#really welcome any feedback or opposition like pls let's talk about this!

[atthecenterofeverything]

the essay is finally out!

in which I try to delineate a harm reduction approach to self-harm and a rejection of capitalistic conceptions of cutting, substance use and other behaviors parsed as self-harm; in opposition to the imposed necessity of recovery, sobriety, and the monitoring (self-imposed or not) in all discussions of self-harm.

full body autonomy for cutters now!

[renjuseyo]

can i pls request Lucas x male reader where Lucas is the popular kid and reader is really quiet, but lucas likes reader because of readers personality(not like other guys/girls who tries their best to let them get noticed by lucas) and Lucas always tease and talk to reader because of that. maybe add a scenario where reader gets bullied on why he's dating Lucas and Lucas comes in and comforts reader. Thats all thank you!💖

up to you ; lucas

group: nct / wayv

pairing: wong yukhei / reader (male)

synopsis: yukhei is your school’s most popular heartthrob, and you’re the quiet wallflower. can things be any more obvious?

genre: fluff

warning: bullying

i hope this satisfies you anon! personally i lost inspo so it’s not that good... i apologize :,) also i just realized how long my fics are, so oops? as always, feedback is greatly appreciated! <3

you’re in the library shelving piles of books into their respective slots, gently humming to yourself as you drum your fingers on the spine of a book. the library is silent for the most part, save for the low buzz of the fan by the entryway and your soft humming. it’s quiet and cozy, just how you like it.

the quiet ambience is slightly ruined by the loud rattling from the left. it startles you, but luckily you remain your balance and don’t plummet to your demise. when you look towards the source of the noise, you see yukhei standing by the bottom of the ladder, flashing you his signature rectangular grin. “hi (name)!” he chirps, waving at you. a warmth blossoms within you, but the chorus of agitated shushes distracts you. he cowers within himself, sending other students an apologetic look. “sorry,” he whispers.

“i didn’t expect to see you here,” you reply, turning your attention back to the books in your arms. there’s no malicious intent behind your words, because you genuinely would’ve thought he would spend his free period playing basketball with his friends, not in the library.

but he gasps with loud, feigned hurt. “i’m offended! just because i prefer sports over school doesn’t mean i won’t come in and pick up a book every now and then!” another round of shushes ripples throughout the room, though this time they’re paired with irritated glares. you’re among one of them.

“please be quiet, we’re in a library,” you remind him, stepping down a few rungs. he sends you an apologetic look, one that reminds you of a kicked puppy. “if you’re looking to borrow textbooks, the librarian’s up front. if not, you’re welcome to browse through.”

“nah, i already got all of my textbooks. i just came in to see you~” he winks, which you respond with by rolling your eyes. you promptly ignore the butterflies in your stomach. “oh come on, don’t be so mean. why don’t you ever react?”

“why should i? all you ever do is tease me,” you deadpan. you finish categorizing the last book and begin climbing down the ladder to grab a new pile. yukhei seems to notice this, eagerly scooping up a pile to hand to you. it doesn’t quite work out though, because his massive hands accidentally push them to the floor, and he winces, knowing what to expect. along with other disturbed patrons, you glare at him. you bend down to pick up the books, sighing. “you know, you’re lucky i haven’t kicked you out yet.”

“sorry,” he apologizes, sending you a sheepish smile. “sometimes i have no control over this massively tall body. i guess being short like you would be better, huh?”

for your age, you stand at a relatively average height. but yukhei is a little taller than most, standing at six feet. it really isn’t that big of a difference, but he still teases you for it all of the time.

you’re about to retort when you see two figures lurking by the other side of the shelf. you sigh, already knowing what to expect. something like this happens nearly every two days. “two of your so-called fans at nine o’clock.”

yukhei turns to face that direction and the two figures jump in surprise, confirming your suspicions. you see two girls step out from behind the shelf, timidly staring at you two. you recognize one of them, yujin, from your history class. “hi lucas,” the girl greets. it’s the nickname he goes by, the one that everyone is familiar with. you’re one of the few people that uses his real name, though.

you don’t even blink at the lack of acknowledgement. you’ve never really talked to yujin, save for the time she shared her notes with you. a real life saver. “oh hey yujin! is there something you need?” he asks. she looks pleasantly surprised that he remembers her.

you see the girl beside yujin, probably her wing woman, ushering her to hand him what appears to be a letter. not wanting to disturb the love confession that’s to come, you quietly grab the cart of books and roll it away from them. no one seems to notice though; the perks of being a wallflower.

five minutes later, you’re standing behind the counter of the check-out area, helping a few students check out textbooks. “is that everything you need?” you ask, not looking up from the computer screen.

“no, but i’d love to check you out.” you turn your head at the familiar voice and snort upon seeing yukhei.

“that was bad, even for you.”

“the only way you’d notice me,” he shrugs. you notice that he isn’t holding anything in his hands, and from the corner of your eyes you can see yujin and her friend walking towards the exit. judging from the way her friend rubs her shoulders, you can only guess that she’s been rejected like the others.

“you turned her down?” you ask.

yukhei sighs. for someone who receives several confessions, he never looks less guilty when rejecting them. “yujin is really sweet and smart, but i’m only interested in her as a friend. plus, between you and me?” he leans in as if telling you a secret. “i’m pretty sure her friend somi has a thing for her.”

you shake your head in sympathy. poor girl, having to be a wing woman for the girl you like. “well, that sucks.”

he frowns at your curt response, resting his arms on the counter. “you know, we haven’t been friends for very long, yet you never question why i reject everyone.”

you shrug, walking towards the storage room. “you’re just waiting for the right person, because contrary to popular belief, wong yukhei isn’t a heart breaker.”

yukhei can only forlornly watch as you head to the back. “i’ve found the right person, they just haven’t noticed yet,” he mutters.

if you’re being honest, you don’t quite remember how yukhei entered your life. after all, he’s way ahead in the social spectrum, surrounded by swarms of friends like some enforcer of happiness. on the other hand, you’re on the complete opposite side of that spectrum. you’re the quiet guy who minds your own business, so you don’t have many friends like he does, save for the few close ones you’ve made prior to high school. but one day, like the friendly giant he is, he magically appears by your side, and now his presence fills each of your days.

save for the times he teases you about your height and your personality, yukhei isn’t as bad as kids like you describe. sure, he’s loud and outspoken, every introvert’s nightmare, but he isn’t a jerk or a heart breaker like they whisper about. he’s quite the opposite, actually, his personality similar to a golden retriever. the way others perceive him never gets less funny for you. you’ve personally seen him get his nose stuck in a coat hanger before; how in the world does a klutz like him scream heart breaker material?

you’ve only known him for half a year, yet you feel like you’ve known him since childhood. he’s never quiet about his life, and he always seems genuinely interested in you. naturally, like the fool you are, you found yourself inevitably falling for him. it’s not like things will go your way - yukhei is at the center of the school’s attention, meaning he’s surrounded by plenty of suitors. it’s so cliche you’d laugh - the quiet guy pining over the school’s heart throb - but truthfully, you’d rather watch him excitedly talk about his interests or do anything that elicits a smile from him. you’ll have plenty of time to laugh later, anyways.

when you enter the cafeteria, you scan the cliques assembled at each table, looking for your own little group made up of you, mark, renjun, and donghyuck. it’s a mix of different personalities with even more different interests, but sharing the cast roles of trees in the third grade goes a long way.

your sight is quickly obscured by two massive hands, and you sigh, recognizing the cold feeling of a ring against your face. “guess who?” a voice above you sings.

“what are you doing here?” you ask. you quickly regain your sight as the hands slink away, and you turn around to face a smiling yukhei.

“here to grab food just like everyone else,” he answers, ruffling your hair. he laughs when he sees you try to remove his hand from your hair, yours impossibly small compared to his. “is this bothering you, tiny terror?” he teases.

“seriously?”

“sorry, did you say something? you’re a little too quiet.”

to a bystander, it would look like yukhei, the tall, popular kid, was bullying you, the average quiet wallflower. but your friendship all began with this “teasing”, so you don’t really mind anymore.

before you can say anything, you hear a crowd of guys headed your way. you take that as your cue to leave, removing his hand from your hair. luckily, you finally see your friends at a table at the other side of the room. “i’m going to go now. bye,” you say. before you get a response, you slink away from him.

as you slide in a seat beside mark, you catch renjun and donghyuck eyeing you with interest. you’ve known them long enough to know that look means trouble - specifically from renjun and donghyuck. mark is never a part of their schemes, wanting nothing more than a peaceful day. “can i help you?” you ask, leaning down to steal a fry from mark, who shrieks in protest.

"so, you and yukhei?” renjun gives you a knowing look, while mark gives you an apologetic one. you feel like you’ve just jumped straight into a trap.

“we’re friends. what about it?” you ask, taking more of mark’s food. at this point, he’s given up on fending it from your hands.

“he’s in denial,” donghyuck whispers, though you hear it loud and clear. “dude, he gives you heart eyes when you do so much as breathe. how does it feel, having a heart throb like him wrapped around your finger?”

the thought is baffling; you, having yukhei wrapped around your finger? “no comment because i don’t.” renjun and donghyuck boo at your comment. “enough with that nonsense already. we’re just friends. plus, i’m not going to swoon over him-”

“-like everyone else in the building?” mark finishes, pointing his head forward. you look up, and unsurprisingly, a swarm of people surround yukhei, and he’s eagerly chatting with them, probably thriving from the attention. you swear you see a glimpse of yet another letter from a guy you recognize from your biology class, but with so many people it’s hard to tell.

“you know, i don’t understand how people perceive him as a heart breaker. he’s like a clumsy puppy with too much energy for his own good,” you comment, munching on a fry.

“maybe because you’re one of the few people who actually know him well enough to determine that?” mark suggests. “he gets along with everyone, but he tails you like a puppy all of the time. it’s no wonder you know him well.”

you shrug. “maybe if he teased other people all the time, they’d probably get to know him better, too. apparently that’s how people befriend others these days.”

they all exchange a knowing look before staring at you. “riiight. because he teases everyone he wants to befriend. not because, you know, he’s interested in them,” renjun remarks.

you stare at yukhei for a little longer until he looks up and sees you. he frantically waves with a large grin, and you can’t help the small smile that forms on your lips as you wave back. when your hand falls and you go back to eating mark’s food, you shrug. “right.”

something you find odd about your schedule is how you have pe right after lunch. do teachers seriously think it’s a good idea to have students running laps right after eating? that only calls for disaster. it’s something you complain about every now and then to donghyuck, seeing how he’s the only person you can talk to.

“i heard we’re doing the mile run today,” donghyuck shares.

you groan, walking beside him. “i don’t care how many times we do it. i will never not complain about it. what makes him think running’s fun?”

“i don’t know, i think running’s pretty great,” a voice chimes. you don’t need to turn around to guess who it is, but you do anyways. unsurprisingly, yukhei’s right beside you, grinning his signature smile.

“easy for you to say. you’re built like a greek god and you have abnormally long legs. you’re like... a spider.”

yukhei chooses to ignore your comparison about the spider, instead beaming. “you think i’m built like a greek god?”

what a way to feed into his ego. “i take it back.”

he visibly deflates, pouting. “what! you can’t take it back, (name)! don’t hurt me like that!”

you’re about to retort back when donghyuck taps your shoulder. “lucas, (name), hi. i’d hate to bother your flirting session, so i’m going to bother yangyang now.”

“we’re not-” the words are barely out of your mouth before he slinks away from you two, but not before throwing up finger guns at you. you’re left alone with yukhei, who shoots you a cheeky wink.

the five minutes it takes for you to walk to the track field quickly goes by, having spent it conversing with yukhei. your teacher tasks everyone to partner up for the mile run, and your instincts are telling you to go to donghyuck, who’s been your partner each time. but then you see him approach yangyang with an intention in his eyes and you decide to go against it. the only other friend you have in this class would be...

you turn around to look for yukhei, but he’s no longer by your side, instead being encompassed by several guys. he doesn’t quite meet their gaze though, eyes flickering to you. he’s obviously occupied. to your dismay, there are no other options left, and you’d rather die than talk to other people.

someone taps your shoulder and you jump so high that even the perpetrator seems startled. you fearfully stiffen, contemplating the dozen methods of running away, but when you turn around, you visibly relax. it’s hendery, one of your classmates. you don’t know him too well, but you share most of your classes together. “hey (name), you still looking for a partner?” he asks.

“yeah, i am. are you?" of course he’s looking for a partner. why else would he approach you? great. now he’s going to think you’re weird, and then you’re not going to have a-

“perfect, so am i! do you want to run first, or should i?” he flashes you a smile that eases your nerves, and the butterflies in your stomach still.

“i don’t have a preference.”

“okay, then i’ll go first. be sure to keep a good eye on me, okay?” he sends you a flirty wink, and you’re taken aback by the sudden motion, lightly blushing. he seems to notice this, too, grinning at your silence. “i’ve been told i’m a good runner. i hope i impress you~”

your mind is running faster than your body could ever, still trying to process hendery’s boldness. “oh. well, i bet you’re far better than me. i’m not a good runner,” you awkwardly laugh.

it’s only been a few minutes, but you find yourself pleasantly surprised to become acquainted with hendery, though it’s mainly hendery doing the talking since you’re not quite out of your shell yet. in the five minutes you’ve known him, you learn that he’s the captain of the track team and strangely enough, really likes hot dogs. you go through the five stages of regret upon learning this, because your running won’t even begin to compare to his. but he gently assures you it isn’t a big deal, even patting your shoulder.

you decide that hendery’s ability to put people at ease is incredible, because you’re too absorbed with his presence to notice the look yukhei sends from afar.

after that, you and hendery quickly befriended each other. your relationship kind of reminds you of your’s with yukhei because of how different you are, but unlike him, he doesn’t tease you all of the time. you’re not sure how to feel when you find yourself missing it.

on the bright side, he’s a great friend to hang out with when others are busy. renjun and donghyuck have volleyball practice? you go to the arcade with hendery. mark has speech and debate? you get tacos with hendery. yukhei is busy... being the social butterfly he is? you go over to hendery’s house. your increase in hangouts has definitely made your friends suspicious, with donghyuck going as far as accusing you of cheating on yukhei, whatever that means. it’s not like you two are dating, anyways.

(the thought reminds you just how impossible the concept is, and you would be lying if you said you weren’t bothered by it.)

your third period is when you act as mrs. choi’s library assistant. you’re sitting by the counter, flipping through the latest issue of haikyu!! when you hear footsteps approach you. having to act like the responsible assistant, you quickly tuck the book away, but not fast enough judging from hendery’s smirk. “so mr. studious isn’t quite so studious, is he?” he asks.

“i don’t know what you’re talking about,” you shrug. “anyways, what are you doing here? do you have a free period like-” you quickly stop in your tracks. the name stands at the tip of your tongue, but for some reason, a part of you tells you not to say it.

thankfully he doesn’t question your abrupt pause. “no, i have math. pauses for boos,” he sighs. “anyways, can you check this out for me?” he slides a thick textbook your direction.

“sure. student id?” you go through the procedure of checking out his book, which doesn’t take long. “okay, you’re good to go.”

he doesn’t immediately leave though, eyes never leaving your frame. “(name)?”

you pull out your book, flipping back to the page you were on. “yeah?” there’s a pause, which is unlike hendery. from what you know, he’s confident and doesn’t take breaks, which makes you look up from your book. he looks almost... nervous? “are you okay?”

he pauses to take a deep breath, and you’re suddenly embracing for something serious. “would you go on a d-”

“hey (name), hendery! what a coincidence seeing you here!”

you look behind hendery and is surprised to see yukhei approach you with a strained smile. you’ve been hanging out with hendery so much that you haven’t seen yukhei in a while, aside from your shared classes.

at this point, the other patrons in the library have already gotten used to his loud voice, and seeing how you never once kicked him out, they stopped shushing him altogether. “it isn’t a coincidence, yukhei. you know i’m here during third period.” you squint at his appearance. he looks stiff, sweaty even. “are you okay?”

hendery looks like he knows something you don’t, glaring at yukhei. “we’re in a library, or have you forgotten?” there’s an obvious bite in his words, one that shocks you. you had no idea they didn’t like each other, but seeing their mutual glares, it’s kind of obvious now.

“sorry, i had to get my point across,” yukhei responds. he turns to face you, and his smile quickly fades into one of genuine. “hey (name), can i talk to you about something?” he turns to give hendery the stink eye. “in private?”

“he can’t abandon his responsibility as mrs. choi’s assistant, much less for you,” hendery snaps.

okay, you’re really missing something big here. in an attempt to clear the tense atmosphere, you clear your throat. “can it wait...” you glance at the clock. “five minutes? mrs. choi should be back then.”

yukhei nods, giving hendery a triumphant smirk. “of course.”

five minutes later, mrs. choi comes back, allowing you to slink into the empty hallway with yukhei. “before you tell me what you need to tell me- what the hell was that?”

he gives you an oblivious look. “what was what?”

“the tension between you and hendery!” you exclaim. “you two looked like you were going to shoot each other had i not been there.”

he looks genuinely surprised that you noticed. what does he take you for, a dunce? “oh, that? we’ve never really gotten along... but recently, we found out we both like the same person, so that kind of worsened things.”

you nod, though the thought of yukhei finding his right person surprises you, and a small part feels a little disappointed. rightfully so, because not only is it not you, but because he didn’t bother telling you! “you finally found the right person for you?”

“for a while now, actually,” he corrects. now you’re even more surprised; yukhei found someone he liked and hadn’t once told you? the betrayal! “i just haven’t been able to tell them.”

“well, who is it?” you sigh, shaking your head. “you had all of these chances to tell me, and you didn’t even try? i’m disappointed.” technically he would be saving you from heartbreak by not telling you, but that’s beside the point.

“well, that would ruin the surprise then. i was planning on confessing,” he explains, giving you a cheeky smile.

this is fine, this is fine... except it’s not, you mentally narrate. you’re already flashing him a strained smile. “when?” you ask.

yukhei’s smile never once fades, and you’re tempted to wipe it off his face. “right now.” he sweeps his arm in a flourish. “i like you, (name) (last name).”

a pause. you’re frozen in your spot, replaying his words in your head.

i like you, (name) (last name).

this must be some sort of fever dream. or an elaborate prank; you frantically look around for someone to jump out in front of you, camera in hand. but to your shock, you’re still wearing clothes, and no one jumps out. “did i hear that right?” you gawk.

yukhei’s still grinning; your shocked look seems to satisfy him. “i like you. you’re the person i was talking about.”

you’ve been duped - bamboozled! “am i dreaming?”

he laughs, ruffling your hair. “this is very much real, cutie. do you want me to kiss you to prove it?” you visibly flush, hiding your face behind your hands. he’s always teased you, but this it the first time he’s really flirted like this. has he been holding back on your account? he peels your hands off your face, cooing at how red you are. “may i ask for your answer?”

your face is still warm, eyes refusing to meet his. he’s holding your hands, and it feels like he’s holding your heart in them, too. “why?” you’re not asking this because of your insecurities, but because you’re genuinely curious. if he’s shown signs that he likes you, he’s done a great job at making it subtle. 

(yukhei’s definitely not subtle though, which means you probably didn’t notice because you’re just that dense.)

“i like your personality,” he begins. “you’re a breath of fresh air among the familiar, the quiet in my loud. i think we fit really well. plus, teasing you is a bonus, seeing you get all bothered.” he caresses your hands, and you’re suddenly keenly aware of where you two are. “you know, i would’ve made things more extravagant, but hendery was going to sweep you off your feet, so i had to make things quick.”

wait, hendery likes you too? then at the library... this feels like a wattpad fanfic. but instead of pondering on that, you roll your eyes. “even if he said anything, i wouldn’t have accepted.”

his face contorts to one of surprise, but it takes him a few seconds to understand the implications behind your comment. “does that mean you like me, too?” he hums, eyes twinkling in delight.

you hate feeding into his ego, but you decide right now is an exception. “maybe.”

you immediately regret it though, seeing him grin like the cheshire cat. you’re never going to hear the end of it now. “i even managed to woo you with my charms, huh?”

“shut up.”

“with your lips? because i’d love that.” he leans down, batting his eyelashes, and you’re heating up all over again. at first, you take it as another one of his flirty remarks, but the look he gives you is a silent question of consent. it reminds you of how no matter how much he teases you, he would never do anything to make you uncomfortable, never do anything without permission.

there are several thoughts swirling in your head and many things you need to discuss with yukhei. how will the general public react learning about this? will you be harassed by his hoard of fans? will things even work? but instead, you grab his hand and begin walking to a secluded part of the wing. ignoring the what-if’s is very unlike you, but you have more important matters to tend to. “we have to talk about this later.”

yukhei can only hum in agreement as your breath fans over his lips.

as mentioned earlier, yukhei isn’t subtle at all, so it’s no surprise that soon the whole school finds out about your relationship. you can’t be mad at him though, because he really did try. but then he accidentally let it slip during basketball practice, bragging about how you were an amazing kisser. you can’t really be mad at his comment, anyways.

to your dismay, your popularity has soared being yukhei’s boyfriend. you much prefer the times when people had to ask for your name again, because now they all label you as lucas’s boyfriend. like, you have a name. plus, high school students are incredibly nosy. but people are nice, for the most part.

needless to say, your friends had a field day with you upon hearing the news. apparently renjun and donghyuck had made bets on you, to which the former had triumphed. mark simply congratulated you as he struggled to stop the two from fighting each other.

to your surprise, hendery had approached you and congratulated you two on the manner. he ruffled your hair and told you that he’s always available if you ever choose to drop yukhei, to which the latter responded by lunging at him. you didn’t have time to question hendery about the events in the library from the past week, having to stop your boyfriend from fighting him.

your days at school have certainly become livelier. for starters, yukhei has become much more open about expressing affection, though the displays in public are nothing compared to in private. his friends were also quick to introduce themselves to you, even going as far as stealing you from him. you’re pretty sure you’ve become an honorary member of the basketball team now. things have seemed to calm down now, though your friends still tease your relationship every now and then. you try to go by your day with minimal interaction as usual, save for yukhei and your friends.

today was supposed to be your free day, but mrs. choi had called you asking if you could finish up things in the library, having to leave early for a doctor’s appointment. like the kind assistant you were, you had accepted with no hesitation, finishing up her tasks. however, you did feel like you were forgetting something important.

you’ve just finished shelving the final textbook when you hear footsteps approach you. you turn your head, expecting to see the janitor, but you’re startled to come face-to-face with a guy. judging from the threatening look on his face, you can tell you’re in for an unpleasant conversation. and if that’s the case, it’s probably because of yukhei.

with his popularity and your relationship, it isn’t surprising that there were a few that weren’t too happy to see you together. he isn’t some object that wannabe teenagers have ownership over. however, many are yet to grasp that concept. “how can i help you?” you politely ask.

you barely have any time to blink before you’re being pushed against the bookshelf, trapped in between his arms. this feels like a showdown between the love interest and the wannabe, the latter fighting for the affections of the male lead. “listen up, (last name),” the guy snarls. “you better stay away from lucas. you don’t deserve him.”

under normal circumstances, you would be terrified. but apparently you have a death wish, saying, “and you do?”

you close your eyes, bracing for a fist to your face, but surprisingly, it never comes. you squeak an eye open to see him looking down at you with a smirk. “whatever he sees in you, it won’t be there long. did he ever tell you how much he hates boring people?”

usually jerks like him don’t bother you, but... boring? you may be quiet, but you don’t think you’re that boring... right? the stranger releases his hold on you. before he can say any more, the library doors swing open, and like some knight in shining armor, there stands yukhei who looks out of breath. “(name)? hyunjung?”

you two are lucky he didn’t see your position earlier, otherwise it would beg for some unpleasant questions. “hi lucas,” hyunjung politely greets, doing a quick bow. a complete 180 from his personality from earlier. “i was just leaving.”

yukhei nods as hyunjung walks away from you two. he approaches you, pouting. “i was looking all over for you! did you forget about our date today?”

oh, so that’s what you were forgetting. you absentmindedly nod, still thinking of hyunjung’s words from earlier. “oh, sorry.”

he must sense some hostility in you, because he gently grabs your shoulders. “hey, are you okay? you look a little shaken up.”

usually you bottle up your worries; when they overfill, you shove them down even further. but yukhei is the complete opposite, so open about himself like he has nothing to hide. perhaps it’s because you spend so much time with him that his candid tendencies have rubbed onto you. “are you sure you’re okay with this?” you ask.

he tilts his head in confusion. “okay with what?”

you shrug, trying to show hyunjung’s words didn’t bother you as much as it had. “dating me?”

instantly he narrows his eyes, tightening his grip. “did- did hyunjung say something to make you think that way? is that why he came in here?” he protectively wraps his arms around you. “remind me to give him a lesson next time.” you snort; yukhei can’t even hurt a fly. if he does, it’s unintentional, and he always screams at the realization.

“i mean, i usually don’t listen to jerks like that, but-” you pause to gesture at yourself. “i’m your polar opposite, and as funny i think i am, i’m pretty quiet and boring. plus, you hate boring people, or at least people too stuck up for their own good.”

yukhei musters all of the sincerity in his eyes. “but that’s what makes us work so well, (name). i think i’m really cool and nice and all-” you snort at the comment. while all of those adjectives are true, it doesn’t make it less funnier, seeing how much confidence he has. “but i also have my flaws. i can be hotheaded, and i’m bad at saying no. but you help balance them out. you keep me leveled, and you’re always firm about what you want. plus, i help balance your flaws, too; we just work like that.” he squishes your cheeks together, eliciting a sound of protest from you. “if i don’t have a problem with a cutie like you, they shouldn’t, either.”

“some have yet to grasp the concept of treating you like a taken man,” you answer, though it comes out muffled. he giggles at the acknowledgement, leaning down to peck your nose. a garbled noise leaves your throat, and you close your eyes in embarrassment.

“maybe i should show them just how taken i am,” he hums. he promptly removes his hands from your face and wraps an arm around your shoulder. “how about we start by going on our date?”

despite how simple his resolution seems, you know you and yukhei will have another deeper discussion about today’s events. whereas he likes solving things with cuddles and kisses, you like to do it with deep conversations. that can wait for now. “let me lock up first. we’re getting food, right?”

when you look up at him, you suddenly realize what donghyuck meant when he said yukhei looks at you with heart eyes. the look he gives you is so sweet you feel like you’re getting cavities. it’s so endearing you nearly forget all of your insecurities, only focusing on how much he seems to adore you. he always seems to know what to do when you’re in a slump. “of course! gotta feed the cutie here,” he answers, leaning down to kiss the crown of your head.

you roll your eyes with a laugh, though you sneakily wrap your fingers with his. you’ll have plenty of time to repay the favor later.

[maiverie]

surprise, i lived. LMAO im back to reply to this !

i’m super glad it made you feel happy to hear how much your fic gave me that final push i needed <3 honestly ¿? wattpad is cool and all but it’s definitely more casual. of course, i still get a lot of interaction with my writings but it’s definitely not the same as tumblr. i’d say tumblr is a lot of friendly and people really like to voice themselves more freely and open, which i really enjoy !! hearing what others think about my fics are really important to me as a writer, so i’ve def been enjoying it here ♥︎

ALSO WE RLY ARE OPPOSITES but i vibe with it 🤕 i loveee writing horror and angst since it tends to invoke large reactions, but i’m actually planning on posting up a romcom smau soon centering around jake & heesung !! so i’m hoping that goes well because if it flops that’ll be embarrassing 🧎

aside from that, please feel free to shoot me a message whenever because i would literally love to have you as a friend !! u seem so sweet and ur energy is super positive :) i have a discord as well if it makes it easier chatting there <3 btw my name is fraser but you can 100% use any nickname too ! xo

FRASER!!! I LOVE UR NAME AAAA

omg i can totally see that happening??? i've always wanted to check out wattpad but it seems so... OVERWHELMING? but omg welcome to tumblr <33 i really like it here too! i love how the engene community is particularly super nice and friendly? everyone i've met thus far has been so so so nice ;-; interaction is super duper important but i totally agree that tumblr feels a lot more casual and open — plus i love how the reblogging and tags functions work 😩 SO. FUCKING. GOOD.

YESSSSSSSS when you mentioned "we write opposite genres" i was like oh yeah sure maybe they just write angst AND THEN I GO INTO UR BLOG AND IT'S LITERALLY HORROR AND ANGST AND MAYBE EVEN SOME GORE??? STOP. THAT IS SO FREAKING COOL. and omg bff wtf are we the same people bc while i've always been more of a ’written’ series writer, i rlly rlly want to try write an smau! but tbh.... im not funny enough for that wtf 💀 but if u happen to find out what apps people with ios use, pls let me know 💔 AND HELL NO IT WILL NOT FLOP I WILL NOT ALLOW THAT TO HAPPENNNNN i literally love reading smaus so much these days so im so freaking excited for urs!! PLEASE TAG ME IN IT WHEN U RELEASE ITTTTT i have a reading blog that i'll be sure to leave lots of feedback/comments on :>> i'm a talkative reader so i tend to assault authors’ notifs by writing really lengthy thoughts hahaha ;-;

of course!!! don't ever hesitate in reaching out too <33 im so honoured u chose to leave a message so thank u sm for taking the initiative ! so glad we met :> and YESSS PLEASE DM ME UR DISC HEHE I'LL ADD U!!!

[olderthanthemorning]

south london forever (sirius black) part 1

pairing: sirius black x reader

summary: "and everything i ever did was just another way to scream your name." in which reader remembers adolescence and a certain someone's youthful grin.

wc: 1.6k

warnings: mentions of drinking

a/n: look so i fell off the face of the earth for the past few months but i'm in school and also mentally unwell so that's my excuse. this didn't turn our the way i wanted it to but i feel like that's ok?? not quite as painful as it could've be. (also ik i need to do gold rush pt2 but ive been trying to write it and never like what i write so :/) anyway, feedback is always welcome! also request stuff! characters or songs!! (p.s. i'm obsessed with SOUR by olivia rodrigo rn so pls request songs !!)

the night bus jolted and shook you awake. it was a long journey from hogwarts, but you were finally near your own neighborhood. as you looked around, everything seemed just slightly different. you were suddenly hyper aware of the fact that you would never be in any of these places as a student, or a child, again. the old church that had at least 4 weddings every spring seemed a little faded, the park and playground where you and your mates would drink at night looked much smaller in the light of early summer.

within the playground was a swing set, which hadn't meant much to you until a year ago. after a night of singing way too loud with a group of your friends, the manager of the local pub, david, kicked the lot of you out. after a few playful swears and hand gestures to the man, you promised to be back the next night and headed across the street to sit and sober up before trying to climb back into your bedroom window. the group you were with seemed larger than usual so you linked arms with mary, a fellow witch that lived up the street from you.

"picked up a few stragglers, have we?" you asked. mary was a social butterfly, and when you didn't know someone, you could count on her to know them.

"yes! and even better, they're from school," she was careful not to name hogwarts. one of the only downsides of hanging out with muggles was having to police your conversations. "that one there is james," she said pointing at a boy in a slacks and a button down that looked like it was only tucked in a fraction of what it had been at the beginning of the night. his hair is neatly cut and he wears glasses, although they make him look young, like you can see him growing out of them in while you look at him.

"he looks like he's far from home," you laughed, the boy seemed far to sheltered to have been just thrown out of a gay bar.

"tell me about it," mary snorted, "but no he's here with the other one," she nods at another boy who looks more like the others. he has on jeans and a t-shirt that is just short enough to threaten showing his middle at any moment. his hair is dark and curly but a lot messier than james', like he had been listening to a lot of rolling stones. "he's called sirius. apparently he's staying with james this summer because his parents kicked him out. they're pure bloods, real pricks."

"you'd have to be a knob to call your kid sirius," you snickered, letting go of your friends hand and flopping onto the grass. you looked up and saw the upside-down face of sirius, "just wait until you hear my brother's name."

you feel yourself go pale and cover your face with a hand, "shit. i'm sorry," although embarrassed, you couldn't help but giggle.

he chuckled, "no, it's alright. but i your going to make fun of my name, i should at least know yours." he sat beside you, prompting you to sit up, and frantically brush the grass from your hair. "i'm y/n," you say, sticking out your hand, "and that's mary."

"hi mary," sirius give your friend a knowing smile, which confuses you. "you're both going into seventh year?"

you nodded and he continued talking for a bit. sirius seemed to be engaged in the conversation with you and mary but would look around every so often, like he was expecting something. over the course of a few minutes, he managed to refer to three family members as "dickheads," admit to a prank that had involved a charm on a library door that resulted a tidal wave dowsing whoever tried to open it, and start an argument about how the chudley cannons were so much better than the holyhead harpies. the last of which you disagreed with, hence the argument.

"come on sirius, you're not fighting about quidditch again, are you?" james sat down on mary's other side.

"i like to think of it as educating our new friends. they support the harpies, james. they need all the help they can get."

"no no, harpies are decent. they've got you there." james replied, smiling softly at mary.

"listen, y/n, do you want go on a walk?" sirius suddenly turns to you.

"um..." you're caught off guard by his forwardness, you only just met the guy.

"yeah, come on. just a short walk." he pulled you up to your feet and dragged you away.

you follow him into the middle of the street, illuminated by a dim yellow glow from a light post. "how come i've never met you at school?" he turns around to look at you, walking backwards.

"dunno, not looking hard enough i guess?" you tried to test the waters of flirting, since he tried so hard to get you alone.

"i guess not," he smiled and stuck his hands in his pockets. a silence fell over the two of you as you continued to walk, just around the block.

as you rounded the corner to the opposite side of the park from your friends you decide to speak again, "so do you just really like walks or something? this seems like something you could've done alone." you continue to follow him up to a swing set and sit down in the swing next to the one he had perched in.

"you can be kind of thick, you know?" sirius looked at you as if he had just explained a simple concept to you.

"i'm sorry?" you felt annoyed, like he was mocking you. "look, you're the one that asked to be alone with me and then go on acting like a preteen boy that's never kissed anyone."

"y/n, i wasn't trying to put the moves on you, honest. i know i can go on a walk alone, but it's a little awkward to make out with someone while their best friend's right there, innit?" he pointed across the park to where mary and james were coming up for air from a kiss, giggling.

"oh." a different kind of embarrassment washed over you. "how long has that been happening?"

"james hasn't shut up about her for about a week, but tonight was the first time he's had the guts to actually talk to her."

"right." you had a sudden wish to recall a hex that would allow you to melt into ice lolly goo and seep into the mulch at your feet. you took a chance and glanced at sirius, who was grinning at you. "please don't say anything, my ego is already bruised," you said, dropping your head again.

"i mean, i'm flattered, really," he clutched his heart, dramatically, "but if i was really trying to pull you, we would be long gone by now."

"wow, you know some people find humility endearing."

"not me. how could i be humble with a face like this?" you're unsure if your eyes have ever rolled this much before in your life.

"so your ego has also had enough attention for the evening," you laugh. there is another short silence, much less awkward than the one during your walk.

"it's a star, by the way," it's sirius who breaks it this time. "sirius is a star in canis major," you realize he's referencing to your comment about his name earlier.

"yeah, i know. brightest star in the sky, right?" night lessons in the astronomy tower hadn't prepared you for much, but it was proving helpful now.

"something like that. i agree with you though, it's a little much. my parents are kind of," he paused, "supercilious? that's not the right word. but i'm not sure there is a good word for what my parents are."

"i didn't mean to give you shit about it earlier. i actually like your name," while calling it your favorite name would be a stretch, but you felt like this was the sensitive thing to say. he couldn't change it, after all.

"thanks."

"oy!" james calls to you two. the entire group had gathered and was waving you over.

"well, i guess that's our queue," you stand up and walk back together, making small conversation on the way.

the group had gathered because it was apparently time to call it a night. everyone said their goodbyes and started walking their separate ways. you were now waiting on mary to say goodbye to james, as she was always your buddy to walk home with. once again, you're left with sirius as he waits for james.

"well, it was a pleasure to meet you y/n, i look forward to next time." he said. you rack your brain and try to remember if you had made plans to hangout again. you were drunk but not still drunk enough to have missing memories.

"next time?" you ask.

"i've already bragged about how quickly i could charm you. now i just have to prove it." you hope the light post is dim enough to hid your slight blush.

"well, then i look forward to disproving you." and with that, mary is ready and the two of you link arms once again to walk back towards your homes.

[dragonologist-in-the-making]

A Second Chance at Love

Pairing: Sirius x reader

Request: Can you do an older Sirius x reader, (she's in her 20s) and they're both in the order and he starts to fall in love with her?she's a badass but also quiet and a sweetheart and brings him so much peace bc older sirius deserves happiness🙄

 Hi! I’m sorry if it sounds weird, but I’m honestly in love with this idea! Sirius and the reader have been together for like two years while at Hogwarts and then they broke up and started hating each other. They both join the Order and they have to go on a mission together and it’s like really dangerous. They have to fight Death Eaters and she jumps in front of him to protect him and she gets hurt and they make up, please? I love lovers to enemies to lovers so much!! Thank you, lovely!! (by @i-padfootblack-things)

 A/N: Hope you don’t mind that I put these together! I spent sooo long writing this, hopefully it’s actually good haha (pls feedback is very welcome). Thank you for the two requests, this was my first time writing for older Sirius and I hope it went well!! Also, what was the Headquarters in the marauders era? Was there one? Was it Grimmauld place?

Wordcount: 2.4K

The atmosphere in the room was extremely tense, not a breath to be heard as the two old lovers glared at each other across the table. Nobody spoke, wary of what the outcome would be.

Finally, she broke it, pushing herself back from the table with a sigh and a shake of her head. “I’m not doing it.” She insisted, and with that the silence snapped, and shouts echoed around the room.

“Y/N you’re the best two people for the job, you have to!” Lily called at her.

“We can’t be the best two people, we don’t work well together.” She insisted, feeling the anger bubble up at her that someone even suggested she work with him.

“You always used to work flawlessly together.” She pointed out, a defiant look in her bright green eyes.

“Yeah, well, we used to love each other.” Sirius spoke up, the first time he had since Dumbledore had given them both the mission. “Now I think we’re in the exact opposite mindset.”

y/n felt a slight stinging at his words. Did they hate each other? She didn’t think so. Sure, she was uncomfortable when they were alone in a room together, and she found herself rolling her eyes at almost everything he said. But, she still looked for him first when she walked in a room, she listened out for what he was saying, and then agreed with the opposite, no matter what it was just to gain his attention. No, she didn’t think she hated him at all, the animosity she had felt towards him had faded into a mild tolerance, even if he clearly didn’t feel the same about her.

She sat back down in her seat, covering her face with her hand and sighing as everyone else went quiet. She peeked out from behind her hand at Dumbledore, who had remained perfectly silent and perfectly calm throughout the whole exchange, even seeming slightly bemused.

“There’s no other way?” She asked quietly, knowing his answer and wishing it could be something else.

“As I said, you two will be going on this mission together. It shouldn’t be a long one, or too difficult, if that puts your minds at ease.”

“Trust me, I’m going to be doing everything I can to make this as short as possible.”

…

She walked into Grimmauld Place, the soft leather jacket on her arms protecting her from the permanent cold of the house. She walked through the hallway into the kitchen, where Sirius was sat, looking at a small piece of parchment.

He was wearing his old leather jacket, too, the one that he’d been wearing since their days at Hogwarts, the one he would drape over her shoulders when she got cold on their midnight walks, just the two of them. It hung looser on him now, she noticed, likely because he didn’t have a whole kitchen of house elves making him three hearty meals a day, but one house elf, who didn’t much care to give his master anything at all.

“Hey.” She spoke softly, announcing her entrance. “You ready to go?” he nodded, standing up from the table and waving the parchment in his hand.

“This is the address for where to apparate.” He told her, and she nodded, looking over at the paper and seeing an address she didn’t recognise at all. For ten galleons she wouldn’t even have been able to say where in the country it was. Sirius noticed and gave the smallest of sighs, holding his elbow out begrudgingly, offering it to her.

She took it, holding onto the material of the jacket rather than his arm underneath it, closing her eyes as she felt the familiar squeezing sensation of apparition. She opened her eyes again when she felt her feet land on solid ground, jarring her knees slightly, and quickly let go of Sirius’ arm, looking around at the street they were on. She didn’t get to look at the surroundings for long, however, as they heard footsteps approaching and quickly had to dive into a dark alley to the side, hiding themselves from view.

The footsteps grew louder, and voices began to float with them. Sirius looked at y/n, rolling his eyes at the familiar voices from their ex-fellow students. As she heard them speak, she began to pick up on who was there. She could hear Nott and Avery, talking loudly, almost asking to be heard, immediately making her suspicious. She grew even more suspicious at the next voice, but she didn’t have time to voice any of this to Sirius.

“Now that we’ve taken care of that idiot Potter and his precious girlfriend, we can track down Lupin easily enough. Yes, I think we’re making our way through this precious Order quite nicely.” She knew as soon as she heard Bellatrix, and as soon as there was a threat of his friends being hurt, Sirius would be impervious to all reason. She didn’t even get to try, however, he was storming out of the alley to confront them before she had even turned to him, and she scrambled to follow, cursing under her breath at how this was supposed to be an easy, non-combative, mission.

“Stupefy!” He screamed as he burst from the alley, aiming the spell at his cousin who was clearly expecting it, shielding it easily as the horror dawned on the two of them that they had walked straight into a trap, and they were hugely outnumbered.

Numerous curses were immediately fired at y/n and Sirius, and they immediately sprang back to back, shielding them and firing as many as they could in the spare seconds they had.

“I swear to god, Black.” She grunted, throwing up another shield to protect from a curse Dolohov had thrown at her. “You just had to storm out here. Petrificus Totalus!” She allowed herself a brief smile as someone – she didn’t pause to see who – fell down, before another hex was aimed at her and she refocused.

“I’d like to see you sit there and listen about how your best friends have been murdered.” He returned, a sweat breaking out on his forehead from the fight. Although, there were less and less curses being aimed at the both of you, slowly making your progress through the Death Eaters.

“I did, Sirius. They’re my friends too. And they must have known we were coming, they clearly said that just to draw us out.” She saw him turn towards her out of the corner of her eye, saw how he wasn’t paying attention to anyone else around them, even for this briefest of seconds, and saw the red light flashing towards him, heard the accompanying curse, and knew there was no way Sirius could deflect it in time. Instinct made her push him to the side, self-preservation non-existent, as the curse hit her instead, and pain exploded through her whole body.

She felt pain like nothing had ever hurt her before, fresh waves of it rolling through her body and a blood-curdling scream tore itself from her throat to accompany it. All she knew was the debilitating pain, and then blackness.

Her eyes fluttered open, and she was greeted with the view of a dark ceiling, one which could be cleaner, and the faint smell of damp. So, she was back in Grimmauld Place. She pushed herself up, the blanket which had been gently laid over her falling slightly, and saw there was one other person in the room with her, whose long hair was falling in his face, but who looked relieved to see her, for the first time in years.

“You’re awake.” He said, as he stood up and walked to the couch where she was led. She pulled her legs up, creating a space for him to sit in, which he did. “Kind of wish I wasn’t.” She joked, chuckling dryly as she felt the ache in her bones, the remembrance of pain.

“Why did you do it?” He asked, and she knew this was the reason he had been waiting for her. The curiosity burned in his words. “Why did you take an Unforgivable Curse for me?”

“Don’t let your ego inflate too much, I didn’t intend to be in the way too.” She laughed, dropping it quickly as he looked at her. “I don’t want you to be tortured. I haven’t forgotten, you know, what it was like for you to live here, and how hard it must be for you to be back. And even without that, just because we dated once doesn’t mean I want you in pain, now. I still care about you, of course I do.” She spoke quietly, unsure if she was saying too much,

He didn’t answer her, instead he sat there in silence, staring at her. He was looking at her, seeing her in a way that he hadn’t in a long time. He saw the way that her y/h/c hair was falling into her face, and was surprised that she hadn’t tried and failed to brush it away yet, knowing how much it irritated her. He saw how softly her y/e/c looked over him, and he knew that she meant it when she said she never stopped caring. He felt the guilt rise in his chest, though he wasn’t sure what exactly he was guilty for. “I’ll, um, I’ll go tell everyone you’re awake.” And with that, he walked out of the room, his head now swirling confusingly.

Over the next few months, the rest of the Order noticed a dramatic change in the way that y/n and Sirius acted towards each other. When he came back from the store and had brought donuts for everyone, he had one for her, too. Instead of closing the front door loudly and disturbing Walburga’s portrait in the hall, she made a whisper of a sound as she tiptoed through the halls, trying to be as silent as possible. She had begun to frequent the headquarters more, not dashing off as soon as meetings were done or joining Remus when he would pop in for a cup of tea. He had even defended her in an argument, which had ended it quickly, the shock manifesting itself into a silence.

“Come on, y/n, it’s like we’re back at school.” Lily teased as they walked into the – thankfully empty – kitchen. “I thought I was done looking at your sappy eyes for each other.”

“Lily, I do not have sappy eyes.” y/n insisted, sitting on the table and putting her feet on the chair in front of her. “Just because we don’t fight as much anymore doesn’t mean we’re in love with each other.”

“I don’t think you’re in love with each other because you don’t fight.” She rolled her eyes. “I think you’re in love because I watched this happen all those years ago, and I’m watching it happen again now. Sirius talks about you to James, you know.”

“He does?” She started, not expecting that. She couldn’t help being surprised that Sirius was talking about her, and she couldn’t help the butterflies that rose in her stomach as she thought of it. “Aren’t you supposed to be meeting James for lunch?” she reminded Lily, thankful for the excuse to change the topic.

She checked her watch and squeaked, grabbing her bag and running from the house, leaving y/n alone to unpack the shopping and start working on some lunch. She was mid-way through cooking, softly humming a tune to herself to fill the silence, when she heard footsteps heading her way.

“Enough there for two?” she heard his voice before she could see him, but soon his crinkling grey eyes and wide smile were a few metres away from her, leaning against the side.

“Of course.” She answered, smiling back without thinking, quickly turning away as she thought of Lily’s words. “It’s nearly ready.” She finished cooking in silence, Sirius setting the table for the both of them. They sat down, starting to eat, and she didn’t know what to say to him, trying to analyse both of their feelings.

“So, James reckons I’m a teenager again.” Sirius brought up, laughing although he sounded more anxious than happy to her. Her chest constricted, wondering if he’d just been having a similar conversation to her.

“Again? I wasn’t aware that you’d ever grown up.” She teased, but her smile was tight and forced.

“Well, he seems to think that I might be in love, again. With you, again.”

“And what do you think?” She asked, forcing herself to look into his grey eyes, nervous for his answer as the truth dawned on her that she might be about to lose him all over again.

“I think he’s wrong.” And there it was, the blow that seemed to tear her heart in half, for the second time in her life. Before she could come up with some witty retort to play away her pain, he had carried on talking, his gaze still fixed on her. “I don’t think I’m in love again. I think it was easier to hate you than to realise I wasn’t over you, and I didn’t realise that until you took an Unforgivable Curse for me. I’m not in love with you again, because I don’t think I ever stopped.”

She felt like she was about to pass out from the mix of emotions swirling in her head, unable to hold on to one of them for longer than a second. It was decided for her, however, once Sirius’ lips were on hers – how they had gotten there she couldn’t remember – and she felt the pure happiness of love light her up. The kiss was familiar, something she had been missing without knowing, but there was a new edge to it, a resolve to never miss this feeling again. He broke away, settling on his knees between her legs, holding her hands in his, things not changing so much that they didn’t engulf them anymore.

“What do you think?” He mirrored her earlier question, a nervous smile on his face despite it all.

“I think it’s high time that we take James and Lily’s crown and become the best couple.” He laughed, leaning up and pressing a gentle kiss to her lips.

“I couldn’t agree more.”

[turning-dreams-into-chaos]

Kissed

*Not My Gif*

Request: Can I get a Young Sirius x Reader pls!!?? Love your writing, it’s so good!

Requested by: Anonymous

Paring: Sirius Black X Reader (Marauders Era)

Word Count: 2600

Post Date: 5-12-19

A/N: Hi Guys! I feel like this week I’ve posted a lot and I really hope I keep going with this next week! So please my friends, send in requests if you want! I know I promised I would post a second part to Rain, Rain, Go away today or tomorrow, so I promise I’ll get that posted tomorrow! Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this and anon I hope this is want you wanted! Feedback is always welcomed! Enjoy!

- Ria

Warnings: Implied Smut but not actual smut

~Master List~

~Open Requests~

He kissed her. James kissed Lily.

You just wanted a quiet afternoon by the pond to study, grabbing your bag and spare parchments before making your way. You could’ve invited your friends, but you knew Sirius was probably shagging some girl, Remus hated studying with you because you would always mumble incoherent words, and you couldn’t stand Peter. So that just left James. You liked James. You really liked James. And you knew it would’ve been dangerous for you to be alone with him because you might’ve said something stupid and embarrassed yourself, but you also wanted to hang out with the brown-haired boy. Shaking your head and ignoring the butterflies in your stomach at inviting him, you continued your way to the pond for some alone time. But sadly, someone was already there, and they weren’t alone. You watched as the same boy who occupied your thoughts earlier was now snogging your last best friend, Lily Evans.

He kissed her. James kissed Lily.

Feeling your throat go dry and tears begin to cloud your sight, you quickly made your way back to the castle, avoiding the worried glances of the students and classmates you passed as you made your way up to your common room. You threw your bag onto your bed before shrugging off your robes, tears streaming down your face. It was stupid to be so upset over this, he was just a boy. A boy who caused your brain to go crazy when he smiled at you or threw his arm around your shoulder when you both were laughing at his latest prank on Serverus, but you couldn’t help how you felt. You knew you couldn’t just sit here and cry, someone could walk in and you would’ve been even more embarrassed than you are right now, pining over a boy you knew you could never have. Deciding you needed some air, you threw your robes back on, grab a few bottles of some fire-whiskey Sirius had saved you all, and made your way up to the Astronomy tower.

Your tears had stopped as you drowned a bottle of the liquid, loving the feeling of it cascading down your once dry throat. Throwing the bottle behind you and grabbing another, you hadn’t expected a hand to block yours, causing you to let out a whine as they pulled it away. Looking up, you caught sight of the long black-haired boy who had opened the bottle and took a few sips himself before joining you on the ground.

“What are doing here, love? What sorrows are currently drowning now?” he says, smirking as you grab the bottle back and swallow some more. You roll your eyes as you laid down, staring out in the sky before you.

“How did you find me Padfoot? And how much longer until you’ll leave?” you snap earning a chuckle from the now slightly drunk boy who opened yet another bottle, your last bottle.

“I used the map, Love. How else do you think I would’ve?” he joined you in your stares as a silence fell upon the two of you. You wanted him to leave, but you enjoy the company, of having someone next to you. You didn’t know what had happened but the next minute you could feel the warm gentle tears fall once more, painting your cheeks. When Sirius noticed this, he pulled you up and right into his arms, holding your head into his chest as he rubbed your back, telling you it’s going to be alright. When pulled apart you let out a chuckle at his now wet sweater. He wiped your cheeks as you took another swig of the drink.

“Thanks, Pads. I needed that.” You whisper, refusing to look up into his eyes. He gave you a small nod as he watched your fingers fumble with your robes. He felt bad, he didn’t know what had caused you to act like this, but he was worried. You were one of his best friends, practically a marauder yourself, and he didn’t like the fact that someone could’ve done this to you.

“Do you want to talk about it? I don’t know what happened, but it can’t be good.” You finally looked up at him, your (e/c) eyes shining in the moonlight. You just looked at him, your tears having slowed but not stopped. After a minute you decided that it would’ve been a great idea to let someone in, even if it was one of his and your best friends.

“I fancied James. I really fancied him. but I didn’t tell him. And I knew he fancied Lily, but I just never thought that they would, you know, do anything. But tonight, when I went to the pond I saw them. He kissed her. James kissed Lily. I knew that I wasn’t going to end up with him. He’s James freaking Potter for crying out loud! But I just… I don’t know… I thought I had a chance. I didn’t.” your gaze had shifted out to the sky, but Sirius’ had remained on you, fixated on the redness in your puffy eyes, and the wetness on your face. “It was stupid of me to think that. I’m just me. Stupid little me who refused to tell a guy she fancied him! I understand why they’re together, I mean, she’s beautiful. She’s smart, funny, knows how to make him laugh and smile. I’m not any of that.”

“Don’t say that Y/N. You’re more than that. You’re the one who’s funny, who’s always getting amazing grades, showing up even Remus, making all of us laugh, even me, and most importantly…” he starts before both of you finish off the last of the fire-whiskey in your bottles, he gently pulls your chin up so you face him, “… no matter what, you’re insanely beautiful, no matter what you think. You deserve to be happy, so don’t be sad over a git like him.” he whispers to you and at that moment you realized just how close you two were, noses just barely touching as your eyes meet. You could feel the alcohol in your system and smell it on both of your breaths, but you didn’t care. Your eyes had flickered down to his lips then back up to his eyes, catching the few seconds of his eyes on your lips. Your body seemed to act on impulse as you found both of your mouths meeting, eyes flickering closed as you shared an alcohol filled moment. You pull away, panting as your noses brush once again, your eyes had opened to see his, darkened with arousal looking at you. You pull him up, his figure towering over you. You got on your tippy toes, your mouth hovering over his ear, his hands grabbing your waist, your warm breath causing a shiver to go down his spine. His last words echoing in your head like a chant. ‘Don’t be sad over a git like him.’

“Make me feel something else.” You whispered before pulling away, grabbing his hand and both of you dashing towards the Gryffindor common room, to drunk to care about the people shouting at you both as you knocked them out of the way. Arriving at the common room, Sirius led you up to the boy’s room, somehow knowing all the boys were going to be gone until morning. He turned around, looking down at your huffing figure before pulling you in for another sloppy drunk kiss.

“Are you sure about this Y/N?” All it took was a slight nod of your head before he leaned down again and picked you up, your legs wrapping around his waist as he brought you both onto his bed. His lips moved from yours onto your neck, leaving a few opened mouthed kisses and bruises as you both throw off your clothes, eliciting a moan from your lips at the contact. Just like that, the thoughts of James left your mind, and the only thoughts now are of him. Sirius Black.

The next morning you didn’t wake up from the sun coming in through your curtains, or your roommates nudging you that you were going to be late for class. No, you woke up laying on top of Sirius, your head resting on his chest as it raised up and down, his arm on your back pulling you into his body as yours draped across his body, legs tangled underneath his sheets. But you also woke up to your 3 other best friends, freaking out at the sight of you and Sirius, obviously naked under the sheets, cuddling into each other.

“Sirius and Y/N?! How did we not know about this Moony! Pads! Pads, wake up!” you heard James voice boom while your headache starts screaming at you. You start stirring as Sirius does underneath you, pulling the blanket up to cover both your bodies.

“Prongs, keep it down and get out. It’s to early and I’m sure neither one of us wants to have this conversation with you.” Sirius says as he rubs his forehead. You roll off his body as you look at your friends, still to tired and hungover to deal with this. As each of the boys take glances between the two of you, you couldn’t help the blush that spread to your neck. You looked at Sirius who was already watching for your reaction. You gave him a small smile before turning back to the boys.

“All right boys. Close your eyes or turn around so I can change please.” You say with a confident smirk even though it was the exact opposite of what you were feeling. Each of the boys turned around on their own time, Remus being the gentlemen he was turned around as soon as you asked, Peter giving you a wink turned around soon after, but James just continued to stare between you and Sirius, brows furrowed at the sight of the two of you. he finally turned around when Sirius cleared his throat, causing you to chuckle and James gulped, turning around faster than you thought possible. When you turned to Sirius you couldn’t help but smile at his also smiling face, eyes closed. You quickly got up and threw on your clothes, not noticing when Sirius took a little peep when you bent over to pick up your pants, with only your underwear on. When you were done, you told the boys they could turn around before you gave them an awkward wave and left them there, watching as your retreating figure.

“You slept with Y/N?! Mate, how could you have been so stupid? She’s our best friend!” James practically screamed, his arms thrown about in emphasis. Sirius let out a loud huff at his reaction before lying back in his bed, staring at the spot you left. He turned back towards his friends grabbing a pair of underwear and slipping them on.

“Oh, that’s rich coming from you mate. We were drunk, she was upset over… some git, and things just happened, Prongs. Didn’t mean for it too.” Sirius couldn’t tell them the exact reason they did it, he couldn’t do that to you. James just laughed, running his hand through his hair before pacing back and forth in the room. Peter couldn’t stop laughing at the situation, but when both James and Sirius glared at him he scurried out of the room. James’ head was spinning, he had a crush on you and Lily, and yesterday he kissed Lily. But it wasn’t what he wanted. You were, and he now he knew that. And seeing you with Sirius, well he couldn’t tell you now, could he. Giving the black-haired boy one last glance, he walked out of the room, following Peter’s laughter into the common room. Leaving Remus and Sirius alone to talk.

“Pads. Y/N? I thought… I thought you were over her.” Remus said, causing Sirius to stop getting dress and stare at the floor. He knew what he was talking about. Remus knew all about Sirius’ feelings for you. The ones that he knew you didn’t reciprocate, and the conversation last night just convinced him even more. Sirius fancied you since your third year, since you ruined the prank that he had planned on Snape, causing yourself to get caught in the crossfire, and you unable to contain your laughter at the situation. That’s when he realized he liked you, in a more than friend kind of way. Remus figured it out soon after that and now, three years later, he’s decided to tell Sirius he knows.

“You know? How the bloody hell did you know?” Sirius whispered in shock walking closer to Remus, who only laughed at his expression.

“Padfoot, you’ve been in love with her since third year, it was so bloody obvious I couldn’t believe Y/N didn’t catch on.” Sirius’ expression never changed during this time. “So, this bloke who broke her heart, who was it?” Remus says as he plops down on his bed, opening a book before hearing Sirius groan.

“Prongs. It was Prongs.” Remus’ face drops. There was no way that Y/N liked James, he would’ve known. Right? Sirius shook his head at the truth. You didn’t like him, you liked Prongs, and you only slept with him because you were upset. He didn’t want to talk anymore, he tried to rub his headache away a little more before getting dressed and heading down to breakfast with Moony.

When he got to the dinning hall, his eyes immediately scanned for you, quickly finding you reading a book at the end of the table, a smile gracing your lips as you bit into an apple. You lifted your eyes when you felt someone’s stares, only to see Sirius staring at you from across the room. You couldn’t help the blush that spread from his gaze. You gave him a smile, your eyes refusing to break the eye contact formed. Sirius made his way over to you, Remus following suit. A few minutes after they sat down, James, Lily, and Peter had joined. Your shoulders tensed as you saw Lily and James together, but when you felt Sirius’ hand on your back you relaxed and looked at him, giving him a silent nod, but yet again you didn’t look away. Just continued to stare at him. Him. Sirius Black. When Remus cleared his throat you looked away, your cheeks redden when Remus raised his eyes at the two of you. Glaring at him, you returned your attention to your food, completely unaware of James’ casual glances in your direction. The only person you were aware of glancing at you was Sirius, and for some reason you didn’t mind, and for some other reason you returned them, smiling.

James was a boy, a boy who had caused your brain to go crazy when he smiled at you or threw his arm around your shoulder when you both were laughing at his latest prank on Serverus, and you couldn’t help how you felt. But Sirius. Sirius was a boy who made you feel special, feel loved, feel insanely beautiful, and you liked it. You liked him. you liked who you were with him. You wanted Sirius, not James. You didn’t love James, and you didn’t care because you were in love with Sirius, Sirius Black. James couldn’t help the feeling in his stomach as he watched you two. He knew you were going to be happy with Sirius. And he knew he didn’t have you because he kissed her. James kissed Lily.

Feedback is welcomed! Thanks everyone! ♥️