#remorse ayano

[kotton-kandy953]

━ 𝙳𝙾𝚄𝙱𝙻𝙴 𝚃𝚁𝙾𝚄𝙱𝙻𝙴

➛ yandere!tokito twins x fem!reader

CHAPTER FOUR ━ REVENGE ?

❝ your love's got me looking so crazy right now ❞

—

5:40 PM

"Shut the fuck up, Yuichiro." Were the sudden words that caught Yuichiro Tokito's attention.

Brushing off his shocked and semi-hurt expression, he smirked at his younger brother.

"Aw, you're pissed because you know that's true!" Yuichiro hops off of his bed.

"You know Y/n will never love your sorry ass!!"

Muichiro clenched his fists, "You're speaking as if she'll ever love you back."

He scoffed, "You make Y/n uncomfortable everytime you come around her."

Yuichiro couldn't help but blush at the mere thought of you. But it soon disappeared at the sight of his drenched twin brother.

The sound of your perfect name leaving his mouth disgusted him in way he couldn't put into words.

"It's very obvious that you lov- like Y/n as much as I."

Muichiro crossed his arms and began to mutter "delusional ass-"

"—Of course I do, Mu-mu!" Yuichiro stomped his foot to the ground.

"Why the hell else would I go through all this shit just so you wouldn't be near her for a few hours." Yuichiro spat, shoving his hands in his pants pockets.

"I'll love her more than you ever will in your entire fucking life."

Those were the last words that left Yuichiro's mouth for a while.

Because Muichiro, acting on pure impulse, sent his fist flying towards his older brothers face.

He watched as his brother stumbled back against his bed. Shock painted on his features as his eyes went wide.

Yuichiro gently grazed his fingertips across his face where he could still feel the pain from the punch.

He removed his hand and glanced at the blood coating his finger tips.

Did he make my fucking nose bleed!? Yuichiro thought as he locked his gaze onto the sheets of his bed. Quickly, he jerked his head over in the direction of his livid little twin brother.

Muichiro's usual expressionless face showed one that was more sinister than normal.

As if he felt zero remorse for his actions.

Licking off the blood trickling down his nose, Yuichiro did not retaliate, surprisingly enough.

"That's only the first part of my revenge," Muichiro grabbed his backpack off the ground.

"Watch your fucking back, Yu-Yu." He turned and left.

—

7:55 AM

The twins didn't speak to one another that morning. They were still angry about what happened yesterday.

Yuichiro managed to cover up the bruise mark on his face with a little makeup.

Coming to the realization that he had ran out of foundation, he decided to steal some from Muichiro's bathroom.

As if he would ever notice.

When escalating the steps of the school bus, Muichiro snickered to himself, he didn't even properly blend the fountain properly...

Once arriving at the seats the three of you usually sat in, they could help but notice that the key element was missing.

"Y/n's not here. You think she's late?" Yuichiro pondered in a semi-kind tone of voice.

Muichiro just rolled his eyes at his futile attempt to be "nice," "I'm surprised you didn't kidnap her with your Ayano Aishi ass." He mumbled under his breath before sitting in your window seat.

"I heard that, jackass." Yuichiro threw his stuff on the floor beneath his seat behind his twin.

"That was the point." He replied bluntly and stared off into the window.

As the bud stopped, Muichiro forcefully shoved his way past his brother and got onto the campus before he could.

Yuichiro glared at the black and turquoise haired student before rushing up behind him with his own things in tow.

The twins entered the school without even passing a glance to the other, still angry.

At the shoe lockers, Yuichiro was replacing his with his uniform shoes when he spotted Muichiro slide something in between the cracks of your locker's door.

Muichiro then stood up, confusedly tilting his head at his brother, "Why are you just staring at me? Hurry and get to class or you'll be late."

He turned on his heel and left.

For some reason, Yuichiro's mouth felt dry. Or maybe even sewed shut?

He couldn't think of anything rude to say in response and it pissed him off even more.

He'd usually just snap back at his brother and start an argument.

But he didn't.

Yuichiro got to class a few minutes later than Muichiro.

He was lost in his own thoughts about something...

You're probably wondering what it was he was obsessing over at the moment.

But I'll leave that to be found out later.

Muichiro looked as if he had his head in the clouds as his dreamy, blue irises locked themselves on one particular object in the classroom: the front door.

He was waiting on someone and I bet you have a pretty good idea of who it is.

Yuichiro entered the class, making the already sat boy frown.

Walking over to his assigned seat, he could hear the many voices of other female students in his class quietly giggling and gushing over how cute Muichiro looked or how attractive Yuichiro was.

But he didn't care, he actually learned to tune out those annoying-ass voices and focus on what was most important to him.

And it wasn't Muichiro.

Yuichiro sat down in his seat that had a vacant one right beside it. He couldn't help but feel this void of sadness whenever he looked over at your empty seat.

When you weren't around, both twins equally felt this sort of emptiness.

As if you were some type of drug they were having withdrawals from.

"So, she's not here?" Yuichiro looked over at his brother with a face of slight worry painting onto his features.

Muichiro replied with a simple nod, not feeling the need to verbally reply.

Then, just when all hope was lost, you burst through the classroom doors. You were panting and out of breath, like you ran to school all the way from your home.

You threw your backpack on your desk and began unpacking your binders and books. You wiped the sweat off your forehead as you glanced over at the older twin's smirk.

"Well look who decided to show up?"

You frowned at his teasing voice.

"Shut up." You pulled out your chair and slumped down in your seat.

Muichiro, who was staying silent this whole time, let out a quiet snicker.

You barely noticed it but Yuichiro definitely did.

"So what took you so long Mrs. Tokito? Were you doing your pretty little makeup and lost track of time?"

You dug in your bag for a mechanical pencil as he spoke.

"Haha, so funny..." you sarcastically laughed in response.

Once pulling out the pencil, you couldn't help but notice the poorly blended patch of foundation on his cheek.

"It seems to me that you were also playing in makeup this morning." Yuichiro's eyes widened at her words.

"Who's foundation was it? Your mommy's?" You laughed as Yuichiro stared at the side of his face in the camera app of his cell phone.

"Muichiro! Why didn't you tell me I looked like a fucking clown!?" Yuichiro panicked, not really knowing what he could do to fix his problem.

"Dunno." Muichiro mumbled with a shrug of his shoulders.

—

3:55 PM

For you, today was a really weird day.

When you first got to school, a strange note fell out of your shoe locker when you were changing them into the uniform ones.

The author is too lazy to write an actual letter, but the anonymous person asked if you could meet them on top of the school building. They had a really important question to ask.

Of course you couldn't go on with out telling Aoi and Kanao. They thought it was a really sweet and gesture and that you should actually go.

It'd be rude to not anyway.

Now here you are, standing on top of the school building waiting for said "anonymous person" to arrive.

Figuring to be standing there for a while, it surprised you when you saw the door swinging open and hearing footsteps.

But who stood at the door shook you to your core.

"Yuichiro!?" You shouted, sounding a bit disappointed.

Yuichiro stood there with his hands in his pant's pockets as the door shut behind himself.

"Did you miss me, princess?" He smiled smugly before taking a few steps closer.

You couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed at the fact that it was Yuichiro Tokito asking to meet you here. It's like attractive boys just don't to have crushes on you.

You took a step back every time he took one forward, "What do you wa- Aah!" You yelped as  you were nearing the edge of the school building.

"Why're you backing away from me?" He pouted, "You know I won't hurt you, right?"

He offered a hand to her.

You reluctantly took his hand.

That was a mistake.

Yuichiro forcefully pulled you closer, causing you to stumble on your own feet.

"What are you d-"

"—can you please shut up? You're ruining the moment." He muttered as he grabbed your other hand.

"What mo-"

Shutting you up completely, Yuichiro leaned in and pressed his soft lips against yours.

Your eyes went wide with shock and bewilderment. He squeezed your hands tighter as he leaned in more.

Somehow, you managed to push him off. If you didn't, he probably would ever let go of you.

"Did you just fucking kiss me!?"

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Song Name: Crazy in Love — Beyoncé ft. JAYZ

Back to Title Page?

Back to Chapter Three?

Proceed to Chapter Five?

[autisticdiluc]

yandere simulator ramble (mostly ab ayano)

see my thing is with yandere sim obviously there are a bunch of problems from alex himself being the developer, the panty shots in the game (because even tho it's used as blackmail with info-chan and sold to those who want it or wtv there could be a way easier way to blackmail the girls for points), the depiction that the bullies are gyaru giving the impression most gyaru's are mean/bullies, the fact that oh everyone is 18 even though they clearly arent?? amongst other things

yet even then there's something still addicting about the game especially with ayano being a yandere, or to consider: someone with obsessive love disorder (the highest 'level' or intensity of this). even then, although obviously everyone in the aishi family just has to be a yandere, it was gonna be obvious that ayano was gonna be one too right?

First Part: Emotions

ryoba fed into the mindset that ayano needed that special someone to be complete so she could finally feel something and she's 'reassuring' ayano that she, ryoba, was the same way when she was younger as well until she found jokichi. ayano, as a child, knew something was wrong with her. there is no doubt that something continues to be wrong with her especially after her own mother teaches her to get rid of blood to use it later to "get rid of future obstacles." Obstacles which refer to the rivals; rivals who are just girls that have a crush on taro (minus muja kina and mida rana because theyre just creeps i fear). even so ryoba's words lingered in ayano's mind. that was ayano's reason to live - something to look for. which btw is kinda fucked up cause she's a child thinking this but also fair anyway,,

Jokichi has attempted to make ayano's life better. he has tried to be a good father; he has tried to be the best that he can be in order to make his daughter feel normal. but with how ayano is - how she is broken from the start - it was impossible. it didn't help that ryoba encouraged the behaviour almost, saying she was exactly the same as ayano AND how she wasn't worried at all. jokichi didn't like that but ayano is nothing but an empty girl. however, what i find interesting is that she felt pity for her father. despite everything she felt pity, and that!! is an emotion!! why i find this interesting is how she can feel something for someone else but not for herself. as a result of her pity, she began to act like other children pretending to be normal and happy for jokichi, despite how she knew that he didnt really believe her happiness himself.

and then!! ayano began to pretend all the time. to stop the bullying, to fit in with everyone because it was simply more convenient even if ayano didn't really care if it happened or not. she had friends (though she didnt care about them) and she had a routine established by pretending all the time. she grew resentful of being 'broken'. as funny as that is because she was supposed to broken, yet, she felt emotions to a mild degree. resentment (some might also say bitterness) is like more complex emotion rather than your typical joy sadness etc but it's still an emotion. and ayano WANTS to feel and have emotions anyway. she craves it, ayano longs to feel, its almost painful itself because she can't experience it to a high degree. HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!! as small as it is she's felt emotion: she's felt pity and bitterness and she wants and wants and thats so interesting. what's even more interesting is her length to have emotions. in her lore video, she is seen killing a cat to see if she felt something like guilty or remorse but nothing happened. this is where it (chronologcally) is seen that ayano is willing to do extreme things to see if she could feel something, so it's not a surprise when she's willing to kill her 'rivals' to keep taro.

now ayano is described as someone who has no personality, no hobbies, no true friends, nothing, just an empty husk of a person. however, when she meets taro that changes drastically. she has clearer and obvious emotions; she finally has the feelings she always wanted. although, i believe that she wouldn't react to having feelings the best especially after finding osana talking to taro etc etc. if you lived your entire life having no emotions (not any major or obvious ones anyway) until you find your someone (someone who you've been dreaming of, waiting for, needing) and all the emotions finally comes crashing down all at once,, don't you think you'd be more than a bit overwhelmed? she's been missing out on all the sensations people had since birth. she's always felt incomplete and then all of a sudden she meets taro and it fits like a missing puzzle piece finally being placed down. it was clear that taro made her feel happy, wanting love and all positive emotions. although, now that she has emotions: she's going to have to experience the 'bad' ones too. she'll experience anger, annoyance, fear, anxiety, jealousy, desperation, envy, hatred etc etc.

as soon as she sees osana talk to taro yeah you can tell she feels all the negative emotions all at once. she finally has emotions, she finally can experience what everyone else takes for granted, but osana comes in and threatens her. osana talks to taro, has a crush on him, and that sends a spike of fear and anger through ayano because ayano should not be stripped away of her newly found emotions. she needs the emotions. and as a result she needs taro because he is the one allowing her to feel this way. she's in love with the emotions. it's not love that she has for taro, not really, but she is obsessed. she has the overwhelming obsessive desire to protect and possess taro (which is literally the description of obsessive love disorder). she needs taro like how she needs air now that she's met him.

as i said like 3 paragraphs above she's going to be overwhelmed, like it or not, and whenever people are overwhelmed they tend to take an unnecessarily drastic and extreme path because when you're overwhelmed you aren't in the best mindset. ayano is still a human even if she was "broken" before. she makes mistakes and she's going to be overwhelmed by her emotions for a while especially because she feels like she's is almost dead when she's not near taro. taro is a trigger for her essentially. when he's near, the overwhelming feelings all come back. she felt dead before, now she doesn't and these feelings repeat over and over every time she's away from taro and when she goes near him again.

on another note, although ayano "has" taro currently, (in the sense she knows where he is, he's just in her reach and he's so close to being hers; the only thing stopping that is that he doesn't know completely acknowledges her, AND there are her 'rivals') she still feels broken and incomplete when not near him as mentioned. yet, this incomplete feeling hurts MORE because she knows who her someone is. im going to bring up the fact that ryoba and jokichi went to the states for a 'vacation' (to kill the journalist) without warning. i find it interesting because ayano is most likely to experience negative emotions more intensely than before. taro has brought the emotions to light so i believe she still feels them when she's not near him but it's so mild that it's barely there. despite that, there is no doubt that negative emotions are easier to feel. ayano was shown to be angry that osana has a crush on taro (and she wasn't near taro at the time) after finding out from info chan in the opening cutscene,, in fact she was at home meaning she was not close to taro at all. as i mentioned before though taro is almost like a trigger so its most likely just that. but even then the intensity of negative emotions she could feel may be easier to give into. so.... going with an idea that they are easier to give into, it's easier to feel even when not around taro. i believe the feeling of loneliness is something that is practically overtaking ayano's very mind.

ayano has always been lonely, before she met taro and after. she's been lonely in the sense that she never had been able to connect with her peers on a genuine note. lonely in the sense that jokichi only worried about her wanting her to be normal and ryoba was the opposite, not worrying at all. lonely in the sense she always felt incomplete, lonely cause she knew she wasnt normal, lonely because she needed to be fixed, lonely because nobody other than her mother and all those who suffered from the "aishi conditon" would understand her. and even though those with the "aishi condition" would understand, most have already found their someone (or killed themselves, some have been hypothesized to live even without their special someone, yet, theres no canon proof of that i think) so they werent "broken" anymore. and speaking of the those finding their someone it is highly likely that ryoba devoted more of her time to jokichi than she did to ayano. the reason i believe this is because although ryoba has jokichi, she needs him to love her as well. gonna leave it there because i can make a whole different ramble on that alone but!!! ryoba and jokichi are away in the states currently. so if ayano did feel lonely before, she's going to feel lonely in that empty house. a house too big with your own thoughts, own freedom and doing whatever the hell you want. ryoba actively encouraged ayano to do whatever she needed to do to get rid of the 'obstacles' in her life if she found her special someone. its no surprise with the eliminations you can do one of them is torturing your rivals (or even just mind breaking a random student). (On a side note Japanese houses don't typically have built in basements so ryoba had to literally custom add that)

anyway I bring forth another thing: neglect. however I'm going to go into detail with this with the second part: OLD

Second Part: Obsessive Love Disorder

Obsessive Love Disorder is something that Ayano has. Obsessive Love Disorder as said earlier is a disorder where a person feels obsessive over another person and feels the need to protect them. this isn't really looked at as an 'actual' disorder to psychologist but i couldn't give two bare fucks about that. let's break it down with SOME of the symptoms of OLD:

overwhelming attention to someone

obsessive thoughts

feeling the need to protect the person you're in love with

possessive thoughts and actions

extreme jealousy over interpersonal relationships

low self-esteem

may not take rejection lightly/easily

ignoring personal boundaries

overly controlling

being overwhelmed with emotions about a person that is disrupts your daily function

threatening the other if they leave

monitoring the others actions

blurring or crossing boundaries

anxiety

inability to tolerate time away

most if not all of these things can be easily associated to ayano's behavior. ayano stalks taro, occasionally fantasizes that he kidnaps her, dislikes all the girls who try and talk to taro, wants him all to herself, feels dead when he's not near, follows him home so she can spend more time 'protecting' him, cannot see a life without him (evidenced by 'snap' ending as when she kills him, she kills herself not long after), her first interaction with him shows her finally feeling emotions and as i said she's going to feel overwhelmed with them, anger and anxiety that a 'rival' may be able to take taro away from her, based on ryoba where she tortured jokichi i doubt that ayano would take lightly is taro tried to leave her, finally rejection results in quite literally being heartbroken AND snap so it's obviously not taken easily nor lightly etc etc

anyway!! those are some examples that relate to the symptoms now here are two of the many causes.

some of y'all (if anyone reads this actually but the group council in my head will suffice) may not like this one but number 1 is neglect.

neglect is one of those things that can be in several forms. the more common forms would be emotional neglect (AND!! physical neglect), e.g. not telling your child you're leaving to go away to take care of some 'business' until you're already gone. (even worse when the business is to kill a man but yk). with this neglect you're emotionally unavailable (and in this case also physically). to understand better emotional neglect it is when a child does not receive the stimulation and nurturing they need. ayano has not received stimulation or the necessary nurturing from ryoba because ryoba fully heartedly believes that all ayano needs is that special someone. in a sense, she is right but she was actively neglecting ayano by not helping her instead just repeating that someone will come to complete and fix her. (it must be remembered that not all neglect is intentional, but it happens anyway) as said in the example it can also be physical neglect as ryoba left a teen all by herself in a house whilst indirectly promoting the use of the basement through vague post cards and childhood lessons.

(And yes! Encouraging negative behavior is neglect because you do not care what happens to those around you!)

another form of neglect that ayano experienced was medical neglect. this form of neglect isn't as obvious but can be picked up in ayano's lore video. at the very beginning, it is stated that her first memories are that of hospitals, doctors and everything medical wise. this was most definitely jokichi's work as the best ryoba has stated on the matter was how they were similar and how ayano will find her someone to complete her. now later (but before ayano pretends) the hospital etc weren't mentioned again. it can be thought and implied that ryoba decided it was a waste to focus medically on ayano because she'll simply find her someone to cure her later. this can be thought out to be medical neglect because there could've been a small chance if ayano kept doing, if she visited more happy places there's a possibility something could've changed. even then this neglect isn't so obvious so it's easy to ignore. to add on though teaching your child how to clean up blood for not so good reasons is encouraging negative behavior and could be a contribution to her messed up mindset.

another reason would be delusional jealousy. this is inhibited by an instance or things that are false. this delusional jealousy can also make one believe someone is in love with them even if there are obvious signs that is not the case.

okay for this reason I believe the delusion itself is fostered by the fact that ayano needs taro so she believes he must need her. it's a common mindset even without OLD that if someone needs something, others must need it too making possessiveness and jealousy to form. because the game isn't complete and is likely not going to be complete in the next decade, it's hard to tell if taro would actually like ayano as a genuine person. (and I would say that it's kind of obvious that he doesn't but in game taro is a pussy? if you even stand near him for more than 5 seconds he's like "oh she's strange" "stay back get away from me!!" even when ayano isn't doing anything?? like in game I wouldn't be close enough where the pink love thing pops up and taro would still be like "get away from me!!!") but if ayano hypothetically talked to him like all of her rivals, then taro would maybe like her.

once again these two are not the only ones that can be associated with ayano but these are the only ones I wanted to discuss.

anyway ending this section to go to the next important one!! drumroll... Pacifist vs Murderer

Third Part: The Endings

this is the third part of my rant that consists of pacifist ayano vs murderer ayano which could be "Good Ending" Ayano and "Bad Ending" Ayano.

starting off with something a good bunch of yan sim fans don't actually agree on is that pacifist ayano is a completely different person than murderer ayano.

and you might be thinking "wrap it up luca,, pacifist is different than a murderer no shit"

but really it's more than that. pacifist ayano is different because she actually truly expresses her emotions when she's a pacifist. even if you gossip about the rivals or expell them where they don't show up to school anymore, ayano can be seen as a person who expresses her emotions because she's so much more than a murderer. this is even more vividly seen if you befriend the rivals. once again this is based off the two rivals that are out, osana and amai. if you decide to befriend osana and she comes to your house in the morning, there is the infamous talk where osana talks about her stalker and how she can't believe that someone could fall in love without knowing them. this, to ayano and the player itself, can be associated with ayano herself especially considering how she 'loves' taro without knowing him and has stalked him. now when ayano decides not to betray osana, giving her normal tea, it can be seen how desperate ayano is to keep taro without actually harming osana. osana may like taro, but ayano needs him. the desperation expressed through the befriend route shows the most human ayano ever. this desperation and longing for taro is carried through the same befriending route with amai (although her conversation involves jabs at having a "rival" and "eliminating" them).

the most human and realest part of ayano is when she befriends the rivals and begs them not to confess to taro. (if it isn't obvious I love the pacifist ending because I like the raw desperation and human form of ayano compared to the murderer route)

in contrast to pacifist ayano, when ayano murders the rivals, her sanity obviously decreases. unlike in game where you can giggle or go near taro to increase your sanity, it's not that easy irl.

keep in mind if ayano doesn't increase her sanity and it goes below 20% then ayano starts hallucinating and murdering those around her. even if ayano could realistically easily increase her sanity after killing a rival that is to show that ayano will only be a murderer (something the headmaster and megami saikou thinks her to be). if ayano were kill and regain her sanity quickly she is as broken as people think her to be. she is truly nothing but an empty husk who follows her mother. she may have emotions but she isn't someone you can love. she isn't someone who can be seen as a human. like ryoba, ayano would most likely follow the path that ryoba led where ayano simply kidnaps taro at the end torturing him and making him her husband. as said earlier, negative emotions are easier to form so it would be easy to give in to the pestering intrusive thoughts to kill her rivals. it's the quickest way out and it's the true emotionless thing most want her to be. being violent seems to be the easiest way out and most often people take that route, however, in the very end ayano simply follows her mother's path of decay and destruction. murderer ayano is easier to conform, though, is that the real ayano? is she someone who can't be proven not to be broken? another thing is that if ayano does go this route and she doesn't get caught, all she ends up doing is create a cycle. she continues down the path that ryoba had laid out for her since the beginning. (which honestly is the lousiest route and ending to take because people just loveee the trope of repeating the cycle)

personally I don't care much for the murderer ending but I will admit it is interesting to see how ayano spirals and ultimately decides to kill off every single one of her rivals.

the next two endings are going to be briefly the genocide ending and "snap" ending.

genocide ending is simply the ending where ayano is a murderer but instead of just applying that to just her rivals she does it to the entire school minus taro. it's the 'darkest' ending depending on how you look at it because it proves that ayano couldn't stand anyone else coming between her and taro. she needed taro all to herself and she did just that by killing every single person in the school all in the first day of the week (minus the headmaster, taro, infochan and the guidance counsellor). in this ending you can tell that ayano's sanity is completely gone by the way she says "so..i killed them all" in the cutscene that plays. ayano says it in such a manic and inhuman way its obvious that she doesn't regret it now that she can have taro all for herself. at the very end of the cutscene it pans to taro being in the basement tied up. this is where its clear that ayano follows ryoba completely (if not surpassing her in terms of violent nature and sense due to how she killed every one instead of just her rivals) to keep taro as her senpai.

and finally, snap ending. Snap ending is by far the most interesting one in terms of endings. Before ayano kills taro with the knife, when she walks to every student she kills them with her bare hands. in this ending I believe that she's more "broken" than her other endings. she's given up on this world and she's willing to take out others who get in her way (literally). the others are so terrified to the point where they can't even move, they just watch until it's their turn. ayano feels nothing but heartbreak and there's no other option but to kill taro then herself. even before she kills herself with the same knife she used to stab him, the insistence of voices saying "do it" continue to loop giving her no other option but to join taro. this ending is so interesting because it shows how ayano physically cannot live without taro and how she's willing to make sure that nobody else has him. another thing interesting about it is the trope of "if you die, I die". this trope is placed into things like Romeo and Juliet where Juliet pretends to die and Romeo kills himself to "join" her. when Juliet wakes up and finds Romeo dead she soon follows killing herself actually to join him.

anyway I think I'll stop for now cause I've been at this for hours LOL

The End (for now..)

idk I like yan sim a lot and I love ayano's character (I doubt yandere dev was smart enough to do it on purpose but whatever.) Ayano is literally my girl and I love her so much ❤️❤️ ayano is just a girl she can do many wrongs and ill support her anyway

[yansimstorythatiwillnotworkon]

#10

Friday

__

Almost every student came to the funeral, but additionally, no one bothered to count heads. Some students came, some didn’t. One of the more noticeable absences were Shoku who had stayed home, along with Geiju. Amai’s parents were likely planning a separate funeral somewhere more meaningful. Outside of Shoku, the rest of the Cooking Club attended, all with their own amount of grief.

Ajia refused to speak to anyone, and stayed near the back with her parents. Seiyo’s sister accompanied him, his own parents nowhere to be seen. He didn’t have many friends outside of the club, but Fureddo did come over to talk to him, which he likely appreciated. Kenko was here alone, but was surrounded by his classmates and peers, clearly attempting to steady his own mind after the incident. Despite his willingness to converse with his peers, he was still quiet and only gave short responses.

“Ayano.” Scilla called out softly, looking anxious as usual, but not entirely remorseful as the others looked.

Ayano turned to look at him, attempting to mock the dread on her peers’ faces, but likely only looking unsettled. Which he was. Hopefully this next weekend will give her time to properly calm down. “Scilla.”

“Hi.” Scilla clears his throat awkwardly. “I-I didn’t know that the cut was that deep.” He says. When Ayano doesn’t respond immediately, he haphazardly shoves his hand into his pocket. It looked to be a small, scuffed wallet, and was packed with a couple hundred dollars, it seemed.

Before reaching a hand out to grab it, Ayano lifts an eyebrow at Scilla, as if asking what exactly it was for. He didn’t seem like he could, but this could be some sort of bribe. With a nervous laugh, he says, “For like- h-hospital bills and stuff. Ahem. I know that they’re super expensive..”

Ayano pauses in thought, wondering if he was lying, before remembering that he did only recently move to Japan. “Universal Health Care covers my injuries.” She says, folding her arms. “I’ll go if it gets any worse.”

“Oh… Oh, yeah..” Scilla nods, his face red in embarrassment as he seems to recall that fact. “Sorry, I forgot. I went to the hospital pretty often in the US so…” He stops, realizing that Ayano probably didn’t care for the reason.

As Scilla stands awkwardly stiff and avoids Ayano’s gaze, she decides to speak up. “You don’t seem too upset about the current… event.” She says, looking back to the stage, which had the preparations hidden behind the giant curtain.

“I-I didn’t really know Amai that well.” Scilla quickly explains, lightly scratching the wallet in his hand. “...It’s sad that… that she passed, I know that. That’s why I’m here, to pay respects, and..” He clears his throat and takes a deep breath. “...I’m just trying to let people know that I’m sad she’s gone, too. I don’t have the… the best reputation, after all.”

“Sounds like you’re using Amai’s death to try to make yourself look better.” Ayano says, folding her arms with a judgemental look.

Immediately hunching his back over in shame, Scilla hangs his head, looking guilty. “Don’t s… Don’t say it like that, Ayano..” Despite his visual attempts to defend himself, he only ends up deflating. Rather than saying anything, he shoves the wallet into Ayano’s hands. “J-Just take this as an apology for the injury.” He says quickly, before quickly walking off.

Some might feel compelled to bring the money back, ‘It’s your money, and you’ve already apologized.’ But from how Ayano sees it, that’s a couple hundred less cash she has to worry about. She quickly pockets the wallet and looks around the gymnasium. The ceremony had yet to start, and so far students just mingled and mourned in the darkest wear they could find, if not black.

As Ayano looks around, she suddenly spots Kokona sitting down by herself, her gaze stuck on her phone. Not Riku or any of her friends seemed to be around, so Ayano assumed that this was because she asked to be alone. Of course, Kokona didn’t know that Ayano knew that, so approaching her would be an innocent act in her eyes. Checking up on her would be an ever more beneficial act to show how much Ayano “cared”.

“Hi, Kokona.” Ayano greets, unintentionally shocking the girl. Before Kokona abruptly turned off her phone with a sad smile, Ayano spotted that she was texting someone. She gives Kokona a sympathetic look and speaks in a soft tone as she continues. “You seem distracted. Is there anything wrong?”

Kokona opens her mouth to respond, and ends up letting out a tearful laugh as she looks back down to her shut off phone. “I-I really wish I was better at lying at times like these.” She inhales sharply as Ayano pats her on the back and exhales shakily. “I’m just… This week turned out to be such a disaster so quickly. I-I’m just not sure what to do with myself right now.”

“Take your time.” Ayano says quietly, rubbing Kokona’s back. “I’ll wait.”

After a moment of a few deep breaths and blinking rapidly, Kokona speaks up. “Riku couldn’t come today- or more precisely his parents wouldn’t let him come and they haven’t told either of us why, yet. I could not stop crying earlier so I sat over here to calm down, and- and then I decided to ask Saki’s parents about her and- and they just–” Kokona sucks in another deep breath and just hands Ayano the phone.

The conversation between Kokona and Saki’s mother was nothing short of cruel. It could likely be excused as dread on Saki’s mother’s part, but that didn’t entirely excuse the things she was saying to Kokona. The conversation starts ten minutes ago with:

You: I’m at the funeral right now. Have you still not heard from Saki?

Mrs. Miyu: If I had I wouldn’t tell you, Haruka.

Mrs. Miyu: I don’t know why you keep messaging me.

You: I’m just worried about Saki.

You: She’s my best friend.

You: She hasn’t contacted me either.

Mrs. Miyu: And she shouldn’t.

Mrs. Miyu: If Saki wasn’t so adamant on following you to that wretched school, none of this would have happened.

You: I know you’re upset, Mrs. Miyu, but Saki made that choice on her own. I couldn’t have told her what to and not to do in that situation.

Mrs. Miyu: Chinatsu shouldn’t have bothered trying to get to know you or your blasted father.

Mrs. Miyu: You’re just like that old wreck.

You: My father hasn’t done anything wrong!

Mrs. Miyu: Except influence you to influence my daughter.

Mrs. Miyu: If you weren’t so “supportive” of her, she would have changed that addiction of hers and wouldn’t have been so susceptible to that girl’s death.

Mrs. Miyu: I guess in the end it’s my fault for allowing all of this to happen.

You: It isn’t an addiction, she just likes sweets!

You: And she’s been trying her best to change her habits. I think she’s doing very well.

You: It’s just that you and others around her are pressuring her to do so at the same time and it’s stressing her out.

Mrs. Miyu: Are you questioning my parenting?

You: I think if everyone was a bit more gentle on her

You: No! Not at all!

Mrs. Miyu: Saki was always so rebellious when it had anything to do with you.

Mrs. Miyu: Constantly sneaking out to watch your “dates” and buying you things with MY money.

Mrs. Miyu: You oughta be ashamed of yourself!

You: I’m sorry.

Mrs. Miyu: Nothing good ever comes from Saki whenever it has something to do with you.

You: I’m sorry

Mrs. Miyu: If anything, YOU are the most suspicious person to me since YOU seem to have SO MUCH control over her actions!

You: I promise I wouldn’t do anything to hurt Saki

You: I’m so, so sorry

You: Just please don’t talk about her as if she’s already gone

<This number has blocked you. Any further messages will not be sent unless you are unblocked.>

“Kokona, that’s…” Ayano starts, but stops immediately upon seeing Kokona with her knees pulled up to her face, refusing to look up at her.

Kokona sniffs into her dress, her voice shaky and muffled because of the fabric. “Nothing is going right, Ayano. I wish- god, I just wish that none of this had happened. Everything went so horribly in less than an hour, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it..”

It was normal for Kokona to react this way about this whole situation. Ayano just didn’t know what to say about it. Her plan of seeming like a great person backfired as soon as Kokona began crying. She’s never cried, so her mother never needed to comfort her. What would her mother have done in this situation?

“I wish Riku were here. I wish Saki were here.” Kokona pauses, before muttering quietly. “I wish my mom were here…”

Ayano’s mother never comforted Ayano. But whenever she was comforting others, she would often offer a hug. An embrace in hopes of making the other party feel better. That would have to work for now.

Silently, Ayano wrapped her arms around Kokona’s form, which seemed smaller, almost more child-like now that she had hunched herself up. As soon as she did, Kokona leaned her head into the crook of Ayano’s neck and sobbed quietly. Thankfully, there were already other tearful parties littered in and outside of the gymnasium, so Kokona’s breakdown didn’t drag over any attention.

After a couple of minutes of crying and then silence, Kokona leans back and wipes her eyes. “Thank you, Ayano. I’m glad that you’re here, at least.” She says, standing up with her small purse in hand. “I… I probably screwed up my make up, right? I’m going to the bathroom..” She sniffs, slowly shuffling out of the gymnasium.

Ayano’s own dress was now wet with tears on her shoulder, but others probably wouldn’t notice. She didn’t stand up, and instead stared at the phone that Kokona left behind. After staring at it for a moment, she gets a text from her own phone.

Info-Chan: Extra info points if you download me onto this phone as well ;D

That’s really all Ayano needed to see to stand up and stuff the phone into her own bag. She begins walking to the gymnasium door. Before she can leave, however, Kenko appears at the doorway, about to walk through as well. “Oh, Ayano.” He blinks, a bit surprised, but he almost looks relieved to see her. “Hi. How are you feeling?”

Internally, Ayano almost feels drained by all of the mentions about Amai. She was already dead, and Ayano didn’t want to think about her anymore. Of course, it would be foolish of her to think that everyone would be discussing their favorite books at a funeral dedicated to Amai.

“..I don’t think I’ve come to terms with it just yet.” Ayano claims, folding her arms and looking away. “I feel like… all of it just… hasn’t caught up to me yet. I dread when it does, though.”

Kenko sighs, frowning sympathetically to Ayano. “I understand how you feel. This was an event that… no one saw coming.” He tugs at his sleeve and fixes up the tie of his suit. “Shock or not, you seem to be taking this well, Ayano. I’m glad to see that others aren’t too… lost in sorrow despite the events. We might need more calm people like you around.”

Ayano gives a small smile. “Well, don’t say that.. I’m more concerned that you haven’t shed a tear yet.” She says, tilting her head to the side.

“I have. Of course, I have, just… not here.” Kenko says, folding his arms as well. “Me breaking down here would only serve to make others run to me instead of focusing on the matter at hand.” He nods to the stage curtain. “I’m of course not saying that anyone crying is looking for attention. But… I just feel like that’s all I can do for Amai right now.”

He pauses for a second before adding. “..Shoku is the only one who’s invited to Amai’s proper funeral out of everyone in the club.” Kenko pulls out a small picture out of his breast pocket with a frown. “It’s not my right to be upset about that choice. Shoku was closest to her and… it’s her parents’ wish. I won’t try to convince them otherwise, but… I wish I had a chance to apologize to Amai.”

Before Ayano can respond, Ajia suddenly runs past the two, and Seiyo quickly walks after her. Kenko grabs his arm and gives him a stern look. “Seiyo..” He sighs, “I know you don’t mean any harm, but if you get punched, it’s not her fault.”

Seiyo frowns and nods. “I’m… prepared for that.” He says, walking off again as soon as Kenko lets him go.

After Kenko sighs, Ayano speaks up about their topic before they were briefly interrupted.  “You didn’t do anything wrong, Kenko.” She says, patting his arm in an attempt to be comforting.

The gesture seems to work to an extent, as Kenko smiles at her, but not for long. “I know. I did my best ever since she came back. I made sure to. Everyone in the club knows that, and I know she knew that, too.”

Kenko closes his eyes and exhales, raising his hand up not to his tie, but to his neck, rubbing the front of it with an almost distressed expression. “I guess I want to apologize for… for not noticing what she was going through, maybe. Not everyone can talk about their struggles. The line between that resulting from cowardice or bravery is very blurry, but I believe that that makes Amai very strong. I’m… sorry for not being as helpful as I thought I was being. Every one of my efforts this week seems like it meant nothing now that she’s gone.”

Ayano pauses for a moment. Unlike the others, Kenko doesn’t seem like he doubts that he was the best he could have been during Amai’s return. Naturally, this doesn’t leave him without some form of… regret? Ayano wasn’t sure. She never could be. She sighs silently and removes Kenko’s hand from his neck, instead cupping it inside of her own hands. “I know you don’t need to hear this, but I’m sure Amai was thankful as well. I didn’t know her as well as you and the others did, and I wish I had the time to, but… I feel like if Amai had any lingering expectations for anyone, you wouldn’t be one of the options.”

Ayano squeezes Kenko’s hand a bit, and he responds with a genuine smile. “I agree… I think.. Heh.” He shakes his head at himself with a light chuckle. “You’re very sweet to help make me feel better, Ayano. We haven’t interacted much, but I appreciate your kindness. And your help a couple days ago. I hope that after this incident I can get to know you better.” He says.

Nodding to her thank you, Kenko continues past her in order to speak to one of their other mourning peers. Ayano watches him leave for a quick second, at the very least so it didn’t look like she was desperate to leave to others. After that quick second she did indeed walk back to the school.

Thankfully, there were no rules against going through the school halls, even grabbing some stuff if anything was left after the rush on Wednesday. The only thing off-limits was the roof until the tall fence was finished being built.

Similar to the process with Mai, Ayano was able to easily put Info-Chan’s functions into Kokona’s phone. As she was walking out, however, she bumped into one of her peers. Who, as it turns out, was not mourning with the rest of them.

“Oh, hey.” Bea lifts an eyebrow Ayano’s way, before glancing behind her to the rows of computers. “What’re you doing in here?” She asks, looking back at Ayano nonchalantly.

Ayano shakes her head dismissively. “Just needed some time alone.” She says, nodding to the room. “I usually sit in here when I need that time.”

“Hm.” Bea folds her arms with an almost suspicious grin. “Yeah, well, it’s an awfully strange place to mourn. But to each their own, I guess.” She looks down to Ayano’s hand, which was still holding Kokona’s phone. “Ain’t that Kokona’s?”

Looking at the phone in question, Ayano realizes just how easily identifiable the phone was as Kokona’s. She was one of the few who added charms and customized her phone, and her style was very recognizable. Flowers and baked goods stickers and such. “...yes. Kokona left it with me and I forgot to bring it back.”

The reasoning seemed believable enough, as Bea simply shrugged at her response. Before Ayano can excuse herself, however, Bea holds out her hand. “You can keep chilling in here, then, I guess. I’ll take this back to Kokona for you.”

While originally suspicious of Bea, Ayano realized that keeping the phone to herself could be ruled as suspicious in her own right. If anything, playing the “too sad to do it myself” card might be beneficial for Ayano to some extent.

With that thought, Ayano nodded and handed her the phone. “Okay. Thanks.” She says. Bea nods in response and heads back down stairs in order to look for Kokona. For a moment, Ayano will likely have to sit in the computer lab so that her story actually sticks together.

So, Ayano grabs one of the chairs and sits down on it. As soon as she does, she gets an immediate text from Info-Chan.

Info-Chan: Did you do the full process?

Yan-Chan: What?

Info-Chan: Did you complete the hacking process?

Yan-Chan: Yes. I did exactly what you told me to last time.

Yan-Chan: Didn’t you gain access?

Info-Chan: For a moment.

Info-Chan: But Kokona Haruka is no longer on my records of access.

Yan-Chan: I already finished.

Yan-Chan: I should still get my pay.

Info-Chan: Very funny.

Info-Chan: No access, no pay.

Ayano scoffs, standing up and walking back out of the room despite her earlier judgment. She wasn’t sure how much time she had left before the funeral officially started, but she figured that she should use whatever time she had either finding another phone or doing some other task.

That’s when she ran into someone for- who knows how many times by now. Based on the sudden shove Ayano was awarded with, she would have assumed that it was from a student council member she ran into, but it wasn’t. It was a shorter student with long black hair, who wasn’t actually wearing anything dark to support the event, but instead just a variant of the regular school uniform.

The girl glared at Ayano after her firm shove and briskly walked past her, looking left and right as if in search of something. Ayano held a hand to her stomach. Frankly, not even Aoi had given her such a needlessly violent shove- if Ayano were to be dramatic, she’d even call it some form of punch.

“So, you’ve met her.” A voice said in a quiet tone. Turning, Ayano realized that it was Frankie, who stayed to the side until the black-haired girl turned the corner. “Lori, I mean.”

Ayano frowns with a nod. Thinking back, Lori’s appearance and the description Frankie, Hana and Cassie gave matched incredibly well. Short, black haired, clearly very antisocial if not just outright violent. “I guess so.” Ayano says, looking back down the hall to where Lori just left. “Is she looking for you?”

“Yeah. Well, I mean, probably.” Frankie says with a shrug. She barely out of breath, as if she’d been running from Lori this entire event. “I went to the girls’ room to wash up and she was just- waiting there! I think there might actually be a dent in one of the lockers right now from the punch she tried to land on me.”

With an uncomfortable expression, Ayano patted her stomach where Lori had shoved her. “I… can’t imagine what it must be like being actively beaten by her.” Realistically, Ayano didn’t feel much concern for Frankie, but it seemed stupid to allow herself to be harassed and assaulted like that almost daily. “Why haven’t you called the cops yet?”

Sighing, Frankie shakes her head. “I did. Once. But then Lori started, like… crying when she was brought to the station. They took her into another room and next thing I knew she was getting left off the hook.” She shrugs.

Frankie takes another peek past Ayano suddenly, but calms down after seeing that it was just Kuroko down the hall. “She’s been more sneaky about it, I’ll admit. If I’m around a big group of people or something she’ll back off for a while.”

Ayano folds her arms, tilting her head to the side. “So, why haven’t you told anyone? Budo, the staff, your parents I’m sure would do something about it if you told them.” She points out, to which hesitates, pulling her lips into a tight line.

“....well, about that..” Frankie pauses again, before sighing, “...I mean, it’s more- ohhhh shit..” She stops abruptly and speed walks away from Ayano. When Ayano looks at what Frankie had seen, she spots the familiar dark-haired girl speed walking- nearly jogging after her.

Part of Ayano wanted to follow them, maybe help Frankie out, but then she realized that being bloodied and bruised while trying to help likely wouldn’t do her any good- not for a slightly better reputation at least. Thankfully, an announcement on the intercoms interrupted her thoughts.

“The funeral is now starting. Students and staff, please make your way to the gymnasium.”

With one last press on her stomach just to make sure she was alright, Ayano continued on her way to the gymnasium, following the other group of students who weren’t in the gymnasium yet.

__

“Ajia, you– mph!” Seiyo pauses momentarily as his face is met with his own apron after the girl had thrown it at him. He had followed Ajia into the school when she stormed off. It was his presence that caused her to excuse herself from her family and run off, but Seiyo felt like this was a desperate time. Maybe the only time Ajia might even be desperate enough to shut up and listen to him for once. Desperate times do call for desperate measures, after all.

“Always nagging me.. Always SO persistent!” Ajia groans loudly, walking to the other side of the counter to stay at least a couple feet away from Seiyo. “And of all times, too! You just can’t LIVE without following me around, can you?!”

Seiyo was always a patient person, sure, and now he had to be more patient than ever since he was the one pushing his luck. “I-I know, Ajia, you hate me, I’ve come to terms with that, but this is the one time that I need you to listen to me.”

Throwing her arms up in the air, Ajia lets out another dreadful groan. “Of course you do! It’s always been about you, hasn’t it?! ‘Ajia, I need this! Ajia, please listen to this!’ What sort of moron would continuously bother someone who clearly doesn’t care at ALL for what they have to say?!”

Seiyo paused, thinking over how Ajia worded it. She was right, to some extent. He did always nag her. If she ever left the room without them speaking, he would follow her for a couple of minutes in order to tell her something.

It didn’t matter if Seiyo tried to make the topic about something he knew Ajia liked. It didn’t matter if he tried to say one thing and then let her comment on it in an attempt to not ramble on and on. At the end of the day, Ajia just hated him. Again, that was something that he was aware of. He had just also convinced himself that maybe if he took different approaches, tried to be a little bit less of himself, he could find a way for Ajia to stand his presence.

Swallowing a lump in his throat, Seiyo nodded. “I know, I get it. But I know you need help right now, and I don’t want to see you in such a horrible state. It feels… it doesn’t feel nice to see you in such a mess when it isn’t my fault.” He sucked in a shaky breath and quickly added, “And also, it’s not your fault, either.”

“You-!!” Ajia gripped the collar of her dress in frustration as more tears spilled out of her eyes again. She seemed to choke on her own words and gritted her teeth in anger.

“It’s not! I want you to know that!” Seiyo said quickly and loudly, hoping that he could somehow seem louder than whatever horrible thoughts were flooding Ajia’s mind at the moment.

“I don’t care!” Ajia grabbed her phone from her pocket and threw it at Seiyo, successfully hitting him in the eye. “I don’t care what you want! It is! It…” She takes a moment to look at Seiyo’s eye, which he quickly covers with his hand, and his troubled expression.

With several shaky, quick breaths, Ajia’s legs eventually fail her and she crumples to the floor. “It.. It.. It is my… my fault…” She insists beneath sobs, her breath barely coming through correctly through her panicked huffs and gasps.

Seiyo walks over to her side immediately and kneels down next to her. “Ajia, I promise you it’s not.” He repeated, tearing up himself at her dread.

“She.. hhh… she said…” With another shaky inhale, Ajia eventually spits out her words. “She said.. ‘I know you’re a good person deep down’, Seiyo!” She raises her hands to cradle her head as she continues sobbing. “That means- I- I didn’t SHOW her that I was a good person! I didn’t make that OBVIOUS! And now I’ll never fucking get to!”

“Ajia.. that…” Seiyo hesitates, thinking as quickly as he can to decide how exactly he could reassure Ajia.

“How- hic- how bad of a person do I have to be, that… that acting how I have my whole life is enough for someone like Amai to believe that I’m not a good person?! I–” Ajia’s breath becomes heavier and she keeps her eyes shut tight, sick of staring at a blurry, dark floor. “-I’m so- so- horrible! I’ll never be a good per-son and I’ll never- hhh- ever make it up to Amai for everything I’ve done to her! It’s my fault it’s… hhh… my… hhh… Fault.”

As soon as Ajia allowed her arms to fall to the floor, Seiyo wrapped his own arms around her shoulder and kept her close to his chest. For once, Ajia didn’t intervene and simply sobbed into his chest, hardly being able to catch her breath due to the panic and dread running through her veins right now.

After about five minutes, an announcement rang on the intercom, telling everyone that it was time to attend the funeral. Still, though, Ajia hadn’t been able to calm down, and didn’t react to the announcement at all. A couple minutes later, Ajia’s sobs had decreased to muffled heavy breathing into Seiyo’s chest.

As she got quieter, Seiyo gently patted her head and said in a quieter tone, “I know you hate me, Ajia. But I don’t hate you at all. The people you think hate you really don’t, especially not Amai.” He pauses, trying to keep himself from crying as well.

“What happened is something I’m sure we could have helped with, but only if Amai had told us what she was going through.” Again, he felt the need to add. “It’s not your fault, Ajia. It’s none of our fault.”

Ajia didn’t respond, so Seiyo leaned his cheek on top of her head and continued speaking softly. “…I know you hate me, Ajia, and that’s alright. You don’t need to like me at all. But, again, I do really care for you and I admire you. I followed you because I hated seeing you upset, and even if I couldn’t, I wanted to try to help make you feel better.” He gently rubs her back and closes his eyes. “This is going to take a while to handle, Ajia, I know. But you have all the time that you’ll give yourself. …I sincerely hope that you give yourself all the time you need to cope. You don’t need to stay in the cooking club and you don’t need to cook again, but I know you can.”

Exhausted, Ajia’s breathing finally settles down, but she still remains silent. Still, Seiyo stays with her. “I believe in you, Ajia. I always will.”

__

The ceremony was just about as Ayano expected. If anything, it was draining to look as depressed as she did throughout the whole thing. Putting effort into an expression for an extended period of time always was stressful for Ayano.

It was the end of the ceremony, and everyone was either talking again as before, or leaving immediately. Amongst the crowd, Enpitsu seemed to be standing alone. Ayano couldn’t entirely place his expression. It seemed like he was exhausted. He was one to socialize, so maybe he was more affected by the atmosphere than he seemed.

Others that Ayano had spoken to like Tsubaki, who helped bring a bunch of flowers, were just as depressed and almost awkwardly standing alone. Perhaps she was just too uncomfortable to speak with anyone right now. Mai was also sitting alone, just staring at her phone. She had dyed her hair a light, soft green, which didn’t match the color scheme. Apparently, she had done so because it was Amai’s favorite color, and she wanted to honor her for a time.

Toga was speaking with Kuroko, who seemed the most troubled out of the whole student council. As much as Ayano would like to learn more about what they were talking about, she knew that getting in hearing range would arouse some sort of suspicion. So instead she turned her attention to…

…Taro Yamada. He looked stunning in a suit. If only the school uniform were more dull and dark instead of the light color palette it had today. After all of her months of stalking, she realized that he did indeed look better in black, dark red, and darker colors in general. She didn’t know how he did it.

Currently, he was speaking to Osana and Kyuji, obviously about the past events. Maybe they were trying to make him feel better. But, then, that raised the question, where was Raibaru? As Ayano looked around, there was a tap on her shoulder. Lo and behold, Raibaru stood there with a sympathetic smile. “Hi, Ayano. How are you holding up?”

Before Ayano can answer, Raibaru suddenly backtracks and sighs. “Oh, what am I kidding? I guess that’s a pretty stupid question to ask right now, huh?” She says, shaking her head disapprovingly at her own question.

“I appreciate you asking regardless, Raibaru.” Ayano says, holding her arms behind her back. “It’s the thought that counts in this situation, isn’t it?”

Raibaru gives a light sigh but nods. “Yeah, I guess it is.” She says with a sad frown. “I’m not sure how the cooking club is going to be able to recover after this.” Looking down, Raibaru crosses her arms. “I know that I didn’t really know Amai that well, but I know that she was a very sweet person. Everyone knows that. It’s…” She shakes her head. “..well, I guess rambling about it isn’t going to fix my problems. You never did answer, did you?”

Ayano smiles. “I’m doing alright. The only problem I’m having right now is the thought that I may be taking this too lightly.” She says fauxing a nervous look as she looks to the floor. “I didn’t know Amai personally either, so the only thing I’m depressed out, I think, is the toll her suicide will take on the school. Is that… bad?”

“I don’t think so, Ayano.” Raibaru shakes her head, and then offers Ayano a smile. “In fact, it’s pretty noble of you to think of the school at a time like this. Not to say that everyone focused on Amai is selfish, of course. But setting grief aside to focus on bigger, longer-lasting matters is a very mature thing to do.” She points out with a smile, “So, good job.”

As Ayano folds her hands together, she offers Raibaru a brighter smile. “Thank you. That’s relieving to hear.”

“Students. Guests.” A voice called from the microphone. Miss Kunahito stood up there with her own black gown on, and bowed her head respectfully. “We’ll unfortunately need to leave the school at this moment in order to leave the halls and outer grounds open for the fences on the roof to continue being built.” She gave a solemn look, one full of regret and despair as she looked over to the makeshift memorial of flowers, gifts, and pictures set up on the stage. “Say goodbye if you need to, and please make your way to the exit at your own pace. Thank you.”

Raibaru sighs. “I’m going to go check on Osana.” She says, rubbing her hands on her dress almost nervously. “These past events have been… dreadful, to say the least, but I’m sure with people like you around, we can get back to our prime.” She says, smiling at Ayano before taking her leave.

Ayano herself simply left after that whole event. Her presence was known. Her peers knew that she attended the funeral, and frankly, that was all that she needed. It was more exhausting than she had hoped that it would be, but the effort she put into her reputation would eventually pay off.

Info-Chan: Once again, congratulations on eliminating your rival.

Info-Chan: Attending the funeral will show to your peers that you care about their well-being and health :)

Info-Chan: Keep this up, and you’ll win over your Senpai in no time. ;D

__

[future-foundation-system]

Hanako: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY]

Ayano: What's that?

Hanako: Remorse code.

Ayano: I'm even angrier now.

[yuukei-yikes]

What kind of relationship do you think Ayano and Kano have? Especially considering this shitshow going on with them and Shintaro

answer is here but... >:3

both are very messed up and filled with guilt/feelings of failure over their whole thing from back then. kano is so ashamed he ended up doing the things he did even if under the threat of saeru and ayano is ashamed she even dragged him into it in the first place, only to end up leaving him & seto and kido alone... she feels like such a failure :((

i think ayano would rly try to talk about it, but disregards all of kano's own remorse and just like kido and seto she's like yeah u shouldve said something but its ok we're family and ayano is even more like this bc she feels so RESPONSIBLE for kano's mistakes she's like oh my GOOOOD especially for shit like having to pretend to be her corpse, ayano rly feels like she's singlehandedly put kano through hell. so she's all over him like a worried mom lol

and he IS all messed up but he's like id rather get stabbed again than be honest abt all these feelings of dread bc what am i supposed to say?? that i feel empty and clueless and lost and sad and undeserving even though everything is ok and my sister is back?? in what world do i have the right to feel the way i do after all the mistakes ive made. like who cares i feel undeserving, its not about me. if anything its about kido&seto getting ayano back. its about ayano getting her life back!!

but ayano keeps acting so apologetic and remorseful and it makes kano so sick. bc how can she feel so responsible, it wasn't her. it was clearing eyes. kano is so angry that ayano and also even shintaro&mary keep blaming themselves for things that weren't their fucking fault it was CLEARING and kano's like IM the only one who knew for so long and didnt say anything. if anyone's a fucking asshole its me!!!!

so... i think both kano and ayano are going to each other like i know ur hurting talk to me💖 no im fine. YOURE doing badly. talk to me. NO YOU NO YOU NO YOU and its stupid

and for the whole shintaro stuff. well kano IS SO MAD at him because 1. hes dating his sister and is overprotective over her 2. he is FUCKING UP with his sister making it WORSE 3. HE LIKES HIM *HOLDS HEAD* DESPITE IT ALL HE LIKES HIM SO MUCH💔💔💔

erm. after ayano's breakthrough/kano starting to see shintaro etc etc i think... both kano and shintaro are so terrified of their relationship so ofc they wouldnt tell anyone. which is why itd be 10000 times funnier if theyre caught. idk how that would go but i just know itd be funny. i havent given it much thought yet but i just want it to be a sitcom moment i love secret relationships and characters finding out one by one

erm abt how ayano would react i think shed be surprisingly chill about it?? like she's not mad or not even weirded out she's probably just like hehe THERE IS something to like isnt there shuuya :3 and kano wants to die. maybe she'd be iffy if its very fresh after breakup with shintaro she's like girl ur not ready for a relationship LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE‼️‼️‼️ but it all depends in what mental context she is at. also if she was like this, kano and shintaro freak out like RELATIONSHIP⁉️ WHO SAID ANYTHING ABT A RELATIONSHIP WERE NOT IN A RELATIONSHIP and its so ridiculous and insane. lol.

[lostandfoundvocaltrax2005]

December 6th. Evening, at the time of writing this.

i've been thinking a lot lately about… well, no. no, i haven't. it always sits in the back of my mind, it sits and it waits and it waits and it waits and it rots. i've gotten lucky once or twice, getting to talk about the ingrid shit, but its beginning to feel like everything in my head is beginning to rot it from the inside out.

from what i've seen online it seems like ruvies beginning to regret having done the shit he has. and it makes me so fucking mad. i don't think i can fully articulate it. i guess its good he's feeling remorse for what he's done? its like what Velocity said: did it take dying, getting kidnapped and dying again to make him grow a conscience? whatever. fuck him.

i guess i've had too much free time lately, so its making me get in my own head too much because i keep thinking about my old cases. one of my theories is that i'm out of the "honeymoon" phase of all of this, so things have slowed down enough for me to dwell on them.

god enough dancing around it im feeling guilty!!! i feel bad for using people the way i did for my advantage!!! i feel bad for the fact i couldnt do shit!!! people still died and got hurt and i couldnt prevent it! im upset it happened in the first place!!! fuck those suston freaks fuck ingrid fuck afton fuck wammy fuck ayano fuck light fuck eden fuck EVERYONE in chastville i hope they all BURN AND DIE.

except for lilah. i wish i could go back and say im sorry to her. sorry for using her to get into the church and that i didnt really love her. dib too. i wanna tell him im sorry for using him as a diversion so often and that he had to even learn about what was happening, let alone get involved. i wish i could apologize to Kara and those takami host club nutcases.

i dont know how i feel about Corette, honestly. i dont think she deserved to be tormented the way she was but i think saying she didnt deserve some kinda punishment isnt right either considering she effectively lobotomized some other student.

hm. fuck wammy for making the place, fuck the staff for letting this kind of atmosphere breed and grow like mold, and fuck everyone who could've prevented the whole mess. yeah. i guess thats what i wanted to say. but it feels redundant? nothing can be done now that its all said and done. i just hope that Harkness guy doesn't make shit worse.. does he even know about tartarun?? i hope so. from what ive heard so far from that blog wammys running the new residents seem pretty happy with how shits going. god i envy them.

i still wish i understood everyones motives a little better. god i fucking miss Kuroko. the ONE TIME i get a competent handler and i loose her right after because shes a convicted murderer!!!! although, then again, it was because ruvie had died… so.. but why they made me stay with everett and his bitch wife linda after it was all said and done ill never really get.

he's been calling me. he's been sending me letters. he says he misses me and wishes i would call. hes not my dad. hes never been my dad. i dont know why hes doing it. its just like with mills and calling me sofia. he told me he divorced linda and keeps going on about how horrible his exes have been. he said Jasmine was the only good one and how im the only good thing that came from that situation. if you loved her so much why did you kill her.

im so fucking tired. i just want to go to sleep and be over with everything.

[guiltycrunch]

Hii oc ask game. 11 & 12?

sorry it took me a few days to answer this! since you didnt specify a character i'll answer this for a few of my favorites :D (adding a readmore too bc this got a bit long)

11 - What are they? Are they human? What is their species?

buddy: they're a spiderperson (literal, not a superhero)! they may be like 12 years old but theyre almost 8 feet tall for funny number reasons

kim: avian woman. shes got big wings and the shoulders to match those. also earwings bc theyre very cute and fun. shes meant to be based off the hooded crow but her wings are purple instead of gray bc it fits her general color scheme better

charles: this ones just a guy he just cant die

blazegirl: fucked up practically a demigod catgirl who eats people for funsies. oldest oc i still have my belovedest

most of my other ocs are just human (hibiki, ayano, saaya, and their associates) or have significance to a project i want to work on someday that i dont want to post about them online too much at this point in time (pilli, sei, gam, and their associates)!

12 - What are they pt 2! Are they a protagonist in the story? A villian? A hero?

buddy, kim, charles: all of them are actually RP characters so they dont really have these qualities of hero vs villain or protagonist! they just do what they think is right, which has not always been the right thing (gestures at like. everything about kim before the story reboot)

blazegirl: oh this girl is the hero of her own story and a villain of her victims' ones. she just kills and maims and has like zero remorse about it, and because she has literal plot armor she cant be held accountable for any of it. she could mellow out a bit and go on a more normal diet with less human on it if she hung out more with normal people like hibiki and ayano

hibiki & ayano: hibikis always had a more central role in their story so i guess hes the Main protagonist while ayanos the side protagonist. their story has gotten far less intense over the years and went from Dramatic Crime Thriller to like. a casual romance manga. with some crime undertones. think the way of the househusband

unnamed tenant: this person is a protagonist and i guess a hero of their own story that i came up with after talking to a friend about how annoyed i was about a current tumblr trend. still working on their story but i am already very invested and might actually try to make it into a game someday

[magicalgirlagency]

Just for you, Anonymous.

In the light of Pride Month, and also to shut up that annoying anonymous who keeps sending me hatemail for liking Magia Record, here’s a little rant:

Magical Girls and LGBT+ relationships are themes that often go side by side. Subtle or evident, it varies from series to series, but they are surely the most present factor in this female-driven fantasy genre.

But, some portrayals of gay relationships can lead to controversies, which it’s the case with Puella Magi Madoka Magica, with its third movie, The Rebellion Story.

Years have passed, and the same old story of an ordinary young girl with an extraordinary destiny has been replaced with a new one; with new characters and different situations, putting its original cast away from the spotlight: Magia Record. A spin-off with an ever-growing cast of magical girls, each of them with their own backstories explaining the reasons behind their wishes.

One of the many heroines in this game is Ayano Rika, who is canonically a lesbian. Her wish was to earn the affections of someone she liked, and has the power to change other people’s minds.

At first, of course, you may think: “...but this is manipulation! This is bad!”, and yes, I am in total agreement that this is a bad thing; but I ask you this: Have you at least bothered to check the whole story?

Rika got what she wanted, but she wasn’t happy; she felt guilty about it because it wasn’t genuine. And she breaks up with the girl she was in love with (who was in a relationship before Rika’s influence), and later devises a plan for her and her boyfriend to get together again. And Spoiler Alert: It worked!

And even though Rika didn’t got what she wanted, she still manages to find a girlfriend through other means (a girl named Isuzu Ren, who is also a puella magi), with their stories unfolding in some later events, plus a very neat and cute Christmas variant!

Things went better than expected here, in my opinion.

And of course, if compared to what happened in Rebellion, this is like one major redemption arc for the Puella Magi series. The difference between them, is that one felt guilty about manipulating and went to set things right (Rika), and the other didn’t felt any remorse and couldn’t accept defeat (Homura).

Not to mention that Rika’s wish wasn’t on a bigger universal scale, like Homura’s. Nothing extravagant here!

Resuming: If you’re going to start a discussion with someone else about something, at least go do your research and check the sources before spreading false informations!

[sociopath-analysis]

Sociopath Profile: Yandere-chan

Real name: Ayano Aishi Nickname: Yan-chan From the video game in development Yandere Simulator (2014-present[Valid as of mid June 2021]) Voiced by Michaela Laws Artwork by Shyua on Deviantart [source]

By her own admission (while not in such words), Yan-chan is a psychopath. YandereDev describes her condition as a fictional type of yandere-disorder that runs in the family. However, she displays many signs of antisocial personality disorder.

[SOME SPOILERS BELOW; SPOILER-FREE VERSION HERE]

She outright states that she has never been able to feel emotions. From birth, doctors have said she would never be normal and nothing her father did to make her happy ever elicited any emotion from her other than pity. Like a typical psychopath, she begins to act the part of having actual emotions to the point that she is able to fool everyone. However, you can notice her flat affect in her voice since it sounds mechanical. Not quite monotone, just … off. This is notable in the July 2016 when compared to Kokona’s expressive tone of voice.

Her lack of empathy is apparent in the fact that she doesn’t feel anything for anyone. Not even her own parents are exempt from this since even though she pitied her father, she didn’t really care enough on a personal level. It is Senpai who first opens her up to emotions and even then, doesn’t really care about anyone else. People are only tools to be used in her pursuit of Senpai. The promo image for the matchmaker update shows this perfectly. Even when doing nice things for people, they are nothing but puppets to her.

Speaking of which, Yan-chan also displays manipulative tendencies as well. Since she doesn’t care about anyone, it’s easy for her to treat them like pawns and she certainly can do that. One of the elimination methods involves using a note to help Kokona with (what was believed to be) her domestic abuse situation only to lure her to the roof and kill her. Other ways of elimination involve spreading gossip about them and ruining their reputation, turning the other students against her so Senpai won’t love her.

But this does mean that she can do nice things for people if it suits her purposes, such as the matchmaking. She’s not going to actually care about the people she helps, but she can do things to help people like favors. In the June 2016 update, you can actually help Kokona with her dad’s debt problems. By kidnapping the loan shark’s daughter and threatening to cut off her fingers for every day that he doesn’t release everyone from debt. Even doing nice things for people can result in harming others.

One important thing to note is the sanity meter. It is admitted by YandereDev to be a bit of a misnomer. The idea is that Yan-chan always has some screws loose. However, it’s a measure of visible sanity. It relates to the idea of the sociopath’s “mask of sanity” that helps them appear innocuous or even benevolent. And her mask tends to slip off when committing acts like murder.

Her lack of empathy even extends to her Senpai as well! She only cares about him/her* because s/he* was able to open up her emotions and make her feel something. She doesn’t care about Senpai as a person. Just as someone who gave her what she was missing her whole life. She’s even willing to kill his/her* sister if need be since it is an option. It relates to her mother’s way of gaining her Senpai which was knocking him out, kidnapping him, and forcing him into a Stockholm Syndrome relationship, They view their objects of affections as exactly that. Objects.

“Senpai. Will. Be. Mine. He doesn’t Have a choice.”

And Ayano has no remorse for anything either. The only reason she would feel bad about what she does is if she gets caught or Senpai rejects her because then Senpai will never love her. Still a selfish motivation. Even when she tried to feel emotions, she even killed a cat just to see if it would make her feel regret and it didn’t. (This is something that is observed in many serial killers as well.)

Her ease of thinking that murder, blackmail, bullying, harassment, torture, and other unsavory methods show that she is willing to do anything to anyone to get her Senpai. And the worst part is that she’s able to look like a normal girl. She isn’t too far-fetched of a character.

*In the final game, there will be the option to make Senpai female.*

Female Sociopath List

[idoblep]

You know

To start the headcanons train

Toot toot

Um, warning I guess cause this is kinda real heavy, and I know cause the idea of it hits home in some bits, but like it's stuff

I personally have this view that Yan was classified as a "troubled youth"

Not because he started trouble, but he was constantly in it.

What I'm saying is Yan was different than the other kids, not only was he emotionally detached and seemed to show no empathy or remorse, but like he was a little boy wear girl uniforms. Now why would he wear those, well he was sort of an unwanted child, his parents both so desperately wanted a baby girl to the point that when Yan came out a boy they overlooked it and had him legally a girl on his birth certificate and even a female name.

Ayano Aishi (yes I kept the name from the actual game, I really like it), For these reasons he was tormented in elementary and middle school, he was bullied and harassed constantly. From little things like getting his homework stolen, being put the blame on, being forced to clean up messes, social isolation, to harsher things like his belongings being thrown in the fountain, getting beaten up, etc.

(I have more, but uh I'll share when I feel more comfy with saying it cause it's a , well it's a difficult topic to talk about )

Anyways let's just say life was pretty tough for a long while. I'll go into relationship stuff later

[clevelandrocklovesick]

It’s World Mental Health Day as well as Mental Illness Awareness Week, so let’s share a story about Ayano Aishi. I described her and her backstory as best as I could to an actual psychologist and asked him to give her a diagnosis.

(This is kind of a long post, so click “keep reading.”)

I was surprised to find out that she’s “absolutely not” a psychopath, nor is she as devoid of emotions as she sometimes seems to believe she is. Her whole life, she felt “empty” and yearned for the day she would meet somebody to “complete” her. These feelings of emptiness and yearning are, well, feelings. If she was a psychopath (or a kuudere), she wouldn’t have these feelings. I explained to him that she has intense urges to kill people and even does kill people without remorse if the player instructs her to do so, which only furthered his opinion that she’s not psychopathic.

He gave her the diagnosis of dependent personality disorder (DPD)—obviously, a very severe case of it. She believes that she needs her senpai in order to live. She views losing her senpai as a death sentence. In her mind, her acts of violence and manipulation are all in self-defense. She sees anyone who stands between her and her senpai as somebody who is trying to kill her, and the adrenaline rush of “heroically defeating a murderer” could cause her to even enjoy the act of killing, hence her maniacal laughter (and her gleeful songs about it every Christmas).

A common criticism—a criticism that YandereDev even expressed himself—is that “Yandere-chan” isn’t even a real yandere, because she doesn’t have a real mental illness and isn’t really in love. However, as we’ve already established, she does have a real mental illness. People with her condition exist in real life, and the doctor even claimed that an unfortunate part of his job is testifying in murder trials when one of his patients goes off the deep end. So, the question is, is she really in love? The doctor said… maybe. Probably not. It’s impossible to say whether or not she’d still be in love even if you removed her unhealthy obsession. However, you could probably say the same thing of any yandere, so I say she gets a pass.

In conclusion, don’t aspire to be a real-life yandere and don’t aspire to have a yandere partner. It’s romantic in theory, but never ends well in practice. If you find yourself obsessed with a person to the point where you would be willing to kill yourself or others, please talk to a doctor or call a suicide hotline as soon as possible. “Lovesick” is more “sick” than “love.”

[millennialdemon]

Finished off Hanebado! and have decidedly mixed feelings about it. 

When I posted my first impression of Hanebado! last year, I said that: “I think it has some potential to be compelling sports drama, but I also got this low key Anime Bullshit vibe from it... It’s teetering on the edge of decent drama, but I’m not convinced it actually will be yet and I wouldn’t be surprised if it disappointed me.” And unfortunately, that is my final impression as well. 

I found Hanebado!’s protagonists compelling enough to enjoy watching it, despite the Anime Bullshit (Tonally Dissonant Comedy that reduced the severity of situations... this was especially awful in the episode with Connie!), pretty severe pacing issues, and a few very key scenes just not sticking the landing. Nagisa was great throughout, and while I had thought that I might grow to hate Ayano under suspicion that she would become so ~twisted~ that she would be rendered a cold and unrelatable y*ndere spectacle, that thankfully didn’t happen. So I was able to remain committed to her complicated and destructive relationship to the sport and to everyone around her... but. 

The ending of Ayano’s arc, particularly in regards to her mother, was dissatisfying and lukewarm to the point of nearly trivializing it. Uchika is awful, through and through, and she acknowledges it but does not feel any remorse. After admitting to Elena (who somehow kept it together during their conversation, props) that she certainly does put badminton above her daughter and “may” be a terrible mother, she has the audacity to ask Ayano to come live with her overseas, now that Ayano’s arc has concluded and she has met Uchika’s unspoken expectation of Loving Badminton Properly.

But Uchika had nothing to do with Ayano’s shift of perspective. Uchika leaving Ayano did not force her to learn a different reason to play badminton, it just reinforced the negative, unhealthy relationship she already had with it that Uchika herself instilled in the first place. “Hmm, Ayano is obsessed with this thing that I made her obsessed with, and she wants to be good at it because I love it, and she wants to impress me. That’s too bad, that she’s obsessed with it in the wrong way, unlike me who loves badminton just because, and not for, scoff, Other People. Time to abandon her and find another girl with natural talent to raise instead, who loves it the Right Way, like Me.” Uchika... die. 

(Also, Connie doesn’t like it the “right way” either! Just like Ayano, she became obsessed with badminton in relation to Uchika, because Uchika introduced her to it and wants her to strive at it...  When Connie meets Ayano, she talks about how being recognized by Uchika is all that matters in badminton, so won’t Uchika leave her one day as well? Probably!)

And so Ayano managed to put aside her obsession with her mother when her team mates -- who she had been mistreating due to her obsession with rejecting her mother over anything else -- cheered for her. Ayano was moved, snapped out of it, and faced Nagisa in a proper match wherein she viewed Nagisa as her opponent. Her revelation had nothing to do with Uchika’s “tough love”, and Ayano did refuse to go with her, but she did so in such a bizarrely grateful way. “Let’s play again sometime,” she said, as if I’m supposed to be happy she Moved Past Hating Her Mother when that was never the issue. What I wanted to hear was “ I Don't Need You Anymore. I Never Want To See You Again. You No Longer Mean Anything To Me.”

Because the anger wasn’t the problem, it was the obsession. First Ayano was obsessed with pleasing Uchika, and it caused her immense suffering when Uchika abandoned her. Then Ayano become obsessed with inflicting that same pain unto her mother, and it began to turn her into a monster that hurt everyone around her because no one else mattered to her anymore. And I find it bizarre that Ayano offers up a lukewarm thank you to her mother for “getting her here” (SHE LITERALLY DIDN’T), when her mother was the monster that Ayano became in her most desperate hour. 

Denouncing her mother’s influence in her life from that point on seemed a much more fitting end for Ayano’s arc -- I even would have been thrilled if Ayano denounced the importance of badminton to her as a whole and stopped playing after her eye-opening match with Nagisa. I don’t think that would be “giving up” -- because I think it’s debatable that Ayano even really likes playing badminton. (But I’m not too unhappy with Ayano deciding to continue for her own sake, I suppose...)

A thematically dissatisfying ending and emotionally muddled presentations of key characters like Uchika, Kaoruko, and Connie bring Hanebado! down to a 6/10, which is a damn shame because I would have loved to love a sports drama centered on the relationships of girls. 

[shadowlorddemon]

Whumptober Day 24: Fight, Flight or Freeze

Ayano might be expressionless but it didn’t mean that she couldn’t feel any regrets nor remorse when she was forced to kill the innocents on behalf of her psychotic mother.

She just stared at her blood-covered hands(paws) as she reconsidered her life choices.

[ludjaci]

Unlike how it was depicted in her back story video, Ayano didn't have a decent, normal childhood with loving parents--if anything, it's how she believes her childhood has been--and she wasn't always "broken". Her inability to feel emotion and remorse developed through the childhood trauma of living with a severely mentally unstable mother, and a father who enabled her behaviour. Ayano forced herself into the role of the rational, logical presence in her family as a way of balancing out the two extremes of her parents. Still, witnessing the damaging, unequal relationship between her parents made her develop a very twisted image of love, and her mother's inappropriate, unsupervised actions, like teaching young Ayano how to clean up blood, definitely didn't help Ayano's own mental stability.

[musumes-last-cigarrete]

A concept

Ayano kills Midori, after becoming paranoid that senpai has a crush on her. This triggers a feeling of remorse, and she can suddenly feel things. She cries for the first time in her life. A teacher finds them, and it's not that hard for the police to connect the dots.

[kokona-octodogs]

I thought YandereDev said the game wouldn't have this story that the only one who makes Ayano feels something is Taro? This is so cringe and edgy. Can Ayano be a normal person who feels things but senpai makes her feel the most because, duh, she fucking loves him, it is normal. Now not enjoying music, food or anything, damn, even I who have depression don't feel like this

Yeah like... I mean it's an improvement I guess, but not by much. Ayano explicitly states she couldn't feel happiness, sadness, remorse, etc. So really it's not much different--he just changed the words.