#reisaval writes

[reisaval]

things left unsaid

A JhinHwei collection of poems and letters from Hwei's perspective, after the events at Koyehn.

Read the third entry here.

[reisaval]

Relics and Ruins

I've just published the first chapter of my own original fiction on AO3, entitled Relics and Ruins. This story follows a fighter by the name of Mica, who wakes up in a strange land and must learn the ways of this place before they find themself completely lost.

Read the first chapter here.

[reisaval]

Redemption Is A Bitch (but we're dead anyways)

An Angel Dust and ____ (revealed by chapter 2) centric fic set after the extermination, a few months post-canon! Two wayward souls find themselves having more in common than they might think, and both of them want to redeem themselves. In order to do that, they might just have to leave their differences aside and forge an unlikely friendship, after all, they're both in Hell for a reason, right?

Read the first chapter here!

[reisaval]

Pocky and Popcorn

A little bit of Heartsteel EzKayn fluff for Valentine's Day, where Ez just wants to surprise his boyfriend!

Read here!

[reisaval]

things left unsaid

A JhinHwei collection of poems and letters from Hwei's perspective, after the events at Koyehn.

Read the fifth entry here.

[reisaval]

Redemption Is A Bitch (but we're dead anyways)

An Angel Dust and Adam centric fic set after the extermination, a few months post-canon! Two wayward souls find themselves having more in common than they might think, and both of them want to redeem themselves. In order to do that, they might just have to leave their differences aside and forge an unlikely friendship, after all, they're both in Hell for a reason, right?

Read the second chapter here!

This chapter omg, I've been so excited to reveal our newest hotel guest!! Enjoy!

[reisaval]

things left unsaid

A JhinHwei collection of poems and letters from Hwei's perspective, after the events at Koyehn.

Read the fourth entry here.

[reisaval]

I own things that no one can wear anymore.

The sweater that feels like destiny. ⚔️

The t-shirt for the catboy vibes. 💚

The loud jacket for a gambler. 🎲

It's all changed so much in such a short time.

An overseer gone under the rubble. ⚙️

A carousel spun too far to recover. 🎠

Coloring books gathering dust because no one wants to play. 🌈

But there are new things now, gotten at the store that smells like incense and hope.

A band t-shirt for a scene kid. 💋

A dress for a quiet doll. 💙

A cute top for a social media queen. 💎

A long sleeve shirt with a sunflower on it. ❤️

I am still searching for more, for the tortured artist, for the sparky explorer, for the guy who likes burgers, for the caged spider.

Soon they will all be able to find comfort.

[reisaval]

I write all these words on here and laugh at myself.

It's ridiculous, I said I wanted to be more separated and less personal.

But I need to let my art out, and it is all of me in the purest form.

It's for me. It's all for me.

And gods, do I love what I can see in my smile now.

[reisaval]

things left unsaid

A JhinHwei collection of poems and letters from Hwei's perspective, after the events at Koyehn.

Read the second entry here.

[reisaval]

The moon is far away, and yet I look for her light to return each night. I cannot touch her, simply see her drifting along in this vast expanse just as I do. Her path seems quite clear, but perhaps to her it isn't, and my path is the one she finds to make sense. We may never know, but our paths cross often, and I'd quite like to keep it that way.

My camera can't capture her in all her beauty, yet the light she gives is enough for me to smile and remember what I've seen.

[reisaval]

I used to build castles.

I would decorate the walls, make the dungeons below, craft beautiful doors with gates to keep undesirables out, and the center spaces would never be decorated as I couldn't figure out what to put there. But keeping others out was never the point. I wanted to keep myself in, to stay somewhere familiar and where I thought safe. I didn't like the plains outside, there were too many unknowns and too much fear lurking just past my field of view. I'd build lighthouses too, saying it was so others could find their way, but it was always just to light the area so that I could feel a little safer.

One day, all of the walls crumbled, and I was left in a pile of rubble. I wanted to stay there, I had started to pick up the bricks and attempt to set them back up, but they wouldn't stay, too damaged to be pressed back together and form a structure around me.

I decided to move on from the castle. I walked away from the lighthouse. I looked into the distance and found the stars, and blindly stumbled towards them in the night, tripping over fallen branches in the forests or falling into shallow pitfalls in the desert. I didn't know where they would lead, I just knew I had to follow the stars. Morning came, and the world blossomed in light, illuminating the fields of flowers welcoming me and my bees into their midst. A haven for the lost. A home for those without. It was sweeter than anything I'd ever tasted.

And I will keep moving, for there are other flowers to see, and there are more stars to chase.

[reisaval]

A friend recently told me a quote from Ernest Hemingway - "There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed."

I feel much the same, and oh, I am bleeding.

I am bleeding so much that it pools in my shoes each day as I step outside to water the flowers.

It collects against my pillowcase at night while I try to sleep.

It sticks in my cats fur as he purrs against me.

It's showing no signs of stopping, and so I direct it into these words, these things I write.

Perhaps these words will staunch the flow eventually, but for now...

Let me bleed.

[reisaval]

things left unsaid

A JhinHwei collection of poems and letters from Hwei's perspective, after the events at Koyehn.

Read the first entry here.

[reisaval]

It's like a disease.

The way someone can fall into the traps set so easily, to need that external validation constantly, craving it, carnally needing it. I was an addict. Always needing more, more, more, more praise, more... Something. I wanted to feel so deeply, but nothing was getting through. It was a disease. Transactions were my way to get these things, putting surface level things into the world and farming likes, comments, shares. Needing people to find me useful, ever searching for more I could do. More posts, more engagement, farming the algorithms until my fingers turned blue and my eyes sunk deeper into my skull. I couldn't even breathe, but it was all I thought I had. You can't see straight when you're caught in the weeds, under the surface and the waves keep crashing over your head, obscuring the hand that is reaching for you, calling your name, trying to pull you out, but all you can focus on is that next breath of air.

You have to break the cycle.

Miss that breath. Still yourself. Really look.

Except that hand has given up by now, so you must reach down and pull yourself from the weeds, biting and clawing and ripping at them until you free yourself.

You stop drowning.

You see the sun.

Oh, how I've missed the flowers.

[reisaval]

Being reborn is a harrowing process.

You must strip away all that you are to the bone, peeling back the flesh which has long since rotted anyways, and truly find your inner self. The skin holds scars that you can't even truly comprehend, deep into the muscles and nerves laying beneath, and flaying it away draws those back up to the surface for all to see. The process isn't easy, and once you find yourself as a skeleton of what once was, only then can you begin to heal. The bones below still hold scars of their own, but they're not festering any longer, they're exposed, the sunlight and air reaching them and allowing them to breathe and sprout new life from them, the old wounds giving way to let the plants take over, molding a new form to forever grow and change, shielding those scars from the rot and decay that threatens each of us daily. There may be times when you are still damaged again, but the plants you've now let in will grow over, ever changing, always filling your life with beauty. Soon enough you will sprout flowers, and welcome the bees with open arms, allowing them to create honey from everything that you ever feared, and oh, it will taste so sweet.