#relationships aren't everything and they certainly shouldn't matter more than your friends

[highraccoon]

out of all the women I've met, only one of them hadn't dated some shitty guy and hoped he would get better 😬 and out of the ones who dated shitty guys, most of them are still with their pieces of shit. you can really only stand watching people make their lives worse until you gotta just leave and let them do it

[contreparry]

Hi hi and hap fri! Here's a DADWC prompt :) “No matter what, I will always come after you.” for any couple of your choosing <3

Here's some pre-relationship InquisitorxCullen for @dadrunkwriting!

He had to say something.

They were sending this woman off to her doom without acknowledging the dangers she would surely face, as if speaking the words would bring them into reality. He had thought to pray and beg the Maker for his intercession (she must live, surely you understand how we are all doomed if she should falter), but even prayer felt selfish now. So Cullen watched the Rift from his post on Haven's wooden wall and tried to think of what he should say.

Stay alive? Useless advice. Good luck? Worse than useless. I wish we could send someone else? Useless and insulting to boot. But he couldn't send Enchanter Evelyn Trevelyan, who by all rights shouldn't have been in this situation in the first place, off to her death without a word. She was... it wasn't right. None of this was fair.

Fair. What a word. This entire situation was monstrously unfair, had been for ages. For forever it seemed like. Cullen sighed, braced his forearms against the railing, and stared up into the sickly green light of the Rift. Tomorrow it might disappear. Or it might get worse. Who knew? All they could do was try to make it right. All they could do was... was try.

Try to fix the mess they made. Try to be better than they were the day before, and the day before that. Try to do what was right instead of what came naturally. Not that he claimed to know what was right in the first place, considering everything he had done. Cullen dropped his gaze to his hands. What was he doing? He'd run out of time to say anything to the Herald if he remained brooding up on the wall. Yet he couldn't quite make his legs move. It was as if his body believed that time would stand still if he ignored it completely. Only a few more minutes, his heart seemed to say. Wait only a few more minutes before you descend and begin your search. You haven't found the right words yet. You aren't ready, not yet.

At this rate the world would fall to pieces before Cullen found the right words to convey everything that he had bottled up inside of him.

"Seeker Pentaghast said you'd be up here."

And there she was. Short, solemn faced, bundled up in two cloaks and a borrowed (sloppily knitted) scarf, Herald Trevelyan clambered up the final steps to join him on the battlement. She tilted her head to gaze up at the Rift, her dark hair fluttering in the late winter chill. Late winter? Early spring? Seasons didn't matter this high up in the mountains. She sighed, a short, sharp, exasperated huff, as if the Rift was an annoyance that kept her away from more pressing matters.

Enchanter Evelyn Trevelyan was a terribly efficient woman. She had everything organized to the letter, knew the proper way to go about everything (which made the moments she chose to disregard protocol and rules all the more frustrating), and had the sharpest tongue he ever had the displeasure of meeting. But... Cullen examined her as she stared at the Rift. She wasn't all bad. Had she been one of his commanding officers he would certainly have admired her diligence and methodical approach. Even Cassandra said they were similar (it was not a compliment).

Had things been different... maybe they wouldn't have butted heads. Perhaps, had the world been kinder, had things gone right, they could have been friends. Too late to change the past, of course, but the future... there was a chance there. Cullen steeled himself and opened his mouth before he lost his nerve entirely.

"No matter what happens tomorrow, I'll come after you," he declared, and then wanted to kick himself when Trevelyan whipped her head so quickly she must have hurt her neck. She stared at him as if he had grown another head, and despite the chill head crept up the back of his neck.

"That is. What I mean is..." Cullen stopped to gather his thoughts. Words. He was pondering words all day, and it was too late to turn back now.

"I'll be at your side on the field tomorrow. You will not face this threat alone," he assured her. "And should you... should aught go amiss, I will drag you off the field myself." It wasn't a gentle speech, but he never had the gift for flowery words. But he said it: he would be by her side in battle, shield and sword paired with staff, and they would face the threat together. It was the only vow he could offer. But Herald Trevelyan frowned, her brow furrowed and her dark eyes distant.

"How reassuring," she muttered. She immediately froze, her eyes wide and her body stiff. That was a misstep, an aberration from her normally icily cordial demeanor, but Cullen couldn't find it in him to be insulted. The sarcasm was refreshing. The woman could lose her composure after all. She recovered quickly enough, however, and with a cough she returned her gaze to the Rift above.

"I spoke hastily. Tired, but that's hardly an excuse," she said. "Do forgive me." It was a little stiff, a little stilted, but it was an apology and it was sincere. He'd take it. The first steps towards reconciliation were usually awkward, after all.

"Forgiven and forgotten," Cullen replied. "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry. This... if there were another route, we would have taken it."

"I know," she murmured, and for a moment (perhaps a trick of the light) he thought that Trevelyan's eyes were wet. But she blinked, the wind shifted, and the moment was gone.

"And... I am reassured. Tomorrow will be difficult, but with enough people on our side we should push through," she hesitated then, absentmindedly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and the ice wall she lingered behind returned, building up before his eyes brick by brick.

"Do get some rest, Commander. Tomorrow's challenges will arrive soon enough," she advised, and she turned on her heel to march down the stairs, a shuffling mass of bundled up wool braced against the winter wind. Cullen raised his gaze to the Rift and pondered the Herald's remark. Tomorrow's challenges will arrive soon enough indeed. But there was nothing to do but wait for tomorrow to come.

"And Commander?" Trevelyan returned. She lingered on the top step. She was framed by the setting sun like a holy aura. Or perhaps flickering flames of a bonfire. It was all Cullen could do to not shudder.

She would be fine. They would all be fine.

"Hmm?" He asked.

"If our situations were somehow reversed, I would come after you as well," she declared with a ghost of a smile on her face, and she was gone.

[zodiactalks]

Love Life with Taurus Woman & 5 Brutal Truths

Being in a relationship with a Taurus is being involved in a lot of contradictions.

They're laid-back and easy-going, but they also work incredibly hard. They're patient and don't take things personally, yet they'll argue with you about anything.

Loving a Taurus woman isn't always easy, and here, you'll find out exactly why, but difficulties or not, loving a Taurus woman is always worth it. Let’s get started with brutal truths about loving a Taurus woman.

#1. They're unbelievably stubborn.

Yes, Taurus are stubborn, that's a fairly obvious truth, but if you think knowing this will prepare you for experiencing it first-hand, you're woefully unprepared for loving a Taurus woman.

They'll take parts; they'll hold ridiculous yet strong beliefs; they'll pick up causes to defend like they're going out of style, and they'll die on every hill they cross.

No argument is too little or too petty for a Taurus woman, a type of lady born with the impressive ability to argue and breathe at the same time.

No, taking their side unconditionally won't help you either. For starters, it's a mistake to always change something about you just to satisfy your partners- and it's also something Taurus women will argue about.

To put it plainly, if you're thinking about getting involved with a Taurus woman, you need to learn not only how to argue but also how to enjoy it.

That's right, you're going to be arguing a lot about almost anything, but for the most part, they'll be fun arguments about silly things that will make you laugh when you look back at them.

For the most part.

To err in the side of caution, though, don't try to change a Taurus mind. If you're involved in an argument with a Taurus woman, enjoy it, but try not to take personally.

They'll take their beliefs to the grave, no matter if they're wrong, and it's easier to agree to disagree than try to convince them to see things from your perspective.

If it sounds exhausting, it's because it can be, but it can also be a lot of fun, particularly because these arguments will help you gain a new perspective on the subject at hand.

#2. They're a jealous bunch.

This is true for both Taurus men and women, but we'll focus on women in this one.

Taurus aren't particularly insecure, but they do crave attention. Not in the 'life of the party,' sort of way, but rather validation from the people they love.

Taurus women need to know they're loved and valued, and if they don't feel like you love them enough, that is where the insecurity pops up.

(Let's face it, though, that applies to all of us. Who doesn't love being loved and valued?)

A Taurus woman that knows herself appreciated, loved, and valued is a woman who'll be mostly comfortable with their partners interacting with members of the opposite sex; mostly, because they certainly don't take a hands-free approach to relationships.

A Taurus woman who doesn't feel loved and appreciated will often blame other women for their partner's shortcomings, and as we've mentioned before, changing their mind is near impossible.

The solution is simple: Make it clear to your Taurus lady that she's the most important woman in your life and demonstrate it. Actions are worth much more than words, and if you want your Taurus girlfriend to be okay with your female friends, you want to act in a way that makes it clear who's the woman for you.

Boost their confidence by showing just how much you love them!

#3. They're walking volcanoes.

Taurus women are one of the most patient signs in the zodiac. Most things roll right off their backs, and they can't be bothered by things they've decided not to care about.

This has given the sign a reputation as one of the most mellow and easy-going signs out there, and it's a reputation well earned. However, even the most patient of individuals has a breaking point.

Taurus women's anger is a thing that takes a while to build. It might take hours, it might take months, it might even take years, but once they reach their breaking point, they'll explode, and they'll do it spectacularly.

Friendships, relationships, and even families can be destroyed by a Taurus anger when it finally ignites, so you should never take their tolerance for granted.

Luckily, you don't have to walk around on eggshells to avoid a Taurus' anger; all you need to do is stop assuming and check on them every now and then.

Just because a Taurus woman doesn't seem angry about something, it doesn't mean she's not annoyed, so make sure to ask her how she's feeling and don't just assume everything is peachy because she hasn't gotten mad yet.

If you're doing something you know you shouldn't be doing and she doesn't react angrily, it's not because you have the world's coolest girlfriend, it's because she's giving you the chance to stop doing it before all hell breaks loose.

#4. They don't need you.

It sounds ugly, but it needs to be said. A Taurus woman doesn't need to be in a relationship. They want to be in a relationship, and those are entirely different things.

If you're in a relationship with a Taurus woman, congratulations; she has decided she wants to spend her time and energy on you.

She's with you because she wants to be with you, not because she needs you in her life, which means she'll choose to do a lot of things on her own, and won't ask for your help unless she genuinely can't do things on her own.

Some people like to feel needed. Some people treasure being able to help their partners with big and small things, and while some signs are more than happy to receive unsolicited help and advice, as they see those acts as acts of love, Taurus women are more likely to see them as invasions.

In their minds, you're not helping them because you love them. You're helping them because you think they can't do things themselves.

Yeah.

It's like that.

Remember, if a Taurus woman chooses to love you, it is because they want to share their life with you, but that doesn't mean they're willing to surrender their independence.

So, don't get upset when it seems like you can walk out of her life, and very little would change.

That might very well be the truth, but that doesn't mean she wouldn't notice the difference.

#5. They're as loyal as they come.

If you're lucky enough to be loved by a Taurus woman, congratulations; you've earned yourself one of the most loyal partners you can imagine.

Here you have a fierce and independent woman who wants you in your life, who's not afraid of fighting for the people she loves, and who won't back down from a challenge even if it's the smartest thing to do.

You have a patient woman who treasures your opinion, who wants to be by your side and who won't balk at difficult situations provided you show the same steadfastness and loyalty.

Yes, Taurus women are stubborn, independent, possessive, and maybe a bit scary at times, but that intensity is how she shows her love. That love, properly nurtured, can lead to one of the most robust relationships you've ever had.

[girl4music]

I'm saving this in my bookmarks. I have a lot more to say about it and need to gather my thoughts on it so I can clearly and concisely express what I want to say without insulting someone else. It's a very controversial topic of discussion after all. But one that must be discussed nonetheless.

------------------------------------------

"but the misconception you must accept that you have an addiction in order to change your relationship with drugs and alcohol, is harmful."

It is very harmful. It's similiar to constantly believing you're mentally ill when you have a mental illness. That's not going to help you get mentally well. Addiction is a mental illness. Maybe 12-step AA programs should understand what's necessary for neurodiversity first before understanding what's necessary for recovery. It makes total sense to me why DEMI LOVATO is fairing better with moderation management methods over total drug/alcohol abstinence. But that's because I understand her well, not because I understand addiction well. I just think... Neurodiversity > Recovery. And, in my mind, associating "recovery" with the term "sobriety" is more dangerous than associating the term "California sober" with "recovery" in my opinion. But what do I know? 😑

"This goes against the popular belief that consuming drugs and alcohol and being in recovery are mutually exclusive, an idea that is deeply embraced by some in the addiction treatment field."

Yes, because the addiction treatment field wants you to be free of your addictions. 🙄 They don't want you to be free of your addictions or your mental illnesses. They want you to RELY ON THEM so that the only "treatment" you can get for your addictions and mental illnesses forces you to continue said "treatment" with them. So that it's a never-ending cycle.

"The idea that recovery is synonymous with sobriety is closely tied to 12-step fellowship programs where step 1 is to admit you’re powerless over drugs and alcohol and the ultimate goal is abstinence."

Exactly. So YOU'RE powerless to make any decisions for yourself that do not include what THEY say is best for YOU. Which is an ultimate and unrealistic goal of TOTAL ABSTINENCE.

"But if you ask your friends, neighbors, or loved ones outside of the addiction field what they think it means to be in “recovery”, most will associate the term with total sobriety."

Yes, and they want to keep it that way because it makes big $$$$$.

Listen people. I'm gonna lay it out in plain English for you

Demi is not saying her "California sober" method is everyone's method. That it is the correct method for everyone dealing with addiction or/and mental illness. In fact she's made it pretty damn clear no one should think or believe it is or should be. All she is saying is that it's a method that she's found to work for her. And is it working? Well, only time and experience with it will tell. I don't know if it will for her longterm but it certainly seems to be working for her at the moment. And that's all that matters for the moment. But, for me personally, I think neurodiversity should be put first over recovery because all people aren't the same and therefore the same method for recovery will not work for all people. There are different pathways to take and different options to try. Some not so popular than others. All Demi is doing is trying those "not so popular" methods out because the one that everybody says, thinks and believes will work did not work for her at all. Sobriety did not work for her and, forgive me for using this metaphor, that's a hard pill to swallow for some people who hold the term "sober" so closely to their heart and dote on it like it's the love of their life.

I have genuine faith that this moderation management method (her "California sober") will work for her. Because, like I said... I know and understand Demi very well. I know that extremes are not right for her. And total abstinence is just another extreme for her to get addicted to on top of her other addictions. The woman needs balance in her life. She knows she needs balance in her life. So therefore she's trying that "balance" with her issues with drug and alcohol addiction. She believes it will work. And I think she's right. Will it work for somebody else? Probably not. But it's a viable pathway to take and option to try in any case. What more harm could moderation management do to some people than the harm total abstinence can do to some people? Because I definetly say the latter is far more dangerous.

We, as a society, need to get more comfortable with the term "weaning" regarding substance addiction first of all. You would not make a baby go without their mother's milk or baby formula in order to get them on to eating solid foods. Of course not. You would wean them into it. So why isn't this area of logic applied to substance addiction? It should be! That's my take on it and I want to develop this area of logic further as I learn more and more about the mental illness of addiction and substance abuse in general. I know very little about addiction. I don't know a great deal about mental illness either but more so than just what little I know about addiction specifically. But what I do know and understand very well is neurodiversity and the relationship between the external and the internal. Meaning the relationship between the environment and the human mind/body. And my argument for what to do for mental illness (and addiction, most likely) is that you must get to know and understand this relationship first before tackling recovery in any aspect of life. The relationship between "I" and "other" is extremely important for interaction of any kind with people, things, substances, ideologies, philosophies, stimulants... Everything. And I just don't believe any "program" or "treatment" for addiction recovery or mental health recovery can be without the knowing and understanding of this relationship. This primary relationship with "I" and "other" and all interactions between them.

Now for someone who lives to such extremes to the point that they are misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder (DEMI LOVATO)... It is quite evident that the key is to lessen those extremes. And the way to do that is by balancing the extremes. Not by completely taking all of them away.

One extreme for her is a total obsession with perfection and with being the best at everything, looking as good/pretty as possible. Essentially constantly setting the bar higher and higher to reach with each grasp. That is an addiction for her.

Another extreme for her is disregarding any and all expectations or goals, rebelling against every law or moral or teaching whatsoever... Basically not giving a crap about anything. Not even her own well being,... to the point where she's results to substance abuse just to keep going. To have some kind of high.

Now throw in a strict schedual of night and day, around-the-clock restriction, limitation and control into the mix and have that happen for 365 days a year and ask yourself will it lessen any extreme for Demi or will it just add another extreme on the top of it? One would absolutely lose their mind trying to keep up with all of this while being expected to perform to any degree whatsoever as a "star". One is going to fail. More than fail. One is going to seriously impact their health. One is going to be on death's door. So even though I don't know and understand addiction or mental illness very well, don't say I don't understand the tremendous effects it can have on neurodivergent people. I know and understand more than any average person would ever fucking know or understand. I know and understand Demi. And I am saying moderation management is the best method for Demi's substance abuse recovery because her addiction is not substances. Or rather - not primarily substances. Her addiction - her primary addiction - is to be PERFECT. She needs to tackle that addiction before her addictions with substances. With drugs and alcohol. And the best way for her to do that is to find balance in every aspect of her life. With her food, with her career, with her music, with her interactions with EVERYTHING. If she can tackle that addiction and wean it down to where she doesn't need to feel like she needs to be so perfect all the time and put herself through the ringer with her career... Then her issues with substance abuse will most likely disappear by themselves because she wouldn't need those substances or stimulants to cope anymore. There's no cause for it. No trigger. So, yes. She's right. Moderation management is the correct method for her. And it's proven to be so far, so let's not villify her for it just yet. Let's wait and see what the results are first. Like you would with any scientific study. And if it does turn out to be that you were right... Then you can make your conclusions on whether it's a method that should or shouldn't be used or associated with drug/alcohol addiction recovery ever again. I personally don't think so. I think she's got it now because, with Demi, it's primarily a mental health issue with her feeling or thinking that she always needs to be perfect. I think if that addiction goes away, then the addiction with the drugs and alcohol will go away on its own. There will be no need for a "recovery plan" at all for it because she's got the stimulants that she needs to remain in a healthy and balanced mindset.

Demi's effectively killing two birds with one stone. She couldn't even kill one before her overdose happened and that was not her fault. It was the fault of the people constantly around her making sure she never had any stimulants whatsoever. Leaving her powerless to ever get "mentally well" in the first place. Her last recovery team left her in one big jam. They took all the stimulants or coping mechanisms away to deal with her addiction issues with perfection and body image and eating disorders. They refused to wean her and it only made the situation worse. I mean what did they think was gonna happen? NOBODY could get "sober" or "clean" or "recovered" or "mentally well" from that level of restriction, limitation and control, let alone DEMI LOVATO, a "star" who was given access to everything under the sun as a child and was taught and told to be perfect at the same time.

Oh yes, I totally get it. And that's why I can say with complete conviction that, this time, Demi's got it now. She's got a handle on every addiction or mental health issue plaguing her because she's gone right to the root to where it all started to begin with and she's weaning herself. 👏 And you know, if you cut the head off a snake, the whole body dies along with it without ever needing to take a second chop. Apply that awfully corny metaphor to all I've just said and you'll totally get it too. Addiction and mental health recovery is not a one-size fits all method. There are other methods. Demi's just trying those other methods and being publically transparent about it. She should be respected, not vilified. I'm done.

[justoceanmyth]

I have...mixed feelings about this, and there's probably going to be more written here than I could fit in a reply (hence me reblogging instead).

I'm not saying that Anon doesn't have a point-- I can certainly see where they are coming from, but I just... don't see it.

Part of my problem with Anon's argument is that it implies that there was a focus on Pakku/Kanna that simply wasn't there. It's part of one scene from the finale, and we don't ever see them together. And both Pakku and Kanna are minor characters, which means that there won't be as much fandom focus on them to begin with.

This is my experience with it:

I don't like that Pakku and Kanna got back together. I don't like it because it continues a trend where a female character makes a decision, or says "No." and then the writers are like *wink nudge* "if you are persistent enough, she'll say yes", and the guy tries again and 'gets the girl'. This is why I never viewed it as a punishment, because it felt more like a 'message of hope' to men that had been sexist assholes and gotten shot down for it. Pakku and Kanna getting back together is one of the very few elements of atla where I just close my eyes and pretend it doesn't exist.

(Also Hakoda gets a girlfriend?!? Okay, hate that, going to ignore that too)

In my mind, Kanna reconnects with all of the friends (and possibly family? we don't know whether she had any siblings or anything) that she left behind in the North Pole. She doesn't get back with Pakku, because he's grown enough to respect her choice in the matter, and they stay friends at most. More likely though, they just stay loose acquaintances.

Which as far as I know, is how most fans treat it. It wasn't an important part of the story, so rather than fighting about it, and having tons of drama and discourse... if you don't like it, you can pretty much just ignore it, and nobody cares. Hell, in a casual search of ao3, there are only about 50 stories tagged with the pairing, and well over half of them aren't focused on Kanna or Pakku at all!(I don't know if any of those were tagged as past relationships either, so that's another thing to consider.)

From what I could see about the *actual* Kanna/Pakku stories, most of them were either from Pakku's perspective (character study-type stuff), or trying to understand how the two of them could reconcile after everything that happened between them.

I can't say what biases were present in the original show, but I can say that, for Kanna/Pakku at least, Anon's point about the fandom doesn't hold water.

As for the Z*tara infidelity stories-- 

I'm not trying to imply anything about Z*tara shippers, because the ones who are loud antis (especially anti-Aang which is really the unforgivable thing in my eyes) are a minority and I don't want to lump them all together. esp. on a public post. However, I will generalize the people who write cheating/infidelity fic, because ??? WHY? It makes both your favs look bad, and imo isn't treated with the gravitas it deserves by most people who use the trope. It's the laziest way to make a fanon-ship loosely canon-compliant while still maintaining the existence of all the K*taang kids + Izumi.

I think that the prevalence of Z*tara infidelity fics (just writing that leaves a sour taste in my mouth) in comparison to old!Z*tara is for two reasons:

1) If you are going to write a fic with them in their old-age, having not gotten together until *after* Aang and Mai (or whoever you see as Fire-Lady, aside from...Katara) have died, you can't NOT touch on the grief Zuko and Katara have for their spouses, the love they both had for Aang... and if the author wanted to bash Aang (or Mai), it doesn't reflect well on them since you shouldn't speak ill of the dead.

2) Nobody wants to think about old-people sex, much less write it. So if the author wants to include/write nsfw, they will be avoiding old!Z*tara like the plague. I, for one, don't blame them for that. I just wish they could find another way to do it, without writing an infidelity-fic. Especially one that makes its way into the K*taang tag on ao3 and makes anyone searching for K*taang sad.

Anon makes a decent point, but I think it kinda falls apart, especially once you take a look at more obvious motivations for some of these things. It's definitely something to keep in mind though, as there are some very sexist and ageist undercurrents to the typical fandom arguments, especially when it comes to Katara.

Just wanted to chime in on Pakku from what I perceive was the show runners’ perspective and what has been picked up in fandom. Pakku is an asshole so he didn’t “win.” He didn’t get hot, young, fertile Kanna. She married another man and had his son while she was in her prime. He only gets her when she’s old and she’s loved that part of her life. Juxtapose that with Aang who gets hot, sexy Katara who has his kids. This is why no Z/utara who wanted it in canon really ships it in LOK except to annoy K/ataangers. Zuko isn’t getting Katara at her peak, Aang had that. This is also why there’s so many infidelity stories with them as opppsed to stories that happen when both their spouses are dead and their children are grown. ATLA is an extremely sexist fandom in some ways and the Pakku situation to me is one of the more glaring examples that people don’t really think about. Pakku was “bad” so he didn’t get sexy Kanna and he will never father a child. So old Kanna is his “punishment” disguised as a reward. It’s sexist, ageist and kind of shitty. (Notice that when Hakoda gets a new girlfriend, she’s younger than he is and pretty. But Hakoda is “good” so he “deserves” a hot sexy piece of ass.) White cishet men are a plague.

thank you for taking the time to write this all out, anon! honestly, it's not something i'd even considered before; you make some strong points about the atla fandom's biases.