#remember that cheek stroke guys it was gay it was real

[foxx-queen]

i can’t believe she returned three years after leaving the show to tell us astra was gay this whole time x thank u @themillsdaughter for our lives 

[the-soliloquies-of-sadists]

#246

“Here boy. I know who and what you are. Do you know who I am?… Liar. You’re a faggot liar. Yes you do. You have been drooling over me for weeks now. Follow me. I got us a room at the motel next door….

“The regulars here at the diner don’t care that I prefer fucking faggots like you over broads. I just don’t broadcast it like you do. I’ve seen you talking to some of the boys I have fucked. You know I have a big dick and that I pile drive boy cunt.

“I’ve seen you in the parking lot. You watch the guys like me going into the bookstore across the lot. You want to follow them in, but the bookstore won’t let you. They know you’re underage. Until today. Now you are legal to fuck. Yeah, I know your 18th birthday is today. I know a lot of things about you. I know you cruise the bookstore, and the bathroom the bar shares with the diner. I know you are finishing up at high school.

“Here’s our room. I fuck the owner and he let’s me use a secluded empty room whenever I need. So, you can scream when I tear up your cunt. Having a big dick has many many many advantages. I need to let off some steam from a long day on the farm. Get naked, I’m gonna get the ropes out. My reputation is well known that I am a twisted fucker. Hell my conquests told you the such, and yet you came with me here.

“Always remember this, I am always in control of everything. Right now, that includes you. Naked. And then get on your knees and face me. See, it’s natural for you to follow orders. And where’s your phone?… Hand it to me…. Continue stripping. Well,… You’re kinda scrawny. You’ve never worked a hard day at anything, and it shows. Damn your pecker is tiny. That’s the way I like it. My cock is fucking huge, and you need to realize your place is on your knees in front of real men. You will never be a real man. You do know that, right?…

“You know what I want you to do. I want you to beg me to fuck you. I want you to beg me to brutalize your cunt. And while you are begging me and degrading and humiliating yourself, I will be jacking off to you. Having a big dick requires a little extra tugging to get hard. I know you wouldn’t know anything about that. You are too focused on your cunt. And call it a cunt a number of times, especially when you are fingering it. I want you to tell me that you need for me to rape you. Your goal is to degrade yourself. Tell me how much of a faggot you are. And focus on your tiny clit there. Tell me how you envy any real man with a real sized dick. And the thing I need for you to beg me to rape you—not have sex, not make love—rape. Use that word often.

“Here look up at me, at your phone. Thanks for letting me use your face to unlock it. I will be recording this on your phone. I want you to have a record of how low you are. I want you to watch this every morning as you are about to jack off at home. Speaking of jacking off, I should take my cock out for you. Damn, even totally limp, it’s way bigger than yours hard.

“You have three minutes to fully degrade yourself. Go!…

“…That’s time. Ok. See how big you got me? The full nine and a half inch dick, ready to rape the hell out of you. Crawl over here and blow me, but first put on this blindfold. I don’t want you to see anything. Good, now show me how good you are as a faggot cocksucker. Throat me to the nut. Put as much spit on it as you can. That’s pretty much the lube I will be using to tear your cunt up. Maybe if you are good, I will use some spit on the cunt. Take your time, but throat me. Get into it faggot. I’m gonna chill here… Open that fucking throat… Gag on that monster….

“You really are pathetic. Get your ass on the bed, face down. Need to tie you down. What? Now you want out? Aww hell the fuck no. I said on the fucking bed. Ok. You really want this to be a rape don’t you? Look I know my way around ropes and tying up livestock. I do work in a farm, and I am a part of the local rodeo. Calling out for help ain’t going to help.

“And, I sent myself a copy of that video where you are begging me to rape you and to show you no mercy. Nobody will believe you. Just a few more seconds, and there! You ain’t going nowhere now. You are going to be in that position for some time. Your cunt is on display, ready to be mounted.

“But first, I’m going to fuckin’ welt you up. I got my son’s belt here; mine doesn’t move through the air as nicely as his, and besides I’m still wearing mine. You don’t even deserve me stripping for you. When it comes to whipping, I don’t stop to let you recover.

“Being your birthday, It’s eighteen strokes in a row. Start your fucking screaming now. One, two, three,… louder fucker, you deserve every one of these strokes… Eight, nine, ten,… I can already see the welts forming. Oh yeah, bright red cheeks get me leaking. When I hit number twenty-five, I’m going right to the root whether or not you are ready. And it’s not going to take me very long to nut in you. Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, and… eighteen.

“Quit your crying faggot. Here, bite down on my son’s belt. You really have me leaking here. And… all the way in. Fuck yes! This cunt hasn’t been fucked much, has it? Stop your screaming, I asked you a fucking question. You get fucked much?… No?… Wait, that was a cherry pop? Oh fuck yeah. I’m close to giving you some cream to go on your cherry pie. Oh yeah. Fuck. Take it bitch. Feel my load fill you up. Faggot.

“That’s what you have to look forward to for the next few days. Oh man, fuck. I’m gonna lay here for a while. Watch your head, my cigar is only an inch or two from your cheek. I don’t want to brand you,… well at least not yet. Let go of the belt. Holy shit. You really did bite down hard. I can’t wait to give this back to him and tell him how the teethmarks came about.

“Oh yeah, he knows I’m gay. He doesn’t care. He’s totally straight, and I mean totally straight. Now just lay there; you ain’t going anywhere. But I want you to hear this. Yeah, I kept my sex life away from him until one day when he walked in on me fisting his math teacher, Mr. Gunter.

“Oh yeah, he goes to the same high school as you. He too is ready to graduate. You know him, oh yes you do. You’ve been texting him all year, ever since he transferred to your school. You were not very nice to him. In fact, you and a few of your friends beat him up. And what reason did you have for giving him a black eye?… Don’t remember? You called him a faggot. You told your friends that he hit on you in gym class. Talk about projecting.

“When he came home suspended for fighting and with a black eye, I wanted details. He gave me your name and showed me your pic in the yearbook. And wouldn’t you know, I recognized you from your attempted bookstore runs. A week later you start hanging around the diner. You couldn’t get into the bar area, but you sat every Friday afternoon in that same spot in my line of vision, pretending to read that book while groping yourself. So subtle.

“I had your background run by a this cop I regularly fuck. He told me a shitload about you. He’s the one that informed the bookstore across the street that you were underage. There’s a boy—a year older than you—that I fuck who is a Facebook friend of yours showed me your wall. I got to go through every word you wrote while he was giving me head. And unlike you, he knows how to deep throat. Again, having a big dick has its advantages.

“And about that time, you and my son were suspended, you posted a viral video of a bullied kid getting revenge on the bully by sleeping with the bully’s mom. And your comment was something like, ‘Best served cold.’

“Funny thing is, I’m out. While I don’t broadcast it in this tiny town, but I don’t hide it. My son and ex-wife know. The ranch I work at knows. Hell, the main reason how I got the job was that I fucked the owner and told him that I was looking for a job. The guys at the bar all know. So how were you going to humiliate my son? He probably would say, ‘He fucked you? You ain’t the first, you won’t be the last.’ or something like that.

“So, what’s happening next for you? Certainly not humiliating my son. No, for you, I have plans. I’m gonna fuck you again. I’ll leave you tied up. The motel is going to get full later on tonight, mostly truckers. I’ve let the motel owner and the guy that works the bookstore that you are here ready for all horny truckers.

“Tomorrow, I’m going to pass you over to this biker club one of my friends is a member of. He already set up something really nasty for you. The gang already knows what a piece of shit you are. They can’t wait to get their hands on you, and I can’t wait to hear all about it. By the end of the weekend, your cunt will be destroyed. I will give you two black eyes to make up for the one you gave my boy. Most likely your hair will be removed. You are going to be beaten. Hell, my cop buddy is a former boxer. He’s going to string you up and use you as a punching bag.

“And in the end,… I will decide if you keep your balls. Wow. That’s the first time you have flinched while lying under me. Aw, shut up. I work with livestock every day. I know how to castrate a bull. I haven’t decided about you. Just keep that in mind throughout the weekend. You complain or resist, your balls will be in jeopardy.

“You probably won’t see much of me. But I will you. I have it arranged to have it all filmed for me. I expect to see a cum hungry faggot whore knowing his place of being used by real men. Your balls will depend on it. For me, I’m going to be with my son doing dad things.

“And I don’t plan on letting him in to the fact that you are a faggot whore lookin to get raped seeing, he already knows. How do I know? I text him, while you were trying to give me head. I wrote, from your phone, ‘I have to get this off my chest. I am a faggot whore. I can’t live in the closet anymore. Please share this video.’

“Then I sent him your video. While you are going to be in a living hell for the next four days, you won’t be able to stop him or anyone from finding out. This is how I want it. As I said before, I am always in control of everything. Oh, and happy birthday.”

[maraudersbutmuggle]

The hole you left

Content Warning: Depression, Psychological Abuse, Bad Parenting. London, July 27th, 2012 Regulus woke up late. Nobody woke him up like they used to. He looked at his clock. He started to panic. What about his routine? Surely Mr. Vance would arrive soon for his piano lessons... But then, Regulus remembered what had happened last night. Sirius left. Sirius was gone. Regulus felt a chill run through his body. Regulus tucked into his covers. He didn't feel like doing anything today. Even if he felt guilty of not doing anything and missing all his activities. Sirius probably wouldn't care. Where was Sirius? Was he okay? Regulus sat down and picked up his laptop. He opened Facebook. Surely Potter would know something. Surely Sirius was with him. Regulus began to type some message to James. But then he regretted it. Regulus had always known Sirius prefered James more than him. Sirius was happy and laughing when Regulus saw him through the halls of Hogwarts, with his friends. Sirius wasn't like that with Regulus. Not anymore at least. Each time that Regulus had tried to talk to him, he was in a bad mood. They used to be best friends as children. Not anymore. And Regulus missed his brother. Regulus walked to his window and opened it. He craved a cigarette. Barty had taught him how to do it last term. Regulus had found it relaxing. But Regulus had smoked for the first time with Sirius. The previous summer at Marbre Noir. The castle was too big for their parents to notice. Regulus remembered how Sirius laughed when he coughed. "You'll get used to it" he had said KNOCK, KNOCK. Regulus jumped and turned off his cigarrette, tossing it through the window. "I'm awake" "Time for breakfast sweetheart" Regulus' mother sounded cheerful. She was in a good mood. Regulus frowned. He didn't understand how. Sirius was gone. And Regulus was in a bad mood. Regulus got dressed and prepared to go downstairs. But unfortunately, Sirius' room was on his way. The door was half-opened. Regulus didn't want to get in. But he had to. Sirius' room was a mess, which provoked Regulus anxiety. He hated mess. Regulus had to have everything in order. "Bloody tosser" he murmured Regulus stared at the posters on the wall. Rock bands, Naked girls on motorbikes. Even a few of his drawings. "You said you were gay, is it true?" Regulus sighed and got out of there before his anxiety got worse. Regulus let out of some breath. He didn't like not having Sirius around. He was always around. Lately in a bad mood. But he was there. Regulus wondered if he would ever see him again. Regulus climbed down the stairs. "Mother..." he would ask her to bring Sirius back, she could do it. Maybe make Orion apologize. Walburga was in the back yard. The Blacks only had breakfast there on good days and special occasions. Today it was neither. "Why are you eating here?" Regulus was feeling overwhelmed by the constant change. Walburga ignored him. Instead she smiled. "Good morning, sweetheart" she said "Come sit down. What do you want for breakfast? Pancakes? Pancakes are your favorite" "Okay..." Regulus sat down. His mother was smiling brightly. "Samantha... Pancakes for Regulus and a coffee for me" "Yes madam" Samantha bowed. "I am confused" Regulus said "Sirius is gone. Why are you happy?" Walburga's smile disappeared. "He left, Regulus. What do you want me to do, cry?" "I cried a lot yesterday. I'm sad, because I miss him, aren't you?" Walburga was silent for a while "I'm sad too. But I am mostly angry" "Why?" Walburga turned to face Regulus. She stroked his hair gently. "I want you to understand something, darling" she began "Sirius left because he wanted to. He'd never liked it here" Regulus didn't answer. "Did we kick him out last night?" "No. He left" "Exactly" Walburga smiled "But because Orion hit him" Walburga turned to look at Samantha who was serving them. Samantha seemed uncomfortable. When Samantha left, Walburga spoke again. "Is better if you don't tell the servitude that" she murmured "But it's true" "Your father only hit

Sirius because he was being

bad-mannered" Walburga said louder "You saw that. You saw how Sirius was yelling. He didn't respect his parents" Regulus didn't know how to respond. So he didn't. "Is it true? Uncle Alphard is gay?" Walburga sighed and nodded "I saw him kissing boys on various occasions. It is true" "I don't mind it" Regulus answered "I don't mind if Sirius is gay too" Walburga got furious. "It's not about that, Regulus" she said "It's about how your brother always prefers everyone more than us, his family. Alphard had been feeling his head with ideas against us. And he is a rebel. You know how he drives me insane" Regulus had seen Walburga cry many times because of Sirius. He hugged her. He had comforted her. Walburga had told Regulus how much she loved Sirius. About how he was impossible to manage. How she tried so hard to get along with him, but he didn't let her in. "Do you like him, mother?" Walburga's eyes filled with tears. "Of course I like him" she answered "He is my son. Just like you" Regulus believed Walburga liked Sirius. It was Orion who was a bad guy. Regulus didn't like his father. "Sirius prefers that woman, though" Walburga continued "Euphemia Potter. She is the 'perfect mother' for him. And he prefers that Potter kid over you. You know that, right?" That was true. Regulus hated it. It hurt him. "We are gonna let him have 'his perfect family' then" Walburga spatted "See if he doesn't miss us" Regulus wanted to yell. "Can I talk to him at Hogwarts?" "If you wish" Walburga nodded "But I doubt he would want to talk to you" "I'm angry..." he said "I know sweetheart, I am angry too" "This is bullshit!" "It is bullshit indeed" Walburga smiled "Now eat your pancakes before they get cold" "I'm not hungry" "Okay" Walburga said looking through her phone "Also don't tell any of your friends the real reason Sirius left, okay? We'll invent an excuse" "What are you doing, mother?" "Deleting all the pictures of Sirius" Regulus blinked. "If he wants to erase us from his life, then I'll do the same" Regulus stood up. He was definitely not hungry. He just needed a break. Regulus' temper was boiling up. The thing was that he wanted his brother back. But Walburga was right. He always prefered the Potters. None of this would've happened if Sirius would have stayed put last night, like Regulus had told him. But Sirius always needed to make a mess. Sirius always provoked everyone. Maybe he was planning on leaving all along. And he had left Regulus alone. Regulus hated change. And now he had to forget about Sirius. A very important part of his life. Regulus got to Sirius' room. He clenched his nails on his palm. He was furious. Sirius was a mess. And Regulus was furious. "FUCK YOU SIRIUS!" he yelled to nowhere. Sirius prefered James Potter. And Regulus was furious. He began tossing everything to the floor, breaking everything he found, destroying everything. "Aaaaaaaah!!!" Sirius had abandoned Regulus. And Regulus was furious. After his outburst, Regulus collapsed to Sirius' bed exhausted. He hugged Sirius' pillow. Sirius wore too much cologne. And Regulus missed him. Tears ran down Regulus' cheeks. "Fuck you, asshole" Regulus cried "Why did you leave me?" For Sirius, his friends were his everything. For Regulus, Sirius was his everything. His best friend. Not Barty. Sirius. And now, Regulus had lost him forever. Regulus broke down crying.

[lumosinlove]

Coast To Coast

part viii

Sometimes Leo put on one of Finn’s old Harvard sweatshirts and looked in the mirror. And wondered. He tried to picture their old frat house and having a room there. He’d only seen pictures, but it looked nice. It had a big kitchen and back yard. Would he have a roommate? What would he have studied? English? Maybe he and Finn would have become close like that in the same way that they had become close now. Reading together. Maybe they would have studied together. Would he have gotten a ride to practice in Finn’s car like Logan had? How much older were they in the fantasy? Would he lose them after just one year? Would he lose one and then the other? Or could he be their age, and they could all go together. But then, if they were trying for the NHL, they’d get split up without a doubt.

So, Leo put on the maroon sweatshirt—not Lions maroon, but close—and thought. Would he watch them fall in love like he thought he had watched them in the first months of the season? All of them meeting at once, it could be too complicated, and maybe they would chose each other anyway—

Finn talked about it more than Logan ever did. Logan was getting better but Leo could practically see the guilt well up at certain things. Both of them seemed, overall, fond of their days at Harvard. And yet, sometimes they clutched each other so closely that Leo thought they weren’t sure any of this was real. Leo knew how they felt on that part. He couldn’t believe his luck. The NHL. The Gryffindor Lions. Going to the playoffs his rookie season. And Logan and Finn.

It wasn’t that they didn’t hold Leo just as close, but Leo would be lying if he said it wasn’t with a different grip. Finn and Logan had lost each other and lost each other. Leo had only just been found.

Leo twisted the sweatshirt in his hands, the fraying hem and sleeves. It smelled like Finn. Finn had worn this sweatshirt while he was falling in love with Logan. Finn had worn this sweatshirt when he was the same age as Leo was now. And he let Leo take it whenever he wanted to, smiled when he saw him in it, smiled when he saw Leo.

Leo smoothed the fabric back out and flicked the bathroom light off. He could hear the noises from the TV in the living room. Logan was sprawled out on the couch, eyes on the movie. Finn was out with Alex, a quick meet up between regular season and playoffs. They’d gone to dinner with him yesterday, and Leo had liked Alex because of how much he reminded him of Finn. But Alex was also a good deal calmer than his brother. Logan was snarky with him, old friends. Leo was new.

Everything was new and fresh—and set against very old ties.

Logan looked up when Leo came back and spread his thighs a little, looking warm in his thick, gray sweatshirt—Leo’s—and sweatpants. He flexed his toes and they cracked, a habit Leo associated with him finally winding down for the night on roadies.

“Ça va?”

Leo nodded as he knelt on the couch before bracketing Logan in with his hands and knees. Logan smiled and his laugh was the quiet one that Leo loved. It was sleepy, it came out in the early morning and the night and only him and Finn ever heard it. It came with ruffled hair and the slight scent of the tiger balm that Logan liked for his ankles and feet when they were sore from tightly laced skates. They had spent the day unpacking Logan’s things into the third bedroom—which was mostly for closet space only. They’d all taken to Finn’s king sized bed. Leo had never looked forward to falling asleep so much. Even when he woke up in the middle of the night, it was almost easy to fall asleep again. Logan, the lightest sleeper on Earth, had figured Leo’s habits out pretty quickly and would spend Leo didn’t know how long running his fingers over Leo’s neck and back. Leo wanted to stay awake sometimes, just to hear Logan’s half-asleep, half-French replies.

Almost two months ago, Leo had told Logan and Finn that he was going to fall for them when, truthfully, Leo had already been in free-fall.

He wondered what they’d say if he told them that they’d already caught him—that he’d realized this all a few days ago, sweaty and maybe a little dehydrated after their win against Vegas. He’d watched Logan trading sips of champagne with Pascal, and felt Finn pressed against his side, lips against his neck whispering, shut out, shut out, baby, shut out—

I love you, Leo had thought.

“Plus jolie,” Logan’s socked feet settled near the backs of Leo’s knees, hands wrapping around Leo’s wrists. He was still smiling. Leo didn’t really have a plan from here, but he definitely didn’t want to stop looking at Logan.

Leo wrinkled his nose and Logan laughed. “Un chérubin.” Logan reached up and tugged lightly on a lock of Leo’s hair. “Les boucles.”

Leo shook his head. “I don’t know that one.”

“Curls,” Logan translated, and then pushed his fingers through Leo’s hair. “I liked you in that shirt last night.”

Leo smiled. Logan was becoming more and more like this. He seemed to take the most pleasure in telling Leo and Finn every little thing he liked. It happened all the time and left Leo and Finn just grinning at each other.

“Oh yeah?” Leo lowered himself to his forearms and Logan’s ankles slid to loop with his.

“You looked so good.”

It had the same effect on Leo every time. A warm wash over his whole being.

“I like you living here,” Leo replied, and leaned down to press a kiss to Logan’s mouth.

Logan looked pleased and pushed his chin up for another kiss before looking up and behind him at the empty boxes piled in the corner. “Finn’ll be happy he got out of the last of the unboxing.” Logan smiled back at Leo. “You’re better at organizing anyway.”

“And folding,” Leo said. “And cleaning—”

Logan pressed his palms to Leo’s cheeks, pushing them until his lips puckered. “D’accord, d’accord.”

Leo had to kiss him again. Logan sighed when Leo parted from him to sit up his heels. He looked at the TV where there was some sort of car chase happening, rubbing his hands along Logan’s thighs, digging his thumbs into his hip flexors, where he knew he was always sore. Logan hummed happily and closed his eyes.

“What’s this movie again?”

“No idea,” Logan said. “Ouch. Fuck, that feels good.”

“Do you think Alex liked me?” Leo said as he pressed into Logan’s firm muscle.

Logan cracked on eye open. “Yeah, I do.”

Leo nodded. “Okay, good.”

Logan’s muscles tensed beneath Leo’s palms as he hooked his ankles around Leo’s back to pull himself up into a sitting position. Leo felt Logan’s fingers on his chin a moment later, bringing his face away from the television.

“What’s wrong?”

“What?”

Logan tilted his head and pulled himself closer, making Leo spread his knees. He stroked his thumb over Leo’s lip. “You look sad or something.”

Leo couldn’t help but smile. “It’s not really sad.” He lifted Logan’s knees for a minute so he could push his straighten his legs out the other way. He held Logan’s hips when they settled again, facing each other, tangled.

“I don’t know,” Leo said as Logan messed with his hair again. “I think meeting Alex, like really meeting him, just…made me remember that you and Finn have known each other a lot longer than I’ve been in the picture.”

Logan’s fingers stilled. He looked at Leo and there was a little glance of fear in his expression.

“Well,” he began. “I mean, yeah, but…but that’s okay. You don’t feel like we—do we make you feel bad?”

Leo shook his head quickly. “Not even a little.” Leo looked down at his sweatshirt. Finn’s. “I just… Sometimes I think about Harvard.”

“Harvard?” Logan repeated. “What do you mean?”

Leo looked at the movie again. The cars were gone and there was a house in a field, and two parties were sneaking around it.

“I wasn’t there,” Leo said. “Sometimes that’s…like, I wonder what it would have been like if I was. You two are so close because of it and I love hearing stories about it, but I just… I think about it.”

Logan was quiet for so long that Leo looked at him. When he did, it was to see Logan with concerned eyes. He was chewing the inside of his cheek.

“Harvard was really great. But it was also really hard,” Logan swallowed. “You think the NHL is bad with this stuff, you should try a bunch of seventeen to twenty year-olds in a locker room. Being gay—or anything other than a guy who likes to talk about how big a girl’s breasts are—it was a complete joke. It was worse than a joke. And I’m so glad you weren’t there.”

Logan seemed to be half talking to himself, hands trailing across the turn of Leo’s jaw. Always busy. He and Finn both did that. They were always reaching out to touch, Logan only recently so. Leo loved it. He loved their hands and their skin and the way it was mindless and gentle. Leo looked over Logan’s face. Soft lips, darkest eyelashes Leo had ever seen, sun faded scar across his nose.

Leo squeezed his hips. “Don’t stress. Lo, you never do anything to make me feel like, what,” Leo snorted. “Left out. Neither of you do.”

“I’m not stressed,” Logan said. “It’s just weird to think about. I was so convinced, you know? That this wasn’t an option.” Logan looked down. “I hurt Finn.”

“Tremz,” Leo shook his head. “Look at what kind of situation you were in.”

“I know, but I did hurt him,” Logan looked back up at Leo with a small smile. “And I know I don’t talk about it. And I know me and him still have more to say about it. But I won’t hurt you.” He pressed his palms to Leo’s cheeks and kissed him firmly. “So, I don’t want you at Harvard. I want you now, where I can want you with—with everything. Toutes les choses.”

Leo let his head drop back, grinning, and Logan laughed.

“Too mushy for you?” He pulled Leo in by his shirt, his lips against Leo’s throat. “I didn’t know that was possible.”

“I don’t know, Finn gets pretty mushy.”

Logan laughed louder, untangling their legs and pushing his way into Leo’s lap. “He does. But heads up, he’s horrible at gift giving. Which is kind of ironic, given how good he is at…” Logan pushed his hips down against Leo’s. “Literally everything else. Besides cooking. And unboxing, apparently,” He kissed below Leo’s chin. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Leo sighed. “It’s—what’s bothering me isn’t something I actually think.”

When Logan just raised an eyebrow at him, Leo couldn’t help but laugh. “This is where Finn would be literally begging me to tell him.”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Logan shrugged. He turned his head and kissed Leo’s wrist, right where his bracelet was.

They kissed quietly then, Logan pressing so close that Leo felt surrounded by him. They both jumped when a bomb went off in the movie, gunfire exploding into action.

Logan cursed and reached for the remote to flick it off. “We’re not even watching this.”

“What should we get for dinner?” Leo said, drumming his fingers on Logan’s back. “Should we order something? Want sushi?”

“Ouais, sounds good.”

Logan stayed nestled against Leo while he put the order into Caviar. They lay together quietly, which was almost nicer than anything else. Logan was somehow both one of the most guarded and most open people Leo had ever met at the same time. He didn’t always want to talk about it, but he understood himself. Leo loved that about him. He loved Logan.

“You almost kissed me,” Leo said into the quiet. “Twice.”

“Freaked myself the fuck out,” Logan smiled. Leo felt the words rumble against his chest. “And probably you, too. Sorry.”

Leo shook his head. “It was—it was sort of good. It made me decided that I was going to talk to you. Not at Christmas, when you met June for the first time, but the second time. On the road. And then Finn kissed me a few days later.”

“What would you have said?” Logan asked softly.

“I…well, I wasn’t going to tell you I liked you or anything like that. I was just going to say that I understood. Because I thought you liked Finn. And I was pretty sure I was just…the easier option.” Leo laughed a little. “I almost stopped wearing my bracelet. Thought it was too obvious. But then Finn kissed me and, well, you know what happened next.”

“I didn’t know about you,” Logan replied. “I just…”

Leo pressed a kiss to his forehead. “You’re the most impulsive and the most guarded person in the entire world.”

Logan laughed. “I guess I am.”

~

Sharing a hotel room with Logan was torture.

He was messy as hell. He left water all over the bathroom floor as if he had tried to take a shower at the sink. He complained about the too silky feeling of the hotel sheets. He slept in threadbare sleep pants with a hole at the top of one thigh that was not getting any smaller. He ordered peppermint tea before bed and sipped it, holding the cup close with both hands. Sometimes he snorted when he laughed. They sat on one bed instead of two when they watched TV. One time Leo had fallen asleep and woken up at one thirty in the morning to Logan beside him. Logan had let him stay.

Leo had immediately felt bad. They had a game tomorrow. He was taking up so much room, Logan should have taken his bed, really. But, instead, he was curled on his side facing Leo, asleep. Their bare feet were touching, like they had found each other in the night.

Leo didn’t know how he had managed to fall asleep in the first place. Not after everything.

They had been watching National Treasure. They’d been half keeping track of the plot, half scrolling on their phones, maybe another half talking about the game coming up. Leo could tell something was wrong. He’d seen it in Finn, too. Logan, loud and fiery, was subdued. And Leo couldn’t believe himself, but he thought Finn had something to do with it. Leo couldn’t believe himself, but he wanted nothing more than to reach out and fix it.

Logan was torture, because Logan was Logan, and Leo was Leo.

Leo rubbed the bracelet on his wrist and looked at the blue light from the phone light up Logan’s face. His lips were parted, breathing softly as he looked mindlessly at instagram, flashing through pictures of babies, couples with wine glasses, peace signs and advertisements for the car he’d been looking at. Logan had his hood pulled over his head, and he was slumped into his pillows, knees pulled up. It looked like the overly plush hotel quilt would swallow him up if he sunk down any further.

Leo was stretched out, toes near the edge of the bed. Characters were running through a market on the TV, and Leo was trying to decide if he should say something—

“Tremz,” Leo said.

“Hm,” Logan had switched to twitter.

“Do you want your tea? I’m gonna order the sundae on the room service menu.”

Logan looked at him.

“What?” Leo shrugged. “I had a good game. Everyone needs a good sundae every once in a while.”

A small smile crept over Logan’s face and Leo felt like he could practically watch Logan look at him. His green eyes flit between Leo’s, down to his mouth, and then back up again.

“I…yes. Yeah, I’ll have one, too. And tea.”

Leo rolled onto his side, back towards Logan, to make the call. When he faced the television again, Logan was still looking at him.

“Did you want something else?” Leo asked. “I should’ve checked.”

Logan shook his head. “Non.” He cleared his throat and pushed himself up against his pillows. “Non, it’s perfect.”

“Me and my dad would have sundaes,” Leo said. “After games. He’d take me to this ice cream place that had been there for, like, a century or something way old like that. And so, if I have a good game, or if I miss home, I usually have one. Haven’t really done it on the road yet, though.” Leo smiled. “Finn sure likes it when I make them.”

Logan blinked at the mention of Finn, but he didn’t mention him further. “Do you miss home now?” he asked instead.

Leo ran a hand through his hair. “I think I always miss home a little.”

Logan was still looking at him with his dark-lashed eyes. “Like, home as in New Orleans, or home as in your family?”

“Both,” Leo said. “But I definitely think home is more people-based for me.”

Logan nodded slowly. He looked down at his phone, turning it over in his hands a few times. The background, Leo had noticed before, was a picture of him and Finn. It had been taken by someone else and they looked younger in it, maybe a little drunk. Finn had Logan’s hat on and their cheeks were pressed together, both laughing.

“Yeah,” Logan said faintly, looking at it. Then, he looked at Leo, and Leo looked at Logan looking at him all over again. “Me, too.” 

“Do you—” Leo began, then paused. “You miss someone, Tremz?”

Logan’s laugh was small and humorless. “Does it count if I see them every day?”

Leo jolted a little. He hadn’t expected a response like that. He hadn’t really expected a response at all. And Logan wasn’t looking at him anymore, not even at his phone, but the complete other direction. Out the dark hotel window.

Leo risked scooting forward a little. This was surreal. This was Logan Tremblay who he was comforting—well, trying to anyways. The boy who Leo had watched on TV more times than he could count, who he admired endlessly. Just as Logan was about to speak again, Logan turned towards him again, leaning in.

“Leo—”

Leo felt them both freeze. Leo knew he was probably too close. He could feel Logan’s breaths. He thought about Christmas, and Logan’s mouth so close to his. He definitely thought about just leaning forward—

“I’m sorry you’re homesick,” Logan finally said. The words settled quietly between them, and Logan didn’t move away.

“That’s okay. I’m sorry you’re…”

Logan smiled a closed smile when Leo trailed off.

“Oui,” Logan whispered, and his eyes moved to Leo’s mouth, then back up. “I don’t know what I am, either.”

There was a knock at the door.

“Room service,” came a muffled voice.

Leo, unable to stand the tormented look that Logan had on his face, rolled off of the bed and got the door.

~

“I looked up to you guys before getting here,” Leo said quietly.

Logan pushed himself onto his elbows to look at Leo. “Did you have our posters?”

Leo snorted. “You’ll never know.”

“Please tell me. Our jerseys?”

Leo just raised an eyebrow and smiled. “What if I only had one of your jerseys and not the other’s?”

Logan’s eyes lit up. “Please let me tell Finn that you had mine and not his.”

“No way.”

“As a prank, please, Nut, please.”

“If Finn thinks that is real for even two seconds he will never stop talking about it,” Leo laughed. “No way.”

“But I love it when he’s angry, it’s so—not really angry, but his little fits where his ears get red?” Logan rolled his eyes, but he was smiling like it was the best thing he could ever think about.

Leo smiled. “I really love that I know exactly what you’re talking about.”

I love you.

“Nous avons de la chance,” Logan grinned.

We’re lucky.

“It’s just that,” Leo took a slow breath. “I feel, like, too lucky. What if things had happened differently? What if Finn never told me he liked me? Because I would never have told him, or either of you. I never would have, Tremz, I couldn’t ruin you two like that. And then, I just would have—sat there every day.”

Logan said something soft and soothing in French. His mouth, when he kissed Leo, was just as gentle.

“I know,” Logan said. “And I can’t think about that. I need you.”

“I need you, too.”

~

Finn was at Dumo’s Christmas party with a girl. June. June was nice. Leo liked June. And maybe Finn did, too, but…still. Leo wondered what Logan thought.

Standing there in Pascal’s kitchen, looking at Logan’s pale face, Leo wondered what Logan knew.

“Excuse me,” Logan breathed, and then he was bolting down the basement steps to where Leo knew his bedroom was.

“I’ll go make sure he’s,” Leo began, but trailed off over a hard swallow. Finn looked sort of wrecked, as much as Logan had, Remus looked confused, and June looked—almost analytical.

“He’s had a lot to drink,” Leo finished lamely, and made his escape after Logan.

He was…endlessly confused by June.

The basement was a kid’s wonderland. A small floor hockey rink was put down over the carpet, littered with various sized roller blades. There was a mat for gymnastics, a foam basketball hoop, Barbie houses and legos and pirate ships all pushed together to make a giant, impressively realistic sort of town with ports and streets and gardens. There was a massive television with equally large, plush leather couches, thick fleece blankets thrown over the backs. Bean bags, and video games, and surround-sound. And to the left of it all, Logan’s bedroom door, plastered with loving signs made for him by the Dumais children. Stick figure after stick figure with hearts and stars—some of them looked like they were wearing a backwards hat. Leo smiled at the sight, then knocked on the slightly ajar door.

“Tremz?” he called out softly.

There was no sound from within for a second, and then he heard Logan clear his throat. “Ouais. Yeah, come in.”

Leo slid through the door and closed it behind him. Logan looked frozen, back towards him, between the door and his bed. His hands were in fists at his sides, and Leo, only half sure of what he was doing, crossed the room until they were facing each other. He took one of Logan’s hands and uncurled it, and then the other. Logan watched him do it with a glazed expression on his face.

“I’m fine,” Logan said.

Leo just hugged him.

“I’m fine,” Logan said again, voice more hoarse. “I didn’t drink that much.”

“Okay.”

Logan’s shoulders only relaxed after a good minute, and he turned his nose into Leo’s neck and held on.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re fine,” Leo replied.

“Knutty,” Logan whispered, and Leo had a sudden feeling that Logan was going to fall apart right there in his arms.

“What can I do, Tremz?”

Logan pulled back some, but only enough that his cheek brushed Leo’s, the side of his mouth against Leo’s jaw. Leo stopped breathing entirely. This was the most contact like this that he had had in a long time, and Logan was warm and gorgeous, but he was also hurting, and Finn was upstairs with a girl, and Leo didn’t understand.

“Logan?” Leo whispered.

All Leo could make out from this close, this angle, was that Logan had his eyes closed. If Leo turned his head any more to look, they’d be—

Logan leaned into him. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“I—no, that’s okay—”

Logan sucked in a sharp breath and then he was turning away, out of Leo’s arms. There was a horrible moment of hanging in a balance of silence.

“We should get back to the party,” was all Logan said after that.

~

“What are you thinking about?” Logan asked, brushing their lips together.

“Christmas,” Leo whispered back.

“Knutty,” Logan’s brows drew together. Seconds after the word was out of his mouth, he was kissing Leo, a little sloppily, hands in his hair. Leo breathed in through his nose and let it fill him up.

“How’s that?” Logan said when they finally broke apart.

“Very purposeful, thanks.”

Logan smiled, looking down at Leo, and then the smile slowly dropped off of his face.

Leo blinked. “What? What’s wrong?”

Logan sighed. He carded his fingers through Leo’s hair, thumb and forefinger messing with the grayish tuft at the front. “Harzy’s going to kill me.”

Leo’s laugh was halted in his confusion. “Why…”

Logan’s mouth twisted a little, like he was biting the inside of his cheek, and then he watched his own fingers twirling the gray streak in Leo’s hair for a moment. When his eyes found Leo’s again, he looked resolute. “I love you.”

Leo thought about Harvard.

He wondered about loving Logan and Finn amid locker room glances and looming dreams of success. Between classes and team dinners and roommates. Late night studying and parties where he would have to watch them pick up girls. He thought of four years of it, instead of a few months.

Leo thought about Christmas.

He thought of Finn, and days in the apartment with him, reading and talking and staying up late. Then, June. Logan’s wound up frame.

Logan was looking at him now, green eyes soft and calm. He knew Leo loved him. Leo supposed he had known Logan loved him. Finn, too. Logan just smiled and kissed his surprised mouth in quick bursts, and then in long, aching strokes that pulled Leo’s heart completely apart like it was merely made of string.

“Mon coeur,” Logan mumbled.

“I love you,” Leo finally managed. The words sounded surprised, although he wasn’t. 

“I would have loved you at Harvard,” Logan said softly. “I would love you in, I don’t know—in the arctic. I would love you at war, or stuck on some island together, or I would love you in fucking ancient Rome. I’d love you anywhere, Leo. I love you now. We both do.”

Keys jingled in the door, and Logan smiled, glancing up. Leo was glad that he didn’t hear Finn talking because that meant Alex wasn’t with him and Leo was fairly sure he couldn’t hold any type of conversation right now. Logan whispered the phrase once more into the soft skin of Leo’s jaw that he was kissing.

“I love coming home, wow,” Leo heard Finn sigh out as the door shut behind him. There was a clink that sounded like him throwing his keys onto the counter and then he appeared upside down above Leo, his hands on the couch arm behind Leo’s head. “Hi, guys.”

Logan laughed softly into Leo’s neck. Leo just stared up at him.

Finn looked between them. “What?”

When they didn’t answer, Finn’s face turned worried and he pulled himself around to crouch at their sides, one hand on Logan’s back. “What the fuck, what?”

“I…” Leo began.

“Watch this,” Logan said, and then looked at Leo, brushing their noses together. “Love you, Knutty.”

Leo bit his lip. “Love you.”

Finn was quiet for a long moment. Logan looked at him expectantly, Leo sheepishly. Finn’s face seemed frozen. Strangely blank. And then he punched Logan in the arm. Hard.

“Ow,” Logan laughed louder.

“Fucking—” Finn shook his head. “Fuck you. We had a plan.”

“I had to,” Logan said. “He was just sitting there, not knowing. He was sad.”

Leo hit Logan on the back of the head lightly. “I wasn’t sad.”

“But without me?” Finn pushed on. “You couldn’t have waited another fucking hour?”

Logan just buried his face in Leo’s neck again, settling himself more firmly on top of him. It left Leo and Finn looking at each other, Leo smiling in a way that felt a little dopey to him, and Finn with his mouth open. He had his glasses on, making his brown eyes reflect the light and turn all sorts of different shades.

“Well, fuck,” Finn said. “This is the most unromantic thing ever.”

“No, it’s not,” Logan mumbled.

Finn sent him a glare, even though he couldn’t see. “I’ll get you for this, Tremblay.”

Logan peaked out at him. Leo could feel his eyelashes against his neck. “That sounds fun.”

“Logan,” Finn groaned.

Logan smiled and scraped his teeth against Leo’s neck in a playful nip. It unraveled him all over again. “Don’t you have something you wanna tell Leo?”

Finn’s expression melted some at that. He looked at Leo and took a long, slow breath. He still had his coat on, and the dark wool made his pale skin creamy.

“You had to know,” Finn said softly. Leo thought he could hear a catch of emotion in his voice. “Of course, we were going to tell you, but…you had to know how much we love you.”

Leo nodded. “I…I wasn’t sure, but…Or, I was sure. But it’s not really true until… And you two have known each other so much longer.” Leo sighed. “When Tremz said I was sad. I wasn’t, but I guess that’s been bothering me. I’m…newer. And I hear you guys say it and I…I love hearing you say you love each other. But I also wanted it and I knew I should wait because I’m not, you know. If you weren’t ready, I didn’t want to say it first and, like, make you feel like you had to.”

“Baby,” Finn whispered. He reached out and laced his fingers in Leo’s hair. “I…Me and Tremz, how could we not—Tremz?”

Logan raised his head. “I remember realizing I liked you.”

Finn snorted. “I remember realizing Logan liked you.” He smirked. “Because I liked that.”

“I’m talking.”

“Sorry.”

“I remember realizing I liked you,” Logan said again. “And I remember almost kissing you, and…Nut, I could never feel like I had to do anything with you. There is no have to. It’s all want.”

Leo smiled. “Yeah?”

Finn leaned in and pressed a lingering kiss to Leo’s cheek and looked at his torso. “Nice sweatshirt.”

Leo bit his lip. “Thanks.”

“You didn’t have to know us then or anything, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Leo let his head fall back against the cushions. With things like these, Finn always seemed to know.

“We didn’t even know us then, if you think about it,” Finn smiled. “You just had to be the tall as hell, kind, hot ass rookie that suddenly showed up in our lives. Who we didn’t know we needed.” Finn looked up at Logan briefly when Logan took his hand. “We love you,” he said, and looked at Logan, then at Leo. He seemed at serious as Logan had, sure and steady and hoping. “I love you.”

Leo had a hand on each of them, Finn pressing his cheek into his palm. “Love you, Fish.”

The buzzer rang, signaling someone was at the door downstairs.

“Food,” Logan said and rolled off of Leo. He pulled Finn in for a kiss before he went to the door, socks slipping a little on the floor as he went to let the delivery up.

It freed up space for Finn to pull himself between Leo’s thighs and kiss him quiet and warm.

“I love you so fucking much, Nutter Butter,” Finn whispered.

“Me too,” Leo said. Finn smelled like the wind and coming snow, and Leo wanted to warm him right up.

Finn grinned. “I love you and we’re going to the playoffs.”

“Yeah, we are,” Leo pushed Finn’s glasses up his nose.

“And you can do the splits.”

Leo snorted. “Is this how your brain works?”

“Yeah,” Finn nodded hurriedly with a shrug, looking nothing short of elated.

“Food,” Logan called out, closing the apartment door behind him. “Nutty, allez, or I’m taking all the edamame.”

Finn got up and pulled Leo after him.

~

“Mama?” Leo said into his phone.

“Hi, honey,” Eloise Knut said. Leo could hear the pots and pans in the background and when he closed his eyes he could practically smell the spices cooking. “How are you, baby? I’m just starting dinner. We’ve got all our tickets booked, me and your daddy, we’re so excited! Oh, Wyatt’s just buying all of your boys’ stuff—mostly yours.”

“Picture that,” Leo smiled into the phone. “Wyatt Knut buying hockey merch.”

Eloise laughed. “Our closet’s a Lions’ den, that’s for sure. We’ve got Black, we’ve got Potter—oh and you know how I like that Tremblay.”

Leo pressed a hand over his cheek, grinning so hard they hurt. “Yes, I know.”

“That accent,” Eloise said. “And those eyes.”

“Is dad still at work?” Leo said. “I just have some—well, news. Some good—really good news.”

“Better than the playoffs? Damn, honey. Well, yes, Wyatt’s still at the office, but you know him, always home soon. Do you wanna wait, or…”

Leo laughed. “Like you could let me wait after hearing I have news.”

“Well, if you want to!” his mom tapped a spoon on the side of a pan. “I’ll just be here making some stew, minding my own business.”

As if Leo could ever hold out on telling her now that he’d gotten this far.

“Mama—” he said, then cut off. Tears welled up in his throat and he pressed a hand over his eyes.

“Sweetheart? Honey, what is it? Are you—” she paused. “Is…is this about something to do with…you know, the bracelet?”

“Yeah,” Leo managed. “Yeah, mama.”

“Oh, Leo,” she breathed. “Let me turn the stove off.”

Leo laughed wetly, wiping his eyes as he listened to his mom bustle around the kitchen, heard a chair scrape out against the kitchen tiles.

“Okay, I’m ready, I’m ready.”

Leo could picture her there, blonde hair piled high on her head with a clip, strong and lean from her morning runs. He could see the sunlight coming in through the shutters and the radio playing softly in the steam from the food she was cooking.

“It’s—it’s a little more than we’ve ever talked about so stay with me, okay?” Leo said.

“Honey, you could fall in love with a sea turtle and I’d throw you a wedding party.”

“No sea turtles over here, but…”

“But?” Eloise said. “Oh, tell me, I’m gonna fall over.”

Leo grinned, laying back on his bed. “You were saying you liked Logan Tremblay?”

There was one beat of silence, then two, and then Eloise all but squeaked.

“No,” she shouted into the phone and Leo laughed. “Oh my—my favorite?”

“That’s not all,” Leo said, rubbing a hand over his chest. His heart was pounding.

“Not all?”

“Finn O’Hara?” Leo said. “My—

“Your roommate? Oh, Leo. Wait…Logan and Finn? When you said more, I wasn’t thinking…”

“Pretty crazy, huh? But yeah.” Leo looked towards his closed door, towards the living room where he knew they were waiting for him. “Logan and Finn, we’re all…Logan moved in and, well, we’re us.”

“Tell me everything.”

Logan was laying on Finn’s chest on the couch when Leo came back into the living room.

Finn’s eyes found his from the TV and he scoffed. “Lover-nut, why you gotta be so pretty when you’ve been crying?”

They made room for Leo to sit down, Logan in the middle and basically throwing his weight into Leo’s side. Leo wrapped an arm around him. “Both of you have called me pretty today.”

“You are,” Logan said.

Finn threw his legs across them. “How’d it go?”

“Really good. My dad wasn’t there, but I’m sure my mom will let it slip before I call again,” Leo laughed. “But really, really good. You’re my mom’s favorite, Tremz.”

Logan whooped and Finn hit the couch.

“Damn.”

“Also, also—” Logan began, already laughing.

“No, Lo,” Leo tried to cover his mouth.

“Knutty had my jersey and not yours, Finn.”

“Excuse me?”

“No, I—”

“Excuse me, Leonardonius Knut? I’m going to get one of mine right fucking now—”

Leo just laughed, and let Finn wrestle him down to the couch, shaking his head at a smirking Logan.

“—and you’re putting it on—”

“I only had Kasey’s jersey if you must know.”

“Kasey?” they said.

“I’m a goalie, guys, what did you expect?”

Finn looked between them. “Is this a joke? Lo. Lo, were you fucking with me?”

Logan tugged lightly on the band of Leo’s sweatpants. “Ouais. But you could still give Leo your jersey if you wanted to.”

Finn raised an eyebrow. “Be right back.”

Logan laughed and kissed him as Finn climbed over the back of the couch.

Leo loved them, more than he could say, and each time he thought it, he felt brand-new.

[nastyatticman]

like a midnight snack

A family of killers is discovered - blackmailed, and tasked with finding and trapping the man who may or may not be haunting the Heelshire manor after all these years. At first it seems nothing is working, until their son makes an accidental discovery.

Brahms Heelshire X Sidney Jade Leong, an OC. Not sfw.

Warnings- dubious consent. child abuse (mentioned), past/implied sexual assault / exploitation , misgendering/transphobia (mentioned). Canon typical Brahms being a creep. Trans male character with female coded language to refer to his body sometimes.

Of all the places Sidney expected to spend his summer, an old British country house that may or not be hiding a murderous pervert was not one of them.

None of his family expected that, either. That a potential victim would catch them on camera, hauling someone into their basement. Much less that he’d find them, and rather than going to the authorities… he’d dangle that possibility over their heads, and make them do him a favor in exchange for not being reported.

How were any of them supposed to know some overgrown white boy would be piloting a drone all around the woods at night? Or that he’d use the footage to blackmail them rather than try to actually help the person he saw them grab. They, begrudgingly, had to respect that. He had dedication to his cause.

His cause involved a number of properties his family wanted to take over, that were supposedly haunted. He had his sights set on a rural house in the UK, one that had been mostly abandoned since the last servants hired by the family fled, claiming some madman was hiding inside the walls.

Nowadays the family that owned the property still ordered food to be delivered, even if no one answered the doors. They still visited, every once in a while, but the visits were dwindling over time.

The Leongs were to contact the family and ask to stay in the house for a while, part vacation and partially to clean the place up. They were given a handsome sum to convince them to let them stay. It’s not like they needed the money - being old money and all- but they did need people to take care of the place. Everyone they hired to clean refused to come back, claiming something was wrong with the house.

And that’s how Sidney’s family ended up booked for a mandatory two week vacation in the middle of nowhere. Trying to figure out if there really was a crazed man living inside the walls, and if so, could they lure him out?

They tried all sorts of things to get him out… it was like the whole family was performing. They were used to that during their other vacations, taking turns playing bait or offering travelers a “safe” place to stay… but two weeks? It was exhausting.

Talking extra loudly and listening to any sound they heard, just in case. Not to mention all the extra work Sidney and his sister had to put in...

Despite their best efforts… Their first contact was a mistake.

Sidney woke up with a dry mouth. He was too hot under the covers and slowly peeled them back. Checked his phone - it was 3:46.

He got up and crept to the kitchen to get himself a glass of water, careful not to wake anyone. If he made too much noise they may think he’s the shut in they’re hunting, or that he found him, and they’d all be so disappointed when they found nothing but Sidney in his robe and bunny slippers sneaking off for some water.

The bunny slippers and the robe were a compromise. Make him look more casual, a little cutesy. Part of the intel they had received implied that the man in hiding reacted better to young, pretty women and that he loved to spy on them and watch them change. Classy.

So as an extra effort Sidney and his sister were expected to… loosen up a bit. Walk around in a towel more. Wear skimpy pajamas around the house. That kind of thing. Tori didn’t really mind doing that in her own home - in fact, Sidney sometimes complained about her walking into his room in shorts so short he could see her underwear. But it was different knowing a fully grown pervert with a child’s voice could be watching them from within the walls at any moment.

It honestly pissed Sidney off the most. He could hardly stand to be around his parents sometimes, especially when they pulled this shit. After his father’s injury Sidney took over the role of masked killer with relish, loving that he had more power in their dynamic. But that didn’t mean they stopped making harsh demands of him, risking his body for their gain.

He could only hope they wouldn’t do the same to Tori. They were always much softer to her, and he was grateful and resentful about it at the same time. Still… the winter nights he spent freezing when they wanted him to lure travelers. His fingers so cold he couldn’t feel them at all, his nose burning. They’d stopped it, luckily, when an old man offered him a jacket to cover up and then exposed his … true intentions to him.

Sidney didn’t see anything, luckily, but he did see the rage on his mother’s face as she beat the man to a bloody pulp.

After that, they let him wear a jacket.

They wouldn’t make Tori suffer the same way, would they? They didn’t push her as far. But how far would they be willing to go to catch this man? Sidney shivered reflexively, not sure whether it was because of the memory of the cold, or his next intrusive thought about how far they’d make Tori go.

She was a sophomore in college, for fuck’s sake. The guy’s tombstone showed he’d be in his 30s by now. If he was still around. That was the other thing - Sidney was only half sure that the guy was even there in the first place. There were some strange things that happened since they arrived, but it was nothing too major.

Sidney sighed and went to refill his mug in the kitchen. There were some noises… the house settling, probably. You couldn’t turn at every creak in the old country home. He passed the window and stopped, pretending to look for something on the counter.

Was that a reflection of…?

He studied the window, seeing the silhouette of a figure behind him. Wild hair and a baggy sweater. Tall. Maybe six feet. His father, the tallest in his family, was 5’8”.

He waited to see if he’d do something. It looked like the figure did, too. The guesses were right, then, he was 6 feet or so…

If it really was the guy they were looking for. Then again, what, would he have left and another creepy hermit moved in and took his place? Sidney remembered hearing the loose description of where he’d been staying all that time - a fully stocked room inside the walls, with a bed and a basin to wash up in, a ton of weird shit he’d been making, and porno mags stapled to the wall. He was sure it would be in high demand on the horny serial killer real estate market. After all, Sidney was there.

He snorted a laugh, and turned away from the window. Shit, if Sidney could see him then he could see -

A hand clamped down on his mouth before he knew it. He was pulled in closer to the man’s body, warm and smelling of mothballs. That was the first thing he got, other than the sweaty hand over his mouth and his other hand, stroking his hair.

It was weirdly… tender. Like he hadn’t held someone before. Sidney didn’t dare move an inch.

He was clearly a grown adult, judging by his strong grip and his size and everything about him… Was he smelling Sidney’s hair? The fuck?

He weighed his options here, as he felt himself be pushed against the counter. Almost caged in under his body. He could probably throw him off, but he’d have to get to the other end of the house immediately. What was it he did to the other people?

One he killed in the game room, for breaking his doll… Sidney had been nothing but respectful to that doll, he should be spared that fate.

Another he knocked out, and the last one - so young and pretty - he’d tried to pull into the walls with him. Is that what he’d do to Sidney? Maybe, since he’d probably seen Sidney wandering around in shorts and low cut shirts for at least a week now…

His parents found that part very funny when it came to Sidney’s involvement. It was worth a shot, sure, since Sidney was much closer to the guy’s age than Tori was. But they remembered when he’d come home from school and tell them about the boys who would ask him out… only for him to find out the next day it was all a dare from the other kids. Why would anyone, even a freak hiding in his own home, want Sidney?

But it seemed like he did, despite all that. Well, judging by the way that something hard was digging into Sidney’s back as he pinned him to the counter. His breathing getting heavy, his grip on his mouth loosening up a little, his other hand stroking Sidney’s hair. Savoring him like a midnight snack. He leaned in and murmured something soft to Sidney in a voice that was much too high to be coming from someone so large.

He could… he could work with this.

Sidney let out a needy little moan under his hand, and ground himself against him. It made the man completely freeze up. Shit, did I go too far? Sidney wondered. He didn’t need to wonder for long though, once the man realized what that meant. Again, he leaned in and spoke softly to Sidney, but this time he could just make out what he said.

“Good boy,” he said, barely more than a whisper.

Shit. Fuck. Damn it all to hell. This meant he’d been paying attention, but it implied so many things about what he’d seen.

Firstly that he knew Sidney was trans - and respected it? Despite seeing his tits a million times.

Ally of the fucking year, Sidney thought, as the man ground up against him this time, on purpose. He let out a shuddery little sigh above Sidney, leaned in and pressed the lips of his mask against his cheek. Did that part make him gay then? Or queer?

Secondly did he - did he hear the way Sidney’s parents talked to him, about him? Of course he did. He must’ve heard them say something rude, or … Call him a girl, of course. Little girl. Stupid girl. Bad girl.

Again, ally of the fucking year. If only they’d known the best trans ally alive was hiding in an English country house and spying on people this whole time.

He giggled and it made the man freeze up again. Sidney nodded, and nuzzled into his body, letting him continue.

He couldn’t deny that this was kind of… nice. Better than the hugs he’d be forced into by his parents when they were angry at him but wanted him to shut up and stop arguing. That was a low bar, but there were so few people he could get physical affection from that he didn’t at least partially despise.

Sure, he kind of hated that he’d been dressing so uncomfortably for a week in hopes of getting this guy to come out... and try something with him. But it worked, judging from the way he was holding him, so needy.

It was really tempting, honestly. Sidney hadn’t had sex in… a really long time. With a friend of his, who was sort of interested in him and knew he wanted to have some more experience. Her partners wouldn’t mind that they hooked up, she told them about it. Still, Sidney was much more monogamous by nature and so it took him a while to get used to being normal around her again. Even if it was mind blowing trans4trans sex with one of his best friends.

He wondered how Eris was doing right now. It was probably early night in the US, and he hoped she was having dinner with her girlfriends. Her lucky, lucky girlfriends…

It wasn’t that lecherous of him to appreciate how good his friend was at getting him off, was it? Not when she’d demonstrated for him a few times. She was good at it, she had experience and good communication, finding what Sidney liked and keeping at it until he was a horny mess under her. And then he’d pay her back, much less precisely, but she still appreciated it.

The shut-in - he supposed his name was Brahms - had neither of those things but he still intrigued Sidney. Maybe he could figure out something they’d both like.

He tapped the man’s hand, and pulled it off his mouth gently. It took him a second to gather his words again.

“Can I- can you put me on the counter?”

“What?” he asked, just sounding confused.

“I want to sit on the counter,” Sidney explained. “You can still - you know.”

The man - Brahms? - nodded and stepped back, let him climb up and sit down facing towards him. He could only see from the moonlight streaming through the window, but this confirmed it.

This was their guy.

He matched the description perfectly. Unkempt hair, broad shoulders and chest, wearing a mask like the porcelain doll they’d found in the parlor the first day they were there. His eyes were blown wide, watching Sidney beckon him closer, putting a hand on his shoulder and pulling him in.

He shakily pulled Sidney closer to himself, his hips right next to the counter. But didn’t move, as if waiting for… permission? Sidney leaned in, feeling his beard brush against his cheek.

“Go ahead.”

The man nodded, and gripped Sidney’s hips, pulling him closer still, and humped against him. Just a couple times, softly, experimentally. Sidney gave him a breathy little moan in encouragement and he picked up the pace.

He felt the full hardness of his length brush against him, hard. If they weren’t both still clothed he was sure the man could feel how soaked he was. Then he hit a part a little lower down that made Sidney shake for a second, suddenly sensitive.

“Fuck,” he breathed. “I think that was my hole…”

He just nodded and tried whatever he did again, until Sidney swore he could feel his cock head through their clothes, teasing at his needy cunt. The extra attention made him flushed, almost overwhelmed, and without realizing he wrapped his legs around his hips to keep him in place.

Sidney moved his hips to help him, desperately chasing the feeling. It was almost silly… he was holding the guy in place with his arms and legs, moaning for him, and he wasn’t quite sure what his name was.

“Brahms?” he asked.

“Yes?” His voice was little more than a whisper, deep and rich. Like he’d forgotten the higher voice earlier. “Sidney?”

He wasn’t expecting an answer, much less for Brahms to know his name. Of course he would, but… it’s strange, considering how much care and attention he must have for him. Sidney swallowed and softly stroked his hair.

“Good boy.”

Brahms let out a strangled moan, leaning into his touch. His movement was frantic, and he had Sidney up at kind of an angle so it was like every push of his hips shoved his cock up into him. Sidney’s grip on him tightened without him meaning to. They both ground against each other, just chasing their pleasure.

“Pull my hair,” Sidney asked. Brahms - yes, that’s his name - just looked at him. “Please.”

He hesitated a moment, and then complied. His large hand cupping the back of his head gently, before he pulled ever so slightly.

“Harder,” Sidney begged him. He hoped that he wasn’t overwhelming the poor guy on what must be his first time. “If you - if you want. I really, really like it.”

This convinced him, he could tell from the way he grabbed more hair, and pulled him back more tightly, until Sidney’s head jerked up to the ceiling and he moaned. His response was barely audible. “Thank you.”

They continued, Sidney overwhelmed from the way he kept grabbing him - groping his thighs and pulling his hair just hard enough to hurt. Brahms picked up speed suddenly, until finally he made one last thrust and collapsed, his full weight making Sidney fall back, against the cabinets.

They were both breathing heavy, and Sidney wondered for a second why he stopped - until he felt his cock twitching against him through their clothes, and warmth spread between their thighs. Oh.

He held him closer then, let him bury his head in the crook of his neck as he came down from his high. The porcelain dug into his neck but Sidney ignored it, just holding him and stroking his hair softly.

“Good?” Brahms asked, softly. He’s not letting go either.

“Yes,” Sidney said. “Yes, you were.”

[awrestlinggirlwholoves80sbands]

Guns N’Roses when they discover that their boyfriend/partner is bisexual:

A/N: Here’s the second part of my wonderful bi boy/ nb people. Remember that you are valid, loved and being bi is not something wrong!

TW: Mentions of sex, biphobia, mentions of addiction, overdose and death

Axl Rose

You were biting your nails nervously, waiting for Axl to arrive. You usually hate that your boyfriend was late, but this time you were glad, because you really needed to gather up your courage and tell him what you needed to.

You were bisexual, but he didn’t know that. You were too scared of upsetting him, to be misunderstood, it was already difficult for him to deal with all his internalized homophobia, due to his upbringing, what if he thought you were just a “fake gay boy” who went after him only for fame, but in reality he was attracted to girls? You would hurt him so bad, because in his eyes you betrayed his trust, you took advantage of his vulnerability and stabbed his heart.

He would have left you, and you couldn’t deal with that, your life without that wonderful redhead was so empty and sad, you’d be so hurt, your heart broken in so many little pieces. Your thoughts were so loud, that you didn’t hear Axl coming towards you.

“Sorry baby boy, I had to stay in the studio a little longer… are you okay?” He asked concerned.

“Ax… we need to talk.” You stated, biting your lips.

“Is it a bad news or a good news?” He tried to laugh, but his attempt fell flat.

You took a deep breath, your heart beating so fast that you just wanted to lie and finish it all, but you knew it had to be done.

“ I’m bisexual, I like girls too. But before you can say anything, I’m not a “fake gay” and not I’m not trying to be straight to please people.” “Babe…”

“ And I didn’t take advantage of you just to get famous and have money. I was so scared of telling you this, because I could never stay without you, please don’t leave me !” You were frenetic, but then you felt two hands cupping your face.

“Hey baby, calm down. I’m not angry, I’m just surprised, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I’ll love you and respect you regardless of whom you like. You’re my boyfriend, I could never leave the most important person in my life!” You looked you right in the eyes, a small smile on his face.

You really felt like you could have cried of joy, it felt so good to be able to get ridden of this weight and to have Axl still at your side. You kissed him, and he brought you into a hug, playing with your hair.

“I love you so much Axl, I know it is hard for you, so it means a lot!” You said.

“Yeah, I want to try my hardest because you deserve the best, ya know?” He said, nervous but also happy.

You squeezed his hand tightly, making him smile.

 Slash

You were sitting on a beat up couch in the backstage. Your boyfriend Slash was showering and as much as you loved to shower together, you knew what would happen if you stepped there, so you decide to spare the boy to hear everything and just hung observe all the roadies working and people talking.

After a couple of minutes, you felt someone sitting down next to you, probably your boy, but before you could turn around and throw yourself in Slash’s arms, you heard a female voice speaking.

“Hey there, beautiful!” She said, flashing you a smile. Probably, she was a groupie.

You looked her up and down, and you had to admit she was very pretty.  Of course, you didn’t feel any romantic feeling towards her, but you could still appreciate beauty when you saw it.

“Do you like what you see? I didn’t know you were into girls too, sugar! I just thought you liked guys since you were Slash’s partner, as he calls you.”

You were no-binary, and you came out to Slash one month after dating. He started to refer to you in the right way and using the right pronouns, then he asked people to call you his partner, even if he didn’t out you.

“Yeah, I don’t discriminate, you know. Even if I like my boyfriend very much, thank you!” You replied, but she seemed to ignore you, sitting on your lap.

“I believe Slash won’t oppose if we propose him a threesome.” She whispered with a smirk.

You felt someone clearing his throat.

“They are my person sweetie, so move on!” He said firmly, and the girl hopped off your lap and got out of the door, still flashing his mischievous smile.

You started panicking, because you had no idea how long Slash was there and what he heard or saw. Oh God, what if he thought that you were a cheater? What if he heard that you are bi?

“Slash… I-I’m bisexual. I’m sorry I haven’t talked to you about this before, but I was scared that you could believe at all the stereotypes, and leave me. Also, I was scared that you thought I was “too much” because “c’mon you can’t be no-binary and bi, too!” Your breathing was getting faster, and you were really afraid to start crying, but Slash held your hands.

“You can always talk to me baby! I love you just as you are, and I’m proud you decided to tell me. I’d never leave you or believe what they say. You are my wonderful partner and I’ll keep loving you until the end!”

You kissed him with passion, running a hand in his curls, and thinking how lucky you were to have him.

Duff Mckagan

Being a bassist and opening for the band that your bassist boyfriend played in was the best thing ever!

You and Duff were pretty reserved with your relationship, and you never felt the need to talk about your past relationships, so your boyfriend didn’t know you were bi and you had been with girls too. You were too scared to come out to him, and make thing awkward between you two and your bands, plus the past partners were not all supportive, and that make you quite afraid that he wouldn’t love you anymore.

You were doing an interview with a rock magazine, Duff was also there, but he already did his, so he was there as moral support. It was going good, the interview didn’t ask you too personal questions, well until now.

“Duff isn’t the first musician that you have dated, though. Before him you dated a famous singer in a girl’s band, is that right?” She questioned pleased.

You felt the world stopping, while your heart started to beat faster. Too scared to look at your boy, you fixed your gaze at the floor, trying to calm yourself, because your brain was shouting at you how Duff would hate you, leave you forever and never come back.

“Yeah, I dated her, but we didn’t get along. I don’t want to talk about it and I think our time is up.” You voice cracked a bit, but there was no way that you would let her know how her words hit you.

She seemed upset, but she left anyway.

“I thought you said that you never dated someone just t pretend to not like boys.” Duff said surprised, but also hurt.

“I didn’t do that, I’m bisexual so I like girls too, and I thought that I loved her, but it didn’t go that well.” Your eyes darted anywhere but to the blond bassist, while you tried to fight the tears.

You were not ready to see him walk away, and you tried to prepare for the worst, but Duff simply thumbed away one of your tears.

“Don’t cry babe, God please I hate seeing you like that. I promise I’m not angry or anything, just why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

“I was scared that you would react like she did when I told her, that you would think of me as a cheater, a fraud, someone who can’t decide and I didn’t want you to leave me, I love you too much!”

Duff sat down and put you on his lap.

“You are my baby boy, and I could never be pissed at you, or think all those awful things. Nothing is changed between us, I still love you and I’ll support you no matter what, even if groupies will be after you even more!” He joked and you managed to smile.

He stroked your cheek and kissed your nose, while bringing you closer and keeping soothing you.

Izzy Stradlin

Your eyes shoot open, your heart beat fast as the images of your nightmare were still impressed in your memory. Everything felt so real, your mind was still having troubles realizing that what you had seen was not real, or at least it was not happening right now.

You tried you’re best to not wake Izzy up, who was sleeping next to you, but you felt way too anxious and scared to stay still, so eventually your boyfriend woke up due your trembling.

“Hey babe, you okay?” He asked sleepy, his elbows on the bed as he sat on it.

You shook your head, feeling worse and worse, so much that you couldn’t even talk and you just wanted to cry. It’s okay, it was not real. It was not now.

“What’s wrong? You can tell me, it’s fine!” He reassured you, he gently rub your back.

Usually you and Izzy didn’t have secrets between each other, in fact you came out to him as no-binary, and he totally accepted you, never stopped to show you his support and addressing you in the right one. However, you kept away from him two things: that you were bisexual and that your ex-girlfriend died of overdose soon after your breakup.

That was what the dream was about, but of course you couldn’t tell him without coming out in the process, so what were you going to choose? He thought of being rejected by him, made you even sicker, because Izzy was your boyfriend, your rock and you couldn’t be without him. You were about to lose him so many times due alcohol and drugs, you couldn’t bear it if it was your fault this time.

But that the same time, you knew how much he hated lies, and how this all thing was eating you alive.

“I-I had a girlfriend some time ago, she was a good girl, but she started to get addicted to heroin. I tried to help her as much as I could, to stay at her side but the relationship got too toxic to handle, so we decided to break up. S-She died soon after due to an overdose.” It felt good to let it out, but at the same time it was terrifying thinking about the consequences.

“Wait you said girlfriend?”

“Yes Izzy, I’m bi. And I don’t want to lose you, I can’t lose you! I’ve seen her fading away more and more, until she was gone, and the same thing was happening to you. I’m so glad you are clean now, because I could never stand having you away from me, so please don’t leave me!” You were begging him, with tears in your eyes.

Izzy hold your hands, giving you a smile.

“Darling, I love you and I could never leave you or be ashamed of who you are. I’m so grateful for having you here at my side, helping me stay sober, and I promise you nothing will tear us apart, okay?” He said firmly, squeezing your hands.

You put yourself into his arms, your head against his chest until his heart beat made you fall asleep.

Steven Adler

You were chilling on the sofa, watching some old sitcom on the TV, when Steven entered the room, a confused look on his face. He looked like he wanted to say something for you but he didn’t know how or what, so you decide to leave him think.

“Babe why did you have a pin or your jacket with written “bi” on it?” He asked you, unsure but curious at the same time.

You started to shake as your breathing was getting heavier, you were totally panicking. You turned off the television and tried to calm yourself down. You didn’t think he would be able to catch on it, it was a cute little pin, hardly to read from far, and Steven never showed interest into seeing what it was about, until now.

Now probably your secret was out: yes, you were bisexual. You never told your boyfriend that, but still you felt a sort of pride in your identity, even if you were closeted, you still wanted a tiny bit of freedom, and that pin was it.

You’ve never told Steven about your bisexuality, because you were afraid to lose him or that he wouldn’t understand you, usually boys were wither gross about it, or they thought you were just gay. If Steven reacted like that, not  only your heart would be broken, but you also couldn’t stay with him anymore.

“I know what bi means. Are you bi honey?” He sounded hurt, probably because you haven’t told him before.

“I’m s-sorry. I-I was scared that you could g-get angry at me and leave me, like people did in the past!”. You started crying, reality hitting hard, the possibility of Steven getting away becoming scarier every second.

“I love you sweets, I could never leave you, not when you own my heart, it beats for you!” Your boyfriend said, grabbing your hand, trying to calm you down a bit.

You left out a sigh of relief, while you tried to stop crying.

“Bi means that you like both right? Sorry I lied when I said I know it for sure!” He giggled, a bit embarrassed.

You nodded with a smile, then you hugged him very tightly, still not believing that you were out now and he was okay with it.

“Thank you so much baby, this means a lot to me!” You whispered into his ear.

“You are my heart, I could never stay without you, and I’m proud of who you are!” He replied, kissing your lips gently.

[jjmaebank]

wish you were gay - jj maybank

A/N: So I wrote this based off my own first heartbreak haha fun! Yeah fr, this all comes from the heart and I literally poured my real emotions and experience into this so it’s really special to me. The song ‘wish you were gay’ by Billie Eilish just reminds me of it cuz I listened to it on repeat getting over it and I related to it. If you haven’t heard it I highly recommend! Also italics are flashbacks!

Summary: you and JJ had something you thought was real, you fell for him and you thought he’d fallen for you too, but this becomes an evident lie as he makes a rash decision that ends in disaster.

Warnings: angst, heartbreak

Words: 1,802

+

Heartbreak. Heartbreak is a perpetual feeling that something bad is about to happen. It’s grief, fur-lined with fear that joy has forever escaped you, that there will be no happily ever after for you. Heartbreak is a tightness in your chest; it makes air feel like razor blades moving through you. It’s waking up in the morning and having three seconds where you don’t remember, and those three seconds will be the only part of the day where the dread doesn’t sit and fester in your gut.

Heartbreak was what you were feeling. After a full day of acting alright, like everything was fine and going back to normal, you’d go home and cry. You’d cry until your body was physically exhausted, to the point where you had no tears left, to the point where your face was sore. You’d cry until you felt physically and emotionally drained and then you would just lay in your bed staring up at your blank ceiling, basking in your own self-pity.

What had gone so terribly wrong? You couldn’t wrap your head around it even weeks afterwards. It kept you up at night, gnawed at you incessantly, played in the back of your mind constantly. Were you unlovable? Were you never going to be good enough for anyone? Why was it that everyone you let in pushed you away, abandoned you as soon as you let your guard down?

+

You and JJ were lying on John B’s couch after a night of partying, the both of you still a little drunk. You were wrapped up in his arms as he stroked your hair and placed sweet kisses on your forehead. You looked up at him in adoration and placed your hands on his bare chest.

“(y/n),” he said nervously, meeting your gaze.

“Yes?” You smiled, his anguish causing your heart rate to quicken.

“I’ve just been thinking, like…we’ve been messing about for a while now…and I guess I uh don’t really know what we are, but I know that I um…like you, like a lot…” he blabbered, removing his hand from you waist to scratch the back of his neck.

You continued staring at him, your mouth curling up in a smile as you felt him squirm underneath you as he tried to pluck up the courage to say what he’d been meaning to for weeks now.

“I guess…I uh guess this is me asking whether you wanna go out with me?” He asked, avoiding eye contact, too scared to see your reaction.

You grabbed his chin gently and tilted his head down to look at you.

“You want me to be your girlfriend?” You smiled. You’d wanted to hear those words for a while now.

“I- uh, yeah,” he replied nervously.

“Well then, yes,” you grinned, watching his eyes widen and his cheeks go crimson.

“Yes? As in yes you want to be my girlfriend?” He stuttered.

“What else would I be saying yes to you dumbass,” you chuckled, making him go red.

He pulled you into a tighter embrace, his whole being consumed by joy.

“Thank god,” he gasped, “that shit was scary.”

+

You remembered that night clearly, you’d never been so elated. The confusion and uncertainty between the two of you completely erased as you finally confessed your feelings for one another. You’d never felt so good in your life. You loved him, you hadn’t told him that yet, but he wanted you to be his girlfriend and that was enough for you at the time. You finally got the clarity you needed, that he was yours and you were his and nothing would change that…or so you thought.

It didn’t take long for things to go south between you and JJ, perhaps a little over a month. One of the best months of your life soon turned into the worst, all in one night.

+

“What is up with you?” You yelled at JJ. He’d been ignoring you all week, coming up with excuses not to see you and avoiding your texts and calls.

“I’ve just been busy, alright!” He yelled back, his voice laced in frustration. He was keeping something from you.

“Bullshit, J! You’re not too busy for John B, for Pope, for Kie! You’re apparently only too busy for me!” You shouted. “What aren’t you telling me?”

JJ sighed and sat down on John B’s couch, running his hands through his messy hair.

“Did I do something?” You whispered, sitting down across from him.

“No…no…” JJ shook his head, staring down at the wooden floorboards.

“Then what is it?” You pleaded, your voice threatening to crack at any moment. “Why don’t you talk to me anymore?”

“I fucked up (y/n)…” JJ said, finally looking up at you. His eyes showed pity, guilt even.

Your heart felt like it had sunk to your feet. What did he mean he fucked up? Had he cheated? A million thoughts raced through your mind as you processed his words.

“W-what do you mean?” You stuttered, your heart now beating at a speed you didn’t know to be humanly possible.

“I lied to you (y/n),” his lip trembled; he was holding himself back from crying. You’d only seen JJ cry once, after telling you about his father, so it scared you that he was showing signs of it again.

“You lied? What do you mean you lied, JJ?” You asked, your voice raised yet still shaky.

“I told you I wanted you to be my girlfriend,” he stated, his eyes still glazed with guilt.

Your breath hitched as you took in his words. Out of the million things that had crossed your mind, this was not one of them.

“I’m so sorry, (y/n), I really thought I wanted this…” he continued, his voice strained. “We had a lot of fun and I really like hanging out with you, but I just…I can’t do this…us…”

You felt sick. You felt a sob making its way up your throat as you felt your heart breaking, shattering into tiny pieces.

“So this was all a lie?” You choked, “I never meant anything to you?”

You could see the hurt in his eyes seeing what he’d done to you.

“I’m so, so sorry (y/n),” he shook his head, “I never meant to hurt you.”

“Bullshit!” You stood up from your seat, tears streaming down your face. “You don’t just fuck with someone’s feelings on accident!”

“We were drunk (y/n)!” JJ stood up. “I thought I knew how I felt, but I didn’t and I’m sorry! I was wrong okay? Fuck! I was wrong!”

“Alcohol doesn’t give you feelings for someone out of the blue, JJ,” you cried, “so you must’ve lied that night. You must’ve lied right to my face when you told me you liked me! When you told me you wanted me to be yours!”

You could barely see through your tear coated eyes and the taste of salt stung your lips.

JJ simply stood there in silence, shame overcoming him. He knew he was an idiot and he hated himself for it. He cared for you, he really did, but he knew leading you on anymore would just hurt you more than he already had.

“I just don’t think I’m a relationship type of guy (y/n)…I’ve tried but I can’t be the guy you want me to be… I’m sorry…” he sighed, sticking his hands into the pockets of his cargo shorts, biting his lip and sniffling.

“To think I was going to tell you I loved you…” you muttered, wiping your tears with the back of your hand.

JJ’s eyes widened at your confession, “(y/n)…I-”

“Save it, JJ,” you interrupted, “You’ve made it very clear how you feel.”

“I’m so sorry, so fucking sorry,” he mumbled, letting a single tear slip down his cheek.

“I really hope you are,” you cried grabbing your stuff, “and I hope that you never do this to anyone ever again.”

+

JJ Maybank had broken your heart, that was a fact. The first boy to make you feel wanted, worthy, was the same to absolutely ruin you. You spent countless nights crying yourself to sleep, blaming yourself for what had happened, convincing yourself that you could never be loved. You had to spend time away from the pogues at first, you couldn’t bear to see JJ, you wouldn’t let him see what he’d done to you just. For him to pity you.

You were so embarrassed by what had happened that you longed to blame it on anything other than the truth, the truth that JJ simply didn’t love you and he never would. But what hurt the most was thinking that he could have. The time you spent together felt so real that you couldn’t comprehend how he could discard it with such ease, just pretend like it had never even happened. He’d given you a taste of the happiness you’d craved so dearly and then ripped it away from you in the blink of an eye, that’swhat hurt the most.

What a fool you were, thinking a boy notorious for one night stands and meaningless hook ups could ever settle down permanently with the likes of you. You dreamed of being the one who he came to when he was sad, of being the first person he confided in after a beating from his father, but that’s all it was, a dream. He hardly let you in, despite your many efforts. The truth was you weren’t the first thing he thought of when he woke up, or the last thing before he fell asleep. He didn’t fantasise about your lips and the way it felt to kiss you, or how it felt to hold you or hear you laugh; he took you for granted.

You wished you could have been that girl in the movies, the girl that gets the player to change his ways and fall for her, the girl that makes him never want to be with anyone else ever again, but you weren’t her and you never would be.

+

A/N: whoooosh I haven’t written in a good 2 weeks or something so idk there you have it

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[kaleidoscopeminds]

for the prompts! “All I do is drink coffee and say bad words.” with either malum or mashton? i'm not sure which one it fits better so you pick!

Maggie I’m sorry this took so long but I’m hoping that a bit of mashton fake dating will make up for it! This is supposed to be a prompt fic which rapidly turned into 2.5k written whilst I was at work and has almost nothing to do with the prompt, but I hope you enjoy, love you endlessly!

“I can’t believe I forgot,” Ashton groans, haphazardly pushing a hand through his hair and tapping furiously on his phone screen.

“You okay there Ash?” Michael puts Ashton’s coffee down in front of him before dropping into the seat opposite him.

“Shit. Shit. Fucking fuck. Fuck my life.” 

“Oh I’m Ashton Irwin and all I do is drink coffee and say bad words.” Michael puts on a pompous voice, laughing into his own coffee and watching Ashton stabbing his phone in frustration. 

“Oh my god no,” Ashton whines, dropping his phone onto the table and closing his eyes. 

“You want to share with the class?” Michael says amused, waiting for Ashton to finish his breakdown quietly.

“My boss is having a party which has been planned for ages and I promised I would go to, but I forgot it was tonight.” Ashton grimaces, taking a sip of his coffee.

“And you’re this upset because that means you can’t spend the evening with me eating pizza?” Michael says teasingly. “It’s not a big deal Ash.”

“No you don’t understand,” Ashton says, making a face. “I have to bring a plus one.”

“Why?” Michael asks. “Is it a requirement?”

“Because I told them I have a boyfriend,” Ashton mumbles into the rim of his mug.

Michael ignores the weird twist his stomach does at the thought of Ashton with a boyfriend and smiles wryly at Ashton.

“Wow who is the lucky man? He must be extremely extremely mysterious if I haven’t managed to catch a glimpse of him yet,” Michael says.

“Shut up, I only said that because my boss seemed dead set on setting me up with his daughter,” Ashton scowls. “Apparently ‘I’m gay’ isn’t a good enough reason to not want to date Lucy.”

Michael snorts, Ashton’s new boss seems like a decent enough guy but from what Ashton’s told him does sound unreasonably interested in Ashton’s personal life.

“So you’ve got, what, five hours to find a boyfriend?” Michael asks with a small laugh. “That’s going to be challenging even for you.”

“Shut up,” Ashton says, rolling his eyes and taking another drink from his mug. He pauses, then looks up at Michael with a contemplative look in his eye, and Michael knows him well enough to know he’s planning something. Michael feels his stomach drop and his heart rate increase when he realises just what Ashton’s planning, always able to read him like a book.

“No, absolutely not,” Michael says, shaking his head.

“But Michael,” Ashton says pleadingly. “You’d make the ideal fake-boyfriend.”

Michael knows this to be true, but mainly because he’s actually in love with his best friend, something he’s spent the last five years desperately trying to conceal. 

“Why can’t you just tell them you broke up with the aforementioned boyfriend?” Michael asks, wiping his sweaty hands on his jeans surreptitiously, trying to hide the panic in his voice.

“Because Lucy is going to be there and he’ll try to set us up again I know it,” Ashton looks at Michael with a beseeching look. “This is perfect, you already know everything about me, and I know you’re available later because you only had plans with me.”

Michael shakes his head again, this was such a bad idea. He was just about able to keep a cap on his feelings for Ashton whilst doing friendly things but spending a whole evening pretending to be his boyfriend? Holding hands? Touching? Michael’s honestly not sure he would survive it. But Ashton’s looking at him imploringly, and Michael is weak, so fucking weak when it comes to Ashton, and he feels himself nodding.

“Fine,” his voice cracks slightly and he clears his throat.

Ashton smiles at him, sunny and wide, like Michael has hung the moon, and Michael can’t help but grin back.

He is so fucked.

X

“So I reckon we won’t have to stay too long,” Ashton says, pulling his shoes on. “Just make the rounds a couple of times, schmooze the right people, then we can come back here and order pizza.”

Michael had come to Ashton’s apartment before the party as it was closer and so they could arrive together, and Michael wishes this was like any other day when they would spend the evening on the sofa, eating take-out and shouting at bad reality TV. Instead he’s dressed in a stupid suit, getting ready to go to an event he’d rather die than be at, and has to pretend to be Ashton’s boyfriend to boot. Michael wonders what he did in his past life for him to be tortured in this way.

“Okay so how did we get together,” Michael asks, fiddling with his collar as he looks at himself in the mirror. He frowns at himself, he never likes the way he looks in formal clothes, he just looks awkward and wrong in them, Ashton on the other hand looks ridiculously good in his black shirt and well fitting black suit trousers, hair slicked back from his face. But Ashton always looks ridiculously good, Michael thinks sourly.

“Why don’t we say we were friends and then we figured out we liked each other,” Ashton says, coming to stand behind Michael. “As close to the truth as possible, makes it easier to remember.”

Michael is honestly going to die, he’s sure of it. 

“Yeah, okay,” he manages to get out, shakily.

“Relax, Mikey,” Ashton says, reaching up to sort Michael’s collar out for him, brushing his fingers along the back of his neck and smoothing his hands over his shoulders. Michael represses a shiver under Ashton’s hands. “No one will suspect a thing, we make a great couple.”

And doesn’t Michael fucking know it, he thinks, looking at the two of them stood in the mirror.

“You look great,” Ashton says quietly, dropping his chin onto Michael’s shoulder for a second before sweeping his hand over Michael’s back and pulling away.

For about the fiftieth time that day Michael thinks what a bad idea this is. 

X

Okay so maybe it could be worse. Michael has to admit he kind of likes being at Ashton’s side, his hand slipping round Michael’s waist as he pulls them from group to group, Ashton murmuring in his ear who each person is as they approach, Ashton introducing Michael as his boyfriend and dropping a kiss on his cheek every now again. As long as Michael ignores the fact that knowing it's not real cracks a hole in his chest the size of Texas, it's actually sort of nice. Ashton keeps smiling at him encouragingly, and Michael thinks that occasionally he gets an especially fond look in his eyes, but that’s probably Michael's brain getting a little over-active.

“That’s Steve, my boss,” Ashton murmurs to Michael as they approach an older man and woman, standing with a younger woman who’s about Michael’s age, maybe a couple of years younger. “That’s Angela, the wife, and Lucy, the dreaded daughter.”

Michael pinches Ashton’s side. “Don’t be rude, she might be nice,” Michael reprimands quietly.

Ashton just rolls his eyes at Michael before putting his million dollar smile on as they walk up to the group. Michael is endlessly envious of the way Ashton can fit into any situation, effortlessly charming and genial, where Michael stutters and muddles his way through social situations.

“Ashton!” Steve, the boss, booms at the two of them. “There you are! And who’s this?”

“Hi Steve, great to see you,” Ashton says, a smile on his face. “This is my boyfriend, Michael. Michael, this is Steve, my wonderful boss.” 

“This is my wife Angela, and daughter Lucy,” Steve responds, gesturing fondly at his family. “So this is the famous boyfriend?” He looks at Michael with interest.

Michael smiles, a little uncomfortably, but Steve doesn’t seem to be showing any ill-feeling towards the two of them. He does notice however, Lucy, give Ashton a very deliberate look up and down. He moves slightly closer and moves a hand to rest on Ashton’s hip possessively, if he’s going to pretend to be the boyfriend, he’s going to fucking pretend to be the boyfriend.

“So how did the two of you meet?” Steve asks.

Ashton gives Michael a grin, slipping his fingers into the spaces between Michael’s on his hip before turning back to Steve and his family. “We met at college, we were roommates, and we were best friends almost immediately. I drove him mad by drumming on anything and everything without my kit and he wound me up by playing video games into the early hours of the morning, but even that couldn’t drive us apart.” Ashton laughs fondly at the memory before continuing. “After college we moved to LA at the same time and shared a shoebox apartment until we got grown up jobs and managed to afford to live separately, but I missed him as soon as he moved out. It was only recently we figured out we were meant to be together though.”

Michael’s heart is racing and he feels that crevice in his chest widen with every word Ashton speaks. Michael aches with the want of it, with the longing in him growing unmanageably large, fighting its way out of the chasm that's been split down the very centre of him. He needs Ashton to stop talking immediately but also he thinks he might die if he doesn’t hear every word of this, just once, real for just a second. 

“Oh how adorable,” Angela coos. “Michael lets hear your side, how did you know Ashton was the right one?”

Michael blinks and flexes his fingers in Ashton’s grip. He feels Ashton’s other hand come up underneath his jacket to rest on the small of his back, fingers stroking soothingly.

“I mean how could I not?” Michael starts quietly, then throws caution to the wind, the words tumbling out of him before he can stop them. “He’s the kindest, most passionate and strongest person I’ve ever met. Everything he does he does with so much purpose and love. He’s been endlessly supportive, the best friend I’ve ever had and the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” He takes a deep breath. “How could I not fall in love with Ashton Irwin? It was inevitable.”

There’s a tense pause as he feels Ashton turn his head to look at him, and Michael resolutely avoids his eyes, continuing to look at the smiling family in front of him. Michael vaguely hears Angela cooing some more at the two of them, but everything has faded to white noise as he feels Ashton’s eyes bore into the side of his face.

“Could you excuse us for a second?” Ashton says brusquely, not waiting for an answer, just grabbing Michael’s hand and dragging him out of the room and outside the back door. 

Michael takes a deep breath of fresh air as they stand next to a dumpster, nervously looking at Ashton who’s looking back at him intensely, raking his hands through his hair. 

“Ashton what‒” Michael starts.

“Did you mean it?” Ashton interrupts him, looking at him fiercely with something imperceptible in his eyes.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Michael says, heart racing and hands shaking.

“Michael please,” Ashton begs. “Did you actually mean it?” and Michael hears his voice trembling slightly. It’s that which does it for Michael, as if he’s ever been able to deny Ashton anything.

“Of course I meant it,” Michael says quietly. 

The next thing he knows, he’s pressed up against the wall and Ashton’s lips are on his. Michael inhales his own gasp, brings his arms up to wrap around Ashton’s neck, and kisses back with everything he’s got.

After a few seconds Ashton breaks away to rest his forehead on Michael’s. “Why didn’t you say anything?” He says breathlessly.

“Because we’re best friends. Because you don’t like me like that. Because it could ruin everything,” Michael whispers, closing his eyes so he doesn’t have to look at Ashton. “You don’t have to pretend for me, Ashton. Please don’t.”

“Michael, Michael,” Ashton breathes, and Michael feels his hand cradle the back of his head. “I love you.” Ashton laughs, like he’s startled himself by the fact.

Michael opens his eyes and is met with a burning look in Ashton’s that he’s never seen before. Ashton leans in to kiss him again but Michael pulls back.

“No, Ashton I can’t, you don’t actually mean that” Michael says shakily. “This means more to me than it does to you and I can’t, I can’t do it.”

Ashton moves with Michael and stays with his cheek pressed against Michael’s, breathing heavily in his ear. “You don’t know that Mikey. This means everything.”

“But I do, you can’t just decide now that you love me,” Michael says desperately. His brain is going a hundred miles an hour, everything he’s ever wanted has been laid out in front of him and he desperately wants to grasp it but it seems so unrealistic, that Ashton could love him back.

“I haven’t just decided now, I think I was all along I just didn’t know.” Ashton leans back and looks at him earnestly, eyes glittering. “But God, this whole evening having you here, pretending to be my boyfriend I realised how much I wanted it to be real, how much I wanted to have you there under my arm every damn day.” He pauses to brush his hand through Michael’s hair. “How long have you loved me for Michael? When did you know?”

“From that day in the library,” Michael says, looking down, not able to look at Ashton when he looks at him like that. “I text you complaining I was cold, and you turned up with my sweater and my favourite coffee.”

He hears Ashton inhale sharply. “That was the first month of freshman year, Michael. That was five years ago.”

“I know,” Michael whispers, still looking down.

He feels Ashton’s hand come up and pull his chin up to look at him, and then he’s pressing kisses to Michael’s face, his forehead, his cheeks, his nose. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I’m slow and stupid,” he murmurs, interspersed with kisses. “Will you let me love you now? Even though I’m dumb and oblivious and undeserving?” 

Michael is frozen, unable to process everything that’s happening, only able to blink at Ashton, hands still gripping his shoulders loosely. 

“You actually want to be with me?” He says slowly. “You… love me?”

Ashton laughs. “Yes I love you, I might have only realised ten minutes ago but I love you and I want to be with you, I promise. Be with me Michael, be my real boyfriend.”

“Okay,” Michael says simply, lips spreading slowly into a smile.

“Okay?” Ashton says, hazel eyes sparkling at Michael more than ever. 

Michael nods, smiling even wider. 

“Can I kiss you now please?” Ashton asks.

Michael nods and Ashton immediately presses their lips back together. Michael sighs into it, hands gripping Ashton’s shoulders and pulling him closer, and vaguely wonders whether he’ll ever be able to refuse anything Ashton asks him.

[layce2015]

Bonus Chapter 2 (Joel Miller x Reader)

How Joel met (y/n)'s mom and brother

Last of Us Part 2 Masterlist

"Okay...everything will be okay...everything will be fine..." I said, panicked, as Joel and I were in his truck, heading to my mom's house. We have been dating for a few months and now was the time for Joel to meet meet my mom and my brother and to say I was nervous was an understatement. 

"(Y/n), breathe." Joel assured me and I let out a sigh. "I know, it's just...ever since dad died, Aiden has really taken the mantle as the man of the house. And he is very overprotective." I said and Joel chuckles a bit. "You don’t need to worry about anything, honey. Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?" Joel asked and I bite my lips.

"Did I mention...he’s in the army?" I said as we pull up to mom's driveway. "Oh." Joel said, surprised, and he parks his truck. "Yeah, sorry....hopefully, you're still up for it." I said, apologetically. Then he takes my hand in his and says. "Of course. In the end, you're worth it all." He said and I smiled at him. We lean in and kiss each other lightly before we get out of hsi vehicle and head to the front door.

"Here we go." I sighed and I knock the door and Mom opens the door. "(y/n)!" She exclaims, excitedly, and she pulls me into a tight hug. "Hi, mom." I groaned as she hugged me, tightly. Once we break the embrace, I step aside and gesture to Joel. "Mom, this is Joel." I greet and she looks him over.

"Joel, this is my mother, Andrea." I greet as Joel waves at him. "Ah, so this is the new man you can't stop talking about." Mom said and Joel smirks and said. "Ma'am." while I blush at this.

"Well, come in, come in!" Mom said and she lets us in just as my brother, Aiden, comes into the living room from the kitchen. "Hey, sis." He said and we hug then I turn and said. "Aiden, this is Joel. Joel, this is my brother, Aiden." And Aiden has slightly narrowed his eyes as he sizes Joel up.

Joel holds his hand out to him and says. "Pleasure to meet you." Aiden eyes him a bit then shakes his hand. "So you're the new boyfriend." Aiden said and Joel nods at this.

Mom taps me on the shoulder and whispers "I see why you like him; he's very handsome, just like you said." I blush at this and said, embarrassed. "Mom!" Mom giggles at my embarrassment while Aiden keeps looking Joel over.

"Well, I hope you’re not like that last asshole who hurt my sister." He said and I sighed at this. "Aiden, please be nice." I said, exasperated. Aiden turns to me. "What? I just want to make sure this guy is treating you well, unlike Markus did." He said and Joel looks at us, slightly confused.

"Who's Markus?" he asked and I fold my arms across my chest. "He's...a nobody, don't worry about." I said, sadly. Joel looked a bit concerned but he doesn't push it as Aiden frowns then he turns to Joel. "Now, how about we have that talk." He said and Joel turns to him and nods and the two of them head into the kitchen while mom follows after them.

I sigh and enter the kitchen while Aiden and Joel sit across from each other at the table and mom was at the stove, cooking up some dinner. "So, Joel, what do you do for a living?" Aiden asked, curiously. "I'm a carpenter." Joel replied and Aiden nods, approvingly.

"Any kind've hobbies?" He asked. "Besides working, I play guitar and every now and then I wood carve." Joel replied. "And of course, I take care of Sarah."

"Yeah, (y/n) mentioned you have a daughter." Aiden said and Joel nods at him. "Yeah, I had her when I was young." Joel replied as he rubs the back of his neck. "I see. And...her mother...is she...involved with Sarah at all?" Aiden asked and Joel frowns a bit then he sighs. "No...she's, uh, she's out of the picture." Joel said and I frown a bit. 

Aiden's eyes widen a bit then be has a guilty look on his face. "I'm sorry, man." He said, apologetically. "It's okay. It just didn't work out between us and she walked out." Joel replied and I go up next to him and placed my hands on his shoulder. "That...uh....that sucks. I'm sorry I brought it up." Aiden said and Joel waves his hand, dismissively.

"I get it. You're wondering if the ex is involved and I'm glad to tell you that no, she's not around." Joel said. "So no there's no crazy ex that'll harm (y/n). If there was, I wouldn't allow it. I'd never let anything happen to her."

I smiled and blush at this while Aiden looked a bit impressed by this. "Good." Aiden said before mom turns and says. "Dinner's ready!" The three of us share a look and the two  men get up and we head to the main kitchen area. We grabbed a plate and placed the food on our own plates before we head back into the dinning area.

As we make to the table, Joel sets his plate down on the table then pulls back a chair for me and I smiled. "Why, thank you, kind sir." I said and Joel smirks. "You're welcome." He said and once I sit down, he pushes the chair closer to the table then he goes to sit in his own chair.

We share a glance at this then I reached out and take his hand in mine and slightly squeezed it. He strokes the back of my hand with his thumb for a moment before we let go and start to dig into our food.

Shockingly, it went rather well. Joel and my mother talked a bit then Aiden and Joel started to talk about sports and you would've thought that they were best friends forever from the way they talked. I felt like a weight was lifted off of my shoulder as I watch them talk and laugh.

After finishing our dinner, Aiden looks between me and Joel and said. "Well, I gotta say, Joel. You seem like a good guy. Got a good head on your shoulders. But I'll give you a warning, you hurt her in any way shape or form...I'll introduce you to Lucille." Aiden said and I roll my eyes as Joel looks at this, confused. "Lucille?" He asked.

"It's what he calls his gun." I replied and Joel nods. "And if I'm overseas and I hear that you hurt her, I have friends here that will take care of you." Aiden said and I roll my eyes again. "Okay, Aiden that's enough!" I said but Joel chuckles a bit. "I get it. I'd do the same for Sarah whenever she gets older. But I promise, I'll never hurt (y/n). You have my word." Joel said to Aiden, who gives him an approving nod.

Later that night, Joel and I start to leave the house and say goodnight to mom and Aiden. "Oh by the way, please be sure to use protection. Don’t want my baby sister to be corrupted yet and I ain't ready to be an uncle yet!" Aiden yells and I face-palmed at this. "Aiden!" Mom yells and I hear her smaking Aiden upside the head.

I hear Joel chuckle and we get into Joel's truck. "Well, that went better than expected." I said. "Yeah, it did." Joel said and he starts the truck and we drive off. "So...uh...Who's Markus?" Joel asked me and I frown at this then look away.

"I'm sorry. I-I shouldn't have brought it up." Joel said and I shake my head. "No, no, it's fine. You...you deserve to know." I said then I let out a sigh before I explain. "Markus is my ex-boyfriend. In my Sophomore year of high school, I met Markus at a football game and we talked and started to hit it off real well. The first few months he was great, caring, kind and loving but then he started to change." I explained and Joel glances over at me before he turns back to face the road.

"Suddenly, he started becoming controlling, didn’t let me spend time with my friends and would stay with me whenever I had free time, even when I tried to have some girl time with my gal pal. And he would get jealous easily of some of my guy friends especially one friend who is gay." I said. "I also found out he would often look through my stuff just to make sure I wasn’t cheating on him."

"Jesus." Joel said, shocked. "Why did you stay with him?" 

"Because I was in love with him." I replied, simply. "I thought I could change him. But then...it changed when we got into an argument and he..." I stopped as I placed my left hand on my cheek, still remembering the sting it left. "Did he...did he hurt you?" Joel asked me, carefully, and I look over at him as he stares at me.

I sigh then nod and he lets out a heavy sigh before he looks back at the road. "I told Aiden and he so badly wanted to hurt Markus but I had to remind him that he would go to jail." I said. "Don't blame him. I've never met this guy and I want to find him and hurt him." Joel said and I chuckle then he reaches out and takes my hand in his and I look up at him.

"I promise you, (y/n), I'd never hurt you. And I'll never let anything bad happen to you." Joel said to me, firmly, and I look into his eyes and could see that he was serious. I smiled at him then nodded. "I believe you." I said and he brings my hand up and kissed the back of it.

Then we sit there in silence as we head back to my apartment.

@sleepylunarwolf

@critical-musings

@fangirl-inthe-us

[lemonadeswift]

Unconditional I

Rating: G

Pairing: Chris Evans/Sebastian Stan

Characters: Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, Original Child Character (OCC)

Summary: Chris and Sebastian’s foster child comes out to them as trans and of course, they love them unconditionally.

-

Mikey stood at the top of the stairs in their blue Tony Hawk hand me down hoodie that they’d had for years now. Their new socks were nice though, and so were their other new clothes but this sweat shirt was never going to go away. It was sometimes one of the only possessions they’d had going through the system. Nervously their toes wiggled inside their socks as they curled their feet over the top stair teetering as they debated their next move. It was now or never.

Their mom had probably had an inkling before she passed but she was gone now... and now they had to tell Chris and Sebastian... or “dad” and “tata” as they were slowly getting used to calling them. They’d assured them after their mother’s death and from day one they wouldn’t be transferred around anymore. This was their last stop on that train and their permanent home could be with them if that’s what they wanted. And Mikey did want that, he just hoped that after this new revelation Sebastian and Chris would still feel the same. They hoped that even if they didn’t want them anymore they’d still consider adopting Bailey. Mikey wanted his sister to have a good life, she was only 7, them being 15, they’d be fine on their own if they had to.

Anyway... it was now or never. They felt this bursting forth from them. They couldn’t keep it in anymore it was too stressful, it was killing them. They’d been up the past three nights and they knew that Chris and Sebastian were starting to notice.

“Dad? Tată?” Mikey called out in a voice just loud enough for Sebastian and Chris to hear. The two were sitting in the living room, they’d just put Luca, Lea, and Bailey down for bed and Mikey had just finished reading to them, leaving the couple to settle down for the night before turning in.

Mikey couldn’t help but smile as they noticed from the top of the stairs how the two were curled against each other. Chris on his tablet while Sebastian was resting his head on his shoulder, seemingly on his phone. They hated to disturb them but they needed to tell them this.

“Hey buddy, what’s up?” Chris asked, a soft smile on his burly winter bearded face.

“Hi... I’m... Um... can we... can we talk? Can I talk to both of you?” Mikey fidgeted with his hands wringing them together and teetering back and forth on their toes.

Chris’s face immediately turned concerned. His brows knitting together as he and Sebastian parted, sliding over to make room for Mikey beside them if they wanted to sit.

“Yeah, of course, always, you can come to us with anything, is something wrong? Do we need to break out the hot chocolate for this one?”

Hot chocolate had become a tradition with tough conversations in the household. It was brought out a few months ago when their mom passed, and again when they were told that they couldn’t be adopted yet, and yet another time when they were discussing a career move that would require Sebastian to be gone for four months that he wanted to get the kids input on. He hadn’t taken it. It had been too soon, but while hot chocolate was synonymous with difficult conversation it was also synonymous with comfort and warmth and safety. Tough conversations were no longer callous encounters, with Chris and Sebastian tough conversations were always had in an environment that was carefully curated to also feel safe and full of love and support. If this conversation didn’t go the way Mikey wanted they didn’t want the memory of hot chocolate to be ruined forever so they declined.

“N-no... I think... I think I’d rather just talk.” Rather than sitting down between the two Mikey nervously backed up against the accent chair in the living room and sat down lightly on the arm, perching carefully as they continued to fidget.

Mikey took a deep breath unsure of how to come out with it. Right now their palms were sweaty and their heart was pounding against their ribs. They felt clammy and sick... but they had to,

“Hey, Mikey, buddy, we love you, you’re safe here and you can tell us anything, we promise...” Sebastian spoke up, his eyes earnest.

Mikey wanted to cry.

“I-I-I-I’m... I... I think I’m trans?” It came out as a question, it made them mad that it did, what were they doing? Asking permission? No. They knew, they were sure, had been for a long time so what was with the questioning. Mikey shook their head,

“No, no... Sorry...” Mikey sat up straight a look of determination in their eyes as they met both Chris and Sebastian’s gazes. “I know I’m trans...my name is Melody because that’s the name my mom wanted to name me if I’d been a girl, which I am. My pronounce are she/her/they and if you don’t like it I’ll leave and figure things out myself.”

Melody stood there with a firm stance. Her eyes hard and arms crossed as she glared daggers into Chris and Sebastian who hadn’t said anything yet. Chris was the first to speak, his voice was soft as he said,

“Come, sit,” and patted the seat beside him. Deflating almost immediately Melody came and sat next to him. Her guard was still up but her firm stance from earlier and hard exterior had crumbled again. Now she was just scared. Scared and terrified. Melody felt an arm slide around her shoulders and she tensed up, softly though, Chris’s voice reached her ears,

“Melody, honey, we love you... no matter who you are, or how you identify... if your name is Melody and you’re a girl who goes by she/her/they, then that’s who you are and that’s what we will refer to you as, we’re both bisexual men, and you know my brother, your Uncle Scott, is gay. We couldn’t possibly be bothered less about if you’re trans. We love you,”

Melody felt herself shaking and as she blinked she felt the tears on her cheeks she was crying.

“Aw, sweetie, come here,” Sebastian’s said, pulling her into him and resting his head on top of hers as he hushed her and stroked her back, she clung to him and cried tears of sheer relief. Yes, she’d known they were obviously bisexual and she’d remembered that Scott was gay, but she never had heard them speak of any trans person they knew aside from one actress that Chris had worked with. And then it was just in passing. So she didn’t know, she hadn’t been 100% sure and that slight uncertainty had been killing her. She was so happy she was right about them though. So happy that they didn’t care...

“Hey, it’s okay, I promise we love you, we support you, you don’t need to get upset, you don’t need to cry, you’re okay, you’re safe, and if anyone, anyone has anything to say about it, they can fuck right off,” Melody pulled away from Sebastian at Chris’s assurances. She let out a wet chuckle at his last comment before throwing herself at him too,

“Thank you...” she said, another sob escaping her throat, one of absolute relief.

“You don’t have to thank us, we should be thanking you... thank you for telling us, we love you, I’m going to warn you, I might slip up a few times and I’ll have to get used to the new name and pronouns but we love you, okay?”

“Same here, it’ll be a change, but not a bad one,”

Melody wiped her eyes with the sleeves of her hoodie suddenly feeling completely drained. It was late after all and this had taken up all of her strength.

“Why don’t we talk more about this tomorrow okay? It’s late, we can look into getting you new clothes if that’s something you want and we can research some doctors if medically transitioning is something you’re interested in starting soon too okay? But in the morning, I’m sure this took a lot to tell us, but we love you and things will stay the same in most ways and change in only good ones I promise, okay?” Melody nodded. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. It was one thing to just accept it and accept her but the offer for clothes and to look into a doctor... it showed they were really serious, and were already somewhat educated... she couldn’t be happier.

Melody stood from the couch and let out one last sniffle. With her jacket over her hands giving her sweater paws she stood in front of them and gave a little wave. “Okay, goodnight...”

“Goodnight, we’ll see you in the morning, we love you,”

Melody nodded, she hadn’t told them she loved them yet but her heart was swelling with affection and emotion for them and as she turned to go and got to the stairs she stopped,

“I-I love you guys too...” she finally said. Their heads snapped over to her immediately and they were standing, stumbling over one and other as they came towards her. She was slightly surprised.

“What? I’m sorry... did you say?” Sebastian’s eyes were wide with hope,

“I-I love you guys too... I do... I love you guys, dad, I love you... tată, I love you...”

“Oh my god... Mik-Melody oh... we love you, we love you too!” Chris was sweeping her up into his arms again, lifting her off the ground and making her laugh. He spun her around once before putting her down, his eyes were shining with tears as he choked out, “You mean it? For real? You’ve... you’ve never said that... you haven’t said that yet...”

Melody just nodded, “Yeah, I mean it... I already have started seeing you as my dads... I don’t know why it’s taken me so long to say it. But I do, I love you guys and I’m... I’m so thankful that I ended up here...”

Sebastian was openly crying too now as he wrapped her in a bear hug of his own, he gave her a tight squeeze, “I’m so thankful that you guys ended up here too, you fit perfectly into this family and we want to have you guys as part of it forever. I swear, we’re working on it. I know things haven’t been easy but I’m so happy you’re here and I’m so happy to be your dad...”

Chris joined the hug and they stood there at the foot of the stairs, smothering Melody with love until she finally began to actually feel smothered and spoke up,

“I love you guys, but it’s actually getting hard to breathe, I’m pretty small and you guys are pretty aggressive huggers...”

“Oh.. sorry,” Chris laughed as they broke the hug and he went to stand by Sebastian again, the two of them gravitated to each other and their hands magnetically connected with parts of each other’s bodies, around the waist and in each other’s pockets as they always did when they got close. They both smiled and watched as Melody made her way the rest of the way up the stairs and disappeared down the hall.

Chris turned to Sebastian, letting out a sigh and giving a shrug,

“Well, that all happened.” He commented.

“It did, didn’t it? I’m so proud of her...” Sebastian said.

“Me too,” Chris said.

“So, we have two daughters now, maybe three soon,”

“Guess so, good thing I had sisters,” Chris said.

“Yeah, we can do this,”

“Of course we can, together, we can get through everything. We’ve already been through a lot, this is nothing we can’t handle. We’ve just gotta be supportive and love her unconditionally...” Sebastian leaned up to press a soft kiss on his husbands lips.

“Let’s go to bed, we’ve got some more important conversations to have tomorrow.”

[letitmclennon]

So Suburra is over and I’m like emotionally and physically shattered. 

Season 3 was generally good, but it seems like the authors wanted to end the series too quickly (only 6 episodes? Really?).

I’ve so many feelings and I can’t put them in order. But I’ll try because I have to.

If you keep on reading from now, beware of spoilers! 

First of all, let’s just say I like this series isn’t a prequel of the movie anymore. I’ve never seen the movie, other than THAT scene, but from what I know, I’m glad they changed idea. And I think it’s because they realized that what they have created in the series was too beautiful to be ruined in that way - which is Aureliano killing Spadino so coldly. It was practically unreal that Aureliano would kill Spadino after what they had been through. 

And most of all, after this... ⬇

But I’ll talk about Spadino and Aureliano later.

So, I said it seems the authors wanted to get rid of the series quickly. And that’s because of some events that are surprising plot twists. Like Monaschi going away after only one scene and Samurai who gets killed in the first episode. I didn’t see it coming so soon, it’s a mistake that he wouldn’t have done in the past seasons. On the other end, there’s a crescendo of tension that explodes in the last episode. You just find yourself wanting to see more till the end, even though, deep down, you know it’ll be a sad ending. 

The whole Cinaglia’s storyline was also interesting. At the beginning he was the new one, the honest politician who wants to change Rome in a positive way. Soon after, though, he becomes like any other politicians and understands that he has to make business with the underworld to keep his position. And from the moment he enters this vicious cycle, he just can’t come out anymore. That leads him to a peak in which he kills his wife, becoming a criminal, exactly like the ones he wanted to fight at the very beginning. It’s  disturbing but it’s also quite realistic. That said, I like Filippo Nigro’s acting, I didn’t think he could be such a creepy character. 

I really liked Nadia and Angelica becoming friends. They are strong and, unlike their boyfriends, they’re more rational. Aureliano and Spadino have always been too reckless. Angelica immediately figures out Manfredi’s betrayal and tries to warn Spadino, but of course, he is too lost in his perfect world where finally he has become Aureliano’s partner in crime. Nadia is smart and badass as well, risking everything they’ve built to protect Aureliano and showing him she can decide of her own life by herself. In the end the two girls comfort each other for what they have lost, their men and also the baby. And that was so good to see. 

And finally, let’s say something about Aureliano and Spadino. Before the release of season 3, I read some interviews where both Giacomo and Ale said the final season would be a love story between two great friends that love each other. I was so happy, because, ok, we all know Spadino never really stopped loving Aureliano. I mean, even if he tried with that poor guy in season 2, he couldn’t just get over him. And we can see how his love for Aureliano is central in the final series too. To him, their friendship and partnership is what gives a meaning to everything. He can’t just stop thinking about him, and being jealous. During the party he just sort of loses it and goes to interrupt Aureliano and Nadia’s kissing.

Look at him, so bloody jealous. 

What I was unsure about was Aureliano’s feeling for Spadino. We all remember  at the end of season 1, he was disgusted when he found out about Spadino’s homosexuality. And yes, in the end of season 2 he said “te voglio bene, Spadì”, which in italian means “i love you” but as a friend, a brother in this case, because he keeps on calling him “fratè” (fratello= brother). So I was sure that there would be a moment in which Spadino would make a big mistake and Aureliano would just break up their friendship. Also because I was still thinking the series was a prequel to the movie. Luckily from the first episode with Samurai’s death we find out this isn’t true anymore. I became more and more confident that their friendship would go on, no matter what.

In fact there are mistakes on both parts, Spadino and Aureliano, but they know they could only trust each other now. They put this relationship above everything else, families and business. 

Spadino also tries to kill his brother for Aureliano, but he just can’t, because his family is still too important in that moment. And the following scene is just heartbreaking. Spadino tells Aureliano he is sorry because he wasn’t good enough to kill his brother, and that it would have been better if his family killed him only for being a “faggot”. 

And Aureliano does something very sweet. Something strange if you think how disgusted he was about Spadino being gay. 

He caresses his neck, his thumb stroking Spadino’s cheeks tenderly, like he wants him to finally accept himself for who he truly is. And this shows us that Aureliano has definetely accepted Spadino’s truly essence and, I think, his feelings for him too. Because, come on, it’s obvious he knows!! I’m not saying he loves him back romantically, but of course he cares so much about Spadino, more than anything else. 

From now on it’s a crescendo of events and tension which leads us to the final episode. 

Spadino wants to kill his brother once and for all, but he falls into the trap of his father-in-law and Manfredi. So, this is the crucial event. Aureliano is about to put his hands on the key to rule Rome, the power he has always wanted. But Nadia calls him and tells him about Spadino being in danger. 

Sibilla tells him “It’s not time for feelings”, but Aureliano doesn’t think twice and goes straight to save Spadino. 

Now, it was a real surprise, seeing him throwing away the power to save his best friend’s life. This is a classic foolish act he would do, but for the first time it’s also the most heroic and altruistic thing he has ever done. Also because then, he understands that the only way to save Spadino is to sacrifice himself. 

So he winks at him, as if he wants to reassure him, tells him “ciao fratè” and then goes out shooting at Manfredi’s men. 

Do we have to talk about him dying in Spadino’s arms? Because it’s too hard to do it. But we’ll try. 

Of course Spadino tries to reassure him that he’s going to be ok. But no, they both know Aureliano is dying. And Spadino knows he’s losing the love of his life, the only person who gave a meaning to literally everything that he still has. 

The whole scene is heartbreaking. But the moment that hit me most is when Spadino tells him “Don’t leave me”. I mean, how can you go on living after that? Please, tell me if you know. 

So Aureliano sacrifices himself for Spadino. If this isn’t love, I don’t know what else it is then. And with him gone, Spadino loses his heart too, but now he has the strenght and the anger to get his revenge and finally kills his brother with the same knife he gave him. 

The end is so sad. The way he wants to say goodbye to Aureliano, all alone, in the middle of the sea. It’s the best and saddest scene I’ve ever seen in a while. 

He knows he can’t show his pain like Nadia does after, so he  allows himself this moment of privacy where he can be with Aureliano finally alone, cradle him in his arms, caress him and kiss him, basically what he has really wanted to do to him, but he wasn’t allowed to. 

He also gives Nadia Aureliano’s ring. He could have kept for himself, but even now he puts Aureliano above everything else. I think he knows Aureliano would want Nadia to have his ring. 

Besides, nothing matters now to Spadino, not even Angelica. When she didn’t want anything more from him, after losing the baby, he still wanted to be with her and have a family. But that was because Aureliano was still alive. And like he says, on the beach scene, she was right thinking that his heart was with Aureliano, and that was true when Aureliano was alive, but also after his death. So now life itself has lost meaning to Spadino and he gives up on everything, Angelica and his family. 

He chooses to be alone, with his grief and his feeling guilty, because knowing him, he does feel Aureliano’s death is his own fault. I was thinking that Spadino would be the one to die, but meanwhile I really hoped he would survive in a way. And he did, but I think with Aureliano gone, he is as well as he died with him. 

I think I’ll be missing these two guys a lot, the way they laugh with each other, how much they care for each other, and the amazing development of their characters and their bond.

Besides Alessandro and Giacomo had such a strong chemistry which gave a lot to their characters. It was just incredibile, and being Italian, I’m so proud of this series and the wonderful job all the staff did. 

if you have read so far, thank you and... DAJE!! 

[monamourbladie-mb]

padme x anakin x reader when’re the reader is a little self conscious about her appearance but the reassure her that they love her no matter what? (it’s totally fine if you’re not comfortable writing it!)

Sure! I don’t write polyamorous relationships, but I hope that this is at least somewhat of what you asked!

Insecurities - Anakin x Reader x Padme

Warnings: None

Words: 1k

Extra info: Anakin and Padme are in a relationship and Y/n is the only one that knows, and is very jealous. ALSO!!! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! Never compare yourself to someone else. 💘 remember, hate leads to suffering. that includes self hate too. oh yeah, reader is a little tad bit gay for padme but tbh who isn’t

~*~

Y/n fought back tears as she saw her two best friends be all happy and in love together. Truth was, she was in love with Anakin since he was a little kid - but he was too star struck by Padme to look at her in any romantic way. Not only that, but she thought Padme was the most beautiful girl in the world - and wished she could look like her more than anything.

So to see who she thought was the most beautiful girl ever be in love with her longtime crush seriously crushed her. She couldn’t stand it anymore and ran away to hide in the bathroom, needing to take a breather.

She slammed the door shut and leaned against the doorframe, falling to her knees and crying. She never had anyone to bring up her confidence - so it was broken easily as it had just been minutes ago.

She began to cry as she realized that she would never truly have a chance with Anakin. She wasn’t pretty enough for him.

She and Anakin were sent to protect the Senator since she was trying to be murdered - so naturally the old friends grew close again, leaving Y/n to third wheel. Hard.

She stood up after a good few minutes of crying, seeing the mirror and immediately being disgusted by what she saw.

Your eyes aren’t the beautiful brown that Padme has. Your hair isn’t as curly and shiny as hers. Your hair is too short. You’re too (skin color). You’re too fat. Your nose is too big, your lips are too small. Your eyebrows are horrendous.

You are disgusting.

I hate you.

The longer she looked, the more she hated herself. She knew feelings were a path to the dark side, so she had tried for years to desperately forget about her insecurities. But being around Padme maximized them tenfold.

She started to break down again, losing any shred of confidence she had left in her.

All she wanted was something that made her feel good. Someone to tell her she looked gorgeous. Something, anything.


But she never got it. Jedi were forbidden to love, so why would any of them ever compliment her on anything other than her skills as a Padawan learner, soon to be Jedi?

She was torn from her thoughts when she heard a knock on the door. She sniffled and froze, unsure of if she should speak or not.

“Y/n. I can hear you crying... and I can sense you’re hurt.”

It was Anakin. She gulped, trying to fix her tear-stained face, “I-i’m fine Anakin,” she lied, the broken inflection in her voice giving it away.

“No, you’re not,” Anakin sighed. “Please open the door,” Padme said as well.

Great. Both people who caused the insecurities were there.

She slowly opened the door, not meeting their gaze. “What?” she asked softly.

“What’s wrong, Y/n?” Padme gasped, seeing how hurt she looked. She instantly brought her into a hug - and no matter how angry Y/n was, she hugged her back quickly, starting to cry again.

“I-it’s so stupid,” she mumbled, trying to stop the tears from flowing again.


Anakin wasn’t sure of what to do, so he sighed and watched Padme hug her, “Nothing is stupid, Y/n. Talk to us,” he said.

After a moment of nonstop tears, she finally was able to speak again. “I-i’m insecure,” she said softly, sniffling as Padme rubbed her back.

“About your Jedi skills?” Anakin asked. She shook her head no, “No. A-about how I look. I just hâte everything about myself. I always have. And no one has ever realized how insecure I am, and no one has tried to help me.”

Her lip quivered, embarrassed she was finally admitting that out loud. It sounded even more dumb out loud than it did in her head.

“Are you serious?” Padme sounded shocked, “Y/n, you are beautiful! Why would you feel like that?”

“It’s just...” Y/n stopped, taking a deep breath before letting everything out, “Jedi aren’t supposed to have attachments. No romantic feelings. But this guy... this stupid, stupid man... I started falling for him. But he’s in love with someone else, even though he shouldn’t.” Anakin shifted uncomfortably. “And the girl he’s in love with is so... stunning. Everything about her is perfect. I don’t know how she’s real,” Y/n sighed. “I just wish I could be as beautiful as her. As kind, as funny as her...”

“Y/n, look at me.” Anakin couched down, and held her face in his hands gently. “You are beautiful. You are so beautiful. Why can’t you see that?”

Y/n’s heart leapt in her chest. That was the first time anyone ever said that to her - let alone her crush said that to her. “No one has ever said that to me, Anakin.” she teared up again, “No one. How am I supposed to know I’m beautiful if no one has said it to me?”

“I can promise you that many people believe that way...” he strokes her cheek softly, “they just haven’t had the courage to say it to you.”

“You are beautiful inside and out, Y/n. You can’t compare yourself to someone else... it’ll be your downfall,” Padme hugged her tightly. “If I’m being honest, you are one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen. Many times I’ve been jealous of your natural beauty...” she sighed. “You don’t ever wear makeup, yet you look effortlessly beautiful. It’s not fair,” she pouted, and the two giggled. “You mean it?” Y/n sniffled, her confidence building back up.

“Yes.” she smiled, “We both do.”

Y/n smiled and pulled Anakin down for a tight hug between the three of them. She finally felt happy again - and truly beautiful for the first time in the stars know how long.

Even if Anakin didn’t like her back, hearing him call her beautiful was good enough for her. And to know that the woman she wanted to be thought she was gorgeous was the cherry on top of it all.

Y/n felt very lucky to have Anakin and Padme by her side to lift her up when she was hurt and insecure. She loved them both very much... and to know that they loved her too made her very, very happy.

[sweetboybucky]

In October

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 1300

Warnings: Total pointless sap, because literally nothing has changed. Brought to you by Rae, that one girl who can’t stop giving a 100 year old former assassin fluffy animals to mother to death. 

Summary: This is what Bucky dreamed of, in those years of ice, and even before. 

A/N:  This is my piece for my beautiful love @barnesrogersvstheworld​‘s Are You Afraid of the Dark Halloween Challenge, and my prompt was black cat. Attie - I adore you. I know this challenge was meant for scary stuff, but I hope you like this one anyway.  

I’ve missed you, my loves. Thank you for your kindness this year. I have appreciated it more than you could ever know. Some more notes at the end, to keep this author’s note from getting offensively long. I’m pretty rusty with this writing thing, but I hope you guys enjoy this one. 

*** October settles softly in Brooklyn, with leaves of crimson and ochre and wind whistling through the trees. The smell of maple syrup lingering in the kitchen. Morning sunlight filtering through sheer curtains. 

Eyes of winter gray hide themselves from the sun. Body curled tightly under the blanket he knitted for himself, fingers closing around the soft fabric, drawing it up higher to cover the little smile on his lips as he listens to you - humming something under your breath, making Bucky’s apartment feel like home. 

A sigh slips into the air, and you chuckle a little on the exhale. Bucky’s grin grows wider. 

There is quiet, measured amusement in your voice when you ask, “You going to help me with this, honey?” 

He groans. “Too early.” 

“Not that early, Buck.”

“Still too early.” 

“You said you would help me decorate.” 

He lets his eyes open when the couch shifts with your weight, when he feels you press into his side, warm and solid and real. Looks up at you through a bleary gaze, your beautiful face, your kind eyes. Hums when you stroke your fingers through his hair, lips pressing to his temple. 

“How did I ever manage to wind up with such a lump?” you tease. “Don’t you want to decorate for Halloween?”

“Too tired,” he argues. Startles when a slight weight lands on his legs, little paws digging into his thighs, moving up to his belly. An all too familiar chirp sounds through the air. 

“Look who’s awake,” you say, and Bucky turns his face down, finds those gorgeous green eyes, that expanse of shiny, smooth black fur. 

“Good morning, Princess Cricket,” Flesh fingers stroke behind her ears, down her back.  Affection bubbles in him when she goes pliant, flopping down to lay on top of him on her side, chirping and extending her face up for more attention. 

You echo him, smiling as you pet at Cricket’s side. “Good morning, Cricket,” turning to him, you add, “Wait here a second,” then you stand, taking your heat with you. Bucky misses it in an instant.

He whines, reaches a hand out to you as you walk over to the bin of decorations you abandoned on the floor, digging through it, “What are you doing? Come back.” 

“I bought a present for the baby, I’ll be back in a second.”

Bucky grins, mock innocence in his voice as he calls back, “Am I the baby getting the present?” 

“Well,” you say, turning back once you’ve found whatever it is you were looking for, a small object hidden between your hands, “you’re certainly a baby.” He tickles your side when you take your seat next to him again, tender warmth curling in his heart as you laugh and swat at his hand. “But this present isn’t for you.” 

A frown pulls at his lips, but it’s teasing. “No fair.” 

“Because Halloween is practically your holiday, Miss Cricket,” ignoring his words, tapping Cricket’s nose with your finger, “I got something to help you look the part. 

Winter eyes track your hands as the move, settling the gift on Cricket’s head, pulling back once it’s in place, pressing sweet into his side. 

And he can see Cricket now, as she stares up at him with a tiny, jet black witch’s hat on her head. 

Laughter comes deep from his chest, rumbling through the room. He tweaks the point of the hat with one hand, goes back to stroking Cricket’s face as he wraps his metal arm around you. Drawing you closer, feeling something too soft for him to name beneath his skin as he looks from you to the cat. 

“Do you like it?” 

“I love it,” he tells you, moving his fingers to take yours in his grip. Kissing your knuckles once, twice before continuing, “I think Cricket does, too.” She chirps at him, holding very still. “You’re so scary, sweetpea, my little demon witch.” 

“She’s cute, not scary.” 

“You do know that she’s a demon in a million trashy horror movies, right?” He taps the hat again, looks at Cricket as he continues, “She was a total demon when she was a kitten.” 

“Cricket is too cute to be a demon.” 

“You didn’t find her eating a brand new loaf of bread after she tore through the plastic with her tiny daggers for teeth.” 

“Guess I didn’t.” You scratch at Cricket’s belly, just to get her to stretch out across Bucky’s chest. “But I bet she had you whipped, anyway.” 

And he remembers, with a surge of something fierce and overwhelming, when he had first brought her home, between after everything and before you, when she was tiny and warm and so curious. How he had worried over her, but how grateful he was to have her. 

“She did,” he concedes. But he lets his smile turn teasing again. “Doesn’t mean she wasn’t a demon.” 

“Does this,” you gesture to the cat, nuzzling her face into Bucky’s belly and purring, “look like a demon to you?” 

“Yes,” he answers. “Look at her. I can’t believe I’m still alive. She’s drawing it out, the anticipation is killing me.” He curls his flesh arm around her little body, hauling her up so she can nestle her wet nose against the skin of his neck, grinning up at you, “Put me out of my misery already, Demon Cricket.” 

“She’s about as scary as you, Buck.” 

Breath hitches in his throat. He looks up at you, watching your face and that careful measure of fondness in your expression for a long moment, turning those words over in his head. Admiring the way the sun makes your skin glow gold. Slowly lifting fingers of cool metal, tracing the line of your cheek, staring as you grip them in your own, press a few lingering kisses to the knuckles, the palm of his hand. 

“I love you.” 

It is a quiet, tentative and breathless statement. A feeling that has been stirring in his mind since he first met you, since your warmth first touched his heart. A fierce kind of emotion he has felt for you for so long without naming, without breathing it into the air. 

Your eyes are wide, and there’s something he can’t name in your expression now. But it gives way to a smile too tender for words. A small, private thing meant for the two of you alone. 

“I love you, too, Buck.” 

And this is what he dreamed of - what he longed for in the years of cold, and even before then. 

His next exhale is shaky, but a grin comes with it anyway. Because he loves you, more than those words alone could ever explain, can feel it in his bones, and you love him, too. 

Shifting on the couch, he keeps a hand on Cricket to keep her in place, hearing her chirp as he makes room for you. Tugs on your hand, pulls you down next to him. 

“I guess decorating can wait for a little while,” you murmur, indulgent and so sweet as you curl into his side. Hook your arm over his belly, your cheek pressed to his shoulder. 

Eyes trace over your face for long, peaceful minutes, his lips making a path from your hairline to your cheek to your nose to your mouth, kissing you slowly, sighing into your mouth when your hands thread through his hair. Keeping him close, drawing him in. 

He pulls away to tuck you against his side, one last lingering press of his mouth to your hair before resting his nose in the strands. Breathing against you, letting every loose part of him settle. 

Cricket’s fur is soft beneath his fingers, and you are so warm against his side, and there’s so much sunshine spilling into the room. Such an easy, mundane morning, made beautiful by the simplest of things. 

“Baby?” 

“Yeah, Buck?”

“Can we get hats to match with Cricket for Halloween?” 

You chuckle into his neck, pull back to look at him. “Sure, honey.” Fingers trace the line of his jaw, and your lips follow soon after, affectionate kisses pressed into his skin, filling him with light and love. 

Notes: 

Title and inspiration for this one from girl in red’s gorgeous song, “we fell in love in october” because it made my gay little heart feel something. 

A special thanks to @panicfob for posting about the handwriting method and how helpful it is during a writing slump, it was how I got the first draft of this one done. You’re lovely, darling, and thank you for sharing your tips with us. 

Cricket the Demon Cat is mildly based on my own cat, Maddie, because she is very chirpy, lovey and cuddly, and she also once tore through the plastic on a brand new loaf of bread and ate half of it when she was a kitten. I love her. 

More love to all of you, and my amazing friends, for all the support. This year has been hard. Just trying to hope for better in these last few months, and the upcoming decade. I hope your days are filled with so much light, darlings. 

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[kpopblurbs]

8:00pm

Pairing: Jae/Wonpil Word Count: 3.8k Tags: Porn With Plot, Sex Shop AU, Sex Toys, Anal Sex, Anal Plug, Hair-pulling, Vibrator, Slight sub!Jae, Sungjin is there for banter A/N: owo whats this? a sex shop au written by someone who actually works at a sex shop?? Real talk tho what wonpil does is exactly what every creep that comes into the shop i work at wishes i would do Smutmas Masterlist AO3 Link

Wonpil sighed as he paced around the store, fixing the items that customers had messed up and making sure that everything was as it should be before returning to the front counter. "Morning shift sucks," he said as he propped an arm up on the counter to rest his chin on.

"Yeah well, better this than dealing with the drunks." Sungjin responded without looking up from his book.

"I dunno I think that's fun, they at least laugh at my jokes," Wonpil pouted.

"They're drunk, their judgment is impaired."

"You're crabby in the morning."

"And you have too much energy."

Wonpil opened his mouth to respond when the door chime rang out indicating the arrival of a customer. Immediately the smaller boy walked in the direction of the door spouting his usual, "Hi, welcome, looking for anything specific today?" upon seeing the boy who had entered. He was much taller than Wonpil, a bit thinner too but above all else he seemed very nervous.

"No, I uh, I'm just looking," the boy said and Wonpil smiled.

"First time in a sex shop?" Wonpil asked.

"Uh- yeah," the boy said, refusing to make eye contact with Wonpil.

"Well if you have any questions at all don't hesitate to ask, this is a judgment free zone I promise," Wonpil said in his best reassuring voice.

The boy nodded, mumbling a "Thanks,'" before wandering off into the store. Wonpil let out a sigh, he had been hoping for something to do but it seemed like the boy was going to be one of those customers that wanted to be left alone and likely didn't buy anything.

"Why don't people want help?" Wonpil asked with a pout as he returned to the counter.

"Sex is an awkward topic for most people," Sungjin responded, still not looking up from his book.

"Whatcha readin'?" Wonpil asked, peering over the counter to make his best attempt at reading the words on the page though it was upside down for him.

Sungjin sighed, "A very interesting book that I would love to read in peace."

"But what else am I supposed to do if not continue to bother you?"

"Go clean something," Sungjin said, grabbing a rag from behind the counter and tossing it to Wonpil, "Preferably near the guy who came in, make sure he's not stealing."

Wonpil sighed overdramatically but grabbed the rag and headed off in the direction of the boy. He picked a section where he could keep an eye on the boy before beginning to dust all the merchandise in that section.

It wasn't long until he was interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat. He looked up to see the boy standing next to him, "Can you, uh, help me?" he asked and Wonpil smiled.

"Of course!" he said, stuffing the rag into the pocket of his apron, "What can I help you with?"

"Well, I was, uh, looking for something to help me, yknow..." the boy trailed off awkwardly before making an awkward jerking motion with his fist.

"Oh we have a ton of stuff for masturbation," Wonpil said, his straightforward tone making the boy blush slightly. He led the boy to a wall stocked full of various fleshlights and masturbators and began to explain the differences between all of them.

Wonpil could tell the boy was getting a little overwhelmed and stopped himself from continuing to overexplain the wall, opting instead to grab a smaller off-brand fleshlight and hand it to the boy. "I know you're new to this so trust me when I say that's the one you want to start with, if you like it you can invest in a better one, if not, throw it out like nothing happened," Wonpil explained.

"Do you, uh, do you have one that doesn't look like a..." the boy started, trailing off and allowing Wonpil to cut him off.

"Vagina? Of course, do you want ass or mouth?"

The boy blinked slowly, "The first one," he said and Wonpil nodded, grabbing the toy out of the boys hand and replacing it with the correct one. 

"Anything else I can help you with?"

“No, I think that’s it,” the boy said, giving Wonpil a small smile that made his heart flutter.

“Alright, well feel free to wander around for as long as you want but if you’re done then Sungjin up at the counter can help you check out,” Wonpil said with a smile, waiting for the boy to nod before turning around and going back to his cleaning.

He watched as the boy headed up to the counter and waited for the sound of the door chime indicating he had left before making his way back to the counter. “He was cute,” he said with a pout as he leaned on the glass countertop.

“Why do you insist on leaning on the counter when you know that means I’ll have to clean it?” Sungjin asked exasperatedly, finally looking at the smaller boy since helping the customer meant he had to close his book.

“I’ll clean it later, didn’t you think he was cute?” Wonpil asked.

“I mean yeah but he’s much more your type,” Sungjin responded with a shrug.

“You think?”

“Yeah, I mean you being all heart eyes over him is proof enough,”

“Fair point,” Wonpil sighed, “You think he’ll come back in?”

“He seemed happy when he left.”

Wonpil smiled, “Good.”

It was about a week later when the boy returned, once again stopping Wonpil from continuing to harass Sungjin out of boredom. This time he headed straight for the counter, surprising Sungjin and Wonpil who had missed the sound of the door due to their bickering. “Hi,” the boy said, catching both boys’ attention before settling his gaze on Wonpil, “I don’t know if you remember me but I was in here about a week ago?” the boy said asked.

Wonpil nodded, “Yeah, I remember, how’d that masturbator work for you?” 

The boy cleared his throat awkwardly, “That’s uh, actually what I was hoping to talk to you about, can we maybe uh..” the boy trailed off, tilting his head in a direction away from the front counter.

“Yeah of course,” Wonpil pushed himself away from the counter and lead the boy to the other side of the store, “What’s up?” he asked.

“Okay so,” the boy started, “I don’t even know if this is something you can help me with but I used the thing and it was like... disappointing?”

“Disappointing?” Wonpil asked, tilting his head curiously.

“Yeah, I dunno, it’s like I was expecting something but it just felt like..” he sighed, “It kindof just felt like using my hand but maybe like a little different?”

“Maybe you just need to get more comfortable with it?” Wonpil suggested.

“Like just use it more?”

“Yeah, like try again but, and I don’t know how you did it the first time but, try making like an experience out of it.”

“Like... how?”

“Well, yknow, drag it out, don’t just make it like a few strokes and you’re good, tease yourself with it.”

“I’ve, uh, I’ve never done that before,” the boy rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, “I’m sure you have a lot more experience than I do,” he mumbled.

Wonpil was trying his hardest to keep himself from potentially making the boy uncomfortable by offering up some assistance but that task was proving incredibly difficult the more this cute boy talked. "I mean, I had to learn this knowledge too, though I will say it helped having my boyfriend at the time walk me through it," Wonpil said with a shrug.

"Oh so you're, uhm, you're gay?" the boy asked

"Yup," Wonpil responded with a smile.

"Oh, I uh, that's cool, uh, same," the boy mumbled awkwardly.

There was that little devil on Wonpil's shoulder again, pushing him to offer up his services, this time it was shouting at him too loud to ignore so he decided to test the waters. "Yknow, toys like this can definitely be more fun with a little help," Wonpil said, putting on his best customer service voice just in case the boy was less than receptive.

"I-I mean I don't really have anyone to help me so.." the boy trailed off with a shrug.

"Do you want someone to help you?"

"I mean, that'd be nice but finding someone is easier said than done," the boy responded, clearly not picking up on what Wonpil was implying.

"I dunno, help could be closer than you think."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You're dense," Wonpil said with a sigh, "Lucky you're cute."

"Hey!" the boy said before actually registering what Wonpil was saying, "Wait you think I'm cute?"

"What's your name?" Wonpil asked, preparing to make his offer perfectly clear.

"Oh, uh, it's Jae."

"Well, Jae, I’m Wonpil and I'm offering up my services and knowledge to help you figure out your new toy," Wonpil explained, enjoying the way Jae's cheeks turned pink as he talked.

"O-oh."

"Feel free to say no, but you're very cute, and I'm very gay, and I'm really good with my hands," Wonpil said, punctuating his last statement with a wink.

"I-I-" the boy started to talk before stopping to take a breath and collect himself, "I think that sounds nice."

Wonpil beamed, "Good!" he said happily, "Just wait right there for a second."

The boy nodded and Wonpil scurried off to the counter, "Gimme a pen and a sticky note, I'm trying to get a cute boy to dick me down, " he said to Sungjin as he slammed his hands down on the counter.

"Too much information," Sungjin said with a sigh before passing the requested items to the smaller boy. Wonpil scribbled down his phone number and grabbed the sticky note, tossing a "Thanks!" over his shoulder as he rushed back to Jae.

"Text me when you're free," Wonpil said as he handed the paper to Jae.

"Thanks, yeah, I will, is there, uh, anything I should buy, yknow while I'm here?" Jae asked.

"I can bring options, we'll experiment before I make you buy anything," Wonpil responded with a wink.

"Sounds good, I'll uh, I'll text you then," Jae said and Wonpil nodded, smiling brightly as Jae turned to leave. 

Wonpil waited until he had left the store before scurrying back to the counter, "Mission get cute boy to dick me down is a success,” he said happily.

“Congrats, buddy,” Sungjin said before reaching behind the counter and grabbing a basket full of items, “Now go put all this back out on the shelves.”

Wonpil sighed as he grabbed the basket, “You’re no fun,” he pouted before heading off to do what he was told.

Jae wound up texting Wonpil that day, the both of them settling on a night that week to meet up at Jae’s house. Wonpil was perfectly punctual, knocking on Jae’s door exactly when they had agreed to meet. The door swung open a few moments later, revealing Jae in casual clothes, his hair still wet from the shower he had to have just taken. “Oh, Wonpil, sorry I totally lost track of time, please come in,” Jae said, stepping aside and allowing the smaller boy to walk inside.

“You’re fine, I mean if all goes well we’re only gonna get messy right?” Wonpil said with a wink as he slipped past Jae.

Jae chuckled as he closed the door, “Fair point,” he said before taking a breath, “So, I’ve never done this before so like.. Bear with me.”

“No worries, we’ll move at your pace,” Wonpil said as he stepped closer to Jae, “That just means you’ll have to be the first to kiss me,” he continued lowly, looking up at the taller boy.

Jae gulped, “Can I kiss you?” he asked at a near whisper.

Wonpil nodded, “Please do.”

Jae closed the distance between them, bringing his hand to Wonpil’s cheek as he leaned down and pressed his lips gently to Wonpils. Jae was about to pull away when Wonpil reached up and grabbed him by the back of the neck, keeping him there to deepen the kiss. Jae squeaked in surprise but recovered quickly, falling into rhythm with Wonpil and even opening his mouth slightly and allowing the smaller boy to slip his tongue into Jae’s mouth. 

Wonpil moved his hand up from the back of Jae’s neck and into his hair, tangling his fingers into the strands and tugging gently. Jae let out a soft moan into the kiss before breaking it off, pulling back just barely enough to speak though their noses were almost touching. “What happened to moving at my pace?” Jae asked with a slight chuckle.

“I’m a very impatient person,” Wonpil responded with a shrug.

“Well maybe we should move at your pace, then,” Jae suggested.

Wonpil smiled, “In that case we should move this to your bedroom,” he said with a wink. Wonpil loosened his grip on Jae’s hair, allowing him to pull away and lead Wonpil to the bedroom.

As soon as they entered the room Wonpil dropped the bag that he had brought to the ground and pushed Jae onto the bed before climbing on top of him to reconnect their kiss. He brought one hand back to Jae’s hair to tug on it gently, Jae put his hands on Wonpil’s hips, squeezing gently as he tried to hold back the whine that bubbled up in his throat. This time it was Wonpil who broke the kiss, “Where’d you put the toy?” he asked as he sat up still straddling Jae.

“Drawer,” Jae said, gesturing to the bedside table. Wonpil crawled off of Jae, moving across the room to grab his bag and pull out a couple of items before returning to the bedside table and pulling Jae’s toy out of the drawer.

He tossed the items down on the bed next to Jae, “Yknow, in order for this to continue you’re gonna need to not be wearing pants,” Wonpil said with a wink. Jae was quick to react, shimmying out of his sweatpants and tossing them to the ground. He paused for a second before realizing that he hadn’t been wearing any underwear and bringing a hand up to cover himself shyly. Wonpil chuckled, “You’re cute, here, I’ll make it fair,” he said before shedding himself of his clothes. He reached down to pull Jae’s shirt up, the older boy lifting himself up to allow Wonpil to tug the fabric up over his head.

Wonpil tossed the shirt to the ground before crawling back up on the bed and sitting himself next to Jae. He brought a hand to Jae’s chest, using a finger to trace gentle patterns across his skin while his other hand went back to Jae’s hair. Jae squirmed awkwardly like he was unsure of what to do with himself, Wonpil decided to take mercy on the boy and moved his hand down. Jae gasped as Wonpil wrapped his hand around his dick, he stroked him a couple of times before realizing what he had forgotten and pulling away. Jae looked up at him with hurt in his eyes, “I brought some things,” Wonpil said.

Jae looked at him curiously, “Should I be nervous?” he asked.

“Only if you’re afraid of feeling good,” Wonpil said with a wink. He reached for the items on the bed, picking up the bottle of warming lube he brought and showing it to Jae, “Step one of my genius three step plan.”

Jae watched as Wonpil cracked open the lube and drizzled some over his hand before moving back to wrap his hand around Jae’s dick. Jae hissed at the cold sensation of the lube as Wonpil stroked him before he felt it start to warm up. Wonpil continued to stroke him slowly, his clean hand still tugging on Jae’s hair gently. With a particularly strong tug on his hair, Jae couldn’t hold back the low moan as his hips bucked up into Wonpil’s hand. Wonpil smiled, “So you like having your hair pulled,” he hummed, “We’ll play with that another time,” he said with a wink.

Wonpil pulled his hand away from Jae’s hair to grab the soft silicone fleshlight, “Let’s see if I can make you fall in love with this,” he said. He held it up for Jae to see before positioning it over Jae’s dick, using the hand that was already there to line Jae up with the opening before lowering the toy onto his dick. Jae let out a moan as Wonpil began to move the toy up and down, his pace quickening until he had Jae squirming beneath him.

“Pil -ah- please,” Jae gasped.

“What do you need?” Wonpil asked softly, not slowing down the pace of the toy.

“I need to cum, please,” Jae begged.

“Aw, do you need my permission? That’s so cute,” Wonpil cooed before pulling the toy completely off of Jae, “But I can’t let you cum so soon.”

Jae let out a whimper as his hips bucked desperately, “Please, no, please I-” he whined, cut off by Wonpil hushing him.

“Shh, baby, you’ll get to cum just not yet,” Wonpil soothed, waiting until Jae calmed down before sinking the toy back down on his dick. This time he picked up the other toy he had brought, a small vibrator that he promptly switched on and pressed to the outside of the fleshlight. Jae moaned loudly as the vibrations traveled through the silicone surrounding his dick, his hips bucked wildly as he tried to get more stimulation.

Eventually, Wonpil just held the toy still, letting Jae fuck up into it at his own pace, enjoying the way the older boy was falling apart in front of him. It didn’t take much longer for Jae to reach the edge again, he wasn’t subtle about it in the least, the movement of his hips was getting sloppier and his moans were louder and more desperate. Wonpil waited just a few more moments before turning off the vibrator and pulling the toy away.

“Come on,” Jae whined desperately, “Please, Piri, I need to cum please.”

“Wouldn’t you rather have the real thing, though?” Wonpil asked.

“Fuck, wait, seriously?”

Wonpil laughed, “You didn’t think you were gonna have all the fun did you?”

“I-I don’t know what I thought,” Jae responded.

“Cute,” Wonpil hummed before setting the toys down and moving back to straddle Jae. He grabbed Jae’s hand and moved it to his ass, “I try my best to think ahead,” he said as Jae felt the jewel on the end of the plug Wonpil had put in before he had arrived.

“Holy shit, Wonpil,” Jae muttered softly, “Can I?”

“Go for it,” Wonpil responded with a smile. Jae grabbed the end of the plug gently, pulling on it slowly and watching the way Wonpil’s brow furrowed as the plug moved. Jae experimented a bit, pulling it out just enough for Wonpil to feel the stretch before pushing it back in. “Now who’s a tease?” Wonpil said cheekily, trying to maintain his composure though there was a slight tremble to his voice.

“Karma’s a bitch,” Jae responded, wiggling the plug around gently so it brushed against Wonpil’s prostate making him let out a moan.

“If you -ah- if you don’t quit teasing I’ll never let you cum,” Wonpil said between gasps as Jae continued to wiggle the plug around.

Immediately Jae relented, pulling the plug out of Wonpil’s ass slowly and setting it to the side, “Not even gonna risk that,” he said making Wonpil let out a chuckle.

“Good boy,” he hummed, not missing the way Jae bit his lip, a hint of a blush ghosting his cheeks, “God, you’re like an endless list of kinks to explore,” Wonpil said with a smile.

“S-Shut up,” Jae responded quickly.

“Oh don’t worry we’ll experiment with that later,” Wonpil winked at Jae before reaching behind him and grabbing Jae’s dick gently. He lined Jae up with his hole before sinking down, letting out a low moan as he lowered himself down fully. He paused to let himself adjust to the intrusion, the plug had helped to prep him but the stretch still burned slightly.

Jae brought his hands to Wonpils hips, “Fuck, that toy sucks,” he gasped out.

“Hey, that’s not fair to the toy, I’m incomparable,” Wonpil said with a giggle.

“Yeah, you really are,” Jae responded. Wonpil winked before lifting himself up slowly until just the tip of Jae’s cock was still in him before sinking back down. Both boys let out a moan as Wonpil continued to ride Jae, he set a quick pace from the start. Having not gotten any attention yet, Wonpil was feeling particularly needy, his pace was sloppy from the start, paying no heed to accuracy as he chased his own high. Jae’s grip was tight on Wonpils hips, “Wonpil, please I’m close,” he whined desperately.

“Hold it back,” Wonpil instructed, stopping his movements to grind himself on Jae’s lap, maneuvering himself until he felt Jae’s dick brush against his prostate. Wonpil cried out as he kept that angle, going back to lifting himself up and sinking back down quickly so that Jae’s dick brushed his prostate every time.

“Fuck, shit, Wonpil please I can’t,” Jae gasped.

“Just -shit ah- just a little longer Jae,” Wonpil managed to get out between moans. Jae bit his lip, his face scrunched up as he did everything in his power to hold back his orgasm. Wonpil brought his hand up to wrap it around his own dick, jerking himself quickly until he felt his orgasm rapidly approaching. “Okay, I’m close, you can cum,” Wonpil gasped quickly. Almost immediately Jae was letting out a broken moan as he came, Wonpil following close behind, his release landing on Jae’s stomach as he worked himself through his orgasm. 

Wonpil waited until they both caught their breaths before lifting himself off of Jae, biting his lip at the feeling of Jae’s cum leaking out of his hole. “Shower?” he asked hopefully.

“Definitely,” Jae responded, waiting for Wonpil to get up before following suit and leading the way to the bathroom. Jae turned on the shower and they waited for the water to get warm before hopping in. Both boys helped each other get clean, Wonpil giggling occasionally as Jae ghosted his hands across the smaller boys body.

Once they were clean they hopped out of the shower, drying off quickly before heading back to the bedroom. “Tired or hungry?” Jae asked as they both collapsed back in bed.

“Hmmm, both,” Wonpil said with a smile.

“How about we order take out and then you can stay here tonight?” Jae offered.

“That sounds great,” Wonpil responded happily, snuggling into Jae’s side as the older boy grabbed his phone so they could pick a place to order from.

[writingkeepsmewhole]

Emotions

This is part 6 of Kitten. This is kinda a longer one. It’s also kinda fluffy. Please let me know what you think! I love hearing from my readers!

Fic Summery: Sophia has never known love, her always picking the “good guy” him always turning out to be like a snake in the weeds. What will happen when shes took home one night by a “bad guy” him showing her things she never knew about herself.

Part Summery:Dean explains some more of his kinks. Sophia reaching her braking point.

Warnings: Talk of BDSM, pet play, mentions of past self harm, and abuse.

Let me know if you want to be tagged would love to add you: @vicmc624​ @deanwanddamons​ @that-one-gay-girl @akshi8278​ @loelizabeth100 @nihilismworld​

Part 1 Part 5

I ended up falling asleep for a few hours. My dreams are full of being tied up or shoved in a cage.

Despite that I wasn't afraid when I woke up. More like confused. Never dreaming anything like that before my mind raced.

I wanted to know more but I knew that I wanted to hear it from Dean.

Climbing out of bed, the clock telling me it was noon I went into the bathroom.

After taking care of business I used the toothbrush Dean left me.

I wanted to take a shower but had no idea if I could or if I even had clothes.

I knew I could just look around my room for them but instead I found myself wanting to ask Dean.

I sit on the bed staring at the phone debating on whether to call him or not.

He said he was going to a meeting but he also said to call him for anything.

Chewing my lip I settled on a text instead. That way I wouldn't bother him too much.

I go to the messages and quickly type out something hitting send before I changed my mind.

I don't expect a response so I nearly jump out of my skin when my phone dings.

Looking down I reread the message I just sent then his.

"Can I take a shower? I also need clothes. Sorry for bothering you."

"Yes sweetheart you can take a shower and you can wear some of mine. I told Sam to bring you some. Never think you're bothering me ever."

I swallow reading his last sentence hearing it in his voice. It made my stomach flip.

I jump again when a knock comes from my door.

I expect it to open but when I realize it's not going to I stand up and open it.

Sam stood there holding a pile of folded clothes, a towel and a bag full of supplies.

"Dean said you wanted a shower." He says smiling at me.

I blush and nod wondering how this must look or feel to Sam.

I feel like he has been cleaning up my messes since I got here.

"He will be here by the time you get out but feel free to take your time." He says handing me the stuff.

I nod and smile back.

"See you in a bit." He says turning on his heel and walking down the hall, his hands in his pockets.

I close my door back then head into the bathroom.

Closing that door as well I don't bother locking it. I had a feeling they wouldn't walk in on me.

I set the stuff down and dug through the bag finding everything you need for a shower even a razor.

My heart drops at the sight. Looking at my still bandage wrist I hate that I felt so low. I was mad at Harry for making me feel like that.

He claimed to love me but had never done anything to prove it. I was taken better care of by two strangers then he ever did.

Looking at myself in the mirror I couldn't remember the last time I did it. Surely it must have been a long time because I didn't recognize the person I was looking at.

I was pale, nothing but skin and bones. I looked tired. But there was a fire in my eyes that I had never seen before. Determination.

I wasn't going to let what happen to me change my life forever.

I wasn't going to let another person's actions make me take my life away.

Taking a deep breath I nod at myself then step into the shower.

I was halfway through when I heard the door open quickly smacking into the wall.

"Sophia please come out right now." Dean's voice fills my ears.

It panicked and raspy as if he was running.

When his hand, holding a towel is pushed into the shower I know something is wrong.

With my heart racing I place the razor I was using for my legs down and turn off the water.

Grabbing the towel I barely have it wrapped around me before Dean pulls back the curtain.

His jade eyes bounce all over my body then up to my face.

"You didn't do any harm to yourself did you?" He asks looking into my eyes.

I shake my head carefully stepping out of the shower.

I watch and hear him take a breath of relief. He steps closer to me, surprising me by lifting his hand gently laying it on my cheek.

"When Sam told me he gave you a razor I thought you might have done something to yourself." He says softly his thumb rubbing my cheekbone.

His words make me blush and butterflies fill my stomach.

'He was worried about me?' I think looking up at him.

My heart starts to pound when Dean leans down. Closing the gap between us my eyes shut without thinking about it.

They open right back up when I feel his soft lips press to my forehead.

"I'll let you finish your shower. Come find me when you're done." He says taking a step back, his hand leaving my face.

I almost frown at the lack of touch. Him looking me over one more time but this time it was less frantic. His eyes darkened slightly. This time it made a heat settle in my lower stomach.

He leaves me alone letting me return to my shower which I do.

When I get out the second time I dry off and get dressed in the clothes Sam brought me.

It was a simple black t-shirt and sweats. There was a pair of boxers I had to roll up once to keep from falling off. Making me glad the pants had a drawstring in them. Not that it mattered, Dean's shirt's practically made a dress on me anyway.

I towel dried my dripping hair seeing my reflection once again.

In just a span of forty five minutes I looked better. Funny how a shower could do that for you.

I didn't have any shoes but Sam did give me some socks so after I was dressed in them I padded my way out of my bath and bedroom looking for Dean.

It wasn't hard to find him and Sam sitting in the kitchen talking.

Dean had a cup of coffee in front of him, Sam sipping on a glass of water.

Sam saw me first him facing the door.

"Hey Sophia." He says smiling at me.

I smile and wave back.

Dean turns his head looking at me over his shoulder.

He was dressed in a t-shirt and jeans. A red flannel over it and boots.

It was surprising to see how he looked good in anything. On second thought no it wasn't he was perfect. The more I looked at Dean his face was perfect. The memory of seeing him work out reminded me so was his body.

"Come sit and let me look at your wrist." Dean says orders but it still sounded kind.

I do as he says sitting down as he opens up the first aid kit already on the table.

"Do you guys want some lunch? I'm starving." Sam says looking at us.

I shrug, never really hungry anymore. Dean looks up at Sam and chuckles.

"Relax Sammy I'm not gonna do anything with her. You don't have to leave the room every time we are together." Dean says teasing his brother.

Sam rolls his eyes but gets up and leaves anyway.

"He's so up tight sometimes." Dean says unwrapping my wrist.

I didn't want to look at it so I kept the bandage on.

It wasn't as bad as I thought. It was a nasty gagged gash but it didn't bleed after he unwrapped it.

"It needs to breathe for a bit so just don't move around too much don't want to rip it open okay?" Dean asks looking at me.

I nod and look up at him not wanting to look at it any longer not wanting to remember that night.

"Well Sam probably didn't go get food so I was gonna make some burgers." He says but I feel like it's a question.

I smile and nod telling him that's fine.

"Alright you can sit here and keep me company or do whatever you like." He says pushing himself up from the table.

I don't even hint at moving. Despite not knowing him for long I felt more comfortable around Dean then I did anyone.

I wish I could ask him how his day went or even ask about the weather but my mouth just wouldn't form the words.

Dean didn't seem to mind him humming old rock songs to himself as he moved around the kitchen.

But I minded. The more I was around Dean the more I found myself wanting to talk. To have a real conversation.

I took a deep breath knowing that wasn’t going to hap[en any time soon.

At the sound of my sigh, Dean turns and looks at me over his shoulder.

“Are you alright?” He asks, earning a nod from me then a shrug.

“You don’t know huh?”

I shake my head. I had no idea how I was feeling. I was one big ball of confusion at the moment.

“Is it because of what we have been talking about or something else?”

I nod that the main part of my why I was feeling the way I was.

“Do you have questions or just want another lesson?” He asks turning off the stove and moving the cooked burgers onto buns.

I chew my lip not knowing how to answer that without words. I had questions but was too embarrassed to ask them.

“Alright how about this…” Dean says bringing the food to the table.

Him placing a well dressed burger in front of me.

“...I write down some topics and you pick which one you want to talk about?” He says questioning me with his eyes.

I nod smiling, that sounding perfect to me.

“Okay let me get some paper, you eat your food.” He says surprising me but gently strokes my cheek before he leaves the room.

It makes my face heat up the feel of his touch almost seeming to burn me but in a comforting way.

I couldn’t help but notice I didn’t jump or flinch around him. As if my mind knew he would never hurt me.

With my face red I take a bite off my food almost moaning at how good it tasted. I knew Dean could cook or at least make breakfast but this was the best thing I’ve ever had.

I had a mouth full when Dean returned him smiling at me.

“Your so fucking cute.” He says making me blush again.

I use my hands to hide my mouth as I chew.

“Alright let’s see here.” He says sitting down across from me, setting loose paper in front of him. 

He bends over and starts writing out words.

I looked at them trying to read them but it was tricky upside down.

“There that should be plenty to start with. We already covered the basics but we can go more into detail if you want to.” He says handing the page to me.

I glanced at it, surprised at his pretty handwriting. A list of forain words making my mind race once again.

There were at least ten things on the list so I just pointed to the first thing.

“Pet play? Good choice.” He says smiling at me.

I smile and drop my head an odd sense of pride filling me. Happy that I picked something he liked.

“Pet play is as complicated or as simple as you want it to be.” He says making me look back up at him.

“It’s where the sub - remember what the word means?” He asks, taking a bite of his food. Him not asking in a mocking way like he assumed I forgot already more like he was just making sure.

I nod, knowing what it meant.

“Alright, well it’s where the sub takes on the role of an animal. The most common are kittens or puppies. Though they can be any animal. Cow, sheep, horse, you name it. They act as that animal dose. Doing so allows them to get out of their head. They only have to think about playing with a ball or a jingly bell. It’s something they use to relieve stress. It doesn't have to be sexual though there are people who prefer it to be.” He says moving to sit next to me.

My heart starts to pick up but it settles when he only gently grabs my wrist and the first aid kit.

“This is something the sub can do alone but they have a dom or what people like to call an owner or even master they can do more things. Most of the time the dom will give the sub a collar to wear just like a dog or cat. That marks them as theirs.” He says gently cleaning the gash on my wrist.

I don’t know if he was doing that to distract me or to keep his hands busy but it was hard to focus on both things.

“It can be very degrading or very playful and fun depending on what the sub wants. Something you should always remember in this world, the sub is really the one in control.” He says smiling at me.

I look at him confused having no idea how that could be. I thought the dom made the rules.

“We’ll talk about that later. Where was I? Oh yeah, a pet normally wears ears and a tail showing off what kind of pet they are. It is something the sub uses to express themselves. Like I said they act like an animal. It’s the dom’s job to take care of and train them. The same way you would for a pet.” He says, fascinating me with the information.

“It’s actually one of my favorite things to do.” He says wrapping up my wrist, his eyes not meeting mine.

“I like it because I like training a bad pet to be a good one. I like seeing a woman relax and just give into that side of herself. It’s almost as good a primal play.” He says, making me look at him with confusion.

I don’t know why anyone would want to act that way but I would be lying if I said I didn’t want to try.

“That’s a lesson for another time. One when you feel completely safe with me.” He says, making my stomach flip.

I knew what he meant but it didn’t stop the thoughts from filling my head. Thoughts I shouldn’t be having for a stranger.

“Are you giving sex 101?” Sam asks as he walks into the kitchen.

I blush knowing he must have heard what we were talking about.

“Yes, she had questions.”

“Oh I bet she did.” Sam says walking to the fridge to get a bottle of water.

“Try not to freak her out too much.” Sam says smiling at me kindly.

“My kicks aren't as bad as yours.” Dean says, making Sam laugh.

“You can come to the darkside whenever you want to.” Sam says, making me confused as he leaves the room.

“Ignore him. He likes to get one over on me because he likes the heavy stuff.” Dean says putting the first aid stuff away.

I lift an eyebrow at Dean wanting to know what he was talking about.

“The book you were reading is Sam’s.” He says making my face redden for a totally different reason.

Dean laughs and gets up to get something to drink.

“Relax he won’t care that you read it.” He says, bringing me back a bottle of water.

He sits down with his beer and opens it. I can’t help but look at the glass in his hand.

A shiver of fear goes through me knowing what happens when men drink too much. I don’t know how I didn’t notice Dean drinks.

“What’s wrong Sophia?” He asks, making my eyes snap up to his.

I shake my head and smile, not wanting him to know the worries on my mind.

“Something just went through your head. What scared you?”

I shake my head again having no idea how to answer him. Scared I would make him angry with my answer.

“Please tell me. I won’t get mad I promise.” He says with his green eyes meeting mine. Them so serious I believed him.

I point at the bottle in his hand making his forehead wrinkle in confusion.

It takes him a second to realize what I’m pointing at.

“You don’t want me to drink this?” He asks, holding it up.

I shrug and wrap my arms around myself, feeling the air shift around us.

“You think I’ll hurt you if I do?” He says, his voice deepening.

I drop my eyes from his to the table, not wanting to answer him. I jump when I hear the clink of the glass being set down on the table. The sound of Dean pushing his chair back makes my heart pound.

‘Why did you tell him?’ I scream at myself as I hear him walk closer to me.

I close my eyes tightly, my heart racing in my chest telling me to run. But I stayed still, the blood rushing in my ears. I would have screamed or cried out if I could when his hand landed on my arm.

Instead of the harsh grip I was expecting it was soft, barely there. Dean’s hand slowly moved from my neck to my face lifting it to look up at him.

His eyes softened when they met mine. My eyes wet from unshed tears.

“He really hurt you, didn't he?” He says softly. So soft I don’t think I was meant to hear it.

“I’m sorry I scared you. Or made you think I was going to harm you. Trust me when I get drunk I get horny not violent.” He says cracking a small smile trying to cheer me up.

I can’t stop the twitch in my face, my gut telling me to believe him. His smile grows making mine grow as well.

“I think it’s time for a nap huh?” He asks softly.

I nod, knowing it’s only barely two in the afternoon but I could use a nap.

“Alright well let's clean up our mess then take one.” He says rubbing my cheek with his thumb, then taking a step back.

I have to fight the urge to grab his hand from leaving my face. Knowing that was wrong. Dean didn’t see me that way and I shouldn’t see him that way either. It was just that I felt comfortable with him. Too comfortable.

I helped Dean clean up, it didn’t take that long. Then I follow him back to my room.

Once in my own room I took a breath feeling safe in there. It's like a bubble blocked away from the rest of the world.

Dean moves over to the chair in the corner and sits down with a dark look on his face. I bite my lip wanting to say something but I wouldn't know what to say even if I could. So I stand there next to my bed feeling awkward. My face was still hot from almost crying.

That seemed so long ago even though it was minuents. Dean’s eyes trace over me, making me wrap my arms around myself I look at the floor.

“I should go.” He says pushing himself up and walking towards the door.

I don’t stop myself this time, grabbing the bottom of his flannel, he pauses. He turns around his hand gently taking mine.

I close my eyes when he gently lifts my head to look at him.

“Look at me.” He says softly.

I do as he asks my eyes slowly opening my heart pounds as his green gaze stairs into mine.

His thumb strokes my cheek, as his other lands on my hip. I watch him swallow as he pulls me closer to him. My heart picks up the feel of his toned body pressing into mine. I grab the front of his shirt wanting something to hold onto. My head starts swimming with thoughts making a fog cloud my mind.

I suck in a breath watching his tongue drag over his bottom lip. My heart drops when he clenches his jaw and takes a step away from me.

A cold wave washing over me as the heat from his touch leaves me.

“I’ll let you sleep.” He says his voice deeper than it was moments ago.

He takes another step back then turns to head towards the door. A flood of emotions rush up from my chest. The past few months events invade my brain. It made my breath catch in my throat.

I wrap my arms tightly around myself, digging my nails into my arms to keep myself from breaking down right there. It was messed up but there was a war inside my head and Dean somehow kept it from killing me.

I was broken and I just wanted to scream. My lip quivered and I could feel my throat start to close up. Maybe that’s why I was shocked when Dean’s name rolled off my tongue.

It was a whisper, barley that, but it was enough to make him stop in his tracks.

Lifting my head I looked up at him, knowing I looked as crazy as I felt. My eyes most likely bloodshot a waterfall of tears running down my face.

He doesn't say anything, only takes one long stride to get to me, his large arms wrapping around me. As soon as his skin makes contact with mine my knees buckle. My body is no longer able to hold itself up.

I bury my face in Dean’s T-shirt a raspy gasp leaving my mouth as I cry into his chest.

Dean doesn't say anything only bends down enough to pick me up. He walks the few feet to my bed and sits down placing me in his lap.

I curl up my face hidden in his neck and shoulder. He holds me close to him, his large hand placed on my thigh the other stroking my hair.

We sit like that for I don’t know how long. Neither of us spoke. The sound of me taking a raspy breath from time to  time filled the air. Soon even that sound faded leaving only the soft sound of mine and Dean’s breathing.

He gently presses his lips to my forehead pulling my wadded up blanket over the both of us. I lift my arms up wrapping them around his neck hugging him. He returns it, then gently pushes me back enough to look at my face.

“Feel better?” He asks softly,as if he didn’t want to break the bubble around us.

I nod, it's the truth. I felt better. A lot better. It helped to just let everything out. Not having to hide the hurt and pain swimming around in my head.

“Good.” He says once again stroking my cheek with his thumb.

I close my eyes and lean into his touch. It is so different from what I was used to. I could feel the callus on Dean’s hands but they felt like velvet when he touched me.

Taking a deep breath I open my eyes meeting his green ones.

“I don’t like seeing you like that. Especially when I’m the cause of it.” He says solemnly

I shake my head not wanting him to think that was because of him. That was from everything becoming too much. I reached my breaking point.

“Either way, I promise to never make you feel like this again.” He says stroking my cheek again.

I nod and smile softly. Moving closer to him I tuck myself into him, scared he will want to leave if we keep talking.

He pulls me as close to him as I can get, him picking me up just enough so he could lay me down.

Thinking he is doing exactly what I don’t want him to do, a soft whine leaves my throat. It makes a chuckle leave Dean’s.

“I’m not going anywhere, Kitten.” He says kicking off his boots and laying back down next to me.

It surprises me how I move to wrap around him as if he’s a log keeping me afloat in the ocean. He smiles down at me, his hand resting on my hip. His other one tucked under his head. I hold onto the front of his t-shirt, it damp from my tears. Placing my forehead on his shoulder I take a deep breath. It was still shaky but I felt better, almost normal.

Dean wraps his arm around my back pulling me closer and kisses the top of my head.

“Sleep little one, you've had a rough day.” He says gently rubbing my back.

I nod agreeing with him. My day has definitely been emotionally taxing. With Dean’s soft petting and the sound of his even breathing and heartbeat I fall asleep quickly. The sound of Dean’s name leaving my mouth filling my dreams.

[davieslandon]

Discord Thread || Landon&Roman-01

Discord text thread featuring: Landon & @romanbeckett

When: 23rd March 2021

Mentions: @jayceelynd @aaronhart93 @quentindelancret

Description: Landon tells Roman that him and Jaycee are having a baby.

Trigger Warnings: accidental pregnancy 

LANDON

Landon could barely remember the last time he was so nervous about seeing Roman. Okay...that was a lie. The last time was probably after his best friend ‘found out’ he was in love with him but he tried not to think of that day too much. He wasn’t even sure why he was so nervous. Maybe because he didn’t know how he was going to explain the fact that Jaycee was going to have his baby even though he came out as gay a couple of weeks ago. Going in, he saw that Roman was already there and he walked over, trying not to look as nervous as he felt. Roman was probably worried enough already from his texts, no need to worry him even more. “Hey”, he smiled, taking a seat. “Thanks for meeting up with me.”

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Roman of course was a walking billboard of emotions when he entered the cafe, worried to death about what in the world this news from Landon could be. Regardless of everything that had gone on between them, they still managed to keep an impossible bond. Landon’s problems, were Roman’s problems, and their friendship had always been that way. The way his brain was headed right now though was the possibility that there were complications or something with his recovery from the wreck. That was worst case scenario and not something he could ever be prepared for. “Of course.” Ro replied easily, his brows furrowed in their usual worried fashion as he took a seat and attempted to prepare himself. “Okay. Lay it on me before I have a stroke.” 

LANDON

Landon really should have known that Roman would still worry even though he reassured him that it wasn’t anything too bad. In reality, it wasn’t bad at all. The pregnancy definitely wasn’t planned and it was a shock to both him and Jaycee but things could be worse. He could be stuck having to coparent with a complete stranger. Or someone who had no interest in raising a baby, leaving him alone with two kids. Landon just wasn’t sure how Roman was going to take it. He knew the silence was getting to his friend though so in the end he went with his favourite method of doing things. Straightforward and winging it. “Jaycee’s pregnant and it’s mine.” 

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Roman sat there waiting, blinking eyes eyes slowly at his friend like he was completely shutting off until the dead was done. He had no idea what news Landon could have had for him, but as soon as the words finally came out, Ro’s jaw was on the floor. That actually MIGHT be the last things he expected to hear coming out of Landon’s mouth. “She — wait. What??” He squints at his friend, trying to see him more clearly if possible. “You’re the father of Jay’s baby. How??” Roman didn’t want to make too big a deal about it, but for now his mind was fucked. 

LANDON

This was already going better than he was expecting. Sure, Roman’s jaw dropped down so much he could catch flies but at least he was still sitting down in front of him. He tried putting himself in his best friend’s shoes and could only imagine how shocked he was. Landon would be as well if someone told him they got their friend pregnant after coming out as gay. Why couldn’t his life ever be a little less complicated? Explaining it was going to be fun. “Uh...good question. Well...Jaycee and I used to hook up...sometimes? Before the whole gay revelation.” Landon could feel his cheeks turning bright red but he couldn’t stop now. “Remember when there was that snow storm and everyone got stuck inside? I was with Jaycee, we were both drunk and I guess one thing lead to another and...here we are.” 

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Roman continued to stare at his best friend through his full explanation, trying to come up with the right words to say in response to this. Jay was also a close friend of his, and the idea that they were going to be having a baby together was just something he couldn’t really let sink in. “You and Jaycee...are having a baby.” He repeated yet again, as if saying it once more out loud would make it by easier to accept. “Are you sure?”

LANDON

Landon couldn’t blame him for being shocked over the revelation. He felt the same way when Jaycee first showed up at his house and told him that she was pregnant. “Yeah”, he said, looking while his best friend tried to wrap his head around it. “Jaycee said it’s mine and I believe her.” Landon sighed, running a hand through his hair. “This wasn’t planned...at all. But it’s my baby Ro.”

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Roman was still quite shocked by what Landon was trying to tell him, wanting to kick himself for it at the same time. This was his best friend, who needed his support, and he was sitting here...stunned. “I mean. Yeah.” The actor blew out a sigh and then pushed a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to act like such a shit, I’m just — what are you feeling?” He tried to pry, crossing his arms as he looked over his friend.

LANDON

Landon wasn't sure what Roman was expecting when he said he needed to talk to him but, whatever it was, he was sure it wasn't this. And so it's not like he could really blame him for looking shocked over his announcement but at least his best friend was taking the news better than he thought. Not that he thought Roman would start screaming at him over this but it was still nerve wrecking to tell him he got their mutual friend pregnant and he was going to be a dad again. "You're not acting like a shit, I know it's a shock. Trust me, I was shocked as well when Jaycee told me." Landon took a few seconds to really think about his answer, wanting to be as honest as possible. "I'm...not sure, to be honest. It's a lot and none of it was planned. So I'm nervous, terrified really, but also...excited."

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Roman had always wanted to be a dad, but at the same time, it always seemed so far away. It was hard to imagine being surprised with such a huge step without any warning. Not to mention, it was Landon and Jaycee. He would have never been able to pick a more random assortment of his friends if he tried. “Yeah, I guess this is super exciting.” The actor smirked, already knowing he was gonna love this child an impossible amount. “My best friends are having a baby. This is so crazy...have you told your mum?”

LANDON

Landon had always known that he wanted more kids after Elle. He was raised in a big family and it was pretty amazing so it wasn't surprising that he wanted to have a big family as well but whenever someone asked he always said that he became a father at a really young age and there were some things he wanted to get done now that Elle was slightly older before thinking of having another child. Turns out that he was incapable of having a baby in a conventional way. "It is. Really surprising and unexpected but you know I could never abandon a baby, especially when it's mine." The mention of his mum made him wince. "Not exactly? You know my mum, she's going to be so excited to get another grandchild but she's definitely going to have words with me about being old enough to know about safe sex." 

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Roman managed to break out into a lopsided grin when Landon mentioned his Mum talking to him about safe sex, the image of that just making him want to laugh. “God, I can just picture her having the talk with you, and it’s bloody hilarious.” Ro shook his head and then looked over at his friend once again. “Well, you know I’m gonna be here to help you both every step of the way. You know how obsessed I am with children.” It was crazy, Roman had always wanted a huge family, and yet here he was, constantly watching his friends have kids with no real idea when he was going to be ready to have his own. “Do you want a boy this time?” 

LANDON

Landon glared at his friend over his teasing but it was clear he was just as amused. "The safe sex talk was bad enough when I was sixteen, I never expected to get it at almost thirty as well. I'm supposed to be preparing to give it to my kid not the other way round", he said, shaking his head. His mum was definitely going to have a few words for him when she heard the news but Landon also knew that she was going to be supportive and the best grandma ever, just like she was when he said that he would be adopting Elle. It was moments like this that really made him miss living in London and being so close to his family. At least it would give him the perfect excuse for a quick visit. "I know, you're going to be the best uncle to this baby just like you already are with Elle." It was weird, for years he thought there would be a point where he'd finally get his head out of his ass and tell Roman how he feels. After having Elle, there were moments he caught himself thinking of what it would be like to have another kid in the future with who he thought was the guy of his dreams. Now it couldn't be more different and Landon should have known it was never going to work out that way. "Honestly, as long as they're healthy I don't really care about what we have. But having a little boy would be pretty cool."

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Roman nodded when his friend said he didn’t mind what the sex was as long as the baby was happy. Ro was the same way when it came to kids, he just wanted to have a child, it didn’t matter if it was a boy or girl. Besides, Landon was gonna be an amazing dad regardless, because he already was. “I can just picture you having a mini me, i dunno, I think it would be so cool to see what a little Landon looks like.” The actor held out his hands in a picturesque gesture. “You seem to have those strong jeans that make your whole family look exactly the same.”

LANDON

Roman was definitely right about that. Sometimes it was easy to forget that Elle wasn’t biologically his daughter because she did resemble him a little. He knew for a fact that his sisters were often mistaken for each other so there’s that as well. “Yeah I won’t be surprised if they do end up looking like my family”, he chuckled. Landon was so grateful to Roman for taking the news in stride and being supportive. He should have known that he didn’t have anything to worry about. 

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

“Oh, I didn’t even ask how Elle is handling this.” Roman rubbed at his temples, realizing that he hadn’t even checked in on one of the most important people in this equation. “Is she happy about it, or feeling jealous?” Ro knew Elle pretty damn well obviously, but her mood could go either way for a lot of things. Either way, the little girl always had a strong opinion, so he didn’t doubt that she’d been upfront with Landon about how she was feeling on the subject. 

LANDON

“She’s ecstatic. Can’t stop yelling everyone that she’s going to be the best big sister ever. You know she’s been hinting at getting a sibling ever since Alison had the twins? That’s the thing with Elle and Des. What one does, the other has to follow.” His daughter might be a little spoiled but the sibling dilemma was the one thing he refused to compromise on. It was difficult to explain to a six year old why he couldn’t give her a baby sibling but he managed and getting a second dog was enough to get Elle’s mind off of it. Who could have known that a couple of months later he would have to go back on his words and admit it was happening after all? 

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Roman threw back his head in a laugh when Landon said that Elle couldn’t stop telling everyone that she was going to be the best big sister. He had no doubt that was true. “God, I love her. That’s worth everything right there, just to see her that excited.” The actor smirked, and then tucked some hair behind his ear as he smirked across the table at the other. Landon was his best, and oldest friend, so of course Ro still had some reservations, and was worried that this would be harder on him than he would ever let on, but this could definitely be exciting. “Well, I can’t wait for this baby. Seriously. Two of my best friends having a baby?? This child is going to be BEYOND spoiled.” 

LANDON

Moments like these made it hard for Landon not to think about how lucky he was. He might not have a romantic partner raising his children with him but he had a support system that most people would be jealous of. His biological family were always supportive, even all the way from London and his close friends were basically his family. So he knew that Roman, like Aaron, would be there to support and help him with the baby, just like he was there for Elle. “Tell me about it”, he rolled his eyes teasingly. “Elle’s already spoiled enough, add another kid to that and everyone’s going to have their work cut out for them.” But he wouldn’t have it any other way. 

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Roman was smiling the entire time Landon was talking, because he knew his friend was completely fine with his kids being spoiled to death. “They’re both going to be spoiled, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. I wouldn’t either.” He shrugged a shoulder, smirking down at the table before his gaze was flicking back up to look at his best friend. “Kids are so...I dunno. They’re a blessing, and Elle, your incoming baby, any future children you decide to pop out, they’re all so lucky to have you.” He nodded his head, both dimples painting his face as his eyes scanned the smaller male. “You’re such a good dad, Lan. I’m proper proud of you, seriously.” 

LANDON

“I definitely wouldn’t have it any other way.” His mum struggled so much to make ends meet when he was a young kid and it was just the two of them. She did everything she could to make sure he had everything he could need but it was still tough. Landon didn’t want his kids to know what it felt like to see their parents cry over another bill they couldn’t afford. Landon wasn’t sure he would ever be able to explain just how much Roman’s words meant to him. Just like any other parent, he had his moments where he felt like he was doing a shit job. Worries about whether or not he was doing the right thing, being too strict or too lenient...his concerns never stopped. So having Roman say that, it meant a lot and gave him the reassurance he needed that he was doing a decent job. “Thanks Ro, I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you though. You know that, right?”

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Roman just managed to give his friend a smirk when he said he wouldn’t have been able to do without him, something Ro wasn’t sure was true or not. Landon was always a survivor, he figured out how to accomplish things when it felt impossible, and Ro always admired that about his best friend. “Well, I’d like to think that was the truth, but I also know how you are. You would be able to do all of this without me. I have no doubt.” He gave the smaller a small smile, and then nodded. “I just can’t believe we’re here, after all these years. You’re a dad times two.” Ro let out a heavy sigh, and then shook his head. “Seems like yesterday we were stuffing our faces and playing video games all hours of the night. Well, not that we don’t still do that, but.” He chuckled. 

LANDON

Some part of him knew that he would have forced himself to get through it on his own but he was still grateful that he didn’t have to. Roman was there for him from the very beginning, from school to college and all the way through fatherhood. Getting through all of Elle’s sleepless nights in the first few months without his childhood friend by his side would have been torture. “Maybe but who would have taken care of Elle for a couple of hours everyday just so I can get some sleep after a long sleepless night taking care of a baby?” Best friends or not, not many people would have done what Roman did for him. “I know...we still do that but it’s not the same. We didn’t have adult responsibilities back then”, he laughed. Landon had so many fond memories of them pretending to be asleep so their parents wouldn’t get mad, on to stay up till the early hours of the morning playing video games and eating all the snacks they could find in the kitchen. 

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

“To be fair, we still act like we have no adult responsibilities.” He teased with a sly smirk, even though that wasn’t COMPLETELY true. They technically had a lot of responsibilities now, and even though Des wasn’t technically his kid, he was already siding into the role of parent pretty quickly. He was taking on a lot more lately, growing into a proper adult, and he guessed it felt like it was finally time for that. It was a hard adjustment though, and those temptations to slip back into what they used to have were all too real. “I love the way life is going right now, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to go back just for like, a day or something. We seriously had no idea how good we had it when we were kids. I miss it sometimes, y’know?” 

LANDON

“Speak for yourself”, he said, rolling his eyes, although Landon couldn’t deny that Roman’s words held some truth. Landon might have been a father for the past six years but that never really stopped him from enjoying himself and having a good time with his friends. Maybe not when Elle was really young but ever since she got old enough to have a babysitter, it wasn’t unheard of for Landon to take a night off once a week to go out for a couple of drinks. Maybe  have some fun with someone while he was at it. And while he knew that he wasn’t the only parent to do that, especially considering he was a single parent, it didn’t stop him from feeling guilty sometimes. “I know what you mean. Life was so simple when we were still teens wishing to grow up. At the time it felt like life was out to get us but we had no idea how lucky we actually were. I wouldn’t mind going back to how it was for a day or two either.” Landon loved Elle, he loved the baby that was on the way and everyone in his life but he did wish he could turn back the clock sometimes, just so he could enjoy one more day as a sixteen year old. Then again, he wasn’t above admitting to himself that it was for selfish reasons, so that he could get one more day where it was just them two against the world, with no one else and no complications. But it was just wishful thinking and the sooner Landon came to terms with it, the sooner he could move on. 

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Roman smiled at his friend when he agreed with his words, knowing he was probably reminiscing on the time they had together as kids. Ro often thought about it too, mostly because this was just the one person he’d always been able to depend on, besides his sister. Landon was always there, through every high and low, he’d even followed him to New York, and there’s nothing Ro could ever do to thank Landon enough. “Hey. We should all plan a trip to Disney world sometime when the baby’s old enough to go. Like, me, you, Jay, Elle, the baby, Aaron, Q, and Des. That would be fun, wouldn’t it??” 

LANDON

Landon didn't think he would ever forget the pure joy on Elle's face the first time he took her to Disney World. It was one of his most cherished memories and the idea of doing it again with his son filled him with excitement. Having his unofficial family all with him would only make the experience even better. Landon even thought that he could get over the painful tug in the pit of his stomach every time he saw Aaron, Roman and Quentin together. "I think that's an incredible idea. Elle would love the opportunity to go to Disney World with Des and the baby...well I don't know yet but with us around I'm sure he'll enjoy it as well", he joked with a chuckle. Landon looked at his phone and his eyes widened when he saw that it had gotten so late. "Shit, I have to get back home. Have an online meeting in half an hour. We'll plan a movie night soon to catch up? I miss us hanging out all the time." 

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Roman smiled as he watched Landon’s reaction to the idea of them all going to Disney world, the idea that he could hangout with his best friend again while with his significant others making his heart swell. He’d been terrified since Landon admitted his feelings, afraid that this was going to ruin their friendship and make everything they’d spent years building come crashing down around their ears. The truth though, was that they’d been friends for so damn long, it was unofficial family. There was no running from each other. “Right. Yeah, I know you’re busy. But yes, absolutely we’ll plan a movie night soon. I’d like that.” He nodded, giving his friend a small smirk as well. “Let me know if you need anything. Please.”