#rednecks in space

[talesfrommedinastation]

My redneck neighbor Doug on Tech's Looks

(Me: "Doug, so you know, a lot of people are unhappy that the Bad Batch was made to be lighter then the regs. It's a hot topic."

Doug: "Well, here's my theory on the matter. I hope the kids on the Internet (his words for Tumblr) don't get too spicy over this. It's all in good fun. I hope it makes 'em smile and think a bit.")

After having a firm, peer-reviewed discussion (and by that, I mean endless texts with Doug) it has been concluded that Tech has lighter skin and hair, and a slimmer build, due to the Kaminoans leaning harder into the hillbilly part of Jango Fett’s genes, whereas the regs got the nicer, prettier, more amenable genes. 

In short, Tech looks the way he does…because he is a blue-collar white guy from the American South.  

A Florida redneck, specifically.  

And let me (by way of Doug) tell you: rednecks do not have beautiful tans, flawless fades, snatched waists, muscular thighs, diamond-sharp cheekbones, the ability to follow directions, or perfect matching armor, all of which a reg has. 

(Sorry, Howser, go back to guarding Ryloth or posing for GQ or whatever it is you do.)

Back to Tech. Look at that man and tell me the shit he gets up to would not be constantly at the top of r/floridaman

A lot of people might clutch their pearls, and be shocked at this revelation. 

“He has a fancy accent! He’s persnickety about certain things! He’s my fancy pretty boi and I’m going to dress him up in a gold thong in my fan art!”

You do you, kid. But let Doug and his neighbor here, Dr. Meat Muffin, defend this deranged argument, here. Using anthropological research applying autoethnographic methodologies that they conducted independently at one point. 

(By that, we mean that Doug is from the bayous of Louisiana and has lived in the Florida Panhandle before moving Up North. Dr. MM attended graduate school in a redneck hot zone, lived in said redneck hot zone for a while, and married a Texan as well. Hook 'em gig 'em and wreck 'em)

After all, if you want an army to win over the galaxy and work with the Jedi, you want well-mannered, shiny, handsome men with melanin and agreeable personalities.

You do not want a pale-assed weirdo in jeans and a receding hairline who can’t get off his phone to work closely with orphaned space wizards. 

Tech’s an anarchic Floridian piece of tornado bait and that’s why he look the way he do, says Doug.

Here's why Doug says Tech is a Redneck:

Mandalorians are Space Rednecks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Trx7fDdlIo0. I do not own the rights to the video, but my God, it is perfection. A masterpiece. Mandalorians are rednecks in space, who end up colonizing Space Florida, no questions asked. Our theory is Tech is merely the concentrated, Waffle House-fistfighting, chew-dipping, Mountain Dew chugging, part of that. The Kaminoans just leaned into the trailer park part of Jango Fett hard when designing Tech, because no one can fix cars while shooting a gun and yelling at his crazy brothers like a redneck (more on that below). 

Hell, all of the Bad Batch are different brands of Florida Man:

Grizzled long haired tan guy with skull tattoo, obsessed with tracking, knife fighting, and hiding from normal society? Hunter.

Bald tanned dude with weird scars who loves blowing shit up and screaming for no reason? Wrecker

Pale, freaked out man who was kept in a cult’s closet for years? Echo 

Creepy, old, Second Amendment loving white guy with a gun themed tattoo who can’t seem to die? Crosshair 

Maladjusted orphan left behind at a bar by her inexperienced caretakers and almost drowns in the ocean? Omega 

His love of vehicles: We never see Tech whip out a manual to fix anything. The man says it’s because he has an exceptional mind, but that’s edging dangerously close to “Ah don’t need no schoolin’, hoss, I can fix any Ford!”.  Doug thinks it’s just because Tech loves playing with car parts, which is some grade A, hillbilly tomfoolery. And what is more redneck than some white guy ripping apart a vehicle in the dirt while the rest of his family bitches at each other in the heat? It happened right here in Season 2 (this exact scenario has played out many-a-time in Pensacola, trust me). All they need is some Lynyrd Skynyrd blasting in the background to make the picture complete. 

His clothing color scheme: “Oh, no!” you wail. “He just changed his colors to reflect Mandalorian heritage!” 

WRONG. 

Tech’s redneckery is blatant here, because his colors switch from 

Hot Topic goth to…UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA. 

“We’re loyal to each other,” says Hunter. And by that, he means the Gators, beloved of many an NCAA following redneck in the Sunshine State and beyond. Orange and Blue, indeed.

Notice how we first see him in these colors, is while he’s parked his stolen work vehicle on a beach while his brothers are busy being chased by huge-ass crabs as their sister is quietly fishing?! 

This is PEAK FLORIDA MAN. 

Tech was probably trying to get ESPN+ to work on the Marauder, because the Devil works hard, but the SEC works harder during football season. I wonder if he has a tattoo of Tim Tebow on his buttcheek.

His home is his car: Tech, as well as his unemployed brothers and underaged sister who the cops are looking for (how trashy is THAT sentence), live in the Havoc Marauder now that their home was destroyed in a fire fight with the government. 

("Jesus Christ, this argument just writes itself now, don’t it," -Doug) 

This attack shuttle, for all intents and purposes, is a stolen work truck that they live in. It’s filled with posters of guns, as well as other weapons and explosives, and has all the comfort of a Jacksonville gas station at 2 AM. All you need is some cigarette burns on the fender and some empty take out bags from Bojangles and it might as well be parked down by the river in Suwannee County. Just Florida redneckery. Speaking of which….

He loves guns and explosions: Won’t go into detail, but the man knows how to use multiple pistols, rifles, and different tactile maneuvers with glee. Tech’s only notable complaint regarding explosions is making sure Wrecker’s new fancy boom-booms aren’t parked next to his bunk. And the look of calm joy when his sister tells his brother ‘Do some damage, Wrecker!’ as Tech pulls a Bo Duke and flings his vehicle across a locked up work site, while his deranged brother giggles and fires some guns at a government-owned power plant from the back seat. PURE. UNADULTERATED. REDNECK. 

He’s a racer: It is a fact (with peer reviewed research) that rednecks really, really love them some racing. NASCAR, motocross, BMX, you name it. And if you’ve seen ‘Faster’, well, that’s all you need to know about the man. 

He has no fear of large animals: We’ve never seen him hunt, but Tech knows how to distract massive amounts of nasty animals using light, and the first response to seeing a terrifying monster isn't running away screaming, but whispering ‘FASCINATING’., before, ya know, firing a gun at it. It’s one step away from ‘IT’S COMING RIGHT FOR US’. You KNOW that man would be sponsoring gator wrasslin' contests if he could.

His actions towards His family: This is where Tech truly differentiates himself from the typical ‘geek’ character and leans hard into King of the Hill territory. Whereas a normal nerd character might nag and panic when his sister falls down a hole while drilling for explosives in a cave (dear God Doug, how much more redneck examples can you keep pointing out, I’m exhausted), Tech merely YEETS HIMSELF down into the abyss. Or when his brother picks a fight in the mess hall? Does Tech run away, or just start punching people like it's past closing time in the Applebee's parking lot in Daytona and the Dolphins lost? And let's not discuss the season finale :(. Rednecks are some loyal folks, family first, and that’s our man’s right there. 

There you have it, says Doug. Tech isn’t lighter because he’s better than the regs. The opposite.

You can not be a deranged, adrenaline filled, sassy, goggled weirdo flying throughout space and blowing shit up and not be pale AF with twiggy legs and a receding hairline that’s edging towards Hunter S. Thompson level, born out of America's Sunshine state while a hurricane chases you out.

::turns up ZZ Top::

[talesfrommedinastation]

I think it depends on which legion they’re with.

41st Elite on Kashyyyk or Coruscant Guard probably were exposed to lots of spicy and wild food due to location. But others stuck just on rations? Probably not.

Wonder if someone snuck a bottle of space Tabasco in those boxes? Belters certainly would.

If Mandalorians are space rednecks, there’s a non zero chance they carry hot sauce from Space Ace Hardware with them.

PS- I’m totally blasting the ‘Oh Brother Where Art Thou?’ Soundtrack right now lol.

i am convinced that your average clone has the spice tolerance of a stereotypical caucasian person

like the entire clone army basically lived on ration bars which i really doubt had much flavor, just the necessary nutrients. the food on kamino didn’t look like it would’ve had much flavor either, much less spice

while yes obviously some clones would like spice/have a higher tolerance for it, i just don’t think that most would

[jacksdoodlesnshit]

-25 Those guys look familiar…

[simonepelicaneel]

Sus: "My Stuff's Better Anyway"

stop, you're killing me.

i've never laughed so hard.

[heartshapedcaskett]

Follow-up about why I dislike Ethel Cain tiktok fans: the other point I wanted to make in regards to stereotyping southerners was that I hate that audio that is like “are you wearing that (camo jacket) in a Ethel Cain vinyl way or in a conservative way?” I detest this audio because it condemns the aesthetics of the rural working class mainly southern working class. I constantly see these fans dressed in camo and cowboy boots talking about how they aren’t “rednecks” but instead Daughters of Cain. I’m all for reclamation of rural/southern aesthetics as a queer person. I indulge in this practice as well. However, the example I provided assumes that all southerners can be typecasted as ignorant and categorized as bigots based upon the way they dress.

It gives people the solace of seeing a blue collar worker in public and condemning them to assumptions that they are right-wing bigots cause they choose to wear camo, boots, americana, Marlboro apparel, or distressed work clothes.

[cahootings]

the assumption that appalachia is all white probably-christians uh sucks just fyi

[todayisafridaynight]

For the record I do want to stress that I am that same anon from some while ago who said that I enjoy Y4 in the same way I enjoy being immeasurably stoned and waking up in a different state. So like. I have no good excuse for why I like Y4. I just like all of the Yakuza games despite the issues. I think it's the part of me that's a refugee from Transformers fandom who is used to rewriting 80% of the bullshit internally (or externally if I feel spicy enough) to suit my tastes.

omg stoner anon how you livin bruh

anyway yeah you CAN like it i aint sayin ya CANT: i unironically love shadow the hedgehog and that game gets panned to death every other month.

you can like stuff despite knowing their flaws that the beauty of media and if anything enhances your enjoyment of it: being able to criticize the things you love means you want better things for it because you enjoy the concepts and characters it's given, so i ain't sayin ya gotta suck rgg's tits to love the games 😷

[talesfrommedinastation]

Ya know, both Doug and I have gone on and on about how The Bad Batch are the backwoods yeehaw Floridamen of the clone army.

But there's been arguments that all Mandalorians are rednecks*. Ergo, all clones (the descendants of a Mandalorian) are rednecks as well.

And Grandpappy Rex yelling, then yanking off his helmet and flinging it at an inept Stormtrooper like he's throwing an empty beer bottle at a wayward possum in the trailer park just confirms it.

*=because who else would make an insane Evangelical religion about guns, refuse security because it means handing over their weapons, live in space trailers after losing their home with a fight with the government, being single parents, and spend their free time shooting at a lake and getting attacked by gators during a baptism?

::insert Deliverance theme::

I love Old Man Rex so much.

[kuchipatch1]

yall have got to be more normal about Southern people and I'm not kidding. enough of the Sweet Home Alabama incest jokes, enough of the idea that all Southerners are bigots and rednecks, and enough of the idea that the South has bad food. shut up about "trailer trash" and our accents and our hobbies!

do yall know how fucking nauseating it is to hear people only bring up my state to make jokes about people in poverty and incestuous relationships? how much shame I feel that I wasn't born up north like the Good Queers and Good Leftists with all the Civilised Folk with actual houses instead of small cramped trailers that have paper thin walls that I know won't protect me in a bad enough storm?

do yall know how frustrating it is to be trans in a place that wants to kill you and whenever you bring it up to people they say "well just move out" instead of sympathizing with you or offering help?

do yall understand how alienating it is to see huge masterposts of queer and mental health resources but none of them are in your state because theyre all up north? and nobody seems to want to fix this glaring issue because "they're all hicks anyways"

Southern people deserve better. we deserve to be taken seriously and given a voice in the queer community and the mental health space and leftist talks in general.

[talesfrommedinastation]

Every so often, I'll ask myself, "Were the Bad Batch really the ultimate form of Space Rednecks?"

The simple answer? YES. YES THEY ARE.

That's why half of them look white. The Kiwi gods snatched that melanin and cheekbones back when they saw what trashy nonsense these Florida Men of the Republic were up to.

Let's take a quick look from one of their first introductions in The Clone Wars' season 7 episode: "A Distant Echo".

Barely a minute long, and the following redneck nonsense happens:

Clone Force 99, Rex, and Anakin Skywalker (who looks actually happy to be with these dingbats) fly into some absolute garbage dump of a planet that has all the raw grace of Port Arthur, Texas.

They arrive in their crappy second-hand work truck that's filled with leftover food, gun posters, other guns, a Twi'Lek Playmate of the month, and who knows what else. Notice Rex refuses to take a seat in that dump.

"I done heard that folks round here ain't civilized and they do worship the devil or something. Check it out!" - Tech.

Giant critter and its illiterate, backwoods, hillbilly owner knock their car over.

Everyone runs out to gawk.

Everyone whips out their guns.

Hunter and Wrecker literally yells at said giant critter to get off the car and are stymied when Anakin tells everyone to put the guns down.

Of course Crosshair shoots the critter while Tech helps him scope it out.

And Hunter goes for a drag race while cheering.

My neck is significantly redder after writing this out.

[threeravenspublishing]

Did You Miss The Trailer Park? Well, It's Back!

Did You Miss The Trailer Park? Well, It's Back!

And Volume 4 is sure to scratch that creepy itch you’ve got going on there. Everyone likes a good vacation, don’t they?You hear the word Vacation and it brings up thoughts of water, sand, refreshing drinks, and fun times.Of course, when your budget matches your monthly grocery bill, expectations have to be lowered, surprises expected, and not usually the good kind.With thirteen stories of…

[fragglerockopinions]

today i visited subway. the person behind the counter was a woman i went to high school with and used to work with at the subway in our hometowns four years ago. we both attend college within twenty miles of home. i don't know her last name but i still have her number in my phone. she said "small world" but i don't think the world is small. i think we're small.

[cripple-punk-dad]

Ok so at this point I've had two people roll up to me in manual wheelchairs, well, one of them was somebody pushing somebody who was nonverbal at the time, but it still counts. They asked me why I had zip ties around my tires.

It's winter where I'm living and we have really bad snow. And the snow plow people are really bad at their jobs probably because there aren't snow plow people who clean sidewalks. As a solution I got to thinking about how I could increase the traction on my wheels. And the most redneck thing I could think of was taking a bunch of zip ties and tying them around my wheels. They last surprisingly long, and work surprisingly well. It's basically the same premise as chains for your tires during the winter.

I chose to space them out pretty evenly so there's about one for every spoke. You could probably do more or less depending on how many you want and how much traction you get but I wouldn't go more than three per spoke. I realize that it's a bit later in the winter, and I probably should have made a post about this sooner, but I came up with it about a week ago. So please share this, even if you're not disabled, because there are tons of people I know who are stuck in their houses because they can't get around in the snow. A pack of zip ties costs about $5, which compared to $200 knobby snow tires is a big save, and if you want to invest you could get colored zip ties.

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

ayo did everyone have a ridiculously specific, redneck built playground game in elementary school or am I gonna sound like a goddamn space alien in order to explain what the hell shlockey is

[threeravenspublishing]

Three Ravens Coming Attractions! (And an Anthology Update)

Many of you been waiting patiently to hear back on your submissions for the Darkest Shadow, Brightest Light anthology. I want to first apologize for the delay and also reassure you that the process is grinding on, but slower than I would’ve liked. All due to personal reasons. It had been our original intent to be in a home we’d picked out back in March of this year, just prior to the birth of our…

[whereisthedamndaddymanual]

If I have bouts of getting burned during a 121 you can blame Chris

Luck would have it my emotional support system is running the 4 121

Open wide i need this