#recently finished bachelor route!!!
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mittsushi · 1 year ago
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ab ovo
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certifiedlovergirlsstuff · 7 months ago
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hello hello can i ask for reader (either new transfer or someone they're just consulting with) hellbent on avoiding and not talking to spencer bcs he keeps rambling off about stuff everytime they're in his vicinity but they just have a really bad history of men mansplaining things to them so even tho spencer doesn't give off that vibe they just can't help but be sensitive to it 😔🤲🏻
tweaked jussst a bit gn!reader. i need to work on making my brain bigger so i can give more detail for spencer.
“well there many ways one can create their own bomb. they could use proper chemical equipment or just simple house hold items you can buy from anywhere.”
“well actually there’s only four ways to create one and most people go the homemade route. which is the most difficult to trace due to them being bought in plain sight.” a tall, skinny agent beside a man in the well pressed suit just reiterated what you said. you took an exhale through your nose to withhold an eye roll.
“yes, what i said. sulfuric acid is a common ingredient so i’d look into people’s recent purchases and cross reference that with their past criminal history.” you moved around lab as you shuffled and stacked papers, “if you need anymore help seems you already have someone with the answers. good luck.” leaving the two federal agents behind as you exited into the hallway with a tiny chip sitting on your shoulder.
what was the reason to seek you out if they already had someone who’d know their answers? probably once they saw who you were they wanted to intimidate you, that one guy wanted to show off that he knew the same information as you. no one ever gave you the respect in this department, many ‘colleagues’ have taken credit for work that you’ve done. they always talk over you or explain a concept that you already knew, seeing as you were in the same field as said mansplainer.
“someone looks to be in a mood.” oh great, if your hour couldn’t get worse. you didn’t bother looking at dr. fray, he was said mansplainer that always thought he was more inept when really you have a higher standing than him.
“since you left those agents on their own i stepped up to help them by giving further detail into their investigation. just helped save some lives, no big dealio.” your periphery saw how he walked with a certain air about him, one that many men carry without a care in the world.
you rolled your eyes as you kept walking to your office, “whatever. they already have someone who knows this information so we weren’t needed anyway.” you pulled your keys from your coat pocket, “well it was not fun walking with you. off you go, fray.” shielding yourself by throwing the door in his face.
you wanted to be away from any type of male for the rest of the day, not wanting to hear their unnecessary chatter, they just like the sound of their own voice. neatly arranging your files on your desk and placing your coat over the back of your chair you were ready to finish some documents when there was a gentle knocking to your door. you weren’t expecting anyone for a meeting so when you were faced with the lanky agent from earlier you couldn’t help as your face shifted into one of annoyance before shifting into neutral.
“was there something you needed, dr. reid?” arms crossed defensively over your chest. you internally hated how he seemed to know almost everything know to man and he seemed to be about your age. you wanted to rip your hair out halfway through your bachelors degree.
dr. reid’s mouth was pressed into a tight line, his fingers twiddling with this satchel strap over his chest. “i- uh i overheard a bit of your- your conversation and just wanted to… apologize?” he ended with a question.
your brows quirked, “apologize? for what?” confused on what was happening. men rarely apologized to you, you’ve been ran down on the street by guys who don’t care about anyone else on the street.
“i didn’t mean to overstep earlier. i understand to an extent what it feels like for people to talk over you or just ignore what you’ve said.” your anger melted just a bit at his words, “and i know for you it’s harder. there’s statistically less then 0.05% of non white males in many fields. i can tell you worked hard to be in this position, so i apologize for earlier.” his mouth probably ran just a tad faster than his brain.
you dropped your defensive stance, hands to link at the bottom of your stomach as you gave dr. reid a friendly smile, the first of the day. “thank you, dr. reid. i appreciate that you recognized your actions and acknowledged my feelings.”
he rocked on his feet, “you can call me spencer.” he said shyly, “also i’ve read a couple of your thesis. and if you have the time when this is over i’d- i’d love to discuss them with you.” you noted how his cheeks started to tint into hues of pink, it was cute.
“would be nice to talk with someone that has a fully functioning brain. you know where to find me, spencer.”
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dishonored-warden · 3 months ago
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“Fine. But not to the car, take me to the Steppe. I want to have a smoke before I die...”
Recently finished the Bachelor’s route and I have some especially strong feelings about this character moment
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deltapelagicpetrel · 2 months ago
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I finished playing marble nest recently, I'm currently playing pathologic classic bachelor route and now this dandy is plaguing my mind
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maripr · 1 year ago
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English is not my first language and I recently finished my second playthrough of the bachelor route in Patho classic hd.
What does it mean when Maria calls Daniel "en-Daniil"? Is that "en" some kind of honorific I didn't know about?
Unrelated but even if I had max rep, at one point a random guy near the termitary and one (1) guard tried to fight me, no idea what caused this haha.
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sysy-studyblr · 9 months ago
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hey! i just finished my grade 12 exams and was looking into studying in germany. i was just curious what exactly you’re doing right now?
hi! so I have been waiting for someone to ask me this omg!!! currently cracking my knuckles opening up my laptop to answer this one
curriculum
so! essentially the main thing here is whether your high-school diploma is enough for university study, i.e: is it qualified as a Hochschulzugangsberechtigung, HZB. I did the International Baccalaureate diploma, and based on the curriculum (and subjects chosen) you have studied, the route will be different for you. the German curriculum is of course best for studying there, but the IGCSE one is solid too. I am not sure for others, I live in kenya, so the main education systems are the Kenyan one, IB, and the Cambridge IGCSE one. best websites to use to figure out how to get there are as follow. DAAD is based on anabin, but anabin is from the culture ministers conference (the OG guys of deciding this study)
DAAD:
https://www.daad.de/en/studying-in-germany/requirements/admission-database/
anabin:
https://anabin.kmk.org/no_cache/filter/schulabschluesse-mit-hochschulzugang.html#land_gewaehlt
the main categories are:
a. diploma valid in both country of education + Germany
b. diploma valid in only country of education, not germany
c. diploma not valid
field of study
based on your choice for your field, and also bachelors, masters or phd, all play a role. stem courses will generally not be taught in English, and you will just have to know German, if you want to study stem. unless you can find a specific international university, there are almost no courses (I could not find even one pure physics course in English) for stem in English. if there are, you will probably compromise on quality of education.
humanities courses are taught in English, so if you go into literature, business, psychology, economics, hotel management, etc. there are plenty of courses at very very good universities.
public universities are usually the best in Germany, have relatively low tuition (recently introduced in some uni's for international students) and are extremely high in quality.
what I am doing rn
my diploma went into category b, above. despite getting above average IB points, being a student with tons of extracurriculars, the subjects I took, along with the general regard of the IB diploma in Germany resulted in my situation.
I have to do a studienkolleg (a foundation course for international students). in order to apply for a stem oriented course, as I am going into physics (women in stem!!), I need a studienkolleg, and in order to go into the studienkolleg, I need B2 German.
I have essentially taken a year off (may 2023 - sept 2024) to figure out how I am getting there. I started German in September 2024, after figuring out I need to know it + I need a foundation. everyone online has said you can't learn a foreign language in a year - do not listen to them, it is entirely possible, difficult, but honestly doable.
so yeah! ask if you have any other questions. despite all this, the reason I want to study there is quality of education in relation to tuition, the job market, the benefits for international students, and the quality of life.
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gumballavocadoharry · 1 year ago
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How Jack met Alice: Jack Chambers:
*This is not a part of 'don't worry darling'! This is just a random scenario of how Jack and Alice first met each other! Also time rewind as because if Susan and Roger were born in the 50's, then Jack and Alice had met around the 40's.*
Jack had just shot out from the pervaded streets of New York City and into the more rural, sleepy city of Sacramento. He had unloaded boxes from the back of his ocean Buick and took in the brown cube shapes one by one into the pristine bachelor pad he rented for himself. Jack could all picture it: the couch would be neighbors to the kitchen, the dining table would be only sideways into the living room and the bedroom would be decorated in posters of cars and....maybe a small Lauren Bacall picture hanging somewhere.
Jack wanted a fresh outlook from the usual hometown streets of his New York City neighborhood. His old townhouse apartment supported him while he majored his studies in technology. Jack wanted to be an engineer and worked hard at his different odd jobs as a mechanic, a bartender, a supermarket attendant and most recently, a piano player at a jazz club.
Despite finishing his studies, Jack became excited at the idea of being a 'musician' in the public eye. He didn't hop into a position at as an engineer just yet, but he didn't abrade that from his list. Jack had settled down by now; the strong passions and desires of his youthful roaring 20's had worn itself out by now. He traveled a lot, smoked, drank, did some sordid things with friends, grappled the seams of independence from his parents, whom he still left in the suburbs of Buffalo.
"Oh Jack, that's so far away!" His mother exclaimed, "Even with route 66, it'll still take a week to get there!" Jack knew breaking the news to his parents would be very arduous. But he couldn't blindside them with no explanation to where he was going. "This is something that's going to be good for me. And besides, California's not so bad."
Jack glanced over to his father, who was sitting in his usual chair. His eyes were widened, a bit glossy like his eyes had been sprayed with clear coating. Jack lowered his head and shot back to his mother. He notched a crooked smile with pity eyes, shoving his piercing dimples in their faces.
That innocent smile that he's gotten from his mother and those mystifying, scheming eyes he inherited from his father, except with more character...kindness, a gentleness like a fuzzy wool teddy bear with button eyes. They were the softest green eyes that would make you run to him, arms wide with whatever was on your mind, yet they still struck a measure of uncomplicated meekness and scrutiny.
His mother threw her arms around his tall lanky neck and buried her face into his shirt. "We'll miss you." She said, quiet with unsureness. Was this really a decision she had to accept from her child? Jack's father uprooted himself from the chair and for the rarest occasion, he hugged Jack from behind. Jack's mind raced, almost in a solace he created from emotionally distancing himself from the hug for a temporary moment.
His heart pitter pattered as this was just as much as the nerve racking step he had taken upon telling his parents he was moving out for the first time. Jack could still remember the look on his mother's face. Granted she knew- just like any other mother- that he child's desire to leave the nest would only be a normal cry of growing up; the tears still didn't dry themselves. In fact, she grieved like she had lost her child in an accident, when he had only moved a couple miles away into the city.
Jack wasn't too aware of the nature to her despair, but he would only come to harbor it once he himself became a father to two children.
Jack's father had only given him a pat on the back; suckling in his despondency for the sake and pride of masculinity. But it was actually Jack who had no tears in the regards.
*******************************
He looked at the picture of himself, a younger version with his friends after a trip to the cabins. Even the innocence of his eyes were shaded differently than who he was now. Jack sighed to himself with sentiment before unsettling the rest of his belongings.
The picture glass window that was a glassed in cavity to the baby blue sky of the evening that was sun dusted in orange. Despite all the moving and unpacking Jack had done earlier in the day, he still didn't hesitate to put on his dressy black slacks, a clean navy blue dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He took one last glance at the apartment before grabbing his jacket and departing.
"Jack!" He shot his head up to see Mr. Granderson, the landlord and next door neighbor to Jack. "How are liking the place so far?" Jack couldn't help but unwind a convivial grin. "It's very nice. I'm especially fond of the bay window in the living room." Mr. Granderson showed a toothy grin. "That's one of my favorite features too! I had it specially installed because it really gave class to the place."
Even Jack had to give a nod for how well put together and clean his new home really was. He scanned his watch, trying to cordially end the conversation. "Aw gee, I gotta go, but it was really nice talking to you Mr. Granderson," The middle aged man smiled warmly, "Please, call me Charlie."
Jack lifted his smile higher and winked before running off.
There it was.....The Demally. One of Sacramento's finest clubs in the city. Jack walked in, hung his jacket on the workers coat rack and took his position at the piano. His fingers pattered over the keys with such nuance and grace like he had played this machine all his life. But nope....he had only tempted the skill a few weeks before applying for the job.
The place immediately had the vibe of classiness; like it had become one of elegance in the break of New York City; headlights flashing its glow onto the club, gathering all people from everywhere into this newfound worldly scenery. But the coasts and sunsets of Cali were just fine for Jack. The owner couldn't ignore the panache poise style Jack had mastered in his piano skills. The thick aroma of smoke; smell of cigarettes would sometimes bug Jack's eyes, but he lowered his head to focus mostly on his playing.
The following week, Jack received his first paycheck from his new job that was double than what he expected. "Oh gosh, thank you!" He wanted to hug Benny, his boss, from pure happiness, but decided a firm handshake would seal in his gratitude. The weeks went on and on; Jack would play his soulful melodies and people everywhere would ask who 'the man on the piano was?'.
Jack's ego was built on compliments and praise for his skills on the piano, but still kept his humble point of view of matters. And then....a blonde lady walked in with her friends.
Jack's eyes skipped between her and the piano keys. He was pleased when the ladies were enthralled by the feisty sounds of the club music. "Alice, why don't we get drinks?" Her redhead friend suggested. Cigarette in between fingers and perilous tassel black dress, Jack knew this girl's type. Alice, the shy but observant blonde wore a red curve hugging dress with her hair twisted into a ponytail. Jack couldn't take his eyes off her sweet face.
Even from the piano, she wore a vibrant smile and sophisticated sense. Her red fingernails wrapped around the martini with such elegance. Even when her red lips latched onto the cup, she still drank it with delicate manner. Slowly biting the olive sticking out of it-
Bonk!
Jack's eyes widened when he realized he hit a wrong key; souring the note. His cheeks blushed a hot red, sending a drunk smile and mouthing an apology before correcting the musical pattern. He was so focused on the music, that he became taken aback seeing another guy stand over Alice as she was sitting alone, making her visibly uncomfortable. "Come on baby, come with me tonight," He grabbed her arm, which she struggled to wrestle out of. "No! I'm not that type of girl!"
She tried signaling for her friend, Mary, who was still in the bathroom powdering her nose. Jack watched to grueling scene, seeing Alice try fighting off the guy. "Leave me alone!" Jack found himself shooting up from the bench and grabbing the guy's shirt collar.
"She said 'leave her alone!'" His teeth were gritted, still having a furious grip on to the man's shirt making eyes boggle in their direction. "What are you gonna do about it?" He gave Jack a hard shove. Jack lifted his fist to throw the first punch, but was stopped upon seeing the crowd and remembering Benny; he would be fired instantly for disrupting his place of business.
Instead, Jack motioned for Benny to come over. "This guy making trouble?" Jack and Alice nodded, before the man was escorted off the premises. "Are you alright?" Alice nodded, but still looked down at her feet. "Thank you." She snatched her purse from the table and stormed into the bathroom.
Jack went back to the piano, continuing his song. A bunch of chatter came from the women's restroom before he saw Alice storm out and leave the club. A couple later, Mary, Alice's friend, went over to Jack. "Have you seen my friend? She's the one you saved from that drunk guy?"
Jack's cheeks blushed, "Uh, I think she left." Mary nodded and sent a him a smile. "Thank you. Alice is kinda of your independent type girl...doesn't want a superman." She joked. Jack smiled, "I saw someone in trouble.....I was afraid of what would've happened."
Mary nodded with a smile, "Thank you again." Jack watched Mary walk away to fetch her friend while he stayed at the piano.
The morning was fresh. The birds sung their daily tune, the sun rose to its platform and the radiance of the sky spotlighted everything from the greeny trees to the black streets and tan sidewalks of the city.
Jack awoke in his messy bed head, stomach grumbling from the scamper of a dinner he had the night before he left for work. But the only thing that stood vivid in his brain was Alice. The woman he had saved; her beautiful smile, the one she had when she was dancing with Mary. It broke Jack's heart more than it should've when her smile dropped and turned into a look of humiliation from the wondering eyes around the trio.
The man traveled into his kitchen for a simple meal of toast with cereal. He had a big day ahead of him. Jack hadn't forgotten about his engineering credentials from college. He sent in several copies of his resumes to different companies who would accept him. Today he had an interview with Marshall institutes. He out on one his best suits and hopped out the door, heart pounding louder than his stomach.
The car ride was just clamor of cars shooting back and forth on the freeway, Jack's being one of them. Sweat beads dripped a little from his head; mostly from the blamed humidity of the morning and the unspoken fraught steaming inside of Jack's chest. If he could bite his nails now, they'd be nubs.
Jack's nerves didn't exactly ease when he pulled into a parking space. Out of anything, they worsened. Jack could count the amount of gulps that jumped down his throat. He cleared his throat, did tongue exercises and straightened his tie before walking into the office with superficial confidence.
He stopped at the receptionist's desk ready to alert Mr. Mackenzie of his arrival. "Hello, are you here on an appointment?" A friendly voice asked. A recognizable voice....Jack furrowed his eyebrows before looking into the green eyes of Alice. The girl at the club.
Her hair, perfectly pitched into a bun, her cherry red lips complimented the cat eye she did in her liner. Her forgery eyelashes that hooded her kitty cat eyes seemed to show a similar glance of realization in them. "Uh-" She stuttered over her words a little. Jack was no better as he allowed the awkward silence of the sounds of his dry mouth to echo through the aperture.
"H-Hi, I'm Jack....Jack Chambers, I'm here on a interview with Mr. Mason Mackenzie?" Jack breaking the silence made a flabbergasted Alice shake her head and immediately searched his name. "Oh yes, Mr. Chambers....he's right in his office." Alice telephoned her boss who had sent a green light for Jack's entry.
"Thank you." Jack smiled his best professional one before carefully stepping into the elevators. The hallway seemed long and empty; only the sounds of telephones ringing off the hook and meeting chatter were the only sounds that bounced off the walls. But compared to Jack's mouse steps, they clobbered him in professional dominance. Even with all the tumult circling around, the isolation of Jack alone in this protracted hallway rang louder.
"Mr. Mackenzie?" Jack knocked on the door. "Oh come Mr. Chambers!" The man seemed nice enough. He greeted Jack with a polite smile and approving looks seeing the young man came prepared with his suitcase and formal suit of dress. Jack sat anxiously in the chair, crossing his legs and tapping his foot so lightly as not to disturb the interview.
"I see you graduated from Columbia University?" Jack nodded, "Yes, I majored in technology and engineering." Mr. Mackenzie looked through Jack's resume. "Tell me, why do you think you'd be a good fit at Marshall Institute?"
"Well, I know I have the skills to fulfill the type of position that's needed. I had training before in those areas and have been working with them at several jobs before. Plus I feel like this would be a good opportunity for me to gain more skills and challenge myself in providing the best service possible."
Jack wanted to face palm himself. To him, he sounded like a pamphlet they hand you for a vacation. His heartbeat sped up when he realized he sounded external. Or maybe not....at least not Mr. Mackenzie.
Jack was saving those words for his cover letter, but apparently that was all Mr. Mackenzie needed to hear. "I really like that about you Mr. Chambers. You have such a positive work ethic. Well," The man stood up and reached for Jack's hand. "You are definitely on my recommendation list. I'll give you a call if anything changes."
He shook Jack's hand and handed him back his portfolio. "You have a nice day." Jack smiled, "Thank you, you too." Jack put his portfolio in his briefcase before heading out. The long hallway didn't seem so long anymore. He trailed through it before reaching the elevators. Inside, Jack realized he would see Alice again. His heart sped to maximum speed and his breaths sounded like a panting dog whose eyes were fastened onto a bone that they so desperately wanted to fetch.
The doors opened and Jack hustled out of there, eyes expediting towards the front desk. Alice wasn't at her desk, but much less coming back to it. Jack got a clear view of her white top that was cover in a grey open sweater and a black office pencil skirt with matching heels. Her silver watch that was smaller wrapped around her wrist compared to Jack's bulky black one around his, made all the more contrast.
"Mr. Chambers?" Jack's head looked to Alice's direction. She walked over with a shy girl like stance. "I just wanted to give a proper thank you for helping me last night at the club..." Her cheeks went red, "I was just embarrassed, so I ran out of there. Mary sure got an earful." Alice's eyes went to the floor again. Jack chuckled. "She asked for you when you left. She came up to my piano and I told her you went outside." Alice beamed. She licked her lips and blushed again. "You can play the piano really pretty...it had such a classy, sophisticated tune to it." Jack blushed and shrugged.
"Thanks....I'm glad you're okay by the way," He looked down again, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to cause a scene....you know.....I was gonna punch that guy, but I knew how my boss would feel about that. He likes to keep the place upscale......That's something I've always had to work on," Jack looked embarrassed upon saying it.
Alice's eyes widened, "Yeah....respectfully but....you've got quite the temper." She giggled. Jack laughed, "It's a Chambers men trait...I guess... I don't know.....I just...panicked." Alice's heart beat louder than desired. There was something about Jack's protective awe that excited her. His broad shoulders, and slight rasp to his voice swirled Alice into a fantasy land of her own.
"I'm Jack, by the way," He held his hand out. Alice blinked, snapping her from her thoughts, "I'm Alice." She shook his hand. "I know you probably already know....because, wel....my name was on the list." Jack's eyes motioned towards the desk. Alice giggled.
"I knew your name already too...I heard your friend Mary call you 'Alice'." Alice blushed, "You got me," She pointed a finger, joking. She looked down at her feet again, "Well, I better get back to work,"
"Me too.....will I see you tonight at the Demally?" Alice's breath became slightly heavy. "Maybe...." She threw off a flirtatious look. But deep down, the effects of last night still played like a record in her mind. Jack could sense it. "Don't worry....if anyone tries to hurt you...I'll have em thrown out." Jack said with a protective arrogance.
"I don't need superman," Alice smirked; going back to her desk. "Your friend said the same thing to me too." Jack licked his lips, "But the way I see it, everyone needs a hero from time to time.....I know how things are right now but......" Jack came closer to her desk, "I find a lady in red to be quite my style."
Alice shot her head up but Jack snatched her a wink and a smile before walking out, leaving Alice without a breath.
The sun lit sidewalk, illuminated Jack's careful steps through as he was marking a way to his car. A thud had bounced off shoulders; upon looking down to see a bright red rubber ball. He picked it up, scanning it to see where it came from. "Sorry about that mister," Jack turned to see a group of kids. "We were playing and it accidentally rolled over here." One of the boys piped up. Jack waved a friendly smile to them.
"Oh, it's quite alright," He handed them back the ball. "I'm a bit of a kickball player myself." He chuckled. That convinced the kids to smile. "Thank you!" Jack gave them back the ball and they all ran off like puppy dogs, waiting for the toy to thrown for them to fetch. Jack smiled to himself. The thought of having kids mitigated into to him like it was his natural purpose. Hearing the laughter from his children playing in the yard, the giggles before bedtime and the sounds of their snoring noses from a long a day in the sun.
The picture made Jack's heart flutter. Usually it was the mother who would daydream about changing diapers or going on long walks with the baby carriage, but it was something that was no surprise or aloof for Jack. "In my day, a father couldn't raise children without a wife....they'd just ship em to an orphanage or with a grandparent or other relative...that is if they'd want them."
Those words came from the sour mouth of Jack's father. In his mind, a father was meant to work grueling hours rather than be at home with his children. He was meant to doll out harsh discipline whenever his children stepped out of line, and affection: kisses, cuddles, lullabies were meant for the mother.
Jack rolled his eyes at his father's illiterateness of human nature. He valued social merit rather than reasoning with himself of the makeup of a man and a woman. But nonetheless, Jack shook off the thought and marched to his car, keeping his mind sharp on his job. Of course, a well deserved coffee break was needed.
Jack parked in lot, scanning over important documents from his portfolio while sipping his coffee and munching on a muffin. His mind became swirled into this loop of Alice, Mr. Mackenzie and the Demally and Benny. Alice spun the loudest. Her song like voice still echoed in Jack's head of her "not needing superman." Oh, and how could he forget that black seemed to also be her color.
His stomach knotted itself once his mind ran over the Demally. He hoped she'd be there....alone, without Mary.....but just her....and him...and her laying on top of the piano as he played a sweet sexy tune...
Jack snapped his thoughts from anything else. He swallowed the rest of his coffee and shoved away his portfolio. Jack managed to return to his apartment and unlock the front door, only to plop down on the couch, completely exhausted. His eyes scanned the clock that only read 11:23. Marked with the auspicious daylight, Jack realized that it was late morning. You think downing that coffee would make me jump awake? Jack thought. He rubbed his eyes and decided a good lunch would be a wake up call for him.
Jack made a turkey sandwich with a bottle of pepsi before sitting down in front of his TV, turning on a detective show. The casual lunch put his mind at ease for a little while at least. The morning newspaper had been read. Then 8:00 struck.
The man found himself scrambling to put on his best suit for Alice- The Demally. Jack donned a grey suit jacket with a white dress shirt, black slacks and black dress shoes. He grabbed his car keys, his house keys and his wallet before scampering out the door in a discreet fashion.
The Demally was already packed. Jack managed to find the piano and sat down to play a twinkle of jazz notes for his arrival. The crowd actually cheered and clapped when Jack's fingers had hit the gauzy polished white keys of the instrument. Jack's glances went back and forth to the piano and the crowd....searching for Alice. And sure enough....there she was. All dressed in this black and red dress, black dangling earrings and black heels with maroon nails came marching into the scene.....alone.
Jack licked his lips like a hungry wolf; pupils huge because of admiring something that snatched his ripened attention. Coming closer, Alice was wearing a black head band, the same from work with those distinguishable cherry lips and kitty cat eyes. Alice had glanced to Jack, only to turn away with teenage girl crush like feelings. Her infatuation made her cheeks sting the color of her dress, but Jack's alluring eyes and boyish smile didn't seem to fade.
"Could you play me a song please pretty boy?" This curvaceous, olive skinned and black haired lady asked, making sure to shove her melons in Jack's face practically. "Of course, what's your request?" She whispered something in his ear, leaving a gap wide enough for Alice to see the stunning lady tickling Jack's ear with her dark maroon colored lips. But Jackhad his eyebrows pinched the whole time. "That song....it's not a piano melody?"
The woman nodded with a smirk. "Leave that to the band then, and come join me." She kissed his cheek, making Alice storm out in humiliation. Jack, brokenhearted whispered to the band who started to tune, but rushed out to catch Alice.
"Alice?" She was standing there, trying to hail a cab and refusing to look at Jack. He was too tongue tied to say anything, but that didn't stop the man from trying. "You look absolutely beautiful," Alice turned to Jack before turning back, "So was she....you still have her on your cheeks by the way." She hissed a little. Jack ushered his fingers to his cheek, wiping off the lipstick mark. "Yes she was.....but I wasn't looking at her...she shoved herself in my face...but....I noticed you. That's why I ran out here because.....I just couldn't pass up the chance to dance with the most beautiful lady I have ever seen.....well...besides my mother," Jack joked.
"You know how they can have satellite hearing." Alice snorted a little, but still looked down. Jack stepped closer and carefully touched her shoulder. "Please Alice....I told you I like a lady in red.....that woman was wearing black." Jack's eyes held a sneaky, but lovey dovey look. He couldn't deny his smitten for the woman in this moment.
"May I have this dance?" Alice's crush feeling overcame her again and grabbed Jack's hand and wrapped one arm around his shoulder and the other on his back. "Shouldn't we be inside?" She asked, eyelashes twinkling. "I like it here without all the riff raff. Plus....I get to see you in the most beautiful form." Jack leaned in and pressed his nose to Alice's, tips of each other's smooshing. And then......they kissed.
Right there in the moonlight.
************
A couple weeks down the line, Jack had been introduced to the Victory Project, where he became one of the technical engineers. His boss, Frank, was very impressed by the credits Jack had and didn't hesitate to hire him on the spot with an abundant salary.
Of course, that would suit him well once a couple years down the line Jack and Alice had married and settled in San diego, in their new home. Life was indeed perfect for the Chambers couple.
Jack was sitting in one of his favorite chairs, reading the sunday paper. Alice following in with two cups of coffee and a morning kiss. "Jack, I feel so much better than I did last week. I took you advice and went to the doctor," Jack's eyes moved from the paper to meet his wife's green orbs.
"What they say?" Alice chuckled. "I'm expecting."
Jack spat out his coffee and looked to his wife with bewilderment and astonishment. He felt himself falling back in his chair and gleaming happily.
"Yes," He mouthed to himself, "Finally....I'm gonna be a dad."
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survivalxofxthexfittest · 5 months ago
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The Lockmoore timeline
November 1st:
Oscar was out in the field with his partner investigating a case. They were retracing the suspect's steps, interviewing anyone and everyone in the immediate areas. He was on his next knock-and-talk when he became aware that something big was going on - the homeowner's neighbor shuffling through the yard and attacking the duo. Sadly his partner didn't make it. He immediately took off to get his sister and fiancée.
Emily was in the middle of a session when she got the call from Oscar. After telling him to hold on, she wiped down her client's tattoo and took a quick break to take the call. Clear and to the point as he was when he told her to hide somewhere safe until he got to her, she'd never heard Oscar so frantic before. Emily didn't believe him at first when he said people were acting like rapid animals and attacking people, but she would appease her brother's worry. Just as soon as she finished her session. She made her way back to the front of the shop, fully expecting to jump right back in to inking her client, but was stopped in her tracks when she saw them getting attacked instead. She turned and ran back toward the break room, slamming and locking the door just in time to avoid being the next victim.
Oscar was forced to take out the two infected to get to his sister, the two of them wasting no time to get in his car and head for his fiancée's work. By the time they made it there the building had been infiltrated and he fought his way through a small horde in the lobby. Just as he was passing through to the stairwell he saw Liv, or at least who used to be Liv. He froze in place, devastated he hadn't gotten to her in time, his world crashing around him. If Emily hadn't decided she'd waited outside long enough and went looking for him, he would have been attacked and turned along with Liv.
The siblings went to Oscar's apartment and holed up like the emergency broadcast instructed. He isolated for days, reeling from grief. Emily did her best to keep things as normal as possible while she tended to her brother's broken heart.
November 16th:
They started running low on supplies - Oscar's place very bachelor despite Liv having recently moved in because they ate at Emily's so often. The two decide to make their way to Em's place to resupply only- her garden apartment not as secure as Oscar's fourth floor space. They mapped out their route and uneventfully got to her complex. Given the ease of the trek they decided to stick around a few days and scavenge what they could from the rest of the building - only coming across three infected during their search.
November 18th:
Their trip back to Oscar's was not as easy. They were momentarily separated when the way back was blocked by a small horde. They managed to fight their way back, safe and sound, although Emily was almost three hours behind her brother which made him fear the worst.
December 16th:
The supplies they'd scavenged from Emily's complex started to run low and the pair began serious talks on leaving D.C. behind and heading Northeast - Oscar convinced the cold would at least slow down the infected. They made it all the way to the Delaware Memorial Bridge before they had to abandon their car. They found shelter in Wilmington for the night.
December 17th:
They start their trek once more, making it to Philadelphia by nightfall. The city is overrun and they are stuck finding shelter as they methodically make their way through, scavenging what they can as they go. The cold is getting worse, but nothing they can't survive so long as they keep warm over night.
December 24th-25th:
The two celebrate the Christmas holiday as best they can. They each managed to find a gift for the other while out on recon throughout their travels.
December 26th-February 4th:
They make their way slowly but surely toward Manhattan - the trip impeded by hordes and blockades along the route. They get stuck once more in Newark, New Jersey - the cold finally too much for them to safely travel through. They ended up using the FBI's headquarters for shelter, the mountains of paperwork left behind giving them plenty of fuel for warmth. The building's generators were surprisingly still working when they first arrived and Oscar used the opportunity to do a little digging into the events surrounding the fall. They were afforded three days of power before it went out completely. They scavenged when they could until the snow relented and they were able to get back on the road.
February 5th-March 2nd:
They finsihed their journey and finally wound up in Manhattan. They made unnecessary, but indulgent stops in the Museum of Art, the Empire State building, and the zoo for a moral boost - also using the Subway for shelter as needed. After their mini tour of the city they came upon The Wexley and snuck in through the garage.
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shmowder · 7 months ago
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Hi! I hope you’re doing well. I wonder if you ever played Pathologic dating simulator and if you did, what is your opinion on it?
I have played it before, a friend in the fandom told me about it. I probably wouldn't have found out about it otherwise.
I think it's really amazing and well made, everything from the art to the writing and characterisation is especially beautiful and clearly done with so much love. I especially enjoyed their take on characters and how they weren't afraid to diverge from canon to create new motives for each person.
I've only played the Haruspex route because I didn't want to spoil the Bachelor route for myself before playing it ingame. I absolutely enjoyed every moment of it!
I finished all possible routes–well up to day 3 since that was the limit. But a day 4 update came recently, and I plan to play it after the Bachelor P1 route.
I don't want to spoil anything for people who haven't played the dating sim yet, but I absolutely adore Artemy's secret romance option?? The way they resolved the canon complications was so clever and smooth.
I struggled getting Rubin's route a lot a lot for some reason. When I played by myself naturally, I'd always end up with Lara. After some effort and... deliberately being mean to Lara, I ended up with Grief. But god Rubin evaded me like the plague, I could never land his route.
So I gave up and decided to pursue the secret romance option instead, and guess who's suddenly interested in me? Goddamn Stakh.
Afterwards I had to be very mean and dismissive to all of them in order to land the secret romance option.
I'm very excited about the update and bachelor route. They gave every character more warmth and made them nicer than their canon counterparts while maintaining their core traits which is a brilliant move for a dating sim.
Day 1-3 are available in English, Day 1-4 are available in Russian. The game is free and I can't recommend it enough as a labour of love.
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pozge-pridumayu · 2 years ago
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I recently finished bachelor route and I want to punch people. Like I saved everyone, got all three endings, talked to the developers, all of that. But also I had five extra panaceas and one shmowder left
"Hard as hell" "Every single one in the game"
Literally just do side quests
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astriiformes · 2 years ago
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Hi! I’m a different person asking about applying for herbarium jobs. I actually followed you a little bit ago specifically because I saw you post about working in one, I just hadn’t gotten the courage up to ask about it.
I’m in college now, with plans to go into plant research, and I’m probably going to graduate with a good amount of lab experience. I recently realized though that herbarium work might also be a good fit for me. I’m not quite sure what to ask here, but is there anything that would make that transition difficult? Or anything I should know or focus on before I graduate? I saw you said you had more of a science background so maybe you know what I’m getting at here
Thanks!
So, full disclosure, my herbarium position was a work-study job last year (I have had a.... winding and tenuous path through college and am currently going back to school at 26 to attempt to finish my Bachelor's by doing a weird syncretic individualized degree instead of a standard biology one) and I do not have experience with applying for similar positions as a graduate or more standard professional candidate, which can obviously be quite different for some jobs.
That said, I don't know how long you have left in school, but looking to see if your own university offers any similar options OR if there's a local herbarium or museum where you could volunteer in your (limited, I imagine) free time would probably serve to make you a good candidate for herbarium work. Even working or volunteering in non-herbarium collections may help -- I know one thing that came up as a positive in my interviews was that I already had a lot of collections experience on my resume, even though it was all in zoology and paleontology collections. Any collections job will get you acquainted with basic curatorial duties and procedures, and may even familiarize you with specific methods of data entry or other skills you can namedrop on your resume. Even if it's volunteer work (all of mine was -- my herbarium position was my first ever paid collections job) it's a great thing to be able to show you have experience in.
As far as particular difficulties go... nothing particularly glaring is coming to mind. Working or volunteering in a collections job as a student before you graduate would also probably help you figure out if it's the right field for you, which is always another bonus. If you've largely got lab experience I'm sure you're very familiar with the tedium of data entry even when you're doing cool research (although there is the occasional entertaining error message, haha) and a lot of collections work is pretty data entry-heavy, though with the immense bonus that you are entering data about some pretty fascinating things and may find yourself crying over the human experience while handling lichen specimens that were collected in the mid-19th century (I speak from experience).
Best of luck with whatever route you go down, and I'd love to be able to consider you a collections comrade. Folks who make the jump from research science to museums are sometimes particularly great advocates for the importance of specimen collections, considering how useful they can be to researchers and having the background to explain how collections are used for contemporary science and not simply kept around as relics of the past, which may be an angle for you to consider if you dip your toes into the field.
(And don't be shy if you ever have other questions! I love talking about this stuff.)
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sathya32 · 8 months ago
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Choosing the Best Stream for Aspiring Data Scientists After 12th Grade
Data science is a fast growing subject that offers rewarding job prospects and the ability to work on cutting-edge projects. Selecting the appropriate educational path is critical for students who are finishing their 12th grade and want to work as data scientists. This blog seeks to inform and facilitate your journey toward a data science job by guiding you through the top options to think about following your 12th grade.
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1. A Science Stream with a Mathematical Focus The scientific stream, especially with a math concentration, offers one of the easiest routes to become a data scientist. The foundation of data science is mathematics, which includes calculus, probability, and statistics—all of which are essential for comprehending and interpreting data.
Essential Subjects:
Computer Science, Physics, and Mathematics
2. B.Tech/B.E. in Engineering with Computer Science Another great choice is to pursue a computer science engineering degree (B.Tech/B.E.). In order to prepare you for a job in data science, this stream offers a thorough education in a variety of technological and data analysis topics.
Key Topics:
Algorithms and Data Structures Systems for Managing Databases Robotic Learning Programs in artificial intelligence engineering provide students with a practical understanding of programming languages like Python and R, which are commonly used in data science, as well as theoretical expertise. To further expand your experience, many engineering universities also offer electives or specialist courses in data science.
3. A bachelor's degree (B.Sc.) in mathematics or statistics Pursuing a Bachelor of Science (B.Sc.) in Mathematics or Statistics can be an excellent option if you have a strong interest in numbers and data. These courses go in-depth on mathematical ideas, statistical theories, and data analysis methods—all of which are essential to data science.
Important Topics:
Statistical Techniques Probability Theory Linear Algebra Calculus A B.Sc. in Mathematics or Statistics gives you the tools to examine large, complicated datasets and derive actionable conclusions. It also establishes a solid basis for specializing in data science through postgraduate work or certifications.
4. Courses Particular to Analytics and Data Science Numerous colleges have begun to offer undergraduate programs that are especially focused on data science and analytics in recent years. These courses combine concepts from computer science, mathematics, and statistics to offer a straight route into the subject.
Important Topics:
Data Mining Technologies for Big Data Analytics Predictive Visualization These courses provide a comprehensive curriculum with an emphasis on using data science concepts in real-world settings. They frequently involve projects and internships, which provide you exposure to the business and practical experience, preparing you for employment after graduation.
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For those who want to become data scientists, selecting the appropriate program after the 12th grade is essential. Every option has its own advantages and prospects, whether you choose to pursue a data science course, an engineering degree in computer science, a bachelor's degree in statistics or mathematics, or a science stream with an emphasis on mathematics. When making your decision, take your hobbies, strong points, and desired professional path into account. Your path into the fascinating topic of data science might be successful if you have the necessary educational background and are dedicated to it. I appreciate your precious time, and I hope you have an amazing day.
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mxnatural · 1 year ago
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at this point i see three general trajectories for myself (ordered by preference/pressure from my mom):
1. graduate school - completing my 2nd undergraduate degree and hopefully usingthe momentum to slingshot myself immediately into either a masters or phd program that hopefully pays some toward the cost of tuition and then maybe living. this would be with the hopes of being able to travel for work presentations conferences what have you and blend business and pleasure more. maybe find a way into a post doctoral position with like. pennies pay but to get my foot in the door of somewhere that i could see living the rest of my life in eg berkeley??? boston??? abroad??? ideally could bag higher pay, more likely to be connected to academia (pros and cons of that). less connection to aging family unit, guilt associated with that. new lifestyle, forging completely new territory aside from what ive seen of professors lives ive had any limited insight of. definitely have to clean myself up more for this, gather my thoughts better, offer a neater package. more of the unfamiliar
2. bachelor’s to field work position to ??? - finish up this degree quickly and use my existing connections/references to find a comfortable guaranteed position with a good amount of grunt work with odd hours and unpredictable travel and likely heavy field work, work this as long as it’s still fun pay is satisfactory or until a more desirable position presents itself to me. trajectory of this is uncertain but would play it as well as i can. hopefully with good travel connections etc that will be fulfilling. likely much more local and would keep me in a more confined area which would hopefully be CA or west coast as im more familiar with that, travel for leisure when i can. maybe would be able to find closer relationships with this? not necessarily true but seems more feasible while in a more limited area. more outdoor time for longer than option 1, more familiar with confines, more local involvement
3. conservation/seasonal work? - stay in the field of the work i’ve been in most recently. lean into the outdoors stuff, rent in like ski bum abodes in CA for a few years maybe. do either line cook waitress then lifty thing in winter and spring thru fall higher paying conservation work. orient life toward outdoor work/play, maybe promote toward like admin route and settle down somewhere pretty OR give last effort toward fire/trail crew work and work till body starts giving out maybe get a degree or cert to help me promote and ease into older age. maybe do ACE stuff in other regions at some point??
4. other unforeseen paths - ???????
all of these involve never living with my parents again. provided they dont divorce maybe ill end up having my mom live with me when she’s older idk. i feel soooo much like an adult child rn 🤡
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ashydrawsthings · 4 years ago
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Loose screenshot redraw. Stop staring out the window my dude, there’s a whole plague on outside
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permian-tropos · 4 years ago
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hiii so im still relatively new to the pathologic fandom, i havent finished bachelors route yet but i love him. i still dont understand why he isnt in his own ending, do you mind explaining it for me? like what are the theories. also on that note, what are some of your favorite pathologic essays? on tumblr in written or on youtube anything will do, ive watched the hbomber sulmutal ragnarrox and mangaloregaming ones already. thanksss for your input <333 i really am obsessed!
Hi there anon!!! So cool of you to reach out to me! 
So the explanation about why the Bachelor isn’t in his own ending comes from an online AMA with the writer/head of IPL (who I feel obliged to mention has been recently accused of some awful shit so until that gets properly investigated -- and will it? honestly I don’t know :< -- the fandom is kind of holding its breath on this matter, or at least I am, if you’re new here I am very very sorry to break that news to you). 
What I remember from the screenshot I saw of it was that apparently the Bachelor doesn’t “belong” in this “weird world” he’s helped create, and that it was intentional to not show him among Maria Kaina’s worshippers during the Utopian cutscene. So that’s what I’m working with.  
Daniil is a pretty complicated guy, especially when he’s the player character. I feel like you have some leeway, not just in choosing which ending, but even why he chooses various endings, including his own. He can be skeptical and concerned about a lot of aspects of the Utopians, even while he falls more and more in with them ideologically. Not helped by the fact that the Kains are, to my mind, lovebombing the hell out of him in the end, he’s just... very conflicted I think? There’s a lot of dialogue options he can take that suggest he admires the Polyhedron for what it is currently -- a place for children to explore their dreams together and express the wonder and creativity of their youth. You can have him be concerned at the idea of the Kains kicking out the kids so that they can take the Polyhedron themselves. But he thinks it would be awful to destroy the Polyhedron even if it’s about to be used by some very weird and very Sus people. Because to him it’s irreplaceable. 
So... I think his relationship with the Kains is fraught. He sees the nasty sides of the other two ruling families early on and believes the Kains are the most sensible rulers of the town... but once the Kains know he’s hooked, they reveal their extremely absurd, grandiose, and rather ominous plans for Utopia for him. And he’s kind of in too deep to get out by then? He’s been through so much that I can see how it would be tempting to hope that the Kains are just being melodramatic and that they’re not actually evil... hopefully...? That the world they create will at least be beautiful and interesting. Maybe unique. 
But he isn’t as enthusiastic about actually living in it himself as them. He has more rational reasons for seeing the Town destroyed -- underneath it, in the soil, is a dangerous biohazard. He thinks that preventing people from inhabiting this land is the only way to stop this plague, which is his job. It’s like if he found out they were atop a nuclear waste disposal site -- abandon it and put up a sign saying This Is Not A Place Of Honor.  There’s not just one way to interpret his choice at the end but if you believe dialogue he has about seeing the Polyhedron as a way to preserve childhood innocence... he knows he’s past that point. He’s not innocent, he’s been destroyed by this plague, and whether you imagine him leaving the town in disgrace or even ending his own life, an interpretation where he walks away from the “weird world” is one where he has given up on himself.  He’s one of the few fictional characters out there who pursues a dream of defeating death while never once suggesting that he wants to live forever. I’ve always found that really interesting about him. He may be a very flawed guy, but he isn’t really coveting ultimate power or even ultimate happiness for himself. 
Except the one indulgence I would argue he does allow himself is constantly scamming and lying to accumulate more and more guns (seriously he can do this over and over in his route it’s so funny) and if you want to take that to be a metaphor for being transmasculine bc guns are phallic symbols, be my guest xD /j
------ 
And regarding essays... UmmmMM well there’s a few off my personal collection on youtube that I’ve enjoyed that aren’t the big ones you’ve already mentioned:  The Youtube channel Shmowder Productions has quite a few wonderful video essays on Pathologic.  There’s also @loquaciouslore who has made a lot of awesome videos centered on various characters and mechanics of Patho 2 mostly. This is an analysis specifically of the plague in Pathologic 2, trying to come up with scientific/historical explanations for it (despite it defying explanation). It’s a fun time. Also big mood for Bachelor stans, trying to use science on the magic plague.   I have a soft spot for this video essay on the Bachelor and his Suffering TM because it uses a comment that I made on reddit to talk about something the essayist found personally relatable. This one is I almost feel essential viewing, it’s about the relationship Pathologic 2 has to avant-garde movements in theater.
Hope you like this collection! 
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vydante · 5 years ago
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Restart | Avengers x Male! Reader | 9
Fandom: Marvel
Pairing: Avengers x Male! Reader (romantically: multiple)
Plot: Dr. Strange said there was only one possibility of winning the battle against Thanos.
But when (Name) is forced into the past and into his younger body, he’s suddenly given the chance to start over and prevent the future from happening again.
So which route are you going to take? Are you going to risk the future and take preventative measures, or live life with the Avengers for the next 4 years, knowing what will soon come?
A/N: Long- 5.29k words. Lmao did y’all miss me? Also, completely in POV of future timeline, so no actual (Name) ‘till next chapter. Granted, next chapter we get to meet someone pretty chill, so there’s that. So... yah. 
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It's safe to say that it's been a complete shit storm on Earth, Carol muses behind her cup of coffee.
Of course, it's not just Earth that's undergoing complete mass hysteria from the reversed blip. Other planets and societies beyond the Terran solar system were facing the after-effects of what had happened, too- and it doesn't help that Earth was so cut off from the intergalactic systems, so nearly everyone else didn't know of what had happened.
So least to say, she was quite busy trying to maneuver her way through the galaxies (with help, of course) to try and spread the word of what had happened.
Regardless though, she'd thought that after weeks and weeks, perhaps maybe the news would've slowed down a little bit. And it seemed to have, just a little bit, but for every time news slows, another wave comes in.
The first wave was about, obviously, the reversed blip. Of course, that one didn't have enough time to slow down as the next wave came around. The death of Tony Stark was announced a week after the fight- just so his family and friends had enough time to mourn in privacy. Then the next one about the sacrifice Natasha Romanoff made- though it was a smaller wave, it was one that still had a huge impact. And for a while, it seemed like that was that- weeks pass, and just barely had the craze around the reverse blip (Lord, there's got to be another name for this, Carol thinks) lessened.
And then (Name) Stark is pronounced dead.
To say the headlines erupted once again in a mad-dog-like frenzy would be an understatement. Hell- Carol would even dare say that it was almost as talked about as his father's death. Of course, it was in part due to, well, (Name) fucking Stark being pronounced dead. A man of his status was bound to capture the headlines with his passing for weeks, just like his old man.
But it was also in part credited to something else: the timing and nature of his death, or lack thereof.
Carol remembers watching the SI press conference a couple of hours ago, just as it finished broadcasting. She was a few light-years away from Earth as she heads back for check-in.
(New message, 3 hours ago: Maria R.
'Hey, I think you might wanna watch this before you come back to Earth. Just broadcasted. It's about (Name) Stark.'
Carol pauses, midway through drying her hair as she's about to put her uniform on. She'd be lying if curiosity wasn't eating at her, so she still clicks on the link Maria had sent her.)
(Name) was... A prominent figure within Earth's society. Being the CEO of Stark Industries (a massive company, so she's been told), a superhero/ Avenger, and the world's 'longest-running most eligible bachelor' (Carol scoffs- why is that one of the main things the public likes to point out so much?) definitely lands you underneath the people's microscope more often than not.
They'd pick at every nitty-gritty detail one by one and shred into it without mercy.
And even in his death, they did the same thing. Unsatisfied, they practically crucified Stark Industries and the Avengers after SI’s press conference. 
She glances around her, the local tavern loud with nothing but one word on their lips: Stark.
'Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if he died from like, an inside job or something.'
'Died too young, man. The kid had so much potential to be great... May God rest his soul.'
Carol shakes her head. They weren’t wrong- from what she’s seen working with (Name), he was a hard worker, that’s for sure. Sighing, she left a tip at her table and quietly left.
Hopefully, for Earth, they’ll come to find some peace soon.
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"You okay, punk?”
'No,' Steve fiddles with nail absentmindedly, 'I'm not.'
That's his honest answer to the question. He wants to scream and shout to the world that no, he is not okay whatsoever, but he knows that's one of the many luxuries he'll never get to have anymore- even to the people closest to him. Too much of a burden no one would want to carry.
So, instead, he smiles at Bucky with more teeth than necessary, face straining ever so slightly. 
"Sure thing, Buck'. Are you?"
The brunette offers him a small, sympathetic smile back. It's not the same as Steve had remembered- it used to be confident and relaxed, but nowadays it's always tense and careful. But then again, it wasn't like Steve was the same man either, so he'd be hypocritical to expect the same man from his memories from his old pal.
"I'm managing."
It was always something along the lines of that. Never an okay, never a not okay. Just... managing. Short and simple.
It's scary how much Bucky's reserved presence reminds him of how Steve himself used to be, back when he was wide-eyed and naive to what the world has become without him. He didn't really feel like he was actually there and knowing how separated he and the rest of the world were made him want to close in on himself.
On one hand, he'd never wish that feeling of emptiness on anyone. But on the other hand, he's almost relieved he's not the only one who's felt so completely alone in this world anymore.
Almost.
Steve doesn't say anything as Bucky comes over to where he was in the living room and sits adjacent to him on the couch. For a brief moment, they say nothing as the TV plays the news station. Steve pretends to watch the news, but he can't find the energy to care about what's going on in the news. It's all the same thing nowadays: Blip, Blip, Avengers, Blip, Starks...
Settling down in his seat, he lets his mind drifts off other places instead.
It drifts to a cramped, moldy apartment that was too small and cold for the average person, but just enough for him. 
It drifts to an ugly tower, placed right at the epicenter of one of the most beautiful yet terrifying cities he's ever been in. Charming, and in every way a wonderful representation of the future.
It drifts to the loud yet comforting hum of the inside of the quinjet, sailing ever so smoothly into the night sky after a successful mission. Bruised, but satisfied.
It drifts to a sly redhead with one too many daggers slipped around her person, sitting next to a tired brunette wrapped up in blankets. Deadly, yet delicate. Open, yet intimate.
It drifts to a mystical long-haired blonde and an erratic billionaire, sitting together and joking about as if they hadn't just fought neo-nazis no less than an hour ago. He remembers a rush of fondness glossing over him as he passively observes them.
It drifts to a pair of warm, mirth filled eyes as they listen attentively to Steve ramble on and on about the war as if he had hung the moon. He relishes in the spotlight of their monopolized attention.
It drifts to the nights where life's not as unbearable as it usually is, as he sits across from a usually aggressive young adult quietly chatting about books they've read together: their own secret club. Warm, he reconsiders, comfortable. Content.
It drifts to quiet nights where he tries to focus on the ceiling rather than the erratic beats of his heart, images of his own teammate grinning tiredly at him, lips bruised, split, and inviting. Guilt courses through his veins, but so does heat.
Steve's mind drifts through lots of things before Bucky murmurs into the air nonchalantly.
"It's about Stark, isn't? The son?"
Steve holds back a flinch, praying that Bucky doesn't notice the red crawling up his neck. He wouldn't have been embarrassed if Bucky had meant Tony- of course, Steve misses him dearly- but for Bucky to go straight to you instead is mildly humiliating, to say the least. He can feel Bucky's eyes burning holes into his skull. It'd be no use trying to deny it, so Steve conceded with a reluctant nod.
"That obvious?"
"It's written all over your face."
Steve doesn't offer to say more, so Bucky continues, quieter this time.
"He seemed like a great kid."
Steve huffs with a small amused smile. He thinks back to when you two spent Valentine's Day together- not as a couple, obviously, but you claimed that the two loners on the Avengers team should have each other's backs. He chuckles absentmindedly. You two did nothing but watch movies and critique them all night.
Granted, it was more one-sided as he spent the whole night listening to you go on and on about how objectively, the Hunger Games books were far better than the movies, but he enjoyed it nonetheless. It was nice to hear you talk, especially when it's about something so trivial but important to you.
"One of the best," Steve half-heartedly offers. 
"Tell me 'bout him." Bucky isn't looking at the TV anymore as his eyes are trained on Steve's.
Steve shrugs with a sigh.
"What more can I say that hasn't been said already?"
Ever since the SI press conference, countless of people came out to say great things about you, as they did with Tony. Countless of people praised you, especially with your efforts to help society get back on their feet ever since the blip. Even random people gave their one anecdote with you, whether it be a barista that had served you or folks at Morgan's daycare center whenever you picked her up.
Nothing but words of praises and kindness for you.
Bucky hums, understanding what he means. It wasn't like he hadn't looked at the news as of recently, either. For every 10 headlines that are published, chances are 9 of them have at least one mention of a Stark, whether it be the senior or junior.
They sat in silence once more, something Steve noted as a reoccurring theme between them. It wasn't uncomfortable, but it did make Steve's skin crawl, hoping for the other to say something just once.
"... You were sweet on him, aren't you?"
Though, maybe this was the one time he wished Bucky would've just stayed silent.
It would be horrifying to hear someone accuse him of being in love with his own (ex-) teammate if he hadn't already come to terms with it. Still, it's unnerving to hear someone pinpoint his feelings within a matter of a week or two when it had taken him up until it was too late to figure it out.
"Did it matter?" Steve runs a hand through his hair, almost as if it were a defense mechanism, but he insists it's not, "It's not like he was interested in me, anyways... Not especially after..."
Steve laughs quietly, almost bitterly so. If he thought he had any chance with you before, he sure as hell threw that chance straight in the garbage the moment he locked eyes with you at the airport. And it sure as hell didn't help when he had practically rag-tag teamed up against your own dad.
"Besides... He's a man of the future, Buck. He's so... so bright compared to everyone else. I can't- I don't have much to offer. I'm just- all I'm good for is fighting."
He sighs, and he'll deny it if anyone comments on how resigned it sounded.
"Not to mention, there're other people that he'd be happier with. People that wouldn't- wouldn't hurt him," 'Like you did,' his subconscious bitterly reminds him. And he wasn't wrong- there were other people you could be wonderful with.
You and Queens already had some chemistry, from what Steve's heard in the air. There was never anything substantial, but he'd pass by a few newspapers mentioning you and Spider-Man spotted together more often than not. You two would've been cute, Steve reluctantly admits. He wouldn't even be surprised if you two were dating.
Then there were a few others, too. Surprisingly enough, he saw you and King T'Challa, of all people, together too often in the New York Times, and even Wakanda's own news websites. His Highness' explained it was only ever about the Accords, but Steve wasn't so blind as to not notice how much more genuine T'Challa's smile seemed when you were brought into the conversation.
There was also Thor, too. You stopped talking to the rest of the Avengers save a select few after the initial blip in 2018, so there wasn't any new thing between you and Thor, but Steve reminisces when he'd catch you joking around with Thor and teasing the poor God. If not lovers, you two were most definitely good friends. Steve hates the fact that he's exceptionally happy at the prospect of you and Thor being just friends.
Not to mention the other seemingly boundless amount of people who you'd make a great couple with. Maybe it was just Steve being excessively attentive when it came to you, or maybe it was because everyone's eyes just seemingly happen to gravitate to you, no matter if there's hundreds of people in the room at the same time.
Bucky sighs and mutes the TV. Steve gives him a questioning look, but Bucky only raises an eyebrow back as he looks at him straight on.
"Those just sound like excuses. Never took you for a coward."
Steve bristles.
He'll admit that he's a lot of things. Frustrating, thick-headed, and quick to anger. And knowing other people, they have a whole list to add on to those too, whether it be positive or negative. But one thing he's never been was a coward.
"I'm not- look, I just know a lost fight when I see one, okay? He just- wasn't interested in me, and that's fine. Hell- he's probably not even into men."
Steve's mind lingers back to a picture lying in your old room, back when he used to come visit you just to say goodnight, or to ask you to join him in his morning jog. He never brought up the picture, rationalizing that it was too invasive of a question. You were with a girl- both of you seemed quite young- but it was obvious that you two were more than friends judging by the way you held her and the very obvious hickey on your neck.
His ears burn, and he's not sure if it's with embarrassment or envy.
"But you don't know that, though, do you? You ever asked him any of that? If he was into fellas? If he was into you?'"
Steve tears his eyes away from Bucky's stare, feeling his eyes burn into his skull.
Sure, he never asked you outright anything Bucky had mentioned, that much was obvious. And sure, even entertaining the (pleasant) idea that you were into men, it didn't take a genius to guess that you absolutely loathed Captain America. It was obvious, too. Especially ever since the 'scandal' of you deleting any tweets or photos you had uploaded that Steve was in. 
(Of course, you deleted any photos the Rogue Avengers were in, but that didn't make the stinging hurt any less when Steve had found out.)
Bucky sighs and turns the sound back on. There was a tension in the air between them, but Bucky beat Steve from saying something as he speaks up.
"And the whole thing 'bout you knowing a lost fight when you see one?"
Steve raised an eyebrow. Bucky half-smirks.
"Not the Steve Rogers I know."
He gently punches Steve's shoulder and ruffles his hair, much to Steve's amused annoyance.
"The Steve Rogers I know would've charged headfirst into a battle, even if it was just him against the world. Oh wait- you already tried doing that."
Steve rolls his eyes and playfully shoves Bucky. The amount of razzing he had gotten from Bucky- and others, too, like Sam and Bruce (his heart curls, knowing that Natasha would've been among them as well, telling Steve off for trying to pull a 'bull-headed' move)- was more than enough for Steve to feel bad anymore at this point.
"Shut it." Steve jests.
They fall into a comfortable silence again, though this time Bucky turns back on the TV to a low volume. Steve glances at Bucky, who's got his chin rested absentmindedly on his hand.
"You know... You're taking this awfully well."
Bucky pauses, peering at Steve with a raised eyebrow.
"Taking what?"
"Me bein'," Steve pauses, trying to find the right words before giving up, "Er, into ladies and fellas."
Bucky doesn't say anything for a solid minute, and before Steve was about to start rambling, trying to just get Bucky to say anything, the brunette speaks up, but timidly so.
"It's... not somethin' I ever thought about, y'know? You bein'- bein' into guys, I mean."
He sighs and runs a hand through his shaggy hair. He keeps his eyes glued onto the TV with a soft gaze, so distant that Steve wants to know what he's really thinking about.
"We just... Never talked about it. Never... Never gave it a thought. I'd be lying if I said I was 100%, er, up to speed with it."
Bucky pauses mid-sentence. He waves his hands and flickers his attention to Steve for just a split second, almost as if he's nervous about what he's saying.
"Not the bein' gay thing, or whatever. Just... How open people nowadays are with that stuff."
Steve unclenches his jaw, not even realizing it had been clenched this whole time. It wasn't something that Steve had thought would be new to Bucky, and he almost feels dumb for not realizing it sooner. Hell, even when Steve himself had been defrosted, it shocked him that something as gay relationships were accepted now. Not that he was against it- but to see that the world had progressed like that without him made him hurt less whenever he thought too hard about the old times.
"Oh, Buck..."
Steve places an encouraging hand on Bucky's shoulders, and he almost seems to sag into it.
"Back then, you'd practically be crucified if you were caught."
Bucky's eyes are unfocused, lips pressed in a firm line. Steve doesn't say anything since he doesn't even know what to say to that.
Bucky, seemingly haven snapped out of it, smiles; though, it looks more like a grimace in Steve's opinion.
"Just- give me some time, 'kay? I'll come round sooner or later. Just... It's all still a lot, even after years of bein' here..."
'To the 21st century,' the words lingered on his tongue. Steve sure knows how that feels, to be overwhelmed by the new world. It's almost suffocating, knowing how much you've missed out on, and how different everything is now. It's like drowning, really.
Surrounded by so much, too much, and at one point it even feels like Steve's being dragged down further and further away from the surface no matter how much he tries swimming up. There's no one there to save him, either. No one to dive their hand down into the waters, no one to hold onto as they pull him back up to the surface.
It's just Steve, alone, in a bottomless ocean, drowning. And it's constantly filling up and up and up and God all Steve just wants to do is get away from there and be able to breathe.
Steve pats his shoulders, pulling him in for a side-hug as Bucky returns the gesture. He playfully ruffles the blonde's hair, much to Steve's annoyance, and gives him a lopsided smile that makes the tension in Steve's shoulder loosen.
"B'sides, you're still my Stevie. Not like you've sprouted horns and started killin' people."
Steve rolls his eyes but doesn't comment on that. Once again, they fall into a comfortable silence, though Steve's shoulders feel unexplainably lighter than it has in days.
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The sun's almost gone by the time Steve gets home from the group therapy session he was at. It was the same old, same old. Go in, talk about your feelings, and listen to other people afterward. Sure, it helped, and it felt great to empower people to get back up from a great fall, but it just...
It doesn't really fulfill him nowadays.
Hell, he's not sure what can fulfill him now.
Settling in, he notes that Bucky's room is dark; chances are, he's probably out right now. Before, Steve used to be worried about him, but now it's not uncommon for Bucky to be gone every now and then. Steve doesn't really ask where he's going, so long as Bucky doesn't tell him. One day, maybe he'll ask.
Regardless though, Steve rummages around in the fridge to see what he has to work with in terms of dinner. But before he could even take out anything, his phone buzzes with a notification.
Taking out his phone, still halfway into the fridge, Steve glances at the display name.
It's from Rhodes.
Raising an eyebrow, he taps on the notification. It's rare that Rhodey texts, and it's even rarer for him to text Steve of all people. Nowadays, other than any Avenging business, they don't really talk. Granted, Steve also never finds the energy to talk to anyone these days, save a select few and those at the group therapy sessions, but that's beside the point.
So if Rhodey is texting him, it's gotta be important.
And judging by how fast Steve had bolted out the door and onto his motorcycle, it sure as hell was important. 
From: Col. James Rhodes.
To: Capt. Steve Rogers, Dr. Bruce Banner, +3 others.
"Dr. Strange's back. He has new information about (Name), and it's major. He's not staying for long. - James."
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Pepper doesn't want to be here.
There was no going around it- as composed as she was and had to be, she knew she could only take so much before she would snap. And sitting in the compound once again, she wouldn't be surprised if what she was about to hear would be the final straw.
She had plans today, too. She was supposed to take Morgan to go see the neighborhood fireworks festival, and she remembers distinctly looking forward to taking Morgan on the ferry-go-round, too. And yet, here she is, at the compound which once used to be lively, but only whispers of her husband and son echo in the hallways.
She had already been sitting in here for an hour before Steve had finally made it. By then, Bruce and Strange had already explained why they were here.
Just like Tony and Natasha, it seemed like your fate had already been set in stone the moment Stephen had spared the time stone for Tony's life.
But that wasn't what they were called in here for; or at least, in a way that Pepper had initially thought. 
Bruce was talking, and as if he was concluding his monologue, he spares a sympathetic glance at everyone in the room, especially at Pepper. She just wishes he'd stop throwing glances at her as if she was a fine piece of China ready to tip over from the cupboard at any moment now (She knows she almost is, but she'd rather be caught dead than to have an emotional breakdown at a time like this. What was it- Stark men are made of iron?)
"And besides... We've retrieved video recording of what happened that day. From DAHLIA."
The only thing in her vision is red. But she doesn't raise her voice. ('Am I going to have to watch it?' She thinks) She doesn't move from her spot as she stares at Bruce, eyes dilated ('Yes, of course, you want to know what happened,' her subconscious betrays her). Her ears are pounding and she doesn't know whether she wants to laugh or cry.
"And why did it take you so long to get the recording?"
She watches like a hawk as Bruce and Stephen grimace. They glance at each other with uncertainty, but it's Bruce who bites the bullet and speaks up.
"Because, ah... We didn't think about it...?"
Suddenly, all she wants to do is scream. Lifting a shaking hand to her head as there's now a pounding at her skull, she clenches her eyes shut.
Breathe in, breathe out.
Breathe in, breathe out.
She opens her eyes and boy, does she hate the way that everyone's avoiding her gaze. Even the ever so elusive Sorceror Supreme (In her head, she knows he's not at fault. In her heart, she wants to spit on his name.) pretends to be busy, but she knows.
She knows.
She sighs, ignoring the tremble of her lips, and dismissively waves her hand at Bruce.
"Just play it. Please."
Bruce silently nods and pulls up a recording. It's dated back to the day of the reversed blip, a quarter past afternoon. 
Pepper crosses her arm, praying that no one sees her hands quake as the recording starts. 
It's dark and decrepit, with a good portion of the screen glitching out. There are charts and tables everywhere, and Pepper now recognizes them as his health stats. The walls all blur together as she tries to bite back the tears.
There's rubble everywhere. In the distance are lights from fires, but you're so far down there's barely any light at all. Your face isn't in view, and rather what she sees makes her heartache even worse than before.
A gleam of metal jutting out of your stomach is front and center of the camera. It's huge- about the width of her thigh- and it's stained red. Your breathing is labored and short, obvious signs of a panic attack as the sounds of you gasping echo in the room. No one says a thing as an Australian voice speaks up in a frantic.
"Doll! Doll, I need you to breathe! You're going into shock!"
There's no response from you as you continue to hyperventilate. Out of the corner of her eyes, she sees Steve's jaw clench and Bruce covering his mouth. She doesn't react to Rhodey's hand squeezing her shoulder as they all watch on.
There's a weird sound coming out of you. Pepper's heart clenches, and at this point, she doesn't even care that she's crying now- because she knows what that sound is.
That's the sound of you hiccuping.
You're crying.
You- one of the strongest men she knows, an Avenger, a hero, her baby- are crying, alone, and she was none the wiser to your suffering.
You're moving- oh God, your arm- and the video feed pick up scuttering and growling. Her stomach drops even further. Chitauri. 
Your other arm grasps all over your lower body, barely gliding past your wounds (oh God, please tell her that's not a steel beam) and into your pockets. There's an orange tint, barely there, but in your hands as DAHLIA speaks up again.
"Don't move! You've been impaled by a steel beam and your prosthetic arm has been dislocated- any more movement will result in an increased blood loss! I am attempting to contact Mister-"
There's the sound of glass shattering before the video camera shuts off. The charts suddenly spike unnaturally, going practically haywire as the only thing left coming from the screen is the sound of DAHLIA's voice glitching. 
"-er-er-er!"
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It was a horrific way to go if Stephen's being honest.
Of course, as both a doctor and Sorcerer Supreme, he's seen- and even experienced- his fair share of gruesome injuries and deaths. It was par the course, so it wasn't enough to make him want to empty his guts.
But he'd be lying if he said that he didn't at least feel his stomach curl in when he had to witness your 'death' the first few times. 
Seeing you crushed under debris, your prosthetic arm hanging by a few strings, and literally impaled by a steel beam wasn't a pleasant sight whatsoever. Add on watching your scared form hyperventilating and hearing your A.I. trying to calm you down with heartbreakingly real panic in her voice, and it was downright unbearable.
And that was the best of it: there were ones where the steel beam had sliced through your skull or where you had been straight up mauled by the Chitauri as you didn't have your suit on hand, for whatever reason. There were other scenarios where the chitauri had mobbed-up your decapitated head, and Thanos had presented it to the older Stark, just as he was about to grab the stones. That one move proved fatal for everyone, as even Stark had lost his composure at the sight of his dead son.
As much as Stephen doesn't want to say it, he knew that what had actually happened to you was the best possible route that had been chosen for you.
The video ends, and the Captain leans away from the wall he was positioned on. 
"What the hell happened? One moment- he was trapped under rubble, the next, nothing? Suddenly we lose all contact with him? What- did he just- pop out of existence?"
He's frustrated, angry. Stephen would be lying if he didn't feel an inkling of the same emotions as him. Stephen runs a shaky hand through his hair.
"You're not entirely wrong, Captain. What happened to him was similar to that of St- Tony," He corrects himself prematurely, "and Romanoff."
"You telling me he was meant to- to die too? Like Tony and Natasha?"
Stephen shakes his head, ignoring the seething anger in the captain's voice. In the corner of his eyes, he sees Rhodes wrap his arms around Pepper, who's sat still in her chair, staring blankly at Stephen. It's almost as if she's seeing past him for a split second as if she's looking at someone else behind him.
There's only a wall next to him. He ignores her, skin prickling at her unwavering attention, yet eery silence.
"It's a means to an end. I can't pick their fates, Captain. That's not how my powers work."
'Though, it would've been better for the sake of everyone had it did work that way.' Stephen bitterly remarks.
"Besides that, I never said he's dead, Captain. Or, shouldn't be, anyway." Stephen carefully avoided answering if it was a necessity that you were to go.
Stephen internally sighs, knowing immediately that wasn't the right thing to say judging by the 'oh God' Pepper just muttered.
Rhodes speaks up with a clenched jaw. He had been silent this whole time, but Stephen wasn't foolish enough to not recognize how even he had been bothered by the film. Whether it was because of the gore, emotional connection, or both, Stephen doesn't care enough to ask.
"Then what exactly are you saying?"
Stephen, once again, ignores how confrontational his tone is. He doesn't blame Rhodes for his frustrations; being a doctor, it's inevitable that he'd come and get used to people like this.
'They're mourning,' he hears imaginary Christine chiding him.
Stephen sighs. He's not even sure how to break it all to them, as even he's not too sure of what has become of you after the film. But regardless, Stephen reels himself back in and composes himself.
He pulls back the need to add any fluff words and says what he's been inching to say ever since he had attended Tony's funeral.
"Stark's traveled back in time; the only problem is, is that we don't know when and where."
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Tagged: @unsolvetheheckoutofit
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