#ref: lale x raleigh

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@erstwhles

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Lale's eyes moved to Raleigh at his question about his journey to getting the Stanley Cup. Her mouth had opened to either apologize or explain, but it was Lily that piped in, "Well only the beginning. but Momma said you were going to finish it for me one day." Swallowing Lale nodded, throat dry, "I'm sure he will, but that doesn't have to be tonight though." It was Raleigh that got their daughter's mind off of begging for him to tell her the 'rest of' that story. "I love telling stories!" "Mmhm, you're even better at it than me." "But you have to lay down for a bedtime story, Daddy, that's the rules."

There was no arguing with Lily as she carefully extricated herself from the position she'd settled into. Lale popped up, holding the wires so Lily could do so seamlessly, and settled right back into her chair before Lily could lay down. Still, the little girl hadn't fully settled; alert and watching Raleigh with amazement and amusement until his chair was next to her bed and he seemed ready. Even then, she wouldn't start as her small hand reached over the edge of the bed for his. "Once upon a time, that's how all the bestest ones start, there was a little girl lost in a magical land with magical glittery snow. She was sad because she was so far away from home. It's scary meeting new people and she keeps walking, waiting for a nice friend to tell her how to get home." "Lily," Lale tried to interrupt, her heart racing because this wasn't a story her daughter was making up as she went. "Then she saw the handsome prince, Pucky! But that's spoiling... he wasn't dressed like a prince at all. He was in big silly clothes and moved like a knight." Lily held up her bear, tugging on his jersey onesie. "Swish swish, he's lightning fast and big and strong." Lily giggled at her own silly voices, before yawning again. "You finish it momma."

Lale chewed on her bottom lip and shook her head. "Daddy asked you to tell him a story." Lily didn't even turn her head, still watching Raleigh, but Lale felt like she was dying of embarrassment. She couldn't help but wonder if this man thought she was some obsessed stalker talking to their daughter about him all the time, when really it just felt easier to talk about some things in a dreamy what-if sort of sense; like she could heal her own hurt with Disney happy endings on the greatest loss of her life. "Pucky showed her how to go fast on the ice and hit her with the magic glitter snow so she could be strong and brave like him. Momma tells that part best, but..." "Lily." "What?" They both yawned and Lily's nose scrunched as she tried to remember the order of events. It was obvious she was moments from falling asleep when she tried to continue, her soft voice hardly above a whisper so that Lale was reading her lips, "She was too far to go home but isn't sad anymore because she learned home is people not places. Prince Pucky is peoples number one, but he makes her a princess so she can have a place to live happily ever after with him as he captains the next adventures fighting krakens and sharks and panthers."

It is too much—Lily clinging onto his shoulder and calling him Daddy, the nurse looking at him like he belongs here, the ease in which mother and daughter interact, making it all the more clear that he is completely out of his element. If Lily wasn't currently clinging to his neck, he would be tempted to excuse himself for a chance to gather his thoughts. Though he meant what was said in the family room, Raleigh hadn't considered falling so deeply into the role of co-parent right away. The last memories he has of his own family don't inspire much confidence as far as how to be a parent. He has no desire to look upon his own child the way his father looked at him, and with the excitement in Lily's eyes, how could he? She is warm and bright and though he is clueless as to how to act, she doesn't seem to be holding any grudges, so he holds her against his chest, hoping some of her optimism manages to rub off on him.

"The big cup adventure?" His brow narrows as he looks down at the way her little hand grips his fingers. From the corner of the bed, the bright gold of Pucky's onesie jumps into his line of sight, and Raleigh looks to Lale in recognition. When they first met, Lily made her allegiance to the Bruins clear, but he hadn't realized just how much their daughter knew or how much he existed in Lily's mind. "You know about that one, hm?" The feeling that rises as a result of that piece of information is confusing, drawing his eyes down to the hospital bed while he listens to the rest of the conversation. "No, I'm not a very good singer." He says finally, lips pulling into a bare smile. "I'd like to hear one of your stories. I don't think I've heard it before. I can tell you one after, if you're still awake."

[writermuses]

@erstwhles

[writermuses]

@erstwhles

[writermuses]

@erstwhles

[writermuses]

[ 𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐇 ] ― sender helps clean receiver after a long day / stressful situation / for lale from raleigh? i just know they were cute before everything fell apart

"That was so much- no, the most fun, I've ever had!" Lale grinned, still breathless from running around the arena. She immediately rushed toward him, wrapping her arms around his waist but pausing before she kissed him. Their paint-soaked clothes clung to each other and there was a streak of electric blue on his bottom lip. Screw it, she thought, standing on her toes and pressing her lips to his. It was hardly a kiss, Lale grinning and giggling too much at the state they were in. As the adrenaline started to wear off she could feel the sting where the paintballs had hit outside of the armor and for once she felt empowered rather than mortified by the pain of the prospect of color left behind. In fact, she could only laugh harder as she stepped away from him, her hands brushing down his paint-streaked arms with her own paint-streaked hands. Then, her laughter was swallowed up. "I know you said there were showers and to bring a change of clothes, but is it in my hair? They'll never let me in the house if they know." Lale swallowed at the sudden dryness in her throat, terrified of the wrath of her mother and stepfather. She'd already learned the hard way that her stepbrothers would go straight to them if she was caught sneaking in or out.

"We should clean up before it can totally dry, right?" Lale was putting her foot down on her fears, not letting thoughts of them ruin their date. Her fingers found Raleigh's and she grinned, tugging him toward the lockers they were told to store their property in. No one paid them any mind beyond a few compliments at Raleigh's aim and stamina. Lale was always very shy around people, everyone quick to judge her for the slight muddiness to her speech or the way she made herself as small as possible like that would help her become invisible. The thing was, she was never like that around Raleigh. It was easier here where she now had the CI for her left ear, though she hadn't initially wanted it, and the hearing aid for her right. Taking them both off and putting them in the bag after quick inspection they were paint-free, Lale smiled at him and took his hand, leading Raleigh toward the showers. She couldn't hear without them, though her right ear could tell sound was occurring, she was completely reliant on reading lips.

"This is nicer than I expect." Lale opened the door to the first private shower with it's door marked as available. There was a small benched space before a second, frosted glass door into the actual shower where a person could set their things and dress. Her fingers went to the zipper of the jumper, pulling it down, trails of slow-drying paint coloring her neck, sternum, and down her breasts. She let the suit hand at her hips, watching Raleigh as she reached behind her back and pulled at the strings of her bikini top. "Are you going to watch me shower or are you coming in with me?"

From the Five Senses meme for @erstwhles

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📸 / Lale for Ral

From this ask meme

The fact that she has no friends, just library co-workers, and no one knows who Lily's dad is but also people don't ask makes this one really hurt! I do think that she was too broke to have a decent phone when they were together, meaning she really doesn't have any pictures of them together in their youth. I've included the picture she gave Lily of Lale with "Daddy", that Lily keeps next to her bed (and yes, it's with her in the hospital) and the first picture Lale takes of Ral out with Lily. Obviously, I'm rooting for him to forgive her so that they can have a lot of pictures together 😭 🤌🏼

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"Am I being impatient?" Lale teased knowing she probably was. Backing into the shower, her muffled laughter could easily be heard despite the echo of water on tile. Raleigh was really the only person she was comfortable speaking with when she wasn't wearing her Cochlear Implant. The lack of speech therapy after her CI surgery and both of her parents not letting her use ASL meant that she almost always wrote when she took it off. As the warm water poured over her curves, she wiggled her toes and watched the swirls of color spiral down the drain. It wasn't until she closed her eyes and leaned her head back, running her fingers through her long hair that she remembered that thought about just how dangerous this could be for her, deaf and showering in a public place. Her eyes shot open as her pulse spiked but the door was closed and she could see Raleigh's silhouette through the distorted glass. Poking her head out she put a smile on despite her moment of panic. "In the side pocket of my bag, there's a little bottle, can you pass it to me." The travel sized body wash was her usual scent of plum and freesia, soft and feminine; and while she wanted to smell nice her brain went momentarily blank staring at her boyfriend. "The... um... the paint's coming off super easily."

continued (lale + raleigh) / @writermuses

In an afternoon full of laughter and mess, nothing can compare to the look in Lale's eyes. His heart is still drumming in his chest from both effort and fondness as his eyes land on her. With the paint streaked over his hands and his clothes, he is careful not to add to the artwork already covering her, which is harder to do as she kisses him and all he wants is to pull her closer. "None that I can see," he says, pulling away enough to give her hair a quick onceover. "I'll take a good look before we leave. I'd check now, but I don't want to get anything in your hair," he says, lifting his brow and his hands covered in paint. It doesn't take much to note the fear in her expression: a look that elicits as much anger as it does sadness, but just as quickly as the feelings settle, he is shaking his head. None of that gets to touch what has otherwise been a perfect date.

Only when they reach the showers does he release her hand in favor of opening his bag to make sure their clothes are easily accessible. By the time he looks back, Lale is only half-dressed and even from behind, he takes a moment to appreciate the paint dripping down the curve of her neck. Without her CI or hearing aid, he merely steps forward and lets his hands land on her hips, just above where the jumpsuit ends, and leans forward to press a kiss to the base of her neck. Then, still without saying anything, he gently pulls her hands to turn her around before beginning to undo the zipper of his own jumper. "Impatient. Give me a minute," he says, leaning down to pull the suit the rest of the way off before beginning to work on his own clothes. "You can start."

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Lily’s small hand reached out and cupped her father’s face. She giggled at the unfamiliar texture under her soft skin. “Daddy’s prickly and tickly, Momma.” Her fingertips wiggled over Raleigh’s five o’clock shadow and she continued to laugh a little louder before it melted into a yawn. The nurse had brought the other reclining chair and quietly told Lily to not get too loud, but she gave their little girl a wink before walking away. That was a thing here, finding the balance between letting the kids be kids, free to enjoy whatever parts of their childhood weren’t being taken away while still treating this like a place of rest and healing. “Are you still sleepy? Why don’t you try to get some more sleep before the surgery?”

Though she'd never been a fussy baby or a difficult child, Lily seemed to have bottled up all her little rebellions now. Her hand that had been touching Raleigh's face now held his arm and she buried her face in his neck. "No. I want a story." Lale doubted that, but the way that Raleigh was looking at her- or rather not, had her concerned that this was too much or that she was intruding on their time together. Either way, she wasn't sure what to do about it, retreating to her own chair and lining it up next to Lily's bed before pushing on the arrows that adjusted how far back it leaned or lifted the bast for her legs. "What kind of story do you want?" She patted the bed and pillows, trying to lure Lily back to a sleeping position. While she didn't push back again, Lily did slowly make her way back, though her small hand took Raleigh's or at least tried but led to her small fingers clinging to just one of his and refused to let go. "Daddy, can you tell me about the big cup adventure?"

The nurse had left a pillow and blanket folded on Raleigh's chair, otherwise Lale would have used it as an excuse to go grab one for him. Instead, Lale did her best to smile as she shook her head, laying on her side and watching them before falling on her back and staring at the tiled ceiling. "You already know how it started and you know it's a long story. Maybe we should do stories another time?" "What about the ice dancing story?" Lale buried her face in her hands, unsure if she was embarrassed or just terrified to look at Raleigh as their daughter was clearly asking for bits of their past. "How about a song?" "Daddy do you sing too?"

Lale had warned of their daughter's excitement, but Raleigh hadn't understood just what that meant until Lily surged forward, throwing her arms around his neck and talking to him as if they have been in each others' lives since the beginning. Briefly, he lets himself wonder what life would be like if that were the case, but the thought only results in more anger, and right now, he has plenty of that. As she curls on his lap, his eyes widen, arms still stiff even as they wrap around her. "I--" His heart thumps, uncertainty and nerves getting the best of him as he tries to think of anything to say. Nothing feels right, and all he can do is hope that time will make this part easy, though fondness is already swelling in his chest. "I came back," he says eventually, letting his cheek rest atop her hair.

Home. For a long time, Raleigh wasn't sure where that was, and as his eyes meet Lale's with the same anger behind his gaze, he knows that this isn't it. The little girl in his arms, however...

As the nurse double checks Lily's vitals and reviews the plan for surgery the following morning, he feels a familiar numbness run through his veins. Lily, so small and strong in his arms, is set to undergo major surgery and additional treatment to counter her condition. This is the first time he has ever held her and he only gets to do so for a few hours before she has to go. "I'll probably have more questions tomorrow before everything happens, but not now. Thank you," he says, looking back at Lily. In fact the only one that he hasn't properly looked at since settling behind the curtain is Lale, but if he was upset before, meeting Lily and seeing firsthand everything that he missed makes his anger even more potent.

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Lily was an amazing and amusing little thing, forever surprising Lale and her doctors with her joie de vivre. In one moment she was sleepy and fussy, the next her bright eyes were wide open. Like a fairy, too small to handle a plethora of feelings at once, her expression changed from shock to glee to elated tears. Lale could hardly stop their daughter when she sat up quickly and climbed right into Raleigh's lap. While Lily's little arms wrapped around his muscled shoulders, Lale was just as quickly reacting, making sure the cables didn't tug on her hands or tangle in the process. It was a task she'd mastered in their time in the hospital and Lale was glad that despite her exhaustion her reaction time hadn't been delayed. For the briefest moment Lale thought that Lily's crying was because she'd hurt herself, that the movement had caused pressure on the painful protrusion of her cancerous kidney, then she heard her. "Daddy, you came back. You're home. I missed you so much, Daddy."

While her own eyes were starting to fill with tears, Lale managed to take out her phone and silently capture a few pictures before either of them had looked her way. She wanted to hug them both, she wanted to apologize, she wanted him. That reality had her sniffling and turning away. No one had ever nor could they ever fill the void she'd created when she ran away. It wasn't simply that she hadn't broken up with him and neither was given closure, it was that Lale still loved him for all of the same reasons. He'd been a gentleman through and through, passionate with his craft and with her, and loyal. That loyalty, she hoped, he'd bestow on their daughter. It was Lale's confidence that Raleigh would have even before she was born that made her run, taking away his ability to decide to give up on his career for a family. Her right hand wrapped around the necklace she always wore, the one he'd given her for their first anniversary and her thumb rubbed at the underside of her ring finger where a small, faded tattoo of an 'R' and 'L' were inked into a 71. When Raleigh's eyes locked on hers all she could do was mouth, "I'm so sorry."

By the time the curtain was quietly pulled down, Lily's breathing had evened out, but she was still clinging to Raleigh like he'd disappear at the stroke of midnight. The nurse looked between the three of them concerned. "We're okay. She's fine, we're just very happy," She paused and swallowed but before she could backtrack, Lily ran over her words. "Happy daddy's here. We waited and wished and POOF!" But only one hand went up for Lily's razzle dazzle of magic, the other still wrapped around his neck, a tiny fist clinging to his shirt. The nurse wasn't bothered by that, running her checks and letting them know that in four hours the surgical team would check in pre-op and then nurses would come in with final meds before the surgery at six in the morning before asking if they had any questions.

With his phone tucked in his pocket and enough of the next day mapped out, Raleigh's steps are more energized until they round the familiar corner and the same curtain comes into view. Sitting in the family room, he had been so sure of his decision, but as he walks behind Lale and pauses just inside the makeshift room, it starts to feel that much more real. The truth remains: he has no idea how to begin being a father.

Lale approaches her daughter with practiced ease, her hand coming out to rub Lily's back in comfort. All he can do is stand there as he watches the display and an important distinction registers. He is her father, not her dad. That is a role that is going to take time and practice—two things that he does not have.

Clearing his throat, Raleigh crosses to the opposite side of the bed and takes the spot that was encouraged by Lale. His knees are stiff, shoulders straight as presses one hand flat against the hospital bed. "Lily?" His wavering voice comes only a moment after her confession. There is a tug in his chest at the little girl's sniffling, but he knows exactly how she feels. "I'd like to hear about your dream."

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"I don't have any either." Lale's words were hardly over a whisper, feeling guilty for asking as she saw the light leave Raleigh's eyes. She hadn't forgotten the hardships that had connected him, but Lale hoped that time would have healed or placated his relationship with his father. His response answered a questions she didn't realize she'd had. Lily didn't know Lale's mother, step-father, or step-brothers and, if she had any say, they never would. It seemed the familial bubble would stay small, even with Raleigh there. Lale worried her bottom lip, realizing it felt safer this way. A part of her always worried that, once Lily was born, that her mother would try to take her away for a 'redo' on how she'd left Lale.

Seeing the wheels turning, Lale reached out, setting her hand on his knee. "Ral, stay with us in her room. Stay with her every second you can get. If you're saying no because of me, then stay on the other side of the bed and I'll be on the side the nurses bump into more. It's fine, as long as you're there." She gave his hand a squeeze as she tried to think of a way to reassure him. With a slow sigh, she looked at him and smiled a little. It didn't reach her eyes, still too scared of letting go of his hand or holding on. Instead she stood up. "When Lily wakes up, you're going to see what I'm talking about. I don't know why I asked. There's absolutely no chance... she's not going to let you out of the room, that's all I'm saying."

It didn't seem like he had any other questions for her, at least in that moment, and her hand was still tingling from the familiar warmth of his skin. Trying to clear her head and be proactive, Lale walked out of the quiet waiting room and to the nurse's station. "Lily's dad's going to stay. Could I get that second chair. I know you just got on your shift. I could grab it if that's easier." The nurse waved her off and said she'd bring it over in five and start her rounds of check ins with their daughter.

"Little Lily flower," Lale cooed as she sat on the edge of Lily's bed, brushing her fingers over her daughter's hair. "The nurse is coming. It's time to wake up for a little bit." Their daughter's legs stretched under the blankets, her arms squeezing Pucky as she yawned. "I was dreaming." "Oh yeah? Do you remember it?" Lily smiled and yawned, her hands coming up to rub her eyes, but Lale shushed her and did it herself, not wanting the IVs and cables to get tangled or pulled. Lily's eyes stayed closed, another yawn and she sighed, "My big wish came true." Lale's eyes moved to Raleigh and she patted the space of the bed on the opposite side of Lily, "You going to open your eyes, sleepyhead?" Lily only shook her head, nuzzling her face Pucky's onsie. Changing her tone, just a little, "Pretty please?" Another shake of her head and Lale sighed as Lily sniffled, surprising the young mother. Her hand rubbed Lily's back, "Why not?" "Daddy came back."

The mention of his baby pictures lifts the walls that had just begun to lower from his expression. It's a complicated question. When he was 16-years-old, his mom passed from cancer. Raleigh lost her and watched the light leave his father's eyes in the same day. He and his dad have not had a meaningful conversation since, and when Raleigh left home at 17 to play hockey, baby pictures were not on the list of priorities. "No, I don't think I have any." Not since that was the last time he was back home.

His eyes only lift from his phone for a moment before he continues scrolling. Though he is not even a quarter of the way through the first album, Raleigh finds himself skipping to the most recent collection, to the pictures that show the Lily he met today. "Really?" It soothes something in him to hear that his daughter has already accepted him, and while Raleigh isn't naive enough to believe that being in her life will be an easy adjustment for any of them, it's good to know that they are starting off on the right foot.

With the silence that follows, it feels like Lale has more to say. It's enough for Raleigh to finally lower his phone as their eyes meet. "I am staying. I meant what I said earlier." Before she has a chance to finish, he shakes his head. "I don't need to get anything. I'm fine here." Though, Raleigh makes a mental note to ask one of his friends to bring a change of clothes for tonight and tomorrow. Right now, a different piece of information sticks out in his mind. "She'll be up soon?" His hands fall, each one landing on a knee. Conflict flashes in his eyes. The offer is tempting, but Raleigh doesn't want to jump into his new role. "I don't have to sleep in the room, but I'll be here, and I want to be there when she wakes up."

[writermuses]

Lale kept quiet at Raleigh's whispered words, thinking maybe he hadn't meant to say it aloud and not wanting to distract him from the images on his phone. She didn't have any baby pictures nor any from any point before Lily of herself to compare to their daughter, but she wasn't confident there would be many similarities. "Do you... I kind of always wondered, do you have any baby pictures of yourself?" Lale nibbled on her bottom lip, uncertain if she had any right to ask, so she went back to sending him the albums compiling all nearly-five years of their daughters life.

"I did, but I've told her a lot about you over time. She's little, but she didn't think she only had me in the world." Lale quickly sent the last of the albums and put her phone down turning in the chair and giving Raleigh her undivided attention, even if he wanted to keep looking at everything. "Her initial reaction was, and I quote, 'WOW!'" Lale smiled softly, using her full best impression of their daughter. "I think she officially believes wishes come true because Lily cashed in at minimum a birthday and shooting star on meeting you. She's really happy and, I know I made the wrong choice, but I'm happy you have each other, too." Wrapping her arms around herself, Lale wondered if she should share the whole conversation or not, but she'd only ever kept one thing from Raleigh and it was undoubtedly the biggest mistake of her life. "She did ask me two questions. First, if you were coming back. Our bubble is pretty small, she doesn't really know about people walking out of her life beyond two of the older librarians passing away in the last year and a half. The second question was..." Her leg bounced and she hugged herself more tightly. "She asked if you were going to stay." Looking at the clock on the wall, "The nurses shift changes soon. They'll come wake her up anyways to check on her. I'm sure you might want to go home and sleep or changed. I've been sleeping on the chair in her room. It's not really comfortable, kind of like a recliner but skinny. If you want to stay they can bring another one in. It'll be tight but the other families do it." She wondered if it was obvious that she wanted him there, not just for Lily but because she didn't want to go through this alone anymore either.

The corner of his phone is pressed into the case with a soft click, and he lifts the screen toward him so it lightens and unlocks. The first notification covers the screen and he eagerly accepts and with a couple of taps before picking up where she left off scrolling through the timeline of Lily's life. "She does look like you." Raleigh doesn't look up as he continues scrolling, and there is so much to see, but he wants to take enough time with each picture, to convert it all into memories that he never got to form when they happened the first time.

As her phone is offered again, this time with a picture of a slightly older Lily grinning at the camera, her blue eyes on display without a care in the world, Raleigh's expression softens. He sees what she means about the resemblance, but it is so much more to him; she has his mom's eyes. Eyes that he was so sure he would never get to see again after her passing. The thought adds to the lump in his throat, forcing his gaze to slip back to his phone. "You said you told her about me today. Was she... what did she think? I know she has surgery tomorrow, but I want to see her if she's okay with that."

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"Okay, I'll send a few at a time so your notifications don't block your screen." Lale spoke just as softly as he did, tapping her way through the 1-3, 3-6, 6-9, and 9-12 month folders. "After her first birthday, I have a folder for each year, but separate ones for things she did. Should I send them in order or..." She hesitated, nibbling on her bottom lip because she didn't want to overwhelm him. Watching him pause on the early doctor's visits, Lale saw the sheen in his eyes and wondered if he was thinking about how he wanted to be there. Chalking it up to projection, she stopped herself from saying that it was all she'd thought about along every milestone. Surely, she thought, he was only emotional over the amazing person he'd created and the horrible woman who'd kept her from him.

"Does she?" Her eyebrows knit together as she leaned in to see the picture Raleigh was looking at. "All I ever see is you. People at work say she looks like me, but her hair is always more straight when it's long. They're your eyes, they look green sometimes but they're still always brighter and bluer, like yours. Hold on..." Lale made a mental note of the last album she sent and scrolled to the one where Lily had her ears pierced at about one and a half years old. There was a picture of her after and a video of an excited and brave little Lily, but Lale opened the picture. "That little girl is all you. Her laugh, her facial expressions. She's girly, but she's adventurous too. She's so active and there weren't a lot of sports that had..." Lale paused, uncertain if she wanted to admit that she'd had to put Lily in free activities and tell her no to hockey. Finances were beyond tight and there had been times where stretching food from the local pantry meant that Lale didn't eat for her daughter's sake. "I'll just keep sending them. You'll see." She questioned her parenting all the time, but Lale wasn't sure she could survive hearing him call her out on it.

Raleigh's fingers trail over the edge of his phone, his fingertips pulling at the ridge between the screen and his case, desperate for something to hold onto without Lale's hand in his. Eyes downcast, he blinks quickly against the gathering tears and composes himself before looking back to her screen. "All of them." The room is too quiet and too empty, but his voice is barely above a whisper as it rings out into the space. He has already spent the entirety of the little girl's life without any knowledge that she was alive. This chance is an opportunity that can't be passed up, and while he hopes that Lale meant what she said about not keeping Lily from him, he wants to make sure he has all of the albums while they are both sitting here.

When he looks up, his focus lands on her phone where the beginnings of Lily's life are documented in so much detail that it is impossible not to let his thoughts wander. The sonogram picture hits him first and hard. Raleigh clears his throat as he leans closer to make out the dot that grew into the person he met today. He lets himself imagine what it must have been like at that first doctor's visit--

One hand on her stomach while the other gripped hers, smiling through the fear, melting as the doctor pointed out the beginning of the rest of their lives. He would have kissed her and sure, it would have been overwhelming, but there would have been so much love radiating between them that Raleigh would only let himself be excited for the path that was to come. Instead, she was there alone. He can't begin to imagine how terrifying that must have been.

The rest of the album is documentation of the life that was so close to being his. He imagines his expression the first time he heard Lily's heartbeat or the first time he would hold the little squirming bundle in his arms or see her smile at him as he counted her ten perfect little fingers and toes. "She looks the same," he says, voice thick with emotion. "She looks like you." The slope of her nose, her eyes. "You kept everything..." It's an observation more than an question, but there is a silent thank you in there. It doesn't begin to erase his hurt, but it's a start to bridge the gap.

[writermuses]

Lale heard her phone chime and knew it was a text from Raleigh, but it hadn't crossed her mind that he might see the name in her phone: Hayatımın Aşkı. To Lily, it would've looked no different than a person's name in her phone. To Lale, it exposed just how stagnant she had been since she'd run away. She didn't know when she started to silently cry again, but she had to wipe off the screen as she scrolled passed each album; adroitly curated with titles and dates. "There's a lot. I saved everything I could."

There wasn't much she spent extra money on, but her cloud storage was one. She never wanted to lose the pictures and knew how easy that would be with physical pictures or videos saved solely to her phone or computer. "I can share them in order one by one. Then, you can ask me all the questions, or I can just share them all at once? Which would you prefer?" While she waited for his decision she opened the oldest album, "I only had a prepaid phone when I took some of these. The quality isn't so great. It gets better after a few months though, before Lily was born." She'd been given a spare older iPhone from a program helping young mothers and a coworker had helped her pay for the plan until she'd landed her job. There were many people along the way that helped her for Lily's sake, usually older and from her job.

The fist album were pictures of the sonogram scans, a grainy audio of the Lily's heartbeat that she'd used the doctor's phone to leave as a voicemail, then recorded the voicemail to her new phone. Lale didn't do it for herself, she'd always had Raleigh in mind; even if she didn't know when she'd pluck up the courage to tell him. There were only a few of her pregnant, and the vast majority of that first album were of little Lily screaming and kicking and filthy; and beautiful. Ten perfect fingers and ten perfect toes, all theirs. "The books said that babies don't smile until they're a month and a half or older, but she smiled all the time immediately." Lale could still remember crying her eyes out the first time she'd seen that smile, his smile, and when she'd reached for her prepaid phone to call him it was dead and once she'd charged it she'd used all the minutes just to get to the hospital. So she continued waiting for the right time, which never came.

Her touch is just as electric as it was at the simple graze of their hands mere hours ago, fingertips on his skin sending his heart into overdrive because there is a fundamental truth alongside the hurt and the anger: he has missed her. Isn't that why this hurts so much? Isn't that why the idea of Lale not trusting him, her not wanting to build this life together, stings? He has more questions about that, too, but it is impossible to wrap his mind around the thought of what Lily has to endure the following day. "Okay," he says nodding as a shaky breath is exhaled through his lips. Just the media that started the day was exhausting enough on its own, but Raleigh feels like he has lived a whole day since this morning. If he had known the rest of it would be spent at the hospital, he would have worn something more comfortable than his stiff jeans and the dark blue oxford with its sleeves pushed up to his elbows. His jersey was shed sometime between the first time he stepped out from Lily's makeshift room and when he returned later.

With his thoughts racing, a lot of her words float over his head, but Raleigh finds himself nodding as if he has the capacity to take in any new information at the moment. "What?" He says, looking at her phone for only a moment before handing it over. "Of her? Yes." Shoulders straighten as he sits taller. "Can I--can I see them?" The fluorescent lights do nothing to ease the tears prickling his eyes, but Raleigh blinks hard, sniffling as his free hand comes to rest on his knee. "All of them. As many as you have. I still have the number you gave me earlier, but you should have mine." His number is the same, but Raleigh has had enough heartbreak for one day that he can't bring himself to ask if she still has it. He isn't sure which answer would be worse anyway. "Here." With his hand free, he slips his phone from his pocket and sends her saved number a text with his name.

[writermuses]

Though she had no right to touch Raleigh she'd wanted to since she saw him, her fingers desperate for more since the grazing of their hands when she'd slipped her number into it. Now she reached out again, one hand on his that didn't hold her phone and the other to gently squeeze the nape of his neck. When they were younger she would do the same, press her forehead to his, and nose to nose tell him she was proud of him for leaving it all on the ice. She'd meant it every time. "Lily's going to be okay. It's the start of a difficult road, but she's going to get through it. You're going to hold her hand and I'm going to hold her hand, and we'll be strong for her if we have to. But she's going to be okay." Lale tried her best to smile to reassure him, but she was still scared that the worst might happen.

"This is a really great hospital for cancer patients. They want to be aggressive with the surgery to make sure they get out all of the tumor. People can live without a kidney and she could get a transplant sooner rather than later if treatments go well. We just have to stay positive. Trust that we'll have some answers and a plan tomorrow." Lale's thumb brushed over his hand and she looked at her phone. "Do you want something happy? I.. I can't make up for what I did or give up my health for hers, but I can give you everything I have on here." She had countless albums on her phone and she could air drop them one by one if he wanted them. "I meant pictures... and videos, but you can have this note, too."

If there was any doubt about the guilt that rose as a result of his tone, her reaction sends one more wave through him. He has never wanted to remind her of her parents--of her father. Seeing the look in her eyes is enough to bring him pause and to encourage him to take a moment to breathe. This is a lot for both of them, even if it has come as a result of choices she made. He doesn't trust himself to say anything more about it at the moment, his tongue still too sharp.

As she speaks, Raleigh tilts the phone in her direction. Given his limited level of understanding of the file, his eyes widen at her description of what is to come. The image of Lily lying in the bed with her inquisitive nature and bright smile flashes in his mind. She is so small and so full of hope. Without the full story now, he would have had no idea how sick she is. "A whole kidney?" For the first time since they entered the family room, his voice is soft, fear replacing the anger that still simmers beneath the surface, and he is quiet as he listens and still even as Lale finishes.

He thought that the money was the last part that needed to be settled, but the idea of Lily going through such an invasive surgery leaves him with more questions. "And she's... the surgery tomorrow is going to be fine? She's going to be fine? I know you said chemo and radiation--" Not that he retained much other than the words-- "But she's going to be okay to get to that point?" A lump rises in his throat, threatening to break through the dam that he has built to hold back his emotions.

[writermuses]

Whether Raleigh meant to draw a visceral reaction from Lale with his sharp tone, it had happened anyways. Lale paled, snapping her arms around her middle. It had been quite some time since her father had passed away and she hadn't missed the man that had caused her hearing loss. Her mother and step-family tore her apart in other ways. Since settling in to Boston, working at the library, her quiet life hadn't hadn't had as many snapping moments of terror and she'd even stopped flinching at a clattering of books. "I know," Lale started, hardly above a whisper, "I know I owed you more than a conversation. We were so young, Raleigh. I was scared..." She was still scared, possibly more than ever before. "And a coward. Not telling you, disappearing... it wasn't fair, I'm sorry."

She quieted, not expecting him to say anything else about the past, both of them aware that an apology wasn't enough nor would it change the current circumstances. "The surgery is in the morning. With how fast tumors can grow in kids, they do scans all the time but warned me there could be more by the time of the surgery. They're going to remove one kidney and go from there. If it's spread they'll let us know while they're in surgery. They said they might have to do a partial removal and reconstruction of the other if there is more cancer there." She leaned over the screen a little stopping at the words partial nephrectomy. "That's what that's talking about. After they see what's going on they'll decide on chemo which would attack cells all over her body or radiation which would be lasers or whatever to her lower stomach... umm, localized. Then she can be on a waitlist for a kidney transplant. She might need to be on dialysis, but they said not to worry about that until after the surgery."

"I'm not in a place to say no to help. I just... I can figure it out. You don't have to feel obligated." Lale had done everything she could to make ends meet before their daughter was sick. Now she had donated plasma, would give Lily her own kidney if she could. Debt was simply something Lale had to live with for the sake of Lily getting whatever she needed to heal. "The surgery is scheduled for six in the morning. They pushed it back so that they could rest after another surgery they'd had today. I don't think they'll push it back again."

"She couldn't have made you get an abortion if you had come to me instead." His voice is sharp, words rushing forward without thought, and even through the cloud of hurt shrouding his thoughts, he realizes that it isn't fair. The relationship she has with her family is complicated, and that is a pain he knows too well. "It was worth a conversation with me." When she turns away, it is easier for him to find her eyes. That way, she can't catch any other emotion that flashes over his expression--specifically the longing that is entwined with his hurt. Having no closure made it hard to move on, and having walked back into Lale's life without warning means he certainly wasn't prepared for the surge of emotion that has enveloped him since this morning.

Her phone is accepted without question, hands wrapping around the worn case and his pointer finger running along the edge of the sticker. Both are noted without mention as his attention comes to the cracked screen and the information communicated beyond it. "You didn't chase me down at all," he says. "And I haven't done anything. She's my daughter, too." The words are foreign on his tongue, but he sits taller.

There is more silence as he scrolls through each document, attempting to take in as much information as he understands. In reality, each one leaves him with more questions and by the end, he doesn't know where to start. It is all big dollar amounts and medical talk and diagrams and risks and treatment options-- "What... does all of this mean?" He is slow to look up. The phone is not yet handed over. "This is a lot of money, Lale." For anyone. He is lucky enough to have the resources to make it work, including the best insurance the league's money can buy, but even putting the cost aside, the emotional drain that Lale has had to deal with on her own is obvious in her heavy shoulders, her rushed words. "I see... what you've done for her, but I need you to let me help with this. Please. What is the plan? What is the surgery tomorrow going to do?"