#reiterating that i am only posting this after exhausting all other options

[iamanartichoke]

Hey all, I'm posting this as the last of last resorts; I came up against a few financial emergencies in the last few months (I got laid off from my job, had a gap in pay while I transitioned into a new job, my car broke down, and my cat got sick and needed emergency vet care). These emergencies in addition to the, frankly, insane rate of inflation put me in a position where I was behind on my rent and, despite all efforts to prevent it, my landlord has now filed for eviction.

I am soclose to being able to pay the back rent; unfortunately, I have to wait for another paycheck, which is past the deadline of the date I have to respond in order to prevent a 24-hour vacate notice. I am not able to get a loan or borrow from friends/family. If I am evicted, I don't have another place to go and having the eviction on my record would make it even harder to find a new place, especially in such a short time frame.

I have been in this apartment for five years. I am catching up on my bills/finances, and I have gotten a second job, plus I have begun setting up other sources of income (Etsy, freelance writing, etc). My lease is up in October, at which point I'm prepared to move, but I am trying to stay here until then.

If anyone can donate anything at all, I would greatly appreciate it. If you can't donate anything, a reblog would also suffice, and I greatly appreciate that, too. I am also willing to (temporarily, insofar as for the sole purpose of trying not to be homeless) commission, uh, fictional writing for a thing that rhymes with standom, iykyk. Links are below, and I thank you in advance for any and all interaction with this post, whether it is donation, signal boosting, or otherwise.

Cashapp: $annieartichoke Ko-fi: https://ko-fi.com/artichokie883 Venmo: artichokie883

[ladyc0312]

A Jikook Guide to RunBTS: 112-121

Yes, I'm still doing these! It's just happening more slowly than I'd like because writing for work + writing fic + trying to go to bed before midnight + so much amazing content being released that clearly must be poured over and dissected = less time to make guides. For anyone still with me, he's the next section!

Ep 112 “Dalbang School Part 1” (Ep: 5 / KM: 4)

The ones with BTS in a classroom driving Teacher Jin insane

5:58 - JM declares that he and Taehyung will pair up (by being the first to hug each other in a game), but then when Hobi blows the whistle at 6:38, JK runs over to hug JM before Tae can get to him.

6:58 - Jin asks why JM said he wanted Tae and then hugged JK. JM explains that he didn't hug him, he just found himself in JK's hug as JK cackles in the background.

7:24 - When Jin blows his whistle at the class, JK and JM mirror each other in putting a finger in one of their ears.

7:35 - Teammates JK and JM are immediately on the same page about wanting their team name to be Kim Seokjin. When they have to change it, JM quickly picks up JK's suggestion that they call their team Bang Sihyuk. These don't sound like particularly unique moments, but when you watch it, it just really strikes you how in sync the two of them are in terms of physicality, ideas, and sense of humor.

9:52 - After Jin comments that he heard JM did very well in school, JK adds that JM was the top student. When someone else asks if JM was the best or second-best, JK forcefully reiterates that he was the best student.

12:45 - When they get a question right, JK and JM clasp hands and bump their shoulders together.

13:10 - JM and JK both goof around, speaking in satoori and challenging JHope to a fight of sorts.

13:27 - When Jin repeats that they got the question right, JK and JM do exactly the same as 12:45, but seated this time.

14:22, 14:36, 15:13 - In all three of these moments, JM nearly falls over laughing at something JK did that no one else found anywhere near as funny.

23:36 - When JK says he's good at this game, JM laughs and pokes JK in the chest with a marker.

BEHIND 2:30 - JM takes a selfie of him and JK with his personal phone while they're supposed to be paying attention to Jin.

6:35 - JK cheers on JM and calls him Jimin-ssi when JM announces he's doing well on this spot-the-difference round. When Jimin modifies the brag to say he only found four, JK says "that's still quite impressive."

Ep 113 “Dalbang School Part 2” (Ep: 5 / KM: 4)

4:50 - We all know how JK is when he gets into his "focus" zone, especially in a competitive environment. But here, when JM rather rudely interrupts JK's melodica practice, JK just starts playing around with him and giggles.

7:41 - As RM & JH take their turn, jikook are whispering to each other in the back row.

11:42 - After quickly agreeing on a lunch option, jikook do a high five / handshake thing and then JM says "we think alike" and "we get along pretty well." JK responds "that's exactly it" and the on-screen captions tells us they are a "good match."

22:20 - This is where JK and JM start switching back and forth carrying each other on their backs to get under a limbo stick.

They go again at 23:35, 26:11, and 28:13.

And again at 30:22 and 32:16 and 34:30 because, even though they lost, they want to try to do it again to show that they can as a "matter of pride."

25:00 - JK points something out to JM and then pats his butt.

33:33 - JM announces they lost, and then jikook do another handshake / high five thing.

34:33 - JM does an... interesting pose for the camera where he puts his hand on a bent-over JK's back and smirks.

34:56 - Yet another handshake and JM pats JK on the back when they finally pass the limbo challenge.

BEHIND 5:55 - While examining the limbo setup, JM comments that JK is good at this. JK comes over to give a demonstration and JM watches him be silly with it and says "he's a strange kid" fondly.

6:21 - Another jikook limbo attempt - this one was cut because they did it too easily.

Ep 114 “League of Number One Part 1” (Ep: 3 / KM: 1)

The ones where BTS play games with League of Legends world champions

3:55 - After Jimin protests that he shouldn't be out, JK tells his hyung to turn around and face the back.

14:40 - JK fake-boxes JM after losing the hammer game.

18:18 - JK mimics Jimin's BWL intro.

Ep 115 “League of Number One Part 2” (Ep: 2 / KM: .5)

BEHIND

7:05 - JK comes over to check on Jimin's phone to make sure he's actually visible in the selfie the teams take.

Ep 116 “Team-Building Special Part 1” (Ep: 4 / KM: 1)

The ones with random games in that rec room-looking place that are a lot more fun than they sound

22:14 - JM and JK play around with the jump rope during breaktime.

22:26 - JM and JK play around like they're boxing with each other.

BEHIND 5:15 - JK appears to take an interest in watching JM's... back as he moves around acting out potential poses.

Ep 117 “Team-Building Special Part 1” (Ep: 4 / KM: 2)

5:30 - Despite showing pretty much everyone else touching everyone else in the pose guessing game, we don't get a single shot here or in the behind of JK feeling up Jimin. The above photo proves that it happened, though, so definitely side-eyeing the editors, here.

BEHIND 5:35 - JK keeps throwing water bottles when they're supposed to be taking a group photo. Jimin pulls him back next to him and puts an arm around his neck. JK puts an arm around Jimin's shoulders in return.

7:51 - After it's explained that JK is staying late to watch Jin do his penalty, a packed-up Jimin comes over and stands next to JK, waiting until they're done to leave.

Ep 118 “Photo Story Part 1” (Ep: 3 / KM: 3)

The ones where BTS play a Samsung-sponsored game involving getting specific pictures while a spy tries to ruin the fun

4:22 - JM appears to direct JK to go punish Tae and pats JK's back when he starts to obey. Something happens that we don't see when the angle changes - next thing we see, JM seems to be pushing JK? JM then giggles at JK pretending to beat up Tae. (After this, JK spins around like a ballerina. Not jikook-related, just adorable.)

29:51 - JK calls Jimin twice without adding "hyung."

32:28 - JM pulls JK along by the wrist. Meanwhile, J-Hope once again mixes up their names.

32:44 - Though there is now a group walking slowly together and he doesn't need to pull him along anymore, Jimin takes JK's hand again.

37:02 - There are a bunch of seats open in the room, but Jimin walks over to sit right next to JK.

BEHIND 5:40 - When JM tries to steal a post-it from JK, JK scolds him in satoori banmal. JM calls him out for not calling him with hyung and JK quickly apologizes (in a way some k-army jikookers have said is like how a married person would respond to their nagging spouse!).

6:09 - JK and JM meet up and JK tells JM he's exhausted. There's a kind of weird moment that I fully admit I may be reading too much into where JK seems to be walking right towards JM, then abruptly stops and turns, looking at the camera, before walking with Jimin in a different direction than he had been heading. Then, JM says he thinks their matching shirts are hilarious and that it's funny they're wearing them for the show.

Ep 119 “Photo Story Part 2” (Ep: 4 / KM: 3)

8:21 - "You are me, I am you" moment: Jimin does a ballet spin the same way JK did in part one.

11:18 - JK is the only one to vote for JM to be able to keep a picture in other than Jin (who has nefarious reasons for doing so).

29:40 - JM goes over to help JK see how many of his photos the spy ruined and almost falls over laughing when it becomes clear it's nearly all of them.

34:21 - JM puts his hand on JK's shaking leg to help calm him (see above photo), but JK is so irritated that it doesn't work like it usually does. Poor bunny!

35:17 - JM pulls at JK's shirt and hand, then folds over his back while trying to get him to confess that he actually lost.

38:24 - JM has a comforting hand on JK's neck when he's acting upset about losing.

38:32 - When it seems like JK is struggling to come up with an ending statement, JM helps prompt him.

BEHIND

0:55 - JK talks about how amazing it is that Jimin found so many cards.

3:51 - When JK is playing with the sequin art on the front of his shirt, JM leans over and starts rubbing on them, too.

5:11 - Jimin tells JK that, if he wins, he's going to make the loser hike Mt. Achasan. JK asks why he's looking at him when he says that and they both laugh. Jimin pats JK's chest and they laugh even harder. Jin and Tae both have "omg, these two" looks on their faces.

Ep 120 “Reply BTS Village Part 1” (Ep: 3 / KM: 2)

The ones with a real-life Mafia game inexplicably set in a 1970s village. It's... fairly difficult to follow, but the guys are into it and the outfits are great!

24:40 - Jimin breaks character and laughs when asking JK if he's the culprit.

29:40 - Caption: "The air is undeniably tense between Gamer Jeon and Chief Park." Not explicitly jikook, I just find it funny that the writers seem to be playing with some real life relationships, making sope best friends and jikook have tension that leads to banter...

BEHIND

5:34 - When Jimin is playing with the yo-yo, JK expresses concern that he's going to hurt his fingers (caption: Kook is just worrying for his hyung). Then, JK asks poutily and in banmal if he can play with the yo-yo multiple times and Jimins says no. Like, JK straight-up gives his hyung a command ("let me try that") using informal speech and no one bats an eye!

5:58 - Jimin starts singing a song about an ants. JK watches him. JK initially says to Hobi "look, he's a fool/dummy!" (in banmal again), then starts singing along. He jokes that JM doesn't know all the lyrics and Jimin says back "quiet, you."

Ep 121 “Reply BTS Village Part 2” (Ep: 3 / KM: 2)

38:48 - After having asked for it a bunch in the Behind of the previous episode, JK now has Jimin's yoyo.

non-jikook note: At the end of this one, they "time travel" to solve a mystery in Joseon-era Korea and I can't express how badly I want to see that. Please come back to that, Run!

BEHIND 0:58 - Jimin and JK play around accusing each other with exaggerated accents and formality. Jimin comes up behind JK and reaches out to touch his shoulder, but stops when Tae joins them and accuses them of plotting together.

9:05 - When JK says everyone else is so good at acting, Jimin compliments him that he was very funny towards the end.

[morkleemelon]

off the ice || chapter 3: steady now

previous || m.list || playlist || next

pairing: college hockey player! mark x college figure skater! reader

genre: fluff, humor, college au, sports au

word count: 6.9k

warnings: swearing, party with drugs and alcohol, scene of borderline harassment (nothing actually happens), financial struggle, insecurity, social anxiety, mention of injury

a/n: huge thank you to my beta readers @writing-frog​ and @skiimmiilk for helping me edit this! now I won’t have to tweak it a hundred times after posting XD also (not spoiling) I’m sorry I did you like this, sungchan :(

I’m not sure if I’m awake, dead, or dreaming, but somebody please take me out of this misery.

Your neck struggled to support your head as you fought to stay conscious on the locker room bench. It was early Saturday morning and team practice was far from over. Unwillingly, you had to stay up the previous night, studying deep into the AM because a certain boy kept distracting you in your head.

Over and over again, through your shift at the diner to the ride home to right here as you clung onto Yuna’s arm for support, Mark’s cute smile and Lisa’s daring accusations spun through your tired mind. It’s really not fair- a guy talks to you once and you’re already imagining things…

You quickly shake the thoughts from your head. 

  “Alright girls, thanks for coming in so early today,” your head skating coach, Tanya, smiled warmly, “captains, get everyone warmed up and I’ll go over some exciting announcements at the end of practice”.

“Thank you, Tanya,” the fatigued girls chorused half-heartedly as the captains ushered everyone out of the locker room and into the hallway for stretching. 

Reaching down to touch her toes, Yuna looks over to you. “Y/n, are you okay? You look worse than usual”.

The exhausted expression on your face said it all as you bent down to do the same. “I’ve got a lot on my mind. Econ test is coming up too”. You yawned into your words.

“I know you’re gonna say no, but if you wanna let loose a little, there’s a party tonight,” Yuna peers at you upside-down from in between her legs.

“You know I’m not a party person,” you decline, blacking out slightly as you stand back up. You blink to clear your vision.

As much as you admired your popular best friend for putting herself out there and being able to have fun at a party, it couldn’t be you. The drinking, the smoking, the groping, ogling men- not to mention the anxiety of existing in a frat house full of judgmental people, was all too much for you. As tempting as letting loose a little on a Saturday night sounded, you’d much rather do it in a way that involves your cozy pj’s and watching your favorite skating compilations on YouTube. Alone.

“I know, I know,” Yuna holds her hands up innocently, “but it could be fun. I know Mark is gonna be there”.

You whip your head around so fast that your ponytail nearly slaps her in the face. Flustered, you smooth down the nonexistent wrinkles on the front of your skating jacket. “Oh, that’s nice. What’s that got to do with me?”.

“Just letting you know,” Yuna shrugged in a ‘matter of fact’ manner. 

The captains led the team out to the rink to do laps. You weighed Yuna’s words for a minute as you skated across the ice. Naturally, being here where you were the most comfortable with yourself made you more susceptible to her convincing ploy. If you looked at the last few days in review, you had already made four new friends from just letting Yuna take the reins for one afternoon. That’s about one friend for every dollar in your bank account!

But the nagging reality was that Yuna had a massive amount of friends, cool friends, who were probably going to be at that very party while you had nobody but her and a guy you just met. This didn’t sit well with your anxieties. You’ll just end up awkward if Yuna wants to talk to someone else, or desperate if you cling to Mark, who would probably be weirded out.

As expected, it’s best to stay in.

The practice ran smoothly. As always, the hour and a half of spinning, falling, and getting back up resulted in soreness and loss of breath. Nonetheless, it recharged you and the cloud of tiredness in your head finally dissipated. You felt so free on the ice because you knew that you did it well. It isn’t about the money or your popularity or if you have to work part time just to afford the skates that you wear. If you put in the hard work and effort, you are rewarded with success; that’s a big part of what you liked about it. 

“Excellent job today, ladies. I’d like everyone to give a special round of applause to y/n today,” Coach Tanya suddenly singled you out as the team gathered around to hear her ending announcements. Tanya gave you a warm smile and gestured towards you as you bow to your clapping teammates. “For mastering the triple lutz. I can tell you’ve been practicing extra hours, both from the log sheet and from your performance today. At this rate, we may send you to nationals in the spring”.

Gasps echo across the cold, near-empty stadium. Your jaw hung open at Tanya’s ambitious plan and Yuna grabbed onto your arm excitedly, giving you a nudge of congratulations. It was extremely rare for a sophomore to be sent to the national competitions. Even some seniors never make it past the pre-auditions at Seoul University alone. You weren’t even dreaming of going within the next year despite all of your extra night-time practices. Looking at Tanya’s face, it didn’t seem like she was joking either.

“Thank you, Coach Tanya. I will work even harder”.

“That being said, I have some exciting news pertaining to all of you ladies: this year, Seoul University is sponsoring our team to hold a friendly competition for the winter festival as a sort of main event. Don’t be alarmed because it is optional. It’s September now, so if you are interested in participating, you will have just under four months to prepare a pair skate for the festival in December. Untraditionally, the audience will be voting to choose a winner instead of a panel. Furthermore, the theme, costumes, and music will all be up to you, so have fun with it! Oh and not to mention, the winning pair will be rewarded a monetary prize of $5,000 each”.

Shocked looks were exchanged between teammates. Your brain was still processing to make sure you heard Tanya right as she reiterated.

“Yes,” Tanya laughed, “you heard me right, girls, $5,000 each. It’s a tremendous opportunity and if not for the money, for a chance to practice performing in front of a crowd”.

Murmurs of excitement hush across the near-empty stadium.

“Yuna,” you look up to the taller girl and grip her arm with both hands, “Yuna please we gotta do this”. You shake her slightly with your pleading, “be my partner?”.

The blonde giggled, “duh, of course! Lisa and Hope will probably do it together since they’re both on JV so it’s perfect. Let’s get that ten grand for you!”.

“Wait no, but-”

“Y/n. You know I’m not about to argue with you about this,” Yuna sighed, looking up to the fluorescent ceiling lights to avoid your indignant stare. You relaxed your grip on her arm, knowing that you wouldn’t win this fight no matter how guilty you felt. “You’re better than me by a long shot. If anyone could bet on a winner, they’d put their money on you without a doubt. And if we win it’ll be because of you, so think of it as a fair split based on contribution. I’ll take a $20 cut to buy us dinner,” Yuna encouraged. 

You close your eyes and rest the side of your head on her shoulder.

That’s my best friend. I don’t deserve her.

You felt bad, but you knew that you needed this money more than anything right now. Your parents didn’t earn much and they were already burdened by this semester’s tuition, even with the scholarships. Picking up extra shifts at Frankie’s did little more than cover skating fees and rent. The heavy, looming fear of next semester being the one when you’d have to drop out often kept you up at night. It’s nobody’s fault, but that’s how it is.

Yet like a miracle angel sent from Heaven, this competition could cover an entire semester’s worth of tuition if you win. You needed the prize money desperately. You were going to have to win it no matter what.

“Bye!”. You waved to your teammates as they exited the locker room, probably to go out and be social on a Saturday afternoon. Unfortunately for you, your only plans were to sit alone at the library, studying.

“You seriously don’t wanna join us for lunch today?”. Yuna slung her skating bag over her shoulder. Her wet hair from just showering stuck to her face, but even like this she looked like she could be on the cover of a teen magazine.

“I’ll pass. I can grab a salad from the convenience store before I head to the library. Midterms are coming up and I gotta do a lot of review,” you explain, brushing a wide comb through your tangled mess of hair. Yuna moved to pull her hair back into a ponytail. You watched as her perfectly sculpted reflection made an action so simple into a reason for envy. The stained locker room mirror, however, did your bare face no favors. Your best friend remained oblivious as you picked yourself apart again. Your cheeks were a little too round, nose a little too wide, eyebrows a little too uneven. You shove the brush in your bag and turn around before you could fall deeper in insecurity. “Let’s go”.

As always, you chose to disregard your insecure thoughts and pretend like they never existed. Talking about it seemed weird, so you just chose not to do it. And you didn’t like bothering other people with your problems either. It was best to just keep it to yourself. 

“Y/n!,” a familiar voice called out from behind you. You stopped walking down the stadium corridor, turning around to see who could’ve known your name. Usually it’s Yuna getting stopped by one of her many friends.

Ashy blonde hair came into view as the boy jogged to catch up with you. Your legs were doing just fine after over an hour and a half of training, but they trembled at the sight of a certain dreamy junior boy.

“Hey, fancy seeing you here,” Mark smiled down at you, the dim hallway lights catching on his cheekbones and jawline, accentuating his beautifully sculpted features. 

“I’ll see you later,” Yuna winked, patting you on the back and making a break for the exit before you could protest.

“I-uh, hey, Mark,” you stutter. Was it just you or did he get even more good-looking since the last time you saw him?

“Did you guys just get out of practice?”. You could hardly pay attention to his simple question as you checked him out. Mark sported a simple outfit consisting of a plain black hoodie with matching black joggers and sneakers. His red hockey bag which was slung across his back was supported by one of his thumbs. With the sleeves of his hoodie rolled up to his elbows, you watch as the lines of his forearm muscles shift and strain with each fine movement from the weight of the duffel.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah! We did,” you answer after an awkward pause. Oh, God, please let that not have been weird. “Are you here for your practice?”. You mentally slap yourself for your stupid question; he’s wearing gym clothes and has his hockey gear, what else was he going to do at the rink?

“Yeah, I am,” Mark laughed good-naturedly, leaning slightly on the wall next to you, “I came here a bit early, actually. I was hoping to catch you”.

Catch...me?

Your face flushed at his heart-fluttering remark. Contesting with the urge to spontaneously burst into flames, you try your best to give a steady reply, “Oh! What for?”.

“I-uh,” Mark diverted his gaze down to his shoes, “I know I got your number from the group chat, but I wanted to ask you in person. There’s a party tonight at the sheep’s house- my friend’s house- and I was wondering if I was gonna see you there”.

You simultaneously wanted to sink into the floor to disappear forever and jump into the air to celebrate. You did neither. 

Was he asking you out? Not really. But then again, he wants to see you there at the party. And he came here early to specially ask you in person. 

You replay the debate you had with Yuna earlier. Past-you had made some valid points about not going, but how could you say no when he put it like this?�� oh, fuck it.

“For sure. I’ll be there”. You offer a wry smile to try to cover your nervousness.

“Awesome,” Mark’s eyes twinkled as he smiled, “can’t wait to see you tonight, then”. 

“Can’t wait,” you echoed. You couldn’t help but notice how he was a few inches taller and you had to tilt your head back to meet his soft, brown eyes.

“I should probably get down to the rink to set up for practice”

“Oh okay! Don’t let me keep you”

“Not at all”. His fingers shifted to adjust the strap of his hockey bag and your eyes brushed over the ripple of his forearm. He was doing the bare-minimum and your knees were ready to buckle in the middle of the hallway. 

“I’ll get going then!,” you excuse yourself with a curt wave. Turning around, you head briskly for the exit before you could embarrass yourself further and agree to more irrational proposals. 

Before your hand could even touch the exit door to let yourself out, reality hit.

Oh no. I have to go to the party.

Yuna squealed and pounced you onto your bed as you told her the news. “I can’t believe it! You’re really gonna go?”.

You run a stressed hand through your wavy locks, “I guess? He didn’t leave me much of a choice”. Rolling around on your bed, your best friend clapped and cheered despite your wanting to travel back in time and tell Mark you couldn’t make it. But how were you supposed to say no to that face? Thanks to this, your library study session was far from focused or helpful.

“We gotta get you looking hot, y/n. I mean, you’re already hot,” Yuna corrected, “but even more hot for your first college party”.

Hopping off your now messed-up covers, you go to observe yourself in the full-body mirror in all your said ‘hotness’. You were currently enveloped in a grouchy oversized tee shirt that you got from a choir field trip in high school paired with plain gym shorts hidden underneath. Your hair was especially frizzy from being air-dried after your shower. 

“The only hot I am is a hot mess,” you groaned. Did you look like this when Mark saw you earlier? Shit.

“Nonsense, silly,” Yuna hugged you from behind, “you’re adorable and you’d be surprised how much hair, makeup, and a good fit can change someone”. She looked into your eyes eagerly through the mirror as if asking for permission. You were too nervous about the party to deny her so you gave your roommate a reluctant nod. It was better that she helped you get ready so you could fit in and thus blend into the background.

Squealing again, Yuna gave you a squeeze and scurried to flit through her closet for something you could wear. 

“Go straighten your hair, y/n!”

“Yes ma’am”. This much you could do. “How’s this?”. Yuna held up a skimpy bralette top, its white lace barely covering any surface area at all. 

“That’s a top?!”

“Ok nevermind”. Tossing the tiny piece aside, your roommate continued sifting earnestly through her collection of expensive clothes.

You ran the straightener through your partitioned hair carefully. 

“What about this one?”. Yuna held up a simple red crop top. A small notch ran an inch down the neckline which gave it a little edge, but it seemed like it would be in your comfort zone.

“That’s perfect,” you smile.

Hair now pin straight and finally smooth, you change into the red top and ripped black denim shorts Yuna picked out for you. Your best friend was much better at makeup than you were, so you let her take the lead once again. The only times you wear full makeup are for performances and you would look like a complete clown if you showed up with the two inch eyeliner you knew how to do. 

Applying a small amount of base makeup to your face, Yuna went for a more natural look, knowing that you weren’t comfortable with standing out too much. Subtle brown eyeshadow and lengthening mascara made your eyes pop just the right amount and a cherry lip balm tinted your lips a translucent, shiny red. Even you had to admit your confidence was boosted from the new look you weren’t used to seeing in the mirror. 

That’s me. I’m… kind of pretty

“Aw, honey, you look so beautiful,” Yuna cooed, wrapping up your makeover with a clap. She did her own makeup effortlessly and put on the discarded bralette from earlier. However ridiculous it looked on the hanger, she made it look like a million bucks and it suited her perfectly. 

You moved to sit on your bed and lace up your trusty white sneakers. Yuna wore a bigger shoe size than you which came as a relief because you weren’t sure if you could handle wearing any of the daring stiletto pumps in her collection. 

“You know, I’m so happy you’re going to come this time. I was always really sad when you stayed home studying every weekend instead of going out and having fun”.

“I would’ve gone if I knew how to talk to people,” you reason, picking at the dirty aglet of your shoelace, “and I’m honestly really nervous right now. You better not leave me, okay?”.

“You’re so sweet and thoughtful, anyone would be lucky to talk to you! I know it’s easier said than done, but you’d be surprised what a little confidence will do. And of course, I won’t leave you”. Yuna gave you a bright, reassuring smile before pulling you off the bed. 

You take one last look at your reflection in the mirror.

That’s right, confidence. I’m confident.

“Let’s go”

The walk down to the party was much shorter than you expected. Turns out, the ‘Sheep’ lived in that sketchy house just off of campus which you made a point to avoid during your nighttime jogs. The tables were turning as you approached the rickety front porch on purpose. You clung to Yuna as an array of neon lights shines through the window blinds and the open door. The bass of a generic pop song jolted through your bones. 

Walking into the home, your grip on Yuna’s arm tightened as unfamiliar faces surrounded you. The crowded room stank of sweaty bodies and weed. A countertop stocked full of red solo cups and different types of alcohol was visible from where you stood. Heads turned to stare at Yuna while the two of you entered.

What am I doing here?

“Hey, you made it!,” an unfamiliar voice shouted from over the ruckus. Your eyes fell nervously on the voice’s owner. He had dark brown hair and sharp, defined features. His accent was strange, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. 

“Hey!”. Yuna brought the stranger in for a loose hug. “Yangyang, this my roommate and best friend, y/n. Y/n this is Yangyang also known as ‘the sheep’. He’s from Germany”.

Ah, Germany.

You offer him a small wave, surprised when he pulls you unexpectedly into a hug. 

“Nice to meet you, y/n. Mark’s told me all about you,” Yangyang smirked, “please help yourself to drinks, girls. The guys are in the basement playing pong”.

“Woo! Let’s get wasted!” Yuna yelled while pulling you towards the drinks.

You stood awkwardly at her side as she poured both of you drinks- a half a solo cup of strawberry vodka for her and a sprite zero for you. You wish you could be in bed, curled up alone with a good movie. Or even at the library studying-

“Hey,” a deep voice right next to your ear wrecked your train of thought. Alarmed, your eyes were met with the middle of a chest as you turned around to see who it was. Craning your head back, an unfamiliar, tall boy with stiffly-gelled brown hair looked down at you. You winced at the acrid smell of axe body spray now flooding your nostrils. He looked young, maybe even younger than you, but he was clearly very drunk. “Where have you been all my life?”.

“Excuse me?,” you exclaim over the booming music. The boy placed his hands on the counter on either side of you, trapping you in between his arms. Looking over to find Yuna, she had already shifted deeper into the crowd and was busy talking with other people. 

“I’m Sungchan,” the boy unwelcomingly introduced, “what’s your name, beautiful?”.

“I-uh I’m y/n,” you stuttered. Sungchan’s face was way too close for comfort and his breath stank of cheap alcohol. You felt his humid exhalation brush over the top of your head like a toxic cloud and you fought to not gag.

“Y/n. You come here with anyone?”. You pressed your back as far into the counter as you could to get away from him, but there was little room to go. Fear began to set in as you realized you were trapped. What should I say? What do I do?

“I-I…” 

“She came here with me”. A firm hand gripped Sungchan’s left arm and yanked it forcefully away from the counter. Your saving grace put a gentle hand on your shoulder, tugging you slightly away from the drunk perpetrator. Struggling to comprehend what was happening, you looked up to see it was Mark, staring the intoxicated boy down. 

“C-captain”

“What’s a freshman doing with my girl?” Mark pressed. His expression was unamused. 

Your heart trembled at his unanticipated lie. His girl? Mark brushed a reassuring thumb over your shoulder, clueing to you that he would handle this. 

“I didn’t know, I-”

“Sungchan, right? You still trying to make varsity next year?,” Mark interrupted, eyebrows raised in annoyance at the freshman. Sungchan’s eyes went wide as he held both hands up innocently.

“Y-yes I-”

“Misconduct can get you kicked off the team, you know. Not to mention I’ll be senior captain next year so I’ll have a say in who makes it into varsity”.

“I’m sorry, captain, I really didn’t-”

“Fuck off”. Mark gestured his free hand towards the open front door. Sungchan looked around, as if unsure what to do. The surrounding party-goers danced and drank on, unaware of the altercation and more interested in who they were going home with tonight. Finally, the lanky boy’s head cleared enough to make a decision. Sungchan bowed slightly in apology and stumbled towards the exit. The untouched solo cup of sprite fizzed in your shaking hands.

“Are you okay?”. Mark faced you with a concerned look.

You clenched your grip tighter around your drink as you fought back tears, the shock wearing off and the gravity of the situation hitting you full-on. You set the cup down and shake your head no.

“Do you want to get out of here?”.

You nod your head vigorously and tears began streaming down your cheeks. What a waste, all of Yuna’s hard work down the drain. Mark nudged you forward and guided you towards a back door. Weaving your way through the crowd, Mark greeted his friends with a “hey” or a simple nod. You felt a few girls eye you discontentedly at the sight of Mark’s hand ghosting over the small of your back while others were too high or drunk to notice. The cool night air welcomed you as Mark urged you outside and you rushed to escape the cramped house. He shut the door behind him, muffling the heavy bass so you could finally hear yourself think.

Dabbing away at your tears so he wouldn’t see, you breathe deeply to regain your composure. 

“Thanks for that”. You managed to let out after a few minutes of sniffling and silence. Your voice was slightly hoarse and you couldn’t meet his eyes, but he waited patiently by your side. 

So much for coming to this party, he probably thinks I’m a mess. This whole thing was a huge mistake. 

“I think I’ll go. Sorry I can’t stay”. You turn to walk down the wooden porch steps.

“Wait-”. Mark’s voice halts your departure. “Would you like to go on a walk with me? Or I can at least take you home. I don’t want you going out alone after what just happened…”. 

Looking up at him, the dim porch light glowed behind him, giving him a soft golden halo. His brown eyes which were usually smiling now shone with worry as he scanned over your tear-stricken face. Your heart which was beating rapidly from fear earlier began to settle down in his reassuring presence. Being alone right now might not be the best idea. But more importantly, being with him sounded like what you really needed. You nod.

The sound of crickets chirping and sneakers scuffing took over as the two of you walked farther away from the booming music of the party. You weren’t sure where you were headed, but you also didn’t know if there was anywhere you wanted to go. Wandering down the deserted streets in comfortable silence, Mark followed you patiently as he waited for you to be ready to talk. Before you knew it, your feet brought you to the lake and you stood watching the water ripple under the night breeze. The moon, almost full, illuminated silver each ebb and flow.

“I’m sorry you’re missing the party”. You quietly broke the silence. You felt bad for making him leave. All of his friends were there and he probably really looked forward to it. 

“Don’t be. I only went so I could talk to you, anyways”

You look at him in surprise. Mark’s eyes remained glued to the lake, sparkling from the reflected moonlight.

“How many girls have you told that to?,” you scoff. Internally, you screamed.

“Couldn’t name another one”

You pause before resolving to stroll further down the lakeside. The sound of footsteps behind you confirmed that he was following. Stopping as you reach the familiar creaky wood, you take a seat on the worn-out dock, him on your right. You dangle your feet over the dark, sloshing waves. It was cool, despite the summer season. A breeze rolled by, making you shudder. However cute the crop top was, it didn’t do much to keep you warm. Not that you could have planned on running away from the party and needing a sweatshirt beforehand.

“Here, take this”. Mark unzipped his jacket to give to you.

“Oh it's ok-”. You couldn’t finish your protest before the warm fabric was draped across your shoulders. Your face grew pink once more. If you didn’t know better, you could be admitted to the hospital for how much you’ve been blushing recently. “Thanks,” you mutter, looking down at your hands with a small smile. 

“Is that Frankie’s?”. Mark’s voice cut through the silence.

“What?”

“Is that Frankie’s?,” Mark repeated, nodding at the small restaurant bordering the lake some distance away. It looked as if it had just closed, yellow fluorescent lights still on while a tired waitress scrubbed away at a table. Only one car, probably her’s, remained in the parking lot.

“Oh, yeah. That’s where I work part time,” you confirmed. “I come here to the dock to sit sometimes. You know, just to think”.

“I feel that. Sometimes everything is way too much to handle and you need to take time to breathe. I have a place like this too”

Mark’s sincere confession came as a surprise to you and unintentionally, it showed on your face.

“What, you don’t believe me?” Mark feigned hurt, putting a hand on his chest. “Do you think hockey guys can’t have feelings too? I have a fan club for heaven’s sake!”.

You laugh at his exaggerated outcry. 

“And that’s a bad thing? Don’t you guys like the attention? Attention from lots and lots of pretty girls”. You raised an eyebrow, teasing him.

“As if,” Mark ran a stressed hand through his hair, “they’re all crazy as hell. Honestly, none of the guys really like the attention”.

You nod in understanding. Seeing how the Lovelees acted the few times you were around them, you’d hate being the subject of their affections too.

“But how about you,” Mark continued, “I haven’t seen you much at parties”.

You let out a sarcastic laugh, “if you couldn’t tell from tonight, I’m not much of a party girl. Today was my first and probably last party”. You had gotten so comfortable walking and talking with Mark that you had almost forgotten about the horrible incident that occurred earlier. Pulling the soft jacket over yourself more, your face falls as you remember Sungchan’s intoxicated face.

“Hey” Mark’s hand grazes over your slumped shoulders, bringing you back to focus on him. “I’ll never let him bother you again”. 

While you were unsure of how your makeup was holding up due to all the crying, his delicate features were all the more beautiful under the pale moonlight. You notice how close you’re sitting, knees almost brushing against each other’s and his face was but inches from yours. And even though you were wearing his jacket so he was left with only a tee shirt, you were sure you weren’t imagining the heat radiating from his body. Slowly, your eyes flutter down to his parted lips.

There it is once more, the hot flush in your cheeks and the strain in your chest. 

Meeting Mark has been a rollercoaster of emotions, but you felt undeniably comfortable sitting next to someone who would’ve been a stranger just a few days ago. Something about him felt familiar to you now and you trusted in his words. He was someone... safe. 

“Really?,” you whisper, not taking your eyes off of his soft, pink lips. 

“Really”. His confirmation was too gentle to be heard above the sound of the rushing water below, but you read his lips as they shaped around the word.

Before you know it, you were leaning in, just enough so you knew you weren’t imagining it. A mellow breeze plays with your hair, causing a few strands to fall astray. Cautiously with his hand, Mark slowly tucks the fallen pieces back behind your ear. He hesitates there. The feeling of his warm fingertips sends tingles down your spine. Carefully scanning your expression to make sure you were okay, his hand inches down to gently cup your cheek. “Can I kiss you?”.

You could feel the warmth of his breath fan across your lips, his own not centimeters away. Your heart pounded rapidly as you gave an affirming nod. Closing your eyes, you wait.

This is happening.

A jolting vibration from your pocket caused your eyes to shoot right back open and Mark let go of you in surprise. Your phone kept buzzing, the harsh sound amplified by the wooden dock. Sighing in frustration, you struggle to remove it from your back pocket as Mark looks away, coughing awkwardly. Your face burned red from embarrassment.

Why does this always happen to me?

“Hello?”. Your tone was laced with annoyance.

“Y/n! Where aare youu?,” Yuna slurred. Trap music blared in the background confirming that she was still at the party. You could hear Ten asking if Mark was with you over the ruckus.

“I left. And yeah, Mark is here”. You put the phone on speaker and held it up towards the boy you were about to kiss moments ago. 

“Hey guys,” Mark said sheepishly. Yuna squealed in delight.

“That’s my boy!”. Ten’s booming voice took over the call.

“Stop it man,” Mark warned, increasingly agitated at the couple for ruining the moment.

“Okayy kids! Have fun, but not tooooo much fun”. Yuna giggled into the microphone. 

“I’m hanging up,” you said quickly before pushing the red button to end the call. Any longer and you weren’t sure you could resist throwing your phone (and perhaps yourself) into the lake. A brief moment of silence ensued, both parties unsure of what to do next. Was there anything you could do to save the moment after that? 

“I uh…,” you start.

“Yeah umm…,” Mark agreed. Silence ensued.

“Uhh…”. Your steady tone wavered as you started to giggle. The awkwardness dissipated because before you knew it, both of you were laughing wholeheartedly at the unfortunate situation. 

“Yuna tends to have great timing,” you explain.

“Mm. Ten does too,” Mark related, stroking his chin and nodding as if thinking deeply. 

“She said she wouldn’t leave me at the party but lo and behold”. You gesture to your surroundings, exasperated.

“That sucks,” Mark agreed, “you should have come found me. I was waiting for you, actually”.

“I was going to,” you picked at the zipper of his jacket, “but we had just gotten there when... you know”.

“Yeah. You don’t have to talk about it if you’re not ready. I don’t want to pressure you at all, but I’m always willing to listen”

“You’re,” you look for the right words, “you’re so amazing”. 

“Yeah?”

You keep your gaze in your lap, “Yeah. And you know, I wish we’d met earlier, Mark. Because it’s really nice talking to you and you’re a really great guy”. You check for his reaction.

“Yeah, I wish we met sooner too”. His expression was that of… adoration.

Being with Mark was so easy. Conversation came to you two easier than anything else in life did. And just like that, feet swinging in sync above the water, you talked for hours. He told you about his alien conspiracy theories and his aspirations to be a professional hockey player and then retire into sports medicine. You told him about your parents and how you missed them dearly because they worked way out of the city to support you and your dream. You did everything you could to be able to pay them back, even majoring in economics which was more profitable than environmental studies or professional skating. Mark listened thoughtfully and admitted that he related in a lot of ways with his parents being all the way in Canada. 

The night rushed by and the two of you talked until the golden peaks of sunrise painted the water from its usual blue. You had shifted so you were sitting facing each other on the dock. The early sunlight cast a warm glow over Mark’s face. He looked like a painting- a Monet. Or a Renoir.

“Um so, I guess it’s Sunday now”. Mark rested his chin into the crook of his elbow. You could hear the tired in his voice, but you mutually understood that neither of you wanted to leave.

“Do you have to go?”. You picked at a piece of fuzz on the sleeve of his sweatshirt which you were still wearing. The disappointment was evident in your question. Even though you had spent the whole night getting to know each other, it felt like you had just barely scratched the surface. There was still so much more you wanted to talk about. 

Checking his watch, Mark contemplated for a bit. 

“It’s 6:12 a.m. right now. I actually have to get somewhere by 6:30,” Mark explained.

“So early?”

“Yeah it’s… you could come with me if you want?”. His sleepy eyes twinge with hope.

You look to the lake, the sparkling ripples tinted gold with the rising sun. Sunday was usually a rest day for you and you didn’t have anything planned. As fatigued as you felt, everything in you wanted to accept his invitation. You cracked a small smile, getting up to stretch your legs. You hold out a hand to help him up.

“Lead the way”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to walk you home? This might not be fun for you…”

Mark’s expression was worried as the two of you stood at the entrance of the local church, the doors open and you could see rows of tables and food set up as if ready for people at any minute. The streets were starting to bustle as the world began to wake up. A volunteer from inside the church spotted you, walking out to give his greetings. 

“Mark!,” the man called out as he pulled Mark  in for a warm hug, “good morning!”.

His eyes turned towards you and Mark moved to introduce you. 

“Daniel, this is y/n. Y/n, this is Daniel. We volunteer together here at the church to serve breakfast to the homeless,” Mark disclosed.

“Nice to meet you, Daniel”. You shake his hand with a smile. Gosh, I probably look like a mess right now. I didn’t even get to change or take off the makeup from the party yesterday. You self-consciously zip up Mark’s oversized jacket to hide your exposed midriff. 

“Nice to meet you, y/n! This is the first time Mark has brought a… friend here”. Daniel’s eyes darted between you and Mark with an assuming smile.

“Yeah,” Mark coughed, turning to you, “do you want me to take you home? This probably isn’t what you expected I don’t know why I-”

“No,” you interrupted, “I’d like to stay and volunteer”. Offering him a reassuring smile, you rest your hand on his arm to show him that you were okay. There was truth to his worries when Mark said this wasn’t what you were expecting. You never would have thought that a popular guy like him woke up early on the weekends to help the needy. Evidently, he did it out of the kindness of his own heart, not for attention. You always imagined it was all parties and messing around, but you were pleasantly proven wrong.

“Great! Mark can show you around and get you started,” the older man clapped before heading inside.

“You’re kind of awesome, you know that?”. Mark’s question caught you off guard. He slipped his hand into yours to lead you into the building, the simple action sending your heart into a frenzy. 

“Awesome how?”

“Just… awesome,” Mark clarified cryptically, holding the door open for you to enter the storage room. He tosses you a green volunteer shirt.

“Alright, I’ll take the compliment,” you laugh, taking off his jacket and handing it to him. To your surprise, he pushes it back to you.

“You keep it. I like it a lot better on you”

Mark Lee if you keep saying things like this, I’m going to catch on fire.

You fight to put out the flames spreading across your cheeks and give a single nod, setting the sweatshirt down on a nearby box. Not willing to strip in front of him in the church storage room, you pull the volunteer shirt over on top of the shirt you were already wearing.

“So anyways,” Mark continued as if he didn’t just say the most romantic thing you’ve heard in your life, “the people will start coming in about 20 minutes. Our job is to portion out the food and once everyone is served, we can go eat and talk with them”.

“Got it”

“Here, let me get this for you”. His hand guided your waist to spin around as he pulled an apron over your head. Tying the back of the garment together, your breath hitches in your throat as you feel his fingers brush under the fabric of your shirt. You turn your face to the side and you can see his soft expression in your peripheral vision. The heat from his body behind yours feels so welcoming.

I wish he’d kiss me right now.

And he wants to. He tries to. He’s leaning in and everything is perfect. Your heart is beating fast as you tilt your head back, but like clockwork, a jolting buzz from his pants makes you jump apart. No, not like that.

“I swear to God, I’m throwing away my phone”. Mark ran a frustrated hand through his hair, picking up the kiss-blocking call. “Hello?”. You sighed.

You watch as the annoyed expression on his face fades into shock as the speaker on the other side panicked through the phone. Your own frustration transforms into concern as Mark looks at you and you catch the words “car” and “hospital”. Mark paces back and forth.

“Alright, I got it. Yeah, she’s with me. I’ll tell her. We’ll come right now. Don’t worry, Ten, she’s going to be fine”

“What is it?,” you ask as soon as he hangs up the call, eyebrows furrowed in confusion and worry.

“It’s Yuna…,” Mark trailed off, shocked by the news. Your heart dropped down to your feet.

“What about Yuna?” Your voice shook with panic.

“She-she was in a car accident. She’s at the hospital right now”

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[diamond-song42]

Card Shark 122: Alicorn Amulet

Happy 2021 everycreature! I know it’s been a while since the last Holiday Dumpster Fire Shark - and my website still isn’t finished yet - so you may be asking yourself, “what in Equestria is happening?!”

Well, I’ll tell you what’s happening. University has, as usual, been hectic. Building a website with many multilayered tags for organization purposes is harder than it sounds. I’ve also been applying to internships as they are vital in the field of work I intend to enter - and got approved for one starting this June, which I am over the moon about! But add all that to some stressful family and social events - surgeries, layoffs, online feuds - and you have another extended Shark break!

So because of that, I have a new plan. I am going to finish the Holiday Dumpster Fire Card-a-Thon, even though we are well past the holidays. I also have a certain card I want to write about for my birthday, even though it will be long past my birthday. After that? I’ll see where my writings and the cards take me.

But with that comes an announcement. This will be the final Shark I post to The Di-Light Zone.

I have decided that since we are moving on to cards labelled as legal in the current Core format, it would be fitting to continue writing about them on the new site. I don’t know when everything will be finished, but I want everyone to know that Card Shark has never left my mind. During class sessions, showers, viewings of my favorite shows... I’ve thought about how I don’t just want to end Card Shark. I’ve fostered it for too long to let it go this easily. And because of that, I cannot wait to share with you all this archive of writings that I have been working long hours on!

Now to continue with business as usual one last time here in The Di-Light Zone. Today we’re covering Marks in Time with a Resource that seems like a prime farming tool... I’m surprised I haven’t seen more of it. Let’s pick apart the “Alicorn Amulet!”

Just put one of these on and you too can be a highest level unicorn! There aren’t a lot of Resources you can play on Troublemakers, and this one might be the most powerful of them all. This costs 1 AT, 1 Purple req, and 1 White req, which is... amazingly cheap for a Resource of this rarity. You play the Amulet on any of your Troublemakers. (No opposing Troublemakers will be sporting this thing!) There are two parts to this Amulet: first, it makes the host Troublemaker Epic and gives it +3 power. Epic Troublemakers can be challenged by either player and are usually associated with big villains like the Pony of Shadows or the Legion of Doom. By itself, that is pretty great. You can turn non-Epic Troublemakers into Epic Troublemakers to farm for your own gain. But then there’s the other part: during your Main Phase, you can pay 1 AT to move that Troublemaker. Moving a Troublemaker can be useful when your opponent sets themselves up to continually confront a Problem and avoid your Troublemaker. And just to recap, this can all be done for a minimum of 1-2 AT. THAT is scary. A smaller Troublemaker like Winterzilla can be boosted to 7 power while a higher Troublemaker like the Pony of Shadows (even if it is already Epic) can be boosted to 10. You can get rid of your own Troublemakers and get points when your opponent doesn’t want to. And you can play leapfrog with a Troublemaker, jumping from Problem to Problem. It’s a pretty ingenious farming technique, especially if you use Troublemakers that benefit you and you wouldn’t normally use for farming. There’s a reason this amulet is Unique.

So where has this thing been on the competitive scene? Frankly, besides the Resource removal, I don’t see many technicalities that could be wrong with it. It’s easy to play, it’s cheap, and it’s got a fun niche! Yet I think the biggest problem facing this card is that it is too niche. Besides already-Epic cards, most commonly seen, useful Troublemakers only have a maximum of 0-1 bonus points. I rarely see any farming technique use Troublemakers with less than a 2 point turnout. And the few non-Epic Troublemakers that have at least 2 bonus points don’t exactly have a lot going for them in what they do. The first Pony of Shadows can frighten a Friend at its Problem. Grumpie Pie is coming close to hitting a lot of banlists. The goal of The Smooze, Creeping Crud is to stick around and repeatedly flip off any opponents who try and defeat it. Timberwolf... well, we don’t talk about Timberwolf (at least until I write a formal Shark on it). Even if played on an already Epic Troublemaker, depending on the Troublemaker, the extra power can be easy to overcome. Regardless, if played on the right Troublemaker, I still think this could be a threat against certain decks.

Here’s a few more cards that may or may not be wearing one of Zecora’s doorstops:

*Scootaloo, Creature Catcher. Ok, so I frankly couldn’t find a lot of cards that I thought meshed well with this thing. Scoots here exhausts and lets you play a Troublemaker for free. That’s 1 AT (maybe more?) you can save to play an Amulet on the Troublemaker once it is revealed. Blue/Purple/White just became a more viable option for a tricorn deck with the inclusion of Legion of Doom, Frightful Foes and Being Big Is All It Takes in New Dawn... even if neither of those cards really heavily support Troublemakers. Time to reiterate my Card Shark catchphrase: “Every AT counts”. It’s just a nice little trick to help you keep some pocket change.

*Hoity Toity, Discerning Eye. If Princess Luna, Midnight is any indication, Orange/Purple/White might be an even more viable tricolor combo than Blue/Purple/White. Hoity Toity essentially allows you to recycle Friends and Resources in your discard pile once - if those Friends or Resources would leave play after that, they are banished. I don’t say this lightly: Hoity Toity is one of my all-time favorite MLP:CCG cards. Here, he will allow you to replay Amulets on your Troublemakers. Once one of your Troublemakers is defeated or dismissed, you can just replay your Amulet on the next Troublemaker you play, simple as that! As with any Hoity Toity strategy, I advise two things: one, you need to keep a close eye on your discard pile and make a plan in case your opponent is able to shut down access to your discard pile before you can get to it. Two, I’d run multiple copies of every card in your deck so you have as many opportunities as possible to replay things with Hoity Toity.

*Cozy Glow, Double Dealer/Fluttershy, Pony Pirate/Repulsor Blast/any card that allows you to bypass Troublemakers and confront Problems. The Alicorn Amulet does make a Troublemaker Epic - even if it’s your own Troublemaker, it prevents you from confronting your own Problems. At least it does... when you don’t have any cards like these at your disposal. If you still want to get points off your Problem while your Amuleted Troublemaker sits there, you have several options at your disposal. Depending on your overall deck strategy, you’ll have to pick the option(s) that’s right for you.

Thank you so, so much for reading this edition of Card Shark! It feels bittersweet to say goodbye to The Di-Light Zone... but the magic of friendship will always be strong here. The (not Holiday anymore) Dumpster Fire Card-a-Thon will continue on the new Diamond’s Corner with an Event from Defenders of Equestria that was frankly hard to pick because DoE has so many decent Events. As I’ve said previously, I’ll make a formal announcement here once the site goes live. But until I see you again, my friends, whether on this site or the new one... Diamond out!

[letsdiscoverkitty]

Thursday 16th May 2019: Review Update Major Trigger Warning

I realise that an update is well overdue and I can only apologise for that. I am putting a trigger warning on this post because although I know such warnings tend to get ignored, I think it would be unfair of me not to mention that this could be a triggering post. I will *try* to keep it short but we all know that I usually end up rambling. I also apologise for the state of this post, I am utterly exhausted and my head isn’t really in the best of places after such an intense and long day....

The review was just me, my consultant and EDP (mum joined us later on)

The team are apparently v concerned about me and don’t think that I am going to be able to turn things around in the community. 

They said that from my past it does show that I work better as an OP and that I can make changes in the community, however they are worried because my weight is now the lowest it has ever been and I have been “floating/floundering” for months now and they can’t let this slow decline continue. She asked how I felt about it and idk, its messy/hard to explain but I understand where they are coming from.

There is extra concern around my weight as it is in ‘dangerous’ place and puts me at risk of refeeding syndrome even though my intake does not. Therefore I am being prescribed refeeding medications again (Thiamine and Vitamin B) and they want to put me back onto weekly bloods, especially to monitor my phosphate. Fortisip wise I have been told that they are a ‘backup’ in case I miss a meal or snack but not as an addition.

My consultant asked me “so, tell me, what’s been going on?” and to be totally honest with you, I have no idea and my mind went blank. I’m just floating, getting through each day, holding on...She said that this is the starvation syndrome, which is leaving me thinking about food 24/7, my body on high alert for any threat, as well as being unable to see beyond what is right in front of my eyes (amongst other things)

 What followed was a lengthy discussion about admissions and all that kind of stuff, which concluded with three possible roads from here...

Option 1. A planned admission to Hayes Grove with clear goals, bespoke tailored for me, for about 6-8 weeks to then enable me to transition home and continue as an OP. This is what my consultant was trying to push for as she is the consultant at HG, but she respected that I need time and space to think about it. I have, at least, agreed to go up to the unit and meet with the team early next month for a ‘pre admission assessment’ to get an idea of what an admission could be like for me. (it was going to be next week but they couldn’t find dates that worked)

Option 2. If I continue to deteriorate/can’t stabalise or improve, then they are going to go down the route of any bed...this could be a medical bed or a SEDU anywhere in the country, no choices. Referrals are being sent out today to begin the process and make units aware of me/my situation. sigh.

Option 3. That this discussion and meeting, with the prospect of an admission, helps me to “get my arse in gear” and increase my meal plan as an OP and continue at home with the support of the team.

I had quite the reality checks today, especially from my consultant (which I was not expecting). Anorexia often convinces me that I am not “that bad”, but today I was told the very stark truth and reality of where I am at with no way of worming around it and let me tell you, that is HARD to hear. 

Once again I was told that I am an “interesting case” and that my intake does not line up with where my weight is at...(yay for being told that I am eating too much. thanks.lol.)

Okay moving on: In terms of where do I go from here...idk. My mind has been on overdrive since and I haven’t really been able to take any of it in. I would love to make it work as an OP and make changes at home but I cant keep going around in these same cycles/be left like this, I just can’t. It’s truly horrible. My consultant reiterated that they are not going to let me starve to death and they will intervene if they get any more concerned about my physical health and admit me to a medical bed...again, this is something that is NOT easy to hear let alone accept.

Yet again I was told that I am “a very bright girl who knows all the ins and outs and has been through nutritional refeeding before”. The struggle right now is the permission side of things, everything gets put off as there has been no outlook/motivation/goals and I have found it increasingly difficult to accept the things I know for myself. This was mentioned and we did talk briefly about it, with my consultant saying that if I can make changes in the community then I need to be really careful in terms of RFS and that the safest way is going to be going down the route of dairy increases and not too fast as it could shock my body and cause a hell of a lot of damage. (hence them wanting to do weekly bloods for now in order to keep a close eye on things)

As I said, mum was in for the last bit, and after all the discussions and dictations for letters were finished she asked about what the plan from now until the meeting in June is...and basically they are going to continue to monitor me closely, see what happens, try to nudge me in the right direction and that if she has any concerns about my physical health or things get worse then she is to either take me to A&E or call an ambulance (which is vvv over the top imo). wow what a way to end the meeting. “Thank you”

After the meeting mum and I went for coffee and god I am so glad that she could be there today/I let her come, even if both my consultant and EDP pretty much ignored her. This is so hard to write but mum is not taking things well that all. She has not been sleeping much again out of worry/concern and said that over the past 2 weeks something has really scared her and she is terrified for me/my life...we chatted for a while in Costa before she had to head back to work and gosh was it hard to hear such things, but it was good to be on the same page a little more. 

Sadly once I arrived home earlier this afternoon, it was to find that mum had been sent home and told not to come back to work until at least Monday :( Her boss had emailed to see how she was as she knew she had the morning off to come to my review, and after mum replied she had a phone call from her boss and pretty much crumbled into pieces there and then. I can’t even....I have no words...I feel utterly terrible for putting this on my parents yet again and for putting them through so much, and causing so much pain and hurt - it genuinely hurts my heart. I can’t even begin to imagine what it is like for them. Mum has been signed off from work in the past (twice I think) because she isn’t coping and I know it is because she cares so deeply about me but wow it is really really hard to have to go through for us all - I suppose it is a very very big reality check/shock as to just how bad things are... As for dad, he is the classic head in sand but I know it isn’t because he doesn’t care, it’s because he does not do emotions/feelings.

Anyway, I’m not even sure how I feel right now. I know I should feel something but if I am totally honest with you I feel nothing. I am utterly numb to it all. Empty. It’s like there is this huge void. My mind is either a neverending whirlwind or unable to even think of a word. I honestly don’t know where I am going/what is going to happen and that is terrifying. Really terrifying. I am sorry that this update is not positive in any way/shape/form but I know that I owe it to you all, all those who have stuck by me for so long, to keep you in the loop. Im not sure how active I will be over the coming weeks but I will make sure to keep checking in as and when I can. Thank you for all the kind messages of support that have been sent my way recently, I know I am terrible at replying at the moment but each message genuinely means the world to me and I can’t thank you enough x

[vios-rockland-corner]

My Rockland OC Sasha Holmes.

I was in another small drawing mood and wanted a tiny break from writing another Zeitgeist thought post.  Tried a new position again, but didn’t really feel like drawing full body or coloring it this time.  I also drew her without her headband this time so I can get comfortable with the fact that it’s not something constantly glued to her.  She wears it a lot though because she likes using it to keep her bangs out of her face.  I just put her in a tank top/pyjamas to switch things up too.

I drew this because of my self-made rule, “I can’t talk about Sasha unless I draw something for her too.”  I actually came up with a possible backstory for her, and that’s really what I wanted to spend my time writing about anyway so I don’t forget it.

It’s not really important for anyone else though, and it could very well get scrapped later.  So I’ll just place it below to save space (it’s stupid long for personal reference only).

Why I have Sasha

I’m just reiterating here.  I don’t really insert myself in these stories, and I don’t like disrupting the canon either.  Sasha’s going to be more like an NPC in the Rockland universe that is capable of OBSERVING certain events and characters, but will probably never end up interacting with any of them directly.  That’s probably for the best anyway because let’s be honest...there’s a good chance she’ll die if she ends up meeting the wrong character, haha.

If I do commit with her, I could actually utilize her as another type of post whenever I’m low on ideas or lack the motivation for a full thought post.  Basically, journal entries made by a character in universe.  Sasha would basically be doing...the same kind of thing I actually do with the thought posts.  Now one might say, “Isn’t that kind of lazy?  Like you’re just duplicating your own content?”  And I say, “Kind of, yes.”  

Fun fact about me though, I’m not really a creative writer.  Most of the writing I’ve done has been for more scientific papers.  With those, you’re just getting the facts in.  Now my thought posts are a little more carefree and show a bit of personality in them I think.  Basically, tumblr is intended to be my “lazy time.”  Still, I’ve hardly ever tried to write in first person from a character’s perspective.  Also, while I myself would have a wider grasp of the Rockland universe and its characters, I would be placed in a challenging position with Sasha where I can only have her commentate on events and characters revealed in canon that...basically COULD be fair game as “news” or “rumors” around town.  For example, she’s not going to know about an MC’s personal experience with a character after they’ve been kidnapped (and they don’t escape).  But if there’s some news or rumors around town that people are disappearing, that’s fair game for her to speculate about.

The Misfits actually I think have the most potential for regular civilians to have an idea that they exist.  One story even had the police investigating them, so you know there’s probably some curious individuals that start gossip as a result.  So I will probably end up having Sasha in the general vicinity of wherever most of the Misfits’ activities take place.  

Oh yeah, the Rockland universe is going to have so many characters, groups and likely locations.  Sasha’s only human, and it would be WAY too much of a headache for me to actually have her contemplating more than one aspect of the universe.  Looking into the possibility of angels existing vs. supernatural beings existing (Hand of God) vs. a dangerous/unruly group of killers (Misfits) is just...that’s too much, haha.

I know Zeitgeist is coming out first, but I’m pretty sure the Misfits will be introduced more formally once that game is complete.

Now then, I still want to make the best of Sasha as a brain exercise.  What’s the point of having a character if you can’t develop a personality, history and motivations for them?  Character creation isn’t my forte,  but if I can establish a solid background for her, I think it’ll help have the character stand on their own better.  Even without interacting with any of the other characters.

Possible Backstory for Sasha

This is pretty rough, but here’s what I have so far.  Sasha herself and her life in general was pretty average growing up.  She was taught the usual ideals of: work hard in school, get a job, be nice to others, don’t do drugs, just anything that helps a person be, “a good civilian.”  Don’t worry, it wasn’t a strict military household or anything, just one where the parents wanted their kids to live happy lives, make friends and hopefully be working a job they love when they grow up.  

Now Sasha had one sibling: her older brother.  They were very close and did everything together.  Her brother always seemed “perfect,” to Sasha.  He had a fun personality, he looked out for her, his grades were good, he wasn’t bad at sports, and he was good looking.  Stereotypical golden child, I know.  Just bear with me here for a second.  During these years, Sasha and her brother never opposed anything their parents taught them.

Eventually her brother went off to college away from home.  Sasha was sad, but otherwise fine with this.  She knew they could keep in touch through the phone and internet easily.  So they did, and everything was fine for awhile...but slowly the calls, emails and text conversations would become fewer and fewer.

Eventually a point hit where the communication stopped.  Sasha began to get antsy, but figured when all her attempts at contact failed, she might be bothering him.  Perhaps he was just focusing harder on his studies?

Time passed and suddenly...her brother was back home prior to when he would have been graduating.  Sasha and her parents were very surprised to hear that he had been kicked out.  Of course, they tried to comfort him and assured him that everything would be okay.  He could stay home as long as he wanted until he got back on his feet.  No one’s perfect.

Sasha was actually happy for a few days to have her brother back home, but...he was different.  He wasn’t quite as social as he was before.  In fact, he hardly seemed to want to do anything with his family.  And gentle coaxing from her parents about how things were going during dinner was rebuffed by her brother.

He’d go out frequently, day...and VERY late at night.  Sasha was making sure to keep her own life in order, but she couldn’t help but become curious as to what was going on with her brother.  Sometimes, she’d follow him out secretly.  The people that he was hanging out with now weren’t like his old friends.  There was something unsettling about them.  She became more alarmed when she noticed small red stains on his jacket once when coming home.  The next time he was out, she snuck into his room.  After sometime, she found a plastic bag with some old clothes of his she noticed he’d stopped wearing.  They all had the same red stains on them.  It was blood.

Sasha keeps the discovery a secret from her family, but she starts to watch her brother with eyes like a hawk.  He starts to notice and eventually asks her what’s up one day when they’re alone in the house.  Snapping, she admits to what she found and ask him why he’s acting so strange.  He doesn’t take this well and they get into a massive argument.  After what felt like an eternity, it ends with both feeling physically exhausted from the emotional outburst.  After a few minutes of silence, the brother says he’s needs to head out tonight to finish something up.  Sasha gives him a sad look and asks him quietly, “Come back safe, please.”  He’s a little taken aback by this, but nods and promises he’ll be home in a little while.  He leaves.

Sasha’s brother never returned home that night, or ever again.  [Author’s note:  I have not decided yet, if he’s been flat out murdered, or he’s still alive but just never came back- both change a lot about the story]

This messes up Sasha.  Everyone she knows consoles her and says they’ll be there if she needs them.  On the outside, Sasha keeps up a strong front and continues on with her life.  She knows he’s gone and she doesn’t want other people to worry about her.  Life has to go on anyway.  She wants to keep being a “good civilian” and not fall like...

Sasha was slowly becoming obsessed.  Not simply with what might have happened to her brother like most people thought.  No, instead she became focused on why did her brother change so much?  She started getting curious.  She had a feeling that he was doing some very unlawful...very awful stuff.  She would never have guessed though in her younger years that her brother would even be capable of such things.  She wondered if something bad had happened at school.  Did his confidence get shot?  Did someone influence him?  Was the stuff he started doing now more appealing than being what they had always been taught as children?  That last one in particular settled in a part of her brain uncomfortably.

Obviously, she’d never get the answers now that she wanted from her brother.  She’d have to find another way to get into his head.  Perhaps...figure out people who may be similar to him?

How the heck am I linking this to the Misfits?

Sasha basically sees herself as an average “good civilian,” as I’ve stated before.  The Misfits, she’d view as a group of people that are generally “bad.”  Degenerates you wouldn’t want to associate with or become.  However, after everything that happened with her brother, she’d now view the Misfits with an unhealthy curiosity.  She’d view them with disdain, but is compelled to figure out what makes them tick.  She absolutely refuses to believe her brother was some sort of sociopath or psychopath all along.  She’d never want to place him as the same group of the Misfits, but she thinks that maybe there’s some allure that pulled him into that lifestyle.  She also wonders, “Are these people who were always like this, or became this way overtime?”  Characters of the latter she’d feel would be more useful for understanding her brother.

Now I have two options for why she knows the Misfits exist:

Option 1) She has always lived in the town where the Misfits currently exist, and they’re a recent development after her brother has gone.  Pretty standard.

Option 2) She finds a note with the word crumpled up in one of her brother’s jacket pockets.  It’s not his handwriting, more like a note someone else gave him.  It said the name, “This Misfits” on it as well as “This is where you want to go” and lists a city and state.  That’s it.  This prompts Sasha to MOVE to where the Misfits are.  She doesn’t know anything about them, but wanted to know why her brother was curious.  No, I would NOT be making her brother a Misfit in this case.  More like...it’s possible he was interested in being part of the group.  Possibly.

Please note that this ENTIRE backstory and mindset of Sasha is completely capable of being scrapped.  Why?  I still don’t entirely know what the Misfits are all about.  I need to have at least a decent grasp on the group’s general atmosphere, goals, personality, etc.  Without knowing that, I can’t say this backstory would suffice for Sasha.

If this backstory DOES work, the benefit is that Sasha then clearly has her own issues and a personal goal of closure.  Thus, her not interacting with canon characters at all wouldn’t necessary stunt her as a character.  At least I think so?

Well at the very least, this was kind of fun to write.  It’s a lot, so I had to write it down if I didn’t want to forget it.

If anyone actually decided to read this (this was more for own personal notes), uhhh hope it was fun? XD

Now to continue waiting for the next game.

[deathisonlypermanent]

All of The Stars - Chapter III

Thor x fem!reader

Series Rating: 15+

A/N: I’ve actually had this part written for a couple weeks but midterms were kicking my ass and I’ve had no time to edit. Also, the fact that I get no comments on my stuff tends to make me not want to but what are you gonna do? So, here’s this part but I’m not sure when the next part will be posted. If it is, it might not be edited. That being said, here is part three! 

Masterlist || Series Masterlist

Y/N crouched down to retrieve her bag, putting the pellet gun back inside before standing once more and moving to her small living room. At this point, Y/N was more than ready to call it a night, but some part of her refused to let go of the thought that someone was in her apartment.

She flopped down onto the couch, setting her bag down next to her, sighing as little rain droplets began to hit her windows. ‘That’s strange. LA doesn’t usually get rain.’ She silently questioned, but let it go almost immediately. Honestly, she couldn’t bring herself to care.

Y/N kicked off her shoes, almost moaning at the feeling of air on her swollen feet. Being on your feet all day hurt, and the walk home didn’t help either. Today was a good day though, her thigh wasn’t in incredible pain and she could sleep off the soreness.

“Oh!” She gasped, “That’s right! I have the day off tomorrow!” A smile lit up her face as she stood up, filled with a new inspiration to go the fuck to sleep.

As she took small steps to move out from between her couch and coffee table, dancing a little out of sheer excitement to go to sleep, a shadow appeared out of the corner of her eye. Immediately, she turned to face whatever thing was in her house as she took the final step out into the pathway next to the couch.

Whatever she was expecting, it certainly wasn’t a large man in armor. He stood a little taller than six feet--she guessed--his hands were by his side, his eyes dark as he stared at her. Panic shot through her as she considered her options. The man was already in her house. He had armor on. He was obviously much larger than her. If she dove for her pellet gun would she even get it in time? Suddenly, Y/N felt very foolish for opting out of a real gun.

“I need your help.” The man spoke in a deep rumbling voice that seemed to shake Y/N to her core.

She stood there and silently stared at the man, still contemplating whether or not to jump for her bag. At least she could scare him or shoot him in the face or something. This silence didn’t deter him, however, and he spoke again. “I need-” The rest of his request fell on deaf ears because, at that moment, the man took a step forward.

Y/N leapt for the couch and dug in her bag, immediately finding the gun and pointing it at the man. His eyes widened and he raised his hands as Y/N moved to stand once more, her eyes trained on the intruder.

“I mean you no harm.” He spoke, softer this time.

“Then why did you break into my apartment?” Y/N questioned, finding her voice for the first time. He opened his mouth to speak, but Y/N cut him off. “You know, I don’t really care. Get out of my home right now or I will shoot.”

“Please, I beg of you, hear me out.” His voice sounded desperate, his blue eyes shining brightly under his long blonde strands.

“Get. Out.” She hissed menacingly, attempting to look threatening despite her inner panic.

“Will you listen to me if I stay outside?” He asked, sounding somewhat frustrated.

Y/N faltered, this man was truly desperate for her help. She steeled herself once again but found herself nodding before she even really thought it through. Almost every part of her was telling her that this man was dangerous. Almost. The smallest part of her was curious as to what he could possibly need her so badly for.

The man kept his hands raised as he began to walk toward her front door, Y/N stepping back towards the bathroom to keep him in her sights and keep him as far away as possible in the small apartment. It wasn’t until the man was in the hallway with the door locked that she allowed herself to take a breath.

“Well?” Y/N inquired, her voice not nearly as strong as it was in the moments before. “You’re outside. Why were you in my apartment and why do you need my help?”

“It’s a long story, but I’m stranded here and you’re the only person I could go to.”

“Why are you stranded here?” She asked, her tone barely giving away the fact that she was genuinely curious.

“Well…” The man trailed off, but Y/N refused to let him off easy.

“‘Well’?”

“My father imprisoned my sister, but he died so she got out, she came to fight me and my brother, destroyed my hammer, and cast me and my brother out.” He rushed out.

Y/N couldn’t comprehend a single thing he said. ‘Why did his father imprison his sister? Why did she try to fight them? What does he mean she “destroyed” his hammer?’ Instead of saying anything useful, Y/N managed to get out: “Huh?”

“It’s hard to explain, but I need to get in touch with Tony Stark and I need a place to stay until I can.”

“So find a hotel!”

“What’s a hotel?” The man sounded so genuine in his question but Y/N just wanted to scream. Who the hell was this man? Nothing in his story made any sort of sense and he didn’t even know what a hotel was? All she wanted to do was go to sleep. Why her?

“Jesus Christ,” She muttered, rolling her eyes. She did not need this. Her life was fine just the way it was. As much as she wanted to find out why this man was really at her house, she really just wanted to go to sleep. “Why not go to the police? Your sister was in prison, right? Shouldn’t they be trying to find her?”

“The law enforcement here won’t help.”

“Then how am I supposed to?” She cried out, her voice cracking slightly from exhaustion.

It was silent for a moment and Y/N wondered if even he knew how she was supposed to help. “You help more than you know.” For reasons unknown, Y/N’s heart began to ache at the emotion in his voice. He really believed that she could help him. “I only need a place to sleep. I promise that no harm shall come to you.”

Y/N sighed and rested her head on the back of the door. One question still weighed heavily on her mind. “Why me? Why not ask some other random stranger?”

She thought she heard a light chuckle before he spoke, “You are different.”

‘God damn it. Am I really about to do this?’ She questioned her own sanity at this point. Everything about this situation screamed wrong. A strange man with a strange outfit that broke into her home? Now he’s insisting that she let him stay for the night? Totally safe.

“I’m gonna die tonight,” She muttered before she unlocked the door and cracked it open a little. The man had apparently sat down at some point because he scrambled to his feet when he saw her. He smiled at her and she rolled her eyes. “Only for the night.”

“Thank you,” He nodded, his smile widening.

Y/N said nothing but opened the door and stepped aside for him to enter. He was huge but he didn’t seem dangerous. Besides, he seemed like he genuinely needed help. This was going to be her downfall, right? She was going to be nothing but a news headline tomorrow, she could see it now: Local Girl Murdered By Strange Man in Armor! (What an idiot!)

She knew she was being stupid. This was ridiculous. But her heart went out to...fuck! She didn’t even know his name.

After she closed the door--and made a mental note to get his name before she locked him in for the night--she silently led him to her study. “This is where you’ll be sleeping tonight.”

“Thank you very much, I will not forget this.” He smiled and put his hand on her shoulder, gripping it tightly. It was most likely supposed to be a friendly squeeze, but her anxiety went through the roof and she pushed his hand off.

“Yeah.” She said quietly, unsure of what else to say.

An awkward silence settled over them for a moment before she realized that she should probably open the door. “This door locks from the outside and you won’t be able to get out until morning. So, if you have to go to the bathroom, do it now.”

“Um- I’m alright,” Y/N motioned toward the door for him to go in and he muttered another thanks before stepping inside.

“There’s a couch that pulls out to a bed,” Y/N informed him from the doorway. “And don’t touch anything in here, it’s my private study.”

“Ah, I wasn’t planning on it.” He smiled before turning to the couch and examining it as though he was unsure of whether or not to touch it.

“It’s a pullout.” Y/N reiterated.

“Ah,” The man nodded in understanding but didn’t move any closer to the couch.

“Do you know how to use a pullout?” She would help him if he needed, but she really hoped he didn’t need it. She didn’t want to be bent over, pulling the couch apart while he stood there. She really didn’t need that tonight.

“Of course I know how to use a pullout!” He scoffed and moved toward the couch, stopping and pulling off one of the cushions. He seemed surprised, at first, and then turned toward Y/N with a triumphant look on his face.

“...okay.” Y/N nodded and turned to leave. “Well, goodnight.” She almost had the door closed when the man called out to her.

“Thor.”

She opened the door a little and looked at him, now holding two couch cushions. “What?”

“My name is Thor.”

She faltered a little, but nodded. “Goodnight, Thor.” And closed the door.

While she finished locking the door, she heard--very faintly--”Goodnight, Y/N.”

As she lay in bed that night, her thoughts racing, she thought about him. There was something so familiar about him, something so pure and good, and she found that she didn’t regret letting him stay the night. Despite her anxiety and all of the problems that him being here could possibly induce, she didn’t regret it at all. But why? And, now that she thought about it, she didn’t remember giving him her name.

One thing was for sure: She wasn’t getting any sleep tonight.

Chapter IV

[huffleporg]

The Promised Storm - Chapter 1

In honor of Fanfiction Friday, I have decided to repost my fic, since I don’t think posting it on a Monday was a brilliant idea. 

Faced with a terrible threat from the Evil Queen, Princess Emma must make a deal with the Dark One that comes at a price she soon realizes she cannot pay. With the help of a lieutenant in Their Majesty's Royal Navy, Emma searches for a way to save the realm and her happy ending.

Lieutenant Duckling AU, [M], 1/?, 5.5k, [Ao3 link]

Characters: Emma Swan, Killian Jones, Liam Jones, Snow White, Prince Charming, Rumplestiltskin, Baelfire, Alexandra, Pinocchio, Brennan Jones, Evil Queen, Peter Pan, Hades, Zeus

Lovely banner by the ever amazing @bewitchingblogness (bewtitching. at TDA). 

As they descended further down into the tunnels, the air took on a noticeable chill. Emma wrapped her summer shawl around herself more tightly. She hadn't thought when she had been up in the sweltering heat of midday an hour ago that she would feel this cold so shortly. Just as she began to shiver, Emma felt a weight on her shoulders as the warmth of her father's cloak envelope her.

"Here," he said.

Emma looked up to give her father a thankful smile, one her father barely managed to return before glancing ahead, peering beyond the reach of the guard’s torches. She knew that neither of her parents had wanted her to come today, but they hadn’t had any choice but to include the future queen in on the troubling matters that had led to this bitter decision. They had wanted to spare her from all of this, they always had.

Emma only needed one hand to count the number of times she had been in the tunnels underneath the castle. The first time she had been seven, and Pinocchio had told her there was a monster that lived down below. Though she had known the teenager was prone to telling lies, he had seemed so convincing that she had had to go and see for herself. Her parents had fought monsters and won, and even at that young an age, Emma had been determined to be a hero like them. But, after what had felt like at the time hours of looking and failing to find any signs of a monster, Emma had given up, concluding that once again Pinocchio had to be lying. She now knew that she had barely gone a tenth of the way down into the depths, nor could she have been gone for more than half an hour.

The second and last time she had ventured down below the castle, she and Alex had been almost eleven, and exploring the castle above ground had become boring. Two princesses, however, could not vanish for long without their absence being noticed. By the time they had been found, Emma's mother had worked herself up into such a state that Emma had thought her mother to be livid rather than afraid. That incident caused the first serious punishment Emma had ever received.

Now, Emma understood why her parents had been so upset to learn where she and her friend had been found exploring. She no longer thought no dessert for a month, no balls for a year, and extra lessons in the history of Misthaven were excessive punishments for simply wandering around the underground terrain. She wished that her parents had told her why all those years ago, but perhaps they had thought the explanation would only make her more likely to venture down to see what they had imprisoned there.

“I really don’t like doing this,” murmured her father, as he laced his fingers with his wife’s.

"We have exhausted all other options," her mother said with a sigh, shaking her head. "If there were anything else we could do or hadn’t tried, we would be doing it. But she is coming, and we don’t have much time.” It was a reiteration of what they had said before, but it seemed that they hoped the sheer act of repeating their plan and their reasons would erase the immense doubt that grew with each step.

Emma could see the worry in her mother and father’s faces. Since the news had reached them that their greatest foe was on the verge of overpowering the magic that protected Misthaven from her, the King and Queen had barely slept. While not everyone in castle knew the threat that was looming over them, everyone was aware of the bed that went unused for days at a time, the dark bags under Snow White’s and David’s eyes, and how both suddenly were unable to attend to the usual civil matters that normally occupied their attention.

The pace began to slow, and Emma turned to look at her mother, about to ask whether they were arriving.

Her mother spoke first. "Emma." Snow White gently rested her hand on her daughter's shoulder. With a reassuring smile that didn't dim the troubled shine in her eyes, she continued, "If you'd rather not be here, we would understand completely. This... this is hard. Ruling is hard and filled with difficult decisions that will cause you many, many sleepless nights. But, if you don't feel ready, if today isn't the day-"

Firmly, Emma shook her head. "I am doing this." The fear and doubts grabbed at her, begging her to stay behind as she advanced, but she persisted. One day, provided their plan worked, Emma would be Queen. The sooner she learned how to face enemies and foes like him, the better off the realm would be. Duty urged her forward, even though she felt like she had swallowed fire and her knees beginning to shake as she rounded the final bend.

She needed to be brave for what was about to come.

Catching sight of the prison cell, it was hard not to gasp. In the trembling light of the torches the guards held, the toothy bars seemed to move, as if the cage was alive. A great monster determined to keep an even greater one trapped inside its mouth.

"He can't harm you." David walked ahead, a guard by his side. "He is powerless here."

Despite the light, the cell remained in shadows, the firelight turning opaque in the heavy air. If the Dark One had no powers here, then how was the air so thick, protecting him from her gaze?

Emma.

She stopped, heart jumping into her throat.

Emma.

A cold sweat dampened the back of Emma's dress.

Her parents turned around, realizing their daughter was no longer following them. "Something wrong?" asked David.

They hadn't heard it, but Emma knew that she hadn't imagined it. She peered forward into the darkness of the cell, expecting to see the Dark One staring back at her. Nothing. But he was there. She knew he was, just as he knew she was approaching him. The urge to turn around and run made all of her muscles tense. This was a dangerous place to be, with a dangerous beast. Emma wished she was back above the ground, safe and doing anything else. Tickling a nesting dragon seemed so much less deadly than being here.

She swallowed, struggling to manage, "No." If she were to tell her parents just how terrified she was, there was no way they would not reconsider and send her away. She needed to be brave. She had to be. Quickly walking to make up the distance between herself and her parents, she insisted, "I'm fine."

The expressions on her parents' faces were hardly reassured ones, but they turned forward to face the cell.

Straightening herself up, Snow White took a deep breath. "Rumplestiltskin."

Emma's racing heart beat loudly in her ears as she looked past her parents into the gloom of the prison.

"Rumplestilskin."

Out of the darkness, long talon-like nails appeared, sharp and caked with years of grime. Greenish-gold hands wrapped around the projecting bars, pulling forward a leathery face. Olive skin sparkled in the torchlight under the dirt.

"Been a long time, dearies." The Dark One let out a high-pitched giggle that seemed to belong to someone else, and not the demon that had spoken in such a low, raspy growl seconds before. "Snow White and Prince Charming." The impish man tilted his head, fixing his eyes on Emma. "And Princess Emma."

The blood drained from Emma's face. The frantic desperation behind the eyes seemed more animal than human. And there was no doubting it: the voice she alone had heard was this man's. The way the Dark One lingered on her name was unmistakable. Emma took a step back, bumping into a guard who promptly and quietly apologized before stepping aside.

"And just what has brought you to my humble abode after..." he pressed his face between the bars, "nearly eighteen years? Hmmm? Must be the Queen."

"The Evil Queen," corrected Snow White with a frown.

"A queen nevertheless." The Dark One grinned, lips cracking in the process. He continued, slightly singing, "Banish the Queen to another realm... give the Queen another realm..." He stopped. "You can't be surprised she found new subjects?" He glanced from King to Queen with a smirk on his face. "She is destined to be queen. Throw her in a strange realm, and before long she has conquered them. One way or another."

"You saw this," said Snow White, taking a few steps forward. Her eyes flashed accusingly.

The Dark One let out a laugh. "But of course. Though even if I didn't have the Sight, it's not too hard to guess. You asked the Blue Fairy for help. You couldn't have believed that she would offer you a real solution. That's not what fairies do."

"She's missing," said David. "No one has heard from her. We think the Evil Queen might have taken her."

With a shrug, the Dark One said, "It’s a possibility. I taught her well. And if she has taken that pesky fairy, you should assume she's taken her heart." The smile on the prisoner's face was undeniably proud. "Which really does put you in quite the bind. And I take it none of the other fairies are able to help." He let his head tilt to one side, taking their silence as an answer. “And that can only mean one thing.” He clapped his hands once and pointed to Snow White, “You want a deal!” He grinned. “In exchange for me helping you, you will offer me…”

“Your freedom,” said Snow White.

A sincere flash of surprise spread across the Dark One’s face, a wave that quickly passed. “Oh, you must be scared for you to offer that after all the trouble you went through to get me here,” he said. “Tell me, what does she want? Your lives?” He gestured at Emma. “Her heart?”

“Worse.” Snow White’s voice dropped to barely a whisper. “She says she will kill everyone born after she was banished. Every child in this realm and far beyond.”

Even though she had heard the threat before, Emma still shuddered at the mention of it.

The Dark One stepped back from the bars. The shadows began to cloud his features. “That… that certainly is quite the threat.” He spoke in the same whisper Snow White did. “She never was afraid to leave a pile of bodies in her wake, and children… well… Do you know just how many children died to get that apple she poisoned you with?”

Snow White shook her head. “I don’t want to know.”

“We want to stop any more children from dying,” said David.

“Of course you do.” The Dark One’s voice was almost a laugh, though the gravity of the situation seemed to weigh down the monster’s mirth. “You’re heroes. That’s what you do. Save the day. But you need my help.”

“We need all the help we can get,” Snow White said. “So we are willing to make this deal with you to stop the Evil Queen from returning and terrorizing our people.” She glanced over her shoulder and motioned Emma to come forward.

Forcing down her fear, Emma held her head high with all the decorum her mother had taught her and walked forward to the bars of the prison. From her reticule, she drew out a roll of parchment and unfurled it, holding it up.

The Dark One approached slowly, peering through the bars at the contract.

“You,” started Emma, her voice cracking, “you’re to help us find a way to defeat Regina, the Evil Queen. In exchange, we will free you from your prison.”

“I can see that,” the Dark One said, his golden flecked eyes flicking up to once again meet hers.

Her heart thudded loudly in her ears. “Sign it, and we will free you.”

“Am I to sign with blood?” he quipped, a smirk curling his lips.

“With this,” said David, holding out a quill already dipped in ink.

“Squid ink again, Charming?” The Dark One clicked his tongue disapprovingly. “That’s not about to work on me again.”

“That’s not squid ink.” With a smile, Snow White revealed a bottle she had been hiding in the folds of her dress. “But this is.”

The Dark One reached his hand out through the bars, considering. His eyes flitted from King to Queen before settling again on Emma. “Very well,” he said. He took the quill-pen from David’s hand. With a smooth flourish, he wrote, Rumplestiltskin. “Now your end of the bargain, Dearies.”

Snow White met her husband’s gaze for a moment, her face set in a deep frown. “Your freedom.” She uncorked the bottle. “Step back.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. Two quick steps back distanced him from the bars of his cell.

Snow tossed the black contents of the bottle at the stalactite-like bars. As the ink made contact with the stone, it began to shimmer blue before consuming gate.

With a gleeful giggle, the Dark One hurried out of his prison cell, causing the entire company - royals and guards alike - to go back a pace. “My, my,” he said. “The air already feels fresher.”

Not amused or interested in delay, David said, “We’ll go up to the castle and start plan--”

The Dark One held up a finger. “But I didn’t agree to do anything for you right away. If you had wanted that, you should have put it in the contract.” As he laughed, a cloud of blood red smoke swirled around him, swallowing him up.

Emma stared dumbfounded as the smoke cleared to show that the Dark One was gone.

***

The time it took for Killian to feel steady on dry land he had come to realize wasn’t truly measured in time. The uneasy rocking under his feet could last an hour, a day. Gently, the pitch and fall of the earth persisted, making him unsteady as he navigated cobbled streets and dirt paths. It didn’t cease until, finally, he could see the masts of the tall ships in the harbor. The sight never failed to restore him and quicken his pace. After an afternoon inside the walls of the manor house, Killian was eager to feel the planks of the ship underneath him again.

Reaching the docks, Killian stopped before boarding, pulling down on his blue jacket and adjusting the way his bicorne sat. Though the sailors had been given their liberty until sunrise tomorrow morning, Killian had long ago made it a habit to make sure he was always in his best form, even when no one was watching.

Killian strode up the gangway, looking fore and aft about the deck of the Jewel of the Realm. Just as he had expected, not a sailor was in sight. The only living souls he could see as he jumped from gangway to the deck were the ambered eyed ship’s cat and the chickens she was currently watching, tail flicking back and forth. Killian could only hope that the cages would hold out against the cat’s attempts. With a sigh, Killian went to the aid of the chickens he had bought just that morning, sending the cat scurrying away with a few claps. It was a losing battle, he knew, but one he still felt obligated to attempt.

“Lieutenant.”

Quickly, Killian spun round to see a man’s bald head and torso climbing out from the hold. “Sailor.” Though he had known Silas for over a year now, there were still certain respects and formalities that Killian believed were due to the men under his command. After over a decade of service in the navy, the boatswain had long ago proven himself especially worthy of respect.

“The Captain instructed me that he wants to talk to you as soon as you’re back,” said Silas, halfway emerged.

Before Silas was able to continue, Killian was already heading towards his brother’s cabin.

The steps were barely more than a ladder down into the hull, but Killian quickly descended without any conscious effort. In the years since Liam had taken up captainship, Killian had climbed the steps enough times to be able to do it in the dark, though he preferred to avoid it. Few good things came from stumbling about in the dark.

Reaching the last few steps, Killian could see Liam with his back turned, studying something by the window. "Captain?"

Liam turned around, his serious expression quickly becoming a welcoming smile. "Killian, I'm glad you're back. I trust things went smoothly."

"Fortunately there was no trouble." Still standing on the bottom step, "Silas told me you wanted to see me," said Killian. He set one foot down on the deck.

With a nod Liam said, "I got a bird from the Queen." The captain walked over to the table and picked a piece of parchment up that Killian hadn't noticed before.

Curiosity made Killian approach, reaching out to take the missive. "Really?" This was hardly the first correspondence Killian knew his brother had had from the royal family, but those instructions were few and far between. And never had they been sent by bird. They had never been tasked with something that required the urgent swiftness only one of the Queen’s birds could provide.

Before Killian could do more than notice the seal of the King and Queen, Liam began to speak.

"They want us to return to Misthaven."

Killian frowned. Their mission wasn't even halfway done.

"They are asking for the whole fleet to come back," he continued, with a sigh. Liam wore a troubled expression that Killian hadn’t seen on his brother’s face for some time now. “I think they fear war is coming. At least, an attack is imminent.”

A country that had been at peace for almost twenty years was now preparing for war. Dread clenched Killian’s stomach as he recalled his servitude in a country at war. Those memories belonged to another lifetime very different than the one the lieutenant lived now serving the King and Queen of Misthaven, or at least Killian hoped that they would remain two very different and distinct lives, with the concerns and woes of war not bleeding into the present. He and Liam had escaped that land of fear, rationing, and broken men. The possibility that his new homeland would be gripped by those troubles and concerns was positively terrifying.

“Against who?” breathed Killian. “I thought all the kingdoms and queendoms of Misthaven were in concord.” Not like where he and Liam had come from where it was acceptable for children to become slaves to be bought and sold. “And the treaties with all the neighboring realms and lands are supposed to be strong.” Nothing he had heard had ever given him reason to doubt this fact. Not even the faraway war of the Jones’s native land impacted the dealing of Snow White’s Queendom; years ago she had made agreements that prevented that war from touching her country.

Glumly, Liam shrugged, “I cannot say. But if the Queen is worried, we all should be.”

Never one to deny his brother’s judgement, Killian nodded in agreement. “Then we must prepare to sail,” concluded Killian. He glanced out in the direction of the docks, though all he could see was his pale reflection in the mirror above Liam’s berth. “Shall I try to track our men down? I can go to the taverns and--”

Liam held up a hand and said firmly, “No need, Lieutenant.” He walked over to Killian offering a small, barely reassuring smile. “The men will return tomorrow by dawn. They are all probably drunk by now, barely able to work, and I know that is something you won’t tolerate aboard the Jewel. Even if you were to find them all within the hour, they wouldn’t be sober until nightfall.”

“If then,” murmured Killian. He knew far too well just how long it could take for the effects of certain drinks to wear off, especially when quite a lot had been drunk in a short period of time, as he knew sailors in port were wont to do. As he too had once done.

“And this is not the harbor to navigate at night,” continued Liam. “Let us give them until dawn, as we originally said. It is only fair. Let them enjoy their night. You stay here.” He returned to what he had been studying before. “Besides-” he picked up the atlas and brought it over to the table where Killian could better see it, “- I need the help of my best navigator to help me chart the swiftest course.”

Despite his worries, Killian managed a small grin at his brother’s compliment. Joining his brother at the table, Killian said, “As you wish, Captain.”

***

After several hours of poring over atlases and charts, Killian couldn’t deny that his eyes were itching for a break. But, there were so few times that the ship was ever truly quiet that Killian didn’t want to let this moment pass him by, especially not with the possibility that there would be no more nights like this once they returned to Misthaven. Killian had to make the most of this opportunity, even if he was exhausted, and he had to squint in the flickering light of the oil lamp while sitting at the chest and shelves that served as a makeshift desk beside the empty bunks. At least the calm waters of the harbor made the lamp barely sway, for that he could be thankful.

Peering down at the musty pages of the book he had found in a shop a dozen ports ago, Killian tried to detangle the letters he had first encountered while learning mathematics.Though it was theoretically a primer, it presented sections from an ancient epic from a long gone world, passages that were frustratingly complex with not enough of the words glossed or the grammar satisfactorily explained. The cryptic marginalia of generations of learners past helped some, but barely. After months of looking for a primer in the language of the gods, Killian knew that he shouldn’t complain, but still, he planned to continue looking for a better one in every port they landed in. That of course required him ever having leave to explore a port on his own again. War would change all of that.

Killian didn’t turn around when footsteps thudded down the stairs, instead, he leaned forward over the book. It wasn’t until a shadow fell over his page did he look up to the young blonde man standing in between him and his light. Or rather, he was closer to swaying. Killian frowned. There was no mistaking the familiar scent of a tavern on the Ensign’s breath.

Ignoring his lieutenant’s obvious disapproval, the junior officer leaned forward, looking past Killian towards the book he had been studying. “What have you got there, Lieutenant?” he asked with a grin.

There would be no more studying tonight. Killian could see that. “Really none of your concern, Rolfe.” He got to his feet and sidestepped the other man to get to his own bunk. He tucked the book safely under his mattress.

“Don’t know why y’spend so much time with the books,” said Rolfe, sitting down where Killian had been a moment before. “Didn’t you get enough of that stuff at the Academy?”

“Can’t ever be done learning,” said Killian lightly, allowing the other officer to maintain his mistaken impression that he and Liam were duty-bound to encourage. It was easier, in a way, to allow everyone to believe that he and Liam had been trained and commissioned in the navy of their former kingdom, but had defected after their ship was wrecked. It required little explanation and prevented questions, not like the truth would. Revealing that he and Liam had been promoted for services rendered to the crown, as that would prompt inquires into what that service was, something that the crown couldn’t afford.

“You’re an odd one, Jones.”

“Lieutenant Jones,” corrected Killian. Though by birth and education, the taller officer was several classes above him, Killian couldn’t let Rolfe forget that here he outranked him. He couldn’t let any of the men forget, not if there was to be order. In the days and months to come - Killian hoped it didn’t come to years, but feared it might - order was what they all would need.

In complete breach of decorum, Rolfe laughed, “You know that attitude is exactly why the mates call you Lieutenant Killjoy.”

Killian stiffened, his fist clenching onto his blanket. “Your out of line, Officer,” he said through gritted teeth. “This sort of behavior is exactly why I don’t allow--”

“Didn’t bring any back,” interrupted Rolfe. “I’m not like the mates. I’m not stupid.”

Turning around to face Rolfe, Killian said, “They’re not stupid either.” Some simply underestimated just how serious he was about making sure his men stayed in line and behaved appropriately while on duty. A day or two off in port was enough to make them forget or hope that their lieutenant had changed his mind in the meantime.

“Go to The Masked Lady and then tell me that again,” joked Rolfe.

The lieutenant held no delusions as to what sort of behavior the sailors were up to in the taverns around the docks. But, he knew what they were capable of when completely sober, even if Rolfe chose to ignore it. “You’re not going to win any respect talking like that, especially when you’re not doing anything particularly different than them,” said Killian cooly.

The blush around the officer’s face deepened with anger. “Hardly fair, Jones.” Rolfe’s voice bristled with offense as he spoke. “You don’t see me spending my pay on some poxy dock whore.” He got to his feet and quickly closed the distance between them, so he could tower over Killian. “Take it back.” To keep his balance, Rolfe leaned forward, hand outstretched to support himself on the top bunk.

Killian’s bunk.

Once again, Killian could smell the drink on Rolfe’s hot breath. He could see the burning in Rolfe’s dark eyes. The other man seemed drunk enough to do something reckless. Killian wanted none of that. That had been the point of staying on the Jewel tonight.

Turning to the side not blocked by Rolfe’s hand, Killian said, “You’re too drunk, Officer. You really should have waited before coming back to the ship.” Killian walked swiftly to the door, not daring himself to look back at the Ensign until he had opened the door to the ladder. “I believe it would be best if we both forgot you came back here tonight.”

The other man had followed the lieutenant’s progress with his gaze, hand still resting on Killian’s bunk. He spoke not a word, but merely scowled at his coeval.

As Killian climbed up the ladder to the weatherdeck, he let the cool night air wash away the lingering annoyance from Rolfe’s interruption. Up on deck, Killian walked over towards the hatch above his brother’s cabin. Darkness. Killian paused. He hadn’t thought that it had been that late. “Liam,” he said, soft enough so he wouldn’t wake his brother if he were sleeping. The waves and the creaking of the ship were the only answer he got. Killian sighed and looked up at the familiar constellations in the summer sky. He doubted that he would have to wait very long until Rolfe succumbed to the somnolence of the alcohol. Until then, however, Killian had the stars.

***

“We should have never trusted him,” said David, pacing the length of formerly defunct war room. “I knew it was a terrible idea to go to him.”

The air of defeat had hung heavy about the three royals for hours. All during the climb upwards from the prison deep under the castle, silence had reigned. Neither guard, nor king, nor queen, nor crown princess was able to speak. Emma had watched her parents’ faces, seeing their faces turn from anger to worry, and then back to the heavy, grim-set lines of anger in her father’s case.

“You and I both know that there’s always this risk when it comes to the Dark One,” said said Snow White, looking up from one of the dozens of books the librarian had found for them that could possibly help them. They all knew there was only a dim hope that the faded pages of books about magic and history could be of aid to them now, but it was what Emma’s mother had chosen to cling to since emerging from the dungeons. “He always has his own agenda, his own plans.”

“Why did we even think that he would care?” The king didn’t seem to be listening to his wife. “He takes children. Why would he want to help us save them?”

“We had hoped he had changed,” answered Snow White.

“And indeed I have.”

The voice sent a shiver through Emma’s body. All three royals turned around, to see the Dark One leaning against a pillar, smirking at the distressed scene. No longer dressed in the rags that bore nearly two decades worth of grime, the Dark One wore a high collared jacket, fashioned from some kind of reptile’s skin.

The sound of her father drawing his sword drew her attention away from the Dark One. Her mouth went dry. She had only ever seen her father draw his sword for ceremonial purposes, never out of fear.

“All those years below the ground… well, that changes a man.”

“Why did you leave?”

All eyes in the war room turned to Emma.

The damage had already been done, Emma realized too late. A sick sensation crept over her, but she couldn’t hold back. Her fear was strong, her fury was stronger. She continued, trying not to let her voice waiver, “What could possibly be more important than stopping her?”

Instead of anger, amusement flashed across the Dark One’s face. “She’s got your tact, Charming,” he said.

“Why?” persisted Emma.

Unperturbed by the young woman’s rage, the Dark One strolled from the pillar towards her. “I had some rather important business I had to attend to,” he said calmly. “Business I have been waiting to finish longer than you have been alive, Princess.”

Emma could see her father and mother in the corner of her eye. Her mother had risen to her feet, her face pale and drawn. Her father was striding towards them, sword still out.

“So you went out and did errands while the lives of over a thousand children hangs in the balance,” hissed Emma. “What kind of a monster does that?”

The Dark One reached Emma before her father did. “The kind that needs to find a way to defeat the Queen.” Without even looking, the Dark One waved his hand. The clank and clatter of her father’s sword flying out of his hand echoed in the large room.

Emma didn’t flinch. Instead, she stared straight at the Dark One.

“So you’ve found a way,” said Snow White. She walked to join her husband, who stood behind Emma now.

“Yes, as a matter of fact.” He smirked proudly. “But it’s going to cost you.”

“You agreed to help us,” said Snow White desperately. “It’s there. In the contract. Emma show--”

“The deal was for me to find a way to defeat the Queen,” interrupted the Dark One. “I have. Our both ends of the deal have been upheld.”

Emma had never seen eyes shine as brightly as the Dark One’s.

“You can’t do this,” stammered Snow White.

“But I am.”

“But the children are--,” protested David.

“What’s the price?” Emma’s voice cut through the quarrelling, causing all the fall silent.

Beaming, the Dark One said, “Glad you asked, dearie, as it’s you who will pay the price.”

“That’s hardly fair,” said Snow White. “Don’t bring her into this.”

“But you brought her into this when you brought her to me.” With a shrug of his leather-clad shoulders, he continued, “Besides, it’s her life on the line, not yours. Isn’t that right?” He took a step closer to Emma. “You were born after the Evil Queen was banished to her new realm. You are the one who will die.”

Reluctantly, Emma nodded.

“Therefore, it’s only fair that you make the deal and you pay the price. I’m doing you a favor by saving your life.”

Emma knew she was trapped. “And what do you want from me? My first born?”

A giggle escaped the Dark One’s cracked lips. “No… that is all in the past for me. No, in exchange for my knowledge and aid so you can defeat the Evil Queen and save the lives of all the children in this realm and the next, and wherever else she has threatened, I want your hand in marriage to my first born.”

Silence returned to reign once again.

[dr-dendritic-trees]

Hi, if you don't mind could you explain what that means because I'm lost, also what trend where you talking about here: "me, being kicked out of school for plagiarism: um you’re not entitled to my emotional labor? find the sources yourself"

um, you’re not entitled to my emotional labour.

No, I’m joking, of course I will explain.

This is a joke about an exchange you might see rattling around tumblr, usually in regards to social justice topics. Someone will ask for an explanation of or clarification on a topic, or advice on how to handle something and they’ll just be told to “educate themselves”, and sometimes told directly that asking is demanding emotional labour of minorities.

(in case you’ve not run across the term, emotional labour originated in describing the extra emotional theatre service workers are expected to perform for customers, but nowdays gets used more broadly to demands for emotional support and processing and free domestic and similar labour which is disproportionately demanded of women and other minorities).

So the joke is about the differing epistemological standards between Tumblr, where that’s appropriate and academia, where you’d actually be punished because you are, quite legitimately, expected to back up your statements.

And the reason that I reblogged it specifically in the meanest way possible is that I do not like the concept of “just educate yourself”. I really, really do not.

This is an idea that comes from a lot of good places, which is what I’m going to start with. But it also gets used in a lot of ways I find at best deeply suspect and at worst fairly toxic, which is why I was reblogging the joke in my nastiest voice.

1. I do think that if you’re going to ask someone for advice directly the polite thing to do is to exhaust your own resources first. The idea that Dr. Google should be your first stop is a good one and I don’t want to bash on it.

2. A lot of this arises from people who get deluged with questions, often invasive, and often repeatedly exerting the right to take a break. AND THAT’S DEFINITELY AWESOME. No one should be compelled to do activism. When someone says “hey can you answer my question” unless you’re actually being paid to educate them, “no” is definitely an excellent and reasonable answer. And if someone tells you their not doing the question answering thing, the only polite option is to gracefully go ask someone else.

3. Some people get tremendously picky about how other people offer them free time and effort and the call to educate yourself comes, in part from people who’ve been offered summaries and curated reading lists and demanded, instead, private lessons. Which is just bloody rude.

BUT, even though “go away and educate yourself” is a totally reasonable idea in many circumstances, as I’ve listed, there are some really icky ways I see some of this getting used.

1. I find the idea that dropping an ask in someone’s open ask box is a “demand” very suspect. Its certainly a request, but there’s no force associated with it. If I’d decided not to answer this, for instance, I could simply delete it. If I kept getting too many asks I could even close my ask box, or turn off anon. You can’t compel me to answer your ask. You can’t punish me for not doing it. (I am perfectly happy to answer this, fyi). Now, the nature of Tumblr means that searching is very hard and its easy to end up deluged with the same basic question over and over. I’m not an education blog, I get few asks and I’ve still been asked what image captions are for 5-6 times. So I get that it can be very frustrating... but its still not a demand.

2. It often seems to carry the idea that finding information is a lot easier than it actually is. Really basic information can be readily googled. But there’s huge amounts of ideas I’ve encountered during fandom conversations, or just floating through tumblr threads, or on ask blogs that I have LITERALLY been unable to find via google, even after a good few hours looking, and that’s for information that I already know. I don’t think this is malicious a lot of the time. When you’re an expert its very easy to loose track of what is and isn’t easy to find for a non-expert. But its still pretty brutal to exhaust your google-skills, go ask something and be told in so many words to “just google it stupid”.

These two aren’t so bad, they’re mostly just a case of conflicting experiences and that happens. But.

3. Even though “go do it yourself” is a great thing to say if you’re looking to avoid activism (and I’ll reiterate I think that’s everyone’s right and you should never feel bad for saying ‘no I’m done/not doing this’ about activism, God knows I do it enough) I see it being used as activism instead. And it gives me a case of the nopes. Because the person who does the educating sets the curriculum. And when you say “go educate yourself” you’re rolling the dice on if the person who does educate them is on your side or not. Especially because it is virtually impossible to fact-check something you’re unfamiliar with. There’s also often a HUGE effort imbalance. Like, sure, it takes me some effort to dig up my “here’s why image captions are a thing” post. And it took me a bit of effort to write it in the first place, but It would probably take the asker a lot longer to google it all up. And that’s a pretty simple topic. I’ve asked activist friends for reading lists before and realistically getting 20-30min help from them has saved me probably 2-3 hours. And the information quality is better on top of that.

4. While this doesn’t happen a huge amount, I see this sometimes attached to very complex issues, or or topics where opinions are very diverse and then it, quite frankly, creeps me out a bit. Because when I see “just educate yourself omg” attached to a post with a strong opinion element, even though it might not be intentional, I cannot help but perceive an undercurrent of “if you were truly educated you’d agree with me” and “how dare you ask for sources, don’t question me, just shut up and do as I say”... and those... those are not good dynamics.

[asixtiesclassic]

tips on beginning a daily journaling practice

I have been steadily pouring out oceans worth of my trials, tribulations, and emotional encounters into countless (and now cleverly hidden) journals since I was in the third grade.  And yes, I too fell deeply in love with the fantasy of having my own secret diary, the holder of all too many failed romantic attempts of my middle school and high school years, because isn't that what diaries were meant to be?  Didn't we all grow up watching all the movies and TV shows with the teenage girls feverishly scribbling down their feelings and adorations to boys that (many times) never even glanced their ways?

I am happy to say that as I have aged, so has the purpose of my journaling.  While there is nothing wrong with allowing your journaling to constantly orbit around one singular topic (*cough**cough* your love life *cough) us women (or men, or whatever;) could be using this journaling platform for so much more than the simple task of writing the mundane events of our daily lives.  If you are someone who is looking to begin this creative journey through the written medium or if you are someone who is in desperate need of revamping your journaling hobby, this is the post for you.

Pick out a journal that speaks to your current state of mind

Unfortunately, just recently I lost my previous journal that I had been casually writing in for over the past three years.  So as sad as I am to see that those special intimate moments I had chosen to record are gone, I have decided to interpret it as a sign that I need to let go of those past experiences and allow myself to live in the present moment instead.  With that being said, my first tip is that when you decide to buy your first (or third, or tenth...) journal, browse all of your options until your eyes fall upon the one that calls to you. For me personally, my power color of the year of 2018 was scarlet, so when I found this Moleskine lined journal on sale, I immediately gravitated towards it.  Allowing your intuition to guide your creative expeditions will be both a satisfying and eye-opening start to your journaling experience.

Set your intentions

What do you want this journal to represent for you? Is this meant to be a secret space of release?  Is it a journal filled with poetry and illustrations? Is it a small keepsake you bring with you on your travels? All three combined? The beauty of journaling is that it can be absolutely anything you design it to be.  While this creative freedom is some writers dreams, it can also be a daunting challenge to many others (myself included). So I recommend that once you have acquired your journal, page through it, look through all the lines and spaces and think about how these bundled pieces of paper are going to serve to your creative eyes.

Buy a good pen

As the famous poet Horace put it, “The pen is the tongue of the mind”. And as I will now much less famously reiterate, a smooth flowing, smudge resistant, and stylish pen will inspire even the most blocked of writers.  Feel free to go out of the traditional box of regular black pens.  For my current journal, I purchased a Pigma Micron 01 Red pen, mostly for the fact that it matches the color of my cover, but also because I love the brand and thoroughly enjoy writing with it.  

Set apart time to write...sort of

Growing up I used to only write right before going to bed... which meant sloppy,  tired handwriting and usually the lack of motivation to write at all due to my sleepiness.  So now, even on my busiest days, I try to set away 15 minutes of my day to strictly journaling or creating.  The key, however, is that those 15 minutes can be during any time of the day. Sometimes that is breakfast with tea, sometimes that is in a cramped library when I need a break from taking notes, and sometimes that's on my bed at 11:59PM.  On those very late nights, when I’m exhausted and the very last thing I want to do is pick up my pen and write or draw, I remind myself...

Journaling is not meant to be a chore!  

If you're constantly forcing yourself to write, then you're doing it wrong.  Journaling is meant to be an act of release in an artistic and productive way.  There are too many studies for me to link down below that cite journaling as an effective stress reducer, mood booster, handwriting improver.  Making yourself write day after day when you are uninspired, however, can lead to stagnant thinking, and cause you to lose that spark that drew you to journaling in the first place.  Make it fun! Like I mentioned before, journaling does not need to consist strictly of writing.  Feel free to draw, sketch, paint, collage, and more to make it into an interactive piece of at that you truly enjoy putting together.

As a final quick review, journaling is for everyone and can be crafted into anything your creative eye can envision.  In a world where it seems half of us are either buried in our phones or coddled by the endless other temptations of shallow technological entertainment, I applaud those of us who have found the strength

to take a step back

to disconnect

& to fearlessly create in a time where it sometimes feels like it has all already been done.

Pick up the pen and the rest will follow through.

If you've made it this far I thank you for your time and ask that you say a kind thing about yourself because you are worthy.