore me!" He pushed the door open and instantly wished he didn't.

Shuichi looked he had simply collapsed.

With a bleeding arm covered in cuts, the blade had fallen a few feet away.

He wasn't breathing or showing any sign he was alive.

The silence was uncomfortable. You'd think something would be happening, like him leaving as if he saw nothing. But instead, he actually looked around the room. It's a bit hard to explain what's on the desk. It looked complicated. The headphones Shuichi usually had on were turned off.

Kokichi cast another glance to the motionless snooper. Did the events earlier affect him that much to drive him to suicide? He turned to the bed. It showed no proof of a person laying on it. But there was a pillow and blanket on the floor so that must be where Shuichi slept.

He lost track of time as he observed the room, he almost made it out the door when he heard someone groan. Kokichi spun around to witness a surprising sight.

Called, Shuichi was not dead apparently. He seemed dazed as he weakly propped himself up. Then started shivering as if it's chilly. The leader grabbed the blanket and tossed it on Shuichi.

"You sure got some explaining to do, how are you alive from bleeding out?"

Shuichi mumbled something softly that didn't sound like words.

"Guess we're getting Kirumi since you're not speaking English right now."

Kokichi tried to get the other to walk but it seemed the lack of blood made his steps shaky.

"Shuichi, come on, don't you want help?"

"I...it's alright, you... don't need to be bothered with me..."

Shuichi was so damn stubborn. It would be easy to leave him with his stupidity but he had already made the decision and would not be responsible if the male made the choice to just die again whatever the heck that was about.

"Stop being so stubborn, you're dying from blood loss."

He whined. "B...But I can b...barely w...walk."

"Just try."

"O...okay."

They managed out of the room when Shuichi spoke up again.

"Where even is Kirumi?"

Ah, good question.

Hopefully, soon they'll run into her. Shuichi soon started stumbling, getting worse.

"Maybe we should give up, I don't think I can stand any longer."

Shuichi tried his best to keep his balance by leaning against Kokichi but it was getting tiring and his eyes stung with tears.

"Fine."

The boy thought that meant they were done wasting time, but apparently not.

To get this done faster he would have to carry him also Shuichi couldn't walk another step.

He made a surprised noise while Kokichi began annoyingly calling for Kirumi. Which meant he was just calling out 'mom' repeatedly.

Luckily she seemed to be washing dishes so not too hard but it still was a long search.

"What is it Kokichi?" She sighed in irritation at being called that.

"Shuichi's dying!" Kokichi sounded dramatic as hell but Shuichi looked like life was sucking up his life-force.

He raised his arm to show the maid the problem. The blood had dried at this point but that not make it suddenly good to look at. Kokichi set the snooper down in one of the seats then took off leaving the boy in Kirumi's care

Hope to god that Shuichi doesn't do something stupid like that again. It's not the smartest action for someone who admitted he had no control over his emotions.

Shuichi must have dozed off or was out for the usual thirty minutes because he no longer was at the table. He slowly sat up, looked at himself, and raised an eyebrow.

"W...Where am I?"

"Shuichi!"

His golden eyes rested on Kaede, who knows how long she's been there.

"Whe...Where am I?"

"Well, um, Kirumi said that you told her you almost accidentally killed yourself. Your arm got bandaged after being cleaned, but you had lost a lot of blood." She and Shuichi both looked at his covered arm.

"And where am I?" He really wanted Kaede to just get to the point.

"Then Monokuma, the only good thing he's done, revealed this hospital."

"So that's why I'm wearing this weird thing."

Despite the situation, Kaede could not help but laugh a bit. "Have you never been to a hospital?"

Shuichi sighed slowly. "No, I've never had to." He spied a cup of water on a...nightstand like surface next to the bed. He couldn't tell. But he thinks he needed to drink it so that's what he did.

Luckily he didn't need to stay there for a long amount of time. But it felt like his emotions were getting worse. His nervousness had transformed into a bigger form of anxiety. Maybe dying would have been better.

Shuichi groaned as he rolled repeatedly unable to get comfortable on the damn floor. He just wasn't used to a bed. If only someone would come in and beat the shit out of him. He wanted to be hit or kicked for his overemotional behavior. He didn't want anyone to be nice to him.

He doesn't deserve anything like that. He could practically hear how disappointed Sin would be if he knew Shuichi was getting kindness when he did nothing to earn it.

The next morning Shuichi tracked down Kokichi outside to...ask him a question.

"I need to ask you something." Was his very first words because he could throw in a teasing comment probably about yesterday. "And I need a serious answer, my sanity depends on it."

Kokichi throws his arms behind his head, "No promises."

Shuichi sighed. "Whenever I cry for no reason as pathetic as it is...do you ever feel the urge to hit me?" He could hear how meek and distressed he was.

Kokichi stared blankly at him while the snooper's gaze spelled out the anxiety. He could feel his body shaking from the overwhelming panic. Shuichi shook his head.

"Nevermind, I'm sorry." He runs off not even taking one last look back.

He didn't want to wake up, he didn't want to get up. Shuichi did not want to go to the dining hall and bother anyone else. He...also awoke to feel strangely hot. Usually, this only happened when he overworked, however, he hadn't been doing that at all.

Maybe if I lay here long enough, I'll somehow waste away.

A knock on the door made him let out a quiet groan. Just let him suffer.

#danganronpa v3 killing harmony #Short Shuichi AU #Snooper Shuichi #Overemotional #kokichi ouma #kiibo #kaito momota #kaede akamatsu #kirumi tojo #called a man but got shamed for crying #TW self harm

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bbnibini · 4 years ago

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PSISLY: An Obey Me!CYOA – forty-nine🔖

Telling Levi that everything you experienced last night being a dream was a lie. You didn't remember buying such an expensive blanket, nor did it come with the stuff you packed for your week-long refuge in RAD. The receipt he clumsily left with you was evidence enough that he wrote the letter.

"Ghost my ass. Coward."

So you say, but you cuddled with the said blanket anyway, hoping remnants of him would be there.

If he loved you back, then why would he reject you? Should you have told him to wait for you? To fix your shit so he would give you another chance? It was pathetic. Now you understood Mammon's desperation. But you do need to fix your shit. And maybe stow away your daily necessities at your locker until tonight. Classes would start in a few hours and you needed to prepare.

That fucking locker.

If you would have known this would all happen, you wouldn't have opened it at all.

"Stupid ghost."

"Achoo!"

You jumped at the sound and wrapped the cursed blanket over you like some cloak of invisibility at one of Satan's wizard shows but you ended up looking stupid instead.

"Who's there?!"

Your sneezing invader ended up being the last demon you wanted to see while starting your day.

Fuck.

"You weren't there when I woke up. And they won't tell me where you are.

It's because of me, ain't it?"

"Mammon--"

Without any warning, he rushed up and hugged you, feeling the tightness of his hold. Your ghost crush's words repeated in your head like a mantra,

"Face reality."

…ringing incessantly in your head like a curse---of cruel fate trapping you, shaving away your own will and dictating your heart on what it should feel like the cheesy otome games which you play in pajama nights with Asmo and Levi.

Stupid fate told you to hug him back. To follow the script in this messed up romance story and fall in love with the right (person) demon.

"It's all right to feel surfeited. Your emotions are valid, no matter what other people will say. You shouldn't force yourself to love someone. It would be cruel to both of you."

But of course, your ever wise ghost crush has all the answers, for you remembered what he said again, along with your passionate kisses last night despite being in the arms of another man. You felt sick to your stomach.

"We're over."

"No!"

"I don't love you, Mammon. I'm sorry--"

You felt his tongue inside your mouth, probing, desperate, waiting...for you to look his way--to forget about a person who did not want to be remembered. To fall in love with him instead. To lose yourself in the kiss and finally give him a chance.

…but you pushed him away. You stopped yourself from raising your hand out of respect for his own feelings, even if he clearly didn't do the same for yours.

"I can't do this, Mammon. This is unfair!"

"I don't care! I love you! I'll make sure you'll love me too!"

"You're being ridiculous! You know I'm in love with someone else! Aren't you angry with me? I kept on telling you you're all these things when you're not! Why would you want anything to do with me?"

You were tired of crying. Your heart sought for the solace of that one fleeting dream, hopeful for an escape. Face reality? For what? To see how much of a horrible person you are?

"I should be the one saying that. I should have told you the moment I'd known!" He was shouting now, screaming at the top of his lungs at an early, sunless morning. His voice echoed through the hallways, a piercing screech, frustrated and angry at himself. At you. Your voice was a whisper in comparison.

"No, it was me. Why didn't I notice I was idealising you?" You answered back on the verge of raising your own voice, tempted by the catharsis brought about by mindless projection, uncaring of what it will destroy on its path.

"You're not. I wanted to change on my own. I stole your chance of you ever knowing him. I'm the scoundrel here, aren't I? Must be why you can't ever love me."

The hurt in his voice made your heart clench. You held him by the hand and shook your head repeatedly, letting out a voice as if it were on the verge of screaming. Deep breaths. You aren't the only one confused and pained about all of this. At some point, while false, you had feelings for him. And even if the truth of your twisted love story had been revealed, instead of that love diminishing, it only took a different form. You realised that with your conversations with Levi last night.

"You know that's not true! You have a lot of amazing qualities! Just because I love someone else doesn't mean that would ever change. Mammon, I care about you. That's why I want you to love yourself too."

Tightening your hold on his hands, you looked in his eyes, trying your all to make him see what he could not. Oh, you know there was something there. Something that would make both of you finally listen to each other, instead of shouting at each other but not hearing yourselves at all.

"You were my first demon. You stayed by my side and cared for me. Even if we didn't have the best first meeting, you have always treated me well. So…please don't say you want to change for those reasons. You deserve to be loved for who you are!"

Oh, to hell with this! Stupid feelings! Stupid tears! Stupid you! You were a sobbing, screaming mess, palms sweating as it was intertwined with his, eyes stinging from a love blinded by idealised illusions.

"I love him, Mammon. I want to find him…"

…only to find pain in realising the truth.

"He's a coward who won't even show his face to ya! Why would you love a jerk like that?"

A truth that the both of you couldn't take so kindly, evidenced by the fact that he spoke his next words with unbridled jealousy.

"Oh, he is! I hate him so much! But, I love him all the same!"

Your vociferations were feral---inextinguishable, lighting a fire in your heart that you thought was long gone. The same flames of wrath you snuffed out before even understanding the unfairness of your situation---of your own life being taken away, anger over those who could never understand the fragility of a transient existence as yours.

"He's the worst!"

You cried out, voicing out your complaints for a man who couldn't even tell you his name. His stupid name! "Arrogant! Prideful! Selfish! Telling me to face reality when he cannot even face his own!"

You aired out even more of your complaints, screaming at the top of your lungs, a crying sobbing mess--undergoing stress far too early in the morning for you to gain any sense or bearing. You didn't even realise your legs gave out on you as you were sitting with your legs splayed on the floor, muffling the sound of your sobs, hoping the tears would also stop.

You screamed until you had no more voice, calling out to your first demon in a hoarse whisper,

"I want to love you…but I can't…"

Mammon lost his anger the moment you broke down in tears, epiphany in his eyes that he was too emotional to ever understand or control. You were in his arms, this time not out of possession but of concern. His chest was stained with your snot and tears, uniform crumpled by the clench of your hands, clawing at some proverbial cliff your ghostly love threw you in to fend for yourself.

"Why would he kiss me? Why would he tell me he loved me if he couldn't fight for me? Why would he tell me to face reality when he's not here by my side?"

Mammon's clutter of a mind held back the urge to ask you 'You met him?' And instead held you in his arms, his desire to protect you from anything that causes you harm intensifying, even if the threat was himself.

There was a sense of understanding in his eyes, too late to be realised, or at least that was what he thought. He was disgusted by how similar he was with that scum of a man who didn't even have the courage to tell you his feelings face-to-face. He didn't say anything and held you until you calmed down, making soft strokes on your back as if you would shatter in his arms at the slightest touch. You probably did already, perhaps you had been broken all along. Maybe that was why he left you.

"If you want me to stay by your side," you said weakly, void of anything in your eyes, reflecting the bliss of abreaction. "I can only offer you my friendship. I'm tired, Mammon. I need space."

"Okay…" he answered back, hearing your voice for the first time.

"I'm sorry for hurting you."

"I'm sorry too."

"I want to break up with you."

"Yeah…we need that right now."

"I'm not good enough for you. For him. For anyone right now."

"That's not true. It's that guy's damn fault!" he quickly lowered his voice down upon seeing you look up at him. "He doesn't deserve ya."

"But I love him…"

It hurt to hear it from you, but he didn't comment. "Mhm. I know."

He held you in his arms for a while until your tears dried and both of you were calmer--able to listen to reason, or at least civil enough to have a coherent conversation.

He broke the ice and told you now that he had a deeper understanding of your situation, about his own truth. "It was the morning before I went to work at Witch's Brew. Little D gave me my own letter." "Apparently I placed it in some random classmate's locker. Couldn't even remember stupid instructions. That damn Belphie…"

"Belphie?"

Why is Belphie involved with this?

Mammon answered generously. "Yeah, Belphie. He was the one who told me your locker schedule.

Judging by the look on yer face…that..ain't good, huh?"

You nodded, replying softly. "I never told him about my locker."

"Wait. What?"

"I'm shocked too. I kept it from him before…especially after…you know."

"Oh."

"B-but I don't feel that way anymore! We're good now!" you replied, flustered.

"...I just didn't have the time to tell him, I guess."

Now that you were now on speaking terms, Mammon couldn't help but finally ask. "What about you?"

"Huh? Me?"

"Your face is a mess. You've got lipstick smudged like a clown--

Oi, I'm being serious here!"

You wiped the tears on the corner of your eyes. "Sorry, just laughing at the irony."

"In English, please."

You looked at him cautiously.

"Promise you won't get angry?"

"I already am and I don't even know why. It's that jerk, ain't it?"

You wrapped the blanket around you and covered your face. "Maybe…"

Since you knew Mammon's mind is probably racing with all kinds of tangent thoughts right now, you hoped to silence them with your brutal honesty.

"We kissed a bit…

Okay, maybe a lot. I'm sorry…"

Mammon was more concerned about your secret admirer's lack of responsibility more than anything. There was anger there of course, but he had already burnt out. Like you, he was also tired of…feeling. It was Satan's specialty, not his. Instead, he answered with slight annoyance. "Yet that jerk still left you?!" (Emphasis on the slight)

"It's not like that!" it was such a complicated and surreal situation that if you didn't experience it for yourself, you wouldn't even believe it. But you explained it to him, everything that happened. A dreamlike encounter, now only a reminder of your heartbreak.

"I was the one who forced myself on him. He kept on saying it was a dream but…" you showed him the blanket wrapped around you and flushed at the reminder of your nightly embrace. "...why does it feel so real?"

Mammon didn't know how to respond. Satan's spells are powerful stuff. It would keep every intruder away that only the likes of Lord Diavolo or the caster himself (or the Great Him!)could dispel. Still, it doesn't make sense. He can still feel the traces of magic in your temporary dwelling before he broke the barriers, familiar with the runes and the spell's intricacy---a magic that was entirely his fourth-born brother's.

"The spells were untampered before I got here. Even someone as powerful as the Demon King would leave traces of his magic if he went in here last night. Yet there's nothing. Only Satan's. Ya sure you really kissed someone here?"

"I-I did! He...he left this for me." you cuddled with the blanket even more, hoping it would hide the blush in your face.

"Tch." He rolled his eyes in secret and pretended not to look at your lovestruck face. No time for pining, stupid. He thought to himself.

"Only way I can think of is if that stupid jerk is Fat-- ex-Father himself."

G-God?!

"You ain't locking lips with that old geezer, aren't you?"

You? In love with God himself? That's the most ridiculous thing you've ever heard!

"I WOULDN'T DARE!"

"Yeah. Figures. This is hella weird."

Thankfully,even Mammon thought it was too impossible. You haven't met the man yourself, but you were certain it wasn't him.

"I agree."

Your beloved ghost crush had an odd, familiar air to him. A presence that made you feel safe, loved and protected. Treasured . Comfortable enough to joke and share laughs with each other despite only meeting for the first time.

"It feels like I've been waiting for him. Like we've been apart for a very long time, and we met each other again."

Awkward silence.

"You don't even know 'em." said Mammon, unable to hide the bitterness in his tone.

"I'm sorry...maybe we shouldn't--"

"S'cool. I was the one who asked anyway." Saying that though, he considered your situation and changed the topic."So…you're gonna stay here for a whole week?"

"That's the plan."

"Even if we're good now?"

You nodded. "Until we're both completely recovered and I don't want to beat his ass anymore."

"Heh. So you're not giving up on him? Even if he already did?"

How could you? As much as you want to, your heart told you that it still wanted to find him. And when you do…

"...I'll give him a piece of my mind. Hey Mammon?"

"Yeah?"

"I care about you, you know that?"

"Yeah. But it ain't the same as lovin' me, ain't it? You have bad taste in men."

"Mhm. The worst."

He let out a sigh, whether it was because of your stubbornness or your stupidity, or an amalgamation of both, you didn't know. But he must be disappointed in you right now. Even you aren't blind to the fact that he was the "better choice". But you hated that term. Mammon is so much more than a "choice". He was his own demon, he didn't deserve being objectified or being treated as a substitute for someone else.

"Just so you know, I ain't giving up either."

Yet here he is, equally stupid as you are, declaring his bold words with a toothy grin, hiding his pain to pacify yours. Something hurt in your chest at the thought. But you could do nothing else but pretend you didn't notice his unfair kindness.

"Eh?"

"My rival's as good as dead. I'll steal your heart, fair and square. You'll see!"

"Pfft. Don't ever write a poem."

"Well I'm sorry that jerk can write! Writers are lame anyway!"

The artificial sun illuminated the classroom with its orange hues, welcoming the day filled with new beginnings. You wished you could say the same for you, that this heartache, this ending, this pain would signal the start of your own. For Mammon too, so that he can learn to love himself again: a fresh start, an acknowledgement of the love you've had for each other despite parting ways.

"See you soon." You stood up slowly, and offered your hand to him.

Smiling he took it and answered back.

"Yeah. I'll be waiting. Always."

[ Mammon's Normal🌸Ending obtained.]

💌Read the epilogue

💌Autoload previous save slot

💌masterlist

#psisly #hamartia series #interactive fiction #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me x reader #obey me fic #obey me fanfic #cyoa #obey me mammon #obey me mammon x reader #obey me satan #obey me satan x reader #obey me barbatos #obey me barbatos x reader #obey me lucifer #obey me lucifer x reader #love letter #secret admirer

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kingsuckjin · 5 years ago

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The Enigma of Bunny Pt.2

Pairing: Jungkook, Yoongi, Jimin, Taehyung(later) x reader ft. Namjoon and Hobi

Genre: alternate universe!au, fluff, smut(later), horror, mystery

Warnings: mention of mental illness and possible abuse, eventual yandere themes Kookie is a sad boy in this one

Words: 4.8k+

Synopsis: You find a very sick young man in an alley and out of the bottomless barrel of kindness that is your heart, you decide take him home. only then do you realize this stranger doesn’t speak, but that’s not the only strange thing about him by far. Who is he? Where did he come from? What happened to him? And why can’t he remember anything or even speak?

Prev // next

You stared down at the kitchen floor in slight shock.

You were now very much awake as you tried to take in the mess of cereal, milk and remains of dishes spilled and broken all over the counter and floor.

“Oh no, Bunny.” You whined but you looked up him and his guilty looking face. He was obviously sorry.

“Its alright. I’ll get it cleaned up. You were just hungry I guess. I’ll make you something, okay?” You reassured him but paused a moment as you remembered…

“you spoke though! Good job talking.” Your lips curled into a prideful smile and he mirrored it upon seeing yours “noona” you pointed to yourself happily. You didn’t exactly like the name but you didn’t really mind it either. He was now communicating and that’s what mattered.

He pointed to you still smiling.

“Noona.” He repeated.

“Yes good job!” You cheered him on as if he were a baby saying his first words, but you just couldn’t help it, it just felt so heart warming.

“Bunny” You poked at his surprisingly hard chest.

“Bunny.” He pointed to himself.

“Yes!” You burst with excitement now knowing he understood. He looked elated at your pride for him “so good! Nice job!��

“Bunny nice job!” He yelled excitedly.

You were now so glad you decided to encourage his talking instead of getting on him over the mess that still lay in the floor.

“You’re talking look at you!” You laughed.

Apparently, you guessed, he must’ve learning things from those dumb dramas and from you too of course.

Or possibly he was now starting to warm up enough to you enough to talk or just now figuring it all out again, you didn’t know, but you wished you did.

You looked back down at the mess in the floor to notice some paper towels looking like he had tried to clean it up but he had obviously only succeed on making the mess bigger with more for you to clean up.

You did clean it up though, and it took a while to get all the shards of bowl from the floor and god knows what else.

You eventually gave him a snack before he settled back on the sofa and fell back to sleep.

You got back in bed but it was hard to go back to sleep.

You decided you would definitely have to go back to the store tomorrow, maybe he would help you and you could spend a bit more time with him before taking him to the police station. He seemed like he had made some recovery both mentally and physically since you had found him.

You finally fell back to sleep but woke up to the sounds of the tv going and the morning sun in your room. You weren’t really ready to get out of bed yet, and normally you wouldn’t but you were curious to see if he was awake yet.

You found him watching more dramas on the sofa eating a bag of chips and making a mess of crumbs all over himself, sofa, and the floor looking like he didn’t even realize it.

You sighed as you got out the hand vacuum and vacuumed not only the cushions and floor, but him.

“This is probably why I don’t have children.” You muttered to yourself with a laugh as you vacuumed off your house guest who didn’t seem to mind it one bit.

You got dressed and called for him as you grabbed your bag and slipped your shoes on at the door.

“Bunny, shoes.” You pointed at them and he stood up getting the message and followed your lead slipping on his sneakers before looking to you.

“We have to go to the store. We need more food.” You told him and you made rather stupid eating motions.

To your surprise he simply just nodded. Whether he actually understood or not, you didn’t know, but he followed you out the door regardless.

He trailed along behind you the whole way, occasionally getting distracted by things. You had keep getting his attention to make him keep up with you and to prevent him from getting lost. Sometimes he would jump and grab for you at loud noises or car horns, but you didn’t mind that either, you just reassured him the best you could.

Once at the store you decided to make his muscular body useful so you handed him a shopping basket and he carried it for you with no qualms which seemed too good to be true, especially when he had gone quiet.

You were looking at the juice when you realized he had wondered off.

Your eyes began frantically searching the store and looking down isles hoping he hadn’t taken off out the store.

You looked like that of a nerve wracked mother trying to track down their child who probably just wanted to play hide and seek in the isles. You noticed a few concerned looking women just about to possibly ask if you needed help finding your child when you spotted your grown man.

“Jungkook” you let out a sigh of relief

You found him shoving bag after bag of chips into the basket he carried with an open one that he had been eating from.

The women who were so concerned before were now giving you strange looks as you approached him.

He smiled at the sight of you but you were horrified at him practically stealing in front of people.

“Bunny, hey, no no.” You stopped him and began putting all the chips back. “You can’t open and eat things here.” You scolded him and his happy, carefree expression melted away, he now furrowed his brows looking sad. “I’ll just buy those okay? But you can’t just eat chips all day anyway.” You watched as he took another from the bag and ate it, if you didn’t know he didn’t know better you would’ve thought it was just to defy you. He took you watching him as you wanting one so he took another out and offered it to you, you shook your head and took him gently by the bicep to drag him around the store to make sure he followed this time.

He kept trying to put junk food in the basket and when you put it back and told him no, he would whine but soon accept it. When you finally got done and paid (including for his open bag of chips of course) you kept hold of his upper arm to lead him back home.

“Noona.” He said and pointed to a cat in someone’s window.

“Its a cat.” You glanced over at it, then him.

“Cat.” He replied with his mouth full and a nod. He tried to go over to the window but you pulled him back.

“Cat.” He whined pointing at it again.

“No Bunny, it belongs to someone. It’s in their house.”

“Kay.” He replied with a nod surprising you yet again as he accepted you telling him no and used a new word. It wasn’t a groan or whine in response this time and you were elated. You were beyond happy he was talking today and attempting to communicate.

You were a bit sad though that after you went and put the groceries away that you would take him to the police station, but it had to be done.

He seemed confused at you guys going back out again, but he went willingly and seemed chipper as you both walked along the pavement.

Once in the police station Jungkook seemed confused by the place and looked around as you explained things to the officer at the desk. He took you back where you went into detail about him as much as you could.

“Well we can take him, run his prints and hold him until we can find where he belongs. Shouldn’t take too long and he should be home by morning. Do you have a number so we can contact you and let you know when hes home safe or do you not want to-”

“I do.” You interrupted quickly and the officer took your number.

When you stood up Bunny did also thinking he was leaving with you.

“No Bunny. I need to leave you here with them? Okay? They’re going to take you home.”

He just looked at you.

“Bye.” You told him sadly as you felt a pang of guilt with your words. When you tried to leave he started after you again but the officer stopped him by grabbing his arm.

“Noona. Noona! No! No leave noona!” He seemed to have just gotten what was going on. You turned around to look at him reaching for you as you felt surprised by his strung together sentence he had made in his panic. It hurt you, but you couldn’t take him back home with you.

“I have to Bunny, I’m sorry. You need to go home.” You tried to reason with him but he was fighting against the officer and you knew you being there any longer would only make it worse for everyone.

“No! No leave! Noona no!” He repeatedly yelled for you. You refused to let yourself even turn around as you left the police station overhearing the commotion he was causing behind you.

He would be alright and you knew it. The police would take care of him now and you’d probably get a call by morning telling you he made it home alright.

But then why did you feel so terrible?

You thought back at how his shiny, big brown eyes looked so panicked and how he was reaching out to you, and desperately trying to speak to you.

It made you question why he wanted to stay with you so badly, why didn’t he want to go home? Why had he been out in the rain that day sick and just left to die if he had a home? Had he run away from it? Did whoever took care of him mistreat him? What if you had just damned him back to mistreatment?

“Oh. Hey.” You heard Yoongi’s voice as you were about a block away from home. “Did you take that weird homeless kid to the police station?”

You looked from him down to your feet.

“Yeah.” Your voice came out quiet.

“You- you okay?” For the first time ever you read slight sympathy on Min Yoongi’s face.

“I guess so.” You let out a long breath hoping it would help cleanse the guilt from your body, it didn’t work.

“Listen… uh… I was just heading out to get something to eat. If you’re hungry too then, you know, you could tag along?” He asked with a shrug.

“I’m sorry, I don’t… I’m not very hungry.” You declined just wanting to go home and feel sad where no one could see you or ask why, because you didn’t really know if you could explain why.

“You sure, it seems like maybe- nah, forget it. Its cool. I’ll see you around… you know, the apartment building I guess.”

“I’m sorry Yoongi, I just-”

“No, it’s fine. I’d rather eat alone anyway, its more peaceful. Later.” He said and walked on.

You shuffled into your building and started up the stairs to your floor when you were being called after and turned around to see Jimin looking amazing in a loose fitting white shirt and black jeans ripped at the knees. Why did you seem to always run into him right after Yoongi lately?

“Hey! I was hoping to see you today.” He said as cheerfully as ever, but you just weren’t feeling it. You thought about telling him that the chances were high of running into each other since you two lived the same building.

“How are things going with your cousin staying over?”

“Oh, uh I just walked him to the train station to meet my aunt.” You lied.

“Oh.” He let out maybe detecting your sad demeanor “You must miss him already, right?” He asked and I nodded “that’s so cute.” Jimin nearly cooed at me with a smile “well hey, maybe I can keep you company and keep you from being too lonely for a while? We could have that movie night? How about it?”

He was so sweet you couldn’t say no plus you thought he looked so amazing with the way he flipped his blonde hair from his eyes.

“Yeah, sure. I can make us something to eat too if you want.” You offered.

“Nonsense. You don’t have to go through all that work and cook for me, I’ll order us a pizza.” His eyes were pure crescents of joy and you couldn’t help but let a little of that seep into you. You could already tell being around him would probably make you feel better, you both did seem a lot a like personality wise after all. He seemed so sweet, caring, kind and positive that he had to make you feel better even if he said nothing at all the whole time.

“Alright.” You agreed even though you felt all the more guilty about just now ditching Yoongi and not Jimin. Yoongi was just… well he was grumpy and most likely a vampire or something.

Besides, if you had taken his offer he would’ve probably just acted like it was a huge burden that you came and he didn’t seem like the type who would be good at cheering people up anyway.

You and Jimin had both finished almost all of the pizza and he had his hand relaxed and stretched out on the back of the sofa behind you as you two comfortably watched a movie in your dark lounge.

“This is so nice.” He said out of no where making you look at him directly instead of just peering at his beautiful face in your peripheral vision. “Having someone to do stuff like this with.” He clarified “although I’m sure you always have someone to do things like this with.”

“I-I don’t.” You weren’t sure if he was saying you must have a lot of friends or a boyfriend or what. You wondered if he was trying to ask subtly if you were single.

“Oh? You and that Yoongi guy in the apartment next to yours seem pretty close. I thought you were friends.”

“No, not at all.” You answered “he’s kind of a loner I think.”

“Are you not a loner?” Jimin asked tilting his head cutely.

“No, I’m just in here working a lot.” You guessed that did make you kind of a loner though, you didn’t really feel the need to socialize much anymore like you did when you were younger. You were bad at it anyway.

“Oh that’s right, you’ve mentioned you work from home mostly. I guess you can’t really do much about that, that’s okay though. We can be fun buddies can’t we?” He looked down at you with his dark eyes twinkling from the movie reflecting in the corners of them. He was so hypnotic in a way, so pretty that you just decided to agree to whatever he was offering you.

“Yeah, if you want. Its good that you live just right down stairs.”

“Anytime you need me I’m just a text away. Or if you ever get lonely…” He trailed making your heart begin to hammer. His arm that was on the back of the sofa behind you was now resting around your shoulders and his thumb was playing with the short sleeve of your shirt and grazing your skin softly. Goosebumps began to raise and scatter across your skin. His face had some how crept closer to yours without you even realizing it.

“How would you feel about us making this a thing every week?”

You could only gaze at his soft looking lips as your heart pumped yet harder behind your rib cage.

He had to notice.

There was no way he couldn’t notice.

His lips drifted even closer to yours.

But something just didn’t feel right to you.

You were sure he wanted to enclose the space between the both of you.

Yes everything about him was enticing- no- overpowering to you, but you just couldn’t.

“I-” you were cut off by your phone ringing. You quickly fished it out of your pocket and looked at the number you didn’t recognize.

“One second.” You said and he gave you a nod as you stood and hurried off to the kitchen to answer your phone.

“Hello?”

“Yes, is this miss y/l/n?” An unfamiliar male voice asked.

“Yes.”

“This is detective Kim Namjoon.”

“Detective?” You were a bit worried now about Bunny.

“Yes. I was assigned to the case of the young male you found after his fingerprints didn’t match any in our files.” He explained.

“You haven’t found his home yet?” You spoke quietly so Jimin couldn’t hear.

“Unfortunately not and it might take a while. He keeps screaming for noona and I’ve been told he has been since you left. Its all he’ll say. Since you’ve been caring for him and it might take a while to investigate this and find where he belongs, would you be willing to maybe let him stay with you for just a bit longer? If not that’s-”

“Yes.” You cut him off. “I’ll be right down to get him.”

“Oh thank god.” He sighed with a chuckle. “He’s been giving us hell.”

“I’m so sorry.” You were compelled to apologize for his behavior.

“Its alright. At least we know he’ll be nice and safe with you.” His words were almost drowned out by the distraught yelling in the background.

You knew that voice, you hadn’t heard it but just a hand full of times but that was enough to have it ingrained in your head already.

“Shes coming kid, don’t worry.” Namjoon told him before letting out another laugh.

“I’ll be right there.” You said and with that you hung up and headed back into the living room to see Jimin looking at you quizzically.

“I have to go, there’s been a… umm…”

You were at a loss for words for what exactly this was.

“An emergency?” He finished for you, so you went with it.

“Pretty much.” But was it though?

“That’s alright. Our movie just ended anyway.” He replied as he stood and stretched.

You both put on your shoes and you walked him to his apartment downstairs.

“Same time next week?” He inquired and you gave him a nod before hurrying off to your ‘emergency’ that felt more like a kid having a tantrum at daycare.

Honestly you felt rather relieved though on your way to pick up Bunny. It was a relief from the guilt you had felt for leaving him. Mindlessly your legs practically dashed to the police station and raced through the doors where Bunny was waiting on you eating a doughnut along with red haired police officer and a man in black slacks and white button down shirt with a badge neatly pinned to the pocket.

“Ahh you must be noona.” The blonde man in the white dress shirt smiled with his dimples on full display. “Detective Kim Namjoon, we spoke on the phone.”

Bunny looked up at you from his doughnut and dropped it upon hearing the word noona, his eyes went wide before he jumped up.

“Noona!” He yelled before throwing himself at you and wrapping his arms around you so tight it was almost suffocating making the detective and red haired police officer laugh.

“Aww Bunny, I’m sorry I left you here like that.” Your hands went to his back and gave him a squeeze after getting over the initial shock of him flinging himself at you like that.

“Bunny sorry.” He muttered with his arms still locked around you. He leaned over a bit but his cheek was now pressed into the top of your shoulder.

Did he think you leaving him here was a punishment of some kind?

“Its okay.” You assured him and when he released you he still held tight to your arm with both his arms locked around it.

“Sargent Jung Hoseok.” The red head introduced himself. “Its nice to finally see him calm and not eating. All that kid does is eat or cry for you.” He laughed making you feel a little embarrassed.

“Are you sure taking him back for a bit isn’t a problem? It seems he won’t even try to be friends with anyone else.” The detective asked.

“No, its no problem. I’m sure he would just rather be sitting on the sofa at my house eating chips and watching his dramas, it’s probably not even me he wants.”

“Well as long as he’s happy. We’ll let you know if we find anything out.”

You were assured by the detective.

“Thanks guys.”

“No no no. Thank you.” Officer Jung laughed joking about taking Bunny back and off their hands.

“Come on Bunny, let’s get home.” You gave your arm a tug, not to take it from him but to signal him to go… as if he wouldn’t go with you anyway. He kept his arms wrapped around yours as came with you very ecstatically and to be honest you were quite happy about it too.

As you waled down the street lap lit street, you looked over at him wearing the same clothes you found him in. His hair was beginning to look a bit stringey, there were hairs prickling all along his jaw and you wondered if he knew how to bathe himself since he could dress himself and use the bathroom himself. You hoped he could anyway. Getting him new clothes might be a problem considering you knew nothing about men or their clothing or sizes or how they shaved their faces or any of that.You were completely clueless. You decided that if he was willing to learn how to speak and behave and all that then you could learn how to take care of a man, if only just for a while. It had to be nothing compared to what he must be struggling with you guessed.

You stared at him as he held onto your arm and looked up at the stars.

“Noona.” He said and pointed at the biggest star.

“Star.” You named the object for him, but maybe he was just pointing out its glowing beauty to you, he knew you had seen these things before, you knew he knew.

“Star.” He repeated.

With all the mundane things he seemed so fascinated with you always couldn’t help but wonder if he had ever seen them before.

You thought about the poor guy had been locked away or something somewhere and it made your heart ache and your brain feel heavy with sadness.

Once you got home he wanted to sit down and watch tv but you were dragging him to the bathroom to run him a bath because his slightly haggard appearance had guilted you.

He stared at the filling tub curiously and seemed intrigued when you added bubbles, but the bubbles were technically more so for privacy purposes than anything else.

“Get in.” You pointed to the bubble filled tub hoping he would just get it, but he tried to get in with all his clothes on until you stopped him.

“No no Bunny, clothes off.” You said and made gestures of clothes coming off.

He blinked at you a moment, and thought he might like his privacy while undressing until he shamelessly began to undress right in front of you. You quickly turned around and got him some towels as he did so and didn’t turn around until you heard the sound of the water that signified him getting in.

You saw him sitting there with bubbles thankfully above and covering all the most important parts and you crouched down by the tub and grabbed the shampoo. You attempted to wet his hair pathetically and he caught on to what you were trying to do and dunked himself under the water to only come back up covered in bubbles making you laugh. He closed his eyes as you gently scrubbed at his hair. You got him to dunk his head again to rinse the shampoo before making another attempt at washing what parts of his body were above the bubble line.

“Well, I was thinking. Maybe I should give you a new name, you know for when we’re out in public or in front of people. People might get the wrong idea if I just call you Bunny all the time. I need something to introduce you as. A real name.”

You wanted him to feel more like a person and a bath, a name and your plan for getting him new clothes might help. You didn’t think anyone ever deserved to feel like no one, to not have their name remembered. A name was important.

“Name?” He looked at you as he said the new word.

You through out a male name from one of his dramas and pointed at him.

“Bunny.” He pointed at himself.

He just didn’t seem to get it like you hoped he would.

“No. You can be bunny too, you can have a real name.”

“Real name?” He parroted

You said a name of another male from a drama.

“No.” Was his clear reply this time.

“How about…” you thought of another one and you got the same reply. You went through a whole list only getting no’s from him or head shakes.

You gave up and continued on washing him up in defeat. He was pretty silent considering he had just said some new words. Maybe you should’ve praised him, shown him you were proud.

“Alright Bunny,” you grabbed for a towel “lets get you-”

“Jungkook.” He finally spoke again. You instantly recognized the name as an extremely rich, handsome man from a drama. You couldn’t help but stare as he pointed to himself and said it one more time.

You felt a wide grin spread across your face.

He understood. He picked a name for himself, by himself.

“Yes! Perfect.” You nodded making him smile too. You were glad he named himself and he liked it, you were pretty impressed. He had yet to do anything but astound you though.

“Alright, Jungkook. Lets get out of the bath.” You announced noticing the bubbles rapidly decreasing to dangerous levels in volume.

You stood and held a towel out for him to step into and were careful not to look at anything as you fastened it around his waist.

You dried his hair with a second towel and he followed you to your room where you got out some more girly pajamas for him to wear and scurried out before he dropped the towel and began changing.

When he walked out of your room to find you, you couldn’t help but stifle a laugh at how the tight pink pajama shirt barely fit across his broad chest. You had always thought it was a bit silly to see him in your clothes none the wiser and indifferent about it.

“Noona.” He said as he came to sit with you. You already had his drama channel turned on for him and his blanket on the sofa.

“Yes Jungkook?” You decided to use his new name.

“Still…” he seemed to struggle with his words “still…Bunny?” You understood what he was trying to ask.

“Yes. You’re still Bunny. You can be Bunny and Jungkook.”

“Yes. Bunny Jungkook.” He agreed happily.

“Noona.”

“Yes Bunny?” You asked and now he looked a bit sad.

“Noona, no leave. No leave Bunny Jungkook?”

He was asking you not to leave him again and you didn’t want to upset him and you weren’t sure if he would understand if you tried to explain that you had to if they found his home. So you lied.

“No. I won’t leave. Noona no leave Bunny again.” You assured him and it looked to ease the pain in his big brown eyes.

He looked down at your

hand and poked it a few times with his finger.

“Home.” He said “Noona home. Noona Jungkook home.”

You blinked at him as you were sure he had called you his home.

You thought it was… it was sweet, but you also hurt from it. He had a real home somewhere out there.

You began to think about how you didn’t really feel right while he was gone and how excited you had been to go get him. You had really taken to this stranger the past few days and he obviously had to you too. You just had to keep reminding yourself that it was going to end and obviously he couldn’t be here forever. You supposed that that would be something you both would have to get over when the time would soon come.

You looked over at him now asleep on the sofa right beside you. You just looked at his peaceful face for a moment, all the looks of hurt, betrayal, excitement, and confusion of today had been swept off his face. You too decided to go to bed and let it wash away from you too. You felt like you both learned some things today.

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eddiesasspbrak · 5 years ago

Text

“I read your diary.”

Prompt inspired by one line of dialogue.

Read on AO3

Eddie reads a diary he believes to be Richie's and is pretty sure he just admitted to being in love with him.

3k+ words. Oneshot

That day at lunch, when Richie had announced that his parents would be out that evening, it was decided they would have a little Losers get together at his house. At least once a week they gathered at one of their houses for a game night or to view a movie or TV show they all wanted to watch. All seven of them squished on a couch, under blankets and just enjoying being with one another. Not having any parents around to yell at them when they got too loud was always a bonus.

Upon entering the Tozier home, they kicked off their shoes before going up to Richie’s room to peruse his collection of movies, ditching their backpacks by his bed. The only downside to being at Richie’s, for Stan and Eddie at least, was that most of his movies were of the horror genre and neither particularly liked them. There was a good chance Eddie would end up staying over at Richie’s so that his mom didn’t find out he’d watched something scary in case he woke up with nightmares.

Eddie sat on Richie’s bed while the rest looked, knowing that nothing he said about their choice of movie really mattered. Either way he’d be traumatized for the next week. He looked at the movie posters on his walls and the scattering of polaroids of the seven of them he’d taped up haphazardly. They’d spent so many years together and with their senior year coming to an end, Eddie couldn’t help the feelings of anxiety that gripped him whenever he thought about going their separate ways. Stan had asked once if they’d still be friends when they were older, and Eddie thought about that a lot now. He hoped so. He didn’t want to lose any of them, but they couldn’t be sure what would happen until they lived it.

“Eds, we picked a movie, let’s go.” Richie said with a grin that made Eddie fall in love all over again.

He looked to the door to see all of his friends were already leaving the room. When he stood to follow, he bumped their bags and knocked a few of them over, spilling the contents. He cursed under his breath and knelt down to pick up the things that had spilled while also mentally berating his friends for leaving their bags unzipped. Stuffing a textbook back into Bill’s bag, he went to stand only to stop when something under Richie’s bed caught his eye. Amongst the clutter that littered the floor beneath his bed was a blue notebook with a sticker of the hear, speak and see no evil monkeys on it.

Eddie glanced at the door to see he was alone, his friend’s voices carrying up the stairs. Reaching for the notebook, he felt like he was doing something he wasn’t supposed to. Sure, it crossed his mind that it could have just fallen from one of their backpacks when they fell, but it was far under the bed, partially covered by a sweatshirt. Given the number of things under his bed, there was a chance it had just been dropped and forgotten. Still, Eddie couldn’t stop thinking that it had been hidden there on purpose. Listening carefully for any of his friends coming back up the stairs, he cracked the notebook open and read at the very top “Dear diary”.

He let the cover fall from his fingers and close. There was no denying it then. Richie kept a diary, and this was it. Eddie knew he shouldn’t read it, but he was so, so curious. Richie was the last person he expected to keep a diary and he had to know what kind of things he wrote about. He’d honestly been expecting it to be filled with jokes he’d thought up.

Maybe it was because Eddie had been secretly in love with Richie for years, or maybe it was just curiosity getting the better of him, but he opened the notebook to the last entry and began to read.

“Dear diary, I’m in love with my best friend.”

Eddie inhaled sharply and read that first line over and over again. Who did Richie consider his best friend? Sure, Eddie wanted to say it was him, but there were six of them to choose from. He could mean any one of the Losers. He had to know, so he kept going.

“He was cute again today.” That ruled out Beverly.

“Everything about him is cute. He’s shorter than me, not by a lot, but enough to be adorable.” Richie and Bill were the tallest of the group, with Bill standing an inch taller, so that ruled him out too.

“At lunch there was a spider on the table, and he freaked out. It was so cute I couldn’t stop looking at him.” Eddie, Stan and Ben had all three been afraid of the spider, and Mike had been the one to kill it. So, not Mike either.

“His locker is by mine and I just stand there and stare at him when he gets his books. I don’t think he’s noticed.” Stan’s locker was in a separate hallway, down by Bill’s. Both Eddie and Ben had lockers near Richie’s.

“His locker is so organized and clean and precise, not at all like mine. I’m probably too messy for him.” Ben’s locker wasn’t a mess, but it was usually cluttered, and he often dropped things while trying to pull out books. Eddie’s on the other hand…

Eddie closed the notebook, unable to read anymore. He’d read enough to confirm that it was him that Richie was writing about. Richie was in love with him and Eddie didn’t know how to proceed. Did he tell him that he knew? Did he confess his own feelings and hope that he wouldn’t deny that he loved him too? Not in a million years did Eddie expect this. Richie was always talking about the girls in their classes that he liked and making vulgar jokes about them. Maybe he liked boys and girls. Or girls and Eddie.

“Eds! Are you coming?” Richie’s voice came from the stairs, causing Eddie to jump and throw the book back under his bed.

“Yea…I’m coming!” He shouted back.

Eddie stood and placed his hand to his chest, trying to calm himself down. He had to go downstairs, squish on the couch next to Richie and pretend like he didn’t know they were both in love with each other. Easy, right?

Occasionally Eddie was brave, but when it came to matters of the heart, he was a coward. He’d chosen not to stay at Richie’s that night, too afraid to have that conversation with him about what he’d read. Too scared to admit that he’d read what he wasn’t meant to. Instead, he let it torture him over the weekend, the words playing in his mind repeatedly. Every dream he had was about Richie, he invaded his every thought, causing his stomach to churn with a mix of butterflies and anxiety.

When Monday came and he could no longer avoid facing him, he thought he might actually become sick. He’d met his friends like he did every morning. He was the last one to pull up the bike rack, locking his bike up and avoiding eye contact. His first two classes of the morning he was alone, but by third hour he was with Richie again, sitting side by side and pretending like he wasn’t on edge. Apparently, he wasn’t doing a very good job of it as Richie noticed and stopped him after class when he tried to speed off.

“Eds, what’s going on with you?” He asked, pulling him to the side of the hallway by some lockers.

“Nothing.” Eddie answered too quickly.

“You’ve barely spoken all day and won’t look at me. Did I do something?”

The look on Richie’s face was worried and it made Eddie feel bad for making him make that face. He didn’t like a sad Richie. He liked when he was smiling and cracking lame jokes that made him laugh. It was his fault he was looking like that and he couldn’t keep it in any longer. Had to let him know what he’d seen and admit that he’d done something wrong. Betrayed his trust. Hopefully he wouldn’t be too upset when he told him he felt the same.

“I…read your diary.” Eddie lowered his voice, leaning in a bit so only Richie could hear.

“You did what now?” Richie cracked a confused smile as his eyebrows knit together.

“I’m sorry. I know it was wrong. I found it in your room and I only read one page, but it was where you were talking about your crush. Richie…I know…”

“You know what?” Richie was full on grinning now and it made Eddie nervous for some reason.

“I know who you like!” He said in a harsh whisper, darting his eyes around the hall to see if anyone was listening.

“How could you, Eds? That’s such an invasion of privacy.”

“I know. I’m really sorry, but I think we need to talk about what I read…”

“What did you read?”

“That you like m-.”

“Richie!” Eddie’s words were drowned out by Bill, who was rushing toward them.

“What’s up, Billy?” Richie asked, his eyes lingering on Eddie’s red face a moment longer before turning to their friend.

“I think I left s-something at your house last week. Can I come by after school to look for it?”

“Yea. What did you lose?”

“It’s my…um…noteb-book.” Bill said, his face flushing slightly.

“What’s it look like?”

“B-b-blue, with a monkey sticker on the f-front.”

Eddie felt like time slowed down around him as he came to a very abrupt realization. It was Bill’s dairy he’d read. He was talking about Stan. Stan was shorter than him, Stan had freaked out about the spider, Stan’s locker was by his, Stan was just as organized as Eddie was, if not more. He felt his cheeks heat up and felt like he’d been punched in the stomach. Just a minute ago, he’d been about to confess his feelings because he thought Richie felt the same. Now he felt sick and so, so stupid. God, he was so stupid! Of course, Richie didn’t keep a diary. He didn’t love Eddie.

“You ok, E-Eddie?” Bill asked.

When he focused on them again, they were both staring at him. His eyes met Richie’s and his fight or flight instinct kicked in. He chose the latter. Turning on his heel, he took off down the hall. He heard both boys yelling after him, but their voices only pushed him to run faster. He pushed through the doors that lead out to the fields where he made a beeline for one of the dugouts. They were well hidden and wouldn’t be in use this time of day. Sometimes other students made out there or smoked there, but usually not so early in the morning. He sat on one of the benches, dropping his bag by his feet, and put his head in his hands.

If Bill had interrupted them even a second later, Eddie would be in a much worse spot. At least this way he didn’t have to deal with rejection and messing up their friendship. He’d think of an excuse for why he’d ran away, think of what he was going to say to make up for the misunderstanding. For now, he was going to wallow and deal with his self-loathing in peace. Part of him wondered if he should call his mom, tell her he wasn’t feeling well so he could go hide out at home for the rest of the day. As it was, she was probably going to get a call that he had missed his fourth class of the day. He didn’t really care about that at the moment though. Her lecture would be a welcome distraction from the noise in his head.

Eddie heard the footsteps approaching and tried to make himself small so he wouldn’t be seen. There was a chance it was someone looking to use the dugout for some debauchery, but they could use the other one. This one was occupied, and he wasn’t leaving. It could also have been a teacher doing a scan for students breaking rules because of course they new what they were used for. What Eddie hadn’t been expecting was for the person to jump down and sit beside him on the bench.

He tilted his head to the side and looked up to see Richie sitting there, leaning back slightly on his hands and looking up and out at the sky. Eddie’s stomach sank as he kicked himself for not just going home where Richie wouldn’t be able to find him so easily. He dropped his hands from his face but stayed hunched over, his elbows on his knees.

“You ok?” Richie asked, still not looking at him.

Eddie nodded. It didn’t matter that it was a lie. He didn’t want to talk about what was going on in his head. Especially not with Richie.

“What happened back there?”

“Nothing. I made a mistake. Sorry.” Eddie pushed up off the bench and stood, but before he could walk away, Richie grabbed him by his wrist.

“You said you read my diary.”

“Yea. It was Bill’s. I know that now. Like I said, I made a mistake.”

“So, you aren’t upset anymore?”

“I wasn’t upset in the first place.”

“You can’t lie to me, Eds. You looked like you were about to cry. So, who did you think I liked that was so terrible and isn’t now that it’s Bill who has a crush?”

“I can’t tell you that. It would be betraying Bill.”

Richie huffed out a laugh and tugged lightly on Eddie’s wrist, willing him to sit back down. Eddie complied but kept a distance between them, gently twisting his wrist out of his grip. They were quiet for a moment and Eddie wondered why he wanted him to stay if he wasn’t going to speak. He still wanted to be alone, to be very far away from Richie. He could practically feel the heat radiating off the other boy and he was too hyper aware of every small move he made next to him.

“It’s Stan, right?” Richie finally said, startling Eddie out of his thoughts.

“What?”

“Bill’s crush. It’s on Stan.”

“Yea.” Eddie said, because obviously they all knew.

“So, you thought I liked Stan?” Richie grinned.

“Yea.”

“And it’s a bad thing if I do?”

Eddie’s throat went dry and he thought about bolting again. He didn’t want to hear Richie say he had a crush on anyone else. Especially not another boy, especially not their friend. It would kill him, and he definitely could not handle it.

“No…” His voice came out in the whisper.

“Well, I don’t.”

Eddie closed his eyes and let out a silent breath of relief, thanking whoever was listening.

“Eddie.” There was something in Richie’s voice that made all the hairs on Eddie’s arms stand on end. A softness when he said his name that was so laced with caring it made him want to cry. How could he not love this stupid mother fucker?

“Eddie. Look at me.” He said when he got no response.

“We have to get to class.” Eddie said, ignoring him and reaching for his bag.

“I love you.” Richie said as Eddie stood again, stopping him in his tracks.

Eddie opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. Seconds turned to minutes, Eddie standing with his back to Richie, not responding to his confession. He screamed at himself inside his head, tried to will himself to move, to say anything instead of leaving Richie to sit there agonizing over what Eddie might be thinking. It wasn’t until he heard Richie move to stand up, that he finally snapped out of it and turned to face him. The frown on Richie’s face was enough to knock the wind from his lungs and make his heart hurt for him.

“Richie…” Eddie managed to say.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.” Richie said. “Just forget it.”

“No. No, I can’t. Richie…” The tears began to fall before Eddie could stop them. It was too overwhelming, too many thoughts racing through his head all at once. “Richie, I love you.”

His hands gripped the front of Richie’s shirt, his knuckles turning white against the fabric. Richie’s raised his hands to softly hold Eddie’s face between them. His expression was unreadable as his eyes searched Eddie’s face.

“You know I don’t mean as a friend, right?” Richie asked.

Eddie nodded, afraid to try to speak as the tears wouldn’t stop. He loved him so much. So much that it hurt sometimes. He was all he wanted, all he thought about. Knowing he felt the same was too much. Richie’s thumbs swiped at the tears that trailed down his cheeks as he continued to stare at him for a long moment. It made Eddie nervous but the look in Richie’s eyes was enough to push those feelings away. A look like he was gazing upon something so precious.

Richie leaned down and kissed him on his forehead before pressing his own against it. Letting his eyes drift close, Eddie let himself enjoy the moment of closeness with the person he loved. Let himself get lost in the feel of his hands on his face, the way he could feel his chest rise and fall beneath his hands as their breath mixed together between them. This, Eddie thought, was a little taste of what heaven must be like.

“You really love me?” Richie asked.

“Yes.” Eddie said without hesitation. “Only you.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Eddie nodded and a second later, their lips were pressed together causing his breath to catch. He released Richie’s shirt with one hand and trailed it up to rest against his neck. Richie brushed his fingers against Eddie’s cheek as he let go to grab Eddie’s other hand with his, lacing their fingers together. In this moment everything was perfect, and they felt indestructible. Together.

#Reddie #Richie Tozier #Eddie Kaspbrak #Ro writes #It #it (2017)#it (2019)

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myotishia · 6 years ago

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In the air part one

Fandom: Torchwood. Trigger warnings: None I don't think but tell me if I've missed anything. Characters: Owen Harper, Toshiko Sato, Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Gwen Cooper, Elise Carter (oc) Rating: Teen and up

Blurb: A relaxed wedding dress fitting turns into a new case for the team as the streets are suddenly abandoned.

“How does your leg feel?” Asked Owen as he pulled on his gloves.

Elise shrugged and pulled up the side of her skirt to show her bandaged thigh. “Sore as hell, but no more than I’d expect. How long until I can put weight on it properly?”

“You were lucky, it didn’t hit the bone or any major blood vessels so you can maybe put your full weight on it again in a week or so. I was more worried about the chance of infection.”

“I tried to keep it away from the mud.”

“You did pretty well, but gunshot wounds are a bitch. Even clean shots that are treated immediately can get infected and that’s how you end up in surgery.” He removed the bandage and dressing as gently as he could, happy that the wound looked clean.

“How is it?”

“Your leg’s going to drop off.”

She rolled her eyes. “Asshat.”

“It’ll be fine, just keep it clean and dry. I’ll redress it for you this time.”

“Thanks. How are you?”

“Me? There’s nothing wrong with me.”

“A guy almost killed you.”

“And you shot him in the hip. Keep still.” He continued treating her thigh, knowing that it must be hurting. “It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had a gun pointed at me.”

“That’s scary in itself.”

“Tosh said your watch was broken.”

“I’ll fix it after we’re done here.” She took it from her wrist, turning it over in her hands. “The casing and screen look fine. The fall probably just knocked a wire out of place.”

“I didn’t think you’d still need it.”

A short silence filled the room, neither party wanting to speak about her missing friend.

“I’m still going to have the dreams or whatever they are. My weirdness isn’t completely gone.”

“You sound sure of that.”

“I am. Time travel comes at a price. I’m ok with that.”

He looked up from his work. “You think you can still time jump?”

“Only twenty four hours either way, at most, but it’s something. I don’t know the distance I can go yet.”

“You shouldn’t use it. You don’t have someone who knows how to control it anymore.” Owen had never looked more serious in his life. “Just let it go and be human for a while.”

“Are you worried about me?”

“Of course I am!” He snapped, throwing his gloves into the bin.

Elise sat up and reached out for his arm. “Owen… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to …”

“Just leave it... You’re going to be on desk duty for a while. You’ve got to write up your report about the Pharm anyway.”

“Owen… When I’m all healed up would you mind training me to be a proper field agent?”

“Me? You realise I’m the Hub fuck up. You might want to go to Jack for that.” He smirked.

“You’re reckless, stubborn and trigger happy... but that’s what makes you good at what you do. I know I run into things and just say fuck it to the risks but I wouldn’t even be here if I didn’t.”

“We’ll talk about it once you’re healed, for now you’ve got paperwork to do. And tell Tosh her girlfriend’s crazy.”

“Will do.” She smiled.

Ianto placed Elise’s morning coffee on her desk. “I hope you’re going to be better than Owen was on desk duty.”

“Oh?”

“Have you ever seen the shining?”

“Really? That bad?”

“Luckily an axe won’t put a dent on most of the doors here. It only ended when he cut the cast off his leg and told us that if he didn’t go out soon he’d start posing bodies around the Hub out of boredom. I believed him.”

She laughed into her mug. “I promise I won’t go posing bodies around the place.”

“If you want to get some fresh air tomorrow I’ve got a wedding dress fitting to get to. You can come along if you like. You’ll probably do a lot of sitting around but it’s better than being stuck here.” Smiled Gwen, finally able to think about her wedding in the quiet moment.

“Thanks. That sounds fun. I’ve never even seen a wedding dress in real life before.”

Both Ianto and Gwen looked a little shocked.

“What? I’ve never been to a wedding and we didn’t have a bridal wear shop anywhere near where I lived.”

Gwens look softened, returning to her previous excitement. “You are going to have so much fun. I’ve got some cake samples to pick up too.”

“What makes wedding cake different than other cake? I know it’s fancier but what makes it specifically a wedding cake?”

“Normal cake goes off after a week. Wedding cake seems to last forever and can be used to build bomb shelters.” Ianto said drily before returning to his duties with a smile.

“Oh, don’t listen to him. It’s mostly just because it’s fancy but I really want it to actually be edible.”

“How is Rhys?”

“He’s fine. Taking everything in his stride as per usual. He’s not as paranoid now he knows what I actually do.”

“That’s fair.”

“Though I think he’s still a bit iffy with Jack.”

“Also fair. I don’t think he knows the difference between casual conversation and flirting.”

“Sooo, how’s things between you and Tosh?”

“Good. Really good.”

“She does seem so much happier than before. It’s nice.”

After a very entertaining dress fitting that reminded Gwen that she needed to eat even if she was stressed they headed out. Elise being a little slow as she moved with one crutch. On the street it seemed eerily silent. As it was lunch time it should have been bustling but only the birds made a noise. Workers from the surrounding shops looked out of their windows, just as confused. Gwens police instincts kicked in when she saw a car with its doors left open, shopping bags left abandoned in the road.

“Wait here. I’ll be right back.” Said Gwen before rushing across the road to one of the opposing shops to talk to one of the staff. They seemed in shock.

“What happened out there?” She asked, trying to seem like just any other person walking onto the scene.

The worker, a young man who wore a lanyard around his neck emblazoned with the stores name, just shook his head. “I… I don’t know. Everyone just started walking down the street. All at once… They just turned and walked off like zombies.”

“Did you hear anything strange? See anything?”

“No. I was putting the new posters up in the window and it was like someone flicked a switch… Is it one of those flash mob things do you think?”

“No idea… Thanks.” She returned to Elise who was leaning on the bridal stores wall.

“He see anything?”

“Apparently everyone just turned and walked off down the street.”

“Should we follow?”

“Get in the car. We can call it in on the way.”

Elise took her phone from her pocket and got into the car, dialling into the comms line for the Hub.

“Having fun ladies?” Jacks voice rose from the device.

“Having a blast, just a quick question, is the rift doing it’s happy dance?” Elise asked.

“We’ve had a few spikes, why?”

“Well, everyone on the street got pied pipered a few minutes ago.”

“Any idea where they’re heading?”

“We’re following now.”

“Don’t get too close. We’re on our way.” He hung up the call.

Ahead of the car a large crowd walked in unison, seemingly in a trance. Gwen repeatedly pressed the horn but they didn’t even flinch. She parked up to the side and took her comms earpiece from the glove compartment.

“Wait here. I’m going up ahead.” She said, not waiting for a response.

Elise opened her door and pulled herself out. “You shouldn’t go alone.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m just going to look.” She rushed off ahead of the entranced people.

They all seemed to be converging on a car park outside a large garden centre. Due to it being closed that day there were no cars but as Gwen managed to push her way through the sea of people she saw where they were all going. A large sinkhole had formed, dropping into darkness. The people around her stood around the edge, unmoving. No matter what she did she couldn’t wake anyone.

As sudden as it had began, it ended. All at once people began looking around, confused before a panic broke out at being that close to the edge of the sinkhole. People scattered in all directions and Gwen had to admit she was a little thankful for being on the inside so she didn’t get trampled.

Jack looked over the edge of the now sixteen foot wide sinkhole, light hitting a perfectly flat obsidian surface below. The whole car park had been cordoned off with temporary plywood walls, usually used to keep people out of construction sites, much to the displeasure of the Garden centres manager.

“At least it’s stopped.” Jack turned away from the hole. “What do we know?”

“Fuck all.” Owen began.

Tosh interjected, “Noone remembers anything. One moment they were in one place and then they woke up here. Though whatever it was didn’t seem to affect anyone in a building when it started. There was a spike in rift energy but nothing big enough for this.”

“How far did it span?” The captain stepped away from the edge.

“A mile radius of the holes centre.”

“Sounds like we’re going to have to get down there.” He picked up a nearby rock and tossed it into the hole. It landed with a light tap and skittered across the obsidian surface as if it were ice.

Ianto and Elise had been sent to speak to the Garden centre manager and sat in the womans sparse office.

“This is all I need. This whole place has been falling apart since last Sunday.”

“Falling apart?” Asked Ianto, keeping detailed notes as the woman had spoken chaotically before and it was easier to keep up with what she was on about in bullet points.

“Yes! First every last fuse in this place blew. Even the ones in the plugs. Then my staff start calling in sick. They didn’t sound bloody sick. Then we had a new palette of apple tree saplings just shrivel and rot overnight for no reason. Same day we had a flock of pigeons slam themselves into the building in the middle of the bloody day. We had kids screaming and crying and noone wanted to clean that mess up. Then! As if it couldn’t get worse the water has to be turned off because some bloody thing’s in it. Do you know how much water a garden centre needs to keep running?!”

“Ma’am… Can we see the water please? And the apple trees if you still have them.”

“As long as you get that sinkhole filled in you can do what you like.”

“Well, if you could show my colleague here I can gather my things to get some samples.”

“Yes. Yes. Maybe you’ll get more than that useless plumber did.”

The manageress lead them down to the main warehouse and Ianto quickly walked back to the SUV to grab some gloves and sample jars. When he returned the manager was still complaining at Elise.

“It’s everywhere in the building and god the smell!”

“I’m sure we’ll find the source ma’am.” Elise droned, barely paying attention.

“Oh good, you’re back. Here.” The woman turned the tap and a black, oily looking liquid started pouring out. Ianto had just taken the sample when the smell hit them. It stank like rancid meat with a heavy tint of iron. The manageress ran off to throw up in one of the bins.

Elise turned off the tap. “Jesus. Did something die in their water tank?”

“They don’t have a water tank. This is from the mains.” He held the small plastic jar up to the light but even the relatively bright sunshine couldn’t permeate the liquid.

“I don’t now if it’s the water or the bigass hole out there but this place gives me the creeps.”

He had to admit the place, though otherwise completely mundane, did make him nervous. A creeping dread that rose up his spine and made him want to jump at every sound. He looked around for the dead saplings as the manageress was still hunched over a bin. In the corner of the warehouse, nearest the loading bay, sat a palate of potted saplings. Each was withered and mould had started to develop on the surface of the soil. Using a set of clippers and a hand trowel he took samples from one of the pots, the same smell that came from the tainted water oozed from the cuts on the plant. Ianto stood back as his stomach turned.

Elise made her way over to the exhausted looking manageress. “We’ve got what we need. We’ll contact you as soon as we know more. Why don’t you head home. It’s not safe to work around tainted water.”

The poor woman nodded.

Outside, Ianto took a deep breath, appreciating the fresh air. He still couldn’t shake the nervous feeling.

“You feel as out of sorts as I do?” Asked Elise, sitting in the back seat of the SUV with her arm over her eyes.

“Do you think it was the water?”

“We didn’t even touch it.”

Ianto paused before an idea came to mind. He leaned over to one of the computers, setting up a sound sensor to monitor all frequencies.

Elise pulled her arm away from her eyes. “What’s up?”

He looked over the levels on the screen. “Infrasound.”

“Huh?”

“It’s very low frequency sound, anything below 20Hz. Not audible by humans. It’s usually used for underground monitoring because it doesn’t disperse the way higher frequencies do. It can cause nausea, paranoia, nervousness and in the worst cases, hallucinations. A lot of ghost sightings come from it.”

“Is that why we feel like crap?”

“Looks that way. It doesn’t explain the water though.”

“Do you think that’s what made the birds dive into the building?”

“Maybe but I don’t think so. It can mess with their directional mapping but it doesn’t make whole flocks suicidal… I’m going to go and tell the others.”

“I’m gonna stay here and rest.” She put her arm back over her eyes. “So much for desk duty, eh?”

Owen stepped down onto the obsidian surface, double checking his safety line just in case it collapsed. Jack had already ventured down into the sinkhole but Owen had been fooled before by Jacks oddly catlike grace. The sinkhole was unusual in that the walls didn’t have any kind of overhang. It had fallen away and left what looked like carved walls of earth. Walking across the glasslike surface it became clear that whatever it might be was hollow.

“Can you see any sign of a hatch?” He asked, finding it hard to focus his vision on the light absorbing stone.

“Not a thing.” The captain crouched down, running his fingers over the surface, hoping to feel more than he could see. He suddenly pulled back, a sharp pain shooting through his fingertips. A thin line of blood dripped from each finger and down onto the floor where it was absorbed. A loud rumbling filled the area and Jack turned to run back to the ladder.

“Out now!” He ordered.

Owen did not need telling twice, clambering up like a frightened ape. As soon as his feet were on secure earth he turned to make sure Jack was right behind him. The previously flat surface was becoming an upside down pyramid made of many steps. Starting at the centre each layer descended, threatening to pull Jack down to what he guessed would be a very nasty, if temporary, death. He reached out and grabbed the ladder that was thankfully secured from above and wrenched himself up. His cut fingers sliding but thankfully not dropping him. Ianto and Owen took a wrist each and pulled him up and out of the sinkhole.

“The fuck was that?!” Asked Owen, looking back at where he’d been standing.

Jack looked down at his hand, at the paper fine cuts that decorated his fingertips.

Owen took a swift trip back to the hub with Elise, wanting to test the samples that Ianto had gathered. He could only do a certain amount in the field and the this had stopped being an oddity and started being a very dangerous case.

The ‘water’ sample showed traces of blood, grey matter and microscopic bone fragments, all slowly rotting. The blood, though decomposing and tainted did present as a mix of human and animal. The apple tree sapling cuttings were rotten on the outside but the very centre showed new growth, soaking up the tainted water from its soil. Even the mould sitting on the surface of the soil showed signs of death and regrowth.

“The thing is drinking people?” Asked Elise from a safe distance.

“It looks more like the liquid’s being pumped into the plant to change it.”

“That still sounds like a vampire plant.”

Owen suddenly stepped back from his work, switching on his comms awkwardly with his shoulder. “You all need to get away from there. It needs to be quarantined. Everything that’s been tainted already needs to be quarantined too. That includes you Harkness!” He turned to Elise. “Did you touch anything?”

“No. Ianto took the samples and he was wearing gloves. But the garden centre staff did.”

“Shit! Get a list of their staff. They need to be isolated. Call it a possible biological weapon. We’ve got a building we can use as a hospital. I need to know how many people have already been infected.”

When Torchwood is in a full outbreak alert they work shockingly quickly. They’d already rounded up many of the staff and they did not look healthy. Owen tested himself for infection before the others even got back and after a very fast decontamination shower he pulled on a hazmat suit and got to work on his team. Elise, Ianto, Tosh and Gwen were all clean and had to go through the same process. Jack was not so lucky. His fingertips were already showing signs of infection. Owen suspected it was working faster on him as it had infected his blood directly.

He was taken to the ‘hospital’ and given a room, not arguing as he knew Owen wouldn’t do all this without a very serious reason.

“Owen, what’s this going to do to me?” he asked, no longer able to move his hand.

“It kills its host and then brings them back with that meat sludge in the pipes. Maybe your body will be able to fight it off but…”

“It’s ok. I understand. I’m leaving this up to you.”

Owen replied with a nod and Jack resigned himself to staying where he was. The infection was spreading too fast for him to fight and he just hoped that when he came back it would be gone. He lay down and tried not to think about the burning sensation rising up his arm. At least Owen would have a test subject. Owen leant on the wall outside of the room, reflecting on what a disaster this had all become. He hated the idea but he might have to call in UNIT for help. No, not yet. They might try and blow up the obsidian structure and spread it even further. He needed to know what would happen to a mammal at the point of death and he hated the idea of using Jack.

Gwen watched the infected rat plod lethargically around its tank. She felt so sorry for the creature that was obviously in pain, its tail blackened and bone exposed. If it hadn’t been a pandemic level issue even Owen may have put it down by this point. The rodent stopped and fell onto its side.

“Owen... “

He’d asked her to call him at the moment the animal passed. Under the hazmat suit he looked haggard, trying to keep all of his patients from rioting out of fear. A screen next to the tank showed that the rats heart and brain function had stopped. It was then that it twitched.

Gwen jumped at the movement but even she knew that random electrical signals can do that to a body just after death. What didn’t usually happen was the body getting back onto its feet. The dead rat moved to the side of the tank, testing where it was before backing up and ramming the side. The tank was undamaged but the creature continued trying to ram into the side. Owen signaled for Gwen to move to the other side of the table with him. The rat changed its trajectory. It was actively trying to get to them.

“It’s a... “ Gwen began.

“Don’t say it… Make sure anyone that gets too far gone is restrained out there.”

Twenty hours had passed since the people out in the street had been drawn to the sinkhole and the virus was mostly contained but as Tosh looked up from her power nap her stomach dropped. The tv she’d left on for some white noise played a news report. It was happening again and this time people were carrying meat and livestock towards the obsidian pit. The entranced people crashed through the cordon as if it weren’t even there and lead the animals onto the steps. Each edge seem to slice through the creatures like a knife. Those caught under its spell were feeding it. She shot up to report what the news had been showing, rushing past Jacks room. She stopped for a moment and looked over at the captain. He was pale, hunched over and holding his head.

“Jack?”

He looked up with unfocused eyes, agony etched into his face. “Calling… It’s calling… Won’t stop…”

“The pit?” She dared take a step into the room.

“It wants food… powers it… Machine… Controls… us.”

“It’s a machine? What does it do? Jack?” Another step closer.

“Heart… It... a heart…”

Another step. She was pulled sharply back by Ianto as Jack lunged for her. He pulled her out of the room and locked Jack inside. Jack roared and slammed his fists against the door, unable to fight the infection any longer.

“I heard him too. Come on.” Ianto said, finally releasing his grip on his coworker.

They ran to report what they’d been told and Jacks condition, trying to think of some way to end all this.

Ianto and Gwen pulled on their body armor and respirators before heading towards the pit. Covered head to toe in kevlar they moved towards the centre, diamond bladed saw in hand. Sparks shot into the air as the saw cut into the stone. In retaliation the pit began to rise and flatten itself out again as if that would protect it from the blade. The chunk of rock finally fell through, landing with an earth shattering boom. No going back, they descended into the structure.

The walls were smooth and as black as the exposed part had been but the floor was white, like bone. Red veins pulsed around the edges of the floor. They followed the crimson vessels deeper, finding that the smooth walls gave way to what looked like cogs, grinding dryly. Any oil having long dried up. The further they walked the more machinery clanged and screeched, louder by the moment. Many of the vessels began to converge and wind together like muscles, pulsing. Even through the respirator Ianto felt like he could smell that rancid stench that had attacked his senses from the tap.

The bundles of vessels lead into a final, huge chamber. Its walls were slick and crimson, the vessels emptying down them like a fountain. Below the pools churned and bubbled. Finally in the centre, held up like a marionette was a figure. It stood over nine feet tall and its leathery skin clung tightly to its horribly emaciated form. It looked as if it had been dead for centuries until it opened its eyes, blind and milky. It began to move with a horrible creaking and a familiar grinding from its ribcage, the pools of blood being drawn towards it. The metal tubes that snaked into its head rattled and groaned.

Back at the hospital all had gone silent but only for a moment. Every one of the infected began shrieking and trying to fight their restraints, all facing in the direction of the pit. It was so loud that Owen feared some may destroy their own vocal chords. He could just hear the awful noise of joints dislocating, under the screams, as the patients pulled their restraints with no concern for their own wellbeing.

Gwen and Ianto aimed at the huge creatures head. It looked around as if something or someone should have been running to its aid but it found itself abandoned. Both agents fired at once, each bullet leaving a perfect hole through its head that poured out more of the rotten viscera. It thrashed, only succeeding in pulling the wires that held it up from its skin, before finally falling limp. Still the cogs moved. Ianto pointed up to the creatures chest that still clanked and werred. Gwen stepped forward and gritted her teeth before grabbing onto the skin of the hanging figures abdomen, pulling as hard as she could. The membrane tore away to reveal more gears, mummified flesh still stuck to the metal. In the very centre an obsidian core sat, turning slowly.

She moved out of the way as a very angry Ianto revved up the saw, lifting it up and pushing it as hard as he could into the core. It sparked in a shower of red and white before everything fell still.

The hospital was suddenly silent, all movement stopped and Owen hoped beyond hope that whatever had happened hadn’t killed every one of the people under his care. He was almost relieved when he heard the garden centre manageress gasping and sobbing as she looked at her dislocated wrist.

After hours spent sending people either home or to local hospitals Owen unlocked Jacks room. He looked his usual self, seemingly napping quite happily. He opened one clear blue eye and smiled.

“I think I broke the door.” He pointed to a fist sized hole in the door.

“You’re feeling better then.”

“I don’t remember anything after climbing into that sinkhole. Usually when that happens there’s alcohol involved and I don’t wake up alone.”

Gwen and Ianto got back to the hub and immediately headed to shower. Their clothing, hair and even shoes stank of rot. They both felt like there wasn’t enough soap in the world to wash it away but it was worth a try. They were separated by a wall but sound travelled well in the tiled room.

“I could sleep for days after this.” Gwen said as she ran shampoo through her hair for the third time.

“That’s the plan. My shoulders are killing me.”

“Well you did hold that saw over your head.”

“I was annoyed.”

“Remind me to never annoy you.”

The Hub was quiet for the next three days while everyone recovered from their exhaustion. The pit was filled with concrete and paved over and life went on as if nothing had happened. That was always their best case scenario. Forgotten. A myth.

Inside the Hub was different. No one was ever really forgotten, especially when their leaving happened to coincide with an injury. Elise sighed to herself, feeling the bandage around her thigh through her trousers. The quiet in her mind had become more noticeable as the days passed and it left a dark fog in its wake. She missed their quiet conversations and always having someone there. She couldn’t let herself dwell on the matter, she had to let it go.

She stood and stretched, able to stand and limp around without her crutch, at least for a little while.

“Have you read it yet?” Asked Jack, leaning on her desk.

“Read what?”

“The letter that was left for you.”

She shook her head and sat back down in her chair. “I can’t even look at it right now. I copied it onto my own computer, my phone, a USB stick so I could whenever but… Not yet. I will, but not yet.”

“You should. It might help you.” Jack looked behind her as Owen placed his hands on her shoulders.

“Mind if I borrow this?” He asked as she jumped in surprise.

“As long as you bring her back in one piece.”

Jack took his leave.

Elise turned to look at Owen. “What do you need?”

“You looked uncomfortable and I’m bored.”

She laughed softly.

“Come on, I don’t want your aim getting rusty if I’m going to be the one blamed for training you. You should be fine standing for a bit.”

“Sounds good.” She stood and slowly limped after him.

“And when you’re healed up we need to work on your running speed.”

“I’m not that slow.”

“Tosh can run faster than you in high heels and a skirt. Yea, you are.”

“It’s not my fault that you’re all related to sodding racehorses.”

“Up your game Carter.”

“Don’t use my words.” She slapped his arm playfully.

#Torchwood #jack harkness #ianto jones #gwen cooper #owen harper #toshiko sato

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dissolvingache · 5 years ago

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it’s so much in less than 24 hours. my idiot brother decided to invite my mother (oh joy) for the holidays. my company gives me a 2 week winter break basically, in which i was looking forward to relaxing, but instead she had to come... (i am definitely not making this mistake again next year and will fly elsewhere 🙃)

last night me, my step-sister/brother’s girlfriend, my brother & my mother were at a restaurant. things had been fine all day, no real fights with her. i wanted a chocolate dessert & she said she wanted a different so i said ok, but i'm not gonna eat it (cuz she wanted to share since she’s full.) we got it & she apparently didn't hear me say that several times. my brother even offered to share with her & help her finish. she yelled no & said she's "tired of me" as if i did a bunch of things wrong to her all day when we'd been doing everything she wanted. she threw her napkin down, shoved the dessert, yelled "screw you" at me & left.

& you know what’s wild? i was 99% silent all throughout dinner so i couldn’t annoy or upset anyone, meanwhile my brother’s recounting his life story the whole time, which involves talking down, making fun of, etc. my mom & somehow she’s not mad at him, she’s mad at me.

even tho growing up i was always the one to listen to her & do everything she wanted, & he always rebelled (even if now as an adult he’s become a mama’s boy), he will always be the perfect child who looks & acts like her.

then on the car ride home, she was sitting up front with my brother & she was leaning over / whispering to him cuz she didn’t want me to hear / want to talk to me. such a petulant child.

she’s also been complaining the whole time she’s been here about how cold it is & i should wear a jacket, so she opened the window while he’s speeding at 80 mph for half an hour, so today i woke up with my throat feeling weird.

then this morning while my brother was making breakfast, he was fully agreeing with my mother about how i’m in the wrong, she said she “doesn’t even wanna look at my face” as if my existence is a personal slight.

meanwhile last night after her tantrum he was saying to me & his gf, “what’s wrong with her? why did she do that?” & he agreed i hadn’t done anything wrong.

this morning he said to her that i’m stubborn (while true, it had nothing to do with what happened, she was the one who was getting mad for no reason), that i believe im better than everyone and that i’m always right (which isn’t true & even if it was, again, it has nothing to do with anything).

he even said i have “some weird animosity towards her” to antagonize her further towards me when he solely went to college to get away from her & hated her for most of his life. but me not being ~in love with her~ and thinking ~wowee i am so lucky to have such a great mom~ means i’m behaving ludicrously.

i couldn’t believe after defending him one time last night & defending her one time last night (to each other cuz they both were being wrong to the other), he acted like IM the one who’s wrong & like he’s thought she’s the perfect mother his whole life when literally at dinner he was complaining.

i relearnt my lesson to jus keep my mouth shut & never do anything nice for them, not even once. this was what i got for doing that.

then to top it all off i also got diarrhea today, and apparently i have the world’s most useless lock because my mom busted in on me in the bathroom four times. first time is an accident, so i’m a bit annoyed but deal with it, but then she says she needs to use the bathroom while she literally sees me sitting on the toilet. i tell her to go use my brother’s bathroom then & she wouldn’t even move without me telling her to get out already. second time she claims she needs her makeup & i have to repeatedly tell her to get out, i put all her makeup & hair stuff for her to use outside the bathroom door, but instead she watches some movie. third time she says i’m lying & i don’t have diarrhea & to get out of there already cuz clearly anyone who has diarrhea goes in once & 5 minutes later they’re done. then she calls my brother over & he’s knocking on the door like crazy & keeps calling out to me. i already got tired of answering them both, so i stopped & he keeps it up. i finally tell him how would he like it if i harassed him while he’s on the toilet & he jus says i’m lying about being sick because nobody can be sick for 5 hours (which is an exaggeration when i hadn’t even been awake for 5 hours) & him saying i’m lying too. if anyone else had been on the toilet, i would never a) bust in or b) question them about what they’re doing / say they’re a liar. fourth time she busts in she’s again saying i’m lying, why do i even have diarrhea, etc. as if this isn’t something i’ve had throughout my entire life.

she’s such a narcissist she literally cannot understand if someone else is sick & thinks they’re lying. when i graduated from college she gave me food poisoning & even when i was vomiting for a week she didn’t believe it until she stupidly ate the thing that made me sick even tho i told her it was bad.

it’s jus unbelievable to me that she got so mad at me not wanting to share a dessert while he was able to make fun of her several times throughout the night & still be her fav. & that despite him having once hated her, he didn’t even care that i defended him when he never does the same for me. i truly thought i wouldn’t get thrown under the bus for that, but i see now what an idiot i was.

i jus can’t wait for her to leave already. i’ve been lying in bed in the dark for half the day & thankfully she’s stopped bothering me & is busy watching movies.

#i wrote this down more calm & collectedly for a friend #txt #ma #bro

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mrstomummyandbeyond-blog · 5 years ago

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New Journey... New Blog?

September 26th 2019. Elijah is 7 weeks old and weighing in at 13lbs 2.5oz

It would definitely be fair to say that an awful lot has changed since I last posted a blog... I truly LOVED writing my wedding blog, and had every intention after we had settled into our home to continue writing about the ups and downs of being a wife, how I was adapting to married life and had even thought about looking for some other newlyweds to submit posts and having an interactive blog about the lives of wives. Then four months into our married life we discovered some wonderful news, we were expecting a little bundle of joy. Not exactly as planned, but we were over the moon and so excited.

I then thought repeatedly throughout the pregnancy, maybe I should write blogs about this to document for my future self to look back on with fond memories. That didn't happen either, in February we took a big leap and moved from our home in Birmingham back to Wales to live with my parents, mostly for money saving reasons to allow me to be able to take a longer maternity leave once our little fella was here, but also because I realised I was extremely homesick. We both thankfully got new jobs and started working full time again within the same month as we had moved out.

I can honestly say that apart from growing a larger baby, pregnancy really was a breeze for me. I didn't really suffer with morning sickness, or any type of sickness really. My absolute worst pregnancy related ailment was heartburn, but drinking 2 pints of milk a day seemed to resolve that enough for me. Oh and the fact that I felt like a WHALE throughout most of it, I didn't think it was possible for my stomach to grow and stretch the way it did. It’s safe to say that the bigger I got the more I wanted my boy out, and when his due date came and went I was quite disappointed. A week to the day after he was due Elijah decided to make his appearance at 6.14pm, on the Fourth of August 2019.

Disclosure - next bit is going to be about labour, the actual birth and postpartum recovery, so skip it if you don't want to know the gory (not that gory) details.

I really surprised myself during my labour, I expected to be a total wimp and need the epidural before I was even 4cm dilated! I woke up at around 4am in pain but not sure whether it was contractions, Braxton Hicks or just Elijah kicking extra hard.. It had become commonplace during my last few weeks of pregnancy to be awake at all sorts of hours of the night, uncomfortable from the little guy wriggling. So I went into his nursery and sat in the rocking chair as that usually calmed him down and made me feel more comfortable. It hadn't worked and so at around 5am I went back into our bedroom and woke Kurtis up to tell him I thought I was in labour but I needed to time the contractions. At the time Kurtis was starting work at 6.30am so he said “ok, well I have to be up for work in an hour so just let me know if you are actually in labour” and then rolled over and went back to sleep. No I am not kidding, I told my husband I thought I was in labour and he rolled over and went back to sleep. I could've killed him!!

At around 6am after timing the pains and coming to the conclusion I was most definitely in labour I decided to have a bath, in an attempt at easing the discomfort. It is most definitely true when they tell you that your body finds weird and wonderful ways of evacuating EVERYTHING to make sure there isn't anything in the way of the baby. I was sick, everywhere... this of course set off the ‘oh my this is really happening, what do I do’ panic. Fortunately for me my mum and Kurtis rushed to my aid, and they were both the most supportive birthing partners a girl could ask for throughout the whole thing. By 7am I was cleaned up, dressed and downstairs trying to eat some toast and drink a cuppa tea. We called the labour ward and they said ‘yep, take some paracetamol and make your way down to the hospital’. By 8am I was in the Princess of Wales hospital on the labour ward being examined by the doctor. I was 3cm dilated and she offered to put in a 6 hour gel to speed up the contractions.. definitely worked. I was in a lot of pain so they gave me codeine to ease it up... contractions continued and the pain relief appeared to me to be doing nothing.

I was on a ward with five other people who were all supposed to be in the same stage of labour as I was, now either I am a total wimp or we were in totally different stages of labour. The midwife then suggested maybe a hot bath would help make me more comfortable, it did for a little while but as soon as I got out of the bath the pain was relentless so I went back to the midwife and said I really couldn't cope and please could I have some other form of pain relief.

They offered me pethidine, this in itself deserves its own dedicated blog because it was AWFUL. Pethidine for me gave absolutely no pain relief for the contractions, though it did make me sleep in-between them which was somewhat nice I suppose. However during the contractions I was in more pain than ever. They wanted me to lie on my back so I could be on the monitors so they could asses the stage of labour, but lying flat was excruciating.. The senior midwife told me that I was probably still be around 4-5cm dilated because of the strength of contractions showing on the monitor; however I later found out that it was possible to labour in your back (which I clearly was) and that contractions felt in your back would not show up on the monitor.

They wouldn't examine me as ‘they don't like to interfere too much, just in case it complicates things for the baby’ (their words not mine!)... So I continued on with the pain, screaming through every contraction (sorry to the other people on that ward, I’m sure I was super annoying) until my waters broke. Mum went and got the midwife as there was a little blood mixed in (normal apparently) and had to demand they examine me... It was a good job they did as I was 8.5cm dilated and having the urge to push. They quickly rushed me over to a delivery room and this is where they broke the news - I had to get up off the bed and walk to the other bed before I could give birth. In the state I was in this felt like an impossible task, I did it by some miracle and from here on out everything is a liiiittle bit hazy.

Mum and Kurtis told me that as soon as I had the gas and air I seemed to be relieved from a lot of the pain and I said “Why don't they start you on this stuff, its fantastic”... Clearly the gas and air was working. I don't remember any of the hour and fifteen minutes I spent trying to get our baby out, but Kurtis and Mum tell me I was very irritable, and kept asking questions about programmes I had been watching while being kept up at night by baby kicks. I do however remember the feeling of actually giving birth, and it being the most surreal amazing thing I had ever experienced. The instant love I felt for our baby boy when I heard his cry for the first time and they placed him on my chest is honestly indescribable. The doctor mumbled something about needing to stitch up the incision she had made, but I didn't care about that; I had my baby and that was all that mattered.

I think this post has gone on long enough now, but I have definitely re-discovered my love for writing and so will continue posting here about life with Elijah. I'm not going to make promises about the frequency I'll post, because lets be real with a newborn promising you’ll do anything is pointless, they set all of the routine and rules.

#motherhood #birth #labour #birthstory #babyboy

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v-shxook-blog · 8 years ago

Text

Jungkook Dark Night

Dark Nights

4:49 a.m.

He felt too impatient once again as he exasperatedly looked to his left side and saw his alarm clock that bolded the numbers in its display screen in dark blue, enough to let him know of his struggle again. He sighed loudly out of nowhere and once again looked at his plain ceiling as he tries his best to fall asleep, even if it would be no use since he would need to wake up in 11 minutes. He shut his eyes tightly as much as he can, hoping that this would work out, but like usual, it did not.

4:50 a.m.

He opened his eyes and tried to breathe more soothingly, in and out, slowly. After then, he closed his eyes once again and tried doing the counting method his doctor tried recommending.

10… 11…

His breathing slowly became softer and softer, his mind rested calmly…

56… 57…

His body lied down more comfortably than his tense self a few months ago…

98… 99…

His eyes opened widely and he was jotted awake as his alarm clock started to go off loudly, he grumbled irritatingly as he forcibly pulled his body up from his bed and tapped off button harshly. He walked down the stairs, rubbing his eyes, acting as if he just woke up from a deep slumber, when in reality, he cannot sleep. At all.

Jungkook’s Mom:“Morning hun! Breakfast’s ready!”

His mom called out to him as he walked quietly past her and sat down on the dining table, feeling horrible as ever but tried to endure it near his tolerant mother.

Jungkook’s Mom:“Sleep well?”

She asked with a cheerful voice that annoyed the shit out of Jungkook. Nope. Like usual.

Jungkook:“Mmh. Yeah.”

He grudgingly mumbled as his mother put a plate on his side with eggs, sausages, and rice that seemed like it was friend recently.

Jungkook Mom:“Are you sick?”

She continued asking.

Jungkook:“No, I’m just tired. Stressed with school works, sports club… Yeah…”

He continued saying resentfully, just poking the food served in front of him.

Jungkook’s Mom:“Have you been taking your pills?”

No.

Jungkook:“Yeah. I just drank one this morning.”

Lies.

Jungkook’s Mom: “Ah i don’t ahve work on Thursday. Maybe we could go visit your doctor then?”

No.

Jungkook: “Yeah. Sure. Whatever you want.”

It’s not like i could do anything about it.

He completely lost his appetite.

Great.

Jungkook: “I’m gonna go take a shower now.”

He stood up from his seat as he said his remark

Jungkook’s Mom: “But you haven’t even touch your food...”

Jungkook:” I’m not hungry.”

He heard his mother sigh softly as he walked away from the dining table and went to the bathroom near his room.

*Don’t worry mom, I’m tired of myself too. Literally speaking*

After what seemed like seconds, he finished his bath and started to dress up plainly for school.

*It’s not like anyone would spare a glance to me*

He heard a loud beep by his window, signaling him that the school bus was there, waiting for his ass to get on. He swiftly left his room and went downstairs, opening the door and closing it, without even bidding goodbye to his mother. He immediately entered the bus doors that opened for him and bowed down to the man by the drivers seat, apologizing repeatedly for being late. The man returned a patient smile that seemed like it was forced... That was, at least, in Jungkook’s perspective.Like usual, he sat down at the seat at the very back of the school bus and nobody dared to approach him and sit next to him.

...

After he has gotten his useless books and notebooks, he went ahead to the room, leaving behind the students continuously chattering with their friends and he didn’t even have one. So why bother staying, right? Besides, he needs to go and try if he’ll be able to at least get a wink of sleep inside the room. He finally sat back at his usual seat, the most cornered one in the back. Nobody noticed him there (except when the teacher decided to call his almost - invisible presence). He was basically another student that doesn’t do well in school and sleep in class. Nobody bothered him too, since he had a vacant sat next to him that nobody wasted time to sit on. Nobody cared. Jungkook didn’t care either. That was until today. The school bell rung loudly, indicating that all boring classes were about to start. Unlike most of his classmates, he didn’t feel enthusiastic at all. It was homeroom time and he was just expecting a kind-looking woman bringing some books and discuss her life story, which only some actually cared about, to come inside. But today, you were walking behind the homeroom teacher with your head down. Nobody knew you, and everyone was as equally curious as Jungkook. The Teachers stood by her table and you just stood in front of the class, facing everyone with a smile plastered on your face. It showed nervousness and happiness at the same time.

Homeroom Teacher: “Good-morning everyone! Today, we have a new student. She just transferred here today. Please introduce yourself to the class!”

Student: “Hi everyone! My name is Eun Min! I hope you would be able to accept me in the class and we all could become friends!”

She said happily, full of energy. You slightly bowed and showed a genuine smile to everyone.

Homeroom Teacher: “Well then, welcome Miss Eun Min! You may proceed in taking a seat wherever you like.”

Jungkook knew there were a lot more vacant seats today, probably a few students who wanted to skip their homeroom time, so he thought Eun Min would never dare sit next to him. He then just laid his head down on his table and closed his eyes. That was what he thought. He heard a few sounds of what seemed like rustling of things and felt a warm presence next to him. He pulled his head up and looked to his right then saw Eun Min fixing her things. Jungkook felt as if someone staring at him, so he looked up at her and Eun Min smiled warmly.

Eun Min: “Sorry, i just decided to sit here because i like sitting in the back of a room. I hope you don’t mind... I won’t bother you.”

He stayed still staring at Eun Min.

Eun Min: “...I’m Eun Min.”

Jungkook still remained silent.

*She’s so... so beautiful*

Eun Min: “So do you have any plan of telling me your name?”

She jokingly said to him.

Jungkook hesitated.

*She’s just new... But why do i feel comfortable with her? I feel like i could trust her.*

Jungkook shyly smiled at Eun Min.

Jungkook: “Jungkook... My name is Jungkook.”

...

That night Jungkook laid back in his bed after a long, long, long day. He tried to recall everything.

*Wait, do i even need to remember something? I just had an ordinary day any---*

Eun Min. He remembered Eun Min. Her smile. Her face. Her sweet voice.Everything about her made him feel at ease for some unknown reason. Its is unexplainable really, even for him. He recalled how she started asking him for his name and how she literally grinned when he spoke up.

Flashback:

( Eun Min: “Oh Jungkook it is then! I hope we can be friends, if that’s fine with you.”

Jungkook fairly smiled when Eun Min said that. Eun Min was about to speak more but the homeroom teacher caught her talking and shushed her, and Jungkook were forced to stop ‘blabbering’.)

End of Flashback

Jungkook realized then...

*Holy shit, i just made a friend.*

And that was enough to make him smile again. When was the last time he smiled aside from today. Maybe it was when he was still unproblematic about life and didn’t overthink about stuff. How people think of him. How people would treat him after knowing him. Responsibilities he never asked for. Satisfying the preferences set by the society. He feared of being a disappointment, despite knowing he already was. He found himself frowning. This is what overthinking brought. Fear. Assumptions. And apparently, his illness, insomnia. It’s not like he could help it though. It just spurts out of nowhere and eventually hinders from resting, from actually escaping the monsterous thoughts he makes, even just for a few hours. That brings him where he is now. Continuously being a failure to his parents, to his family, to the generation. And here he was again, constantly overthinking things once again. How did he even go to this topic when he was thinking of Eun Min in the first place? Eun Min... He thought of her again.

*What is Eun Min doing right now? Are you still peacefully sleeping? Or by this time, you were stretching your body as you just wake up?*

He could vaguely imagine Eun Min sleeping with her angelic smile on her face as she are lying comfortably in her own bed. Jungkook could feel his eyes getting heavier and heavier by each second he thinks of Eun Min. Before he continues to at least rest, he tried to have a glimpse of the clock by his side.

4:20 a.m.

Jungkook felt surprisingly refreshed as he hit the off button of the clock that once again went off loudly at 5 in the morning. He stretched slightly. I had 40 minutes of sleep today. And that was already enough to make him happy and less pathetic.

...

Jungkook waited for Eun Min to show up today in the room. When Eun Mion enterd, he smiled slightly.

Eun Min: “Oh... hey Jungkook! You’re quite early huh?”

Jungkook: “ Oh yeah, I always come here early to try and at least get to get at least sleep for a few minutes.”

Eun Min: “ Well looks like you aren’t doing that today.”

Jungkook: “I slept well...”

He could feel a small smile creeping on his face. After almost months of staying up late for nothing, he finally got some rest this time.

Eun Min brightly smiled at Jungkook.

...

Jungkook remained calm and happy. Because Eun Min was always there for him. Months have quickly passed and Jungkook and Eun Min have gotten closer and closer. Eun Min’s friendship with Jungkook stregthened. Jungkook was able to open up to you freely, telling most of his life stories, including his illness. He could clearly remember when he finally told everything about himself to Eun Min.

Flashback:

Jungkook: “Well, I always look tired because I am tired.”

Eun Min: “Huh? What do you mean by that?”

Jungkook: “Well, I can’t really... I usually can’t sleep very well... I have trouble of doing so...”

Eun Min: “You have insomnia?”

Jungkook:” Guess you could say that.”

Eun Min: “Wait! You had insomnia and you never told me?!”

Jungkook: “I thought it wasn’t that necessary you know...”

Eun Min: “It is ! You are already exhausted in school and you still don’t get enough rest!? Have you ever consulted a doctor or something?”

Jungkook heard how worried Eun Min was. And it made him feel bad, somehow.

Jungkook: “Well, occasionally i go to my doctor. I am told then to drink this certain medication to help palliate my sickness’ effect...”

Eun Min: “ Have you been taking that?”

Jungkook remained silent.

Eun Min: “Tsk. I somehow guessed you were not following him. Well then, I’ll be the one who will remind you to take your pills starting from now on. And you better promise me that!”

Jungkook didn’t like the fact that another person was demanding him to get better by drinking his medication. But he never heard Eun Min’s voice with pity, unlike the other voices he have heard from people when he revealed he had this illness. There was no sympathy, which was one of the things he despised, and it was just genuine concern and worry.

Jungkook: “Yeah, I promise.”

If it was for Eun Min, his only friend, the only person who had the courage to break into his bubble, he would gladly do it. He would gladly want to feel better.

Text Messages:

Eun Min: Hey

Did you drink you drink your medicine already?

Jungkook: Not yet mom D:

Eun Min: DRINK!!!!!! THEM!!!! ALREADY!!!!!

BEFORE I KICK YOUR ASS

Jungkook: Ok mom geez

This is child abuse

End of Text Messages

Eun Min didn’t break her promise of reminding Jungkook to take his pills and got to bed early, texting him at the right time, everyday that passes by. And Jungkook didn’t break his promise of abiding by her demands, taking his medication and trying to get some sleep. He was becoming happier and more proud of himself as he was constantly getting better and better. He was getting at least 2-4 hours of sleep., depending on his mood, stress, or whatever. Jungkook and Eun Min’s friendship became stronger and stronger as each day passes by. They faced several problems together, may have had several fights about stuff, Eun Min and Jungkook stayed firm.

...

And Jungkook’s feelings for Eun Min slowly grew stronger. But it slowly crushed by then.

Eun Min: “Hey Jungkook!”

She screamed in delight on the phone.

Jungkook: “It’s 9 AM. for fuck’s sake Eun Min. Jeez, what do you want?”

He said irritatingly

Eun Min: “Remember Jimin?”

Eun Min started to giggle on the phone. Oh Jimin... Eun MIn had a crush on Park Jimin, who happens to be a famous guy on Eun Min’s campus. He was an ultimate heart throb, constantly receiving several confessions from his ‘fangirls’, who are trying their luck to be his girlfriend. “Wow, very cliche of you, Eun Min,” Jungkook said when her and Jungkook started talking about Jimin almost 4 months ago with bright and loving eyes. Jungkook hated him for some reason. How could Jungkook not forget about Jimin, the famous Park Jimin? All Eun Min did is talk and drool over Jimin whenever Jungkook and Eun Min are together. And it always irritated Jungkook. But of course, he’s not willing to let Eun Min see that he’s actually jealous because of some stupid guy who’s famous for is ‘oh-so-attractive looks’. Jungkook could feel his eyes rolling due to hateful instinct.

Jungkook: “Oh that guy... Your cliche crush... What about him?”

Eun Min: “Well you won’t believe this but... We’re officially dating now!”

*W... What...?*

Jungkook felt his throat going dry and his mouth opened in disbelief

Jungkook: “H-Hah? How did that happen?”

Eun Min: “Well, he asked me out yesterday and proposed to me! Oh goodness! He looked so handsome, even if he was just wearing a simple sweater and pants, holding a bouquet of flowers, and ... I can’t even!”

Eun Min squealed on the phone again, as she felt super giddy and happy. It was contrary to Jungkook’s feelings though. The school just held the prom 3 months ago and allegedly, you were assigned as Jimin’s partner. Eun Min considered it as fate, as Eun Min had a big crush on Jimin. Jungkook didn’t attend practices and the event itself though because he caught a fever, so he had no idea of what was happening. The day after the prom, when you visited Jungkook,. thinking he was still sick and finding out he was actually already fine, Eun Min suddenly surprised him with news of Eun Min crush confessing to you during the night after your promenade has ended Jiimin said he was going to court you starting from that day. Jungkook started to become scared that you would consider that asshole’s feelings and Eun Min would have to leave him alone by himself once again.

Jungkook: “O-oh.”

*Guess that day finally came.*

Jungkook: “Congrats then, I guess...”

Jungkook swallowed with his dry throat and his hands started to become shaky as his tears formed.

Eun Min: “You could sound more enthusiastic for me, don’t you think?”

Eun Min jokingly said, entirely clueless about his current state. Jungkook didn’t like to upset Eun Min, so he tried his best to contain his feelings and sighed softly.

Jungkook: “Congrats then, Eun Min. You finally found someone who will love you for your ugliness!”

Jungkook bitterly laughed.

Jungkook: “I hope you have a great relationship with Jimin.”

Jungkook tried to make it sound like he was sarcastic, that he was happily joking with Eun Min, like how he does it when Eun Min is with him, but in reality, he was gritting his teeth and we was clenching his fist to try and suppress the tears buy his eyes that were threatening to spill out.

Eun Min: “That’s more like it!”

Eun Min obviously said, with her smiling brightly and proudly on the other side of the phone. It was obvious, too obvious that Eun Min were too delighted to even contain the happiness to herself. And Jungkook found it too disheartening for his part.

Jungkook: “Can I go back to sleep[ now? It’s 9 am, and it’s the weekend. I need to catch some sleep!”

Jungkook obviously said as he continued to choke back his tears. He continued to make his face firm.

Eun Min: “Yeah i guess so. You better catch some sleep! Don’t forget to drink your pills, too! Okay?”

Jungkook: “Yeah,yeah. Bye..”

And that’s when Jungkook released everything. His tears. His words. His thoughts. Was he a selfish person when he wanted Eun Min for him and himself only? He thought he had a chance to finally confess his feeling that he had been bottling up inside. He was too much of a coward to do so. Considering Eun Min casual likeness with Jimin, he hesitated and got scared, which eventually led up to Jungkook losing Eun Min completely. He felt nothing but immediate despair and melancholy as his tears continued to fall down. Jungkook locked himself inside of his room for the rest of the day and just cried.

TO BE CONTINUED...

#bts stories #bts jungkook #bts #top stories

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thewritingsofjustinroy · 7 years ago

Text

January 08, 2018

Dear Janis,

It’s been a very hard day, and it’s only 4:15PM. Over the past two days, my boyfriend has been bleating about feeling sick. I did what I knew best to do, which was monitor his symptoms, treat those I could with over the counter medicine, and keep him hydrated. His temperature has been fluctuating since, ranging from 98° to 102°, but he seemed to be strong, and never insisted he needed to go to the doctor. Not until last night, at least.

Being brought up the way I did, the only fever I ever considered “dangerous” was a fever of 103°+, or a fever that just wouldn’t go away after a couple days. Last night, after insisting he needed to go to work, I took Chomp’s temperature again, and he was at 98°. It was such a relief, because I finally thought he was past what I assumed was a cold.

Unfortunately, this morning, I woke up next to him claiming to feel better, but suffering from a bad cough. I took his temperature again, and the thermometer read 103°. At that point, I knew something worse than a cold was taking hold of him, and that it was time to take him to a clinic. That suggestion didn’t go over well, sadly and surprisingly.

He insisted that all he needed was this homeopathic medicine a friend recommended, but I tried to convince him that was a waste of time, and that he probably shouldn’t drive. He took that, as he so often does, as an assault on his autonomy. He tried leaving, and I begged him to stay, even going as far as to block the door. He responded by marching over to the balcony door, presumably intending to jump off.

I stood in his way again, begging him to listen, and he responded by screaming at me to get out of his way. “Nothing you have suggested has worked,” he shouted. “NOTHING YOU’RE DOING IS HELPING!” I begged him to please let me take him to the clinic, and he walked out of the apartment, informing me that he would be walking down to a nearby drug store.

I followed him, repeatedly stopping and imploring him to get in the car. He ignored me each time. Finally, I just drove to the drug store and waited for him to find what he was looking for. I asked him once again if we could go to the clinic, and he responded by saying he was not going to be controlled by anyone, and insisted that he was finished with me if I did not give him space.

He settled for some expensive vitamin gummies, which he was likely getting from the vitamins I had been giving him for days. I then asked him if I could at least drive him home, and he agreed.

I drove him to the clinic, instead. At that point, I was resolved to find out what was going on with him. If it meant him ending the relationship, then that’s what it meant.

After waiting nearly an hour, while Chomp’s rested in the car, I was able to catch the clinic physician before she went on lunch —which would have forced us to wait for another hour — and persuaded her to see him first. By the grace of herself and God, she agreed. Shortly after, Chomp’s was diagnosed with Influenza B.

He’s since taken his first dose, and is presently resting in our bed. God willing, his fever should be gone in two days, and the virus should be dead within a week. I just went in to check on him, and he claims to feel terrible for the things he said to me. I feel terrible, too. I feel terrible for not being smart enough to recognize what this was the flu; I feel terrible that he has to suffer this damn virus; I feel terrible for all the theatrics that transpired this morning; and I feel terrible for not knowing how else to handle the aforementioned situation.

What hurts me most, however, and what has been festering in the back of my mind since, is something he said to me on the way from the drug store to the clinic: He accused me of being controlling, and of always trying to control him.

No matter how hard I try to pacify him, and temper myself in his eyes, he seems to see me as someone who is trying to thwart and manage him. Having never been in a serious relationship, I’m honestly not sure where the line between care and control lies, especially in his eyes. Rules are different for him, and he doesn’t tolerate emotions well. He apparently sees compassion as weakness and concern as intrusive.

That being said, one of the reasons I love this man so much, is because he is a force of nature. He is the only man I’ve ever met who is as untamed and freewheeling as I used to think I was. Somewhat unlike me though —or perhaps to a greater degree— he plays by his own rules, is defined by his own terms, and finds resolve by what he perceives to be true. Once his mind is made up, it is very hard to help him see any other way.

We’ve often joked that, rather than getting a “his side/his side” sign to put over over our respective sides of the bed, we should instead get one that reads: “Unstoppable Force; Immovable Object”.

At his best, he is brilliant, warm, humorous, hardworking, and collaborative. At his worst, he’s stubborn, capricious, callous, indolent, and indifferent. He’s a storm, just like me. I know that he is not manageable, which is why I never consciously tried. I do recognize, however, that he is too often self-defeating and blind to his own virtue and abilities. He also vilifies many of his friends and kin who seek only to bolster him.

That’s where I am, I think. I only want to help him achieve his utmost potential, and sometimes that requires heavy conversations. I don’t always know my limitations, or when I’m out of bounds, because his fluctuate as ferociously as his fever. I also don’t want to hold his hand or push too much, but I do want to help him. Until today, I thought he was starting to understand that. Now, I don’t know.

I don’t know if what I just said makes me controlling. Does it? If so, I would like to know, because I do not want to be controlling.

What do you do, though, when the person you love is acting too stubborn to do what’s best for them? There are so many questions presently plaguing my mind. Should I have let him make his own decision this morning and waste his money on a remedy that would not have worked? Should I have let this flu debilitate him? Did I do the right thing? Will he ever forgive me for trying to help him? Is our relationship over already?

I don’t know the answers to any of those questions, and I honestly don’t even know how to proceed. My heart still hurts from the events of today. I often wonder if we’re both just freaking out over the increasing reality that we are becoming a codependent couple. We both seem to operate under the same conviction that —no matter what— we are in this world alone, and the most important goal that we must achieve in this life is survival.

I hope time brings me clarity. I was hoping this entry would, but I was likely expecting too much. It has helped, though. Much is out of my mind, and I feel a little better.

Admittedly, the past two days of brevity have been expressed here today. This has largely been on my mind for the past two days. Sudden financial issues have gripped me as well, but this is really it. This has been eating at me.

Can I be loved or am I just too much to bear? Can I be of use or am I just too damaged to help anyone?

I’ve been trying so hard to love myself, and I sometimes think I’m getting there, but then someone points out another insufferable flaw of mine, and I once again feel defective.

I don’t know if it’s right to love myself when I’m clearly flawed; I thought that’s how narcissist are born.

I still have work to do and room to grow.

Goodnight, Janis.

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viralhottopics · 8 years ago

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The 16 Most Beautifully Touching Love Letters From Famous Writers And Artists

1. Allen Ginsburg to poet Peter Orlovsky:

Dear Petey:

O Heart O Love everything is suddenly turned to gold! Dont be afraid dont worry the most astounding beautiful thing has happened here! I dont know where to begin but the most important. When Bill [ed: William S. Burroughs] came I, we, thought it was the same old Bill mad, but something had happened to Bill in the meantime since we last saw him…but last night finally Bill and I sat down facing each other across the kitchen table and looked eye to eye and talked, and I confessed all my doubt and misery and in front of my eyes he turned into an Angel!

What happened to him in Tangiers this last few months? It seems he stopped writing and sat on his bed all afternoons thinking and meditating alone & stopped drinking and finally dawned on his consciousness, slowly and repeatedly, every day, for several months awareness of a benevolent sentient (feeling) center to the whole Creation he had apparently, in his own way, what I have been so hung up in myself and you, a vision of big peaceful Lovebrain…

I woke up this morning with great bliss of freedom & joy in my heart, Bills saved, Im saved, youre saved, were all saved, everything has been all rapturous ever since I only feel sad that perhaps you left as worried when we waved goodby and kissed so awkwardly I wish I could have that over to say goodby to you happier & without the worries and doubts I had that dusty dusk when you left Bill is changed nature, I even feel much changed, great clouds rolled away, as I feel when you and I were in rapport, well, our rapport has remained in me, with me, rather than losing it, Im feeling to everyone, something of the same as between us.

2. Frida Kahlo to Diego Rivera:

Diego:

Truth is, so great, that I wouldnt like to speak, or sleep, or listen, or love. To feel myself trapped, with no fear of blood, outside time and magic, within your own fear, and your great anguish, and within the very beating of your heart. All this madness, if I asked it of you, I know, in your silence, there would be only confusion. I ask you for violence, in the nonsense, and you, you give me grace, your light and your warmth. Id like to paint you, but there are no colors, because there are so many, in my confusion, the tangible form of my great love.

3. Oscar Wilde to Lord Alred Bosie Douglas (Wilde’s eventual muse):

My Own Boy,

Your sonnet is quite lovely, and it is a marvel that those red rose-leaf lips of yours should be made no less for the madness of music and song than for the madness of kissing. Your slim gilt soul walks between passion and poetry. I know Hyacinthus, whom Apollo loved so madly, was you in Greek days.

Why are you alone in London, and when do you go to Salisbury? Do go there to cool your hands in the grey twilight of Gothic things, and come here whenever you like. It is a lovely place and lacks only you; but go to Salisbury first.

Always, with undying love, yours, Oscar

4. Eleanor Roosevelt to Lorena Hickok (Eleanor’s long-speculated lover):

Hick, darling

Ah, how good it was to hear your voice. It was so inadequate to try and tell you what it meant. Funny was that I couldnt say je taime and je tadore as I longed to do, but always remember that I am saying it, that I go to sleep thinking of you.

5. Emma Darwin to Charles Darwin:

I cannot tell you the compassion I have felt for all your sufferings for these weeks past that you have had so many drawbacks. Nor the gratitude I have felt for the cheerful & affectionate looks you have given me when I know you have been miserably uncomfortable.

My heart has often been too full to speak or take any notice I am sure you know I love you well enough to believe that I mind your sufferings nearly as much as I should my own & I find the only relief to my own mind is to take it as from Gods hand, & to try to believe that all suffering & illness is meant to help us to exalt our minds & to look forward with hope to a future state. When I see your patience, deep compassion for others self command & above all gratitude for the smallest thing done to help you I cannot help longing that these precious feelings should be offered to Heaven for the sake of your daily happiness. But I find it difficult enough in my own case. I often think of the words Thou shalt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on thee. It is feeling & not reasoning that drives one to prayer. I feel presumptuous in writing thus to you.

I feel in my inmost heart your admirable qualities & feelings & all I would hope is that you might direct them upwards, as well as to one who values them above every thing in the world. I shall keep this by me till I feel cheerful & comfortable again about you but it has passed through my mind often lately so I thought I would write it partly to relieve my own mind.

6. English poet Vita Sackville-West to Virginia Woolf:

…I am reduced to a thing that wants Virginia. I composed a beautiful letter to you in the sleepless nightmare hours of the night, and it has all gone: I just miss you, in a quite simple desperate human way. You, with all your undumb letters, would never write so elementary a phrase as that; perhaps you wouldnt even feel it. And yet I believe youll be sensible of a little gap. But youd clothe it in so exquisite a phrase that it should lose a little of its reality. Whereas with me it is quite stark: I miss you even more than I could have believed; and I was prepared to miss you a good deal. So this letter is really just a squeal of pain. It is incredible how essential to me you have become. I suppose you are accustomed to people saying these things. Damn you, spoilt creature; I shant make you love me any more by giving myself away like this But oh my dear, I cant be clever and stand-offish with you: I love you too much for that. Too truly. You have no idea how stand-offish I can be with people I dont love. I have brought it to a fine art. But you have broken down my defenses. And I dont really resent it.

7. E.B. White to his wife on the occasion of her pregnancy, “written” by their dog:

Dear Mrs. White:

I like having Josephine here in the morning, although I suppose I will get less actual thinking done as I used to do my thinking mornings in the bathroom. White has been stewing around for two days now, a little bit worried because he is not sure that he has made you realize how glad he is that there is to be what the column writer in the Mirror calls a blessed event. So I am taking this opportunity, Mrs. White, to help him out to the extent of writing you a brief note which I havent done in quite a long time but have been a little sick myself as you know. Well, the truth is White is beside himself and would have said more about it but is holding himself back, not wanting to appear ludicrous to a veteran mother. What he feels, he told me, is a strange queer tight little twitchy feeling around the inside of his throat whenever he thinks that something is happening which will require so much love and all on account of you being so wonderful. (I am not making myself clear I am afraid, but on the occasions when White has spoken privately with me about this he was in no condition to make himself clear either and I am just doing the best I can in my own way.) I know White so well that I always know what is the matter with him, and it always comes to the same thing he gets thinking that nothing that he writes or says ever quite expresses his feeling, and he worries about his inarticulateness just the same as he does about his bowels, except it is worse, and it makes him either mad, or sick, or with a prickly sensation in the head. But my, my, my, last Sunday he was so full of this matter which he couldnt talk about, and he was what Josephine in her simple way would call hoppy, and particularly so because it seemed so good that everything was starting at once I mean those things, whatever they are, that are making such a noise over in the pond by Palmer Lewiss house, and the song sparrow that even I could hear from my confinement in the house, and those little seeds that you were sprinkling up where the cut glass and bones used to be all starting at the same time as the baby, which he seems to think exists already by the way he stands around staring at you and muttering little prayers. Of course he is also very worried for fear you will get the idea that he is regarding you merely as a future mother and not as a present person, or that he wants a child merely as a vindication of his vanity. I doubt if those things are true; White enjoys animal husbandry of all kinds including his own; and as for his regard for you, he has told me that, quite apart from this fertility, he admires you in all kinds of situations or dilemmas, some of which he says have been quite dirty.

Well, Mrs. White, I expect I am tiring you with this long letter, but as you often say yourself, a husband and wife should tell each other about the things that are on their mind, otherwise you get nowhere, and White didnt seem to be able to tell you about his happiness, so thought I would attempt to put in a word.

White is getting me a new blanket, as the cushion in the bathroom is soiled.

Lovingly, Daisy

8. Charles Eames’ marriage proposal to Ray Eames:

Dear Miss Kaiser,

I am 34 (almost) years old, singel (again) and broke. I love you very much and would like to marry you very very soon.* I cannot promise to support us very well. but if given the chance I will shure in hell try

*soon means very soon.

What is the size of this finger??

as soon as I get to that hospital I will write reams well little ones.

love xxxxxxxxxx

Charlie

9. Jean-Paul Sartre to Simone de Beauvoir:

My dear little girl

For a long time Ive been wanting to write to you in the evening after one of those outings with friends that I will soon be describing in A Defeat, the kind when the world is ours. I wanted to bring you my conquerors joy and lay it at your feet, as they did in the Age of the Sun King. And then, tired out by all the shouting, I always simply went to bed. Today Im doing it to feel the pleasure you dont yet know, of turning abruptly from friendship to love, from strength to tenderness. Tonight I love you in a way that you have not known in me: I am neither worn down by travels nor wrapped up in the desire for your presence. I am mastering my love for you and turning it inwards as a constituent element of myself. This happens much more often than I admit to you, but seldom when Im writing to you. Try to understand me: I love you while paying attention to external things. At Toulouse I simply loved you. Tonight I love you on a spring evening. I love you with the window open. You are mine, and things are mine, and my love alters the things around me and the things around me alter my love.

My dear little girl, as Ive told you, what youre lacking is friendship. But now is the time for more practical advice. Couldnt you find a woman friend? How can Toulouse fail to contain one intelligent young woman worthy of you*? But you wouldnt have to love her. Alas, youre always ready to give your love, its the easiest thing to get from you. Im not talking about your love for me, which is well beyond that, but you are lavish with little secondary loves, like that night in Thiviers when you loved that peasant walking downhill in the dark, whistling away, who turned out to be me. Get to know the feeling, free of tenderness, that comes from being two. Its hard, because all friendship, even between two red-blooded men, has its moments of love. I have only to console my grieving friend to love him; its a feeling easily weakened and distorted. But youre capable of it, and you must experience it. And so, despite your fleeting misanthropy, have you imagined what a lovely adventure it would be to search Toulouse for a woman who would be worthy of you and whom you wouldnt be in love with? Dont bother with the physical side or the social situation. And search honestly. And if you find nothing, turn Henri Pons, whom you scarcely love anymore, into a friend.

[]

I love you with all my heart and soul.

10. Honor de Balzac to Countess Ewelina Haska (June, 1835):

MY BELOVED ANGEL,

I am nearly mad about you, as much as one can be mad: I cannot bring together two ideas that you do not interpose yourself between them. I can no longer think of nothing but you. In spite of myself, my imagination carries me to you. I grasp you, I kiss you, I caress you, a thousand of the most amorous caresses take possession of me. As for my heart, there you will always be very much so. I have a delicious sense of you there. But my God, what is to become of me, if you have deprived me of my reason? This is a monomania which, this morning, terrifies me. I rise up every moment say to myself, Come, I am going there! Then I sit down again, moved by the sense of my obligations. There is a frightful conflict. This is not a life. I have never before been like that. You have devoured everything. I feel foolish and happy as soon as I let myself think of you. I whirl round in a delicious dream in which in one instant I live a thousand years. What a horrible situation! Overcome with love, feeling love in every pore, living only for love, and seeing oneself consumed by griefs, and caught in a thousand spiders threads. O, my darling Eva, you did not know it. I picked up your card. It is there before me, and I talked to you as if you were here. I see you, as I did yesterday, beautiful, astonishingly beautiful. Yesterday, during the whole evening, I said to myself She is mine! Ah! The angels are not as happy in Paradise as I was yesterday!

11. Napoleon Bonaparte to Josphine de Beauharnais:

I am going to bed with my heart full of your adorable image I cannot wait to give you proofs of my ardent love How happy I would be if I could assist you at your undressing, the little firm white breast, the adorable face, the hair tied up in a scarf a la creole. You know that I will never forget the little visits, you know, the little black forest I kiss it a thousand times and wait impatiently for the moment I will be in it. To live within Josephine is to live in the Elysian fields. Kisses on your mouth, your eyes, your breast, everywhere, everywhere.

12. John Keats to Fanny Brawne:

My sweet love, I shall wait patiently till tomorrow before I see you, and in the mean time, if there is any need of such a thing, assure you by your Beauty, that whenever I have at any time written on a certain unpleasant subject, it has been with your welfare impressd upon my mind. How hurt I should have been had you ever acceded to what is, notwithstanding, very reasonable! How much the more do I love you from the general result! In my present state of Health I feel too much separated from you and could almost speak to you in the words of Lorenzos Ghost to Isabella

Your Beauty grows upon me and I feel A greater love through all my essence steal.

My greatest torment since I have known you has been the fear of you being a little inclined to the Cressid; but that suspicion I dismiss utterly and remain happy in the surety of your Love, which I assure you is as much a wonder to me as a delight. Send me the words Good night to put under my pillow.

Dearest Fanny, Your affectionate J.K.

13. Lord Byron to Teresa Guiccioli (August, 1819):

My dearest Teresa,

I have read this book in your garden;–my love, you were absent, or else I could not have read it. It is a favourite book of yours, and the writer was a friend of mine. You will not understand these English words, and others will not understand them,–which is the reason I have not scrawled them in Italian. But you will recognize the handwriting of him who passionately loved you, and you will divine that, over a book which was yours, he could only think of love.

In that word, beautiful in all languages, but most so in yours–Amor mio–is comprised my existence here and hereafter. I feel I exist here, and I feel I shall exist hereafter,–to what purpose you will decide; my destiny rests with you, and you are a woman, eighteen years of age, and two out of a convent. I love you, and you love me,–at least, you say so, and act as if you did so, which last is a great consolation in all events.

But I more than love you, and cannot cease to love you. Think of me, sometimes, when the Alps and ocean divide us, –but they never will, unless you wish it.

14. Voltaire to Olympe Dunover, written while in prison for their affair:

I am a prisoner here in the name of the King; they can take my life, but not the love that I feel for you. Yes, my adorable mistress, to-night I shall see you, and if I had to put my head on the block to do it.

For heaven’s sake, do not speak to me in such disastrous terms as you write; you must live and be cautious; beware of madame your mother as of your worst enemy. What do I say? Beware of everybody; trust no one; keep yourself in readiness, as soon as the moon is visible; I shall leave the hotel incognito, take a carriage or a chaise, we shall drive like the wind to Sheveningen; I shall take paper and ink with me; we shall write our letters.

If you love me, reassure yourself; and call all your strength and presence of mind to your aid; do not let your mother notice anything, try to have your pictures, and be assured that the menace of the greatest tortures will not prevent me to serve you. No, nothing has the power to part me from you; our love is based upon virtue, and will last as long as our lives. Adieu, there is nothing that I will not brave for your sake; you deserve much more than that. Adieu, my dear heart!

Arout (Voltaire)

15. Henry VIII to Anne Boleyn:

TO MY MISTRESS. Because the time seems very long since I heard concerning your health and you, the great affection I have for you has induced me to send you this bearer, to be better informed of your health and pleasure, and because, since my parting from you, I have been told that the opinion in which I left you is totally changed, and that you would not come to court either with your mother, if you could, or in any other manner; which report, if true, I cannot sufficiently marvel at, because I am sure that I have since never done any thing to offend you, and it seems a very poor return for the great love which I bear you to keep me at a distance both from the speech and the person of the woman that I esteem most in the world: and if you love me with as much affection as I hope you do, I am sure that the distance of our two persons would be a little irksome to you, though this does not belong so much to the mistress as to the servant.

Consider well, my mistress, that absence from you grieves me sorely, hoping that it is not your will that it should be so; but if I knew for certain that you voluntarily desired it, I could do no other than mourn my ill-fortune, and by degrees abate my great folly. And so, for lack of time, I make an end of this rude letter, beseeching you to give credence to this bearer in all that he will tell you from me.

Written by the hand of your entire Servant, H.R.

16. Leo Tolstoy to Valeria Arsenev (November, 1856):

I already love in you your beauty, but I am only beginning to love in you that which is eternal and ever previous your heat, your soul. Beauty one could get to know and fall in love with in one hour and cease to love it as speedily; but the soul one must learn to know. Believe me, nothing on earth is given without labour, even love, the most beautiful and natural of feelings.