#reblogging again because the added text is a+

[minisugakoobies]

It's You - Choi San | All Yours

Pairing: San x Reader Genre: smut, crack, fluff, angst, roommates to lovers, BFF’s Lil Bro!AU Series Rating: M (18+) Drabble Warnings: sneaking around continues, this is just a very soft little holiday gift from me to you, San remains the sweetest and OC remains fully whipped for him Word Count: about 900 words Disclaimers: SFW, obviously I don’t own ATZ - they just inspire me

Summary: He was only supposed to be a temporary roommate. Your best friend’s little brother, crashing on your couch for a few weeks. That’s it. How did this happen?

A/N: All San wants for Christmas is Noona 🥰 I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season if you celebrate and if you don't then I hope you have a lovely day ❄️

Taglist is open! Reblog, comment, or send me an ask to be added! You can also send me any ideas/thoughts you might have for a future scenario - who knows, it might end up in a drabble! 💕

It’s You Masterlist 🐈‍⬛ ATZ Masterlist 🐈‍⬛ Main Masterlist

It's late on Christmas Eve when the last of your family finally leaves, and you can excuse yourself from your parents and lock yourself in your bedroom. It's late, so late that you consider for a moment not calling, but you're pretty sure San's still up. He'd made you promise him several times that you would call him today. But you've been too busy dealing with nosy aunts and loud cousins at the family party to do it any earlier.

It's late, but it doesn't matter. He's as happy to see you as you are him, his dark eyes crinkling in delight, and then his smile turns shy, like he's embarrassed at how much just the sight of you lights him up inside.

There's no reason for him to be embarrassed. Your glow mirrors his.

You don't want to hang up long enough to wash your face, so he joins you at the sink. You glance at the screen while drying your face to see him delicately scrubbing his skin with sudsy fingertips, and he sees you and pulls a face, making you giggle. It almost feels like a normal night, hanging out together. Almost. You sigh.

"I miss you."

San surprises you by looking surprised at your admission.

"What? Is that news to you?" It shouldn't be. The two of you haven't stopped texting since you'd left the apartment three days ago to head home for Christmas. San and his sister had left as well to have a quiet holiday with their parents. Since then, you've had to invent a million excuses to slip away from your family and disappear into your phone. The device has barely left your hand, every alert making your heart jump, knowing San is thinking about you as much as you're thinking about him.

"No," San scoffs, face relaxing into a pleased expression, a soft half-smile that fully melts your heart. "Of course you miss me. I'm amazing."

"Nah, I changed my mind, I don't miss you," you say, pretending to frown, and San plays along, pouting dramatically, and you can't help but sigh again. "Okay, fine, I do."

"You always give in to me so easy, Noona," he informs you, that spark back in his eye, the one that makes your stomach flip. "I think I’m your weakness."

He's joking, except maybe he's not, and you both know it. You settle in your bed, burrowing under the layers of covers, shivering because your personal heater is several hundred miles away. San does the same, lying on his side as he gazes into the phone, humming lightly. If you close your eyes, it’s like he’s lying right beside you.

The two of you chat a little about your days. His was spent watching holiday movies with Hanuel while his parents prepared a big dinner together for the four of them. You talk a little about your extended family and the chaos they brought to your house today. 

This is the happiest you’ve felt all day. Even when having fun with your family earlier, you’d felt a little off, like something was missing. Making San laugh now, watching those delicate lines around his eyes crinkle with joy, fills you with such a strong contentment that you can’t stop smiling. 

San’s laughter turns to amused hums the longer you talk, and he nestles lower and lower into his pillow until his eyes are struggling to stay open. You don’t even bother to finish your story, too busy adoring the sight of him. 

"Go to sleep, San. Or Santa won't bring you what you wanted."

“Mmm,” he yawns, pressing one hand over his mouth, “but Noona, all I want is you.”

“I knew you were going to say that,” you roll your eyes, giggling.

“It’s true,” he protests, quickly growing serious, “it’s true, though. I wish you were here right now.” 

You sigh. “Stop making me miss you so much.”

Both of you fall silent, watching each other through the phone. There’s a tension now, and it makes you nervous for some reason, and there’s only one thing you can think to say to clear the air. You’re not sure if it’s the right thing to say, but it’s the truth and you really want to share it all of a sudden.

“You already have me, you know.” 

You’ve known for weeks now. Weeks full of longing glances, lingering touches, and hurried kisses -  and sometimes more, in the rare moments the two of you had the apartment to yourselves. It’s time to admit it.

San takes your confession with a long silence of his own. Just when you think you’re about to have a cardiac event waiting for his response, he speaks. “I do?”

You nod. “If you want me. I’m all yours.” Can he hear your heart pounding through the phone?

San exhales quickly. “Mine.”

It’s an agreement. A declaration. 

He traces his finger down his screen, pretending he’s stroking your cheek, and your skin buzzes from the mere suggestion. A warmth like you've never felt before spreads over you, soft and tender, so like the man gazing at you through the phone. 

Tiredness begins to tug at you. Only one more sleep ‘til Christmas, then one more ‘til you’re back home.

And back in San’s arms. 

"Merry Christmas, San," you whisper.

"Merry Christmas," he echoes softly. "Sweet dreams, Noona."

If you liked this fic, please consider reblogging! Likes do not help it get seen by other readers. 💕

Taglist: @sweetnspicy-noona @krystal-a @jennylychee @hiefisch

© 2023-24 by minisugakoobies. Crossposted to AO3. Please do not copy or repost. I do not allow translations of my work.

[blue-eye-samurai]

@ira-sairain exactly!! No one here is saying that ONLY biracial women (in this case Asian + White) are allowed to enjoy this show. We all understand that Mizu is a very relatable character who’s story + lived experiences will resonate with many different people. Having said that, though … it still doesn’t change the fact that Mizu IS canonically a biracial WOMAN.

Her gender is not “up for interpretation” in canon — it’s not an unsolved mystery by the end of season one.

Trans men are men, but Mizu is not a man. Mizu is a woman who has been forced to present as a man for most of her life and for reasons that have nothing to do with being trans masc. Plus, it’s a well known fact that women throughout history have often had to disguise themselves as men in order to survive, travel safely and be able to pursue interests that go beyond marriage and/or motherhood.

@kabutone you should be able to resonate with the lyrics of a song without erasing the original intent of the person who actually wrote the song.

People don’t actually have to be Black in order to enjoy fictional media like “Black Panther”, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for non-Black folks to decenter Black people from their own canon stories.

Can y’all try to understand that? If yes, then why is it so hard for you to understand us (women of color) and our perspectives when it comes to Mizu in Blue Eye Samurai?

Stories are not JUST stories, okay. Mizu is not merely a blank canvas for all marginalized people to project themselves onto. Can ANYONE relate to Mizu’s story? Absolutely. But that still doesn’t mean Mizu’s story is actually about everyone.

Mizu’s story was written with very clear intentions because one of the co-writers of the show is in fact a biracial Japanese woman herself (Amber Noizumi) and she obviously shaped Mizu’s story around her own lived experiences as a woman of color too.

All the creators of this show refer to Mizu mainly by she/her pronouns, so it honestly does feel deeply misogynistic (and racist as well tbh) when some people on here constantly argue that Mizu isn’t canonically a woman.

Also, not everyone who lives + presents as male or “masculine” is going to identify as a man. Assuming so invalidates the lived experiences of many people who are marginalized and that definitely includes cishet women of color.

Honestly, I can’t help but feel like many of you with this mentality online are just completely incapable of relating to women of color unless we’re either A.) performing hyper femininity like Akemi does or B.) canonically queer as well.

And that really hurts a lot, especially because as a fellow biracial (Chinese + Iberian) and multicultural woman myself (who’s not traditionally feminine either but still very much identifies as a woman), I’ve never felt more seen and heard in my life until I saw Mizu.

There aren’t many well written stories about cis women of color in general, much less ones with heroines who aren’t traditionally feminine either but who still want to be loved and secretly want a soft life.

And yeah, I’ve seen some of you argue on here that maybe Mizu doesn’t identify as a woman because she’s never been allowed to openly be one. I get that and I hear you, but I still feel it’s deeply wrong to discount Mizu’s as a woman when she gives us a very valid perspective of being a woman — particularly one who doesn’t fit into society’s racist and misogynistic ideal standards “womanhood”.

Again, we are NOT saying that ONLY women of color are allowed to like this show, but y’all should be able to resonate with Mizu without striping away the canon narrative of her story.

This thread is already long AF, so I’m just gonna end it here by quoting the lovely @kenniex2 once again:

“media as a window and a mirror. blue eye samurai is a window for y’all you are on the outside looking in”

I don’t know how some of you could watch blu eyed samurai and still debate Mizu’s gender like hello ??? media literacy dead ??? Mizu is a woman, that’s the whole fucking point !!!! That’s her biggest crime !!!

Eiji couldn’t care less about her heritage but he literally cut her off when she tried to confess her gender !!!!

Mikio was fine with her being half white but the moment she dared to show him that -as a woman- she was a greater fighter it was over. His ego was irreparably hurt because a woman defeated him !!!!

And he calls her a monster !!!! He calls her a monster because she’s a woman and she’s strong she’s capable she can fight she isn’t submissive and that’s the point !!!!!!!!!!!!!

[slightlyhopefulromantic]

#jodie ofc ofc ofc <333#but also like. combined with the sylveon icon i often find myself haunted by the image of jodie in sylveon cosplay. v cursed i'm aware (via @happi-tree on this post, irt which character she associates me with)

these tags um. gave me. a wild assortment of drawing ideas. but i decided to not tag V in the first thing that came to mind and instead just put these two cute ideas in her mentions. this was genuinely so fun for me though, theyre my two favorite little guys <333 plus nicholas eevee because i thought he'd be cute and he is also near and dear to me

[dragonowlie]

No but what cracks me up about this post is that the op deleted/replaced their post with an image and several links with the funniest display of zero reading comprehension in the tags, presumably because the two (2) people in that reblog chain dared to disagree with them. lmfao

[haikyuupaladin]

TLDR; don’t give tumblr money until they start making visible improvements towards accessibility

I’ve seen a few posts around about something people are calling crab day where you’re supposed to gift the crab button to your mutuals to support Tumblr financially. Please don’t participate in this unless Tumblr starts making noticeable improvements towards accessibility between now and then. It’s been 5 months of me trying to get the bare minimum of accessibility for photosensitive users or even just find out who I can talk to to get anywhere, and Tumblr is refusing to make any changes.

@photomatt has doubled down on the suggestion that you should just pay for ad-free or install an ad-blocker instead of listening to any of the suggestions photosensitive users have repeatedly made. Please do not give money to Tumblr until they show a commitment to accessibility because they will continue to ignore our requests if it doesn’t impact them financially.

Some of the requests we’ve made are:

1. Allow us to disable autoplay on browser as well as the app. This is an accessibility feature, not a data-saving feature, and should be treated as such.

2. Include ads in disabling of autoplay, along with other formats that currently get around the autoplay feature. Currently even if you have autoplay disabled you can still end up with flashing lights in your face every few posts from ads.

3. Improve the reporting process for strobing ads. The quick reporting process doesn’t provide good options to ensure the person reviewing the report realizes that it’s being reported for flashing lights so you have to hope they agree it’s either malicious or offensive and don’t just brush you off as abusing the report function. The more complicated reporting process involves getting a screenshot and the link that the ad brings you to, which requires lingering on the ad, which if you’re trying to report the ad for your safety, is dangerous. You can also still get the same ad 10 times a row after reporting it until it’s been reviewed. Which again, presents a danger to users.

4. Add a community label for flashing lights. Flashing lights are commonly untagged or mistagged, even sometimes maliciously. It would be extremely helpful to the photosensitive community to be able to add a warning to a post that doesn’t have one.

I’ve talked a lot about the photosensitive community in this post because that’s what I have personal experience with and what @photomatt has explicitly come out and just said to buy ad-free about, but there are definitely other accessibility issues that need to be addressed as well (like the alt text function needing improvements to make it accessible to users who need it and don’t use screenreaders, or the fact that a lot of tumblr official stuff still doesn’t seem to use the alt text feature themselves). Please feel free to add on accessibility issues I’ve missed in the reblogs.

[likejaeyun]

“i miss u.” ft. enhypen

엔하이픈 OT7 fem reader wc 0.3k genre idol au, established relationship, bullet point fic cw/tw one mention of kissing not proofread ! ( emi's library ) ✩ - synopsis: things that bf!enhypen do in a long-distance relationship while on tour

heeseung.

is the clingy type of bf

counts down the days until he gets to see you again when away from you

not even kidding, he will text you every morning; "__ days until i see y/nnie!"

finds every opportunity to call you and hear your voice

jongseong.

misses you so much 24/7 when on tour

he literally becomes a different and softer person when he misses u

sends you unreleased guitar + vocal covers of your fav songs / love songs

"have u eaten well yet today? i'll make a nice dinner for you when i come back, i promise"

jaeyun

hear me out, jake is the goofy type of bf

sends you daily memes, honestly i think he would do that....

jokingly teases you by sending pictures of your dream destinations

"dw, i'll take u on tour next time :)"

sunghoon

goes live extra much just so he could see your name in the comments

also tries to look extra nice when going live

like, even the fans would be confused because they were getting so many live appearances from him for some reason

"why i'm going on live so much these days? oh, don't worry about it"

seonwoo

the cutie pie sunshine bf

sends selfies with funny filters to you daily during the most random times of the day

snaps loads and loads of photos for you then sends them all

"you see this sky? y/n's probably looking at it too right now back home"

jungwon

the extremely thoughtful bf

buys every single thing he thinks you'd like

all the other member would be flabbergasted at the amount of souvenirs he'd come out from the store with in every city

"y/n likes this, she told me so"

niki

misses you so much that he just has to see you

begs the manager to let him fly back for one single day between concert days just to see you

surprises you on your doorstep and pulls you into a kiss the moment the door opens

"i couldn't wait for a month, you know"

a/n: first work, hope u enjoy >< skz version coming soon

taglist: none atm ! fill out the form to be added

@bychaes. do not plagiarize in any way, shape, or form. likes, reblogs, or comments appreciated!

[dvrtrblhr]

scene below!

TW: underage drinking, claude/lorenz vibes, vague homophobia (lorenz towards godfrey)

As Claude observed the lively exchange among the lords over dinner, he could empathize with Godfrey's sentiment about needing to “endure” it. It felt like a seamless extension of the day's earlier meetings, albeit with the added element of spirited drinking, which only heightened the volume and assertiveness of the discourse. Had Claude not been so fatigued, he might have found the spectacle rather entertaining.

His attention shifted when he noticed Count Gloucester's son discreetly slipping away, a goblet of wine in hand. Speculating whether the young man was on a reconnaissance mission to gather compromising information on the Riegans, Claude trailed him, only to discover that Lorenz, as he recalled from their lunchtime introduction, had sought solace on a balcony, quietly savoring his wine while gazing out at the cityscape.

"Lorenz, right?" Claude asked, leaning against the doorway, as he took a sip of his drink.

Startled, Lorenz turned to face him, his posture tense as though anticipating an attack. "Lorenz Hellman Gloucester," he announced his name pompously

"Ah, Claude von Riegan," Claude replied with a mocking grin, placing a hand over his chest for effect.

"I am aware," Lorenz replied impatiently, rolling his eyes.

Undeterred, Claude moved closer, noticing Lorenz's discomfort at his proximity. "You seem to be around my age," he remarked. "How old are you? I'll be seventeen in two weeks.”

Lorenz furrowed his brow, seemingly affronted by the implication of Claude's question. "I am eighteen," he replied curtly, taking a sip of his wine before continuing. "Well, based on your behavior today—struggling with documents and constantly relying on your uncle for assistance—one might question if you are fit to lead a house. You come across as rather helpless. And should you even be indulging in alcohol?"

Claude refused to let Lorenz's remarks faze him. He maintained his grin and took another sip of his wine, allowing the tension to hang between them momentarily. "Turning eighteen doesn't automatically grant maturity, my dear Lorenz," he retorted, his grin widening slightly. "And this talk of house leadership, is it related to the Officer's Academy?"

Lorenz's anger flared. "What else would I be referring to?" he snapped.

Claude hummed, knowing it would irk Lorenz further. "Ah, so you're the Gloucester kid Grandpa mentioned," he guessed, his grin now having a teasing edge. "And your disdain for me stems from feeling like I've usurped what rightfully belongs to you."

"It is not decided yet," Lorenz replied tersely, irritation evident in his tone.

"But deep down, you know you're going to lose," Claude needled, taking another sip of his wine. "And it stings that you'll be defeated by a newcomer like myself."

"A newcomer with no past becoming the Golden Deer house leader? It sounds like a joke," Lorenz spat indignantly. "If Duke Riegan has to pin his hopes on someone like you, it speaks volumes about the state of your family. Well, if even half of the rumors about your uncle are true…"

With a nonchalant shrug, Claude finished the remainder of his wine and casually left his goblet on the balcony railing. Then, in a bold move, he closed the gap between them, cornering Lorenz against the railing with his body. Though shorter than Lorenz, Claude felt a surge of power.

"What rumors are those?" Claude asked, his voice lowered to a whisper, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

"What... do you think you're doing?" Lorenz stammered, his face flushed crimson. Though clearly flustered, he made no attempt to push Claude away.

"I couldn't help but notice you stealing glances at me during the afternoon meeting. Were you trying to uncover my weaknesses or simply admiring my looks?" Claude teased.

"You do not intimidate me," Lorenz retorted with a quiet hiss, yet he remained pinned against the railing, unwilling to break free.

"Well, I'm not trying to intimidate you—" Claude began, but was interrupted by Godfrey's voice calling his name, causing him to involuntarily flinch.

Stepping away from Lorenz, Claude turned to find Godfrey gazing at them with evident disapproval. "Come bid farewell to our guests," he requested evenly. Then, turning his attention to Lorenz, he added, "Your father is looking for you."

With a deep blush, Lorenz hastily departed from the balcony. Claude followed suit, trailing behind Godfrey, who offered no commentary as they walked.

It wasn't until all the lords had left their residence and every servant was dismissed, that Godfrey finally spoke up.

"What in the goddess name were you doing, Claude?" he asked in clear exasperation. Claude responded with a clueless expression, prompting Godfrey to snap, "What were you doing out on the balcony with Count Gloucester’s son?"

"I was only teasing him a bit," Claude replied nonchalantly, punctuating his statement with a shrug. "I wanted to test your theory to see if there was any truth to it, and it seems you may have been onto something. How do you read people so quickly, by the way?"

"Test my theory? Claude, anything associated with that family is strictly off-limits," Godfrey scolded, his expression tense. "Goddess, I thought you were more discerning than this…"

Suddenly, Claude felt defensive. "I wasn't planning to do anything more, Godfrey. It was just harmless banter, and you're making it out to be a big deal," he retorted in frustration. "Besides, he was speaking ill of you as well."

Godfrey's animosity seemed to dissipate, replaced by a mild surprise as his eyes widened slightly. "You needn't defend me against a socially awkward adolescent who likely hasn't even figured out his own preferences," he remarked coolly after a brief pause.

"I wasn't defending you," Claude denied, shrugging. "And do you see me in that light as well?"

Godfrey raised an eyebrow. "Not at all, my dear. You're leagues ahead of Count Gloucester's spawn. Your charm and self-awareness far exceeds his, for instance," he replied, his tone composed, almost amused. "Claude, at sixteen, you're already a force to be reckoned with. I can only imagine the influence you'll wield in your mid-twenties."

Claude blushed at the praise, though he wasn't entirely sure he understood Godfrey’s words fully.

Meanwhile, Godfrey grinned in amusement. "Are you feeling bashful now? I thought you were angling for compliments, no?"

drawing for a fic wip in which claude's uncle is still alive so i can write intergenerational family drama with 3 riegans (not really a claurenz fic - claude flirts with a lot of people chaotically as he figures himself out)

i'll post the scene that goes with it as a reblog next ;)

[wlwprker]

just a weekend - s.r. x fem! reader

a/n: fake dating my beloved, b99 inspired this whole concept i can’t lie😭 minimal proofreading!! i’m still new to writing for spencer so i apologize if it’s not great !! italics indicate flashback!! this was so self-indulgent omg this was longer than i expected (likes, reblogs and comments are very much appreciated!!)

summary: spencer reid had very little “game” as it is but he has had enough of his family asking when he’s bringing someone home and so he blurts out that he has someone… a complete and utter lie. it’s just one weekend, right...?

warnings: swearing, pining, fake dating, suggestive comment, reader has insecurities

w/c: 1,829

spencer walked into the bullpen with his head down looking into the contents of his coffee cup as he walked to his desk in silence.

“good morning!” you greeted him with a big smile, but your smile changed into a look of confusion and worry when he didn’t even glance your way. you sighed and got up from your desk and stood next to his chair.

“spill right now”

spencer knew you would spend hours annoying him until he said something, so he caved.

“my family kept nagging me about a girlfriend again and so i told them that i have one and now they want me to bring her to my cousin’s party this weekend”

you tried so hard not to laugh because oh he got himself into quite the mess.

“oh spencer, that is rough but that does not explain why you didn’t even greet me this morning”, you looked at him with an accusatory glance and his stomach dropped.

“ha-ha funny thing...”

he didn’t even have to say it, you knew and the whole thing made sense. he was awkward because he’d have to ask you to be his fake date for a weekend. that’s why he didn't look at you or speak to you.

“funny joke, spence”

spencer did not even show a sign of joking and you groaned. you weren’t a party person to begin with but attending a party as spencer’s plus one where you had to meet his family as his girlfriend instead of his best friend?

what could possibly go wrong?

“you owe me, i mean it!”

he agreed and thanked you a million times. you ruffled his hair and sent garcia a text and suddenly you were in her office telling her all about the situation.

“babe, don’t you like... adore him?”

you ran your hands through your hair in frustration and that was the moment jj walked in and looked between the two of you with confusion written all over her face. garcia caught her up to speed and jj placed a comforting hand on your shoulder.

this is going to be a long damn weekend.

the dreaded weekend came much too quickly for your liking. you invited all the girls over to help you get ready and to try and ease your nerves.

after sifting through multiple outfit combinations, you finally found the perfect fit and once your makeup was done, everyone cheered and oohed and awed at you.

“spencer is going to trip over himself when he sees you”, garcia exclaimed as she brushed a piece of hair out of your face. you rolled your eyes playfully at her.

“you know he’s like starstruck by you, right?”, emily added as she helped you pick out some jewelry to match.

“he is not, he is just nice!”

all of your friends looked at like you were crazy. you just couldn’t even entertain the possibility that he saw you more than his friend.

now you have to be his fake girlfriend, no big deal!

“hey, if anything happens or you need an excuse to get away, we are all a call away, okay?” garcia reassured you and you were grateful to have such amazing friends.

the sweet moment was interrupted by the sound of someone knocking on the door and your heart dropped.

you took a deep breath and smiled as you opened the door for spencer.

“hi spence, i’m just going to grab my bag and then we can head out”, you told him as he looked at you as if he’s never seen you before.

jj snorted as she saw spencer staring at you like a lovestruck idiot. garcia swatted her arm to keep her quiet.

“wow. y-you look amazing. i mean you always look amazing but wow. you’re just really pretty, like you always are but i- uh woah”

you laughed his compliments off because you could not let yourself even consider for a second that his words ran deeper than a compliment.

spencer kept sneaking glances at you the whole night and it was making you shy.

you pulled up to the venue and that’s when the nerves kicked in. a million questions raced through your head at a mile a minute.

what if i’m not good enough for him? will they still like me as his girlfriend and not his best friend? what if they don’t approve?

spencer put his hand on your thigh and that stopped any new thoughts from coming in.

“hey, they know you; they love you”

“spencer, they love me as your best friend, but girlfriend is new territory”

“sweetheart, it’s going to be okay, i promise, just one weekend”

sweetheart. the pet name made you feel dizzy, he was just trying to reassure you but hearing that fall from his lips made you wish this was real and he was yours.

but he wasn’t.

you didn’t respond and you both got out of the car, and he intertwined your fingers together and your heart was racing, he definitely had to have heard it.

his hand in yours felt so right, as if he was meant to always hold your hand.

this was going to be difficult.

“spencer, thank you for coming! is this the special girl?”

your heart ached at the term “special girl”. why the fuck did you agree to this?

spencer looked over at you and put his arm around your shoulder.

“happy birthday! yes, she is my girl, brought her to meet the family”, spencer said smiling.

he was killing you little by little.

“hopefully she stays after meeting them”, his cousin joked, and you giggled.

spencer was practically glued to you the whole night which was not a problem but when this was over, you were going to yearn for his touch, and you wouldn’t get to have it.

after a while, you met spencer’s family, and they all adored you and were shouting praise at spencer for picking such a good one. the night went better than you expected but you didn’t want this to be over.

just a weekend.

you barely got through a night.

you and spencer said your goodbyes and headed back to your house and all you could think about was how badly you wanted to kiss him.

i mean you’d have to look like a real couple, right? not like you’ve been hopelessly in love with him for a while and you’ve always wanted to know what it was like to kiss him.

“what are you thinking about, sweetheart?”

sweetheart. he is trying to kill you, like genuinely.

“it’s a secret”

“hmm can’t i know?”

you laughed and didn’t respond as you got ready for bed and started to walk towards the couch, but he grabbed your wrist, sending chills through your entire body.

“stay.”

you had to fight every bone in your body from kissing him right there.

two more days of this. for fucks sake.

you silently got into bed next to him and none of you mentioned how you cuddled closer together in the middle of the night.

the events of tonight’s party were still fresh in your mind as if it just happened, but it was hours ago and you were at home turned on your side, thinking about it.

“this is your girl?”

spencer held you closer as he placed a kiss to your hairline, and everyone awed at the sight.

you and spencer spent the whole night laughing, dancing and talking to everyone.

the night had come to an end and spencer stopped in front of the car and you sent him a curious look.

he didn’t say anything. he placed a kiss on your cheek.

you touched your cheek and still felt his lips there, it was a small action, but it left you feeling lightheaded.

the feeling of spencer so close to you in bed felt so right even though you knew, this would all be over soon, and you’d go back to being… friends. the word sent shivers to your whole body.

how were you supposed to go back to being friends after this?

you want to be relieved the weekend is nearly over, but you can’t. not when you’ve gotten a little glimpse into what being with him was like, you wanted it to last.

spencer was actually losing his mind. he did not know if he could handle having you this close without wanting to kiss you, he’s been hopelessly in love with you since the day you brought him his coffee order simply because you know him.

this whole weekend has made him realize that he wants to be with you and not just for a weekend.

he can’t go back to friends after this, he will actually drive himself to an early grave if he has to. he tries so hard to make the night last as long as he could but even, he can’t control time. he is now faced with the reality that at work, you will just be friends again.

spencer can’t take it. he won’t take it.

“wait!” spencer calls out as you start walking to the car. you stop in your tracks.

“why are you so far behind? your legs are longer than mine!”

he laughed at that but made no effort to walk any faster which made you even more confused.

“are you training for the slow walkers marathon? you might just win”, you shouted as you sent him an unamused glance as you pointed to your heels.

he finally caught up to you, but he stopped you from opening the car door.

“spencer! i want to go home, what are you doing?”

“prolonging the night”, he replied with a big smile on his face.

you raised an eyebrow at him but urged him to elaborate.

he didn’t respond which frustrated you. you sighed dramatically and looked at him.

“now you don’t respond? spencerrr, come on!”

“can i kiss you?”

your eyes widened comically like a cartoon character because there was no way this was real life.

“the night is over, spencer, we don’t have to pretend anymore”

“i know but i want to kiss you”

you didn’t know what to say but your eyes spoke all he needed to know.

he cupped your cheeks and pulled you in for a kiss and it was as if the world had stopped for you and him. it was only you and spencer in the middle of a dimly lit street, and it was all you've ever wanted.

you pulled away hesitantly and he smiled at you. neither of you said a word but no words needed to be said. you knew this was bound to happen.

you don’t have to pretend anymore.

“what about the whole dating coworkers thing?”, you teased as you pulled on his tie.

“quiet now”

“make me”

“i don’t think that’s a challenge you’ll win”

you hit his shoulder and he raised his hands in mock defense.

[getitoutofmymindwrites]

The crushing | joel miller x f!reader, 5.2k

Summary: This is the story of a man who had everything in the palm of his hand and traded it all for an empty space in the hollow of his heart. Or This story follows Joel, two to three years after he cheated on his wife.

Warnings: 18+ MDNI, ANGST, cheater!Joel, Joel's POV, this is NOT “The Falling” from Joel's POV, brief mention of smut (p i v) but nothing too graphic (I think), self-loathing, depression, therapy, flashbacks and memories from the past, alcohol consumption, Tommy being a supportive brother (eventually), as always let me know if I missed anything!

A/N: Ok, so, Joel gave me a whiplash on this one, he was either staring at me through the screen giving me nothing, or he was mumbling unintelligibly in my ear while I was trying to keep up with him. It started out as a final chapter, but I really think that this part should be Joel's POV and the next and -probably- final one should be the resolving, however that may come. I guess it can be read as a standalone, but if you're interested, it's a sequel to “The Falling”. I edited it seven thousand times because I kept adding things along the way, so I hope it all makes some sense and there are not too many mistakes.. Thank you for taking the time to read anything I write! Love you all! 🥰😘

P.S.: I just wanted to take a moment and let you know that I really appreciate everyone who has read, liked, commented, reblogged and asked about “The Falling”. I honestly didn't think a single soul would take the time to read that kind of story. It means more than you know and I didn’t take lightly how close to home this fic hit for some people; yet you’ve given it a chance, sharing some of your own experiences with me. I love you all, take care and I'll see you -hopefully- in the comments! 🥹🫂

Dividers by @cafekitsune & @saradika-graphics

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...need your reassurance...

...your only focus…

...for the foreseeable future...

He did make it his sole focus. Because of course, he closed the deal, even after he left that damn table like a madman. He still found a way to get what he wanted. That's the man he was. And he wasn't sure if he hated himself for it or not. But self-loathing was a daily occurrence now, so one more reason added to the list was nothing he couldn't handle.

For two years he would wake up every day, is it called waking up if he doesn’t sleep at all?, he would work his ass off, he would go home, he would sink into despair and then he would start all over again the next day. A vicious cycle consisting of 730 days in a row. The deafening silence within the walls of the house was excruciating, the loneliness was unbearable. Even the light penetrating through the windows seemed different than when you were there with him, a dullness surrounding every corner of the now barely lived in space.

You. He hadn’t seen your face in 730 days. He hadn’t smelled your scent or touched your soft skin. He barely listened to your voice anymore, any form of unavoidable communication, you preferred to be conducted by the lawyers, or via text messages, at the most. At the 731st one, he finally knew, something had to change. He couldn’t repeat another day, like all the others that came and went. He simply couldn’t.

Tommy suggested that therapy might help Joel, a few times, but he refused every one of them. Maria was keeping her distance, her place was delicate, being his brother’s wife but also his wife’s best friend. Surprisingly, she was the one who finally got through to him.

“Are you gonna stay a recluse for the rest of your miserable life, then?” Maria wonders, switching her gaze between Joel and the dining room. Everything was untouched, as you left them when you moved out, but the place felt empty, depressing, probably mirroring Joel’s existence.

Joel sighs, closing his eyes briefly. “I’m not a recluse..”, he snarls through his teeth, rolling his eyes at her. He was more than eager to be done with the dinner his sister-in-law insisted on having in his house and be left alone, in his natural state. Alone. Infuriating woman.

“What do you call that?”, Maria persists, goddamn lawyer to the bone.

“What?!” Joel spits back pissed off, looking at his brother next, for support.

“That!” she gestures around his body and his surroundings. “The way you go on for the past two years! Either get over it or do something about it!”, she doesn’t hold back, even when Tommy proposes a gentler approach. Yeah, look where it got you, is the paid answer, so Tommy steps back, shaking his head and raising his hands up in surrender.

“You’ve got him on a leash, hm?”, Joel jokes absentmindedly, “Can you breathe alright, Tommy boy?”, earning himself a hard glare from Maria.

“Maybe the wrong Miller is on a leash..” Maria mutters, causing Tommy’s eyes to widen in horror.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”, Joel retorts doing a double back at her.

“Means that freedom is for those who can bear it.”, Maria throws her napkin on her plate and leaves the room. Joel remains silent, pondering the meaning of her words. It would be a long time before he understood what she meant.

Therapy was hard.

Therapy was hard because he had to do it for himself. He had to concentrate on himself. He thought, being the contractor that he was, that he would walk into the room, get the answers he needed and fix his marriage, just as he rearranged the bricks and the wood and the steel on the construction sites.

But this wasn’t about his marriage. His marriage and the way it crumbled down was the aftermath, he came to learn. It was the outcome of insecurities, selfishness, lack of communication, ungratefulness.

He got it all wrong. Everything. Every little thing. He had to rewire his brain and change every point of view he was holding onto. Honesty. Honesty was the key.

“Why didn’t you reach out to your wife after that night?”, his therapist insists.

“I respected her boundaries.”, Joel was quick to respond.

“And what were those?”

“She didn’t want to see me.”

“Did she say that?”

“No-, I mean-, the way she left that night, she didn’t say much in general. But she blocked my number, so.”, he shrugs in defence.

“So, how can you be so sure that she didn't want to see you? Even if you're right, it doesn't mean that she didn't expect a reaction from you, or that you weren't allowed to try, if that’s what you wanted.”

“Why would she? I upset her, she needed time to think, work things out.”, Joel explains.

The therapist swipes her fingers over her lips, contemplating her approach. “Joel, you walk into your bedroom, into what is supposed to be a safe place and you see your partner with another person in an intimate moment. How does that make you feel? Just say the first words that come to mind.”, his therapist changes the point of view.

Joel shudders just at the thought of it. You, naked, flushed, lips parted and swollen, skin sweaty, breaths short and pupils blown wide, coming for anyone other than him. It would utterly destroy him. “Furious, pissed, betrayed, heartbroken.. I think I would lose it, if I’m honest.” he admits instantly, in his haste to throw the abomination of this image from his thoughts.

“I see. But in her case, you think your wife was just upset?”

“No, of course not.” Joel slightly frowns, shaking his head.

“Do you think she felt all those feelings that you just described to me?”

“I believe so, yes.”, god this is so hard.

“You believe so?” the therapist pushes, again.

Joel’s nostrils flare from the sharp inhale, “I know so.”

“So, she wasn’t just upset.” the therapist concludes and Joel agrees without meeting her eyes, “No, she wasn’t.”

Over time, Joel came to realize that his choice of words was a subconscious attempt to diminish the seriousness of his actions.

“You said in a previous session that you gave space to your wife to work things out.”

“Yeah, it was only fair.”, Joel confirms.

“So, it was hard for you to give her that space?”

“Yes, of course, I missed her every day.”

“Was that a constant in your relationship?”, the therapist wonders.

“I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”

“How did you work things out as a couple, before? I assume you had difficult times as partners, no?”

“Nothing major to be honest, my wife was a very calm and reasonable person. If anything occurred she would talk to me about it.”

“And how did you respond to that?”

“Uh, I was there to listen, we always found a solution together as a couple.”

“Hmhm, so, what changed this time?”

“What do you mean?” He knew exactly what she meant.

“Why didn’t you talk to her? Communicate with her? Maybe help her see your side of things, like you did before, find your way out of this together, as partners.” his therapist explains. “And even before the infidelity, did you let her know that something was bothering you, that you felt differently?”

"I didn't feel differently about my wife. My feelings for her never changed.", he immediately corrects her. "My love for her was never the problem," he confesses and it's the first time since his therapy began that he's shared something so personal, so private.

“But there was a problem, something was wrong if you felt the need to be intimate with another woman. So, why did you keep that from her?”

Joel opens his mouth already knowing he does not have an answer. Or that he doesn't want to give one. He shakes his head, raising his brows in a silent admission that he can’t answer that. Or he won't. His gaze is fixed on a loose thread on the fabric of the couch, his fingers keep picking on it.

“Joel?”

“I- I don’t know what you want me to say, I don’t know.” he keeps shaking his head. He can’t answer that. He won't.

He was so angry when he left the session that day. He was so angry at you. He was angry at your honesty, your clarity, your courage to have a mind of your own and to speak it freely, knowing full well that probably no one else shared the same opinions as you did. That's what he loved most about you, but now he hated it.

“Own it, Joel. Own what you have done. At least that way it will be worth something. Otherwise it was all for nothing.”

This was one of the last things you said to him on the phone, while he was trying to persuade you to change your mind about the divorce. You were always so brave about those matters. Matters of the heart, of integrity. He remembers you always talking about things that he found admirable but utopian. Easy in theory, hard in practice.

“I need to be able to sleep at night. I need to own my decisions; not because I’m always right, far from it, but at least I know I’m being honest with myself. And that matters.” he recalls one of your late-night talks.

You usually found it easier to share your most vulnerable thoughts once you were thoroughly fucked and satiated. When Joel held you in his arms, your breaths almost shared over the same pillow, your scents and your fluids mixed together.

“We’re all imperfect beings, flawed; we all feel embarrassed when we fuck up,” you continue, “it’s hard to admit our mistakes to others, I get that. But deep down we always know what we’re doing and why we’re doing it. Admitting it only helps us to be present in our lives.”

“Be present?”, Joel seems fascinated by the way your mind weaves your thoughts together into deeply rooted beliefs.

“Yes, my love, there's no greater freedom than to live your life truthfully.” you smile at him, softly. Your sleepy eyes roam his face affectionately. Your fingertips caress his jawline, your thumb pressing lightly against the bare patch of his beard. He can feel your devotion pouring from your fingers and sinking into his skin at that moment.

“That’s one of my greatest fears, you know. Living my life in ignorance, in a lie.”, you whisper your deepest insecurity against his soft lips. His hold on you tightens as he rolls you onto your back, nestling his hips between your welcoming thighs. You are safe in these arms. His arms. You surrender to him, body and soul. You can feel his growing erection pressing between your folds, already wet from your combined releases. He tenderly brushes his lips against yours and slowly licks his way into your parted mouth, as he intertwines his fingers with yours. He enters you in one fluid, slow thrust, his warm exhale cooling your wet lips. “Then let me give you something real.”

Thinking back to those moments, Joel couldn't reconcile himself to the fact that he was the one who had brought that fear of yours to life. What broke him was that it was not a lie. Your life together had not been a lie. He loved you. In fact, he was burning up for you. He was a man of control, but not with you. Never with you. You consumed his every thought; being around you for too long made his lungs constrict in pain, begging for a deep breath. Sometimes he was worried sick that if he completely let himself love you like he needed to, he would suffocate you. He loved you. And it killed him that his actions suggested otherwise.

But at some point he had to be honest with himself. He was just protecting his ego. He was trying to get the upper hand out of a shitty, compromising situation. He wasn't being thoughtful, he was being selfish. He was biding his time. He thought the longer he left ‘it’ untouched, the less it would hurt when the inevitable time of confrontation came. He was scared out of his mind that he would lose you forever. No second chances, no redemption, no reconciliation.

No lingering scent on his pillow as your hair pools there, under his chin, as you nestle your face between his neck and shoulder, breathing him in. No laughter through the enormous house, damn, why did he build it so big; you never clarified what the disbelief in your eyes meant when he said he built this house for you, while he pulls you up on your feet for a silly cowboy dance.

No more gentle touches, no more noses brushing together as a silent goodbye in the kitchen before you rush off to work. No more turning around just before you open the door to leave, running to him like a little girl, giving him quick, hungry pecks on the lips while he laughs on your mouth, squeezes your butt cheek and slaps it playfully to say goodbye. Later, baby, he would promise you, his teeth nipping at your earlobe and he could feel your skin crawling with anticipation.

No more I love yous, either breathed, either whispered, either panted, as he makes a home for himself inside your warmth.

When did he fuck you last? He used to have you every day. You craved it every day. You craved him. Why did he stop telling you he loved you every chance he got? When was the last time you said it?

A week before that fateful night, when you touched him longingly, aching for him to touch you back and he told you he had work to do, he wasn’t a teenager anymore. Why the hell did he say that? Why did he sit there and watch the light fading from your eyes? I love you, you said with a sigh against his temple and walked out of his office defeated. Why did you say that? Did you know? Did you suspect? Why didn’t you fight him? You should have said something, anything, pushed him, punched him in the chest, woken him up. Would he have woken up? Or did he need that to come to his senses? Does he have to fall? Does this falling ever stop? Does he have to let you go? Will you come back to him? Does he deserve you?

Days blurred seamlessly into one another. Joel drifted further and further away from everyone. The house haunted him, all the progress he was making within the therapy walls was dissipating once he stepped inside the cold space of his empty house. Leaving the confines of it was his first thought in the morning, while he hurriedly dressed to go to his office far earlier than necessary and his last when he closed his eyes, as he laid his weary limbs on the couch, chasing still your now long gone scent on its fabric, knowing another sleepless night was his only companion until the first rays of sunlight hit the floor-to-ceiling windows to announce the beginning of another day.

People at work tiptoed around him, not knowing how to act. It was as if he was there, but not really. He was focused solely on the Marks project, mechanically going through board meetings, paperwork and supervising the construction site. He. Just. Wasn’t. There.

Joel, will you please sign the papers?

He simply stares at the text message for a good full minute, his thumbs hovering over the screen of his phone. This was one of the rare occasions you had initiated communication with him, always about the progress of the divorce.

No, no, I won’t, the little toddler in him screams, stamping his little feet on the ground.

The papers are not ready.

Joel texts back. He keeps it simple, frightened he might not get an answer back.

Joel, we both know they are. I don’t want any of your assets or your money; this is an easy signature, please.

An easy signature? You think he cares about the houses, or the cars, or the money?

You know I can’t accept that. The house is yours and so is a good part of the money.

The point was to share this house together, Joel, don’t you think us splitting up kind of defeats the purpose? And what on earth makes you think I would ever want to go back in there?

So, there’s nothing I can do to make this easier for you?

Easier? You think money or property can make up for what you’ve done?

Of course not, I wasn’t implying anything like that. Just wanna do something for you, anything.

Can you turn back time?

Of course, he can't. So, he doesn't know what to say to that. He just keeps staring at the screen, lost in thought. After 2 minutes another text follows.

?

You know I can’t..

Sign the papers. Please.

“Is there anything in particular you want to talk about today, or should I take the lead?”

“Actually I’ve been thinking a lot about that night.”, Joel suggests for the first time. He usually lets the therapist decide where to steer the conversation, then simply refuses to elaborate until he feels ready to talk.

“What about it?”, he shifts his gaze from the window to the direction of her voice.

“I should probably rephrase that. I’m always thinking about that night, repeating it in my head again and again and I’m troubled by something I realized.”

His therapist nods to signal that she's listening.

“Why did she just leave? The more I think about it, the more it doesn’t make sense to me. She just left. No shouting, no breaking things, no attacking either me or-”, her. “Why she didn’t stay? Why she didn’t insist that I leave? She was just- so quiet.”

The therapist smiles in recognition of Joel's near breakthrough. They were beginning to get somewhere, his empathy nudging him under the surface.

“I'm really glad you mentioned that, Joel, so I'd like to take you back to that night and try to understand what might have been going through your wife's mind at that moment," she explains.

“So, she walks into the house, finds her safe space violated by her husband, and she chooses to handle the situation calmly and quietly-” Joel tries to stop her, but she already knows what he's going to ask. “I can't tell you why she chose that path, that's for her to answer, only she knows why.” His therapist continues, “She is making one request of you and one request only, can you tell me what it is?”

“She asked me to leave the house.”

“Hmhm.” the therapist looks at him expectantly.

“I just wanted to talk to her.”, Joel elaborates, “I thought that if I refused to leave, she would accept to listen to me.”

“So you forced your needs on her, while she was in a particularly fragile state of mind.”

“I should have made my intentions clearer, you mean?”

“I mean, that maybe you shouldn’t have had any expectations in the first place. Why do you think was so important to you, to explain yourself right at that moment?”

“Because I knew it was probably the last time I would see her for a while, I just wanted to ease her pain, why is that so wrong? Should I be indifferent? Would that be better?”

“Did it ever occur to you that you might be depriving her of her right to choose?” Come on, Joel, break some eggs.

Joel now begins to make connections. He rubs his hand over his face, the realization of what has really happened crushing him. “Oh, god, I-” He's been so selfish from the start. He hasn't shown you any respect, not even at this delicate moment. He didn't give you a choice as to whether you wanted to listen to him or not. He didn't even let you choose where you wanted to stay. He just made you leave the house. Did he make you believe he wanted you to leave? That he wanted her to stay? Because he didn’t. Fuck. “-I never thought about it like that.”

Fuck.

How could he be so blind? Why was he so blind?

His therapist insisted on it. Because no matter how much progress Joel made over the course of a year, he never revealed the true reason behind his infidelity.

“Joel, we’ve talked about a lot of things; you’ve tried really hard to make this all about your wife and about understanding what she was feeling and how your actions have affected her, but as I keep reminding you”, she smiles understandingly, “you’re the one in therapy, you need to heal your wounds before you even attempt to heal hers. And although it is in fact a really noble thought, this” she gestures between them, “can only work if you do it for yourself. I know it may sound selfish, but I promise you, it is not. It is the exact opposite.”

Fuck.

“Yeah?”, his voice hoarse from sleep as he answers the door after the insistent knock at it. Tommy looks at him surprised once he opens it, “You’re sleeping, already?”. No, he wasn’t. He wouldn’t call it that. But when he goes almost a week without any proper rest, passing out is the right word for what he’s doing. “Yeah, I guess I dosed off..” Joel lies. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to see you.” Tommy responds as he squeezes himself through the door to enter the house. “Yeah, sure, come on in.”, Joel mutters under his breath. “You just saw me at work this morning, is everything all right?”

“I just came to check on you.” Tommy confesses uncomfortably.

“You could have called.”

“Would you have answered?” Tommy deadpans.

Touché.

“Tell Maria I’m fine, Tommy, no need to worry about me; go spend the night where it counts.”, Joel replies in an attempt to push him away, as he walks farther into the house, rounding the kitchen island.

“Hey, brother, I’m here, I am here for you.” Tommy’s eyes narrow in pain and concern as he stares at his sibling's back, following behind him.

Joel exhales hard through his nose, his grip tight as he grabs the edges of the counter, his head lowering between his shoulder blades.

“You shouldn’t, nobody should.” Joel sighs, rubbing the pads of his fingers across his forehead.

“Ok, that’s enough.” Tommy snaps at him. “Enough self-loathing, enough resignation. Enough. You’ve punished yourself enough.”

Joel laughs at that. “Is that right? Is it enough for you? What about her?” he asks, his head turned to the side, looking at his brother over his shoulder.

“What?” Tommy is genuinely confused.

Joel turns his back, resting his waist on the edge of the counter, now looking straight at Tommy. “I should have what? Just get on with my life? Let it all be water under the bridge? Disrespect her even more?”

“Jesus..” Tommy mutters, pinching the bridge of his nose with one hand, the other resting on his hip, his eyes shut in frustration.

“Are you doing this for her? Does she even know that?”

“It doesn’t matter, Tommy!” Joel raises his voice, exasperated. “I’m not doing this for her, I’m not doing anything for her, apparently and that’s the problem.”, his voice breaks, the lump in his throat too big to push down. “She’s not here anymore, Tommy.” he’s standing fully on his feet now, pushing himself away from the counter, leaning slightly forward, like he’s trying to make his brother understand; his eyes are glazed, Tommy had never seen him so devastated before. “She’s gone. I’ve lost her.”, his palms clenched in fists in front of his chest, resisting the urge to wrap them around his shirt and rip it to shreds, as he wants to do with his heart.

“I thought therapy was working..” Tommy whispers, his eyes dropping to the floor beneath him.

“Oh, it’s working, all right!” Joel chuckles in irony, sniffing his nose. “I’m getting a front-row seat, witnessing what a piece of shit I am-”

“Hey!” Tommy tries to cut him off.

“-what on earth was she doing with me to begin with, is beyond me.”

“HEY!” Tommy's eyes bulge out of his sockets, angry at his brother's self-deprecating words. Joel bends his waist forward, puts his elbows on the island in front of him and lets his head sink in again.

“Ok.” Tommy breathes deeply to ground himself, his hands in a position of a prayer in front of his mouth, “Ok, we could both use a drink.” he realizes, as he moves to open the cupboard to grab two tumblers and the whiskey from the shelf with the drinks. “..or five.”

The two brothers drink their first round in silence, both calming their nerves down. Tommy refills their glasses without asking; he knows this is going to be a long night.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” Tommy begins, pushing Joel’s drink back towards him. Joel wringles his brows in confusion, “What are you talking about? You’re always there for me.”

“No, I haven’t, not really.” Tommy admits, “I let Maria take over when all this happened and I’m sorry.”

“There was nothing you could do, Tommy, don’t sweat it.”

“Let me say this, please.” Tommy raises his hand, his palm facing his brother. “I was just- fuck, we all knew how much you loved her, how much you loved each other, so when it all went down, I just didn’t know how to deal with it. What to say to you, how to comfort you. I didn't know how to deal with you.”

“You blamed me.” Joel says matter-of-factly.

“No-”, Tommy weakly refuses but Joel shakes his head dismissively, interrupting him. “It’s ok, Tommy, you should.”

Tommy looks embarrassed, his cheeks slightly pinkish, not only from the whiskey. “It’s just that I- I couldn’t reconcile the image of the man you were with her, with.. you know..”, he stutters.

“..the image of a cheater. Say it.” Joel adds.

Tommy shakes his head, like he still can't believe what's happened. “Besides, while she was staying with us those first few weeks I saw how devastated she was, man- she was a shell of a woman, so I was confused, I didn’t know how-”

“Tommy. Tommy, it’s fine.” Joel feels his skin crawl visualizing you like that in his head, cutting his brother off once again; he deserves every ounce of mistrust and he knows it.

“No, it’s not.” Tommy insists. “Yes, you fucked up. Brother, you really did. You did a number on her-”, Joel’s body tenses instantly at his brother’s words, his jaw clenching as his eyes darken, moving down to his hands, his grip on the tumbler tightening, his knuckles turning white and Tommy stops abruptly, “shit, sorry, I didn’t mean-”, his face twitches with regret.

“It’s the truth. That’s exactly what I did.” Joel’s gaze seems detached as if he's somewhere else right now.

“What I meant to say, is that I should have been there for you in spite of what has happened. I can see you're suffering, it's taking its toll on you, it has been for some time now; tell me what I can do. How can I help you?” Tommy seems almost desperate, like he’s the one in need of redemption.

Your text flashes through his mind, can you turn back time?, making him smile bitterly.

“Can you turn back time?” Joel's repeating your question and as the words leave his mouth he can feel your presence next to him. That's the most he felt of you for the last three years. He's almost blissful.

“You know I can't.” Tommy sighs. Joel laughs earnestly, the irony of the moment too good not to appreciate.

“Joel, brother, please, just talk to me. Help me understand. You act like you’re the one who’s been cheated on. So, what happened? Why did you do it?” Tommy is pleading with him to give him anything.

Silence fills the room for much longer than either of them would like. Joel feels torn between telling his brother everything or keeping his mouth shut. He wants to tell him, he hasn’t told a soul, but he’s not sure he can get the words out. He’s not sure he can bear to hear the words coming out of his mouth. He’s not sure he can substantiate it, make it real. Because that’s how it feels. He talks about it and it becomes real.

But maybe this is the right thing to do. That’s what needs to be done. He needs to talk about it. He needs to tell the truth and admit the pain he’s caused. Make it real for you, too. Perhaps it is time for him to give you what is rightfully yours. Acknowledgment.

Joel’s made up his mind. He’s gonna talk to Tommy. He lifts his glass to down his drink for some liquid courage, freezing his hand in mid-air as the next words fall from his brother’s mouth. “First of all, who was it?”

“What?” Joel's eyes search Tommy’s through his glass for an explanation.

“Who did you do?”, Tommy clarifies.

Joel feels like he’s been struck by lightning. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Who did you fuck, Joel?”, Tommy begins to feel confused, are they not on the same page here?

“You don’t know?”, Joel can barely speak now, his voice low in shock.

“No one does, not even Maria; she never told anyone.”

You told nobody? Not even your best friend? Why on earth would you do that? Did you feel ashamed? Was it just too much to talk about?

But his brain takes pity on him, helping him for once to understand. He’s connecting the dots while your voice fills the corners of his mind through his memories. His head is swarming with images of you standing in that walk-in closet, remembering what you said the last time he saw you. You’re the one I married, not her. I expected better from you, Joel, not her.

You were right.

It didn’t matter who it was. That is why. He was the one making the choice. He was the one breaking his promises, breaking your trust, breaking your heart; breaking you. He was the one who should have known better. He was the one who should have been honest. Easy in theory, hard in practice.

He feels a fresh wave of pain scattering through his body. He welcomes it. Damn, he’s craving it. He’s glad you chose to withhold the identity of the woman. Not because somehow it’s making it easier for him to defend himself, on the contrary.

There’s no one else to blame. Nobody. Just him. All of the anger, the resentment, the disappointment, all of them on him. He embraces them all. Everything. He will take it all, swallow it down and let it rot inside of him.

Joel tells Tommy everything. Everything, but her name.

previous | next

Taglist: @southernbe, @orcasoul, @auteurdelabre

[pleasantlycrazyworld]

Hi , I was wondering if you’d like to write something with Logan where reader is a barista at a coffee shop and he’s started being a regular because of her, and then one day a costumer is rude to her and she’s crying . I just thought of it cause it happened to me at work the other day 🥲. Sorry I’ve never done a request before so sorry if it makes no sense

Thank you for requesting this, it made perfect sense! I hope you like it! And I'm so sorry that happened to you!! I did this with Worst!Logan in mind I hope that's ok!

Logan started visiting your cafe almost every day, the first time he stumbled through the door was about three months ago and you still giggle when you think about it. He was pulled through the door by Wade and forced to pay for the merc's coffee. "it's the least you can do for me Wolvie! You ruined the couch after that last fight, the blood stain still won't come out." Logan cringed not only from being reminded about the most recent fight that took forever to heal from but also from hearing what Wade ordered. "that's just sugar" he mumbled to himself before ordering what would become his regular coffee order. "a black coffee"

You nodded and asked, "What size sir?" He finally looked at you and he visibly relaxed, Wade was off to the side ready to fangirl over seeing how dilated Logan's eyes got just from a glance at you.

Now he's a regular at a stupid coffee cafe, something he never thought would ever happen but when he walks in and sees you, he's happy that it happened.

The bell chimed as he walked through the door and his eyes immediately went to find you. He huffed when he noticed you were already helping a customer but there was only one separating you from him. He was trying to figure out how to text Wade back to let him know that yes, he will order him his disgusting cup of pure sugar for him but before he could he heard your voice crack.

His head snapped up from his phone to your form behind the counter, and he focused more on what the customer was saying.

"How incompetent do you need to be to get this job? A toddler could make a cup of coffee and a muffin better than what your sorry excuse was! Thanks alot for just ruining my-" The man was cut off by Logan's hand coming down on his shoulder.

"Leave" Logan growled as he felt his claws to start coming out, the man started to try talking back, completely stuttering. "Leave." Logan said one more time before pushing the customer to the door. The man nodded and stumbled out of the door but Logan didn't care about he did, Logan cared about you being close to tears.

"Oh darlin'" he cooed before going to the counter. You sniffled and wiped your eyes gently as you gave him a wry smile. "What can I get you, Logan?" You asked while clearly choking back tears still. He shook his head, almost upset. Honestly, he was upset. He couldn't believe you were treating him as just some other customer.

"When do you get off, honey?" He asked, already knowing the answer. You looked at the clock hanging behind you before answering, "Ten minutes...why?" He hummed and looked towards the back. "Ain't one of your little coworkers already clocked in?" You nodded, still confused as to what he was trying to say. He hummed again and copied your nod.

"Go clock out. I'll order us something, maybe we can share one of your amazing muffins you've been talking about all week and go sit in that corner you like so much." The way he said it left no room for argument. You smiled more joyful...more yourself, you nodded quickly before turning around and going to clock out.

Your coworker came to take over the counter and gave Logan a knowing look, "So what can I get you two?" Logan looked over the menu and ordered what you usually recommended for him to try for you to have, a muffin for you two to share, and his usual black coffee.

(Below is an authors note and taglist lmk if youd like to be added!)

A/N: thank you all for reading, commenting, reblogging and sending requests I've been loving posting and writing for you guys so much. I'm so sorry I haven't been posting as much this semester is really kicking my ass and a lot has just got hectic but I think I should be getting more time soon to start writing again! Thank you for all the love and support it means the world <3

Tagging:

@userchai

@mahi-tamashi

@100percentlazybonez

@lanassmarty

@western-pyro

@misscrissfemmefatale

@marit332

@navs-bhat

@fluffy-b33z

@chaimshelii

@aoi-targaryen

@eyes-ofhell

[i23kazu]

GENSHIN MEN & SHOWING YOU THEIR LOVE !

characters. xiao zhongli kaeya diluc childe neuvillette wriothesley x reader genre. romantic fluff!! an. i made a part 1 a looong time ago but it's time for another round of how deep is your love how deep is yooour loooove | please reblog!! im getting back into writing and reblogs with tags and comments will make me want to write more :D

xiao

xiao, who shows his love to you by silently leaving items that you mentioned that you like on your bedside stand, so that you have something to be happy about once you wake up. some days it's a bundle of qingxins or silk flowers, and other days, a bag of salty snacks from chef mao's kitchen. thank him by wrapping your arms around him, and whisper in joyful gratitude.

zhongli

zhongli, who shows his love to you by subtly acknowledging your presence in his life whenever he's talking to someone. a quiet nod in your direction whenever someone asks about any of his achievements is a common reoccurence, with a soft smile on his face as well. it's a sweet thing, almost like a shared little secret between the both of you.

diluc

diluc, who shows his love to you by making sure that he's on time when picking you up from work. he always gets there five to ten minutes earlier, so that he can pick up your favourite pastry from the cafe next door. it's a sweet thing, diluc's love – hold it close and treasure it, because he will never give this love that he gives you to anyone else.

kaeya

kaeya, who shows his love to you by continuously texting you throughout the day. the sweet reminder that you're always on his mind makes you smile with each notification lighting up your phone screen. a groan escapes your lips as he sends you a sweet message that reads, "reminded me of you, xoxo! miss you!". sweet, isn't it? attached to it is a picture of his work bathroom.

childe

childe, who shows his love to you by listening to your shared playlist with him throughout the day. laufey, beadadoobee, adam melchor, joji, and more are beats constantly pumping him through the day. he sends you screenshotted and annotated lyrics of your favourite songs, highlighting the word "love" over and over again.

neuvillette

neuvillette, who shows his love to you by remembering the little things that you like. it might be that small bakery in the north of fontaine, or that spot with the bunch of pretty flowers that you took him to once. if you love something, he remembers – it's an unforgettable kind of love, and it's the kind of love that makes you fall in love with neuvillette over and over again.

wriothesley

wriothesley, who shows his love to you by choosing to come home every single day after a long day of work at the fortress. he's weary and he shuffles his feet back to the door of your – but he doesn't care, because he's home. seeing your face light up once you see him reminds him of why he chooses to commute an hour just to get to the fortress and home, instead of staying at the fortress.

taglist: @tiredsleep @loptido @raincxtter @chichikoi @ladyadii @soulsanta @sheiiths @genshinparty @eowinthetraveler @moonbyunniee @legitnoi @lemontum @manager-of-the-pudding-bank @starz222 @ilyuu @cherry-colored-petals @mondaymelon @tartaglia-apologist @soleillunne @m1shapanda @aimynx @smokipoki @adeptuscharm @diorlumx @vennnnn-diagram @ryuryuryuyurboat @yuminako @st0pthatsgay @aqualesha @sixtynintharchon @supernova25 @kunikuda-simp @starglitterz @rin-nyrasti-writes @mxyarylla (send ask/comment to be added to taglist)

reblogs w/ tags & comments help me lots !!! if you liked this, consider dropping me a follow as well :-)

[vocabulary-altering-posts]

Pinned

gimmick blog for cataloging posts (videos, images, texts, whatever) that have altered your vocabulary in some way. adding a word or phrase, obliterating the tumblr linguistic biosphere, etc. you can nominate posts by tagging or asking if you want to. (if u dont send a link in an ask, i'm probably not going to go looking for the post, but i might keep an eye out.)

whether or not i reblog a tagged post is up to my discretion. if it's one i haven't seen before but that i can easily picture Changing Something, it gets added. specific fandom references probably won't make the cut unless they're truly groundbreaking (such as miku binder thomas jefferson).

#outside nomination - someone else sent this in

#personal nomination - this one came across my dash, or i sought it out, or it was on my hit list and someone sent it to me

more info below the cut

other tags include #phrases, #words, and #characters. phrases and words are probably self-explanatory but for characters it's for when a person or other entity is made up and tumblr latches onto them/it for fun, such as cousin throckmorton or goncharov.

#bonus hit is for posts that permanently changed the way people talk on this side or stuff that is still being referenced years later. #combo hit is for if the entire post (multiple words/phrases/whatever) is insane enough to be referenced or thought about for years. if the entire post is one sentence or sentences that are unrelated to each other it doesn't get the combo hit tag because that is, by definition, not a combo.

main blog is nickel-alloy so youll occasionally see me reblogging posts from there if the source of the linguistic injection cannot be reblogged from for one reason or another. if i reblog from you it's likely that yours was the most recent clean reblog i could find without doing too much scrubbing.

yes i have autism. pronouns are he/they or something

HIT LISTS OF POSTS THAT ARE GOING ON THIS BLOG (as soon as i find them again):

stabby the roomba (long-standing character)

cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure (biosphere alteration)

the friendful visitor (arguable biosphere alteration)

death is coming. Death is coming. pass me a hot dog (i personally think about it from time to time)

los feratu (funny)

hear it hurgling (funny)

the grink (funny and true)

vanilla extract (arguable biosphere alteration)

eeby deeby (arguable biosphere alteration)

horse plinko (arguable biosphere alteration)

bidoof's law (biosphere alteration)

okay <3 yay <3 (arguable biosphere alteration)

[astermath]

"So? Whatever." Pt.2

pairing: dave lizewski x popular!fem!reader

summary: after closing a deal with dave to let you borrow his comics while he pretends to tutor you, he finally comes over to your house. he’s confronted with the fact that despite your reputation of being damn near perfect, you have your own insecurities and issues. you’re confronted with how much you enjoy his company, despite having your reservations about him before.

word count: 2.4K

♡ LANDING PAGE ♡

notes: thank you for the likes and the reblogs, I really appreciate it! I really enjoy writing for this reader, there’s something so fun about being able to be so playfully mean. Please let me know if you’d like a part 3, and comments are greatly appreciated too!

[unknown]: hi, it’s dave! hope I typed in the right number lol

You look at your phone as it buzzed, squinting to see if you recognized the contact as you dried your hair off from the shower. You sat down on your bed and swiped up, smiling at the name. At least he didn’t forget to text. You saved his number under a new contact and started typing a reply.

[y/n]: sorry, I know a lot of daves. are you the one from the party last saturday, or the one from the football game?

[dave]: lizewski? the one who lent you the venom comic? brown hair, glasses?

You grinned to yourself, laying down on your stomach on the bed.

[y/n]: I’m just messing with ya, nerd. I remember you, how could I possibly forget?

[dave]: right

[dave]: sorry

[dave]: could you send me the address? and what type of comics you want me to bring?

You sent him your location and a couple of screenshots of your favorite franchises.

[y/n]: think you can work with that?

[dave]: yeah, totally! I’ll be there at 2 on saturday, is that ok?

[y/n]: totes, see ya then x

Dave stared down at his phone, eyes fixated on the little “x” you added to your last text. Everything from that day had already felt surreal, and now he was actually texting you. Or, well, he assumed so. This could all very well still be part of some really shitty prank, but you did seem genuine in your request. And what kind of guy would he be to just assume you were out to get him, just like all the others?

A smart one, probably.

But it was too late for second thoughts now, as he stood in front of the driveway to your house. It was huge, nothing like the houses in his neighborhood. He guessed that’s what all that lawyer money was good for. He walked up to the front door, his hand shaking a little as he reached out to ring the bell. He heard footsteps, taking a deep breath in and mentally prepared himself to be met by you as the door opened.

Instead, he was met by the eyes of an older man, slightly taller than him, who seemed less than pleased to see him at his front door. He crossed his arms, raising an eyebrow as he looked him up and down. “Can I help you, son?”

Dave gulped, hands getting clammy inside his coat’s pockets. He was not ready to be confronted by your dad, especially because he’s the one you were primarily hiding things from. “I-I’m here to tutor—”

“My daughter?” He cut him off before he could say your name. “You the kid that’s tutoring her?”

“Y-Yes sir, that’s me.” He pulled out his hand, silently cursing himself for not wiping it on his pants before because of how sweaty it was.

Your father looked down at his hand, but before he could even shake it, your voice was heard from behind him. “Daddy, that’s for me!” You walked down the stairs, making eye contact with Dave as he tried not to melt right then and there because of what you were wearing. He usually saw you wear your cute, well put together outfits at school, but seeing you in your cute comfy shorts, with your hair put up… He only realized he was staring when your dad addressed him again.

“Alright, get inside. And shoes off.”

He obliged, quickly taking his shoes off as your dad walked back into the living room.

Not long after, he was met with the sight of your room. Shelves adorned with trophies, a vanity, a queen sized bed with a TV in front of it, a plush sofa, and a huge closet… He was pretty sure he’s seen whole apartments less nice than your room. But nevermind that, he was in a girl’s room, in your room. That was intimate no matter the scenario.

You sat down on your desk chair, legs crossed as you turned it on its wheels to face the boy scanning your room. He looked like he had landed in another dimension, eyes wide as he examined his surroundings.

“What’s so interesting?” You asked, not sure if he was looking for something or if he was just genuinely this impressed by your room.

“You have… A lot of trophies…” He fidgeted with the sleeve of his shirt.

You looked over to the shelf, smiling proudly. “All from cheering.” You pointed to the tiara on the shelf above it. “Besides that one.”

He remembers when you won prom queen in your junior year, though he’s not sure if he’d count that as a trophy. He’d never tell you that, though.

“So, you gonna give me my comics or are you just here to inspect my private property?”

Your comment snapped him out of his daydreaming and he quickly took off his backpack to take out a plastic bag filled with comics. “I-I didn’t know which ones you wanted specifically, so… I just took all the ones from the franchises you showed me.” He took the pile out of the bag and you got up to take them from him.

“Careful, it’s—“

Your arms almost gave out to the sheer heft of the pile before he caught them. “Jesus christ Dave!”

“S-Sorry, sorry, I didn’t realise they weighed that much combined!” He looks panicked, hoping you didn’t hurt yourself when the weight pulled you down.

“You carried these all the way here?” You looked at him in shock. There was no way he was that strong, not without you knowing about it. “What are you, some kind of secret body builder?” You watched him put the pile down on your desk, seeing the muscles in his forearm. Maybe you were wrong, you just hadn’t been paying as much attention to Dave as you apparently should have been.

He avoided the question, simply sitting down on the carpeted floor across you with his back against the side of your bed. Frankly, he knew he’d be better off saying nothing when it came to his physique, afraid it might reveal too much relating to his vigilante activities.

You looked through the pile, finding the sequel to the previous comic you had borrowed from him and pulling it out. Dave took his own comic book out of his backpack, and when he looked back at you, something had clearly changed.

Your face was now adorned with a pair of round, thinly rimmed glasses.

He blinked a few times to make sure his own eyes weren’t deceiving him, but no, he was seeing things right.

You look up from your page and raise an eyebrow. “Didn’t your mommy ever tell you it’s rude to stare?”

“You wear glasses.” He said, eyes fixated on your face. His usual aversion to eye contact seemed to have vanished all of a sudden.

“What?” You realized you hadn’t thought about it when you put them on. You didn’t usually have company over while you were reading stuff. “Oh.” Your face suddenly felt a lot warmer, embarrassment washing over you. “Yeah, I uh… I need them to read, at least. I get through the rest of my day without em just fine, they just look so… Stupid.” You paused, looking back at his face and realizing how mean that must have sounded to him. “Not that you look stupid! You look, uh… You look smart! Real smart, it’s just… They don’t suit me and I…His expression hasn’t changed one bit since you had put on your spectacles. You looked so different, in a good way. A really good way.

“Pretty.” He muttered.

“What?” You broke out of your embarrassed rambling.

“I think you look pretty. With the glasses. They suit you.” He smiled demurely, hoping that didn’t gain him some creep points.

You stared back at him. You’d been called hot before, sexy, gorgeous… But hearing him call you pretty, it was something else. There were no intentions behind it, he just needed to say it, like it felt right. You blink, trying to cope with the fact that the nerd you thought you had an upper hand on had turned your brain to mush with a single compliment.

“Yeah, uhm… Whatever…” You went back to reading. “…thanks.”

He smiled to himself as he picked up his own comic book again. You were surprisingly fun to talk to, it was almost as if he didn’t feel like he was getting judged for everything he was saying anymore.

And he could definitely get used to that.

A few hours pass as you both peruse through the pile. The silence is comfortable, only being broken if someone flipped a page or grabbed a new comic. He looked up and saw you holding the Spider-man collector’s edition he took a page out of, seemingly very immersed in the story.

“Do you like Spider-man?” He spoke up, hoping he didn’t annoy you by taking you out of the story.

“Oh, uh…” You adjusted the glasses on your face as they kept slipping down your nose a bit. “Yeah. He’s like… pretty cool I guess.” You had so much to say about him, so much you wanted to gush about, but you couldn’t help but still feel a little ashamed about your interest.

Dave looked at you expectantly. He knew that look, the same look he had whenever someone would call him any type of name at school for being a top shelf dork.

And in that moment, you realised you both had something in common. Except he lived his life unashamedly being a dork, and you were concealing it.

“Alright, so,” You got up from your chair and sat down on the floor next to him, your shoulders touching as you held the comic to your chest. The excitement nearly poured out of you as you couldn’t contain your words, going over everything you liked about him. His background, his personality, his originally handmade suit, his unique powers…

Dave watched you speak with a dreamy smile on his face, your face glowing with happiness. He never thought you’d looked more beautiful, just unapologetically being yourself in front of him. He didn’t once try to interrupt you, he wouldn’t dare to, you just looked so cute gushing about this comic book hero.

“And the fact that… He’s just some kid, right?” You looked into his eyes as he nodded along with you. “Like, he never got any special training, or fancy gear, or anything like that. He could have lived every day of his life pretending he never got bitten by that spider, and live happily ever after, but no! He took matters into his own hands, because he wanted to make a change, because he cared about the people around him.” You smiled, not realizing you had grabbed Dave’s arm and were squeezing it a little to emphasize your words.

He blushed, feeling like that description fit his own endeavors pretty well. He looked into your eyes and for a second, felt the urge to lean in. It took about as much strength as it did to carry those comics to not do so.

You let go of his arms and held your legs close your chest. “But that upside down kiss with MJ… That’s gotta be bullshit. There’s no way you can kiss someone like that.”

“I don‘t know,” Dave responded. “I feel like it would be kinda fun. It doesn’t look that hard.”

“Oh yeah? How would you know?” You turned your head to look at him and gave him a cocky grin.

His face flushed pink and he regretted saying what he said. He just gave you the perfect bait to tease the ever living hell out of him. “W-Well, I… I can imagine that… From my experience… It’s…” He stammered.

You let out a soft giggle, amused at his embarrassment. “You’ve never kissed a girl, have you?”

Dave gulped, words stuck in his throat. But you had opened up so much to him, it wouldn’t be fair to not do the same. “I, uhm… No. I haven’t.” He let out a bit of a defeated chuckle.

An idea sprung alive in your head, a dangerous but intriguing glint in your eyes as you bit your lower lip slightly.

“Would you want to?”

Dave had heard you say a lot of shocking things, but that might just take the cake. His cheeks burned hot as the blood rushed to his face, his hands staying steady on his own thighs to not show they were trembling a little. He didn’t know what to say, this was all happening so quickly.

Before he could respond, you were leaning in, eyes on his soft lips, only inches apart—

“Sweetie! Come down for dinner!”

Your eyes snapped open and you pulled back, looking at Dave before glancing over at the door. Thank god they didn’t come up to knock, that would have been the death of you. You take a deep breath and get up, gesturing with your hand for him to do the same. “You should uh… Probably head out.”

He sat there a bit longer than he should have, a million thoughts going through his head before the sound of your voice finally got through to him. “Right, sorry… Don’t wanna overstay my welcome.” He gathered his comics and went downstairs with you to put on his shoes and coat again.

You opened the door for him and he looked back at you to say goodbye. “Thanks for having me over, I had a good time. I hope you did too.” He smiled shyly, hands in his pockets.

You smiled back, reaching up to ruffle his brown curls. “Don’t mention it. And don’t die on the way back, shit’s dangerous out there these days.”

He nodded, giving you a quick wave before heading out, the feeling in his chest warming up his entire body. He felt like he could take on anything, a feeling that would absolutely come in handy later when he’d be face to face with New York’s criminals.

You went back upstairs and sat down at your desk, noticing he’d left something. It was the special collector’s edition you’d been gushing about earlier. You ran your fingers across the damaged front page, smiling to yourself.

Dave was looking in the mirror, adjusting his costume a little and checking if he had everything he needed with him. A buzz of his phone got his attention, and a giddy boyish grin spread across his face.

[y/n]: so, same time next week? xx

@nephilimsss

(lmk if you'd like to be added to the tag list for this fic and other dave lizewski works!!)

[changes]

Friday, July 21st, 2023

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[starmocha]

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ masterlist — series

lol it's been bugging me that the main masterlist doesn't have some stories sorted by series (AO3 does), so I finally gotten around to making a subsection so my ocd can calm tf down 🫠

【 tag list available - request to be added 】

last updated: dec. 25, 2024

someone you loved

Based on the 30-day absence text messages. Stories can be interpreted as standalones or sharing the same universe. cw: angst, tragedy, grieving status: 2/4 completed [will update to include future love interests] 01. the day bleeds into nightfall (Zayne/MC) 02. never the same (Rafayel/MC) 03. (Xavier/MC) 04. (Sylus/MC)

sweet little snowdrop

Stories about Zayne and his three-year-old son. status: ongoing indefinitely // updated sporadically 01. 12:30 PM Checkup 02. Carrot Cake

bright little starlight

Stories about Xavier and his two-year-old daughter. status: ongoing indefinitely // updated sporadically 01. Time-Out

pretty little coral

Stories about Rafayel and his three-year-old son. status: ongoing indefinitely // updated sporadically 01.

sing little birdie

Stories about Sylus and his three-year-old daughter. status: ongoing indefinitely // updated sporadically 01. Rock-a‐Bye 02. Hide-and-Seek 03. Little Dino random scenarios: 01. Taking Little Birdie to the Amusement Park 02. Daddy is a Kitty?

birds of a feather — 《 MDNI 》

Sylus with a breeding kink because fuck yes y'all peer pressured me into making this a series i blame you guys jk i'm digging this too, but i was enabled ❤️ status: 2/3 completed 01. but if it's forever, it's even better 02. it was always you 03.

Bride of the Dragon King — 《 MDNI 》

Once upon a time, I yapped that I wanted a dragon!Sylus AU...and then people enabled me, so here we are. (Note: This was conceived prior to the announcement of Sylus' myth, Beyond Cloudfall. I still consider it a dragon AU, since I interpreted Sylus as an East Asian dragon as opposed to a western like in his myth.) status: 1/3 completed 01. Prelude 02. Bride of the Dragon King 03. Epilogue

dreaming of a winter wonderland

My Sagittarius instinct told me to do something impulsive again. So I did. Twelve days of Christmas/winter-themed ficlets, 3 for each love interest. This lowkey may be me trying to find joy in Christmas again lol ヾ(✿˶◡‿◡)ゞ status: 7/12 completed 01. to: my true love (Sylus/Reader) 02. do you want to build a snowman? (it doesn't have to be a snowman) (Zayne/Reader) 03. in a gingerbread house built for two (Rafayel/Reader) 04. you shine like the stars, you light up my heart (Xavier/Reader) 05. ‘tis the damn season and deck them goddamned halls (Sylus/Reader) 06. you're the only one, my love (Zayne/Reader) 07. and this year i promise (Rafayel/Reader) 08. (Xavier/Reader) 09. (Sylus/Reader) 10. (Zayne/Reader) 11. (Rafayel/Reader) 12. (Xavier/Reader)

All Love and Deepspace fanfics are posted only on Tumblr (@starmocha) and AO3 (loveppears (108am)). They will always be cross-posted to one another. Stories are prohibited from being posted elsewhere. Reblogs are ok and encouraged! ♡

If you would like to translate my stories, please message me first for my permission and conditions. Thanks for reading! ☆

[navybrat817]

Sweet and Strong

Pairing: Tattoo Artist!Bucky Barnes x Baker!Female Reader Summary: You stop by the parlor to drop off some treats. Word Count: Over 2.3k Warnings: Fluff, flir-ting, slight insecurity if you squint, slight feels (it's me), Tess is a real one, Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?) Graphics talent and thanks: Banner - @sgt-seabass, Divider - @firefly-graphics, Bucky edit - Nix, Moodboard - yours truly A/N: More Hottie and Sugar from my Sin on Skin AU.❤️ Beta read by @whisperlullaby , so any and all mistakes are my own. Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

You did your best not to let your mind wander during the work day, but Bucky hadn’t left your thoughts since he dropped you off at your place. A dopey smile formed on your face more times than you could count. The tattoo artist was your dream come true. Someone who looked like they could destroy everything in their path, but treated you with such care.

And he said yes to a date with you.

How does a man like him exist?

“Careful,” Tess said, nudging you to the side so she could take a cookie from the case. “Keep making that happy face and it’ll get stuck that way.”

“Is that a bad thing?” you smiled, making sure there were no customers looking as you typed a quick message to Bucky on your phone.

“Hope you have a good day, Hottie.”

After a moment, you cringed and put the device away. Though Bucky gave you his number after he dropped you off, you didn’t message him immediately. Waiting until today was better because enough time had passed, but was the text too casual? Not casual enough? Was it clingy to message him before you had your date?

Why am I overthinking this?

“If you’re smiling because of Bucky, it’s a very good thing. Especially after what he did to help you. I think he should get a permanent discount,” Tess said, making you raise an eyebrow when you didn’t detect a hint of sarcasm in her tone. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”

“We talked about this,” you gently reminded her when she pouted, a look that told you she was still upset. “Please, stop apologizing. You have nothing to be sorry for.”

When Tess heard that Richard ambushed you after closing, she beat herself up for not being there. You assured her it wasn’t her fault that your ex showed up. She was thankful you were okay and that Bucky, and everyone else in the shop, stood up for you. She also added that if she saw Richard sniffing around the place that she’d kick him in the nuts.

Bucky assured you he wouldn’t come around and you believed him.

“I’m just sorry I didn’t see him get put in his place. Been a long time coming,” she said, a bit of mischief back in her eyes as she leaned against the counter to smile at you. “And I’m bummed I missed that kiss.”

“Why did I tell you about that?” you asked, your cheeks hot as you recalled the moment Bucky’s lip touched yours. If you closed your eyes, you could almost feel him kissing you again. The memory made your heart swell.

As if on cue, your phone went off.

“Day’s better now that I’ve heard from you, Sugar. Can’t wait for our date. Planned something special.”

Your heart skipped a beat as you reread the message and hugged the device to your chest. You weren't sure how many women Bucky dated or how many special dates he planned before you. The thought of it being a high number didn't make your stomach sink as you expected. What mattered was that the two of you were taking a chance on each other.

And even though you technically asked him out, he took the time to plan something for you. When was the last time a guy did anything remotely nice for you without expecting something in return? Why had you settled in the past for less than what you deserved?

“You told me because we’re best friends,” Tess answered with a smirk when you looked her way. “Is that him?”

“Yeah, it’s him,” you smiled, showing her the message. “I wonder what he has planned.”

“Whatever it is, you better give all the dirty details when he dicks you down. And not to be graphic, but I bet he eats pussy like-"

“Tess!" you groaned, praying the nearby customers weren’t listening. But, god, if you hadn’t thought about what he’d be like in bed. He’d be so good to you. “Let’s try and be professional.”

“Professional, my ass. I’m not the one flirting with the hunk or making eyes at him every time he steps into the shop,” she pointed out.

Fair.

“And, look, I’m not saying you have to get laid on the first date, but I am saying you have to let him in your pants at some point,” she said, laughing as you tossed a towel at her face.

You laughed, too, and wondered just how the night would go. If you put out on the first date, would he think you were easy? If you waited too long, would he move on? You were overthinking again, but you couldn't help it. You really liked him.

He likes me, too, so I must be doing something right.

“What do you get out of it if I let him in my pants?” you asked curiously.

Tess placed a hand on your shoulder and squeezed. “I get to keep seeing you happy, which you have every right to be."

"Thanks," you smiled, a wave of fondness crashing over you. The two of you saw each other go through many ups and downs of life. She deserved the world and it meant a lot that she wanted that for you, too. "Is it too much if I run some treats over for him? Especially since I just texted him?"

Bringing a small selection of baked goods for Bucky and the guys would be a small way to thank them for defending you. Deep down, it was also an excuse to see him before your date. You hoped it wasn't too obvious.

"The guy has visited the shop for all of your shifts since he first came in. So, no, it isn't too much if you surprise him and send something his way. He might like it."

"I'll be quick," you promised, selecting some of the best treats from the case, including one with little hearts.

"Take your time. Jill and I can handle this," she smiled as if she sensed your giddiness. "Go treat your man."

"He isn't my man yet," you teased.

But I'm already his girl.

"Yeah, he is," Tess winked, giving you a gentle nudge. "Now go."

It didn't take you long to cross the street to the parlor and thankfully you didn't drop the box. You hoped you looked decent. Well, as much as you could during a work day. At least you had a cute apron on.

"Hi! Welcome to Sin on Skin!" Jake said as you walked through the door. "Sugar! It's you!"

You held back a laugh when his voice echoed. "Yeah, it's me," you smiled, holding up the box. "I wanted to drop these off Bucky and the rest of you, if that's okay?"

"You brought us food?!" he asked, leaning on his arms to look over the counter. "Hold on. Lemme grab him."

"You sure? If he's with a client…" you trailed off when Jake dashed away from the counter.

You took a moment to look around again, your gaze settling on an intricate flower tattoo. Seeing the place without the fear of your ex following you made it even brighter than before. Like your shop, it was expressive and inviting. Bucky likely put as much love into it as you did with yours.

"That was my first piece."

You tore your gaze away from the wall to find Bucky beside you, a dopey smile back on your face. There was only a small amount of space between you and your heart raced as you looked him over, the large man clad in his usual tight shirt and jeans. He had his hair pulled back and you resisted the urge to tuck a few strands back that came loose.

He would manage to look sexy as hell with latex gloves on.

"It's beautiful," you said honestly.

"Thanks. She's a good friend and still a client of mine. So is her husband," he smiled gently. "I'm glad you stopped by."

"Me, too," you smiled back, holding up the box in your hands. "I just wanted to say thanks again to you and the guys for sticking up for me. It isn't much, but I hope you all enjoy them."

"Oh." A slight frown formed on his face when you handed him the treats. "You know you don't have to give us these, right? We didn't do it expecting you to give us anything in return and I'm sure as hell not going to let anyone speak to you the way that prick did."

You furrowed your brows a bit, even as you nearly swooned at his protectiveness. Had you upset him? "I know I don't have to," you said, clearing your throat. Why did the thought of them defending you just for being good guys make you emotional? "I just wanted to do something nice for you."

Was this a bad idea?

You let out a breath when he smiled again. "I'm sorry. I just wanted to make sure you didn't feel obligated," he said, touching your arm. Even with the glove, the touch sent heat between your thighs. "It's a very sweet gesture, Sugar. Thank you."

"You're welcome," you said, satisfied that he wasn't unhappy with the small gift. "And I'll admit. I also stopped by because I wanted to see you before our date," you added.

"You did?" he smirked, bringing warmth to your cheeks as you nodded. "While we're admitting things to each other, I've been watching the door and hoping you'd stop in. I even dreamt about you when I took a nap."

"No, you didn't," you giggled, a sense of power and elatedness filling you that his pull to you was that strong.

"I swear. I don't think Steve will let me live that down" he chuckled. You wondered what exactly he dreamt about. Was it passionate? Intense? "Can't get you outta my mind. And, frankly, I don't want to."

Oh.

You didn't think he could make your heart beat any faster, but he continued to surprise you. There was no shame or timidness in his tone or his stare. It was steadfast and true, like he wasn't afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve with you. If he could be vulnerable and open with you this way, you could do the same in return.

Go big or go home, right?

"I can't stop thinking about you either," you told him, proud that your voice didn't waver.

"You can't?" he whispered and you suddenly didn't like the box between your bodies. It made him feel too far away.

"No, I can't," you whispered back, gazing into his blue eyes. "I waited to text you because I didn't want it to be too soon. And even though I don't know where you're taking me on our date, I already have the perfect sundress laid out and ready to go."

"You can text me as much as you want. I don't care what time of day," he assured you before his eyes lit up mischievously, like he knew something you didn't. "And a sundress is fucking perfect, but no asking for hints about our date"

"Not even a little one? Please?" you asked, giving him what you hoped was a cute pout. You didn't actually want him to tell you because you wanted him to surprise you, but you hoped you looked enticing.

Bucky slowly licked his lips and shook his head. If he was trying to look hot, he more than succeeded. If he wasn't, did he have any idea what that teasing motion of his tongue did to you? "I'm tempted to tell you and I'm very tempted to kiss you right now, but no. No hints. I need to stay strong."

I'm very tempted to kiss you, too.

"Fine, Hottie. I'll be good," you teased, pouting again. "For now."

Bucky moved the box beside him so he could step closer, his eyes darker than before. "You wanna be good for me?"

Yes, sir.

"Yes," you answered, leaving out the "sir" that echoed in your mind and shivering as he continued to stare. Before you could say anything more, you noticed that the shop had gone quiet. You leaned over to look past Bucky and giggled when you saw the crew staring, taking you out of the moment. Steve and Hal both had knowing smirks on their faces, but no way could they have heard your conversation. "Hope you enjoy the treats!"

"Oh, we will," Hal winked. "What about you, Bucky? You gonna enjoy your treat?"

"Get back to work!" Bucky called back before he smiled disappointedly. "Speaking of, I should, too. I think my client gave me enough of a break."

"Yeah, I need to get back," you said. You didn't want to leave Tess and Jill hanging. "I hope you have a good rest of the day."

"You, too," he said as you went to the door. "Be good for me until I see you again."

Fuck.

"Only if you're good for me," you smiled over your shoulder, catching his surprised smirk before the door shut.

You took a breath, allowing the breeze to cool you off. Maybe a cold shower would do a better job. You smiled as your phone went off, expecting a teasing text from Tess. It caught you off guard when "Mom" popped up.

Well, that can't be good if she's texting me. God, did she somehow hear about Richard? The last thing I need is a lecture.

Instead of opening the message, you tucked your phone away. You needed to get back to work and you had a date to look forward to. You wouldn't allow your mom to sour your mood because Tess was right.

You had the right to be happy.

No ruining this upcoming date, mom! Love and thanks for reading! 💙

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