#redestroyed me all over again this time

[mikimeiko]

Arcane | 2x09. The Dirt Under Your Nails

[pilotheather]

hey i never really watched or followed the chibnall era what was wrong with his writing that made people happy he’s gone

i think this will get you different opinions based on who you ask.

a LOT of people were extremely unhappy with the s12 timeless child plot twist. which, if you don't know: basically he redestroyed gallifrey, and revealed the doctor is not a timelord at all, but was instead the progenitor OF the timelords (a child that kept regenerating, even when they died) and that she was tortured on as a child, being repeatedly killed to realise the secret behind her regenerative abilities, to create the timelord race and then had her mind wiped.

which, im not a fan of. some ppl are? but mostly it panned: lots of ppl are unhappy, bc theyre saying it's "ruining the lore"; personally i dont mind since dw is fast and loose with its canon - and im moreso unhappy about centreing the doctor as, like, the big important chosen one in the universe (like blech) bc its just such a stale narrative decision.

but even before that there was a lot of criticism of chibnalls writing. and again: ur gonna get different opinions on who you ask. there's, uh, for example... a LOT of ppl (off tumblr, mostly) who tout it as sjw bullshit (yawn) bc of jodie and the diverse tardis team. that's bs outrage over nowt, ofc. but like- other than that its just... the writing. yeah, some ppl like it but ik a lot are unahppy with it for different reasons.

and to, like, summarise my own thoughts on chibbers writing: there's LOTS of little things that sort of build up for me. but at the crux of it? personally i dont think the man can write sci-fi - like, at all. thats my own personal main gripe with him. i hear he's good at straightforward drama: whilst ive never seen broadchurch myself, a lot of ppl whose opinions i trust liked it well enough; and furthermore, when it came to torchwood, he did have one or two eps in there that i liked in premise. however, when it comes to sci-fi, i respectfully think he just flounders. like he just cant integrate those other skills he has into a scifi story. the tardis was super overcrowded in s11&s12 (and that brought its own issues) but even still it was sort of... laughable, how much development the companions got. a lot of the time they'd sit there like pints of milk and just?? not really do anything? it got a little better in s12- but its like... he doesnt know how to handle a sci-fi storyline, whilst also exploring the characters in tandem and its like theyre just theyre as objects to move things along. its really fuckin weird.

like, in the most recent episode (last years NY's special, Revolution of the Daleks) the pacing was so strange. there's this whole section in the middle of all the action, where they just STOP and talk inside of the tardis. and don't get me wrong - i dont mind a heart to heart! but a lot of the companions are, like, purely telling and not showing their personality msot of the time - and thats it! its so... stale. they just stand around, state something about themselves and then just do nothing half the time? bc he just doesn't know how to use them in the stories. unlike in rtd or moffat era, where you'd have the companions jumping in and actually interacting with stuff- you'd know its just... like theyre being swept away by the plot. and you could frankly cut them out of almost all of the episodes, replace them with a sonic screwdriver or some other technobabble and it just wouldnt make any damn difference to the vibe of the ep, which is a shame bc they had PROMISE as ideas but they just don't pull their weight.

and i think that's just... super unfortunate. bc a lot of the pull with nuwho especially IS the companions and their personalities and when theyre just flat cardboard cutouts its got no energy. not to mention, like, the companions really facilitate a lot of the plots themselves- not the other way round! having companions ask questions, explore, and make decisions and react to stuff... that's IMPORTANT to really realising a lot of it. there's been a lot of times in eps where i was watching it and i just WANTED desperately for one of them to do something, to ask the doctor about it but like... she kind of just stands around and talks to herself? then there's a canned comment abt how theyre the #fam? its like. ok.

and then its like- maybe if they were being pushed to the side, and the show was servicing plot over characters that would be ONE thing but its also like i get a LOT of insecurity in general from chris when it comes to sci-fi writing, too. which ok, dude. but its like- he'll introduce a concept, but never fully explore it; he'll just drop it, and introduce something else; and then drop that and move on. and its like... we dont get any actual playing with whats going on? its like-

its just all... ultimately very superficial. like ai generated doctor who. i dont want to say it hasnt got heart, but sometimes it really feels like it you know? and a lot of it is just.. flat. because you can bring in lots of cool stuff (visuals, bring back jack, build a found family type, give us a fun quirky doctor) but if you just don't actually put work into making it all happen then its just going to be like, pretty wrapping paper on an empty box, yeah? and so its like- its like theres PIECES in a lot of s11 and s12 that are right, and they're fine, and they could make for good stories but he just doesn't know how to use them. like, at all.

and there's honestly like. a lot of other... smaller things that i could mention. i feel like theres just like... lots of little issues wrong with it all, but theyre all so fundamental and they all just build up and its just- it just culminates in bad writing, man. not moffat type of bad. but just... nothing interesting at best; frustrating at worst.

ofc theres ppl who will disagree with me and like it and thats fine. and theres also ppl who will have other things they dont like abt it that they can bring up. i would advise lookin thru ppl talking abt it on here more, omg. get a nice lil crossection of all the little messes ppl babble on abt.

[indie-struggle]

Subtext

You've heard about it before. You've probably heard the famous line repeated over and over and over until you want to stab yourself in the ears with a spork:

"People don't often say to each other what they really mean.”

Bullshit.

I believe in action. Not boom-boom-explosion action, but actions taken by a character to get, or do, or not do, or get something from someone or something else, such as: ignoring them, being vague, lying, hiding, a type of look. If that is subtext, then I'm a strong believer in subtext, but that isn't subtext. Writers seems to confuse the two, and I never keep what I mean from someone else.

Writers put too much subtext emphasis into the mush pot, they think all the great novelist use it, therefore somehow in a magical way, if they use it in a scene or every scene, that that scene will burst alive with color, flavor and more power. Horseshit. I watch and read films from around the world and older than 1901, and I cannot tell you how little subtext plays a part in the visual medium of film compared to character actions.

I.e. What's the subtext in a silent film?

Can subtext bring a scene to a greater level? Possibly. But a point has to be made at some time, the point has to be given to the viewer, to the reader, to the audience, and most importantly, to the other character - otherwise, who are they talking to and what are they doing? You can confuse the very person you're trying to impress using subtext, and that is death.

You want to know how important subtext is and how well it works? Try to order a cup of coffee using subtext.

I've found that most people, writers particularly, when they talk about subtext they speak in terms of what's not being said, but when they analyze what's not being said and how, you realize that the character is just taking an action. Very rarely does the character or dialogue say yes when they mean no without later crumbling and confessing their lie (an action).

Real conversations, those that writers say you should emulate, the ones you have with other people... the only time you're saying things you don’t mean is when? When you don't want to hurt their feelings, or feel it's not any of their business, etc. But to not let them know you feel that way - you're hiding, avoiding, which are actions. You misdirect, you lie. Sometimes you'll even change the subject completely. That again, is not subtext, that is an action.

Subtext is also not the undercurrent of a scene: something brewing underneath and it's never talked about. That is evasion, which is an action. "They're not talking about the elephant in the room - what subtext." No, no. Fredo is not telling Michael anything because he has to keep the lie or he's dead, he's continuing to lie (action), and there is no subtext. You know he's a liar, and he's showing regret with simple, plain words that aren't subtext: "Why didn't we ever talk like this before?" That entire powerful scene is avoidance, and it’s all Fredo's.

Hemingway was the master of subtext: what the character is really saying by saying something else. No greater writer of it. But he wasn't working in a visual medium, either. He was a genius that knew sometimes his characters had to say something, anything to each other, therefore he'd have them say something they don’t want to say, and letting you, the reader, inject your tone and context of what the words meant. No two people will agree that a certain line of subtext means the same thing as the other. Often times his subtext was in the banter of nothing, which is where I believe that stupid quote at the beginning I gave you came from, and is said over and over again by people like a broken parrot. And ironically, there is no subtext in the quote.

Frankly, in my opinion, subtext is not as strong as action or even as powerful at conveying what's happening. Or, most importantly, showing what that character is feeling or doing to someone else. Subtext is in text, action is like inner conflict but in conscience, pragmatic movement.

I also think we as writers over estimate the power of subtext with the reader. Even with, scoff, "cliches" (which is another conversation). If the audience is interested, they don't give a shit about any of those things. The people who give a shit about those things are other writers. And no one cares what they think. How do I know? I am one. Bring me in on the 11th draft to rewrite, or as Ken Lonergan would say: "Bring me in to redestroy someone else's draft so they can fire me and then bring in someone else to destroy my draft." and the only people who give a shit about what I do, or even understand, are the other sad writers working on the material. The same goes for my own work. Only I care about it and I hope it’s interesting enough to resonate with someone.

Look, if subtext is important for your scene, by all means use it. But remember, that very same thing you're using to try and impress can confuse. Also, for every 1 movie you can name that has a scene with subtext, I can give you 50 that are just as good, if not better that do not have it and are all character actions - which show its importance overall and that you shouldn’t get hung up on it. If you want to read more into a line than is there, that's fine too. You can actually have any dialogue you want as long as the scene is clear, and everyone will go along. Subtext or pure silence (action) would work if your direction of the story is clear anyway - say whatever the hell you want.

As long as you simply think of subtext the same way a DP thinks of a prime 18mm, you're okay. It's another tool that shouldn't be over used and has its place. But no one is going to notice if you don't use it, and no one is going to think to themselves, "This scene needs more subtext to work" if it already works. Subtext is like garnishing prose, you can use those big adverbs, but do you really need to?

[labyrinthofthoughts]

600 days

it’s been 600 days since i last wrote on my tumblr page. i might make it a new year’s resolution of mine to start writing more, as i always do every year *sighs*. but anyways, yes, it’s been 600 days. almost 2 years. a lot has happened in the last 600 days. jumping in and out of depression, having people come and go in my life, building and destroying and rebuilding and redestroying relationships, you name it. amidst this pandemic (God knows when will i get my normal life back) where most of us are stuck at home in quarantine, doing things remotely, and normalising the unhealthy practice of spending the entire day behind blue light lit screens that strain our eyes if we look at it for too long, it’s pretty shocking how i managed to experience and feel so many things.

600 days have passed, and all i can say is that life is made up of these short fleeting moments and nothing is ever permanent. looking back, i think it’s both miraculous yet frightening how the dynamics of my relationships (family, friends, romantic, platonic, etc) have drastically changed throughout these 600 days because of this pandemic.

i fell out of love during the early days of quarantine. it didn’t scar me that much, though. i cried for 3 days and that’s it. i was too disappointed of myself and the people around me to a point where i pushed everyone away because i was too scared of giving them new chances. i was scared of the idea of falling out of love again. i became heartless for months before i finally had the courage again and decided to open up and give myself the opportunity to love someone new. more than a year later and i couldn’t ask for more, i couldn’t be happier.

the friends i used to physically see and talk to every day are now at home and we only occasionally communicate with each other through video calls or through a few text bubbles, and even that’s only for important matters because we are already too drained to entertain our unread messages and are deprived of human touch. i feel guilty for not making an effort to keep in touch with them because i know those are the friends that i will be seeing again after the whole pandemic things settles down (that is, if it does settle down), but i am just exhausted. i am exhausted of all this online interaction and sitting behind screens replying to emails and text messages without actually seeing their faces or hearing their voices. taking a break comes at a cost which i have to painfully pay. i’ve grown distant to them. i feel like a stranger in their lives now. i feel like i am no more than a speck of dust, insignificant to them now. i know should’ve reached out, talked to them or even ask how their lives were going when i had the chance, but i didn’t. and i’m sorry. i’ll fix this, i promise. i just don’t know how and when. but at least i’ll try.

being a hardcore introvert, as much as i value my alone time, i need to socialise with people too. hence, i picked up the courage to join as many societies as i could and picked up so many responsibilities and said yes to almost every project offered to me. sometimes i’d like to think of this as a coping mechanism and as a way to distract myself from my real problems, other days it’s just another excuse for me to procrastinate and downgrade myself even more, besides of using it as an excuse to fill in my chronic FOMO. haha. but as much i regret these decisions, i did get many good things out of it. mainly it’s where i get to meet so many good people around me and build genuine friendships. the people i thought i would only work with for a short period of time are now an essential element in my life. sharing real conversations and secrets and confessions over breakfast or evening jogs or even in the middle of the night. being the only few people left stuck in college, i used to think of these people as my last options of social interaction (apologies for having this initial assumption). but now we’re just inseparable. and i appreciate that. i appreciate having friends where i feel like i belong without having the intrusive thoughts of whether i am good enough or not, because they make me feel like i’m enough. and i couldn’t ask for more.

i am not exempted from having enemies too, and within the last 600 days i managed to turn some of my friends to enemies. i am not proud of this though. are my feelings valid? yes absolutely. but does that give me a free pass which allows me to react in that manner? absolutely not. i have done some pretty dumb things in life and i do feel remorseful of my wrongdoingsbut sometimes i’m not sorry and feel like i’m in the right. they might feel the same way too. i guess no one is spared from having an ego, me included. it’s not like i didn’t try. i’ve tried making amends, i’ve tried reaching out and apologising to give and get closure, i’ve tried but some just use that as a weapon to further spew hate at me. at this rate, i just don’t care anymore. i’m done being the only one trying to fix things. i guess i do forgive them, because i no longer want to keep that hate in my chest (or at least i try to). i guess it’s just better to move on my own terms and write my own closure. and trust me, there have been labels thrown at me so easily to a point where i can casually joke about it. toxic, bitter, you name it. sometimes i think it’s funny, how people who barely know me but have so much to say about me. but i guess every one is entitled to their own opinion, right? but that doesn’t mean we should blindly agree with everything people say, that’s up to us to evaluate and decide.

let’s not even get started on my relationship with my family. i’ll be honest, i am not very close with my family. yes we have had good and bad history and i still do see them as people i would go to in case if i need any help and vice versa (i mean they are still family to me), but i don’t really open up to them often because of how differently we think and how we have opposite views on life. and we always seem to be avoiding the elephant in the room and keep things to ourselves when things get ugly and hope that the problem goes away on its own. it’s like a vicious cycle, there is always a major argument and then it somehow resolves on its own and life is back to normal. and then, another bomb just drops and we’re suddenly not on speaking terms again because if we start talking i know it’ll turn into another war and we are all very avoidant on actually addressing any arising issues. i was lucky enough to be at home for months because of quarantine, in a way it did help me mend and rebuild the broken bond i had with them after spending a lot of our time together. but now that i’m living far away and that we’re starting to get busy with our commitments again, i have no idea how will i ever be able to go back and face the music again.

600 days and i am still as confused as ever about life and its fluctuations.

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