#regular shit that my Trauma Brain Responses are turning into BAD SCARY BAD BAD SCARY even though it /isn't/ and we are /fine./

[corset]

Bro I hate my PTSD!!!! What is going ON!!!

[hiswhiteknight]

Fighting with Fire – Part 3

Summary:  The Reader is friends with Erin Reagan, but absolutely hates one of her brother’s. After meeting Erin for a case, Reader meets Erin’s youngest brother. But due to her hatred of a certain Reagan, the Reader isn’t necessarily warm towards the youngest Reagan.

Pairing: Jamie Reagan X Fire Fighter Reader

Words: 1700

Warning: This chapter focuses around learning attack strategy, please be cautious if this can be difficult. I recommend watching Chelsea Kyann tutorials about self-defense. Also some cursing, eventual angst, eventual fluff

As much as it displeased you, it was nice to have a male volunteer. It was usually one of your brothers or one of the guys from the station. Usually they are pretty distracting for the ladies at first, but it was able to show them potential real-life scenarios. However, it did feel strange bossing a Reagan around. Eddie, Jamie, and a friend who was a fighting instructor for jujitsu named Chloe.

Chloe walked up to you, leaning in, “Well this is new, what a snack.”

You and her watched Eddie and Jamie chatted with a few regulars. You could tell it meant a lot to them both to build rapport with the community. It felt strange to not see a Reagan male not take up so much space and give off an ego, testosterone driven vibe. If his brother were in this space, he would show the woman he is a strong powerful male, who will protect and avenge their justice. Jamie vibe was a bit different and you couldn’t necessarily map it, which bothered the shit of you. Acknowledging Chloe’s statement, you made a vomiting sound in your mouth, “Get your mind out of the gutter.”

She looked at you strangely, straightening up and turning to look directly at you, “Something weird is going on.” She looked at you closer, Chloe had a psychology degree and loves to add her own analyses to things. Usually she only uses it to counselor some women after a bad trigger or if they want to open about a past trauma. Before she can pick your brain or poke you, you clap your hands heading towards the crew.

This caught Jamie’s reaction, as you ignored the mischievous look your friend is giving from behind you. He turned his body to face you, “What do you need boss?”

You shook you head, “Don’t call me that,” you point at him. You spend the time to give the group of women a greeting before directing instructions towards the pair, “So Eddie, I’d love for you to help pair women up and volunteer to be someone’s partner. Chloe usually floats because she is the true expert when it comes to fighting techniques.”

“Sounds great,” Eddie nodded.

Clearing your throat, you look at Jamie, “I don’t think I have to tell you, but most women in these classes had some bad experience with a man.” He nodded his head slightly, still listening, “I don’t let men come to this particular class to learn for a reason. Though usually a guy plays an especially important role in this class.”

Jamie looked excited, rubbing his hands together, “What is it?”

“My dummy,” you smirk. Eddie chuckled into her hand, trying to make it sound like a cough. You took a second to think about your feelings, a glow of satisfaction to be able to kick the crap of a Reagan and nervousness, though you couldn’t pin point why, “That’s not a problem is it?”

He shook his head, “Use me any way you need,” he tried not to smirk.

You look him up and down, looking unamused by his comment, “Stay hydrated, I don’t need you passing out,” you said walking away to prep your resources and workspace.

Eddie tapped him on the chest, “Real smooth Romeo.”

He looked down at her, before glancing back towards you, “I think I got a chance.”

Straightening up to look at him directly, she wore an amused look at her face, “That woman is going to eat you alive.”

 You had all the women pair up and explained the boundaries and expectations of the class, like not pushing themselves and taking a break if they feel overwhelmed or exhausted. It’s a rousing speech about the realities of being a woman and how to be a community. You introduced your volunteers before instructing each of them to discuss their comfortability level with their partners, as well a little about themselves. This gave you time to look at Jamie to explain some of the movies and what he should do, “You got to make it real,” you say to him. “Don’t be gentle, don’t hold back, the best these women can learn is if they see what it’ll possibly look like in real life if it happens.”

“If I were to hold back, it would be because I know you can kick my ass,” he whispered down to you, “But I get your point.” He looked around to the women talking, “You did quite a thing here, I wish we had a program like this.”

You blinked a few times, looking taken back. You never anticipated hearing something nice from a Reagan, well at least a young Reagan, “Thank you.” You instructed the women to wrap it up to start the officially lesson.

Jamie noticed how you got flustered after his compliment. He decided to break whatever tension you were feeling, “Should we have like a safe word?”

You smirk, not looking at him, “Just tap out Reagan, give me a few taps.”

 You hated to say it, but Jamie was a great asset. As you taught the class about getting attacked in different scenarios, from the front, the back, with a weapon, etc, he was patient with you tossing him around and hurting him in various ways. He and Eddie were able to add some insight from the police perspective. And he was extremely good at complimenting and empowering the woman. Honestly, outside of enjoying beating up on a Reagan, he was a great member of the team.

This was the last exercise of the day, where the attack gets them on the ground. This was the first time Jamie seemed hesitant, “Well let’s go dummy,” a few woman chuckle.

Taking a deep breath, Jamie gets on top of you and you start your instructions, like how to use your legs, how to protect your body, different ways to use your own weight as your weapon. Your favorite instruction dealt with using the attacker’s shirt as your weapon. It didn’t have to do with as much strength as it was strategy. Jamie rapidly tap at your waist, you let go and bounced up before instructing the pairs to try. Jamie finally caught his breath stepping up to you, “I wish Danny knew who scary you were.”

You let a laugh leave your mouth while watching some pairs. You give him one more smile before walking away to give some individual tips.

 After some talking with some of the students and cleaning up, Chloe and Eddie were talking about the next lesson when Jamie approached you, “This was really great, I hope you keep me in mind to help even if I’m a Reagan.”

You look away from the brochures in your hands, “The jury is still out on you, but I’m getting a vibe you are different from your brothers.” You put rest of the stuff in your resource box, “Thank you for your help, you are always welcomed.” Jamie was about to say something, “But don’t think for a second I’m letting my guard down, this might be a ploy from Danny about getting in my head. I’ve got my eyes on you and him.”

He put up his hands defensively, “If that was ever a plan, I would never start something with you after what I learned today.”

You jabbed at him, “And that is just the tip of the iceberg there sparky, spread the word don’t mess with Y/N Y/L/N.”

Shaking his head, fighting this feeling on intrigue he has about you, “I will definitely spread the word of your power to all who can hear, mainly Danny.” You smirk holding your box, waving to Chloe as she headed out, “Look Eddie and I are grabbing a beer, would you want to join us?”

Eddie was casually looking at you both from the stairs. You were taken back for a second, “Oh, I’m sorry. I just got done working a 48-hour shift, I’m dead on my feet. But thank you, like for everything.”

“My pleasure, really and maybe next time,” he started to walk you towards the entrance, meeting up with Eddie, “You wouldn’t want to walk us to our car, would you,” he joked at you.

You genuinely laughed, shaking your head. You plopped your box in you back seat before looking at him. Eddie tried to stop her scoff of his response. He surprised you differently from any other Reagan including his sister and father, “I don’t believe that in necessary, I felt all that muscle you got underneath there,” you point towards his clothing. “Plus, you’ve got Eddie I know she saves you all the time from humiliation, attackers, etc.”

“She’s got that right,” she pointed at you, “Bye Y/N.”

Jamie started to walk backwards in the direction of Eddie, “I’ll see you later Y/N.”

“Take your time,” you smile back at him, “I’ve had my monthly fill of Reagan males.”

You got in your car, starting it up, and driving off. Something was different and you didn’t take the time to acknowledge your physical attraction to the younger Reagan. It was easy to distract your thoughts when teaching self-defense, but now all you could think about was Jamie’s body and how it felt around you.

 Eddie teased Jamie some more about the interaction between the two of you, “Hey man, you’re making waves. This time she didn’t show her teeth and she acknowledged your assets,” she gestured to his body.

He rolled his eyes, “Shut up.” He drank some of his beer, “I’m not crazy right, you see the chemistry?”

“Oh no, you’re crazy,” she commented. “But I do like to watch you try to be charming and epically get torn apart by her,” she added.

He shook his head thinking about you, you had a good feeling and it had nothing to do with hate, “Whatever, I am charming.”

Eddie scoffed before getting distracted by a game on a tv.

Taglist: @screeching-student-unknown

[jenneferofjengaberg]

Supernatural 4x11 “Family Remains” Rewatch

A standard cold open. A dude is murdered by a scary looking girl in a locked room. MOTW episode then.

Dean is working instead of endlessly discussing a soul-shattering trauma that can never be forgotten or fixed. This always seemed like a healthy coping method to me, but wth do I know.

Oh yes, finally the Supernatural/Toy Story crossover we’ve all been waiting for, where Sam and Dean finally gank Sid and stop his reign of plastic terror:

A quarrelsome American family shows up to look at their new house. The uncle is a stock level douchebag without even opening his mouth.

The boys warn them off with some very sketch “county code enforcement” nonsense. Oh, you’ll give them a fine, Dean? Terrifying.

This episode is another one with Stephen King vibes, especially the cleaning lady that they interview. She’s got a real Dolores Claiborne thing going on.

There’s something wrong with this family. They all seem to referencing some recent bad times and hoping, but not really believing, that moving will somehow fix all their problems. Yikes.

I knew it! This is a Supernatural/Toy Story crossover! Andy is dead?!

The daughter gets her hand licked by…NOT a dog, and all hell breaks loose. There are accusations of molestation, a middle of the night county code enforcement visit, and the lights suddenly go out.

It’s been like ten minutes and Dean and Sam still have not explained that they are not “county code enforcement”. All while doing shit like screaming about their stolen guns, saying terrifying nonsense like “this ghost is hunting us”, and pouring rock salt all over the house. This family must be so confused lmao.

This is why that “we have to burn ALL the remains” thing was always a huge plot hole. Your average person leaves a whole lot of “remains” around, if remains are classified as “genetic material belonging to that person”. If so, it should technically be nearly impossible to destroy any ghost. I guess when my hairbrush ends up in a landfill somewhere it’ll be keeping my ass on this earth until kingdom come.

Of course, it’s not a ghost. It’s just a regular fucked up human being, which on Supernatural means it’s going to be about 40 times as traumatic as any regular monster episode. This checks out, tbh.

This scene with Dean and Unfun Uncle Buck crawling around inside the walls is so dark, I can’t see shit. I get atmosphere, but if you can’t actually see anything at all, it takes away the suspense and just feels confusing and annoying.

Dean rarely looks afraid of actual ghosts or monsters, but when on cases involving humans (eg. The Benders), he sometimes does, which is really interesting from a character standpoint.

While he delivers the bad news to the rest of the family that Uncle Ted is dead, you can just tell that Dean is adding this to the long list of horrible shit he’s personally responsible for. He uses a lot of “I” statements. “I had to carry him out”, “I couldn’t get to him in time”, and “I shouldn’t have left him alone”. There’s literally no need to say that stuff, it’s not even entirely accurate, he’s just torturing himself out loud.

This is obviously a Dean centered episode, but Sam is like, barely in this episode. He just sort of stands in the background of every scene looking very serious.

We finally find out that Andy was brutally murdered by his Buzz Lightyear action figure after it was possessed by the ghost of Sid’s little sister, Sid’s first human victim. Ha ha, just kidding, Andy died in a car accident.

Sam and Dean finally confront the very unpleasant elephant in the room. The girl who’s been trying to kill them is the result of some kind of horrifying father daughter incest/rape situation, and she’s been locked up in the walls of the house for her entire life. I have feelings about turning a trauma victim into a literal monster for a Supernatural episode, but it’s kind of par for the course with this show.

Dean says he can’t blame her for killing her captor, which like, yeah, obviously, but Sam is like “I’m sure her life was hell but that doesn’t mean she gets a free pass for a murder spree”. Uh? What? That’s not even what this is. From her point of view, she’s defending herself and the only home she’s ever known from people who must feel like very real threats to her. She needs intensive psychiatric care, not judgement.

It’s too dark to see anything again. The Winchesters really need to invest in some night-vision goggles.

Plot twist: turns out there’s two of these poor children. Dean kills the brother. It’s clearly self-defense, he was moments away from being stabbed, but it still feels kind of icky. Why did they write this episode?

The dad kills the girl. *sigh*

Dean talking about how he relates to these dead, tortured children is just...How he’s “worse” than they are because Hell dealt him so much pain and torture that when he got a chance to deal it out himself, he liked it. There’s actually some good stuff in here about how trauma changes you as a person (it literally rewires your brain) and about “good victims” and “bad victims”, but I’m not sure it would come through enough to your average uninformed viewer to justify the framing of two trauma survivors as monsters that had to be hunted. I feel like a better version of this story could make the same points while “saving” at least one of the lost children.