#reminder that some of us didn't get diagnosed because we were girls in the 70s

[kimberlychapman]

This is precisely how the allists at the WI were about their "autism support", especially in terms of the horrendous annual resolution they put out about it.

They spouted so much during the run-up to that vote about how "autism friendly" they all were, while at the same time repeatedly mocking and belittling my traits exactly as shown in that list.

I was always seen as "unwomanly" by several folks because I don't do makeup, and boy howdy was I made to feel like an outcast about it. Well, that is, they tried things that had made me feel that way in younger years, but by my late 40s I no longer had any fucks to give for people who tell me how to be a woman with my face. Sheesh.

My dire need to have schedules is partly because of my food restrictions and disabilities. Ohhh how they mocked me for not just being able to pick up and go do something. Okay so first of all that was mostly the childfree people and I'm a Mum so fuck that, I would never just randomly bail on my kids, wtf. Secondly I kept trying to point out that spontaneity in terms of travel/restaurants is a health/abled privilege. But there'd always be someone else with a disability who would tell me that because they were able to be spontaneous, I couldn't make this claim. Lateral ableism much?

And all of that isn't even the neurospicy need to know what the hell is going on in advance to reduce my stress. Literally I need to know the menu so I don't die of allergens. I need to know the plans because at the time I was slightly disabled. (I don't travel at all now that I'm rollator-requiring disabled, and because all y'all out there don't mask the fuck up so immune compromised folks like me still have to shield. Jerks.)

Adding to the list being called "know it all" for having the gall to know things, in particular useful things to actual WI ladies like physics (ie "that cake will fall over if you don't properly support it internally"), chemistry (ie "your cupcakes are sinking in the middle because your baking powder is out of date" or "don't mix pineapple juice with anything containing gelatin"), or biology (ie "ibuprofen will help with period poop because it tamps down the prostaglandins that cause that literal shit").

Oh and then being a Trek nerd on top of it all...why did I ever imagine I'd fit in longterm at the WI? Oh right, because there were so many faux "friends" who satisfied my childhood trauma need to fawn, so they could extract all the volunteering they needed out of me with just the teeniest bit of pretending that I was part of the group for once in my life.

TL;DR don't join the WI (Women's Institute, look it up, I'm tired) if you're neurodiverse. They fake inclusion but they will use you up and spit you out the moment you assert a boundary for yourself.

I love that folks are being more accepting of autism, but I don't love that autism is being sanitized into a quirk.

There's a cute and acceptable form of autism on social media, and I don't see any indication that folks are remotely ready for discussing the rest of it, which contains all the uncomfortable things that impede a person's everyday life, require support, and make acceptance almost impossible—where the hygiene struggles, inappropriate social behaviors, involuntary movements and outbursts, meltdowns, and emotional dependence issues live. And the cuter and more sanitized the "good" autism gets, the more unacceptable the "bad" autism becomes.