#rebecca st. james

[kindsoulbuddy]

The thing about praise and worship music at church is that

It’s catchy

Repetitive simple lyrics

It’s played on repeat every Sunday

So even though I’ve been deconstructing for years from evangelicalism, most days praise and worship music from my youth plays in my head.

So every once in a while I’ll sing to myself something joyful like “I got peace like a river I got peace like a river I got peace like a river in my soul!” 🎶

Or maybe “ Better is one day in your courts than thousands elsewhere!” 🎶

Or maybe something peaceful like “As the deer panteth for the water so my soul longeth after Thee…”🎶

Mostly it doesn’t bother me.

But then 90s/Y2K Christian pop music gets stuck in my head.

Like sometimes Rebecca St. James lyrics go through my head like this one glorifying purity culture:

“I am waiting for, praying for you darling! Wait for me too, wait for me as I wait for you! Darling Wait!”

Or you know just songs from DC Talk..

“What if I stumble, what if I fall? What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?”

Or

“There’s no time to change your mind, the Son has come and you’ve been left behind.”

I think about the awful Rapture Anxiety I had for years and years…

And then i think about being in youth group and yes the fun times but also the moments when we had alter calls.

And the crying and sobbing. The speaking in tongues. The teenagers falling on their faces.

The sensationalized, sometimes violent “Human Videos” (just look up human videos on YouTube there are many).

Teens vowing to die for Christ.

When the Columbine shooting happened all we heard about were the apocryphal stories of students being martyred for Jesus.

I wondered “will a shooter come into our church today and ask us to deny Christ or be shot? What will I do if that happens??”

And what if I lose my salvation just because I had doubts? And what if I get possessed by a demon?

Not to mention purity culture and what it does to a young girl. (All kids suffered but we girls had to be modest and never cause any man to stumble by looking at our shoulder or something)

Abstinence class and signing a pledge to remain a pure virgin until my wedding night.

All the teenagers in every youth group were running around with raging hormones and couldn’t do anything about it. So a lot of us got married quickly. (I was engaged at 19, married at 21).

I mean I’m not even getting into young earth creationism or anti-gay rhetoric or pro life marches, etc..

But you can see that so much of my life (as good as it was for the most part, I was fortunate)was fear based?

And the thing is most of the people (congregation, I can’t speak for all the pastors and church leaders) at church didn’t mean for it to happen that way.

See, I was taught that there is freedom in Christianity. But why didn’t I feel free? That must mean my faith is weak, right?

It’s just so exhausting.

And I went to church regularly for my first 33 years of life. I volunteered, I taught Sunday school classes. I was trying to do it the right way.

Then Covid 19 happened.

I was forced to stop going to church for the first time in my life.

And honestly for years before this I was deconstructing. What really sped this process along was a certain Orange president and his very un-Christianlike followers.

And like Paul in the book of Acts, the scales fell off my eyes. I was blind but now could see. Really see.

The way my Christian peers were acting. The way they refused vaccines and even wearing masks. The cult-like behavior toward Donald Trump. The Christian nationalists.

And after a few months of no church…I realized I didn’t miss it.

After 2020, my deconstruction days really took off. I still don’t go to church (outside of a few weeks trying a gay-affirming congregation).

I used to compulsively pray.

And for hours i would pore over the scriptures trying to glean special meaning. Taking copious notes deep into the night.

(have OCD and I now realize that this brand of religion made my OCD symptoms so much worse.)

But it’s weird…

I have religious trauma. I’m learning about how I was literally in a cult. I’m still trying to unlearn stuff. I still get fearful sometimes about “what if I’m wrong?”.

But I still have good memories of growing up in church. Just like how I still sing old church songs in my head.

I’ve been to many churches, but I grew up in a small country church. I knew it like the back of my hand. It’s how I met some of my best friends and in turn, it’s how I met my husband of 17 years.

I can’t say I regret it. Like anything in life it’s complicated and complex.

I miss the social aspect of church too. I’ve never found another social space like it. I’ve tried! I can’t figure out any other “3rd place” that resembles it.

I’m not sure why i wrote so much down except to say i know a lot of people understand where I’m coming from.

In the meantime, I like to go on r/fundiesnarkuncensored, also i watch Fundie Fridays on YouTube…and I do quite a bit of reading on the subject of others who left the church. Recently I just read Tia Levings’ new book “the Well Trained Wife.”

I’m more at peace about it.

But I think my complex feelings and even some doubts will follow me forever.

[flightlaw]

Ok, if you're in the US, go see the movie "Unsung Hero" this weekend

It's a film about family, about working against the odds, about music (but not a cheesy musical), and it's fantastic (I'd give it a 9.5/10, but maybe subtract the .5 because I'm ever so slightly biased towards the lead actor).

We need to hype it up, so the theaters know that we want this kind of film more often, GO SEE IT

[searchingwardrobes]

Battling Anxiety Day 561

Rebecca St. James' music got my sister and I through some tough times in our teenage years. She especially inspired me when I found out she was only 18, like me, when her album God became a hit. My sister listened to her song "It's Gonna Be Ok" everyday as she drove to school in the weeks following the Columbine shootings. All that to say I am thrilled that she's back! I have loved every new song she's put out so far. Enjoy!

Tagging @snowbellewells @jrob64

[edboston80]

Unsung Hero: A Tale of Faith, Family, and Music

As a pastor deeply invested in stories that uplift the spirit and celebrate faith, I am thrilled to share my thoughts on the recently released trailer for the upcoming movie Unsung Hero, due in theaters April 26, 2024. This film, a dramatic true story of an immigrant family’s journey and their remarkable contribution to inspirational music, resonates with the values we cherish in our…

[thestateofardadreaming]

Just finished watching Unsung Hero what a beautiful, moving and inspiring movie.

It's been a while since a movie touched my heart so deeply.

[dearlittlefandom-stalker]

Unsung Hero is an excellent movie and I highly recommend it to any and every Christian - and even if you are not Christian, the emotional impact of the movie is still there. It is SO GOOD guys please check it out

[kmac4him1st]

🙌🏼 In The Darkness when it is the hardest, always remember precious family of God, our God is faithful, He will bring the dawn. We are entering a very difficult life season with our culture being in a chaos of sorts that is a darkness spiraling downward, one we can’t stop. We can face the winds of these times with confidence in our God, Who will bring the dawn, He is Faithful, He is Infinite, He is Trustworthy! Our God Is F.I.T. and we can trust Him precious family, we can trust Him in these times. Dunamis… we pray for our family to know… Dunamis…. Not by our might, our will, our power but His… God bless your week. Listen Up:  https://youtu.be/Nw5TQ9R6hqA?si=z4c5KLaCK1ba0LIA   #DailySongInspiration #Truth #Faith #Dunamis #Dawn #RebeccaStJames

[themnmovieman]

Movie Review ~ Unsung Hero

At times falling victim to the crime of being overly earnest (and very, very white), Unsung Hero is an above-serviceable addition to the genre.

Unsung Hero Synopsis: The true story of the Smallbone family, who moved from Australia to the United States after the father’s music company failed, following their journey as the children’s musical talents are discovered and they go on to become the Grammy-winning artists for KING + COUNTRY and Rebecca St. James.Stars: Joel Smallbone, Daisy Betts, Jonathan Jackson, Candace Cameron Bure, Kirrilee…

[suziegallagher]

A academic reflection of Dallas Willard's "Renovation of the Heart"

What book would you recommend? “That’s interesting, I’d like to know something about spirituality. Can you recommend something for me to read that would be helpful?” Introduction This essay is framed in the context of Christianity. Spirituality must be viewed from our own lived experience and our weltanschauung[1] and it would be disingenuous to not be authentically Christian and…

[jamesmillerphoto]

The Guitarist Spring 2003 | Athens Alabama Film Notes: It was 2003, and my first Concert. It was a yearly concert called Soul Stock, and that year the featured musicians were Rebecca St. James and Chris Tomlin. (is that how he spells his name?) This guy in the picture was the guitarist for RstJ. I didn't edit the image, this is straight from the negative scan.

[helloparkerrose]

Wait For Me

Rebecca St. James

Transform

[typewriter-worries]

It's world poetry day so here are some (more) of my favorite poems:

What You Missed That Day You Were Absent from Fourth Grade by Brad Aaron Modlin

All Trains Are Going Local by Timothy Liu

Rural Boys Watch the Apocalypse by Keaton St. James (@boykeats)

HOPE YOU’RE WELL. PLEASE DON’T READ THIS. by Lev St. Valentine (@dogrotpdf)

Time of Love by Claribel Alegría

Every Job Has a First Day by Rebecca Gayle Howell

ALL THAT WANTING, RIGHT? by Devin Kelly

Reading by A.R. Ammons

things i want to ask you by Helga Floros

Night Bird by Danusha Laméris

Prayer for Werewolves by Stephanie Burt

The Two Times I Loved You the Most In a Car by Dorothea Grossman

The Yearner by Rachel Long

If I Had Three Lives by Sarah Russell

I Dream on a Crowded Subway Train with My Eyes Open But My Body Swaying by Chen Chen

We Have Not Long to Love by Tennessee Williams

Jesus at the Gay Bar by Jay Hulme

Cracks by Dieu Dinh

and here's part one <3

[searchingwardrobes]

Battling Anxiety Day 555

If you haven't seen this movie yet, you need to! I saw it with my fifteen-year-old son, and we both cried and laughed through it. Fantastic!

Tagging @jrob64 @snowbellewells

[edboston80]

An Unsung Act of Faith: Why "Unsung Hero" Belongs in Your Family's Movie Night

This weekend, swap popcorn for praise and settle in for a truly inspiring cinematic experience with “Unsung Hero.” This poignant film, based on the real-life story of the Smallbone family, transcends mere entertainment. It’s a powerful testament to the unwavering strength of faith, the enduring power of family, and the transformative beauty of music – all woven into a tapestry that will resonate…