#red haired woo will always live in my brain forever and ever

[seaofashes]

Wooyoung - Be The Light, oh, Halazia

[deareddie]

eddie week day 7 - "are you happy?" + family

established buddie, 1.7k words

AO3 Link

It starts with a whispered conversation.

Of thoughts and insecurities, spread out onto the dark ceiling above them as they hold each other close.

Eddie asks a simple question.

“Are you happy?” A pause. Buck turns his head to look at him like it’s the most ridiculous question he’s ever heard. “This life we’re living together, is it enough?”

Buck smiles softly. “Eds, you could show me a million different versions of my life, and I’d pick this one every time.”

Eddie raises an eyebrow. “Even if you could be, like, a billionaire with a private jet or something?”

A laugh. Then, “No amount of money could fill up the space in my heart that’s reserved for you.”

Eddie waits for a moment; pretends that comment didn’t make his chest swell with adoration. “God, that’s cheesy.”

Another laugh. “But true.” He looks Eddie in the eye, and the love in that familiar gaze is so loud that Eddie has no choice but to believe him. He takes Eddie’s hand and laces their fingers together. “This life we have is everything I’ve ever wanted.”

“Everything?”

“Well, not quite yet.” He squeezes the hand in his. “I’d also like marriage, and more kids, and all of that. But for now, it’s enough."

“You want that? With me?”

Buck nods, full of certainty. “Home in the suburbs with a white picket fence and a cat, every stereotype you can think of, I want the lot.”

Eddie laughs. “Maybe not the cat. I’m more of a dog person, myself.”

Buck grins. “We’ll see about that.” Then after a moment; “But- you want all of that too? With me?”

“Yes,” Eddie says, and he’s never been more sure of anything in his life. “All of it."

“We’ll just have to make that happen, then.”

-

So Eddie comes up with a plan. Enlists Christopher’s help to pick out the ring, and once he’s got it, comes up with the perfect way to ask.

But as usual, things don’t go as expected.

“This place is so nice,” Buck comments as they make their way to the table, and Eddie has to agree. That’s why he picked it, after all. “You know you don’t have to woo me anymore, Eddie. You’ve got me for life.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t still do nice things for you.”

Buck settles into the chair Eddie pulls out for him and smiles. “Well, I won’t say no to that.”

They make their way through dinner as their usual selves, joking and laughing, but through it all, Eddie is full of nerves.

Not over what Buck’s answer will be -he’s been pretty certain of that for a while. But over making this moment perfect. After everything, Eddie owes it -both to Buck, and to himself, to get this one thing right.

He slides a hand into his pocket and works up the courage to begin. “Buck, I wanted to ask you something-”

And the world chooses this moment to mess with him.

A woman appears at their table. “Hi, I don’t know if you remember me, but I was in a car accident a few months ago, and you two…”

Just like that, Eddie’s courage is snapped.

They have a short, polite conversation, and when the woman makes her way back to her own table, Buck turns to him with a smile. “What was it you wanted to ask?”

Eddie slides his hand out of his pocket. Swallows. 

“Uh, wanna share some dessert?”

-

He doesn’t give up that easily, though. 

He decides to take it from a different angle instead. 

The entire car ride there, Buck is restless. “Why won’t you tell me where we’re going?”

Eddie shakes his head. “It’s a surprise. Ever heard of those?”

“I don’t like surprises.”

“Yes you do.”

Buck grins. “Yeah, I do.”

And when Eddie pulls to a stop at the beach, near the edge of the water where the setting sun is reflecting its golden light off of the waves, Buck’s face lights up. 

“Oh, Eddie.”

“I thought we’d have a picnic on the sand. Sound good?”

Buck leans over in his seat to kiss him soundly, and Eddie takes that as a yes (and hopes it’s not the only yes he’ll be getting tonight.)

So he grabs his things from the back of the truck and gets everything set up. They settle onto the blanket, cool sand underneath, away from the eyes and interruptions of strangers, and Eddie feels himself settle too. With that particular type of certainty that he always feels when Buck’s bright eyes catch his.

He’s so caught up in the moment, he doesn’t notice the sky start to cloud over.

“So,” Buck starts. “What’s the occasion?

“Well, I-”

The sky chooses that moment to let out a loud crack of thunder. They both startle, looking up towards the black clouds, as rain starts to pour down on their faces.

Buck lets out a startled laugh. They scramble to pick up the food and blankets, and Buck grabs his hand as they run back to the truck seeking shelter.

Right before they climb in, Buck pulls him in and kisses him again. Right under the sky, and the eyes of the universe, that both seem desperate to ruin Eddie’s plan.

“We’ll just have to try again,” he says. 

And yeah, Eddie supposes they will.

-

Eddie walks in the door after a 12-hour shift, and decides that tonight will be the night.

He and Buck had planned a quiet night in, just the two of them, no menacing clouds or eyes of the public. The two of them, at home, where they belong. It feels right.

That is, until Buck appears from around the corner, red-eyed, pale skinned, and looking downright miserable. 

Eddie sweeps his eyes over him with concern, and when they eventually meet Buck’s, all he says is, “I think I’m sick.”

Eddie drops his duffel on the floor and toes off his shoes, reaching out to press a gentle hand to Buck’s forehead. Definitely feverish.

So he takes Buck’s arm and steers him towards the bedroom, settling him under the covers as Buck looks at him with sad eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” he says. “We were supposed to have a nice night together.”

Eddie shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter.” He brushes the hair off of Buck’s forehead, smiling softly. “We’ll have plenty more chances to do that.”

He repeats the reassurance to himself, too.

-

In the end, it isn’t planned. 

No fancy dinners or romantic gestures; no candlelight or grand lead up to a declaration of love. No, it happens at 7 o’clock on a Friday evening, when they’re half out the door to a barbecue at Bobby and Athena’s. 

He’s getting Christopher ready at the door when he remembers something. “Hey, Buck, I left my jacket in the bedroom, would you mind grabbing it?”

Buck nods and sets off down the hall, and Eddie turns back towards Christopher. 

“Have you asked him yet?” Chris whispers, eyes following Buck as he disappears around the corner. 

Eddie shakes his head. “Not yet. I’m getting to it.”

“You’re taking too long,” Chris complains. “I helped you pick out the ring ages ago.”

“I just need to find the right moment, buddy. I want it to be perfect.”

Christopher just rolls his eyes. “Perfect is overrated.”

Eddie laughs and pats him on the shoulder. Stands, glancing down the hallway and wondering what’s taking Buck so long. 

When he follows in his footsteps and stops in the doorway, his question is answered. 

Buck is standing there, in the middle of the room, with wide eyes and a small velvet box in his hand. He looks up at Eddie.

“This fell out of your pocket.”

Eddie swallows. “Oh.”

They stand there like that, frozen in place, until Eddie takes a step forward with a sigh. “I wanted-” He gestures at the ring box. “I wanted it to be perfect.”

Buck smiles, still looking like he’s in disbelief. “Eddie, when has anything about us ever been perfect?”

And it’s true, but still- “I had a whole speech planned and everything. We were gonna have a nice dinner, I was gonna lead up to it-”

“I don’t need a speech, Eddie.”

“No, I know, but-” He deflates, shrugging. “I wanted to give you one anyway.”

Buck looks at him for a moment, smiling, then places the tiny box in Eddie’s hand. “Then do it.”

“What?”

“Give me the speech.”

“Oh.” Eddie nods, swallowing, then takes a deep breath. He knows what the outcome of this will be, has since they whispered assurances to each other in the dark that night, but his heart still feels like it’s about to beat out of his chest. Maybe it’s just trying to speak for him, in case his brain can’t get the words right.

He gets down on one knee. Buck can’t seem to stop grinning. “Buck, I-”

“Yes.”

“Buck.” 

Buck laughs. “Sorry, sorry. You want to do a speech. Go ahead.”

Eddie shakes his head fondly. “I had everything planned out so perfectly, you know,” he says. “But the world kept getting in the way.

“And it was so frustrating, but I was determined to do it, and get it right.” He pauses, looking into those eyes of Buck’s and seeing a future within them. “And I think that sums up our relationship pretty well. No matter what, through everything, we never give up. Even when it feels like the entire universe is fighting against us, we don’t admit defeat. We fight right back. We choose to stick with each other. To have each other’s backs. We always have.” 

Buck nods, eyes shining with tears. 

“So I want to keep choosing you. I want to choose you to be my husband, choose you as the father of my future children, choose you as the person I want to grow old and grey with, to always have by my side. Because I love you, so much, and I’ll never ever stop.” He smiles then, taking in Buck’s watery smile and loving eyes, before asking the final question.

“So, will you marry me?”

“Yes,” Buck breathes out. Drops to his knees to be level with Eddie and grabs his face, kissing all over. “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.” 

“Oh, thank god,” Eddie says, and Buck laughs, grinning at him with overwhelming adoration. 

“Better start building that fence, then.” 

Eddie laughs. “I guess so.”

He slips the ring onto Buck’s finger, and it feels like the start of forever.

[bapydemonprincess]

Sebagni and Sebamey for the ask meme!

Welp, lets see if my brain works :D

Sebagni:

When I started shipping it if I did: Well, you see there was this blog with a fanfic I discovered called “Metanoia”, and though I’d loved their interactions in manga and anime before that, I didn’t really ship them full on until picking up THAT story. ;3

My thoughts: THEY ARE HUSBANDS!!!!!! periodt. 🥰

What makes me happy about them: How Agni opens up to Sebastian, isn’t intimidated, CALLS HIM HIS FRIEND, even when fighting each other they look so HAPPY, how Yana drew them sitting on a fuckin tete-a-tete chair which normally is for couples at parties in victorian times wanting to flirt and woo each other >:3333 NEED I SAY ANYMORE???

What makes me sad about them: 

YANA RUINED THEIR CHANCES OF BECOMING CANON 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: I haven’t found much in the rare sebagni fics I do find, but there are points in certain ones where usually one or the other forces their affection on the other in a sudden random bout of desire and that trope really, really doesn’t suit sebagni I think, nor do I like forcing things in general and wish that fic trope would just die out... 😔

Things I look for in fanfic: SLOW GRADUAL BUILD UP AND DEVELOPMENT, like almost, you know, like REAL LIFE??? Cause things like pinning someone and forcing them into a kiss doesn’t happen in real life and actually WORK too, that’s a little something called assault, boys and girls. uwu

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: Oh, obviously a lot of options come to mind for the shippy thot demon XD BUT... Agni is much harder... Perhaps another sweet soul, like Mey Rin, or Paula? uwu

My happily ever after for them: Either Agni getting Seb to quit the contract via falling in love with him, and they live together forever, OR Seb does finish the contract, Agni understands and accepts this.. and they live together happily with that as well!

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: Pfft, such an obvious question. >w< Agni is the big spoon (LITERALLY) and Sebastian is the little spoon. uwu

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: Enjoying the kitties Seb has, telling each other stories, going for walks with each other 💖💖💖💖

Sebamey:

When I started shipping it if I did: Oooo I forget a specific pin-point, it always was there I think, cause I thought Mey Rin’s crush was adorable and felt so bad for her TwT Maybe after getting to RP it out in the one we did a bit before this recent one (and still will hopefully get back to TwT) where Mey Rin confesses her love to the demon and has a fun first romp in a closet! XD Also recent chapters with flashbacks have definitely fueled the shipping fire!

My thoughts: They are freakin ADORABLE together, such a unique type of pairing, with such an experienced dark demon, falling for a sweet soft girl >w< who can also KICK ASS when she needs to! >:3

What makes me happy about them: That there’s moments in the manga and anime that stand out as very Sebamey to me, like Mey landing on Sebastian when she fell in earlier chaps, and Sebastian telling her softly “You are a young woman, after all.~” in the Murder Arc >w<

What makes me sad about them: Canon things in the manga obviously make it likely impossible we’ll ever see any hints of a real romance. TwT *sigh*

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: Again the forcefulness I see in the rare fanfics I find are just not fun.. I want people to try things like Sebastian trying to WOO her like a proper victorian gentleman!!! 😭

Things I look for in fanfic: As I’ve been saying Slow natural development and buildup is what I like to see in shippy stories!!

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other: ALMOST same answer as before; Sebastian has plenty of options, and MEY MEY... well.. not only does the khansama come to mind, but also a certain red reaper we NEVER see her interact with outside early Jack the Ripper stuff! Let Mey Rin and Reaper Grelle Sutcliff meet again to really get to know each other! >:3

My happily ever after for them: Similar to last time, Sebastian finishes the contract, Mey understands, and they go off to live together somewhere far from that drama and angst! ... Maybe he turns her into a demon, too! 😍

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: I think they switch it up depending on the mood! Seb may be seen as a “bottom” in most cases, but he can definitely be Mey’s big spoon, maybe purring for her as well if she knows he’s a demon >w< and if the butler has had a bad day, Mey can comfort him by being HIS big spoon for once, and petting his hair and singing to him. uwu

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: Surprisingly doing the daily chores and stuff together! Stealing kisses and little pinches here and there >w< and also lying down to read together and pet kitties uwu

[cheollies]

100 Reasons To Love Joshua Hong

thanks to @justsomekpopstuff for some help at the end when my brain was stalling to think of things

First of all, um why not

his eyes are so frickin well defined and sharp, cat eyes for real, they’re so mesmerizing and so easy to fall in to

his lip tint/lipstick/lip gloss or whatever he’s wearing on his lips, it’s always on point and literally the prettiest colors ever cause they’re always so pinkish/peach that it makes his lips look so irresistible

HIS PIERCINGS!!!!!!!!!!! They’re so attractive. like he has such an innocent image and the piercings kinda give him a nice aesthetic edge and its even more attractive (in my opinion) that his piercing are asymmetrical (sigh i remember when cheol had that)

He looks cute with bangs

BUT HE LOOKS GORGEOUS WHEN HIS HAIR IS LIKE SLIGHTLY PARTED AND HIS FOREHEAD IS SHOWING. DO YOU GET WHAT I MEAN???????

remember when he said spongebob reminded him of Hansol

he used to sing Sunday Morning all the time

I’M SORRY I STARTED CRYING CAUSE BC OF THAT BLESSED VIDEO OF JOSHUA IN A LEATHER JACKET, A GUITAR AND SINGING SUNDAY MORNING

Born and raised in Los Angeles, California so his english is perfect basically

He has a very nice soft singing voice as well as a nice speaking voice

Let’s never forget the time he did a high note battle with the rest of vocal team one fine day and his face basically turned into a tomato

but let’s also not forget when he did the thing with the water bottle where he blew his nose into it and totally ruining his image

He’s an only child that later gained twelve brothers

back in LA he used to sing in his church, which is where he discovered that he enjoyed performing

BLACK HAIRED JOSHUA

His look when he was on the golden disc award red carpet (basically making me think about switching lanes)

His laugh is just so precious. he goes ‘hahahaha’ literally 

He does that thing where when he laughs, he covers his mouth with the back of his hand or he just claps like a seal

During the sleepover live where they’re all sleeping in pajamas, when Soonyoung moved over to Joshua, Joshua just let Soonyoung hug him and snuggle into him

best friends with mr. Yoon Jeonghan and Joshua’s personality change when he’s with Jeonghan is amazing

like the time on 95 line vlive when it was only Joshua and Seungcheol, and Joshua asked Seungcheol to do freestyle rap or sing but Seungcheol refused so obviously Joshua was going to let it go BUT THEN JEONGHAN CAME IN AND JOSHUA WAS ALL LIKE ‘SEUNGCHEOLS GONNA DO FREESTYLE RAP NOW’

his favorite move is the pindrop and no one can stop the man from doing it

He’s got twelve hype men so you’re gonna see it more often than you want

he basically does it in DWC so yeah it’s staying with him forever.

rapline wannabe

Constantly trying out for Hiphop Unit, have you heard his raps? They’re legendary

King of acrostic poems

He has the cutest nose scrunch you will ever see

The time joshua tried to high five a fan at a fansign but got rejected because the girl didn’t see but luckily Jun saw and started laughing

the life hack Joshua did by putting his coke in the snow while he was outside (get you a man this smart)

Known as Seventeen’s Gentleman so that basically means if you stan him, he’s going to treat you right and like royalty

That time on weekly idol when he introduced himself as the guy who spoke five languages as an attempt to speak the languages

On the Yang and Nam show when Joshua outed Jihoon for taking vocal team out to eat and forgetting him

He said it so sweetly too even though Jihoon did him wrong

He honestly looks so good in simple button up shirts it’s truly inspiring

The Where is my Friend’s hometown episode where Joshua was supposed to plan out the trip but instead went to sleep once the guys left the room

On one of the andromeda episodes, when Joshua took off his necktie and the other members started screaming (#same)

when he laughed so hard at a fanmeet that he accidentally pushed Jeonghan off the staged and pretended to be innocent of the crime

Anime nerd that likes One Piece, Naruto and Bleach

One said that if he were in Jeonghan’s body, he would eat lots of food

okay but the time Joshua sat in a massage chair and made it seem as though the massage chair was on but in reality, the chair wasn’t even plugged in

why doesn’t anyone talk about Joshua’s chocolate song

‘Sometimes i dream about chocolate’

‘I WANT SOME FOOD RIGHT NOW JUST KIDDING’

‘I need some twix yeah’

Don’t forget his pizza song

his pizza song that included him wanting a chocolate pizza with some twix on top

He pronounces Nutella as ‘nuh-tella’ i’m just gonna leave that here for you to think about

He said ‘Boing Boing’ on Going Seventeen once

His nickname is Shua, the members call him Shua a lot and Chan referred to Joshua as ‘Shua hyung’

He can’t spicy food

a cute boy who likes playing with the cute snow filters and being cute

When he was asked to dance for his audition, all he did was clap to the beat since he didn’t know how to dance

He was streetcasted at a festival in the U.S.

He often helps the others with english, he teaches Hansol english as well as helps Jihoon with any english lyrics

Seokmin said that Joshua has a sophisticated and luxurious style

That time during predebut when Joshua screamed ‘YOU’RE CREATING A GAP BETWEEN OUR RELATIONSHIP’ at Hansol

WHEN HE SAID THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE AS A TALENT

On an andromeda episode when they called Joshua, Jeonghan said that Joshua didn’t like aegyo

He doesn’t like insects

He said that if he wasn’t an idol, he’d either be studying English or Business in college

Joshua said he was closest to Jeonghan because they had entered the company at relatively the same time

Honestly the coolest part of the DWC dance is Joshua’s part, Joshua got the best dance part, it’s just so cool looking at the way they move during that part

Joshua says ‘Yo’ a lot that it’s probably his go to word

Okay but that outfit he had on in the Going Seventeen Prologue, the cute grey zip up hoodie with his blue and white striped shirt, and he had a black backpack on, it’s such a simple outfit but it’s totally some boyfriend Joshua aesthetic

That time Joshua said ‘Vernon Oppa’

In the dorm, it’s said that Joshua often forgets to take a towel with him to the bathroom when he showers so he often calls someone to get him a towel

He shares a birthday with BTS’s Taehyung if you didn’t know and they’re totally cool with each other

Joshua talking about chicken ‘it’ll heal our hearts’

He’s not that great at cooking, he says he usually orders food

Joshua in the Adore U performance unit version calmly and cooly playing the guitar while chilling above the floor on the wall

He has the prettiest hands, they look so nice, like imagine holding his hands

on one fine day, Joshua didn’t know how to cook/prepare rice in a pot because he always used a rice cooker

He wants to speed up his eating because he doesn’t want the others to have to wait for him to finish

Joshua has the most impeccable cheekbones

To quote Joshua: bibbity hamburg pizza woo

His really light pinkish hair was so pretty

But his light caramel brown was also great

Let’s be real, he’s never had a bad hair moment

Remember when photos of Joshua during a dry rehearsal was put on the internet, and he was wearing a white shirt with no sleeve and we all were #blessed with Joshua’s arms

If he was a carat, he said he’d stan Soonyoung (who wouldn’t tbh)

the time Joshua used an umbrella as a golf club and shimmied his butt before he pretended to shoot

Joshua jumping into the pool with his little fluttery hands is cuter than puppies

Joshua chose love over friendship and i think that says a lot about him

He said that if he had his own radio broadcast, he’d want the name of it to be ‘a glass of wine’ (aa self promotion, read my joshua angst titled a glass of wine)

His personality is described as introverted and shy, but thanks to Seventeen, he shows us his very weird and comical side

Joshua touching Soonyoung’s ear in the sleepover vlive

Joshua used to watch Immortal Song with his mother and grandmother, so when he finally got the chance to perform on the show, he sent out a few words to his family, even saying that his grandma can brag to her friends

sometimes Joshua pretends he’s going to low-five hansol but then sikes him out and why is Joshua like this

He did his call intro for the DWC era on NCT’s radio and made everyone cringe like heck

Sexy shua, that one gif of him waving his fingers and basically being eye candy while singing in the mic (its the gif up there. i just had to put it)

Shua in leather pants……….yeah

Honestly how many handshakes does he have and make with the other boys. Like i’m surprised he even got Jihoon to make a handshake

SHUA IN SWEATERS !! A VERY SOFT AND COMFY SHUA THAT EVERYONE NEEDS

to Joshua his faith is something dear to him. It’s something he’s open about and i’m glad that it’s being respected in a sense that no one is bashing him for it.

At the age of 18 he moved from the U.S. to Korea, basically to a place where he didn’t know the customs well and had to learn to adapt to the new setting

When he moved in Korea, Joshua didn’t know to to read or write korean, he stated that he could never read the lyrics that were given to him because of it

During 17project when the parents came out as a surprise, Joshua who had been away from his family so long, clung to his mother with tears

“Carats are always being my energy and strength”

[titusreno]

Chapter Two

Daylun

 Dear Jenny

I hope you can figure out how to unencrypt this. I’m using a new glitchcode since I think the old one was too easy to crack. I believe in you, though, and if you’re reading this I guess it’s all fine. Still using some code words in this just in case someone intercepts this and is as smart as you.

I know I left you in the lurch last time worrying about me. I’m sorry I made you panic. It turns out that the whipsnitches didn’t get footage of me crossing the fence after all. I don’t know if the circuit for the cameras broke or if it’s just spotty or someone was asleep, but the write-up they served me when I finally got in there was some bogus smalltime stuff about me taking too many pee breaks when I’m on the burner line. They know I’m doing some kind of other thing, but they didn’t have any data on me. They cited my wristcuff data and acted all high and mighty about the fact that they know what I’m doing with the wristcuff on, which means they don’t know I figured out how to take it off and trick the sensors. So, good news. Unless they’re bluffing. But I don’t think flatface bosses know how to bluff, or would bluff, or any of that stuff. They say whatever they think to us because they think we’re like droneboys or animals. You know the tone they have.

They have us where they want us, but in some ways it’s better than it was before the worm because even the higher management knows they also need us. There’s piggos here, but only some. You know how I said it was like half-staff? Now it’s even less. We’re one-third what it used to be when we were letlets. They sent the rest to the facilities to do tests or buried them when they got too sick, and now there’s areas of the burner line that only have one girl to a station. They need every single able worker, even a troublemaking firestarter like me, or they would have bumped me into the burner the first day here after they shipped me back from Auxie. I’ve pulled so much shit they know about and more they don’t, but I’m still walking and breathing and they’re still feeding me pigeon peas. They’re worried that if too many of us die then all the garbage is going to pile up and the maintenance teams on the deep pipelines are going to fall behind. They know that they can’t keep this up forever and they’re going to take us all out before the end, chew us up and spit us out dead into the desert, but they want to keep churning as long as they can. They like their air conditioning.

That said, ask your alien dudes or whatever to protect my ass on the line out here, because if you get bonked it’s still curtains. Hanolt got her leg crushed by a dronetruck yesterday near the firetrench and I haven’t seen her since. That was it for her and she was almost the last one I knew from letlet days. Everyone still here is delinquents like me or oldies who got infected after they were grown or letlets too fucked up or irregular or unlucky to get sent to be tested on. Everyone we knew who stayed behind is dead now. There’s trucks of livestock carcasses coming in every day now that the Montana slaughterhouses finally caught the worm, and we’re having to bury them all in the flatlands. As soon as anyone gets headaches too bad or starts seizing on the workfloor and a droneboy sees? They’re out under the Arizona moon with the rest of the pigskulls. So far my headaches come about once a month, so I’m good in the honeyhive for a little longer, but it’s not gonna be too long even best case. Which is why I’m working on the oatmeal so much.

Oatmeal is maybe possible in the next few months. More on that in another note because I don’t think I trust this encryption software yet. But the fence jump paid off. I talked to some breakfasters. They’re flat but cool. If you want the deets, you and Nooty might even be able to help me.

Lovelove

Daylun

 Dear Jenny

This one is a different code again.

Deets on oatmeal: two flats met me outside the line. They’re doctors. They went back and forth with me a bunch using these little textbots that write on surfaces in ink that biodegrades 30 seconds after it gets printed. They have some money, or some support. I don’t know where from. They’re supposedly escapees from the pits near Tacoma who have been working in the mountains in the north somewhere. They don’t tell me too much yet about them. But they are doctors. They’ve rescued two of the injured piggos. They said they couldn’t save Hanolt but according to them Lup is still alive. They say they’ve been laying tripwires around the fence that might be able to disable the power for the whole facility if they can generate a surge, but they need someone on the inside. I’m that person. I have to get at least a hundred of us on board for them to act. I have a month before they come back. Then we’ll have to act before April. By then it’ll be too hot. So I’m starting to move. They gave me some tools. They also know I have a contact at Auxie, and that made them very interested. I dangled it a little. They don’t know anything else. But I think they want to try and develop a cure to rival Auxie’s pharma stuff. On their end they said there’s rumors that a test study on piggos is coming soon for Auxie and it might be a real med this time. So I guess keep an ear to the ground and if you get any drugs send a couple samples over to me. If I’m still here.

Your sick revolution bb

Daylun

 Dear Jenny

I’m glad you got the encryption stuff figured out.

About what you wrote last time--I gotta say, the alien savior talk is weirding me out a lot. That line from your last letter about the vision where they spoke to you and said all that crazy stuff about the omen birds and the light and the mountain—I mean, it’s just a dream, right? It’s a cool dream, but it’s just your brain doing REM sleep.

You’re like, the smartest person I know, and you’ve never talked like that before, and when I read your letter I got really mad for a while. I’m not mad now, but I need to let you know that the way you sounded just isn’t you. You sound woowoo. Like, crystal palace in the sky, peyote woo woo. Okay maybe I am mad.

Oatmeal isn’t a trick. They’re not a trick. They have shit up their sleeves and I don’t trust them but it’s not a trick and they’re my best shot right now. If anything is tricking you it’s your own brain on too much K-po. It’s just potassium. It just messes with the worm in your gut and makes it do chemicals. That’s all.

“The dust falls from the birds and blacks out the last stars of the evil age?” “The new birth of the planet will come when the heaven opens and the star children emerge from the gulch of death”? Like, T.S Eliot much? Candyland meets some yogi from Neodetroit? Which, meditation is my thing, you know. But social movements for progress based on weird cults always bite the dust. Magic makes it harder to talk to people about the real world and what’s wrong with it. And there’s a lot wrong in the world. Humans enslaved each other and fought wars and broke democracies down into a system where only the businesses and rich people can afford to live. And then, after they did all that, and the soft drink companies were building the roads and the companies owned the internet and all the fish died and the oceans rose and there were genocides and genocides and genocides, humans made us. They made a new kind of subhuman to do work for them who they were allowed to own. They made us from the animals they ate. We’re chattel slaves, baby, and they bred our mothers’ mothers’ to make us workers and medical subjects and inject us until we die. And the worm isn’t divine retribution on them, because it’s got us too and it’s gonna kill us just as hard as it’s gonna kill them. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just one more shitty thing to happen on this planet. It might be the last shitty thing, but that doesn’t mean it’s got all kinds of cosmic significance or is part of a conscious design. And nothing is gonna save us from this thing but us. If we want to win and live, we have to set the fires ourselves.

Which I can do. And I know you can do it too. I believe in it so much my heart hurts when I think it. You and me and Titus are the start, but we’re not the end. We’re all strong enough for this. We have to believe in ourselves and the pigs around us. There’s no other way forward. There’s nobody but us. There’s no alien savior.

I’m getting all manifesto. Sorry.

Look, Jamjam, even when I’m mad you’re the fucking girl of my dreams and I will follow you until the end of time, which I think we both know is coming pretty damn soon unless some action is taken. And we’re on the same page in so many ways. Remember the roses? Remember the punchcard and orange tango? Those are my best memories. They’re what keeps me going here when I hear Hanolt screaming and see her leg flattened into the asphalt or have to lob a truckload of rotten pig carcass into the desert pits.

I want to live with you in a world without fear where we can be healthy and live in a house somewhere and own something of our own and be safe and free. I dream every single morning about you when I’m at the burner station and fall asleep every night singing the song you wrote me. I think about your amazing silky gemstone ambery red cool-ass hair and your arms and your awesome belly and the way your boobs look in the sunlight in December. I want to shower you in big sloppy kisses and protect you and raise genetically impossible mutant babies with you and build a house in the North where it gets cold still and learn to sew and make some clothes and grow our own food. I want us to shoot enemies together and haul shit and break shit and build shit. I am yours, and everything I ever do or make is yours forever. But I’m going to fight you on this one.

I know you say the alien stuff is not magic, but it sounds like magic, and you said yourself it doesn’t make any sense. I know it’s keeping you emotionally grounded and semi-sane, which I guess is the main thing for now. I know Auxie is nuts and a half. And if this is like, helping, then I guess that’s that. But it’s never going to be the center of what my vision is about.

Before you start telling me about all the mysteries I don’t know—look, I know the purple dudes are real. I’ve seen the pics and I know the mummy that came on the ship is real and I’m glad that the Auxie people finally told everyone about it after hiding it all that time. But this stuff about them coming to Earth to save us? And knowing the piggos are oppressed and wanting to extend the light down and blast the world over and make it new, and mend the wormdamage? It makes me feel weird. I don’t think you’re insane, but you’re leaning into this and I think it’s not great.

I know it’s a really visceral, intense idea and I know you’ve been having visions about it. I get why it feels good. And I mean, it would be cool if there were something true in it. I think maybe there is some kind of frequency or something we could hear extraterrestrial civilizations on if we had the technology, and maybe your brain sort of subconsciously knows that and is telling you to find a way to contact them. I think you’re having a real experience and then your brain is interpreting it.

I’m sorry this letter is so aggro. It just kind of happened. It’s because I feel so much. I barely talk to people day to day. We don’t have a lot of time to socialize. So when I’m writing everything I think spills out into the text feed. I hope you think about this, but like, you know I love you no matter what, right? Even if this gets way more intense and you become some supervillain cult leader, I think I’ll still love you. And I trust you won’t be evil, also. You’re inherently good, so vividly and cosmically good that if I believed aliens were contacting the earth it would make sense that you would be the person they’d go for. I trust you. I can’t say that enough. I guess as someone who isn’t there, and also someone who can’t see what you see, I just feel like it’s a false kind of hope. I say that as someone who loves you. I want us to have faith in US. We’re what we’ve got to work with.

I want to work on this with you.

Love

Daylun

 Dear Jenny

I love you too. I love you so much. I miss you so much.

maybe it’s real and I’m dumb. But I get worried when it’s all you talk about in your letters. Like, the scientists that did the tests on that mummy said it’d been floating around for probably seven thousand years in space, rocketing along from wherever all dehydrated with all those dormant wormspores. The planet the dude came from could be anywhere. We don’t even know if the planet exists anymore. It could be like Mars and be all dead. And even if they do exist and they’re not even more messed up than flatface boyos, and they haven’t ruined their oceans with oil and destroyed each other with wars and enslaved people or whatever, they’re a really, really long ways away.

Where I am, stuff is moving. There’s five piggos into oatmeal in my building. We’re moving on this. Let me know if you want to help. There’s some stuff we need, small stuff that would help. It’d be expensive on your end but I think you could swing it with help if you tried. But I won’t drag you into it unless you want to. Let me know.

Love you

Daylun

[taroshi-chan]

The Meaning of Love (Sorry, I am bad with titles..)

Word Count: 1422 words Pairing: Gaara x Hinata

There once was a man who had a daughter who would not marry. Every year, on her birthday, he would repeat the same plea. “You are the heir.” He would tell her, “You must be married. Our family must be strong.” She would always reply with, “Not yet, Father.” He had respected her wishes at first, she was still young. Unfortunately this went on for years; the Clan Leader was not a patient man. He began to arrange engagements for her himself, he didn’t need her approval in this matter. To his dismay, not one had ever worked out. There were always complaints. She becomes odd, they would tell him. She refuses to eat. She does not speak. She broke my son’s hand. That had ended it. He suspected the incident to be entirely of the son’s making, but let the issue drop to protect his daughter’s honour. So he told himself. He didn’t know what to do with her. So he let her be. Though every year he would ask her and she would always reply the same way. This year was anticipated to be no different, so Hiashi held no hope when he came to talk to her after the evening meal.

He knocked politely at her door and entered after she bid him to. He eyed his eldest child, taking in her round figure and long dark hair. Her delicate hands working steadily away at the bit of embroidery in her lap.  Lavender eyes, framed by thick dark lashes, looked up at his approach. So calm and steady. His eyes. His family’s eyes. “Good evening, Father,” she nods her head in deference. He is still lost in his study of her, and does not answer at once. When he does, it is his usual bid. “You are the heir-” “I will marry.” He cannot move; the astonishment at hearing her words has trip his brain and sent his thoughts sprawling. He stares at her unblinking for a moment before uttering, “Can this be true?” Her face is lively, her voice high and sweet and clear, “Yes.” Hiashi drifts closer to his eldest and graces her with a smile she hasn’t seen in a long time; he is pleased. She reaches a small hand up which he takes between both of his. “But I have a condition, Father.” His smile loses some of its’ brightness in his uncertainty, “And what would that be, Daughter?” “I want choice. I want to choose who will do our family this honour.” She squeezes her father’s hand in reassurance before adding, “And I want them to bring me something.” Hiashi blinks and is surprised to find himself nodding to her request. “I suppose it would be customary for a possible suitor to produce a gift for his intended. What is it you wish them to procure?”

Full lips curve up, their mischievousness lost to him, "I want them to bring me love. I want them to bring me happiness.” “And you will marry whoever can bring you this?” Hiashi asked, confusion and hope mixing in his question. “I will consider it.” He did not understand her trick. — And it was so. Word spread quickly that the Hyuuga heir apparent was finally, finally, finally, looking for a husband. The response was immediate - they came from all over to attempt to woo this heretofore unobtainable woman. They came to see her, one by one, and she would ask them the only question that mattered to her. “What have you brought me?” she would ask them all in turn. And they brought her all manner of things. “I have brought you jewels!” One cried. “I have brought you rare and beautiful flowers!” offered another. “I have brought you fine china!” “I have brought you a kiss.” She had openly laughed in that particular young man’s face. “I have brought you the secret to eternal youth!” She wasn’t sure how to take that, and had sent him on his way. The offers poured in daily and yet Hinata rejected them all. Nothing they brought pleased his strange quiet daughter. After some time, the offers grew fewer and fewer. Her father is exasperated and begins to despair. Hinata just smiles to herself. No one could figure out what it was she was looking for. Until quite unexpectedly… There came the customary knock at her door. Hinata bids them to enter and waved her maids away, her attention focused on the piece of embroidery she was just finishing. It was of a tiny golden bird in an equally tiny cage. She was just finishing it’s eyes, blue and forlorn, and so did not spare a glance to the approaching footsteps. She waited and sewed until she heard them stop in front of her, before asking with a sigh, “What have you brought me?” Silence ensued. Hinata could feel the man’s gaze on her, and the resulting warmth in her cheeks until she clamped down hard on the feeling. No, she told herself, they aren’t worth it. She was opening her mouth to ask again, maybe he was shy?, when he silenced her with a voice that was both low and husky. “I would offer you a promise,” he told her. This caught her attention. She looks up sharply at her latest pursuer only to catch her breath. She manages a breathy, “Oh?” as she takes in the sight of red hair and dark dark skin. The man is dressed in gold and russet and ivory, her eyes drink in the colours of him. She shivers in recognition and something else, though not in fear. It has been long since she last laid eyes on him. The Kazekage’s eyes are full of sea foam and amusement, though his face offered her nothing. “Material things expire quickly,” he says by way of explanation. “My word is forever.” Hinata offers him a small smile, setting her embroidery aside. He takes this as a sign to continue. “A promise,” he repeats. “To never risk you, or myself needlessly.” “A promise to give you everything you need, but not everything you want.” “A promise to never lie to you, even to spare you pain.” “A promise,” he emphasizes, his sea foam eyes never leaving hers, “to aspire towards your happiness.” “You would give me so much freedom?” she asks, voice barely above a whisper. “You would offer a woman so much?” He really looks at her then, and she almost lost the battle to contain her rising blush. “You are a woman, yes, but you are also a person. In this, we are equals.” Hinata has risen to her feet almost unconsciously, and makes her slow and graceful way towards him. “I do not love you.” His words halt her progress and she can only stare at him. “Then…why have you come?” He is silent a moment, contemplating his words. When he has them, he looks up at her. “To prove,” he begins simply. Hinata can feel herself losing the battle, her face a lovely shade of red. He thinks she is beautiful then. He takes a suddenly shaky breath and presses on. “To prove that I am capable of it.” Understanding is slow to come, but when it does Hinata’s face lights up from within. She smiles widely at the man before her in unadulterated joy. She finished her descent, stopping just shy of him. He catches himself before he steps away from her; she is so close. He watches her warily, unsure of what would happen next. Smile never faltering, eyes never leaving his face, she caught his hands up in hers and says in her curiously breathy voice, “Gaara-sama.” She watched in curious amazement as his cheeks darkened further with the contact, and the way he flinched slightly. She made soothing motions with her thumbs across his knuckles; clearly he was unused to being touched. “Kazekage-sama,” she reverts to using his title, aware of her mistake. Still smiling, Hinata looks up at him. “Would you like to have tea with me?” His mouth has suddenly gone dry; he nods his assent. She giggles, and releases his hands. He smiles for the first time (what a lovely sound she makes) and, emboldened, offers her his arm instead. Hinata accepts, sliding her hand across the silky material of his tunic and enjoying the feel of lean muscle beneath. She leads the way to the parlor. She giggles again at the thought of introducing the Kazekage to her waiting family; what would her Father think? The End

[buckyscrystalqueen]

One Love

Pairings: Carter Baizen x Reader

Warnings: GRAPHIC depictions of drug use & drug over dose, cheating, swearing, angst, fluff, smut (ish), arrests, underage drinking, underage drug use, poor parenting... (If I missed any, let me know)

Word Count: 9,261

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Morning, (Y/N).” You smiled at the woman at the nurses station as you handed her the bag of things you had brought for your husband that week.

“Morning, Jean. How are the kids?” She rolled her eyes and sighed.

“Monsters as usual.” She put the bag down on the floor with the rest of the bags from other visitors and gestured to her left. “He’s been up since four waiting for you.” You gave her a small smile and headed out of the dorms building.  

Peace River drug and alcohol rehabilitation center; the rehab that you had left not a week before yourself. But now you were back for family counseling day for your husband. It wasn’t ideal but it was your marriage; your crazy, dysfunctional, high maintenance marriage. You headed into the main building as you pulled off your light blue, Gucci peacoat. You heard a chair scrape across the floor over the click of your boots and before you could take your scarf off, you were nearly tackled to the ground.

“You’re here.” Carter said softly as he held you tight and brushed his fingers through your hair. “I didn’t think you’d come.” Your stomach fluttered (just like it had since you were a little girl around Carter Baizen) and you nodded against his shoulder.

“I’m always here for you, baby.” He squeezed his arms around you before forcing himself away from you. His blue eyes danced across your face before he moved you back at arms length and looked at you. His classic smirk stretched across his face as he looked back in your eyes.

“You get more beautiful every time I see you.” You rolled your eyes as you unwrapped your scarf from your neck.

“You know flattery gets you no where, baby.” You teased as he took your coat and scarf from you. He nodded as he laced his fingers with yours and headed toward his councilors office.

“It may not but it’s 100% truth.” You rolled your eyes as he rocked your large, 7 carat diamond wedding ring back and forth on your finger.

“Kiss ass.” You teased as he carefully hung up your coat and scarf on top of his. He blew a kiss to you as Anna, your old and his current councilor called both your names from her office. You gave her a smile and a wave as Carter grabbed your hand again and lead you toward her office with a smile.

~~~~~~ AGE 16 ~~~~~~~~~

“Baizen!” You called across your living room. You watched the handsome senior pause on the main stairs and turn toward you with a smile.

“Well, well. Skipping school again, Tink?” He asked as he stepped off the stairs and crossed the room. You shrugged as you tossed the book you were pretending to read across the room.

“I’m sick.” You lied as you faked a cough. “Why do you think I called my local pharmacist who is skipping, too?” He chuckled as he sat down by your feet on the window seat overlooking Central Park. You looked at him with your eyebrows raised as he pulled a small, black, leather bag from his pocket and set it and his arm on your bent knees.

“Up or down?” He asked with a smile as he pat the bag against your leg. You tilted your head to the side with a smile.

“You playing hooky with me today?” He chuckled and glanced out the window with a small nod.

“I think I can clear my schedule for a pretty girl like you.” You rolled your eyes and snatched the  bag from his hand.

“Let’s do both then, baby. I wanna dance with the stars and sink into the clouds.”

~~~~~~~AGE 17~~~~~~~~~

“Well, well… if it isn’t little Miss Tinkerbell.” Blair sassed as you strolled past her VIP table on the way back from the bathroom. A smile spread across your face as you stopped walking and turned to look at her with the most fake smile you could force your drug altered brain to make.

“Blair!” You squealed as you put your hand on your hip. “Look at you! You look just as childish as the last time I saw you.” You watched the girls smile fall as her minions, Kati and Hazel tittered behind their hands.

It was no secret that Blair Waldorf and most of the girls at Constance hated you but you didn’t care. Like it or not, you were the most watched Upper East Sider; rivaling only Serena Van Der Woodsen. Your mother, Jane was an oil heiress, your father, Frank was the CEO of a company that rivaled Bass Industries in size and income and neither of your parents could be bothered with raising their only child. As a Constance drop out with her GED with parents that couldn’t care less, you gave the tabloids enough ‘news’ to keep them in business for the rest of eternity. You could care less about the self proclaimed ‘Queen B’ in front of you and her posse of ignorant friends. At 17, the only thing you cared about was boys, booze, and Bergdorf’s.

“What are you doing here?” She spat as she crossed her arms over her chest. “This party is invite only.” You smirked at her and cocked your eyebrow.

“I was invited, idiot. I have more clout in this town than you do.” You turned toward the sound of your nickname being called and waved at your friend, Georgina, who you knew was just saving you from Blair. You looked back at the bitch with a sarcastic smile and shrugged. “Get over yourself, B. You may think you rule the Upper East Side but no one gives a shit about you.” You turned in your five inch, Louis Vuitton’s and headed toward the ultimate VIP table in the center of the second level of the club.

“What did she want?” Georgie asked over the loud music as you walked through the red rope and sat down on the couch; making sure your short, red swoop dress was covering everything it needed to. You shrugged and took her offered coke straw as the curtain was dropped around the two couches for privacy.

“The fuck knows or cares.” You groaned as you twisted your long hair and flipped it over your shoulder. You leaned down to the table and inhaled deeply through your nose, letting the long line of white power cloud your senses and burn your navel cavity. You sat up with a loud ‘woo’  as you plugged the left side of your nose and snorted the coke back down your throat. “Where did that come from?”

“Your ‘boyfriend’.” She taunted as you leaned forward and did another line. You rolled your eyes as you sat back up and passed her back the straw to put in her purse. She knew the drill when she was with you. You fed her the drugs for free but she took the fall for them if you were ever to get caught. She knew you would bail her out of jail and help sweep it under the rug but you had a lot more to lose if you got caught with anything big.

“Eat me.” You teased as you grabbed the bottle of Krug champagne you had ordered earlier and took a big swig straight from the bottle. You propped the bottle on your knee and grabbed a cigarette from the pack on the table. “Is he in town?”

“He’s here.” Georgie said with a smile as she pulled the bottle from your hand and traded you for a Zippo, Carter’s Zippo, as if to make a point. “I mean, he was for like a minute when you were in the bathroom.” You nodded as you set the Zippo down on the table and cleaned off the remnants of the coke off the table with your middle finger. You signaled for the curtains to be opened back up as you brushed the coke along your gums.

“He’ll be back.” You said as you smoked your cigarette without a care in the world. You looked out at the people dancing on the dance floor as Georgina lit a cigarette.

“When are you just gunna admit you love that man as much as he loves you?” She asked as she watched you. You flipped her off as you took a long drag of your cigarette.

“He doesn’t love me. He loves that I feed his drug habit as much as my own.” She snorted and shook her head.

“Tink, he loves you. I have known the two of you since preschool. You and Carter Baizen are meant for each other.” You rolled your eyes and looked back over at her.

“People like me and Baizen don’t get to love.” You said with a hint of sadness in your voice. Georgie, your best friend in the world, knew what you meant and quickly changed the subject.

“Let’s go dance.” She said as she took one last drag of her cigarette and put it out with a smile.  You smiled at her as she put the champagne bottle back in the ice. You grabbed your purse, knowing if Carter had been there, he would have left you some Ecstasy. With a squeal of joy, you grabbed the little bag and shook the single pill at Georgie.

“That man knows me all too well.” You said as you pulled out the red, heart stamped pill and popped it in your mouth. “Let’s go dance, bitch!”

*******

Spotted: The REAL Queen of the Upper East Side in a stand off with self-proclaimed Queen B at Blanche. When will B learn that (i) will always come first in the eyes of the people? Once (i) shut B down, she danced the night away with tag-a-long G as B tucked tail and hid. Hey B, word to the wise, even I wouldn’t mess with the Queen.

You know you love me!

Xoxo Gossip Girl

~~~~~~ AGE 18 ~~~~~~

Tears streamed down your cheeks as you ran as fast as you could in heeled boots down Madison Ave. You knew you messed up. You pulled your hood over your face a bit more as you ducked into the back door of Carter’s building, praying that he was at least home and hadn’t left for his ‘self discovery’ trip yet. The ride to his floor felt like it took forever as you nervously danced from foot to foot. The second the door dinged open, you made a bee line to his bedroom. You didn’t care if you woke up his parents or the whole neighborhood, you just needed Carter.

“Babe?” You said softly as you pushed open his bedroom door. He sat bolt up right in bed, sending the naked girl laying on his chest flying as he blinked against the light from the hallway.

“(Y/N)?” He questioned as you burst into tears. He scrambled out of bed and flipped on the light; completely ignoring the other woman in the room.

“I didn’t tell.” You sobbed as you fell into his bare, muscular arms. He wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you to his chest.

“You need to leave, now.” He spat at the other woman as he walked you over to his bed. “Now!” You heard her scoff loudly as Carter grabbed a pair of sweat pants and pulled them on. He waited until the girl had completely left his room before he looked at you, his face riddled with concern. “What happened, baby?”

“Serena… she got picked up. She’s gunna throw us under the bus; I know it. She… she…” You gasped for air and shook your head frantically as you clung to Carter. “I think she’ll try to make a deal for you and me.” Carter stiffened and lurched off the bed to close his bedroom door.

“Tink, what the hell happened?” He asked quietly as he sat back down on the bed. You shook your head and wiped your tears away.

“We were in the park.” You gasped. “I was waiting for that guy, Pete you know and S decided to swim in the fountain cause she’s rolling her ass off. I told her she was fucking stupid and the next thing I know, she’s naked in the fountain and there are two cops coming toward her. I panicked, ‘cause I had like six 8-balls of coke and a bunch of X on me. So I shoved all the shit in her bag and ran. I heard her screaming that I was gunna pay and… and…” You burst into tears and he quickly pulled you into his arms. It wasn’t like you hadn’t been arrested before; you both had plenty of times. But this was class A felony weight. Serena had a chance, her step-dad was a lawyer. With your record, you would be screwed for years if you were to get caught. Your parents already told you they wouldn’t buy you out of a drug charge again.

“OK. I’ll fix this, baby. I’ll fix it.” He scrambled in his head to find a way out of this situation. “Alright, stay here for a minute.” He said as he stood up. You grabbed his wrist before he could walk away and frantically shook your head.

“Don’t leave me.” You begged. He shook his head and crouched down in front of you.

“I’m not leaving you, Tink. We’re gunna go to Vegas. Everyone basically knows you and I are the main dealers on the Upper East. If she rats, they can’t make us testify against each other if we are married. It’s her word against ours. Then you and I are going to get away from New York for a while. Far, far away somewhere that doesn’t have an extradition treaty with the US.” You nodded as he reached up and brushed your tears away with his thumbs. He gave you a small, warm smile and stood up. “Let me grab my passport and some cash and then we’ll head to your house for yours, OK?” You nodded once more as he kissed your forehead.

“Thank you.” You whispered as he headed toward his closet to get dressed. He smiled back at you and shrugged.

“That’s what best friends are for, babe.”

******

Things have gotten a little wild tonight in the Upper East and you know I have all the 411! Spotted: S has found herself some new jewelry… a matching set of connected silver bracelets that reflect the red and blue lights wonderfully. When will that girl ever learn that fountain diving is not a good idea?

Spotted (via @RealQueenoftheUES Instagram): For those of you who haven’t seen, (i) has graced us with a lovely selfie of her and C on a beach in Tahiti but that’s not why I am pointing it out… It seems that (i) has a very big rock on a very important finger. Has (i) finally accepted what we all can see… that she and C were meant to be?

You know you love me!

Xoxo Gossip Girl

~~~~~~~Present day ~~~~~~~~~

“Tink…” You pulled yourself out of your daze and focused on Carter’s beautiful, blue eyes. You gave him a small smile as his eyes searched yours. He held your left hand tightly in his as he waited for your answer; his fingers playing with your wedding ring nervously. You looked back at Anna with a small sigh.

“Sorry. What now?” You asked as you tightened your fingers around Carter’s in your hand. She smiled as she rested her forearms on her desk.

“We were talking about the divorce again. You and I talked about this briefly before you left…” You nodded and looked down at your lap.

“Despite the fact that we have been legally married for five years, neither of us know how to be married.” You said, honestly as you looked back up at her. “We got married for the wrong reason and after that first few months, we never did the whole ‘husband and wife’ thing. We both slept around, we never lived with each other, hell the only thing we shared was our last name and our honeymoon bed. But when I saw him with Serena…” You shook your head and sighed as Carter squeezed your hand. “I just figured he would rather be with her so I went a little crazy. And then coming out of rehab after my overdose to find out about the whole Serena thing… again.” You looked back at your husband with tears in your eyes and gave him a weak, tight lipped smile.

“I really do love you. I have since I was nine.” You whispered, not trusting your voice any higher than that as you reached up and brushed your thumb across his cheek to catch his tears. “I would love to be married to you. But no matter how much I wanted it, there has never been a marriage between us…” He nodded as he reached up and flattened your hand against his cheek under his own.

“I know and that’s my fault.” He said softly. “You’re right, we did get married for the wrong reason and yea, I may have liked Serena but she’s not my Tinkerbell. I do want to try to salvage this. You’ve always been my best friend, (Y/N). I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else.” Tears fell down your cheeks as he gently kissed the palm of your hand.

“Me neither but I need you to be serious, Carter. I can’t take a marriage seriously…”

“I’m yours.” He interrupted. “Like I said in your room, I will never even look at Serena if it means keeping you in my life.” His fingers tightened around yours on his cheeks and his eyes pleaded with you. “Tink…” You bit your lip, nearly hard enough to draw blood as a fresh wave of tears spilled from his eyes.

“When I got those papers, I knew, deep down, I had been fucking this up for years. I can’t lose my best friend. Serena means nothing. Blair, Georgie, Katie… all those girls mean nothing to me. You are the woman I need by my side. And I know just my words mean nothing after all this time, but please, baby. Please give me the chance to prove it to you.”

~~~~~~AGE 19~~~~~~~~

“Carter!” You called out as you walked into his house on a mission. You could hear loud moans and grunts coming from his bedroom and you simply shrugged and headed toward his door. “Hi sunshine.” You said cheerily as you walked into his bedroom, which was technically the bedroom you should be sharing with him since he was your husband and all.

“Whoa! Who’s she?” The girl Carter was banging shouted as you walked over to his bedside table in search of his personal drug stash.

“She’s my wife. Just ignore her.” He growled as his hips continued to slam into the girl. She let out a choked, shocked moan as she arched off the bed into him.

“She’s totally faking.” You teased as you grabbed a couple packets of heroin out of his drawer. His hips pumped a couple more times before he growled. He pulled out and flopped down on the bed next to the girl with a sigh.

“What the hell, Tink?” He asked as he snatched packets out of your hand. “Couldn’t wait five minutes?” You shook your head as he looked at the wax paper packets. “And why the fuck do you want heroin?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were married?” The girl shouted as she tried to pull the blanket up over her naked body. You looked over at her as you snatched the packets back from Carter.

“We did it for the tax cut. And I want H because I want H, thank you very much.” You pulled a cigarette from his pack and stuck it behind your ear with a smile. “Call me when you’re done here, K?”

“Oh, no. You can have him now. I’m not a home wrecker.” The girl scrambled from the bed causing Carter to groan as he ripped off the condom he had on.

“You’re not a home wrecker, trust me.” He sighed as he grabbed his pack of cigarettes and lit one. You watched the girl go, knowing that Carter was absolutely indifferent toward her staying or leaving, and sat down on the bed next to him. “You’re such an asshole.” You shrugged as you pulled a small satchel and a bottle of water out of your bag.

“I saved you from shit sex. You’re welcome.” He reached over and grabbed the cigarette behind your ear and lit it for you.

“You’re not shooting that shit in here.” He said as he watched you set your stuff up on your lap. You reached out grabbed a new syringe from your satchel.

“Even though I got one for you, too, hubby.” You turned back to look at him over your shoulder and slowly, a small smile spread across his face as he set an ashtray on the bed between you.

“You are the worst influence in the world.” He grumbled as he got out of bed and grabbed a pair of basketball shorts on his way to shut his bedroom door. You shrugged as you opened a packet of heroin and dumped it onto a real, Italian silver spoon you stole from your mother’s wedding set.

“You started all this.” You told him as you uncapped one of the syringes and the bottle of water.  “If I’m not mistaken, you were the one who introduced me to weed at 9 years old. And gave me that God-awful nickname.” He laughed as he pulled his belt from his pants and flipped on the TV.

“You brought that on yourself. Who wears a Tinkerbell shirt at 9 years old?” You shrugged as you reached over and grabbed his lighter from the table.

“A bad ass, that’s who.” He let you concentrate as you cooked the heroin, expertly. He rolled up a ball of cotton from the end of a Q-tip for you and you carefully laid the spoon on your satchel.

“Do you regret it?” He asked softly as you used the point of the needle to push the small ball of cotton around the brown liquid in the spoon. Your brow furrowed as you pulled the liquid through the cotton into the syringe.

“What?” You took the belt from him and wrapped it around his upper arm tightly.

“Meeting me.” You looked up at him as you used your fingers to locate a vein in his arm.

“Not at all. You have brought a whole new level of excitement to my life and I wouldn’t change that for the world.” He smiled as you flicked the air bubbles to the top of the syringe and pushed the plunger the tiniest bit to get them out.

“Ready?” He nodded and pulled the belt strap tight for you. With a smile, you pushed the needle into his vein, pulled back the plunger to make sure you hit your mark and with the flash of his blood, you pushed the plunger home. He let go of the belt and waited only a second before the familiar, squeeze of his heart had his eyes fluttering closed.

“God, that’s good.” He sighed as he fell back against the headboard. You smiled as you pulled some more water from the bottle with his syringe.

“It’s heaven.” You replied as you set up the wash for him. “Great way to forget about the fact that, as the new Baizen couple, we’re supposed to go that charity thing for my mom since we’re married and shit.” He groaned as he pulled the belt tighter once more.

“Is that tonight?” He sighed as he looked at you through half lidded eyes. You nodded as you found his vein once more.

“Hence the reason I wanted to go down today.” He smiled, goofily as you pushed the plunger home once more.

“You’re a good wife.” He sighed as you capped his syringe and tossed it onto his bedside table.

“That’s why you married me.” He chuckled as you licked the left over heroin off the spoon and spit the cotton across the room to get your packet started.

“Yea, that’s why.”

~~~~~~AGE 22 ~~~~~~~

“Well, Mrs. Baizen. Welcome back to my court room.” Judge Scott said as you stood in a tacky orange jumpsuit in the court room. You gave him a sarcastic smile as he looked at the charges against you. “Possession of marijuana… again.”

“Wasn’t mine.” You said simply as you looked down at your nails. This was all Chuck Bass’ fault; his twisted sort of pay back for Carter signing a deal first with the owner of a bar Chuck wanted to own. Chuck always went for the low blow and attacked the people closest to his enemies.

“Yea, I bet it belonged to the Easter bunny.” Judge Scott said as he flipped your thick criminal file closed. He knew he couldn’t throw you in jail for the minimal amount of marijuana you had been busted with. He also knew you would quickly buy your way out of probation. An idea came to mind and a slow smile spread across his face. “I don’t wanna see you back in my court room. 28 days in Peace River drug and alcohol facility ought to straighten you out. Check in by tomorrow morning or you’ll spend 6 months in county.”

“What?!” You screamed as a bailiff came over and took your arm. “You can’t send me to rehab!”

“I just did. Keep yelling and I’ll make it double.” You growled a scream through grit teeth as you were carted back down the hall to be released.

“Such bullshit!”

——

“He’s sending you to rehab?” Serena asked as you threw clothes into the suitcase on your bed. You nodded as you stormed back into your closet.

“This is all Chuck’s fault.” You shouted out at your friend as you ripped a stack of designer jeans off your shelf and stormed back into your room. “You make sure you pass on the message that he has 30 fucking days to leave the damn country because when I get out, I’m coming for him AND Blair.” Serena nodded as she refolded the clothes you were throwing into the suitcase.

“Did you tell Carter?” You shook your head and headed into your bathroom and started grabbing your make-up.

“He’s like in school or rebuilding houses or something.” You called out as you angrily gathered your brushes together. “I don’t know, I haven’t talked to him in like… three weeks?”

“Why did you get married then?” Your hands froze as you remembered exactly why you and Carter got married and you bit your lip.

“It was a dare.” You called out with a shrug of your shoulders, hoping your frenemy would believe your lie. Serena laughed as you walked back into the room and put your make up bag in your Globe-Trotter trunk-like suitcase.

“Wow! You got married because of a dare?” You glared over at her and cocked your eyebrow.

“Because you’re the pillar of making the right choices all the time, right S?” Her laughter stopped immediately and she sat up a little straighter on your bed as you grabbed your cigarettes off the bedside table. “Yea, that’s what I thought.”

“Sorry.” You nodded at her as you exhaled sharply and sat down on the bed.

“Yea, sure.” You could only sit still for a minute before you got up and headed into your bathroom to get the rest of your bathroom stuff. “I can’t believe that asshole is sending me to rehab.” You groaned, wanting to change the subject.

“Well it could be worse… you could always be in jail.”

“Or boarding school.” You grumbled to yourself. You grabbed the rest of your stuff and headed back out into your room. “Mark my words, S. Chuck Bass is gunna pay for this.”

——

“You’re not taking my wedding ring!” You shouted as you watched the nurse put your entire make up bag in a box with your first name on it marked ‘contraband’. “It’s bad enough you’re taking my make-up and most of my clothing, I’ll be damned if you think I’m handing over my ring to just be put in a box.”

“Ma’am, please. It’s just so it doesn’t get misplaced or…”

“Tink?” You spun in your spot at the sound of Carter’s voice and instantly burst into tears as your emotions of being forced into this hellish situation buried you.

“They’re trying to take my ring.” You sobbed as he wrapped his arms around you. He chuckled softly as he ran his hands through your hair.

“Awww, baby…”

“Baizen, no fraternization with the opposite sex.” The woman who was checking your belongings sighed.

“Fuck off, nurse Ratchet. I can give my wife a hug if I fucking want to!” Carter shouted at her as he pulled you closer to him, protectively. He kissed the top of your head and glared at the nurse, who had given up trying to really enforce the rehab’s rules years ago, as he moved you away from the counter. You sniffled as he sat down on one of the chairs in the nurses station and pulled you on to his lap. He flipped off a different staff member that tried to tell him he was breaking the rules as he gently rubbed your back.

“What are you doing here?” He asked as he reached up and wiped the tears off your cheeks.

“Bass set me up and the judge sent me here this morning.” His face hardened at the news and he slowly shook his head.

“I’m gunna kill him.” He said simply. “He set my ass up last week, too. I got here day before yesterday.” You scoffed and shook your head.

“You would think the judge would look into what rehab he put the other Baizen in before they sentenced me.” You sighed as you looked over at your wardrobe being removed from your suitcase. “What the hell is this?” You asked as they tossed outfit after outfit into the contraband box for being ‘too revealing’ and ‘inappropriate’. “They’re gunna make me walk around naked.”

“You can borrow some of my clothes, baby cakes.” He said as he rubbed your back. He reached up and turned your chin toward him and you caught the devilish glint in his eye. A smile spread across your face.

“You’re packing, aren’t you?” You whispered softly. He nodded his head subtly as his eyes darted around the room to make sure you weren't over heard.

“You know it. I know this is your first rodeo here so just stick with me, I’ll get you through it. With my last name, they won’t kick you out.” You nodded at him as he put his hands on your hips and stood both of you up.

“Thanks for telling my you got arrested, butt head.” You teased as you whacked his arm. He looked over at you and leaned against the counter to wait with you for your room assignment.

“Did you even try calling me to tell me you got arrested?” He countered with his eyebrow raised.

“Shut up.” You said as you looked back at the small pile of clothing that was deemed ‘OK’ for you to wear on the counter. “Oh, if Serena asks, we got married on a dare because I totally don’t love you at all.” He chuckled as ‘nurse Ratchet’ started going through your bathroom products.

“So ‘dare’ was what you came up with?” You nodded at him with a smile.

“As opposed to the truth?” He pouted his bottom lip out and shrugged.

“Touché. So you’re putting husband and wife in the same room right, Jean?” Carter said as he turned his body toward the counter. You felt his fingers slide into your hand and you grabbed the small baggie of coke he was handing you. Jean, the nurse that was going through your stuff, looked up at him and scoffed as you quickly tucked the baggie into the front of your pants.

“Nice try, Baizen.” She said as she put your hair spray into the contraband box.

“What am I gunna do with that? Lock myself in the bathroom and hair spray myself high?” Jean looked up at you through her lashes as she dropped your spray deodorant into the box.

“I’ve seen it before.” You rolled your eyes and leaned on the counter toward Carter.

“When we go home, we’re going hardcore fishing.” He nodded in agreement as Jean got up to get you a cheap stick of deodorant to replace yours for the next four weeks.

“Oh, trust me… the Baizen’s are mounting a Bass above the fireplace a.s.a.p.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You power walked into Carter’s building as fast as your mid-calf, lace up, black, Jimmy Choo heeled boots would allow. A giant, permanent smile was plastered to your face and the evening news paper was gripped tight in your fist. You impatiently slammed the elevator button and looked back down at the picture of Chuck Bass’ stunned and mortified face when his club was raided for an illegal liquor license; a license that you may or may not have had a hand in forging for his uncle, Jack as pay back. The entire scheme had taken you and Carter two months of paying off and conniving but after all the stress, the payout was absolutely worth it. Especially because there was no way Jack or Chuck could trace it back to you.

You walked into the Baizen house on a mission, ready to start your night of partying early to celebrate the win. You could hear the moans and groans of more than one woman, gasping Carter’s name and moaning loudly, as you pushed the door to his room open. You made it two steps in, your mouth open the slightest bit to call out your best friend’s name but the sound and your breath caught in your throat. You had never been jealous that your husband slept around; hell, you slept around, too. But he was crossing a line with the two women he had in his bed.

Carter had Blair’s hip gripped tightly in his left hand as his right worked Serena’s pussy with accuracy. The two women were alternating making out and moaning, arching off the bed and clinging to each other in their passion. Your heart iced over as your shock morphed from heart break to fury. Without a word, revenge once again clouded your mind and you grabbed your phone from the back pocket of your skinny jeans. With two silent snaps of your camera, you spun on the beige carpet and walked out of the room on a mission.

You stormed with purpose to the brightly lit tower in front of you a few blocks away. It wasn’t that Carter was cheating on you that bothered you. It was Serena. You knew that she was the one woman that could take Carter away from you permanently. He was your best friend in the world; the only person you could rely on no matter what. You knew that if the two of you hadn’t gotten married to each other to save your own skin, when either of you actually got married, you would always be the woman he went to first in a crisis and vice versa. But not if Serena was his wife. She was the only woman that had ever held the other half of his heart.

“What are you doing here, Baizen?” Chuck snapped as you walked into his penthouse.

“Payback.” You replied simply as you pulled up the photos and handed him your phone. You watched his eyes go wide and he sat bolt upright on the couch.

“When was this?” He asked as he looked up at you.

“Just now.” You took the phone back with a shrug and looked at the time. “I’m going… out of fucking New York for a while. If you wanna come with, I’ll be at the air strip in an hour. I’ll be looking for payback…”

“Oh, trust me. I may hate you but I hate your fake husband more.” He stood up in front of you with an almost evil smirk as his eyes danced down your body. “And revenge is a Bass tradition.” You matched his smirk and tilted your head to the side.

“Good, because it’s a Baizen tradition, too.”

——

“You sure you want to do this?” Chuck asked as you poured two glasses of champagne. You shrugged as you set the bottle down and grabbed the two glasses.

“I've had worse ideas.” You said with a smile as you sat down on the couch next to him, barely clothed in lace lingerie, with a smile. You handed him the glass and settled your bare legs across his lap. He let out a soft hum as he ran his fingers across your skin, raising goosebumps in his wake.

“Look, I’m just here for the revenge.” He said as you took a sip of champagne. You nodded as you laid back on the arm rest of the couch in the Bass Industries private jet.

“Same here. No offense, but I definitely don’t want a relationship with you.” He nodded in silent agreement as he took a gulp of his own champagne.

“So let’s agree on this; one month of very public debauchery. Then we go our separate ways and let the chips fall where they may.”

“I would like to fuck you at least once. Just to see if the rumors are true.” He chuckled as he tapped his glass against yours.

“Oh, trust me. Conquering Carter Baizen’s wife is definitely on my sexual bucket list.” You smirked as you grabbed his glass and set both of them on the table behind you.

“You know, it has been a few months since I paid my dues to the mile high club.” He chuckled as he shifted on the seat to lay between your legs on top of you.

“I think it’s gunna be a pleasure doing business with you.”

******

They say revenge is a dish best served ice cold but this revenge looks far from chilly. It seems the two reigning Queens have done a little man swap… and things really are heating up.

Spotted: (i) and C getting closer than close and by the looks of all the photos I’ve seen, a very big ring seems to be no where in sight. Normally, I would wonder if the other C is concerned but he seems a little too preoccupied with B… and S… and even G for that matter. Looks like he has his hands full this summer… literally. As always, I’ll keep you posted on the fiery developments.

You know you love me!

Xoxo Gossip Girl

*******

@RealQueenoftheUES: I promise you, my loves, I’m not going home alone tonight. Who knows? Maybe Bass Industries and (Y/L/N) Inc. could see a different kind of friendly merger in the future… and not just between the sheets ;) Muah!!

*******

It seems that most of our favorite Upper East Siders are finally settling in at home just in time for the holidays. C & B have finally reconciled after their separate ‘summers of love’, S & D are finally working out their issues, G has settled back in to mommy hood and C has found himself back in rehab again… but where’s (i)? Has anyone heard from her in the past few months? I don’t think I’m the only one concerned about our reigning Queen.

You know you love me!

Xoxo Gossip Girl

~~~~~~~ AGE 23 ~~~~~~~

“I need the key to (Y/N) Baizen’s room.” Carter said as he showed the desk clerk of the hotel his ID. It had taken him four months when he got out of court issued rehab and three different private investigators to finally track you down but he knew he would be the only one to convince you to come home. His stomach turned as the clerk called over another man and began speaking in rapid French. His fearful eyes danced frantically between the two men as he prayed to a God he didn’t believe in that you were OK.

You had called him from Spain three weeks prior, drunk off your ass and higher than the stars, screaming at him for ‘what he had done’. He scrambled to try to calm you down but it was useless. Tears poured down his cheeks as he begged you to tell him where you were; begged you to end his and your parents suffering of having a missing daughter and wife but you stubbornly refused. By the time he arrived at the hotel you had called from the next night, you were gone again.

“Mr. Baizen, Mrs. Baizen has asked that we not allow…”

“I don’t care what she asked!” Carter shouted at the second man. “My wife has been missing for six months and I know she’s here!” The two employees looked at each other as a female manager came over.

“Penthouse, west tower.” She said simply as she created a room key for him. “I have been checking on her myself since she checked in. If I may be so bold, she needs help, Mr. Baizen.” He felt the air get squeezed out of his lungs as he took the key with a grateful nod.

“Thank you.” He replied, his words coming out choked. He ran in the direction the woman had pointed and pounded on the elevator button. Every moment felt like an hour as he waited impatiently. By the time he scanned your floor card and made it up to your suite, his whole body shook and he felt more nauseous that he ever had. When the doors to the room opened, he froze for only a moment.

“Baby!” He screamed as he stumbled to your unconscious body, laying on the floor in the middle of the front room in a pool of vomit. He carefully turned your way to thin, burning hot body onto your back as tears welled in his eyes. “Shit, (Y/N). What did you do?” He slipped his arms under your knees and behind your back and lifted you up as tears began to fall down his cheeks. You groaned and gasped for air, giving him some semblance of hope as he quickly kicked off his shoes and headed toward the bathroom. He had seen alcohol poisoning and cocaine overdose before but seeing it in the woman he loved was gut wrenching.

“I got you, Tink.” He whispered as he turned on the cold water and stepped into the shower, not caring about his clothes, phone or wallet. He sat down in the tub, letting the ice cold water hit both of your bodies as he pulled your frail body close to his. He sobbed as he ran his fingers through your dirty, tangled hair as pain and anger coursed through him.

“Why didn’t you just tell me where you were?!” He demanded as he pulled his wet phone out of his pocket. His hands shook as he shook the water off it and dialed 1-1-2, the emergency services number in France. He told the woman on the phone in broken French and panicked English what was wrong as you threw up again on his chest seconds before your body began to convulse in his arms.

“Just hurry… please hurry.” He nearly shouted at the operator. He put the phone on speaker and set it on the edge of the tub to wait for the ambulance as he held you in his arms. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry.” He mumbled into your wet hair as he sat you up a little more on his lap in case you vomited again. “I’m so sorry.”

——

Every bone, muscle and fiber of your body ached as you came too. You didn’t remember laying down in bed; hell, you didn’t even remember laying down but you could tell that where ever you were, was not good. Very cautiously, you forced your heavy eye lids open with a moan of protest.

“About time.” Your mother said as you squinted against the blinding white light in the room. Your brow furrowed as you tried to blink the room into focus so you could see the three faces staring back at you a little more clearly.

“Hey, Tink.” Carter said softly as your dad went to go get the nurse. He smiled at you as you focused on his tear stained face next to you. “Scared the shit outta me, baby.”

“Wha… ‘app’n’d?” You gasped, your voice raw and your throat dry and scratchy.

“You overdosed… again.” Your mother, Jane, spat angrily as your dad and the nurse walked into the room. “We had to cancel our skiing trip to come to Paris of all places to spend Thanksgiving in the hospital. God, (Y/N). You’re so selfish.” Your dad said ‘Jane’ warningly as Carter looked over to glare at her.

“Don’t start. She’s obviously going through something.” Carter started but your mother, who you knew saw you like a burden, raised her hand at him.

“Carter, you’re the last person that should be dishing out advice to me.” She said simply as she glared over at him.

“Yea, well I never asked you to come and drop your negativity…” He retorted as the nurse came over to sit your bed up and check your vitals.

“Stop.” You croaked with a weak shake of your head. “Just… go ski. All of you. Leave me alone.” Your best friend shook his head and moved from the chair to sitting on the bed next to you as he grabbed a hospital issue, complimentary water jug off the bed side table.

“I’m staying right here.” He said softly as your mother, taking your statement as permission for her to no longer care, grabbed her purse and left the hospital room with a shrug. Carter gave you a weak, warm smile as your dad simply told the nurse to call him with the bill when you checked out and walked out after your mother with the nurse.

“A plus parenting.” You mumbled as you took a gulp of ice cold water through the plastic straw. You looked over at your husband with tears in your eyes. “Why…?”

“Because I love you.” He said softly as he brushed your hair behind your ears. “I’d be lost without my best friend.” You rolled your head away from his as tears spilled from your eyes.

“Why her?” You asked as you looked back over at him with a shake of your head. “Out of everyone in Manhattan…”

“Tink, I don’t know…”

“I saw you, Carter. With Serena… and Blair for that matter.” His jaw snapped shut and he stiffened a bit.

“That’s why you went to Chuck.” You nodded as you tried to wipe your tears away. Carter gently moved your arm back down to the bed so you wouldn’t get your IV and your heart rate monitor leads tangled and wiped your tears away.

“It meant nothing.” He said softly with a shake of his head. “Just a hook up. I love you, not her.”

“Carter, I know you better than that.” You said with a small shake of your head. “You love her.” Tears welled in his eyes.

“No… no baby, I…” You looked away from him and closed your eyes.

“You should go.”

“(Y/N)…” He tried but you shook your head.

“Just go, Carter.” You heard him sigh as he stood up with tears in his eyes, knowing he wasn’t going to be changing your mind. You rolled your head toward him and opened one eye. “Can you call Peace River for me? See if they can get me a bed?” He nodded as he bent down and kissed your forehead.

“I’m staying in Paris until you get out of the hospital. I’ll get everything all set up and fly back to New York with you. I don’t want you to be alone.” You nodded in agreement as he pulled your wedding ring, which you had left in your make up bag when you were getting ready for the Kentucky Derby with Chuck, out of his pocket and slid it back on your finger.

“Thanks Carter.” You whispered as he headed out of the room. You barely heard him say ‘no problem’ as he headed out of the room, heart broken.

~~~~~~ 2 MONTHS PRIOR TO PRESENT DAY; AGE 24~~~~~~~~

You sat in the back of your town car as your driver loaded your suitcases into the trunk, annoyed that Carter hadn’t picked you up like he promised he would. You knew exactly where he was, too. The same place he had been everyday since you got out of the hospital; at Serena’s. You knew he had lied to you; that his promises that he wasn’t in love with Serena were all bullshit, but you didn’t expect it to impact your friendship this way.

“Carl, can you take me to my lawyer.” You said to your driver once he got in the car as you spun your wedding ring on your finger. You looked out the window of the car, pulled your scarf off your neck and set it on the seat next to you with a sigh. You told yourself you weren’t going to cry any more as you pulled your ring off your ring finger and moved it to your middle finger with a sigh.

“Of course, Ms. Baizen.” Carl said as he pulled out of the Peace River parking lot. You shook your head as you reached up to hit the button to close the divider between you two.

“It’s Ms. (Y/L/N).”

——

“You filed for divorce?!” Carter shouted as he stormed into your bedroom. You picked your head up off the bare chest of the man (Sam, Steve, you couldn’t remember) you spent the night with and nodded.

“Yep. Now you can go be with Serena like you want to.” You laid your head back down as Carter moved so he was standing next to the bed where you could see him.

“I don’t want to be with Serena, Tink! I want you!” You rolled your eyes and sighed heavily.

“Carter, can you just fuck off?”

“Should I go?” Shane (or whatever it was) asked. You said ‘no’ as Carter shouted ‘yes’, causing   Seth to get off the bed.

“Call me later, Sean.” You called out as you sat up in bed, not giving a damn to the fact that you were completely naked. He looked back at you as he pulled on his jeans.

“It’s Spencer.” You snapped your fingers and pointed at him as Carter snorted.

“I knew it was an S name.” You said as Spencer stormed out of the room with his shirt and shoes still in his hands. You looked at Carter with your eyebrow cocked as he sat down on the bed by your knees.

“Don’t do this, Tink. When I found you in Paris, nearly dead, I realized that I couldn’t lose you. I want to be with you. I want you to be my wife, want your face to be the first thing I see in the mornings and the last thing I see at night…” You shook your head as you looked at his coke-blown pupils.

“You’re high as a kite right now. I actually want to be sober for a while…”

“I’m gunna get sober, too. I already have a call into P.R. for a bed.” He grabbed your hands tight and when he felt your ring on the wrong finger, he quickly grabbed your hand and moved your wedding ring back onto the right finger. “I won’t lose my best friend. I won’t lose you. I love you, with my whole heart…”

“Then why were you with Serena when you were supposed to be picking me up from rehab, huh? Why were you with Serena when you promised me on the plane that you wouldn’t see her again.”

“I don’t know.” He sighed as he got up off the bed and buried his face in his hands. He shook his head as he looked back over at you. He stuck his hands out to the side and shrugged with a shake of his head. “I have no excuse, baby. We’ve been doing this… fucked up, sleep our way around Manhattan, dysfunctional relationship bullshit our whole lives. But when I got those papers…” You watched tears well in his eyes as he sat back down on the bed and took your hand again.

“I can’t sign those, Tink. I won’t. I know the moment I do, I will lose my best friend, the only woman I love and trust with everything I have, forever. I thought I wanted Serena but if having her means losing you… I’d rather die.” You bit your lip as tears welled in your eyes.

“We can’t do this when your high.” You said softly as you looked at him. He nodded almost frantically as he squeezed your hands.

“Don’t leave me yet. Not yet.” You shook your head as you brushed his tears off his cheek.

“I won’t.”

~~~~~~ PRESENT DAY ~~~~~~~~~

“Lets go on an actual honeymoon.” Carter said as he climbed into the town car next to you on the last day of his 28 day stay in rehab. “Consider it the start of a new chapter in our marriage.”  You cocked your eyebrow at him as he scooted across the seat and pulled you into his side.

“You want to go on a honeymoon, fresh out of rehab, after 5 years of marriage?” He shrugged as he reached up to close the divider to the front of the car.

“I don’t know about you but I don't wanna count the first five years of our marriage.” He said as he ran his fingers down your arm and laced them with yours. “I wanna start fresh. Like we just started dating, despite the fact that we’re married. I wanna get a place together and I want you to be the only woman in my bed ever again.” He pulled your hand across the front of your body and kissed your fingertips.

“And when the time is right and we have worked through our massive list of issues with that councilor Anna suggested…” He kissed your fingers again and tilted his head to look at you with a smile. “We’ll have a real wedding. White dress, a few friends and family. Dancing, and cake fights; the whole nine.” You smiled up at him and nodded as he kissed your fingers again.

“I think I can agree to that.” You agreed as he gave you a chaste kiss. You twisted on the seat and swung your legs over his lap. “You gunna be the one to pick out my ring this time?” He chuckled and nodded as he looked at your old ring.

“I think I can agree to that.” You smiled as you leaned forward and gave him another kiss.

“Well that sounds like a plan to me.”

[and-little-things-in-between]

1,2,4,5,6,7,10,11,12,14,15,17,20,21,23,24,25,30,31,32,33,34,36,37,41,43,45,46,48,49,51,52,54,55,56,57,58,60,61. I literally just realized what the bottom text said just now. I'm too lazy to pick two plus it's super late and i want sleep right about now so either you pick two, or answer this ridiculous amount of questions (why so manyyy) and in return I'll do the same. lol good luck

oh mah GAW, dude xD Ok, here we GO

1. Are you good at apologizing? Depends. If I know I was the one who was wrong, yeah, I can apologize pretty easily, but if I really think I’m right or am just feeling really prideful, I’m horrible at apologizing. It’s never just “I’m sorry, I was wrong.” I always have to remind them of my good points lol 2. Do you prefer your looks or personality? Neither? Personality, if I have to pick. I like to think I can be a pleasant person to be around. 4. What are you most confident about yourself? My hair lol 5. Name a few songs that reminds you of someone, and who it remind you of. Ooohhh goodness. Anything Fall Out Boy-related = Susanne all the way. Also Panic! at the Disco, specifically the “Fever” album. FOB’s “American Beauty/American Psycho” album reminds me of a few of my friends. That stupid “Do You Like Waffles” song always reminds me of my brother. 6. What is your favourite colour combination? Uuuuuhhhhhh I never really thought about it lol I like burgundy with other shades of red and some shades of pink? I’m crocheting a bomb-looking blanket right now that’s like a combo of sea and space-inspired colors.7. Define your “aesthetic”. Nonexistent? I’ve never consciously thought about it. I guess like shades of blue and flowers and word art and flannels? Idk, man, I just go for whatever I’m feeling.10. What are some of your biggest pet peeves? People who don’t use their blinkers. People who are rude. People who don’t smile when you make eye-contact. People who cut me off in traffic. People who hover in traffic. People who make fun of other people for things they can’t control. Just people doing sucky things, tbh. 11. What’s something that automatically turns you off of other people? Conceit. Cockiness. Arrogance. REALLY strong personalities, like those people who are SUPER opinionated about EVERYTHING and try to turn EVERYONE to their side about EVERYTHING and try to control other people and every aspect of their lives. Also people who try to be grammar police, regardless of their knowledge level. 12. What song always makes you sad/emotional? “The Little Girl” by John Michael Montgomery. ugh. RIP me. 14. How are you with moving on? Absolutely horrible. I’m emotionally spent, currently, because of that exact issue lol15. What’s a philosophy you agree with, but fail to live by? Oh so many. Forgive and forget is a big one.17. What’s something positive happening in your life right now? I have friends again? Like, now that my mental health isn’t in a pit, I’m actually able to connect and have meaningful relationships with other people again, and that’s really cool. 20. Are you a good person? Nah, not inherently, anyway. Goodness is a choice that I can’t stick to on my own; I’m too selfish for that. Phil. 4:13, friends.21. How could you become a better person? Following Christ closely and being more selfless. 23. Have you ever been in love? If so, with how many people? Naaahh I’ve never been close enough with anyone to “be in love.” I love people, like a lot and really deeply, but not romantically.24. Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe in annoying at first sight ;) But seriously, it depends on what “love at first sight” means, really. I think two people can click really well the first time they interact, but I don’t think you really love a person until you really know them. 25. Which social science interests you more; psychology (how the mind effects a person), sociology (how society affects a people) or anthropology (learning about culture)? Why? PSYCHOLOGY ALL THE WAY, though the other two are close. I just. The brain is SO freaking cool, and I’m always interesting to learn why the heck mine acts the way it does lol There’s so much to learn, and it’s all so complex and just fascinating. Human nature is fascinating.30. How do you usually get people to be interested in terms of romantic relationships? And platonic relationships? Romantic: I don’t lol #foreveralone Platonic: Humor, 10000000%31. What’s your favourite song to sing a long to? Ooooooooohhh depends on what my voice is doing lol but usually anything from “Prince of Egypt” or “Part the Waters/I Need Thee” by Selah32. What’s some “embarrassing” music you listen to? Every once in a blue moon, I’ll throwback to Big Time Rush lol33. What are you most snobby/pretentious about? So much, honestly lol I can’t think of any one thing off  the top of my head….My writing, maybe?34. How do you express sad emotions? And happy emotions? Tears and babbling. Also tears and babbling.36. How do you feel about phone calls? Depends on who it’s with. Doctor? Nope. Dentist? Nope. School? Absolutely not. Friend? Yes, let’s talk forEVER. 37. How do you feel about texting? Fine? I prefer phone or video calls, tbh, because I like to be able to hear your tone of voice/read your body language41. What’s something you love that you never do anymore? Why don’t you do it? Play piano. I’m not patient enough to practice anymore. 43. If there were no limits; who and what would you be? Everything. (idek man lol)45. Describe your fashion sense. The clearance racks  and Target and Kohl’s,  and thrift stores46. Do you have stage fright? Oh absolutely. It’s gotten a lot better because #teacherintraining, and I literally had to stand in front of 30 17-year-olds every day for 6 weeks. Also, I lead worship in a small class at church, so I’m better than I used to be, but I still get pretty bad stage fright. My hands shake really bad any time I talk in front of people, even in a casual class setting. 48. Are you more of an open or closed person? Closed if I don’t know you. More open if I do, but still generally pretty closed.49. What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you? And the best? Probably the depressed periods in my life when I felt really far from God and the people I care about. The best is salvation via Jesus Christ, aka the reason I made it through those dog days. 51. What are your top three places you’d like to travel and why? UUuuuhhhhh tbh I’ve never flown or anything, and travelling has always seemed like a weird, out of reach concept for me. Ummmmmmmmm I guess Italy, Spain, and England? Because there’d be a lot of cool stuff to see? lol52. What’s something you thought would be really scary/bad, but was actually fine when it happened/you did it? SO MANY THINGSSS umm probably riding roller coasters in Disney World. It was still petrifying, and I couldn’t stand up after because I was so scared, but like it wasn’t AS bad as I thought hahaha 54. Can you sleep facing someone? Yup55. Do you ever get in slumps? If so; how often, and how long do they usually last for? Um absolutely. I depends, anywhere from a day to weeks. 56. Do you like being alone? Yeah, but if I’m alone for too long, I get really depressed.57. Are you social? Selectively58. How do you feel about parties? Mmmm depends on what kind lol I prefer the “social gathering” type parties. No dancing or alcohol for this chick. 60. What question(s) do you love to ask people? Anything that gives me insight into who they are, be it spiritual stuff or just about how their day has (really) been. 61. What question(s) do you love being asked? Same kind of stuff, anything that leads to good conversations and stories. 

I DID IT WOO

[sugabeans]

wanted to do the other unusual asks questions bc i had time 

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? 

is your room messy or clean?

what color are your eyes?

light brown

do you like your name? why?

what is your relationship status?

single single forever 

describe your personality in 3 words or less

quiet, loud, happy 

what color hair do you have?

dark brown 

what kind of car do you drive? color?

it’s my parents.. a silver corolla 

where do you shop?

anywhere where there is a sale! 

i always shop on aliexpress lol 

for clothing, a lot of my clothes comes from walmart, garage, dynamite, f21, bluenotes, h&m, (all from the sale section hehe) 

how would you describe your style?

skinny jeans when it’s cool outside, flowy shorts when it’s warm 

both plus a tshirt 

and sneakers or boots as footwear bc i hate feet with no socks 

favorite social media account

what size bed do you have?

queen size!

any siblings?

1 sister 

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?

japan 

why? because it seems like a nice place to be ;u; 

favorite snapchat filter?

i like the standard flower crown one - the one that lightens your face and adds a crown, and does nothing more 

favorite makeup brand(s)

idk i don’t wear makeup 

how many times a week do you shower?

once every day so 7 times? 

favourite tv show?

haikyuu 

shoe size?

generally an 8 

how tall are you?

sandals or sneakers?

SNEAKERS ALWAYS HO MAN 

do you go to the gym?

describe your dream date

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?

a lot.. i’m not going to count but it’s def over $100 in cash 

what color socks are you wearing?

i’m actually not wearing socks rn bc i showered recently 

but it’s always plain black 

how many pillows do you sleep with?

do you have a job? what do you do?

i’m currently a research assistant and we’re doing things with phonetics and the perception of sounds and such - though i won’t have this job in september bc it’s a summer job 

how many friends do you have?

idk what are friends 

whats the worst thing you have ever done?

cheated on a test? 

flicked a booger into my classmates hair (when i was 8) 

scribbed marker on mommy’s white couch? 

sacked a boy in grade 6 by whacking his balls with a broom?

turned down a boy and RAN AWAY many times 

whats your favourite candle scent?

i don’t like scents but something fruity like strawberry or cherry?

3 favourite boy names

kevin haha

idk any others that i really like? i mean, if i hear a nice name i’ll probs be like “ah that’s a pretty name” but i can’t think of any off the top of my head that i particularly like 

3 favourite girl names

can’t really answer their either 

favourite actor?

don’t have one 

favourite actress?

also don’t have one 

who is your celebrity crush?

kevin woo 

favourite movie?

i still really like mulan 

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?

i do not read a lot and my fave series is dengeki daisy 

money or brains?

brains 

brains will bring you the moneys 

do you have a nickname? what is it?

karinabeans is my self-proclaimed nickname lol 

gabby calls me rainbow 

how many times have you been to the hospital?

never 

i just go to the doctor or walk-in clinic

top 10 favourite songs

don’t make me do this LOL 

do you take any medications daily?

no 

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)

combination

my eyes and lips and around both areas + forehead are dry af

but under my lips and near my nose are SO OILY CRIES 

what is your biggest fear?

how many kids do you want?

2 

but i also don’t want kids 

whats your go to hair style?

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)

i think it’s a decent size - probably bigger than most people 

who is your role model?

what was the last compliment you received?

can’t remember honestly 

what was the last text you sent?

it was to my student’s mom saying i stopped by but no one was home so i left 

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?

can’t remember but i stopped believing pretty late 

daddy showed me this website that showed you where santa was currently and i 100% believed it was real 

what is your dream car?

one that drives 

tbh i want one of those little ones lol the environment friendly ones 

bc it’s just gonna be me driving it 

bc i’m going to die alone 

opinion on smoking?

I HATE 

it’s disgusting 

if you smoke, i’ll like you less as a person 

if i smell it on you - then i have a bad opinion of you 

do you go to college?

no i go to university

i’m in my 4th year  

what is your dream job?

i want to be a speech language pathologist 

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?

suburbs 

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

yes, who doesn’t? 

i reuse the containers 

do you have freckles?

no 

do you smile for pictures?

always 

how many pictures do you have on your phone?

a hecka lot 

have you ever peed in the woods?

maybe i have? i’ve been camping a number of times and maybe i did?

do you still watch cartoons?

hell yeah teen titans is life 

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?

mcdonalds 

Favorite dipping sauce?

sweet and sour boi 

what do you wear to bed?

a loose tshirt and shorts 

or if it’s cold out, sweatpants and a sweater 

have you ever won a spelling bee?

no pfft i can’t spell for shit 

what are your hobbies?

can you draw?

no but i wish i could 

do you play an instrument?

no but i used to play piano and flute 

and violin and guitar but i wasn’t very good at those 

what was the last concert you saw?

troye sivan? 

tea or coffee?

tea 

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?

lol neither i’m not american 

tim hortons for life 

do you want to get married?

yes but no 

i like the idea of marriage and living with someone i love for the rest of my life 

but like, getting married requires someone to be married to 

and it also requires you to spend a lot of money to get married (if you have a ceremony and shit) 

too much work 

what is your crush’s first and last initial?

DR 

are you going to change your last name when you get married?

no i’m keeping my last name forever

it will live and die with me bc i don’t often see my last name anywhere

what color looks best on you?

red, like most people 

do you miss anyone right now?

yeah i miss my crush lol 

it’s silly but i want to see him 

i’m sure he doesn’t care to see me though 

do you sleep with your door open or closed?

closed 

do you believe in ghosts?

yes

what is your biggest pet peeve?

last person you called`

again my tutor’s mother LOL 

favourite ice cream flavor?

red bean or some typa chocolate rocky road or idk but chocolate definitely 

regular oreos or golden oreos?

regular

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?

chocolate 

what shirt are you wearing?

a univeristy of toronto tshirt i won in my first year 

what is your phone background?

suga smiling ^^ 

are you outgoing or shy?

very shy 

do you like it when people play with your hair?

I LOVE IT 

but no one plays with my hair

it’s so sad 

do you like your neighbors?

i guess? there are some who are too loud though and smoke and ugh 

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?

i wash it in the shower at night

have you ever been high?

no 

have you ever been drunk?

i don’t think so 

last thing you ate?

i drank tea 

that’s not food lol uh i ate snow pea leaves 

favourite lyrics right now

can’t think of one 

summer or winter?

winter bc cold 

day or night?

day! look at the sunshine~

dark, milk, or white chocolate?

i like dark, i also like milk, i dislike white 

favourite month?

december! 

what is your zodiac sign

cancer

who was the last person you cried in front of?

i only cry by myself 

[5hfanfiction]

Bases

Camila took a deep breath.

  Alright, Cabello. Remember your train- wait you don’t have any training. Nevermind. Just do something.

The ball came speeding towards Camila. She closed her eyes and took a huge random swing.

  Crack!

  The vibration waves caused Camila to jerk her eyes open and bite her tongue that was sticking out of her mouth slightly. Shit that hurt!

  “WALZ! You actually did something!” Dinah, her best friend, shouted.

  “CheeChee did you see that! I hit a ball! It went like bang and then it was all like swoosh!” Camila exclaimed.

  Dinah smiled fondly at the little dork.

  “Yeah, yeah. Go get some water, Babe Ruth.” Camila looked at Dinah confusedly.

  “Who’s that?” she questioned.

  Dinah sighed. “Never mind.”

Camila walked over to the bleachers. Uncapping her water, she lifter the bottle to her mouth when she felt a tap on her shoulder.

  “Uh, ‘scuse me…” a husky voice rang out.

  Camila turned and came face to face with one of the most gorgeous woman she has ever met. The girl had black and white NIKE sneakers on and simple white pants. A navy blue baseball cap covered her mass of black hair that was pulled into a ponytail. Her face was a milky white, vibrant green eyes held a piercing gaze to Camila.

  “Hello…?” the voice grabbed her attention. Camila’s eyes shot up before glancing at the girl’s shirt. Damn! She’s on the Carlton team. Maybe she can give me some “lessons”.

  “Oh, sorry! Just spaced out a bit there. I think hitting that ball hit my brains too… or whatever’s up there,” Camila joked, knocking on her head lightly.

  The girl let out a giggle. I wish I could hear that sound again.

  “Yeah, anyway. I saw that hit you just made and I was wondering if you wanted to teach me sometime?” the girl started. Oh my God! Is she asking me out? But I can’t.

  “Oh sorry! I don’t play for your team!” Camila didn’t want this girl to make assumptions. “But here, put your number in my phone and we can hang out sometime!” Camila smiled at this girl.

  The Carlton beauty was a bit crushed. Did I actually get friend-zoned and I don’t even know her name. Maybe I can woo her over.

“Yeah! Of course!” She smiled brightly at Camila. She handed back the phone to Camila.

  Camila looked down at her phone and saw the contact name was Lauren. Camila mentally face palmed. She doesn’t even know my name!

  “Oh yeah, I’m Camila!” she told Lauren.

  “Beautiful name for a beautiful girl,” Lauren flirted before she heard her name being called in the distance. “I have to go to practice before coach starts yelling his head off. Text you later, Camz!” she said running back towards the fields.

  Over the course of the next few months, the two girls had gotten so close it felt like they knew each other since forever. Lauren immediately liked Dinah, and Camila fit in with Normani. They realized they had a mutual friend Ally, and the 5 friends hung out every chance they get.

  Lauren still continuously flirted with Camila. But being the oblivious person she is, Camila missed every hint Lauren dropped. But Lauren was undetermined.

  Lauren invited Camila to every one of her softball games and practices. They started a ritual. After every win, there was a victory kiss on the cheek and they went out to dinner. If there was a lose, they went out for fro yo.

  Although Camila didn’t understand softball, she lov- no liked Lauren a lot and did indeed love watching her play.

  Valentine’s Day was coming up, and Lauren had a perfect plan to express her feelings to Camila up front.

  “Lo, where are we going? You know I have problems walking when I have full 20/20 vision!” Camila protested.

  “Camz. We both know you wear glasses because you’re as blind as a bat.” Lauren deadpanned. “Just keep walking then you can watch as the ground comes closer to your face when you trip.”

  “Rude,” Camila muttered.

  “Aye! I could lead you off a bridge right now and you’d have no idea!” Lauren exclaimed.

  “Yeah, but you wouldn’t,” Camila retorted. Camila was right. Lauren couldn’t live without this cute dork by her side.

  “Shut up. We’re almost there. Just like 5 steps and then you can take off the blindfold.” Lauren informed her. She was glad Camila couldn’t see her, because she was sweating she was so nervous. And thankfully it was a bit chilly, and the gloves covered her sweaty palms. “Take off the blindfold.”

  Camila reached up go untie the cloth. She stated pulling it off before it got caught in her hair. “Laur, help?”

  Despite her nerves, Lauren giggled and took the bandana from Camila’s facial area. Camila was about the thank Lauren and make a joke when she caught sight of where she was and gasped.

  They were standing on a platform by homebase, looking over the field. There was a bunch of roses at each plate, with red streamers making a path to each base. But from first to second and then second to third, the streamers kept going to form the curves of a heart.

  Lauren guided a shocked Camila to home plate. She picked up a cream colored rose that was on the right side of the plate. On the left side was a small box, but Lauren ignored it and said,

  “A cream rose stands for appreciation. When I first met you, I appreciated your astounding hit and beauty.” They walked to first base. Camila was handed a yellow rose.

  “Yellow signifies friendship, and we have such a great friendship that I could never take for granted. You are so,” Lauren handed her a pink rose, “sweet and kind. Then, one day I realized I was falling for you.” Camila opened her mouth to respond, but Lauren brought a finger to shush her. “Don’t make me gag you.” she warned jokingly. Camila giggled and intertwined their hands as they made their way to second base.

  “Pink is for desire. My desire to have you as mine and to be yours grew each day. Watching you jam out in the car and get lost in those books you read made me fill up with gratitude,” a peach rose was added to the other four, “to have you in my life.”

  At third base there was no rose.

  Lauren took both of Camila’s hands in her’s. She inhaled deeply before telling the speech she had memorized in preparation for this part.

  “Camz, Camila Cabello. You are my best friend, my confidant, my dorky friend. But to me you are my other half, my soulmate, the Gabriella to my Troy, the Bella to my Edward.” Camila lightly slapped Lauren’s arm. “I know this is a huge gesture, but you deserve so much more than this. You always talk about finding the best lover, someone who will always be there for you and you can fangirl about Harry Styles to. I want to be that person Camila, if you’ll let me.” Again, Camila attempted to talk, tears swimming in her eyes and a smile gleaming on her face. Lauren just shushed her and led her back to home plate. She bent down and picked up the small box.

  “As you know, a red rose is the universal sign for romance, for love.” She opened the lid to reveal a small ruby rose with a silver band sitting neatly on blue velvet. Lauren got down on one knee. She had Camila’s right hand in hers, and the ring in the other hand. “Karla Camila Cabello Estrabao, will you do me the honor of being my girlfriend?”

  “Oh my god, Jauregui.” Camila was in shock. Here Lauren, the girl of her dreams, was on her knee asking to her to be her girlfriend.

  Camila said nothing. She brought Lauren to her feet and gazed into her eyes.

  Lauren’s eyes mirrored Camila’s. Both swam with tears and held adoration and love.

  Simultaneously, they leaned in. Camila brought her hands to cuo Lauren’s face, and Lauren’s intertwined themselves in Camila’s brown locks.

  They met in the middle, and the kiss was everything everyone describes a

first kiss to be like. Fireworks shot off in their heads. The kiss was soft, but searing heat rushed through the girls.

  Lauren released Camila’s lips but stayed in the embrace.

  “Is that a yes?” Lauren sarcastically asked.

  “Yes, it’s a yes you ass!” Camila laughed. They stepped back so that Lauren could slide the ring onto Camila’s middle finger. Camila admired it before looking back at Lauren.

  “I love you.”

aye it’s Valentine’s Day and im forever alone. but at least i got Camren.

[sarahjane0886]

Fix A Heart 5 (Chmergess)

Over & Over Again (Part 2)

From the heat of night To the break of day I'll keep you safe And hold you forever

Sharna woke up the next morning to an empty cold bed next to her. She sat up quickly and looked around wondering exactly where Val had went. She realized he probably hadn't wanted to deal with her this morning and had left before she woke up. She flopped back onto the bed as the thoughts of last night flew through her brain. Tears immediately filled her eyes as she tried to figure out what to do.

"Hey, you okay?" She heard Val's voice fill the room as the mattress dipped beside her. She looked at him in shock wondering where he came from.

"I thought you left." She said confused.

"I went to shower princess. I know we have a lot to do today so I figured I'd get it done quickly."

"Oh." She said as she wiped the few tears off her cheeks that had fallen. It was then that she noticed the towel in his hand as well as the fact that his hair was damp.

"You have a bad dream?" He asked as he stood up and threw his towel on the chair. Then he moved over to the other side of the bed and laid down beside her.

Her head shook fiercely as she flipped away from him and curled into herself.

"Shar." He said softly as he rested his hand on her shoulder. She tucked into herself further and he sighed."I'm going to go get ready and then head down. You come down when you're ready."

"Val....." She said softly as she felt him get off the bed.

"Yeah princess?" He said stopping and turning to look at her.

"Come back." She said sitting up and looking at him. He took her in for a minute before moving back over the bed and settling next to her. She slid over to his body and tucked into him. He wrapped his arms around her and held her for a minute.

"Better?" He asked as he felt her begin to relax.

"Mmhmm, I'm sorry. I just there's a lot on my mind." She whispered into his chest.

"I'm sorry princess. I shouldn't have said anything." He sighed.

"No, I'm glad you did. I just, I need to think. And then I thought you left this morning because you didn't want to deal with me and everything." She said meekly.

"Babe, never. I don't ever want you to think that. No matter what. No matter what you decide, there will never ever be a moment when I would just leave you or not want to deal with you. I love you and that will always remain regardless of if it stays as us being best friends or if it turns into something more. Okay?" He said as he hugged her tightly.

"Ok. Ditto for me too. You will always be my Val." She whispered.

"Good. Now what do you and Woo have planned for today?" He asked.

"Umm, we're going to see Mark and BC for lunch with some people and then I'm going to show her around the city a little bit. We're going to come back here way before dinner though so that she can rest some. We're going to do the tree tonight and late."

"You're going to the treeeee." He said half in a whine and half excited.

"Yup, she's never seen it. Do I hear a hint of jealousy in your voice?" She teased.

"Umm, maybe a little. It's a little known fact but I love the tree."

"Seriously?" She said pulling back to look at him.

"Yes!"

"Well come with us."

"I can't take your last night of Woo time."

"You're not taking my Woo time. Plus I'm pretty certain she'd be happy to have you with us."

"Are you sure?" He asked with a hint of childlike excitement in his voice.

"Positive. Now go make me breakfast while I shower." She said giving him a slight push as she climbed out of the bed and headed into the shower. Val laughed and shook his head as he headed downstairs. Maks was already working on breakfast.

"Good. Now I'm off the make Sharna breakfast role." Val said pouring his coffee and starting to help Maks with everything. They had spent so much time together growing up that they could seamlessly make breakfast.

"Ohh, so you've moved up to breakfast making stage." Maks said looking at his brother.

"Shush man. I just...we've gotten close."

"She slept in with you last night didn't she?"

"She did. She feels safe that way." Val said nonchalantly as he moved onto cutting tomatoes for the omelets.

"Uh huh. So does Peta. You're falling for her man."

"I know. Her mom called me out on it last night."

"No shit." Maks said stopping what he was doing and turned to look at his brother.

"Yeah. I mean it's true but I just haven't felt like I can throw that at her. Her whole year has been about healing and fixing herself and getting through everything that Paul put her through."

"But at some point that's not your decision. It's like when P & I split and I tried to go back for her. I could only do so much and then let her know. But I also had to let her know what was going on in my head too. You have to talk."

"I know. That's what her mom told me too.  And so I did."

"Whoa, back up. You said her mom called you out on it last night. When in the hell did you have time to talk?"

"Last night. After everyone went to bed. We spent some time in the sunroom. I did a lot of thinking through the night or well the 3 hours from her mom and I's convo to my time with Shar in the room. And I realized one of the things that pissed me off most with Paul was that he took away her ability to chose and make choices. So me withholding all this from her was just the same thing in a sense. So I told her."

"How'd that go down?"

"She panicked. Full out panicked. Said she couldn't put me through that and she wasn't sure she'd ever heal completely and be able to be in love and do all the things involved."

"Understandable."

"Right. I told her that I wasn't telling her all this to pressure her but because I needed this to be her decision. I told her that I didn't want anything to change between us if she didn't decide that's what she wanted."

"That was smart. But wait, you freaked her out and then she still slept with you?"

"Well I was going to leave. I figured I had worked her up and that I needed to just give her space. And she asked me to stay. She said she's learned that she's calmest when I'm around so that as much as I made her head spin, I was also her calm. So I stayed."

"Oh my goodness. Maksim Chmerkovskiy's famous omelets!" Sharna said appearing with Peta.

"Ohhh, pretty girl, you hear that, I'm famous." Maks said moving over to give Peta a quick kiss.

"You are handsome, you are." Peta said as she headed to make herself tea while Sharna made her coffee.

"You want me to have tea with you?" Sharna asked. Peta was completely off the caffeine especially for the end of the pregnancy.

"It's okay, coffee it up babe." Peta said.

"Okay. Woo. How'd you sleep?" Sharna said as her mother appeared in the kitchen.

"Good baby, how about you? You never came to bed last night."

"I...umm...yeah. Here's a coffee mug." Sharna said as her face turned red and she moved next to Peta like her best friend would protect her.

"Uh huh, you're an adult baby. It's fine. I've got a feeling Val cuddles better than me." Woo said as she nudged Val, effectively making him turn red as well.

"Woo, I'm keeping you." Maks said as he hugged the woman. He was enjoying this morning tease fest of his brother and pseudo sister.

"Just calling it like I see it. So I heard you're going to make your best breakfast?"

"I am. Here, you guys pick what you want and I'll start making the the omelets." Maks said passing out bowls and directing everyone to the row of add ins. The spent the rest of the morning enjoying some quiet time before Woo and Sharna headed out to explore for a while and meet up with Mark's gang. When they came home, Peta was in the living room sorting some clothes they had gotten for Shai so Sharna flopped down next to her while Woo went to take a nap. They worked on the clothes until Maks and Val appeared and crashed their party. The group enjoyed some time together.

"Babe, why don't you go lay down." Maks said after seeing Peta yawn for probably the 6th time. The end of the pregnancy was exactly like the beginning in which she basically had no energy.

"Because, Sharna's here." Peta said like that explained everything.

"She's not leaving yet." Maks said laughing.

"She is so. And I'm not ready for it. And if I go upstairs I'm going to fall asleep." Peta whined Peta making the whole group laugh until Peta glared at them.

"Take her with you then. Val and I basically crashed your girl time anyways."  

"I can't make her do that. I'll most likely fall asleep on her."

"Well, then she can leave."

"I'm right here guys." Sharna finally interjected after watching the conversation between the two lovers. Anyone would think they were borderline fighting but they weren't. It was just them.

"Sorry." Peta said sheepishly.

"It's fine. I'll come up with you. I could use a rest as well anyways. And it'll give us time to have girl talk like before." Sharna said bouncing up and holding her hand out to her best friend.

"Now you're ganging up on me." Peta said taking Sharna's hand and standing up. Maks and Val laughed as Maks stood up to give her a kiss. The girls headed up to the bedroom and got situated.

"So how's my nephew doing?" Sharna asked with a smile.

"He's doing very good. I kind of hate that you're so far away right now. I wish we were out there or you were here." Peta said softly.

"Me too babe but we'll figure it out. I think it's good you guys are out here for your birth and everything and you'll have help. If you were back in LA, we wouldn't be there because of tour. I do wish we got more time together. I miss my best friend." Sharna said just as softly as Peta. Both girls got quiet for a moment thinking of how life had grown and changed over the last year.

"So what's going on with you and my soon to be brother in law?" Peta asked breaking the quiet.

"Nothing." Sharna said flipping onto her back quickly and staring at the ceiling.

"That's the biggest lie ever. Talk to me babe." Peta said shuffling slightly closer to her best friend. Sharna shook her head for a moment as tears filled her eyes. Peta reached for her hand squeezing it.

"He asked me if I thought about dating last night. Just in general."

"And what did you say?"

"That there's no way that I could saddle anyone with that. P, the thought of sex terrifies me right now. I just...that's not fair to anyone. Let alone the nightmares and the panic attacks and everything. There's just so much lingering from everything with Paul. Someone speaks to loud and I jump. Someone asks me to do something and I feel the need to do it immediately. It's like all the parts of me that he affected have healed but there's still this dark tinge to it."

"Well, maybe you need someone to show you the way it should be."

"But Paul was the way it should be. At least at the beginning. P, when we first started dating, there was no way in hell that you could have convinced me that all this would have happened. Hell, I don't think any of us would have thought that. What if it happens again? I don't have the best guy track record. And then you've got my past roped in. What if I pick someone with the tendencies just because it's in my nature?"

"What if you wouldn't need to pick. What if that person was already in your life. And you knew that you could trust him and that he would never ever do any of those things to you."

"What if I lose him? What if he can't handle it? I can't P, other than you, he's my one safety net that's left. I can't."

"He told you last night didn't he?" Peta asked gently. She hadn't had a chance to talk to Val about any of it because they had all been involved in other stuff lately but she could see him falling for the red-head. She knew though he wouldn't tell her though because he was worried she wasn't ready.

"He did. I panicked." Sharna said finally looking over to Peta.

"Babe...." Peta said softly as she saw the fear in her best friend's eyes.

"What if I can't P? I mean it's superficial but what if I can't have sex again? That's not fair to him." Sharna said shuddering at the thought of the idea in general. The torment Paul had done to her had made her completely never want that experience again.

"Well no. But you don't know that it would be the case. Plus it's Val. Your Val. He of anyone in the world would do whatever he needed to make sure you were safe and comfortable. Shar, just because everything happened with Paul shouldn't condemn you to a life of solitude. And honestly if you were going to move on with anyone, I would trust Val with you first. You've said this whole time that he's been your rock. Let him continue to be your rock and more."

"I.....I don't...." Sharna started as she felt the panic building in her chest. She got frustrated which in turn only made it worse. Peta saw it and had an idea.

"Give me your hand." She said softly taking Sharna's hand and pressing it on her belly where Shai was currently moving about. She felt Sharna slowly begin to relax as she felt her nephews motions under her hand.

"Now this has nothing to do with you but if you would have told me that I put my dancing career on hold to give birth to a baby boy with my soul mate I would have told you that you were absolutely insane. But the thing is, we don't always get to pick how life is going to go for us. Sometimes we have to just trust in what the world has planned."

"What if I don't want what the world has planned?" Sharna whispered.

"What if you do?"

"I...." Sharna stammered.

"Do me a favor. Close your eyes and think for me. Pretend you're 60 years old, your 25 year old daughter comes home to tell you she's pregnant. You're going to be a grandma for the first time. Who is the person you want her to be telling with you."

"P? Who comes up with that scenario?" Sharna said opening her eyes and looking at her best friend.

"Just go with it please. It's your baby, your first born. You named her Alice after Nan. She's got your blonde locks but she got her daddy's eyes. The eyes that remind you of love and excitement. The eyes that mean the world to you. That have created crazy journeys and amazing memories. Whose eyes does Alice have?"

This time Sharna did what Peta asked, she closed her eyes and thought, she thought hard.

"Mum! Mum! Nathan and I have some news. Where's dad?" Alice said appearing in her parents house. The 25 year old had gotten married the year before to her high school sweetheart, Nathan. They had started dating in 10th grade and by some miracle stayed together the whole way through. After they graduated college, Nathan had come to the house one day while Alice was out with her best friend. He asked for permission to marry her. They had both said yes immediately and a few days later Alice was engaged. A whirlwind 2 years later brought them to this moment now.

"He's upstairs. He was doing something."

"Nate, wait here with mum. I'm going to go get him." Alice took off up the stairs yelling for her father.

"And how are you Nathan?" Sharna asked as she moved to grab a couple glasses so she could get the group drinks.

"I must say I'm quite amazing ma'am." Nathan said with a grin that went beyond his eyes.

"Alright, alright, we're here." Alice said appearing with her father. She moved over to Nathan quickly and he wrapped his arm around her waist tucking her tiny form into him. Her whole body seemed to vibrate with excitement making both her parents smile.

"Ready sweetheart?" Nathan said as he reached into his back pocket.

"Yes, yes." Alice said bouncing in his grasp.

"1, 2, 3." Nathan said before flipping a small card over and laying it on the kitchen counter. Sharna gasped as she realized what it was.

"Mum, Dad, meet Baby Wakeham." Alice said as her excitement finally won out and her eyes filled with excited happy tears.

"My baby is having a baby, I'm going to be a grandmum. Oh sweetheart." Sharna said as her throat clogged with emotion. She moved over to her daughter hugging her tightly before pulling back to take in her expression. She looked into those deep dark blue almost black eyes she had inherited from her father. The eyes that she had looked into when she announced the same news to Alice's father. The same eyes she looked into when she had lost Woo. The eyes that gave her comfort, the eyes that gave her excitement, love, confidence, everything. The eyes that Val had passed on to his daughter.

"Babe." Peta's worried voice shook her out of her mind. Sharna realized that she had started crying while she was thinking.

"Val's." Sharna said as the tears began to fall harder and harder as she realized exactly just what she needed to do no matter how scared she was.

"Follow your heart baby, we'll be right here with you every day. Just remember that. No matter what, it'll be okay." Peta said before pulling Sharna into her body. She held her friend as best as she could letting her realization sink in and letting her brain figure things out.

And the sparks will fly They will never fade 'Cause every day gets better and better And I won't leave you Always be true One plus one, two for life Over and over again

**That's a wrap. Sorry I've been MIA lately. Work and Life and Just everything has been hectic. Hopefully I'll be able to get you guys more stuff more regularly soon. This one is a little different than what we've seen but I hope you all like it. There will be a third part to this song in particular. Let me know what you thought, if you liked it, hated it, loved it. You all know the drill, likes and comments make me happy. Thank you always for the support and love and everything else. You're all my favorites!