#remember when I reblogged that post about tumblr being my public personal diary...

[sp3akfromtheart]

im about to eat so many olives and no one can stop me

[nathank77]

9/7/24

11:28 a.m Added to Significantly 12 p.m

I'm stressed about my "family," coming. That orgasm helped a lot.

I've been thinking- I don't remember but I think typing will help me remember. I got to start making a checklist of things I want to write about before I make the initial comment cause poof it disappears.

I had a weird dream. This isn't what I was going to write about but I might as well......

Me, mom and skye and Brayden, were shopping for skye's party. And mom was looking at tents and I was sad cause my mother doesn't have the money to throw parties and buy all this stuff to entertain people. Brayden and I were playing a video game in a store. He touched my head, and I thought it felt really nice to have someone touch me. Cause I'm touch deprived.

Anyways I actually like going to the Dr's bc they touch you even if they stab you with a needle to take your blood they still touch you.

None of this is what I wanted to write about. Part of thinks it was about Elise but idk. I'm trying to keep some of that as private posts cause like yea......... maybe one day she will talk to me if she isn't a center piece of my blog

OMFG I remembered I'm glad I just wrote some stuff to help me remember.

As I've said before I pretend my tumblr is private, it's a diary in my nightstand... yet I hope Elise is in love with me and reads it.... but she's the only person I'd actually want to read it. I don't mind cecile reading... I know she does. It's factual I kept an anon in my inbox so everytime I question my reality about that, I know it's factual. She actually identified herself.

I don't want people I know to read my blog. Another reason I drifted away from dopaminergicaddictions is bc I have over 400 followers and some of them are people I know. When I didnt use to write my whole life story on tumblr I would exchange tumblrs with people bc I would just reblog pretty pictures and nice qoutes.

One of my friends commented on one of my posts on dopaminergicaddictions. My sister's ex actually liked one of my posts that's why we are on Nathank77 lol

Anyways. I realize that idk if Elise reads. I do know cecile reads. And I have received an anon from someone I intend on responding to when I have the mental capacity for it. My brain is currently filled with family anxiety..

I realize for one anyone could read my blog. It's okay I have no shame. I don't mind if people read but it is the reason I don't expand on me and Elise's story as it is technically a public page...... but nonetheless, I wish I had a Stat counter. I want to know how frequented my page is and by who.

I want to know who you are anon lol I truly do.

I'll be honest I like that cecile comes to my blog to sorta watch over me. She's the only person I know who I don't mind being on my blog and I know she still cares bc she is here.

Other than Elise who i wish was here bc she's in love with me lol

But anyone else I know face to face.... I don't want you know what gets me off lol

[idliketobeatree]

So I originally wasn't planning on responding to that, but because I feel like several boundaries have been crossed here, and I don't want a repeat performance, I have to say something.

Please don't do that.

Tumblr is a social platform even if you treat your blog like a personal diary, people can and will see what you're posting, especially if it's done under an art post. I can see people's reblogs. I also read the tags because I love to talk in the tags myself. And this addition felt like a punch to the face, because it not only has nothing to do with "some payneland art" (that I put hours of my free time into creating out of love for the show), it's also harmful and inappropriate in a way that I wouldn't wish to be associated with.

Once again, Tumblr is not your private chat or a discord group. It's a public space. A local and small one, but with the potential to reach further than that. And if you have anything bad to say about the art, any kind of art from this fandom or otherwise, or any of the characters that the poster has clearly grown to love — do not treat them this way. At least, Christ, not so I can see it, keep it in your private messages. I personally don't find it cute or quirky to hear anyone, fictional or in real life, being called "a bisexual fuckface", being threatened with an iron cane and the f-slur. Would you say that to my face?

And by the way, that's not what reclaiming means, using a slur offensively towards others is not eradicated by putting up a disclaimer.

What I ask all for is to please remember the basics of internet etiquette. That when you put a post of someone else's on your blog, it's still their original post. They don't control what you do with it, but you have the means to be encouraging and kind if you see something you like. You can also treat it like a plaything, but then just know that there's a high chance the author will see it. If it's a stranger, don't say anything you wouldn't say to a regular stranger. Simple as that. Thank you.

merry crystal (jingle bells, if you will) to my fave kiss i drew this year in particular ‧₊°🎄✩₊°🦌⊹♡

+ a special shotout to brilliant @dear-monday who said "just thought about edwin hooking one finger into the ribbon and pulling him in for a kiss" and i went wait, i do have something just like that

[steponmepinkjun]

so i was thinking of starting a blog dedicated to a certain fandom BUT 1) i am new and 2)idk anything. you're the only blog i'm quite familiar with and so i was wondering how do i go about doing this? it's not the arcana btw

Blogging on tumblr is easy-peasy, there's a reason I've been on here since 2007. Make a side blog, pick a url that relates to your fandom, dress it up, and start posting—boost content you like, tag things appropriately, and never repost without consent from the creator (reblogs are your friend! And they boost engagement much more than likes!). But that's just the technical part. There's no wrong way to run a blog, as long as you're not being an asshole or stealing people's content. I started this blog as a place to dump my hyperfixation content—I never had any intention of gaining followers or making my own content. I just started screaming into the void, and the void screamed back.

I think the most important thing is that you have to be doing it for your own enjoyment, not for anyone else's. If you can imagine running this blog for a long time and never gaining a single follower, and still would be able to have fun with it, that's the best headspace to be in. Your blog is like a public diary, it's the place you splash your thoughts, and the motivation should be just that. If you're looking for fame or validation or a solid following, it won't be much fun. People generally regard people who ask/plead for followers/engagement as being annoying and disingenuous, but more importantly if your happiness online hinges on others approval, you'll find yourself struggling to keep up with making content that you don't enjoy just to keep the spotlight on you.

The flip side of the coin is this: the key to engagement is genuinely enjoying what you do. When people see a happy person, they flock to them! An example of this is how everyone I know irl knows me as one supremely hilarious bitch—which is totally justified, because I genuinely think I'm the funniest person who has ever lived or ever will, I always have, I crack myself tf up constantly! I don't say things to make people laugh, I say things to make myself laugh, and my joy invites others to laugh with me. That's all you can do, that's all a blog is—an invitation. A way of saying, "Here's my world, you're welcome to step inside, if you like." I run this blog because I like it, I say things I like, I post things I like, I promote things I like, I share my joy, and that invites others to join in, too. It has also allowed me to welcome people who are similar to me and enjoy the things I enjoy; I have made some AMAZING friends through this, people who I can no longer imagine my life without.

Be true to yourself. Curate your experience, and share your joy. Have fun with it. Be KIND, be compassionate, be open-minded. Practice internet safety and prioritize your privacy. Remember you are beholden to no one. And by God choose a good theme, beloved!

[bizarropurugly]

I feel bad for writing porn so much that it’s killed my writing spirit because it’s hard to share porn

and I don’t mean in the “nobody reblogs my stuff weh” kind of way but in the fact my audience is very limited 

like my grandma likes my writing and she doesn’t care I write porn but I also can’t fucking show my grandma PORN

and I’ve already had some prudish ass try to report me on dA despite following the rules just for submitting to their group even though I’ve submitted my smut before and I’ve seen people get pissy about “how dare you be public about sexual stuff when SOMEONE COULD SEE IT WHO DOESN”T WANNA!” so I know people are judgemental and with my history and general nervousness that doesn’t help

and yes of course I want to write developmental stuff for zed and candler!! happy and sad. I have ideas I really do it’s just also

I feel so exhausted and mushy all the time to do anything and when I DO finally want to do something it always turns to the porn. maybe because most of my ideas are for the darker parts of their lives and I just want to write about having a love life and all the romantic things of learning a person, just be happy and such

I thought listening to articles for my sex ed blog would help, instead of reading, but now I don’t want to listen either anymore. I think I’m overloading. 

I’m fighting the “seasonal” urge to close the blog just because of all the energy it wipes from me. I feel guilty about that because of the people it helps and because I think this is my passion, it’s something I get heated and animated about according to people I speak to, but at the same time a part of me just feels too morose and weak to do it anymore.

I’m 30 years old now, and I think I’ve long given up my dream of being a sex ed teacher or sexologist. I’m just not cut out for. living. for having a life that isn’t miserable and pathetic. Everyone saw it coming a mile away. From the kids who shunned me in the elementary school advanced placement club on, it was just Known and I was the only one who didn’t get it. I never belonged there and that’s why nobody came running when I crashed and burned in high school and inevitably never finished college. They knew that was going to happen.

I’m too ashamed to make friends or partners. Too ashamed of my appearance, my lack of accomplishments, my home, what I do day to day. 

I cried over an article about trans for trans love the other day, that interviewed several trans couples, because I know I can’t get that or do anything they’re doing. I almost find myself feeling resentful of my cats because if they weren’t here then I wouldn’t be forced to keep trying; to keep putting money in my pocket, food in the fridge, and to clean what I can.

A part of me yearns for socialization but I’m shutting down and isolating from everyone constantly. deviantART inbox is piling up. So is the sex ed blog’s inbox. And my messages on here. And haven’t really made any posts honestly... In the only discord chat I’m active in I feel a frequent panic that I’m talking too much and everyone is waiting for me to shut up, so I monitor my speaking like a chronic dieter monitors calories. And when people contact me individually, I freeze up like a deer in the headlights. 

I drag my feet to therapy and doctor sessions because not only do I feel like what’s the point anymore because I’ll always be in pain and never be able to allow myself forgiveness or love or acceptance or positivity to where almost the very notion of giving myself any sort of inch makes me want to hurt myself, but also all I ever want to do is sit at home and do nothing, literally. But if I sleep erratically or too much or too little I’m plagued by nightmares, repeating events from my past and ghosts of the people I knew, tones rapidly shifting to where I’m like Homura in PMMM Rebellion where I’m the only one who knows something is Fucked, or to where everyone’s speaking about me behind my back and mounting attacks from the shadows, demanding I choose between friends, kicking me from spaces, drowning me. So even lying in bed isn’t an option, because what if I sleep?

I don’t want to stay at others’ homes anymore because I scream and cry so much in my sleep it’s mortifying. 

And nobody gets it. And I don’t think they can or I don’t want them to, because that plays into the part of “you’re being too nice to yourself when you know you’re a bad person and don’t deserve it, if people feel bad or empathize you’ve just tricked them into thinking you’ve changed and you haven’t, so shut the fuck up and don’t cry around people”, and also I’m sure the few people I confide in are very, very tired of hearing about it by now.

I scream into the tumblr void because it is a void. Here’s my open diary people won’t read or will instantly forget because of scrolling. It’s in one way relieving because I can vent out, but as I mentioned before it’s also frustrating because despite the things I say I will have people I’ve known say “wow I didn’t know!” to something I’ve said a million times before and that could easily be found--

I don’t know. I guess I don’t know anymore. I’m caught between the dread of having to live decades more like being dragged barenaked across pavement, and the phobia I have of death. I hate existing and being alive but I’m terrified of what happens when it’s over, of not knowing or more specifically that it’s literally all over and I don’t know what it will feel like for the world to literally end like that.

I can’t even cry much about it because I don’t have time. Have to get up for work or get things together or do something else always. Don’t have time to wail and sob and then sniffle and unplug my nose for g-d knows how long. Don’t have time to recover from the nightmare that had me hurt myself and lose my voice. Don’t have time to try and “relax” in some way.

Only got time for guilt and anxiety and trauma and isolation and forcing myself to go until I’m sick and argue in my head with myself about myself and how I feel and what I remember and what a fucking useless disgusting piece of shit I am that people can’t wait for me to off myself at last for.

lmao wow this went off the rails

[archivistsrock]

Tag Game - 30 questions

Tagged by @aragarna Thanks! :)

Gender: Female Birthday: September 14th Last movie seen: Lady Bird What do you post/reblog: Matt Bomer and Matt Bomer-related things :P

Last thing you Googled:  Whether you can eat fried bananas (like in pancakes) if you have a banana intolerance. I can't eat "raw" bananas, but I can eat banana bread/baked bananas (and this seems to be "common", so I was trying to figure out if fried bananas would be okay (I could try it myself, but I'd hate to make a batch and then throw them away...and if the answer is no, then I'll have to endure horrrrrible stomach pain). Wasn't that exciting? lol

Favorite blog: I'm gonna have to go with @mabesies <3 But there are a lot of wonderful blogs out there! Dream job: Traveler. That's not really a job, tho. And I wouldn't really want to be a travel writer. Maybe someone who works for travel companies and gets paid to go to different hotels and resorts to rate them or whatever. idk. I'm lazy. Dream trip: New Zealand! I also want to go to Alaska. What would be your first entry in a new diary: Well, first off, I would never buy a diary. I've tried writing in diaries in the past, and they never last more than a few days. I hate it. My entry would probably be, "This will probably be my only entry. I hate writing in diaries." Top 3 things you love about yourself: Ugh. Ummm. I think I'm funny, empathetic, and fairly easy-going. 3 things you wish you knew how to do: Draw (like @aragarna said, I'd looove to be able to produce fan art). I wish I was more handy with around-the-house kind of stuff (like plumbing, carpentry, general fic-it stuff). I don't need to be an expert, but as it is, I'm a giant moron. Drive a stick shift. You never know when you might be asked to be on The Amazing Race! lol Something you wish you had discovered/invented first: Something that would have made me rich. lol. Smartphones? Computers? I wonder if the first person who "harnessed"/started fire on their own was like, "HOLY SHIT, I AM A GOD!" lol

3 qualities you like in a person: Sense of humor, nice, sense of chill. ;) 3 qualities you dislike in a person: Argumentative, mean, rude Favorite planet: Uranus!! hahahaha. Okay, kidding. Saturn. I just like the rings. A resolution you make every year:  Drink more water. Exercise more. I always fail. So far this year tho, I'm doing pretty good on both of these. I can do it! Keep it up, Emily! :D Something you’re better at than most people: Ummm. idk. Something lame, like giffing? And among people who gif, I think I kind of suck. But compared to the general populace? Yeah, I'm better than most people. ;) I'm pretty good at being a mediator. Something you’re worse at than most people: A lot of things??? Being introspective. Even thinking about this question makes me want to give up bc omg I don't KNOOOOW. Favorite thing about tumblr: Gifs! I love them! Also just fandom in general. A sense of community?

Least favorite thing about tumblr: It can be a confusing forum when it comes to discussion. Weapon of choice: "The pen is mightier than the sword."

Something not many people know about you: I was robbed at gun point in Guatemala. I was *thisclose* to being struck by lightning on top of a mountain. I have an older brother and an older sister. I have a grey headboard. Favorite means of transport: For long distances -- planes. For general convenience -- cars. I WISH we had transporter beams. I'd be having Scotty beam me all over the place! :D Favorite story: Lord of the Rings. Pride and Prejudice. Those are just the first 2 that came to mind. I wouldn't say I have a FAVORITE favorite. Chicken or egg: To eat? Chicken. But I like eggs, too. Something that always makes you laugh: Remember that time Matt was walking around in public with the sticker tag still on his pant leg? lololollll

What is the strangest thing about you: Okay, this is hard to explain without visuals. But if I open my palm, I can't bend my thumb without my pointer finger also bending. So like...I can't do the sign language "B". Or how most people indicate "3" (with your thumb touching your pinky and your other 3 fingers up).

You get to switch places with someone for a day, who is it and why: Someone in Matt's life. Because then I could be around Matt all day. lol. Stella? lolololol Tagging: Oh god. Anyone who wants to do this! And please say I tagged you so I can read it! :D

[ex-sjw-resource]

Tumblr - The Social Media Platform Everyone Used Incorrectly, and How This Has Impacted Mental Health World Wide

A bit of a clickbait-y title, but one that is completely true, and an article we should have written long ago.

Tumblr is a form of tumblog. 

Tumblr did not invent this form of blogging, called tumblogging, a form of short, multimedia blog posts. Twitter is a form of tumblog, as is Wordpress. It is generally a public, more casual form of blogging than previous formats such as livejournal and dreamwidth.

Tumblogging, however, was popularized by Tumblr, whose name is obviously inspired by the original term. Tumblr’s company set out to create a platform where an artist’s original content could easily be shared and spread. The entire website’s design and code ethics are primarily built to help spread someone’s content far and wide, much farther than was previously possible on the internet. It worked by promoting your content to others who might like it, allowing you to tag it for finding in a search engine, and for your fans to easily share it with others. All without the trouble of having to save images to your hard drive and repost elsewhere. This was like something never before seen on the internet -- effortless boosting of your work.

And Tumblr still functions, and sets out to function, for this sole purpose. Tumblr’s design ethics have always been focused on promoting artwork and artists. It’s login screen shows artwork from promoted artists, the dashboard is suggesting new artists you might like, and there’s no privacy features to speak of. I mean, why would there be? This isn’t facebook.

But, if you are like any other user, you know that tumblr isn’t just use to promote artists. If you were like our mods, you long used tumblr as a sort of personal -- yet public -- diary. Even like an instant messaging platform. And if you’ve been here a while, you remember how much of a struggle it was -- and still is, to get the tumblr staff to acknowledge how people Actually use the website. We had to use extension, and still do, in order to make the website bend to our will -- to make it function how *we* wanted it to function.

But Tumblr was never meant to function how we wanted it to function. 

Discourse. We’ve all seen it, and unless your mutuals are the ones making the discourse, then the posts you’ve seen on your dashboard have likely piled on tens of thousands of notes in the span of a few days. That’s exactly what the platform was meant to do -- boost posts.

But no one in the tumblr staff expected it to be a weapon of political war.

If you have an opinion, and you post it on tumblr, how much it’s seen by other people is directly correlated to how many followers you have to begin with. Even tagging it doesn’t really help. Post an opinion that is as well planned and thought out as one with 10k notes? If you only have 5 followers, it doesn’t matter. Your words are essentially meaningless without the sheer numbers required to get it airborne.

So on this platform, no matter your opinion, if you have the follower-base, you will be heard. That’s what this platform is for.

Or, say, you make a post. A deeply, personal post. On a sideblog with 2 followers. And someone manages to find this blog... and reblogs a post to their blog with 5000 followers... one you meticulously tagged #do not reblog.

It’s now being seen by 5k+ people. All at once. No matter if their followers think it was messed up that they reblogged you. They’ve seen it. There’s no unseeing your personal, private post. Even if that person apologizes for reblogging it and deletes the reblog. But there is no undoing that reblog. People have seen it. It will always be seen.

There is no true privacy features on tumblr to speak of. Nothing to the depths and levels of livejournal, and now even twitter has far more robust privacy features than tumblr. An yet... Tumblr’s users expect privacy, because they expect the entire world to be good just for them, to respect their privacy... and if they don’t, it’s not the fault of the person who posted these things on a website built from the ground up for the publication of content, not the opposite.

And this has had dire consequences.

While of course there are many adults using tumblr, adults who have had the experience of the internet before tumblr -- a time when privacy was something we acknowledged was personal responsibility, and there were websites with intensive privacy features such as livejournal if we wished to speak privately -- we must keep in mind that many of tumblr’s users, are in fact *not* adults. People who have grown up where tumblr was their first major social media site. Even people who their first friends were made on tumblr.

People whose entire worldly experience of socializing is a website where there is no true privacy. People who have never known that there is any alternative.

And I feel this is where a lot of anti-sjw discourse or ex-sjw discourse falls flat. Many people, most of these being adults, do not stop to think what of an astounding impact this website and its blogging format is having on young minds still forming. They chide them for being stupid and not knowing better -- but how could they know any better?

How could they know any better when their introduction to the world’s social stage was a website where no one can expect true privacy, and not only that, users actively deny it to each other?

I’ve seen popular blogs reblog posts from private blogs without their permission because they, in their minds, thought they were doing the right thing. That because this post contained something they disagreed with, they were allowed to go against their morals for the greater good.

Tumblr’s youth have built a surveillance culture.

A culture where trespassing into other’s personal space is deemed as holy and pure because of some other reason they could have possibly just made up. And many children here don’t know that there is any other alternative.

Back when facebook was new, it was heavily criticized for the increasing information it demanded from its users. Personal information that you would not give to a stranger on the street. And back then, people laughed it off. Of course facebook wouldn’t go very far, demanding such personal information from its users. People were smarter than that... right?

Fast forward half a decade later. I’m remaking my facebook account, because one day I accidentally logged out, and when I tried to log back in, facebook decided to permanently lock my account unless I coughed up my social security number so they can prove I was a real person.

My social security number. One of the most vital and personal pieces of information I have. To a website, who demanded it so I could continue to speak to my family members online, because facebook had become the only place I could easily contact them. And when I told my family about this, they had just shrugged and said facebook had done the same to them, and they just complied.

Extreme? Yes.

But at least facebook doesn’t demand a list of every single one of my mental illness diagnoses, my genetic racial makeup, my sexuality and gender identity, my opinions... in order to feel safe from other users while using its website.

Tumblr’s youth expects you to carry a detailed form of ID to even be allowed to form an opinion on specific topics.  Tumblr’s youth tells you that privacy is of utmost importance -- unless you say something that upsets them. Then you’re free game.

Most of this could have been avoided if Tumblr had had privacy features built in from the get go.

But most of this could also have been avoided if people had realized the Tumblr staff’s main goal with the website from the beginning.