#relationshipx

[nanorelationship]

5 Relationship Killers and How to Avoid Them

As a relationship counselor, I am constantly being asked why so many relationships fail. In the 37 years that I have worked with couples, I have discovered five major relationship killers:

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

Most people enter a relationship with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear motivates various forms of controlling behavior. Controlling behavior falls into two major categories – overt control and covert control.

Overt control includes many forms of attack, such as blaming anger, rage, violence, judgment, criticism and ridicule.

Covert control includes compliance, enabling, withdrawal, defending, explaining, lying and denying. Often a person at the other end of attack will respond with some form of covert control in an attempt to have control over not being attacked.

Controlling behavior always results in resentment and emotional distance, bringing about the very rejection that it is meant to avoid.

RESISTANCE

Many people enter a relationship with a deep fear of being engulfed and controlled – of losing themselves. The moment they experience their partner wanting control over them, they respond with resistance – withdrawal, unconsciousness, numbness, forgetfulness, and procrastination.

When one partner is controlling and the other is resistant – which is really an attempt to have control over not being controlled - the relationship becomes immobilized. Partners in this relationship system feel frustrated, stagnant, and resentful.

NEEDINESS

Many people enter a relationship believing that it is their partner’s job to fill their emptiness, take away their aloneness, and make them feel good about themselves. When people have not learned how to take responsibility for their own feelings and needs, and to define their own self-worth, they may pull on their partner and others to fill them with the love they need.

SUBSTANCE AND PROCESS ADDICTIONS

Most people who feel empty inside turn to substance and process addictions in an attempt to fill their emptiness and take away the pain of their aloneness and loneliness. Alcohol and drug abuse, food, spending, gambling, busyness, Internet sex and pornography, affairs, work, TV, accumulating things, beautifying, and so on, can all be used as ways to fill emptiness and avoid fears of failure, inadequacy, rejection and engulfment. And they are all ways of shutting out your partner.

EYES ON PARTNER'S PLATE

Many people are acutely aware of what their partner is doing that is causing relationship problems, but completely unaware of what they are doing. For example, you might be very aware of your partner’s resistance or withdrawal, but totally unaware of your own judgmental behavior. You might be very aware of your partner’s anger, but completely unaware of your own compliance. You might be very aware of your partner’s addictive behavior, but very unaware of your own enabling. As long as your eyes are on your partner instead of on yourself, you will continue to believe that if only your partner changed, everything would be okay.

RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS

All relationship killers come from fear – of inadequacy, of failure, of rejection and of engulfment. As long as you are coming from any of these fears, you will be behaving in one or more of the above ways.

The way out is to develop a loving adult self who knows how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs. You will move beyond controlling, needy and addictive behavior only when you learn how to fill your self with love and define your own inner worth. When you are willing to take your eyes off your partner’s plate and turn your eyes fully on yourself, you can begin to do the inner healing work necessary to heal yourself and your relationship.

A good place to start is to download our free Inner Bonding course and begin to practice the Six Steps of Inner Bonding. The daily practice of these steps will move you out of your addictive and controlling behavior and into the personal responsibility necessary to heal your relationship.

for information click here.....................

[italic-doing-random-shit]

Hey please don't do anything, please please be ok, i know everything sucks but there are people that care. PLEASE don't di anything sudden that harms you

Please just talk to someone, punch something but please don't do anything. Everything sucks and may not seem worth it but your life is fucking priceless ok? You're great. You're human. You don't deserve anything bad. Please just try for a little while longer. I may not personally know you but i care if you're ok. Please be ok. If not mentally let's start being ok physically please, i know it's so difficult just, don't please.

it’s already too late for all of that. There’s still burns on my back that made sleeping unbearable.

and believe me. The last person who said that ended up not caring about me. She doesn’t even talk to me anymore and I can’t even blame her. I couldn’t even use my words right.

my life isn’t priceless. Its worthless.

a priceless person wouldn’t still be hung up over someone despite being in a relationshipx

a priceless person wouldn’t have tried kill themself and fail.

a priceless person wouldn’t have to lie to get attention or love or a second of peace.

I’m not priceless. I’m not a good person. I wasn’t ever worth it. If you stay you’ll only get hurt and end up hating me.

[asktheseanceduo]

*He stops, blinking once, twice, three times before a small laugh escapes him. Is that what this was for? He almost can't help finding it hilarious. But of course Toyo would be worried. Poor thing's just a ball of anxiety when it comes to their relationship. He's always so scared of messing up. And it's that degree of care that makes Kihiro adore him.* "Sweetie, I barely know him. We talked once and while I do think he's nice to look at, I'm happy right where I am. At most, I would like him to be a close friend, you know? So I do plan on talking to him some more, but I'm not gonna run off with the guy."

*He pauses, taking a breath and once more trying to encourage Toyo to focus. Once he finally gets his hands free from his hair, he tilts his head to make sure their eyes meet.* "It's alright to be scared, but I'm not going anywhere. It's alright. I don't know what they did to imply I was, but they were wrong."

U-Um...Kihiro? It’s Toyo and I’m—ack... @ask-lookout-23

“Hey, babe. Gods, you look terrible. What happened? You okay? Wanna talk about it over some cake?” *He smiles, despite the concern that remains clear in his expression. Arms open, ready for the other to collapse into if needed. Nothing at all deviating from how he usually behaves.*

@ask-lookout-23

[heartwielded]

@mcyashi.

Ok but like,,, revealing that through narrative is such a (for lack of words) good feeling like??? People had to work to get that info and it’s not something that a character would just state u kno so I see where that would b cool but I also love knowing now too u feel???? Like lil hidden mysteries abt the char

hrrmm i mean tru but everyone ooc already Knows ):  i would absolutely love for other muses to find out through rp,  and since cecil is very reserved about himself he wouldn’t just tell anyone at all  ( unless someone actually asks him ).   i would really love to explore in character how he regards his past and how he talks about it and how it potentially changes the relationshipx he has with others or how they see him,  but i seem to be unable to somehow bring it up or give others a clear enough opportunity to let their muses ask or wonder about it . . . . . .   neat lil hidden mysteries about characters are fun and all unless u never find urself able to write  ( about ) them ):

[alittlehopealittlesmile-blog]

Just venting really

No amount of love I could give can change the past. You’ve grown apart from me. You’ve changed a lot. A lot more than I expected too be honest. And me, I’ve stayed the same at heart. All that has really changed about me is that I care a tiny bit now and have a job. But really though, I didn’t care how much you’ve changed. Because you’ll always be the sierra I fell in love with. Like, there’s a connection I feel between us. It goes deeper than emotion. Just. Idk, it’s hard to explain. And it feels like after you said that, my whole world was instantly crushed. My heart dropped. I got sent home early from work because I just broke down. It hurt as bad as the first time you ever left me. And honestly. I have no friends to vent to. I have no one to talk to, and if I hold it in. I will explode and freak out. So I’m venting here. Im not going to sit there and tell you I’m not oky. And all of that. It doesn’t matter to you anyways, and even if it did. I don’t want you to worry. Maybe you were right. But I wasn’t going to tell you that. I do love you though, if you loved me, you should have left me be. Or stayed for ever. Not come back and literally make me fall for you all over again, not once not twice, but 3 times in a row back to back in the past 2 months. You literally came back saying you missed me and us and how everything used to be, and you came back, just to once again, lie to me and torture me. And h9nestly. I already expect it every time you come back into my life. Which is why I’m always so worried when we were together. I knew it was going to happen. But I just thought about all the shit you went through, and I actually think I deserved it. Like, you deserved to hurt me to this point . To completely crush me inside and out. And now that I’m there. At this point, I think back. Back at all the shit I went through, all the shit you did to me, all the times you lied to me, left me, hurt me, and did it over and over again knowing I’m so hopelessly in love with you , and I realized… I’ve been through the same shit… all of it almost. We just handled it so differently. And I didnt deserve that shit. I came a far way from having nothing but my clothes and being homeless. Sure I’m taking my time getting my shit together right now, but that’s because I need the break. After all that shit I went through, I’m still emotionally recovering. And I’m doing it by myself because even if I wanted to let someone else love me. If I wanted to let someone else in. It’s not like anyone wants to. It’s not like anyone else would ever actually love me. And its not like I couldn’t get with someone , I could. But I cant. Because even just thinking about being with someone else, it makes my stomach turn in a bad way. It fucking sucks. At times I wish I never met you, because I can’t ever unlove you. And what the fuck is the point in loving someone so much when all they do is hurt you, and to top it off, they fell out of love with you? Like it don’t make no fucking sense to me. But if I could choose to not be in love with you, even after all that time apart , I spent every single day trying to get over you and I cant. I did all kinds of shit to try. Tried relationships, tried just messing around, tried having a few just close friends (but I can only open up to girls really idk. I’m too sensitive to talk to guys and I don’t have any friends that close), I’ve tried just not being in any kind of relationshipx but at the end of the day, each Anand every day. I still miss you. It fucking sucks. And I’m sorry I’m not good enough for you anymore. But fuck. Like fml. I’m just really fucking high rn. And I miss you a lot. Take care, Love always, Tyler michaels

[hausofbyrd]

Seasonal

I wish I could change the locks on my heart

The way I change my phone number.

Now I understand for myself

The love we shared was Seasonal,

Winter died and you Sprung away..

I guess you had plans for the Summer.

-RiOt

[nanorelationship]

5 Irresistible Ways To Make Women Fall For You

"I don't get it!…"

"I've a nice car. I'm accomplished. My A-List CV make the next guy look funky. I even wear the latest Armani! Why doesn't she flip for me? Why am I always alone??"

STOP!

How many times did you pound the dashboard of your Corvette bewailing this persistent question?

The avenue to Romance is littered with roadkill hearts and unrequited love.If you think you're unique in your loneliness, think again. There is enough dashboard pounding out there to start a global orchestra of dire distress.

But don't despair. Before you spin out of control, deploy the airbags fast. These strategic maneuvers should cruise you back on track:

1) Dress to Kill - all the time: No I don't intend that you wear $5000 suits to the grocers or the Rolex to walk the dog. What I want you to do is is to dress decently each time you hit the streets. Dab on some cologne. Be neatly shaven. Gentlemen, women are everywhere. If you dress with flash only at the bar or the party, you're missing out on 95% of eligible women. Some of the best relationships were forged during chance encounters at the bus stop.

2) Bedroom Eyes - When exploring new relationships with that sexy stranger, intensify the eye contact. Lock deep into her pupils. Let the rest of the world disappear even as a horde of supermodels troop by. You will naturally thrill her with the attention as she experiences the tendrils of growing attraction. Ethnologists have a term for it, the copulatory gaze. Get your eyes even sexier by enlargening your pupils; Dr. Hess concluded that dilated pupils are far far more attractive to women. How does one get the pupils popping? Simply gaze at the most alluring parts of a woman's face and fill your mind with loving caring thoughts. Your pupils naturally grow, endowing you with irresistible eyes.

3) Visual Caress - Get your eyes to do some facial travelling as you chat. Linger a bit on the nose, traipse across those lashes and rest upon the lips. Drink in her facial features as though you were admiring the Mona Lisa. She will delight in the attention!

4) Easter Eggs - Stumped at having nothing to say? Listen carefully for easter eggs as you talk. These are unusual words or phrases that she utters. Ask her to expound on it. Say "What's the story behind that?" or "How do you feel about that?". Women love to be probed for their opinions and their feelings.Gently bring out her emotions with sensitive open-ended questions.

5) Keep it Adrenaline Charged - Men talk facts: stock figures, bill payments, and boring engine specs. Women are different. They delight in FEELINGS TALK: how the new dress takes them to 7th heaven, how that special meal got them all giddy with ecstasy, how their shopping expedition drains their deepest problems away. Leverage this by steering away from facts talk. Pick out emotionally charged subjects and ask her how she especially relates to them. You'll be her new confidant!

I know what you're thinking. It's all common sense! That's true, but ask yourself this: how many of you actually practice this? Be honest.

Get out there and be the man women loves. Use your common sense!