#really sincerely hope im not speaking into the void

[mapofthesea]

hi loves, I’m back (once I finish and submit my last final tonight) please send requests if you want! I’ll be making a few little changes to the blog soon! I am a little out of practice but sooo excited to be back, and I have an idea for a new fic I want to start writing as soon as I’m done with school for the semester!

[chunyaowo]

A lovely christmas with Ike

Pairing: Ike Eveland x G!N reader

Genre: Fluff

Words: 2288

Writers note: hello hello! I know Christmas was a bit ago and I actually wanted to publish this a whole lot earlier, but my motivation went to vacation... TwT I'm actually not really satisfied with the story and all, but I put too much time and effort for this to not to publish. I hope some of you will enjoy it nonetheless ^^

It was a very snowy day. It was winter, and Christmas was right up ahead too. It was your first Christmas well... with him. Your boyfriend. The person who you love by heart and admire so much. You were sitting at the kitchen table, resting your chin in your palm, while staring into the void.

"Sweetheart?"

A familiar voice broke your daydreaming, and it was no other person than him.

"Oh, sorry, I was just a little bit too much trapped into my thoughts, it's about nothing serious or anything!

Ike frowned his eyebrows, still quite worried about you.

"Are you sure? You know you can always come to me when you're worried about anything." He said softly, his voice being calm and soothing.

"Yeah, I know... Thank you. Im just a bit tired, thats all." You gave ike a small smile, trying not to worry him any further.

Suddenly, Ike stood up, standing right beside you, slowly ruffling his fingers through your hair as he smiled reassuringly.

"I'm glad then." Ike made a small pause as he spoke up again. "Maybe if you're too tired then, how about if I... spoil you a little bit? Do you... might want to cuddle up on the couch while watching a Christmas movie and having a hot chocolate to help you fall asleep..?"

You could see ikes cheeks starting to glow in a red hue as his gaze was sincere and honest. You couldn't help, but get off track in his eyes, which looked like a clear sky that got lost in an open sunflower field. You nodded after speaking up again. "Yeah... that would be nice."

Ike couldn't help, but chuckle as his lips curled up into a warm smile.

"Alright, hop on the coach. I will take care of the hot chocolate and everything, and then we can get ourselves comfy and all of that jazz~"

As a few minutes passed, Ike came finally back from the kitchen, holding two mugs of hot chocolate in his hands. You could see that on top of the whipped cream were small little marshmallows and sprinkles covered on it.

"I'm back!"

ike carefully handed you the mug with a cover of a little floof ball with a blue feather that's white tint is fading into a  blue tone. It was a special mug, well because the mug was a gift from him.

"Thank you!"

"My pleasure" ike smiled slightly as he grabbed the remote control and started playing the movie. As soon as the movie started, you both could hear the winter music playing that both of you are very fond of. You leaned yourself comfortably back against the couch while snuggling yourself up into your blanket. Despite the fact that you're being all comfy and cozy, something was still missing.

"Come here"

Ikes lips escaped a smile as he opened his arm as an invitation to wrap his arms around your shoulder.

Your eyes started to slowly widen at his offer. You didn't hesitate for too long and slowly found a place in his arms. After a while, he covered the both of you with a warm cozy blanket as he hold you tight in his presence. Your head then shifted gently onto Ike's shoulder.

"Are you comfortable?"

You nodded whilst you answered with  a simple "yeah"

"I'm glad that you are."

Both of you were in each other's arms, feeling the presence and warmth in each of your bodies. After time passed, ike came right up closer to you. You could feel his breath on your neck, sending you a wave of a red tint across your cheeks. Ike continued coming closer to your neck, placing gentle and warm kisses on your tender skin. Each kiss being placed on your neck was filled with care and affection.

Only for you.

Even though your face is filled with a hue of red, you felt so comfortable. Comfortable by being by his side. Never wanting this moment between the two of you to end.

After feeling so comfortable, you decided to rest your head on Ike's chest, causing your heart to skip for a beat. As soon as Ike noticed you being so comfortable around him, his lips formed into a smile, gently placing his head on top of yours. It was a very wholesome moment. It was just you and him, snuggling up close to each other on the coach, while the snow was covering the streets outside.

Ike couldn't stop smiling so much after you're acting so cute and cozy in his presence. Soon enough, he leaned himself forward and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead. You could feel his breath against your forehead as he pulled away, whispering softly to you.

" You're so cute.."

Ikes hand is coming closer to your head, starting to run his hand through your silky smooth hair.

Your eyes widened just as you could feel your cheeks heating up. You looked up to ike, your gaze was vulnerable, yet so much filled with love towards him. Ike let out a small giggle whilst he placed his hands on both of your cheeks, holding them softly while his gaze looked upon you with a genuine smile.

"I want nothing more, but always be with you like this. Holding you tight and showing you how much I love you. His voice was soft while he gently started to rub your cheeks with his thumbs, going up and down. His fingers were gentle and tender, brushing against your skin, making you feel like butterflies were flying all around your stomach. Ike leaned forward as he placed his forehead against yours. Your noses were now mere centimeters apart from each other. You felt ikes warm breath brushing against your face as you could feel your own breathing increasing.

Ike pulled his forehead back again, still holding your cheeks in his hands.

"Back then last year, when you confessed your love to me at the park while everything's being covered in snow, even ourselves, That day... I considered myself as the luckiest guy in the world. It was a cold wintertime like this. And I will cherish this memory forever in my heart.'

You could feel your own cheeks warming up when he told you all these things. Ike was really someone who was really good at words, and always knew how to express his feelings clearly into it.

Ike leaned his face slowly towards yours, placing his soft lips on your own. The kiss wasn't passionate, neither lustful. He just wanted to show how much he loved you. As soon as you could feel his lips being placed upon yours, you could feel your heartbeat increasing by any second. It was a wonderful and romantic moment that only the two of you shared.

After both of you pulled away, ike gently took your head and placed it on his chest again. Holding you tight in an embrace, nuzzling his head grntly onto your hair. Running through your hair gently once again.

You couldn't help, but deeply blush at the actions of ike. You're slowly closing your eyes, as at the Same time as you couldn't stop from smiling so much.

After a bit of time passed, you could feel ike slowly coming closer to your ear, whispering in a soft tone:

"Goodnight my love, sweet dreams."

The next day has arrived. For this day, you and Ike decided to visit the Christmas market together and spend some time alone.

After walking around for a bit at the Christmas market, Both of you decided to grab a crepe. You had just the regular one with chocolate. Ike on the other hand, had a crepe with strawberries and sugar. You just knew how much he likes strawberries, and just seeing him being so happy over something so simple just warms your heart, even at a cold winter evening.

"It looks so good!"

Ike said before taking a big bite into his crepe. His eyes started to widen after he took an actual bite into it. You could even see little stars forming into his greenish eyes.

"Wow, is it that good?"

"Yeah, the sugar and the strawberries are a good combination, it feels like my mouth is exploding with all these different kinds of taste!"

He paused for a bit, after speaking up once again. "Do you... want to take a bite?" He said in a soft, yet gentle voice. Reaching out the crepe to you.

"If that's okay with you, of course."

You nodded gently, coming closer to take a small bite.

"Okay, say aaa~"

You stopped moving your head further to his crepe, slightly feeling that your cheeks had suddenly flushed up.

Ike stopped as soon as he saw your face and started to let out a big laughter.

"Why are you suddenly starting to get so flustered all out of the sudden? Am I not allowed to feed my partner now?"

"..."

"I... don't want it anymore."

Ike couldn't help himself, but started laughing once again.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but your reaction to my flirting is so cute."

Ike held a hand before his mouth, trying his best to keep in his laughter. After a little while, he calmed himself down again, looking at you with a warm smile.

"Come on, are you sure you don't want a taste, not even a little one?:

You paused for a moment. Hesitating for a second, before you actually slowly leaned forward and took a small bite from the crepe. Your eyes started to widen while you remained silent.

Ike started chuckling a bit to himself once again When he saw your expression filled on your face. He stopped chuckling just as he saw a bit of the whipped cream on your lips.

"Hey, you have something on your lips, wait let me get it for you" he said as he came closer to you, placing gently his thumb at the corner of your mouth and tenderly wiped the whiped cream on your lips away. Your eyes were glued with his, staring into his eyes filled with a gentle expression.

"There we go, much better."

A few days passed by as soon enough The day had finally arrived. It was Christmas. The clear night sky was about to be seen outside as you and Ike were sitting down under the Christmas tree while both of your heads were placed on each shoulder. Feeling content and delighted in eachothers near.

"Now... would you like to exchange each other's presents? I can't wait to see your expression when you get to open my gift."

You could see ikes lips shaping into a warm smile as he softly spoke these words. You nodded, bringing up a small present behind your back.

"Please open my gift first."

Ike let out a small chuckle, seeing How insisting to open yours first.

"Okay, if you really insist, then I would be happy to do that."

Ike opened the small present box. Carefully removing the blue bow which is attached to the box. Ike slowly opened the box and went immediately silent. His cheeks are starting to glow in a red hue, His eyes glued to the present as his gaze was softly looking at It. He gently took out what's in the box. It was a light blue writing pen. It had small little yellow moosaic pattern on it. As well as there was something engraved on it. It was the day you and Ike became a couple and started dating. As ikes gaze slowly trailled off, he could see there was something written inside the box as well.

"For the best novelist in the whole world"

Ikes eyes were attached to yours. His cheeks are getting redder as he tightly wrapped his arms around you. You couldn't help, but smile at ikes reaction.

After a while, when both of you pulled away from the embrace, Ike gently handed a box to you with a rather shy smile. "This is my present for you, it's... nothing really special, but I hope you will like it"

You knew Ike was always someone who was very modest, but you knew whatever it was, you would love it because it's from him.

You gently took ikes present, which he handed to you, unwrapping the small gift. On the inside, you could see over twenty papers in it. But they weren't any normal papers, they were self-written love letters. All of them written by hand and so much love.

Just for you.

"This isn't my only gift for you, you know?"

Ike went over to the Christmas tree, pulling a guitar out behind it and took a seat on the coach.

"I worked on a little song that I've written for you. I... really worked hard on this one, so I hope you will like it."

Ike took a deep breath before he started playing the first accords of the song. The song begins with a deep emotional melody, which shifts after a little while into a more soft, soothing sound. After a while, he even started to hum softly along with the song. His voice was gentle and calm. Even though there were no words in his humming, you could clearly hear all the feelings he wanted to portray with this song. It sounded so lovely, and he seemed so happy. He really had a big heart for music. You couldn't help, but be mesmerized by him and the song he had written for you.

as ike finished playing, he looked up at you again. His eyes shining bright, filled with sincerness, His lips escaping a genuine smile as he spoke up.

"Merry Christmas, my love"

[ineffablyendless]

Tag Game To Better Know You! Send this to people you'd like to know better!

Tagged by @munsonsbabygirlie , thank u Chromie! Last year, technically, that i keep forgetting to do but this feels like a nice way to start the New Year!

Book Im currently reading:

American Gods by Neil Gaiman! I'm trying to get a bit more into reading this year, but its been a hot minute and im crawling by slower than I expected. That being said I've got a whole list waiting for me, and I'm incredibly enjoying AG so far <3

What I usually wear:

Blue, if I'm being honest. Its not my actual favourite colour, but it's my comfort one. I can't reliably say jeans even: ive really grown into a good pair of slacks. Tho i suppose if youre trying to imagine me, think blue jeans, a battered second hand pair of yellowing high tops, a white tshirt and an old plaid shirt, and ive been told i wear my hijab a very recognizable way 😭 also blue

How tall I am:

157 cm last i checked, 5 feet exactly in american measurements i think...?

My star sign. Do I know any celebrities or historical event that shares it:

Im a libra! Im sure plenty of people got born and big events happened in the first half of October, but nothing comes to mind immediately. I suppose i dont care enough to remember, lol

Do I go by a name or nickname:

Nickname. I go by Choice in all cyberspaces. It's a name that endeared itself to me many years ago, its nothing close to my actual name, and I enjoy the broad line of separation between my lives on and offline. Irl tho, i usually dont go by a nickname, at least nothing used by anyone outside family, and thats even MORE closely guarded. So.

Did I grow up to be what I wanted to be as a child:

I was an angry, suicidal, incredibly hurt child, and I had no true ambition besides finding joy and holding on to it with both hands. I wanted to be content and left alone, most of all. I wanted to be happy.

I'm a lot happier now. It's an uphill battle. Baby me would be glad to see where I am now tho i think. I hope

Something I'm good at vs Something I'm bad at:

I am. Very good at speaking. I take pride in this, many have told me I have the innate talent with words and the know how to lead a team and control a room. I know how to get myself listened. On paper, I know what I want said. Many things. Words are a power I wield well.

Vs

I am, sincerely, not very good at empathy, nor sympathy. I struggle to look outside my periphery, to crawl outside my own head and pop my own bubble. I have come across as-not cold, but callous, cruel, a little uncaring. I feel less remorse for this than I should, I think. I try, but thats not enough sometimes. I sincerely do not care of other opinions and perspectives as default. I like to think im better at it now. I'm aware of it. But its still a problem

If I draw or write, what's my favourite of anything I created this year?

Im taking that to mean 2022. I guess this line from my fic A Cosmic Kiss?

Millenia ago, a comet had come to strike down the surface of the earth like a Holy hand clearing a table, and decimated all that had ever existed, and it had been the end of things. It had been the beginning. It had moved with the leisure of treacle towards its purpose in the indifferent void, but close, close, pulled into the orbit of the earth with speed to singe the atoms of air. Creation, by the guide of Destruction. Life, then Death, then Life again. Such was the way of things. Fires that last are the ones that waited. Paradoxes; sudden, and not. 

Such was their way.

It was the first thing that struck me to write the one shot, the one partially inspired by Puppet History, and would be the ongoing theme of the fic. Its quite good, i have to admit. Im glad the fic went over well.

Dogs or cats:

Cats. Nothing against a sweet puppy, but I prefer the chill leisure of your everyday feline thank you very much.

Something I would like to make content for:

All my fandoms. All of it. I write less than I honestly should; Sandman and Watcher and Good Omens and OFMD

Something I was excited about that turned out to dissappoint me:

*blinks* Oh God, i cant think of anything. Theres that book carnival, but it was a surprise, and it exceeded my poor memory and expectations, even if I didnt find what i was looking for. Hmm. If anything dissapointed me, it doesnt come to mind.

Hidden talent:

I have no idea ❤

Something I wish to have at this very moment:

A bite of chocolate. Maybe a cookie. But I'm broke enough to keep an eye out for the bank account and i cant afford such luxuries. Im even out of cocoa. Sigh.

Tagging @freddykicksasses @ennas-aesthetic @wannabecoyote @waistcoat35 @youre-platinum-pussycat

[deaddovestellnotales]

Hello!

I'm glad we met one day and I pressed the follow button when I opened your blog. We don't talk anymore but I still remember you!

I'm at a mandatory break from whumpblogging yet sometimes I open tumblr to talk to someone - talking to people is one of those rare little things that make my heart smile. You write about your life a lot - sometimes it sounds a lot like mine - and there's a lot of random fantasy stuff reblogs as well. I'm not into anything magical or fantasy or superpowers aside from being desired and having friends yet I enjoy seeing your fantasy reblogs on my feed. No whump community stuff, no familiar faces, only your random posts - sometimes it helps me a lot.

Don't get me wrong tho, I love whump community and all of their stuff is great! The thing is, as I'm on a break I often feel guilty as hell for not doing the whump every time I stumble upon anything whumpy on this hellsite. It's the "why am I not writing/drawing/working on whump every waking minute of my free time?" guilt I can't get over from. And it's your blog that gives me such a nice refreshing break from it.

Sincerely, thank you.

Oh man, that is actually really sweet? I'm glad that my stupid blog is doing something for you, I honestly thought it was just mostly deterring people and making them annoyed and tired of me because of all the trauma and vent stuff I post. Though I don't feel guilty for doing it and I don't regret any of the posts that I haven't actively deleted.

I am very sorry though that you can relate to a lot of things I write about because then you are probably also going through a rough time and that sucks. If you ever want to talk again, please hit me up, and don't be shy. Though, I understand if you'd rather not.

My IMs are always open to anyone though (except my abusers of course, but I sincerely hope they don't dare message me ever again.)

About the fear of not doing whump everyday -- I get that a lot. I have the same feeling about roleplaying and / or writing. It always feels like you are missing out and everyone is moving on without you if you don't engage with your passion anymore.

Are there other things you enjoy that you could maybe spend time on instead to fill the "void" so to speak? Though I am not one to talk, I can't do that either. I just feel guilty and try my best to ignore it. :sweat:

But yeah... I hope you feel better soon, and if you want to be friends or if you feel like our friendship needs to be rekindled (since you mentioned we talked in the past?) I'm always here for you to reach out to (as best as I can with my working hours).

[dad-galaxy]

Talking to the void

The other day I crossed with a post of a old friend? Saying something about the fact that, after you get hurt by a friend they ruin your experience with new people, that it makes you afraid of making new friends, entering new circles, interacting with people, with fandoms with groups and etc etc.

And of course that was so fucking closet of home, I commented their post, yeah she was right. I just remembered how my ex ( who I've forgave after she approached me because irl things hit her in the face and her problem happened to me I was empathetic with the situation, and she wanted to "close" this knot? This cycle in her life, she just wanted to definitely get things clean with me, but that's another story) wanted to be friends again, I told her, we don't have the same things in common anymore because I forced myself out of her circles ( and she did say things about me in her fandoms circles, whatever)

BUT I could agree we could talk from time to time, right ? Right

And I'm a person of few words, plus, most of my friends are more busy than me sometimes, and when I'm super busy my friends are free, life irony's in my face. And why I say this? Because my new recent friends literally are like, "Look I broke the ice, I like your vibes, let's be friends!" And started talking to me like we been knowing each other from and while and I'M so fucking super glad about that because I couldn't do that, I'm super awkward, and I'm so glad about the fact that I DISAPPEAR FROM EVERYWHERE ( I got overwhelmed, I got super busy, right now I'm preparing for my thesis) I became a ghost sometimes in a entire month and came back with a stupid TikTok vid and friends are like "hey happy to see you again my friend!!" Like I just disappeared from yesterday and not a fucking entire month and they're still here and sometimes I feel so bad because Im a really bad friend, idk if is the everlasting hurt and scars that my childhood and teenager years had over me, or its because I'm recently aware that I'm in the TEA spectrum or both!!

Sure is both haha.

And sincerely I'm grateful, most of the time my friends are just, my gf who I adore to the sun and back, my brother, and my friends out of the country, that basically one just left the country and the others I've never met irl but I do love them, and I've been criticized back in the day because I just interact with my Gf who was my best friend before.

I just, been hurt in the back with so much rejection, that I sincerely like to spend time talking nonsense with her because I know her times and she know mines and fucking god bless her and my friends for just have to put up with me, because I know I'm a very dense, awkward, weird and non English speaking person, so is double shout up to my non Spanish speaking friends because they have to deal with my broken English!!!

But haha void, you're now saying, yeah why you brought your exes to the talking? Because the other day I commented on one of her posts because she was saying some horrible degrading things about herself, and I've been on that path, told her something, not dick licker, Nah, just pointed out she's really good at something she was sayings. And just ignored me.

And I've tried to talk to her, but just the conversation ends.

And I was...well that was expected, but why I'm talking about it? Idk I just needed to talk about it.

She got what she wanted in the end, to clear her personal bills with me and that forgiveness. Sadly, that was a long relationship and sometimes fb makes me remember her and I'm like...why.

Anyway I hope she's doing good, I'll plan on deleting her again from my social networks. That makes me remember about someone I don't TALK I don't interact, and I deleted her because... I post very personal things on my Facebook page and she just messaged me accusing me of why I deleted her and etc etc etc and basically gaslit me into accepting her again and... I'm like

Why past me let accept that?

It's going to happen the same with my ex?

The train of my thoughts derailed

But I'm talking to the void so, that's fine.

Anyway if a friend reads this, love you, that's for being my friend.

[batteredwarriorstillstanding]

"BUT darling, we can't force people to choose us." Wow....what a shot of truth! And thank God you were present to deliver it! Whoever needed to hear that is obviously quite a lost soul indeed....the addition of "darling" gave a nice, motherly, patient touch....admirable, considering the remedial nature of your assertion. Let's hope the target of this post gets him/herself into therapy. Certainly, it can't be me, as I never came anywhere close to attempting to "force you to choose me." What have I ever done or said that would come anywhere close to fitting that accusation? It IS true that for the past few months, I have attempted to coax you into SPEAKING to me, which you never agreed to do....then again, you never declined, either. It was important to me to attempt to establish a connection with you...I was extremely open to what, if anything, that would ultimately mean, long term. It's true that I found it strange, and more than a little bit troublesome that you refused EVERYTHING, including simple IMs IN LIGHT OF OTHER STATEMENTS YOU HAD PREVIOUSLY MADE. Nonetheless, a simple "thanks,but no thanks" would have ended this a long time ago. I can't do anything about the fact that I am drawn to you, but certainly understand and respect the reality that your interest may be weaker or nonexistent. Do not make what amounts to an accusation of me being some overbearing stalkish romance seeker who has targeted you and won't take no for an answer. As far as "choosing" me....what in the fuck are you talking about? I honestly do not know. J couldn't get you to talk to me (but, it seemed you had become open to this last night...maybe I am psychotic, but I think this was hardly without reason) when your attitude (regarding a number of topics, the main one we will leave alone for the time being) revealed itself this morning, I was anxious to either be treated with a minimal amount of friendliness or bolt...unfortunately, I have had to do so while still possessing the same attraction to you (not so much sexually, although I guess it isn't COMPLETELY void of that. But, it is FAR from a priority...this, I would think, has been made obvious) but on another level I have never really known, and was excited to explore....figuring, it would not take long at all to determine if this was strictly a one way street....it seems you have concluded this already. Let me ask you, though: going from your reaction last night to that fucking bullshit this morning....would you gave BEEN confused, if you were me? SO....we are going to make an agreement. I will never attempt to contact you, I will never mention you.even if my feelings never subside, you will never again hear of them...or FROM me. I apologize for any discomfort this may have caused. In return, you extend me the same favor. Or, at the very least, avoid posting misleading and inaccurate descriptions of my words, actions, etc....I sincerely wish you the best.

[derww]

hi again! firstly wanna sincerely thank you for taking your time to answer me, i really appreciate it, youre awesome! however, before going to the main part i want to say that there is, apparently, a little misunderstanding: its not like i have not watched vods nor havent created theories in my head, but that we were generally left with the half of the whole story. afaik many things were just never explained or adressed, and even tho usually you can come to some conclusion, It's just a theory anyway. nope ive been able to explain it! with that, lets go back to the questions.

about spoke&parrot: this is just part of the general reasoning on the topic of when a meta-game becomes actively harmful to reality. I can imagine parrot being ok with spoke manipulating him and using and taking away his server but this shit sounds actually hard. also spoke expressed many times that he felt terrible and that in the end it became unbearable.

i do actually think that despite it obviously having lies spoke's video (and also vod right after that) to be more truthful than vi's pov. not because vi wanted to lie to anyone, but because for him it was a story of him doing this really cool deed and being the most important person in all project. and s4 showed to me that his perception on this matters could be very subjective on a verge of being distorted.

about parrot losing hearts: there was a really strange message from him not so long before the wormhole. he said he was joking but it doesnt seem to be a joke to me, so i do think about it sometimes.

i do believe that bedrock farm shit was just straight up mistake too, yeah. ourples both were sure zam knows its not true. afaik bedrock farm thing seemed to be a lie for the viewers, to mess with them, and it was expected that vi would explain it to zam out of camera. i think he even was sure he did. oh, vitalasy. i will never stop thinking about all of your character's potential.

i mean, vi defo had the idea of finding a glitch, found mrepic's video, showed it to spoke and contacted silicat, but silicat was the one who had actually understood its potential and did a big part of the work. i guess calling vi patient zero makes sense since all of this happened bc of him tho. and yeah, spoke got op only in the may, but it was generally silly from vi to think that he can control ash or spoke.

yeah, we know that spoke was speaking with parrot and that the was was actually staged (oh s4!leowook you was right from the start but I never found out about it) it was about the extent of it. but im rewatching wormhole breakdown and spoke had said here that he actually havent told parrot that much, although he immediately showed him the dupe glitch, so ig its answers that question. i love s4 but oh my fucking god i hope we'll never get the season like that again.

dw please. thank you for your consideration and attention. gl with your things void, have a good day!! <3

it feels like i still have no fucking idea what had actually happened in s4.

[bloomingnono]

meant it. (part 2)

pairing: jeno x reader

genre: angst, fluff

word count: ~ 1.7 k

warnings: language (like one curse word akjds)

intro l part 1 l part 2

a/n: im so sorry for the long wait:( i wanted to make sure i did my best, and wrote something i was overall pretty content with! but here’s the second, and final part to “meant it”!! i hope you all enjoy, especially my dear 🍿anonie<3

also not me making major adjustments 5 minutes before posting💀

taglist of my loves: @luvlyjaemin @vera-liscious @lenaluvs

Your bed felt cold. The type of cold that left your body weak. And yet again, you found yourself fighting to let sleep consume you.

You hesitantly turned to your left side, hoping that maybe, this was all just one big nightmare. That maybe when you turned around, he’d be there.

But you were only met with the other side of your bare bed; your lamp casting an amber tinge on your snow-white sheets.

Four weeks had passed since those final words had been exchanged. He had left you broken.

To say you missed him was an understatement.

You longed for the way your heartbeat quickened at his sight. You longed for the way your stomach fluttered as your name effortlessly slipped out of his lips. You longed for his touch; the way his fingers lingered against your skin.

You missed him.

But at what cost? To hear those three empty words leave his mouth?

No. Never again.

It was unfair to Jeno. But most of all, it was unfair to you.

You didn’t deserve to be told such idle lies.

Especially not from the one person you would give up your entire life for.

Jeno was a naive soul; so sincere and trusting of what only met the eye.

Mistakes were a daily occurrence in his life; learning and growing from them as he paved his way through.

.

But the second you left, he knew he had made the biggest mistake yet.

.

On the night when everything ended, there was an inexplainable feeling of void growing within him.

He didn’t have a reason to smile, nor the energy to cry.

Unlike anything he’d ever experienced before, he felt incomplete. It left him numb.

Before he knew it, four weeks had already gone by.

Four weeks since he last held your frame in his grasp. Four weeks since he last saw the face he once fell in love with. Four weeks since he left you utterly broken.

But in those four weeks, Jeno wasn’t living. He was simply existing.

He was merely left in his world; his actions and their consequences, being his sole companion.

He knew it was unfair to continue to lie and prolong the inevitable. But, why did it feel so wrong? It was the right decision to choose... right?

‘To choose.’

It seemed like such a simple action. It was something we did on a daily basis; nearly every second of every day.

Yet it held so much influence.

Jeno had finally realized that now.

Everything in life was purely a choice.

.

Everything.

You lie on your bed, your mind lost in all the bumps and ridges that painted your cream-colored ceiling.

It was late into the night, the moon peeking its way through the slits of your window blinds. The silence was peaceful, yet deafening.

Despite the unsettling aspects of the stillness, you’re ready for it to devour you; yearning for that feeling of tranquility that you haven’t felt in weeks.

But just as you are about to give in, you’re abruptly interrupted by frantic raps on your front door. Jostling up into a sitting position, you force yourself off your bed to check and see who was causing such a fuss.

The knocks on your door persist, not allowing for a single moment of intermission.

Apprehension quickly overtakes your body, frightened at what could possibly cause such actions to befall at this ungodly hour.

You hesitantly grab your doorknob, carefully turning it and opening the door just a fraction of the way.

You are met with a hunched figure; their hands on their knees and their hair damp with —what can only be assumed as— sweat. Their labored breathing leads you to believe they had run here, and hastily at that.

After a few short-lived seconds, you carefully try to assess the situation; fear still coursing throughout your body.

“Can I help you..?”

The figure instantly tenses at your tone, as if taken aback by the sound of your voice.

You watch in confusion as they begin to catch their breath, and stand to their full height. Straining your eyes to try and identify their face, you’re left frozen at the single feature that was recognizable even in pitch darkness.

His eyes.

You instinctively take a step backward, distrusting your vision.

But your presumption reigns true, as the figure tentatively takes a step forward through the doorway; his face now fully illuminated by your foyer light.

.

Lee Jeno.

.

He seemed to be in a terrible state: his hair a mess from the sweat, his clothes violated by the wind, and his breaths still quite uneven.

You attempt to try and form a coherent sentence, but the words seem to die in your throat. You could only look up at him, staring blankly with your mouth hung open.

“Wha... What are you doing here...?”

“I came to see you. I needed to talk to you. Immediately.” His expression was unreadable, yet his tone held the familiar hint of desperation. “I miss you. I want— No. I need you back. Nothing in this world seems right when I’m not with you. I’m not who I am without you. I need you…”

The silence that follows is unbearable.

It takes a few moments for his words to sink in. You feel your eyebrows furrow in confusion, contorting your features into a frown.

But the confusion is quickly replaced with the dreaded feeling of anger. It swiftly fills your entire soul, kindling a flame. The one emotion you tried so hard to repress, viciously engulfs your entire body.

The words that had once died in your throat, quickly resurrect and force their way out of your mouth.

You find your voice again. However, this time, it is nothing but cold and bitter.

“Lee Jeno, I love you. I’m not ashamed to say that I’m still hopelessly in love with you, because I am. But you aren’t. And that’s why I let you go.”

The floodgates were finally opened. There was no going back.

“As much as I still loved you, and as much as it killed me to accept that you didn’t return those feelings for me anymore; I let you go. Want to know why? Because your happiness means so much more than my own. I let you go because I love you so fucking much.”

Jeno stares at you with wide eyes, unable to summon a statement that could somehow ease the pain in you eyes. “I-“

“No, listen!!” Your voice begins break, unable to keep your emotions at bay. The words flow out of your mouth quicker than your mind could process. “I wanted to blame you. I wanted to hate you and resent you so badly for everything you put me through, but I couldnt. Because I still fucking love you!!”

The last statement leaves your throat raw. But you persist.

“You really got some nerve, Lee Jeno.” You laugh humorlessly at the pure audacity, before turning back to him with a renewed flame.

“You left me absolutely shattered. And I couldn’t even hate you for it. I refuse to let you hurt me again. I refuse to watch, as the love for me floods out of your eyes again. I REFUSE!!!”

Every last bit of your energy is wasted on your final words as you scream them at the top of your lungs.

The angry tears streaming out of your eyes seem endless. Your whole body trembles with pure fury as you collapse to the floor, legs giving out beneath you.

Jeno instinctively scrambles to your side, supporting your fragile form with his own.

Too weak to fight against his hold, you allow yourself to be braced by him; the touch being all too familiar for your liking.

“Why? Why are you doing this to me?” You purposely avoid his gaze as you ask, your voice impossibly faint. You’re left completely exhausted; the anger quickly transforming into pure defeat.

There’s a moment of hesitancy. You feel the sharp intake of breath that he takes before the reply is given.

.

“I... love you.”

.

Those three words that you once adored, and now despised... Those three words that had eased all your pain, but now caused your suffering...

Those three words... were no longer hollow.

.

He meant it again.

.

A chill swiftly travels down from the top of your spine to the tip of your toes, leaving you senseless.

He promptly proceeds; the hesitancy in his tone now replaced with a new-found determination.

“I love you. And not because I have to, but because I want to.” Cold fingers gently grip your chin, tilting it up to meet his gaze. “Loving you is not merely a spark. Loving you is not lust or simple desire. Loving you is a commitment. I want to wake up every day, and choose to love you.”

There’s another moment of silence; tears of regret traveling down to drip from the point of his chin.

“I’m so sorry for... everything.” He chokes back a sob as the words get caught in his throat. “I loathe myself for being the cause of all this. I will never forgive myself for hurting you and... and I completely understand if you aren’t willing to forgive me either-“

Before he could finish, you crash your lips onto his; successfully silencing his statement. Tears continue to descend both your guys’ cheeks, unable to subside from the overwhelming sense of comfort that came with being in the others’ warmth again.

You sense a familiar arm snake around your waist, pulling you deeper into the contact. Your own arms loop around his neck, absorbing the touch that you had longed for, so intensely.

You pull away from the kiss, coming face to face with the love of your life.

.

“You have no idea how much I missed feeling those words.” The sentence is muttered, speaking to yourself more than anyone else.

But he heard them nonetheless.

.

You feel his slender fingers encase either side of your face, his cool touch sending a wave of shock throughout your body. Keeping your face steady in his hands, he slowly leans his forehead against yours.

With his eyes closed and without a single waver in his voice, the words slip out again.

.

“I love you.”

.

You soak up the comfort that alluded from such simplicity.

You know that you guys aren’t perfect. Nowhere near it.

But what mattered, was that you were in each other’s hold again.

.

.

Because you loved each other...

.

.

And you meant it.

end.

[rosiesandlilies]

𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞?

Jennie X Female Reader 

(24.4k words)

synopsis: y/n kim was never close to her older sister, it could be because of the age difference considering her sister was fifteen when she was born, but y/n has tried everything to make jennie kim like her — all attempts were unsuccessful. why didn't jennie like her? 

A/N; Another fic of mine from wattpad. Hope you all enjoy :)

Kim Household, Hongdae 5:00PM

Author's POV.

y/n tried understanding but to this day, she still can't. y/n knows that all sisters aren't supposed to get along, but they at least still hold some love for each other but y/n doesn't know if that's the case when it comes to her own sister. her parents always told her that jennie's just a little older that's why she's like that, but y/n has seen her own sister get along well with their young cousins. y/n has seen the way jennie took care of their younger cousins, she's seen the way jennie plays with them so y/n is baffled as to why jennie hated her so much.

y/n has tried everything, she promises she has. she always cooked jennie's favourite foods whenever the older would visit home from work, whenever jennie would complain to her parents that her back hurt, or her body ached, y/n would be at the store buying jennie medicine. if jennie complained and said she wanted something, y/n would beg their parents for money just so she could buy it for her older sister, but all attempts were unsuccessful. all she would ever receive is a scowl or if it's in front of their parents, a forced 'thank you.' nothing was ever sincere and y/n could see that she was making no progress. all she wanted was an older sister who she could be best friends with, why was that so hard?

y/n was sixteen and jennie was thirty one, sure, jennie was usually always visiting home and chilling with their parents, but not once did jennie try to hangout with y/n. it made y/n insecure and unloved. her parents loved her but her sister didn't. y/n just didn't know why jennie hated her so much. y/n got to see roseanne get cuddled and kissed by alice and jisoo to jiyoon, but y/n was always there, alone with no one to talk to. sure, her parents were there and they were amazing parents but there's certain things a child can't talk to their parents about. y/n can't go up to her own mother and just ask why she was getting hormonal in the morning and why she was feeling things for girls. when y/n first experienced the experiences of boys, she had no idea who to turn to.

her father? nope, that's just weird. her sister? nope, jennie didn't like talking to her and if y/n remembers correctly, y/n is sure jennie hasn't spoken more than two sentences to her in their fifteen years of life together.

"y/n-ah!" the girl jolts from her chair and nearly falls on her ass hearing her mother yell her name from downstairs. having one last look at her uncompleted science work, y/n figures she'll just finish it after doing whatever her mother had called her to do. "yeah eomma?" chaerin walks up the stairs and leans on her daughter's door frame, crossing her arms. "i need you to call your sister y/n/n," y/n freezes and stands up from her spot. "....why?"

"your father and i are going to be in a conference call in five minutes and i need you to tell your sister that we're having lunch at halmeoni and halabeoji's palce."

y/n gulps, when was the last time she spoke to her sister on the phone? oh right, never.

y/n is surprised she even has jennie's number, unless jennie already changed it. "can you do that for me?" chaerin waits as her daughter looks everywhere but her. chaerin was aware of her daughter's relationship. she knew that jennie didn't like y/n, it was obvious that the entire kim family just decided to ignore it to not cause any more issues. chaerin can't help but feel bad for y/n but she has no control over what her daughter does and thinks. jennie is a grown woman, she knows right from wrong and chaerin is finished trying to parent her grown daughter. all she can do is be there for y/n and love her to fill the void that jennie has left as an older sister.

chaerin knows about the looks y/n gives roseanne and alice, she sees the envy that portrays in her eyes and chaerin knows that y/n wishes to have that.

"uhm..o-okay. is this still her number?" chaerin watches as her daughter shows her a contact, "yes it is." y/n nods lightly and scratches her head, "okay. i'll call her. when does she finish?"

"she finishes around five but i want you to call her now so that she knows in advance," y/n pouts and whines to her mother, "but eomma, she can be busy and i don't want to disturb her.." chaerin shakes her head and sits down on her daughter's bed. "you won't disturb her, you're family."

y/n wants to think that's true, she wants to believe that jennie at least sees her as family but she knows it's far from the truth, jennie can't even stand being in the same room as her. when y/n was four, jennie got mad at her because she accidentally mixed up jennie's school papers that were lying on the coffee table. y/n will never forget the way jennie looked at her with so much hatred and pure anger. "she's a lawyer eomma, she's probably busy. i'll do it when she's done work," chaerin sighs and pulls her daughter to sit with her on the bed.

"y/n, please. jennie won't get mad at you. i promise."

"..okay." chaerin smiles and kisses y/n's cheeks, "thank you y/n/n."

y/n watches as her mother walks out of her room after giving her a near impossible task. y/n is surprised jennie didn't change her number. y/n looks at her phone and hesitates to click jennie's number.

maybe she should come up with an excuse or maybe she should just text her sister but y/n knows that jennie is busy and a text will not get her attention. "fuck me.." y/n says softly so that her mother or father doesn't hear her. apparently her parents could hear from a mile away but when she talks beside them or shouts back when they call for her they can't hear her. y/n laughs at the irony.

after hesitating for four more seconds, y/n clicks on jennie's number and lifts the phone to her ear.

it rings once, twice and three times. y/n sits there, waiting and as she's about to give up, she hears jennie pick up the call.

*phone conversation*

"what?"

"....u-unnie..i uhm..eomma asked-"

"do you not know how to speak?"

"s-sorry..i just, eomma needed me to call yo-"

"okay about what? can you hurry up because i'm busy."

"we're having dinner with halmeoni and halabeoji tonight, so eomma said that you can just go straight there after work."

"that's all? why didn't you just text me? you're wasting my time."

"i- sorry. i didn't think a text message would get your attention."

"i would've seen it after work. do you not have any logic?"

"i'm sorry unnie."

"whatever. bye."

"bye-"

*phone conversation - end.*

y/n lowers her phone and feels tears start to prick her eyes. jennie's voice was just so cold. it was so distant and y/n felt herself feel so small whenever she was involved with jennie. would it have been better if y/n was never born? did jennie hate her that much for being born? was jennie jealous because she got more attention when jennie needed it during her high school years? all these thoughts ran through y/n's head, she was so beyond confused and had no idea how she was going to make it better or how she was even going to begin.

all y/n wishes is for the dinner to go well.

~

Cheongdamn, South Korea

5:20PM

Author's POV.

jennie surprisingly arrived on time that she herself was even shocked. jennie wasn't the best at coming to things on time or early. she was a busy woman, her career was going well and that's all she was focusing on. she didn't have time to play around or goof off, she was a serious woman who had an agenda and priorities.

"jennie, can you stay with your sister while we go pick up some things for dinner?" jennie hears her mother speak while she was working on some documents of her latest case, "and can you please put those away and not do work. talk to your sister while we're gone," chaerin looked at her with those same eyes and jennie just rolled her own, "you can't force me to talk to y/n," y/n was sitting in the same table as jennie so she could hear everything loud and clear. y/n wasn't sure if jennie was speaking loudly like that just to spite her but y/n knows that that's exactly what jennie is doing.

"jennie kim."

"eomma. i have so many things to work on and i can't have-"

"jennie, you barely talk to your sister, use this time to-"

"eomma no. i have more important matters to focu-"

"just this once."

jennie relented and started rummaging through her papers, completely ignoring her mother and sister who were both staring at her. "we'll be back in a few minutes," chaerin kisses jennie's forehead and then y/n's. y/n and jennie watch as their family gets into their cars and heads off to wherever they were heading, leaving the two of them alone.

it was so awkward, y/n just wanted to get out of the dining room and go outside just to escape this awkward atmosphere. all she could hear was jennie's papers and the click of her laptop. y/n knows it's best not to bother her sister so she pulls out her phone and starts texting the group chat that jisoo made.

*text conversation*

lisa - italics roseanne - bold jisoo - italics bold

: chaerin kim left me with my sister

manobangbang: shit, really? aren't you supposed to be at a family dinner?

: yeah but they all left because they needed to get something so now im left with jennie and all shes doing is wrking :/

chaeng: how are you holding up? is she being mean to you??

turtlerabbit: if she is, lemme beat her up. i know kungfu

: jisoo...you said you could play the drums but all you did was bang repeatedly on one of them

turtlerabbit: fuck you.

manobangbang: why don't you try talking to her? see if she actually responds?

chaeng: babe, are you asking our best friend to get a death sentence?

: thank you chae. i'm not trying to get killed today. i had to call her today and she was just...very cold. i don't know what else i could od, i don't even know why she ahtes me sm..

turtlerabbit: the amount of typos..

chaeng: jisoo..

: shut the fuck up chu, i don't need your negative imput rn. this is so awkward, i don't know what to do.

manobangbang: just leave and go somewhere else?

: gee, why didn't i think of that lisa? wow.

chaeng: no srsly, why dont you just leave or smth?

: that's rude chae, i don't want her to think i'm rude too. she already hates me enough.

manobangbang: well since you don't want to do anythign with your situation, you're just gonna have to bear with it.

: ughhhhhhhhh, why couldn't your family come chu? this would've been less awkward.

turtlerabbit: sorry y/n/n, we're having dinner at my sisters today :)

: fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

chaeng: what's she doing rn?

: still working, why can't she just leave first so i don't have to leave?

manobangbang: hey baby, i have your food, open the door :))))))

manobangbang: oh shit. wrong chat, fuck.

turtlerabbit: KNEW IT! YOU'RE SUCH A SIMP FOR CHAE! YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GOING TO BUY HER FOOD JSUT BECAUSE SHE ASKED YOU LIS!

: aweeeee, lisa is so sweet.

chaeng: you said that lis? wow..if i recall properly, you bought me pads and tampons yesterday at three because i said i ran out and then you proceeded to buy me food with that :/

manobangbang: chae..abby, i was just joking :(

chaeng: who the fuck is abby?!

manobangbang: BABY***** BABY** I MAENT BABY NOT ABBY.

turtlerabbit: uh-oh....BAJAAHHAHAHAHAHHA this shit is getting interesting.

: you guys are such a mess.

chaeng: shut the fuck up y/n and go back to your petty sister.

: FUCK OFF CHAENG ABAHAHAHAH. ya'll are so annoying.

manobangbang: babe..please open the door. i'm sorrryyyy

chaeng: go home lisa.

manobangbang: babe it was a mistake! i promise, there's no abby!

turtlerabbit: keep it going chae, my popcorn will not be wasted.

: soo, wanna give me sum?

turtlerabbit: i dunno, do i like you enough?

: i dunno, do you?

manobangbang: in front of my salad, really? go home you two and stop flirting.

chaeng: LISA!

: oh fuck, jennie just left the table...welp. looks like i've gotta go now.

chaeng: awe babe..i'm so srry :(

turtlerabbit: do you need my popcorn? i can bring you sum :(

manobangbang: tell jennie to fuck herself :) love you.

: bye guys!

*text conversation - end.*

y/n looks up from her phone and sees jennie returning back to the table, her face looking like the usual bitch face she always had. y/n was about to leave but seeing jennie return back to the table made y/n feel obligated to stay.

jennie sits down across from y/n and resumes her work, not one uttering a word to her younger sister. y/n sighs and gets up from the table, she decided to create some coffee for herself since she was craving it.

"unnie...do you want coffee?" jennie doesn't respond and continues typing on her laptop like y/n didn't even exist. y/n just nods to herself and tries to keep her tears at bay. all she wanted was for jennie to talk to her. damnit, why was it like this? was jennie still mad at her because she messed up her school assignments? it didn't matter how hard y/n tried to think, she can't think of why jennie hated her so much.

jennie clearly heard y/n's question but it wasn't important so why should she answer? this case in front of her was more important than what her sister was asking her about. she knows she's a bitch to her little sister and although she can't pin point the reason why, all she knows is that it's too late to fix whatever is between y/n and her. y/n was way too young to even understand what jennie was thinking so why should jennie bother trying to make her younger sister understand?

y/n was just her sister, that's all. they're just blood related, they don't have to be best friends and jennie is sticking by that. they can co-exist together but that's all they'll ever be.

did jennie feel bad? not really. did y/n deserve to be treated this way? no, but it was better this way.

"hopefully while we were away you two actually talked," jiyong spoke as he set the groceries down on the table, but seeing as his eldest daughter was still working and y/n was no where to be found, jiyong quickly figured out that the two didn't speak the whole time they were gone. jiyong sighs and closes jennie's laptop. "appa, what the hell?" jennie spoke through her teeth, she was almost finished. "your mother and i asked you to speak to y/n jennie but she's no where to be found," jennie only now noticed that y/n wasn't in the kitchen anymore. looks like y/n left after making her coffee.

"i have work appa, that's more impor-"

"more important than your sister jennie?" jennie rolled her eyes, her parents were always on her ass about y/n, why should she care about y/n? "she's sixteen appa, she can find entertainment herself," jennie rolled her eyes and jiyong slammed his palm on the table. he was sick and tired of seeing his eldest treat his youngest like shit. he's seen the way y/n tried her hardest ever since she could speak to try to get close to jennie.

jiyong remembers the one time y/n wanted to sleep with jennie because she had a nightmare but all jennie did was push her away and yell at her for coming into her room. jiyong still remembers the way y/n looked, her eyes were the saddest he's ever seen. it broke his heart. jennie was a lovely girl but ever since y/n was born, she just started turning different.

"jennie, you know-" jennie was thankful that her grandpa walked in or else she would've had the same conversation she's had with her parents over and over again. jennie wasn't sure she wanted to hear it again. "are you two ready to start the grill? y/n is excited already," sunghyun speaks as he curls an arm around his eldest granddaughter. "yes appa, we're ready," jiyong says with a forced smile as he walks away from the two. "okay, come on then jenjen, let's go and start to eat."

~

family dinner was awkward, y/n tried her hardest to not make it awkward but they kept asking her about her dating life and y/n didn't want to answer questions like that in front of jennie, she didn't want jennie to judge her taste in women and didn't even know if jennie knew she was gay.

"do you have a girlfriend yet?" their grandma asks, her smile so bright that y/n couldn't help but to smile as well. "uhm..no, not yet halmeoni," jennie was sitting beside her, surprisingly and y/n was glad she didn't receive a glare when her grandma flat out asked if she had a girlfriend.

jennie was quiet the entire time but when their grandma mentioned a girlfriend, jennie couldn't help but grip her fork a little harder. her sister was way too young to be dating.

"so you're not with jisoo?"

"n-no..halmeoni. jisoo and i are just friends,"

"but jisoo told me she liked you," y/n didn't know whether to be shocked that jisoo actually like her or the fact that her grandma just exposed jisoo without even knowing. "oh..i-i..i didn't know that," chaerin laughs and shakes her head at her mother, "eomma, you just outed jisoo's secret," their grandma stops for a moment and laughs before shaking her head, "oh well. at least now y/n can say that she likes jisoo back-"

"halmeoni, y/n already said that she and jisoo aren't dating. stop pushing the subject," jennie's cold cut voice breaks the easy conversation at the table. y/n looks at her sister in shock, she didn't expect for jennie to defend her let alone even talk about her. jennie doesn't know why she did what she just did so she just keeps her head down and continues eating her food.

y/n has never seen jennie look so angry before. sure jennie has been angry at her multiple times for reasons that y/n still has no idea why, but this kind of angry look that jennie had made her shiver.

the rest of dinner goes by without any more comments from jennie or y/n, they both just let the older adults in the room talk, occasionally jennie would join in but because y/n was literally only sixteen, not even a legal adult yet, she stayed out of most of the conversations and only answered when conversation was directed at her.

~

through her daze, y/n gets shook awake. it's not the gentle way her mother wakes her up nor the loving way her father wakes her up, this person who was waking her up was ruthless. "y/n, wake up. you'll be late for school."

more shaking and y/n finally opens her eyes and turns to her side to see who the fuck was waking her up at six in the morning when her classes didn't start until eight thirty. "w-what the? unnie?" jennie's face is the first thing y/n sees and y/n isn't too sure what to think. was she dreaming? why the hell was her older sister in her room, waking her up when jennie barely even went into her room when she was still in high school?

"yeah, get up and get ready for school."

"what are you doing in here?" y/n watches as jennie goes into her closet and picks out an outfit for her, takes out a pair of shoes and sets it beside her bed all while responding to y/n. "eomma and appa can't take you to school today and it's my day off so appa asked me to take you. now hurry up or you're walking to school," there's no way jennie kim just agreed like that. their parents probably had to pay jennie loads of cash just for jennie to agree.

y/n wipes her eyes and looks at her clock. "my school doesn't start until eight thirty today and it's five.." y/n tries her best to sound polite and not annoyed because she just got woken up at five and jennie never interacts with her and she finds herself not wanting jennie to leave already but she's so tired and jennie just woke her up at five.

"doesn't mean you can't get a head start on your day. hurry up, i'll be downstairs."

"unnie-"

"it's jennie."

"but you're my unnie-"

"i don't want you to call me that. it's jennie for fucks sake y/n, get used to it. now hurry up and stop wasting my time."

y/n clutched onto her bedsheets and looked at jennie's figure that was near her bedroom door. "why did you even agree to this?"

"who says i agreed?"

"well you're here, aren't you?"

"just because i'm here doesn't mean i agreed willingly. this is the last place i want to be." and with that, jennie left her room, leaving y/n to sit on her bed and wonder if it was even worth it being in this family when her own sister didn't even like her.

y/n talks a shower, longer than usual since she had about three hours to spare. her mind just couldn't wrap her head around jennie being in the same house as her. as soon as jennie turned twenty three, she moved out and y/n hasn't seen her since. sure jennie always comes regularly to hangout with their parents but in those times, y/n knows that jennie doesn't want to see her so she usually hides out in her room or hangs out with jisoo, lisa or roseanne. now though, jennie was actually here because of y/n and y/n didn't know if she liked it or hated it.

she always felt like she was walking on eggshells whenever it came to jennie, she felt like one wrong move and she'll trigger jennie. she learned by the age of six that it's best to leave her older sister alone and not get in the way if she wanted to live peacefully in the house, if she got in jennie's way or made the girl mad that only meant for their parents to get mad and then a whole screaming match would ignite in their home and y/n didn't want any more of those, so she learned how to back off and mind her own business whenever it came to her older sister.

but that doesn't mean she didn't try. she always did try with jennie, always tried to get on her good side by doing things for her, cooking for her and gifting her things even though y/n is fully aware that jennie can but herself all the luxuries in the world, especially now that she was an adult with a blooming career. but like always, y/n was unsuccessful.

it's not like she stopped trying but she just stopped trying to gift jennie or cook for her, she just wanted to talk with her sister and hangout but it's so hard when you don't know why she hates you in the first place.

y/n gets out of the shower and dries herself off, she takes the outfit that jennie got from her closet and puts it on. a band-like Chanel shirt paired with black Dickies cargo pants. y/n was really happy when her mother gifted her that Chanel band-like vintage looking shirt during christmas, she's always been a fan of Chanel.

as per usual, that christmas, jennie didn't gift her anything but y/n was already used to it. it used to affect her, especially when she was young but now y/n was just used to it and didn't expect jennie to care enough to give her something. she just appreciated that jennie was with them during christmas.

after putting on some light make up to cover her eye bags that she gained because of non-stop studying, she prayed on some Chanel no.5 perfume and exited her bathroom.

heading downstairs with her shoes in her hands because in their asian household, shoes weren't allowed to be used inside the house, y/n cautiously walks to the kitchen where she was going to prepare her breakfast and lunch since she had way too much time.

she usually bought lunch or breakfast with jisoo or lisa since they were the ones she'd meet up with in the morning but since she had too much time to spare because of her sister waking her up at such an ungodly hour, she decided she'd put her cooking skills to test and make her own food.

but she was surprised to see jennie there, a plate full of food and her bento container filled to the brim with food. "what are you doing just standing there, hurry and eat before it gets cold." jennie spoke as she sipped on her coffee and continued working on her work. "t-thank you unnie."

"it's jennie. get it through your head."

"i'm sorry."

not another word is spoken and y/n eats awkwardly with her sister sitting in the same island table as her. she expected jennie to leave and go to the living room but she stayed and kept y/n company. well that's what y/n is pretending, she's pretending that jennie is staying at the table because she's wanting to keep y/n company but y/n knows that jennie prefers the table to work at, she's always been like that ever since high school.

"we'll leave at 8:00." jennie speaks, her eyes never leaving the screen and her fingers never stop the typing on her laptop. y/n watches and worries for jennie's eyes and despite jennie's glasses on her face, y/n still worries that her sister's eyes are getting worse because glasses can only help so much.

"okay, i'll be meeting with jisoo anyway."

"jisoo again? don't you have any other friends than her?"

"...lisa and chaeng have something planned together this morning so jisoo and i are just going to hangout before classes." jennie stops typing and y/n waits for jennie to do something but the girl just resumes.

"we'll leave at 8:20 then," y/n furrows her eyebrows and looks at her sister weirdly, "but-"

"are you going to complain? i'm already here instead of relaxing on my off day, don't expect me to follow your rules."

"unnie i didn't-"

"i told you not to call me unnie."

"well what do you expect me to say? you're my sister,"

"so? does it mean i want you to call me that?" when y/n doesn't say anything, jennie just scoffs and shakes her head. "exactly. so stop calling me that because we're not close for you to be calling me that."

y/n just nods and loses her appetite. "i'll be back down when we're ready to go."

jennie doesn't even move when y/n leaves the table, all she's concerned about is her work.

it's eight twenty when jennie checks up on her sister to see if she's ready to go. she sees y/n on the bed, phone in hand, smiles on her face and giggles coming out of her mouth. jennie rolls her eyes and tightens her grip on the door knob. "y/n, stop talking to whoever on the phone, let's go." y/n abruptly stops the conversation and nods her head, eyes not meeting jennie's. "did eomma and appa raise you to be like that?" y/n looks at her older sister in complete confusion, "what?"

"didn't they teach you to look into the eyes of the person who's talking to you? you don't look down like you're blind y/n." y/n trembles in her spot and gulps, jennie was absolutely terrifying and so incredibly mean that y/n just didn't know how to act around her. anything she did, even the slightest, could set jennie off. "i'm sorry unnie-"

"one more slip up and you're walking to school." usually when siblings say this, they don't actually mean it but y/n knows jennie, even though they aren't close, she still knows her sister and she knows her sister isn't joking. joking was something jennie didn't do. in all her sixteen years of life, y/n has never heard her sister crack a joke or laugh or even smile. it was like when she was born, jennie just decided to stop living life lightly.

did y/n steal their parents' attention so much to the point where jennie had to start acting like an adult when she was just a teenager?

"are you coming down or not?" jennie speaks again, her eyes showing great irritation and y/n pathetically nods before walking behind her sister.

"i don't like you hanging around jisoo," jennie stated as they both got into jennie's sleek 2021 Porsche 911 Turbo S (a/n: yes, i love cars. what's new bahah).

y/n realizes that this is probably the longest conversation she's ever had with jennie and the girl uses it to criticize her friendship with jisoo. one of her best friends. "why..you like rosie and lisa," jennie watches as y/n goes to sit in the passenger seat but after seeing her sister's eyes watching her like a hawk, y/n decides it's best to sit in the back seat. "i never said that," y/n furrows her eyebrows and remembers the times where jennie has actually smiled they were always directed towards roseanne or lisa. jennie never smiles. her happy face was her bitch face.

"but you smile at them?" y/n responds quietly, she didn't want to anger jennie or set her off while she was driving. "doesn't mean i like them. it's called putting on a front y/n, don't you know what that is?" y/n wants to respond in a sassy tone but she can't find it in herself to bring attitude whenever she spoke to jennie. even though the older girl barely acknowledged her, y/n respected her so much and looked up to her.

she admired jennie to the point that whatever jennie gave her, she'd be fine with. all she ever wanted was just for her and jennie to see eye to eye. if jennie couldn't love her like a sister, or care for her, then y/n would accept anything else jennie had to offer.

call her desperate but y/n still loved jennie and she felt attached to her. she liked having jennie around even though the girl would curse her out or glare at her like she was a criminal.

so y/n keeps her mouth shut, fingers picking at her nails to distract her of that awkward air inside jennie's car.

jennie looks in the rear view mirror and watches as y/n fidgets with her hands, jennie sighs and shakes her head. her sister was too sensitive. so what if jennie didn't like jisoo? jisoo wasn't a good influence on y/n anyway. y/n was too good of a student to be getting distracted by girls like jisoo. jennie simply didn't like jisoo for y/n, that's that.

"what time do your classes end?"

"around three but i need to study so i get home around eight."

"are you stupid? why would you do that?"

"because i need to study-"

"you're just setting yourself up for disaster y/n. that's such a stupid decision to make."

y/n wonders in her head what made jennie annoyed again. they were just having a conversation of their classes. "i'll pick you up at three sharp. you aren't going anywhere after and can study at home."

"i need to study with roseanne-"

"does it look like i give a shit y/n? i need you at home so that i can attend to more important matters other than taking care of you-"

"okay."

without another word, y/n's heart felt heavy, filled to the brim with emotions she wasn't sure she was able to swallow, she exited her sister's vehicle.

jennie shakes her head when jisoo appears by y/n's side and tugs the girl into a hug. y/n was only setting herself up for failure if she kept hanging around jisoo.

~

"hey, y/n, babe. you need to tell us what's going on." y/n snaps her head towards the direction of that voice. y/n spots roseanne leaning on lisa's shoulder while sipping on a juice box, an organic one at that. "going on? nothing's going on," roseanne shakes her head and leaves her girlfriend's side to sit next to y/n. "we've been best friends for so fucking long y/n, you can't hide things from us, we'll know either way."

it was lunch break and y/n couldn't really eat the lunch that jennie made her. it wasn't that it tasted bad, it was really good, y/n knew her sister was a good cook. y/n figures that jennie got that gene from their parents since y/n wasn't that bad at cooking either. their father always whipped up the best dishes. y/n just couldn't really swallow anything and keep it in her stomach. she couldn't stop thinking about the ride in jennie's car and the conversation they had. jennie was so cold but also seemed to love telling her what to do, which made no sense.

jennie didn't care about y/n, it was obvious, but y/n found it weird that jennie seemed so distant but also wanted to dictate her life. they barely spoke at all and now jennie found it appropriate to tell her sister do's and don'ts when they barely know each other. it was ridiculous, y/n had no idea why jennie acted like that.

she was hot and then she was cold. y/n now knows why jennie is lawyer, that girl was so hard to read.

"guess who made my lunch," lisa took a slice of cucumber and then fed the rest to roseanne who was sitting across from her, "who."

"jennie." jisoo stopped drinking her milk and looked wide eyed at y/n, "your sister? what the fuck? is she possessed?"

"no jisoo..she got forced into taking me to school and getting me ready because eomma and appa were already at work."

"then why did she make you lunch when she could've easily gave you money?" lisa asked as she started working on her forgotten chemistry lab.

"you think my sister would want to spend money on me?"

"sure seems like a better option than spending time making you homemade food."

"she doesn't like you guys, apparently," y/n felt like it was right for her to get that out of her chest. jisoo snorts, not really giving a fuck if jennie liked them or not. "what does she like? that woman is a fucking prude," y/n shakes her head, "jisoo. stop it. that's my sister you're talking about."

"well..your sister is a prude. she hates literally everything. it's like life fucked her over but she's literally living the best life right now. she's a wealthy attorney, has her own place, she's not ugly looking, has a loving family who puts up with her bullshit and a sister who actually cares about her despite the shit treatment she receives. what more can she want? she's a prick y/n."

"how about we tone it down you two? i think it's nice that jennie prepared you lunch y/n/n. it's something," y/n thanked roseanne for her positive input and cheery attitude that made y/n feel a little bit better but y/n knew that jennie just didn't want to get in trouble with their parents so that's probably why she put effort into her lunch.

"are we still studying after school?" lisa munches on her fries and scribbles something on her lab assignment, hoping that it'll somehow be right. she didn't want to ask her chemistry crazy girlfriend for answers, and although lisa loved roseanne, she didn't want roseanne to teach her, she just wanted the answers.

"i can't," y/n speaks, her mind drifting in and out of her thoughts. she was only sixteen, why was she stressed out already? the bad part was that it wasn't because of school. "why not?" jisoo reaches over and plays with y/n's fingers absentmindedly. roseanne and lisa both look at each other but all roseanne does is kick lisa's shin because the girl was going to comment something again. "unnie is coming to pick me up, she wants me to go straight home and study there," jisoo pouts but y/n doesn't notice, too wrapped up in her food to notice the raven head, "but we're just going to the café to study.."

y/n nods and wipes her mouth with a napkin, her other hand falling on top of jisoo naturally. "i know but she thinks it's dangerous to go home late after. i'll just facetime you guys," roseanne whines lightly and y/n can't help but coo at roseanne's face, her cheeks looked chubby when she made that whiny face.

"i'll come next time, this is just a one time thing. i promise."

~

turns out it's not just a one time thing because the very next week, y/n sees jennie in their home again. like usual, there's no greeting for her but y/n's used to it so she just sits on the kitchen island and waits for her mother to explain why her older sister was in the house.

chaerin fixes jennie a cup of coffee and jennie eagerly sips on it. she was running on two hours of sleep and god knew how much she needed coffee. her assistant at the firm always got her coffee order wrong and her new case was taking up all her time, she barely got to rest when she became an attorney but now sleep was just non-existent.

"how's work jennie?" chaerin asks quietly as she looks at y/n preparing her small breakfast. her daughter was an athlete but definitely didn't eat much for an athlete. y/n loved competing ever since she was young, she loved competing in sports, music and arts. so when y/n got older, chaerin didn't shy away from providing y/n with the opportunities. so y/n took up soccer, volleyball, piano and fashion. chaerin often got worried for her youngest daughter because she was still so young and already did so many things and on top of that she had school and her studies to keep up with, but whenever chaerin sees the satisfied smile on y/n's face after a game or after a new piano piece, she lets those worries disappear.

jennie however, was not like her younger sister. the girl was more academically involved than physical sport and music. jennie was student council president all through out high school, was the head cheerleader (that was the only physical thing jennie did), leader of the math club and science club. jennie loved academics, she was the top of her classes throughout high school so it was no surprise to chaerin when jennie wanted to become a lawyer.

"it's fine." jennie answers shortly, she wasn't in the mood to speak or even be in her childhood home. she just wanted to sleep.

"your father and i are going to be gone for two weeks," jennie nods, her mother's words not really registering in her mind. y/n continues to stir whatever was inside the pan and tries to remember what she studied for last night. "we're going to be in Bali for two weeks, attending a business conference," once again, chaerin sees that her children aren't listening.

"and since y/n is sixteen, i don't want her to stay home alone for two weeks."

no response, jennie is finishing up a draft email and y/n is too busy eating her eggs.

"so jennie, y/n will stay with you until we get back."

that's what gets them, chaerin mentally prepares herself for her eldest daughter's verbal attacks.

"you don't expect me to take care of a sixteen year old when she's very much capable of doing that herself." y/n doesn't say anything and tries to block out whatever jennie is saying and is about to say. y/n knows that none of the things that will come out of jennie's mouth will be nice.

"i actually do jennie. it's about time you do it,"

"why is that?" jennie challenges her mother.

"because she's your sister and not once have you gone out of your way to check up on her."

"do i need to? she has mommy and daddy there with her through everything! i don't need another problem added on my plate. my job barely lets me sleep and i don't need to take care fo something else."

"jennie kim. sit down and don't talk to your mother that way," jiyong interrupts after getting fed up with his daughter's yapping voice. she was worse than his wife sometimes.

"appa. you're asking me to take care of someone while i have a demanding job that requires me to tend to it twenty-four hours a day. i don't need another responsibility. why can't she just go to jisoo's house, she seems to love going there anyway." jennie side eyes her sister when she says that and y/n just clutches onto her fork, her teeth were grinding and she so badly wanted to defend herself but she also knew jennie had a point. she shouldn't be interfering with her sister's life like this.

she already interfered when she was born. she couldn't have jennie hate her even more.

"so what? you want me to put my life on pause just because of y/n?"

"jennie, you did this to yourself. you're letting your sister stay with you until we get back. i don't you to argue with me anymore."

jennie bit her tongue from talking back. her hands lay lifeless on the table as she tries to process what just happened.

"two weeks. that's it."

chaerin motions for y/n to go upstairs and get ready to get to school while jennie was stuck trying to convince her parents that y/n didn't need to stay with her. she didn't want y/n to stay with her. it was just going to cause things to stir and jennie didn't want that.

unfortunately, all the begging and whining that the thirty one year old did was no match to her parent's stubborn brain. she was still stuck with y/n for the next two weeks.

y/n was shitting her pants as she tried to pack clothes for the next two weeks. she was slightly excited to stay with her sister but also not. jennie was going to kill her, she knew that for sure. she felt terrible for making her sister pause her busy life just so y/n could fit in her schedule. y/n didn't want jennie to feel obligated to take care of her, she knew jennie didn't want to do it.

gosh, if there was only a way for her to get excused from this, she'd take it. but y/n knows that if she disobeys her parents, it'll only back fire to her sister and that was the last thing y/n wanted. she was already on thin ice with her sister.

~

Hannam The Hills, Seoul

6:02PM

Author's POV.

to say it was awkward was an understatement, y/n couldn't process it when their mother was speaking and y/n couldn't process it now that she was standing inside the luxurious home of her older sister. y/n didn't know what to do, she was left standing there as jennie was speaking with her assistant, y/n doesn't know if she could call it speaking though since her sister's neck vain was popping and the booming voice of hers was echoing throughout the apartment. y/n stood there awkwardly, her duffle bag in her hands and her fingers picking at her nails. "stop doing that, you'll ruin your nails." jennie's demanding voice nearly made y/n scream, wasn't she just talking with her assistant awhile ago? "s-sorry," y/n muttered, her movements stopping and waiting on command for what jennie is instructing her to do next. "i can stay with jisoo if you're busy, i won't tell eomma and appa."

"no. you're not going to stay with jisoo, understood?" y/n nodded her head and jennie turned around. "you'll stay upstairs in the guest bedroom. no touching anything, no walking into rooms that i didn't say you could go into, okay?" despite jennie not looking at her, y/n nodded her head. "you're staying in my house and my rules are my rules. you are not to bring friends over, i don't care if eomma and appa let you but you're in my house," jennie walked up the glass stairs, her heels clicking on the floor making y/n more scared. it truly felt like she was in the 'devil wears Prada' film. jennie leads her little sister into a big room, obviously not bigger than hers but it was a decent size. "you'll stay here. everything you need is here and you can put your clothes inside the closet." y/n watches in amazement as the walls of her room are painted a nice cream colour, the same colour that her room was painted in back at home. y/n knew how much of a struggle it was for her father to find the exact cream colour and y/n wondered how jennie found the exact colour for this guest bedroom.

"you can put your stuff down and freshen up if you want. there's food downstairs if you want to eat or you can order something, i couldn't care less about what you eat. i'll be in my office working, don't disturb me unless someone's dying. i don't like loud noises and i don't like cleaning up after people, so if you make a mess, clean it. i don't like repeating what i say," y/n feels like she's some sort of servant working for jennie instead of being her actual sister. "did you hear what i just said?" y/n takes a breath and nods, "yeah i did," jennie looks at her unimpressed, "then why didn't you answer me?"

"sorry unnie," jennie doesn't correct y/n, either she got tired of repeating herself or she just didn't care anymore.

when jennie left, y/n went to inspect her new room for the next two weeks. she let her eyes linger on the luxurious furniture that was somehow put into her room like it belonged there. it had everything she loved and y/n wondered if she and her sister had a lot of similar tastes. y/n lets her mind wonder to a fantasy of if she and jennie were close, would they be able to talk about their similar interests and similar tastes? but all y/n could do was imagine because her reality didn't include that. she and jennie weren't close and jennie hated her.

y/n's eyes widen at the sight of a Canon EOS 90D camera perched on one of the shelf's, she's hesitant to take it because jennie's rules rang in her ear loud and clear but her passion for photography made her second guess her choices. she was itching to touch it, how the hell did jennie have this in her home? did jennie like photography too? what other things did y/n not know about jennie? quite a lot that's for sure. y/n is the only one in the family who knows about cameras and the only people who know her love for photography was their mother and father. y/n walks closer to the shelf, her fingers reaching forward. she sighs at the feel of her fingers brushing the smooth canvas of the camera and the slight leather it had. y/n was aching to try it out, take a video with it's pristine lens and take photos of whatever. but she drew her fingers back, she didn't want to break it and have her sister get mad at her.

with a heavy heart, y/n turns around. she just touched her most wanted camera that was worth thousands, at least she had that to be happy about. how did jennie even get her hands on the camera? it was sold out nearly everything.

after sitting on her bed for a few minutes, her mind began to wonder. she was now more curious to know her older sister, the things she liked to do, the things she liked to eat and her opinions on everything. jennie was such a complex character and y/n wanted to know more. she was itching to discover who her sister really was and based on the entire design of her house and the small glimpses y/n got of jennie's habits, she knew that she and jennie had a lot of common interests and habits. why was it so difficult for her own sister to like her?

it was around nine in the night when y/n determined she was indeed hungry. it was already late and she didn't want to wake her sister up by making a loud noise in the kitchen, so she tiptoed down the stairs and headed into the kitchen only to find her sister eating on the counter. y/n gulped when jennie's eyes met hers, the cat like eyes that she got from their mother which y/n also got, staring deep into her soul. y/n was hoping jennie would be asleep so that she didn't have to face a situation like this but of course she was wrong. her lucky stars just didn't seem to like her very much whenever it came to her sister. "i'm sorry unnie, i didn't think you'd still be up," y/n observes what jennie is eating, grilled cheese with doritos inside of it. for someone as put together as jennie, someone who even intimidated men, y/n wasn't expecting her sister to eat things broke college students and high schoolers, like herself, would eat. doritos and grilled cheese was her favourite weird combo. "you're only eating now?" jennie responded, putting her phone down to the side and giving all her attention to her younger sister. "yes...i don't really have an appetite in the early hours." jennie clicked her tongue and shook her head, "if you continue eating like that, you'll never build muscle," y/n made a move for the fridge but jennie stopped her, "there's another grilled cheese for you on the table," jennie didn't make eye contact with her when she spoke, y/n's eyes widen in surprise. jennie made her food?

"i thought i could eat two but turns out i can only eat one," of course. jennie wouldn't actually make her food. "okay..uhm, thank you unnie."

"eomma told me that you like grilled cheese, so ugh...yeah." jennie clarified, she didn't want her younger sister to think she made it for her.

"okay unnie."

"i didn't make it for you."

"i know that unnie. thank you-"

"i would never do that for you. you're capable of making your own food." y/n looks down and notices that the crust is cut off, just how she likes it. "the crust is cut off," jennie narrows her eyes on the sandwich and nods her head, "yeah. what about it?"

"....nothing. never mind. thank you for this." jennie continues to nod and eats silently, the ringing of her phone going off once or twice. y/n eats the sandwich and smiles in content when the cheese is still gooey. y/n eyes her sister carefully as jennie answers whoever is texting and calling her, although it's most likely her work, she wonders how jennie knows to cut the crust off the sandwich she 'didn't make' for her when only their mother knows y/n doesn't like the crust. sure, they lived together and jennie probably saw her mother removing the crust on y/n's sandwiches but jennie doesn't like y/n so why would she put effort into removing the crust on a sandwich she 'didn't make' for y/n? it's even more weird because jennie's sandwich still had the crust on it.

"my friends are coming over for the review of the case we're working on. you can go to your room or you can just continue eating here. it doesn't matter to me what you do, just don't disturb us." and the jennie that y/n has (barely) known all her life is back. "okay unnie," jennie doesn't say anything else and goes back to her phone, completely ignoring her younger sister like she wasn't even there. y/n wonders what jennie's friends are like, were they friendly? were they pretty like her sister or were they exactly like jennie, mean and intimidating? y/n was surprised that jennie gave her the option to stay in the dining room, where jennie and her friends were most likely gonna be. jennie wasn't embarrassed of y/n? y/n found that unbelievable.

several knocks were sounded at the door and y/n jumped because of the loud noises. "fucking hell felix.." jennie muttered under her breath when she stood up to get the door. y/n couldn't see the people when jennie opened the door but she was sure at least four people were there. "i told you to knock nicely," y/n could hear jennie scolding with a hiss in her tone. "c'mon ruby jane! we brought wine and ashley brought chicken!" a blonde haired boy answered enthusiastically when he entered jennie's home, completely unaware of the presence of jennie's younger sister. he raised the bottles in his hand and three other people walked in.

"yeah jen! we're here to fuck thi-" jennie glares at all of them and they all shut up immediately, turning their heads to where jennie was constantly looking over at. to their surprise, another body was in jennie's house. "oh shit," ashley and felix immediately hide the bottles behind their backs and smile sheepishly at jennie. "shit jen...i'm sorry, i didn't know you had someone else here," felix spoke and the other three nodded behind him.

ashley looked back at y/n and tilted her head, "is this..." ashley, felix, jongin, and chan all looked back at jennie with wide eyes. jennie immediately clears her throat while avoiding her friend's gaze. "jen..is this-"

"y/n, these are my friends. ashley," she points to a slightly green haired girl, "felix," jennie points to a guy with slightly long blonde hair, "jongin," a brown haired boy who smiled kindly at y/n, "and chan," a black haired boy who was incredibly tall. "they're my friends from high school and also my co-workers," y/n nods, her smile widening as she sees the girl named ashley smile at her. "ash, felix, kai, chan. this is my sister y/n," all of jennie's friends look at y/n and smile widely, something in their eyes made y/n feel weird. "it's so nice to meet you..y/n. you're so beautiful," jongin complimented but y/n didn't feel any romantic or flirtatious intentions behind it, y/n felt brotherly love from his words. "thank you jongin oppa," ashley and chanyeol walk to y/n and smile at her. "jongin is right, you're so beautiful. i'm mad that jennie kept us from you!" ashley joked while turning back at jennie. jennie avoided ashley's gaze and looked to the ground instead.

"how long is she staying here ruby jane?" felix asked, dropping the alcohol on the table and walking to y/n's side. "for two weeks, eomma and appa are in Bali right now," ashley nods and walks to jennie's fridge, "y/n please don't tell me you'll tell your parents we were drinking in front of you," y/n chuckles and remains quiet when she answers, she doesn't want her sister to think that she'll take her friends away from her. she didn't want to distract them or disturb them any further. "i won't unnie. i promise," jongin laughs and ruffles y/n's hair, "i like your sister already jennie," he winks playfully and goes to the dining room table, taking out the files and setting up his laptop. jennie walks hesitantly to the kitchen and sits down beside felix, she needed to calm down.

"i'll be in the living room unnie, i don't want to disturb you guys," when jennie didn't answer, ashley answered for her. "of course y/n, don't hesitate to come in here if you need anything," ashley then smiled at y/n again and the younger girl felt some weird feeling in her stomach. why were they all so gentle with her? they literally just met each other.

y/n finally caught up with all her dramas that she missed on the last few weeks because of studying and actually completing her school work, she was gushing over how cute the actress jisoo looked in the drama snow drop. the actress reminded her of her own friend jisoo, it's funny how they had the same name.

(a/n: this is obviously an au so i made snow drop be out already and the actress 'jisoo' isn't actually kim jisoo).

speaking of jisoo, y/n took her phone and contacted the group chat.

*text conversation*

: how are you guys?

turtlerabbit: wow and she speaks!

chaeng: how are you y/n, i thought your sister already killed you.

manobangbang: how's it like staying with the devil?

: guys...it isn't too bad honestly. i have my own room and it's so fucking beautiful inside jennie's home. she even has the guest rooms the same colour as my room! it's crazy how she has the same paint appa used for my room, appa spent weeks finding the perfect paint that i wanted.

turtlerabbit: did you eat yet?

chaeng: aweeeeee, is jisoo concerned?

manobangbang: abby, don't tease them

manobangbang: baby***

manobangbang: here we go again...

chaeng: who the fuck is abby?! and why do you always text her name? what the hell are you doing lisa? do i look like i'm a girl worth cheating on?!

turtlerabbit: and here i thought chaelisa wasn't going to make it about themselves again.

manobangbang: CHAENG! i told you so many times that it's a typo! a typo! you can't expect me to type perfectly all the time!

chaeng: a typo or not, why does your phone recognize abby?!!!!!

manobangbang: fucking hell chae, can you just stop this.

manobangbang: chaeyoung, stop throwing clothes at me! oh my fucking gosh.

turtlerabbit: so did you eat y/n?

: i did actually! i'm having a grilled cheese sandwich, jennie's co-workers/friends are in the dining room discussing their case so i'm just chilling.

turtlerabbit: are you free tomorrow?

: to do what chu?

turtlerabbit: i dunno, hangout maybe? go to your favourite restaurant?

: we can go to yours instead chu, i know you want chicken 🤩

: oh wait. shit. never mind, jennie doesn't want me going anywhere after school while i'm staying with her.

turtlerabbit: you're joking right, are you serious. she isn't someone who can dictate your life. omfg 🙄

: sorry chu, i really don't want to anger her.

turtlerabbit: this is ridiculous, i thought only mama kim could dictate your life?

: apparently also jennie can dictate my life. it's okay, it's only for two weeks plus i do need to get back on my studying streak.

turtlerabbit: i just wanted to spend time with you.

: we always spend time together chu :)

turtlerabbit: i-...that's not what i meant y/n. i just wanted it to be us.

manobangbang: chaeyoung! open the fucking door. please! abby, please.

manobangbang: BABY***** FUCK. I MEANT BABY. NOT ABBY. PLEASE CHAE.

manobangbang: i don't have any other girl chae, there's no abby or whoever the fuck you think, there's only you. please baby. just you. chaeyoung, open the door. please.

turtlerabbit: so lisa is a simp for chaeyoung. huh.

manobangbang: fuck, this isn't our private chat?! omfg.

: lisa really simping, lmfao. lisa we know you turn into mush for chaeyoung. i thought you said you nad chae weren't gonna hang tonight?

manobangbang: chae asked me to come over so i left bam and ten's place.

turtlerabbit: oh shit, so she is a simp.

manobangbang: shut the fuck up chu, do you want me to call out your simping for y/n? you literally said you just wanted to spend time with y/n alone.

: lisa, you gotta solve whatever shit is happening with chae and jisoo i'll get back to you on that offer. i gotta go guys, my eyes are drooping. gnight :)

turtlerabbit: you just ruined my chance because you interrupted the chat dumbass!

manobangbang: then text her privately then dumbass! not on a gc!

turtlerabbit: i'll cut your bangs lisa, don't try me.

: you do realize this isn't a private chat between you two, right?

*turtlerabbit has left the chat*

manobangbang: she's SO embarrassed

chaeng: i wouldn't be too happy right now larissa.

manobangbang: who the fuck is larissa?!

chaeng: i meant LALISA.

*yntops has muted the chat*

chaeng: lis? baby? please, it was just autocorrect.

chaeng: lisa? lali? 🥺

manobangbang: fine. just open the door now, i'm cold.

chaeng: okay baby!

*text conversation - end.*

y/n walked back into the kitchen, her ears picking up on the intense conversation jennie was having with her friends, hushed voices and papers flipping. y/n figures that this case might be the biggest one yet. washing the dishes carefully and quietly so to not make much noise, y/n spots chanyeol walk into the kitchen. he's grabbing another glass when he spots y/n by the sink. "you look so much like mama kim, it's insane," y/n laughed and nodded her head. "well yeah, she's my mom oppa," chanyeol continues to stare at her and laugh, "yeah..you and jennie look exactly like your mother."

"is that a compliment oppa?"

"of course it is little one. jennie is beautiful and it's no surprise her sister is too.." chanyeol walked closer to y/n and softly hugged her, "i'm glad to have met you. jennie has always came up with some excuse as to why we couldn't meet you." chanyeol smiled but y/n could see right through it. the tall man was longing. "thank you oppa. can you tell unnie that i'm going to bed now?" y/n hugged back the older man and smelt the slight smell of wine and whiskey. y/n found it hilarious that jennie and her friends were drinking while working on a case.

"alright little one, you head to bed now. good night," y/n smiled and backed away from chanyeol, his kind eyes making her feel safe. "good night oppa."

~

it was two o'clock when jennie finally called a cab for her intoxicated friends. they insisted on drinking and even though jennie knew they needed to work on the case, she didn't oppose because she herself was stressed. she felt like she needed alcohol to get by this day, it was extremely stressful. jennie knew that y/n was sleeping already, well, she should be sleeping but jennie (in her drunken state) wanted to talk with her younger sister more. she found the girl had several similar interests and jennie found her drunk self wanting to know more.

jennie shakes her head and tries to walk up the stairs, her legs were nearly giving out and maybe allowing jongin to convince her to finish the bottle of whiskey wasn't good and maybe she should scold jongin for doing that to her but she realized she'll just do it tomorrow where she can yell in his face and punch his arm. drunk jennie was never good, she made irrational and stupid decisions, finishing the whiskey bottle was one of them, but walking into the direction of her younger sister's room was also another one of them.

jennie's legs carried her to the direction y/n's room, she knew she probably shouldn't do this, she knows she shouldn't do this. going into y/n's room will only make her do something stupid and her drunk self really shouldn't be doing this, but she still finds herself leaning on y/n's doorframe despite her inner protests. this was really stupid, so so stupid, you shouldn't do this ruby jane.

jennie pushes herself off the wall and walks closer to y/n's bed, the light from the hallway illuminating her face. jennie's hands tremble, they're aching to touch her skin and caress the living shit out of it. jennie just wants to hold y/n in her arms and shower her with all the care in the world. she wanted to reassure y/n, reassure her that she was there, reassure her that she cared about her. but jennie shakes her head, these are just drunken thoughts. these are your drunken thoughts jennie, don't let whatever your friends were telling you get into your head. you need to be like this.

jennie takes a step closer, then another until she's at the foot of her younger sister's bed. she's holding back tears, she shouldn't cry, she really shouldn't. but she felt the need to do so. y/n looked so precious, so beautiful tucked in her bed. jennie took another cautious step forward, her hands covering her mouth to muffle the sobs that were lightly trickling out. y/n's bed dips but jennie knows how much of a deep sleeper y/n really was.

taking her fingers off her mouth, jennie reaches over, stroking the hair out of y/n's face so it can't block the beautiful view anymore. jennie feels her heart jump at the contact of her fingers on y/n's skin. it wanted to be there, it felt like that's where it belonged, on y/n's skin, caressing and stroking it. jennie lightly wipes the sweat that dawns on her younger sister's skin.

thoughts run through jennie's mind, thoughts of what her friends were telling her awhile ago and thoughts of what the fuck she should do because she's so confused herself. she knew feelings like this would come but she was hoping she could bear a little longer, bear a little longer until y/n was older so that she didn't have to take care of her anymore. the less contact she has with y/n, the less irrational thoughts would fill jennie's mind.

jennie's tears mark y/n's bed, tear after tear, jennie's a crying mess on her sister's bed. her fingers thread through the black hair that y/n owned. jennie was in awe at how beautiful her sister truly was. y/n kim was beautiful.

jennie leans down, she knows she shouldn't do this but she's tempted and she's seconds away from biting into that temptation. she leans lower, her lips brushing over y/n's skin.

soft lips are pressed on y/n's forehead, a lingering kiss from jennie's lips are placed on her sister's forehead and jennie prays that y/n doesn't wake up to see her like this. she wouldn't know how to explain it.

fingers stroking y/n's hair, lips lingering on y/n's forehead, jennie leans back up - not too far but not too close. just close enough for her eyes to linger on y/n's face.

"i love you."

jennie whispers before composing herself once more and walking out the door of y/n's room. drunken actions, drunken thoughts, jennie tries to convince herself as she walks into her room.

~

Hannam The Hills, Seoul

7:00AM

Author's POV.

y/n woke up to an empty house. it was like there was no trace of jennie there at all if it weren't for the faint trail of Chanel no.5 perfume. y/n figured her sister was already at work since it was seven and jennie seemed to love going to work at five in the morning. y/n seriously worried for jennie's health. first she finds the girl eating late in the night - grilled cheese with doritos - then finds the older woman drinking with her friends which probably led to a hangover and y/n faintly remembers hearing the front door shut around two in the morning and now she finds out that jennie leaves to work at ungodly hours. the girl probably only had around three hours of sleep.

y/n makes herself a nice bowl of cereal, she didn't want to cook anything too big without jennie's permission. y/n was surprised to find a box of fruit loops (a/n: this is easily one of my favourite cereals), sitting in jennie's pantry. y/n did not see jennie as a girl who ate fruit loops. y/n pegged jennie to be the type who eats avocado toast in the mornings.

while eating breakfast, y/n received a text message from jisoo, asking her to come to a party that her big brother was going to be hosting. y/n knew seokjin and knew how nice he was, y/n and seokjin were practically best friends, she could confide in him with whatever was on her mind and even knew the whole drama about her and jennie. despite seokjin being eighteen, y/n found herself extremely close with seokjin and didn't find it weird to see jisoo texting her about her brother's party, he always invited jisoo' a friends over. y/n wasn't sure she was going to be able to make it because well..jennie said no to any plans after school already and y/n wasn't one to disobey rules, especially if they were input by her older sister.

turtlerabbit: jin oppa said he hasn't seen you in forever!!

: chu, he literally saw me last week.

turtlerabbit: please y/n, you never miss these parties. it can't happen now that you're under your sister's watch. pleaseeeee, pleaseeeee, please.

: jisoo, i don't think me coming home with the smell of alcohol will please jennie. she won't let me.

turtlerabbit: just come up with an excuse after school, tell her you're doing something for student council.

: jisoo, she's not stupid. plus, she comes home at five, so even if i find some excuse, she'll still be home earlier than me.

turtlerabbit: cmon y/n, please.

: jisoo...i don't know. i really can't.

turtlerabbit: i want you there y/n.

: you'll have chaelisa

when jisoo didn't respond, y/n sighed. she wasn't sure how she was going to make it up to jisoo. finishing her soggy cereal since she was distracted by jisoo, y/n receives a text. she opens it and is surprised that jennie had texted her.

unnie: i won't be home until two in the morning, don't wait up. eat something, i don't care what and make sure you're home after school.

: okay unnie.

y/n smiles and texts jisoo back.

: you're in luck, jennie won't be home until two am today. and i'm not drinking.

turtlerabbit: i could kiss you, yes!

y/n rolled her eyes and walked up the stairs to her room, she needed to get herself ready unless she wanted another late attendance, she's been getting many of those lately.

~

[TW - Mentions of rape. Do not read if you're uncomfortable with it. I'm not in any way fantasizing rape, romanticizing or sexualizing rape. This is used for a serious matter in the story].

~

Gangnam, Seoul

8:00PM

Author's POV.

the party was raging when y/n finally got to it. bodies of college students or older were dancing and grinding on each other, the smell of weed and alcohol filled the air and y/n wasn't sure she was up for it tonight. as she was about to turn around and leave the party, jisoo appeared in front of her with a very drunk chaelisa behind her. "didn't the party start an hour ago?" y/n questioned teasingly at the very drunk couple behind jisoo. jisoo rolled her eyes, "see, this is what you would've left me with if you didn't come," jisoo immediately intertwines their fingers and leads them to the counter filled with drinks. jisoo's house was massive, a mansion with three stories and open areas where anyone could get lost in but in this party, it looked incredibly small due to the fact that thousands of students filled the space.

"whiskey on the rocks?" jisoo asks, referring to y/n's regular drink. despite being sixteen years old, y/n had experience with alcohol, she could blame her father for investing so much time into the business of alcohol and teaching y/n everything she needed to know about it but y/n decided not to since she was very eager to learn about liquor. "i told you i wasn't drinking tonight jisoo, i can't have jennie smelling alcohol on me."

"you're no fun y/n, just one cup won't hurt." jisoo is already pouring the drink into the cup before placing a nicely rounded sphere ice cub. "jisoo. please, i really can't drink tonight," jisoo rolls her eyes and gives y/n a teasing smile, it really didn't help that jisoo was dressed in tight booty shorts, long leather knee boots, fish nets, and a half ripped open blouse with her hair ruffled like she had someone's hands run through it. "fine, but at least keep it with you?" jisoo smiled and held tighter on y/n's hand. y/n sighed and relented, letting jisoo hand her the cup. "what even are you supposed to be jisoo?" y/n laughs as she can't for the life of her figure out what jisoo is for her brother's halloween party. y/n went dressed up as a nurse, blue scrubs and all, while chaelisa was clearly bonnie and clyde.

jisoo led them to the large rooftop where most people were partying before turning back around to face y/n, "i can be whatever your imagination is wanting me to be.." trailing a finger up y/n's arm, jisoo steps closer. "i can be the girl of your dreams...if you want, i can even be that slut in your fantasies," y/n gulps and lightly takes a sip of her alcohol, just one sip and that's it. "you're drunk jisoo.." y/n smiles and holds tighter onto jisoo's hands. y/n has no idea what they're doing. they flirt and touch each other with lingering stares but none of them has made a move. "haven't had one sip of alcohol tonight y/n/n, i'm completely sober," jisoo lets go of y/n's hand and disappears into the crowd.

y/n turns to her other best friends and is surprised when she isn't greeted with them making out or grinding on each other, they were drunk and drunk chaelisa tended to do more naughty things when they were drunk, not that they didn't do naughty things already when they were sober. "what's the deal?" y/n teases lisa who's staring at chaeyoung's cheeks, "my girl's hungry. you know her, food comes first before anything," y/n laughs out loud and causes chaeyoung to look up and stare at the both of them. "what?" chaeyoung calls, confusion written on her features. "nothing...nothing," y/n looks around the rooftop, she's just trying to make sense of it all, why did chaeyoung have a hotdog when there clearly weren't any hotdogs being served.

"where did she get the hotdog lis?" lisa sighs and pulls up chaeyoung's YSL handbag. lisa looks around to make sure no one is looking at them before taking out an object that was wrapped in a paper bag. y/n doesn't know if she should be concerned but that quickly goes away and is replaced by a fit of laughter when lisa pulls out another hotdog from the paper bag that was inside chaeyoung's expensive YSL handbag.

"oh fuck! that's hilarious! you're telling me- oh my fucking god. t-this is too good."

chaeyoung quickly realizes what's happening and snatches the paper bag from lisa before stuffing it back into her YSL bag. "lisa! you said you wouldn't show anybody!" lisa laughed and brought chaeyoung impossibly closer to her. "baby, it's just y/n, she won't tell."

"w-why do you h-have that in your bag chae? do all your bags i-include food?" chaeyoung was seconds away from killing y/n but lisa's arm wrapped around her made her stay put. "it's for emergencies, if we go out she usually puts food into her bag, it's normal." lisa defends her girlfriend who was still eating the hotdog.

"lis, normal people put snacks and drinks into their bags if they get hungry, not a fucking full meal!" y/n continues to laugh again before feeling chaeyoung's fists hitting her side. "okay! okay! s-sorry chaeyoung," lisa pulls her angry/hungry girlfriend away and coos at her to get her to calm down. y/n continues to laugh as chaeyoung continues to eat, y/n seriously wondered how the hell chaeyoung stayed so fucking skinny despite literally eating any and everything. lisa was probably feeding her something.

y/n looks around the room and greets the people who she got to know over the years because of her connection with seokjin, she made friendly conversation but stopped when she noticed jisoo uncomfortable around a guy. y/n immediately grabs jisoo's attention and mouthes if she's okay, when jisoo smiles and nods her head, y/n leaves it be but keeps a close eye on her the entire night.

in the middle of a game of cup pong, which she and lisa were winning mainly because y/n was sober and was actually getting the shots in while lisa just hyped her up with drunken slurs, y/n noticed that she hasn't seen jisoo in quite a while. the last time she saw jisoo was in the first round of cup pong which was thirty minutes ago. she only remembers because jisoo kissed her cheek lightly as a 'good luck' charm which seemed to be working.

"hey lisa, have you seen jisoo?" y/n isn't usually worried like this because jisoo can handle herself and she's an incredibly smart girl who wouldn't get herself in positions but her mind hasn't forgotten about the way jisoo was uncomfortable in the presence of some boy awhile ago. it also didn't help that when jisoo kissed y/n's cheek, the girl clearly had been drinking, she barely could hold herself up and y/n had to hold her up just so jisoo could plant a kiss on her cheek.

"i dunno y/n, haven't seen jisoo in a bit.." lisa slurred while drinking the cup that the ball was shot into, "can you keep the game going? i'll just look for jisoo quickly, okay?" lisa absentmindedly nods and calls for haechan to be her cup pong partner.

y/n goes to jin and finds him drinking with some of his friends outside, "oppa, have you seen jisoo?" jin stops drinking and looks at y/n's worried face, he smiles and shakes his head. "no y/n/n, why? is something wrong?"

"well, i haven't seen in quite a bit and awhile ago she was kind of uncomfortable with some guy..."

"what guy?" jin's voice suddenly turns stern and his drink is forgotten. "i don't know, some guy with black hair was talking to jisoo in the corner an hour ago-"

"was he dressed as a prisoner?" jin asks, a panic rising in his voice. "u-ugh..yes?"

"shit." jin takes his phone out and tries to dial whoever and y/n takes that as her cue to hurry the search for jisoo. she wanders down the stairs to entire back into the house, everyone was basically partying outside on the rooftop and there were only a handful of people inside the house which did not make y/n's gut feel any better.

y/n frantically starts looking into each room but jisoo isn't in any of them. she asks around but the people were either too drunk or too high to give her a straight answer. y/n rushes to the bottom floor and walks around, her feet taking her wherever, she's only concerned of looking for jisoo.

with the way jin reacted to what she said, she figured that jisoo wasn't in the correct mind to defend herself if something were to happen.

a cry of muffled screams comes from y/n's right and she quickly follows it until it gets louder. there's two voices, one of a females and one of a males. y/n runs to the door and bumps into it, helplessly trying to break it open. the screams keep getting louder and she knows it's jisoo. the screams were slurred and slightly weak but y/n knows it's jisoo. "jisoo?!" y/n yells as she bumps back into the door again, this time a little harder.

"n-no..please, i don't-"

"jisoo?!!" y/n yells louder this time, attracting the attention of some of the people inside the house. "go call jin right now, someone hurry! fuck, stop standing there and go look for jin!" y/n shouts to the people and they quickly scurry to go find jin. y/n desperately tries to open the door and spots mrs. kim's precious emerald rock sitting on a display. y/n prays in her head that mrs. kim was going to forgive her as she takes the rock and breaks the door handle with it.

the door creeps open and y/n rushes inside. jisoo's cries are louder and all she sees is jisoo's limp body getting restrained by some boy who was dressed as a prisoner. "what the fuck?!" y/n runs to the guy and tears him away from jisoo's body. jisoo's shorts were pulled all the way down and her shirt was completely off, the boys pants were halfway down his legs and his junk was ready to penetrate into jisoo if y/n hadn't come in on time.

"what the fuck?! how'd you get in?!" the boy screamed, his hands going to zip his pants but throws a right hook on the boss's face, effectively knocking him over and letting his head hit the ground. "you're fucking bastard, who gave you the right to do this to her?!" y/n climbs on top of the boy and starts throwing more punches on his face, the guy below her is the furthest away from happy. he was about to have his treat if it weren't for this bastard.

the guy reaches into his pocket as y/n's too distracted on punching his face. he grunts in pain and grips onto his pocket knife.

without warning, he shoves the knife into y/n's side, ultimately stopping y/n from punching him.

"jacob! what the fuck are you doing?!" jin's voice rings in the room, lisa and chaeyoung frantically running to jisoo's slumped figure, the girl was obviously roofied. jin rushes to y/n's side and takes her in his arms. the girl was about to pass out with the amount of blood that was gushing out of her. "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. damnit!" jin curses as he sees y/n's eyes fluttering closed and his sister's limp body laying in the hands of chaeyoung and lisa. "call the fucking police!" jin yells, tears pricking his eyes.

this wasn't supposed to happen.

~

Author's POV.

jennie has been home for an hour now and she was furious. furious because y/n wasn't home and furious because y/n hasn't answered any of her text messages or calls. all she asked was for y/n to come home straight from school and when jennie asked the doorman if y/n arrived home on time, she was furious to learn that y/n didn't come home.

jennie runs her hand through her hair, she was stressed from work already but y/n just had to add onto that. jennie was sure that she was going to be skinned alive by her parents, she was going to get killed because her stupid little sister didn't know how to listen to rules. jennie nearly yells when y/n's phone goes to voicemail one more time.

"jen..you need to sit down please, getting mad at her isn't going to do anything right now-" felix tries to console his friend but jennie throws a pillow at him. "how can i not get mad?! i asked her to come back here straight after school and when i get home, i find out that y/n only came home for fifteen minutes before leaving and she still isn't back! and on top of that, she's not answering my calls or text messages! does she not realize that i'm the one eomma and appa are going to kill if they find out about this all? she's under my watch and i'm going to be blamed for everything because of her stupid decisions!" jennie grips on the wine bottle and grits her teeth. if there was something she hated more than pizza, it was people not following her rules.

there were rules for a reason and she expected whoever she told to follow them. "i'm going to fucking kill her-" jennie's phone rings and y/n's name pops up. ashley watches as jennie picks it up and prays in her mind that y/n will be spared from death.

"y/n sofia kim. what the fuck did i tell-"

jennie pauses when she hears an unfamiliar voice on the other line.

*phone conversation*

"hi, is this miss jennie kim?"

"who's this and why do you have my sister's phone?"

"i'm a nurse from samsung medical centre, i'm calling on behalf of your sister. your parents aren't accepting calls right now."

"yes, they're in Bali for a business conference,"

"since you're one of miss kim's emergency contacts, i need to inform you that your sister was rushed into surgery."

"what?!"

"she's in surgery as we speak miss kim. she's suffered a stab wound on her abdomen, puncturing an organ that has released stomach acids that entered her abdominal cavity."

"i-is she.."

"she's in critical condition but the doctors are doing everything they can save her. we need you here to sign her medical papers as she is still a minor. we also need you to be here to give permission for questioning to the police."

"the police?! why? what happened?!"

"she's a key witness to an attempted rape case miss kim."

*phone conversation - end.*

jennie shatters the bottle of wine, letting the contents spill on her marble floors. "fuck!" jennie yelled in frustration, hot tears trailing down her cheeks. y/n had to survive. she had to.

"what happened? jen?" jongin walks towards her and carefully picks the girl up from the floor. "y/n is in the hospital," she manages to let out as her entire body starts to tremble. "what?!" chanyeol screams, "why?!"

"s-stabbed..she got s-stabbed."

jennie runs out the door and doesn't bother to wait for the elevator and runs down the stairs as her friends follow suite, equally as concerned for y/n. jennie isn't religious, but she finds it in herself to pray to whatever God is listening, she prays that her sister will live and she'll be able to see another day. jennie would never be able to forgive herself if something were to happen to her baby sister.

what did you do y/n, what did you do?

~

Samsung Medical Centre, Seoul

1:33AM

Author's POV.

jennie ran through the halls like a madwoman, tears streaming down her face and her phone clutched tightly in her hand, a long list of powerful attorneys on speed dial just in case her sister needed a law team. "jennie, breathe. i need you to breath for me," chanyeol spoke as ashley spoke to the receptionist since jennie couldn't speak properly. "she's on the fourteenth floor," ashley spoke as she led the group to the elevator.

"jennie, did you want to request anything?"

"get her a private room." jennie whispered as she wipes her tears and stands tall. she needed to be strong, she couldn't be seen as a wimp. "you're okay jen. she's going to be fine." felix rubbed her back while jongin was trying to get hold of their parents and law team. "your parents still haven't answered but i'll keep trying," jongin spoke as he re-dialled the number. "attorney choi said that he's on board with becoming y/n's defence attorney if it's needed, he also put together his team of ada's if you need them jen," jongin spoke again as he got off the phone with one of the most powerful attorney's in Korea. "thank you." jennie spoke sincerely as they came to their floor.

"of course jennie." all her friends respond back with as much sincerity they can muster. they'd always be there for jennie. no matter what.

jennie immediately spots jin, jisoo, chaeyoung and lisa with a bunch of police officers. jennie feels anger swell up in her chest, y/n's friends were fine but y/n was fighting for her life? that wasn't fair.

"miss kim," one of the officers pulled her aside before she could get her hands on jisoo or anyone who had gotten her sister involved. "may we have a word with you?" jennie nodded and could see the fear in jisoo, chaeyoung and lisa's eyes as jennie walked past them.

"can you please tell me what the fuck happened to my sister?" jennie was desperate for answers and she needed them now. she wasn't going to wait around anymore, "your sister attended a halloween party at mr. seokjin's home, during the party, miss jisoo kim was attempted to get raped by jacob kong, but this was never pursued because your sister came in before anything could happen. she suffered a stab wound to the abdomen-" before the officer could even finish the sentence, jennie stormed over to jisoo and slapped her across the face. the noise echoing in the hallway they were in.

immediately, jin, chaeyoung and lisa go to jisoo's side and try to shield her away from jennie. "how fucking dare you?! my sister is in there because you asked her to go to your stupid party! she was supposed to come home right away! look what you did jisoo!" jennie yelled and attempted to slap her again when jin catches her arm. "it's not our fault jisoo was about to get raped and your sister came in to save her!"

"you're lucky my sister came in before anything could happen to yours! because of you and jisoo, my sister is in there fighting for her life while i can't do anything about it!"

"jennie, jisoo was about to get raped-"

"yes but she's unharmed isn't she?!" jennie knew this wasn't appropriate, it wasn't appropriate to blame jisoo who was clearly shaken up at the whole issue but she was angry, angry at herself because she couldn't protect her sister. she already didn't like jisoo because she just wasn't right for y/n but now y/n got hurt because of jisoo. to jennie, that was enough of a reason for her to really hate jisoo.

"miss jennie kim?" a doctor came out of the surgery room and looked for jennie. "that's me," jennie spoke after she got distracted from punching jisoo. "that's me," the doctor smiled lightly and removed his surgical mask. "your sister's operation is completed, but she's still losing some blood and we need type O blood," jennie nodded her head, "okay. i'll do it, i'm type O."

"perfect then. your sister is in the private room you requested for her, you may be able to see her. is there any requests you'd like?"

jennie looks at y/n's friends and then back at the doctor. she shouldn't do this but she had no choice, y/n got hurt because of them. "only give her family, ashley choi, kim jongin, park chanyeol and felix lee permission to enter the room. other than that, no one else is allowed," jennie rolled her eyes at the protests of y/n's friends while she walked away to her sister's private room. jennie had more authority over y/n than her friends did.

inside the private room, jennie grimaced as she saw her sister's body connected to a bunch of wires. surprisingly, y/n was wide awake and turned her head in the direction of jennie. jennie could see how y/n gulped like she was scared and she should be. she disobeyed jennie's rules and now ended up in this position. "unnie..i-"

"i told you to go home straight after school. was that not clear?" jennie tried not to yell or scream since her sister was injured enough but she couldn't help it. y/n could've died. "i'm sorry unnie, i wasn't thinking."

"clearly you weren't thinking! if you were, you wouldn't have done something so stupid like that! you got stabbed y/n, because of what? because of jisoo? that girl is getting you in so much trouble and you still hang around her. i always tell you that you're putting yourself in a dangerous position hanging out with someone like her!" y/n looked down and fiddled with her fingers, she really didn't want to anger jennie or upset her, it wasn't even supposed to go to this extent.

"i come home and you're not there and then i call you but you don't answer, do you know how many missed calls i left you? how many texts?! yet you didn't answer any of them because you were too busy partying when i specifically told you to go home and stay home! you don't think i'd find out?! i'm a fucking lawyer in case you forgot y/n, i figure anything out! it's so pathetic to think that you thought you'd get away with this. why are you so stupid? who taught you to be so pathetic and naive? you follow what jisoo says but you don't follow what i say?! i have more important matters and now they're all left on hold just because my idiotic sister got in trouble and got herself hurt! how could you be so stupid?!"

y/n knew she wasn't jennie's favourite, but for once, y/n just wanted to be treated with respect. she didn't mean for this to go this far, she didn't mean to get stabbed and interrupt jennie's life, she didn't mean to save her friend from getting raped. she didn't plan any of this but her sister obviously thought the opposite. y/n kim was nothing but a failure to jennie's eyes and y/n had no idea how she got there and what she could've done to make jennie feel that way about her. she's done, she's tired. she thought jennie would at least calm her down and help her get better from the pain she was feeling but she's here, blaming her for everything that happened.

y/n finally snaps.

"okay! i fucking get it! okay?! you don't like me! you fucking despise me, i know that! you've showed me that for the past sixteen years of my life! you don't like me and i get that! you think i'm a disappointment and i get that! but you can't blame me for wanting to save my friend from getting raped okay?! you can't blame me and call me names for having a fucking heart and wanting to save someone who i love! i love people jennie! i have a heart unlike you! i don't know what i ever did to you but i'm over trying to figure it out. you don't like me and that's okay but the very least you can do is respect me."

y/n breathes heavily, tears that she's buried for the last sixteen years of her life finally coming out and staining her milky skin. she was just so over being seen as an outsider. it wasn't her fault she was born and brought into this family so why was jennie so mad?

jennie is left to stand there speechless. she's never heard y/n speak to her like that and she definitely wasn't sure how to come about it. she wanted to wrap her arms around the girl and wipe her tears away, but her pride and ego was too big and she held those close to her.

so jennie just scoffs and leaves y/n's room, heading into the direction of the doctor to get her blood drawn.

~

it's been a week since then. a week of y/n making minimal conversation with jennie and a week since jennie banned y/n from talking to roseanne, lisa and jisoo (mainly jisoo though). y/n thought it was unfair but after their mother and father agreed to what jennie suggested, y/n could no longer protest. she was bed ridden, her stab wound making it difficult for her to move around but she refused to have jennie help her. she didn't want to ask jennie for help after her outburst at the hospital. it was bad that she still had to stay with her sister because their parents couldn't find a way to get back to Seoul, she found it worse to ask jennie for help on the simplest tasks that she's sure she can do.

the only thing that made y/n's day was the frequent visits that jennie's friends made. they always brought her food that jennie wouldn't allow y/n to eat because she was very strict on following rules, they watched movies with her and kept her entertained while all jennie did was bring her food then go into her home office where she'd be the entire day until she needed to give y/n her dinner.

it was a routine each and every single day, she wanted to text her friends but the police handed y/n's phone over to jennie after the questioning and jennie has kept it ever since.

so y/n laid in bed, wide awake, her thoughts running on three hours of sleep for two days straight and her heart racing at the uncertainty she was feeling. she was already on thin ice with her sister but now, it just seemed like they had no connection at all anymore. it broke y/n's heart but she couldn't do anything about it until jennie tells her what's going on between them and how y/n can make it better.

y/n hears the whisper of the wind and the howl of the trees swaying but she's surprised when she hears hushed voices in the kitchen downstairs. despite being completely injured, y/n walks down the stairs with cautious steps, she didn't want to be seen by jennie, sneaking off while having an injury. the last time she snuck out, it didn't end well. she ended up getting stabbed.

walking down the stairs quietly and hiding behind one of the railings, y/n peeks over to the kitchen which was in clear view. there's two people in the kitchen, one of them was jennie but the other was...their mom? what was their mom doing in jennie's kitchen? y/n thought they were still in Bali.

y/n usually doesn't do this because she knows better, she knows it's better not to listen in on other people's conversations but the way jennie looked furious and the way their mother looked just as mad made y/n confused. what were they talking about?

y/n walks a little closer and is just steps away from the kitchen when she finally hears a little of what they're discussing.

"we thought you'd take care of her properly jennie kim, you said you would. why the fuck did she get stabbed?" chaerin asks in a hushed whisper as she looks at her daughter. "eomma, i was taking care of her! she went to a party with jisoo, how many times do i have to tell you this?!"

"jennie, we have been taking care of y/n for years now and not once did she get hurt when she was with us. we give you two weeks to take care of her and you do this shit? how the hell will we know-"

"know what eomma? huh? know what?" chaerin looks around the kitchen and tightens her fists. "know what eomma?" jennie asked harshly. "how will we know you'll take care of her properly if we leave her with you again?" chaerin speaks vaguely and jennie sighs, leaning her body on the counter and crossing her arms across her chest. "eomma-"

"eomma? what are you doing here? i thought you and appa were in Bali?" y/n appears out of nowhere and jennie jumps up, "y/n? what the hell are you doing out of bed?" jennie scolds and goes up to help y/n get back into her room but chaerin walks past her and hugs her sister. "we got back earlier to check in on you and jennie but we can't stay long baby," chaerin smiles and turns back to jennie, "you take care of her jennie, okay?" jennie nods and watches as their mother walks y/n back to her room, the younger leaning her head on their mother's shoulder and snuggling into her. jennie felt something boil inside of her seeing the sight. but she lightly brushes it away and grabs her phone, contacting her friends to see how the case is going.

~

y/n is finally able to go back to school and leave the house as permitted by her parents, she's finally back in her room and everything has been going well. her relationship with jennie is still broken though, even more broken than usual and y/n doesn't know when it'll get fixed. everything would've been better though if it weren't for the fact that she needed a piece of fabric to finally complete her stupid sewing project that she had been working on for a month now. y/n sighs, rubs her forehead angrily as she struggles to find more fabric.

"eomma!" she yells from up the stairs and chaerin runs up to ask what her daughter needed. after the incident, everyone (except jennie) in her family has been cautious around her. "what's wrong y/n-ah?"

"do you have extra fabric? i need it." chaerin sighs and nods her head, "yes, it's in my art cabinet just below my office desk in the study," y/n nods and walks to the direction of her mother's study. she barely ever goes in here, chaerin has never allowed her and jennie to stay in her study for more than a few minutes but since chaerin needed to attend a zoom conference call, she couldn't really monitor y/n. y/n walks into her mother's study and looks underneath her mother's desk to look for the small cabinet that held her mother's fabric. y/n opens the cabinet but instead of getting greeted with fabric, she's greeted with file folders and papers.

y/n rolls her eyes and goes to close it when she sees a photo album. y/n loved looking through photo albums, she loved seeing what her parents looked like when they were young or what her sister looked like when she was young. y/n was sure she's seen all the photo albums in the house but this photo album with a black cover she doesn't recall ever seeing. y/n's curiosity peaked and she opened up the photo album, she wanted to uncover more vintage photos of her family way before she was born.

chaerin finished the conference call earlier than she expected, so she scrolls through her phone before receiving a text message from jennie saying that she was outside with food. chaerin smiles at the text and goes to the door to let her eldest daughter inside. "jennie, i see you woke up on the right side of the bed today," chaerin teased her always moody daughter before planting a kiss on her head. "i bought y/n's favourite food.." jennie whispered quietly and chaerin caresses jennie's cheek. "why don't you call your sister down to dinner. she's probably in her room," jennie is about to protest but she stops, she figures she should talk to her sister and make things a little bit better than how they were.

jennie walks up the stairs and heads towards y/n's room but is only greeted with an empty room, panic rises up in jennie and she looks around the spacious place. "y/n? where are you? eomma said it's time for dinner," still no answer so jennie leaves the room and looks in the washroom. when there's still no sign of her baby sister, she walks past her mother's study and looks through the ajar door. she sees a black haired girl with her body turned the other way, her head tilted as if she was reading something. papers spread across from her and photographs laying on the ground. jennie figures that it's just y/n being her curious self and exploring their mother's office for new vintage photos, so she enters the room with a slight smile before turning back to her bitch face.

"y/n, eomma wants us down for dinner. there's food." no response, instead she hears y/n turning the page of a file. jennie walks closer to her sister and finally manages to see one of the papers on the ground and what its purpose was.

jennie gulps.

y/n turns around, shaking her head before slamming the file that she was reading in jennie's chest.

"i can't fucking believe you all."

"y/n-"

jennie turns to grab y/n's arm but the girl is quicker and storms into her room, jennie watches as her younger sister grabs her phone before storming past her.

jennie can hear chaerin's voice call out for y/n before the loud slam of the door is heard.

~

sixteen years ago - january 2004

~

jennie shuts her locker closed, she's been having pains in her stomach and she wasn't sure why. she groans and hits her head on the locker, she questioned herself on why she agreed to go to that stupid party last night. "jen, you okay?" ashley appears from beside her and puts her books into her locker, "no. my stomach hurts and i swear it's from the food that they gave us at the party last night," ashley laughs and pats jennie's head, "i'm not sure you can call it food babe," jennie groans again and suddenly grabs ashley's arm and rushes to the toilet.

she vomits literally everything she ate that morning into the disgusting school toilet while ashley holds her hair up. "you shouldn't have drunk so much yesterday jen, now you're still hungover," ashley jokes but jennie hurls over the toilet again. her stomach still hurt like shit and she wasn't sure she was ready to go to class. "ash, can you cover for me in class, i'm going to go home." ashley immediately nods and gives the girl an advil.

"heard you hooked up with eunwoo last night?" ashley wiggles her eyebrows and jennie laughs, "we didn't hook up! we just made out!" ashley rolls her eyes and eyes jennie in the mirror. "yeah right, that's not what he's saying," jennie rolls her eyes and fixes her make up, "all the boys who i kiss say that i've fucked them when it's literally the farthest from the truth," jennie steers the conversation away from her but ashley doesn't budge. "your eyes are sparkling, you don't seem to be telling me the truth..." jennie laughed and giggled, her cheeks turning red. "we may have done something else....." ashley squeals and slaps jennie's arms carefully, "i fucking knew it! no wonder he looked fucked up last night!"

"we only did it because we were both super drunk! you know i'm into nick choi," ashley rolls her eyes again and shakes her head. "sure jennie...sure."

~

january 24th, 2004

~

jennie stares at her calendar in fear. it's been three weeks and her period still hasn't come. jennie was anxiously fiddling with her nails. this isn't happening right? she's fine and there's just a delay, but then jennie starts to remember all the things that had happened to her this past week. she kept throwing up while eating her favourite foods and always had a headache.

jennie grabs her phone, sending a text message to ashley knowing that the girl would immediately come over.

"what the fuck did you just text me jennie?" ashley asks as she barges into jennie's room, the girl on the bed jumps slightly and hides her blunt behind her back, thinking it was her mother who stormed into her room. "i just had to lie to mama kim because i couldn't tell her the real reason as to why i'm here. what the fuck is happening jennie?" ashley sits down beside jennie and the girl reaches into her drawer. ashley watches carefully as jennie takes out a box out of the local 7-11 bag. ashley shakes her head and stands up from the bed. "no jennie kim, no."

"i've been so nauseous and i've been throwing up non-stop ash..." ashley shakes her head and locks jennie's bedroom door.

"that could be anything! you can just be super exhausted or something, my mom's a doctor, we can easily go to her if you're not feeling well jen. this isn't...this isn't what you think it is okay?"

jennie wants to believe ashley, god, every fibre in her being wants to believe ashley but she has a gut and that gut feeling is telling her otherwise. jennie is close to breaking down into tears as she watches ashley anxiously bite her lip. "ash...please, i-i.." ashley shuts her eyes and curses jennie's 'friendly' behaviour. they wouldn't be here if jennie decided to not be hoe for one night.

"fuck. there's nothing we can do but try it," ashley hurries jennie into the bathroom and shuts the door. "alright. let's start it then."

so jennie, with all her strength, opens the box and gets the process started.

it's been five minutes, the box said to wait fifteen minutes but jennie is anxiously sitting on the tub, fiddling with her fingers and praying to whatever God out there to make it all go away, to make it a false alarm but as she hears the timer go off and ashley gasp, jennie knows she's not getting a blessing today.

"jennie...y-you need to see this." jennie shakes her head and swats ashley's hand away, she didn't need to see it to know. "jen-"

"no ashley. i don't need to see it. i just...i-"

"are you going to tell eunwoo?"

"are you fucking insane? why would i tell him? he's going to flip shit if he finds out." ashley clicks her tongue and grips onto the bathroom counter. she doesn't know if she can look at jennie the same, she doesn't know if she can feel the same way about jennie anymore. she doesn't know. jennie feels dirty, she feels like a used doll that had been discarded after the owner got tired of it. she didn't mean for it to go this far, all she ever wanted was fun but not like this. this was going to ruin her life, this was going to destroy the chances before she even got to live life. she couldn't let anybody know about this, she couldn't let anyone find out. not eunwoo, not chanyeol, not jongin, not felix and definitely not her parents.

jennie grabs the item off the counter and throws it in the trash. "jen what the hell are you doing?"

"it's going to ruin my life ash, i can't let it ruin my life."

"jennie...what the fuck do you think the two of us can do with any of this? we need help, your parents need to know-"

"NO! we are not telling my parents, we are not going to tell them. i can't have them knowing."

"jennie, we need someone to help us, you're you and i'm me, i can't be much help jen. we need to tell chan, kai and felix jen, they'll help with whatever is happening." jennie breaks down and slides down the wall. "i can't have this happen ash...this can't h-happen.." ashley rushes to her side and hugs the girl. "jennie...we'll get through it, i promise. i promise."

~

january 26th, 2004

~

"you want us to do what?" chanyeol asks in shock as jennie and ashley finish telling them what they want. "we need you guys to drive her down to the clinic, chan...please. jennie can't have this..she just can't." chanyeol looks at jennie in shock, he understands why she would want it but he can't help but feel guilt build up in his chest.

"jennie..are you sure you want this? it's your life and your body but i need to know if you're one hundred percent on this. this thing you're asking us to do isn't...easy. hell, we're not even legal to do it.." jongin asks with his hands in his pockets. he doesn't know how to process this information. jennie feels guilty looking at her friends, they were having a nice boys night until ashley and jennie showed up with unexpected (but expected knowing how jennie was) news. they didn't think this was going to be so early on.

"jen.."

"i want to do it felix. i need to do it. please, you guys have to help me. please," jennie was ready to beg, she couldn't have her life get ruined like this. she had dreams and she wasn't going to stop reaching them. she was willing to play dirty if she needed.

chanyeol nods and grabs his car keys. "okay. if that's what you want."

jennie gets into the car with the three boys as ashley comes up with a plan to distract jennie's parents. jennie takes a deep breath in and another deep breath out. she could do this, she needed to do this. for herself and for her future.

~

they make it to the clinic faster than jennie ever imagined. chanyeol parks in the parking lot and as soon as the car is in park, no one makes a move to leave the vehicle. jennie reaches into her purse, the fake document with her parents fake signature signed across it. "alright...l-let's go," jennie whispers to herself more than to the others, they other boys nod but still, no one makes a move to leave. this makes jennie furious, furious at herself and furious at her friends. "i said let's fucking go, why aren't any of you guys budging?" jennie heaves out of frustration.

"jen....we-we can't."

"chan..i need you guys in there with me."

"jen, do you really want to do this? are you for sure certain that when you look back at this memory, you won't regret it? is this what you really want or is it what you need?"

the boys didn't mean to pressure jennie into taking their side but they needed to know that jennie was fully on board with her idea and that she won't regret it in the future. they needed to know, they couldn't have jennie do something she was going to hate herself for.

"i...i-" jennie breaks down into tears and slumps against felix's side, her body is shaking and she's thrashing in his hold. she didn't know anymore, she didn't know what the hell she was doing, this wasn't her and just looking at the building sent shivers down jennie's spine.

"no..no. i don't want this, please. i don't want this. i-i never wanted t-this, i c-can't do i-it. let's go back p-please. please..." jennie cried into the night while jongin and felix held her close and tried to reassure her that everything was going to be okay. it was going to be okay because they were going to be there with her.

~

jennie returns home, she really wishes she hadn't but she needed to. ashley was running out of excuses she didn't know how she was going to hide this for any longer. it was getting too fucking obvious and she was going to die of guilt if she didn't say anything.

putting the key into the keyhole, she's greeted with her parents sitting on the leather sofa, her mother's hands buried in her hair while her father is looking at something in his hands.

jennie's eyes widem and she accidentally shuts the door loudly, causing her parents to look up. she immediately spots her mother's face and watches as it hardens beyong recognition. "eomma-" before jennie could say anything more, chaerin is on her feet and charging across the room to jennie. jennie's head whips so quick to the other side and the sound of a slap is heard echoing in the room.

"how dare you?! we raise you, feed you, house you, clothe you and pay for your fees so you can go to school and this is how you repay us?! huh?!" chaerin rips the stick from her husband's hands and throws it at jennie, hitting her right in the forehead. "you repay us by getting pregnant?! what the fuck were you thinking ruby jane!? you're pregnant and you're only fifteen! did i raise you to spread your legs and whore yourself around?!!" chaerin slaps jennie again and this time it's harder. jennie looks to her father for help but he only looks away from her, his face ridden with disappointment and jennie knows she fucked up.

"say something jennie! tell me why you're pregnant!"

jennie chokes on her tears and further annoys her mother, causing another slap to her face, "eomma...-i-i'm sorry, i'm so s-sorry.." chaerin sobs alongside her daughter and looks at her husband for support.

"jennie. does the boy know you're pregnant?"

"n-no appa...i can't tell him! please don't make me tell him! he'll never accept it!"

jiyong can't look at his daughter the same right now. all he sees is a disappointment and he finds it hard to refrain from yelling at her. "did you think we weren't going to find out? you left the test in the trash can ruby jane, have some common sense. we let you go to these parties but expect you to at the very lest be responsible with what you're doing. tell me, were you ever going to tell us?" jennie remains silent and jiyong's temper flies through the roof.

"don't just stand there and cry, speak when i ask you something! were you ever going to tell your mother and i?!" jiyong balls his fists up and tries his hardest not to punch something. he would never lay a hand on his daughter but he was close to crossing that line. she was still a child and she was already letting herself get used like this? what was she thinking? she's a child, she shouldn't be thinking of things like this. "i-i was going to appa-"

"when? after you finally got that baby in your stomach aborted?!" chaerin yells as she grips jennie's arm. "h-how did...how did you find out?"

"you don't think mrs. choi was going to tell me, you don't think she didn't hear you and ashley speaking about it? what has gone through your mind to think that way ruby jane? you were going to go behind our backs and abort that baby of yours that has nothing to do with the mistakes you committed?" jennie was wailing and begging for a chance to explain but her parents were so furious with her and jennie couldn't really blame her. she feels like she would've been better if she just told her parents about it when she found out and didn't hide it for nearly three weeks.

"eomma...i wasn't going to go through with it..please, i'm so sorry-"

jennie gets interrupted as chaerin slaps her again, "and you think that's better? you have got to be the most pathetic girl i've ever seen ruby jane."

chaerin lets go of her and shakes her head. her eyes shining with tears as she feels the betrayal their daughter did to them sink in. "this is your problem ruby jane, you fix it."

chaerin leaves and heads upstairs as jiyong watches his daughter break down into tears. his heart hurts and he can't look at her but he knows it's not good for the baby if she's stressing too much, so he sighs and walks over to his daughter. "stop crying darling, stop crying. it's not good for you," he wraps an arm around jennie's waist and brings her in to his chest. "we'll figure it out, we always do."

~

november 27, 2004

~

the wails of a baby crying fills the entire room. jennie heaves a few breaths before releasing her mother's hand. "it's a girl miss kim," the doctor speaks as he raises a crying baby in the air, "jennie...it's your baby," chaerin speaks, her hand rubbing jennie's gently before a kiss gets pressed to her forehead. jennie doesn't smile and only turns away, she wanted to block out the noise the baby was making, she didn't want to hear it, she didn't want to see it. the baby was only a reminder of all the things she had to give up.

"jennie? don't you want to name her darling?"

jennie doesn't respond and looks around the room. she had a name for it but jennie didn't want to say it, she didn't want to let herself believe that she actually planned a name for the baby if it was a girl or boy, she didn't want to let herself believe that she was actually invested.

"jennie?"

"y/n sofia kim."

chaerin smiles at her daughter and nods at one of the nurses who's holding a hospital bracelet. she writes the new baby's name before wrapping the bracelet onto the baby's hand. she hands the baby over to jennie and jennie is hesitant to take it, she doesn't want to but she does anyway.

jennie observes the baby, the pale, soft skin that touched her own, the curve of her barely there eyebrow and the design of her perfect little hands. jennie was falling in love.

"ruby jane, look here," jennie looks up and smiles when her mother points a camera in her direction. she smiles and lets herself focus on the breathing she hears from the creature in her arms.

"y/n sofia kim. i'm your mommy, jennie kim."

~

despite jennie loving the baby in her arms, she knows she can't take of it. not when she gets extremely annoyed and frustrated when y/n even cries the slightest, she was close to yelling at y/n the past few days if it weren't for her mother catching her and then scolding her for doing so. jennie was already stressing in school and she didn't need a baby to add onto that plate.

jennie knows it's going to be hard seeing her daughter grow up without her actually raising it but she knows it's the best for all of them. she can't take of the baby, she can't take of the baby who she sees as just a mistake as she watches it sleep at night. she just can't.

it's better to give her to people who can raise her with all the care, attention and love.

"are you sure jennie?" jennie looks at her mother and nods, "it's not going to work out if i raise her eomma. i can't look at her without thinking she's a mistake. she needs someone who can love her."

so chaerin and jiyong agree and adopt their granddaughter as their own daughter. from that day forward, y/n sofia kim was known as jennie's younger sister, no questions were asked and everyone went along with the new normal.

from that day forward, jennie found it easier to have her hate her daughter and treat her like a nobody, it was easier that way and her feelings weren't going to make her do irrational things if she kept her distance. she needed to keep her distance, she needed to until she was finally ready. but for now, she can only call y/n her sister and nothing more.

~

jennie looks at the photograph of her fifteen year old self holding baby y/n. she still feels the emotions that she felt that very day, she felt happiness and joy whenever she saw y/n, she felt like kissing her daughter and hugging her, telling her how much she loved her, but she knew she couldn't. jennie recalls all the times she saw toddler y/n wandering around the house, she recalls how she wanted to scoop the little girl up in her arms and make her giggle, play with her and care for her. jennie couldn't help but to hate y/n because every time she saw y/n, she was reminded of the stupid decision to let her parents take care of her daughter, every time she looked at y/n, she was reminded of her countless mistakes.

jennie was too young to be a mother but as the years pass and she sees her daughter growing older, the itch just became bigger and bigger and jennie wants her daughter to know her as her mom and not her sister. she wanted y/n to know her.

chaerin walks into her study and sees jennie surrounded by all the documents and photos. "jennie.." jennie wipes her tears and laughs, "she knows." is all jennie says and chaerin's heart immediately pounds in her chest. she knows jennie is older and wiser, she knows that the girl is more than capable of taking care of her own daughter, jennie is more than capable of providing for her daughter but she's terrified of what y/n thinks, she's terrified at what y/n feels. she doesn't want y/n hating them, the only did what was best. jennie was only fifteen and was incapable of taking care of herself let alone another human being.

"do you think she hates me eomma? i've been so shitty towards her for years. how is she going to feel knowing that i'm her mother and not her sister." jennie breaks down in the arms of her mother. chaerin kisses jennie's head, "you'll get through it darling, don't you always?" jennie nods her head and doesn't dare look down at the documents on the ground, it openly brought the mistakes she made more prominent. jennie didn't want to think of all the things she did, she didn't want to keep those mistakes anymore and remember any of it.

~

y/n weeps on the ground, her hands are digging into her palms and she can't grasp the concept of it all. the sister she thought she had was actually her mother? what kind of fucked up drama was she put into when she was born into this earth. how did they manage to keep this secret for so long? how did y/n not see any of it? how did this whole event pass through y/n. how did y/n's parents or should she call them grandparents, allow her to call jennie her sister each and every single day of her life without feeling guilty of it? how was jennie able to insult her, push her away, pretend she doesn't exist all while knowing that she was her daughter.

y/n spent years wondering what she did wrong, she spend years blaming herself for her nonexistent relationship with her 'sister' only to find out jennie isn't her sister but her mother. for sixteen years, y/n had been lied to. for sixteen years, y/n was looking for answers and the only way she got them was because she accidentally found her grandma's cabinet filled with her documents. birth records, hospital records, photographs, everything. y/n had been lied to for sixteen years by the very family she loved and trusted. how did they do that to her? how did they look at her and tell her they loved her all while keeping a secret that y/n should've known.

she should've known, no wonder jennie hated her so much, she was the reason why jennie had to grow up faster, she was the reason why jennie had to stop doing the things she loved. she was the reason why jennie had to leave her childhood and become an adult. but was it y/n's fault? was it her fault that jennie had sex and got pregnant? no. it's not her fault but why does it feel like it is? all those glares and insults she's endured from jennie ever since she was young just because she came into jennie's life because of her poor decisions made y/n mad. she tried for years to get jennie to like her, to get the approval of her sister who she now knows is her mother.

it pained y/n to know that jennie insulted her, broke her, never cared for her or loved her while knowing she was her own flesh and blood.

all y/n ever wanted was to feel loved and cared for by her sister, but all she was looking for was nothing because her sister wasn't even her sister, it was her mother.

she felt a connection to jennie and now she knows why. y/n wants to laugh and maybe hit her head on the cement, the sister she knew for sixteen years was actually her mother. the mother who didn't raise her, the mother who didn't care for her, the mother who called her a disappointment, the mother who never loved her. the mother that was never there for her and called her a burden just because she needed to stay with her for two weeks. y/n felt so pathetic, she felt pathetic needing validation by someone who didn't even want her in the first place.

it hurt so much, like a throbbing pain from getting shot. although, y/n would rather get shot than have this happen to her.

y/n tries to think of all the times that didn't make sense. she tries to think of all the times things didn't add up.

~

y/n looks for her mother but she can't find her, she walks into her parent's room but quickly hides behind the door when she spots her older sister inside the room with her mother. y/n's birthday was coming up and she saw this as an opportunity to see what her mother was going to gift her. she was to turn twelve and she was excited.

"you didn't have to do this jennie," she hears her mother speak in a hushed voice, lifting up a piece of fabric in her hands before rummaging through the boxes of shoes. "eomma...i need to.." chaerin smiles warmly at her daughter, she kisses her cheek and takes the paper bags that were adorned with designer logos. "she'll love it."

"just...just say it's from appa. it's better that way," y/n watches as chaerin lifts up two Chanel boxes that were wrapped so prettily, y/n is distracted by the beautiful logo and the beautiful ribbon that complimented the box. it was so pretty, y/n wished it was hers.

"anything you want darling. will you be here?" y/n watches as her sister shakes her head sadly, "i can't. it'll only be bad. i can't handle myself when i'm with her.." y/n feels bad for her sister and wishes to wrap her arms around the girl but she knows that jennie doesn't want that.

~

"eomma! how did you know i wanted this?!" y/n was surprised that her old mother knew what a camera was, not only a camera but a cam recorder, a very vintage one at that. "well..i may have had some help little one," y/n smiles at her mother and leaps into her arms, hugging her furiously while her father laughs along and her sister pays no mind, texting on her phone like usual. jennie was always busy and y/n came to understand that.

it wasn't until hours later that y/n saw a receipt from the Canon story, on the ground, near jennie's room. being the thirteen year old she was, she was curious and picked it up. to her surprise, she read the description of the item which was the exact cam recorder she just received from her mother, charged to jennie's name. y/n furrows her eye brows and tilts her head.

"what do you think you're doing?" the cold and harsh voice of her sister scares her and y/n accidentally drops the receipt from her hands. jennie's eyes widen and y/n closes her eyes in anticipation for the impact of jennie's voice. "didn't eomma tell you not to snoop through people's things?!"

y/n nods and apologies quietly to her sister but all jennie does is roll her eyes and head into her bedroom, shutting the door loudly.

~

"appa, you need to tell me what shade you painted y/n's room," jennie frantically screams into the phone, hurting her father's ears, "jennie, i need you to calm down sweetheart," jiyong hears jennie sigh into the phone, "please. it's the first time i'll be alone with her, i need to know what colour you painted her room so that i can paint her room that colour too." jiyong laughs at how nervous his daughter was, "jennie..you're the one who requested this, why are you so nervous?"

"appa! please just tell me! i need her room to be prepared before she comes into two days."

"okay sweetheart, i'll be there in a bit, in the meantime, why don't you decorate her room?" jiyong smiles as he hears his daughter finally comply.

~

y/n knows that it makes sense now. the walls, the extravagant christmas and birthday gifts that she received, ones that her parents wouldn't ever buy for her but she knows jennie would because jennie was into those things, the camera in her bedroom, the knowledge on her favourite foods. jennie paid attention, her mother knew everything about her and introduced her to the things she was interested in by posing it through her grandparents. all this time, y/n thought jennie knew nothing about her but in reality, jennie knew everything about her because she introduced y/n to everything.

y/n shuts her eyes and lets the cold wind engulf her, she just wanted to disappear into a world where she knew where she belonged. jennie was her mother, jiyong and chaerin were her grandparents but why did she feel like she suddenly didn't know any of them.

who was her dad and why wasn't he in the picture? did her dad even know her? did he love her? would he have loved her?

y/n recalls the way ashley, felix, chanyeol and jongin all looked at her like she was some precious child, turns out they just knew exactly what happened and knew who y/n truly was.

y/n feels her heart tear in two when she remembers the abortion papers that were printed out but never submitted. jennie didn't want her. jennie didn't want her. her own mother didn't want her, so why was she still here?

god, y/n felt so stupid. how was she ever going to live life normal again? how was she going to forgive her grandparents, her own mother?

everything was too clear now, the way jennie hated having jisoo around because the girl constantly made y/n do things that only hurt her, the way jennie was so worried and authoritative whenever y/n wanted to do things. y/n thought that jennie just wanted to control her life because that's what siblings do, but now she knows that jennie was following her instinctive motherly senses.

y/n sits on the curb, her head in her hands and her thoughts jumbled apart. if she was confused before, now she just didn't know who she was anymore.

~

it's three in the morning when y/n finally returns home. to her surprise, her grandparents and mother are awake and sitting on the couch, waiting for her.

"y/n.." chaerin starts but y/n just glares at her, she glares at everyone in the room.

"can you be truthful with me. who the fuck am i? because ever since i was young, i always questioned who i was and where i belonged. i had you two, my parents who i thought were my parents and i had this sister who for the life of me couldn't figure out why she hated me so much. ever since i could talk, i never felt like myself, there was always something missing no matter how happy my life was. and here i am, sixteen years later, finding out that my own 'sister' is actually my mother and my 'parents' are my grandparents. how messed up is that? a kid who never knew where they belonged only to find out years later that they were never the person their family made them believe," chaerin tries to walk closer to y/n but the girl only backed away. she was too hurt to have someone console her. she needed time to herself and she needed to figure this out on her own.

"i spent years...years asking myself what i ever did wrong to make jennie unnie hate me. was it because i was born and stole all the attention? was it because i wasn't good enough, pretty enough, smart enough? was i ever enough? was i ever enough to keep unnie? because you never wanted me. you wanted me gone but here i am, still standing and very much alive. is that why you hate me? because i never died and you had to live with the mistake that you created running around the house, smiling and cheering? i tried for so many years to get you to love me the way you loved our cousins. i remember looking at you and wanting to desperately feel that warmth that you radiated when you kissed or hugged our cousins. i was so young and i was longing for your love without even knowing who the fuck you truly were. you aren't my sister, you never were. you were my mother and you abandoned me while still being in my life," y/n cried loudly, her hands clutching on her clothes.

"and you know what's the sad part? the sad part is that i don't care of how you treated me, i don't care that you didn't love me or cared for me, your own daughter. the sad part is that you gave me away like i was some doll while having the nerve to still watch me grow up without the need of wanting me back. that's the saddest part. here i was longing for you warmth without even knowing who you truly were to me while you were other there, not giving a shit and not wanting me...." y/n walks past all of them but jennie grips on her daughter's wrist, pulling y/n back.

"the part that hurts most is knowing that you were never wanted. and that's exactly what i was to you." y/n turns away and jennie shouts for her to stop.

"y/n, you need to listen to me, please."

"what is there to listen to? so i can hear more lies? so you can lie to me more like you haven't done that for the past sixteen years of my fucking existence?"

"you don't talk to your mother like that y/n," jiyong finally speaks after being silent for most of the conversation. "mother? are you sure she's my mom? she barely acted like a sister to me and now you're saying that she's my mom?" y/n laughed mockingly and made her way up the stairs but stopped when she heard jennie speak.

"i was fifteen when i found out i was pregnant y/n. it was a mistake at a stupid party, i was drunk and i did something that was very irresponsible. i was still a child, i was so young. i had no idea how to be a mother let alone take care of a baby that was mine. i needed to go to school still, i needed to fulfill my dreams. i had to let you go because i wasn't fit to take care of you. i wanted to abort, yes, but i changed my mind because i didn't want to. i got scared and realized that i'd never bear the guilt if i were to kill you. so a couple weeks after you were born, i had to give you away to people who knew how to take care of someone as precious as you. i needed you to be raised by people who were stable and who loved you. i loved you but i couldn't take care of you. i could barely take care of myself, i couldn't put that on you too."

jennie tried to have y/n understand but the wound was too deep and too open. it hurt y/n so much, her entire life felt like a joke, a lie.

"it was a mistake you committed, so why weren't you the one who fixed it? you were selfish and took the easy way out. you left me with people who i thought were my parents while you were there all along. you made me believe in people who aren't even my parents. you made me trust, love and care for people who aren't even my parents. you gave my away while you were there! you spoke to me like i wasn't your own flesh and blood, you acted like i wasn't yours and you acted like we weren't related. you treated me like i was nothing and now you're telling me that you love me? how can you stand there and face your daughter who you lied to for sixteen years and have the audacity to say you love her?"

jennie at this point was trying her hardest not to break down but it was getting extremely hard not to. the guilt and emotions she's been suppressing for years was finally catching up to her and biting her in the ass. "i couldn't have you be with someone who wasn't fit for having you y/n, you have to understand that. i couldn't take care of you but now i can."

"now you can? now that i'm sixteen? what about when i was twelve? you were twenty-seven and completely capable of taking responsibility of me, why couldn't you do it then? what makes now different from then? i would rather be raised by my own mother than someone who isn't my parent. i'd rather have you make mistakes while raising me than be raised by someone else. you're supposed to be my mother, you're supposed to be there and love me, care for me and take care of me. but you weren't. you never were there."

"y/n, you have to believe me. i love you. you're my daughter and i love you so much. i wasn't ready then, i wasn't ready to take full responsibility of you. i still had so much to learn when i was twenty-seven but now i-"

"now you're what? more stable? more knowledgeable? that's no excuse as to how you treated me! you treated me like i wasn't even your daughter! treated me like i was some random person living in the same house as you! you didn't even care for me while you were my 'sister' and now you want me to believe that you love me and are willing to care for me? you can't be serious. i've longed for you for years now. it's been sixteen years and i longed for your love, your motherly love that i knew i was missing but didn't know exactly from who. how could you live with me, how could all of you live with me, tell me you loved me and cared for me while keeping my true identity a secret? how could you possibly do that. you lived with me, breathed the same air as me, ate with me and was raised alongside me. how could you live normally and carry on with your day while i was there...running around, playing and begging you to play with me..even just for a few seconds. all i wanted was for you to notice me as your sister but now i learn that you're my mother and you didn't give two fucks when i was a toddler begging for your attention."

y/n shakes her head and watches as her mother, grandmother and grandfather tear up and break down. the secret's out and y/n finally knew. the answer that she's been looking for for years was finally revealed and smacked her across the face. y/n wished she could turn back time, she wished she never found out and lived her life like how it was before.

"you thought giving me away to your parents was a good idea, i was raised alongside you and made to believe that you were my sister all while you knew that i was your daughter. your own flesh and blood yet you had no ounce of guilt as i grew up in front of your eyes. you yourself knew how much i ached yet you just watched and did nothing. and now you're asking me to believe you and believe that you love me. who do you think i am?"

y/n shakes her head and walks up the stairs to her room, shutting the door and ignoring the cries of her mother. the mother who she thought was her sister. the mother who made her do things just so she could like her, the mother who didn't have a problem seeing her daughter get raised by someone who wasn't her.

jennie watches as her daughter turns around and doesn't look back at her. she's truly lost. the decision that she thought was a good idea just backfired on her and made her one and only daughter hate her. jennie was too late.

y/n comes back down, two bags in her hands. "i'll be staying at rosie's house for this week. i need time to myself...i have no idea how to stomach all of this without feeling the need to vomit," y/n looks at her grandparents before nodding and walking right past jennie.

"oh..and jennie.." jennie turns around at the sound of her name being called by her daughter. hope fills up in her but it quickly comes crashing down when y/n wipes the remaining tears in her eyes and gives jennie an empty smile.

"you don't have to worry about me calling you unnie anymore. there's no point in calling you that when i don't even know what you are to me anymore."

and jennie's heart cracks more and more as y/n gets further and further away.

- fin.

[xbellaxcarolinax]

Family Business

This is for @flowers-in-your-hayr 's 650 follower celebration! Congrats girl! Thanks for allowing me to choose the mood board and I REALLY hope you like it!

Ivar x reader

Word Count: 1675

Warnings: Sexual themes and violence.

Summary: Even the son of a mobster has his weaknesses.

Thanks to @shannygoatgruff for beta reading

This is the awesome mood board:

I know he's suppose to be a mafia boss, but I decided to make him the son of said mafia boss, hope that's okay 😅 Hope you all enjoy!

...

It wasn’t the first time he had a gun pointed to his back.

He’d been at the mercy of such a weapon before, and had been the one to pull the trigger many times, without hesitation or remorse. The family business came first, after all.

Being the son of a mobster had put him in...precarious situations to say the least. Such an upbringing allowed him little room for fear and a sharper mind for detail, which was why he wasn’t deterred by the fact that there was a gun jabbed into his spine rather clumsily. He knew exactly who was on the other side of that weapon, and it made his lips turn up at the corners. She was trying to be intimidating.

“Are you going to shoot me, sweetheart?” His voice sounded rough, still high off the adrenaline from his earlier task. His hands were free of the blood from his target, but it still felt as though it lingered on his skin, thick and sticky. He took a drag from the cigarette between his fingers as he shifted to lean against their chosen tree, the other hand gripping his crutch. “I had to take care of some business for my father, and this is how I get greeted by my favorite girl?” He was teasing her, of course. He could feel her hesitate for just a moment before he heard the telltale sign of her annoyance. A click of her spoiled tongue against the roof of her mouth.

“Don’t tempt me.” Was her snarky reply, her lips lightly caressing the sensitive skin of his ear, teeth gently nipping, “I’m sure my grandfather wouldn’t object.”

Ivar huffed out a chuckle. So she wanted to play?

He smashed the cigarette on the bark of the tree before quickly pushing her against it, easily knocking the tiny black pistol he’d gifted her only weeks ago from her clammy hand, caging her in tight against his lean chest.

“You still need practice if you think you’re gunna shoot anyone that way.” His face inched closer to hers, a smirk curling on his lips as she took in a shaky breath. So innocent of the violence that surrounded her, so pure and yet, she welcomed the darkness that was Ivar Ragnarsson.

“And I don’t care what your grandfather thinks.”

“Neither do I,” She whispers, her own lips twitching into a smile, “Would I dare be out here with you at night if I did?”

“I’d say you’d be out here with me regardless, sweetheart.”

“The ego of a Ragnarsson is unmatched.” She rolls her eyes, snaking her arms around his broad shoulders. Her freshly manicured fingers ran over his shaved head, the hair rough and bristle like under her soft palm.

“And so are our good looks, hm?” He jokes, his fingers grasping her chin in a steady hold to plant a firm kiss over her mouth, in secret, as they always did. Such was the life of lovers from feuding families, subjected to secret meetings against a tree in an obscure park in Kattegat when the night was still young and they had nothing to do but be in each other's arms until the sun came up. It was the sun that tore them apart every time.

She hummed in satisfaction, following his movements eagerly as she pressed closer to him.

He would have taken her right there, right over the dewey grass warmed by the summer heat. Her skirt left little to the imagination, the bubblegum pink fabric reflecting her innocent nature that attracted him to her in the first place. He could easily just sneak a hand under and...no. She was too precious for that. He knew she loved to be romanced, loved the flowers and the champagne, the rose petals and expensive gifts befitting the youngest grandchild of his father’s rival.

Instead, his fingers skim over the soft skin of her thigh, submitting deeper into her kisses and deciding that his desire would have to wait until they fly off to Paris.

“My grandfather will kill you once he finds out.” She murmurs over his lips, her lashes fluttering in her nervousness. She’d always been her grandfather’s favorite, but he’d be less than pleased to discover her elopement with the youngest of the Ragnarssons.

“I don’t care.” Ivar mutters back, moving his lips down her neck and getting a good whiff of her expensive perfume.

“And Paris is so far away…” She continues with a pleasured sigh.

“It's the reason why we chose to go there, sweetheart, remember?” His voice was soothing, picking up on the anxiousness in her words, “Didn’t you want to see the Eiffel Tower? Notre Dame? Taste French wine? Wear Coco Chanel?”

“But my brothers–”

“I can handle Aethelred and Alfred.” He snorts.

Her older brothers were never really much of a match for Ivar. Well, maybe Aethelred had a chance, but Alfred? Nah. Ivar wasn’t worried. Though what did worry him was her clear hesitation. “Is this not what you want?” He takes her hand in his, observing the ring he presented to her just days ago. It was encrusted with the biggest diamond she’d ever owned. It looked perfect on her ring finger, on the hand that was never meant to take part in the affairs of family.

“Of course it is.” Her fingers work to smooth down the collar of his crisp white shirt, “I love you,” She whispers, bringing her glossy eyes to look at him. “But, I’ll miss my family. Grandfather will disown me.” She points out, “If we leave, it will be the perfect excuse for them to war.”

“Our families have been at each other's throats for years.” Ivar snorts, “Let them have their war.” She considers him in silence, letting the sound of the city streets surround them. With a gentle push to his shoulders, she bends to pick up the pistol he had knocked from her hands.

“You’re right.” She said suddenly, her eyes glowing with a certain mischievous charm that made Ivar swell with desire.

“Oh?” His brows shoot up with that boastful look of his.

“Mhm,” She grinned, her lips spreading wide over her teeth. She closed the gap between them and reached up to kiss him again, placing the gun to Ivar’s side and pulling the trigger. The blow of the shot wasn’t as loud as she initially thought, but it did put a scare to the squirrels and birds in their range.

Ivar’s eyes go blank as his mouth opens to speak, but no words could be formulated as he didn’t have the strength. His body jolted a bit, now leaning heavily on his crutch. His free hand moved from her waist to his own, touching the wound and pulling back to see his own thick blood spread across his pale palm. He swallowed thickly as he shivered, the pain now enveloping his body, and he staggered back without the coordination he fought to learn over the years.

Her face was void of emotion. She didn’t look so innocent anymore, not with the gun held expertly in her hand. She moved toward him without a word, kicking his crutch away from his weak grasp and taking a forceful hand to his shoulder, knocking him harshly to the ground.

He fell upon the grass with a scream, his voice coming back with brutal force as his legs seemed to crack under him. Panic began to set in as his hand blindly searched for the gun he had nestled to his side, only to realize she had taken it from him. His eyes blur a bit when he looks at her again, now with a gun in each hand and a frown etched on her face.

“I’m sorry, Ivar.” She says.

He couldn’t tell if her words of apology were said in true sincerity, at least, not anymore. His eyes fluttered as he cursed his gods for the injustice, for allowing him a weakness in the form of a woman. A woman he loved. He would’ve given up everything for her. He supposed he did in the end.

There was yelling now, voices of men he was quite familiar with, voices that made a fiery anger spread within him, but all he could muster was a bloodied cough. There was now a third gun pointed directly at him, and an intense pair of blue eyes that belonged to none other than Aethelred.

“I didn’t think you’d do it, sister,” The eldest of Ecbert’s grandchildren smiles wickedly, “I’m proud of you.”

“Come on.” Alfred’s voice calls out. Ivar could barely see him through his disorientation, stars dancing in his vision. Alfred snatched the weapons away from his sister and pulled at her arm, wanting her to leave the crime scene as soon as possible.

“Why?” Ivar quickly croaks out with all his strength, his neck muscles straining to lift his head to get one last look at her.

“Why?” Aethelred retorts with a scoff, “As much as I hate to admit it, you’re the smartest of your brothers. Too smart—”

“No.” Ivar in all his vulnerability still commanded respect, “Why?” They knew who he addressed, and both brothers turned to their sister, awaiting her response. She bites her lip, her eyes unable to stare into the deep blue ones of her false lover. After a moment, she finally looks at the dying man, lips set in a line and face once again as hard as stone.

“Im sorry, Ivar.” She repeated the empty apology that made his ears burn like poison. She shook away from Alfred’s grip, inching closer to Ivar until she was finally on her knees beside him. She takes the diamond ring off her finger and placed it into the small pocket of Ivar’s bloody white shirt. Her next words were said so softly, that he almost mistook it for a Valkyrie ascending to take him home. It was the last thing he would ever hear before his eyes closed.

“Family business comes first.”

...

@heavenly1927​ @didiintheblog​ @a-mess-of-fandoms​ @leilabeaux​ @shannygoatgruff​ @inforapound​ @walkxthexmoon​ @hecohansen31​ @youbloodymadgenius​ @peachyboneless​ @fuchsiagrasshopper​ @pomegranates-and-blood​

[fairycosmos]

So, thank you. I’ve never been good at closing statements, but I think the void understands. Thank you

man im going to lose my shit. i literally keep going over your messages and just......tearing the fuck up thinking about you and your kindness and your big heart. the sincerity is killing me and i really needed to hear it today. just the fact that ive been able to help you feel better in any capacity is wonderful. whether it was through light hearted conversation or something heavier. it's crazy and im weirdly grateful for it because i know that speaking so openly about these things allows me to self reflect at the same time. it's a two way street. im always seeking understanding too. i honestly don't have a lot of friends but the ones i talk to on here, even anons, remind me of the importance of communication. reminds me what it's like to have people around. it means the world to me. i think i disconnect from the seriousness of my messages sometimes because i go into it with this predisposed mindset of 'im just saying words. obviously i can't actually help anyone, it's not my place and i don't have the knowledge, it's just sentiments on a screen.' like that's always a focal point for me, and it's true. i think you deserve the credit for getting yourself out of a negative place, but im beyond touched to be a source of actual support. you know i struggle with feeling real, but these interactions allow me to, for a moment, recognize myself as substantial. i can't word it in a way that expresses the magnitude of my appreciation but!! it's genuine and strong. 💖 anyway i hope you're right about peace and happiness finding me in some form, and obviously i wish the same for you. the reassurance makes if seem more plausible in my head. so above all thank you so much for taking the time to send this ❤️💘 it'll stay in my mind for weeks, i already kno it lmao. it's just so tender hearted and lovely. you've made a big difference in my life too dude, and im wishing you nothing but the best in your life. i'll be here if you need a friend or anything, feel free to message me on or off anon so i can shower u with love in return 💕💞

[basilandthym]

The next few days went far too fast.  There was so much work to do, so much to organize for the future, and even with the struggles, so much to celebrate now that Arcturus was cleared of their 'blight'.  And yet, despite the solution, Basil still came off as stressed and distracted. Parsley and Coriander didn’t seem to think it odd, so Thym had refrained from worrying about him. His worries wouldn’t be relevant for much longer anyway.

  Thym, Chive, and the twins had their party, away from the eyes of elder Arcturus members who may be want to judge. Basil, of course, did not attend.  For better or for worse, Thym's presence, their boundless energy, seemed to reveal cracks in their fellow youths' facades of early maturity.  The four could most always be found as a group, enjoying the last of their time together.  Their days were filled with more laughter, the nights with singing and dancing and perhaps a bit too much young wine.  

  Thym found, to their frustration, that they had begun to detest the thought of leaving, but far too soon, the time approached.  The Draco would set sail the next morning, and they reminded themself that it was good.  New things awaited them. A fresh city. And there Silphium and Rosemary had promised reliable connections and lodging at the very least. 

There was no need for goodbyes yet, only good nights, as Thym left the company of their friends and retreated to their room, the thought of enjoying such comfortable rooming one more time surprisingly alluring.

  As they prepared for an early slumber, Thym caught sight of a now-familiar object: A note left in their quarters. It had the telltale signs of Basil. Crisp and immaculate. They unfolded it to find the shortest note they'd ever read from him. 

Meet me at The Tree, 8pm, wanted to talk to you about something. 

                             -Basil

  They shoved the paper into one of their coat pockets, and looked outside.  It had to be nearing 8:30 already.  In the dusk, the arboretum glowed a soft yellow that bathed the forest with an aura of magic.  Beautiful.  Unlatching the window, Thym swung over the sill, scrambling down the side of the building, and followed that light.  

  The chirp of crickets in the cool evening welcomed them as they neared the glass structure. Even with the soft glow of Diana’s tree, the crisp starlight wasn’t hindered, twinkling down and harmonious in the void above.

  The guard who sat in vigil of the complex smiled warmly and offered Thym entry. 

They spotted Basil pacing a couple floors up and scaled the stairs to convene with him.

  “Very mysterious of you.” Thym said as they approached, producing the note from their pocket

“What's on your mind?" 

  At Thym’s arrival Basil stopped his pacing, staring past them for a moment in silence.

  They glanced up "One more look before we go?  A recount of our heroics?” 

  They posed dramatically, waiting for Basil to pipe up.

  As he started to speak, Basil again walked the raised platform, the leaves of the tree overhead and just barely out of reach. 

“I’ve seen you naturally and effortlessly connect with the intellectuals, scholars, and scientists that put their lives into this place. You fit in here.” He took a breath, a deadly seriousness carved into his face. Thym wondered if the altercation at the tree had been more traumatic for Basil than he let on. Was that why they were here? 

Basil continued “Thym, I wanted to know...

What do you think of being able to not just keep those connections, but chase your promise in engineering... Live, travel, and study with others tracking down their dreams of the future...

Would you, given the chance, dedicate yourself to-”

“Wait, wait.” Thym stepped back, chuckling “Stop, go back…. Is this a speech?  Did you practice this?”  They tilted their head “This sounds like a speech.  What are you saying?”

Thrown briefly, Basil stuttered. 

“I- I- ah… Thym you - You are a brilliant engineer, and you deserve the chance….  I can see that. And I hoped I could provide you with that chance. If you want it. I would - I'll take you as my apprentice.” 

Thym stood silent, processing the offer.  Then laughed.

“That's… you know that wouldn't fly.  Its funny, I…its a good joke.” They looked at Basil as the forced chuckles faded slowly.

He looked horrified, like this was all genuine. Like he was sincere. 

Thym's eyes widened “No thats...thats not what you're like...You're for real aren't you?  You mean that?” 

“I don’t - I wouldn’t dare joke about- Thym...” Basil wrung his hands and limply stood, a fine sweat forming on his tensed brow. 

“No no of course not.  It's just-you can't possibly think...” Thym reached out to place a hand over Basils’, trying to pause his nervous fidgeting. Basil stiffened but didn't pull away.

“I’ve given this a lot of careful consideration.” Basil affirmed.

“Well,” Lowering their hand, Thym thought about the matter more seriously, “I'd say I'm going to disappoint you, but considering how you found me I guess there probably aren't high expectations?” 

They smiled, small but genuine, and the arboretum seemed to glow all the brighter for it.

“Well I'd expect you to take your interest in engineering, be willing to learn more and improve your craft, and finally to chase opportunities to create and design when you desire.” A smile crept upon his own lips but he fought it, the seriousness of the situation focusing him away from emotion. “Do you think you could meet those expectations?” 

  “Yes!” Thym laughed again, this time a true expression of joy “Yeah of course I can!  Holy shit, I can really stay?  You think it'll work?”

“It'd be wrong to send you away. Like I said, you belong with Arcturus… I can't be the only one to see that. So Yes. You can- and with your potential, I believe you should.” 

He didn’t voice his concerns that perhaps Thym’s entry into Arcturus would be denied in response to a myriad of factors. But Basil had to hope, in his review of his encounter and acquaintanceship with Thym, he had to admit. It felt fated that he discovered them. It felt right that they were so intertwined into the spirit of Arcturus. A guest? Hardly. He would advocate for them. Thym belonged here, more than he had once, maybe even more than he did currently. 

"And no more… being passed between tour guides and supervisors… I'd be one of you?"

 “I’d be responsible for your primary instruction, and yes there’d be an apprentice ceremony to make it official.” 

  Thym made a face.  "A ceremony?  I don't just...sit in your workshop and learn from your work or whatever?" they giggled "Pageantry.  Huh."

  He laughed “Try to think of it as… celebrating your welcome into the guild.”

  “A celebration!” Thym beamed “I like this.”

  Basil didn’t say how much the idea of skipping the ceremony would have lifted a weight off of him, he didn’t want Thym to get the wrong idea. And he truly believed an official position as an apprentice at Arcturus would be well worth celebrating. If only he could have lived the same, without worry. An apprenticeship could be truly invaluable, not only opening doors and resources, but offering fellowship and community. 

  “It's getting late... but… we should check in with Rosemary.  Some news for her.” Unlike the other times he reluctantly said so, there was just a slight tinge of excitement sneaking into his voice. 

  "Oh my god yes!" Thym was actually bouncing now, punching the air "That makes it so official."

Thym spun in place and then, noticing there were more alchemists wandering the levels below them, shouted in excitement for the whole arboretum to hear.

"Hey! Im gonna be Basil's apprentice!"

At the outburst he jumped and then cringed while a chorus of confused muttering filled the building. Again, finding himself the center of attention thanks to Thym.

With a nervous smile, Basil patted Thym’s shoulder and gently eased towards the stairs. 

Once more, words left him, but his hopes stayed. Hopes for Thym’s bright future, and that he could do his small part in helping them prepare for it.

[the-selfishsoul]

[TXT sent to- Wait no. Er… EMAIL Received- no, no, that won’t do it. Ah! I know. A paper airplane is cast down upon Omen, impacting her forehead and falling to the floor. Text is scrawled upon it in printed ink. Despite this, unfurling the plane reveals a letter! Attempting to read the author of this letter is nigh - impossible, as the characters change at a constant rate, seemingly randomly shifting. The letter itself reads as follows:]

    Dear Miss Omen,

    I do sincerely hope that you are doing well. Since our last meeting, I’ve been doing my best to keep an eye on you and your happenings. However, this ‘business in blue,’ as I’ll put it, made it quite difficult to keep track of your whereabouts or disposition.

    Obviously, I sent this letter as soon as 'you’ proper returned to the scene. Remind me to attempt to give you a mobile device next time we meet. Regardless, the reason why I sent this message with such urgency is to ascertain that you are in a state that can be considered 'all right.’

    Not to alarm you, but I felt a startling closeness to you mere moments ago, as if you were teetering on the precipice of reality, about to fall into the VOID itself. Or, in laymen’s terms, you felt as if you were close to death.

    Please write your formal response on the back of this paper, or just speak it aloud. Regardless, I will know its contents and act accordingly.

    Keeping you and your health in mind,     [R E D A C T E D]

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Omen jolted as her forehead was hit by a stray paper plane, which turn made her hold her sides in pain as she realized how sore everything was. 

Grumbling to herself she, she snagged the note and read what was written. Of course the author’s name wasn’t on there, but she knew who it was. There only one person who called her Miss Omen. The smiling doctor. 

As she went over it, it seem to just be a pointless letter of checking in. though the ending was rather unsettling. Close to death? How was she even close to death? She could barely recall a thing of what might have put her in that sort of danger. 

Suppose she’ll have to sort her thoughts out later. The doctor was clearly waiting for her response. 

“ Im fine, Doctor. “ She was such a liar. Though that was all she was able to really say aloud with her current nausea afflicting her.

[punsrulz-blog]

Chapter Two Pages 1-3 HF

“groan..” her head felt like someone took a jackhammer to her head, and let it loose, when she opened her eyes she felt a rush of pain. She slowly stood up and a wave of dizziness hit her. “Ow...huh where am I?” she started to walk forward but as she walks, she noticed it was extremely difficult to keep her balance. As she walked she noticed the darkness that surrounded her seemed to never end. “Where does it end?” the void she was in seemed to be in was empty with no signs of life or really anything, she seemed to be the only thing there. She kept tracking the ground or really, the ground did not even feel like a solid platform, it was almost like walking on air, there was literly nothing here, she kept walking and walking until her legs were so tired she slumped on the ground and weeped “ im gonna be here forever”but she would not give up she was filled with DETERMINATION though she was very tired of thinking about how determined she was,so she got up and kept going. Finally she had enough “I GIVE UP” she sat down at picked at her nails then she felt a sudden breeze on her back, it was warm.. “huh” she turned around there was a golden flower bed “I don’t remember that being there..” she stood up and walked over to the flowers. They were as beautiful as they looked from far away, each one so delicate and sweet. It reminded her of happier times when she was still a naïve and innocent child when she was carefree and stupid so stupid “heh” she giggled. She plucked one of the small flowers and smelled it... it.. did not have a scent and as she stared at it turned to...dust, “what the...” then every flower in the field turned to dust, the dust caught the little warm breeze which soon became a whirlwind of cold air. The dust started to swirl like a mini tornado, then the dust settled “cough, cough” the dust made a fog that was so thick she could hardly see, when the dust settled her eyes stung like a bee had assaulted her eyes, while she was rubbing her eyes she heard a whisper behind her, she jumped  at the sound she spun around to see a person? or a monster it was hard to tell, its left arm was completely dusted and its face was blank the thing started at her, even though it did not have eyes, then it finally whispered “do..do you remember me...Atlis?” its voice was sad, her heart was jumping like a jackrabbit in her chest, “I...I don’t know you” her voice was very shaky, the things right fist clenched “you forgot” its tone was more angry now, then as soon as IT showed up another came, is was even more dusted than the other thing, this ones face was half dusted to its arm was completely gone. “You forgot about us both” this ones tone was angry/sad then the first thing started to speak “you wanted to forget about us to take the pain away, even though you are the reason we are DEAD”  “wha..what? Atlis was confused, now the other thing came up to her “you may feel pain and regret, but you have no idea how it feels to be DEAD” the other thing stood beside the It who was speaking “it is you FAULT” “you BETRAYED us” “you KILLED us” “but we will make you SUFFER” “for what YOU did” the things lifted what was left of their arms and a sword an a knife appeared out of thin air “GOODBYE” they lifted their weapons and slashed them at Atlis’s SOUL. When the blades  were about to make contact a light pierced the darkness, the things retreated. Atlis was alone again, she sat on the ground er air, then a sound echoed through the void “wake up” she stood up “HELLO?” her voice echoed through the void, then another “wake up” came through the darkness then suddenly the world started to get hazy more and more blurry, until the world went black. She felt a boney hand on her cheek, “heya sunshine” it was Sans “it looke like you were having a nightmare you were moving aot in you bed and also your eye was glowing, and that only happens when you feel extreme emotion are you ok?” he was being sincere which was a rarity, Atlis smiled and shoved the nightmare out of her mind, “nah i’m fine” “ok I won’t pry you know I am a lazy bones” he smiled reveling every sharp tooth including his new golden tooth, “I’m gonna go for a walk” she spoke as she got out of bed “damn it Atlis I like that you have your own bedroom but you need to wear something more than a bra an underwear” Sans shielded his eyes as Atlis got dressed “so sorry sans but ya know that this is MY bedroom, emphasis on my” she grinned “this was my bedroom before you” Sans replied a bit annoyed “ok ya bonehead” she smiled ear to ear, she bent down and stretched her wings almost touched the walls in her bedroom Sans smiled back “ok now I want you to be back home before paps makes the spaghetti” “ok” she quickly said as she grabbed her fluffy jacket and stood in the doorway “adios” “bye” Sans replied as she warped out.

OH MY GOSH that took so long! sorry that I could not have posted earlier, was doing my paper for college anyways here it is! its super long because its many pages in one post welp hope you enjoyed, bye!