#rent's due next week let's see what i'm left with and see if it fixes my reality lmao

[caelcstis]

i don't wanna count my chickens before they hatch, esp bc this is so far in advance - but mom and i have been talking about taking a vacation down south. and y'know at first i was like are we just dreaming like we usually do?? but then after a while i was like...no wait, we could actually probably do this. this wouldn't happen till around my birthday tbh - which is mid august so like again i am not getting too ahead of myself. but a part of me?? would really just love to get away, especially right now. y'know, the worlds shit, work's shit, life's shit. everything's just shit for the most part.

plus in my working on 4 years being at this place, i've never taken a vacation. i've taken a weekend off on the occasion and have even told my manager when he offered putting my name down for my birthday week like i don't?? i don't take a week or 2 weeks off despite i clearly have the time and i should use it. i don't want to lose it because i don't use it. but i've always?? had to be the one to close save for a monday and thursday - my days off, and sunday i open. so i'm always doing a closing and opening on our busiest days since we're a grocery store. i'm always bending backwards for everyone despite i know damn well no one would do it for me.

it just sounds so nice if we can pull it off? plus the dogs can go with us and we don't have to worry about boarding them (my dogs are very friendly, they can just be a little reactive and dramatic-they're huskies. but like i've never had an issue with them at the park, my youngest is actually always making friends/boyfriends while the eldest is usually just in her own little world with her slowly losing vision). they'd also have a yard?? which they haven't had in years now, i try and walk them as i can with how reactive they can be. we'd be 2-5 minutes away from two different beaches with the house we're looking at, about 10 minutes away from the big beach.

even before this job i don't think my mom and i have taken a break in almost 6 years, and that was for my 20th birthday and we went to oregon to see my brother who is now?? no contact with us and i'm unsure of what i did considering i...don't know all of our family drama tbh? i was ripped away from my family basically when i was 10 turning 11 and i'm now 25 and am starting to get used to the word again. all i know and can piece together it's him and my sister at odds with each other and their disdain for each other is so thick, it just spread out to everyone and he made his decision to not be in contact anymore.

it sucks, because i do love him - i felt so loved with his extended family on my birthday because i've personally never done anything too special for my birthday since we were always struggling. i remember almost crying because someone got me flowers. but, i've also just tried to respect it and understand. he's like 13-14 years older than me, i think it's safe to say he can make his own decisions.

but yeah, it's been almost 6 years since we've really done anything together and gotten away. it would be so nice to do so again.

[wistfulrat]

this week’s fics! feat. bakeries, bookshops, bisexual awakenings of the angsty and fluffy sort, wolfstar goddads being tender as hell, desi harry reconnecting with his culture, domestic drarry, a lap dance set to akon’s smack that, and more!

But That’s History by @ebbet - 54k - T Harry Potter starts his first year as Muggle Studies Professor only to find that Draco Malfoy has been hired to teach History of Magic.

listen to me. this is one of the funniest drarry fics i've ever read. i was cackling in my bed at 2am because harry’s internal monologues throughout this fic are unhinged. insanely quotable. “what was he, a lothario” and “you were crushing me with your muscular thighs!” are lines that live rent free in my empty head. harry has never played anything cool a day in his life. there’s a faculty meeting where the teachers are planning the yule ball and debating the merits of a DJ when harry decides he must defend his muggle-music-loving honor by dancing seductively to akon’s smack that while a blushing draco loses his mind. i fucking screamed. and the best part is that in between the comedic scenes threading the overall story, you have extremely tender moments of like, padma patil helping harry become a more rooted desi by sharing their cultural traditions, harry proudly donning his sherwani. draco wrestling with his past, going to harry’s lgbtq+ club for students, being sheepish with ron and hermione. ugh, comedic writers with emotional depth are clever and talented as hell!!

Realities, Unfurling by @ebbet - 45k - M Draco Malfoy is released from Azkaban into a changed world.

incredible collage-fic told from multiple povs. 8yrs post-war and everything’s changed. the current state of the magical world unfolds via slice-of-life snapshots from a truly stunning cast. non-binary harry whom is running a non-prof org dedicated to building tolerance and establishing equality for marginalized identities. post-prison-release draco whose life will be changed by the internet. neville’s tender relationship with blaise. andromeda’s fiercely protective mothering. remus and sirius being alive and very hot and just, the tender goddads harry deserved. cho chang being brilliant. baker pansy’s softened edges. found families abound. harry being flustered by their crush on draco and making personalized playlists on an iPod nano.

that all might sound narratively cluttered but the author more than pulls this off. glorious, start to finish.

Knead by @jovialobservationanchor (an @hd-erised​ fic) - 83k - E This is not a story about Harry renovating Grimmauld Place. This is a story about coffee shops and brewpubs, about Ginny and Luna on a farm with creatures, about magical Oregon, coastal road trips, flying, friendship, and Draco Malfoy's lean arms.

cinematic. a love letter to oregon’s expansive landscapes and lively cities. it’s harry finding home in unexpected places and people. in the vast silence of rolling fields, endless coasts, and starry night skies big enough to feel like you’re adrift in space. and it’s also the lingering, intimate quiet of early mornings in a bakery, sitting on a park bench overlooking the city as you eat ice cream next to your crush. it’s harry watching ginny and luna dance and work around each other like bees. it’s the slow unfolding of harry and draco’s relationship as they fill each other’s quiet. finishing this fic is like waking from a good dream. transporting, immersive, lovely. 

Harry Potter and the Bisexual Awakening by @writcraft - 20k - E Harry is perfectly content being single, heterosexual and living in Godric's Hollow with his very clingy rescue dog, Snitch. When Draco Malfoy turns up on Harry's doorstep demanding that Harry teach him how to drive, things quickly become a lot more complicated.

first of all, i feel very seen by draco being a gay-who-can’t-drive. it’s called representation. but mostly i love the ease of harry and draco’s banter, a flustered harry discovering his sexuality, and the way this fic addresses biphobia. also very emo over this exchange: “I think I might be scared of you, but probably not for the reasons you think.” “Yes.” Draco stares at Harry. “I think I might be scared of you too.”

Forged through flowing water by @tedahfromtayla (an @hd-erised​ fic) - 40k - E When Hermione sets up a diplomatic mission to begin repairing the damage British colonisation did to Indian magical communities Harry isn’t going to pass on the opportunity to visit and help his family’s home country. Maybe he should have asked a few more questions about the personnel she had recruited for it before signing on because Malfoy surely has an ulterior motive to be there.

so much to love about this fic. the beautiful settings, from kolkata to mumbai, to the holi festival and colorful lively streets, to remote cave settlements and old intricate temples. it’s harry in the homeland, reconnecting to his family’s heritage and confronting the weight of imperialism in his history. it’s nipping the white savior complex in the bud. this part: That is what England left behind. That is what it still stands for, despite whatever mask of respectability and honour it presents. . .You don't get to step aside and let someone else deal with the mess. You have to listen and learn and then act, Malfoy, you need to learn how to fix your own mess. This is why we're here. my indigenous ass cheered. HP certainly sells the british fantasy but HP fanfic?? fuck jkr, fuck the crown. i love that this fic doesn’t romanticize england’s history. i love that we get to see the vast resilience and beauty of post-colonial india.

Purity Control by yrfrndfrnkly - 28k - T In which Harry tries to ignore his trauma with fantasy Quidditch but Malfoy's Thereness™ is distracting and all his classmates want to talk about are unicorns, virginity, and Muggle music.

tender 8th year fics where they go from bristly as fuck to understanding and soft 100% guaranteed to make me emo as hell. all the teens have traumas and no one wants to talk about it but eventually Things are Talked About. it’s good of the adults to finally notice. everyone just wants someone to hold their hand. and this part: “You’re the only person around here who’s a bigger mess than I am.” “I thought maybe we could be a mess together,” pls don’t look at me as i weep over their gentle empathy.

Advent, a comic by dustmouth - WIP - T It's Harry and Draco's first Christmas together and Draco is determined to live his full yuletide fantasy, come hell or high water.

dustmouth, patron saint of whimsical drarry. whose illustrations singlehandedly reinvented wizarding fashion. whose cheeky and tender comics are like a soothing balm to the utter depravity of this carnal world. harry and draco being domestic, draco’s xmas spirit brand being “traditional unhinged”!! extremely my shit. we’ll absolutely be reading this all december.

Little Spaces by @dracoladon and @lazywonderlvnd​ - WIP - E Draco's back from France and working on the spell damage ward at St Mungo's with Hermione, who invites him over for dinner. Without telling Harry. This is a roleplay, which means Harry is written by one author (lazywonderland) and Draco by another (dracoladon).

the switch in distinct character voices works so well for this fic!! tonally i feel like i'm watching an episode of the office. i personally love harry and draco being Pissed Off at how much they want to bone each other. the battle of the tapenade was the most riveting dinner scene i've read in a minute. clever, hilarious, emotionally tense. can’t wait until that inevitable moment post hate-sex when they’re gonna be like “oh noooo it’s a Heart Boner as well!! >:((” hell ya we’re subscribing for chapter updates.

Dragons Don’t Know Paradise by @teacup-tai​ - WIP - E In 2004, when Remus spends two scary weeks in the ITU due to complications of pneumonia and his HIV condition, Sirius walks around the house like a ghost and Harry finds comfort and strength in Draco through a chat in an online LGBT forum. Harry falls for him, but Draco has a lot of secrets and, before long, will need to come clean—even if he believes that no one is able to understand a dragon.

non-magical bookshop AU. remus and sirius’ relationship is a marvel. the ease of their affection with harry makes me so emo. draco’s friends being insistently present even as he tries to isolate himself. this is a story about acceptance, found families, and falling in love at a distance. the intimacy, the longing, the tenderness. what a fic!! i keep coming back to this part:...he looks at ease, inside his body, a body he needed to fight for. He’d made peace with his struggles and his scars. And Draco realises he wants that. He wants to be at ease inside his body, the body that now carries a virus. He wants to be at peace with his own existence. you hurt for draco so deeply but you get moments like these where he affords himself a kindness that feels foreign and it’s just!! the boys navigating grief and learning to be vulnerable. so good.

[sckyie]

word count: 1.8k

genre + warnings: angst; post-break up, alcoholism, depression implied, mentions of death, open ending

pronouns used: she/her

a/n: i needa fix my links, suna imagine after this; valentines event announcement tmo

Death can be a strange thing. As a society, people weep and mourn the death of a loved one or a celebrity. Your body shuts down, scared to move on with life without that certain someone. Everyone responds to differently, but how do you move past the death of a relationship?

It was a rough week, to begin with. Losing the man you fell in love with then losing your job. The endless thoughts of Kageyama filled your head throughout the day. Though you missed him, you always wondered about how he felt.

To Kageyama, the break-up felt like a death in his life. That there was a missing piece of you. His heart hurt at the thought of you. Yet he didn't bat an eye when people asked about you.

You woke up to the bright lights gleaming through your blinds. You sat up, rubbing your sleepy eyes away. The bedroom had become a mess since you broke up. All of Kageyama's things in boxes, broken picture frames scattered, empty beer bottles on the counter. You groaned at the sight but you weren't in the right mind.

You dragged your feet into the bathroom, wishing for something to change. You looked at yourself in the mirror, cringing at how worse it's gotten. Your eye bags and dark circles were more prominent than before. Poking at your face, you sighed knowing everything you're doing is becoming more and more unhealthy. Starting small, you decided to shower before cleaning up a little in your room.

Kageyama had stuck to his usual routine. Wake up early, shower, have small breakfast, practice, come home to you. He had always forgotten that you weren't waiting on him at home. He grew this habit of saying "I'm home," but there was no one to respond.

Nonetheless, Kageyama was doing significantly better than you were. Harsh to say but it was the truth. He had amazing practices with his team, he spent time with his best friends, and he had no worry of you needing attention. His mind would clear for the day, only for it to be clouded with the thoughts of you.

A small bit of cleaning turn into a deep clean where your mind was empty. No thoughts of the break up nor your financial situation. You looked at the boxes and bags at the front of your door. Recycling the old beer bottles, a bag of trash from all over the house, and the one box that haunts you. The box of Kageyama's clothes, gifts and old memories in which you wanted to return to him.

You sighed as you looked at them, your stomach growling to break your silence. Your hand flies to your belly as you walked towards the refrigerator. An empty fridge, what did you expect? You hadn't left the house in days. Closing the fridge, you grabbed your bag and keys before heading out to the grocery store.

Kageyama opened the pantry cabinet to find an empty tub of pre-workout. Checking his other shelves, a lack of food and workout powder was evident. He groaned despite it being his day off, getting ready to go out.

You wondered the aisles taking note of what you need to buy and what not to buy. You cringed at the sight of alcohol, turning away from the cold fridges. Your eyes follow the different products into the next aisle. The items in your basket rustle, shifting the weight around as you trailed into the next walkway.

You looked down adjusting your drinks, walking on the side of the aisle. Kageyama had picked up a new tub of energy supplement, reading the back with all the ingredients. He looks up after hearing someone approach him down the aisle. His eyes widened at the sight of you yet you didn't even see him as you passed.

After fixing your basket, you continued down the aisle in which you knew you didn't need anything from. "Y/n?" You heard. You knew that voice, you could never forget that voice. Slowly, you stopped and turned to see the one person you dreaded seeing.

"Tobio," You muttered. He takes a step towards you, afraid of what you'd do. Your heart ached as Kageyama was standing a few feet away from you.

He stared at you, noticing significant changes in your demeanor. "H-How are you?" You broke the silence.

"I'm doing good, I'm just buying some pre-workout...What about you?" He took a glance at your basket, noticing some medicine among your groceries.

"I'm...okay...I just needed to buy some groceries," Your voice was shaky. Kageyama took a step closer to see what medicine you had picked up.

"Are you sick?" Kageyama tilted his head. "Are you sleeping? You look...tired."

"I'm just, recovering," You sighed. "My head does not concern you anymore." You looked at the ground, the pain in your chest intensifying. He's pitying you.

"It does concern me," His voice was stern. "Just because we broke up doesn't me I stopped caring about you."

"We broke up because you stopped caring!" You raised your tone. "We broke up because you called me a distraction and that you were just taking care of a toddler. You're not my boyfriend anymore, don't try to coddle me."

"Y/n, don't talk-" You took a step towards him.

"Shut up Kageyama. Stop trying to act like everything is okay between us," You cut him off.

"So what? I'm supposed to let you drink our break up away?" He defended. His chest began to sting after hearing you call him by his last name. "I'm not letting you kill your body because I left!"

"Fuck you," You spat, turning and walking away from him.

"Don't walk away from me," Kageyama reaches over and grabs your shoulder to stop you. "You're not going to die because you're out of a relationship. Stop being stubborn."

"I'm already dead," Your eyes were watering, you swat his hand away turning to pay for your items. "I'm done arguing with you Kageyama."

Kageyama wanted to go back and stop you but he could tell that you  were truly heartbroken. It was his decision to leave you. The night of the break up, you had asked him if he could pay more attention to you. It spiraled into an argument about time and how you acted with him. He called you a distraction. A waste of time. The one thing holding him back.

Those harsh words had stabbed you in the back as you left him that night. The next morning, you had been let go by your job due to overstaffing and downsizing. You had nothing left, that's when the drinking started. You thought it'll drown out the pain, it didn't. It only made it worse.

Roughly a week after seeing each other in the grocery store, Kageyama decided to go out for a morning run. Down his path, he spots the house you were renting while you two together. Back then, Kageyama had always brought up the suggestion of moving in together. As he encroached on the front of your gate, a particular sign caught his eye. "For rent?" He read aloud. He peeks into the windows to see an empty home.

One of your neighbors had noticed Kageyama as he went out to get his  mail. "Kageyama?" Your neighbor asks.

Kageyama turned to the unfamiliar stranger. "Yes?"

"You're friends with Y/n, right?" He asked. Kageyama stopped at the word friends, hesitantly nodding.

"How do you know my name?" Kageyama walked towards the neighbor, his eyes fixated on your house.

"Well," Your neighbor opens his garage, walking in to grab something. Kageyama watched as the man came back with a box, his name scribbled on the side. "Y/n asked me to give this to you if you ever came by."

"What?" Kageyama took the box in hand.

"Before she left, she gave me that to give to you," Your neighbor explained. "She said something along the lines of 'I'm too scared to talk to him anymore.' She said you'd come by from a run sometime. I didn't know I'd be so soon."

"Wait, before she left? Where'd she go?" Kageyama asked.

"No clue, I saw her donate a lot of her things but last I saw her, she just gave me that box," He put his arm on the back of his neck. "To be honest, she seemed really sad when she came by."

"Did she say where she was going?" Kageyama looked back at your house, noticing a plant sitting on the railing by your door.

"Only that she was saying goodbye to people," He says.

Kageyama bows to the neighbor before leaving, taking the box to his car. Before driving, he decided to make some calls to his friends about you.

"I haven't heard from her in a while, is she okay?" Hinata responded.

"Last I heard from her she said she wanted to leave," Tsukishima said.

"No clue, has something happened?" Yamaguchi asked.

"Y/n? I have no idea, do you need help finding her?" Iwaizumi says.

Then, his final resort. "Y/n-san..." Oikawa's voice was low. Even though he wasn't in Japan, he knew something. "She called me telling me that...she didn't want anything to do with, well all of us. She told me that after the break up she couldn't bear being around your friends."

"Why would she tell you this? You're not even here," There was hints of pain in Kageyama's voice. "Did she tell you where she was going?"

"She told me because I'm not there to stop her," Oikawa sighed. "Tobio, I'm scared for her."

"Do I have to ask again? Where did she go?" Kageyama's eyes were starting to water. "Is she okay?" Oikawa paused, thinking back to the phone call the two of you had before you left.

"Y/n-chan!"

"Hi Oikawa..."

"Oikawa? Y/n, are you okay?" You never called him by Oikawa, not even when the two of you met.

"I just wanted to, well, let go of something."

"Let go?"

"I'm leaving and I won't be coming back."

"Wait what? Where are you going? Why are you telling me this?"

"Because...this is my goodbye to you...and only you. I don't want to be around Kageyama's friends anymore. I can't stand being with them without connecting them to him. I'm only telling you know because you can't stop me from going."

"Where are you going Y/n? You're scaring me now." Oikawa was concerned of what you were going to do.

"Somewhere where no one will find me," Your voice cracked as you spoke. "Goodbye Tooru. Tell Kageyama I still love him for me?"

"Y/n, wait-" You had ended the call before he could continue talking.

"She just- what disappeared?" Kageyama started his car quickly looking for your contact. "She didn't say anything else?"

"No, I'm sorry Tobio," Oikawa sighed.

"I'll call you back," Kageyama ends the call as he began to drive towards his neighborhood. He taps your contact, waiting for the phone to ring. He waited impatiently, anxiously anticipating your answer.

That was until, "We're sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service."

taglist: @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme @just-a-siiimp @d0llpie @elianetsantana