#reminder: I'm going on vacation for a couple of weeks tomorrow

[booasaur]

Bottoms (2023)

[space-cowgirllll]

Right Where You Left Me

a/n: I was going to wait to post this but I had written a lot more than I thought the last time I touched this. A little lengthy bc I’m a yapper but here's part two of Tolerate It. I'M SORRYYYYY 🥹

The flurries Abby had seen as she walked into work this morning quickly turned into actual snowfall. Twelve hours later, everything around her is covered in a thick blanket of white snow. Traffic had been worse than usual, making her already shitty commute twice as long. A breath she hadn't realized she was holding leaves her when she finally pulls up to the curb in front of her home. She's safe. Forcing her frozen fingers to uncurl from the death grip she had on the steering wheel, she parks the car, cursing when she feels it slide just a little. She was due for a tropical vacation soon. 

Despite her disdain for the snow, Abby can admit the quaint neighborhood looks beautiful. Thousands of multicolored lights adorn the houses and yards around her. Laughter from the kids having a snowball fight across the street fills the night air. Their giggles make Abby's heart feel a little lighter. A couple of her neighbors have their curtains drawn, displaying their immaculately decorated trees. It reminds her of those cheesy hallmark movies she secretly loves watching. 

Abby cringes when she realizes her house is the only dark one on the street. In her mind she can see the purple Post-It still stuck to the fridge reminding her to pull the outdoor decor down from the attic and actually decorate. The red plastic tubs have been sitting at the top of the steps for weeks. She trips over them constantly, telling herself she'll get to them tomorrow, but it seems there were just never enough hours in the day. Eighty hour work weeks left little room for anything else- not that she had much going on. If she wasn't at the gym, or catching up on some much needed sleep, she was at the hospital. 

Her head hits the steering wheel in defeat when she taps the screen on her phone and catches sight of the date. It's the twentieth of December.  

"Too late to do anything about it now." She mumbles to herself. Her palms dig into her tired eyes. Today was truly the day from hell.

But the universe doesn't seem to be quite done with her just yet. Over the hum of her ac blowing she hears a familiar tune. Her head snaps to the radio in recognition. Her usual radio station has switched over to playing nothing but Christmas music for the night. It's your favorite song. Shit. Her shaky index finger blindly reaches for the button to kill the engine before throwing the door open, jacket forgotten in the passenger seat. 

She shivers as she speed walks to her front door trying her hardest not to slip on the icy sidewalk. The straps of her work bags dig painfully into her right shoulder when she bends down to collect the multiple packages that had accumulated on her porch. After days of ignoring them, they were starting to block the doorway. But hey, at least this year she had gotten ahead on Christmas shopping. 

These days it was all about the small wins. —

Abby drops the mattress she dragged out of the guest room in front of the fireplace with soft grunt. She hasn't done this in years, but she needs it today. This had been one of your favorite ways to unwind after a long week. Always there waiting for her with a big smile and her favorite snacks, a movie waiting to be played on the tv. In the later months of the year, around the holidays, Abby could always count on finding a pair of pajamas for her that matched yours laid out on your shared bed. She had always thought it was kind of silly when you had a perfectly good bed and tv upstairs. Now, she could only dream of coming home after a long day to a warm house and you bundled up in blankets waiting up for her.

It's quiet as she stares out the window watching snow fall. Her head is fuzzy from the wine and she knows she's going to regret it tomorrow. The movie she randomly picked half an hour ago is now muted. She can hear the distant buzzing of her personal phone from somewhere in the kitchen, but she can't be bothered. Calls from her family trying to confirm next weeks plans go ignored. Abby loves them, but the thought of being asked if she was ready to start dating again before trying to set her up with the friend of a friend for the fifth year in a row made her want to cancel her flight home. She can't stand the pity in their eyes every time they look at her.

Bleary eyes roam around the room, the sight of  the unlit, half-decorated tree in the corner and the lone stocking missing its pair hanging off the mantle make her chest hurt in a way it hadn't in a while. It may not look like it, but she had tried. Most of the Christmas stuff actually made it out of the attic this year. Which is more than she can say for last year, and the years before that.  She'd finally gotten the tree out and decorating had been going well, until she pulled out that ornament. 

The little house you had custom made to look like a tiny replica of the first place the two of you were sharing as a married couple. Abby remembers how excited you'd been, staying up waiting for her to come home from a late night so you could open it together. The look in your eyes as you traced over the details, the names stamped on the back. You made her hold it as you hooked it onto the tree, wanting to do it together.

Her fingers trace over the pink floral pattern on the sheets. You'd picked these out, excited to host her parents over the thanksgiving holiday for the fist time. Abby didn't have the heart to change them out. Minus your personal things, she didn't have the heart to make any changes to your original decor. You'd made the house a home. Some nights she swears she can catch a whiff of your favorite candle, or the lavender spray you'd douse the pillows with before going to bed. 

Abby gives up, shutting the tv off and settling into her pillow, ready for today to be over. She can't help but feel silly laying here in the dark by herself. Nights like this had been more fun with you around. Everything in her life had been more fun with you around. 

You made Abby's life magical, she just hadn't realized it until it was too late.  ---------------------------

Abby watches you push your food around your plate out of the corner of her eye. The scraping of the fork makes it hard to focus on the conversation happening in front of her. Would it kill you to at least try to look interested? Her hand lands on your upper thigh, squeezing lightly to get your attention. The two of you exchange subtle glares. 

It isn't until her colleagues retreat back to their own table that she finally looks at you. You're swirling the ice in your drink around with a straw. Your gaze fixed on the window, staring out at the busy street. She had thought a nice dinner at your favorite restaurant would soften you up a little, but with how little you've spoken all night and your plate still full, she's starting to worry. 

After an explosive fight the morning after she'd forgotten your wedding anniversary, you'd been distant. In all the years Abby had known you, she could count on one hand the amount of times you'd fought, and even then the two of you could never stay away for long. Communication was one of the things you prided yourself on the most, never wanting to go to bed angry at each other. But it's been three weeks and Abby realizes she's really fucked up. 

"Alright, what's going on with you?" 

"Oh, now you notice." You retort. Her eyebrows knit together, surprised at the thinly veiled anger in your voice. 

"You're so dramatic." She huffs. "What's that supposed to mean?" 

Your eyes shift to the side, teeth gnawing on your bottom lip. She can practically see the gears turning in your head. You're holding your tongue. 

"Abigail, let's not do this right now." You beg. "Please."

"No. We're going to talk now." She speaks lowly, grateful for the little privacy the corner table provided. "Sitting in silence isn't going to make this go away. Stop being childish and tell me how to fix this." 

You looked her in the eye, no longer seeing the person you fell in love with. Knowing that if you stayed you'd end up losing yourself in someone who couldn't love you the way you deserved anymore. There was no way you could have the family you wanted with someone who constantly prioritized their work, making you feel like you were the distraction. 

Your lips part on a shaky exhale. You can't keep lying awake at night contemplating this. You have to do it now. From the corner of your eye you can see the couple at the table closest to you subtly lean towards you. 

Abby leans back in her seat waiting for you to speak up. Her arms folded across her chest. The way her leg bounces up and down gently shakes the table. Something about the dejected look in your eyes makes her panic inside. 

"I want a divorce."

---------

Department store wrapping stations were a small luxury Abby didn't mind spending the money on. She wasn't the best gift wrapper, often leaving rips or weird folds on anything that wasn't shaped like a box. 

She stands in line with all the other last minute shoppers, people watching when her eyes fall on the last person she thought she'd ever see again. Abby swears she must be dreaming. Her knees nearly buckle when she sees you standing there slowly making your way through a rack of baby clothes. A little boy no younger than two perched on your hip, his leg trying to sit comfortably against the small swell of your stomach. He's a carbon copy of his mother. Abby sees you wherever her eyes land on his face. 

Your hair is longer, framing your pretty face. There's a glow to you that she doesn't remember seeing in those last two years of your marriage. Your eyes are tired but bright, even from here Abby can see the way they sparkle when you stare at the little boy in your arms. Nothing like the cold way you'd looked at her that fateful night. 

Her heartbeat pounds in her ears as she steps out of line, making her way to a more secluded section of the store. Hiding behind a tie display she watches you interact with your son. For a moment she pretends that you're still hers and that the last five years didn't happen. Pretends that she didn't fuck up the best thing that had ever happened to her. God, she feels like a delusional creep. 

A tall woman walks up behind you, making a silly face at your toddler. You smile when he reaches out for her, trading the boy for the to-go cup she was holding out to you. Abby doesn't have to guess what you're drinking. She knew how much you hated coffee, preferring hot chocolate to keep you warm in the colder months. Her stomach bottoms out when you raise the cup to your lips.

A ring that isn't hers sits on your finger. 

Abby didn't realize how big of a gut punch that would feel like. While you still spoke to her parents from time to time, they made sure not to relay any information to her. She knew you wouldn't stay single forever, but actually seeing you like this ripped apart whatever was left of her heart.

You'd gone silent on social media since the split. A new and private Instagram account was all she could find one night after she'd been drinking a little too much. She'd cried herself to sleep, wanting nothing more than to be a part of your world again. 

She studies your wife, who's everything Abby isn't. Her long brown hair is pulled back in a loose bun, the pink knit beanie on her head matches the scarf currently wrapped around your neck. Dark eyes watch your face intently with a smile as you hold up a onesie to her. Abby looks down at her old college sweats and worn sneakers, nothing like the well put together outfit she's wearing. The woman even looks like she gets more than five hours of sleep each night for crying out loud. 

She looks happy. Something Abby hasn't been for a long time.

And judging by the way you're looking at her, like she hangs the stars in the sky, Abby can see how happy you are. She bites the inside of her cheek, refusing to remember what it felt like to have you look at her that way. Tears prickle in her eyes as you make your way down to the front of the store, dramatically blowing kisses at the giggling toddler being carried just a few steps ahead of you. One of your hands rubbing softly at your bump. 

Abby startles when you look back towards the men's section, eyes going straight to the tiny display she stood behind. Of course you spotted her. You lock eyes with her. There's a tiny smile on your face watching her come out of her shitty hiding spot. For a moment you two stand there just staring at each other. Abby's aware you probably look crazy to anyone watching but she can't bring herself to care. 

Those are my sweats. You mouth. Abby releases a watery chuckle she doubts you hear. She looks down, finally noticing the nail polish stain just under her knee. It's purple. Your favorite color. 

The sound of an alarm brings you both back to reality. You give her one last smile, waving as you walk out the doors and into the chilly December air. Her eyes follow you as you cross the street, until you get lost in a large crowd of people. 

Watching you walk away this time feels like a final goodbye. You’d always have a place in your heart for Abby, no longer feeling any resentment towards her. She had been too young and selfish to love you the way you deserved. She can see you've found that. And while she's happy for you, she can't help the tears that spill out once she's in the safety of her car. 

There's a bittersweet feeling in knowing that the world didn't stop spinning for you the way it did for her the day you walked out of her life. 

[noveauskull]

Bodyguard Yuanwu? it can be a fic or hc whatever yout want bc I really like how you write him

Yuanwu As Your Bodyguard (SFW)

characters: yuanwu x reader

warnings: suggestive 18+ content but no smut, bratty reader

-----

You rolled your eyes at the paperwork in front of you, this had to be the 3rd batch this week.

Every single time you finish one batch another 2 batches appear, at this point you might as well identify as a machine if no one in this company is even going to give an effort to handing you less paperwork.

It's true that all you've been doing these past few days were just eating different cuisines and taking vacations anytime you wanted, but to you, you were just taking a mental break from all the shit you had to do.

Everytime you go to these vacations though, you had one person to accompany you by all times.

You'd be expecting him to hand you a cup of tea anytime you see him, and it would always put your grumpy mood down and your comfort mood up. His tea would probably be one of the few many reasons you keep him by your side.

Yuanwu had been your bodyguard for nearly 15 years now. Ever since you were 10, he had been around to take care of you when your parents were too busy dealing with other matters.

You would be lying if you didn't admit to having a crush on him though. Yuanwu was fit, kind, mature, anything a man should be. He was incredibly your type too, even when his blue hair began to turn white when you turned 18, you still liked him and kept him by your side.

"Miss? Are you alright?" You hear a deep, rough voice ask you. Making you turn your head to look up at the voice's owner.

"I can't do this, I need another vacation" You said with no hesitation, watching Yuanwu's face go from concern to disappointment.

"But miss, we just came back from Jeju Island..." Yuanwu sighed, the wrinkles in between his brows moving alongside his facial features.

"Don't care. I'm not doing this" You finalized. Pushing yourself up from your desk to leave the your own personal office right inside your home, however a tug on your wrist stops you.

"...Huh?"

You turned your head in confusion, the corner of your upper lip raising along your eyebrows furrowing, almost as if to look at the older man to say 'how dare you grab me', but you reminded yourself that he is your crush, and that you could behave yourself a bit around him to not trouble him.

However you were never really a 'behaves well' kind of girl, so you didn't know that for the entire time you've been troubling him from the start.

"I'm sorry miss but I can't allow you to leave the office" Yuanwu said, his eyes staring into yours with a serious look, taken aback, you still let your desires win, you were not going to do all that paperwork by yourself.

"Hands off, Yuanwu. I'll do the paperwork after one more vacation, i'm not mentally ready to pick up the shit this company shat on my desk right now" You tried twisting Yuanwu's hand off your wrist, but his grip on you remained firm.

"You say that but I know you won't pick up a pen the moment you come back, and I'm sure you're exhausted from always having to come back with unfinished papers on your desk, so why not finish a couple today and continue tomorrow?"

Nope. You were as stubborn as a turtle's shell. And Yuanwu knew that talking to you like the adult you are was futile, yet he still tried to do so anyways. But seeing as his only attempt didn't work out, he had no choice.

"Like I said I can't be bothered, a vacation will benefit you more than watching me do paperwork, y'know? I don't get why you're so insistent on-"

Before you knew it, Yuanwu was suddenly dragging you outside the office. You were confused but you assumed that him dragging you was so that you would go on another vacation, but you were wrong.

He suddenly opened the door to your bedroom, pulling you inside the room before locking the door and pushing your body down to the bed, your eyes widened in shock when you felt your body hit the mattress.

"Yuanwu?" You called out the the older man as you watched him remove his tie, confused.

"Don't worry, miss. By the time we're finished you'll have plenty of energy and motivation to do your paperwork"

For some reason, ever since that day, you've decided to listen to Yuanwu's suggestions and put aside your wants, and you haven't been to any vacations ever since.

-----

A/N: BODYGUARD YUANWU WILL PUT ME ON A CHOKEHOLD

I JUST HAD TO SLIP IN A BRATTY READER CAUSE I CANT BE CONTROLLED ‼️‼️‼️ ty for the request anon 😋✨️✨️

if this gets enough recognition i might write smut ab this~

[klausysworld]

🏖️ w klaus?

Much needed Vacation

Klaus loves to travel and after a thousand years of being on edge he was more than happy to relax for a while.

Since unlocking his werewolf side he was able to feel temperatures more, he would wear thicker clothes and added layers in the winter and had the desire to go shirtless everywhere in the summer. Not that I'm complaining but his siblings weren't the most fond.

Hope also found that she enjoyed the heat and so when I mentioned the idea of a vacation, the Mikaelsons were very excited. It was rare that the siblings were able to actually enjoy their luxuries but for the past for months everything had been lovely and calm and there was no sign of any threat for the near future.

So we flew first class, hired out a villa and claimed our rooms. Klaus had grabbed my hand and sped us to the biggest suit, bringing our bags and dropping onto the humongous bed with a pleased sigh.

I smiled and shut the door before opening our cases and beginning to put all our clothes on hangers and into the wardrobe. I could hear Klaus removing his clothes and pulling something else on, probably his swim trunks because Hope had been begging for them to go in the pool as soon as they arrived. I put our little wash bags into the bathroom and came back into the bedroom to see Klaus in his navy swim shorts and his wolf tooth necklace.

"You gonna go to the pool or the beach?" I asked as I sat beside him and traces my fingertips against the bare skin of his shoulders

"Pool, it's only the first day, I don't want sand to appear in all of my clothes for the next two weeks" he joked and I smiled widely. He just gazed at me for a moment before glancing to my shorts and t-shirt "are you coming?" he questioned with a tilt of his head

"Not today, it's already getting late and we agreed to cook the first night and to go out for food tomorrow. Elijah said he'd help." I explained and he hummed

"We can always go out for food, today, tomorrow, the whole holiday if you like. Don't stress about house tasks, just come relax, this was all your idea" he stood and tugged me by the wrist to stand which I did and I wrapped my arms around his neck

"I'm not stressing, I just want everything to go well. Besides if we eat out every day then it loses what makes it exciting" I reminded and he pouted

"Or it makes when you cook more special?" he offered and I gave him a look resulting in a sigh and a 'fine' before he gave me a kiss and disappeared out to the pool with Hope, Rebekah, Marcel, Kol and Freya whilst Elijah, Hayley, Davina and I were inside preparing food and inspecting the villa.

The first week consisted of nothing but the pool, snacks and sunbathing. The second week we began doing activities and taking day trips either all together or in groups or couples, plus Hope of course depending on who she wanted to spend the day with.

More often than not it was Klaus and I and whilst it was really sweet and we all had fun, I could see Klaus getting frustrated. We hadn't been intimate the entire vacation so far because someone was always awake during the night due to the heat and usually it was Hope. None of the walls were sound proof and the doors didn't have locks. Although Klaus was willing to risk it, I didn't want to traumatise Hope on her first family holiday.

But I knew he would burst soon. His hard non was permanent and he would press it against me at every possible opportunity, whispering dirty words or quietly begging for me to touch him. Klaus always went one way or the other when he got needy, either he got overly dominant or very submissive. I think this time, because the environment was to calm and everyone was happy, he became more subby and whiny for one-on-one attention rather then when he's agitated all the time and unable to grasp his emotions.

So I decided to check out the beach, people seemed to clear off in early evening for food and the entertainment facilities nearby so I planned to bring Klaus down around then.

I set up a blanket so we didn't have to sit on the burning hot sand and put a bottle of wine in a bucket of ice before going to get Klaus. I dragged him out with the promise of a surprise.

"Trust me okay? You'll like it" I told him as he huffed and puffed about wanting to know before we got there.

By the time we got there the sun was starting to set but the air remained hot, I lead him across the sand to the place I'd set up. His expression seemingly softened and a smile pulled at his pretty pink lips.

I pulled him down onto the blanket and kicked my sandals off. I lifted my dress off and put it on the edge of the blanket so that I was in only my bikini. I looked back to him to see him throwing his shirt away toward the sea and then his shorts so he was left in his briefs. I let out a short laugh and got onto my hands and knees, crawling on top of him and pressing him down by his chest.

His lips were on mine in a second though his kisses were much softer and more passionate than I expected if I were honest. His arms slid round my waist and his mouth opened as though begging for my tongue inside. I obliged of course and deepened the kiss, my knees squeezed his sides gently and my hands stroked at the stubble along the top of his neck and jaw to his face. I sucked gently at his tongue to make his groan. His hands wondered to untie the string keeping my breasts in place, the bikini top fell into him and then his hands moved to my bottoms. He tossed them away and whined into my mouth as he pressed his clothed dick between my legs.

I pressed my mouth firmly to his for a moment before pulling back to look between us and pull his briefs off his legs and to the sand. His hands were already pulling me back down via the back of my neck making me breath out a laugh and kiss at his lips until they were swollen and parted.

My hand stroked the length of his cock a few times to make sure he was ready but it was pretty obvious by now that he was more than ready.

I guided him inside me easily, letting out a relieved moan as he filled me inch by inch. He groaned and rocked his hips gently, his eyes closed and head falling back so our lips detached. I let out a hot breath and pressed against his chest, lifting myself up and bouncing slowly on his lap. I could see the sun starting to hide behind the softly crashing waves and the warm breeze skimmed over the both of us while we moved as one.

I could feel him pulsate inside me as his lashes fluttered against the apples of his cheeks and his swelled lips stayed parted to let out broken breaths of air. I tightened around him every few thrusts to watch his brows pull together. I smiled a lazy seeming smile as I rubbed my thumb in little circles on his sweat glazed chest.

"See? Told you...you'd...like it" I murmured breathlessly and he let out a chuckle and thrusted his hips up.

"mm love it" He whined and I grinned, moving a little faster so that my lower tummy began to twist pleasantly. His hands pulled at my hips to angle them differently, this position caused his tip to brush my spot and my hips to stutter before moving with more need.

He grunted and let out mumbled moans as he moved with more force. My hand fell forward to his side, landing in the sand instead of the blanket making me groan but clutch at the surface regardless. I could feel each grain brush between my fingers as the soft smack of his balls against my filled the air between our mix of panting.

I groaned when I felt my clit tingle and crave for attention. I dropped my spared hand down to where I needed and put my fingertips to use. I felt myself flutter around him and in response heard him let out a low moan. He squeezed my hips and rolled us over so he was on top.

"Klaus!" I whisper yelled when he pushed me into the sand, it all sticking to the pair of us.

"we'll sort it later" he muttered as he thrust his hips with more control and power. His pace quickened and his grip on my hips tightened as did I.

"Oh god" I whispered with a whimper. His face dropped to the side of my face, his soft lips pressing light kisses against my cheek and neck as I felt myself flood with warmth. I kept sliding my fingers over my clit, faster and faster until I felt that I couldn't stop. My sounds became a blur along with my vision as I listened to his encouraging whispers to let go.

"Fuck Nik, please-" I whined and he kissed my lips harshly. I let out a series of gasps when I felt him slam into my spot repeatedly, the heat from the air, the sand and our bodies all seemed to merge as I felt that powerful sensation rush through me and down my thighs as I let out a surprisingly loud cry of pleasure.

My hand slid out against the sand as my body went limp, legs falling to my sides and my face pressed into his chest. His breathing was heavy as thick ropes of cum shot into me without warning. My eyes were closed and I groaned slowly, my thighs trembled gently for a moment before I relaxed fully beneath him.

I could feel his warm hands cup my face and I slowly opened my eyes, smiling up at him as he kissed my lips softly.

“Thank you” I whispered and he chuckled softly

“It was your gift sweetheart, I should be thanking you” he corrected but I shook my head

“You did more” I whispered as he moves his hands under my back and lifted me up making me huff when sand fell from my hair.

“I really didn’t love but it’s sweet that you think so” he teased and I rolled my eyes

“Doesn’t matter” I mumbled and he smiled, holding me close making me wrap my arms around him.

We stayed on the beach for a while, trying to get as much sand off me as possible before getting up and trying to find out clothes.

Eventually we got back to the villa, everyone was in the pool and our food was sat waiting on the side making me smile as we took our plates to our room.

The rest of the week went perfectly and once we returned home we lasted another 3 full days before a major argument broke out and the longing for a holiday was back.

[bomberqueen17]

quick turnaround

The first chicken processing day is this coming tuesday. so we got back into town around 7pm last night, and I immediately put a load of laundry in.

This is mostly me wittering about chores and medical stuff, so, cut for boring, LOL.

it's cold and rainy here so I hung last night's laundry up on drying racks in the guest room, so mostly it is dry this morning-- delicates, so they didn't need to dry in the sun really-- and now this morning i've put in a second load and it's already on drying racks and some is on the line, it's not raining but it's cloudy so it'll dry slow, but like, trousers and t-shirts do better on the line than on racks. Yes I do own a dryer-- a gas dryer actually-- but it beats the fuck out of my clothes and I don't like to use it if I can in any way avoid it. (Mostly I use it to tumble towels and dress shirts for fifteen minutes, and then I hang them out once they're steaming and hot, and they dry without wrinkles that way. Yes I'm on the OCD spectrum, yes it mostly manifests about laundry. Hilariously, my farm BIL is also on the OCD spectrum, farther along it toward where it's actually a problem [mine is SO mild I don't claim it as a disorder at all, i just have things i Care About for Reasons], and has done tons of work on himself and tries to mask it, but once I understood that about him I understood that most of our lil workplace quarrels were our compulsions clashing, so I started making more concerted efforts to decide when to bow to his compulsions and when to advocate for mine, which in many cases are informed by superior knowledge as I've worked in food service more than him. I bow to him more on cleaning now because he does have prior janitorial experience. Unless I can prove he's wrong, LOL.)

I went off Ritalin mostly while on vacation-- I took it the morning I went fabric shopping because I thought it might help me actually make decisions, and that went well so maybe it worked. But that means I have extra pills, so I'm going to try to today take a morning and midday dose, while I have So Much To Do to prepare for the coming couple of weeks, and see if that plus the structure of this massive to-do list help me get anywhere. I just feel like if I can have this data before my next $300 3-minute psych consult I'll make more progress. Ritalin is better than Adderall (less brutal comedown, less getting "stuck")-- I *think*, but it's hard to tell. Vyvanse was also very hard to evaluate, is the problem, because that one I never did have any spare pills so I could never try an effective dose.

I do get it, i do get not giving me high doses when I'm so unsupervised, but-- for all of the medications, the first couple of days were weird and I had trouble hydrating and I was jittery and stuff, but it went away so quickly, I would have been fine with "take half dose two days, then ramp up to effective dose and see how it works" type directions, instead of "take what we know absolutely will be too little for you for two weeks and then come back and try to guess whether it helped", which has just meant I don't really have much data to on on here.

But. I've spent almost forty years needing this kind of medication and not able to access it at all, so I'm reminding myself that this is very rapid progress really.

So I figure I'll do a double dose today, a single tomorrow while I'm driving (maybe I will take that sole dose at midday, since driving is easy and boring but then I have work I need to get done all afternoon), and then I'll try either single or double dosing for the week of farm work until I can get my next appointment, depending how many pills I have. I want to be consistent but lol. It's not in my nature and it's not in my circumstances, so it can be a goal.

I also should write down what I realized about my sciatic nerve. I was joking that my knee caught a haunting in New Orleans somehow. Because it went from being a classic sciatic nerve pain situation-- starting in hip, through back of leg, ending at back of knee-- and wound up just being this horrible pinching pain right inside my knee, like not in the joint but somehow manifesting in a dimension extending from the back of my patella into Hell somehow-- and it was keeping me awake both when trying to nap during the day and also at night when trying to sleep. So I gave up on sleeping and sat on the couch to bitch about it in the complaints channel on the Discord where I'm mostly at home (it was a witcher server and over the last two or three years has mutated into just this ragtag group of us bitching about unrelated things and occasionally dumping fanworks on each other, sometimes about unrelated media)--

but here I'm gonna let you in on a secret, which is that complaining works sometimes. What? Yes. So in order to elicit maximal sympathy from my pocket friends by describing the problem really well (they're very good pocket friends, and many of them know things so describing stuff well sometimes means they have good advice, but even if not, I take satisfaction in communicating well, so I at least feel better about having done that), I really started paying attention to the pain, and I realized that what was happening was that it was sort of slowly throbbing on a cycle. I always knew where it was, but then it would get painful enough that I felt I had to move and change position, and it would stay at that level of pain for three or four seconds, and then taper off until I only just was aware of it, and then it would repeat-- and it was on a thirteen-to-fifteen-second cycle, and this is the crucial thing, it was unaffected by movement. I had been tossing and turning because what would happen was that it hurt badly enough that I felt I had to move it, and I would move and the pain would ease, and I would try to settle into a position, and then the pain would come back, and my half-asleep exhausted self thought that it was something I was doing. So it meant I was constantly moving, which meant I could not sleep. I had finally gotten out of bed and was alternating stretching and pacing, which seemed to be helping but then it was coming back, and the pacing sure as fuck wasn't helping me sleep, and I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong, until finally I stood still and timed it, and then moved and timed it, and realized it was the same.

Realizing that it was happening regardless of movement made me able to hold still while it hurt most acutely, and then sure enough it faded away. And once I knew that moving wouldn't help, I could ride out the urge to move. And once I wasn't constantly trying to find a comfortable position, I could rest. And once I was resting, I could fall asleep. Because this is the annoying thing-- the pain wasn't that bad, even. It's not the agony it has been in the past. I could move through it, easily. It was just too much to hold still through, until I realized that was what I needed to be doing.

So anyway-- traveling home it was mostly fine, it does not like standing in lines, and mostly i sat as much as possible, which isn't good for me long-term but i know over the next couple of weeks i will be doing a shitton of walking and standing so. we'll figure out tactics then.

so along with the ritalin i will be working out my ideal regimens of ibuprofen, aleve, and weed, LOL. Routine! I can make a routine. I can hinge my routine off other people's, which is what works well for me at the farm, and i can see if i can master the art of the amphetamines and maybe get some of my shit done.

Unfortunately all I want to do this week is sew, I watched all of the tourists and locals in NOLA and looked at what they were wearing and now know exactly what I want to make.

and i don't have time to do any of it. but. if i think about it and make concrete plans, i already own much of the fabric and most of the patterns i need. so i can do this. But I'll post separately about the Fashion Lewks I want to do, LOL.

I won't see my physical therapist again until like maybe early June. I counted it out and I've been doing physical therapy for about sixteen weeks at this point. My sister graduated from her physical therapy program and is out on her own now, having hugely improved. I can tell the bad hip is much improved but not healed-- sitting on the plane yesterday someone walked by and bumped my knee and it absolutely did make the cartilage flap go "pop" so that's not healed, but it hurt a lot less than that sort of thing used to. At the last appointment I had, the PT said I should just keep doing the exercises as my circumstances allow, and if they're too easy just increase reps etc., and we'd re-evaluate when I finally saw her again, because obviously I've had all these underlying cascading problems that can only be slowly solved by getting slowly stronger, so who knows.

I don't have concrete goals for that but I would really just. Like to be not-disabled, mostly. Every person has limits, every person is going to have to sit down sometimes, every person is going to have to think hard and make choices about what they do with their bodies-- it's just part of getting into your mid-forties, really-- so I can't just set my goal as being able to do whatever whenever. But I would like to be able to walk for longer distances, I would like to be able to wait in a line without paying for it for days, I would like to just generally be in better shape. So I guess I'll try to work toward that.

idk. and sometime in july my doctor wants me to re-test my fasting blood glucose because the only thing she cares about of my health is that i'm fat and she thinks putting me on metformin will make me not-fat. you'd think she'd have had some interest in diagnosing the pain that was making me unable to exercise but that was not on her radar i guess.

anyway. that's what i'm going to do to get me to june. it's all farm time for the rest of the month and i'm going to do physical therapy and take meth. we'll see how that goes.

[flxwrites]

Man Bun

Harry x Reader

Lennie loves it when Harry ties his hair up.

She definitely loves to see him with his curls tied up in a disheveled bun, old athletic shorts and tattoos in full view, humming a tune while playing the guitar resting on his chest.

She likes this intimate side of him, it makes her feel like it's really just the two of them at times like this.

"What are you thinking about, love?..." Her boyfriend's voice brings her out of her thoughts.

Then she smiles slightly before answering. "That I'm so lucky to have you and that you look great with your hair tied up." She shuffles her body slowly until the tips of her feet touch his thigh because she is hugging her knees sitting on the couch next to him.

"Oh yeah?..." A smile appears on her face, it's one of those that make Harry's cheeks sink, making the dimples present. "You like to feed my ego, don't you, pretty girl?" He sets the instrument aside so he can stretch his tinted arms out to Lennie's body.

"I like to be honest, H." She lets out a giggle when she feels the curly man's hands take her to pull her on top of him.

She's wearing a The Rolling Stones t-shirt that belongs to him and underneath only white panties that fit her almost perfectly. Lennie never felt she was on par with her former partners but Harry taught her not to compare herself to other people because it was only going to hurt her.

"You look gorgeous in my clothes, you know that, petal?. I love seeing you in my shirts." He mumbled lowering his hands down to her ass covered by the thin fabric of the underwear to squeeze a generous amount of it. "It makes me so hard to see you like this." He leans toward her to kiss her lips shortly.

"Harry..." Lennie murmurs when he pulls away just inches. "You look like a horny teenager trapped in the body of a 22 year old man" She teases.

"It's not my fault you're hot and making me act like a horny teenager."

"Oh, now it's my fault, Mr. Styles?..." She hugs his shoulders smiling with a hint of perversity in her gesture.

"You're definitely playing dirty, love." He growls before catching her lips again in an kiss.

Their mouths move in a constant battle in search of dominance as Lennie from one moment to the next has started to move her hips back and forth feeling him harden beneath her.

"Stop if you don't want me to drop my pants right now and fuck you on this couch." Harry's voice comes out as a command and a plea at the same time.

She can't help but giggle against his lips and slowly stop moving as she breaks from the kiss to see her boyfriend's green eyes darkened probably by the desire inside him.

"You should finish writing, tomorrow you'll go to the studio and you'll probably want to have finished the song by then." Lennie strokes his cheeks as he rests his hands on her plump thighs.

"I can't do that with the image of you naked in bed in my head, bunny." She sighs catching her bottom lip in her teeth.

"Well...maybe if you finish early we can do something in the bedroom." She smiles before leaning down to kiss his mouth.

Harry doesn't waste the opportunity to make the kiss last a little longer and turns it dirty again in a matter of seconds. His slippery hands are already once again cupping his girlfriend's ass. It makes Lennie laugh but he's too focused to notice.

"I love you so much, petal." He says in the middle of the kiss, his breathing slightly labored and his shorts on the verge of bursting. "And you make me so fucking hard."

She can't help but shiver in anticipation of being fucked by his hot boyfriend but she must hold her ground because she knows Harry has to work on the album after a couple of weeks of vacation.

"I love you too..." She gasps reaching for the brown curls but remembers she has them tied up in the black elastic band.

The image of Harry with his hair tied up makes her moan because it reminds her of the times he would do it to shove his face between her legs for hours or for the simple fact that it was too hot but either way he looked fucking hot.

Harry's ringtone makes them break apart as if Anne will walk in the door and see them in this embarrassing situation.

"It's Jeff." He says with his chest rising and falling. "I'll call him later..." He mumbles about to go back to what they were doing seconds before.

"Pick up, honey. It must be something important for him to call on a Sunday afternoon." She laughs in agitation and somehow thanks him mentally because she doesn't think she's resisted another minute without giving in.

The Brit gives in without even grumbling and answers the call, which turns out to be a simple reminder to go to the studio early the next day and ask about her weekend.

"Okay, bye man. Take care" He hangs up and returns his sight to his girlfriend.

"You look hot when you talk on the phone." It's the first thing out of her mouth when their eyes connect.

"And the horny teenager is me, right?" He raises an eyebrow as he smirks.

"Shut up and take me to the bedroom, Styles."

"Your wish is my command, your highness." Harry mutters before kissing her mouth shortly and grabbing her by the thighs to head upstairs.

Lennie loves it when he ties his hair up.

~~~~~

So i tried a new style, i think i will start using names. If you like me to use yours you can comment down below and in the next shot I’ll add you <3 thank you sm for reading 💕

[sk8termikey]

Chapter 5 of 21 Questions

better interface on wattpad

  Lily and Alex were now finding themselves in Jade's living room, where they all gathered there with Lucas to play board games. Following their shifts, it was some well-deserved quality time together beyond the workplace.

While playing, there was some food on the table and as Lily took a nugget, she couldn’t help but think about Matt. For the past few days, she hadn’t been able to take him off her mind, thus leaving her friends curious about the cause of her distraction – they knew not to ask her as she would definitely tell them at one point. Lily had never been used to making friends so this was a major change in her life as she never expected to feel attached to someone so quickly. It had only been a month and a half since she and Matt started talking, but the feeling of creating a bond with someone was honestly special to the girl.

~~~

          Following several hours of Uno – and Alex winning almost every round, they grew somewhat weary of the game and collectively agreed that it was time for everyone to depart; especially since they all had work scheduled for the following day. The only exception was Lily, who had chosen to take a day off. Consequently, the two girls bid farewell to Lucas and Jade before making their way back home.

As Lily was driving, she observed Alex who had fallen asleep in the passenger seat – it was to be expected given that it was nearly midnight, and both of them were drained from their long day at work. As they neared their destination, Lily received a text message but chose not to divert her attention from the road. Instead, she decided to wait until they reached their destination to check the message since they were almost home.

When they arrived home, Bernard was waiting for them. The cat couldn’t care less about where they had been – it is a cat – but the way he was sitting right behind the door made the girls giggle a bit as Bernard looked like he was scolding them for coming back so late. After petting their beloved pet, Lily and Alex both went into their respective rooms to have a shower and get changed. 

A dozen of minutes later, Lily was finally able to check her phone and saw that she had received a text from Matt – it being so late was usual for them now as they were both free mostly during the evenings. As it often happened recently, a text from Matt was enough to make a smile appear on Lily's face. She reminded herself that it hadn't been long since they started talking, but their blooming friendship was already cherished by Lily, who was enjoying the unusual change in her life.

Matt

Lily

Matt

Good you're awake

Guess which pokemon i caught today

Ooh it should be a good one

Sounds like a good one

IT IS

Do I even get some hints??😭

Like its type at least

Yes my bad😅

1st hint: water

2nd hint: it's huge

That's what she said-

Sorry

Anyways

I have gyarados in mind

I know it's easy to find one in the DS games but maybe pokemon go is different

Drum rolls

It is…

A wrong answer

I wish i could have one tho

Wait i know then

Wailmer??

Those were my only 2 thoughts tbh

YES

I CAUGHT A WAILMER

THAT'S AMAZING!!!

I know wailmer is also easy to catch on DS lol but ig they changed all the capture rates

Probably bc some pokemon as hard as hell to catch and they don't look like they should be

I'm just glad I can catch them while driving because I don’t actually have that much free time to go wander outside everyday

I still can't over that thing of yours

If i ever play pokemon go, I might have to buy one

It's honestly the best gift my mum has given me

But if you ever play, please tell me

Ofc!!

I should find my 3ds and flex some of the pokemons I have. Some you'll never have for example👀

That's a bit mean 

But I do kinda want to see rare pokemons even if they’re not mine

Yayy I'll let you know when I find it

Expect to cry from jealousy in the next couple of weeks haha

Oh that reminds me

I'm leaving tomorrow on vacation

For a couple of weeks actually

Might not reply often…

Bro it's fine dw

Is it like school holidays rn?

I honestly have no idea how school breaks work nowadays

I finished school almost 2 years ago???

You do remember I'm 19 right?

Ye ofc but maybe you're in uni idk

Which you aren't obv

No I'm not, I'm working full time

It's just a vacation to celebrate my friend's birthday 

🤝🏻🤝🏻

That's so cool to do smth like that

I hope they have a great time!!

And you as well ig

I really hope as well, she's one of our closest friends and she's turning 18 so major celebration

Wait

The emojis

You also work?

Yes, with my best friend!

Uni isn't your thing either?

Nope :))

I had thought ab going at first bc of social pressure yk

Society telling us to keep studying for 10 years then having a job until we fucking die😃

But then I realised I should do my best to find what I actually wanna do

And I'm pretty happy now

That's great

I'm the same way I'd say, my brothers and I knew we wanted to work together and none of us was really keen on going to college 

I love that for you

Can I ask what you guys do?

Shit

Unsent

Damn fuck what do i say

Unsent

Ig we're in social media?

You sound unsure😭

Sorry if it was too personal

No no, it's fine I think

You?

I work at a café/bookshop

Literally my 2 passions united

Sounds real good

Look at us being fulfilled adults

Yayy

Omg I just remembered

I have an anime to watch

What is it?

You want to stop talking to watch it?

Oh no dw!

I can watch it tomorrow honestly, I’m off

And it’s demon slayer, one of my faves<3

The episode was out on sunday so i’m already late to it lol

Do you watch anime?

Not really, but I may have watched a couple as a kid

Couldn’t tell you which ones honestly

But on the same subject, i’m quite a nice cartoon fan

OMG ME TOO

Children cartoons >>>

What would my life be without them

Pokemon and cartoons are now our main common points

Which are some of your favourites?

Hmm lemme try and make a top 3

I feel bad to have an actual order bc they’re all my babies

But

Star vs the forces of evil

Idk if I ever heard of it but it sounds nice

IT’S AWESOME

Then I have miraculous ladybug

Wait i think i know that one

Is it like the french heroes?

YES

It’s still made for 7yo kids so the plot goes w that but they’ve been trying to appeal more to young adults now bc we’ve all been watching since middle school lmao

Bonus is I keep my french up to date

You speak french??

That’s such a talent

I’ve taken classes in hs and ig i liked it enough to keep learning by myself

But i know I’ll have a hard time if i ever manage to go to France

I’m sure you’ll do great!

Will i keep discovering talents of yours?

Obv

I have lots😎

That’s not true lmao but yeah we’ll learn more ab each other

We have time :))

Good to know :)

I need to know the last cartoon tho

Might be a good rec for me

Oh yes ofc

Gravity falls

And special mention for shera and the princesses of power

Those 4 hold an important place in my heart

Ok rewind

???

GRAVITY FALLS??

GRAVITY

FALLS

??

YES??

Should i be worried ab your reaction?😭

Omg no

I just wasn’t expecting you to mention it

I LOVE gravity falls

Dipper my man

I’m so happy

My friends like gravity falls as much as an average person haha so it’s so cool to have someone who’s a big fan like me

Mabel my girl honestly

Her collection of jumpers>>>

She does have an awesome closet

Dang i want to rewatch it now

Me too bro

Gonna open disney+ tomorrow

Fuck if i wasn’t on the plane tomorrow i would def suggest we watch it together

Noooo :((

Another time🤞🏻

Still gonna watch a few ep tomorrow tho

You’ll tell me which one you watched

Ofc i got you bro

Not wanting to be rude but my brothers made me realise I need to pack💀

So

I kinda need to leave

No worries!

Have fun on your trip and I hope your friend will enjoy it as well

Thanks, talk to you soon

Yess, bye :))

Thank you for reading. Votes and comments are always appreciated if you like this story :) The story is co-written w @/little_grapejuice on wattpad

[nancypullen]

Leavin' On a Jet Plane

Only boomers are going to remember that song. Still, that's what I'm doing in the morning. My bag is packed, my comfy clothes are ready for a long day, and lucky, lucky me - I'm in a middle seat. You know I'll be beside the guy with this carry-on.

By this time tomorrow I'll be yukking it up with my sister and my mom, so it's worth it.

I'm as ready as I can be for Christmas, and just a couple of days after I get home it's going to start raining relatives around here. Matt is flying in on the 22nd, the Edgewater gang will drive over for a couple of days when he gets here, then they'll go home for Christmas Eve and Santa's arrival, coming back on the 26th for a big celebration with us. They'll have to go back to work on the 27th but will leave Little Miss with us until the weekend. It seems complicated and busy because it is. I may need a vacation when it's all over. But enough about holiday craziness. Let me share something that has been providing serenity and beloved quiet time. I haven't been able to touch it for a week or so because I've been so busy, but....

behold this old print that I picked up for a couple bucks.

It's nothing special, kind of corny, but it reminded me so much of the sweet spot where my Grandma and Grandpa Holtz lived. The flower covered arch, the picket fence, busy hens, the pretty little house with pasture behind it. I had to have it. Once I brought it home I started spreading paint around.

I changed most of the flowers to pink, painted the house pink, and roughed in a little figure on that bench. That's my Grandma Ethel. The second chance that I had to work on it I was able to deepen the flowers a bit and paint the window and door trim white (like Ethel's). I gave her a blue dress and an apron, she was always in an apron in my memories. I'll put some little wire glasses on her face and a hint of pink on her cheeks. I'll probably add some trim to that apron (roses?), and the white blob beside her will eventually become a patchwork quilt.

I don't love the yellow trees in the distance, I may turn them green or just change that all to sky. I'll need to add green to that tree hanging just over the arch as well. In my mind this is a summer day on the Holtz spread and that spread had huge shade trees, complete with tire swings and a hammock. Well, the hammock was more of a bed strung between two big trees, all of us kids could pile on. That pasture had sheep and chickens who were great friends for a little girl. For a time it held a pony too. There were berry patches that seemed to stretch forever. Sun-warmed raspberries are still my favorite. Can you see why I thought this spot was paradise? It was the sweetest and safest place in my childhood. This silly project isn't great art, but gosh, it makes me happy. And isn't that what we should be doing, seeking happiness? It doesn't have to be world-changing. We're bombarded with the message that whatever we do must be on a grand scale. Enjoy jogging? You have to do a marathon. Enjoy your hobby? You should turn it into an income-generating business. Enjoy reading? You must start a book club. You like cooking? Apparently you have to video everything you cook for a TikTok or Instagram reel so you can get "likes" from strangers. NOPE. I'm all about soaking up small pleasures. I find joy in quiet pursuits - dabbling with paint or getting lost in a book, making a pot of soup on a chilly day. Why take the joy out of things by making it a competition or seeking approval? Ugh. I'm well aware that maybe it's just me that feels this way. I'm also well aware that I'm rambling about something that you probably don't have much interest in. Oops. I'm going to get upstairs, have a lovely bath and get under the covers with a book. Which reminds me of another small joy - this book!

I admit that since our move I have been unsettled. I miss my sunsets and the deer. I miss the bird song and even the dang raccoons who raided the bird feeder at night. This book has helped center me again. Here's the Amazon link where you can read more, just click through:

I checked it out from the library, but I really need to own it. I could see myself going back to its pages again and again. Small joys. I'm off. Time to soak and then sleep. I'll take along my trusty lap top, but no promises that I'll post from Florida. I think I owe everyone an email (Francie, I love you!) so I'll try to catch up while I'm down there. Sending out lots of love tonight, and hoping that you're finding small joys sprinkled in your days (and if you do, savor them). Stay safe, stay well. XOXO,

Nancy

[whats-wild-to-you]

request for an angst w/ fluff ending where you and jay are supposed to travel together but get into a fight the day before? thank you!

______________________________________________

It was your first time going on vacation as a couple. You had been living together for almost six months now and you were absolutely loving it. But many had warned you. Living together well doesn't mean you're getting along well. The true test comes when you go on vacation together. You were confident though. You and Jay got along well, everyone was doing their part and you had zero complaints.

Packing your suitcase two nights before your departure, you feel giddy. Having waited a long time to go someplace nice with Jay, you feel that this will advance your relationship into the next stage.

Jay opens the door, witnessing your fight against the suitcase, while you try to stuff all your clothes inside before you zip it up.

"Who's winning?" He jokes, munching on his banana.

Rolling your eyes, your gaze lands on Jay's suitcase that's still tossed in the corner of your room.

"Why don't you join me?"

"I'll pack tomorrow." He says and leaves the room.

Tension spreads inside you. While Jay was as giddy as you four weeks ago when you first mentioned you had booked your vacation, his excitement has subsided since then. Or were you just imagining things?

"Fine." You mumble to yourself in the empty room.

The night before your departure, Jay insists on scheduling one last club appearance, deeming it unnecessary to give you a head's up in advance.

"We have a lot of things to do, you can't just leave!"

"What? I said I'll pack my bag later."

"It's not just that! We have to clean up! We'll be gone for three weeks!"

"You're already doing it, though."

Having been raised the "oldschool" way, you never really expected Jay to help in the household but it would've been nice if he did once in a while. Right now you were angry at him for not offering to help but instead deciding to go out and have fun.

"Really? You're letting me do all the work?"

"Honestly? I don't even know why you're doing it. You're going overboard. I already told you I'm busy tonight!"

"Really? Then maybe I won't go on vacation and since I booked the hotel under my name you won't be able to go as well."

"Fine! I don't even want to go to some stupid hotel with you anyway!"

His harsh words cut you up like a knife. Holding your breath, you wait for him to say something, but instead you watch him shake his head, then leave.

As soon as you hear the door fall in its lock the tears spill out of your eyes. You were looking forward to spending some time alone with Jay. Having him all to yourself.

Blinded by anger, you walk into your bedroom and unzip your suitcase, throwing your clothes left and right, until the bedroom looks like it has been broken into.

Leaving without a note you decide to spend the night at your best friend's house. You aren't exactly hiding since her house will probably be the first place Jay will be looking for you, but you don't want to hide from him either. As soon as he finds you he will encounter your wrath.

It's 3am when someone bangs on the door. You filled your best friend in and told her to not open the door to Jay. After a few minutes of unrelenting banging, you're afraid neighbors might call the police so you quickly run to the front door, opening it carefully.

"What?"

"Why are you here?" Jay says, sounding more concerned than pissed.

"Did you get hit in the head? Do you suffer from short memory loss?"

He always knew how to soften you up. Casually leaning against the door frame, looking irresistible in a pair of jeans and a tight black shirt, he lets his good looks do the work for him.

And you'd be damned if you let him win you over that easily.

"Babe, I'm sorry!" He says, straightening his posture.

You try to remind yourself of the words he had said just a couple hours ago.

"You hurt me. What you said hurt me!"

"I know, and I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. I'm just stressed."

If you weren't aware of his gruelling schedule you'd think it was a lame excuse. But you know how thin he spreads himself, so you cut him some slack.

"That's why I suggested going on vacation! So you would have some time off to recharge!"

"I love you for that! You're always looking out for me!"

"Well, at least you know." You mumble under your breath, still sulking.

"Can we go home now please?"

Nodding, you look behind you, deciding to write a short note to your friend and sticking it on the fridge.

"Can we please not fight? Ever again?" You say as soon as you're both inside Jay's car.

Jay takes your hand in his, leaning over to give you a small kiss, before locking eyes with you and nodding in reasurement.

[havethetouch]

Mhh my vacation is over tomorrow, woe is me :( Nah it ain't so bad actually I got a good gig going but like two meetings in the morning tomorrow and two or three more the rest of the week and while I am used to them I kinda not feeling holding presentations to people currently XD If I'm lucky we have a slow start into the season but people probably gonna kick up the infrastructure changes hard. Oh well. Don't get me wrong I do like my job actually I am really just not feeling it. Mostly probably because I am in the middle of a flareup that came around a couple of days ago. The good thing is I still have the better medication on hand that I received in the hospital last year because of the same issue so I got it handled but sometimes symptoms go down a lil too much and I forget this is still ongoing and bäm, rub my eye to hard and it swells shut on me, bump into anything and my skin swells in defense. It's fun. The meds make me a lil loopy but other than that I'm good.

I had actually a rather busy week, I mean I shoved in some leisure time, drawing, some knitting but mostly working on the house and planning out some more things. I have like two calendars going it is great. Idk despite my body being a bit of a bitch and the meds I have a lot of energy suddenly I am not used to that anymore, clearly but I got so much shit done it's awesome. So yah, overall I am kicking this year off highly productive which is lovely. And yesterday I was like "hoo boy can't wait to kick of planting and pruning and stuff" - only to wake up today at 7am to darkness and a snowstorm to remind me that winter is not over yet. So first thing I did was half asleep crawling outside into the shed for more briquettes to sacrifice to my fireplace and fire that baby up because the cold was creeping into my sleeping area and we can't have that. Auntie told me later on a visit that temps gonna fall below zero into double digits so imma keep that fire burning for a bit to have an even temp when the cold really hits again.

But yeah all in all the year has started really well for me so far. Lovely. :)

[1surfrocker]

10/14/2023

Last Friday Amy and I went out carousing in Downtown Long Beach. We ran into Craig at The Ordinaire, who I hadn't seen in god knows how long (since before Amy and I were a thing, so over 7 years). Craig lives in Long Beach now as well, but commutes into LA as he's still with the LAPD. Craig's one of those friends I didn't think I'd ever see again, as we're so different (he's a republican cop, and I'm me). But it was really good catching up with him, and I'll have to get a beer with him again soon. I spent most of the evening watching him and Amy debate about the housing crisis and what to do with vacant buildings owned by Chinese Nationals. It was like an episode of Bill Marr.

He mentioned that he hadn't talked to Josh in many years, and that Luke lives in Florida now with Toluca and has 2 kids.

After we parted ways, Amy and I walked down to the lighthouse and I smiled as she ran through the sprinklers twice.

The following day Matt and Chloe came over to record a song that they had very recently written together, a lovely ballad that reminds me a bit of Radiohead's Creep with a tinge of soul and R&B. It was the weekend of their 2 year anniversary, and I was honored to record them for this occasion, and thrilled they wanted to be in my studio instead of out at a nice restaurant or vacation getaway.

We wrapped up at 5 and then Amy and I headed to Sarah and Andrew's for dinner, ate porks chops with carrots, sweet potatoes and brussel sprouts, caught up with them regarding their Scotland hijinks (Sarah spent a month there this past August for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival) and soaked in the hot tub. At the end of the night we played Mario Kart while I slaughtered and Andrew pretended to have a good time.

Lisa came over on Sunday and we watched Fair Play, an amazing drama that kept us both glued to the edges of our seats while we watched the young wall street couple's relationship spiral out of control and take violent turns. Highly recommended.

The work week was slow but steady. I do wish I had some more exciting projects on the books right now, though if this deal with Raffael in Argentina goes through, that would give me a much needed jolt! We'll see.

Yesterday, there was an interesting incident with a crazy customer who was asking me to price match what looked to be a fake Vintage King listing for used Adam S3XH's almost a month after I sold him brand new S3XH's. He must have emailed me the same message three times in 30 minutes demanding I issue him a $224 store credit. I had to bring Steve into the mix to see if he was on the same page as me when I told him to basically go fuck himself. I was kind of hoping the customer would call me after I sent the email, just so I could bask in the drama. This guy's a really odd duck, always calls me from a blocked phone number and talks in this loud, overly formal monotone. It'd be funny if it wasn't so annoying.

Today we clean the house like crazy. It's finally looking good again after weeks of having all our stuff from the attic piled into the living room. Speaking of the attic, it's basically done. We went shopping for curtains and runs at IKEA last night (what a romantic way to spend a Friday night!) and so I'm feeling oh so domesticated as I write these words.

Off to Niloo's birthday shindig tonight at Dirty Beetles. Tomorrow: Me time.

Cheers!

[bl6ckr0s3]

Dealing With Reality pt. 2

Just notice that this post was saved in draft and I dunno if this ever got posted or not. I’ll post it anyway just in case it never did. For the note, this post is from Feb. or Mar. of 2023 right b4 me and Josh had left California.

As I realized that Josh was unable to make enough money to rent the UHaul truck for today's move out, I was thankful that I was able to take a few boxes from the apartment that I have already packed to be able to drop off at our storage right before arriving to my family's home. My brother was visiting for the day, so I didn't hang around the dining room table too much. I took my bowl of spicy fried noodles to my room and ate while I was watching King of the Hill on the tv since Lim was already put to sleep for the afternoon. My sister said that she didn't realize that Lim had taken another shit an hour after she passed out. Poor baby developed a really bad diaper rash since he's been taking so many shits, but what really sucks is that sometimes my sister doesn't change him as often as she should. Even though I remind her that he needs to be changed every 2-3 hours, she's got shit to do sometimes in the household. She's getting older and she cannot handle a very active little boy all the time. If me and Josh weren't going through what we been going through, I would've been able to take care of him the way I always have at our place. It just sucks that when you're broke to the point where you can't even afford to buy food all the time for yourself, it was just better off that I had Lim stay at my family's house because everything he needs is there especially food.

Me & Josh are in the middle of trying to move out of Beck Park Apartments, so sadly I had to decide to drop off Lim at Ricky's tonite so that we can do what we need to do tomorrow without having to worry about dropping him off at the daycare in the afternoon. I may have to call off from work tomorrow, but at least I'm thankful that I got some vacation time again for the new year. I should be able to save up some sick leave now, if my annual leave won't be wasted so fast like it was the last couple of years. Here's a recap of why: In 2021, When Ricky was putting me through so much bullshit & drama, I ended up using at least 2 weeks of my annual leave to recuperate from the stress and fatigue that I was dealing with when I was temporarily homeless (kicked out of my apartment from Ricky over the weekend, then waited until the cops were able to escort him out of my apartment to serve my restraining order on him). In 2022: Me & Josh ended up catching Covid19 during the holidays so I couldn't work for 3 whole weeks until I tested negative to be able to return to work. 2 weeks of my annual leave during that year got wasted on that bullshit because the pandemic leave program had already expired during Sept. 2021. It never got renewed. I have called off many times on certain occasions when mentally I haven't been well enough to go to work, or other days when I have actually been sick. Other days, it's just because my son had gotten sick 2-3 times then I decided to take time off just to take care of him.

My dad and brother questioned me about whether I'm going to be able to transfer my job if I do decide to move to Tennessee. I said I am trying to. They absolutely don't want me to leave until I made sure I have a job position secured. My sister says that the Chinese woman spirit thinks I won't be happy if we do move there. Why wouldn't I be happy there? Can she state some reasons? Maybe she doesn't know what she's talking about? I might end up liking it there, but I won't know unless I scope out the area and get a feel of the place first before I would judge. If we decide to move out there forreals, then it's our decision and that's the sacrifice I'm choosing to make for an opportunity of being able to build a better life. We still don't know what can really happen yet between now & the summer.

[torntruth]

i may do a couple of things to q them for tomorrow, but it's probably just going to be a brasidas banner icon and ikaros reply bc i really wanna try writing brasidas. but friendly reminder, i'm vacationing next week so i may be even more sporadic.

[batdarkladyvampir]

At the Garden Inn - Part 6

Dieter Bravo/ Curvy Female Reader

Part 5

Warnings:  negative self talk regarding weight, slight mentions of sickness

Again, sorry this one took so long. This is why.

‐*-*-*-

The rest of your day seemed to fly by, your thoughts on Dieter and the possibility of the date ahead. You were also reminded that your assistant manager was coming back from vacation tomorrow, which you had forgotten in the excitement of the past couple days.

By the time your workday was over, you still hadn’t heard from the man occupying your thoughts. You told yourself there was nothing to worry about. He was probably busy himself.

You went home and certainly did not wait by your phone. You cleaned up your small home. It wasn’t super dirty, but just had that cluttered look that it tended to get during the week.

By 7pm you’d given up hope for a text about dinner tonight and ordered your favorite Thai food for delivery. Not that you needed comfort.

By the time you went to bed at 10, you were cursing yourself for ever believing someone as gorgeous ad Dieter, let alone someone famous, would want you.

‐*-*-*-

A loud ringing broke through the heavy doze you were in and it took you a minute to locate the source of the sound. You fumbled around trying to find your phone and held it up to your ear.

“’lo?” you mumbled groggily.

A husky voice answered you. “Hey hummingbird.”

“Dieter? What fucking time is it?”

“Dunno. ’s dark out. Wasn’t dark out when I laid down. ‘s weird.”

You blinked, trying to get your tired eyes to focus on the clock on your nightstand. “Why are you calling me at 2 am?”

“Fuck. ‘s 2 am?”

You sat up in bed. He didn't sound right. “Are you okay?”

He groaned softly in your ear. “Dunno.”

You felt yourself go into crisis mode. “Dieter, what's wrong?”

He mumbled an answer, but the words were quiet and slurry. You made out ‘dizzy’, ‘head’, and possibly ‘throw up’.

Fuck. Your mind was racing. Did he fall off the wagon? Have a stroke? Hit his head?

“Dieter?”

There was no answer.

“Dieter?!”

You heard something that sounded like fabric rustling but no verbal answer. You scrambled out of bed and were pulling on your shoes when you heard him groan.

“Dieter, if you can hear me, I'm on my way, okay? I'm 10 minutes out. I'll be right there!”

You rushed out your front door and scrambled into your car, not disconnecting the call, so it connected to the Bluetooth. You couldn’t hear much but didn't want to hang up in case you were able to hear something.

The 10-minute drive only took you 5, and you rushed though the lobby to the elevators. You ran to his room and knocked on the door, although you weren’t expecting him to answer. You heard shuffling but no verbal answer.

It only took you a fraction of a second to decide to just use your master key and were in the door. The main room was cluttered but not messy, a bit like Dieter himself. You walked slowly into the bedroom and saw the light on in the bathroom. As you headed in that direction you heard a groan.

You quickly made your way to the bathroom and found him resting his head on his arm that was a stretched over the toilet bowl.

“Dieter?” you asked softly.

“That was quick,” he mumbled and tilted his head a little to peer up at you.

His lips were pale, but his eyes were clear enough that you could tell he wasn’t on a bender.

You knelt next to him, “what's wrong, honey?”

His eyes followed you as you knelt, and he frowned. “I feel like shit.”

You chuckled softly and pushed his curls off his forehead, feeling for a temperature. He was a bit clammy, but not hot. He sighed and leaned into your touch. “I know you do, sweetie. Are you still nauseous?”

He took a deep breath and shook his head as he sat back from the toilet. “No.”

You reached down and helped him to his feet. He stumbled a little into you but steadied himself quickly. You started to lead him out of the bathroom, but he stopped you. He walked over to the counter and grabbed his toothbrush.

You grinned at him.  “I wasn’t going to mention the stinky breath…”

He made a face and motioned you out of the room. You went out to the main room and checked the mini fridge; it was stocked with all sorts of juice and thankfully water. You grabbed a couple of bottles and headed back to the bedroom.

Dieter was still in the bathroom, so you set the water on the nightstand and straightened up the bedclothes, before sitting on the end of the bed. You pulled out your phone and shot a quick text to your AGM, letting them know you weren’t going to be in tomorrow…well today.

The bathroom door opened, and Dieter stopped when he saw you sitting on the end of his bed. You watched him as his eyes raked over you and it was only then that you realized that you raced out of the house without bothering to change out of your tiny sleep shorts and tank top.

“Fuck,” he murmured and walked over to you. “You look beautiful.”

You let out a flustered laugh, “Oh, this old thing? This is my seducing outfit.”

Dieter smirked and pushed his way into your space, forcing you to spread your legs so he could stand between them. You bit your lip and looked away from him, but he placed his impossibly large hand on the side of your neck and tilted your head so you were looking up at him. “It’s definitely working, colibrí.”

An embarrassed laugh escaped you. “Dieter. How are you feeling?”

He leaned down toward you and gently rubbed his nose against yours. His voice was low and raspy when he answered, “I’m suddenly feeling much better.”

You licked your lips and but forgot what you were going to say as his lips brushed against yours, shooting an immediate bolt of pleasure through your entire body. A soft groan escaped him, and he pressed closer, taking command of your lips with his and using his hand that was still on your neck to angle your head so he could deepen the kiss. Your hands grabbed at his hips to hold on to something as you completely lost yourself in the feel of his lips against yours. He swiped his tongue along your lips, before diving into your mouth, licking and kissing hungrily.

When he pulled away, what felt like hours later, he sighed softly against you. “You taste better than I imagined.”

You dropped your head, letting your forehead rest against his stomach and were unable to look him in the eyes. This man had the potential to absolutely wreck your heart if you let him. He was going to leave and never think about you again.

The feeling of his lips against the top of your head shook you out of your thoughts. You released his shirt that you had fisted your hands into and moved him back so you could stand. He looked at you curiously.

“I’d really like to continue, but I think you need to get rest. I’m pretty sure you have a touch of altitude sickness, since we’re at about 7000 feet above sea level and it tends to hit people about now. More exertion wouldn’t be the best idea. You should drink some water and –”

Dieter leaned down and stopped your rambling with a quick kiss. “Are you okay? Did I overstep?”

“What? No. I--”

He said your name softly to cut off another ramble. He fucking knew you too well. “You seem uncomfortable.”

“Um…yes. I am. But not because you did anything wrong!” You rushed to say, not wanting him to think he had messed up.

He grabbed your hand and led you to the head of the bed, pulling down the straightened bedclothes and gestured for you to get in. You got into bed as gracefully as possible and looked up at him questioningly. He grabbed one of the bottles of water and took a big swig, before smiling at you. He then turned off the light and crawled into the bed with you. You laid in the bed, trying to be as small as possible, before you felt his arms go around you as he shuffled closer to you and nuzzled his face into your throat. The feeling of his scruffy facial hair and his soft breath was absolute nirvana.

“Why are you uncomfortable, colibrí?”

“Not Fair, Dieter.”

He chuckled and pressed a soft kiss behind your ear, pulling you closer so your back was against his chest and your legs were entwined. “’s fair. Sometimes it’s easier to talk in the dark.”

You yawned widely as the adrenaline from worrying about Dieter, the absolute comfort in his embrace, and the fact that it was about 3am hitting you all at once. “Can we just sleep?”

He pressed soft kisses to the side of your neck, “We can, if you agree that we need to discuss this in the morning.”

You nodded and snuggled back against him, loving the feel of him against you. This was concerning.  

---

Tag list:

@nicolethered ​ @imtryingmybeskar @gizmogurlie41786 @adancedivasmom ​ @ruhro7 @a-trial-run-on-paper ​ @tortor-mcgee ​ @tyferbebe ​ @prolix-yuy​​

[camileeon]

DISTANCED LETTERS

🍵- “ oh you don't know how much i long to be in your arms once more.”

🦋- GN!Reader x Camilo Madrigal

🍊- originals by yours truly, i had my brainrot at it's peaked finest when i thought of this BNSKSIDNDJ I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYED THIS AS MUCH AS I DID!-Ceres

[•••]

Ink was held by the glass dip pen as words were written in legible penmanship, stroke by stroke as black ink stained the ivory paper they wrote on. The light wind making the flourished curtains dance as they wrote with a light thumping heartbeat with him being their only thought at that moment, they couldn't wait to come back to their beloved magical town_ encanto.

Y/n L/n had went out of town with their family for a short vacation, spending a few weeks out of the usual environment they were in to spend days with the white sandy abode and the vibrant sea that was music to their ears. Only problem was, they couldn't get in contact with the one who owned their heart, their significant other, Camilo Madrigal. The two always had been with one another and spent every single day around the lively bustling town, going on dates, pranking town's people whenever they got the chance, and had their time mostly over at casita. When the shapeshifter had found out they would be going away for a few weeks, he could hardly fathom what he felt at that moment. He knew it would only be a couple of weeks but they were the biggest comfort to him and the one that kept him going every day when he saw them, it took awhile for the boy to completely process it in his mind but reminded himself everyday that they will be back soon eventually.

Besides shedding a few tears and crying on his sister's shoulder almost every few nights, he was very patient and persistent while awaiting upcoming letters from them every single day. Writing back to one another, always wondering what time they've read it or whether the mail man had sent it to them already, wondering what they would've replied with on their previous letter and the letter before that one. As time did pass cruelly..

To my dearest Sol,

I write to you with pure happiness in my heart. the day has come, I'll be leaving this abode and will be arriving back to Encanto tomorrow. I hear how loud your heartstrings strum that same melody all over again ever since we met on that same nigh, very impressed on how you've been so patient. I ought to think that you'd be here by my side already by now, watching me write this current letter you read. Though i know there'd be atleast a part of you that had thought about chasing after me all the way here, not that I'm complaining if you did. Amor, i miss you so much.. i await to be in your arms once more. I love you too much mi cielito.

Your dearest, Y/n. <3

The boy practically embraced the letter in his hands while jumping around excitingly as his heart raced giddly, they were coming home finally! The whole rest of the day was merely just a wink, a smile making his lips curve up whenever he thought of them and being able to see them after being weeks apart from one another. Dolores has heard earraping squeals and his heart almost even jumping out of his chest during lunch with the rest of his familia, Pepa had noticed his son wearing a smile on his face almost the whole day.

“you seem very happy today camilo, let me guess, they're coming back home tomorrow?”

“AAAAA MAMI YES THEY ARE, I CANT WAIT TO JUST- I DONT EVEN KNOW I MISSED THEM SO MUCH-!” He couldn't keep it in anymore, his words just bursting out of his mouth.

“I thought so, you've been wearing such a smile the whole day. It makes me so happy seeing you this way with them, we should host a welcome back surprise for them!” Pepa happily suggested, a rainbow appearing out in the open sky as everyone around the table agreed one by one.

That night before, the shapeshifter couldn't sleep. His figure shifting and tossed and turned relentlessly "are they okay? Hopefully they travelled safely..." And a few other thoughts came training in his head for a few hours as the moon lit up the sky, eventually falling asleep as he snored soundly with a smile on his face.

The next morning was just severely ecstatic, everyone in the madrigal household got ready for the surprise welcome back party for the l/n's as to coming back from such a trip. Decoration and outdoor furniture made their way to a plaza where they held the party, streamers and fairy light strung to each pillar as the town's people more than willingly helped out as the l/n's were always the nicest fellows of the community and it was a way to give something back as a thank you. Camilo was racing around helping when he could, holding the last letter they sent him in his hand. He held it ever since that very night he had trained thoight swirling in his head, always making sure everything during the current celebration went perfectly.

“ THEY'RE HERE!!”

And yes, there they were..

The family L/n had returned! Almost immediately as their eyes both met as soon as they stepped foot on the plaza floor, he bolted towards them with open arms and the biggest smile on his face before burying it into their shoulder area as everyone around them cheered. His arms snaked around their figure, securely fixing it on their waist to pull them the closest they could've ever been in that moment as he gave a tight squeeze with still the letter in hand. Y/n couldn't help but do the same, wrapping their arms around him with happiest expression anyone at that place could ever have, saying nothing as presence enough at that moment was only sufficient.

Camilo pulled away their embrace and gave them the deepest yet most passionate kiss he had ever given them, all he longed for right now was with him again after weeks of being away. Tears fell from his eyes as well as y/n's, the feeling of happiness overwhelmed both of them to it's peak but they hardly cared and pulled away to meet gazes once more, they haven't even spoken a word to eachother ever since they came back.

“i missed you so much y/n you can't even imagine how bored i was here! I didn't have anyone to cuddle with and give my affection to- i can't even say anything at all- y-you're here finally!-” he stammered with a slight pout, tears threatening to fall from his eyes as they wiped his tears away from his face and gave him a few more comforting kisses on his nose

“ don't cry now amor, i'm here i know i'm here. I swear, i will never leave for that long ever again. I bet owe you a lot of dates, cuddles session, and loads of affection don't I? I promise, i will make it up to you my love.”

They spoke softly as their foreheads rested on one another's, the smile they fondly saw on eachother's faces again after being unable to see eachother for so long.

Sharing one more kiss as Camilo swiftly dipped them lowly as the madrigals, l/n's, and other town's people celebrated the returned family. Any encanto family was family of everybody, the night and glimmering stars were still young and so were they..

TAGLIST:

@destinydrawssometimes

@camilolovesroxiie

@i-more-need-books

@aphrodicts-imagination

@s1mpystuff

@dai-tsukki-desu

@pepasfavorite

@kaxiaowow

@azrielxx

@l-e-m-o-n-g-a-y

@astroddon

[spaceorphan18]

In The City That We Love 1/25

Summary: Set in year leading up to the time jump in Dreams Come True. Kurt and Blaine have been married for five years, still living in New York City, still trying to navigate life. As their friends become settled around them, Kurt and Blaine figure out who they are, and who they are as a couple, as they settle into being a full adult. A story of marriage as it grows up and settles down for good.

A/N: Hey guys - this was started back in 2019, and based on the Final Season sketch I wrote detailing what the "final season" of Glee would be like - taking the characters up to the points we see them at the end of Dreams Come True. Each chapter is meant to be stand alone/episodic - like an episode of a tv season - but there is an overarching story to the narrative as a whole.

Thanks @snarkyhag for beta'ing - though I'm sure it's been so long she doesn't even remember, lol <3

No - I did not forget about my other WIPs, but since I wrote nothing over my vacation, I thought I'd send this finally out into the world - the last of my big WIP ideas.

******

Episode 1: The Camping Trip

It’s Thursday night and they’re making out on the couch.  Kurt’s on his back, head propped on a pillow.  Blaine hovers slightly over him as they trade slow and deep kisses.  There’s no rush, no frantic rubbing of bodies, no hustle to shimmy clothes off.  In fact, they’re barely touching except where their mouths are connected.  They have the time, finally, to enjoy each other.  To really let it play out.   

He thinks he remembers the last time they had sex - probably a few weeks ago? Maybe a month? When they started their run on Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf Kurt made it a point to schedule in time for a quickie or two during the week.  Their work schedule didn’t really allow for anything more.  Besides, fast and efficient fucking is the best stress relief.  By the end of the run, however, they had been both so exhausted that neither really wanted to have sex.  They barely had the energy to have a full conversation, let alone do anything that required more than falling into their bed every night.  

But even so, sex had maintained a staple of their marriage.  Making out, however?  Kurt can’t remember the last time he and Blaine just made out.  

It’s funny, their friend circle would claim the making out is a common occurrence; everyone always bringing up the one time they were too busy making out in a car to attend a wedding.  Well, that had been a good five, no six, years ago now -- way past the days when stealing kisses had been the most thrilling thing they could do.   Still, their unhurried make out reminds Kurt of being back in high school when it had been more about the journey and less about the destination.   He wants to just sink into the couch and enjoy Blaine, enjoy all of the Blaine.  Dammit, it’s been long enough. He's going to. 

He can tell Blaine’s getting a little tired of holding himself up.  They break for a moment, Kurt spreading his legs so Blaine can settle between them, gently putting his weight on top of Kurt.  The lazy kisses resume, now with a slow rocking of the hips.  He can feel Blaine growing hard in his jeans, Kurt’s own arousal slowly building.  He’s not chasing it, however.  He lets it linger, enjoys the warmth and familiarity of Blaine on top of him.  

Kurt is intent on enjoying himself tonight because, god knows, they’re going to have to start job hunting tomorrow.  Usually they’re better than this, having another job lined up when a run ends.  But the play had taken everything out of them, even testing their marriage.  And now they have to face the reality of unemployment.  Kurt should really check his email before they actually get to bed to see if…  

As if sensing his mind wandering, Blaine begins sucking kisses along his jaw and neck, pulling Kurt back into the present.  Kurt lets out a little groan and rolls his head back giving Blaine better access.  And yes, yes… he really needs to concentrate more on his Blaine, his love, his husband, who knows all the places that make him melt.  Kurt takes a moment and breathes him in.  

Blaine smells differently, and Kurt can’t figure out why... Did he get a new body wash? Pick up a different scented laundry detergent? Have they really been so out of sync lately that maybe he can’t remember what Blaine smells like? Blaine starts kissing back up to Kurt’s lips. The kisses are more heated now as Blaine dips his tongue into Kurt’s mouth.  The sense of smell is no longer on Kurt’s mind.  

“What do you want tonight?” Blaine asks.  One of Blaine’s hands travels between them, finds Kurt’s aching dick, and cups it.  A grin slides along Blaine’s face as he begins to stroke through the denim. 

Kurt’s eyes flutter shut, barely able to reply. It feels so good.  “Fuck me.”

“Maybe,” Blaine starts, as he goes to unzip Kurt’s pants.  “You should fuck my mouth first.”  

Yes, that.  Let’s do that.  But Kurt’s reply comes out an ungraceful squeak.  

Blaine’s hand is around him, steady and slow, teasingly slow.  Kurt’s brain short circuits just a little, and maybe tonight will be a little bit like high school - where he comes in his pants before they ever really get started.  

Doesn’t matter. Kurt feels horny enough now that he probably has a few rounds in him.  He pulls Blaine in for a searing kiss as he rocks his hips in time with Blaine’s hand and then…

There is a sudden and obtrusive knock at the door.  They both freeze, as a burst of anger tears through Kurt.  

“Maybe it’s a solicitor,” Blaine offers weakly as he sits up.  

“At ten at night? Doubtful,” Kurt’s eyebrow is raised.  The rapping on the door continues.  He knows that knock.  He resents that knock and stares at the door, hard, hoping that the person on the other side can receive his telegraphic message to leave.  Now.  

Of course, Kurt knows better.  

“Kurt! Blaine! I know you’re in there,” the shrill voice comes through the door.  Blaine starts to speak, but then Kurt pushes into his hand, grabbing his attention back.  His night will not be ruined.   “I saw the light on when I came in. Let me in!”

“Rachel, my dick is out, go away,” Kurt snaps.  He doesn’t care that the apartment walls are thin and his neighbors can hear the argument.  It wouldn’t be the first time.  

“Don’t act like I’ve never seen that before,” she cries back.  “This is an emergency.  I’ll use my key if I have to.” 

Blaine shifts to move off the couch.  Kurt shoots him a glare - if they let her in, the night is over.  Blaine looks helplessly at him as the knocking intensifies.  Fine.  Fine, fine, fine.  He begrudgingly puts himself back in his pants as Blaine goes for the door.  Fine.  

Rachel pounds again, as Blaine opens the door, cutting her off mid-knock.  She nearly tumbles through the doorway, almost surprised that they actually let her in.  

“Did someone die?” Kurt asks, a bit of acid on his tongue.  Blaine shoots him a look, asking to at least try to be more sympathetic.  Rachel is, after all, distraught as she flounces into the recliner next to the couch.  

“No,” she bites back.   “Just my career.  My career is dead.”  

Kurt lets out an audible groan.  Of all the things to be upset about…  

Blaine sits on the arm of the chair, rubbing her shoulders sympathetically.  “I’m sure it’s not actually dead…” 

“I haven’t heard back from this audition,” she cries.  “Which is, you know, fine.  It’s not like anyone else is calling me back either.  I acted my heart out for this one, I researched everything on Jane Austen, and I know her as if I was her.  I felt her with every fiber of my being.”  

Kurt puts his head on his hand and glances over at the clock, then back to Blaine as if to silently say - she’s going to do this all night, you know.  

Blaine shrugs helplessly.  “It’s one audition,” he says, stroking her hair.  “There will be others.”  

“Oh yes, there are hundreds of auditions out there,” Rachel jumps to her feet and begins to pace the room. “I have been to all of them.  Literally, I have been to one-hundred and twelve auditions in the past six months and none of them - NONE of them have cast me.  I am unhirable.  My career is over.  It’s dead.  And now I’ll just become a housewife - wasting away as my husband takes all the glory.  And that statue, that mistress of his that just stares at me from the mantle.  It knows what a failure I am.  It knows…” 

“Okay, Rachel,” Blaine says, even he can admit when Rachel’s being too much.  “I think you’re being a little hard on yourself.”

Kurt wants to throw her out. His night had been going splendidly until it had a head-on collision with Rachel Berry’s emotions. He could.  Easily.  Just send her home, back to her nice, little brownstone in Manhattan, with her cushy back-up plan of her husband and her dads, and her off-Broadway potential, and let her wallow in her own self-pity.   She’ll call Mercedes, and can be Mercedes’s problem for a while.  

But he doesn’t.  

Because he, of all people, knows that rejection isn’t easy.  Especially for someone like Rachel who feels the world owes her something.  It’s not like he has people lining up at the door, waiting to sign him for a role.  It’s not like he’d have had that role in Virginia Woolf if they hadn’t wanted Blaine to do it in the first place.  It’s not like being cast in a show has ever been easy for him.  

God dammit, why does a Rachel Berry pity party have to spread so easily? 

Rachel falls back into Blaine’s arms.  He holds her tightly and rubs her back. 

“You need to relax,” Blaine says.  “If they haven’t called you back, then they haven’t made a decision.  You just… need a distraction, something to make you not think about it for a while.” 

Rachel’s eyes bulge a little.  “Yes! I need a relaxing distraction.” She grabs onto Blaine’s arms suddenly.  “Camping.  We should go camping.” 

Blaine throws Kurt a look over Rachel’s shoulder.  Kurt only rolls his eyes.  “Have you ever even been camping, Rach?” 

“My dads took me camping when I was twelve,” she says.  “Besides, Jesse has this cute little cabin upstate that we’ve never used.  His mom gave it to him a few years ago because she got it in the divorce, and she doesn’t really use it - but his dad would go up there and drink all day and this one time he nearly started a fire and..” 

“Anyway…” Kurt cuts her off.  

“But just think of it,” she continues.  “This weekend, all of us - the whole gang.  This past year has been so crazy, and the summer’s almost over, and think of us all sitting around the campfire out on the lake, cuddling with each other, eating those marshmallow cracker things. You know with the chocolate.”  

“S’mores,” Kurt and Blaine say in unison.  Only Rachel Berry wouldn’t know what s’mores are called.  

She claps her hands together.  “Yes, this is great - this is going to be great.  I should call everyone!”  

“Um, Rach…” Kurt slides off the couch, hoping maybe he can throw her out the door.  “Maybe we can figure out this for another time?  Blaine and I were hoping to use this weekend to, you know, reconnect.”  Blaine nods his head frantically in agreement.  

“What, no,” Rachel pouts.  “I don’t have time - I have so many auditions to go to, and I know they’ll call me Monday morning - I need a distraction.  Besides you guys can reconnect upstate in nature. Oh! We can all reconnect with nature!”  

“No.” 

“Please?” She bats her eyes at him.  It’s not like it usually works, but she tries anyway.  “C’mon, please! It’ll be fun.  When’s the last time we did anything fun.  Please, please, please!” 

“Rachel…” Kurt shoots a look over to Blaine, hoping he’ll help him out.  

Blaine, however, is super fascinated with a string on the couch.  “Um, I don’t think it’s a bad idea.” 

Rachel squeals with delight.  

Kurt throws Blaine a sharp look.  Traitor.

“This is wonderful, I’m going to call Mercedes right now,” Rachel fishes her phone out of her pocket.  “Oh, do you guys mind if I stay here tonight? Jesse’s at a cast party, and probably won’t be back until tomorrow morning, and you know I think that place is haunted.”

“For the last time, Jesse’s Tony is not alive!” Kurt snaps, throwing his hands in the air.  

Rachel points her phone at him intently. “You don’t know that - it doesn’t watch you.” 

Kurt rolls his eyes at her.  

“So, I’ll just use your bed, and you guys can continue to use the couch however you were using it.  That’s fine.” Rachel says, scrolling through her phone as she heads to the bedroom.  “If you guys want to make me some tea in the morning that’d be great,” she adds as she slams the door behind her.  

Kurt clenches his jaw, wondering why he ever let that woman into his life.  

Blaine’s still playing with the string.  “So, uh, do you still wanna…” 

“No.” 

“Okay.”  

***

Apparently, everyone in their friend group thought camping would be a great idea.  Everyone except Kurt, because god knows he’d rather be back in his comfortable apartment, sleeping in an actual bed, and not on the ground, actually trying to do something about the fact that his life currently doesn’t have a direction, but no - they have to follow Rachel’s whim instead.  

They’ve been stuck in the car for about five hours now.  Jesse is driving with Rachel on the passenger side. They’re going over some vocal techniques, and the past twenty minutes have been Rachel doing strange squawking sounds.  Kurt is sitting on the left side of the backseat, Tina next to him, and Mercedes on the other end.  They’re chatting a little bit, but he can’t hear them very well over Rachel’s noises and the incredibly loud Best of Barbra Streisand playing through the speakers.  He wouldn’t mind the CD so much if they hadn’t played it on a loop a half dozen times already.  

He is squished, and uncomfortable, and the small pillow he brought to lean against made his head too warm.  He tries shifting around, but Jesse’s seat is nearly pushed all the way back, and there is just no way he’s going to get in a good position.  There hadn’t been enough room in the car to bring any kind of bags, so he’s stuck with only his phone to keep him company.  He tries to check his email again, but they’re steadily going farther out of range from any place with decent wifi.  He contemplates trying another game of solitaire when a text bubble pops up.  

Blaine: Artie’s writing a screenplay!!! 

Blaine, thank god.  It makes Kurt smile.  He and Blaine, by default, ended up separated.  Since Jesse rented the cars, he and Rachel had first choice.  And of course, Santana claimed driving the second car or she wasn’t going.  Artie and Sam insisted they ride together to play some kind of video game, while Tina begged Mercedes to ride with her so they could gossip, leaving him and Blaine to settle for being apart.  

Kurt: When isn’t he? 

Blaine: This one’s hilarious - it’s greek myth. 

Blaine: he’s basically writing greek myth fanfic 

Blaine: Artie says he’s going to use this weekend to write.  Sam thinks he’s going to end up like jack nicholson in the shining. 

Kurt: Should we be concerned? Artie would do that.

Blaine: here’s artie ::knife:: ::knife:: ::knife::

Kurt lets out a little laugh.  

“Oh my god, are you sexting with Blaine?” Tina whips her head around to notice him.  

His mood immediately sours.  “Yes, Tina - I’m sexting Blaine.  I’m bored enough that I thought I’d just jerk off and see if anyone would notice.”  

“Oh, don’t give me that attitude, Kurt Hummel,” she snaps.  “I was in the backseat next to you on the way to Mr. Schue’s wedding and you and Blaine made out the whole time and it was super gross.”  

She makes a grab for his phone, but he swings it away from her.  

“Tina, we were in college, god,” he says.  “No, I’m not sexting Blaine.”  

“Ug, gross, you totally are,” she rolls her eyes at him, then turns so that her back is to him and begins to whisper over to Mercedes.  

He’d really like to bite at her that maybe she should worry less about his sex life and more about her lack of one, but decides not to.   Can they just get to the campsite already?

Kurt: Tina thinks we’re sexting. 

Blaine: yeah she wishes

Blaine: ::devil:: ::eggplant:: ::eggplant:: ::eggplant:: ::donut:: ::wink:: ::wink::

Kurt: omg, I love you

The three little gray bubbles dance on Kurt’s screen for a few moments… Hey, maybe they are going to do this, but Kurt can’t help but have a twinge of disappointment when he sees Blaine’s reply. 

Blaine:  Sam wants to take me on in Smash.  We’ll talk in a few hours.  Tell Tina to get her nose out of our sex life.  

Blaine: ::eggplant:: ::heart:: ::kissyface::  

And then Blaine is gone.  Is it weird to miss your husband? Your husband whom you do see extensively every day.  It’s not like he’s not there.   Kurt starts to scroll up through their previous conversations - which is a collection of short inquiries and yes or no replies, the daily upkeep of ‘can you pick up milk?’ and ‘remember to call the dentist to set up an appointment.’ When did they get so boring?

Kurt pushes his pillow up against the window and rests his head on it, closing his eyes.  He ignores the crick in his back, and thinks of Blaine, and if Blaine were beside him.  They could cuddle up, and Kurt could get snug in his arms and fall asleep easily.  He concentrates hard on that thought as the car rumbles on down the endless highway.  

***

It’s late when they arrive, and though the sun is still up, everyone is too exhausted to do much.  The cabin is much tinier than expected, set up like a studio; only one queen-sized bed, a sofa, and a hard wooden floor for possible sleeping places.  Sam and Jesse both brought tents, but only Sam sets his up, and only Mercedes can fit in there with him. 

The ground is still damp from a morning rain, so the campfire is out of the question.  A few of them travel into town to bring back pizza for dinner, which ends up being the highlight of the evening.  Afterward, Santana takes a phone call and spends half the evening yelling at her client.  Sam and Jesse attempt to set up the second tent, but it proves to be too difficult, and they decide to try again tomorrow.  And Artie settles into a corner to write his script.  The girls, at least, are having fun playing video games with Blaine while Brittany recounts every ghost story she’s ever heard.  Kurt finds himself in a moldy, stiff recliner and tries to read, finding it hard to concentrate with all the commotion going on.  

Eventually, Sam and Mercedes head out to their tent, everyone having piqued interest as they flirt with each other on their way out.  Are they even back together? Kurt has no idea, but the gossip is curbed as they all get ready for bed.

Rachel and Jesse have claimed the bed, since it is Jesse’s cabin, while Brittany and Santana claimed the rug by the fireplace.  Artie lets Tina have the sofa while he sleeps on the floor next to her.  Leaving the small space near the bathroom for Kurt and Blaine.  

“The internet sucks here,” Kurt says, scrolling through his phone, as he tries to find a comfortable position in his sleeping bag..  The floor is hard and unforgiving, and somewhere someone is already snoring.  He can already tell it’s going to be a long night.   

“The point is not to have internet here,” Blaine says, just having gotten back from the bathroom.  He settles in and rolls on his side to face Kurt, plucking the phone away, and tossing it gently on their bags.  Blaine’s sleepy, but cuddles up to Kurt, even with the lining of the sleeping bags between them.  “Relax, Kurt, we’re taking a vacation.”  

“Unemployment isn’t a vacation,” Kurt says.  If he stretches, he could get his phone back, but the effort doesn’t seem worth it.  

“I thought we weren’t going to talk about that,” Blaine says into his shoulder.  

“You said that.”  

“Kurt…”  Blaine’s tone is playful, and he gives a few gentle kisses to the back of Kurt’s neck.  “Tomorrow, let’s not think of the future, just enjoy our time together.  Maybe we can stay back and get that other tent up, then we can cozy up, enjoy the stars…” 

Kurt cranes his neck back so he can give Blaine a kiss.  Blaine immediately deepens it, sliding his tongue against Kurt’s.  

“You’re really good at that,” Kurt says breathlessly.  

“I try.” 

Kurt goes to kiss Blaine again when someone clears their throat.  It’s Artie on the way to the bathroom.  “You guys keep it up, I’ll film you and sell it as porn,” he says waving his phone in the air.  He lets out a laugh as he rolls into the bathroom.  

Kurt lets out an annoyed grunt as he turns in Blaine’s arms to face him.  “This place is too cramped.”

“This place reminds me of the loft,” Blaine says, looking around.  

Kurt scrunches his nose.  “The loft was far cleaner.” 

Blaine gives a shrug. “It’s kind of nice,” he gives Kurt a quick peck.  “And romantic.”  Another peck.  “And has some charm.”  And another long kiss, engaging enough that Kurt seriously contemplates just doing it right there with all their friends watching.  Let Artie film it for porn - it’d be worth something.  Blaine is right there with him.  “Remember that time we did it when Rachel’s dads visited?” he wiggles his eyebrows.  

“What, gross!” Rachel says from the bed.  She’s only a foot away, but apparently can hear everything they're saying, and throws her hair tie at them.  “I can’t believe you did it in front of my dads.”

“Wanky!” Santana calls out from the other side of the cabin. 

“No, no, no, no,” Tina calls out.  “No one is having sex tonight.  Because ew.  Go to bed, all of you, I need my sleep.”  

“See -- just like the loft,” Blaine says with a laugh.  

“And may I remind you, we also broke up in that loft,” Kurt says.  “Remember that?” 

“Fine.” 

He doesn’t mean for the memory to be a mood killer, he’s not even sure what had prompted him to bring it up, but Blaine just sighs heavily and rolls over to face the wall instead of Kurt.  He should say he’s sorry, but he doesn’t, and instead just wraps an arm around Blaine, cuddles close, and after a lot of time thinking about how far away Blaine still feels, long after Blaine’s breathing slows, Kurt manages to fall asleep.  

***

Kurt is having a nice dream - something calm and bright and possibly related to an exciting new trend in men’s fashion but there are noises around him, pulling him away from dreamland.  Reality seems to crash fast, and suddenly he’s aware that every part of his body aches.  The wooden floor hadn’t been kind during the night, and now just rolling from his side to his back makes everything cramp up.  God, he’s not even thirty yet.  The floor creaks beside him, so he opens one eye to find Blaine, fully dressed, leaning over him with a grin.  

“Morning, sleeping beauty,” Blaine gently kisses his temple.  

Kurt groans, half-heartedly swatting him away.  Unlike yesterday, the sun is bright and blinding through the window, causing Kurt to cover his eyes with his arm.  “I don’t know how you can get up so early and be chipper all the time.”

“Kurt, it's a quarter to twelve.”  

“What?” Kurt bolts upright.  “And you didn’t wake me?” 

Blaine shrugs.  “You seemed like you needed the sleep.  But - I did make you lunch.  And I used the morning to pitch the second tent.  Well, Sam helped me after I got myself thoroughly tangled in it.  I thought maybe we could use that tent tonight.” Blaine gives him a wink.  

Kurt grimaces.  Like sleeping on the ground will be any better than the wooden floor.  Still, Kurt rises with the help of Blaine.  

By the time Kurt gets around and has lunch, the rest of the group is in an argument about the activity for the day.  Canoeing? Rafting? Staying in-doors and playing board games?  Blaine is enthusiastic about all of the ideas.  Kurt doesn’t care - he’d rather not be there at all.  Eventually, as some sort of compromise, they settle on hiking the nearby trail.  Kurt grumbles at the decision, but it’s either go with them, or stay back and do nothing while Artie works on his screenplay.  At least he’ll have Blaine around.  

The trail ends up not being so bad.  It’s an easy path, relatively flat for beginners.  The air is warm, but not overly stifling.  Everyone is mostly paired up, except for Tina, who complains that she’s the only one there without a partner, so Sam and Mercedes keep her in between them.  Rachel and Santana set a fast pace, each of them leading the pack, as if they were all in some sort of strange race. Meanwhile Brittany zig zags around, talking to the trees and leaves and birds as if she were a Disney Princess and they were her friends.  

Kurt drags behind, hands digging into the pockets of his jeans as they walk.  He mildly listens to Jesse and Blaine, who are a step ahead of him, having a conversation about some reality TV show hiring drag queens for an episode.  Blaine is animated as he talks, bouncing around the trail, as he does impersonations.  Jesse howls with laughter, and it's endearing enough that even Kurt can’t help but smile.  

They make it a mile down the trail, enough so that Kurt’s hardened edge from the previous day has worn down a little, when the sky begins to cloud over.  Rachel insists that rain is afoot, and promptly turns them around to head back.  Kurt doesn’t think it’s all that threatening out, but Rachel can’t go a couple of hours without checking her phone, which she left at the cabin, so of course time outside will be cut short.  

As they start their return, Blaine falls back, silently going for Kurt’s hand to clasp.  Kurt smiles, feeling lighter at his husband’s touch.  He squeezes Blaine’s hand, bringing him a little closer as they walk.  

Everyone has shuffled around, though Kurt and Blaine remain bringing up the rear.  Sam and Mercedes are ahead of them, heads close.  Sam whispers something into her ear, which causes Mercedes to full on stop and throw her head back with a bark.  

“I’m pretty sure they’re dating again,” Blaine says quietly.   

It’s unmistakable really, the way they’re flirting, and gazing into each other’s eyes.   “She and Tina, I think, were talking about it in the car on the way over.  I couldn’t tell.”  

They walk another beat in silence, Sam has Mercedes now crying in a fit of hysterics.  

“Do you ever miss that stage?” Kurt asks.  “That I’m-crazy-about-you stage?”

“Are you saying you’re no longer crazy about me?” 

It’s clearly a joke but Kurt frowns.  “You know what I mean.”  

Blaine gives an easy shrug.  “Not really.  I mean, are we settled? Sure.  But I like the security in that.  Do you miss it?”  

There is a tiny bit of concern in Blaine’s eyes, but he really has nothing to worry about.  The short answer is no, Kurt Hummel has made his final decision and that’s all there is to that.  The long answer is that with all the passion that came from their early time together came the rocky uncertainty as to whether or not they’d actually make it.  There were times when Kurt thought that first loves were hard and fast and that’s it.  And for most people they are he supposes.  But not for he and Blaine. 

“I like what we have now,” Kurt says, looking down at their linked hands.  “I guess I… just miss it.”   

“Mmmm, yeah,” Blaine licks his lips, then suddenly sweeps Kurt into his arms, giving him a passionate kiss.  

Kurt’s startled for only a moment before he begins to kiss back.  “Blaine!” he gasps.  “What are we doing?” 

“I think we should take full advantage of the situation,” Blaine replies, as he kisses down to suck on Kurt’s neck.  “Why not take advantage of the situation and be a little spontaneous.”  

“We’re outside, Blaine,” Kurt argues, though not very strongly..  “You can’t possibly suggest that…” 

Blaine pulls away, staring at him with wide, dark eyes.  No one else is there - the rest of the group is nearly out of earshot.  And Blaine’s grip tightens on him, pulling their bodies together.  Kurt wants this so badly, he doesn’t even care anymore.  He surges into a kiss with Blaine, wrapping his arms around Blaine’s neck.  Blaine pushes Kurt backwards, off the trail and against a tree.  There’s a tiny stub digging into Kurt’s back, but he doesn’t care.  Blaine’s tongue is in his mouth, doing wonderous things, and Kurt just melts into him.  

“I can’t believe we’re doing this here,” Kurt says, with a little giggle.  He’s more turned on than he cares to admit, and rocks his hips against Blaine as they kiss, generating heat with a growing need. 

“You’re not the only one who’s missed this, you know,” Blaine utters between kisses.  He wraps one arm around Kurt to steady them, while his free hand dips to squeeze Kurt’s ass, causing Kurt to let out a tiny moan.  “Remember when we tried to do this at that club?” 

Kurt lets out a little laugh as he grinds into Blaine.  “I’m pretty sure it’s cleaner here than that club.”

Blaine’s fully encouraged now, peppering kisses along Kurt’s jaw, taking a moment to give a little bit at Kurt’s ear.  “There’s something I didn’t get to do at that club.” 

“What’s that?” 

“Suck you off,” he says in a growly whisper.   

“Oh god.”

That does it.  Just the mere thought of Blaine’s mouth on him has him fully hard now.  Any misgivings about being outside, being caught by anyone walking by, are completely gone.  It’s just he and Blaine - the world is nothing but them, and the promise of an orgasm he desperately needs.  

Blaine drops to his knees with a thud and an unexpected crack.  Before Blaine can get his hands (or mouth) anywhere near Kurt’s dick, he’s crying out in pain.

It takes a moment for Kurt to register what happened.  He’s still in a slight daze, his dick’s still throbbing, but Blaine’s on the ground, rolling around holding his knee.  “Honey, are you okay?”

“I hit a rock,” Blaine grunts out.  He goes to stand, but his leg gives out.  Kurt hurries to him to help him up, but Blaine pushes at him.  “I’m fine, really, we can still do this.  I can.”  

Their spontaneous moment, however, had been fleeting.  There’s a large centipede crawling near Blaine’s leg, and a fly lands on his shoulder.  A squirrel watches them from across the trail.  And Kurt begins to notice the leaves on the vine near them might be poison ivy.  This is not a good idea, his rational mind catching up to him, now that his dick has calmed down.  This is so not a good idea.  

“I don’t think we should,” Kurt says, managing to help Blaine to his feet.  

A second later, Sam finds them, a branch in hand as if to attack.  “Oh god, are you guys okay? We heard a scream -- and I thought maybe it was that serial killer from Brittany’s story last night.”  The rest of the crew is close on Sam’s heels.  

Kurt rolls his eyes as they approach. “We’re okay, Sam.”  

“I just… tripped,” Blaine says, walking onto the trail with a slight limp.  

“Tripped my ass,” Santana cackles, looking them over.  “They were trying to get in a quick fuck while we weren’t looking.”

“Crude!” Tina shouts in disgust.  

Santana howls in laughter.  “Judging by the dour look on Queen Hummel’s face, the only thing that got shoved up his ass was probably a stick.” 

“Hey,” Blaine scolds. 

But it’s too late.  Kurt breaks.  All of the anger that had been pent up for the past few days spews forward, Kurt hardly able to contain his shout.   “Why don’t you go fuck yourself, Santana.”  

“Fine, can I borrow your stick?” Santana bites back.

Brittany lets out a gasp.  Rachel squeals excitedly. 

“Hey, stop,” Mercedes cuts in before it can escalate further.  “Blaine, are you okay?” 

Blaine nods.  “I’ll be fine, just maybe need a little ice on my knee.”  He shoots a look at Kurt then to the ground.  

“Sam, make sure he gets back alright,” Kurt mutters as he pushes past them.  He starts the walk back home by himself.  He doesn’t wait for anyone.  And no one catches up to him.  

***

Hours later, Kurt lay in the second tent that Blaine and Sam had erected that morning, looking up at the sky through the clear, plastic roof of the tent.  Evening had melted away into night, the quarter-moon shining, with the stars sparkling around it.  Living in the city for so long now, he doesn’t get to see the stars anymore, and as he lay there, one arm tucked behind his head, he wondered why he never paid them much attention when he lived in Ohio.  

It’s quiet outside, peaceful almost with the calm sounds of nature surrounding him.  The temperature is nice.  He’s rather comfortable, really.  Everything is perfect.  This trip should have been, if nothing else, a perfect escape.  Then why doesn’t anything feel right? 

He had kept his distance when everyone came back to the cabin - not wanting to disrupt their seemingly good time.  The afternoon had brought a light rain, which meant board games and hot cocoa, and a lot of laughter that Kurt should have partook in.  Even Artie had paused his writing to join in.  Kurt watched from a distance, sometimes attempting to read a magazine, other times just watching as his friends enjoyed themselves, frustrated that he didn’t feel like coming to the table.  Mostly, everyone ignored him, except Santana who would throw an occasional eye-roll his way, or Blaine who would check in on him with his standard look of concern.  

After dinner, Kurt had gone for a walk around the area on his own.  His mind had wandered, from planning out possible job ideas, to going over the events of the past few months again, to replaying the embarrassing moments from earlier in the day.  The walking had been a nice attempt to clear his head but he had remained unsettled, and even frustrated.  Couldn’t the tension in his chest just relax? Couldn’t he just enjoy himself for once? 

“I’m going to sleep out in the tent,” he had told Blaine before he turned in for the night.  No one else had seemed like arguing over it, so Kurt had figured he should grab it while it was still open.  Would the ground be more comfortable than a wooden floor? He had no idea but at least he’d have his own space to fall asleep in.  Blaine had given him an off center kiss, and had watched him carefully as he changed and headed outside.  

And here he’s been, for a few hours he’s suspected, looking up at the sky, watching the sun set and the stars come out, feeling the contradictoriness of being glad he’s alone while feeling the heaviness of loneliness.  He’s in a mood - he knows himself well enough, but the root of what’s bothering him still feels far away, like a thought he can’t quite grasp.  

He’s not sure how much time has passed when the tent’s entryway is unzipped, and Blaine climbs in.  He doesn’t watch Blaine on arrival, but he knows Blaine’s movements well enough, to know that it’s him. 

He feels reassured almost immediately.  Blaine always comes back - a true constant in his unpredictable life.  

“Everyone’s getting a bit punchy in there,” Blaine says as a loose excuse.  “And I thought it’d be a good time to duck out.” 

“How’s your knee?” Kurt asks, not taking his eyes off the sky. 

“Fine,” Blaine says quietly, coming down to lay next to Kurt.  He snuggles close, as he usually does at the beginning of the night, wrapping an arm around Kurt and shimming in.  “I don’t always like it when you’re like this,” he says carefully, not quite a frown on his face.  “And I know you need your space sometimes.   But that doesn’t mean you have to be alone.”  

The tension seems to break, and Kurt lets out a heavy sigh as he turns towards Blaine.  He isn’t sure what to say - not sure he has an explanation.  “I don’t know why…” 

“You don’t have to figure everything out tonight, Kurt,” Blaine assures him.  “We can just sleep and figure it out tomorrow.”  

Kurt gives a half-smile, and kisses Blaine’s forehead.  Thank you, he thinks.  And Blaine knows.  Blaine knows him well now, better than most anyone.  Kurt is grateful for that. 

They stare at each other quietly for a little while, until sleep creeps up on Blaine, and his eyes begin to droop.  Blaine always did have an easier time falling asleep.  

Kurt’s gaze remains fixated on Blaine for a while longer.  There’s enough light coming from above that Kurt can still make out Blaine’s features - his gorgeous, long eyelashes, his adorable nose, the ridiculous eyebrows.  Blaine’s lips part slightly, a sign that he’s actually fallen asleep, and Kurt smiles to himself.  He takes a moment to trace a light finger over Blaine’s cheekbones, chin, and brow, and marvels at how beautiful his husband is.  

It’s not like he’s forgotten that fact.  But maybe sometimes he takes it for granted.  Doesn’t appreciate it enough.  

Sometimes Kurt wonders if he appreciates life enough.  

Still, for the first time that evening, he’s regained some of that inner peace he’d been missing earlier. Blaine is right - he won’t figure it all out overnight.  And then, as if a switch had been flipped, he finally feels tired.  Incredibly tired.  He snuggles into Blaine and falls asleep thinking about how he doesn’t mind so much sleeping on the ground when Blaine is beside him. 

***

The next morning he wakes up alone.  Blaine’s sleeping bag has been rolled up nicely, and placed in the corner of the tent, his pillows resting on top, as if he had never used them.  Blaine’s always been an early riser, but with the gray clouds looming overhead, it’s difficult to determine what time it is.  Kurt leaves the tent, still groggy but it’s better than sleeping the entire day away.  Besides, he has to use the bathroom.  

The cabin’s empty - and after the bathroom, he realizes that not even Artie’s there.  For a moment, Kurt wonders if they’ve left him there and peeks out the window.  Two cars are still there, so they couldn’t have gone very far.  Instead of investigating more, he decides to enjoy the quietness, inspecting the cupboards for something to make breakfast with.  There’s nothing there, except for stale Oat Bran, probably left over by Jesse’s mother.  He settles on making coffee, then into the couch with one of his magazines.  

For some people the quietness is probably unsettling but for the first time all weekend, Kurt almost feels relaxed by it.  The cabin and the outdoors may not have been so bad if he hadn’t been surrounded by nine other people.  

The cabin door slams shut and in comes Rachel, startled that he’s there.  She’s holding her phone, looking almost bewildered.  She didn’t get it.  Kurt’s stomach turns as he knows he’s in for whatever emotion is going to be hurled at him.  He closes the magazine with a heavy sigh sips his coffee, waiting for her to speak.   

She stumbles a few steps in and flops down on the couch beside him.  

“Look, there will be other plays,” he starts, knowing this particular monologue by heart.  “It’s not the end of your career.”  

“I got it,” she says, unexpectedly.  “I’m going to be Jane Austen.” 

“What?”

“They want me to start tomorrow - oh my god, we probably have to get back tonight!  Do you know how much research I have to cram in the next twelve hours?”  

He stares at her in awe as she begins rambling on about how Jane Austen is her favorite author (as if she’s ever picked up a novel not written in the last ten years, and didn’t belong on a paperback rack in an airport).  His heart sinks.  He’s been prepared to lift Rachel up - it’s been his second job since sixteen.  How does he somehow feel worse? 

“Why are you not happy for me?” she scolds.  “You are my first line of adoration, after Jesse of course.”  

“Because it was inevitable, Rachel,” he snaps, startling her.  “You’re a talented person, and don’t pretend you don’t know that.  Someone was bound to hire you for something.” 

Her face sours.  “You know, you have been in a very bad mood this entire trip.  I have noticed, and other people have, too.  I don’t understand what your problem is.”  

“My problem is that you getting a part was always going to happen.  Always,” he doesn’t care that he’s nearly shouting at her.  He’s been holding back for days now, and it feels good to let it out.  “I, however, am not sure.  And instead of thinking about that, I really wanted to have a nice weekend having hot sex with my hot husband, which I now do not get to do.”  

Rachel gives an odd look.  “What are you talking about - you and Blaine are always doing it.  Santana says it’s a sex addiction, but I think it’s healthy in a relationship.  Jesse and I make sure once a week to--” 

“Maybe we aren’t!” The loudness of his voice echoes on the otherwise empty cabin.  “Despite what the rest of you feel, I barely get to touch my husband.  And instead of spending a weekend rediscovering that, and ignoring the impending reality that I have no idea what my next job is going to be, you dragged us up here for your pity party.  Yes, my attitude has been horrible.  I know that.  But maybe, sometimes Rachel, not all of us rejuvenate in a crowd of admirers.”  

She stares at him blankly for a moment.  “Is that true?” 

“That you love crowds?  Do you not know yourself?” 

“No, about you and Blaine.”  

He takes a deeper breath, calming down.  “Yes, Rachel.”  His mind slips, unintentionally, to Blaine’s hands - Blaine’s hands on him, and he feels a deep ache.  “I don’t remember the last time we were together.”  

“Oh,” she’s much quieter than usual.  “You guys have given up a lot for me over the years.” 

“Rachel…” 

“No, it’s true,” she says, standing - deep in thought.  “And I’ve barely paid you back.  I mean, I recognize that you’re an integral part of my emotional well being, and if you’re not getting what you need, then the whole system begins to fall apart.” 

He almost feels like laughing.  Rachel’s emotions always change on an unexpected dime.  “Rachel, it’s fine…” 

“It’s not,” she says.  “I’ve got this part because you didn’t give up on me, even though you clearly have some issues to work out.  So, I think it’s time I start giving back.  And I have an idea, which may not be much right now, but let’s say it’s a start.” 

He raises an eyebrow at her.  “What?” 

She grins.  

***  

Rachel’s brilliant idea happens to be a hotel, well a smaller hotel which might be properly called a bed & breakfast with its rustic charm.  They’re still in the woods, but at least they have a warm roof over their head and a wide window in their room that looks out on a peaceful lake - the picturesque view of nature without having to be entrenched in it.  While the rest of their friends shuffled off back to Manhattan, Kurt and Blaine had a two night stay.  There’s a hot tub in the bathroom, an all-you-can-eat buffet in the dining room, and a king-sized bed that he didn’t plan to sleep much on.  No interruptions, no phone calls, and no impromptu adventures -- Rachel had promised when she had dropped them off.   Just a little bit of time for the two of them to relax.  This is what Kurt had needed.  His hectic life in the city being put on hold for just a little while.  

Kurt is in a fluffy, white bathrobe, curled up on the lounge chair with some tea from room service and a few magazines from the gift shop, waiting for Blaine to be done in the bathroom.   He reads another article in the magazine, loosely paying attention to the sounds coming from the shower.  He can hear Blaine singing, humming from a pop song that melts into an old Broadway standard, probably unaware that Kurt’s in the other room imagining the water trickling down his naked body.  Kurt’s tempted to join him, despite having a lengthy shower earlier to get all the grime from the weekend off his skin.  Fortunately, he hears the faucet turn off, and another moment later, Blaine’s out of the bathroom, a towel barely clinging to his hips.  

Blaine stops at the full length mirror next to the dresser, then unwraps the towel from around his waist and uses it in an attempt to dry his hair.  Kurt can’t help but stare at Blaine’s bare ass, grinning as he sips his tea.  He resists the urge to pounce, as Blaine combs his fingers through his hair, trying to control the curls which have started to spring.  

“So…” Blaine, grumbling defeat with his hair, comes to the edge of the bed and sits, the towel now half in his lap.  

“So?” Kurt raises an eyebrow.  

“Do you want to talk about it?” Blaine’s face is serious. 

Kurt sighs..  “Is talking what you really want to be doing?”  

“Kurt,” Blaine elongates his name, endearingly, and tilts his head.   “I’m not going to let you bottle things up.  This weekend was--” 

“Why don’t we move on from this weekend?” Kurt sets the tea and the magazine on the nightstand, and moves out of the chair.  He undoes the robe, letting it fall open, revealing that he’s wearing nothing underneath.  He then begins to touch himself, leisurely stroking his dick as he comes towards the bed, showing Blaine there’s really only one thing on his mind.  

Blaine smirks, but is, unfortunately, not easily persuaded.  “What’s going on?  You haven’t talked to me all weekend, c’mon...”  

“Well…” Kurt comes to the bed, pulls Blaine’s towel off and to the ground, then straddles Blaine’s lap, curling his arms around Blaine’s shoulders.  “We just finished an emotionally and mentally draining show.  I spent the last two days sleeping on the ground.  And no matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to find a moment of peace so that I can have mind-blowing sex with my really hot husband.”  Kurt reaches between them, and begins to slowly stroke Blaine.  

“Ku-urt…” It’s a half-hearted protest as Blaine becomes quickly interested in Kurt’s hand. 

Kurt draws in close to Blaine’s ear and whispers, “let’s fuck now, talk after.” 

Blaine’s resolve breaks.  Their mouths crash together in a heated kiss, Blaine’s mouth remaining hot on Kurt’s skin as Kurt shifts.  Blaine manages to get his lips around one of Kurt’s nipples and sucks.  Kurt lets out a groan as Blaine swirls his tongue around it. Kurt arches as Blaine begins to suck and god-fucking-finally they’re going to do this.  

Blaine breaks away from his nipple, allowing Kurt to bend down and kiss Blaine hard.  He isn’t in the mood he was in on Thursday night, where he had wanted to be casual and slow and enjoy Blaine as much as possible.  No time to be delicate - his entire body is aching for it.  He needs it now, and he heats up the kiss, sliding his tongue into Blaine’s mouth.  Blaine groans, and despite the earlier reservations, Blaine’s now as hungry as Kurt, wrapping his arms around him so they can be closer together.  

Kurt reaches between them, taking both of them in his hand this time, and unevenly jerks their erections as they kiss.  There’s not as much friction as Kurt would like, but Blaine’s dick is throbbing next to his, and that’s fine for now.  It’s not like this is going to end with a simple hand job.  

They kiss a little longer, until Blaine breaks it off, steadying himself with one hand on the bed as he pumps his hips in time with Kurt’s hand.  They’re both hard and more than ready to step it up.  

“What do you want?” Blaine pants.  

I want you to fuck me so hard I feel it for the next week , Kurt thinks, desparate at the thought of Blaine inside him, pounding him the way he needs it. But coherent words aren’t coming and all that stumbles out is a grunt of ‘fuck me’.  

It’s a hurried mess of hands and limbs as they shuffle around again.  Kurt manages to get off the bed entirely, discarding the robe without a thought, pulling Blaine’s towel to the floor as well.  Blaine’s off the bed in another second, taking no time to wrap himself up in Kurt.  They turn mid-kiss, Blaine pushing Kurt back to the bed.  Blaine manages to give Kurt’s ass a pert squeeze before Kurt settles on the edge of the bed.  

Blaine goes to his knees. 

“Are you sure this is okay - your knee,” Kurt manages to remember as he spreads his legs for Blaine.  

Blaine looks up at him, eyes dark and ready.  “Could be completely shattered and it wouldn’t stop me from doing this right now.”  

Kurt melts just a little more.  “Blaine…”

“Too much talking, Kurt,” he says, before sinking his mouth over Kurt’s dick.  

Kurt falls back on the bed, letting out a long groan as Blaine completely takes over.   He had almost forgotten how good Blaine is with his mouth, knowing exactly how Kurt likes to be sucked off.  Kurt just relaxes into Blaine’s touch - the tension, the anxiousness from the weekend, from the past few months, melting away with every bob of Blaine’s head.  Kurt rocks his hips gently, but mostly lets Blaine take control.  He sucks deeply a few times before pulling back, and swirling his tongue around the head of Kurt’s dick.  Blaine then pulls off entirely, and shifts so that he could begin pulling at himself while he mouths Kurt’s balls, taking time to suck at one, then the other.  Kurt’s on edge, nerves on fire as Blaine then devours Kurt’s dick once again.  

Kurt reaches out a hand to Blaine’s shoulder.  “Blaine, wait,” he says, a bit hazy.  He’s close, but not ready to be done yet.  

Blaine gets it, and stands to retrieve some lube from the suitcase, while Kurt turns to be on all fours, allowing Blaine as much access as he needs to his ass.  Blaine’s back on his knees in a moment, guiding Kurt’s hips closer to his mouth.  Blaine’s hot mouth is on him once again, kissing him, snaking his tongue inside his hole to open him up.   Kurt closes his eyes, giving into the pleasure of it, as Blaine eventually replaces his tongue with a lubed finger, and then two.  Blaine speeds his fingers, pumping in and out as he leans forward to suck kisses on Kurt’s balls.  Kurt rocks with the pace of Blaine’s fingers, the heat building quickly.  Blaine knows his body well, and pulls away before Kurt’s pushed over the edge.  

As Blaine goes to stand, Kurt turns around, managing to sit up so he can grab onto Blaine.  He pulls on Blaine’s dick a few times before sinking his mouth on it.  Blaine’s hardly had any attention shown to him yet, and Kurt needs to rectify that before he gives completely over to Blaine.  God, he loves Blaine’s dick.  He loves the way it feels in his mouth, the heaviness on his tongue, the way it’s so male - so Blaine.  Really, it’s Blaine that he loves so much - even if he isn’t the best at articulating it.  The least he could do is show proper appreciation.  

“Kuuurt,” Blaine grunts, his knees nearly buckling.  “I thought you want to…” 

“Fuck…” Kurt pulls off and licks along Blaine’s length.  “Yeah.”  

Kurt lies back on the bed, elbows supporting him, and spreads his legs wide.  

Blaine’s going to fuck him now.   He’s open and ready and his body is aching now with want and need.  And thank god, Blaine is finally going to be fucking him.  

Blaine climbs on the bed, stroking himself as he hovers over Kurt.  Kurt draws him in for a hungry kiss, tasting himself on Blaine’s lips.  They make out for another moment or two, Kurt drawing his legs up, and wrapping them around Blaine.  Blaine’s dick rests eagerly between Kurt’s cheeks, and Kurt begins to frantically rub against it.  

Blaine breaks the kiss so as to reposition himself, putting the head of his dick at Kurt’s hole, and gently pushes in.  Kurt moans Blaine’s name as he begins to slowly rock his hips, shallowly pumping a few times before completely bottoming out.  They begin to kiss again, deeply, as Blaine begins to give a slow, deep thrust, grinding their hips together with their kiss.  

Everything is electric now, and Kurt can’t remember the last time he felt this connected with his husband.  He feels Blaine everywhere and, fuck yes, this is what he had been missing.  Here is his husband.  Here is his Blaine.  Why, why, why had then gone so long without this?  

The kiss grows sloppier as Kurt, desperate for more movement, begins to pick up the pace.  Blaine steadies himself, allowing Kurt a moment to fuck himself on Blaine’s dick.  The angle isn’t the best, but he needs it so badly he doesn’t care.  He claws at Blaine’s back as he rocks faster and faster.  

“Let me,” Blaine whispers.  Kurt slows, looks into Blaine’s eyes, and sees all the love they share between them.  Blaine gently cups Kurt’s face, gives him a sweet kiss on the lips and whispers again, “let me…” 

Understanding, Kurt pauses and holds on to Blaine tightly.  “I love you,” he says - barely a whisper.

“Love you, too.”  

Blaine pulls out, almost entirely, then slams back into Kurt. Kurt lets out a scream as he feels Blaine deep inside him.  Blaine quickens the pace, slamming into him again and again.  His hips driving with an unstoppable purpose now.  Kurt goes limp on the bed, giving over Blaine complete control, letting him fuck and fuck and fuck and god… Kurt wishes they could just stay in this endless ecstacy of fucking and connection and love and pleasure. 

He’s so close now, so close…  Blaine knows that, too, and sneaks a hand between them, giving Kurt a few strokes, which finally, finally pushes him over.  The orgasm tears through him, causing him to scream out Blaine’s name as he feels it all the way to his toes.  Blaine is not far behind him, a few more pumps and he’s shuttering his orgasm into Kurt.  

Kurt’s pliant and blissed out as Blaine comes down, giving a few final pumps before pulling out completely.  Kurt pulls at him and kisses him, loving and tender.  God, he’s going to sleep so well tonight.  

“Feel better now?” Blaine says, almost with a giggle.  

“Yeah,” Kurt says, breathlessly.  

Blaine gives him a kiss on the forehead.  “Good.” 

***

Later, after they’ve cleaned up and taken another shower, they’re both sitting on the chair; Kurt on Blaine’s lap, both in the complementary white robes.  Kurt is snuggled in Blaine’s arms - the most content he’s been in, well, he isn’t sure how long.  They’re conversation isn’t much beyond casual -- the old lady who had checked them in who had been unexpectedly delighted to know that they were married, Artie’s work-in-progress play, Sam and Mercedes possibly being back together… Until Blaine brings it back around to the discussion he attempted earlier.  

“Kurt, I know there’s something more going on than just lack of sex,” Blaine says.  He’s concerned again, his brow wrinkled with worry.  

Kurt wants to argue that it had been about sex, at least in a way.  Kurt had missed his connection with Blaine - and hadn’t been aware of how deeply he needed to feel close to Blaine again until he had realized just how long it had been missing.  However, Blaine is right, and there are deeper things going on.  He wouldn’t normally call Blaine the sneaky one - he definitely held that title - but he knows Kurt enough that sometimes sex could be a throughway to Kurt’s emotions.  Kurt being relaxed and gentle, and feeling safe enough after sex, that it allows him the opportunity to say what he needs to.  

“Well, for one, we’re now unemployed,” Kurt says, not quite meeting Blaine’s eye.  Outside, a few birds fly over the idyllic lake, the sun setting peacefully on the horizon.  The pit of anxiousness began to stir at the thought of leaving this place and heading home.  

“Okay…” Blaine says slowly.  

“And almost thirty.” 

“True.” 

“And I think, maybe, as much as I love performing, I think I want more stability in my life.” 

Blaine gives him a kind smile.  “Okay.”  

“Okay?”

“Yeah - I get it,” Blaine says with an ease that Kurt can never quite get when planning his life.   “We’ve been doing alright, and have a little bit saved up, and I have a few solid auditions coming up.  So if you want to take some time to figure out what you want to do long term, that’s fine with me.”  

Kurt let out a heavy sigh.  He loves Blaine, he really, really does.  “I don’t know what I want, Blaine.”  

Blaine gave a shrug.  “And that’s okay.  You’ll find something.  We’ll both find something.”  

Kurt runs his fingers through Blaine’s hair, then a finger slowly down Blaine’s cheek.  “I’m sorry I ruined the weekend.  I know you thought it’d be relaxing.”  

Blaine laughs.  “I’m sorry I let Rachel ruin our evening.  I need to say no to her more, I know.  But at least she made up for it.”  

“Well, she could have sprung for the Hilton, but I suppose this will do,” Kurt jokes.  

“At least it’s not outside - and it has a bed.”  

Kurt lets out a laugh before giving Blaine a kiss.  There’s a little more heat behind it than he intended but that’s fine.  What else are they here for? 

“We should start scheduling this again,” Kurt says, as they trade slow kisses.  Round two is a go, but neither are in any hurry to get there.    “It definitely worked for us in high school.”  

Blaine pulls away, “Mmmm, Sundays are a bad time to start then.  It’s a school night and my parents want me home by nine.  Maybe we should schedule for next Thursday when your dad works late.”  

“Don’t kill the mood, Blaine,” Kurt says, laughing as he goes back for a kiss.