#really the best i could describe the feeling of finding him like that was happy
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anakinstwinklebunny · 10 hours ago
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Okay imagine Scott’s first time spending new years with someone apart from himself, you invited him over to your house and everyone’s celebrating and when the clock strikes 12, you quickly kiss him (your first kiss) as soon as he turns to wish you a happy new year and you giggle when you pull and see this pretty boy all flustered and red. Safe to say he hasn’t stopped holding your hand since that kiss.
Also happy new year bunnyyyy, hope you have the best ‘25 ever pooks! Love ya!💗
- 🌺
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Author's note: dear beautiful nonnie, as always, you're slaying with requests - never disappointing me :) thank you so much for wishes, I hope you'll have the nicest, the sweetest year ever‼️ love you too, 🌺 Nonnie
SCOTT BARRINGER wasn’t really one for big parties. He usually preferred to spend New Year's in his own quiet way, alone in his room. But tonight was an exception. You had invited him and somehow he just couldn't say no, not to you. So now he was here, at your house, surrounded by your friends - mostly. And somehow, it didn’t feel as uncomfortable as he thought it would.
Even though he wasn’t used to being part of a crowd like this, he found himself drawn to you. There was something easy about being around you. You made it feel like he belonged.
The countdown finaystarted, the whole room joining in unison. “Ten… nine… eight…”
The countdown continued that he tried to distract himself with, but he couldn’t shake the feeling of your eyes on him. “Three… two… one…”
He moved his gaze around the room before turning it on you, catching your eye. You were smiling, your cheeks flushed with excitement, or something he wasn't quite able to name. He quickly turned his gaze away, pushing his hands deeper into his pockets
When you pulled away, you burst into giggles (out of nervousness since Scott was kind of unpredictable) and Scott, on the other hand, was frozen for a second, face going bright red. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He’d never been the type to get flustered, but now? He was a mess. He stood there, blinking at you, trying to find proper words that would really describe his feelings.
Before he could even think about what he was doing, you were suddenly there, your lips pressing to his. It was soft, quick--nothing too crazy--yet still, it sent a jolt of electricity through him.
A kiss.
On New Year’s.
With you.
“You--” he started, but his voice caught in his throat. He cleared it. “That was--um--wow.”
You laughed again, squeezing his hand. “Yeah?”
He nodded, still a little stunned. “Yeah, that was... definitely not what I expected for New Year’s.”
You grinned “I thought you might just say that.”
Scott looked then down at your hand, then back up at you, like he was trying to figure out how to act properly so there wouldn't be much awkwardness, just that little softness between you. Slowly, his fingers curled around yours, pulling your hand into his.
And he didn’t let go. Not once.
“Guess I’m not spending New Year’s alone this year"
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theyhavetakenovermylife · 14 hours ago
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Hey! Hope you are having a good day/night. But you think you could write a fic of reader has a crush on donnie.reader gets jelous over donnie because she thinks he's still obsessed with April. Maybe leading to a fluffy or smutty ending. Any donnie is okay I don't mind. If you do this thanks!♡
Are You Still Into Her? (Mild Angst/Fluff)
Fortnite!Donatello x reader
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A/N: I gave the lucky wheel a spin and it landed on Fortnite!TMNT! It was surppossed to be a smut, but as I made my way through, a mild angst to fluff started to make more sense. I struggled with this one for a bit though, and then as soon as I had the momentum going, my Inbox decided to swallow up a large amount of my requests. Luckily I managed to make it work, and finally this one is ready. Hope you’ll enjoy💜
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Warnings: None💜
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“(Y/N), can you hand me the screwdriver?”, Donnie asked, not taking his eyes from the project in front of him. At the sound of Donnie saying your name, you quickly straightened up in your seat, hastily looking around you to find the screwdriver, before handing it to Donnie.
“Thank you”, he said, shooting you a quick smile before returning his attention to the loose screws before him.
“No problem”, you mumbled, feeling your cheeks grow hot with a light shade of pink, causing you to look away, in the hopes that Donnie wouldn’t notice. It was almost embarrassing that him thanking you with a smile, was enough to make you blush. But that’s what you get for crushing on one of your best friends, without having the courage to tell him. But you had your own reasons for not doing so, even though you really wanted to. The best way to describe your predicament was to say that there was something in the way, making it very hard to tell Donnie exactly how you were feeling, without possibly getting rejected. It was enough to make your stomach turn in frustration and jealousy whenever you thought about it. Fiddling with your fingers, turning back and forth in your office chair, you felt yourself getting restless at the thought. And sadly, this kind of nervousness and restlessness only became more and more common whenever you were around Donnie. As if the sight of him only reminded you of what you couldn’t have, and how he was willing to give it all away to someone else.
And as you sat there and watched Donnie work, feeling yourself getting eaten up by your own self pity and longing for the mutant turtle in front of you, his phone lit up with the name of that someone else, buzzing in order to get his attention.
“Just a moment”, Donnie said, laying the screwdriver down and reaching out for his ringing phone. “It’s April”.
You only nodded, finding it easier not to say anything whenever Donnie brought up the name of the other human girl in his life. It was really a shame, because April was really a nice girl. You had hung out with her on several occasions, and had honestly found her enjoyable to be around. Then it was no wonder that Donnie had started liking her much more than a friend. You would never forget the day where Donnie confided in you, and told you about his slowly growing crush on April. Up until that point, you had had so much hope for the possibility of you and Donnie possibly figuring something out someday. But after that day, all you could see was how Donnie would follow April around whenever she was nearby, or the many glances he would throw her way, even as he was talking to you. It was honestly disheartening to be around, and you couldn’t help but feel your heart break a little each time. And even though it had been a year ago, it still fueled some frustration and jealousy inside of you, causing that dreadful feeling each and every time.
Donnie picked up the phone and greeted April with a cheerful voice, asking her why she was calling. You looked away, trying not to listen as Donnie and April spoke, even though all you could hear was Donnie’s end of the line. You tried not to think of what Donnie might be feeling at that moment. Was he happy that April called? Would he much rather be spending time with her instead of you? It was a horrible thing to think about, but you just couldn’t help it. Even when you tried to ignore it, it was always right there, right in your face, almost taunting you.
“Sorry about that”, Donnie said, placing the phone back on the table, before picking up the screwdriver once more. “April just had to give me an update”.
“An update?”, you asked, growing your brows. “About what?”
“Oh, you haven’t heard?”, Donnie asked, giving you a short look over his shoulder. “April and Casey are dating now. She promised to tell me how their first date went, and well, it seems like it’s going to be a thing now”.
You stared confused at Donnie, almost unable to fully register what he was telling you. April had started dating Casey. And here was Donnie, telling you about it while working on his latest project. Heck, he had even sounded happy while talking with April on the phone. But was he happy? Was he okay? Or was he just really good at hiding his pain? Just like you had been doing for almost a year now.
“And are you… okay with that?”, you asked, almost hesitantly.
“Yeah? Why shouldn’t I be?”, Donnie answered you, not looking away from the wires in his hands.
“Well, I just thought… because… are you still into her, Donnie?”, you asked, leaning slightly forward.
“Oh, that”, Donnie said, leaning back in his chair. “No, not really. I haven’t thought about her like that in a long time”.
“Since when?”
“Well, since I told her I liked her, and she said she liked Casey”, Donnie said, finally looking your way with a small smile.
“When was that?”, you asked, absolutely shocked.
“The same week I told you about it”, Donnie said, his fingers playing with the armrest.
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“Uhm, no. I guess not”, Donnie said a bit sheepishly. “I guess I’ve been kind of embarrassed by it, so I just decided to not tell you”.
“Well, okay”, you said, still slightly taken aback. “But you two fingered it out?”
“Yeah, April has actually been very cool about it. We talked it through, everything was cool. I actually wingman her and Casey together. She asked me to help her a few weeks ago”, Donnie said. “She promised me that if I helped her, she would in turn help me with…” Donnie suddenly got silent, his eyes widening when he realized what he was about to say. You cocked your brow at him.
“Help you with what?”
Donnie hesitated, becoming restless in his chair. He licked and bit his lip, searching for the right words before he spoke. “She would in turn help me as a wingman”.
At this point you found yourself getting irritated with Donatello. Here you had been feeling horrendous whenever you were around April - both because of your feelings towards Donnie and your jealousy regarding his feelings for April, and the pure shame you felt due to your jealousy towards April - only to find out that Donnie haven’t actually had romantic feelings towards April for several months, and that he in fact had romantic feelings towards someone else and never told you. What kind of friend was Donnie supposed to be?
“You have feelings for someone other than April and you never told me?!”, you exclaimed.
“No, I guess I didn’t”, Donnie said almost sheepishly, fiddling with his fingers.
“Donnie, I’m your friend”, you said, almost sounding hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why does it matter?”, Donnie asked, shooting you a quick look, he himself seemed more and more nervous by every question you directed at him. He suddenly didn’t seem very happy about your questioning, as if he was an animal being cornered.
“Because, you’re my friend, Donnie”, you said, feeling yourself grow hesitant before you said the next words, discomfort at the thought of actually doing it. “And I would like to help you”.
Donnie looked back at you, uneasy surprise written all over his face. “You do?”
You swallowed the lump in your throat, nodding your head. What was most important to you? Helping your friend be happy, or stay in ignorant bliss, knowing it was just a matter of time before he would get with someone else. Someone he didn’t see as just a friend.
“I would”.
Donnie gave you a small smile before looking back down at his hands, watching as his fingers fiddled with each other. He was very nervous, yet trying his best to hide it. But you knew your friend. He couldn’t hide these kinds of things from you, no matter how hard he might try to.
“I don’t know if they like me like that though”, Donnie said, sounding a little beaten down. “They’ve never seemed to… see me that way”.
You were taken aback by Donnie’s statement. How could he say such a thing? How could anybody not like him as more than just a friend? One thing was April, but now you found it to be more of a relief than anything else.
“What makes you say that?”, you asked.
“It’s just a feeling”, Donnie said, shrugging his shoulders. “Or maybe it’s a fear. I’m not fully sure”.
“A fear?”, you asked. “Of what?”
Donnie chuckled. “Other than the fear that they won’t like me too? Maybe the fear that I will lose them if I tell them how I feel”.
“Lose them? How come?”
“Well, we’re pretty good friends”, Donnie said, chewing a little on his bottom lip. “And I fear that if I was to tell them how I felt, that it would somehow push us apart”.
“But Donnie, are you really so sure they won’t be interested in you?”, you asked, feeling bad for your friend. It didn’t matter how much you wished it was you he would talk about in such a manner, you just wanted your friend to be happy at this point.
“What do you mean?”, he asked, his brow muscles pushing together in a frown.
“Well, you are you Donnie”, you said, trying to find the words as you spoke. “You are an amazing and absolutely wonderful guy, and they would be a fool not to see that. If they can’t see what amazing and wonderful person that is standing in front of them, then are they even worth it? There’s literally no one like you in this world, and any person would be blessed to find themselves with you. I would go so far as to say that I too would feel blessed. A person would be absolutely blind not to-”. With a small sound of surprise, you found yourself being cut off by Donnie’s lips against your, his hands on your cheeks in order to hold your head steady.
After a few seconds of surprise you relaxed against Donnie, kissing him back with your hands holding onto his arms. You could feel him smile against you as he turned his head a little further to the side, allowing the kiss to deepen a bit further.
You pulled from each other, looking each other in the eyes with baited breath, Donnie waiting for whatever your reaction might be, feeling himself getting more and more nervous.
“So”, you finally said, trying to contain the growing happiness within you, almost unable to sit still on your chair. “I take it that I’m the friend you were talking about”.
“Yeah”, Donnie said, breathing out a small laugh in relief. “That’s why I didn’t tell you much”.
“But what made you comfortable enough to kiss me?”
“It was the way you started talking about me, like you actually cared about me in that way”, Donnie said. “Am I right to assume you like me like that?”
You almost laughed out loud, feeling months worth of suppressed feelings blossoming, finally allowed some room to move around, and make their way out from deep within.
“Oh, you have no idea”, you ended up chuckling, before pulling him in for another kiss.
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theredengineapologist · 1 year ago
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So a while back, I decided to do a little digging in the garage and managed to find some of my childhood train sets. I could go on about the magical feeling of holding the little engines in my hands for the first time in over a decade and a half, re-living the childhood nostalgia if only for a little bit. Then of course, I know there's gonna be some work in restoring them to their former glory.
But that's not what I want to focus on right now.
Instead, I want to talk about James.
Of the engines that I managed to find during my garage digging, the majority of them were in good condition. One in particular, Lady, was basically perfect. I haven't checked their insides yet for battery corrosion (Lady doesn't have batteries, she's one of those little ones with the magnets), but from the outside, they all look pretty good.
Except one. James.
His face had turned yellow from sun damage.
James has always been my favorite. I suspect that he turned out this way because I played with him the most.
Knowing how much James values his appearance, I imagine he would definitely lament this fact. Why should a Splendid Engine like him be the only one to suffer significant, visible damage? Why did the years of play and storage take a toll on only him and virtually no one else?
Then I imagine Edward would be the one to comfort him. After all, the two of them were found together.
Edward would be the one to remind James that he's still the same Splendid Engine he always was, even with the sun damage. In fact, he probably turned out this way BECAUSE he was so beloved. It meant that he spent more time outside the storage box, where the sun would be able to reach him in the first place.
And after all, to be loved is to be changed.
And somebody has to be the favorite.
Somebody has to be James.
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lacroixqueen · 5 months ago
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you're too pretty to kill (18+, noncon)
deadpool x fem!reader
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Summary: deadpool was hired to kidnap and kill reader but reader is just too cute so it puts him in a moral dilemma
Pairing: fem!reader x deadpool
Word Count: 2k
Warnings/Tags: bondage, brat, gun kink, gun play, praise kink
You loved days when you could just rollerblade around the city without so much as a care in the world. The feeling of the warm summer breeze running through your hair. Watching as the lights zipped by like dust lost in the wind. You wish you could do this forever. After all, it was your peace, your one true happy place. 
Until it wasn’t. 
Out of nowhere, you felt an arm wrap around your waist and a leather glove holding a handkerchief cover your nose and mouth. 
You tried your best to fight whoever your assailant was back, pulling on his wrist in a desperate attempt to rip it off your face. But before you knew it, you felt your vision blur and your head begin to spin. It felt like the world was melting right before your very eyes. 
Next thing you knew, you woke up to a sea of black. You could feel a piece of fabric cloaking your vision and tied securely behind your head. You tried to move your hand to hoist yourself up, only to find that both your hands were roped together behind your back. You tried to scream into the void, only to find that your mouth was sealed with a piece of tape.
“Mmfffhn!” you managed to sputter out, leaning against what felt like a cold, concrete wall. In fact, it was quite chilly wherever you were. Was it a basement? Warehouse? Regardless, you were shivering from head to toe. The tiny crop top and mini skirt you threw on this morning before going rollerblading was just not cutting it, unfortunately. 
You quickly snapped your head in the direction of what sounded like heavy footsteps and… clapping?
“Well, well, well,” a sly voice rumbled from the opposite end of the room. “Now what do we have here?” 
The unknown person gradually made his way over toward you, knelt before you, and removed your blindfold and gag. 
You looked up, only to lock eyes with what you could only describe as two white ellipses, narrowing ever so slightly amidst the shadows. Your eyes eventually adjusted to the darkness. 
“Such a shame,” your captor sighed to himself. “You’re so pretty too. As in, way prettier than most of my other victims. Normally my clients pay me big bucks to knock out assholes with beer bellies, bad breath, and a name on the registry but you.” He made a rectangle with his thumbs and index fingers as if to take your photograph. “You are perfect.”
“Wh-what are you going to do with me..?” you stammered, almost too afraid to ask. You never took your eyes off of him. He was tall, lanky, even. Dressed in all red and black. You took note of the gun in his holster and the two massive swords strapped behind his back.
“Oh, nothing to write home about,” he assured, ruffling up your hair like you two were childhood best friends. “Well, I guess if you are really dying to know. Someone important wants you dead. So I guess you could say, I, being one of if not the most popular hitmen on the black market, was hired to.. Uh, what’s the word, kill you! Yeahhhh, that sounds about right.”
“I don’t understand,” you muttered to yourself. “All my life, I can’t think of a single thing I did that could possibly warrant this, I mean.. why me?”
“Oh how tragic,” Wade remarked, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear while a tear slowly rolled down your cheek. “I mean, who in their right mind would want to kill someone like you? You are the literal picture perfect definition of the girl next door who wouldn’t hurt a flea. It would take a psychopath to even dream of such a thing!”
You glared at him while he carried on his little performance. “Don’t mock me.”
“Oh.” Deadpool stopped mid-sentence as he lifted up your chin with the tip of his index finger. “So it’s going to be like that, then.”
He leaned back slowly, only to gingerly remove his pistol from its holster. 
“Tell me, Y/N..” he whispered softly. “Have you ever held a gun before?”
“I.. no..” you replied, gasping as he pressed the cold barrel against your cheek. 
“Would you say you’ve ever, oh I don’t know, felt it on your skin?” he teased, dragging it across your neck and collarbone. He took notice of how you swallowed the lump in your throat nervously, and the way your lip quivered ever so slightly. 
“Or what about in your mouth..” his voice suddenly took a dark turn as he shoved the front of the handgun in between your lips, forcing it into the back of your throat. 
You felt your blood run cold. At first, it all felt like some sort of a game. Like one sick, twisted joke. But now, it suddenly became real. 
Wade was absolutely giddy, watching your soft, plump lips part open and accept the icy metal. He liked seeing how your pink tongue was forced still and how you squirmed like a helpless animal he had total control over. And the adorable little noises you made when your mouth was full. It delighted him in a way even he couldn’t explain. 
“Would you say you’ve ever.. choked on one?” he said, barely being able to contain his laughter. Without another word, he pushed the pistol even deeper, causing it to squeeze against your uvula, eliciting your gag reflex. 
“Whghnnn..” you muffled out, trying your best to mentally distance yourself as far away from this entire ordeal as possible. Your mind was racing at a pace you couldn’t keep up with. You were trying to formulate a plan, something, anything to have him show you mercy. 
“Wow, you really are so good at this,” Wade mumbled, not relenting at all as he continued to shove the gun further down your throat. “Definitely better than I thought. Hey, do you like practice or something? Because God, you are a natural! If I weren’t about to kill you right now, I’d hire you on the spot.”
You rolled your eyes at the innuendo. 
Realizing he wasn’t getting any further reaction from you, Deadpool slowly removed the pistol from your lips, watching with glee as a string of saliva connected your tongue from the tip of the barrel. 
He then proceeded to drag the side of the handgun across your chest, over your bare stomach, and finally, resting on the waistband of your skirt. 
“So.. Y/N was it?” Deadpool rambled on, as he played with the pleats of your skirt with his free hand. “Right. You know, I would say I don’t have a lot of weaknesses in this world, wouldn��t you agree? So anyways, after I got mutated and all fucked up from that bastard Francis and became who I am now, there’s very little out there that truly phases me these days. But this..”
He gestured towards your pastel pink miniskirt. “This is something else.” 
And with that, he gently lifted up the cloth with the front of his gun to reveal your lacy magenta underwear.
“A thong! Boooold,” he commented, pressing the cold metal of the barrel right up against your labia. “I was wondering if you were wearing something underneath, and this answers the question. God, that’s hot. You know what’s hotter, though? One of my best friends, Logan. There’s just something so je ne sais quoi about that beautiful man. Anyways.”
Your breath hitched. Suddenly, a wave of goosebumps cascaded over your skin, and it was like the world just stopped making sense. Why did this suddenly feel sort of.. good? Minus the incessant yapping and endless sidetracked one-sided conversation, you wanted more. More of whatever this was. 
And Wade granted your wish. He pulled the fabric of your thong to the side with his other hand and gently prodded your clit with the tip of his pistol. 
He was taken aback when you moaned softly at the sensation. 
“Oh?” he said as he raised an eyebrow.
He pressed the gun even harder onto your pink pearl, eliciting another sigh. 
“Huh. Color me impressed,” he muttered. “This entire time I thought you were fighting for your life but you are actually enjoying this? You dirty little slut! And here I thought you were prim proper little miss perfect..”
“Why.. why are you stopping?” you breathed, a splash of pink brightening up your cheeks, causing him even more of a surprise. “Just keep.. Keep going.”
And to his own dismay, he obliged. 
“How would you feel if I did this?” Wade asked, but before you could even react, he had already shoved the barrel of the gun deep into your cunt. 
You tossed your head back in response, moaning helplessly as he pushed the pistol in and out of your swollen pussy.
“Ah, ah~” you cried out, instinctively spreading your legs open to allow him even more access.
“Now that’s a good girl!” he encouraged, taking note of your subtle invitation and pushing it even harder and deeper than he did before. “Wow. You know, this has been truly enlightening, Y/N. I never in a million years would have guessed you of all people would turn out to be a freak! And you, my friend, are the freakiest of the freaks.”
“I-I am not!” you protested, gasping as you felt the cold steel pushing heartlessly against your walls. “I like normal things too.”
“Uh huh,” Wade said as he continued to fuck your insides relentlessly with his gun. “And I am a three-headed sabertooth tiger named Richard. See? We can all tell lies to ourselves! It’s fun.” 
You could feel yourself practically melting into his hands, your soul floating into the ceiling until you heard it. The click. 
“Well, it has been real Y/N,” Deadpool sighed, his index finger resting comfortably on the trigger. “I mean, I don’t know about you, but I sure as hell had the time of my life! Shit, if we didn’t meet under these circumstances, we absolutely would have hit it off in another reality. As in, I would have fucked you in a multitude of positions in a variety of exotic outdoor locations! Unfortunately, however, the fun and games have to come to an end somehow. I mean, wouldn’t you agree?”
You felt as if your heart was about to both break and jump out of your chest simultaneously. 
“B-but..” you tried to reason with him. Not that it was any use, of course. “I really liked this..”
“I know, babe,” Wade cooed, his free hand snaking up and gripping around your throat tightly. “But if I don’t kill you now, I probably never will because you are just too cute. And sometimes I just can’t help myself but make stupid decisions.”
“Please don’t kill me,” you begged, looking up at him. 
Wade was just about to pull the trigger until you caught his eye.
“Aw, FUCK!” he shouted, immediately removing the gun from your dripping snatch. “Don’t.. don’t do that.”
“Do what?” you inquired innocently, tilting your head to the side. 
“That!” he exclaimed, gesturing towards your face. “Looking up at me with those big, stupid adorable eyes. You know I can’t help myself when you do that.” 
“I have no idea what you are talking about,” you shrugged. “Besides, I thought you had already made up your mind. You sounded pretty sure of yourself after all.”
“You know, you really are a little shit, you know that?” Deadpool fired back, placing his hands on his hips. “God, and this was supposed to be sexy and dangerous, but you totally ruined the atmosphere.”
You smiled to yourself, self-assured in your victory. “Well, does that mean you are going to let me go?”
“Yeah, yeah, go fuck yourself,” Wade responded, untying your ropes and smacking you on the ass as you stood up. “Get out of here before I change my mind.”
Before you walked out of the warehouse, you stood on your tippy toes and gave him a kiss on the cheek over his mask. “Thank you.”
“Go, GO!” he yelled, pushing you towards the exit of the dingy building. “And don’t come back.”
And as soon as you came, you were free. The moonlight poured through the cracks of the tree branches outside and lit up your face. The door slammed behind you in a dramatic fashion. And with that, you finally felt yourself settling into another moment of peace. 
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aperrywilliams · 1 year ago
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Little Big Secret (Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader)
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(Not my gif. Credits to the creator)
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Author Masterlist
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Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader.
Summary: You’re 36 weeks pregnant with Spencer’s baby. What happens when you are about to give birth and need to contact Spencer while he is in a case out of town?
Word Count: 3.3k
Warnings: Pregnancy and labor symptoms are described. Some strong words. If I missed something, let me know. It's a fluffy one. Dad!Spencer coming to light. The chaotic trio I love having their moment (Reid-Morgan-Prentiss).
A/N: I wrote this fic based on this request. I loved doing it! Let me know what you think.
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Being 36 weeks pregnant and stuck in your apartment trying to convince your non-born baby girl to stop kicking your guts is not funny. It's worse when the same scenario occurs at 3 am, and you are alone, unable to sleep in the last 24 hours, exhausted and sentimental because your boyfriend Spencer isn't home.
You won't tell him that, though. You convinced him to go with the team to Trenton for a case, telling him you would be okay and that baby girl Reid won't be here for at least two weeks. That's what your doctor said to you in the last appointment.
Reluctantly Spencer agreed, making you swear you would call him or your sister if anything happened.
"Relax, baby. Everything will be okay. We'll be here when you return from your case," you assured him. "You have to go while you can. Once this girl is born, you'll be stuck here and will get tired of us," you giggled. Spencer's eyes widened.
"What? No! Get tired of you? Never!"
"About that. Do they know why you are taking leave in the next weeks?"
"Not really. Hotch knows, but the rest assume I'll go to see my mom," your boyfriend shrugged.
You still find it unbelievable that the best-known profilers in the country haven't noticed one of their own has a girlfriend for three years and a baby on the way.
At first, you had your apprehensions about why Spencer didn't want his team to know your existence. You thought maybe Spencer felt embarrassed because of you or didn't consider your relationship worth enough for them to know. But your boyfriend assured you it was anything but that. He told you what happened to Haley, Hotch's wife, and the multiple times a team's family member has been exposed to danger because of their job. He wanted you safe. He wanted to protect you.
The only one who knew about you was Hotch, Spencer's boss. But he, better than anyone, could understand Spencer's reasons, so he hadn't said anything.
You understood it and accepted it, even if you both knew that at some point, your secret would not be a secret anymore. For now, it was safer like this.
Exhaustion was all you got now, and even you have been trying to bribe your unborn daughter with chocolates if she behaved and let you sleep. It seemed you succeeded as she stopped making a party in your womb.
You fall asleep thinking about how your life has changed in the past years and how happy you were despite how uncomfortable pregnancy was at this point.
The next morning you woke up feeling a little better. Sleep helped, but your body was still tense, so you thought a warm bath after breakfast was a good idea to relax your sore muscles.
You were finishing your pancakes when Spencer called you.
"Hey, baby!" You greeted.
"Good morning, my love. How did you sleep?"
You didn't have the heart to tell him how uncomfortable you were last night.
"Good. Everything is good here. How is the case?" You tried to direct the topic to him. Spencer sighed.
"I think we are close to catching the unsub, but it had been hard," he confessed.
"I know you'll get him soon," you assured him. Spencer chuckled. He loved how you were always rooting for him. You were his biggest fan.
"I hope so. And you? Our baby girl has been good? When I come back-" he didn't even finish the sentence when someone called his name in the distance. 'Reid! We need you now!'
A heavy sigh left Spencer's lips.
"I'm sorry, love. I got to go," he mumbled into the receiver, guilt dripping from his voice.
"Hey, it's okay. Don't apologize and go to catch the bad guy," you encouraged him.
"I will. I love you so so much. And I love our little one. I promise to make it up to you both, okay?"
"I love you more. We'll be waiting for you."
Despite your efforts to relax during your bath, it seemed baby Reid had other plans, like moving and squeezing your insides. You tried singing to her, telling stories, and everything that came to mind.
You gave up and hopped off the tub. You dried your body and decided to watch some TV. After a while, stuck in a random show, the noise lulled you to sleep without noticing.
Everything would have been perfect if it weren't for the fact that an intense pain woke you up suddenly. You didn't know the time, but the TV was still on. You tried to sit on the sofa, but the pain wouldn't leave you, so much so that it was hard for you to breathe. The twisting in your belly was stronger than you'd ever felt and scaring you.
"My sweet girl, I know you're eager to see us, but you have some days left in Mommy's womb, so try to be nice, okay?" You panted, trying to reason with your baby.
You weren't ready to give birth, let alone without Spencer.
But, again, baby Reid had her own plans.
Another sharp pang made you slouch on the sofa; this time, you felt something warm running down your legs. You looked down and saw the liquid drip onto the couch and slide to the floor.
Fuck. Your water just broke.
-
The morning was a rush for the whole team and the Tremont police. After an anonymous tip, they located the guy who fitted the profile and ended up being the unsub they were looking for. As he had a hostage, the team moved quickly to the warehouse where he kept captive his ex-girlfriend, the source of his rage. Before things went further, Rossi's shot ended with the unsub screaming in pain and the hostage a nervous wreck but unharmed.
Spencer couldn't believe it took them a whole week to locate the bastard, but it was finally done. So they returned to the precinct to wrap the last details and go home.
Spencer was pulling the case photos off the board when his phone started ringing. He saw it was you and hastened to answer. Usually, you didn't call him while he was working.
"Hello?"
But a loud grunt came to his ear instead of your sweet voice. Spencer's eyes widened.
“(Y/N)? Is that you?"
You barely could say a word, the intense pain reducing you to heavy breathing and whimpers.
"Spence-" you managed to say. "The baby. It hurts."
It didn't take a genius to figure out what was happening."Where are you? What's wrong? Where is Tania?"
Too many questions, and you had answers for all of them. But it was difficult to say a word with the pain cursing your body. After the contraction subsided, you could speak.
"My water broke. I'm home, and Tania doesn't answer. I don't know- ahhhh, fuck!!!"
Shit. You were in labor and alone at home. Spencer wanted to throw up.
"Baby, listen to me. I will call 911, but I need you to breathe, okay?"
"No! Spencer, don't hang up. I need you," you cried.
Spencer paced frantically in the room as Emily, Morgan, and Rossi looked at him, worried.
To call 911? Who the hell was he talking to?
"Reid? What is it?" Morgan tried to get his attention, but Spencer's brain was trying to make a plan to help you without stopping talking to you.
“(Y/N), please. I need you to breathe. Can you do that for me, please?"
JJ and Hotch entered the room at that moment. Both frowned when they saw Spencer pacing and the rest standing and waiting to know what was going on and what to do to help Spencer.
“(Y/N)? Can you hear me?"
You couldn't reply to him, crying in pain instead. Spencer thought he could die of panic.
"Yes. But I can't move," you sobbed.
Hotch didn't need much to understand what was going on. Grabbing his phone, he called Penelope.
Spencer was reduced to dumb and didn't know what to do.
"Garcia, I need you to call 911 and dispatch an ambulance to..." he paused and looked at Spencer, who was talking to you. "Reid," Hotch named. When he got no response, he tried louder. "Reid! Where? Where is she?" Spencer's face found Hotch's.
"At my place," he told his boss.
"Garcia, an ambulance to Reid's address. Report a pregnant woman in labor that needs to go to the hospital. I need you to go there too. Make sure she gets to the hospital alright. I'll give you more information later."
Pregnant woman in labor at Spencer's address?
Morgan, Prentiss, JJ, and Rossi shared the same confused looks.
"Baby, the help is on the way. Penelope knows and will help you to go to the hospital. She has a key, so don't worry. I'm on my way, okay? I'll call Tania too," Spencer informed you, moving to collect his things.
"Please, hurry up," you begged. As the call ended, Spencer turned to see his boss.
"Hotch. I have to-. I need to-," Spencer stuttered. Aaron nodded.
"It'll be okay; we are leaving now," he assured Spencer.
Morgan was the first to bring the elephant in the room.
"Can you tell us what's going on?"
Then, Spencer noticed the team hearing the whole ordeal.
"Uh. My 36-week pregnant girlfriend is giving birth to my daughter right now, and she's alone. I need to be there," Spencer succinctly explained as he dialed (Y/N)'s sister's number again without luck.
To say the team was shocked was an understatement. But there wasn't time to ask questions. They needed to move quickly.
Hotch was who took the lead.
"Morgan, you'll drive to the hospital with Reid and Prentiss now. I'll stay with JJ and Rossi to pack everything and follow you. The drive to DC is about three hours; make it two. I'll take care of the traffic police," he said to Morgan, who nodded, grabbing the car keys. "Prentiss, you'll get an open line with Garcia while she joins (Y/N) and takes her to the hospital. Now go!" Hotch instructed, now patting Spencer's back. "You'll get on time. Go," he told Spencer, who nodded and stomped from the room, followed by Morgan and Prentiss.
-
"Hey, Reid. We'll make it, kid," Morgan assured while driving on the highway, Emily as the copilot. In the back seat, Spencer couldn't stop bouncing his leg, worried about if the ambulance had already taken you to the hospital. On cue, Emily's phone went off.
"Garcia, you're on speaker," Emily announced.
"My lovelies, good news. I got your girl, boy Wonder, and we're heading to the hospital. Besides the pain, she's fine," Garcia recounted, and Spencer could breathe again.
"Can I talk to her?" Spencer asked.
"No, yet; they have her in the stretcher and with oxygen while monitoring her, but as we reach the hospital and will get her admitted, we can call you again. Nonetheless, she asked me to tell you she hated you for putting a baby in her. I really like this girl already," Garcia quipped, making laugh Emily and Morgan. Spencer's cheeks flushed.
"Garcia?" He sheepishly asked. "Can you tell her I love her and am on my way?"
Morgan and Prentiss looked at each other briefly. They still couldn't believe what was happening, but either way, they had a mission to accomplish: get to the hospital before you gave birth, so the resident genius could see his baby born.
"Sure thing. I will. I'll keep you posted," Garcia assured before hanging up.
Spencer could sense that Emily and Morgan were itching to cover him with questions, but knowing his nervous state, they were respectful enough not to say anything.
"I'm sorry, guys. I didn't tell you anything about (Y/N) before," he mumbled.
"And the baby," Emily added with a non-malice tone.
Spencer's face fell with embarrassment. They were his family, after all. And he kept this little big secret from them.
"But we get it, Reid. We do," Morgan ensured.
"Yeah?"
"Yes. We all know this job, and we want the best for our loved ones, keeping them safe," Prentiss said, turning to see Spencer, who nodded. "What I still can't believe is that you kept us in the dark for three years, and none of us ever suspected a thing. They should fire us," Emily added, making Spencer chuckle.
"What I can't believe is you were able to make someone fall in love with you," Morgan quipped, smirking and gaining a slap on the arm from Prentiss. "And get her pregnant! You have been having a game all this time, and I still thought I needed to be your wingman," Morgan scoffed.
"Worst wingman on earth. He had had to do all the work for himself," Emily added. The three laughed.
They were still with an ETA of one hour when Penelope Facetimed.
"Garcia! How is she?" Spencer rushed to ask.
"Hello to you, genius," Penelope greeted. "(Y/N) is already in a room. She's 7 centimeters of dilatation, so we're waiting," she informed, turning the camera to focus you on the bed, exhausted but relieved of being in the hospital already.
"Honey!" Spencer shouted as Garcia handed the phone.
"Are you coming?" you asked in a broken tone. You didn't have much energy at this point.
"Yes! On my way now. Morgan is driving us with Emily," he informed you.
"We're almost there, pretty girl!" Morgan yelled from the driver's seat.
You let a wary smile. Spencer only wanted to be there with you so he could hold you.
"I'm sorry," you mumbled.
"No. No. Why are you sorry? You have nothing to apologize for, okay?" Spencer hastened to point.
"Our little big secret is no longer a secret," you pouted, feeling guilty about the whole ordeal.
"Baby, it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is you and our little girl being okay. Believe me; it's the only that matters to me. I'm sorry for leaving you," Spencer sniffled.
"I love you," you said, tears streaming down your cheeks.
"And I love you so much," Spencer declared, wiping his tears.
You both kept in Facetime for a while. Spencer tried to keep you focused on anything but the pain, though it was difficult when a deep contraction raked your body from time to time.
Spencer recited your favorite poems and stories and recounted your best memories together. As a natural thing, Emily, Morgan, or Penelope made questions and comments about the things you or Spencer said. That helped. You felt accompanied, not only by your boyfriend but also by the beautiful people who were taking care of you and him. If you ever thought Spencer's coworkers didn't care about him, now all those doubts are cleared.
"We're getting there in five!" Morgan announced.
"Garcia, please tell the staff Spencer is coming so they let him rush upstairs," Emily requested.
"On it!" Garcia chirped. “The doctor is here, so I’ll hang up. Boy Wonder, the third floor, hall to the left,” she informed before the call ended.
Pushing the brakes in front of the hospital’s entrance, Morgan turned to Spencer.
"Go, pretty boy. We'll be there waiting," the man assured.
"Go to see your girls," Emily added. Spencer’s eyes were full of tears.
"Thank you. Really, thank you so much," he voiced before climbing off the SUV and rushing inside the hospital.
-
The doctor announced you were almost ready to give birth now. Just another centimeter of dilation, and you’ll need to push. After he left, you squeezed Penelope’s hand hard. You weren't sure you could do this.
“It’s okay, pumpkin. You can do it. Spencer is already here,” she comforted you. Garcia had just ended her sentence when Spencer rushed inside the room, panting and looking frantically. When he spotted you, you could see the tears in his eyes.
“Spencer!” you cried. He quickly lugged to your side. Garcia sighed, relieved that he was there. Spencer held your hand now, kissing your temple.
“I’m here, my love. I’m here. I won’t leave again,” he chanted, stroking your damped hair.
It was Penelope’s cue to leave the couple alone. But before Garcia crossed the threshold, Spencer ran to her and wrapped her in the tightest embrace he ever gave her.
“Thank you, thank you. For everything,” he mumbled. Garcia could have started crying, but it would be time for that later.
“Anytime, my love. Now go back to your woman. We’ll be outside waiting.” A grateful Spencer nodded before joining you again.
You didn't reach the last centimeter until an hour later. Spencer stood by your side, chanting praises and pushing away your sweat with a cloth whenever you needed it.
When the time came, you were pushing with all the strength you left, but your little girl wasn’t doing it easy for you.
“Spencer, I can’t,” you sobbed. Spencer kissed your head and stroked your hand.
“I know you’re exhausted, my love. But you’re almost there. We’re going to meet our little girl. Want that, right, my little pumpkin?” he talked now to your belly. The waiting room is full of aunts and uncles, ready to see you. They already love you, even if they didn't know about you until three hours ago,” Spencer pointed, and you let out a little chuckle in the middle of the pain.
The feeling of being cared for and loved gave you the last ounce of energy you needed. In the next contraction, you pushed harder, ending with a loud baby cry. Your daughter was here.
When they put her in your arms, wrapped in a white blanket, you couldn't believe it. She was the most beautiful baby in the world—the best combination between Spencer and you.
“You did so good, my love. She’s wonderful, and she’s here with us,” Spencer said, voice full of emotion and tears freely rolling down his cheeks.
You couldn’t stop looking at her.
“Our little big secret,” you cooed. “You’re a lucky baby already,” you whispered to her. Spencer chuckled.
“Should I go to tell them?” He asked you.
“They will kill you if you don’t,” you quipped.
When Spencer showed up in the waiting room, Hotch, Rossi, and JJ were there too.
All eyes were on him.
“A 7 pounds, 2 ounces, and 19.6 inches healthy baby girl,” Spencer announced, the biggest grin plastered on his face.
The room erupted in cheers and claps, everyone taking turns to hug the new father.
Once everyone calmed down, Spencer cleared his throat.
“I want to apologize for keeping this from you. I don't want you to think I don't trust or care enough to tell you about the important things in my life. It's just- you know,” Spencer trailed off. Rossi patted his shoulder.
“We know, kid. We really do,” the older man assured him.
“Yeah, Spence. We understand. That doesn't mean it’s not a big thing, but we get it,” JJ seconded.
“We are just jealous because Hotch was the only one who knew,” Garcia scoffed.
“Boss privilege, I guess,” Hotch shrugged, making the rest laugh.
“Well, being (Y/N) and baby Reid not a little big secret anymore, we can meet them properly, right?” Morgan pointed.
“Oh, yes! Please! I want to meet my goddaughter!” Garcia chirped, and Spencer looked at her, frowning.
“Don’t look at me like that, doctor. I won the privilege when I held that poor woman in pain,” she added.
“Maybe you’ll be the godmother, but I’ll be the cool aunt,” Emily chirped.
“And I’ll be Papa Rossi,” David seconded.
Spencer shook his head, laughing as everyone on the team fought for a place in his daughter's life.
He was so happy to have you and baby Reid. But now his happiness was complete knowing he could share it, and his whole found family could be part of it.
-------
Spencer Reid's Taglist: @dreatine​ @nomajdetective @jayyeahthatsme @rosalinasam2 @averyhotchner @tvandfanfic @lovelyxtom @princessmiaelicia @pastelbabygirl19 @reidsbookclub @alexxavicry @gspenc @spencerreidisbae123 @calmspencer @pauline5525mgg @disaster-in-waiting @anamiad00msday @milivanili99 @laylasbunbunny @leahblackk @miaxx03 @missabsey @taintedstranger
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lilaccmilk · 3 months ago
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synopsis: what happens when the most powerful and feared leader, who’s known to be a lycan, visits your village, he finds himself drawn to you, the chief’s daughter. In exchange for your tribe’s protection, he seeks something far more personal—your hand in marriage.
a/n: i apologise in advance for any inaccuracies, i tried my best. plus i didn’t really expect that this would get so long.
wc: 1.3k words
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Being the strongest and the most feared leader amongst all the other tribes, had everything he needed— power, riches, respect and what not. Everything except one– a mate. And he never really put an effort to find her. Busy between winning wars and handling his tribe after his father had followed his mother into Valhalla, leaving behind a young boy to lead the tribe. But now as he drew into his late twenties, his closest friend and second in command—Ragnar suggested he should find his mate.
That was months ago, he still hadn’t ventured to find his mate. But he did have to travel to different tribes, or invite different leaders for political discussions, which usually consisted of them asking for protection from him, in return they’d give harvests, gold, fur coats, clothing. It was a fine cycle.
Right now was such another time, he found himself in a small village that settled on the banks of a dominant river. The village was beautiful, it looked like it belonged in the mystical stories his mother used to tell him when he was a child. It was almost the most beautiful thing he had seen. Almost. Until his eyes laid upon you. You seemed to embody the essence of those ancient tales—radiant and pure, as if touched by the gods themselves.
You were a healer in your village, using both herbs and magic to heal. But today the whole village was on their toes, after all the strongest leader among all tribes was visiting your village. In exchange for his protection, your village had prepared gifts for him— herbs, weapons, harvest. And on top of it all, there was supposed to be a huge feast tonight to honour him.
You had heard rumours and stories of him, how he was the strongest warrior, ruthless, most feared and a lycan. Him being a lycan was partly the reason as to why he was feared, why people always wanted to stay on the good side of him. A few tribes who had dared challenge him were quickly defeated by him.
You were by the riverside, gathering some plants that grew there for the feast tonight. You hadn’t expected him and a few members of his tribe to arrive so soon. Moreover, you hadn’t expected him to look so…..majestic. Yes, majestic was a word that could be used to describe him, despite the scar that was running across his eye. A sleek line, probably from a battle he was in, only added to his charm. When he talked to your village chief, you could see his teeth, his canines a bit pointed. His eyes were fierce. You found yourself growing shy and quickly looked away. You finished gathering the herbs and walked away.
He could feel your eyes on him, it gave his inner beast a sense of satisfaction, subconsciously he puffed out his chest, his beast growling in pride, happy to be the subject of your attention. He quickly greeted the elders of your village and the chief, growing a bit impatient, he wanted to talk to you, after what felt like an eternity, the endless exchange of pleasantries was finally over. They suggested they’d show the place where him and his men would stay for the night, but he sent Ragnar, he looked to where you were, but you were already gone. He growled in annoyance.
It was a council meet where him and his men along with the village chief and elder council were gathered to establish the conditions of the pact. All members of your village were gathered around. His eyes endlessly searched the crowd around him until they landed on you. He smirked, and whilst they offered the gifts, he interrupted the chief, ”I don’t want all that” his voice cut through the room like ice, your chief’s eyes widened, but before the chief could speak, he continued, “I want her to be my bride, to come along with me to my village as my mate.” His finger was pointed towards you. Gasps rung through the crowd, murmurs of approvals were heard. But you, it felt like you had fallen into a frozen lake in the middle of winter. But just as soon as that coldness drowsed you, warmth enveloped you when you saw his eyes soften.
He could see Ragnar smile? smirk? He couldn’t pay attention to his friend’s reaction, not when your lips parted so prettily in shock, he had this immense urge to kiss you, take your lips between his teeth, taste you. But not yet, soon.
The chief spoke up, almost relieved that the pact was still being formed, although the exchange a bit different, “Yes. Of course. She will be your bride. Come forth child.” the chief signalled you to move closer. Ever since your parents gave you away left you on the banks of the river, the chief and his wife, unable to have children of their own had taken you in. They’d always treated you like you were their own blood. Perhaps it was true, blood may run thicker than water, but the blood of the covenant was stronger than the water of the womb.
So you did as he said, coming closer to the council table. Your chief was standing with him. As you reached the man you called father all these years, you felt a weird sense of satisfaction as you looked at the man standing next to him. He took your hand and placed it into your future groom’s. He declared your betrothal to him.
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After the council meet, he had to begrudgingly let go of your hand to discuss some political matters. You hadn’t dare look into his eyes the entire time your hand was in his. As he sat down to discuss, you quickly bid your goodbye to him and your father and went to the kitchens to assist your friends in supper.
The entire time they giggled and teased you for being the first one of them all to get betrothed. You had a smile in your face as you thought back to it. It was scary too, because of the rumours. But you didn’t let them get to your head, you’d get to know the man by yourself.
After the you all were done cooking the feast, you went to wear some presentable clothes. You braided your hair in a pretty hairstyle, subconsciously trying to look prettier, ‘not like it is for him’ you muttered to yourself.
You all were gathered together, the lavish feast laid out on the huge table surrounded with chair. Two large chairs sat at head of the table. One for the village chief and one for him.
You looked around to see if he and his men had arrived. You didn’t see him anywhere so you thought you’d sit with your friends, but before you could turn around, you felt a hard chest press into your back, you were going to push them back but then you heard the voice, “Hello my love, I believe a proper conversation between us is due, is it not?” his voice rumbled and you felt yourself growing hot. “I believe so.” you replied. He hummed in satisfaction as you exchanged your names. He asked about you, the things you liked, the things you didn’t like. Then it was time for the feast to start, you started going to take your place, but you were stopped by his hand curling around your wrist. “You are not straying far from me, my mate.” And that was how you found yourself on his lap the entire evening, you could feel his chest pressing into your back with every movement he made. The night passed like a blur. You couldn’t get enough sleep the entire night.
The morning came with a promise of your new life. You bid goodbye to your loved ones, he helped you get onto his horse and sat behind you, taking the reins and caging you in between his strong arms. He nuzzled his nose into your neck and placed a chaste kiss in the junction of your neck and shoulder. The journey would take two days. You would rest at someplace in makeshift tents for a night. You both got to know each other, he told you about his tribe, his parents and what did ‘mates’ mean.
It was a pleasant journey. As you reached his tribe, the people welcomed you with utmost kindness, care and respect. They held a feast. You had a good feeling about this all, your new life, with a man who has sworn to protect you with his life, the man who claimed you the second he saw you.
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if you guys like this, i’m thinking of turning this into like a mini series or something. lemme know! id love to hear your thoughts and inputs.
stay hydrated <3
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zae-heeyyy · 5 months ago
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Boisterous
Summary: Arthur takes you to The Loft. Pairing: Arthur Morgan x Female!Reader Word Count: 2,095 Warnings: 18+ MDNI Tags: rough sex, unprotected p in v, overstimulation, biting
a/n: I somehow ended up spending literal hours trying to perfect this drawing. I traced a lot and freehanded a lot too, but overall, I'm happy with the final product. TYSM for taking the time to read, like, reply, and reblog; I appreciate every interaction!
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Boisterous: behavior that is loud, energetic, and often unruly. It describes a person or situation that is full of noisy enthusiasm.
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When Arthur found "The Loft" two nights ago, he was grateful to sleep in a bed surrounded by four sturdy walls. The accommodation would've been perfect, but you were missing from it all. Lewd images of your past escapades together infiltrated his mind as he tried to sleep, and he made his best efforts to push them aside. Your pretty face lit up his brain, and he wrapped his hand around his cock, trying his best to imitate the ecstasy only you could make him feel. No grip was as delectable as yours, though, and despite a quick release, he was more pent-up than ever. He needed you there with him and planned to sweep you up and bring you back as soon as the sun rose.
The cowboy's sonorous voice roused you from your dreams about him, the early morning sun casting a golden glow on his face as he leaned over you. His beard had grown since the few days you'd last seen him.
"Get dressed. M'taking you somewhere."
Without a second thought, you joined him on the back of his horse within the hour. Arthur spared the details of this urgent impromptu trip, keeping you in suspense for the duration of the ride.
In a few hours, you'd passed through Valentine, went by Fort Wallace, and climbed up into the mountains of the Grizzlies East. As you rode on, the clouds grew thick and gray, and the smell of petrichor filled your nostrils. Arthur caressed a hand you had wrapped around his waist, reassuring you.
"Almost there."
But you weren't close enough; the atmosphere released a torrential downpour in the last fifteen minutes of your journey, leaving you drenched. A little after noon, you reached a towering outpost that Arthur coined, The Loft. Arthur ushered you inside, futilely shielding you from the rain and promising the heat of a fireplace as he closed the door behind you.
While you stood, rubbing your arms for warmth, Arthur checked for signs of other people, climbing a ladder and peaking over the top for a second before sliding down.
You two were all alone, finally.
When he got a good look at you, he realized just how soaked you were, the layers of your clothes sticking to you and showing every curve of your body. Arthur swallowed, mouth salivating from the view of your hard nipples peeking through your blouse.
All the blood left his head and traveled south, damn near making him dizzy. Maybe he should've been embarrassed, but he was just a man, and you were the most alluring thing ever.
Two large steps were all it took to get to you. One hand found the back of your head, and the other rested on your hip as he drew your lips to his, practically swallowing you in a scalding kiss.
You could feel the groan rumbling in his chest, and you giggled against his lips. The noise crescendoed as his lips separated from yours to find your jaw and neck. He rested his forehead on your shoulder, inhaling your scent while the hand on the back of your head traveled to the small of your back.
"Mmm," he hummed, eyes nearly rolling to the back of his head. "I missed y'so much."
And he had you all alone, truly alone, for the first time in your relationship. He'd been waiting to make love to you the way he really wanted. Your previous rendezvous were hushed, whispered, and sneaky, your moans muffled by Arthur's lips or hand. Even when he whisked you away to a hotel, he was keenly aware of everybody else around who could hear the two of you. Turning you into a whimpering mess filled him with fervent pride, but he wanted those parts of you, especially the sounds you made, all to himself.
The thought of finally hearing all those pretty little noises at full volume was enough to rile him up, and his hand groped your breast, kneading with a force he hadn't used on you before. You shivered against him; some of it was from your arousal, but the other part was the cold.
"The fire, Arthur," you said, shoving him off playfully. Grunting, he tore away from you, grateful for a log near the stove.
While his back was turned, you peeled the wet clothes off your body and dropped your blouse on the floor. Arthur spun back around right as you stepped out of your skirt, leaving you clad in your bloomers and nothing else. His breath hitched in his throat as if it were the first time your body had been bestowed upon him.
"Straight outta my dreams," he declared, his blue eyes shining with pure avidity. And just like that, Arthur strode across the room, dragging a chair with him and putting it against the door nob, just in case. You were back in his arms in an instant, his kisses emphasized with unadulterated sounds of pleasure. A rough hand slid into the waistband of your bloomers and grabbed a fistful of your ass, squeezing, letting go, and repeating.
You sigh breathlessly as he feels you up, leaning into his touch. Then without warning, he tastes you hungrily, tongue fucking your mouth.
His chest vibrates with titillation again, and you're hoisted up into his arms just a beat later, his hands cupping your rear. You squeal, wrapping your legs around his waist and holding on tight as he carries you across the room and dumps you on blue cotton blankets. Breathing heavily, you watch under eyes saturated with desire as he promptly removes his own damp clothes.
You were just as taken aback by his body as he was with yours. Brown curls adorned his chest and stomach and gathered in a carnal wreath around his manhood. Touching him was like running your hands over a textured map: his scars, old and new, like rivers and valleys, while his muscles, firm and hot, were mountains and volcanoes. You could spend eternity exploring that map. Arthur would never get used to you ogling him in such a way, but now your hungry eyes lured him to you.
He climbed on top of you, pinning you under his weight. Usually, he'd ask if you were okay, but you answered the question before he'd even asked by tangling your legs around his waist and crossing your ankles to bring him closer.
His hard-on brushed against your leg, making him shudder. You helped him remove the last garment of clothes between the two of you, lifting your hips to help him pull the bloomers down your legs and off your feet.
Arthur normally took his time meticulously exploring you, leaving kisses in his wake, but damn it, the thought of the sweet grip of your pussy had been on his mind for days, and he needed it now.
His forehead leaned against yours, and he clutched your jaw, holding your face still to gawk at it. If someone saw him this way, they'd think he'd just completed a full sprint, every exhale coming out in a loud pant. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, turning him animalistic. He couldn't wait any longer.
The gunslinger dipped his head to look between you, a guttural utterance escaping him as you spread your legs, exposing your needy cunt. He held his cock, nearly discolored from being so hard, and rubbed it up and down your center, coating himself in your juices.
"Need you, woman," he bellows. The bass in his voice sends goosebumps spreading down your arms, and you nod, mouth agape, eyes staring into his. His jaw also hinges as he watches himself disappear inside you. Once wholly sheathed, he moans long and loud, a stark contrast to his regular subduedness.
You'd never seen him like this, so desperate and uninhibited. Your body responds to the unexpected but welcomed change, your pussy clenching around him, making both of you jolt. Holding himself up on his forearms, he rocks his hips into you at a steady pace, leaning down to kiss your neck.
Shy and coy Arthur had left the building, replaced by wolfish Arthur, willing to howl and snarl for what he wanted. And in the moment, he wanted to brand you with his mouth. Bruising you was defacing a masterpiece, but it was a crime he was happy to commit. He was an outlaw, after all. He nipped at your neck with his teeth, leaving a mark before moving on to another spot to do the same.
You cried out, the first orgasm of the night building within you. He knew your body well and adjusted to give you what you needed, straightening his back, digging his thumbs into your ribs, and pistoning in and out, his hand going to rub your clit. Head tipped back, he moaned, no, roared, with every thrust.
You knew this was rare: Arthur Morgan losing complete control of himself. He was lost in you, lost in your wetness, lost in your tightness, and lost in those sounds. His head snapped down, and he stared right through you, eyes wild.
"Let me hear you," he demanded, slowing his strokes to get your attention. Head spinning, you gasped, too cock drunk to pay attention to what he was saying.
Grumbling, he pulled out of you to switch positions, now standing on the side of the bed. He guided you back to him, aligning your backside with his crotch. He hugged you to his chest, your back pressed into him. Your hands instantly went to his forearm, holding onto him as he practically held you in the air.
"I said let me hear you," he growled in your ear, accenting each word of his demand with an electrifying pulse of his hips. You arched your back into him, his name coming off your lips like thunder.
"That's it, darlin’."
Perverse sounds of wet skin slapping together and boisterous cries filled the cabin.
You were starting to see stars, your vision blurring as you focused on the pressure building in your insides, wanting so desperately for it to boil over. Your toes dug into the buckskin rug at your feet, trying to keep the rest of your body upright.
Arthur was a machine, pounding into you with the goal of bringing both of you to the edge. He didn't relent—didn't show any mercy for the mess you'd become under him. It was overstimulating in the best way possible.
You just needed a second, just one, to get your barrings. Attempting to scoot forward for that break was futile. Arthur moved with you, his length plunging deeper than ever.
"C'mere," he growled as his cock grazed against that sweet spot in the depths of your core, making you holler out and lose the little balance you had left. It didn't matter, though; he held you taught against him, pinning your body between him and the bed. Keeping one arm wrapped around you, the other touched you right where you craved.
"Now," he groaned into your ear, fingers circling your clit antagonizingly slow. A chuckle exited him as you melted to his touch. "Want you to come undone right here. Can you do that for me?"
Droplets of sweat fell from his head onto your back, and you moaned out, "Y-yes, Arthur."
You didn't take long then; a wave of warmth crashed over you as your velvet walls contracted around him, making the man curse into the now-hot cabin air. His hips kept their steady rhythm as you came, Arthur chasing his own climax now.
"Good girl, good girl, good girl," He moaned with every thrust as you clenched around him. He folded himself in half, once again putting his full weight on you, his heart pounding against your back like a drum. More erratic now, his rhythm lost its steady cadence as his balls tightened, his orgasm coursing through his veins.
He pulled out of you, one hand still gripping your side as the other one pumped furiously at his cock. Moaning, whimpering, and whining, Arthur threw his head back as hot spurts of his lust splattered across your back.
Hand falling from your hip, his breath slowed as clarity flowed back into his eyes. Using his discarded bandana, he wiped his sins away from your back before gently rolling you over. He scratched the back of his neck, a sly grin making home on his face as he watched you splayed out and spent. Arthur had gotten everything he'd ever wanted: a bed, four walls, and you.
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haveagarbageday · 4 months ago
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Love at first sight \\ Max Verstappen
summary: Max meets his new neighbor and her dog. They spend some time together, and he can't help but realize this might be love at first sight.
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In the last few races they had been suffering, there was no better word to describe it, and Max was getting more and more frustrated as the time passed without any progress. He did all he could to help, he gave them his opinions and ideas, but nothing seemed to work properly. Yes, the races hadn’t been catastrophic, he tried to do his damn best to bring some precious points home, but it wasn’t good to see that the McLarens turned into rocket ships, Mercedes had some great races, and don’t even get him started on Charles dragging that shitbox Ferrari into higher positions.
So, no, he wasn’t in a good mood, and used the break to sulk in his apartment for a week, only leaving if it was absolutely necessary. Today was one of those days; he had no choice but to go and pick up something he ordered, but he wasn’t expecting to meet anyone on the way. Well, he wished he wouldn’t meet anyone. But the moment he stepped out of his apartment, he saw a woman stand in front of an apartment that had been empty for a while now, locking the door while her dog seemed to be very interested in him.
“Oliver, just let me lock the door, it will only take a second,” you told the dog when he tried to pull you over to him, but it was a Staffordshire terrier if he wasn’t mistaken, and they were quite strong, so no wonder you were yanked after your stubborn pet. That’s when you looked up and noticed him, and you flashed an apologetic smile at him right away. “Sorry, I don’t know what got into him, he’s usually not interested in strangers.”
The dog sniffed his leg, then moved on to check out his hand, and he seemingly came to the conclusion that he was a likable human, because he began to wag his tail excitedly, and even jumped up on him with his front legs. Max wasn’t happy by the sudden attention, but he could have sworn it seemed like the dog was smiling at him, so his heart melted a little and he couldn’t help but pet him on the head.
“Are you sure he doesn’t like strangers?” he asked with a laugh.
You shrugged. “I don’t know anymore. I mean, when he met my friends back home, he completely ignored them and decided to retreat into my bedroom to be away from the noise. Then after moving here, we stopped to talk to someone on the street, and when the poor girl tried to befriend him, he just turned around and began to pull me away from her,” you added.
Max took a better look at you, and your kind smile and shining eyes didn’t leave him unaffected. You were gorgeous in your own, unique way, different from all the girls he was used to seeing in his life, and a voice in the back of his mind began to convince him to shift the conversation to you. He wanted to know more, he wanted to be your friend, and maybe later he would ask you out on a date, because he really wished he could find out where your relationship could go.
Was this love at first sight? Was this the feeling so many people talked about?
“Do you have a destination or are you just going for a walk around the neighborhood?” he asked you, fidgeting with his watch as he waited.
For a moment, you only watched him with a surprised look, but then you looked down at you dog and let out a thoughtful him. “Well, I usually go wherever he wants to go. I know, not really an alpha-type behavior from me,” you added with a sheepish grin.
God, your smile was contagious, because his own lips curled into a wide smile at this. “How about joining me? There’s a store a few blocks away where I have to pick up a package, but there’s a dog park if we take a little detour if I’m not mistaken. We could stop there on the way back.”
You glanced down at your dog who was still wagging his tail as he watched him, so you eventually nodded and told him it sounded like a good plan. It was nice to know you weren’t against spending time with him, and it made him believe you might be open to the possibility of getting to know him better, maybe under different circumstances. He liked your dog, but there were things he would rather do without him being around. Or his cats being around for that matter, but they were usually minding their own business anyway.
Then again, he was getting ahead of himself. You were just getting to know each other; he didn’t even know your name. So, once you got into the elevator, he decided to introduce himself. You nodded, telling him you knew who he was, then assured him you weren’t some crazy fan who was obsessed with him as you supported Ferrari. That hurt, but it was still better than being a McLaren fan at this point of the season. You told him your name, and even told him you just moved here since your remote job didn’t require you to stay in your home country.
Once you opened up about your life, he began to empty the backlog of questions he had in his mind, asking you about your job, your family, your hobbies, and when you got to the dog park and let Oliver run around, he even dared to bring up the question he deemed the most important: “Did you move here on your own?” Because he was afraid you would say you came here with your boyfriend, which would mean he didn’t have a chance with you. But you only smiled and shook your head, and he could tell you understood what the question was really about.
“I came on my own, and before you ask, I’m single at the moment,” you told him as you took out your dog’s ball from your bag to throw it for him.
Max watched as Oliver brought it back, but instead of you, he decided to put it down in front of him, so he obediently bent down to pick it up and threw it away again. “That’s not why I asked,” he lied, earning an adorable laugh from you. “I’m serious.”
“All right, that’s not why you brought it up then,” you said with a grin as you nudged his arm with your shoulder. “Can it be my turn to ask questions?” you wondered as you looked up at him.
At this point, you could have asked for anything. You were so nice and kind, almost to the point it hinted at your underlying naivety, and he just felt like being the person who could love you the way you deserved, and who could protect you from mean people who might want to hurt you. It was a strange feeling he hadn’t experienced before, this protective instinct that came to the surface as he talked to you. He was drawn to you, and if it was up to him, he would have kept you in his apartment while he wanted to stay away from the rest of the world.
He didn’t even notice that he got lost in his thoughts, because he was brought back to reality when he heard you let out a thoughtful hum next to him. He almost asked you what you were thinking about, but then he remembered your question and cleared his throat. “Sure, ask away.”
To his surprise, you didn’t try to dig deep into his personal life. You asked about his cats, his hobbies, you wondered how he handled being away so much since you would probably go crazy from going from country to country all year despite loving to travel, and you closed your little interview session with a question he barely got with such sincere honesty: “How are you?” People were rarely interested in this. They asked him how he was after races, how he felt about the car or his results, but this was a question for him, the person behind the real and sim racing mask.
At first, he didn’t even know what to say. He wanted to say, “I’m frustrated because our car is terrible,” but at the same time it was also on the tip of his tongue to say something along the lines of, “I’m feeling a lot better now that I met you.” But while one was related to racing, which he didn’t feel like mentioning, the other simply made it too obvious that he was slowly falling for you. Considering you only met about two hours ago, it was almost pathetic how much he wished he could ask you out without sounding weird.
But the time wasn’t right, you would need some more time to loosen up even more around him, to get to know him in a way a lot of people never got to. In the end he decided to say something neutral. “Not in the best mood, but at least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel,” he replied.
“And what’s that light? New upgrades? Or the end of the season?” you asked him with a mysterious smile.
You.
He couldn’t say that though, not without sounding like a creep. “A mix of different things,” he replied after a short break.
After a nod, you called your dog to put him on the leash again, but he was feeling really good where he was, lying on his side and enjoying the sunshine. “I guess Oliver is so tired he’ll sleep through the rest of the day,” you told Max with a laugh, then left to collect the dog.
The three of you walked back to the apartment building, spending that time talking about casual topics, and eventually you said goodbye, then disappeared behind your front door. He stood there on the hallway for a short while, watching it as if you would return any second, but deep down he knew you wouldn’t come. He should have asked you to have dinner with him, he should have given you his number. Just in case you needed something, of course, after all you were neighbors, it was the bare minimum to have the chance to contact the other.
He spent an hour or two in the sim rig, then he somehow found himself looking for you on social media apps, hoping he could find you. And after some digging, he finally stumbled upon your account, and he didn’t hesitate to send you a DM. All he did was write about how you could always write if you needed something or if you wanted to talk, and that simple message turned into a long conversation, one that made him forget about the sim race that took place that evening. If it wasn’t for the phone call he got, he wouldn’t have remembered it.
In the morning when he woke up, the first thing he did was checking his phone to see if there were any new notifications that could interest him. And there was one that stood out: “You awake? I don’t know about you, but I’m starving. How does brunch sound?” He had never typed a response faster than now that he sent you a single word: “Perfect.”
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parkerluvsu · 4 months ago
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Hi, this is my first question. Could you do college Art with a ballet dancer girlfriend?
college! art donaldson x ballet dancer! reader (headcanons, sfw & nsfw)
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sfw:
- you first bump into him on your way to an early class, your big duffle bag partly obscuring your view, causing you to run into another person with a huge bag as well. art, the gentleman, helps you pick up your stuff, noticing the ballet shoes and tights in your bag, but before he can say anything about it, you stride to your class, obviously in a hurry.
- art quickly figures out that the route back to his dorm takes him right in front of your classroom, the large windows letting him watch you gracefully twirl and arabesque in front of the tall mirrors, your face focused on keeping your moves clean and precise. art tries his best not to linger long, not wanting to look like a creep spying on the class, but he definitely slows down in front of your class every day to catch more glimpses of you.
- as the year goes on, you see art more and more, seeing him enough to feel comfortable shooting him a smile or a little wave when you see him on your walk to class. you don't know he's keeping an eye on you during your classes, but knowing he plays tennis, you have pushed yourself to go to some games, taking time to learn when arts playing, usually it's doubles with a dark haired boy, but you prefer when he's playing alone.
- maybe you're just trying to find more in common with him, but you do truly think he would make a good ballet dancer, even though he's aggressive on the court, there's a certain gracefullness that he has when he plays, even his serve with his arms up in the air looks like he's in 5th position, his face focused before he hits the ball and flits around the court.
- one day, while waving to the crowd after a game winning hit, art sees you, catching your eye, hes obviously shocked, you didn't seem like the type to like tennis.. and he hopes you just came to watch him play, and he tries to catch your eye again every time he has a chance, while he's packing his rackets, while he's doing an interview and any other second he can find to admire you.
- at the next game, art is on a mission to talk to you, leaving his student interview early to rush after you, weaving through the crowd of people to look for you. he taps on multiple people's shoulders, mistaking them for you until he finally recognizes the signature large duffel bag you aways carry.
- youre surprised when you turn around and see him, his taller figure looming over you. "hi.. um i saw you in the crowd" he says. you smile, happy that he finally reached out. "youre art right? you played really well today.. i don't know much about tennis but you're a great player" you compliment him and his ears flush a pretty pink. art looks down "thank you.. that means a lot.. i mean you're a great dancer, ive seen you in class before" he says, not mentioning that he was purposely watching you every time he could.
- yet again, you have to rush off to your class, but this time you give art your number, immediately texting him after class. art is sweet, he texts you whenever he can, asking questions about ballet and your classes and everything in between, little do you know, arts remembering every little thing, trying to show you that he cares. he manages to learn that you're having a recital soon, cancelling practice that night to make sure he's free.
- when that night comes around, art sits with a pretty bouquet of flowers in his lap, watching you, absolutely enamored by your sense of balance and rhythm, the tap of your pointe shoes on the stage almost hypnotizing him. art waits for you backstage, holding out the flowers for you and showering you in compliments. you kiss him that night, smiling when he immediately asks you to be his girlfriend. you nod, and the rest is history.
- one word to describe art is "sweetheart". he truly is the sweetest, and you bet he'd pretty much do anything you ask him to. he always brings you snacks and water after class, now that he can actually sit and watch you practice without seeming weird. one of his favorite activities to do with you is stretch out with you, the exercise helping both of you prepare for your sports, art definitely isn't as flexible as you, but you like to tease him by touching your toes and watching him topple and fall over trying, but honestly, art doesn't care, the laugh you let out is worth the small embarrassment.
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nsfw:
- it's never a surprise when your little stretching sessions turn into something else with art.. but he can't help himself, the way your body bends is just so alluring to him, and he offers to help you relax, his thumbs rubbing circles into your muscles, feeling you relax under him.
- art treats you like glass, like you could break at any second, he never squeezes you too hard, or manhandles you too roughly, despite how much he may want to. he never likes to fuck you in positions where he can't see your face, he relies on your expressions to see if you're in pain, and he loves the faces you make when you feel good, much different to your serious face when dancing. (the only exception is when he fucks you in prone bone, he likes the position cuz he loves to feel so close to you).
- art definitely has a hard time understanding guys who say they would never eat a woman out.. it's his favorite thing to do for you! sometimes you have to push his head out of your thighs, he's just so eager to help you relive your stress, and it helps him too, sometimes he's so calm when he does it that he lays his head on your inner thigh and falls asleep.
- art is absolutely the type of guy who feels bad asking for things from you, so you don't give him oral very often, even though you argue that it's just as pleasurable for you as it is for him, he usually says no. however, when art is nervous for a game, there's no better way to get him to relax than sucking on his pretty cock, letting your fingers dance around the sensitive skin around his hips, while your lips close around his pink tip (almost the same color as your new ballet shoes).
- art is... loud. louder than any guy you've ever been with, and you'd never tell it to his face, but if you weren't in the room with him, youd think that it was a girl that was moaning and whining, instead of art. he tends to babble when he's inside of you, not filtering his words like he always does, mostly just whines of, "oh god... youre so warm..", "you look so pretty.. youre so pretty.." and "gonna take care of you.. im here im right here.."
- as for aftercare, art takes the lead most of the time, grabbing a warm cloth immediately and wiping you off, his touch gentle and soft. plus, sleeping skin to skin is his favorite way of sleeping with you, so usually you both just fall asleep right away. (sometimes it leads to a second round cuz art just can't stop his hips from rutting into your soft thighs <3).
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bosbas · 22 days ago
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Chapter 2: I won't confess that I waited, but I let the lamp burn
series masterlist previous part || next part
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pairing: anthony bridgerton x fem!daphne's best friend!reader WC: 2.1k words
Warnings: period-typical gender roles, idiots in love, i still ship daphne and y/n tbh, daphne kinda going wild but i still love her your honor she's just a girl
Summary: At her wit's end after Anthony's multiple attempts to scare away her suitors, Daphne employs her best friend's help to keep her brother distracted while she tries to find a husband. It's a foolproof plan, except it ends up working a little too well. (or, a Bridgerton version of The Taming of the Shrew/10 things I hate about you)
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May 27, 1812 - It was two weeks after Daphne had finally started being able to talk to her suitors, and you couldn’t help but feel your excitement bubbling when you saw her speaking with Phillip Norwood once again. He had little money, at least for Mayfair standards, and no title to speak of, but he made your best friend laugh. And that was all you really wanted from the man who would potentially be her husband. 
You were interrupted from over-analyzing Daphne’s body language toward her suitor by someone clearing their throat next to you. 
“Anthony!” you exclaimed as you turned, happy to see him. “I hadn't seen you tonight, my apologies.” 
Just as the eldest Bridgerton began to respond, you caught Daphne laughing what could only be described as a flirty giggle, while Mr Norwood placed a hand on her upper arm. Distracted, you squinted to see if your best friend had placed a hand on his arm, too. You couldn’t wait until tomorrow when you would hear all about this encounter. You had been hearing about Mr Norwood for a few days now, and it was endearing to see how taken Daphne was with him.
“Hmm?” you asked Anthony, having entirely missed what he had said. 
“I was just wondering whether you were going to… ask me to dance,” repeated Anthony, uncharacteristically hesitant.
You distractedly took in his words, tearing your eyes away from Daphne and seeing the man in front of you nervously rubbing his neck as he waited for your response. 
“Oh, right,” you said, remembering where you were. You were supposed to stop Daphne’s brother from obsessing over her and her suitor, not obsessing over them yourself!
“The past few balls you’ve asked me to dance; I had just come to expect it at this point,” continued Anthony, still seeming a bit off-kilter as he reminded you that dancing with him had become a quasi-routine. “I didn’t know whether I’d done something to upset you or if you simply didn’t feel like dancing tonight.”
Seeing Phillip start to kiss Daphne’s gloved hand out of the corner of your eye brought you back to your senses completely. 
“Not at all; I’d love to dance!” you blurted out, turning Anthony so his sister and her admirer were directly behind him.
You quickly grabbed Anthony’s hand and led him to the dance floor, tripping over yourself in an attempt to distract your best friend’s brother.
Almost instinctually, Anthony grabbed your waist to keep you from falling, an arm placed firmly around you as he held you close to him. When you finally felt solid ground again, you met his eyes. 
“Thank you,” you breathed, suddenly feeling extremely aware of where his hands were placed and just how close your chest was to his. “I’ve just been a tad distracted tonight,” you apologized, doing your best to ignore how close his mouth was to yours.
Once again, as had become habitual, the pair of you began to dance. In all honesty, it was a delightful endeavor, at least for you. It was quite unexplainable, really, but you and Anthony seemed to move as one, and you had never expected something as simple as a dance to feel so… right. 
“This is the first time you’ve asked me to dance, you know,” you teased Anthony as he spun you around. 
“Is it?” he responded, amused at your observation. “Would you like me to call on you tomorrow, too, or is asking you for a dance enough?” 
You knew he was only teasing, but you grew flustered nonetheless, tripping over your feet and almost falling to the ground once again. Even though Anthony was there to steady you with a hand on your hip and another wrapped around you, you ripped his hands away from you.
“No! That wasn’t– I mean, I didn’t–” you spluttered, an unexplained panic rising in you. 
“I was only joking, Y/N,” he said softly, eyes wide as he took in your extreme reaction to what was meant to be a light-hearted comment. He supposed you very well and truly weren’t interested in him. And though this was a fact he knew already, this did nothing to quell the slight pang of disappointment he felt as he looked at the beautiful woman in front of him.
As the music ended and he led you back to the crowd, Anthony muttered to himself, “Though there are only so many times we can dance without courting before it’s considered improper.” 
He shouldn’t have asked you to dance tonight, he scolded himself. Look at you, practically trembling at the mere idea of Anthony calling on you tomorrow. He should have just let it lie and not come to talk to you tonight. As was his nature, he would never forgive himself if your standing in the ton suffered because of a silly crush he could never act upon.
“Would it really be considered a scandal?” you inquired, feeling a tad self-conscious because you and Anthony had danced at every ball for the last two weeks. 
Mortified, he turned to face you properly. “I didn’t mean for you to hear that,” he apologized. “But I promise you have nothing to worry about. It's only been a few dances, and seeing how close you are to our family it's hardly worthy of any gossip.”
Breathing a sigh of relief, you nodded at Anthony, feeling much more calm. 
Trying to lighten the mood, you teased him. “I didn’t know you cared what people thought of you, seeing how you’re the biggest rake in all of England, and probably beyond, too."
He rolled his eyes bashfully, never until this moment having felt embarrassed about how easily he was able to charm women, unmarried or otherwise. 
“Well, I don’t care about what it means for me,” he said as if it were obvious. “I have no plans to marry anytime soon. But I’d like for you to be able to court anyone you want whenever you feel ready.”
“Oh,” you breathed, taken aback by how earnest Anthony was being. “I didn’t know you were so concerned about my prospects,” you said finally.
Quite nonchalantly, Anthony responded, “I vowed to my father to take care of you and my sisters, and I have no plans of betraying that promise.”
You felt your face growing hot. Perhaps it was the sincerity of the Bridgerton’s words, or perhaps it was how easily he showed his concern for you, but you had never felt quite so taken care of. 
Your mouth was wholly uncooperative, and you couldn’t find the words to respond. Instead, you reached for Anthony’s hand and squeezed it, hoping it was enough to communicate how much you appreciated him. 
His easy smile as he squeezed your hand back told you that he had heard your message with clarity. 
Turning to scan the ballroom, Anthony grumbled, “Now where on Earth is Daphne? If she’s with that Norwood fellow again I swear I’ll ban her from leaving the house again.”
“I'm sure I have no idea,” you said innocently, having just seen the pair hand in hand as they made their way to the dance floor.
“Good-for-nothing rake without even so much as a title,” he muttered, setting off in the direction of his mother in the hope that she would know where Daphne was.
You shook your head amusedly. It was alarmingly easy to slip into this routine with him. You had known the Bridgertons for most of your life, but it had never felt so… natural with any of the other boys in the family as it did with Anthony recently.
But you paid this no mind. At least Daphne was getting to find a love match, Phillip Norwood or otherwise. So what if you were having a bit of fun with your ploy? You got to dance at ton balls without having to court anyone and watch your best friend fall in love at the same time. There didn’t really seem to be any downsides to Daphne’s little plan. 
“Daphne, I can’t do that,” you insisted, your voice firm. "I don't even want to do that!"
“Please, Y/N. It’s the only way,” she begged.
Standing in front of you in your sunroom, on a perfectly normal Friday, she was asking you to start properly courting Anthony. As if it wasn't one of the most preposterous things you'd ever heard. As if your worth in society as a woman came almost entirely from whom you married, and she was asking you to make a mockery of it.
It had been two weeks of you breaking all social norms and asking Anthony to dance with you, and in the meantime, Daphne had managed to find a gentleman she actually liked. You should have known from the way she looked at Phillip, but it seemed that Mr Norwood wasn't just another suitor. He truly seemed to make your best friend happy, but you wondered if it was worth it for you if you had to court her brother. 
Setting your feelings aside, you remembered that hadn’t seen Daphne this happy since before she came out last year, and it was upsetting to know that it could all go away if you decided to discontinue your ruse.
“Daphne, I don’t know that this is such a good idea,” you said, not as resistant as earlier but certainly not on board. Yet. "What is your goal with this? I can't for the life of me see how this would be more effective than just continuing to dance with him.”
“I would never force you to do this, and I would never want you to feel like you have to do it,” Daphne started, prioritizing your friendship as usual. “You are correct. Getting the chance to meet Mr Norwood has been absolutely wonderful and I am forever grateful to you for it. However, one dance every other evening is simply not enough to build a courtship. I need to properly be able to actually speak with Phillip when he calls on me, and I can’t very well do that if Anthony is watching me like a hawk. I would be able to do all of the regular courtship activities my brother does not allow me to if he is busy courting someone himself.”
Admittedly, she had a point. You found yourself nodding, not terribly repulsed by the idea of having Anthony show up at your door the morning after a ball with a bouquet, despite what you'd told Daphne earlier. 
“But how exactly would this end?” you pressed. “Anthony and I can’t very well get married.”
Though you wanted nothing more than happiness and fulfillment for your best friend, courting the most well-known rake in all of Mayfair could have consequences for you, too. It was true, you weren’t particularly interested in marrying this season, but being romantically associated with the likes of Anthony Bridgerton was bound to start some gossip around Mayfair. So would ending said romantic association, which you knew had to happen eventually. As much as he was a rake, Anthony was one of the most desired bachelors in polite society, and ending a courtship with him might inadvertently harm your social standing. 
Squealing, Daphne grabbed your hands and led you to the chaise near the window. As you sat down, she started talking excitedly. 
“Well, it would only be for a few weeks. A month, at most. Or at least until it’s obvious enough that we’re getting married and my brother can’t do anything about it,” she assured you. “That will be enough time to have a proper courtship, and you can break things off with Anthony.”
You hum, deep in thought. “Won’t Anthony be upset?” you asked. Daphne knew him best, of course, but this seemed like the sort of thing that would tick off a man. That is, starting a courtship that was never bound to result in anything. 
“You know he has no interest in marrying anyway, so I doubt you ending the courtship would be of concern.”
“That’s a fair point,” you agreed reluctantly. “He did mention that it might be seen as improper that we dance together so often yet aren’t properly courting. And though I don’t want to marry this season, I would eventually like to find someone. So I suppose this is what makes the most sense.”
Daphne squealed again, reaching over to hug you. “Oh, you truly are the best friend anyone could ever ask for.”
You giggled at her excitement, relieved that you could help your best friend find a fairy-tale love. And besides, you wouldn’t mind having to spend more time with Anthony. 
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thelikesofus · 2 months ago
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Buddie Fic Recs
REC LIST NUMBER 7! I’m finally home so I can finally share with you the over three months worth of Buddie fics that I have read to keep me sane while I was traveling around the UK.  As always, please show these authors some love in their comments xx Find my other Buddie Rec Lists HERE
REMINDER TO CHECK THE TAGS AND TRIGGER WARNINGS
What's Easy is Right by @half_bakedboy | G | 18k
Buck romances Eddie the way that he deserves. It was so refreshing to read a fic like this where everything just goes right for them. They just get to fall in love and be happy without any conflict or "big bad thing" arising. They were allowed to just be in love and happy and I love that so much <3
my man says he loves me (never says he loves me not) by @colonoscopys | G | 1.9k
Buck and Eddie unknowingly commiserate with each other through a website entitled: inlovewithmybestfriendandgoingtodie.com! This fic is absolutely incredible. I could literally cry, it's so good!!
loves a game, wanna play? by @exhuastedpigeon | M | 57k
Love Island AU. In the aftermath of Chris leaving for the summer, Buck convinces Eddie they should apply for Love Island together. I have never watched Love Island, or ever wanted to, but if this fic was a real season I would EAT. IT. UP!
Eddie vs Romance by @littlespoonevan | T | 27k
This lovely two-part series in which Eddie does a lot of self-learning and then gets romanced as he deserves. 
Too Often the Power of Touch is Underestimated by @xjustlikeyou | T | 15k
Five times a touch knocked Eddie off his feet, and the one time he got to return the favor. I have no words to describe how wholly and profoundly perfect this fic is to me. This is THEE Buddie touch-centric w/ pining Eddie fic of all time!
Until the Dancing Ends by @phoenix-angel-suyari  | G | 4k
Eddie finally sees footage of Buck's reaction to him getting buried in the well and Eddie reacts proportionately by kissing him in front of everyone. So, so good!
i'm here with the door wide open by @eddiebabygirldiaz| T | 24k
Eddie copes with the absence of Chris but also the presence of Buck. I adore this fic, Eddie finally learning to allow himself to feel things and to accept that he deserves to love and be loved in return and that what he feels for Buck doesn't need to be stamped down and hidden. The ending is so beautifully soft too! 
you're almost home (i've been waiting for you to come in) by @sibylsleaves | E | 24k 
Buck breaks up with Taylor, moves out of the loft and in with Eddie. Let the Buddie Roommates and Pining Era begin! As all of Sibyl’s fics are this is just incredible and I devoured it!
the tortured poets department by @colonoscopys | E | 18k 
The first time Buck touched him, Eddie blew an ambulance up AKA Eddie has magic and a lot of complicated feelings about his best friend.
there ain't no turning back by @42hrb | E | 28k
After dropping Chris off at College, Eddie begins his journey home only Buck to fly out to crash his Sad Dad Cross Country Road Trip™. This fic made me feel a hundred billion emotions so strongly. Incredible.
Hot Ghost Problems by @ebjameston | T | 40k 
Not Actually Dead™ Ghost!Buck and Witch!Eddie. This fic is actually incredible! 10/10. Five Stars.
Season of Hope (After the Flood) by @saryasy | T | 58k
Eddie learns a lot about himself while waiting for his son to come home. The pinning and beautiful, KARENEDDIE BESTIE-ISM FOR THE WIN! And a beautiful tender happy ending xx 
the going water and the gone by @try-set-me-on-fire | T | 31k
Eddie Diaz presumed dead? Again? More likely than you think. I live for these sorts of fics and this one set Post Cruise Ship is so good!! 
come and be my baby by @colonoscopys | T | 21k
What is Buck and Eddie got together in season 2? This made me laugh and cry and feel all kinds of emotions and it's just so beautiful!!!!!!!
ice cream before dinner by cloudydaisies | T | 58k
This fic really doesn’t need any introduction because I think we are all obsessed. GIRL UNCLE!EDDIE + ICE CREAM TUESDAYS ❤️
bottle episode by @transboybuckley | T & E | 14k
The 118 has a 24-hour shift, and zero calls. The softest bottle episode, full of Firefam love, Buddie, and which is somehow also about crying over trees.
when everything's on fire by @glowingyears | T | 15k
Eddie and Chris move into the loft with Buck after a house fire and then they buy a house together. SO COZY SO LOVELY THERE IS JUST SO MUCH LOVE IN THIS FIC.
From the Ground Up by @blueberrytwoberry | M | 17k
Eddie finds a massive dog on his porch and can’t seems to get rid of it. THE DOG IS BUCK! BUCK IS A DOG! DOG BUCK! 
cold rain, warm skin by @gayhoediaz | T | 2.5k
Just the softest coziest morning kisses ever known to man <3
death wish love by @eddiebabygirldiaz | E | 15k
After his break up with Tommy, Buck goes to Eddie's, he wakes up the next morning only to be pummeled by his hangover and his attraction to Eddie. No words can possibly describe the soft comfortable and loving cocoon that this fic creates.
We Both Go Down Together by @xylodemon | T | 4k
A near death/drowning experience, a love confession and hospital pronounced husbands, what's not to love!?!
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jazzyoranges · 7 months ago
Note
Sam carpenter x reader with the song birds of a feather by Billie eilish maybe friends to lovers
Birds of a Feather
Sam Carpenter x fem!reader
Summary: you and Sam are best friends. until you aren’t
Words: 8k
A/n: ok we kinda went off script with this one but i’d describe this as friends to lovers with a few bumps. is friends to not friends to lovers a trope?
A/n 2: i have something to confess. i’ve never seen scream 5. that might be very evident in this
Warnings: intoxication, usage of drugs, Richie Kirsch, Sam deals with some hard shit, crying, ghostface aftermath, not a warning but Tara is a cutie, mention of a dead parent, maybe ooc sam cause i’ve never written for her and probably should’ve made a less lengthy fic so i could get a feel for her character but wtv 🤷‍♀️
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“Hey- What the heck! What was that for, Sam!?” The young boy yells when Sam pushes him off the swing
“You jerk broke my friend’s crayons. She really liked them!” Sam points a finger at the boy, who’s now dusting himself off
“Yeah? What’re you going to do about it?” He smiles a wicked grin. At least, what would be considered wicked in kindergarten
“I’ll never let you on the swings again!”
“I don’t see your name written on it!”
“That’s cause you’re stupid and can’t read!”
Tears well up in the young boys eyes. He blinks them away, running to tell on the teacher him and Sam share. Sam didn’t care, he deserved the insults anyways
“Sammy? What did you do to Carlos?” You run up to Sam, who’s glaring at the back of Carlos’ head from her seat on the swing
“I pushed him. He broke the crayons your dad gave you!” The Carpenter pulls you into a hug, not wanting to let go
“I know he did Sammy, but it’s not nice to push people” You reciprocate the hug, pulling back a bit to see Sam’s face and how her forehead was wrinkled with her eyebrows furrowed. You thought she was cute like one of your stuffed animals
“It’s not nice to break something that doesn’t belong to you! I did it because he was mean to you”
“You’re going to get in trouble! Mrs. Poppy doesn’t know you were trying to protect me”
“Then I’ll tell her, and Carlos will get in trouble too”
“Samantha Carpenter.” Your teacher’s voice was stern. Nothing like the sweet teacher you were used to. You backed away from Sam’s hug but you don’t go far. You hold her tiny hand with your own and make sure to stay close, rubbing her hand in hopes of comfort
“Is it true you pushed Carlos off the swings and said some mean things?”
“Yeah, but he was being mean to (Y/n) first! He broke her new crayons her dad got her! Mrs. Poppy, (Y/n) was really sad” Your dad couldn’t get you many new things due to being a single father. Especially new school supplies. Usually you’d reuse the crayons you didn’t lose or break from previous years or borrow some of Sam’s
On most days you took the bus home with Sam while your dad was off working his ass off to get you dinner every night. Your dad and Sam’s dad were good friends so Mr and Mrs. Carpenter didn’t mind taking care of you until your dad was able to pick you up from their house. Luckily you two lived in the same neighborhood. Some days you thought all of the stars aligned for you and Sam to be friends
“Is this true?” Your teacher shoots a look at the boy next to her. While your teacher was the nicest woman you ever met, she had a deadly glare. You were happy you weren’t on the receiving end of that stare
“N-No…”
“Carlos if I find out you’re lying, you’re going to be sharing the same punishment as Sam.” Mrs. Poppy seems to calm down a bit, entering her nice teacher mode once again
“F-Fine! I did break her crayons” Carlos pouts, crossing his arms
“Thank you for telling the truth, but what you did was wrong. You also did something wrong, Sam. Instead of pushing Carlos off the swing, you could’ve told me and I would have taken care of it” Your teacher bends down to look at the two kids in the eyes
“Sorry, Mrs. Poppy” Sam and Carlos say in unison
“Thank you, you two. I know you two are good kids and know what’s right”
Your teacher leaves with Carlos next to her and you can hear her faintly ask why the boy broke your crayons in the first place
“I like having you as a friend, Sammy” You hug the girl, who’s long since stopped swinging
“I like having you as a friend too, (Y/n)!” Sam beams. Her smile was one of your favorite things ever
“Can we play house?”
“Yeah! I’ll bring my bear next time so she can be our baby!”
//-//
“I can’t believe you can name your sister!” You were over at Sam’s house a few months after her baby sister was born. You didn’t know what to call Sam’s little sister considering… she didn’t really have a name. It was up to Sam to pick a name but of course she was a Carpenter, wanting the best name for her sister. As a result, her baby sister had no name
Until today, that is. Sam was finally making a decision today
“I don’t know what her name is going to be yet” Sam reaches out a finger to her baby sister who happily grabs onto it with curiosity
“She likes you a lot, huh?”
“She knows I’m her sister”
“Maybe I could help you come up with a name! What’s your favorite letter?”
“I like the first letter of your name but I don’t want it to be that! I need to think of something different”
“I know you’ll think of a wonderful name, darling.” Sam’s mom strokes her on the head as she rocks the small baby in her arms
“Do you have another favorite letter?” You ask
“Uh… I like T?”
“What about Triceratops!” You giggle
“Her name can’t be Triceratops, silly!” Sam smiles
“Tennis?”
“(Y/n), those aren’t names” The now older Carpenter giggles along with you
“What about Taylor? Oh! There’s a girl in our class named Thalia?”
“I want it to be different, though! I like those names but Tara needs to be special.” Sam’s eyes go wide in surprise. Maybe her brain just knew her baby sister was supposed to be named Tara
“Tara?” You repeat. “That’s a pretty name! Hi little Tara!” You wave at the baby in her mom’s arms
“Is this official? Is Tara your choice, Sam?”
“Yeah! Tara is a nice name. She looks like her name would be Tara”
“She does, doesn’t she? Such a pretty name you chose, Sam. Honey, come here! We have our daughter’s name!” Mrs. Carpenter yells for her husband
You don’t think you’ve ever seen Sam smile so wide before
//-//
“Hey, Sam?”
“What’s up?”
“Aren’t you scared of middle school?“
“No, why would I be? Middle school should be scared of me” That was your Sam alright. The most fearless person you knew. As far as you knew, she was scared of absolutely nothing. Not even the dark. Which is why you were reluctant to stay outside on your trampoline after sunset. Which is also why you were curled next to Sam as she pointed out all the different stars
“What if we stop being friends?”
“Don’t be stupid, (Y/n)” The Carpenter pinches your cheek and you yelp while giggling, shoving her hand away
“If we stop being friends, which we won’t, I promise I’ll let you have all of my stuffed animals”
“Woah, really?”
“Yes, really
“Every single one of them?”
“Yes, every single one of them” Sam rolls her eyes
“Even Ghostie?” Ghostie was the panda stuffed animal you got Sam for her eighth birthday. Technically your dad bought it for her but you picked it out
“What! You’re not supposed to take a gift back, I like Ghostie”
“Well, you can give me all of your stuffed animals and I’ll just give Ghostie back to you”
“That makes no sense, why wouldn’t you just let me keep it?”
“Cause then you wouldn’t have given me all of your stuffed animals and kept your promise”
“You’re weird, (Y/n)”
“Hey, so are you! That’s why we’re friends”
“Yeah, I guess so” Sam giggles
The sliding door to your house opens and both you and Sam turn to look who’s there. It’s your dad
“Hey, girls! Sam, your parents are leaving now. Best you go with them, eh?”
“Okay! Thank you, Mr. (Y/l/n)” The Carpenter waves to your dad
“Wait, let me go with you inside! It’s scary out here”
//-//
“Sam! What if we get caught out here?” Your words held concern but you couldn’t stop laughing as Sam dragged you under the bleachers
“Shhh! They’re gonna catch us!” The Carpenter put a hand over your mouth and put one over hers so she’d also stop laughing when both of you sat down on the underside of the bleachers where the grass was
Both you and Sam were currently in seventh grade but there was an eighth grade couple that was constantly terrorizing the younger kids. Sam being Sam, she wanted to end their reign.
How did she want to end their reign? By breaking the two up. Sam slipped a note in both of their lockers about meeting to break up during one of their classes, causing both of them to skip. Your job was to lead a teacher to their meetup and if everything went right, then they would be successfully broken up and in detention.
Both of you hear footsteps and see the couple at the meetup spot. The teacher wasn’t far away, all you had to do was rile him up a little and run away. Did you feel a little bad? Maybe. But in your defense the couple was always making out in the hallways and made everyone passing by uncomfortable. For gods sake, it was middle school! Not high school
You and Sam were far enough away you couldn’t hear them but their body language was enough for the both of you to understand. Your plan was going perfectly. You and Sam were more the vigilante type, not the heroes or the villains
The couple exchanged pointed looks and flailing arms, hopefully arguing about the note. You and Sam wrote… not the nicest things in there
The teacher eventually arrives out of breath but the couple is too busy yelling each other to notice how he’s standing over them. He looks to clear his throat and to their horror, they stop fighting. Success!
“Yes! We did it!” Sam says a little too loudly from the position you two were in. Their heads turn in your direction and you know you’re caught when the teacher stars walking towards you two
“Hey! What’re you two doing there under the bleachers?” His ragged voice yells
Shit.
//-//
“Sam? What’s wrong?” You run to the Carpenter, who’s outside under a tree eating her lunch. Usually she’d wait for you but today seemed different
“Get away from me, (Y/n).”
“Sam, don’t be like that. You know me, you can tell me what’s wrong.” You and Sam didn’t share too many classes in eighth grade. Even then, your friendship still didn’t seem to falter. You’d still hang out after school and help each other study. Sam lashing out at you was never really a problem you two had
“No! You don’t know anything.” Sam shoves you away when you try to put your hand on her shoulder. “You’re useless.”
“Sam, you don’t mean that. Please just tell me what’s wrong?”
“You wouldn’t understand. You don’t understand anything.”
“Yes I do! We always talk to each other, Sammy. Even if I’m not going to understand, I can still listen”
“Don’t say that stupid name.”
“I thought you liked Sammy?”
“See, that’s the thing with you! You’re always so stuck in the past. I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
“You’re not being very nice right now”
“Yeah? Well you can deal with it.” The last thing you expect Sam to do is push you onto the ground into a patch of dirt.
“We’re done. I’m not your friend anymore.”
“Sam- we can talk about this” Tears pool in your eyes. You try to get up but all that happens is a crawl
“We can’t. You’re weak and pathetic and can’t do anything without me.”
Sam doesn’t look back when you say her name through tears. Sam doesn’t look back when she hears a few laughs and whispers directed at you. Sam doesn’t look back.
//-//
“Heyyyyy (Y/n)!” Sam’s voice slurs over the phone. It was almost one in the morning, what the hell was this girl doing? Not to mention this is the first time she’s even talked to you since middle school. And yet, you still answered without hesitation. Damn you really needed to grow a backbone
“Sam? What’s going on?”
“Nothingggggg whut’re y’doin?”
“I was trying to go to sleep then you called me. Where are you?”
“Why’d y’wanna know? You’re not my momma!”
“Are you drunk? Sam, you’re underage!”
“No fun… I’m wif my friends! We at a partayyy!”
“Whose house are you at?” Grabbing your keys, you race to the door. Your dad was asleep and you only had your learners permit but you couldn’t just hang up on your Sam like that.
“Uh… Tristan? He’s in our uh… what class is he in?”
“Math. Tristan from math, got it” You knew where he lived. You tutored the guy as requested by his parents but he paid you more money to stop coming to his house than his parents did for your tutoring business. How could you say no to free money?
Thankfully he wasn’t far. Thank god for that, you weren’t one to drive at night
You go faster than you hope but luckily you don’t get pulled over. You really didn’t want to go to overnight jail and face your dad the next morning but surely he would understand the circumstances you were in. He knew you, he knew Sam, he knew the devotion.
At least that’s what you told yourself on the way to Tristan’s house
You could hear the house blasting bad music from about four blocks away. It was a wonder how the police hadn’t shown up yet. Unless he paid off them too. You wouldn’t put it past the guy
Were you invited? No. But in all the movies you’ve watched - said movies being Mean Girls - random people just showed up and nobody cared enough to kick them out. So you walked up to the door like you were invited and instantly started looking for Sam
The music was so loud you could feel it in your lungs and couldn’t hear your thoughts. You couldn’t imagine this was the scene Sam was willing to put herself in but then again you hadn’t talked to her in years. Maybe under all those layers she was a party animal at heart
You internally laugh at the thought. Like hell Sam’s actually a party animal
After a bit you find Sam snorting some drug that probably shared the name with a sexually transmitted disease. Grabbing the sleeve of her shirt, you drag her out of the house while her friends groan and call you a party pooper.
“Hey! Wh- what’s wrong wif you!?”
“We’re going home, Sam. I’m taking you home”
“No! T-Tara can’t see me. Wanna go somewhere else…” Sam struggles against your grip. She’s always been stronger than you but in her intoxicated state you could probably carry her like a sack of potatoes if you tried hard enough
“Fine, I’ll take you to my house. You can spend the night”
“Noooo, wanna party…”
“We’re going home, Sam.”
In all of your years of friendship with Sam, she’s never seen you so stern before. The Carpenter keeps her mouth shut for the rest of the car ride.
After lots of trial and error, you eventually get Sam out of your car and into your bedroom with much difficulty. Thankfully your dad was the heaviest sleeper you knew. You search for a shirt and shorts that fit Sam, ignoring her protests of not wanting to sleep
Against your better judgment, you now have your intoxicated ex-best friend in your bed as her sobriety was nowhere to be found
“Why did you call me, Sam? Even in your state I know you couldn’t do that on accident”
“Ugh, friends made me. Wan’ me t’call my first crush”
“What?” You’re taken aback. Did you hear her correctly?
“Tired… m’sleepy”
You sigh, bringing your hand to Sam’s face to stroke her cheek. Your heart breaks when the older Carpenter leans into your hand like a touch starved cat. You wished things would go back to normal but Sam was stubborn. She wouldn’t let you in no matter how many times you tried.
“Go to sleep, Sam. I hope I’ll see you in the morning” You’re only met with small snores
You wanted to hate Sam. You wanted to hate Sam with all your heart for pushing you away and not even looking at her sister anymore
You wanted to hate Samantha Carpenter so badly but you couldn’t
//-//
It’s nine thirty in the morning when you hear a knock at your door. It was a Saturday. Who the hell was up this early? Rubbing the sleep from your eyes and attempting to smooth out your hair with your hands, you begrudgingly walk downstairs to the door. Your dad was at work already and usually you weren’t up at this hour
Looking through the peephole, you don’t expect to see Tara Carpenter in tears at your door.
“Hey what happened, sweetheart?” You bend down to meet Tara’s eyes. They were red and puffy, evidently showing she was crying a lot. And a lot before she got to you
“S-Sam, she-“ Your heart broke when Tara couldn’t let out even a few words without hiccuping and sniffling
“You can tell me later, darling. How about we drink some juice and you can tell me what’s happening, yeah?”
“No! S-Sam’s…” There seemed to be a never ending amount of tears flowing. “She’s gone, (Y/n). She’s gone and she’s gone for good.” Tara runs into your arms, staining your shirt with her tears.
“What do you mean, baby?”
“M-Mom said Sam left a-and isn’t coming back…” Your heart breaks when Tara’s breathing gets quicker and isn’t able to catch her breath
You pick up the younger Carpenter, taking her to your couch. Tara’s on your lap and you’re holding her just like her mom probably did when she was born. It was something your dad always did, even when you got older. Sometimes people just needed to be babied no matter how old they were.
So you start rocking Tara. She’s holding onto you like you’re the only thing keeping her alive and you move her ear to your heart. Placing her head under your chin, you hum a tune that was familiar to you. A lullaby your mom always sung to you before she died
You kiss Tara’s forehead with tears in your eyes. You saw how Sam changed and you couldn’t help her. You knew this day was going to come and you couldn’t stop it. But how could you?
When Sam looked at you with such hatred and anger, you’d wonder if she was still the same Sam that pushed Carlos because he broke your new crayons. When you saw her high out of her mind with people that didn’t care about her, you’d wonder if she was the same Sam that watched the stars with you on your trampoline. When you looked at Sam all you could see was what you two were. Was your Sam even still in there there?
You felt disgusted with yourself. You could’ve done something and yet you did nothing.
You’d never see best friend again and Tara would only remember her sister as hateful and unloving. Memories of Sam would go sour until you only had Tara and Tara only had you as a reminder of who Sam used to be.
When the younger Carpenter sees you also crying, she somehow manages to hug you tighter than she already has. What a lovely girl Tara was.
“A-Are you okay, (Y/n)?” The brunette says in a small voice
“Can I be honest with you, Tara?” You earn a nod from the small girl
“No. I’m not okay. But you know what? I’ve got you and you got me. Thank you for telling me.”
“(Y/n)?”
“Yeah?”
“Mom says she isn’t coming back. Sam didn’t talk to me a lot but I miss her.”
“You’ve got such a big heart, Tara. Did you know that? Please don’t ever lose it for me.”
“Will Sam come back?”
Your breath hitches and for a second you’re left without words in your throat and without knowledge about the future.
“Yes… she’ll come back. Sam just doesn’t know it yet.”
Tara’s mom comes storming in a second later with an out of breath angry expression that slowly softens when she sees how her daughter is nestled in your arms
“Tara, you can’t just run away like that. You made me so scared, you know I can’t run as fast as you” Her mom presses a kiss to her forehead
“I had to tell (Y/n), Mom! She’s Sam’s best friend and she deserved to know”
Her mom brought a hand to Tara’s face to wipe a few stray tears. With her other, she placed on your shoulder with a small nod. Sam was gone. She was gone for good.
//-//
Sam spends her first night away from home in her car in a neighborhood she didn’t recognize. The first night Sam leaves, she holds Ghostie in her arms and hopes it’s enough to keep her safe.
//-//
“You’re hiding something”
“What?” You and Tara always hung out ever since Sam left. Her mom hasn’t been the same since her husband walked out. You offered to be one of Tara’s caretakers to help her mom with the load of being a single mother without Sam or her husband’s support
Your dad wasn’t home very often but every now and again he’d give you random tips on how to raise a teenager. At least, tips he used when he raised you. At first he was skeptical of you taking on the role of caretaker at such a young age but when you employed Tara to use her puppy eyes, it was a losing battle for him.
So Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, Tara was all yours. You’ve been doing this since you turned eighteen and could confidently drive without being nervous at all. Also mostly because you couldn’t be her guardian in the eyes of the law under eighteen
There was a void in Tara’s heart and while you couldn’t fully replace her sister, the least you could do was be there. Which is how you knew something was up when she started picking at one of the things she loved so dearly. Your cooking.
“I know you’re hiding something, squirt”
“You’re crazy, I’m not hiding anything” Tara scoffs
“Hey, I’m not decades older than you. I know when you’re lying” You hated pulling the ‘I used to be your age’ card but now you’re realizing how effective it is when you’re only six or seven years older than Tara
Tara throws her head back, groaning in what seems to be frustration and covering her face. You can’t hold back your snicker. The younger Carpenter was always one for theatrics
“You don’t have to tell me but I could really help you, you know? With how super knowledgeable I am, as you know”
“Knowledgeable my ass, you didn’t know your microwave had a popcorn button until I told you”
“In my defense, I heard you’re not even supposed to use the popcorn button for popcorn”
“Then why is it called a popcorn button?”
“I dunno. Maybe the same reason why Greenland is called Greenland”
“What?”
“Deception. The guy who found Greenland named it that cause he wanted more people to come over. I bet he was lonely”
“Why do you know that?” Tara says in between laughs
“No clue, but we’re getting off topic!” You smile. “The point is, you shouldn’t feel like you have to keep secrets from me.” You reach over to pinch Tara’s cheek and she tries to swat your hand away, ultimately failing. “Well, big secrets. If you cheated on a test or something I don’t care that much”
“Thanks, (Y/n)”
“No problemo, squirt”
So now you were back to silently eating dinner except for your TV playing some sitcom Tara liked. You could handle the quietness. Even if Tara didn’t want to tell you, at least she knew you were there to listen. That’s all that mattered
“(Y/n), I think I like a girl.”
//-//
“What was Sam like?” Tara says out of the blue. “I was thirteen when she left but she didn’t really talk to me. What was she like… before that?”
It was another weekend night that consisted of spending time with Tara. The question catches you off guard
“I don’t think you’d believe me, squirt”
“Well I wanna know anyways. Even if i believe it or not”
“Did you know Sam named you?”
“She did?”
“Yeah, Sam named you Tara. You were unnamed for a while before she came up with anything.”
“Mom said she was mean. Is that true?”
“I mean yeah, but not entirely. When you’re friends with Sam, she’d be the nicest person you’ve ever met. Hell, she’d probably kill for anyone she loved. But when someone messed with a person she loved, nothing could stop her from making her loved one feel better”
“I wish I could’ve experienced it.”
“Trust me, you did. You just don’t remember it. One time when you were little, a kid that was around Sam’s age at time pushed you into the mud at the playground and Sam was furious” You laugh
“You cried and Sam could hear you from where we were playing soccer. She found him and kicked his ass so hard he crawled back to his mommy so we took you and booked it out of there”
“She did that?” Tara covers her mouth laughing, failing to cover it up
“I remember it like it was yesterday, squirt. Sam gave you a piggy back ride and you were giggling the entire time we ran home.”
//-//
“Fuck, Tara! Shit, I came as fast as I could. Are you okay? Oh my god, of course you’re not okay.” You barged into Tara’s hospital room without any concern of who else was in there. You took her face in your hands and scanned for anything wrong until you brought her into a bone crushing hug. “Sorry, stupid question. Holy shit I’m so happy you’re alive, squirt. I am never letting you out of my sight again. Okay maybe in the future I will, but the future is not now! Right now I’m never leaving you again.”
“You’re such a fighter, you know that? Holy shit you must’ve been so scared. Tara you’re the strongest person I know, did you know that?” There are tears in your eyes threatening to spill. You don’t even notice there are other people in the room.
“Deep breaths, (Y/n). I’m okay. Look, I’m right here” Tara takes one of your hands and puts it against her heart. Your eyes can’t hold in your tears any longer. When you cried, you rambled. Tara was ready for the storm.
“Fuck you’re such a sweet girl, Tara. Even when you’re lying in a hospital bed you care about me. I don’t know what monster would do this to you! He obviously doesn’t know what a blessing to this world you are. Please promise you’ll never let anyone stop you from being the beautiful sweet girl you are.”
There it was.
You felt a hand rub your back and your arm. You assumed it was Tara. Until you heard a hum that wasn’t Tara’s. Until you realized this person had rough hands. And oddly smelt like…
“Sam?” Your head whips around
“Hey, (Y/n). I… I missed you.”
“Sam?” You let go for a second and bring your hand to her face. Not in a cute or romantic holding-her-cheek-way, no, you pinch at her cheeks and nose with a questioning look. You poke at Sam’s forehead and nose, still probably in disbelief. Yeah, you were still her (Y/n).
“Please don’t tell me both of you are dead and I’m actually in a psych ward and this is all a dream” You whisper and you can hear Tara laugh behind you
“No, this is all very real.” Sam smiles, taking your hand off her face and gently putting it back by your side. Your eyes go wide and you whip around to look back at the younger Carpenter
“Tara, can I take my attention off you for a second? Will you be okay?” You whisper, knowing damn well Sam could hear you
“Yeah I’ll be okay, (Y/n). Go hug Sam.”
You press a kiss against Tara’s hairline and immediately after, launch into Sam’s arms. Tara could feel it again, you were going to start crying and rambling.
“Sam, I can’t believe you’re here! Well of course you’re here. I always knew you’d come back! I knew you wanted to come back. I don’t know why you left, but I hope you achieved your goal and came back because you missed us. Also I’m really mad at you but for the sake of time we can discuss that at a later time.”
There it was.
“You two are close, huh?” You don’t notice there’s a man with curly hair in the room and you raise an eyebrow at Sam
“Yeah, very close” You say
“Sorry, I should introduce you two. (Y/n), this is my boyfriend Richie. Richie, this is (Y/n). My…” Fuck. Sam couldn’t just say you were her best friend after all these years. After she made your life shit, was she even allowed to call you her friend? What if-
“Best friend. Happy to meet you, Richie”
“Likewise” He smiles. There’s a pang of a certain emotion in your chest you can’t quite place
“Well, I’ll be going now. Feel better soon, Tara” Richie waves at the younger Carpenter and gives Sam a kiss before he leaves Tara’s hospital room
“Do you know if my friends are visiting soon?” Tara asks you. Sam doesn’t know how to feel when she sees Tara treating you more like a sister than her. She knew it was wrong. Sam had no right to be treated like a sister after she just up and left all those years ago
“Amber told me she was getting some of your things from her house. The twins are coming over right now, okay? I think you’ll feel better when you see them”
Sam felt like an alien watching you and Tara talk. Watching you two was like watching everything she’s missed. Sam missed almost all of Tara’s high school experience. Arguably one of the most important times to have an older sister. She shouldn’t have been jealous. She wasn’t allowed to be jealous after all she did to you and Tara
“How’re you feeling right now? Anything I need to tell the doctors?”
“No, I’m feeling okay”
“Hey, can I talk to you outside, (Y/n)?” Sam says almost above a whisper
“Yeah, of course.” You turn to face Tara as you walk out her room. “See you in a second, squirt. Don’t run away” The brunette rolls her eyes at your words
“Guess I owe you all my stuffed animals, huh?”
“You still remember that?” You raise an eyebrow at the girl
“I do. I owe you an explanation, don’t I?”
“An explanation would be appreciated” You weren’t mad at Sam per se, just very very very disappointed. Mostly at yourself for letting her leave
“You remember when I yelled at you that day in middle school? I said I didn’t want to talk to you or be your friend anymore? It’s not an excuse, but I have an explanation.”
You nod along to Sam’s story, listening close
“The night before I yelled at you, I found out my dad wasn’t really my dad. I was going through my mom’s diaries I found in the attic and it was the worst thing I’ve ever done. I.. I found out I was-“ Sam doesn’t realize she’s crying until she chokes on her words and your expression falters. Sam remembers you were always good at comforting people
She’d always get bruises and scrapes when she was younger but you were always there to make her feel better. Fuck, she can’t remember why she would ever leave you. You were the perfect best friend. Always an inviting smile and open arms that were ready for hugs. The only one that stuck with Sam through whatever happened.
Sam was at her lowest of lows when you picked her up that night during the party. She remembers wondering why she’d put you so much pain and worry. She smoothed out the wrinkles on your forehead while you were asleep and felt guilty she was probably the cause of them. That night when you picked up Sam from that party and you had your arms wrapped around her, Sam asked herself why she would ever push you away. She loved everything about you. She loved you.
In her drunken state she remembers wanting to fade away into your memory. At least then you’d remember the Sam that played tag with you and not the one that snorted or drank away her pain. It was the same night she decided to leave everything behind. She decided to leave you behind
But Sam was selfish. She wanted you to tell her not to go. To come back into your arms and for you to tell her everything would be okay. That it didn’t matter she was the bastard child of a serial killer. It wasn’t her fault her dad left. Reassuring her you and Tara would love Sam the same. In a perfect world Sam would’ve still been Tara’s sister and you would’ve been her-
“Hey, look at me. You don’t have to tell me. If this is hurting you so much then I understand why you wanted to run away. What matters is that you came back. You’re strong for that” You pull Sam into your arms, letting her cry into the side of your neck.
Sam didn’t have the heart or the voice to tell you it wasn’t the story making her cry. She feared her voice would fail her and drive you away again. Sam would tell you why she left later
But right now, Sam was happy to be able to bask in your arms once again.
//-//
“Hey, (Y/n)?”
“Mhm?” You and Sam were back at your house getting some things Tara wanted
She requested the teddy bear Amber got her for her birthday, a blanket from her bed, and something better than hospital food. You decided to whip up something quick and simple you knew Tara liked. Frozen orange chicken from the store and fried rice
“I think I can tell you about why I left now.”
“Are you sure? I’m not gonna force you to tell me if it hurts so much to say, Sam”
“No, you of all people deserve to know. Sometimes I can’t believe I’m the same person that said all those horrible things to you and just never talked to you again without explanation.”
“Hey, don’t worry about all that. It’s in the past now and I know you’ve changed. I forgive you-“
“No, (Y/n). You can’t forgive me. You can’t make excuses for me and talk to me like we’re best friends again when I ignored you because I was mad at myself and- and-“ Sam chokes on her words and can’t hide it when you glance at her.
“Oh, Sam…”
“No, you can’t forgive me yet. I betrayed your trust. You can’t forgive me.”
“Sam, I accepted your apology when I saw you in Tara’s hospital room. Whatever you were going to say, I already knew I’d forgive you all the same.”
“Stop saying that, (Y/n). You don’t always have to be nice, you can be mad too.”
“But it’s true, Sam. If I’m mad at someone, I’m mad at myself for not fighting for you harder”
“How can you still look at me even when I left you. Years of friendship, all down the drain because I couldn’t handle being the bastard child of a serial killer that broke her family apart.” You turn off the heat to your stove, walking over to where Sam was curled into herself and sitting near the bottom of the staircase
Taking a seat next to her, you drape your arm around her shoulders and attempt to get her to rest her head on your shoulder. Sam doesn’t let you and fights back.
“Samantha Carpenter, you have been gone for five years. One-thousand eight hundred and twenty-five days, not including leap day. You aren’t allowed to push me away again. If you really want to say sorry, you can start by letting me in.” You take on a faux-mad tone and it seems to work
Slowly, the older Carpenter leans into your shoulder with a sigh. She makes herself comfortable and looks at you through her eyelids. It was weird. Five years out of Woodsboro and four years away from you, yet you still opened up your arms like nothings changed. It was odd. You were odd.
“What’re you thinking about?” You’ve always had a knack for reading Sam’s mind. Whenever she got quiet and her heart looked like it slowed, she was probably thinking
“You.”
“What about me?”
“How I don’t get you”
“What don’t you get about me?”
“I haven’t talked to you in nine years, I show up unannounced, and you’re still acting like we’re best friends even after all this time. I can’t tell if you’re the nicest or weirdest person ever.”
“Can’t I be both?” You smile, trying to lighten the mood. You realize it doesn’t work when Sam shies away from your gaze
“Well, I can be honest. I think it’s because I’m selfish.” That makes Sam look at you again so you decide to keep going
“Of course I’m… disappointed you broke up our friendship and you left without telling me and left your sister and I to believe you were never coming back,” The older Carpenter winces at your words but you don’t let her stop looking at you. Even as you avoid eye contact and place your gaze somewhere else.
“But there’s a part of me that wants everything to go back to normal. I know we’re going to have to talk about it. About us and about why, but right now I think what we need to do is be there for Tara. She’s in the hospital after being attacked by a serial killer and the last thing she needs is her older sister and her best friend fighting. We can do all the yelling and crying and screaming later.”
Taking a breath in, you look back at Sam who’s already looking at you. I’m makes your heart flutter in a way you don’t understand.
“And maybe that’s my excuse. Maybe I never want to cry or yell or scream at you. Maybe I’m putting off the inevitable because I don’t want you to leave again. Maybe Tara is my excuse for not being mad at you. Maybe I’m holding out hope for someone that doesn’t exist anymore. We’re different people than when we were in middle school. I don’t want to cling to a person that doesn’t exist anymore yet here I am, clinging to someone that doesn’t exist like she’s my lifeline. But in all honesty, I don’t think I could stay mad at you for too long. Even if I tried.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” There’s a silence that passes between you two. You can’t tell if it’s awkward or comfortable silence. You hope it’s the latter
“Do you get me a little more?”
“Well, not entirely. But I think it’s a step.”
“Yeah. Steps are good, aren’t they? Keep you healthy.” Sam smiles at your stupid joke.
You don’t miss how Sam still reminds you of looking like one of your old stuffed animals.
“What was Tara like?”
“What do you mean?” The question catches you off guard. The Carpenter sisters seemed to have that in common
“I missed a lot of her life. What was she like?”
“I don’t think she’s changed a lot. Tara is a sweet girl, she’s got a good head on her shoulders and a good heart in her body.”
“But that’s probably not what you’re asking. Tara was… distraught when you left.” You pick your words carefully. “She ran away from her mom just to tell me you left. She said I deserved to know since I was your best friend. It took a while for her to want to let go of me me. It’s when I knew I just couldn’t let her stay like that forever”
You shakily sigh before continuing. You’d have to acknowledge the elephant in the room eventually and you decided it was going to be now. “I know I’m not her real sister. I hope you’ll forgive me for taking a role that was supposed to-“
“Are you kidding?” Sam quickly cuts you off when she registers what you’re saying. “If anything, I’m happy it was you.” The Carpenter lifts her head up from your shoulder to look at you. To really look at you. “I know she has a good person to look up to. I’m happy you two are close.”
You’re about to respond when your ringtone goes off. The same ringtone you had in high school. Some Evanescence song you remember religiously listening to in school blasts from your phone. Usually it was Tara who found it embarrassing when you had to answer it in public but this time it was you with the reddened cheeks. Scrambling to find your phone in your pocket, you pull it out to see it’s Tara calling you
“Hey squirt. What’s up?”
“Are you guys going to hurry up anytime soon? I’m starving”
“Yeah we’re leaving just now don’t worry about it”
“Okay but my stomach is currently eating itself”
“You’ll live. I’ll see you soon, yeah? Don’t go running anywhere”
“At least I don’t run jokes into the ground until they’re dead… pun not intended”
“Hah! Proof you’re taking after me whether you like it or not”
“Whatever, I’ll see you soon. Run red lights if you have to”
“You got it, boss. See you soon” You pocket your phone, getting up from where you’re sitting. Offering Sam your hand, she takes it and you help her up too
“C’mon, our little girl’s hungry. That’s something you should know, she’s got an appetite the size of an elephant and a metabolism as fast as a cheetah” You smile, putting Tara’s food in a lunchbox you had in a random cabinet somewhere
Sam doesn’t trust her voice to do anything but break so she laughs at your comment and you both leave your house
Sam thinks our little girl has a good ring to it.
//-//
“Oh my god. Tara? Sam?” You narrowly avoided the police yelling at you to get away and the caution tape that prevented you from coming any closer. What used to be a house that held fond memories had been replaced with one that only caused you worry. You couldn’t lose both Tara and Sam. You couldn’t lose your favorite girls.
Sam texted you to come over to Amber’s house. That it was a Ghostface emergency and the speed in which you jumped in your car rivaled The Flash himself
“(Y/n)!” Sam’s voice. You run to the sound, dodging and weaving through the paramedics and police officers telling you to leave
Sam finds you with bags under your eyes and your hair a mess. It looked like you were in your sleepwear. Even though you were just in a band tee and plaid pajama pants, Sam feels the need to wipe the blood off her face and clothes to look a little presentable. You always had that effect for some reason
“Sam.” You breathe a sigh of relief, running into her arms. Your choked sobs reach her ears and it’s the saddest sound she’s ever heard. Sam squeezes you tighter. Maybe if she did she’d never want to leave again
“You’re back and you almost left me again. Don’t you know how mad I would be if you died?” Pulling back, you put both of your hands on Sam’s cheeks like you did so many years ago. “You- you-“
“Hey, shh… I’m here. I’m here, sweetie. See? I’m here and I’m never leaving again.” Sam leans her forehead against yours, putting your hands around her waist so she could wipe the tears away from your face.
“I’m here, yeah? We won. They’re gone now, (Y/n).”
“How’re you sure?”
“They’re dead. Both of the Ghostfaces are dead.”
Sam leans in, awfully close for someone who’s just your best friend. Your mind instantly goes to her boyfriend. You know what’s about to happen so you back away, a little weary. The Carpenter furrows her eyebrows looking a little sad, oddly resembling a kicked puppy.
“What about Ric-?”
“Don’t say his name, it’ll ruin your perfect mouth” Sam cups your cheek, running her face over your bottom lip
You have to fight your body to not get hot at her words and actions. “Yeah but- he’s kind of your boyfriend. Where is he?”
“Ex-boyfriend actually. He’s dead, I killed him.”
“Oh. Am I right for assuming that’s a god thing?”
“Very good. He was one of the Ghostfaces”
“One of? Who’s the other?”
“I think Tara should be the one to tell you”
“Well, I didn’t like Richie to begin with. He gave me an odd feeling”
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” Sam leans in closer to you, a ghost of a kiss hanging in the air waiting to be taken. Sam smiles against your breath and for a fraction of a second you think your heart has stopped beating.
“He got to kiss you before I did.” Something snaps in Sam when you kiss her. A craving she’s always had, a certain desire finally being filled, or maybe even her dreams coming true.
You hold Sam like she’s about to leave again, pulling her impossibly close. You’re never letting her go again. It’s Sam who pulls away first. She’s out of breath but you lean in to steal more kisses before she smiles against your lips and it’s an image you never want to forget.
“Please, you two have to stop doing this.” You whisper, your eyes going wide. “Where’s Tara?” You pull away from Sam, whipping your head around like it’s going to help you find her quicker
“C’mon, she’s over here. Be careful, don’t squeeze her too hard”
“I’m going to squeeze that girl until she knows how much I love her.”
“You might break one of her ribs, darling”
“Squirt, you’re alive!” You run to Tara as her head whips in your direction. You can feel tears pool in your eyes once again and you’re okay with letting them go.
“(Y/n), I was so scared. A-Amber she- she tried to kill me.”
“What? Amber? Amber as in, your girlfriend?” You say shocked, taking Tara’s face in your hands to look at her
“A-Amber and Richie, they-“
“How about we tell (Y/n) what happened later? We need to make sure everyone is okay, including ourselves. (Y/n) can wait, right?”
“Oh I can wait alright. I’m the best at waiting. You can tell me about it when you’re feeling better”
One of the paramedics call over the Carpenter sisters and by proximity, you tag along. A man is ushering them in an ambulance and you’re also about to hop in before he stops you
“Ma’am, I’m sorry but we can’t let you into the ambulance. We don’t have enough space.”
“That is my little girl and that is my girlfriend. I will either be running every single red light, hang on the top of this ambulance, or so forgive me god for what I’m going to do.”
“O-Of course, Ma’am. You can ride in the ambulance.”
“Thank you, sir. You made a good decision today” You pat his shoulder, taking your seat near Sam. You sling an arm around Sam’s shoulders and reach out to hold Tara’s hand.
“Girlfriend, huh?” Tara weakly smiles, looking between you and her sister.
700 notes · View notes
cheriladycl01 · 30 days ago
Text
Fast Cars on the Island - Oscar Piastri x LoveIslandContestant! Reader Part 5
Plot: Your an engineer for Mclaren and you were asked as a PR stunt to go onto Love Island. You would keep your job of course but Mclaren wanted some more media traction.
A/N: I know they would never do this, and that's why its fiction!
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
In the Villa the Next Day:
“I feel off about Zavi” you say to Daniel as you guys sit on the sunbed together looking round to see if anyone could possibly be listening other than the mic strapped to your body.
“What do you mean?” He asks, pushing his sunglasses up his forehead to sit atop of his head.
“Don’t you think it was … odd? I don’t think I’ve ever seen them talk” you said to him leaning over to grab your bottle of water and sip on it.
“Yeah it was strange … maybe they have their own thing going on and all of us have just been too busy to see it” Daniel comments looking around.
“So what is the plan going forward going to be?” Daniel asks her looking over her expression.
“With us?” You ask politely sitting up and placing your feet back in your flip flops on the hot floor.
“Mmmmm”
“Well, unless you wanna get to know me” you tease with your eyebrows going up and down in a funny way making Daniel burst out laughing. “But seriously you deserve to be happy … happier than me because of my reasons for being in here. So if you find a connection with someone here don’t worry about staying loyal to me” you say seriously and he nods, rubbing one arm on your thigh in thanks before giving it a light tap.
Lando and Oscar:
“Yeah I’m with Y/N on that. This Zavi girl is giving off bad vibes, I bet she isn’t gonna stay loyal to Charlie surely!” Lando asks watching the TV in his drivers room.
“Even if she doesn’t why do we care? I thought we hated Charlie” Oscar asks confused.
“We do but if Zavi continues on like this it’s gonna make things harder for our girl” Lando says concentrating more on watching Auriela in the rant room.
“One when did she become our girl? And Two don’t we want her back at the races?” Oscar asks confused making Lando roll his eyes and sigh.
“Hey she’s always been my favourite team member. Don’t tell Will or John that yah? And oh my god we defo want her to stay in there, unless you don’t want her to be happy and find love because there’s underlying circumstances one, ie me, doesn’t know about!” Lando asks giving him side eye.
“N-no definitely not” Oscar says gluing his eyes back to the TV.
“But I think this TV show is so superficial, she deserves the best and she isn’t gonna find it here” Oscar begins making Lando laugh knowing Oscar did infact have a different opinion.
Back to the Villa:
You and Daniel lay on the bed, Millie and Chris also there just chilling you were all getting to know each of her better talking about life before coming here.
“It got to the point that I just couldn’t go through the heartbreak anymore and it was like I was the problem without actually being the problem you know?” Millie asks looking at all of you who have cocked heads.
“Erm no” Chris laughs before adding some lip balm to his sun dried lips before offering it around.
“I mean, this is really different for me. I feel like I’ve never really had a proper relationship not like you guys describe because I’ve been so focused on my career and getting there. It hasn’t been easy one bit” you admit, knowing especially as a woman it was hard work to get to where you were now.
“I get that, being career focused is good but it also helps when you have someone to share the burden of life with” Daniel nods.
“I don’t really think I’ve ever had any burdens. I love my job, beyond measure and it’s such a team dynamic that whatever I’ve lacked in relationship support has been picked up by my team mates and those around me constantly” you admit and they all nod.
“Hey so what actually is your job, I feel like we’ve never been told” Chris asks.
“Erm well I’m an engineer” you explain and they all look up intrigued.
“Really that’s pretty cool” Millie smiles wiping some sun cream across her nose preparing to go for a dip outside.
“Mmmm I love my job, means I travel around a lot which I love” you grin.
“A hence the no proper relationships! You dirty girl. Hooking up in all corners of the world” Chris teases slapping your arm lightly.
“An experience for sure. Very lavish” you join the teasing and all of you laugh.
Lando and Oscar:
He’d seen the latest article and he immediately popped his head through Lando’s driver room.
“Lan, have you seen the article” he says and Lando looks up in shock, hunched over the massage bed, John working on his legs.
“What the fuck Oscar. Have you ever heard of knocking?” Lando asks.
“No I haven’t not a custom in Australia” he says bluntly, but Lando having known Oscar for over a year knows this is his way of being sarcastic.
“Argh you’re annoying, go on.” Lando says patting John in thanks before sitting up and rubbing his own knee out.
“Y/N told people in the Villa it’s finally got out and there are headlines in the daily mail and loads of other papers. She’s even in auto sport” Oscar says showing his phone in his team mates face.
“Yes that is normally what happens when big news gets consumed by the media” Lando smiles.
“Argh but some of them aren’t good articles” Oscar groans not understanding why Lando wasn’t getting his worry.
“Mmmm that also tends to happen when it’s something controversial. Look Osc, Y/N knew what they were getting into when they agreed to do this for Zac. She’s a big girl. And hey maybe people will see a different side to women in motorsport because of her” Lando nods his head making Oscar sigh and take a seat with him.
“Yeah you’re right” Oscar says.
In the bathroom of the Villa:
You’d just got out of the shower, Aaron having been brushing his teeth while you were in there. You’d both randomly started to sing As the Word Caves in by Matt Maltese and you guys actually didn’t sound too bad.
“We should form a Love Island Band and call it the Lovers” Aaron gasps after spitting into the sink and catching your eyes in the mirror.
“Oh my god! We should ask if we can do a set! That would be so funny! Doesn’t Auriela play the piano too!” You ask meeting his eyes as you brush through your hair.
“I GOT A TEXT!” A scream runs though the house and before you know it your wrapping a large fluffy pink towel around your body and you and Aaron are quickly going down the stairs as carefully as you can without slipping.
“Islanders … Y/N are you still in a towel?” Charlie bursts out laughing making you blush as you tighten it around you.
“I didn’t wanna miss this!” You cry in embarrassment before they continue.
“Anyway. Islanders with a boring afternoon ahead we thought it would be nice to let you guys chill and watch some TV. Head outside the villa entrance to see what awaits” Charlie reads out, you immediately run back up, fully drying off before changing into swimsuit and a day outfit before running up to joining the others.
“I’m kinda excited” you admit to Chris and Auriela who you were stood next to them.
“Excited? To watch TV?” Chris asks in shock.
“Well we aren’t just going to be watching TV are we! We’ll be … doing some kind of challenge. Maybe fighting for like dates?” You grin thinking off all the possibilities.
“Oh so true, yeah this should be good!” Auriela smiles grabbing Chris hand and walking with him as you come up to Daniel and Aaron.
“Hey boys, what we thinking about today?” You say wrapping arms round them pulling their heads down to your height laugh coming from the pair.
“Challenge time and watch out Aaron coz me and my girl Y/N are coming for your ass man” Daniel grins pulling you into his side as you guys all run down the steps to the edge of the beach outside the villa. On the wooden decking was a TV with a remote and a sofa in the front.
“Okay, each couple will take turns doing Trivia for common shows on Netflix whoever comes first gets a date out of the Villa” Charlie reads out holding Zavi close to her.
“Up first Chris and Auriela” Zavi says and they take a seat on the sofa infront of the TV they flick through the shows until it stops of Alice in BorderLands. They smash it both having watched the show actually being shocked that they both know so much about it.
“Okay, up next is Daniel and Y/N” Chris and Auriela smile getting up and holding the question cards.
“Come on Danny let’s go” you cry grabbing his hand and taking him to the sofa not missing the look from Aaron or Chelsea.
“Okay, let’s see what your show is. And we have Drive to Survive?” Auriela asks looking at the screen confused.
“Is this like … Top Gear my dad used to watch that” Auriela asks confused.
“It’s a formula one reality show. Embellishes what happened throughout the racing season” you nod knowing and being familiar with the show.
“Okay question 1. What season did the shows first season focus on?” Chris asks and you smile.
“2018” you grin and a bell goes out making Auriela draw a point on the board for the pair of you.
“Who won the 2021 Championship?” He asks the next question.
“Oooo Max Verstappen, shoulda been Lewis” you mutter with a small laugh as Daniel elbows your side.
“What I didn’t say anything” you grin sheepishly before moving on.
Afterwards more shows came and went. You and Daniel had accumulated the most amount of points. And ended up being surprised with a date that evening.
You were kind of excited as you saw a genuine friend in Daniel and thought it was about time you were honest with someone here in the villa and told him why you were here and who you worked for.
You all headed back to the villa all the girls getting insanely envious despite helping you get dressed. You wore one of your favourite relaxed evening outfits that you’d brought into the villa with you before heading down to the fire pit where Daniel said he’d wait.
Taglist:
@littlebitchsposts @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @daemyratwst @lauralarsen @the-untamed-soul @thewulf @itsjustkhaos @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @summissss @gulphulp @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhhhh @georgeparisole @youcannotcancelquidditch @tallbrownhairsarcastic @ourteenagetragedy @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @dark-night-sky-99 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle @laneyspaulding19 @malynn @landosgirlxoxo @marie0v @yourbane @teamnovalak @nikfigueiredo @fionaschicken @0picels0 @tinydeskwriter @ironmaiden1313 @splaterparty0-0 @formula1mount
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a-spes · 8 months ago
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| ALL THE THINGS I AM NOT - One shot (3.097 words).
| Summary - Since Peter Parker joined the team, things aren't the same anymore. Why does everyone seem to prefer him to you? (Inspired by that post from @th3-c0rps3-r0gu3)
| Tags & warnings - soft mom!Natasha Romanoff x adoptive daughter!Reader, former widow!R, angst with a bit of comfort, happy ending, R&Nat are insecure (they're trying their best), self-hatred, mention of past traumas, R is injuried (during a mission), mention of blood&death.
| MOODBOARD — ✧ — MASTERLIST — ✧ — TO SAY SOMETHING
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You wouldn’t say that you hate Peter Parker. 
It is a strong word to describe your feelings, and you don’t like what it implies. You can’t hate someone who hasn’t done anything wrong to you, someone like him. He is the opposite of a bad person, so why I am feeling that way? He is nice. That’s what everyone is saying about him, and you know they are right, even if you don’t like to admit it. He always has that smile when you two are talking, answering you kindly even when you’re trying to test his limits.
It would’ve been easier to not like him if he had any defects, but he doesn’t. You’ve tried to find some, you’ve spent hours observing him, waiting for the moment he would make a fatal mistake, but the moment never came. You even started to question if he was human.
Natasha told you that humans make mistakes all the time, and that you can’t avoid them. It’s normal, she said, that’s what makes you one. You used to think you were better than that, better than everyone, but are you? When you look at the boy, you are not sure anymore.
He is everything I am not. 
You thought you were doing good, really. You made a lot of progress, and effort, since you've joined the team. Two years ago, most of them wouldn't even agree to let you out of your room. Now, you could talk normally to almost all of them.
You thought that you were doing things right with the team, but you slowly realised that your attempts are not enough anymore. You have made a lot of progress since the first time you set foot in the compound, no one will deny it, but you are not at his level yet. 
Two years ago, you wouldn’t even step out of your room during the day, barely sleeping when the night came around, and at best you would exchange wary glances with the team. You didn’t trust them nor they did, and even if you are now talking, it hasn't changed a lot. That’s something they never told you, but their eyes and actions have done it for them. These two never lie, not when you know how to interpret them.
They don’t even let you go on a mission alone, let alone attending the most important meetings. You think it is stupid because you are the most skilled of everyone here. Well, maybe it’s not true, you never managed to beat Natasha in a fight, but you are sure that you are at least as useful as them on the field. 
I am too young, just a kid. 
That’s what they call you, but the nickname doesn’t carry the same kindness as when it’s for Peter, their voices being tinged with disdain. Except when it’s from Natasha, you like it when she calls you nicknames. She doesn’t do it because she thinks you are not capable of handling yourself, but to remind you that you have time. The time to learn, to make mistakes, to grow. You both know that you will never be a normal teenager, it is too late for that, and nothing can erase the first years of your life, but the redhead is confident : you’ll learn how to live, you just need a bit of help. 
She is the only one that doesn’t seem to treat you differently, but you are not sure if she counts. You two are the same. You have been through the same things, and she is the one that brought you here, it is obvious that she wouldn’t let you go. 
She wouldn’t, right?
You don’t know. You are not sure of anything, everything seems to go backward since he joined the team. All the progress you’ve made? Gone. In a few weeks, he did better than you’ll ever be able to do, and you don’t even understand how that’s possible.
You can beat him in a fight whenever you want, no matter the conditions. Even with your eyes closed, and your hands tied behind your back, you would be able to put him down in a matter of seconds. You are fast, strong and attentive while he is clumsy, dreamy and weak. He can’t even use a gun properly, always missing his target when it’s moving, even slowly. Whenever you are looking at him, all you can see is a kid that has no idea what he's doing here but thought it would be fun. A kid that was given a toy, and thought that it made him the most important person on that earth, a hero.
I am everything he is not. 
Yet, they prefer him, so there must be something you are missing. Since he joined the team, he has created a strong bond with all the Avengers, even with Natasha. You thought your relationship with her was special, but it’s apparently not that much. You saw them laughing together, but you’ve seen worse when you witnessed the woman ruffling the boy’s hair. You are sure she would braid the boy’s hair too if it was longer. 
Well, maybe I hate him.
You have every reason to feel this way when he was stealing what’s yours, destroying what you had taken so long to build. Only, it somehow didn’t feel right. Natasha doesn’t belong to you, none of them are. They are humans, and humans have feelings, they don’t have to get along with everyone. That’s what you’ve learned from the redhead, but you only realise now that it is not only true for you ; you can’t force anyone to appreciate you. Yet, you would have liked to live up to their expectations, something the boy seems to do effortlessly.
He is always smiling, saying the right thing at the right moment, laughing with the others. Since he arrived, he has never made anyone angry, he never had one of those violent breakdowns where you would hit someone by accident. Natasha says it is not your fault, but you know that the others don’t think the same way.
Durings meals, apart from their missions, Peter Parker is the only thing they know how to talk about. Everything he does is praised. Even the things you were doing as a kid, things you’ve never been congratulated for because everyone had to know that, it was normal. Natasha said it was not, but you are not sure if you believe her yet because if it’s not, where are your praises? 
Maybe it is because they don’t expect anything from him. He is just a kid who’s learning, not a threat to be dealt with, let alone a weapon to train. No, Peter Parker is none of that. He is nothing more than a stupid kid who’s trying his best to save the city, and it’s a story you can’t bear to hear anymore. Just his name makes you feel as if your whole body is burning. It’s a feeling you can’t name, but you are sure that you don’t like it.
He is everything I am not. 
If you saved him that day, it is definitely not because you appreciate him. You even had a moment of hesitation before throwing yourself between him and that bullet, wouldn’t your life be easier if he wasn’t here? No, it wouldn’t. 
You didn’t want to take that bullet for him, especially not when this is the consequence of his own stupidity, but it was the obvious choice. You hate being sent on a mission with him because it is like going with a baby widow. You have done everything right, he has not, and yet you are the one suffering the consequences of his recklessness. 
If he had died today, it would’ve been your fault. You know it’s not true, but you can already hear them tell you that it is. That’s why you did it, because you know they value his life more than yours. It is not easy to accept that you are not the most important person on the team anymore. In fact, you have never been there since you joined the Avengers, but you believe that it was true before. 
Those people, they have powers and technology. They can do things you will never be able to achieve, no matter how hard you try. You hate that too, that feeling of failure. Yet it is not your fault if you are trapped in a competition that you can’t win. So you thought that, maybe, if you save their precious boy, then you would get the attention you wanted. 
I didn’t want to, but I did what I was supposed to. 
Except it doesn’t feel right. The Quinjet was quiet during the return journey. You didn’t even know where the boy was, and honestly couldn’t care less. You were even relieved to know that he couldn’t witness you in a moment of weakness, leaving you alone to inspect the wound left by the bullet. You told him it was nothing, but you lied, and you don’t even need to take a close look at your abdomen to know that.
However, it wasn’t the pain that was worrying you. The only thing you could think about was their reactions. Natasha told you many times that you are allowed to make mistakes, that it makes you human, not weak, but you know she is lying. You’ve already heard Fury scolding people for their mistakes, even the Avengers sometimes fought for the same reason, and you definitely don’t want to deal with that right now.
So when the Quinjet eventually lands, you go straight to your room. You were scared to step foot in the common areas in this condition because you knew your mom was waiting for you there. Maybe she had made your favourite meal, or maybe she decided to do the boy’s favourite. This time, you can’t stop the tears from welling up in your eyes.
You’ve seen how she acts with the boy. She is so caring, always smiling, and her eyes are even shining. You don’t think it has ever happened when she is with you. Her expression is always tinged with sadness, perhaps pity. It is when you witness those moments that you realise that she deserves more than you will ever be able to give her : a normal kid. 
Maybe she realised it too.
Last night, she came home late, called in for a last-minute mission, and she missed your return by a few hours. She had no idea how your mission went, and even if she trusts you to handle yourself, she can’t help but feel concerned. She doesn’t like to know that you’re on a mission without her because anything can happen.
If Natasha was already worried, it is only when the following morning came that the feeling began to gnaw at her from the inside. She even started to bite her nails again. It was almost ten in the morning, and no one had seen you yet. They say that you are probably sleeping, and they might be right, but what if they are not?
She knows that some missions can be exhausting, and not only physically, what if it was one of those? You didn’t seem to be doing well lately. Despite the appearances, she noticed every little change in your behaviour, and she is sad to see you going backwards. She guessed that, maybe, you needed a little space, but she is no longer sure she made the right choice. She has the feeling that your relationship has deteriorated in recent weeks, almost as if you were avoiding her.
The redhead could no longer bear to stare at the hands of the medical bay’s clock, all she wanted to do was go, and check on you, but she couldn’t. She made a promise to the boy’s aunt. She glances at Peter who was asleep, he has been injured during the mission, nothing serious, he should be out of here the following morning. However, she promised her aunt to look after him when she couldn’t. 
She always keeps her promises.
Natasha didn’t bat an eye all night, but even if she had wanted to sleep, she wouldn’t have been able to. She couldn’t stop thinking. When the day came, she still had no idea what to do. Widows aren’t known to be good at expressing their feelings. The woman always felt awkward in her interactions with you, scared that her actions could do more harm than good. Maybe you weren’t the one that needed a bit of space. 
“How is she?” is the first thing the boy asked when he woke up that morning, but the frown on the Avenger’s face let him know that she had no idea what he was talking about. “We got a bit of a … situation during the mission” he explained, avoiding saying that his recklessness put them in danger, “we both got hurt, but it is nothing too serious”, he quickly added when he saw the expression on the redhead face changing suddenly.
The boy tried to reassure her, but it was too late. The woman barely heard him as she was rushing out of the medical bay. She was an idiot. She should’ve checked on you the moment she stepped foot on the compound, she should’ve guessed that you wouldn’t go to the medical bay on your own. You’ve always hated those places because it is where you are the most vulnerable.
It was almost eleven when she knocked at your door. She did it three times, but each of them was met with an oppressive silence. When she tried to open it, she discovered that it was locked. However, there isn’t a door in that world that can stop a widow. In less than a minute, she manages to open it, and enters the room.
She understands something is wrong when she sees your form under the covers. You would never stay in bed that late, being awake before she is most of the time. If at first she was hesitant to step in, she almost ran to your bed when you didn’t reply to her calling your name multiple times. Your sleep is so light that someone walking across the corridor is usually enough to wake you up in a flash.
She pulls back the covers without thinking twice about it, and the view she sees is definitely not what she would call “nothing serious”. The sheets are covered in blood, your blood, and you are not sleeping at all, she can see how you are struggling to keep your eyes open. She is not even sure you noticed her presence.
"Baby?" she tried to call again, but you didn’t react to the nickname either. "Baby, what happened? Talk to me, please, open your eyes", she said, kneeling by your side.
She shakes you slowly, but it has no effect. You don’t react before her hands grip your face, her nails leaving marks on your skin because of the brutality of her precipitous gesture. She is trying to open your eyelids to see your eyes when a whine escapes your lips.
You have no idea what’s happening, but don’t have the energy to ask the question. You just wish the woman would let you go back to your comfortable slumber, far from the pain, and that world of misery you were trapped in. But she doesn’t. Instead, she stole your blanket, leaving you shivering with cold, and she wouldn’t stop talking, worsening your headache.
When she takes you in her arms, being as careful as she could, she notices how cold you were. Yet, you seemed to be sweaty. She doesn’t waste more time, almost running back to the medical bay. You were hanging in her arms as a rag doll would, your head dangling painfully on the side, and the same was true for your limbs.
She held you firmly in her arms, constantly glaring at you, as if she feared you might disappear if she let her guard down. On the way, she kept mumbling things that you couldn’t understand, not knowing if those were really intended for you, or if it was a way to reassure herself. Maybe it was both.
When the woman pushed the medical bay door, she didn’t even need to yell for someone to come. The second the doctors saw you, they knew it was an emergency. 
It is only a few days after that they let you out of the medicine that was keeping you out. The first thing you felt was the pain you tried to ignore since you've been shot. A whine escapes your lips. You felt your mom close to you before you saw her. She probably didn't sleep or left or eat since you've been, no matter for how long it have been. You feel a bit guilty at the thought.
“Don’t you dare to do that ever again,” she whispered, holding you as close as she could against her chest. One of her hands rested on your back, gripping the soft fabric of your hospital gown, while the other one was stroking your hair, “you scared me to death …” she added, and you felt really stupid for not realising that she had always cared for you, and probably always with, but you were too blinded by jealousy to see it. 
“I am… sorry,” you managed to reply in a hoarse voice, “I was scared. I wanted to show you that I can be strong too,” you whispered, “I wanted to prove that I’m worth loving,” you eventually admitted, your voice being so low that, at first, the redhead wasn’t sure if she heard correctly. It broke her heart to realise that it was her fault. You didn’t need space, you needed her by your side, and now she was here, you wouldn’t let her go, holding her as you could, not minding the pain it caused in your abdomen. 
"But my little dove, you are already the strongest person I know, you don't need to prove it anymore to anyone,” she whispered, “and I will always love you, I won’t let you doubt it,” she added, letting you go to cup your jaws with her hands. She let her thumbs brushing your forehead before she kissed it, repeating the three words you were dying to hear the past weeks again, and again, and again.
You could both feel tears running down your cheeks.
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| MOODBOARD — ✧ — MASTERLIST — ✧ — TO SAY SOMETHING
| Tag list - @godhatesgoodgirls
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finelinefae · 1 month ago
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my darling
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synopsis: a love triangle
word count: 10.8k
contains: angst angst angst, love triangle, mfm, best friends to lovers, boarding school, violence, unrequited love,
a/n: i wrote this for wattpad during the My Policeman era. I wanted to post it here after re-reading it. I remember this being one of the first pieces of fanfic i felt super proud of !! warning it is pretty sad
. . .
Then — 1996
Dear Diary,
Today we moved into our new home in Halton. It’s small, quaint, and quiet—very quiet. The kind of place where everyone seems set in their routines, the same patterns repeating every day. I already miss London. Mum says this will be good for us, though. Good to get away from the drama. Good to get away from Dad.
The house isn’t as big as our old one. I have to share a room with Delilah now, but it’s fine—I’ll be off to boarding school by the end of the summer. Mum says I’ll enjoy it since she went to the same school at my age, but I think she’s just trying to make me feel better. Who actually enjoys living at school?
It’s a three-hour drive from Halton, which feels like a world away. I’m nervous, excited, sad, and happy all at once. The feelings are so overwhelming they all blur together into something I can only describe as... heavy. Like my life is a snow globe someone’s just shaken up, glitter falling everywhere. It looks magical at first, but the reality is you’re stuck cleaning it up for weeks, finding it in the oddest places long after.
I miss my dog. I never got to say goodbye.
Dad cried when we left. I’ve never seen him cry before. He told me it wasn’t goodbye, just a "see you later." Mum always says Dad’s a good liar, but I don’t think he was lying this time. Maybe it was the tears—they don’t suit him.
-
Dear Diary,
Today I moved into my dorm at Southend Park School.
Mum was annoyed we had to wake up before seven to pack the car and drive me down, even though this was all her idea. She’s probably just tired—or maybe something else. I have a suspicion she’s met someone. I’m not sure how she moved on from Dad so quickly. Did she ever really love him?
My dorm has six girls, including me. I’ve mostly been talking to Ellis, who’s in the room next door. She’s fourteen, older than the rest of us, but only because her birthday is the 1st of September. Today’s the third, so her advantage is technical, but she likes to remind us.
Being alone here scares me, but it’s nothing new. Delilah always had loads of friends, and Dad was always working. Mum was usually out socializing, too.
Mum cried as we finished unpacking, promising she’d pick me up for half-term or that I could come home anytime. But I don’t want to go home. I hate it there.
Tomorrow is a full day of inductions, and I’m worried about making friends. Southend Park is a mixed school, and boys make me nervous. I’d rather have no friends at all than feel like I have to pretend to be someone I’m not.
I still feel like I’m picking up glitter from months ago. I wonder when it will finally stop.
-
Dear Diary,
I made two friends. You’ll never guess—they’re boys!
Their names are Harry and Dylan. They’re both thirteen, like me, but they feel older somehow. They even live in the same dorm and invited me over this weekend.
We met during lunch in the courtyard. I was sitting alone when Dylan walked up first, chatting easily and cracking jokes. Harry followed behind, much quieter. Dylan has blond hair and a small scar on his eyebrow from climbing trees back in Morston. Harry’s hair is thick and curly—I wanted to touch it but stopped myself because, well, that would’ve been weird.
Harry didn’t say much at first, though I noticed him glancing at me. When I met his gaze, he blushed and looked down at his extra-polished school shoes.
We didn’t talk much again until the end of the day, on the way back to the dorms. That’s when we compared timetables and realized we share four classes, including English Literature. It’s just Harry and me in that one, though.
I never thought I’d be friends with boys, but I like it. It feels different from being friends with girls—less pressure to act outgoing or girly. I hope we stay friends. I like them both a lot.
. . .
Then — 2000
“Hey, Harry,” Y/N called, running across the field toward the headmaster’s office where Harry stood, focused on his Nokia flip phone.
Harry glanced up, his expression softening when he saw her. He tucked the phone into his pocket and waved her over. Despite the end-of-day chaos, both were still dressed in their school uniforms. “Hey, baby.” He greeted her with a quick kiss, pulling her closer and wrapping an arm around her waist. He loved how perfectly she fit against him, as though they were made for each other.
“What’s going on? Aren’t we meeting Dylan to go to Ellis’ dorm?” Y/N asked, frowning slightly as she looked around for their other best friend.
Harry smirked, shaking his head. “We are, but Dylan got caught passing notes to Casey Becker in geometry. He’s stuck with thirty minutes in the headmaster’s office to make amends.”
Y/N chuckled, her laugh warm and familiar. “Again? He’s going to get himself expelled if he’s not careful.” She slid her hands under Harry’s blazer, warming them against his torso.
Harry brushed a strand of hair from her face, letting his thumb linger on her cheekbone. “How was your day?” he murmured, his lips brushing hers as he spoke.
“It was fine,” Y/N replied. “I scored three points in netball, and Tessa Riley gave me daggers in the changing room.” She giggled, leaning into him.
Harry smiled, pride gleaming in his eyes. “That’s m’girl.” He bent down and kissed her forehead gently.
“Oh, please, don’t make me sick,” a familiar voice drawled, breaking the moment.
“Hi, Dylan.” Y/N turned to see him strolling down the stone steps, his blazer slung over his shoulder and a cigarette dangling between his fingers. She leaned back against Harry, crossing her arms.
“Hello, my darling Y/N,” Dylan teased, his tone playful as he lit the cigarette with practiced ease.
“Seriously, Dylan?” Harry said, narrowing his eyes. “Do you really need another detention?”
“Don’t you smoke, Styles?” Dylan shot back, grinning. “Besides, Mary would love to see me again after our chat earlier. She’s got a soft spot for me.” He smirked, wiping his thumb across the corner of his mouth.
Y/N rolled her eyes, stepping away from Harry’s warmth. She was long used to Dylan’s antics—four and a half years of friendship had left little room for surprises.
The three of them had been inseparable since their first days at Southend Park Boarding School. Despite their differences in personality, they were like a family unit, supporting one another through the highs and lows of adolescence.
Dylan, the loudest of the trio, was notorious for his sharp wit and knack for trouble. Teachers despaired over his behavior, but students were drawn to his charm—especially the girls, who fell for his rebellious streak and the ever-present cigarette.
Harry, by contrast, was the golden boy: smart, polite, and beloved by staff. He balanced his role as student ambassador with captaining the football team, a position that made him one of the most popular boys in school. Dylan teasingly called him a “teacher’s pet,” but Harry wore the label without shame.
Y/N was the quietest of the three, rarely seeking the spotlight. She volunteered in the school library every Tuesday and spent her free time with her dorm mates. Still, Harry and Dylan were fiercely protective of her, and she often marveled at how lucky she was to have them.
The trio walked out of the school gates toward the housing blocks, their shadows stretching long in the late afternoon sun. Harry carried Y/N’s backpack on one shoulder, his free hand clasping hers. Dylan trailed behind, typing on his phone with an unlit cigarette between his teeth.
“Ellis doesn’t want you bringing anything to the party this time, Dylan,” Y/N warned, glancing over her shoulder. “You know what happened last time. If you pull that again, you’re getting kicked out of school.”
“My darling Y/N,” Dylan began with exaggerated sincerity, pausing for effect, “only for you.”
Y/N rolled her eyes but couldn’t suppress a smile.
When they reached her dorm, Y/N kissed Harry on the cheek and took her bag from his shoulder. “I’ll see you both later?” she asked, her eyes bright.
Dylan saluted her without looking up from his phone, while Harry smiled warmly. “I love you,” he said.
“I love you too, Harry,” she replied before disappearing inside.
Harry and Dylan walked in silence toward their dorm. The tension was palpable, Dylan unusually quiet as Harry’s mind churned with unspoken thoughts.
“We’re going to have to tell her at some point,” Dylan murmured, his voice low as the setting sun bathed the path in a golden glow.
Harry’s heart tightened. “No, we don’t.”
“Harry—”
“Shut up, Dylan. Nothing happened.” Harry’s voice was sharp, cutting Dylan off before he could continue.
They stopped, staring at each other, the air between them heavy. Harry’s frustration burned in his eyes, while Dylan’s sadness hung like a weight on his shoulders.
“I love her,” Harry finally said, his voice trembling. “I’ll never love anyone else as much as I love Y/N.”
Without another word, he turned and stormed into their dormitory, leaving Dylan alone on the pavement. Dylan exhaled shakily, the ache in his chest unbearable.
. . .
Then — 1998
Dear Diary,
It’s been a month since my fifteenth birthday, and Harry finally asked me out on a date. It feels like a dream, the kind where everything is so perfect you fear waking up to find it never happened.
To be honest, I think I’m already in love with him. He’s always been so kind to me, much more than Dylan. Harry carries my bag to class when I have netball, and sometimes, during English Literature, I catch him staring at me. There’s something about the way his gaze lingers that makes me feel seen.
In art class, he taught me how to use watercolors for the first time, his thumb brushing against mine as he guided me. Little moments like that remind me how much I care for him—so much that the thought of being without him feels unbearable. Is that dramatic? Probably. But I can’t help it if it’s true.
Even when I’m talking to Ellis during lunch or before bed, my mind wanders back to Harry—his smile, his eyes, the way he laughs at my jokes even when they aren’t funny, and how he hugs me differently from everyone else.
It feels strange to be fifteen and falling so deeply. What do I know about love at this age? How much further can I fall?
I think I’m going to love him forever. I hope he loves me forever too.
-
Dear Diary,
Harry kissed me today. My first kiss—with the boy I love most in the entire world.
I knew it was going to happen. We’d just finished dinner in the dining hall when he asked if I wanted to take a walk in the gardens. Dylan wanted to come along, but Harry shook his head, saying he wanted it to be just the two of us.
I felt a twinge of guilt when I looked back and saw Dylan standing there, his expression heavy as he watched us leave. He kept staring at Harry, even as we walked past the window overlooking the gardens.
Harry brought me to the tulips because he knows they’re my favorite. He said my braid looked pretty today, and that’s when I knew—I truly, completely loved him. It was the worst braid I’ve ever done, but he still thought it was beautiful.
We sat on a swinging bench, listening to birds returning to their nests. When he said my name, it sounded magical, like it had been made for his lips alone. I turned to look at him, and that’s when he leaned in and kissed me.
It felt like a scene from a movie.
No one ever tells you what it’s like to kiss someone for the first time. The way their breath mingles with yours, the world fading away as you close your eyes and step into a place so tender it consumes you. It makes you wonder if you’ve ever been truly loved before.
We only stopped because we heard a rustling in the bushes. We looked around but didn’t find anything, so Harry walked me back to my dorm. He kissed me again outside the door, and I floated through the rest of the night, humming to myself as I got ready for bed.
But when I think back to that moment, I could swear I saw a tuft of blond hair sticking out from behind a bush.
. . .
Now — 2000
Y/N sat cross-legged in front of the mirror on Ellis’ floor, carefully applying mascara as Fiona Apple played softly in the background. Ellis sat nearby, painting her nails a deep red.
“I’m just saying,” Ellis began, waving the brush for emphasis, “you and Harry have been dating for two years, and you haven’t done the deed yet?”
Y/N flushed at the mention of sex, shifting uncomfortably. She hated talking about it, even with Harry. Maybe it was because she didn’t know much about it or because she’d never had a safe space to ask questions, but every time the topic came up—whether in conversation or during truth or dare—she wanted to run for cover.
“We’re waiting for the right time,” Y/N said evenly, her voice robotic as she repeated the well-rehearsed answer.
“The right time?” Ellis scoffed. “I’ve never seen a couple more in love—it’s nauseating.”
Y/N hesitated, her mind drifting to moments when she’d wanted to take things further with Harry. But he always stopped before it went too far. Sometimes it made her feel like she wasn’t enough—pretty enough, desirable enough—but then he’d kiss her softly and remind her how beautiful she was, stroking her cheek as if she were the most precious thing in the world.
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “We’ve done... things, but not that.”
“Is Harry religious or something?” Ellis asked, narrowing her eyes.
“No, I don’t think so,” Y/N replied with a frown. “He’s never mentioned it.”
“Maybe he’s waiting until marriage,” Ellis mused.
The thought of marrying Harry made Y/N’s heart swell. She’d dreamed of it ever since their first kiss in the gardens—walking down the aisle in a white dress, Harry waiting for her at the end, tears in his eyes. Maybe they’d both cry.
“I don’t mind waiting,” Y/N said, her voice soft but certain. “I love him enough to wait as long as he needs me to.”
Ellis groaned, grabbing a bottle of vodka from her bedside table. “You can’t say stuff like that when I haven’t had a single drink.” She poured herself a shot and downed it in one go. “Okay, continue.”
Y/N laughed and turned back to her reflection, humming Queen’s Love of My Life as her thoughts drifted back to Harry.
. . .
Then — 1998
Dear Harry,
Today we went to the beach—the three of us. Me, you, and Y/N. I know in most situations it’s you, Y/N, then me, but in these letters, it will always be me and you.
We’d been planning this trip for weeks. It’s a three-hour drive to the coast from school, and Y/N had been complaining about the journey the entire time. I didn’t mind. Is it wrong of me to want to sit next to you on a bus full of people not one of them knowing who we are for three whole hours? Our knees touching for three whole hours? Sand on your feet and your hair salty from the sea, inhaling your scent and wanting your hand to touch my thigh for three whole hours?
When we got there, the morning was overcast, but by the time we hit the sand, the sun broke through the clouds. It was perfect. The light caught your skin, making it glisten, and your eyes shone with that impossible sea-glass green. I wanted to look into them forever, but you were too busy looking at Y/N.
I tried to catch your attention—touching your shoulder as I passed by, reaching for the beach bag at the same time as you, brushing my fingers against yours. But it didn’t matter. You only had eyes for her, and I only had eyes for you.
When you kissed her in the gardens, a part of me died. I had been pining for you for so long, silently hoping you’d see me, but it was always her. I felt stupid, running miles afterward, the wind howling in my ears: You fool, you idiot, how could he ever love you?
I didn’t want to feel this way, Harry. I tried to bury it, to pretend it wasn’t real, but when I met you, everything I’d hidden about myself unraveled.
The day wasn’t without its drama. Y/N, distracted, stepped into the road thinking the approaching van was the bus. You moved so fast, grabbing her and pulling her back before the van could hit her. I watched the terror flash across your face, the way you held her afterward as she cried. You kissed her forehead, comforted her, showed her the kind of love I’d only ever dreamed of.
And I hated her for it.
I feel terrible admitting this because I do love Y/N. I truly do. But most days, I hate her, and only because she has you.
When we finally got to the beach, the three of us ran toward the waves, shedding our clothes as we went, laughing like we were carefree children. For a moment, we were. We left our troubles behind in the sand.
You swung Y/N over your shoulder as you splashed into the water, and I couldn’t help but admire the way your muscles flexed. You were a work of art, Harry, something meant to be admired in a gallery. And I was nothing more than an observer, longing for what I could never have.
Later, Y/N went to get ice cream. Before she left, she asked for your order, and I already knew what you’d say—mint chocolate chip. The way she looked surprised made me feel smug for a second, but that quickly disappeared when she said it was her favorite too.
While she was gone, I felt a cramp in my shoulder. “Let me,” you murmured, and before I could answer, your fingertips ghosted over my shoulder, pressing into the tight muscle.
I couldn’t breathe, Harry. You were so close, your breath warm against my neck. For a split second, I thought if I just turned my head, I could kiss you.
I’ll never forget that moment for as long as I live. Even if you do.
. . .
Now — 2000
Dylan and Harry were in their dorm room, preparing for the party. Harry stood in front of the mirror, anxiously gelling his hair back.
“I think I’m going to do it,” Harry said suddenly, turning to face Dylan. “I’m going to go all the way with Y/N.”
Dylan froze, his heart sinking. He lit a cigarette, trying to appear nonchalant as he perched on the windowsill. “Really? Are you sure that’s a good idea?” His voice betrayed him, tinged with irritation and jealousy.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Harry’s eyes narrowed.
“I’m just saying, are you sure it’s the right time to sleep with her? After... what happened?”
Harry’s expression darkened. “Nothing happened. It was a mistake.”
“You keep saying that,” Dylan said, standing now, his voice rising. “Like you’re trying to gaslight me into thinking I imagined it. But I’ve imagined kissing you enough times to know what’s real and what’s not.”
Harry’s jaw tightened, his hands clenching. “I was drunk, and you took advantage of me.”
The words hit Dylan like a slap, but he forced himself to stay calm. “Don’t try that with me, Harry. It might work in your petty arguments with Y/N, but it won’t work on me. You’re the one twisting the truth to fit your narrative.”
“I don’t care what you think,” Harry snapped. “I only care about Y/N. And if you can’t handle that, maybe you need to step away—from both of us.”
“Step away?” Dylan said incredulously, his voice breaking. “You want me to walk away from the only two people who’ve ever cared about me? You want me to walk away from you?”
Harry hesitated, guilt flickering across his face. “You know how I feel about Y/N. I love her. I’m in love with her. Even if I felt something for you, it would never compare.”
“You’re lying,” Dylan whispered, his eyes glassy. “If you loved her so much, you wouldn’t have kissed me in the first place.”
“You don’t know anything!” Harry exploded, his voice shaking with fury. “Do you know what would happen if someone found out? What it would do to Y/N? To us? I felt nothing! It was a mistake!”
“Harry—”
“No,” Harry cut him off. “Whatever feelings you have, whatever intentions, you need to get over them.”
“That’s not as easy as you think—”
“You have to.” Harry’s voice was sharp, leaving no room for argument. Dylan stared at him, shattered, as Harry turned and stormed out.
He left Dylan standing there, broken, feeling like Harry had taken his very soul with him.
. . .
Then — 1999
Dear Harry,
We’ve been assigned as partners in media class, and now we have to make a music video. Naturally, you asked Y/N if she’d star in it. You told her she was the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen and that she’d be perfect for it. She blushed, of course, and said yes. Then you kissed her—so long and so deeply that I had to look away.
I imagined myself in her place, wondering what it would be like to kiss you in public, to have the world see how much I adored you. If it were allowed, I don’t think I’d ever stop kissing you.
Today, we filmed the music video. You wanted it to feel like a coming-of-age story. I’d wanted something more abstract, but I agreed to your ideas, nodding eagerly at every suggestion, whether it was brilliant or terrible.
We filmed in the gardens—my least favorite place in the entire school. That’s where you kissed Y/N for the first time, and if I could erase that night from my memory, I would in a heartbeat.
The sun was shining as you whispered into Y/N’s ear while I set up the camera. I tried to block out the sound of your laughter, the sight of her hand on your shoulder.
“Are we ready?” I called, my voice louder than I intended. You straightened up immediately.
“Dylan, why don’t you be in the video with me?” Y/N smiled warmly. She had that rare ability to make everyone feel seen, like she was radiating sunshine. It was impossible not to smile back.
“My darling, you know I’m not nearly as perfect as you,” I teased, watching her blush.
I don’t even remember when I started calling her “my darling.” The first time, I remember catching the flash of jealousy in your eyes. I liked that. I liked seeing you react to me, even if it wasn’t in the way I wanted. You’re used to it now, but sometimes, when I say it, I still see a flicker of something in your gaze.
The music video took all day to shoot. Every time Y/N nailed a scene, you rewarded her with a kiss. I worked hard too, Harry. Shouldn’t I have been rewarded in some way?
When Y/N left for her library shift that evening, it was just the two of us. You wanted to capture the soft glow of the sunset, so we stayed behind to get more footage.
“My mother wants me to go into politics,” you said as we sat cross-legged on the grass, the camera between us. “But I’d love to do this—be a director. I’ve always wanted to be an artist of some kind. It’s a silly dream, but I think about it all the time.”
I could imagine it. You had a way of leading people, commanding attention without being arrogant. You cared so deeply—for the art, for the people—that it would probably destroy you someday.
“It’s not silly,” I said. “It’s never silly to dream. My God, Harry, we only live once. Might as well do everything we can to feel something in the little time we have.”
You looked at me then, really looked at me. For the first time, I thought you might be feeling a fraction of what I felt every day. “I’ve never told anyone that before. Not even Y/N knows.”
“It’ll be our secret,” I whispered. And for a moment, I could’ve sworn you glanced at my lips.
Then, just as quickly, you diverted the topic. Grabbing the camera, you aimed it at me lying in the grass. “Looks like Y/N’s not the only model anymore,” you teased.
I tried to act indifferent, but I would’ve stayed there all night if it meant seeing you laugh like that.
It makes me wonder, Harry—do you know how much power you have over your friends? Do you know that you have two people who worship the ground you walk on? How does it feel to be desired? How does it feel to have a choice in who you love?
. . .
Now — 2000
“You’re here!” Y/N beamed, running into Harry’s arms and wrapping her hands around his neck.
“Hey, baby,” he murmured, kissing her temple before setting her down.
The party was already in full swing. Students from across campus had crammed into Ellis’ dorm, the air thick with music, laughter, and the faint smell of alcohol.
“Hi, Dylan,” Y/N greeted, pulling him into a tight hug. “You’re dressed pretty smart. Planning on impressing anyone tonight?”
“Only you, darling,” Dylan replied, forcing a wink and a smirk despite the ache in his chest. Harry’s words from earlier still rang in his ears, but he pushed them aside.
Harry’s eyes darted to the cup in Y/N’s hand. “Have you been drinking?” he asked, his tone light but concerned.
“It’s water,” she whispered with a smile. Harry relaxed. She wasn’t much of a drinker, and he knew that.
“You look so pretty,” he said, marvelling at her dress. It was the one she wore for special occasions—one he had once told her was his favourite. A pang of guilt pricked at his heart as she looked back at him, her doe eyes filled with love.
“Come dance with me!” she said, pulling him toward the living room. “Both of you! My boys!”
Harry and Dylan followed her to the dance floor. The song Love My Way blared through the speakers, and Y/N moved between them, carefree and radiant.
At first, Harry danced with her, his focus entirely on Y/N. But then his gaze shifted to Dylan, who was swaying along with the music. Something unspoken passed between them, an invisible thread pulling them closer.
Harry laughed when Dylan moved towards him and for a moment they had forgotten everything around them. Dylan was just Dylan and Harry was just Harry, two boys who felt something they weren’t allowed to feel in the eyes of everyone else.
Harry was so close, their faces almost touching and for a moment Dylan thought they might kiss. But the blissful moment was broken as Harry stepped away, shaking his head, “N-No.” He whispered, “No, No, No.” He shook his head, his eyes frantic in search of Y/N.
“O-Oh, Harry,” Y/N yelped as he grabbed hold of her hand and lead her out of Ellis’ dorm and over to her own, three doors down from where the party was happening.
“What are you doing? Are you okay?” She cups his face in her hands and he exhales, trying to regain composure. This was the girl he loved, the only girl he could ever love and being in her hands felt like home. Didn’t it?
“Y-Y/N, I-I think I’m ready.” He presses his forehead against hers, kissing her bottom lip. “I’m ready.”
Her lips part in shock. She hadn’t been expecting this tonight and she wasn’t sure where Harry’s sudden desperation was coming from. He kissed down her neck as she tried to speak to him, “H-Harry, a-are you sure?” He nodded, his mouth leaving open mouthed kisses on her shoulder.
“I love you Y/N.” He looked into her eyes and she saw the sincerity behind them but also a hint of something else that she couldn’t quite place.
He started to peel her clothing off, his fingertips gently brushing against her soft skin. She tried to steady her breathing but her chest caved in and out as the oxygen in the room seemed to be escaping as he moved down her body. “Harry,” She whispered and he could hear the desperation in her voice. She reached for his hand and intertwined their fingers together.
Y/N was stripped down to her bra and underwear. This was the most skin she had revealed to anybody but she trusted Harry with everything in her, he was her best friend. He blew warm air over the thin material of her bra and her nipples hardened, an overwhelming sense of desire and lust flooding her insides. It was so new and overwhelming, her hands shaking as she ran her fingers through his hair and tugged on the roots.
“Baby,” He whispered, his hands cupping her thighs as he pressed kisses down her body.
“Harry, wait.” She murmured, his eyes looking up from where he was laying between her legs, “You’re still dressed.” She sat up and tugged on the hem of his sweater.
He laughed softly, as she struggled to pull the sweater over his head. She marvelled at the sound and kissed the tip of his nose. He pulled her onto his lap and she grinded her hips against his, “God look at you.” He whispered. “Don’t leave me Y/N. You can never leave me.”
“I’m never going to.” She said it like it was a promise.
His hands hooked the straps of her bra and he gently pulled them down, her breath hitching as the pad of his thumb brushed against the side of her breast. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him in tightly, his face burying into the crook of her neck as he inhaled her.
This was going to be perfect, she thought, nothing could go wrong.
She grinded her hips against him again, a groan eliciting from his lip and a name escaping past the lips he had kissed her with so many times.
“Dylan.” Y/N froze. Her blood ran cold, and she pulled away as though Harry’s touch burned her.
“What did you say?” She pulled away, suddenly being naked in front of him didn’t feel right, being in a space alone with him didn’t feel right, everything she had ever felt for him before this moment didn’t feel right.
“Y/N,” He reached for her but she slipped away from him, slipped out of his touch, a touch she begged for just moments ago.
Harry’s heart no longer existed, wherever it was it had abandoned him and left him here in this terrible moment to fend for himself. He felt his eyes well up with tears as he watched Y/N try to pick up her discarded clothes. This wasn’t how it was meant to be, she was suppose to be picking up his clothes after a night making love to each other.
“Y-You said his name.” Y/N whimpered, she was panicking and Harry could do nothing but watch.
“Baby I-”
“NO.” She spat, “You don’t get to call me that. Not anymore.”
Harry watched as she turned around and clutched at her head, her knees buckling as she fell to the ground. She sobbed and sobbed, his hear wrenching at the sound of it. He had never heard a sound so painful in his life and he wanted to die in this very moment.
“No, No, No, No.” She sobbed, her shoulders shaking.
“Y/N please just let me explain.” Harry tried, crouching down in front of her and trying to place a hand on her now clothed shoulder.
“NO.” She pushed him away and leaped back, her back hitting the wall.
Harry was broken. He was truly broken. This was something well out of his reach in fixing and nothing he could do or say could make up for the fact that he had hurt the two people he loved and cherished the most in this world, in the span of one night.
“Get out of my room!” She began to scream, “Get out of here!”
A knock at the door shattered the silence.
“Hey, you guys in there?” Dylan’s voice called from the hallway.
Before Harry could respond, Y/N lunged for the door, anger blazing in her eyes.
“Get out of my room!” she screamed, her voice raw with betrayal.
Harry caught her before she reached Dylan, her fists pounding against his chest. “I’m broken,” she whimpered, her strength fading. “You broke me.”
And for the first time, Harry knew what it felt like to be utterly powerless.
. . .
Then — 2000
Dear Diary,
You know those secrets so big they feel like they could swallow you whole? The kind you promise never to tell a soul for as long as you live? At first, they consume you, taking over every thought and breath. But over time, they settle into the corners of your mind, a quiet part of you that only stirs when something triggers it.
Well, today I made one of those secrets.
It was a Tuesday, the day I volunteer in the library after school. There’s something peaceful about wandering the empty halls when no one else is around—a stark contrast to the chaos between periods. Mrs. Ableton asked me to deliver a stack of books to the English Literature cupboard. Our copies of The Catcher in the Rye were practically falling apart, so we’d ordered replacements.
As I walked through the hall, I caught movement out of the corner of my eye near the classroom where Harry and I have English together. Curious, I paused, almost dropping the books in my hands.
Harry was leaning against a desk, and Dylan stood in front of him. At first, I thought nothing of it and smiled, reaching for the door handle to make myself known. But then Dylan stepped closer, touched Harry’s hand, and kissed him.
I froze.
I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe. The same lips that had kissed mine were now kissing the lips of my best friend.
I wanted to cry, but I was too shocked to do anything but stand there, watching. A part of me hoped I was trapped in a nightmare—that I’d wake up, call Harry, and laugh about how silly it all was. But when Dylan pulled back, Harry grabbed his arm and kissed him again.
That time, I couldn’t watch.
I backed away, the tears finally falling. My mind raced as I searched for somewhere—anywhere—I could cry louder, scream even, because this wasn’t something I could cry about quietly.
Harry was mine. But he was also Dylan’s.
By the time I went to bed, I’d convinced myself I would confront them. I’d tell them I saw what happened and ask if we could move on, pretend it never happened. But as the hours stretched on, I realized I didn’t want to speak about it. Talking about it would mean reliving it, over and over.
I didn’t want to remember.
I just wanted Harry.
So, this is a secret I’ll take to my grave. I’ll never tell a soul I watched Harry kiss Dylan in a way he never kissed me.
Even if it breaks me.
. . .
Now — 2000
“What happened?” Dylan asked. They were back in his dorm now, Harry pacing the room like a caged animal.
“She knows,” Harry muttered, his fingers pulling at his hair—a habit whenever he was upset. “She knows about us, what we did.”
Dylan collapsed onto the bed, his face pale. “How?”
Harry stopped and turned to him, shame written all over his face. “I said your name.”
Dylan’s shoulders sagged, and he buried his face in his hands. Images of Y/N, broken and sobbing on her bedroom floor, flashed through his mind. She had begged them to fix her, but they were the ones who broke her.
“It’s fine,” Harry rambled, his voice shaking. “I-I’ll give her some time, however long she needs. Then I’ll explain. I’ll explain it was a misunderstanding.”
“Harry,” Dylan said gently, standing to take Harry’s hands in his own. “I don’t think there’s enough time in the world for Y/N to get over this.”
Harry’s breath hitched, and a sob escaped him as he crumpled into Dylan’s arms. Dylan ran his fingers through Harry’s hair, resting his cheek against Harry’s head. “It’s okay, love,” he whispered. “Everything will be alright.”
“I hurt her so bad, Dylan,” Harry cried. “I love her, and I hurt her.”
“She was always going to find out,” Dylan said softly, the truth cutting deeper than any lie.
“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this,” Harry whispered.
Dylan sighed. “Why do you always talk about how things are meant to be? You act like your life was mapped out before you left the womb. Was it ‘meant to be’ that the three of us became inseparable? That you fell in love with both of us because you care so deeply? That I fell in love with you because you see art in everything? None of this was ‘meant to be,’ Harry. It just happened. And now we deal with it.”
Harry pulled back, tears streaking his face. “You still love me? Even after I pushed you away?”
Dylan smiled sadly, wiping a tear from Harry’s cheek. “I love you despite everything.”
Harry’s lips ghosted over Dylan’s, and for a moment, it felt like all their pain had been lifted. “Dylan,” Harry whispered, his voice trembling as he said the name again and again, like it was the only thing keeping him grounded.
“You can say my name as much as you want, love,” Dylan murmured. “I’ll always be here.”
. . .
Three weeks passed and the friends were no longer talking to each other, instead they acted as though they didn’t know each other as they passed each other in the hallway.
Harry had to try and not flinch when he saw Y/N scurry pass him, her eyes red and bloodshot as Ellis comforted her, glaring at Harry as they did. He wanted to speak to her but he was never given the chance to, rightly so considering what he had done to her.
Dylan and Harry, mostly Harry, thought it would best to keep their distance for a while. It killed them both to not be around each other but for the sake of their friendship with Y/N, they shared small moments of brief eye contact and touches throughout the day. Neither of them knew what was to come for the both of them but this limbo was enough for now.
Dylan ate lunch alone and as he did, he listened to the conversations of everyone around him. He wondered what it felt like for them to go about their day feeling like they belong in their own skin and not feel ashamed over who they love. He had never felt so alienated and so out of touch with himself.
He had been given an after school detention for an hour with Mr Henley after calling him sexist in front of the class. No one was around when he left the classroom until he saw a group of girls walking across the field.
At the end of the line was Y/N, wearing her netball uniform.
She must have caught sight of him because the next thing he knew, she was walking up to him. He had to check behind him to see he was seeing correctly.
“Hi Dylan,” She keeps her distance for reasons unknown to him but being around her again made him relax, he missed the friendship he shared right at the very beginning when they were thirteen and picking each other up from class to go to the sweet shop after school.
“Hey Y/N.” He offers her a smile.
“How are you doing?” He didn’t miss the way she gripped her bag like she was trying to stop herself from saying anything she really wanted to.
“I feel like I should be asking you that.” Y/N huffs, “I’ve had better days.” “Y/N-”
“Just tell me this,” She starts, “H-How long?”
Dylan decided he would be as honest and as straight to the point as he could be, it was what she deserved at least.
“Y/N the only thing we did was kiss one time. Harry stopped it because he’s in love with you.”
“And you’re in love with him.”
“Y-Yes.”
Y/N laughs incredulously, “We could never just be three best friends could we? It was always going to be complicated.”
“We could still be best friends Y/N.”
“But it’s not the same now is it?” She bit back and Dylan realised he needed to be careful with what he said. “Is he sad?”
“Terribly. Sometimes I hear him crying in his room at night.”
A silence fell between them which was strange. Y/N and Dylan has always had a brother-sister relationship, Dylan was always one to tease Y/N and make her laugh but right now it seemed all he was doing was making her upset.
“I’m moving schools.” Y/N confessed, “At the end of the term, I’m moving to Bridgewater. Mum’s moving in with her fiancee, and she wants me to be closer.”
“When were you going to tell us?” Dylan was shocked.
“I was given the choice. I could stay here or move to another school but if I stayed I’d have to stay at my dad’s during the holidays and I’m not in the mood to be lectured during my time away from school.”
Dylan didn’t know what to say, he couldn’t fathom the three of them not being together for such a long period of time. “I know what you’re thinking. I know I need to tell him but if we are going to have a shot at being friends again, I need to be away from you both.”
“Y/N,” Dylan shakes his head, “It doesn’t have to be like this,”
“You know I saw you when you kissed each other in the English Literature classroom?” She confessed, Dylan’s lips parting. “He kissed you in a way that he never kissed me. Everytime we kissed afterwards all I could think about was how different it was, how I desperately wanted him to kiss me the way I had seen him kiss you. I used to write in my diary about how I would die if I didn’t have him near me. I thought he would be the end of me but I didn’t realise you would be too.”
“I know he loves you Dylan and... I’m happy for you but I’m not selfless enough to stand beside you both and watch you fall in love when I so desperately love him too.”
“Y/N,” Dylan reaches out for her hand and takes it, “I’m sorry.” “I know Dylan, I know.”
. . .
Now — 2000
Harry’s leg wouldn’t stop jittering as he sat outside the school library on a Tuesday evening. He’d been waiting for this moment for weeks, replaying it over and over in his mind. He had spent countless hours rehearsing his apology to Y/N until it became a permanent loop in his thoughts.
When the library door swung open, he shot up immediately, brushing down his school trousers and running a hand through his hair. Y/N stepped out, holding a bouquet of flowers in one hand and her backpack slung over her shoulder.
She looked better than she had in weeks, and Harry’s heart ached at the sight of her. He would have carried her bag for her if they were still together.
Her expression changed when she saw him, her voice barely above a whisper. “H-Harry.”
“I came,” he said quickly, the words tumbling out. “I-I couldn’t believe it when I got your text. I’d have waited here for hours if you hadn’t shown up.”
Her face softened briefly, but she walked past him. “Follow me,” she said simply.
He trailed behind her as she led him to the gardens—the place where they’d shared their first kiss and filmed the music video for his and Dylan’s project. It was a space filled with memories of the three of them: Y/N doing homework, Dylan reading, and Harry strumming his guitar.
They sat down on the swinging bench, a familiar seat now heavy with unspoken tension. Harry noticed she kept her distance, and though every fiber of his being wanted to pull her close, he knew it wasn’t the right time.
“Who gave you those?” Harry finally asked, nodding at the flowers in her hand. A flicker of hope crossed his face.
“Debbie,” she said, referring to the school librarian. “It’s my last day working at the library.”
“You quit?” Harry frowned, his gaze flicking from the flowers to her face.
Y/N inhaled deeply before speaking. “I’m leaving, Harry.”
The wind seemed to leave him. “N-No,” he stammered, shaking his head. “You—you can’t. You can’t just leave. I won’t let you—”
“Harry,” she interrupted, reaching for his hand and holding it gently in her lap. “It’s what’s best.”
“How can you say that?” he asked, trying to pull his hand away, though her warmth made it impossible. “How can you say it’s what’s best? The three of us—we’re supposed to be together.”
“It’s a little too late for that, don’t you think?” Her eyes glistened with unshed tears as she looked at him. He looked thinner, more tired than she’d ever seen him, but she couldn’t help him—not anymore.
“Y/N, the thing with Dylan...” Harry began, his voice cracking. “I-I never meant for it to happen. We were just alone, I was stressed, and my emotions got the better of me. But I don’t feel the same way about him as I do about you.”
She shook her head softly. “Maybe that’s true, but not in the way you think. Dylan has always been there for you, Harry, in ways I never could. The way you look at him... it’s like he hung the stars in the sky just for you, like he tilted the sun so it would never blind you but still brighten your world.
“Maybe you do love me,” she continued, her voice trembling, “but love isn’t just about taking care of someone. It’s not carrying my backpack because it’s too heavy or doing my homework when I’m too tired after netball. Love is about being vulnerable. It’s about being taken care of, about laughing and crying and feeling like your heart is burning, and nothing can put it out.
“Now tell me, Harry. Did you ever feel that way with me? Were you ever vulnerable with me?”
Harry’s heart cracked. He opened his mouth to respond but couldn’t find the words.
“Please, Y/N,” he whimpered, his voice breaking. “I can’t be without you.”
“You have Dylan,” she said, trying to be the bigger person even though it shattered her inside. “It was never going to be me, Harry. Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me you don’t have feelings for him?”
Harry looked down at the ground, his silence all the confirmation she needed.
Her heart broke all over again, but she forced herself to stay strong. “Why do you have to go?” he asked, tears streaming down his face.
“Because, Harry,” she said gently, “what good would it do for the three of us if I stayed? You need to find out who you are, and so do I. Before me, it was you and Dylan. Now, it will end that way - with you and Dylan.”
“And what about you?” he asked desperately. “What will you do? Where will you go?”
“I don’t know yet,” she admitted. “But I’m grateful for what I’ve had. You and Dylan will always be a part of me. I hope one day we’ll forget this pain, and everything will be okay again.”
She reached out, brushing his hair back the way she used to. “I love you, Harry. I love you so much, I feel like I could burst.”
“I love you too,” he murmured. For the first time, he meant it in a way that felt true—not as a lover, but as a best friend.
“Be brave,” she whispered, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “And tell him you love him.”
Harry nodded as the tears fell freely, clinging to her like a child who didn’t want to let go.
She was going to love him forever. She now knew he wouldn’t.
. . .
“She’s gone,” Dylan said softly from the doorway of Harry’s bedroom.
Harry sat at his desk, a pen still in his hand though it hovered, unmoving, above the page. “Was she alright?” he murmured.
“She was better than we probably thought,” Dylan admitted, realizing how much they’d underestimated Y/N’s strength. They’d always thought it was their job to protect her, but she’d always been stronger than the two of them combined.
“Right,” Harry muttered, his voice hollow.
Dylan moved to sit on the bed, the springs creaking under his weight. “I was thinking we could have the leftover soup for dinner instead of going to the dining hall.”
“I’m not hungry,” Harry replied—a rare admission from someone who was always hungry.
Dylan frowned. “How long are you going to wallow in this? Can’t you see we’re both trying to do the right thing for your benefit?”
Harry turned to him, anger flashing in his eyes. “And what exactly are you doing?”
“I’ve been keeping my distance,” Dylan snapped. “Acting like we’re strangers when we’re the complete opposite. Do you know how much it kills me to not be near you? To have to hide from myself?”
Harry stood abruptly. “And you think I’m not struggling? You think I haven’t been grappling with everything I feel?”
“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit!” Dylan shouted, standing to meet Harry’s gaze. “You had someone who loved you for two whole years. You have everything, Harry—loving parents, the best grades, popularity. And you act like it’s all been taken from you because I kissed you!”
“Y/N is gone because of us!” Harry yelled back.
“No,” Dylan said fiercely, his voice rising. “She’s gone because of you! Because you’re too afraid to be honest about who you are! Because you care too much about what everyone else thinks. That’s why she’s gone!”
Their faces were inches apart, their anger radiating in the small space between them.
“How dare you? Can’t you see this is difficult for me to accept?” Harry shouted, his voice trembling with anger and frustration.
“What is?” Dylan snapped back, stepping closer. “What is so difficult, Harry? What’s so hard that you have to sit in the dark and ignore the only two people who’ve ever truly cared about you? Huh? What is it? Tell me. TELL ME.”
“I am in love with you!” Harry yelled, the words ripping out of him like they had been clawing to escape for years. “I am a fool, and I am in love with you.”
Dylan froze, stunned. His breath caught in his throat as the weight of Harry’s confession settled over him. The words he had dreamed of hearing for years hung in the air between them, impossible to ignore.
“What?” Dylan managed, his voice barely a whisper.
“I have loved you since the moment I met you,” Harry said, his voice softer now but no less raw. “And it’s been killing me every day since. I think of you—daily, nightly, every moment in between—and it tears me apart. Kissing you was the bravest thing I’ve ever done, and denying it afterward made me a coward. But here I am now, standing in front of you, a man stupidly, hopelessly in love with his best friend.”
Harry’s eyes were red and glassy, the weight of years of unspoken emotion etched into his every feature.
Dylan stared at him, speechless. He had imagined this moment countless times, but now that it was real, the depth of Harry’s vulnerability left him breathless.
“Kiss me,” Dylan whispered, his voice breaking. “Kiss me.”
Harry didn’t hesitate. He stepped forward, cupping Dylan’s face in his hands as though it had been crafted to fit perfectly in his palms. Then he kissed him—fervent and unrestrained, pouring every ounce of his love and longing into that singular moment.
Dylan’s world ignited. A piece of him that had been dormant for years finally came alive. His heart and mind, long at odds, now burned in harmony as Harry’s lips moved against his. He felt consumed, but in the most beautiful way, as if he could lose himself in Harry forever and never once regret it.
“I love you too, Harry,” Dylan whispered when they finally parted, their foreheads resting together.
“I bloody well hope so,” Harry murmured, a small laugh escaping his lips as tears spilled down his cheeks.
. . .
Now
Dear Harry,
I’d like to tell you a story that will more than likely make you happy.
One day, I was sat in a café, only a twenty-minute walk away from Southend Park School, which is closed down now and turned into a factory to fix airplanes. I bought my usual order of a decaf cappuccino and a slice of toffee apple cake. On this particular day, they added more sugar to my cappuccino, so I knew it would be a good day.
Across from me, a woman sat, her dog lying down at her feet as she read The Catcher in the Rye whilst sipping on a fruit tea. I didn’t think much of it, but I found it interesting the way she would read something and then shakily jot something down in the little notebook on the table.
Anyway, I had originally come to the café so I could write about our trip to Brighton. You were still complaining about the sand in your clothes just last night despite the fact that Brighton has no sand.
“It’s alright, love,” I comforted you, helping you put your pyjamas on.
“It bothers me, Dylan.” You responded, coughing into your handkerchief.
We don’t leave our small bungalow very often because you don’t like to leave the dogs and I don’t like change, but this trip to Brighton was one we had been planning for a year or so, so we didn’t really have much choice in the matter.
We spent a lot of time sat on the beach in the evenings whilst we were there, a blanket wrapped around the both of us as we fed the seagulls. I remember you saying you liked the sound of the ocean because it made you feel like we were seventeen again, running into the ocean without a care in the world.
You then proceeded to mention how worried you are about our Y/N, “I hope she’s doing alright, our Y/N.” You said and then went back to talking about a programme you watched the night before.
You had always worried about Y/N in the years after she left, always asking where she was or what she was up to despite the fact we never got in contact with her again. I also wonder whether or not she is okay, and I knew that if I were to see her again, I would thank her for allowing us the space to fall in love.
It was awfully difficult those months after we kissed in your bedroom. We were constantly berated by people we had never spoken to before, and I knew it bothered you for a while, but we overcame it just like we did every other obstacle in our lives... together.
Anyway, as I continued to write about our trip, the door to the café opened again and three middle-aged people walked over to the elderly lady in the corner. “Come on Mum, we’ve got to say goodbye to Dad now,” the man spoke to her, and she swatted him away. Something about that small action gave me a strong sense of déjà vu.
“Give me a moment,” the woman responded, and the three children sat at the table in the chairs around her.
Eventually, they managed to get her standing up. One of them placed her coat around her shoulders, and another handed her her walking stick. When she turned to look at me, I saw a familiar set of eyes looking straight at me.
The three people aiding her walked to the door and held it open for her. As she was about to step out the door, her walking stick fell out of her shaky hands and right at my feet. I quickly picked it up and handed it to her, her face brightening at the sight of me.
“Thank you.” Her voice still sounded the same all that time ago.
“No... Thank you, my darling.”
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wwinterwitch · 1 year ago
Text
cowboy like me — coriolanus snow
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summary: it takes one to know one. you and him were exactly alike, which explains why you were inevitably drawn to each other
pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader
word count: 2k
tags: you can't fix him you're as awful as him, being delusional together, fluff??? (not really but u guys are in love and happy and married), mentions of/implied murder and being bad people, romanticizing everything
notes: idk where i was going with this i just had this idea in my head and taylor inspired me to write it. i'm also absolutely feral for young!snow it's not even funny at this point, i needed to find ways to cope lmao
i'd really appreciate a comment or reblog if you enjoy my work.
masterlists | read on ao3
A smile appears on your face the second you feel a hand on your lower back, turning around to meet your husband's loving gaze.
He stands directly in front of you, staring down at you in a way that to this day makes you feel butterflies in your stomach, like you're nothing but a teenage girl who's unlucky enough to have developed a blinding crush on a guy too charming for his own good— the thought of it makes you feel almost nostalgic, looking back at the early stages of your relationship.
Coriolanus Snow has always been a familiar face. Growing up together, you two have known each other for ages. You might've interacted a few times, but nothing beyond brief conversations between classmates.
You had a boyfriend at the time. A much too sweet and caring guy that made the big mistake of falling irrevocably in love with you. In all fairness, it was hard for him not to trail behind you like a lost puppy all the time when you were so good at making foolish boys believe you were the girl of their dreams.
Love is not a word you would use to describe your relationship. He was tolerable and clearly obsessed with you, so it made sense for you to stay with him. He learned with time that buying you very expensive gifts would get you to pay more attention to him, so that became his way of showing his affection for you.
In his mind this was perfectly reasonable. His girl likes being spoiled, so that's exactly what he did. The adoration for you blinded him enough to ignore the truth: you're just sticking around for the money. Some people warned him you were bad news, but you always managed to find a way to make him worship you all over again. Maybe you could've felt sorry for him at some point...if only he didn't have such good taste to pick things out for you.
But then Coriolanus happened. You started to notice him more and more until you inevitably started having feelings for him. How could you not fall for a guy like him? Especially after he started his quick ascend as one of the best Game makers in history.
Maybe it was the way he so fervently claimed his interest in you, willing to pursue you even when your boyfriend was still in the picture. Or perhaps it had to do with his growing popularity and power. After all, you can't deny how attracted you are to guys with ambition.
And Coriolanus is not exactly sure what made him fall for you either. There's many things he loves about you, that's for sure, but he can't say which came first. Was it your captivating beauty and intelligence, or the news that you recently became the only heir to one of the wealthiest families in the Capitol?
Whatever force pulled the two of you together, it really doesn't matter at this point. What matters is that he loves you with every fiber of his being, willing to do whatever is in his power to make sure you're happy (and what isn't, he'll do anything to get). And you love him too, of course, offering him a companionship he always craved— undying fidelity, the purest honesty and understanding.
You've never once judged him for being who he is. If anything, you seem to admire his strength to do whatever it takes to secure his place in society. No one has ever been this loving and accepting, almost encouraging him to be as determined as ever to get the two of you on top.
Whatever he did or didn't do is already in the past. Why should the past matter? Shouldn't you enjoy the present with your loving and successful husband? Be proud of the work the two of you have done to get where you are?
No, the past is gone. It already happened. There’s no need to look back at things you can't change and decisions you can't take back. It all brought you here. Every tiny little decision led the two of you to this moment; married, in love, happy, powerful. It was meant to be like this.
He didn't seem to mind about your own past either. Any other person would've judged you for the difficult decisions you had to make in order to become the wealthiest woman in all of Panem. You've seen it in the face of ex friends and lovers. They never understood your hunger for what you so rightfully deserve.
Good things don't happen to people because they're good. They happen because you make them happen. You fight, you take, you conquer. It's what life is, and it's something you and Coriolanus understand perfectly. That's why the two of you make sense. Why it feels so right to be together. You understand him and he understands you— understands you like no one else has in your entire life.
It was him the one who held you that night when you just couldn't hold it in anymore, and he sat with you while you cried and cried about your beloved sister, because even after all those years you still missed her and wished things could've been different.
If only your parents made it easier for you. They shouldn't have played favorites from the moment you were born. And they really shouldn't mess with something as important as inheritance. It's your goddamn birthright! How could they be so cruel to you? If they corner you against the wall with no apparent way to escape, it was a matter of time before you decided to stand your ground.
It's a shame your poor sister had to suffer the consequences, though. You really do love her...
Coriolanus couldn't judge you even if he tried. He could see himself in your tear-filled eyes and hear his own inconsolable sobs through your voice. It took him back to a particularly difficult point in his life where he had to make a similar choice.
He pours his heart out to you as he holds you tight against his body, revealing all the unfortunate things he was forced to do because it's all that was left. An act-or-die situation that kept repeating itself until he had no other choice but to do the unspeakable. What else was he supposed to do? What else were you supposed to do?
The regret in his voice is evident, and you know he does regret it because he’s a good person with a heart of gold. One of the best people you’ve ever met in your life. He’s good, and brave, and passionate…enough to sacrifice what he loves if the circumstances require that of him. Not many people have the privilege to claim to be as great as him.
"You did what you had to," your voice came out in a soft whisper, still affected by your sudden outburst with the thought of your sister engraved deep inside your brain. At the time you thought you were trying to ease his conscience, but maybe your statement was falling from your lips in a weak attempt to ease your own inner conflict too. "Life has been so unfair to us, Coriolanus. Is it too bad that we want just a little bit of peace?"
He stays quiet for a bit, stroking your hair in hopes to bring you some comfort as he processes your hopeless, pain-filled statement. That's probably the hardest thing about loving you; caring so much that he cannot possibly function if he knows you're hurting, and cursing himself for not being able to take that pain away. 
"We'll have peace," he eventually assures you. His voice is soft, yet fiercely determined. There's no room for discussion. He'll make it happen for the two of you. What's a few more difficult choices when he's so far gone now? When he knows it has worked perfectly before and it made all his dreams come true?
In that moment, snuggled up to his chest with his arms tightly wrapped around you, it was clear. That sense of familiarity you only get when you look back in the mirror, or when you quickly scan a room when someone speaks your name. He has suffered as much as you. He knows what it's like to be mistreated in life, and how difficult it is sometimes to live with the fact that you had to leave people behind to finally taste a drop of happiness.
The guilt comes and goes. Sometimes it's easier to remember you had no choice, but other times all you can think about is what life could've been if you weren't forced to take such drastic measures. Perhaps now that you have someone who truly understands, you'll learn to always remember you deserve all you managed to achieve.
When you move back from him to look up into his welcoming and comforting blue eyes, you knew you'd never be alone again. You'll never get to experience this free-fall, soul-consuming feeling with anyone else. And why would you even want to waste your time like that, when you already found the one person who sees the world exactly like you do? 
A love like this is hard to find. Most people spend a lifetime trying to find a love decent enough to make them feel like they're losing their minds. Like the air is missing from their lungs and everything looks much darker when the other is not around. Like they're willing to do anything to make the other happy. Like the fear of being consumed entirely by it is the sweetest of fates.
You thought you could only experience affection in the form of luxurious jewelry, fancy clothing and all that came with the important status your ex boyfriend provided. At one point, you could say you almost needed him. Or least needed his money. He provided a safety net you desperately needed after your stupid parents decided to leave everything to your annoyingly perfect sister.
After becoming the only heir in your family (it really is a shame that your sister was gone so soon, poor thing), your boyfriend was no longer a necessity, but a way of distracting yourself when you needed it. It's not like you're going to refuse his gifts and attention anytime soon, right?
But that was it. The furthest it can get to what being in love should look like. And that was what your relationship with Coriolanus should have been when you decided to make your way into his heart. Never in a million years would you have expected to meet a soul that matches yours in even the tiniest of details, that loves so deeply and cares enough to act like it's required to survive. 
With his arms still surrounding your body in a protective and comforting manner, you knew he’d be the guy you’d spend the rest of your life with. You knew it long before the day he got down on one knee, professing his undying love for you and offering the most beautiful engagement ring you have ever seen in your life. You pledged to always be there for him and, in return, he vowed to give you the world— he'd find a way to reach the night sky and collect every single star for you if that's what you ask of him. You kept each other's deepest secrets like they were your own. Two smart and ambitious people joining together in their search for greatness.
The hand on your lower back now rests against your cheek, tracing your skin in such a delicate manner that it almost makes you shiver. The white rose attached to his impeccable burgundy suit is slightly tilted to the right, fixing it with your hands as soon as your eyes notice that detail.
He smiles wider after your gesture, leaning down to capture your lips in an affectionate kiss to show his gratitude. You wish the moment could last longer, but you know it's impossible to stay behind these walls for longer when there's a loud crowd out there chanting your husband's name.
There's the briefest of interactions when he breaks the kiss, the two of you standing in front of each other with a smile of pure conspiracy— a silent recognition of the work individually done to get here, an unspoken ‘thank you’ to one another for the team effort, and the promise of a never-ending companionship that would only take you higher.
He grabs your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours before finally stepping outside to the marble balcony. Before you, a sea of people cheer and welcome the new President and First Lady of Panem.
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