#related -- sam and miles see each other as detectives and that's the only person who understands what it means to be a detective.

[whoslaurapalmer]

goddddd i always know it's coming but the end of the maltese falcon (book) gets me every time. like. the end of the movie is about greed. but the end of the book (which is also still about greed but hold on) is about. consequences. relationships. sam goes through the whole book getting this almost constant commentary from other characters about how he always gets off scot-free, no one can ever pin anything on him, he gets away with doing every just-on-the-edge-of-horrible thing he does, and being pleased about it, and part of how he ends things with brigid is sam's own desire to manipulate others to keep the control he has over his life and how he lives and making sure he gets out after all the falcon shenanigans (especially bc the only thing sam's actually guilty of there is some decent physical violence, but not murder), and then he goes to effie when it's all over, his secretary, the only person in the whole entire book sam feels something like respect for, the only person he'll meaningfully almost-apologize to, and that's when sam actually genuinely suffers consequences for what he's done. is he wrong to have brigid arrested? no, and effie knows that. but effie believed so wholeheartedly in brigid, and not just brigid but sam, and her relationship with sam, and in herself, and sam picks that up and ruins it and effie can't stand him now. she doesn't want him to touch her at all. and it's the only time he's genuinely horrified by what he's done. he spends the whole book seriously but still jokingly telling effie he's no good and her putting up with him regardless and then he has to face that he really is no good to the one person who really matters to him, to the person who used to let him get away with it, who can't anymore

[popculturebuffet]

Green Eggs and Ham: Here (Patreon Review for Emma Ficci)

Hello all you happy people! And I have my first fully paid for comission and patreon review all in one! Yes my good friend Emma became a patreon and you can too, go to patreon.com/popculturebuffet. Even one buck a month helps and 5 a month nets you a review of whatever of your choice a month. An episode of any tv show I have acess to. It feels good to have more than one person paying my salary, though I sitll want to thank Kev, my other patreon for helping with that. 

So with that all in order, let’s talk about this thoroughly weird, thoroughly wonderful show from a couple years back. Green Eggs and Ham is modern adaptation of a Dr. Seuss book..... and I bet those of you who haven’t heard of this series before or it’s reputation just had your bowls clinch a bit. Yeah while I haven’t seen illumination’s takes on the maestro of children’s books, I haven’t heard the best things and the trailers and odd and counter productive marketing tie ins for the Lorax have made me want to stay 30 feet away from it at all times. Seriously you get certified Legend Danny DeVito.. and you waste him on “Dat’s a woman” a joke that I don’t have time to unpack all the ways it sucks. My point is Seuss really hasn’t had the best time with adaptations latey.  But leave it to Warner Animation and Netflix to pull out a great one. Yeah I wasn’t too excited about a tv adaptation of one book at first due to all this and even a celebrity cast wasn’t a good sign. They roped Danny DeVito into the Lorax. So even with a whopper cast containing Michael Douglas, Diane Keaton, my boy Adam Divine, Ilana Glazer, Kegan Michael Key,  Jeffery Wright, Eddie Izard and JIllian Bell.. I wasn’t convinced. But word of mouth was really good, and the animation looked downright gorgeous, perfectly mimicking suess’ work and feeling like an unabashed love letter. 

So I did what I tend to do.. and sat on it for several years because I simply forgot to watch it till my friend comissioned it and here we are. And off the bat.. the reputation.. is not remotely overblown. This is easily the best Dr. Seuss adaptation i’ve seen in some time taking the best of his ideas and whimsy, with what little behind the scenes stuff I could get saying they specifically took art design from his art of book, with a modern and intresting story behind it and an all star cast that this time around are used well instead of just being there for Name Recogntion. Not only that but it takes inspriation form, of all things, Planes Trains and Automobiles, but does so well so far, getting the oddcouple dynamic down perfectly. 

So join me under the cut as I cut this bit of green eggs and ham into bite sized pieces for you all and go into why it’s so delecitable. 

This episode’s mostly broken up into bits to introduce all the main players, so as I tend to do when there’s multiple plots, I will be covering each one at a time. 

Guy and Sam: The Failed Inventor and the Animal Thief

So our story begins with.. a ninja breaking into a zoo to steal the rare Chikaraffe. 

Neither was the narrator, played by Key.. and the narrator naturally for a work like this delightfully interacts with things and is one of the best parts of the whole episode. But this already shows how well the series updates things. There’s one or two things like Ninja Sam or a family making ducklips during a photo, there’s even a fairly obvious trump stand in we’ll get to.. but none of it’s SO overdone it takes you out of things or dates the projects. The tech is kept to about the 70′s or 80′s with cameras still used instead of camera phones, crt tv’s, and what have you, and most inventions seens are susian. It feels wholly in line with his books while still nudging it into our current decade here and there. In other words.. how you SHOULD do it: add in a few things here or there but no overt pop culture refrences and at most a take that at something Seuss would gladly take aim at. 

So we meet our other hero the next day, Guy-Am-I. Guy is the show’s version of the nameless harassment victim from the books, with a bit of a darker fur and hat, likely to help better distingish him from sam as well as sell him being older than his co-star. It’s a good change, and helps sell Guy as what he is.. a grumpy middle aged man who keeps failling in life as demonstrated by his way to the inventions: he falls in a puddle, signs no on a pettition because he’s in a hurry, reminds me of man in a hurry from hatchefield but I couldn’t find a good image of him saying that in time and takes a picture of the family “Say runing my life” “ruining your life!”. We later see after some of the following scenes Sam do the same.. but he hops over the puddle then dives ino for fun, signs an entire page of the pettition, and takes tons of pictures. It’s a nice establishing scene for both. 

Guy is presenting his invention for Snerzco, your standard megacorp given a delightful Seuss twist with LITERAL pencil pushers and beancounters, to present his invention, with other inventors presenting, witht he hopes of presenting to Snerzz himself, having such delightfully bonkers and seussian inventions as a reverse umbrella (it rains on you) and an automatic fingercrosser. It’s touches like this that really tell me the series really loves Dr. Seuss. 

Sadly things don’t go well for guy as he’s hoping his invention dosen’t explode, his invention being a backpack made of hands to help people fly. Most people are imprestted apart from Michelle a bean counter who.. randomly snarks she wouldn’t let her daughter fly on it.

Yeah it’s not a great introduction for one of your major characters to have her randomly mock something that hadn’t exploded yet, and to for no reason bring up what a paranoid and unfun parent she is. We’ll get to her more in a bit. But yes it does explode and Guy’s dreams are ruined. 

And this whole picture.. shows who guy is. He’s someone whose kept trying agian, and again and again only for it not to work, and to get laughed at by the public and spat on by god themslef. It’s easy to see WHY he’s such a bitter curmudgeon: life hates him, so why shouldn’t he hate it back. That’s a self defeating prophecy of course but this is episode one and tha’ts probably the point of the series: to explore this. That being said I could see this coming from a mile away and felt it to be the most unupsired bit of the episode. 

Guy enters a diner to get some Oatmush “The Sadmans Special” after the bus leaves before he can get to it because again, God hates him personally.  No the sadman’s special is a famous bowl from KFC. I should know as a professional sadman. Regardless Guy is miserable.. and in enters sam, whose fascenated their “Breifcase Buddies” because thier briefcases match.. and unlike the above I like how they call attention to them being identical. We know wha’ts going to happen there but the lampshading helps it go down easier and makes us wonder if they will swap. Sam is a regular, being friends with Donna the waitress and ordering his usual green eggs and ham.

So we get the expected bit: Sam asks Guy to try them, he says no, but the show makes a good choice. Instead of just.. stalking guy for the next 11 episodes to get him to try it.. he simply asks if he’s actually tried it, Guy says no and makes a great poop joke, and Sam leaves it. He apparently asks once an episode, but it’s made more into a character thing; Guy refuses because he hates to try new things outside of his inventing and that’s hit a wall. It’s also a nice suprise that Devine and Douglas just play perfectly off one another. The two are from vastly diffrent generations and backgrounds acting wise, but they just work perfectly together and it’s what makes their interactions work. 

Sam does leave it and the other inventors having ALL got the golden ticket, arrive and Sam treats them.. only to notice Guy’s paper and the fact guy failed, and asks donna politely to get guy his mush as he ordered first. It’s good setup for Sam. We saw him be nice and free and what not, but we also see that while he can be insietive (He asked guy what broken dream he had earlier in the scene) he does geniunely care and it isn’t just surface level. He loves people and helping them and getting to know them. 

Of course while Guy is greatful, showing that beneath his own exterior he’s not a bad guy just one made miserable by life, he’s not going to be best friends or anything.. that’s a lot to ask they just met and takes his case after gulping down his oatmush. 

That night Sam prepares to leave, having given Donna his adress.. multiple times. in the hopes someone comes over and hangs out. Can relate even if i’d never go that far. He does however reveal himself as the ninja and prepare to take the chikaraffe with him for whatever reason. 

Guy goes to his hotel room to sulk, not helped by the other inventors partying outside, and full of misery and self loathing throws his suitcase in the fire.. until it makes a noise. He quickly pulls it out to find the Chickaraffe. Will he surivive? I mean probably. We have 12 episodes left. And a full second season. God this is going to take a few years.. regardless, let’s move onto the subplots. 

MIchellee and E.B.

We meet Michelle’s daughter EB who just wants to live but her mom dosen’t let her have toys or shenaniagnas.. and comes off untetionally as really abusive. She’s SUPPOSED to be overprotective, but saying “I detect a hint of whimsy.. i’ll allow it” really just paints you as an overcontrolling psycho. Their headed on a trip and while EB wants to catch the chickaraffe for herself dosen’t have the time and her mom gives her a magnetic friendship bracelet.. that shackes her to her. Just... yeah Michelle has made me  hate her in one episode and she’s played by Diane Keaton. How do you do that? Hopefully she’ll get better but hearing about these two characters was part of the reason I procastinated so long. The other is my brain being kind of a forgetful swamp. 

Snerz: We meet Snerz himself who has someone bringing him the chickaraffe. Snerz is a cold, mean man with trump hair.. that in this case is a literal being he’s forcing to be his hair, has everything gold plated and keeps animals in a wall forcing them to stand on the other side and put their heads through like he mounted them because he’s a sociopath. And this is the refrence I meant. Snerz has many comparisons to trump, the hair, the gold platings, but it dosen’t really date the thing as Trump has been around since long before this and will sadly probably be around till his inetivitible jail sentence. But it’s not so overt or over the top that it takes you out of it it works. Okay one more. 

BAD GUYS:

Two mysterious agents, one old and one on her first mission, go to the zoo and interogate the guy running it holding him over a slapping turtle exhbit. Their after the chickaraffe and depart.. with the yougner agent accidently dropping him. Whoops. At least he gets to get hit into space by a turtle. Some of us never will “Sigh”

Final Thoughts:

This was an excellent first episode. It fleshes out the characters well, sets up the story without feeling too slow, and the show strkes the right ballance of being it’s own thing while still feeling Seuss. It’s a wubusoully wonderful good time and I recommend checking it out. I look forward to the rest of the series over the next year. 

Next on this blog: Sleepover time as Shadow into Light, my Lena Saberwing retrospective resumes. 

[winchesterbrotherstan]

Supernatural- Skin (1.06)

Pairing: N/A, Olive Winchester (OC)

Summary: The siblings head back to Stanford, disaster strikes, and they end up in a nasty sewer like rats

Warnings: cursing, killing, general nastiness, etc

Word Count: 5752

“Alright, I figure we’d hit Tucumcari by lunch, then head south, hit Bisbee by midnight.” Dean propped an arm around the back of the seat.

Sam didn’t answer, and I looked from Dean to him. He was on his PalmPilot.

“Hey, De. Sammy wears girly underwear.” I snickered.

“I’m listening, just busy.” Sam elbowed me.

“Busy doing what?” Dean asked as he got out of the car and went around to the gas tank.

“Reading emails.” Sam didn’t look up.

I popped my head out the window, and I looked at Dean with a tilted head.

“Emails from who?”

“From my friends at Stanford.” Sam replied.

“You’re kidding. You still keep in touch with your college buddies?” Dean scoffed.

“Why not?” Sam furrowed his eyebrows.

“Well, what exactly do you tell ‘em? You know, about where you’ve been, what you’ve been doin’?”

Sam shrugged. “I tell ‘em I’m on a road trip with Olive and our big brother. Tell them I needed some time off after Jess.”

“Oh. So you lie to them.” Dean shrugged half heartedly. He had pulled something in his shoulder during the Mary hunt, and it was still hurting him.

“No. I just don’t… tell them everything.

Dean scowled. “Yeah, that’s called lying. I mean, hey, man. I get it, tellin’ the truth it far worse.”

“So, what am I supposed to do, just cut everybody out of my life?”

Dean shrugged in response.

“You’re serious?”

“Look, it sucks, but in a job like this, you can’t get close to people, period.” Dean said.

“You’re kind of anti-social, you know that?” Sam scowled.

I laughed, and he looked at me. “You are too, Ollie.”

I pouted and Dean mumbled a whatever.

“God…”

“What?” I perked back up.

“It’s this email from this girl, Rebecca Warren, one of those friends of mine.”

“Becca?” I asked. I had met plenty of Sam and Jess’s friends when I stayed with them.

“Is she hot?” Dean asked, and Sam ignored him, looking back to the email.

“I went to school with her, and her brother, Zack. She says Zack’s been charged with murder. He’s been arrested for killing his girlfriend. Rebecca says he didn’t do it, but it sounds like the cops have a pretty good case.”

I winced. I knew Zack too, and he was nice.

“Dude, what kind of people are you hangin’ out with? You bring those people around Olive?” Dean scowled again as he got back in the car.

“No, man, I know Zack. He’s no killer.” Sam shook his head.

“Well, maybe you know Zack as well as he knows you.” Dean grinned.

Sam rolled his eyes. “They’re in St. Louis. We’re going.”

Dean laughed. “Look, sorry about your buddy, okay? But this does not sound like our kind of problem.

“It is our problem. They’re my friends.”

“St. Louis is four hundred miles behind us, Sam.” Dean rolled his eyes.

Sam made his puppy eyes, and Dean looked to me for help.

“Ollie, tell him. We’ve been driving for two days.”

I sighed. I hated to be against Dean, but Sam was right. Something sounded off. Zack wouldn’t have murdered his own girlfriend. He was a kind person. I looked at Dean and pouted, giving him my own puppy eyes. Dean rolled his eyes and pulled out of the gas station.

                                                         ***

“Oh my God, Sam!” Becca shouted once the door was open.

“Well, if it isn’t little Becky.” Sam grinned.

Becca laughed. “You know what you can do with that little Becky crap.”

They hugged, and Dean pulled me into his side.

“I got your email.” Sam sighed.

“I didn’t think you would come here.” She shook her head. “Oh my god, hi Olive! You’re so big!”

“Hi.” I waved.

“Dean. Older brother.” Dean stuck his hand out.

She looked him up and down and then smiled. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Dean nodded.

“We’re here to help. Whatever we can do.” I spoke up.

“Come in.” She stepped back into the house, opening the door further.

We walked in, and Dean was last, shutting the door behind us.

“Nice place.”

Becca laughed. “It’s my parents’. I was just crashing here for the long weekend when everything happened. I decided to take the semester off. I’m gonna stay until Zack’s free.

“Where are your folks?” Sam asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“They live in Paris for half the year, so they’re on their way home now for the trial. Do you guys want a beer or anything? Maybe a soda for the underaged kid?”

I laughed. “No, thanks.”

“So, tell us what happened?” Sam asked as we stopped in the kitchen, sitting around the table.

“Well, uh, Zack came home, and he found Emily tied to a chair. She was beaten up, and bloody, and she wasn’t breathing.” She stumbled on her words, beginning to cry. “So, he called 911, and the police… they showed up, and they arrested him. But, the thing is, the only way that Zack could’ve killed Emily is if he was in two places at the same time. The police… they have a video. It’s from the security tape from across the street. And it shows Zack coming home at 10:30. Now, Emily was killed just after that, but I swear, he was here with me, having a few beers until at least after midnight.”

“You know, maybe we could see the crime scene. Zack’s house.” Sam shrugged.

“We could.” Dean agreed.

“Why? I mean, what could you do?” Becca asked.

“Well, me, not much. But Dean’s a cop.” Sam grinned.

Dean laughed, and I smiled. “Detective, actually.” I added.

“Really? Where?”

“Bisbee, Arizona. But I’m off-duty now.” Dean smiled.

“You guys, it’s so nice to offer, but I just… I dunno.”

“Bec, look, I know Zack didn’t do this. Now, we have to find a way to prove that he’s innocent.” Sam insisted.

Becca looked around, then nodded. “Okay. I’m gonna go get the keys.”

Dean waited until she disappeared down the hall, then turned to Sam was a glare. “Oh, yeah, man. You’re a real straight shooter with your friends.”

“Look, Zack and Becky need our help.” Sam defended himself.

“I just don’t think this is our kind of problem.” Dean shrugged.

“Two places at once? We’ve looked into less.” Sam made the puppy eyes.

Dean sighed, knowing he was defeated.

                                                        ***

“You sure this is okay?” Becca asked Dean.

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I am an officer of the law.” Dean walked into the house first.

Sam and I followed. The walls were smeared with blood, and it smelled awful. There was furniture broken, also bloody.

“Bec, you wanna wait outside?” Sam asked.

“No. I wanna help.” She ducked under the police tape and left the porch, coming into the house.

“Tell us what else the police said.” I asked.

“Well, there’s no sign of a break in. They say that Emily let her attacker in. The lawyers, they’re already talking about plea bargain.” She looked around the room and began to cry.

“Look, Bec. If Zack didn’t do this, it means someone else did. Any idea who?”

Becca shook her head, but then lit up, remembering something. “Uh, there was a robbery, about a week before. Somebody broke in and stole some of Zack’s clothes. They didn’t think it was anything related. I mean, we’re not that far from downtown. Sometimes people get robbed.”

Dean turned his attention to a barking dog, and Becca came up behind him.

“You know, that used to be the sweetest dog.”

“What happened?” I asked.

“He just changed.”

“Do you remember when?” I asked again.

“I guess around the time of the murder.” She shrugged.

Dean and I looked at each other, and he started toward Sam.

“So, the neighbor’s dog went psycho right around the time Zack’s girlfriend was killed.”

“Animals can have a sharp sense of the paranormal.” Sam shrugged.

“Yeah, maybe Fido saw somethin’.”

“So, you think maybe this is our kind of problem?”

Dean shook his head. “No. Probably not. But we should look at the security tape, you know, just to make sure.”

“Yeah.” Sam sighed.

“So, the tape. The security footage, you think maybe your lawyers could get their hands on it, ‘cause I just don’t have that kind of jurisdiction.” Dean turned to Becca.

She grinned. I’ve already got it. I didn’t wanna say something in front of the cop.” Dean laughed as she kept going. “I stole it off the lawyer’s desk. I just had to see it for myself.”

                                                        ***

“Here he comes.” Becca pointed.

“22:04. That’s just after ten.” I noticed, looking to Dean.

He was sitting next to me, on the floor. Sam and Becca were on the couch, and the laptop in front of us was playing the video tape Becca had taken.

“You said the time of death was about 10:30.” Dean looked over his shoulder at Becca.

She nodded. “Our lawyers hired some kind of video expert. He says the tape’s authentic. It wasn’t tampered with.”

I looked to Sam, who seemed to notice something on the tape.

“Hey, Bec, can we take those beers now?”

“Oh, sure.” She got up.

“Hey.” Sam called, and she turned around. “Maybe some sandwiches too?” He smiled hopefully.

“What do you think this is, Hooters?” She rolled her eyes with a smile.

“I wish.” Dean mumbled.

I moved to sit next to Sam. “What is it, Sams?” 

“Check this out.” He rewound it, and slowed it down.

Zack looked straight at the camera, and his eyes glinted silver. Sam paused it, and I gasped.

“Hey, maybe it’s just a camera flare.”

I shook my head. “That’s not like any camera flare I’ve ever seen.”

“You know, a lot of cultures believe that a photograph can catch a glimpse of the soul.” Sam looked to Dean.

“Right.” He rolled his eyes.

“Remember that dog that was freaking out? Maybe he saw this thing.”

Sam nodded. “Maybe this is some kind of dark double of Zack’s, something that looks like him but isn’t him.”

I perked up. “Like a Doppelganger.”

“Yeah! It’d sure explain how he was two places at once.” Sam’s eyes went wider and he smiled.

                                                        ***

“Alright, so what are we doin’ here at 5:30 in the morning?” Dean yawned.

“I realized something. The videotape shows the killer going in, but not coming out.” Sam stumbled out of the car.

“So, he came out the back door?” Dean got out and leaned against Baby’s hood.

“Right. So, there should be a trail to follow. A trail the police would never pursue.” Sam explained.

“Cause they think the killer never left. And they caught your friend Zack inside. I still don’t know what we’re doin’ here at 5:30 in the morning.” Dean emphasized, but Sam ignored him.

“Blood.” He noted, staring at a telephone pole. “Somebody came this way.”

“Yeah, but the trail ends. I don’t see anything over here.” Dean announced as we checked out the alleyway.

An ambulance zoomed past, sirens wailing. Dean and I looked at each other, then at Sam.

                                                        ***

We stood in front of the house, watching as an Asian man was handcuffed and crammed into a police car. I hugged Dean’s arm.

“What do you think happened?” I asked him.

“He tried to kill his wife.” A woman turned around. “Tied her up and beat her.”

Sam arched an eyebrow. “Really?”

She nodded. “I used to see him going to work in the morning. He’d wave, say hello. He seemed like such a nice guy.”

The car drove off, the man inside looking like he was going to be sick. The boys and I looked at each other.

                                                        ***

I looked inside the other garbage can and found nothing. I dropped the lid back on and snorted, trying to get the rotting smell out of my nose.

“Hey.” Dean called.

We turned around. “Remember when I said this wasn’t our kind of problem?”

“Yeah.” Sam nodded.

“Definitely our kind of problem.” Dean sighed.

“What’d you find out?” I asked.

“Well, I just talked to the patrolman who was first on the scene, heard this guy, Alex’s story. Apparently the dude was driving home from a business trip when his wife was attacked.”

“So he was in two places at once.”

Dean nodded and continued.

“So he sees himself in the house, police think he’s a nutjob.”

“Two dark doubles attacking loved ones in exactly the same way.” Sam remarked.

“Could be the same thing doing it, too.” Dean suggested.

“Shapeshifter. Something that can make itself look like anyone.”

Dean nodded. “Every culture in the world has a shapeshifter lore. You know, legends of creatures who can transform themselves into animals or other men.”

“Right, skinwalkers, werewolves.” Sam sighed.

“We’ve got two attacks within blocks of each other. I’m guessin’ we’ve got a shapeshifter prowlin’ the neighborhood.” Dean sighed, wrapping an arm around my shoulders as he looked around.

“Let me ask you this- in all this shapeshifter lore, can any of them fly?” Sam asked.

“Not that I know of.”

“Olive and I picked up a trail here. Someone ran out the back of this building and headed off this way.” Sam pointed.

“Just like your friend’s house.” Dean noted.

I nodded. “Yeah. And, just like at Zack’s house, the trail suddenly ends. I mean, whatever it is just disappeared.”

Dean thought for a minute. “Well, there’s another way to go. Down.”

We looked down at our feet and saw a manhole cover, slightly ajar. I sighed.

“Do we have to?”

“Yes, bug, we have to.”

“If the smell doesn’t come out you two are buying me a new flannel.” I grumbled.

                                                        ***

“I bet this runs right by Zack’s house, too. The shapeshifter could be using the sewer system to get around.” Sam was first in line, shining the flashlight ahead of us.

“I think you’re right. Look at this.” He pointed to something and bent down.

It was a pile of blood and skin. I groaned, feeling like I was going to throw up. I gagged, and Dean stood up, pushing me aside.

“You’re fine. Don’t look.”

He bent back down, and I shook my head in disgust as he pulled out his pocket knife and held up a strip of skin. It had hair stuck to it. 

“Is this from his victims?” Sam was confused.

“Ya know, this is really fucking gross, but-”

“What if the shapeshifter sheds?”

I nodded as Dean completed my thoughts.

“That is fucking gross.” Sam wrinkled his nose.

                                                        ***

“Well, one thing I learned from Dad, is that no matter what kind of shapeshifter it is, there’s one sure way to kill it.” Dean leaned against the car.

“Silver bullet to the heart.” I nodded.

Dean smiled proudly, ruffling my hair.

“That’s right, sweetpea.”

Sam’s phone began to ring, and he picked it up without looking. “This is Sam.”

A pause. “We’re near Zack’s, we’re just checkin’ some things out.” Another pause. “What are you talking about?” Another. “Why would you do that?” His face paled. “We’re trying to help.” He sighed. “Bec, I’m sorry, but-”

Sam sighed, looking down as he pocketed his phone.

“I hate to say it, Sam, but that’s exactly what I’m talking about. You lie to your friend because if they knew the real you, they’d be freaked. It’s just… it’d be easier if-”

“If I was like you.” Sam’s eyes narrowed at him.

“Hey, man. Like it or not, we are not like other people. But I’ll tell you one thing. This whole gig?” Dean raised an eyebrow and held up a gun. “It ain’t without perks.”

Sam only sighed and tucked the gun into the back of his waistband. I took the other from Dean’s hold, and he loaded the last one before tucking it into his jacket.

                                                        ***

“I think we’re close to its lair.” Dean’s face scrunched up.

Sam didn’t look back. “Why do you say that?”

I grimaced, shining my flashlight as I spoke. “Because there’s another puke-inducing pile next to your face.”

“Oh, God!” Sam exclaimed as he turned, eye level with the pile of bloody, hairy skin on the pipe next to him.

“Looks like it’s lived here for a while.” Dean shone his flashlight into the corner, where there was a pile of clothes.

“Who knows how many murders the fucker’s gotten away with?” I scoffed.

“Dean!” Sam shouted, tugging me into his side.

I turned to see the shapeshifter, still in the form of Alex, the guy from earlier. Dean got sucker punched in the face, and Sam shot after the shifter as it ran. I bent down, pulling Dean to his feet.

“Sam, go get the son of a bitch!” Dean hissed.

We followed after it, up the ladder and out the manhole, into the street. The boys and I looked around. I groaned. The sudden sprints and tugging myself up the ladder had brought back the old pain in my ankle from the Wendigo hunt.

“Alright, let’s split up. Olive, up.” Sam nodded, pulling me onto his back.

“Meet you around the other side.” Dean pressed a quick kiss to my cheek before walking off in the other direction.

Sam had his gun hidden inside his jacket, and I had mine tucked between my front and Sam’s back. We found nobody on the street that could’ve been the shifter, and nothing to indicate where he had gone. We waited on the street corner where we had split apart from Dean. I sighed from my perch on Sam’s back.

“Hey? Anything?” Dean’s voice came from behind.

“No.” I shook my head and sighed. “He’s gone.”

“Alright, let’s get back to the car.” Dean nodded.

Sam and I crossed the street, but a car cut Dean off. He caught up after, and we reached Baby. Sam put me down on the hood, and I winced.

“You alright?” Dean asked.

I only nodded. “You think he found another way underground?”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, probably. You got the keys?”

I froze. Dean never gave me the keys. Why would he ask if I had them? I looked up at him, and under the light of the lamppost, saw that his eyes weren’t like they normally were. The pattern in them was wrong, looking almost like the diamonds of a snake as opposed to the waves of green that were his. I smiled.

“Sam’s got them.”

“Hey, didn’t Dad once face a shapeshifter in San Antonio?” I caught Sam’s eye and gave him a face of panic.

“Oh, that was Austin.” The shifter cut on. “It turned out not to be a shapeshifter, it was a thought form. A psychic projection, remember?”

Sam caught my glance and nodded, gesturing to his gun. “Oh right. Here ya go.” He tossed the shifter the keys.

He opened the trunk and looked at the weaponry. He laughed, eyes growing wide.

“Don’t move!” Sam shouted, and we both pointed out guns at him.

“What did you do with him?” I growled.

“Guys, chill. It’s me, alright?” The shifter looked at me.

“No, I don’t think so.” Sam hissed.

“You’re not him. Where the fuck is our brother?”

“You’re about to shoot him. Sam, Olive, calm down.”

“You caught those keys with your left. Your shoulder was hurt.” Sam accused.

The shifter scoffed. “Yeah, it’s better. What do you want me to do, cry?”

“You’re not our brother.” Sam shook his head.

“Why don’t you pull the trigger, then? Hm? ‘Cause you’re not sure. Guys, you know me.” The shifter put a hand up, a crowbar glinting by his side.

“Don’t.” Sam growled.

I hissed from my perch on the hood. I could kill him, because I knew it wasn’t Dean. No way on fucking earth was this Dean. But if I killed him, how would we find where he stashed the real Dean?

The shifter hit Sam with the crowbar, then hit him again. I screamed for him, and the shifter moved toward me, hitting my arm. I screamed, and his hand clapped over my mouth. He looked like Dean, but he smelled like death. I dug my teeth into his skin, and a chunk easily slid off. I gagged as it slipped into my mouth.

“You fucking bitch!”

I bit down harder, shaken to the core by Dean’s loving voice cursing at me with malice. I felt metal against my head and I was out like a light.

                                                        ***

“Where is he?” I heard Sam.

I tried to move, but I couldn’t. I opened my eyes wearily to see my head in Sam’s lap. He was tied to a wood beam, neck and wrists bound. The shifter pranced over and backhanded him. Sam groaned, and I looked back up to him.

“Where’s Dean?” I coughed out.

“I wouldn’t worry about him, princess. I’d worry about you.” The shifter snarled.

“Where is he?” Sam asked again.

“You don’t really wanna know.” The shifter chuckled. “I swear, the more I learn about you and your family… I thought I came from a bad background.

Sam couldn’t move his head, but I knew he was trying to look down at me.

“What do you mean, learn?” We asked in unison.

The shifter stopped pacing, he grabbed his head and hissed, pained. The shifter straightened, then squatted in front of us.

“He’s sure got issues with you. You got to go to college. He had to stay home. I mean, I had to stay home. With Dad. With a child.” He pointed to me. “You don’t think I had dreams of my own? You think I wanted to be a father? You think I wanted to raise a kid? No. But Olive needed me. Dad needed me. Where the hell were you? And you.” He pointed to me. “You stupid little bitch. Just can’t live a day without big brother, now, can you? Always gotta be by his side, up his ass. Such a pain. Can’t have a minute alone without you stuck by my side, clawing and begging and whining like a pathetic, fucking, little, lost puppy.” He snarled, and by the passion of his pain, I was almost convinced it was Dean.

“Where’s my brother?” I raised my voice.

The shifter leaned into my face, the wrong eyes glinting in the dim lighting.

“Oh sweetpea, I am your brother. See, deep down, I’m just jealous of Sammy here. He’s got friends. He could have a life. Me? I know I’m a freak. And sooner or later, everybody’s gonna leave me.” He backed away.

Sam squirmed. “What are you talking about?”

“You left. Hell, I did everything Dad asked me to, and he ditched me, too. No explanation, nothing, just poof. Left me with your sorry ass. Left me with a goddamn kid.” It was another snarl. “But, still, this life? It’s not without its perks.” A little laugh. “I meet the nicest people. Like little Becky. You know, Dean would bang her if he had the chance. Let’s see what happens.” He smiled, and threw a sheet over us. 

We waited until his footsteps disappeared, and then I let out a frustrated groan.

“God fucking damnit. Dean!” I shouted, biting at the sheet and ripping it off of us.

“That better be you, Ollie, and not that freak of nature.” I heard Dean’s growl, and my chest swelled with joy.

“Yeah, De, it’s us!” Sam called out with a laugh.

“Dean, he went to Becca’s, looking like you.” I called.

“Well, he’s not stupid. He picked the handsome one.” Sam’s face drew back and I laughed, sitting up. 

My wrists were tied to Sam’s ankles, but luckily were behind my back. Sam was working at the ropes around his hands, and I couldn’t see Dean, but I knew he was too.

“Yeah, that’s the thing. He didn’t just look like you, he was you. Or he was becoming you.” Sam sighed.

I wormed my wrists free of the rope.

“What do you mean?” Dean asked as I turned to untie Sam.

“I don’t know, it was like he was downloading your thoughts and memories.” I grunted.

“You mean, like the Vulcan mind meld?” Dean asked, his voice echoing across pipes.

“Yeah, something like that. I mean, maybe that’s why he doesn’t just kill us.” Sam hissed as I got his neck free.

“Maybe he needs to keep us alive. Psychic connection.” Dean tapped his forehead, and untangled the ropes from Sam’s ankles.

“Hands.” Sam pleaded.

Dean took over and untied his hands while I looked his face over, sighing at the cut on his cheekbone and the bruise forming above his eyebrow.

“Come on, we gotta go. He’s probably at Becca’s already.” Sam grunted, shuffling to his feet.

                                                        ***

“Come on, we gotta find a phone, call the police.” Sam pulled me out through the window and onto the street.

“Whoa!” Dean was left stranded, hanging half out the window.

“Hey, no!” I grabbed Sam’s wrist. “You’ll put an APB out on Dean.”

Sam shrugged. “Sorry.”

“Alright, come on.” Dean grabbed my hand and pulled me across the street.

We made it across the street, unsuspected. There was a TV in the store window ahead of us, a news report blaring red.

“An anonymous tip led police to a home in the Central West End, where a S.W.A.T team discovered a local woman bound and gagged. Her attacker, a white male, approximately twenty-four to thirty years of age, was discovered hiding in her home.”

A bad sketch of Dean followed, nose all wrong and eyes not wide enough.

“Man! That’s not even a good picture.” Dean groaned.

Sam hit his arm as we looked around, making sure we weren’t attracting attention.

“It’s good enough, Dean.” I scowled, grabbing him by the wrist and following Sam as he walked off into an alley.

“Man.” Dean grumbled again.

Dean stepped into a puddle and groaned. I looked down to see him barefoot, and I laughed. He glared at me.

“Aw, come on, De. They said attempted murder. At least we know-”

“That I didn’t kill her.” Dean sighed.

“We’ll check with Becca in the morning, see if she’s all right.” Sam nodded.

“Alright, but first I wanna find that handsome devil and kick the holy crap out of him.”

Sam stopped walking, exasperated. “We have no weapons. No silver bullets.

”Sams, the guy’s walkin’ around with Dean’s face, and he cursed me out.” I hit his arm.

“It’s a little personal, I wanna find him.”

Sam gave in. “Okay. Where do we look?

“Well, we could start with the sewers.”

“Dean. Again, we have no weapons. He stole our guns, we need more.”

“The car.”

Dean’s nostrils flared in disgust. “I’m betting he drove over to Becca’s.”

Sam nodded. “The news said he fled on foot. I bet it’s still parked there.”

Dean pouted. “The thought of him driving my car.”

“Alright, come on.” Sam pulled us along.

“It’s killing me.” He whined.

“Let’s just go, De.” I held a hand out, and he took it.

We walked in silence, until Sam perked up. “How’d you know it wasn’t Dean?” He asked over his shoulder. “I mean, I saw your face, and then the arm proved us right, but… how’d you know?” He stopped walking.

I shrugged. “Well, one, he asked if I had the keys. De never gives me the keys. And two, his eyes were all wrong.”

“His eyes?” Dean echoed.

I nodded, now sandwiched between Sam and Dean. “They just weren’t right. Didn’t look like your eyes.”

Sam hummed, impressed. Dean grinned, ruffling my hair. “That’s my girl.”

                                                        ***

“Oh, there she is! Finally, something went right tonight!” Dean sighed, relieved at the sight of the car.

A police car rolled up, parking right next to Baby.

“Son of a bitch.”

“Fuck.” I tightened my grip on his hand.

Sam turned around. “Oh shit.”

There was another car a few yards back. Dean grabbed me and pushed me ahead of him. “This way, this way. Let’s go.” He pointed ahead, to a fence.

“You two go. I’ll hold ‘em off.” Sam boosted me onto the fence.

“What?” I squirmed, balancing on the wood.

“Sam, they’ll catch you.” Dean’s eyes went wide.

”Look, they can’t hold me. Just go, keep out of sight. Meet me at Becca’s.” Sam reassured.

I hopped over the fence, and Dean began after me.

“Dean! Olive! Stay out of those sewers.” Sam called.

Dean looked at me and rolled his eyes, landing on his feet next to me.

“I mean it!” Sam thumped the wood and Dean rolled his eyes again, grabbing me by the hand.

“Yeah, yeah!” He tugged me along.

I heard a police officer yell at Sam, and I bit my lip with a wince. Dean pulled me to follow as we ran.

                                                        ***

“We’re sorry, Sam. But you know us. We just can’t wait.” Dean mumbled as we pulled the spare guns from the trunk.

I took the last two and tucked them into my pants, shutting the trunk. I slid the silver knife into my boot, clenching my jaw.

“Ready, baby?”

I nodded. “Ready as I’ll ever be, De.”

He kissed the top of my head. “Let’s go kick some ass.”

                                                        ***

I flashed the light, trying to keep my hand steady. We had been in the sewers for at least an hour, and the smell of decay had sunk so far into my nose that I became used to it.

I shone the flashlight to the other opening, and I almost barfed. Dean looked over my shoulder and groaned. There was a room off to the side, lit with multiple candles, chains everywhere. Piles of the same hairy, bloody, and now slimy-looking, skin lined the floor. There was a clatter of chains, and my gun flew up. Dean stepped in front of me and grabbed one hand.

“Stay behind me.” He ordered, taking a finger and hooking it onto his belt loop.

I followed him through the dripping tunnels, ducking when he did to avoid pipes, even though he stood a head taller than me. We followed the noise through to another room. Someone coughed, and our heads snapped to a figure under a dirty, tattered sheet. She coughed again, and my eyes widened. I recognized that cough.

“Becca!” I tore the sheet off her.

Dean pulled me away. “It might not be her. Knife.” He held a hand out.

Becca’s eyes widened, and she opened her mouth to scream.

“Becca, no! Please. It’s us, I swear it’s really us. We just need to make sure that it’s really you.” I comforted, holding her by the shoulders.

Dean sighed, and pressed the flat end of the blade against her bare shoulder. There was no reaction, and we sighed in relief.

“Okay. Okay, you’re okay. Knife.” I held my hand out, and he gave it back to me.

I cut Becca out of her ropes. “What happened?”

She began to cry as we held her steady. “I was walking home, and everything just went white.” She whimpered. “Someone hit me over the head, and I wound up here just in time to see that thing turn into me. I don’t know, how is that even possible?” She shuddered.

“Okay, okay. It’s okay.” Dean tried to soothe her. “Come on. Can you walk?” He asked.

She nodded. “Okay, okay. We’ve gotta hurry. Sams went to see you.” I pulled her up.

She groaned, and Dean grunted, pulling her into his side. We took off through the tunnels, rushing to save Sam.

                                                        ***

“Hey!” I shouted.

The shifter, again as Dean, pushed himself off Sam. He got up, and came my way. I shot twice, nailing him in the heart both times. I watched as the color behind his eyes drained, and he fell to the ground. I dropped the gun and began to shake.

“Sam!” Becca ran to Sam, and Dean grabbed me by the shoulders, turning me around.

“Hey. Hey, hey baby girl. Hi, it’s okay. I’m right here. I am right here. I’m okay. It’s okay.” He pulled me into a hug.

I whimpered. He let me go, and I moved to Sam. He sat up and hugged me as Dean went to the shifter. Dean snatched something off the shifter’s neck and nodded back to us.

                                                        ***

Dean and I were by the car. I was sitting on the hood, slumped against his arm. He was looking at a map of the US.

“I’m sorry you had to do that, babes.” He whispered.

“I’m just glad you and Sams are okay.” I shrugged.

“You’re an amazing hunter. I’m so proud of you.” He kissed the side of my head.

Becca waved to us, and we waved back. She headed back inside the house, and Sam came back to the car.

“So what about Zack?” I asked.

“Cops are blaming this freak Dean Winchester guy for Emily’s murder. They found the murder weapon in the guy’s lair, Zack’s clothes stained with her blood. Now they’re thinking maybe the surveillance tape was tampered with.” Sam shrugged.

Dean rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, Becca says Zack’s gonna be released soon.”

“Come on, babes. Time to go.” Dean kissed my head again, and I smiled before crawling into the car.

                                                        ***

“Sorry, man.” Dean’s voice was a whisper.

“About what?” Sam’s hands were running through my hair.

I was crumpled between the boys, head against Sam’s chest. They thought I was sleeping, and I preferred it that way.

“I really wish things could be different, you know? I wish you could just be… Joe College.” Dean sighed.

Sam’s hand stopped, and then he sighed. “No, that’s okay. You know, the truth is, even at Stanford, deep down, I never really fit in.”

I could hear the smile in Dean’s voice. “Well, that’s ‘cause you’re a freak.”

Sam snorted. “Yeah, thanks.”

“Well, I’m a freak, too. I’m right there with ya, all the way. And so is Olive.” Dean poked my nose.

Sam laughed, and he dropped his head against mine.

“Yeah, I know you two are.” He sighed.

“You know, I gotta say… I’m sorry I’m gonna miss it.” Dean squeezed my leg.

“Miss what?” I opened my eyes.

“How many chances am I gonna have to see my own funeral?” Dean smiled down at me, then up to Sam.

Sam kissed my head again and Dean looked back to the road as we kept driving.

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